Oorah's Torah Spot Live 11.06.12 - "How Can I Control My Anger?"

we discussed well two weeks ago yobu who got angry and we discussed anger problems of anger sometimes it might be good to get angry we we went through that in a very uh lengthy discussion if you remember and it was asked I think it was you asked now we know about anger how do we work on changing ourselves how do we work on anger to control ourselves I believe that's you the one who brought that topic wasn't you somebody sitting in this area yeah must be oh sorry he's not here so I said I didn't want to answer it at that time because I said that I won't do justice to it by just saying a few words about it so I said well devote our next evening to discuss that very crucial question there are character traits that we want to keep away from we want to control we don't want to live by them anger desires laziness stinginess and so on which are not great attributes for a person usually speaking and how do we go about living the right way and not having our character traits govern our life but we should govern our character traits like we mentioned our rabbis tell us that the righteous the great people have their character traits in their power they use them for their purpose the people that are not great they are in the jurisdiction of the character traits they subordinate themselves to the anger and all the other bad character traits so how do we go about living the right way and not letting our character traits govern over us that we should go over them so that's what I want to dedicate our tonight about on our glossery sheet we have number one Abal I translated that one who is a master of his character traits we have an expression he's a nice guy and usually we say a nice guy we think nicely about him we think highly about him he's a nice guy but that's a very misleading person a very misleading expression a nice guy does not mean he's Aid We're talking about a person Master over his character traits a nice guy could be a person he doesn't get a pat on the back CU he's a nice guy God made him a nice guy he's created he's a nice guy he's get along with seemingly and he helps people but that's why he was born does he get a pat on the back because he's born that way no that's god get a p on God created a nice guy just step on his toes and maybe he'll erupt into anger and revenge and all of a sudden he turns into a fighting tiger some people are nice guys they're nice guys as long as everybody leaves them alone and they get their way and there's no problem that comes in the in front of them that to get them uh incite them but watch out if they meet up with somebody that doesn't do what they want something happens that they're not happy with they can turn into a different type of person altogether because they are not Aid not a master of the Midas they have to be a nice guy when everything's going nicely why not that's the nature not everybody has the nature of being a nice guy some people do a lot of people do that does not mean that they've reached Perfection AB means a person which we are obligated to work on In Our Lifetime to perfect ourselves to control ourselves we should act the right way at the right time even though it's difficult even though the other person's wrong and even though we're upset control that's called a b now this has different levels to it I've made three levels over here that I want to talk about number one we have it on number two in our glossery sheet translating avoid the challenging situation the first step for us to live by to be Aid a master of our Midas is to try to avoid challenges try to avoid the situation that's going to make us erupt into something we don't want to be or nobody else wants to be in the presence of us when we get into that mood way we act that way avoid to avoid is the best way not to come to the challenge once you come to the challenge then who knows if you be able to be able to control oneself if a man gets upset with his wife's spending her money sometimes why' you spend it why you spend it on this and that causes them to get into a fight and the best thing would be don't look at the checkbook don't look at the bills that come in from Master charge whatever it is just let it do what she wants leave it alone do the advice for just you know it leads to hardship you know it leads to conflict you know you get upset about it and then you start getting upset she starts getting upset so if you're smart avoid the confrontation avoid the challenge just you won't become poor don't worry that's going to happen you don't have to know everything but by getting into the situation and start challenging the challenge then who knows what could happen in so many ways a person can avoid different problems a person knows they're supposed to be in the diet the doctors they got to lose weight so don't go into that store who has all the great goodies and all the some lemon mering pies and the and the and the uh and all the different delicious foods that you're not supposed to eat don't go there once you go there and you're up against the desire it's very hard to control oneself and then I'll just take a little bit I'll just take a taste you know taste lead a little bit more and so on we want to be a balid Ty be a master over our Midas over character traits the first step is to avoid the challenge don't put yourself into the situation where you going have to fight because when you start fighting you never know what's going who's going to win the fight you don't know how you're going to react to the fight so that's the first thing we're saying keep away from The Challenge we pray every day in our morning prayers out we play to God don't bring us into challenges now what does that mean our whole life is challenges we know that's what we're here for to stand up the challenges every minute of a person's life is a challenge the way we're thinking the way we're talking the way we're acting it's always a challenge as our speech clean from words we shouldn't be talking about slander talking about other people embarrassing people causing with with with with with the people's arguments and so on we're full of challenge