Age 28, he had it all. Until it collapsed!

Few people in life have as much energy as Henry Stimler. Few people in life are as smartly dressed as Henry Stimler. Few people in life have experienced success in the real estate world like Henry Stimler. Meet Henry Stimler this week on Jewish grit. >> [music] >> Henry Stimler, welcome to the podcast. >> Thank you for having me. And thank you so much for your British accent and your name, Henry. >> Yeah, it's it's really worked out for me with both of those things in America. Having a good name and a good accent really opened doors for me. So, I'm very grateful to my parents for that. >> Now, I know you have a fantastic fast fascinating personal story and professional story. >> Yeah. Um bring us into a moment or two where that narrative is maybe not something you would publish. A moment where you needed to really grit yourself, call on your inner strength, and somehow you climbed out. Yeah. I I think this is just what you need in life. You You need to be forged in the fire and cuz that really defines you. So, I moved to New York at in 2002. I I kind of ran away from London. I didn't want that life. I grew up in a in a very orthodox world and they were trying to marry me off and it wasn't what I wanted and my father, thank God, is a very successful guy and he built this big business. I told him, "I'm leaving." And And his words were, "Well, I built this for you and your brother. You leave, you're on your own." I said, "Dad, it's It's okay. This is what I want to do." So, I came to New York with with very little money and I had an internship and I got very lucky at the internship. Within a few days of being an internship, I discovered an arbitrage and I turned to the guys that I was doing the internship. I said, "What's the What about this? Why don't you do this?" And they said, "Oh, that's a that's a brilliant idea." I left the internship, got myself a Vonage phone, sat in my underwear in my in my fifth-story walk-up in Spanish Harlem eating cup of noodle soup and I started develop this product. And I got very lucky. People liked the product and people it started to rapidly grow. I got funding from a big private equity firm and I started to make a lot of money hand over fist from a young age and I left the the crappy apartment in Spanish Harlem, moved to 60th and Madison and Fifth Avenue overlooking the park, beautiful apartment, started spending money, having a life, flying private, cars, art, watches, parties, rubbing shoulders with celebrities, building a beautiful office in the Crown Building, which is today the Aman. And I signed personal recourse on this massive office that I built to house me and my team. And I had the them build it out to look like Ari Gold's Entourage office. Entourage was very big in the in the early 2000s and I wanted to emulate Ari Gold, that power dynamic guy. So, they did all this build out for me. And then I fly to the South of France. I take my friends. I stay in Hotel du Cap. I take private planes to the VMAs. And then September of 2008 comes along, the great GFC, the great financial crisis, and I was 28 years old and ill-equipped to deal with it because I'd only been on an upward trend and in the space of two, three weeks, I was destroyed, wiped out. Because I'd been buying asset-backed securities and they had a life term and then there was no liquidity. The air got sucked out completely. And I was on the hook for this office space with Eliot Spitzer, who was the former governor of New York and his father. And he wanted his pound of flesh. So, he went after me. And uh one by one, all the things that I accumulate cumulated was taken away from me. The cars, the watches, the art. I left that beautiful apartment, moved to a tiny studio in 15 Park Row, not far from here. And I would go to the cash machine and put my card in and try and take out money. There was no money. It would be They'll be overdrawn and you had like a Chase gave you like a $1,000 overdraft and I would be constantly overdrawn over and over again. And And I'd been very arrogant. I'd been very cocky sure myself. I thought I was untouchable. My father always said something to me, "It doesn't last forever." And he told me over again. I didn't listen. And people told me over again, "Be smart. Put money away." And I never listened. I just thought I was invincible. And And this brought me to my knees and really put me down. And And I decided, "Let's take the lesson from it. Let's not be despondent. Let's not be depressed. Let's not go into a shell. What is the lesson? The lesson is don't be arrogant in life. No matter how successful you are, how big you are on the how you are on the totem pole, be humble." And And I I picked myself back up and I started again. I built another business. But that was one of the hardest moments in my life as a 28-year-old to deal with that. And to my parents' gratitude my parents they got on a plane. They held my father held my hand. I wanted to take what little money I had left to buy more time. He's like, "It's over." My Hebrew name is Ushi. He said, "Ushi, it's over. You have to let it go." And I was like, "Dad, how can I let it go? All this money that I raised from you, from my uncles, from my friends, it's all gone. I have to find a way to save it." He said, "There's no saving it. You have to let it go." So, going through that experience, which I I think could break another human being, it never broke me. I I never was broken. You can ask my friends and people that were around me at the time, my my