One Person’s Love Can Change Your Life | Sony Perlman

You know the rule of hugs? What's the rule? The rule of hugs that I learned from someone a long time ago is when you're hugging someone meaningful to you, always be the last one to let go. Oh god, I I love that rule until you get the long huggers. Are we live? We're always live. We're always live. I found out a new a new way to know you're not doing so great. When your kids call you and like they they're like like say we support you. Like when your kids start acting nice to you, you're like, oh god, I must be doing terrible. When do you recently When do you uh see success in your own kids? Like when do you see it? How do you How do you feel as a parent You know what? I'm successful. I've I've raised some good kids and I'm proud of them, happy with them. I think I did a good job. What point in your life >> You talking about personally or like for the world? >> personally. When do you Yeah, when do you look at your family and say >> [snorts] >> I did a good job and I'm proud of them and I'm happy. When does that come up? The truth is is There's a couple There's a couple of answers to this, but I think it's literally every day. Like I don't I don't have this like grand scheme of like what my plans are for my kids. And I think that I don't know if that was a mistake or not, but it was I really only have one thing that I would be disappointed if my kids did this and that would be if they're unkind. Like if if my kids were like not nice people, I I would still love them, but I would have a real hard time with it. But there's I can't think of one other thing that would be like, okay, they chose a different life path or like I don't think I have any like real serious plans for them cuz it's their life. They got to do their life. So [snorts] every single day I see these wonderful, delightful, friendly, loving, they they're crazy about each other. Like I'm sure I am excited about, you know, when they hit new milestones and you know and Shaw has gone to graduate school and Beanie's got a business and they're doing cool stuff but I think I just feel yummy just knowing that they're awesome. So I don't I I maybe I'm going to be I have no kids married. So it could be that when they get married I'll get really really excited. I'm going to break into that in a second. We're going to We're going to I'm going to tell tell you a thought of mine. Yeah. And I want to see what you think about that. I love that answer. Finally, I'm disappointed that Yaelie said no. Oh my gosh. I am. Won't come on mine. I'm disappointed that the woman that you speak about almost every podcast is not willing to come on to your podcast. I mean it's uh it's disappointing especially cuz she's my freaking cousin. I know. It's ridiculous. Yeah, I mean Michali goes on her podcast every time she has a chance. I think they may be the opposite. Probably. [laughter] I think they Like me and my twin brother by the way, we're very opposite. >> Just opposite. >> Yeah, we're very but we compliment each other tremendously like a good partnership should. Yeah. Well, yeah, they're they're I listen, I've been trying to get her My whole goal in life with all the other things I do is to tell people to love their spouse. Like I really think it's important because that's the only thing I got over I don't believe you're married. >> anybody else. I don't believe you have a spouse. You don't even believe I have a spouse. >> Nope. You never see her. Never see her. [laughter] She's not coming on camera. Doesn't exist. >> Yeah, it's true. It's true. So I've been dying to get her to come on. I even had this whole plan that my 100th episode she'll be on with me. No go. All right, Yaelie, we love you and uh we can't wait for you to join the podcast one day but she was invited. Yeah. Uh she respectfully declined and I understand why. There are some people that >> to tell you something. She may come on a podcast without me. There's no way. I want her then. Ask her right now. Yeah, we'll we'll ask her. We'll ask her. For real? She might. I feel like I feel like she He like the hype. Like like I hyped it up. Like people are expecting things. >> a client this week because I was too hyped. You were too hyped. Why was What was too hyped? >> I'll tell you in a second. Welcome back everybody to another growth-oriented, amazing, in-depth episode. With me today is the venerable, like he likes to say, Sonny Perlman. Sonny, aka my love, my mentor, my leader, my guidance counselor, my friend, my backbone to my community in so many regards. We'll get into that. Uh my person who has taught me about second chances, and we're going to get into that as well. I'm so proud to call you a friend. So happy that you're here, and let's let's go. Where did we leave off? What were we talking about? >> What were we talking about? I don't remember. First of all, I will say that cousins everybody who has cousins know that it doesn't matter how many away, if you're close to that person, they're your cousin. That's true. Isn't that true? That's true. Like you have an aunt and uncle that's not really your aunt and Not really your aunt and uncle. I'm an uncle to many people. That's uh I'm a godfather to people. I call myself uncle, you know. Uncle Laser's here. My friend Laser comes to the house, he's Uncle Laser. Uncle Naftali comes. We have a lot of uncles in our I have definitely argued in the past that the best role you could have in life is uncle or aunt. It is fantastic role. You just get to love someone with like unbridled It doesn't matter. They're not your fault. You don't blame yourself. You're not responsible. Even grandparents like I did things wrong with my kids, and then they're grand Like you feel a little responsible. Uncles and aunts is just pure joy. And like I think people do not realize the power of uncles and aunts in kids' lives. Like it is I consider myself in my field a professional uncle. That's like if I had to put it down to a family role. Tell me how. Because I have people coming in who are struggling or going through all these things that are terrible and and I have there's nothing to blame. I didn't do it. I have nothing to do with it. All I see is this delicious yummy neshama that just needs love and just and you just see them and you you talk to them for 2 minutes and you find out what's hurting them and you just want to like pick them up and swing them around in a helicopter ride and say you're you're all right. You're delicious. Like that is that's the whole role of like a real helper. Like that's your role. I it's if you get better or don't get better, I'm championing you. I'm I'm here for you. Like a uncle is not bothered with a kid walking in without a yarmulke. Like what's the big deal? It's nothing it doesn't mean anything to me. But a mother and a father they they got all these expectations. We were talking about like what what is like nachas from your kids? What's nachas from your nephew or niece? Just being there. Like holy cow. You're so big. That's what all uncles you just grew. Like that's an accomplishment. You know uncles and aunts they always say that? You're so big. >> Such a great point. >> I do? You did nothing. I just continued to live and I'm so happy. I got to be honest with you. Like that's you know, we've been having like longer podcasts like an hour and 45, 2 hours and uh some people saying they love it cuz they have long commutes. Some people are like, you know, uh it'd be better for us an hour and an hour and a half. But I'm ready to shut down the podcast for today. We're good. Act like an uncle to your children and the podcast is done. We can wrap up and make a 4-minute podcast. Is that amazing? Yeah. It's the best piece of advice I ever got in in terms of parenting and in mentorship and Literally tell me. This is over. What's that? >> I have a lot of other good things. >> [laughter] >> All right. So, let's continue. Let's go back to that though. I mean uh so you're >> did my first solo podcast this Saturday night. >> You saw it? >> By the way, your numbers did better than any other podcast. >> Any other podcast. >> I saw it. >> Well, no, I've done a couple better, but it was like >> No, you know, you know, the initial 24 hours this was one of your best. I've been tracking you. >> You tracking me? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was it wasn't the it was probably top 10, but >> You want to know why? In my opinion? Tell me. People like to hear from you, bro. Yeah. I agree. It's nice. And the truth is I got very vulnerable and it was very odd to talk to a camera without anybody else. But it was it was awesome to do cuz I had to put myself out there and say what's going on. It was wild. >> most vulnerable thing you said in that 35-minute podcast? Help. >> [snorts] [laughter] >> That mean like I I got on there ultimately and said hat in hand I I'm I'm I'm on a mission to do all these things. And I've been the giver my entire life. Like that's what I am. That's my role. That's probably my defense system, too. Like, okay, I'm the giver so no one can ever hurt me. Like there's probably something to that. There is something to that. And now I've been put in a in a place in life where I need to turn to everybody and say I need your help to do what I got to do to to help the world. Now, I recognize that it's to do a good thing and it's not because I'm poor or because, you know, that would be even harder. But just the idea of saying, "Please help me." It is so outside of my wheelhouse. I don't even know how to do it. Even just saying it now like I feel like gulping. Like I want to always be the helper. I never want to be the taker. And I was coming out and saying, "Listen, I need help." So that that is I think that was the most vulnerable. The other thing I think was the most vulnerable is I shared a bit about about like how I understand helping by the the that I was helped. Like I was able to share about I think I shared about my rabbi rabbi price. Maybe I didn't. I'm not sure if I did. But, I maybe I didn't. Maybe I'm not remembering. >> Sunny, when you and I were 14 years old, we're the same age, uh we hung out in the streets of Jerusalem. We spoke about this when you were a guest on the podcast last time, which was over a year ago. Right. Um you know, we used to hear hip hip Naveh, and you know, the fight between Naveh and Nerya Akov broke out, knives, brass knuckles, police, Russian compound prison system was all a part of our life when we were 14. Yeah. Can you tell me how were you helped? I mean, I I don't I didn't know you then more than just hanging out on the streets. Right. >> So, like >> And we weren't related yet. We weren't >> [laughter] >> No, we didn't. We just knew each other. >> We weren't you know, we didn't call each other cuz yet. Uh but I I'd love to know someone like you who's in the world of giving. First of all, I do want to tap into that and go back to that soon. There's a lot of givers in the world that have these constraints in their lives about uh not feeling appreciated or always wanting to please or over please, and that's a challenge. Then there's the idea of the givers who need to be the askers of the rabbonim in the world, people who are running synagogues and shuls and foundations. Uh in the time of Germany, they would travel to America, big holy rabbonim. Yeah. Everyone had to do it. It's not that crazy. So, for you to do it once in your life during this era, good luck. You're going to be fine. You'll raise the funds. God willing, with a lot of siyata dishmaya, have all the mazel and brocha you need. You're awesome. Everyone loves you and what you're doing in your mission. We'll talk about that soon, also. But, uh >> let's break that down, the helping thing. We'll get back to that in a bit. >> I will say that I have a tremendous respect for those people, the givers that ask. I I blows my mind. >> Cuz it's hard. It blows my mind. It's hard. But, let's get into when you were 14. 14. Like, what happened? >> Sunny, let's remind everybody, first of all, um because for all our new listeners, we've increased our uh you know, uh listeners since the last time we spoke, and we have a lot of new people that may not know you and don't know our background. So, Check me out on Brainstorm. Brainstorm with Sunny podcast. Sunny has a great podcast and you're all about mental health and giving back to the community from the men's world. Any man, any young adolescent, someone who's 14, 15, 16, 17 is when they start calling Sunny. 14 is when the parents start calling Sunny and you refer them to other people. 18, 19, 20 and above is when you really kick in and you're like, "Oh, you're an addict, you have challenges, you need a place to stay, you're post rehab, you don't want to go back to rehab." That's who you are, you're the king of that. I don't need chat GPT I don't, you know, need any any other introductions or accolades better than the fact that I can tell you and if people trust me, and I hope they do by now, that you are the go-to person, the 411 for anything that's dealing with men and addicts. Well, we are we opened a woman's house. I'd love to hear about it. >> But I'm not I I I just don't work with the women. >> That's okay. It's like, you know, uh Beautiful, though. >> That's not your wheelhouse. Your wheelhouse is understanding men. We'll get Alex on the pod- cast another time and talk about, you know, how he deals with women and so on. But your your wheelhouse is men and I love that about you and how you've dedicated your life to it. You Your hours started at midnight for over two decades running Our Place in Brooklyn and being the leader of that person dealing with teens at risk for over 20 years. You understand the the the this uh you're an industry expert when it comes >> I'm awesome. >> [clears throat] >> It's embarrassing, bro. Why would you want to do this? You know what? If, you know, whatever you're good at, I will scream out loud cuz I want the world to know. You taught me a couple of things in life. One of the most important things you taught me, I'm going to say here and we'll jump right back to you. If you're dealing with an emergency, call 911. Other than that, I got you. What do you need? Let's talk. You taught me that. >> Yeah. That's a very important lesson that took me hit probably two decades to figure out. If it you deal with it like it's a crisis, you will make a lot of mistakes. If it's an emergency, you got to get to the hospital, fine. But if you want to know how to deal with something, you got to spend some time and realize it took years to get here. It may take years to get out of here. And you got to see it with say on smart the same way you do a business. If you're making everything an emergency decision, you're going to mess up over and over and over again. So that's that's that's a lesson that I learned and I'm glad you learned it from me, but I'm saying I learned that the hard way. By overreacting to crazy situations thinking it's a crisis, thinking it's and it it almost never was. Give me an example. Take me back, you know, the Permans grew up in Far Rockaway on Beach 9th Street. All of you guys are like therapists or giving in the world of the community. You have an amazing family. I'm so proud of each and every one of you. Such amazing people. Like, you know, all your brothers and your sisters and your your the whole family. >> It's everybody. It's amazing. >> It's a lot. Um I was roommates with Ellie and I know personally the rest of them. Unbelievable people. You're all dealing with the world of therapy and and getting help in this world. So uh with mental health and challenges. So let's go. Take me back to who you are. What were the challenges that you needed? What was the help that you needed? What did you go through? Take me break it down for me how the lessons of where you learned this 911 rule from. How did you learn it yourself? What did you go through that What are the mistakes that you made? What were the anxieties that you experienced that brought you to where you are now? What could we learn from it as parents, as siblings, as fathers, as mothers, as brothers, as uncles and aunts? Right. Well, the truth is nothing's made in a a vacuum. If you if we all became therapists, there's probably a reason. I will say that we grew up in a home where it was very mission-oriented. Like if you weren't changing the world, like, you know, check out. Like we we get is we there was a lot maybe it wasn't good but there's a lot of like rolling eyes oh that guy's doing nothing like what are you like what are you really doing to to change this world? It was very palpable in our house. Where did that come from? My mother. It was my my [clears throat] mother was a therapist she she actually if it's I think the first program working with teens at risk in the Jewish community my mother was part of it. >> Get out of town. Yeah. Project Rejuvenation was a program with Rabbi Yaakov Shapiro from Bayswater and my mother opened this like I don't I don't know exactly what they did but they were working with the teens on the street. This is 15 years before Our Place. 