every day we have challenges do we pray to God every day do we pray the right way our thoughts are they pure thoughts that we're supposed to be thinking our actions so what do we dumping is to dumping is to a challenge what are we doing in this world the whole world going be a challenge it means special challenges day-to-day challenges okay that's what we're here for but to bring us into things that are not our day-to-day life challenges please God don't bring it to us because we're not sure how we're going to react we might not be able to to to to pass the test stand up to the challenge so please don't bring us to so we ourselves certainly shouldn't bring our we pray to God don't bring us to a challenge we certainly have to make sure that we don't bring ourselves to a challenge keep away from challenges because you never know so this is the out of Base ABCs of controlling oneself not to have to control oneself to keep away because that itself takes some guts to do I it's not so simple don't bring yourself to the situation of Challenge number four which is that category was I once told a person who had a problem with anger and used to get scream in his house and yelled his wife and his kids so I told him and it was a major problem told if you come to that run out of the house run away from the place of the challenge I don't care if it's winter I don't care if it's snow on the ground I don't know if you don't have your shoes on rather than start screaming and making a whole problem in your home and Mak so unpleasant Run keep yourself away from The Challenge because if you stay there you're going to say something you shouldn't say it's going to cause a whole problem run away even it's difficult even though it's impractical don't be practical when it comes to causing Shas in a house where there won't be peace in the house and'll be L of anger and and bitterness run away take yourself away from remove yourself from the scene yourself from the scene then you have nobody to H you want s how the Snowman outside help the Snowman but don't how in your house so these are all ways to eliminate the problem by not being challenged by the problem okay that sometimes works but not always that brings us number two which is number five which control character traits to control ourselves let's say we are not able to remove ourselves from the situation right in the middle of it smack in the middle of it there's no way to run away there's no way to get away from it I'm challenged with a situation I'm boiling I'm going to scream I'm going to I'm just situated at in such a way that I have a desire in front of me that's pulling me to do something I know I shouldn't do but desire in Me Is Burning laying in bed in the morning I know should get up have things important to do maybe to go to the to DAV maybe something else else to do I'm lazy I don't feel like getting out of bed it's cold i' R under the nice covers and sleep for another hour these are all character traits that we want to try to get a hold of ourselves what can we do that's called controlling capturing the word in Hebrew means really capturing capturing our capturing ourselves so I met list of things which a person can think about at the time of the time of this challenge that can help us overcome and control ourselves first I want to say the words of the rambam Holy unbelievable beautiful words of the rambam and the special wrote many many books called listen to these beautiful words I'm going to translate freely from the words of the rim the ra wrote a a commentary on if you're familiar he has a commentary and he wrote eight chapters called before as a preface to that commentary on the tractate of of fantastic words that he says in these eight chapters CHS everybody if you have a chance to learn it should take the opportunity to learn it someday but I'll quote as some of the words that he says when a person will come and eat sweet delicious food smells good the person has a desire for but that particular food is unhealthy for him he knows it's no good for him person's diabetic he know he shouldn't eat certain foods person's overweight should need certain foods doctor says you have to lose weight it's no good for your heart no good for this whatever and it's possible there'll be a per reason for for a sickness or maybe to lead to death has for and he does not control himself and he goes there and he eats it this is on glosy sheet that put the main words over here number six translated over here this person and the animal in my eyes are the same he's like an animal why he explains this is not an action of a person of human being as a human being a human being has has intellectual capacity to think to know what's good and what's bad animal doesn't have that intellectual capacity only man has that intellectual capacity to to differentiate between good and bad who it's the action of a person as being alive we have to look at it in a way very deep thought ra saying here we look at a human being there's two parts of the human being the fact that he's alive like any other animal is alive he's breathing he has many of his kishkas intestines are the same as an animal but what makes him different besides being an animal he's a human being because he has an intellectual capacity he understanding so in this person he's two people he's two he's two Creations he's an animal as far as his life is concerned as far as body is concerned but he's besides that he's a human being who intellectual capacity by eating a food which is tasty but not healthy he's doing that as far as animalistic part of him not his SE is not it's not working at that time because don't eat that that's dangerous it's not good for you why are you eating that for but he doesn't listen to a he listens to his fact it's like an animal therefore the says don't think I'm exaggerating when I say it's like an animal it is because at that time he's not using his he's not he's not acting like a human being he's acting like an animal he's not using a the truth is when is that called a human being's action when they eat something which healthy which is which is intellect says this is what should be and he FS his intellect