Now What? - Rabbi Yoni Fischer

Yeah. [Laughter] Y see that's that's how high we're going. [Applause] [Music] Yeah. One more key. [Music] I [Music] aloh I I I die. [Music] Welcome, welcome, welcome. [Music] [Laughter] Hal oh my Oh no, [Laughter] [Music] no. You [Music] You were in the zone before. You could do. You could do that. That what were you doing? Whatever. Go do Avi. Just do AI. [Music] Merc. [Music] I must [Music] say I [Music] Hey, when I search you, it's hard to see sometimes. When I go to thee, it's hard to see sometimes. But I know that you love me so much money. I know that you love your Merc [Music] I love her. We are [Music] When you go to me, it's hard to see sometime. When you go to me, it's hard to see sometimes. And I know that you love me so. Oh, I know that you love me so much. [Music] And I [Music] love one more of one more. What do you [Music] have? Can't go wrong, you know. Christ. [Music] [Laughter] [Music] We [Music] Hello. I love [Applause] I La I [Music] He goes. [Music] He [Music] [Applause] go I love I love and N I [Music] Number how did you post it? What was the what was the shar? What was the title? Now what? Now what? now. Okay. Huh. Big share. Big share. Yeah, it is big share. I'm I'm uh prefacing prefacing uh like to put a disclaimer on what I'm going to talk about. And for those who don't know, you'll just have to I'm going to put an asterisk by the title of of what we're going to talk about. And and uh I'm happy that Beyammen's here cuz you can only understand this year. And if I have to talk it out, we could talk it out maybe towards the end of this year or at some point. But I'm relying on the Binyamin principal Ahri as well to to uh add in whatever we have to add in at the proper times. If I if if the if the if the um how do I say it? If we if we're leaning, you know, like when you go surfing, right? That sounds right. T4 when when you go surfing, right? Like I know like I know like like I've ever I tried once to go surf I tried once I tried once to go surfing and I was so tired by the time for real there someone who's a great surfer. He said, "Come out. We'll go try it." By the time I got out, I was so wiped by uh paddling out. I was like, I'm not I'm not I don't remember what happened. I just remember hugging the the the the surfboard saying it's not worth it. I I miss my surfing time in my life. But I assume when you're surfing, I assume, right? If you're getting too leaning too much in one direction, you could slip off and fall in the ocean. So you always have to be careful. So if we end up Ahri Beinyammen if you feel that we're leaning too much because that's where the beyammen principle is created. What's the Byaman principle? Okay, it's not for now for those who know but the Beyammen principle Ahri I always throw an Ahri in there. Uh Beyammen principle if we're leaning too much in one direction you'll you'll uh you'll you'll raise your hand. I'm relying on both of you. So here we go out out on the surfboard. We're here on the surfboard and the surfboard begins with a rashi famous rashi. It's based on a gamarra and the gumar says lama paras. What is the parish of Nazir doing next to the parish of why is the parish of Nazir next to the parish of and the garra says yazir if I see if anybody sees somebody who is having a where or I walk by the b mikdash whatever the the the story is I see this concept of a sitta I have to stop drinking wine. Aaita is an adulteress. Aait is a woman who is not faithful or seemingly not faithful to her husband. So what is me, right? I'm just a guy. I just showed up and walked by the ba mikdash or I saw whatever I saw and I saw something. What does that have to do with me stopping drinking wine? What is the right the price of tea in China? Is that what they say? Right. What does this have to do with the price of tea in China? Right. What does it have to do with ma my right? What is what what do I because I saw something? I have to do something about it. What does it have to do with anything? Embarrassing. What? Embarrassing her. No, she doesn't even know you saw her. She doesn't even know. Good. Good point, Avi. She doesn't even know. I don't know what happened. I saw it. I saw something so I have to do something because somebody else did something. Somebody else does something and that's me. So this is the this is what life is about. This is really ultimately what life is about in a very very deep way. And what's dupshad the why does an adulteress become an adulteress? How does that happen? It happens because she was drinking wine. Cuz she was doing things she wasn't supposed to be doing. She was acting a certain way. She's Oh, now we're getting somewhere. So therefore, what happens? I have to be careful because everything I see is really a lesson for me. It has nothing to do nothing to do Ben smiling. It doesn't have anything to do really at the end of the day with the other person. It really has to do with me. It's all about me. The Mishna says, "The whole entire world is there for me." As I've said many times, it's not what Hashem does to me. It's what Hashem does for me. And those two switches of those letters of to me or for me is that it changes a person's whole entire perspective of everything that goes on in one's life. We've spoken about this very very important fundamental thing in life is that I'm able the cohen it says is able to see all the negim the cokins is this a negat or is this no or this is nothing to do with so the Mishna says the coane can't see his own says Anytime you see something negative out there, it's actually from you. That's why you're able to see