my now wife, she was with me throughout all of it from 60th and Madison to the to the rubbish apartment. I was never depressed. I was never sad. I was never sitting in a in a the fetal zone crying. I just dealt with it. I dealt with it. I took the lesson that I need to take the lesson out of it. And I always People ask me all the time, "What was your greatest What was the greatest challenge?" That was the greatest challenge and I came out of that. So, I don't think anything could Obviously, you know Who knows what comes out. Financially and economically, that was just a crazy time for me and I think I dealt with it and I But talking I had I had all the time I had faith that it's all going to work out. It's going to be fine. This is Life is ups and downs and and it was fine. And I went into a different business, a completely different business. I went to the nightclub and restaurant business. Did that for a few years and then the rest is history. Can I ask you a personal question? >> Sure. If you could write your narrative all over, would you include that chapter? >> Absolutely. It was so much fun. It was so much fun and it was just crazy and and and who I was rubbing shoulders with and and and also also all the lessons, how not to be cavalier, how to be organized, how you can have a lot of people that when you have a lot of money are going to hang on to you and they're just going to suck at the teeth of your success. And when things go bad, they're going to leave. So, now later on in life, be very selective with who your circle is, right? Be very selective of who you bring into your life because in my 20s, I was the guy buying everyone drinks. I was the guy buying bottles. I was the guy paying for dinner. And I had a lot of hang-arounds and a lot of leeches. So, I I learned a lot from that time and I wouldn't change it for a second. And how about the the dark period when you had to get out of your apartment and get out of your office? Would you include that in your chapter? Yeah. I would include everything. I I wouldn't change anything. And I I think this is a that's an amazing thing. I I'm so grateful for my life. I love my life. I love all the trials and tribulations. I'll tell you something. After that chapter, I left New York. I said, "I'm going to go to Paris. I need to leave New York. I just had so many demons around. I'm going to go and I'm going to write my story." I think this is an unbelievable story. 22-year-old Jewish boy comes to New York with $400, builds an empire, builds an unbelievable business, offices in four countries, doing mega deals, loses everything, right? I'm going to write my story. So, I go to Paris. I get myself an apartment because in my I'm very visual. I wanted to be like Hemingway. I wanted to write in the 19th arrondissement. I'm a little bit crazy like that. I So, I sat in the bar where he wrote and I started typing on my on my laptop. But I came to the realization about 70 pages in that my story has a long way to go. That this is premature. And so, I closed the computer. I still have the pages And it's funny because in the pages I wrote, and this is going back many years, I wrote I wrote about my wife, the girl I'm I'm married to. And I wrote I wrote I I think I met the girl I'm going to marry. This was in 2008 and we didn't get married till many years later. But no, the life is long, hopefully, and there's going to be trials and tribulations. There's going to be ups and downs. And it also taught me a calmness. I was on the plane Monday night from from Miami to to New York and one of my juniors is doing a deal and the deal was going south and he's panicking. He's just losing his mind. And I was very calm. And I'm sitting was the the It was Crep Ski in Miami, which is a banking conference. So, I was on the plane sitting next to this other guy and I'm like, "Calm down. Don't panic. We're going to figure this all out. You're not going to lose your client. I got the other guy on the phone." We And before the plane took off, we figured it all out. We came to a solution. And And I hang up the phone. The guy next to me, who have a senior banker, says, "That was very nicely done." I said, "Yeah, you've got to always maintain I I don't get I don't get frazzled. I don't get panicky. I'm I'm very calm and collected cuz it's all going to work out. In life, it's If you have faith and you have a good disposition, I find you can always find a way that things work out." And actually, I had dinner with that gentleman yesterday who I met on the plane. And I'll see if I can do some business with him. >> [laughter] >> It always pays to be nice to the guy next to you on the plane. You never know where it's going to go. >> It's always Be nice to everybody. Just be Be a nice guy. Be Be friendly. Be outgoing. Be happy. And you that energy that you put out, it just it's so important. I always tell my guys, we thrive in a crowd. But our business, when you go out to these conferences, you have to thrive in the chaos. You have to thrive in the crowd. You have to be the light in the crowd that reflect that that brings the business in. So, just go out to these crowds where it's busy and there's hundreds of people networking. Just be your outgoing and friendly and things will come to you. I want to double click on the moment that you land on the from the you know, from England you come here. You got $400 or pounds, whatever it is, in in your pocket. Did you have a any type of professional education? No. I was in the yeshiva. I'd been in yeshiva. I I left school at 