Oorah's Torah Spot Live 11/13/12 - "How To Stay In Control of Your Anger" - part III

we are in the midst of discussing one of the main fundamentals foundations of Judaism mid character traits how to control them and how to change them not an easy task we started last week discussing we didn't finish it was never finish it it's a lifelong uh project for person to take over from self to control one's Midas and to change one's Midas for sure it's not an easy task so we mentioned last we I put down gloss sheet again just to go to them quickly and add adding some how can the person go about controlling his character traits his anger his desires his laziness stinginess all different character traits that we want to usually usually they're not some sometimes they're good usually they're not good and to be able for us to be in control of them and not be controlled by them and with that's number one we have like you mentioned to control one's character traits so he said number one the first step is to try to the to avoid having the challenge keep away from the circumstances that cause us to have the challenge and then we're in the danger of not living up to the challenge of losing ourself and getting angry and saying things we shouldn't say or desirous and doing things we shouldn't do and so on the best thing is to avoid the challenge that was number one we mentioned last week the second thing we said for a person to think about when we're faced with the challenge and to control ourselves is to to to remember and to think to ourselves that the great reward God gives to a person who stands up to a challenge we mentioned Rashi brings by not eating blood which is a thing a person has no desire for still if he doesn't eat blood because God commanded us not because it's disgusting but because it's not it's the wrong thing to do God will reward him as children afterward that's how much reward God gives for somebody even though it's not even real a challenge so Rashi how about things that are a challenge things that are difficult for a person to keep and he's dying to do it or to say it or to think it whatever it might be and he gets to hold of himself and stops even though he's had such a strong desire to go ahead with it how much reward will a person get for that something we can't even imagine in this world in the world to come that's where here for to stand up to challenges God wants us to give us give us a lot of reward we have to stand up to the challenge so we're about to say something and we know what's out of anger and we're about to explode and think H if you don't explode keep the mouth closed how much reward you going to get for that God's going to give without measure a person who holds himself back time is upset then we said God loves me person who lives up to the Torah standards and does the right thing God loves that person doing my Commandments he's listening to me what could be better than be loved by God that's about the best thing we can imagine and that's what God loves a person who is able to control himself and something to think about when that the comes with that challenge it's facing us God's watching and he knows what we're doing and he's smiling at us hold yourself back I I love you for it don't don't fail don't fall something to remember at the time of a challenge another thing to think about first to control ourselves to look into the future how we're going to feel after the whole thing's over after yell at the person to say something we shouldn't say or do something we shouldn't do or eat that food we shouldn't eat and so on after it's all over oh would feel so terrible about it why did I do it for what I have to get angry for then make a whole B G to make everybody upset if I only would have kept my mouth shut nothing would have happened and now because I couldn't control myself I said it I shouldn't have said it all the problems are coming out afterwards to think about the future how am I going to feel afterwards now I get boiling and burning get off my chest and to scream and yell but it'll be a few minutes over with and then the consequences will start coming in don't be silly control yourself don't have to come on to having such remorse afterwards so feel so bad afterwards number six we have the GL which I didn't mention last weekish punishment God wants us to be people with good character traits and not to be angry people not to be desirous people and it's a sin for a person not to control his beas his character traits and like any other sin a person is open for punishment if it doesn't do chba doesn't repent who wants to get a pun punishment and have number seven person to take upon himself to do something it was a great Rabbi who had a temper and he was working very diligently to control himself so he came up with a plan that when he gets angry he has a certain suit in his closet he's going to put on that suit before he says anything soon he puts on the suit he come back he's going really give it to the person now this is a very clever trick the person to to to to to do to ourselves say I won't get I won't say anything can't too angry I'm going to say it going to say it I bow him out I give him give a piece of my mind but in a few minutes wait for a while so therefore you're appeasing yourself you say I won't do it just like that won't what won't do it you're burning to do it okay I'm going to do it except I'll just wait a few minutes so you're ping yourself and saying okay I can do it anyway but as long as long as first I put on that suit by time you put in the suit cool down doesn't want to