it. You're wearing the yellow sunglasses. That's why everything around you is yellow. Kimarim H. It's not Dshot that the water was bitter, right? We spoke about this this year. Okay, maybe the water was a little bitter, but why did I pick up on the bitterness? The reason I picked up on the bitterness is because it's actually me. It's actually me. Hashem created the world and gave me my nionos and gave me my challenges because he wants to help me understand myself better. And what happens is when we live in a world when my whole look at life is all on somebody else and it's all someone else's business. When I'm in someone else's business, whether that's Hashem's business, see, we just did that piece right now. We just did a piece right now that says that's Hashem's business. That's not my business. That's my friend's business. That's not my business. When a person doesn't mind his own business and he's minding everybody else's business, when I'm trying to change you, when I'm trying to change God, when I'm trying to change my mother, when I'm trying to change my father, when I'm trying to change my past, I'm trying to change who I am. That very thought is part of the problem. when I think that the problem is out there. Pyam, are we still okay? We're okay. Not bothering. Okay, nice. So, Beyamin is saying, I just want to emphasize. Very good. We'll take a little commercial break over here. Of course, of course, of course. And tell me if I'm saying this right. If there's somebody in your life who is hurting you, who is actively hurting you, so yeah, they are doing something wrong. It's not you. The fact that you're staying in the situation and you're letting the person, you're giving the power to the person to hurt you, whatever it might be. We're not talking about a little child. We're not telling, we're not talking about someone who can't do anything. We're talking about ourselves. The greatest thing that a person can do, the greatest thing that we can do is we could take ownership. We could be a bal. I could be an owner of my life. I can own my life. I can make a decision what I want to do, what I want to be. It says by moenu, it says the greatest thing that a person has. What happens when a person dies? What does he lose at that moment? His decisions are now out of his hands. He can't do anything. They said what does mishu have? What does a Jew have? Ma ma is malashion to lean. I can lean this way. I can lean this way. It's the most powerful tool that a person has is that I have I have the ability to choose. I have the ability to to own my choose again. Choose again. Choose again. I have the ability. Every person has ability. So what was the question? What was the question? And the question is, so what am I supposed to do? Shuis is over. I was sad the other night when I was like, okay, I'm not I mean sh I didn't think about it because it was sh night after Marv. Okay, we didn't do but then the night afterwards I'm like ah I miss I miss counting towards Kabala. I miss that. I want to work towards something. I want to work towards something. I want to focus on something. I want to get somewhere. I want to own my life. I want to choose my life. One of the hardest things for a person to really really develop. One of the hardest things is that muscle. A lot of people want for other people to make decisions for them. And I've said this many many times. I'd rather I remember this goes back for to the first year of yeshiva. I remember someone came to me and said yeshiva was uh already almost 10 years ago. I remember the person and he came to me. He's like, "So, do I go to town or do I go to Nightser? Do I go to Shalim or I come to Nighter?" Right? You see the Shilas, right? Good. Shilas we had, right? Do I go? So, what did I say? What did I say? I said, "It's better for you." That's where the wood the word should gets thrown out the window. It's better for you to learn to make a decision, even if it's the wrong decision, than to let somebody else make decisions for you. You know why? Because you're going to make the wrong decisions in life. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to make mistakes. But at least you're doing something. At least you're doing something. At least you're choosing again. Choose again. Choose. Make that decision. And what happens to us many times is from our childhood. Basically everything stems from our childhood. Many times when you guys are young, what happens is I can't make that decision. I don't want to make decisions. Most people have trouble and again I I I it's hard if you're a person who has trouble making decisions. We all we all struggle with that. But when you when you see that you're having trouble making a decision, I would ask myself I would ask yourself I would say I would say is it is it an is it an Indian that I have to be perfect? Is it that I have to be perfect? I'm not allowed to mess up. I'm not allowed to make a mistake. And what happens if I make a mistake? What's wrong if I make a mistake? So, everybody makes mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. And I want to be a person who owns my decisions. I want to be someone who can make a decision, say, "This is something that I'm doing." A lot of people think, "Oh, the reason I'm doing what I'm doing is why? Because I have to be doing what I'm doing. I'm I'm sleeping late. Why? Because I'm whatever it is, I'm afraid, which could be you might have anxiety. Whatever reason, you're also maybe being honest with yourself saying, "I'm choosing to to to to sleep late. I'm choosing that I don't want to deal with life right now." And when a person looks at