then he's a person because he differenti differentiates himself from an animal by using sometimes he'll leave which is tasty and eat something which is disgusting like some you have to take a medicine which is disgusting some you have take a medicine I don't I don't want medicine doesn't taste good terrible with medicine so then he's an animal again you're you're you're B you know that you have to take that it's important to take it doesn't make any sense not to take it you need it so then if he takes it something that's going to help then it's a person he's using his he's using his intellect and for by this a person is separated is lifted up is raised up from being an animal into a human being when he uses his that uses uses his intellect but if it doesn't use his intellect then there's no difference then he's he he he he he shares with an animal his body and his bodily instincts what his body wants and then it becomes an animal so when a person's faced with a challenge that we're talking about of Anger of Desire of laziness any character trait that we want to overcome and it's burning inside of him if you think of this Ram what am I am I an animal or am a human being if I'll use my intellect to know don't scream don't say something you shouldn't say cuz you're angry control yourself don't eat that thing you're not supposed to eat don't lay in bed now when you're supposed to be out of bed you're person you going to your in says you have to do this now you don't have to do this now that goes a long way for a person to get self-control to think to himself do I want to do I want to be an animal or do I want to be human being human being that me I have to have my to govern myself not my animalistic desires and instincts to govern Myself by thinking of that a person is much more easy to control himself that's the number one idea another thought for a person to think about when he's up against a challenge we have a passage of in the Torah in the fifth book Deuteronomy we know that it's forbidden to eat blood of an animal so it says over here in the Torah in which is 12th chapter in Deuteronomy do not eat blood in order that God will be good to you we have it on our sheet over here number seven God will be good to you and to your children afterwards to do the right thing the straight thing in the eyes of hem don't eat blood in order God to be good to you and to your children so Rashi comments list the beautiful Rashi over here from here we should go and learn how much reward God gives for a person who fulfills God's Commandments blood is a thing that who wants to eat blood it's disgusting to eat blood is not a big challenge for a person oh I'm dying to eat the blood e the who wants to eat blood that's a disgusting thing still if he keeps himself away from it not because it's disgusting because God said so of course it's disgusting but I'm keeping away because God's commandment even though it's disgusting I don't want to eat anyway but the reason I'm keeping away from is not because it's disgusting thing because God told me not to eat it if that's his attitude and his reason so what's going to happen he will Merit to get reward God promises I'll do good to you and to your children afterwards means maybe grandchildren who knows how many generations even for the simple Mitzvah of not eating blood God says he did it for my sake because I said not to eat it you will be rewarded and your children will be rewarded so certainly for sure those Mitzvah that are difficult for a person to keep for stealing for cheating for taking something doesn't belong to us even a Penny L less than a penny person's careful which is not so easy people have the tendency to it's not so bad take a little bit of money doesn't belong to me and how much the person doesn't really care it's a dime it's a dollar it's a little bit of money we have a tendency for GLE or Aras for sexual forbidden things for a person to do that a person has a great desire for how much reward will a person get for that for for those Mitzvah that person has no desire for still get such a reward from his children how about for those things that we have such a great desire and we hold ourselves back and don't do it the reward is going to be tremendous for children us and their children afterwards so this is another thing we should think about at the time of challenge you're ready to blow up you're to say ready to say something you shouldn't say to somebody you're ready to eat something you shouldn't be eating you're ready to stay in bed you're ready not to give charity to somebody you should give to you might keep the money for yourself person should think what if I get a hold of myself and I act in the right way and I don't let my animalistic desires rule rule me but I rule my over them I'm in charge I'm going to do the right thing because I know how much reward God's going to give for a person who overcomes his desires overcomes his character traits person should for sure if he we should really think to ourselves boy I wish it be even harder than this I want to overcome it because the harder it is the more difficult it is the more reward God gives rash is telling us over here the harder the challenges and the and the and the we overcome the challenges more and more that's the amount of reward we get for the future so this is something when a person is faced with a challenge and we can't get out of it we can't run away it's right in our face in front of us and other thought to think about besides the first that we said that we don't want to be like an animal we want to be a human being we want also to to God give us this great reward that we that he that promises to give every person then we have number eight we say our evening prayers every night an everlasting love for the children of Israel God loves the children of Israel loves the children of Israel why because we keep the Torah he gave us the Torah to keep and people like to be loved we like to have people to love us people feel that we're liked how about God to love us that's really special for God to love us for we do the right thing when does God love the person if he does the right thing he acts in the