0:00 / 0:00
Now What? - Rabbi Yoni Fischer
179 views
For more of Rabbi Fischer check out www.Rabbiyonifischer.com
Comments(0)
Transcript
Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
Yeah.
[Laughter]
Y
see that's that's how high we're going.
[Applause]
[Music]
Yeah. One more key.
[Music]
I
[Music]
aloh I I I die.
[Music]
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
[Music]
[Laughter]
Hal
oh my
Oh
no,
[Laughter]
[Music]
no. You
[Music]
You were in the zone before. You could
do. You could do that. That what were
you
doing? Whatever. Go do Avi. Just do AI.
[Music]
Merc.
[Music]
I must
[Music]
say I
[Music]
Hey, when I
search you, it's hard to see
sometimes. When I go to thee, it's hard
to see
sometimes. But I
know that you love me so much money. I
know that you love
your Merc
[Music]
I love
her. We are
[Music]
When you
go to me, it's hard to see
sometime. When you go to me, it's hard
to see sometimes. And I
know that you love me so.
Oh, I know that you love me
so much.
[Music]
And I
[Music]
love one more of one more. What do you
[Music]
have? Can't go wrong, you know.
Christ.
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
We
[Music]
Hello. I love
[Applause]
I
La I
[Music]
He goes.
[Music]
He
[Music]
[Applause]
go I
love I
love and
N I
[Music]
Number how did you post it? What was the
what was the shar? What was the title?
Now what? Now what? now. Okay.
Huh. Big share. Big share. Yeah, it is
big share. I'm I'm uh prefacing
prefacing
uh like
to put a disclaimer on what I'm going to
talk about. And for those who don't
know, you'll just have to I'm going to
put an
asterisk by the title of of what we're
going to talk about. And and uh I'm
happy that Beyammen's here cuz you can
only understand this year. And if I have
to talk it out, we could talk it out
maybe towards the end of this year or at
some point. But I'm relying on the
Binyamin principal Ahri as well to to uh
add in whatever we have to add in at the
proper times. If I if if the if the if
the
um how do I say it? If we if we're
leaning, you know, like when you go
surfing, right? That sounds right. T4
when when you go surfing, right? Like I
know like I know like like I've ever I
tried once to go surf I tried once I
tried once to go surfing and I was so
tired by the time for real there someone
who's a great surfer. He said, "Come
out. We'll go try it." By the time I got
out, I was so wiped by uh paddling out.
I was like, I'm not I'm not I don't
remember what happened. I just remember
hugging the the the the surfboard saying
it's not worth it. I I miss my surfing
time in my life. But I assume when
you're surfing, I assume, right? If
you're getting too leaning too much in
one direction, you could slip off and
fall in the ocean. So you always have to
be careful. So if we end up Ahri
Beinyammen if you feel that we're
leaning too much because that's where
the beyammen principle is created.
What's the Byaman principle? Okay, it's
not for now for those who know but the
Beyammen principle Ahri I always throw
an Ahri in there. Uh Beyammen principle
if we're leaning too much in one
direction you'll you'll uh you'll you'll
raise your hand. I'm relying on both of
you. So here we go out out on the
surfboard. We're here on the surfboard
and the surfboard begins with a rashi
famous rashi. It's based on a gamarra
and the gumar says lama paras. What is
the parish of Nazir doing next to the
parish of why is the parish of Nazir
next to the parish of and the garra
says yazir if I see if anybody sees
somebody who is having a where or I walk
by the b mikdash whatever the the the
story is I see this concept of a sitta
I have to stop drinking wine. Aaita is
an adulteress. Aait is a woman who is
not faithful or seemingly not faithful
to her husband. So what is me, right?
I'm just a guy. I just showed up and
walked by the ba mikdash or I saw
whatever I saw and I saw something. What
does that have to do with me stopping
drinking wine? What is
the right the price of tea in China? Is
that what they say? Right. What does
this have to do with the price of tea in
China? Right. What does it have to do
with ma my
right? What is what what do I because I
saw something? I have to do something
about it. What does it have to do with
anything? Embarrassing. What?
Embarrassing her. No, she doesn't even
know you saw her. She doesn't even know.