do it anymore so this is something which is a very wise practice for those people who want to control their different character traits if you want to eat something you shouldn't eat you're on the diet or something not maybe not so koser and your mouth's watering for it say dying to eat it go and put on the suit go and do something else run around the block and maybe put on some kind of music right after that I'll go and do it by that time the desire the anger and the the push and shove and pull of the thing will cool down and we'll be able to get by it get over it that's a very important way to have to of course some people say count to 10 that's the same type of Psych psychology in the person before he saying something give your a chance to cool down give yourself a the for the burning desire in ourselves to be neutralized a little bit be cool down a little bit these are all ways to control thoughts to think about to help a person and what number eight there is a very deep Concept in Judaism we know we have a CL General rle all Jewish people are responsible for one another and we all are connected the tell us that every Jewish person has a soul has a we all have aish the that we have the the spiritual part of us we don't see we feel it sometimes and the future will come to see it and live with it right now it's sort of hidden from us our soul that's the main part of a person naturally not our bodies but a soul which lives forever and all our souls are connected all Jewish people have their souls connected to one another and we're all responsible for one another we're all like one one nation literally therefore if one Jewish person does something you can affect everybody a person can do something here in New York and since we're all connected to one another can have an effect on the Jewish person in Australia whether it's for something good or something not good if it's something good that we do and our Nisha becomes elevated through that action the good action that we did not only becomes elevated but all theas of elevated because they're all attached to one another the things that's attached if you pick up one they all become on the other hand if we do something which is not right so then not only are we hurting ourselves we're hurting all everybody else we're all connected one to the other I think I once said the about the example of the person in the book who was in his room and the captain came in there some digging a hole in the in the bottom of the boat drilling a hole what are you doing don't you know you think a whole world in the sink says what do you mean this is my room I can do what I want you doing your room what you want I'll doing my room what I want oh no you do in this room we're all affected by it if you make home this room we're all in the sink can't say do you don't your own business it's not your business it's my room it's everybody's business because we're all going to be affected by that person's actions the same way when the Jewish person does something since we're all connected if one goes up we all go up one goes down we all go down so maybe somebody is very sick in Australia and needs some kind of help that God should help him the Jewish people all over the world we we we pray some people in all over the world we pray for them our our prayers help for anybody where wherever they might be our actions also help we bring ourselves up it might help that person who's maybe deadly sick maybe if we do the right thing we all be elevated and help that person who needs the help the other hand if we do the wrong thing it can have the opposite effect that's so if we're faced with the challenge we say to ourselves live the ice up live up to the challenge like keep quiet and don't say something I shouldn't say I control myself that is fantastic level of spirituality we have to realize that person controlling his character traits that's spiritual that's an uplifting thing for he's a person a greater person he's loved by God he's special it's not easy it's person's burning desire to do the wrong to to to yell to scream to to eat to what have to stay in whatever the circumstances might be and a person controls himself that's spiritual he's a greater person this person loved by God we said before and it brings up the whole Jewish Nation so therefore somebody in the world might be helped by that person's actions of controlling himself so you think about s thing like that if I control look that can help who knows who knows I'm helping in the the world locally long distance who know so so far we're talking about controlling one's character traits self-control now number nine I bring a quote from the great m that we quote many times Italian cist philosopher scholar of who wrote this classic book which I would advise everybody to try to learn it's a fantastic book we quote from it quite a few times this is a saer that discusses steps have a person to come to Perfection one step at a time and the quote is a person who does what we're talking about till now he controls himself but will that necessarily make him become a different person can the person come to the level where not only is able to control his meas his character traits can he change himself till now he's irritated by who knows what somebody does something he gets upset and he gets angry and he controls himself can a person come to the level where he won't get upset he'll change his nature he'll be a person who will be in control and to the extent that from now on when his son pesters him till now he got in his inner inner anger now he won't get angry