Building a Movement: Lessons on Friendship, Faith, and $34 Million

That was interesting >> guys like I was saying when I wake up in the morning I'm going to wash my hands and I say the mod ani and then I realize that I was a part of something greater thanks to the two of you. So I just want to first off say thank you for what you're doing. Thank you for being here. >> You know the best part of my uh meeting you was meeting you in avitz >> and uh you know we'll talk about that in a minute. First of all I love your socks. Avocado socks. >> What are those today? >> Today. >> Yeah. Avocado socks. >> Yeah. >> Do you switch them out every day? >> Yes. >> Okay. It matches your shirt on purpose. >> Yes. >> It's also a thing. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> Something has to match >> the shoes or the pants. >> Welcome back everybody to another amazing episode of the None of Your Business podcast. I'm your host, Michael Greenfield. Thank you so much for our subscribers, our comments to the Prime Source Production Team. Today we have with us two amazing individuals. a partnership grown out of a dollar literally like you you would think like what does a dollar do for you and we're going to get into that and the creators of daily giving and what do you call it doctor >> Dr. Donate >> Dr. to donate. So, we have with us Jonathan Donath and Schlommo Wrestler. Guys, I'm happy I got the names right. So, uh we're off to a good start and I really appreciate you being here. Want to learn so much about what you guys are doing, how you're doing it, the whole idea of Tedducka and charity and giving and where this where the money is going, who's giving, how much of it is, you know, being churned in our world of um you know, our community, right? I want to understand numbers. I want to break it down. I'd love to understand who your organizations are that you give to and why. First and foremost, I want to know about you guys and who you are and how you met. I know you're part of a little bit of a club. I want to talk about that. You guys are also my uh non-bearded Kabad friends. We'll get into that in a minute as well. So, uh so much to get into. So, first of all, thanks for being here, guys. Jonathan, we're going to start with you. >> Start with >> if you don't mind. You know what? You're a nice guy, but no. >> Okay. You want to pass it? I know what he's going to do. He's going to pass it right back to you. Uh, first of all, quick question for you. Are you doing this full-time? >> Um, yeah. Well, I have two full-time jobs. >> Okay. So, yes. >> What do you do full-time? >> I'm a chiropractor. >> Okay. >> But just recently, I've merged my practice with another practice so that I'd have even more time to focus on daily giving. >> Wow. Fantastic. Yeah. >> Okay. We're going to turn to you, Schlommo. What do you do full-time? >> I run oper parts of operations for a family office. >> Okay. In the city. and and this >> and this. >> Okay. Um, how do you guys know each other? >> We met in White Plains. Okay. That's very inconspicuous. >> About 16 years ago. >> 16 years ago. >> 16 years ago. I moved into White Plains. Schlommo was right there. He had us for Chabas. >> Nice. >> When we came to visit the community, >> I was part of the committee that uh the welcoming committee. So when people were considering communities, they came to visit and we we had them over for for a meal. and I bribed his kids with, you know, balloons and chachkas to take home and that was it. >> Schlommo, he's very humble, so I'm gonna add things. Schlommo was like a legend from NCY. He's a little bit older than I am. And so when I was in NCY growing up was like Schlommo wrestler was also like he had like a huge um dart list and I think it was like tens of thousands. This is before this is like going back way back when email was like the thing and he had tens of thousands of people getting his weekly Torah and I remember being on that list. So then when I met I was like whoa I get to meet FL wrestler. Yeah. So he was he was he was he was big a long time ago. >> Well thank you for giving us some flavor there. I like that. >> I still send out the weekly diver Torah but I I started a daily aliyah. So now I send daily diver and weekly. >> Oh wow. Okay. You're into the daily thing. >> Busy guy. >> I want to figure out how that happened. And uh let I want to jump into that real quick and then we'll peel it back uh right after. So you meet each other. you move into the community where he is. You heard about him. You're part of the welcome committee. By the way, welcome committee is amazing. I think every shul needs to have that. And I've said this already for a few times. It's not only about the person in the back of the shul. It's many times about the person in the front of the shul. Always think about the people in your sh. Like you know the person who you think has it all in the front sitting next to the rabbi and you know always laughing. he also can use the hello and the shalom and the connection and you know so but having a grounded system where you have a welcoming committee is amazing. I