70s? Yeah, not 70s. Our Place opened in 98. >> 80s. Early 80s. >> 80s. When I was a kid. >> Right, when we were kids. >> Every night I get we would get phone calls from Yaakov Shapiro. There was no cell phones so it's like we'd have to call my mother. Rabbi Shapiro's on the phone. And you're like so that's you know what I mean? You know what I mean? This is my way I used to describe if you're if you're Generation X I just want to say this. This is what your house sounded like when you were A KID. I GOT IT! THAT'S THE WHOLE >> [laughter] >> ISN'T THAT AMAZING? >> Sums it up. I GOT IT! Nobody today kids today will not know what that means. >> [laughter] >> Right? They don't know what a lot of things mean. >> You every time They don't know what hustling means the way we know but we also spoiled them. It's another another story. >> But they don't know that that means you have to hang up your phone in the other room so >> hearing all your noise. >> Yeah, like I got it. Anyway, they anyway, that's my act. But we grew up that was the mission. My house was filled with people that were struggling. Everybody was struggling was in my house. They moved in. This was like we were running the first hour place before our place existed. That was what happened, you know? And so that was the mission. We would that was that was what was expected of us. So we all went into the helping field. That was that that's you know, like when you raise your kids saying like the most important thing in the world is davening. Like you get kids who like davening, you know, the most for us it was about helping the world. Like you had to help the world. On top of that for myself, so that's the overall like that was the overall but you know, myself I was a very very miserable child. Like I was really really really sad. And do you see the Mishpacha article? No. It was a Mishpacha article about me this week. You missed it. I'm sorry, bro. I don't read the Mishpacha. >> Check out the Mishpacha. >> I don't read the Ami. I will tell you I >> that you're saying it not being embarrassed, I'm proud of you, like Isn't that great? >> Check out the Mishpacha. But they Good for you. You made it in life. Flex, bro. I got on the Mishpacha magazine. Okay. So I did not read it cuz I'm too embarrassed, but the marketing team told me I have to be on Mishpacha. >> What was it about? Tell me. No, so what I was saying is one of the things that really How many magazines did you sell? We [laughter] sold a lot of magazines. Um What I was saying is >> No, good for you. I'm saying Mishpacha is very selective. They only take top 10. Sorry, go ahead. The only reason I Okay. Okay, make fun of me. The The reason I have good with I've been good with teens all these years is because I always assumed that all teens are absolutely miserable. What were you miserable about? What what's what happened? >> Okay, I was miserable when I grew up in divorced family. I had all these issues in school. I got kicked out of every school. >> miserable though, what are you thinking about? I I believed that I was just uh like I was too much for the world. I I How do I explain it the best? really hard. I I just thought there was no reason to live when I was a kid. Like I just >> bullied? Was something going on? >> No, you couldn't bully >> Did you have anger issues? >> a ton of anger issues. >> Okay. I was angry. I was fighting. I didn't >> What were you What were you mad at? If you can tap into it for a second, what were you mad at? I mean, when I really go over it like from now looking back, then I didn't know why. But my parents were divorced. There was I felt unloved, uncared about. I felt uh lost in this world. I went to school. I felt smarter than everybody, but the whole place the whole place I didn't belong. Every single day of my life I did not belong in school. The first 2 weeks of of every semester and a semester the beginning of the year, I was like, "This year I'm going to be good." First 2 weeks I would read every textbook we had. I would read the math book. I would read the history book. I love it. I And I would read all my siblings' books. And I And And all the suggested reading. I would read everything. And then 2 weeks in I'm like, "What are What are we doing in school?" Like I didn't I absolutely despised being there. People telling me what to do like never made any sense to me. You didn't like authority? >> I couldn't handle authority at all. >> Did you Did Did you know if anyone else was miserable around you or you felt alone if you want to tap back into it a second? If I'm tapping back into it, I had no idea if other people >> You were in your own world. When I got older, I assumed that every teenager Cuz teenager was the worst. And I was really really lost. I was really lost. No connection to God and no connection to anything and religion I couldn't connect to anything. So I had nothing. And then I That's what I tap into people when I talk to them as teenagers. And when I when I start working with teenagers, I just looked what is it that's really hurting in this person. And everybody thought teenagers are having a good time. They're going out. They're doing drugs and alcohol, which I was doing all that stuff, but it wasn't making me happy at all. I was living in a world where I wanted to be an adult, and I was stuck being a kid. And I wanted to just have a family and start my life, and I was just stuck. The world did not let me move forward. And now that I'm an adult, I I do love it. Of course, let's go back to that though. I do love it. >> How long did that last for? >> So When was your realization >> So you wanted to know what it was that made the change a little bit. >> Yeah, I also wanted to know exactly what made you miserable, and you did a good job describing it, but you didn't go too deep. >> I want you to go a little deep. >> to go deeper? >> Yeah, because like, you know, go back I want to be that teenager right now, and >> If you really go to that, I got I got it's you're talking about getting vulnerable. I have believed since I was born, and I and it's something I still struggle with today, that the only way to get love is to earn it. And I never really believed that I was loved just for who I was. So when I have the whole mission of realizing people are struggling with addiction, I know it's coming from a deep deep sense of unworthiness. That's my wheelhouse. That's who I am. My whole life, that has been my challenge. And my whole life, I've been entertaining the world and impressing the world with all the awesome things I do, but behind it all, if you take away all the Tzaddik stuff in the Mishpacha magazine, you can take that all away, I'm trying to make the world love me. In a desperate desperate way. That is that is the unhealthy part of what I do. So that is how I grew up. I always believed that if I I could entertain you, or I could impress [snorts] you enough that you'll love me, but it was never that I am worthy of love for just being me. Like what I'm saying. >> thank you for sharing that with me. I really appreciate it. Let's go into the vulnerability of the transition when you recognized it, how it transferred into the reality of your growth, at what age, what happened, was it a person, was it you, was it a book? Take me through that transition because believe it or not, I want teenagers to listen to this podcast. I want them to listen to it and say, "You know what? Oh my god, you know, I want a 20-year-old and I want a 50-year-old to say, I have the same feeling or I never broke through it." Help those people. The reason I would talk about this, I'll just tell you. Um it's uncomfortable to talk about my past. It's weird. And a lot of people in my field are very into like sharing about their past. I'm not so comfortable with it. But I could tell you is that my entire philosophy was being built when I was a kid. It was not It didn't show up because I went to graduate school and I I Yeah, that was how I honed it all and that's how when I did all the professional degrees and all that. But it was already being honed. Like if I really want to take one moment in time where my entire life changed, like one moment. And I And And this is what like my entire philosophy is built around, but I didn't know about it till a decade later. The moment in time is meeting my rabbi, Rabbi Price, who alav hashalom, who passed away. Do you remember Rabbi Price from Neve? And there was There was something odd in his eyes when I met him a couple times and it wasn't the first time. And then I realized that he was looking at me with total love. There was no expectations. He was just Like I would show up and he just be excited I'm there. And it took a while to figure out what the heck he's looking at. Like I didn't know he was looking at me. And there was a time I looked in his eyes and like was like is it possible that I am just enough? Like I was able to see that in his eyes. That And that happened when I was 17 years old. And that was the beginning of the whole idea of that if we don't feel worthy, we'll never we'll never heal. We'll just never heal. We'll always be fighting to feel worthy and fi- figuring out ways to fill that amazing void. But he looked at me and I was able to see that. And I was like, if he could see it, then maybe there's a God who sees it, and maybe there's other people who see it. Maybe there's something else. This is the man who I That is the beginning of all change. It was someone else, an uncle. And let me say it another way. He was a rebbe, but he saw me like an uncle. So if we go back to the foreman in the beginning, >> [snorts] >> he saw me like an uncle, just love. And he kept loving me. And I used to come when I was really feeling down in the beginning of like Naveh. I didn't start Naveh, but I ended up there. And I If I was having a down day, I would come out, walk to the basement entrance, open the door. He was on the left. And I would just look at him for like a couple minutes. And then I'd go and go back to bed. I literally would watch him. I'd do this like