right way we're faced with the challenge what should I do should I blow up and say what I shouldn't say should I do something I shouldn't do des irus and all the other things we mentioned plus things we didn't mention we're faced with the challenge I want God to love me if I go and do the wrong thing he be upset with me I want God to be upset with me I don't want anybody to be upset with me we like don't like people to be upset with us we like to be like the other people certainly Our God who created us our Master Our Father our King our creator we want him to be upset with us we want him to love us when does God love a person Abraham was called God's beloved one because he stood up to all tests which we spoke about a long time ago especially bring his son for a sacrifice we read the Torah portion last week he's ready to sacrifice the son to God God told him stopped at the last minute but he stood up to the test the most difficult test the most difficult challenges that he's lived to accomplish he stood up to the challenge and God calls my beloved one because he does what's right even though it's not it's not easy very difficult another important thing for us to think about we we're faced with challenges we want to be on God's good side so to speak don't to punish us for doing the wrong thing we want God to love us number nine number nine we have to think about what's going to be afterwards right now I'm faced with this challenge if I fall through and I act with my anger or desires or laziness after it's all over how I going to feel I'll feel very bad we have we get people are full of of remorse right now I'm faced with the challenge what's going to happen if I stand up to the challenge and the problem goes by and look back ah stood up to it you feel good about yourself we feel very good we had this great Challenge and we stood up to the challenge and we show that we and control of ourselves we feel very good about ourselves and the other hand what's going to be afterwards we screamed we yelled everybody got upset after it feels terrible down the what did I what did I do why did I do that for again fell through again person memor feels very bad why did I do that wasn't necessary should have controlled myself why did I eat that piece of lemon mering pie with the cherry on top what is that to me I got sicker over it I went against the doctor's wishes I gained some more weight by it it was delicious for how long for 3 minutes and it's over with and look look at what I come out with you'll be so upset afterwards again I fell through again what am I doing for myself I want to lose that weight so much I lost the 5 PBS and now and put on another pound back again the remorse the person would feel bad why did I do that for we have an expression tell us Rabbi say who's the wise man the person who sees what's going to come out from his actions don't look at the action right now look at the the the that the that the the the the consequence of our actions what's going to come afterwards how we going to feel about it afterwards we know last time we we lost ourselves in one of these different types of things we're talking about how bad we felt afterwards how bad we felt we got angry we ate the thing we were lazy we're stingy how bad we felt afterwards have to go through the same thing again who wants to go through the same thing again control yourself so a person will think about in the beginning right now I have this big Challenge and I could fall through and control myself I don't want to have to go through that that remorse that I have to go through the pain afterwards of of falling through this that's that's number how many said so far the fourth thing fourth thing that we said four things to think about before we act at time of challenge should we do it or shouldn't we do it do we be a person or an animal that want to get that great reward that God wants to give us for acting the right way that want the love of God that he should love me and feel a good feeling towards me or he should feel disappointed in me God my Creator should be disappointed in me and how am I going to feel afterwards all these things by thinking them a person can help to control to overpower our character traits that we should be in charge if we have the right thoughts at the time these things are greatly enhanced and and and make it possible for us to control ourselves so keeping up with our new schedule we said 9 around 9:00 now we can uh I finish yet I hope to finish next week this this subject but uh right now we'll put the questions for you to ask we'll get the people here the first choice to ask the questions and anything I said now or any other type of question you'd like to ask here we have I come just for the questions now I said I come just for the questions or for the answers which one you want to um when you said about blood you're talking about a rare steak or like a juicy burger you're not allowed to eat that you're supped we allowed to eat meat but we have to take out the blood first so it has to be kosher meat uh looks like uh it just came from the animal but that goes through the process before Kos Kos has to be salted in order to extract the blood in the meat in the old times I don't know if you still remember I'm sure some of the people from before remember your mother or your Bubba koshering the meat today the butcher does it they they catch the factory they make the meat they kosher the meat but not so long ago every balabusta who at kosher took the meat home with the chicken and they had a pale of water remember put to soak it then you took it out put it on the board slanted board which salted it which the blood would flow off from the slanted board then it had to be washed over again very good to get off the blood that came out and that's considered it's not bloody anymore so when you have a kosher steak it means that it was kosher from before so kosher chicken the same thing of course if you broil it you don't have to make it kosher before because the fire takes out all the blood it's broiled but if it's cooked so then you have to make sure that Co should be full right but that still is okay to eat a rare or yeah