16. I I did not have very much at all. But I had a dream and I had I had I I wanted to build my own life. Golders Green was very small, very provincial. I'd always been a very loud guy. I'd always kind of dressed in a different way and always been a larger-than-life personality and I didn't want to Not that there's anything wrong with it. I don't want to follow the path of my siblings and my friends that all got married and got a screen, lived a few blocks from their parents, spent every Shabbos between their siblings and which is which is great. Don't I don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking it. I didn't want that for myself. I had bigger vision for myself. I wanted to go out and live and I couldn't do that in London. I couldn't leave and go live in an apartment in London where my parents were It would would not work. I had to leave. I had to go away. And I'd always loved New York, I'd always idealized New York. It was in every movie. I'm like a Woody Allen character. I just I just love New York. Every internship, every time summer off, I'd come to New York. My Bar Mitzvah money, I went to Camp Ramah in the Catskill Mountains. I was always obsessed with New York. And a year before I'd been at an Oasis concert and I'd met the guy standing next to me who happened to be His name was David Katz and he was living with his parents and we spoke about money that I would come to New York and we'd get an apartment together. And I called him and I said, "I want to come to New York." And I got myself this internship, which was meant to be a 3-month internship, but I said, "I'm I'm never going to leave. Just find the apartment. And by the way, it's got to be super cheap because I've no money." And he found an apartment on 96th and 2nd Avenue, fifth story, top top flight of a fifth story walk-up. There was a You walked in, there was a little kitchen, a little sitting room, and a bedroom for him, and then a staircase and a landing. No cupboard, no door, just a landing. And uh and that was that was was not wasn't a a legal bedroom, but I said he was going to pay the chunk of the rent. He was a lawyer, he had was making good money, and I would pay a fraction of the rent, but I would live on the landing on an air mattress. And that's what I did. I got myself an air mattress, I lived on the landing, and I had no real idea how it was going to play out. But I went to the internship first day, suited and booted, and I would say by week two or three or four, I already had a plan. I already And I'd left the internship executing on my plan, moving ahead. And again, the English accent was very committing. And And again, I called my dad and I said, "Dad, what do you think of this plan?" He said, "That sounds so interesting. Is it legal?" I said, "I think it's legal." So, I started it doing the the the deals, small little deals. And I was always looking for a legal opinion to go on a bigger scale. And so, I needed a million dollars to pay Clifford Chance to give me a legal opinion on this structure. And no one give me a million dollars. So, I was making I was doing good, doing one deal here, one deal there, doing okay. But I kept on calling every big institution, every bank to try and find the million dollars to take it to the next level. And I say by by 2005, I call up a guy again to a meeting, I pitched the gentleman, and I'd done hundreds of these pitches and everybody had told me down. Everybody had said no. I was too young, 25, 26. No one wants to spend a million dollars on this. They all liked the idea, but no one wanted to give me the money. And in 2005, 2006, I found a guy and he gave me the million dollars. And then my life just changed because then I could start approaching the institutions and I went from doing small deals to just doing big big deals. And it just went rocket boosters. It was amazing. Like I'm amazing. I got myself an an Aston Martin, a Morgan Roadster, and IWC, all all the toys you can think of. Bought rubbish art. Do you know, there was stacks of art in my apartment. Looked like you walked in Looked like an art gallery, which was great because it looked so good for people that came in the apartment and they thought this guy knows what he's doing. He's buying lots of art even though I had no idea. I bought so much rubbish art. But and then I said, "Okay, I don't want to be in this crappy shared office. I want this beautiful big office." And we had open office in London, we had open office in Tel Aviv, we had open office in Antwerp, and we were taking money in hand over fist from all these people. And I was the the wunderkind. I was the the the kid that had just crushed it, came over to America and with nothing and just started to make all this money and and and attract all these investors and and had this fantastic office on Fifth Avenue that was amazing, had all these guys working for me. And then in the space of I would say 6 days, it all went away. From from when AIG wobbled on September 19th and then Lehman and Bear's went under, and then it was gone. Has your dream to be successful changed? Does success mean something different today than it meant 10 years ago or 20 years ago? >> Yeah. Success when in my 20s was very singular, it was very much for me. Success today is a lot more plural. I have a team of guys. I try and bring on the most talented young people, people I see a lot of me in them. I try and nurture that talent. I try and build that talent. I try and build out my team. I try and act in the correct manner and and create mini versions