two, three times a week. He'd be learning with someone or something like that in the corner. And anybody went to Naveh, you'll remember Ari Price in the far left corner. And I would just look at him and I'd be like, hey, the world is all right. Cuz this man loves me. I'm getting emotional. It's one of the nicest things I've ever heard about a compliment of a person in my life. I mean, first of all, uh I I want to sponsor this podcast lil nishmas this amazing human being. You said it, he's not alive anymore. >> alive, but I'm not going to remember his name. [ __ ] Ari [ __ ] Price. Ari [ __ ] Price in [ __ ] should have an aliyah and uh Oh, can I give a shout-out? Of course. I don't know if I should do this probably, but he [snorts] I actually his son's his youngest son's getting married, so I got I maybe we could post uh there's a link to pay cuz he's an orphan, so I we I wanted to help him Of course. >> pay for the uh I'm just shouting it out. Of course, I appreciate that. And I'll let me be the first one to contribute towards that cause. I'll send you the link. We'll put it out. But I I looked at it I was like, how could I not pay this entire I wanted to pay the entire wedding, but I unfortunately I'm in the wrong field. How much is he out? I mean, do you know the amount of >> I think they need another 30 or something. >> 30k? Yeah. It's like I'll look at it, but maybe Wow, I just want to say um I I gave everything I had. I that my wife was like, you got to give to your own campaign next week. Huh. And [clears throat] I was like, >> There's a special there's a special um s'chus Yeah. to help person's wedding at the time of your wedding, you know, if it's the same day. So, if anybody's having a wedding that day, you know, you know, do it. There's unbelievable s'chus in a people that you know, if they're making a wedding and the whole thing is in for 30 grand. I mean, come on. Let's help the guy. It's 30 grand. You know, I'm not talking about 150 grand to make a wedding. Um so, I'm in uh to contribute as much as I can towards this cause, but uh to help kick it off, uh you know. So, kudos to you for bringing it up. Great point. >> I think uh Let Let's move past this topic. >> I I've actually the other day I I saw that's when like I saw his face in a picture and it hit me like every once in a while it hits me that this is the reason there are thousands and thousands of people that I've had contact with and thousands and hundreds of people that I've taught to like do the methods that we're doing. And we're spreading a movement and all it was was Rabbi Price looking in my eyes and loving me. I can't express the people the power of that. I really believe that he has as close of everybody I've ever helped. And it's the philosophy of being an uncle, which ultimately we're boiling it down. Cuz let's keep it simple, stupid, right? You know, as a parent, as a person in a community, just be someone's uncle. I love that. I actually love that. Really, really cool. It makes a lot of sense. Someone on the podcast [clears throat] once said here, we would solve all kind of issues, all challenges of parenting kids, if we would parent other kids. Like, you take my kid, I take your kid. I had that idea. Kids swap. Teenagers. I never did it. I I I wonder if I'm the one who said that. I don't know, maybe someone else said it, but >> Someone else said it, I'll say I said I I no one did it. >> Yeah. But everybody who who who like hated their parents >> Yeah. Let me learn with their son, you learn with my son. I won't get frustrated every time he doesn't know anything. >> We always loved each other's parents. >> [laughter] >> That's how it was. Saudi, how did you meet my cousin Yaelie? And uh shout out >> get in. >> Shout out to Yaelie and Michali, the the two uh dynamic duo sisters who I grew up with. And uh you know, uh obviously terrible tragedy, they lost their dad, and that was made public, and it's always difficult. And they made a stupid movie about it recently that really bothered me. Yeah, not great. >> [laughter] >> It's also a couple of books. But we don't A couple of books of what? is like, "So Yaelie is so quiet about it." Michali is like >> the opposite, I know, I know. It's great. But it's uh you know, listen, I grew up knowing their dad. And uh I had their monkey Udi in uh my house in the boiler room uh when he was punished cuz he wasn't behaving, a little monkey uh that my dad and uh her dad snuck out of South Africa on in a little baggy. So Your dad was part of that? >> Yeah, yeah. They were best friends and partners. Yeah, no, I know. I didn't know you had to do with Udi. >> And cousins, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard a million stories about Who has a pet monkey? That's a cool person. >> Only the Greenwalds. The Greenwalds are cool. The coolest people in the world, literally. Uh shout out to Leah and to Michali and to Ellie and to all your family members that might listen to this. To Tipi, to all the people from Belgium. >> Great, great family. How did you meet Yaelie and how did you get so lucky that you're able to talk about your wife publicly with enthusiasm and love and you're giving her the love that every woman deserves as a spouse. Uh I believe every husband deserves it as well, but you're on a mission to just shout it out to the women. It's okay. >> it plenty. >> I know, but that's not what we're here to talk about, you know. The women could talk about shouting out to the men. We're here to talk about the women. So, you know, treat you know, I met an Italian guy in his 80s. He was at a party and uh I I'll never forget this. I was like 25 years old, recently married and I see him and he's having the time of his life. And he's just like, you know, he's flirting, he's vivacious, he's energetic and he's, you know, he's just the life of the party no matter who he's talking to and everyone's loving talking to him, male, female, Jew, non-Jew, it didn't matter. And I said, "What's your secret to have such a great marriage?" I see your wife is next to you. She's laughing. He goes, "You do whatever you want in your life, my friend, but when you come home, you put your wife on a pedestal." Nah, I love it. That's the rule. He says, "Don't even be home." He actually taught me this concept and I have stuck to it. Don't even You don't have to be home all the time. It's okay. But when you walk in that door, shut your damn phone. Mhm. Okay? Don't walk in on a phone call. Your kids don't need to know how busy you are. You know, finish your phone calls. You know how many times I park down the block and I see my neighbors parking down the block, too. We're all talking, you know, to our, you know, whether it's a mother or you're talking you're finishing a business call and then we're all laughing at each other. Shout out to Akiva and to David who like we're all sitting at the top of the road finishing our, you know, calls and then we come into that, you know what I mean? And you put it down. >> So, he taught me that that Italian guy and um I've listened to him and it worked tremendously for me. And uh a lot of mazel and uh you know, right guidance happens for reasons of you know, we're not going to get into for me. I want to hear about you. Right. >> How did you get so lucky and [snorts] uh and tell me what happened? Those people who are looking to get married those people who are in challenging um I don't think my story is going to help. It's a weird story. >> care. It doesn't matter. Those people in a challenging marriage those those people who are not thriving in their marriages tell me about your experience with your beautiful amazing wife here, Ellie. Tell me what's working. Tell me the tricks. Tell me the tips. Tell me the challenges and the and how you've overcome them. Just talk to me, bro. What happened here? >> Okay. Ah, my I'm supposed to be talking about the village. Okay, we'll get there. We'll get there. All this by the way is all connected to what >> It always is. People always ask me, "What's the name?" None of your business. The podcast. I said, "It's about the person. It's not about the business. The business will come out. The organization will come out. I want to know about you. >> Yes. >> to grow and that's what the podcast We're going to change the title of the podcast by the way very soon. Are you? >> growth and that's it. Yeah, yeah. Meaning None of Your Business podcast has a whole long luction of what it's about. We used to have an introduction. Michael and Uschi, yeah. No more. We get straight into it. It's about growth. You want in, listen. You don't want I love >> turn on someone else's podcast. >> I love it. I love it. >> Like Brainstorm. Brainstorm. You could talk about it. No growth. You can go to Brainstorm just for fun. You come here for growth. >> Brainstorm by the way focuses on mental health and kudos to you and that's a very important topic. And you have very interesting people and if you want to grow in the world of mental health and understanding other people keep listening to Brainstorm. There you go. I