Good. Good point, Avi. She doesn't even
know. I don't know what happened. I saw
it. I saw something so I have to do
something because somebody else did
something. Somebody else does
something and that's me. So this is the
this is what life is about. This is
really ultimately what life is about in
a very very deep
way. And what's dupshad the why does an
adulteress become an adulteress? How
does that happen? It happens because she
was drinking wine. Cuz she was doing
things she wasn't supposed to be doing.
She was acting a certain way. She's Oh,
now we're getting somewhere. So
therefore, what happens? I have to be
careful because everything I see is
really a lesson for me. It has nothing
to
do nothing to do Ben smiling. It doesn't
have anything to do really at the end of
the day with the other person. It really
has to do with me. It's all about
me. The Mishna says, "The whole entire
world is there for me." As I've said
many times, it's not what Hashem does to
me. It's what Hashem does for me. And
those two switches of those letters of
to me or for me is that it changes a
person's whole entire perspective of
everything that goes on in one's life.
We've spoken about this very very
important fundamental thing in life is
that I'm able the cohen it says is able
to see all the negim the cokins is this
a
negat or is this no or this is nothing
to do with so the Mishna
says the coane can't see his own says
Anytime you see something negative out
there, it's actually from you. That's
why you're able to see it. You're
wearing the yellow sunglasses. That's
why everything around you is yellow.
Kimarim H. It's not Dshot that the water
was bitter, right? We spoke about this
this year. Okay, maybe the water was a
little bitter, but why did I pick up on
the bitterness? The reason I picked up
on the bitterness is because it's
actually me. It's actually me. Hashem
created the world and gave me my nionos
and gave me my challenges because he
wants to help me understand myself
better. And what happens is when we live
in a world when my whole look at life is
all on somebody
else and it's all someone else's
business. When I'm in someone else's
business, whether that's Hashem's
business, see, we just did that piece
right now. We just did a piece right now
that says that's Hashem's business.
That's not my business. That's my
friend's business. That's not my
business. When a person doesn't mind his
own business and he's minding everybody
else's business, when I'm trying to
change you, when I'm trying to change
God, when I'm trying to change my
mother, when I'm trying to change my
father, when I'm trying to change my
past, I'm trying to change who I
am. That very thought is part of the
problem. when I think that the problem
is out there. Pyam, are we still okay?
We're okay.
Not bothering. Okay, nice. So, Beyamin
is saying, I just want to emphasize.
Very good. We'll take a little
commercial break over here. Of course,
of course, of course. And tell me if I'm
saying this right. If there's somebody
in your life who is hurting you, who is
actively hurting
you, so yeah, they are doing something
wrong. It's not you. The fact that
you're staying in the situation and
you're letting the person, you're giving
the power to the person to hurt you,
whatever it might be. We're not talking
about a little child. We're not telling,
we're not talking about someone who
can't do anything. We're talking about
ourselves. The greatest thing that a
person can do, the greatest thing that
we can do is we could take ownership. We
could be a bal. I could be an owner of
my life. I can own my life. I can make a
decision what I want to do, what I want
to be. It says by moenu, it says the
greatest thing that a person has. What
happens when a person dies? What does he
lose at that
moment? His decisions are now out of his
hands. He can't do anything.
They said what does mishu have? What
does a Jew have? Ma ma is malashion to
lean. I can lean this way. I can lean
this way. It's the most powerful tool
that a person has is that I have I have
the ability to choose. I have the
ability to to own my choose again.
Choose again. Choose again. I have the
ability. Every person has ability.
So what was the question? What was the
question? And the question is, so what
am I supposed to do? Shuis is over. I
was sad the other night when I was like,
okay, I'm not I mean sh I didn't think
about it because it was sh night after
Marv. Okay, we didn't do but then the
night afterwards I'm like ah I miss I
miss counting towards Kabala. I miss
that. I want to work towards something.
I want to work towards something. I want
to focus on something. I want to get
somewhere. I want to own my life. I want
to choose my life. One of the hardest
things for a person to really really
develop. One of the hardest things is
that muscle. A lot of people want for
other people to make decisions for them.