anymore is that possible to be is a person able to go and sit down to the table and see the food that he has desired to eat he knows it's not healthy not shouldn't eat it but not k whatever might not be and he controls himself can he come to a level where he won't have desire for it anymore that's not for me I don't care it's not it's not it's not supposed to be eaten by me little desire cu the person come to to a level where he's lazy and he doesn't get out of bed in the morning when he should sleeps too much can he come to the level where bezus fastidious comes to get up right away it'll change his nature can the person do well something missing over here but this is what the is saying that person has two different challenges for a person two different challenges one the challenges to control oneself and one is to change ones to make a person into a different person that he not only controls but he doesn't have it any within him the the problem The Challenge and this is called nuse Theus means pure the level of nus is called being pure pure means that a person doesn't have the urge anymore to do the wrong thing to let his character traits be awakened in them anymore now there's something here which is very important to realize besides what we're talking about a person who is in control of his character traits if you only in control it's a wonderful thing I mean that's a great level of of spirituality person who's in control of himself but the problem with that is that sometimes maybe be W through because it's always a test always a challenge he he passed the test one time two times maybe the fourth time not it's always within him and he's always fighting he's always trying that's one aspect of the level of control there's another aspect of control and that's what the talks about over here and he's saying that when it comes to decision making you have to make a decision whether you should do something or not do something is it right or is it wrong that's something to do with our intellect right we have to make a decision should I give this money for charity or should give this money for charity you have to make a decision can they afford it they can't afford it if a person would have pure pure intellect pure thinking he would make the right decision without a problem but if a person has within him character which we all do most most of us have there's certain amount of lack of nus of kindness of Charity everybody likes money and everybody has a certain speak of syes with on us we could be affected by this intellectual decision what to do by having this inner derve desire for money and therefore we cannot make a proper decision because we are affected by our inner feelings it's like you go to give a judge a bribe right to give a judge a bribe you say I don't want you to I don't want to to because of this just cuz I want you to take it because good friends the just yeah I'm not going to think I'm going to change my mind because again me a bribe I'm going to I going to I'm going to I'm going to do the right thing have two people come in front of me and I see who's right who's wrong the bribe does meaning to me he's not allowed to take the bribe Torah says judge cannot take a bribe even if he has a mind to judge fairly so I take the bribe but I'm not not to take not not to not know for me to judge for that person I going to judge fairly you cannot take a bribe because once you take that bribe you have an automatic natural Good Feeling to that person it cannot See Clearly because all of a sudden that person is a something you like because he gave you something we find in the tal in the gor the great rabbis who were judges for the slightest little thing they would disclaim and say they are not able to judge the case somebody came and and he had a bird went on his head he made the bird fly away I I can't did me a favor for me I can't judge I'm afraid I won't seee SA gave the smallest type of thing that they did a favor for them they said if I did a favor for me and coming I'm should be a judge I cannot see straight I'm afraid that I'm going to be partial to that person who did something for me and therefore I can't I can't judge the case the same thing with ourselves if we have self desires and we're trying to make a judgment we're in danger of not juding judging correctly called Nas it's called have their own their own inner desires or or or or different things that they that they'd like to have and they therefore it's very difficult to make decision that's lot of people go and ask advice from somebody else why act advice from somebody else they decide by yourself so one reason is maybe we don't see it right we don't understand it but one reason is because this reason that's if we ask somebody else they have no reason not to be honest and fair there'll be 100% fair about what the advice that they give I try to decide by myself I have my own the gas I have my own agendas what might sway my judgment and judge the wrong way that's why a lot of people going that advice from other people certain difficult uh and important decisions to make so decision making process could be very affected by our character traits which are not changed which are not 100% nullified if we are still which most people are most of us were born that way if we have these characters which are eating at us and they're telling us what to do all the different was mentioned before so many of them so we're even told imagine this tells us that the uh you know Jewish people have the calendar has a leap year to it right leap year so the the high court has to