will say that the Brainstorm is uh is is everything I want to talk about. So, I there's a lot of mental blocks. We can get to Brainstorm and we can get to your campaign and we can get to everything. We'll get to everything. But I'm excited because rarely does anybody talk to me ask me that question. I don't know why not. It's an awesome question. >> [laughter] >> It's like it's the only thing I think about even though I think about all these other things they're only like very side topics. So I'll tell you for fun I'll tell you how I met Yael how about that? I love it. >> I met her in an abandoned Arab village. Called Lifta. Do you know Lifta? No but it makes sense. >> It's an abandoned Arab village in 48 it was abandoned because of the war and there's all these broken down houses down there that it's right outside Jerusalem and and when I was 17 I had [clears throat] a title. And my title was the guru of Lifta. I was the guru of Lifta and I had long hair and I was the hippie guru of Lifta. Nobody knows this. I call Yael and I tell her they're listening they'll love it cuz that's what it was. And there was just homeless hippies living down in Lifta. Where I'm sorry where's Lifta? It's right outside. You know where it is I'll tell you exactly where it is. It is you know when you're driving out of and out of the highway of Jerusalem there's a Trump Yada where everybody is like trumping. They're all they're all uh Waiting for a ride trumping. >> Waiting for a ride. What's the word? >> [ __ ] Why we hitching? Okay they're hitching. Like I don't know for some reason I think in Israel I forget the word. Down in the bottom there's like water and stuff. >> right outside by that by that bus stop. >> bottom over there's like water and stuff there's like a river. That's called Lifta. >> Oh it's a mikvah there people go to. >> there there's a mikvah there's these abandoned houses there's old oil presses they're all there. It's disgusting and ratty today but it's but it's all down there. And I had a house in in Lifta. It was great. Had a It was fantastic. Yeah. Your own abandoned house. It was my abandoned house. You used to chill there. And for the first year I was there, I was mine. That's where I would go for my quiet time. >> Sorry, bro. How'd you find it? I have to hear. How'd you find it? >> I found it because when we were kids, we went with some relative on a hike down there. And I was like, "Oh my god, I can live down here." Perfect. So, I found it. >> Most people think it and they move on. Yeah. You went back. >> I found a house. >> [laughter] >> And uh >> You're like, "The scored." So, I I didn't tell anybody for a while. And that was like my secret spot. And then I eventually told one friend. That's where I learned about secrets. Don't tell anybody. That's That's the secret of secrets. So, I said, "Listen, you can't tell anybody. I'm showing you my spot." And then as the next week later, that place was jam-packed with everybody and uh lots of drugs and alcohol, a lot of fun. And everybody was going down there for for a good chill. And I was like >> the TC boys are listening to this now. >> Yeah, I was like Let's go to Lifta now. >> Yeah, what's the deal? Why you Why you guys blowing up my spot? So, they So, but they gave me the title. I'm the guru of Lifta. >> of Lifta. The prince of Lifta. And then So, then >> [snorts] >> So, I had um a friend of mine who's now a rabbi in Derech Or Sameach. Rabbi Zwick, who was Donny Zwick at the time. Still Donny Zwick. Um we had a birthday party. So, I know It was uh It was uh December 13th, 1995. You got the date. That's a date I met Yael. How you like that? That's freaking awesome. >> could say that? Anyway, I came [clears throat] down and uh I was dating someone at the time. Someone else. And uh she I was too drunk. So, she I said, "You Let's go to Lifta." And she was like, "You're too drunk. I'm not coming." So, I'd gone down myself. And And then I got to have this great conversation with this girl. I It wasn't It wasn't a dating thing going on, but we had this great conversation. >> So, she came as part of the party? She was there? >> She was just there. Yeah, cool. >> And I had this great conversation. >> Hashem put her there. Yeah. And a lot of other stories. That's how I met her. But, we didn't have anything to do with her. And then then I didn't have anything to do with her for another like 6 months, really. And then I told her at some point that sorry, in town I'm going hiking up north. I'm going to go I'm going for like 2 weeks I'm going up north. And she said, "Oh, that sounds cool." Like And I So, I called her. I had done like a 3-day meditation in Tzfat, and then I was heading to the to the Golan. And And then I So, I remembered this girl that I saw a couple times, and I called "You want to come? We're going hiking." So, she came. She came with a bodyguard first, like a with a friend to find out if I'm like a creep, you know? And uh Good job, Yael. I'm going to I'm I'm not going to go into all the I have so many stories, but I'll say we we ended up with no money. We had both of us had no money, and we hitchhiked and just traveled the Golan for the next 10 days or something like that. And that's where we became friends. It wasn't there was no dating. We became friends, and we were friends for like a year and a half before I even thought of dating her. I remember the moment I fell in love with her. You want to hear that? >> Of course. >> like all these moments in my life. >> I like these That's what makes it fun. >> Anyways, I don't know why anybody's interested in this at all, but I'm going to tell you cuz you're asking. >> I'm interested. Okay. Um I'd left Israel, and I We were best friends. We were hanging out. We went to shiurim together. We did all this great stuff together. Uh we would schmooze for hours and hours and hours. She's just the greatest person ever, so it's not that hard. So, I um I'd gone to America, and I was walking up the steps of the White Shul in Far Rockaway. They have these shallow steps, and I hit the second step, and I was like, "I cannot live without this girl." Like the thought hit my head like I am 100% alone without her in my life? Like on the step, I remember step I stepped on when I had this thought. I was like 19 then or something. So, it's 2 years later. Yeah, so I I I I it was on Shabbos after Shabbos I like called her and I'm like I didn't say anything but I was like I'm coming back. What can I get you? Like all of a sudden I was like in love. Like it was not it just shifted and I would there was no more platonic at all and I came back and she had dated someone. She was she's a little older than me so she had like gone on a shidduch date. And a couple of times and then I said, "Well, what happens to us if you get married?" And she said, "Well, we'll still be best friends. I mean I'm like that's not how marriage works." >> [laughter] >> And she's like, "What should I do?" And I said, "Well, you should marry me." That's the first time I asked her to marry me. Not very romantic. That's actually very >> like, "Haha." And I'm like, "No, I'm dead serious. I'm ready." And then for the next year I convince I try to convince her to date me, marry me, whatever. And she said no for about a year. That's not romantic. Not at all. [laughter] I'll say I don't know how my story's going to help anybody. I just begged her. I was like and then the last time I she said maybe. You ever see the movie Dumb and Dumber? 10 times. Okay. So, you remember when she when he says is there a chance? >> 1% chance? He's a maybe one in a billion. So, what does he say? THERE'S A CHANCE. >> SO, YOU say there's a chance. >> [laughter] >> That's what happened to me. By the way, use it in a negotiation for business. Is there a chance? If there's no chance, let me just stop wasting time. >> So, you say there's a chance. >> There is a chance. >> It's one of the greatest lines of all time. But what happened was is my she had a vulnerable weekend where she like decided, "Okay, we're going to talk." And then she's like, "Maybe." And then I was like "Maybe, I'm going back to America. I'm getting a career and I'm marrying you." Like literally I changed all my plans after that maybe. She said maybe and I I got I like booked a flight and I was like, "I'm going to get a career and I'm going to win you over and I'm going to marry you." And then there was So the whole process from meeting her to marrying her was like 3 and 1/2 years. So I don't know how that helps the shidduch movement, you know what I'm saying? >> We're not trying to help the shidduch. >> [laughter] >> Don't worry, at least the elephant will be here one day and she'll help the shidduch movement. It's a great story though. >> This helps uh let me tell you how I break it down in my head. Yeah. Uh this helps for anybody who thinks they're in love. That This helps for anyone that doesn't feel the love yet, but they're pursuing something that makes sense to them. This helps first marriages, second marriages, or third marriages. This helps divorcees, this