And I've said this many many times. I'd
rather I remember this goes back for to
the first year of yeshiva. I remember
someone came to me and said yeshiva was
uh already almost 10 years ago. I
remember the person and he came to me.
He's like, "So, do I go to town or do I
go to Nightser? Do I go to Shalim or I
come to Nighter?" Right? You see the
Shilas, right? Good. Shilas we had,
right? Do I go? So, what did I say? What
did I say? I said, "It's better for
you." That's where the wood the word
should gets thrown out the window. It's
better for you to learn to make a
decision, even if it's the wrong
decision, than to let somebody else make
decisions for you. You know why? Because
you're going to make the wrong decisions
in life. You're going to make
mistakes. You're going to make
mistakes. But at
least you're doing something. At least
you're doing something. At least you're
choosing again. Choose again. Choose.
Make that decision. And what happens to
us many times is from our childhood.
Basically everything stems from our
childhood. Many times when you guys are
young, what happens is I can't make that
decision. I don't want to make
decisions. Most people have trouble and
again I I I it's hard if you're a person
who has trouble making decisions. We all
we all struggle with that. But when you
when you see that you're having trouble
making a decision, I would ask myself I
would ask yourself I would
say I would say is it is it an is it an
Indian that I have to be perfect? Is it
that I have to be perfect? I'm not
allowed to mess up. I'm not allowed to
make a mistake. And what happens if I
make a mistake? What's wrong if I make a
mistake? So, everybody makes mistakes.
Everybody makes mistakes. And I want to
be a person who owns my decisions. I
want to be someone who can make a
decision, say, "This is something that
I'm doing." A lot of people think, "Oh,
the reason I'm doing what I'm doing is
why? Because I have to be doing what I'm
doing. I'm I'm sleeping late. Why?
Because I'm whatever it is, I'm afraid,
which could be you might have anxiety.
Whatever reason, you're also maybe being
honest with yourself saying, "I'm
choosing to to to to sleep late. I'm
choosing that I don't want to deal with
life right now." And when a person looks
at himself in the mirror and a person
stops looking at other people, and what
happens is many many times this happens
to us. We're looking for everybody else
for that approval. I'm looking for my
mom's approval. I'm looking for my dad's
approval. I'm looking for my roommate's
approval. I'm looking for my reby's
approval. I'm looking You know what
you're looking for that you're not that
you're you're not including? Yourself.
Ultimately, you're looking for your own
deep connection to yourself. You think
it's, "Oh, my rebi. Oh, my rebi, my
third grade rebby." And I'm I'm not
saying you weren't abused. And I'm not
saying you weren't hurt. And I'm not
saying that you weren't put in a
terrible situation. I'm not saying I'm
not saying that that didn't happen. But
what I'm saying is at what point in your
life does a person begin does a person
begin to say I am going to be there for
myself? I'm going to learn learn and
under underline the the word learn
because it's learning. You learn to be
there for yourself. You learn to be
nicer to yourself. You learn to take,
you know what, it's the same exact
thing. Do you need a vacation? Then go
take a vacation. Do you need a day off?
Have the confidence to take a day off.
Do you need to say no? As one of my
favorite lines, when you say no to
something else, when you say no to
something, you're saying yes to
something else. Listen to it. Listen to
that very deeply. You're always saying
yes. Saying yes and no is really the
same exact thing. Because when I say no
to this, I'm saying yes to that. You're
just looking at like, no, I can't hang
around that guy anymore. Oh, that's so
terrible. No, no, no, no. You're not
saying no. You're saying yes. I actually
want to have better friends. I Yes to
that guy. Not no to that guy. Yes to
that
guy. Yes to me. I'm not saying no to my
mother. I'm saying yes that I'm that I'm
in pain and I want to heal myself. I'm
not
saying yes to somebody else. I'm not
saying yes to somebody else. I'm saying
no to myself. When you're when a person
is in a situation, when he's in a
situation, he does not take
responsibility for himself. When a
person doesn't take responsibility for
himself, so he's taking responsibility
for something else. He's holding
something else. And the lesson of moving
forward from shvith, the lesson of the
summer, the lesson of your future is the
future is in your hands. You are the
captain of your ship. You are the
captain of your destiny. You are the one
who owns. They say it's one of the
biggest things that happens to a person
after 120. They think, "Oh, you have the
den." It's one of my favorite and most
scary lines that we see on
Russia. You think,
oh, I mean, the Mishna does say that you
create an angel of negative when a
person does an a creates an angel of
positive when he does a mitzvah. But you
know who that angel is? It's you. You
create yourself. Mitzvah Guerreras
mitzvah. You're the captain of your
ship. The greatest wouldn't the greatest
gehenn be. We're not talking about
gehenn in that way. Wouldn't the
greatest gehenn be that you are the one
who destroyed yourself? Wouldn't the
greatest ganed be that you are the one
who brought yourself heaven? That you
created what it is that you created?