decide when to make a leap year a Jewish Leap Year means an extra month so the judges have to sit down and make a uh calculation which year to make a leap year because now we have a calendar set out and we don't have any question anymore but when the Jewish people had their the court was in session before we went into Gus into Exile so the court used to decide so was told that the cour the high priest cannot be on the court that decides when the leapia should be high priest great man why can't he be on the on the court because the law is a priest a cooh doing the service in the Holy Temple has to go barefoot he can't wear the shoes his acks he goes Barefoot in the temple and the temple for was made out of stone could be cold so he's going to have to go on yipper and do for hours the service on y Kipper is have to go on that that cold floor if they make a leap year that means that come out a month later and the cold be CL closer to Winter it's going to be much cold on the on on the floor so he's thinking to himself I don't want it to LEAP you I want it to come ear in the summertime it'll be warm it shouldn't be cold so such an extent we say that you can't person has has their own you never know I a person even though I don't think so I don't want to but within us it's hard to tell subconsciously we can have have own agendas and not see things straight so this is something which we're talking about Midas controlling On's Midas besides the fact that if we have the challenge we might not stand up to the challenge but we make our decisions it might not we might might not be able to make a proper decision I'm sure we all have this problem all the time we honest with ourselves will'll make decisions according to the way we feel and not according to our real intellect say what told us to do so this is something that we want to try our best to come to the level of of fixing ourselves up that we don't any bad character all together we worked on ourselves to such an extent and that's what we have how do you come to do that how could the person come to that almost impossible feat to accomplish to change our nature and become Not Angry Anymore not desirous anymore one of them any of them all of them it's it's a an unbelievable goal to reach how do we try to do what do we do to to try to come to such a goal part way maybe we reach the all the way but we used to get boil angry boil over now get angry not so angry at least a little bit what what do we do to to come to that so we have in number 10 that we have a quote in the rabis tell us everything goes according to the RO that the quantity of our actions this was once mentioned before that the rambam my M tells us what does that mean and mentioned before this what he says that if a person would have a choice to give charity $1,000 at one time or $1 a th000 times what should a person do he can give one time $1,000 the same amount of money right so the rambam says in number 11 and I'm quoting him on his commentary on the person repeated the act of Charity a thousand times and that will make him be a generous person even though he's stinging till now if you do the action over and again over again over again you go against your nature it's hard to give charity I like money I love money give it away to somebody else it's very hard but he controls himself and he acts with the this first number one self-control but he does it again and again and again a thousand times he eventually acquires in himself this Meda of generosity of N divus and that's how a person can make himself into a good person that's the secret the main way the main way of a person changing his nature is by repeating the goodness of that character trait that he wants to acquires by himself and this is the famous words of the a long time ago we quoted but wor while quoting again very often number 12 the great quote many times his holy words this is the book that tells us the reasons for all the mitzvas in the Torah we have 630 laws in the Torah and he goes each one of them gives reasons for each one and he says over here that he asked the question that if you ask me this Mitzvah and this Mitzvah they all are to remind us of the going out of Egypt we have so many Mitzvah to remind the going out of Egypt the whole PES s the mat the when they had the the pasal lamb some many of the laws again remember again remember so he said why so many one MIT to remember going out of Egypt why you need so many of them for so he says very strong words if you asked this question it was not for wisdom you asked this question and this very immature thought to think that one Mitzvah is good enough and that'll take care of the whole thing I'm going to teach you something a very important lesson he's telling him he wrote this to his son and anybody wants to learn it and the words are a person's thoughts are governed by his actions if whether it's good or bad even a wicked person who was terrible and he only had bad thoughts he's a bad really a bad person if for some reason he will do the right thing he will busy himself with Torah and Mitzvah and do righteous acts even though it doesn't have the right intention for doing it but he acted in such a way which the Tor wants a person to act he will become a good person number 12 a person becomes what he does and if you do something righteous do something good over and over again you will become what you're doing because that's what a person is nature of a person we made up a body and our bodies are bodies of action we have hands we have feet we act we do things that will have an effect on our thoughts