himself in the mirror and a person stops looking at other people, and what happens is many many times this happens to us. We're looking for everybody else for that approval. I'm looking for my mom's approval. I'm looking for my dad's approval. I'm looking for my roommate's approval. I'm looking for my reby's approval. I'm looking You know what you're looking for that you're not that you're you're not including? Yourself. Ultimately, you're looking for your own deep connection to yourself. You think it's, "Oh, my rebi. Oh, my rebi, my third grade rebby." And I'm I'm not saying you weren't abused. And I'm not saying you weren't hurt. And I'm not saying that you weren't put in a terrible situation. I'm not saying I'm not saying that that didn't happen. But what I'm saying is at what point in your life does a person begin does a person begin to say I am going to be there for myself? I'm going to learn learn and under underline the the word learn because it's learning. You learn to be there for yourself. You learn to be nicer to yourself. You learn to take, you know what, it's the same exact thing. Do you need a vacation? Then go take a vacation. Do you need a day off? Have the confidence to take a day off. Do you need to say no? As one of my favorite lines, when you say no to something else, when you say no to something, you're saying yes to something else. Listen to it. Listen to that very deeply. You're always saying yes. Saying yes and no is really the same exact thing. Because when I say no to this, I'm saying yes to that. You're just looking at like, no, I can't hang around that guy anymore. Oh, that's so terrible. No, no, no, no. You're not saying no. You're saying yes. I actually want to have better friends. I Yes to that guy. Not no to that guy. Yes to that guy. Yes to me. I'm not saying no to my mother. I'm saying yes that I'm that I'm in pain and I want to heal myself. I'm not saying yes to somebody else. I'm not saying yes to somebody else. I'm saying no to myself. When you're when a person is in a situation, when he's in a situation, he does not take responsibility for himself. When a person doesn't take responsibility for himself, so he's taking responsibility for something else. He's holding something else. And the lesson of moving forward from shvith, the lesson of the summer, the lesson of your future is the future is in your hands. You are the captain of your ship. You are the captain of your destiny. You are the one who owns. They say it's one of the biggest things that happens to a person after 120. They think, "Oh, you have the den." It's one of my favorite and most scary lines that we see on Russia. You think, oh, I mean, the Mishna does say that you create an angel of negative when a person does an a creates an angel of positive when he does a mitzvah. But you know who that angel is? It's you. You create yourself. Mitzvah Guerreras mitzvah. You're the captain of your ship. The greatest wouldn't the greatest gehenn be. We're not talking about gehenn in that way. Wouldn't the greatest gehenn be that you are the one who destroyed yourself? Wouldn't the greatest ganed be that you are the one who brought yourself heaven? That you created what it is that you created? That Hashem gave you an opportunity. Hashem gave me an opportunity to choose again, to make a mistake, and to do tshoua. You know what tshoua means? means we just learned today a right we just learned today an incredible thing when a person is based on the garra actually we didn't do the gamarra the gamarra says au that a person is a Russia if he's a Russia and he's madesh a woman and he says shiadic on condition that I'm a sadic and he says I'm marrying this woman on condition that I am a sadic even if he's a Russia it's mudesas why is it mudesas Because hear people think chuva. We just sang it. Thank you Avi for saying we just sang. Chuva is choosing again. Chuva is right now I can make a decision right now. Right now I can make a decision to change my life. And that decision alone that I make that I own and I make that decision is tshoua. That alone that I have the power I have the power to change. I have the power to be whatever it is that I want to be. And whoever told me that my problem is my learning disabilities. Whoever told me that it's the pain that I've been through. Whoever told me that I can't I can't. Right. What's the line is one of my favorite lines. I think I heard this from my father many years ago. My father Shalom says, "Whether you can or whether you believe whether you believe you can or whether you believe you can't, whether you believe you can or whether you believe you can't, you are right. Whether you believe you can or whether you believe you can't, you are right. You are right. And when I see something, if a person lives his life Yes. Sorry, I'm embarrass myself. Yeah. You got to explain the line. Sure. Whether you believe you can. So if I believe I can, I can then you can. And if you believe Wait, what if I can? What? I might be embarrassing. So I just don't get it. What if I can't? Whether you believe you can. Then you believe that you can't. You believe that you can. I can't do it. Again, that's already a different shila. You can't say I believe I could fly. So you could fly. Obviously, we're not Don't Don't take it out of context. You believe it. It shows the power. It shows the power of our It shows they say are the letters same exact letters. A lot of it a lot of it is in our head. When a person believes I can do something that amuna as says that a person has to have amuna has am so too he has to have amuna in himself. What does that mean? What I mean is I could become a I could become someone who who gets rid of my anxiety. I could have a great marriage. I could have now whether things work out or whether things don't work out. That is not sometimes up to me. But how much am I standing in my way? And 90% of the time, I'm not saying percentages, right? I don't know if we could chat GBT that one. I don't know if exactly percentages, but what's the point? 