That Hashem gave you an opportunity.
Hashem gave me an opportunity to choose
again, to make a mistake, and to do
tshoua. You know what tshoua means?
means we just learned today a right we
just learned today an incredible thing
when a person is based on the garra
actually we didn't do the gamarra the
gamarra says au that a person is a
Russia if he's a Russia and he's madesh
a woman and he says
shiadic on condition that I'm a sadic
and he says I'm marrying this woman on
condition that I am a sadic even if he's
a Russia it's mudesas why is it mudesas
Because
hear people think chuva. We just sang
it. Thank you Avi for saying we just
sang. Chuva is choosing again. Chuva is
right now I can make a decision right
now. Right now I can make a decision to
change my life. And that decision alone
that I make that I own and I make that
decision is
tshoua. That alone that I have the power
I have the power to change. I have the
power to be whatever it is that I want
to be. And whoever told me that my
problem is my learning disabilities.
Whoever told me that it's the pain that
I've been through. Whoever told me that
I can't I can't. Right. What's the line
is one of my favorite lines. I think I
heard this from my father many years
ago. My
father Shalom says, "Whether you can or
whether you believe whether you believe
you can or whether you believe you
can't, whether you believe you can or
whether you believe you can't, you are
right. Whether you believe you can or
whether you believe you can't, you are
right. You are right. And when I see
something, if a person lives his life
Yes. Sorry, I'm embarrass myself. Yeah.
You got to explain the line. Sure.
Whether you believe you can. So if I
believe I can, I can then you can. And
if you believe Wait, what if I can?
What? I might be embarrassing. So I just
don't get it. What if I can't? Whether
you believe you can. Then you believe
that you can't. You believe that you
can. I can't do it. Again, that's
already a different shila. You can't say
I believe I could fly. So you could fly.
Obviously, we're not Don't Don't take it
out of context. You believe it. It shows
the power.
It shows the
power of
our It shows they say are the letters
same exact letters. A lot of it a lot of
it is in our head. When a person
believes I can do something that amuna
as says that a person has to have amuna
has am so too he has to have amuna in
himself. What does that mean? What I
mean is I could become a I could become
someone who who gets rid of my anxiety.
I could have a great marriage. I could
have now whether things work out or
whether things don't work out. That is
not sometimes up to me. But how much am
I standing in my way? And 90% of the
time, I'm not saying percentages, right?
I don't know if we could chat GBT that
one. I don't know if exactly
percentages, but what's the point? 90%
of the time it's that I put myself in my
own way because I didn't believe that I
can and I sold myself to somebody else.
I put someone. It's so much easier. You
know why it's easier to blame everybody
else? The reason it's easier to say the
reason I'm miserable is because of my
mother and my father and my friends and
my cousin and my uncle and my classmates
and my you know why it's easier because
with that narrative with that narrative
I don't have to
change I don't have to
change they have to change but with the
narrative and it's so ironic because you
feel so good it's so ironic you feel so
Good. When you have the
mata, when you have moistraenu, as the
Rambam calls, Mishraenu is the
quintessential man. Mishraenu is the
quintessential man. A person who's
whatever that means. The Rebisha, don't
worry. He said, "They're not going to
ask you why you weren't Mishraenu when
you pass away." They said, "They're not
going to ask me why it was why I wasn't
Misha when I passed away. They're going
to ask you why you weren't Rebzisha.