take it upon myself to do that all the time and the you know new faces and uh it happens to me that you know sometimes I'll be like hey welcome and the guy's like I'm here 3 months already and I'm like oh oops so there's really no system. So you guys have a welloiled machine in your sh I guess. Yeah, we also have a lot of uh hospitals in the area, White Plains, and so people who have relatives in the hospital need a place to stay. So, they often stay in our basement, other people's basements. So, I used to have just a separate basement where they could just stay and be left alone. I figured they'd all they'd want to be left alone, but the truth is that they want someone to talk to. So in addition to talking to our own members, we also we're also welcoming to to those who don't necessarily want to be there but have to. >> Right. That's actually beautiful. So thank you for for telling me that. So um so break it down for me. So you're moving into a neighborhood, you're new, he comes, he welcomes you, brings you to the family and >> we came for Shabas and uh and then we're like, "Okay, we're moving here." Actually, my practice was already in White Plains. So we I I always kind of thought I should I wanted to practice where I lived. Um, and so we came in and um, and we were sold. It was it was it's a beautiful community. White Plains is really amazing. There's two Orthodox shows. You there's a show you go to and the show you don't go to. So that's how you know it's a it's a big enough community. And um, the truth is both shows are really amazing with incredible rabbis, incredible rabbitons. And um even when we have our friends that you met that the night we met when they've come for Shabas, you know, not everyone realizes there are SHs with communities like really like where the ra there's a rabbi and there's just the rabbi knows every kid in the sh's name, you know, he knows every kid and he knows what's going on and you have a bar mitzvah like the the rabbi is talking about them personally and he learns with every kid and um and there's committees the welcoming committees and other committees, youth committees and other things that I know in in in I don't want to throw any other community under the bus, but there's lots of shs that are more like block whatever they don't actually have that you know for example in Israel you don't have communities as much like that like an American style community where you have you know our friends came for shabas for shalom sons bar mitzvah and they were like wow this is like community there's like a feel of a community so >> right >> I'm from Minnesota so like I'm born and raised in Minnesota and like that's what you had you had like there three different shows in in my neighborhood Minneapolis and and that's what it was like also you know you had all you had uh >> okay so you're an out oftowner you're going into an out of town style shoo and you went to check it out for shabas Yeah. >> And then how many communities did you check out before this? I'm I'm just curious. >> I think it was the only one. >> Okay. >> So, it was love at first. >> Yeah. We were just It was It was great. We're like, "This is a spe it's a special place, White Plains." And and I don't think it's a coincidence that almost every every almost every single couple, one of the couple is from out of town. S from LA. Um you got Detroit and and and Boston and and Houston and Dallas and you know, all like Chicago. There's just from all over the place. Very cool. I did not know you're from LA. I did not know you're from Minnesota. This is great. I'm learning so much about you guys. I'm loving this already. >> So, you go for Chavez. You become friends. And you're in a family fund business. You're Are you a finance guy? Like, what's your what's your background? >> Yeah. Um, I was a CFO of a few small hedge funds and then eventually migrated over to a family office running operations. >> Okay. Family office for those that don't know are people that have money to spend and they need to spend it wisely and they create a family office and they invest in in secured funds I guess or in different types of ventures, right? >> Yeah. >> Okay. So, you're holding the >> hand of all those things happening, I guess. >> Do my part. [laughter] >> Okay. Do your part. Remember, this is what the podcast is. We're going to open up a little bit. You know, we're gonna slowly open. Um, so you move in, you find out about each other, you become friends. Tell me about how this idea percolated. I really want to figure out like first and foremost and lay the foundation of what you guys have done together, which is phenomenal. And like I mentioned earlier, I'm a part of it every day. I know that I'm giving $1 and I'm a part of supporting a new organization every single day, which is phenomenal. Just for the sake of the viewers and the listeners to know to understand this, how much are we talking about? How many givers do you have? What are your numbers like? And what are you doing right now? >> Sure. Um, we have um we have over 24,000 Jews from 51 countries who are all giving at