once you can e raw too if you want you get it raw if you want I mean if because it's made kosher then you can eat it anyway you want no but say not to eat you know the blood so I figured some people like the bloody juice you still allow to eat it that way absolutely yeah RAB qu a question about dishes um we're not talking about questions I don't know but this is kosher not Kosher no they're kosher dishes that were used for meat yeah but I want they haven't been used in 25 30 years and I want to use them for PESA can I no okay uh sometimes under certain circumstances the rabbi will permit it make it kosher because somebody just becoming religious and they can't afford to buy uh dishes and so on because so there are certain opinions of if it's many years old that it that it everything inside of but uh for regular when to keep K what should be you wouldn't use her dishes unless things were made for PES but just laying there be able to AB I know you you said no last time but I want to make sure again let's say if I cook rice in meat questions no it's not it's not question just to know if it's okay or not like or after ask me afterwards have to ask me okay we philosoph philosophic questions different questions of the Torah but it comes that's a whole different whole different I think we have a question here from the es Rabbi inbox somebody was wondering um why should we yearn for the B mikdash if we're happy in the present state I'm reading off the paper what what did the B Mikes provide for us that we can't have now what is the what are we really missing when we di in other words well there's a different uh the question is why the Jewish people yearn for the building of mikdash yearn to return to the land of Israel we say the prayers is every day over and over and over again we pray three times a day sometimes four times mus shabas and and we keep praying again we want to go back to the Holy Land want to go back to build the B mikd the Holy Temple again that was destroyed twice and what are we going to gain by going there why do we earn to it for somewh well that really necessitates a wholeo by itself again to to really explain it in in the best way but just to give an idea number one there are many laws that we cannot perform being in Gus being in the diaspora out of our land for instance giving of the tithing giving from our produce to give to the Coen to the Le we have to give to them we have a Mitzvah to go to sh the three festivals there's so many laws we cannot perform when we don't have the bik and every Mitzvah that we perform like we said before every we perform we get such great reward God gives us and we cannot perform many of them in many MIT that we cannot perform without being in not having the MD and that's God's command that that's God's will that we perform all his Mitzvah all of his Commandments we cannot perform them so therefore that's one reason why we want to return to the land of Israel build a holy Temple and be able to perform all the Mitzvah of hem another very important one which really necessitates a a a a long discussion about but just to give an idea that the life of the Jewish person Liv living in Isel at the time of the mikd was such a much more greater life of enjoyment of pleasure because God was close to his people when God's close to us what is the world to come what is the ultimate reward that God's going to give the Jewish people for people who keep the Torah people who act like Jews the world to come what is the world to come what is the greatness of the pleasure of of all pleasures pleasure we cannot imagine the closest touch closest to God that is a great reward because that being close to Hashem through our the through our soul is such a great feeling such a great pleasure we can't even imagine what kind of pleasure it is we can think about all the great stakes and all the great vacations and all the great housing and clothes and cars anything we can imagine of the great greatest pleasure we can think them doesn't come to an i of the pleasure of the world to come and that's all being close to and when the B was was built was standing I will dwell in your midst I'll be close to you and the Jewish people at that time God was close it was a different pleasure of Life something that's hard for us to to think about but I think I'm once before mentioned that sometimes we get spurts of that even now sometimes a few seconds of that great feeling of close to hem that great feeling maybe at the time of kidre May time of we get inspired uplifted oh said goodness think sa being taken out maybe woman the time she's lighting shabas candles maybe a person different times that that the scholar when he when he understands that his learning studying of the Torah and he comes to an understanding of something working on it for a long time he has such an elevation such a good feeling close to Hashem that at that moment any pleasure physical pleasure don't doesn't mean anything to a person all so bued and so inspired and so uplifted we feel the closest to hasem such a good feeling that's a spirit we get God CHS us once in a while spark of this his Clos of the the BR close to we get those Sparks and spur sometimes but to live like that all the time that's what we're missing from being built living in the Holy Land yes at least now we can we control the land of Israel at least to some extent we have enemies but at least we're not uh under the Roman rule like we were many years during the second base of mdash why can't we fulfill now you know the Mitzvah and the B MDES that we had then well the Nai the prophet tells us that the third B will buil be built by hasem by God and since will be such a holy outstanding edifice be much holier than the first one even the first one was much more Hool than the second one was as a matter of fact it says from the second Holy Temple the Jewish people had the first place 400 for 420 years stood 410 years the second was 420 years 10 years longer the first one was built by King Solomon and that was God rested in the mikdash the first mikdash it was destroyed by the Babylonians the Jewish people went to Gus into exile for 70 years they came back and built