They're not going to ask somebody why
you
weren't, why you weren't this sadic, why
you weren't this. They're going to ask
you why you weren't you, why you weren't
you. Hashem doesn't have expectations
for you to be like your brother. Hashem
doesn't have expectations for you to be
like your father. Hashem doesn't have
your expectations to be like Kanye or
whoever your hero is, whoever it is.
Hashem loves you and created you. And he
loves you and he wants you to be you. He
wants you to own you. And the reason he
sends everything, do you know how crazy
this is? It means the reason there's a
there's there's you were born when you
were born. And we're in a situation now
when you look at the news, which I would
advise everybody not to look at. But if
you look at the news, that news is for
who? For
you. When you hear something, it's there
for you. It's there to teach you
something.
means that this who I don't even know. I
never met her. I don't even know what is
I happen to be walking by the B mikdash
that day. I happened to be going there.
Why did this happen to me? What's the
lesson to me? What is Hashem trying to
communicate to me through the entire
world? You know how crazy it is? Why did
he put you in your family? That's
communication. Why did he make you the
oldest in your family? Why did he make
you the youngest in your family? Why did
he make your sister like this? Why did
he make your father like this? Why did
he make your mother like that? You know
why? For you. He created it for
you. Every little thing. Why are you
sitting? Why did you come to this year
now? And this is the conversation. This
is what we're talking about. Why? Why?
It's for you. It's for us. It's for us
to tap
in to tap in to learn more about me. And
what what does the want to do? It wants
us not to look at all at me becoming a
nuzier and me saying, you know what? I'm
going to do something about it. I'm
going to take this that I'm that that
that Hashem gave this to me. He showed
this to me. I'm going to do something
about it. I'm going to do something with
this. I'm going to own
this. I'm going to own it. I'm going to
be the captain of my Yes. Yes.
There's there's tough things. Back to
the if you believe you can or you
believe you can't, you are right. A
person can live his whole life. Person
can live his whole life complaining.
Person can live his whole life. And as
you get older, you have much more to say
because you have more years to to to
complain about and you have more. See,
you see, it's called a
self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a
self-fulfilling
prophecy. If you say, "I'm going to have
a great marriage." And you keep Why do I
love to say why do I love that the main
thing? Why do I love that in the game or
what do I put the love to main thing is
to keep the main thing the main thing
you know why? Because if you keep that
which is right in front of you, that
life is for me. Hashem made this world
for me. My world, not the world. My
world, my anxiety, my nerves, my
learning disabilities, quote unquote,
and I say this very, very quote my what?
My wins. My
wins. Whatever it might be.
When you begin to love your story, when
you begin to own your story, and you
begin to say, "I'm proud." I don't know
if that's the right word. I don't use
that word anymore. I I I am that story.
That's what happened to me. I told this
to someone recently. Mish told this to
someone recently who was abused, who was
molested, who who who was hurt very
badly. And I said I told them I said
part of part of your challenge is part
of your challenge is is that you haven't
yet accepted I know it's hard to say
that you haven't accepted that this is
your life. This is what happened to your
life. This is your life. This is what
Hashem put you in. He put you in this
situation. He put you number this in
your family. He gave you a father like
that. He gave you a mother like
that. And when you when a person begins
to look like that, what happens is you
begin to grow from within yourself and
you begin to be so powerful. Not because
you're powerful from ego. You know what
the craziest thing? You want to hear
something so crazy? I know Ruvena and
Chua had your hands up. We could take
questions and Oh, it's already how's it
already 6:30
and no stoppage over here. Byamari, I
didn't go I didn't go in the water. It's
fine.
What?
The what?
I answered. Well, I answered
well. Scuba diving tomorrow. Scuba
diving tomorrow. Right. I I I want to
end off with this. I want to end off.
This is so deep what I'm going to say.
Thank you, this is so deep what I'm
going to say. Speaking of scuba diving,
this is so deep what I'm going to say.
It's
not. People think to be strong means you
have to be strong. Like like real men
don't cry, right? It's a bunch of
baloney. It's nothing to do with whether
you cry, you don't cry. Nothing to do
with real men, not real men. I don't
know if people talk like that
anymore. If you're honest with yourself
that this is who I am, this is what
happened to me. First, say the facts.