we become good PE people because and the opposite he say a person will be a good person a big S righteous person and for some reason he'll do bad actions the king will force him to B force him to B again and again he become a bad person a person if f a person becomes what we do if we do things over and over saying a thousand times we will become that eventually according and the power of his actions he will get rid of the evil with from within if we do righteous acts all over and over again we will become good people and will change our nature to do the right thing and that ended off number 14 is the Mitzvah of of circumcision tell us it's just like a person's body is so perfect and so complex but we must make it perfect by circumcision God told us that even though he created created a great body but we have to end it off and finish it off and make it into totally complete same way with our nature with our Midas we have to make we have to work on them we have to make on work and make them complete we not God didn't make us complete he could have but he left over something for us to act and to do for us to make work on ourselves and this is what uh what we're in this world for so these are the two things I hurried up the last part now but this are the two things that we're talking about all started we got we got angry remember that's where we started off with this whole thing talking about anger but not number one we have to work on self-control with all the different ideas we gave how to self-control a person and that eventually if we do it over and over and over again we will be able to change our being our character traits into good ones out of bad ones we do repeat over and over again so now we're open for questions uh we have questions coming from the outside too yeah anybody who's sitting here now would like to say anything ask a comment question okay you have some questions don't be shy if you have any question or comment oh here we have over here yes you know what you're you know what you're supposed to do and it's very difficult to overcome all the things that are going on around you that you have now to really able to control it you have to be a super strong sure is we have all these influences today that are bombarding us just walking your front door you have you know do I do go left do I go right whatever to make all these different decisions very confus well you don't have to go outside just open up your uh TV or radio or internet and it's right in your house you don't have to go outside anymore especially when raising children and and grandchildren know that's right it's a very very very big challenge very big challenge are you calling that's correct I 100% agree everybody agrees with that that's right 100% very well said yeah constantly not let your guard down that's a very important fundamental Foundation J you can't leave we we're told the every morning gets up and he's never tired he's when morning he we might be tired he's not tired waiting for us to get up he's right by our bedside ready to get get us do something wrong don't do something right it's her the whole time until until the last day of our life until the last second of our life is there it doesn't leave us alone for a second and that's what what's so great about being alive we have challenges and we're able to set up their challenges and to grow every time we s up to a challenge we grow we grow ourselves and we bring along the all Jewish people with us because we're all connected thank you very much for that comment very good comment here we go it's interesting to me that you said well all one people we know that and the souls are elevated or connected and elevated together I'm interested now in the souls that have passed ifter are they affected also that's a good question the soul yes we see that brings inish that they are yes they are he said that when we go through difficulties in the shamas of the uh departed go through difficulties also and when we do good things just lastek sedra says bring out AB if his children will act not kindly he himself in the other world will be affected by it yes good question you just brought up another question that I have um ous in the first few chapters of the Abraham was told by Hashem that his people his the Jewish people will go into bondage children his children several times now why did they have to go in the first time to mitan I I don't really get that point why they had to go through that process wasn't there another way well the uh actually it's a very strong question why did the Jewish people have to go through the G of 210 years and part of them of those years were very difficult and they were very mistreated and the answer to that is that the Jewish people had to be prepared to be accept the Torah Mount Si and they had this twofold to that they had to get used to being servants to become eventually servants to God and that was a training for them trying to be servants in Egypt to be servants to Masters and that would get them prepared to be servants to hasem that he's the Great Master and number two that the power of servitude and and difficulties makes a person more spiritual that body is not so prominent in him body is working hard having difficulties the body of a person is the physical part of the man sh is spiritual part of the man in order to accept the mount we have to be much more spiritual than physical and mundane and go th through the Serv of Egypt and made the Jewish people a higher level of spirituality subordinating the body and the physical and by lifting up the and making