the second M ezrael the great Ezra built the second place of mikd and it says when it was built the new generation they're all happy and singing and dancing and the old generation were crying why were they crying old generation who saw the first B MD this ISD God was there they had so many miracles in the first MD God was in his presence the second didn't have such a closeness to God not the same level of greatness the second B has to be built in a way that has a Holiness to it and the third B has to be the holy of holies is going to be much more than the first much more than the second and that we cannot do by ourselves that only through God himself he going to be built at the right level of Holiness and we can't do that we have to come on to him because that will be the one that stand forever and that'll be the beginning of the world to come of the living of the Dead will come out people who died will come life to again and we go into the world to come and that's through the building of third B MDES only through his great Holiness will that be the right kind of B MDES if we built it now will not have that Holiness that we want so that it can't be built by us has God says I'll bu I distort it with fire I will build it with fire whatever that means we said in the in our prayers insh that we say to God build the B make you said destroyed the B they burned it down the non-jews the Romans and B burned down to and you said you'll build it with fire again that fire means something some Holiness that we can't build it with that fire only God's can build with that fire so we have to wait for that time to bu be built properly you said that when a person stands up to their challenges God loves them does God only love a person when they do the right thing or is it like an extra love well uh that's a good question very good question we're called we are called God's children and children when they do the wrong thing the parents still have love for them no matter what so they uh can never uh stop God's love for them we cannot stop the even we have expression the tal even though Jewish people sinned they still called the Jewish people still God's children we're talking about Gus now going into Exile into the ASP we're told wherever we go God goes with us we take him along with us he belongs in the Holy Temple we belong there also but we go to Gus God comes along with us we SLE him into into Gus with us wherever we are he comes but the child when he goes against his parents the parents get upset with him and the good child is upset when his parents were upset even the prince to love him but the love does not shine out because it's it's it's obscured by the bad actions of the children by the upsetness of the parent even though the parent will do anything for the child no matter bad how bad they are but they love them unconditionally but that love does not come out in actual uh uh feeling to the extent it could when the children are disobedient and there's Anger from the parent to the child so the answer the question is definitely there's love je matter even they sin but the love cannot come out but in the actual feeling and being seen because there are distractions because of the actions of the children there's actually a few questions here uh all along the same same lines um basically what about three or four different people want to know in different variations but that um for example this one here I cannot fathom the law regarding the stoning the disobedient child doesn't this sound like the Taliban I thought the Torah is all about being a light unto the Nations or other such things where why do we kill people why does the Torah say that you know in certain instances you have to kill somebody or whip him or different things like that what happened to uh hashem's love for for all the people especially the Jewish people well uh again we'll uh refer to the parent and the child the parent will holler the child scold the child or hit the child it's not because of lack of Love is because of of a of a a feeling of Love they want the child to get better so he say why a person is whipped why a person gets punished with the 39 lashes for doing the wrong thing because uh More Than People jail today put put into jail that's a very big uh inconvenience and a very big uh uh pain for a person to be in jail but they put into jail mainly because we aren taken away from society they shouldn't hurt Society were to give the death sentence for the same reason because of Society should see that if you do things like you did you're not going to get away with it you get a big punishment so it's a deterrent for people are doing the wrong thing uh and that Judaism the punishments that's part of it but more than that is for the person themselves it's helping them for just like a parent it's a child because he wants them to get better to realize that what he did is wrong and he has to better himself so it's all from from Love of of the parent to the child the same God when he gives us Commandments that sometimes we have to give a person pain them sometimes we have to even give the death penalty before a person is put to death according to Jewish law which is very seldom very seldom our rabbis tell us that a court who gave the death penalty once in 70 years was considered a murderous Court you couldn't find a way to save the person once in 70 years if they give a death penalty that's how seldom was given much much less times than we have in the much than we have in the today even read all the time he was put in death he put but whatever it is but we shouldn't think that the death penalty was every day the people were put to death it was something that was a rare very rare occasion for a person to be put to death but before a person is put to death he is approached by the great people of the city and told them to Chua repent for the terrible thing that you did you're getting a death penalty and by by repenting and having remorse and uh feeling bad for what you did you will be able to come to the world to come even though you did such a terrible sin but the main reason of a person being created in this world is for the world to come no forever