90% of the time it's that I put myself in my own way because I didn't believe that I can and I sold myself to somebody else. I put someone. It's so much easier. You know why it's easier to blame everybody else? The reason it's easier to say the reason I'm miserable is because of my mother and my father and my friends and my cousin and my uncle and my classmates and my you know why it's easier because with that narrative with that narrative I don't have to change I don't have to change they have to change but with the narrative and it's so ironic because you feel so good it's so ironic you feel so Good. When you have the mata, when you have moistraenu, as the Rambam calls, Mishraenu is the quintessential man. Mishraenu is the quintessential man. A person who's whatever that means. The Rebisha, don't worry. He said, "They're not going to ask you why you weren't Mishraenu when you pass away." They said, "They're not going to ask me why it was why I wasn't Misha when I passed away. They're going to ask you why you weren't Rebzisha. They're not going to ask somebody why you weren't, why you weren't this sadic, why you weren't this. They're going to ask you why you weren't you, why you weren't you. Hashem doesn't have expectations for you to be like your brother. Hashem doesn't have expectations for you to be like your father. Hashem doesn't have your expectations to be like Kanye or whoever your hero is, whoever it is. Hashem loves you and created you. And he loves you and he wants you to be you. He wants you to own you. And the reason he sends everything, do you know how crazy this is? It means the reason there's a there's there's you were born when you were born. And we're in a situation now when you look at the news, which I would advise everybody not to look at. But if you look at the news, that news is for who? For you. When you hear something, it's there for you. It's there to teach you something. means that this who I don't even know. I never met her. I don't even know what is I happen to be walking by the B mikdash that day. I happened to be going there. Why did this happen to me? What's the lesson to me? What is Hashem trying to communicate to me through the entire world? You know how crazy it is? Why did he put you in your family? That's communication. Why did he make you the oldest in your family? Why did he make you the youngest in your family? Why did he make your sister like this? Why did he make your father like this? Why did he make your mother like that? You know why? For you. He created it for you. Every little thing. Why are you sitting? Why did you come to this year now? And this is the conversation. This is what we're talking about. Why? Why? It's for you. It's for us. It's for us to tap in to tap in to learn more about me. And what what does the want to do? It wants us not to look at all at me becoming a nuzier and me saying, you know what? I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to take this that I'm that that that Hashem gave this to me. He showed this to me. I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to do something with this. I'm going to own this. I'm going to own it. I'm going to be the captain of my Yes. Yes. There's there's tough things. Back to the if you believe you can or you believe you can't, you are right. A person can live his whole life. Person can live his whole life complaining. Person can live his whole life. And as you get older, you have much more to say because you have more years to to to complain about and you have more. See, you see, it's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you say, "I'm going to have a great marriage." And you keep Why do I love to say why do I love that the main thing? Why do I love that in the game or what do I put the love to main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing you know why? Because if you keep that which is right in front of you, that life is for me. Hashem made this world for me. My world, not the world. My world, my anxiety, my nerves, my learning disabilities, quote unquote, and I say this very, very quote my what? My wins. My wins. Whatever it might be. When you begin to love your story, when you begin to own your story, and you begin to say, "I'm proud." I don't know if that's the right word. I don't use that word anymore. I I I am that story. That's what happened to me. I told this to someone recently. Mish told this to someone recently who was abused, who was molested, who who who was hurt very badly. And I said I told them I said part of part of your challenge is part of your challenge is is that you haven't yet accepted I know it's hard to say that you haven't accepted that this is your life. This is what happened to your life. This is your life. This is what Hashem put you in. He put you in this situation. He put you number this in your family. He gave you a father like that. He gave you a mother like that. And when you when a person begins to look like that, what happens is you begin to grow from within yourself and you begin to be so powerful. Not because you're powerful from ego. You know what the craziest thing? You want to hear something so crazy? I know Ruvena and Chua had your hands up. We could take questions