of me that can go out and be an originator and bring bring in bring in deals. I have a young man that works for me. His name is Ricky Warner. He he he chased me to the end of the world to to get an interview. Uh he told me, "I'm in your building. Can I come up?" I was like, "I don't I didn't want I had no interest in in meeting but I loved the tenacity." And he came up. It's about 3 4 years ago. And I I fell in love with this kid. I said, "I'm I'm going to take you in. I'm going to mentor you and you're going to work for me." And by the time he was down in the elevator, I called him down. I said uh "You're coming to work for me. I'm going to get you an offer." That night he already had an offer from Walker & Dunlop. That night I walk into a real estate partner and Aaron Appel is a very big broker says, "I heard you took my Ricky." I said, "No, no, my Ricky." Uh and Ricky is today a superstar, a absolute superstar. And and I I'm and Clifford and all these guys that I have around me. So, it's it's much more developing and nurturing talent and building a team. It's less about me, it's about the the overall team. And I I love that. I love We've got another kid called Nick Mazolakis and I I love finding talent and and then nurturing that talent. When you interview your 10 different people, what what is that guy the 10th guy, the one that's going to get the job, what does he have that no one else has? So, in our business, which is a commodity business, right? I do the same thing that guys do in in in CBRE, guys do at Walker & Dunlop, guys do at Cushman. We we all do the same thing. There's nothing proprietary about what we do. We provide debt solutions for people that are buying and building apartment buildings all across America. Obviously, we do some very big deals. We're in one of the top teams in the country, but there's nothing proprietary. There's no secret sauce. The secret sauce is you. That why does the client come to you? Because you have that special thing that you provide. Be it the connection, be it the positivity, be it the aggressive attitude, be it the sharp mind when it comes to finding solutions, be it the network that you've built, be it the responsiveness. I'm looking for all of those things. So, so you have to be You have to be everything and all. So, you have to be there for your clients in good times, be there for your clients in bad times. You've got to deal with bad news, you can't hide. You've got to be incredibly responsive. If you look at my phone, maybe now because my phone's over there, there'll be five unread emails. I respond to emails, I respond to text messages. There's no millions of icons of of of unresponded emails. I'm very responsive. I'm very in tune. I'm very focused. I want that same laser conviction and now that I want the aggressive attitude. I want you to to go out and chase business. Some of the best business that I've had have been in chance meetings. So, I want you to be in the social places that you'll find these highly successful amazing people that will give you business. I want you to be outgoing. I want you to have a certain look. I want you to dress well because you want someone to do a 400 deal a 400 million dollar deal, they want to give it to a guy in a suit and a tie, in a good suit, in a nice watch. They don't want to give it to a schlubby guy. That's just a fact of life, right? I can walk into banks, I can walk into into into high-powered meetings. I look the part. I want all of that. That's your reputation by the dressing I dress for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I I I dress You dress for success? I dress for success. How do How do you balance, you know, your family, which I think I hope is your priority? >> It is. And your company and especially somebody who flies and you larger-than-life type of life. Yeah. Bottom line is, if you got to switch something out, it should be the job, not the kids, not the wife. So, how do you balance those two? I I try and So, so because my time is so finite and because I'm on the road, I was telling your colleague, "I'll be in Miami for 4 days this month." But I'm going to try and create real core memories. So, so the first week of January, I knew I was going on a trip, I took my kids skiing for 7 days, me, my wife, and my two kids skiing in Deer Valley, made amazing memories. I'm coming back to Miami. I have a Bar Mitzvah in in in in in New York this weekend. So, I'm going to miss Shabbos with my kids. My in-laws are looking at them. I'm coming back Sunday. I'm taking my son on Monday to the Miami Indiana game. That's going to be an amazing memory, the national championships. But then I leave. So, then I'm going to come back and I'm going to create memories. I'm going to do impactful things. But then I'm also going to do the small things. I'm going to buy a Lego set and hang out with my son and turn my phone off and just be present and be in the moment to make those those times that I have Okay. And And he complains a lot, you know. He It It It It annoys him because I can be there and I'm getting 30 calls all the time, calls and calls, big deals, things go wrong, and I'm with him and and and he gets it because I I take him to the office and I put him on FaceTime and he I tell him about the deals I'm doing. A great story. So, which I think is just so sums him up. He He's such a superstar. How old is he? He's He's nine. He's 9 years old. His name is Leo. He's He's amazing. I've got a daughter called Ava. I My My phone is in his room. I was there. I had walked