them ready to accept them that's um talking about controlling the character traits and spend a lot of time on the negative character traits anger laziness stinginess and does does the missil sh um like is is Reus uh the opposite of laziness right right so it's if you fight not to be lazy is that automatically in other words uh that doesn't automatically make you uh Reus right you got to it does so you fight the negative and then Sim at the same saying doing the POS of giving the the charity over and over again by stinginess by doing the by giving it by not giving it person right so the to the way to fight the negative is to do it's the positive the positive yes that's what we're saying over and over again over and over again to do it once in a while is cious controlling person wants to change himself has to many many times in order to change this Tak to take that that one he wants to get rid of away that's very good point okay to be c c c no we don't want the storm want the storm com without the storm the com with no storm c means a that person things happened in front of him used to irritate him used to get him angry and now it's calm doesn't bother him so that's that would be the opposite of R called R like acceptance accepting of what's happening and not being calm about things have a question am I allow to ask you a question okay just as am I ask a question as just a followup is isn't there don't we say that there's a place for everything like to be for anger let's say there's isn't there a um a place where we should be angry about something that's going wrong in other words what I'm trying to say is if we work to uproot these things and we call them bad then how are we going to have them when we do need them well we spoke about this a few weeks ago and brought a difference of opinion of anger between the r and says that anger should be gotten rid of totally person only have upon put an act of anger on the ra show that says no it's good to have anger in the case where it applies to want the children to get the message and you have to get angry at them so they should be angry it's totally control of the angry totally control we brought difference of opinion we shouldn't have Angry period want to train the children just put it on act look like your angry cast upon it but inside no anger whatsoever say the oppos you should be ra rep that time should not be like dead person you're you're alive and you have me you have to use the right we once went a great length talking about every Meer has its place stinginess has its place too if your child wants to that's money and want to buy drugs with the money you should be stingy I'm not giving you money for drugs or to buy any liquor whatever might be somebody have to be stingy with your money and every Meer real has its place except usually since since since this is not a good meter but sometimes could be a good meter but mention now or sometimes being lazy too could be a good meter too if he should want to go some place you don't you shouldn't be going to so it's good to be lazy I don't want to go there too lazy to go you want to go to sh in the morning so that should be good to be to be Sidious but if you want to go to a bad place so then you should be lazy so every me has its place that's too but usually some call a good Meer means usually it's good I me wether could be good that's a very very important isn't it said that for every action there's a reaction and everything happens for a reason so our Behavior our thoughts and our patterns is a CA of effect of what's going on or the circumstance in that particular time and place and things in life we're supposed to control ourselves God is giving us challenges of course wherever time and place and period of time on the calendar on on the uh it happens to be but uh we're supposed to stand up to the circumstances and react the right way every action cause of reaction and our uh responsibility to react the proper way it's not automatic thing react we have to or we have we have fre choice to react one way and react a different way we have to react in proper way and not uh improperly so and we're discussing sometimes we're uh very uh uh excited about something in different ways and we might react the wrong way right the right the right way and that's our uh our responsibility to react through these circumstances in the correct way number 13 says through one's action he can eliminate The Evil Within himself if a person is righteous and always has yeah uh through one action if he um is a righteous person and always behaves correctly then he should not have any evil inclination so he doesn't have to worry about evil like everybody's bornn with evil for themselves everybody is evil we're born we're here in this world to control it and to change it so that's what we're here for the person not born a righteous person you have to make yourself a righteous person otherwise we wouldn't be born what what we doing in this world not born that way we have to work on ourselves firstly to control it and then to eradicate it from ourselves and try to become better better people that's the way but nobody's born perfect for sure not Moses wasn't born perfect Abra wasn't born nobody's going greatest people became great because they made themselves great they weren't born great people some people think oh he was he was born great no such thing every the greatest people had great challenges they could have been Wicked people and it could have been righteous people it's up to us to do that not it's not automatic they um one of the questions we have