helps singles. This helps boyfriends or girlfriends of teenagers or adults. This helps people who are married or single that are challenged with the fact that we are human, we are men, and uh we have vulnerabilities, and uh you know, it helps tremendously. >> I love this. >> can tell you that if you want the answer to why I'm able to be crazy in love with my wife still and all that stuff, it's all in that first story where I think the key to a great marriage in a sense, one of the keys, there's many keys, I hate that you just give one key, but you need to feel lucky. I mean, I >> [snorts] >> knew I was marrying up. There was no question in my mind that I needed She was the prize at the end of the rainbow. Like she was like I was on a mission to to to to get someone way out of my league in my opinion. I mean, I had a crazy chaotic teenage life and like she was just like She was like an angel. So like I'm like I'm uh that idea has never ended. Like I feel lucky all the time. Like she is like and as I as I'm around longer and longer, it's just more I'm recognize it even more. Like, it's doesn't it's not like I got used to it. It's like I'm completely amazed by her on a daily basis. So, I I'm like I'm sitting around going this guy in the house, I was leaving the sober living the other day. This guy in the house said to me like I said something like very human like like like something I'm struggling with or something. And he said I literally had the door open and he said, "Are you So, you're like us?" And I said, "I am thank you. I'm exactly like you. I just have one thing over you. I have a woman by my side who I could do it together with. I have the same struggles, the same sadness, the same loneliness, the same emptiness, the same everything that you're possibly going to experience. But, I got a ride or die. I got a person who is at the end of the day close the door, we lock it, and we're there with each other holding each other and saying we got it together. And she's she's got me and I got her. And nothing else is different besides that we got each other. So, that I'm like, "Yes, we're exactly the same, but I got lucky." I think that the takeaway for me from that uh whole thing uh is that if you don't feel that you're lucky when you're dating someone or that feeling hasn't arrived yet, don't don't keep going. Slow down. Ask someone for advice. There's something wrong. If you don't feel lucky when you're dating uh for a relationship, for a partnership, for a future, for someone who behind closed doors will hold your hand while you're having a cramp at 2:00 in the morning, whether it's the man or the woman, Mhm. because at At end of the day the most meaningful thing is the person behind the closed door that you feel lucky enough that you give your life for that person. Cuz that's your partner. That's a true partnership. I agree with you. 110% I admire your admiration towards relationships. I uh I don't want to say I envy it because to be honest with you, I have it. Yeah. So, I'm also lucky. Yeah. Um we're sharing that sentiment and I just, you know, use that uh discussion to anyone who's looking for that level of a relationship. If you don't feel lucky, then go to therapy. If you don't feel lucky about your spouse, go get help. Because you should feel lucky every day. I think that is a good formula. It doesn't have to be the only one. >> formula. I don't know how marriage lasts if you don't feel lucky. It's a it's a weird partnership. Like Like I I I actually this is another thing like when I got married like then there's all these like technical things. Like who cleans the house, who cooks, who does like who does all these things. And none of them are why I got married. None of them. I did not pick a girl because maybe that's how they used to do it like in the old country. But I didn't do it cuz she peels a potato real well. I didn't do like happen to be she's a good cook, but that like the house if the house is clean or not clean becomes like a discussion and you're like that's I'm not lucky to marry this person because she's really good at cleaning. Like I have someone who does that for me. I don't need that's not who I'm marrying. So, the lucky thing is like it overrides every almost at least 90% of things that you would get annoyed about. And like you're not doing your part, I'm doing my part. You're not doing your part. What do you mean? Your part is to be there with me. That's that's everything. So, all these other little details like lately Yael has like this business now. Shout out WeGurus. Just shouting it out. She's killing it. You don't know about her business? Your wife does, for sure, cuz she's like very famous on internet. She just don't know it. Um it's called Wig Guru. It's like wig grips and wig glue and it's >> Do you really ask me What? >> in a surprising manner What do you say? >> You don't know about my wife's wig business? >> That's what I'm trying to say. >> know about anybody's wig business, Tony. >> You do. No, I don't. >> Wig Guru, it's huge, huge. It's taking the internet by storm. I love you guys. The Wig Guru. [laughter] All right. >> Wig Guru. Um but There's the What was the guru the other one in the town on your shul line on the bottom? Uh the Guru of Laughter. >> The Guru of Laughter. >> Oh, yeah, right. It's a full circle. >> It makes sense. It makes sense. What I'm saying is like now she's working really hard doing her business. >> Good for her and yeah, Ellie, I'm proud of you. Yeah. >> And um I'm excited for you on this venture and good luck uh on it and uh shout out to you for all the great work that you're doing with wigs around Kolly Israel. Kolly Israel, we love you, Ellie. No, but there was a point. The point is is that she's working real hard. >> No, no, I get it. Yeah. I cook shabbos now. >> Good. >> I don't know how to cook shabbos. I learned how to cook shabbos. >> Good. Not that stuff means anything. All this stuff that people are getting excited about in marriage. I'm just lucky that I'm able to process my life with somebody. I'm able to do and I got >> Divvy up the functions. Yeah. >> It's a partnership. It's prioritizing. It's also letting go. It's you know, it's a matter of dividing and conquering. You're doing this, I'm doing that. Let's do this as a partner. I love it, Tony. I love what you have going on. I'm going to say one more thing. One more thing. It sounds very pompous what I'm saying. I'm always loving my wife and all that stuff. >> No, it's not. >> She is. >> Tony. Okay. >> No, it's not. Fine. Don't say that again, please. No, I absolutely like Tony when he's like, "Okay, you're so nice." >> 10%. You're paying attention to the BS noise? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I'm saying is this. She's really, really nice to me. I watch women tearing men down. She has always made me feel amazing about myself. And she the same way I talk about like Rabbi Price looking at me, she looks at me like I am really special. Like she is not trying to tear me down. She makes what I do really easy. That's what I'm trying to say. So, you're a great partner. She She makes it easy and I think women have way more power in the marriage than men. I really do. >> should they do differently? I I don't I don't know how to give women advice, but I can tell you that a man who feels like cherished and loved will do freaking anything for their woman. Like that is what I believe. That if you walk into the house and you and and that man is feeling like top of the world because you're looking at them like this is my man. I am I know men. Men will do literally turn the world over for their wives. So, I do think there's a much bigger power. Like if you look at my marriage, Yael is way more powerful in the marriage in the sense that I just I'm dying to give it back. >> You probably naturally do what the Italian taught me in my 20s. You put your wife on a pedestal regardless. That's what I'm trying to tell you. >> When you're home and you're saying she does it to you, it's amazing. I'm proud of both of you. >> Okay. And uh yeah, yeah, it's Too much. It's not too much. It's just that, you know, for I absolutely love it. >> Yeah, I know. It's good for We're moving on from this topic simply because uh you know, it's not that it's too much. It's just that it's perfect. It's awesome. It's a great message and uh that's what I want to get out of it for now. I mean, we can go so much deeper into it. Relationships is huge, but it's such an amazing concept uh in general putting the spouse ahead of yourself and making them feel good. If both spouses did that constantly when they're around, we'd have easier time with therapy. Uh on counseling and marriage counseling, better parenting, and so on and and forth, which is amazing. Um but when we started, there was another thing we talked about in general, which is raising kids and going through the process and the marriage uh uh process and the you know, and the turning points for you and all that stuff. And we covered so much ground on those topics that we started with and