least $1 of sedaka together every day. And every day we give the entire amount to a different incredible Jewish nonprofit. We like to say it's a diversified portfolio of over a hundred different charities. And every day all of our givers get an email telling them where the money went that day. And they get to feel great about themselves cuz life's hard and every day there's lots of things we're doing and we could be having a good day. But then that email comes, we get so many emails that aggravate us, aggravate us, right? But that one email comes and says, "Thank you for your donation." You open it up, you see who we gave today and you realize like I mean not many people can give $9 million a year. I mean some you Michael might be able to but like as a chiropractor I can't. And so this is a way we figured out where where people you know a couple years ago someone wrote an article about Mishbucka magazine and a bunch of people signed up. But then the next week, someone wrote a letter to the editor, which I like more than the article. And and the letter to the editor said, you know, I've always struggled with Sedaka because I've always felt like my $18 check or my $36 check felt like rather insignificant. And just like she doesn't feel like I'm having an impact with my Sodaka money, but with Daily Giving, for the first time, I'm giving. At the time, it was like I'm giving $14,000 a day. I feel like I'm a big veer. So that's that's kind of what we do. And uh we've given out over $34 million in the in the first seven and a half years since we started. >> Wow. Can I just add to that? It's not just it's not the aggregate is beautiful, but what really drives for me anyway for what feels special to me is when you get Hashem sees what you're doing, right? You're giving a dollar. If you're helping uh a widow, let's say, is Hashem going to say, "Yeah, but you're only 0001% of of this widow's help." No, you're helping you're helping his children. And so just being a part of helping another Jew, it's almost irre irrelevant how much you're just doing it together with with all your other brothers and sisters. >> That's very true. It's a feeling of being a part of something, the feeling of togetherness, which is really great. Percentage wise, how many people are giving a dollar versus more? >> 91% give a dollar a day. >> That's amazing. >> Yeah. >> Wow. Okay. And we're talking about $9 million now on average a year. >> Yeah. Giving, right? It grows, thank God, every day. And um >> how many people are signing up on average? Do you have numbers like that? >> Yeah, I mean it depends what if we're running certain things or campaigns or different. We're about to go into you know it's right before it's L, right? >> Remember it's L >> like this is right. This is if you're if you're if you're hopefully we'll say something tonight that will inspire you to join us and uh absolutely be a part of it. But um yeah, it's it's a it's a good time for daily giving this time of year as uh we try to >> you know that Jewish guilt is that [laughter] as we try to try to get the scale to our side, you know. >> Okay, you already got my dollar. That's it. But that's really what it is. Once you got someone to give a dollar, you feel accomplished and you're moving on and you >> Yeah. I mean, we have more people that start that go from a dollar then decide to give everyone for everyone in their family. They go from like a dollar and cancel. >> Yeah. So, a lot of people there was like um recently a woman signed up. She like she emailed us and she said, "Can someone call me? I'd like to give more." And I called her. She was from Florida like she was a nurse anesthetist. And I honestly don't even know if she's religious or not. It doesn't make any difference. That's one of the like like Shus like we have people like totally secular Jews who give us and and [clears throat] you know you know the mostidic everything in between and um and that's what I think like what more could Hashem want than all of his children giving together to our brothers and sisters who are less fortunate and so that's beautiful >> that's what we're doing. So this woman called up and I spoke to her and she she wanted to give 10%. She's like I don't know who to trust but I trust you guys. So she gave $29,000. She sent us a check and I don't remember what that turned out per day but that's what we did. What's the fees uh associated with running this organization? >> Well, we fund raise our entire overhead separately. So, a h 100red cents of your dollar goes to charity every single day. >> Wow. Do you know what the average is for the uh larger charities of America of how much money actually goes to the charities? You ever do the studies? You ever >> Jewish or non-Jewish? >> Non-Jewish. You ever see those New York Times reports? >> No, but I know it's very high. >> It's phenomenal. I don't know if Stefan can look it up now, but uh Steph, if you can chat GPT and just ask um top 10 charities in America, how when telemarketers call people for charities, how much percentage actually goes to the cause? >> Right. >> When it's