here that somebody sent in um according to Hal it's brought down that uh that you know we know that that a is not allowed to become impure to even a close relative even his his own grandmother's funeral go to her gravite that's the official that's the uh the the question over here um wh why is that what the person wants to understand is is um how is that allowed to happen isn't there a a Mitzvah to honor your parents and grandparents and how could aen be prohibited from going to his own grandmother or grandfather when that will be a disrespect to them or and to his own parents even well there's a difference between the cohain a regular Cohan and the co God the high priest a regular Cohen is permitted and Mitzvah to go to the funeral and busy himself with his relatives to whether his wife his father's mother his son daughter sister brother a CO is not allowed to usually normally become Tom to touch dead body and go to the house of a dead body but his seven close relatives he has a Mitzvah that he should be inv God the high priest he cannot even get involved with anybody's even his own parents his own wife anybody he has to be alof from being he's allowed to stand outside allow to go along with the uh procession to the to the grave but he's not allowed to touch the with dead body or go to the room with dead body so first of all it's not doesn't show that he's not respectful to them but most people that's what they do they they're able to show themselves but by the friend don't to be in the same room with them but the outside will they have also so it's to say that they're not respecting them is not really true because they're certainly able to accommodate the co God or the coin and by grandparents even a regular Co cannot touch them have to touch them to them but besides that The kohen God Who is so close to asem that he's the high priest and he's the main person of the whole bik the whole Temple is run by him he's the one yum Kipper who goes in the holy of holies he has to be so great and so Alo from this world that he cannot have any connection to T to impurity he has to be so close to Hashem that impurity to him is off limits he can't become pure by any even his own parents his own life his own whoever it might be but let's bear in mind that by him keeping his his Holiness his parents are elevated so family is elevated being a right person and keeping the laws he supposed to keep so you can't say that parents are not honoring them he's honoring them by keeping the laws that great honor they have that his wife is the wife of his father's mothers parents of a that's the greatest honor for them greatest pleasure for them and and and Hereafter they died Hereafter that they they were honored to have him as a part of their family and by him is keeping his laws you should that's the biggest H for them and the biggest pleasure for them here so they shouldn't think that they're losing by it they're gaining by it not losing by it that's a false impression the person to think when father mother he can't go can't go into the same house with them when they die that's on the first parents they elevated because of their son who's keeping the laws control any other question time for another question if good evening hi if somebody does something uh that angers you you're not supposed to show anger but how do you maintain integrity and still get respect for somebody that's doing you wrong you know without being honorable without showing anger you know if they if they did something wrong or incorrect a neighbor relative well the answer to that question is not one answer to it it really depends on the circumstances sometimes somebody does something wrong to you by not reacting with anger that's the best way how to treat the situation a lot of times by getting angry that's what they're what they're thinking some people like to get you angry they're doing to get you angry ah got them angry if they don't get angry that's the worst medicine for them depends what their their their idea of of what they did what they have in mind but we said before that sometimes you do have to show anger sometimes you have to tr train somebody teach somebody a lesson so then anger is in place like a parent with the child or maybe even with a with a with a temporary with somebody friend and sometimes they do something which uh they should be told off about for their own good that they have to realize that they don't act that way so then anger would be in place the question is we had a difference of opinion between two great rabis if you should feel anger and just show anger on act anger or you should really feel it but in completely control of it but sometimes when you have to tell somebody teach them a lesson so Ang it would be place be properly to do usually it's not the best thing to be angry usually you can handle it by not being angry and talking to that person way and uh usually they listen to a person faster than if you get angry at them you want to tell somebody to give them some rebuke them and tell them what they they're doing wrong about something the best way to do is in a calm way in a nice way and they'll accept faster than if you get angry with them then usually they don't want to listen to you so usually the best way to do it is by doing the C way sometimes there are rare occasions where angry is in place and then it's permitted to either act anger or show anger as long as as long as under control so any other questions coming tonight nice questions here tonight okay so good evening everybody nice to see you and we'll hope to see by next week