I'm very happy uh that we got to this point. Uh but we have to talk about uh what is the campaign that you're doing right now? Tell me a little bit about the village, the concept that you have of uh having the community participate in getting people healthier is near and dear to my heart uh simply because I'm a community first person. After family, it's community. Um, you know, business, family, community, those are the top three. Uh you know, friends are top four. Yeah. >> True. I'm saying it's your tightest community is your family and then it gets bigger. So talk to me about your model and how it works and and what the village is all about and what you you know, what you're going through right now in the terms of giving. That's the last thing we spoke about in the in the beginning of the first few minutes of the conversation. Talk to me about that uncomfortableness about what you're up to right now. Let's get through that part. >> Okay. So first of all, I with your permission because I know last time I came, it was one of the first times I talked about the Shiva protocol. And I want to say it again. I you have new guests and stuff like that. >> Shiva house rules, baby. Talk to me. >> Shiva house rules. Just the idea that I spent a lot a lot of years in this field trying to fix people's behaviors and trying to make them live proper lives and realizing how incredibly useless that was. Not that Not that it's not a good idea to improve yourself and grow. It's a great idea. What I found is that people only don't improve themselves because they have this deep sense of unworthiness and deeply inside them that they know exactly what to do. Every addict knows making your bed is a great idea and having a job is a great idea and making money and getting a wife is a great idea. They all know that. They're not stupid people. The question is, why are they not doing it? And it took me years to figure it out, and it took years for me to realize the Rabbi Price look at my eyes was the answer the whole time. But the answer is is that we have in our Jewish tradition what do you do with a traumatized person? Someone who lost a loved one, someone who feels unworthy of being in this world, someone who feels like what is the point of all this? Just emptiness. That's what you feel when you're traumatized. We have shiva. What did you What What our ancient ancient Jewish tradition says is that we we sit down. We take the person who's hurting, who's traumatized, who's in pain, and we don't tell them, "Get up, get a job, get your act together, get out there." We say, "Sit down on a low chair. No moving. We're coming around. It is not on you to get better right now. It's on us, the community, to hold you until you have the strength to move on on your own." And we wait till they talk first, and we don't disagree with what they're saying. And if they're saying something that they're hurt, we have to listen to it. We listen to what they say, we hold them, we look at them with the eyes of you are worthy just because you are here. And that's how shiva works. And everybody who sits through a shiva, most people, doesn't want to be there. They don't want to be held. They want to be sick and in pain and isolated in their room, and that's how every addict feels. But we say, "No. You're coming into my community, and we're going to love you, and you're going to borrow hope from us, and we're going to give you the strength, and slowly slowly it'll be a week, and then a and then a month you have you have you have shloshim, and then in 11 weeks we stop saying kaddish, in a year we have a yahrzeit. We're going to get you to a place and I have found fascinatingly in addiction 1 year is pretty much the magic mark of people getting back up. If they have held for a year, most of the time around a year, which is brilliant from the from the khakhamim, they get back on and they move on. I built an entire community, the village, that's what we're promoting. The village, um that's what I'm like the campaign. We I built a community. 90% of what we do is holding and just allowing every single person to know how special and how important they are to us and how important they are just for existing and giving them the strength to to take their time to get better. We build an entire community. That doesn't mean we don't tell them they got to do try to get work and they got to do it. We do all that stuff. It's as professional as you get. But there's no community for recovering people that has ever existed in my opinion that gives the amount of love and support that we've created. I don't think there's anyone that does it in terms of integration of community. That's the thing that you introduced to the world. Kudos to you for that. Um it's in our community and for those of you that don't know, the concept is that there's a post rehab integration into the community where when the person comes out of rehab, no matter what they're dealing with, Shipa House Rules turns on for the entire community and we are there for them. Come for Shabbos, come for meals. Yeah, helping guys you come by helping guys get jobs. The whole community the the difference is this is not a clinical experience. This is a communal experience where they had the whole [ __ ] Reichman has built the the neighbors, which is volunteers to help my guys even more. And these guys are davening in the shuls. They're connecting. They're all working for people in the firm community. They're all connecting to They are in reintegrating back. They don't look like clinical cases. They become regular members. My Some of my biggest supporters, most A lot of them, are people who went through the program, who are like living very successful lives right now. And it's fascinating to see. What was most fascinating to me when I visited the place for one of the first times is first of all, you have a house and it's a it's quite large. It has to be the right type of house. It's built right into the community of any town. Wesley Hills, Pomona, Brooklyn, whatever doesn't make a difference. Anyway, Right now there's six houses. Just one. Keep that in mind. >> Awesome. And the house is very regimented. There's a clean system in there. There's a schedule. Of course you run it like a good system, like you said, professional and so on and so forth. The heart is in it and the community is in it, which is amazing. When I first came in I don't know, over a decade ago, it made me realize and thankfully helped me as a parent and as an uncle that addiction is the only problem when you're gambling. The you know, someone came in to Heichal Yeshiva, shout out to Gremesion, came in to speak and he gave a blessing to all the boys, I bless you all that you all lose every time you gamble. Because the second you win is when you start getting excited and that's when you get addicted to it. And if you have an addictive personality, you're going to get sucked in at a young age that your brain hasn't developed. Addicts are very smart. I want to say this that they actually are looking for the right thing in the wrong place. People who are addicted and are more addicted than others, they're lacking connection in their life. They want to be connected. They want to feel whole. They want to feel special. That's what they want. They're not getting it from themselves. So they're looking for another place to get it. Now, if you just take that thing away, they'll find something else. Unless you actually fill them with connection and love and all that stuff, they're going to keep looking at it in every other place. So, you could try to like okay, we're going to take it off, we're going to work out. But then that guy works out 6 hours a day and then you like they it's constantly going to be you're going to play Whac-A-Mole. That's a you're trying to get it to die. It it's never going to happen. The answer is exactly what they're seeking. You're seeking connection, you're doing it the wrong way. We're just going to tell you how to do it the right way. There's no real change in in an addict in terms of healing. The healing is we're listening to you. You're saying I desperately feel alone and and there's a gap in my life and I have to fill it. Great. Come here. We'll show you how to do it. So, we're they're not wrong on what they want. That's what I'm trying to >> people listening that are addicts Yeah. or know someone that's an addict in anything. First of all, you need to know that you can be an addict in anything. Second of all, you need to know that if you have an addiction and it's a challenge and it's controlling your life or you know someone that has that challenge, please reach out to Sunny Perlman. Especially if you're an an adult male. We have a website now. What's the website? >> villagerecovery.org Thank you. And then you can reach out to Kenny. Okay. Uh I I I'm What was the last name I said? I I I appreciate it. I mean it's amazing. The village is awesome. Good luck on your campaign. Thank you. Um you're going to do great. It's not even a question. You're going to get everything you need