out and the phone rings and a client calls up and and my son picks up the phone and says, "Henry Stimler is not available right now." And the son said And the guy said, "Oh, who who are you?" He said, "I'm Leo Stimler. I'm Henry's son." He goes, "Oh, that's great. Can you tell Henry to call me?" And he says, "No problem." And the guy goes, "Okay, ABC, always be closing." And my son says, "ABCD, always be closing deals." >> [laughter] >> You trained him well. I trained him so well. And he knows He knows He knows He knows his dad's New Mark and he knows all the ins and outs. I I put him in a suit. I take him to I I try and explain to him what the business is and and how and how it's unfortunate that sometimes that we get interrupted. But I try and make those times that I'm there, I try and be very present. And my my wife will yell at me sometimes, "Enough. Put your phone away." That's why I think Shabbos is so amazing cuz you don't have your phone, which is so unique to our to to to the world, right? We created this day of rest that you and it was was non-existent before Judaism, right? Slaves, animals, everybody worked. We said, "Come Friday night, you turn off from the world. You unplug from the matrix." So, it's wonderful that we have that. So, Shabbos is great, but even if it's during the week and I I try and be with them. I take them out. I spend time with them. I try and be present, but I'm I'm I I hate that I'm away from them a lot. It's part of life. >> It's part of life. You're trying to give them a life as well. Correct. I try and give them the most amazing life. Do you spend time studying Torah? Yeah. Talk to us about that. So, I do a I do a daily I do a lesson of the day. I do the the lesson every Sunday. I I I film it on my Instagram and I put it out to the world. I I talk in shul. I daven. I learn with my Gateshead rebbe, Reb Boruch Chaim Sason from 1996-97. I learn on the phone with him. Yeah, I I I can learn quite well. I spent 5 years 3 years in Gateshead in Sunderland, 2 years in the Mir. So, yeah, I'm I I can learn I like I can daven. Like I I can be a chazzan. I can do everything. I can I can't do chazzan. But, that's but everything else I can do and yeah, I'm I I I try and spread Torah messages all the time. That's why I do. I have a few thousand followers on Instagram. A lot of them are not Jewish and and the Hayom Yom, the lesson of the day is very pertinent sometimes and it's just an amazing lesson and I put it out there and you you'll see them the amount of love I get for that lesson from all walks of life is is overwhelming. So, it's a very important thing to do to spread positivity, to spread good lessons and that's what I try and do. In closing, a lot of the people who listen to this and watch this are just starting their personal lives in a big way in a real way, their professional lives. Maybe they have their first real relationship, maybe their first real job. Can you give them a nugget, a piece of advice personally? Yeah. Um you're a young Jewish person, the world's open in front of you and then professionally, you're a young professional, the world's open in front of you. What would you tell them? Be outgoing and be aggressive in the pursuit of what you want to be. If someone gives you a job and you have something to do, then be proactive. Be in front of them. Don't be sitting on your computer on your phone and be a shrinking violet. What can I do to help? How can I get more involved? What can I What can you teach me? Can I sit in on this meeting? Show enthusiasm. There's nothing worse than hiring a guy and he's got zero enthusiasm for the job. He sits, he does the job, comes in, he leaves. He's forshlup, he's forbudget. Be out there. Be Be involved. You gave me that opportunity. How can I thrive? Be alive. Bring energy. Bring energy. And how about Judaically, you know, you're not sure where you stand in the Jewish world. What can you do to make sure that you are a strong Jewish family? >> Go to shul on Shabbos. Go to shul on Shabbos. Go to shul. Light candles. Go to shul. It's great. Even for the social. Go to shul even if you you have to put on a suit and tie. You know the funny thing is, I go to shul on Shabbos and I don't dress in a suit and tie cuz I wear suit and tie every day for work. So, I dress more casually for shul. Why? Because that's my Shabbos outfit, right? This is my work outfit. I'll I'll go in a more casual outfit, but I love shul. Shul's great. Just not just for the It's like plugging to the matrix and most importantly, put on tefillin every day if you're a boy. If you're a boy, don't miss tefillin. It's like plug your your your heart because you put the box adjacent your heart and your head to God. It's It's the It's the best bond you can have. Every morning, put on tefillin. It's 2 seconds. Say the brocha, say Shema and then you could take it off, but it will change your whole day. Amazing. Henry, this has been a true pleasure. Love the enthusiasm. I feel like you practice most of what you preached. So, wishing you lots of success and professionally, personally, keep doing great things for the Jewish people. >> Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for listening to Jewish Grit, an Olami Mentorship podcast. At Olami Mentorship, we believe that everyone needs a mentor. What better way is there to tap into your personal and professional potential than with a Jewish mentor at your side? Learn more at olami.org/mentorship. Don't forget to keep listening on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.