First say the facts. This is what
happened to me. This is what happened to
me. And you and you acknowledge that
this is the life that Hashem gave. Yes.
This might be what happened to
me. First acknowledge that and say, you
know what, I might be a person who has
this tya. I might be a person who
struggles with this. I might be a person
who feels left out. I might be a person
who has this insecurity. I might be a
person who doesn't know what my future
bring. I don't know. I'm scared. I'm
People think to be strong is, "Oh, I
know what I'm doing. I know what I'm
doing. I got it all covered. I got
everything covered." As Mayor Mattel
says, you got it all covered. Exactly.
You have it all covered. You have it all
covered. It's all covered. It's all
covered.
It's all covered. What does that mean?
you have why can't why do I have to say
that I got all my stuff together? I
don't have my stuff together and I'm
scared of my future and I don't know
what's going to be and I don't want
that's strong. That's strength. That's
the captain of your ship. The captain of
the ship is somebody who's able to say,
"I don't know." Because you don't want a
captain of the ship saying, "I do know
where we're going." And then you say,
"Do you know where you're going? I have
no idea. I don't know if he's going to
announce to the whole cabin crew. I
don't know if he's going to announce to
everybody." By the way, I just want
everyone to know that I'm lost, but at
least he could be honest with himself to
say that I'm lost. Start with yourself.
You don't have to go. I'm not saying you
stand up in yeshiva and say, "I just
want the whole yeshiva to know. I want
everyone to know that I have no idea
what I'm doing and I'm scared of my own
shadow." You don't have to do that. But
within
yourself, you could say to yourself, I
think I'm scared and I don't know what
I'm doing. Then you can lean on a
friend. Then you can lean on a rebby.
Then you can lean on somebody. You could
say, "You know what? I want to tell you
a little secret. I want to tell you a
little secret. I don't know what I'm
doing." And most of the time, if it's a
real friend, if it's someone who loves
you, they'll say like, "I I know."
They'll be like, "I know. I knew that
the whole time. I know. It's okay.
You're okay. You're okay."
Yes. Sorry. Sound like a It's just like
Yeah. Yeah. Why wine and soda? What's a
connection? Right. So that's what I said
because usually the sot the way a a
woman or any uh uh sexual um boundaries
that are crossed most of the time mix
with alcohol. So alcohol usually goes
with the sot someone who's being not
faithful and loyal to her husband. So
most of the time the khazal tell us that
she probably you know you drink it
looses you upva somebody who drinks it's
as it's brought down maybe so that's why
one of the reasons they say oh I
happened to see that so I got to check
myself I got to check
myself okay Ruvena we're good
why is that your fault if you saw it
right you're kind of
like the whole nation and you
saw why is that what you saw? Right.
Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.
Right. That's what you saw. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Right. Right. I mean, why did it
right right is saying Byammen is just
just validating and saying sometimes
we're we're put in situations that I
didn't see anything. You you came into
my face. You came to me. That's that
that that's right. You came you stepped
over your boundary. I didn't step over
my boundary.
Shua, we're good. Wrap up in the I was
going to say like what if I have a fear
of becoming what? What if I have a fear?
Right. Right. Right. I'm just thinking
to
myself going to like I'm already working
on myself. Right.
[Music]
Nice.
Beautiful choice. Right. Right. The
reason this guy the guy the guy took
took he the guy took it upon himself
because of the situation. Oh because of
the situation. Which is good. Which is
good. Which is very good. Which is very
good because he looks at a situation and
he says how can I how can I take
ownership on the situation? What could I
do about the situation? Okay. Who's
reading the the hello? Victor, you'll
read. Yeah. Yeah. Victor, you'll read
the
again.
Day 38
is if we follow the advice of the
Ramban, we will be safe from the
dangerous survey of Lashhara. As per his
words, contemplate your words before you
utter them. By doing so, you will be
spared from sinning. What should you
contemplate? Do my words have potential
to cause harm to another Y? Or will the
person I'm talking about feel
embarrassed or shameful if he knew I was
talking about him in such a manner? If
the answer to any of these questions is
yes, then you should not say what you're
going to say. Beautiful. Thank
[Music]
you. Okay. Thank you everyone. We should
be z should be z to have an amazing
first day of the rest of your