because you have the community support behind you and guess what? I'm part of your community and uh I'm loving what you're doing it and I'm a supporter with you financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, all of it. I'm all in, baby. I love what you're doing. I love you as a person. I love the people in the house. I love the neighborhood that supports it. Um I love talking about things that are vulnerable and growing through it. I love it. >> Sunny, do you have any questions for me? Uh I'm curious if you are enjoying doing the podcast. I know it's a simple question, but >> I'm not enjoying the the business side of things, but the 1 and 1/2 hours that I'm sitting with you, and that is more than I gain from anything in my life other than my family and community and my business once a week for an hour to 2 hours. I learn so much and I adapt it into my life. Every week I'm learning and growing. It's freaking awesome. Oh, wow. I'm feeling the same way. Exactly the same way. I hate the business side of it. Yeah. Yeah. I do love it. >> I have a question that I have from the previous guests that we've had. I've asked them, you know, come up with a question that you want us to ask our next guest and I have it. I'd like to ask you that question. >> Nice. Was it the Arush people? Uh it was. It was. I'm an Arush guy. Really? Yeah, I go there. I'm always there. >> They wanted me to ask the next question is how do you deal with anger? Ah. How long do you have to No, I'm just Okay. How do I deal with anger? First of all, I have a different take from anger than anybody I've ever met. So, I'm going to give you my take on anger. I'm so glad you asked. Thank you, Arush people. Uh by the way, their campaign is going on. Go to them, too. Um what was I going to say? So, I actually at some point realized when I was a kid, I was furiously angry and I always was and I and I avoided it and tried to keep it away from my life as much as possible. In a certain sense, I suppressed it. And no one could really ever see me angry. That's really something that I've like suppressed. But when I at a certain point, probably about about 8 9 years ago, it occurred to me that I was literally missing something incredibly special in my life and that was anger. And nobody talks about anger on the good side, but I'm going to say that anger on the good side. The good side of anger is it's the one emotion that has absolutely no doubt in the world how special you are. It is your motivational speaker emotion. A guy you could feel terrible about yourself and this you could feel like the worst person in the world and somebody pulls, you know, cuts you off in traffic and you're like, "You're cutting me off? I'm me and you're not allowed to cut me up." And it makes you puff up your chest, back goes back, you're ready to fight, you're ready to go to war and it like reminds you how incredibly special you are. Now, rage is when you take that feeling where it's like a reminder, it's like your soul's saying to you, "Don't forget the entire planet was created for you. That's what it is all about. Wake up." When you're feeling depressed, anger shows up and goes, "Hello, you're amazing." Now, and then we go and we're like, "I'm going to punch that guy in the face." No, sit with it. And feel it and be like, "Wow, that feels That feels really good to puff up my chest and to be angry and want to hit somebody." Like, "That feels good. I'm somebody." So, I've I have actually embraced it. Like, I get that feeling of anger and I'll just stop my day and just like "Wow, I'm worthy." Yeah, I'm worthy and and it's me telling me, which is like wild. So, rage I'm a very against. Don't fight, just sit in that and realize that it's your reminder that you are special and you are important. >> Bro, I got to shake your hand on that. There you go. >> [laughter] >> That was a really good one. That's a fact, brother. Didn't see that coming. That was a really great answer. I love anger. >> [clears throat] >> Okay, so I will say one thing is we say anger is about desire because if we take that and believe it, we're like, "I am more important than everything. I'm a more important than God." I The worship of other desire is worshipping yourself. You you forget that there are other people. Genius, honey. Genius, I love it. I love you. >> asked that question. And thank you. Thank you for the Or L'Chaim guys that asked it. Thank you to Ezra Max for telling me to do this. Nice. >> Uh it was a great idea. Thank you to Alex Barth who gives me guidance probably week to week on the podcast. Thank you to Shmuel Weinestock who constantly gives me feedback to Josh Parnes who's always giving me good feedback. And thank you to those commenters on YouTube. There's a few of them that are always giving comments that uh you know uh Steph, you know, there's a few people, Steph, that always give the comments. You know what I'm talking about? Same few people. Yeah. Um which is always awesome. Um who would you recommend as uh a guest on this podcast? I say it differently now. I say who If you started a podcast, who would be your first guest? But you have a podcast. So, who do you think at this point in our way the podcast is heading would be a good next guest to sit here in your chair? >> I could tell I I'm going to just recommend my favorite podcast that I did. I AB Rothenberg. I think you should get AB Rothenberg. Call him. Uh he's not going to I he's not going to answer right now. Really? I'll call him afterwards. >> [laughter] >> It's embarrassing. No, he may answer, but I had AB Rothenberg on and it's it was the biggest fanboying pod To me, it was like having Michael Jackson on. Like it was like the greatest >> Sonny, call AB Rothenberg. >> to answer my phone cuz I have to text >> What are you talking about? Really? You sure you don't want to give it a shot? Uh I'm not friends with him. I'm just >> Oh, but he was on your podcast though. He was. So, you think you think you can get him on? I'll call him for you if you want. >> to call him now on the spot? >> No. I'm not going to push you. >> that. You did that last time to me. And it worked. >> I'll get you someone else. It worked? It always works. You know why it always works? Cuz if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, but you got to make the call. You know, the uncomfortable thing that you're going through right now to make those calls and to raise that money for your village and for the six houses and to have a seventh and an eighth and to learn how to do it is this breakthrough. Get out of your damn phone and call Avi Rottenberg right now. Stop being a wuss. Let's go. That's what we got to do? >> Yeah, that's the uncomfortability. >> calls all day. That's it. Be vulnerable. I'll call. We'll see. Yeah, yeah. Just ask him to join. So, if he picks up, if not, then you'll do it later. Thank you. But, you got to make the call. That's the point of the fundraising of the you know, the salesmanship that you don't like to do, and the giving thing that you don't want to turn. Make the call. I'll leave a message. Nah, people don't like messages. Don't leave messages for busy people. The truth is >> Text them. Avi Rottenberg is from the time period where you can leave a message. Oh, you're right. >> They listen to messages. >> If you're >> You should have left the [laughter] message. I'll leave a message later. Guys, he I think he changed an entire generation. >> I'm in. I love it. Thank you again to all our subscribers. Thank you to the PrimeSource production team. Guys, uh this is fully sponsored by PrimeSource. PrimeSource is expense consultants for the senior care industry. Uh we've recently had a tremendous merger with another company called BEP, and we're now powered by them. So, we have software and data and technology and a backbone like no one else has in the industry. Uh that we can take your data and analyze it. I said earlier, by the way, that I lost a potential client cuz I was too vivacious. Um there's a there's a thing called pleasantly persistent when it it comes to going after clients. However, I want to tell you it's worth the risk. I may have lost this one, but I'll gain another 10 being aggressive, pleasantly persistent, and using our business intelligence to gain the trust of clients. That's what we do on a daily basis here at PrimeSource. We'd love to earn your trust if you own an assisted living home and nursing home, a surgery center, a hotel. Now we can do restaurants, schools, universities, uh cruises, uh casinos, prisons, hotels. If you own or manage any of those places and you want to see how to cut your costs with just using your data and looking at the manufacturer data and looking at the all the algorithms to see using AI hey, what can you buy better and smarter contact us today at primesourcex.com and thank you again to all of our listeners. Thank you Sonny. This has been amazing. This has been fun. This has been growth oriented. I always hope for that at the end and it always is and this has been fun with you and that's a wrap. Thank you. Brother.