Opening the first book

I'm still having trouble understanding how do you go from being upset at God to reading books about it's a whole not if you ask a kid who's off the derek if he's happy he'll tell you no but you were the guy the the the whole was still am internally you're still empty internally empty and lost and why would you consider reading the book in the first place because I'm a real person I'm real the same way I'm open to to viewing a you know a TV channel to get I'm open to reading something so that's what I'm Look at because there's a lot of bim that are sitting there and are upset at God maybe for losing their mom or for other things. There's several ideas la that first step of opening that first