and Oh, it's already how's it already 6:30 and no stoppage over here. Byamari, I didn't go I didn't go in the water. It's fine. What? The what? I answered. Well, I answered well. Scuba diving tomorrow. Scuba diving tomorrow. Right. I I I want to end off with this. I want to end off. This is so deep what I'm going to say. Thank you, this is so deep what I'm going to say. Speaking of scuba diving, this is so deep what I'm going to say. It's not. People think to be strong means you have to be strong. Like like real men don't cry, right? It's a bunch of baloney. It's nothing to do with whether you cry, you don't cry. Nothing to do with real men, not real men. I don't know if people talk like that anymore. If you're honest with yourself that this is who I am, this is what happened to me. First, say the facts. First say the facts. This is what happened to me. This is what happened to me. And you and you acknowledge that this is the life that Hashem gave. Yes. This might be what happened to me. First acknowledge that and say, you know what, I might be a person who has this tya. I might be a person who struggles with this. I might be a person who feels left out. I might be a person who has this insecurity. I might be a person who doesn't know what my future bring. I don't know. I'm scared. I'm People think to be strong is, "Oh, I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. I got it all covered. I got everything covered." As Mayor Mattel says, you got it all covered. Exactly. You have it all covered. You have it all covered. It's all covered. It's all covered. It's all covered. What does that mean? you have why can't why do I have to say that I got all my stuff together? I don't have my stuff together and I'm scared of my future and I don't know what's going to be and I don't want that's strong. That's strength. That's the captain of your ship. The captain of the ship is somebody who's able to say, "I don't know." Because you don't want a captain of the ship saying, "I do know where we're going." And then you say, "Do you know where you're going? I have no idea. I don't know if he's going to announce to the whole cabin crew. I don't know if he's going to announce to everybody." By the way, I just want everyone to know that I'm lost, but at least he could be honest with himself to say that I'm lost. Start with yourself. You don't have to go. I'm not saying you stand up in yeshiva and say, "I just want the whole yeshiva to know. I want everyone to know that I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm scared of my own shadow." You don't have to do that. But within yourself, you could say to yourself, I think I'm scared and I don't know what I'm doing. Then you can lean on a friend. Then you can lean on a rebby. Then you can lean on somebody. You could say, "You know what? I want to tell you a little secret. I want to tell you a little secret. I don't know what I'm doing." And most of the time, if it's a real friend, if it's someone who loves you, they'll say like, "I I know." They'll be like, "I know. I knew that the whole time. I know. It's okay. You're okay. You're okay." Yes. Sorry. Sound like a It's just like Yeah. Yeah. Why wine and soda? What's a connection? Right. So that's what I said because usually the sot the way a a woman or any uh uh sexual um boundaries that are crossed most of the time mix with alcohol. So alcohol usually goes with the sot someone who's being not faithful and loyal to her husband. So most of the time the khazal tell us that she probably you know you drink it looses you upva somebody who drinks it's as it's brought down maybe so that's why one of the reasons they say oh I happened to see that so I got to check myself I got to check myself okay Ruvena we're good why is that your fault if you saw it right you're kind of like the whole nation and you saw why is that what you saw? Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. That's what you saw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. I mean, why did it right right is saying Byammen is just just validating and saying sometimes we're we're put in situations that I didn't see anything. You you came into my face. You came to me. That's that that that's right. You came you stepped over your boundary. I didn't step over my boundary. Shua, we're good. Wrap up in the I was going to say like what if I have a fear of becoming what? What if I have a fear? Right. Right. Right. I'm just thinking to myself going to like I'm already working on myself. Right. [Music] Nice. Beautiful choice. Right. Right. The reason this guy the guy the guy took took he the guy took it upon himself because of the situation. Oh because of the situation. Which is good. Which is good. Which is very good. Which is very good because he looks at a situation and he says how can I how can I take ownership on the situation? What could I do about the situation? Okay. Who's reading the the hello? Victor, you'll read. Yeah. Yeah. Victor, you'll read the again. Day 38 is if we follow the advice of the Ramban, we will be safe from the dangerous survey of Lashhara. As per his words, contemplate your words before you utter them. By doing so, you will be spared from sinning. What should you contemplate? Do my words have potential to cause harm to another Y? Or will the person I'm talking about feel embarrassed or shameful if he knew I was talking about him in such a manner? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you should not say what you're going to say. Beautiful. Thank [Music] you. Okay. Thank you everyone. We should be z should be z to have an amazing first day of the rest of your