if he wouldn't be put to that now he's going to die sooner or later we're not doing something that's not going to happen to the person it's going to die sooner or later but since he being punished he's been dying sooner than later but still by having the right thoughts and repenting he will become a person in the world to come will get the ultimate Eternal reward so it's something that God's doing for the benefit of society and the benefit of the person himself that's being done to so it's not consider it's not it's a would be considered cruel not to give a person a punishment a parent who does not watch the children and punish them sometimes they're the cruel ones because children need discipline children have to be be pred sometimes sometimes a child needs a PCH sometimes and if they don't parents don't oh I can't do that I can't touch my child I can't so they're developing a monster the child doesn't any discipline and they don't know discipline is and therefore they're going to be very very competent to cope with life afterwards because they'll always get their way and think they can get away with everything and it's very cruel for parent not to to take care of the children in a way that's dist distasteful for them but for the good of the child things like that have to be done sometimes the same way the Torah is not being cruel to people but if you will look into the depths of it they're being very very very uh kind to the person that's happen to number four said away from a place of Confrontation but wouldn't that make you a weak person if you run away from confrontation shouldn't you confront things well it takes it takes guts to run away from a confrontation that self takes not so easy that person has to uh take himself away you feel like you feel like you're going to blow up with the person you to say something you shouldn't say but when you run away don't do it that's that takes a lot of uh lot of uh guts to do that that itself but it's worth it not to take the chance of saying something or doing something that you're going regret afterwards so rather than take the chance of regretting it it takes a lot of strong character to be able to remove yourself from the situation that's that's not an easy thing either but when you be considered a coward if you don't come that that that's very that's very courageous for a person to uh you feel like telling the other person off and you think they did the wrong thing to you and I why should I let him get away with it and I would tell what kind of person he is I going to tell him off and you hold yourself back you're not going to say anything to him that's that's courageous that's not uh remind meind when I sometimes we have some of the boys in Thea someday they they get into a right I call him and say why are you fighting for well I don't want to get away he did this to me that to me and I'm going to show him that I'm not a I'm not I'm not a I'm going to show him so I said what's easier to control yourself and not do anything or to go hit him over the head and punch him what's easy to do that's easy to punch him that's called strong that's called that's strong is hold yourself back GI RAB SS who consider who's considered a strong person the person who controls himself that self-control is so shows sense of character but by by getting angry at people and telling them of and telling them who's boss and tell them I'm not I'm not going to back down because I'm going to be strong that's anybody could do that that's animalistic that's not that's not human being not using the they're using the their body when it's number two it says avoid a challenging situation uh if a person avoids challenging situation that person is not growing as a human being challenges are put in the person's life to grow we said before a whole day is challenges everything every minute we live is a challenge a challenge of thoughts challenge of words challenge that we cannot run away from We're talk those challenges that we're able to avoid that's what we're talking about but person no matter how much you run away from challenges challenges are with us every day every hour that we cannot run away we have enough challenges for us to be able to work on the character and be strong that we that we that that that's something we can't can't person in this world is full of challenges every day those that able to avoid that's what we're talking about but won't be any weakness and lack of development because lack of challenges in our life because we're full of challenges the last question the wicked are full of remorse the wicked people don't have so they don't care so how could they be full of remorse the people most wicked people have a guilty conscience they might not look like it they're Wicked but they don't don't control themselves they're Wicked they feel bad but they go and do the same thing again then afterwards they're full of remorse they're people very unhappy some people think that the guys will get away with it or the good guys they're they're I mean they're they're happy and they're uh fortunate yeah look at they get away with it they're full of remorse full of they're not happy very unhappy people they know that terrible and they uh most people are like that they they they don't tell you about it but people who work with this with people like that and know what they really thinking we know that they're full of very full of guilt and they'll feel bad about themselves you can ask anybody who who became aalu became good again who was a terrible person and they and they be decided to become good they ask him what kind of Life they used to live it's terrible used to used to always do the bad thing and always be bad about it but they could didn't control themselves so it's not the thing that uh it might look on the surface that they're happy not not happy people Wicked people not happy people we uh that's it for tonight any other questions here maybe from any comments okay everybody so have a very good night tonight and we hope that we'll all be safe and sound from the upcoming storm and uh let's pray for our Brethren that are in trouble having a hard time that they should be able to