telemarketers, it's it's really bad. >> Yeah. 1% 2% 3% of the money you're giving. >> Well, that bad. That's worse than we're talking about. Very bad. I I I remember seeing a report like this. I know you Stephan will look it up. We'll get back to it in a second. But also amazing that you're giving to different organizations. I'd love to hear how you decided to do this and which organizations do you pick? I'm sure also people are thinking now, oh, this person needs help. Why are we not doing something for this person? By the way, shout out to certain people that I know that um on a daily basis, they're raising money to help pay someone's mortgage, pay a tuition. And I'm just going to name one person in particular was on my mind, Joel Wall. He's a guy that every day pretty much he's just pounding it and he's using the status to really just bring people together and save people's lives one at a time which is really really cool and I'd love to hear how you determine what you're doing and how you're doing it. So no fees 100% going towards it. So it's another comfort level knowing that you're giving a charity and you know 100% of your money is going to the cause really also a great thing. Not necessarily is the money that's going to the cause, I guess that cause has to also determine what goes to theirs, right? So every organization is different, right? If you write write a check to a high lifeline versus Hamaspic versus what you not know, I don't know if there's donations, but there's different formulas, right, of what goes. Do you guys research how much goes into the organization? Like when you give to a certain organization, do you figure out percentage- wise what they do with the money? You do that as well? >> You get we analyze expense ratios. >> Exactly. We our due diligence team looks very carefully at what they're spending on. But even better for us is like we will we'll take a project or we'll direct our money. So like it won't just be the $24,715 we gave this morning to you know Miss Kim, but we'll say we want to work like you know you said Mask which came to my head. That's not who we gave this morning but um you know so we will research something and we'll we'll fund a certain project. So then it really is not just 100% of our money but 100% goes right there. a project within an organization, >> right? So that we're not funding their own overhead because people overhead's important. People don't realize like >> Yeah. >> like people need to be paid and and nonprofits have to have people employees and employees cost a lot of money nowadays, you know, and >> so people don't really realize that that you can't have free sodaka. You can't always you can't, you know, in Israel there are some truly amazing like gabit seduckas that literally I don't know how they survive and and they do it and uh on almost no overhead. But for the majority of big organizations like if you want to get really good stuff done, you got to pay good people. >> Yeah. No, I agree with you and it makes sense to have those fundraising things and I've had some pretty horror stories that happened to me in terms of people coming from different countries to collect and saying certain things and doing certain things. I had my child once gave a dollar to somebody and he smacked it out of his hand. He said, "This is not Sedaka." And that's what I remember when I started giving to Daily Giving. I was like, you know what? That's the story that I remember in my head. Like, you know, you don't smack a dollar out of anyone's hand. Every penny is worth something and especially if you're doing it as a group. So, again, kudos to you. How did this come up? Where did this come from? You come into the shul. You meet him. You become friends. You're a chiropractor. You're in finance in a family office. Just tell me how this percolated. Where did this come from? Where was the aha moment? Where did you guys like think about this together? Tell me that story. >> Okay, I guess I'll start this one. Um, >> the story. Well, first of all, before I tell that, I just want to say like what's so interesting is that first we've been friends, best friends for like 16 years, right? So, but we didn't daily Giving didn't start we didn't I didn't have the idea till like 8 years ago. So, you know, and people sometimes ask me, you know, oh, Teda must be your mitzvah. Like that must be your like that was always your mitzvah. I'm like to be honest, like I it really wasn't. I struggled with Sedaka because um I'm a chiropractor at my own office and my wife's not working outside the house. So, it's like all on me. No one's saving for my kids college fund. No one's saving for my retirement. So, I had to like do all that. And that when you have your own business and you're a single practitioner, if I get if I get hurt, if I go skiing and I tear up my knee and I can't work for three months, like I don't make money. Like, it's it's real. And so, there's like that mentality was hard for me. And so um I I gave Saddaka but did I give 10% if if you take besides the tuition if you take all that out I'm not I don't the answer is no if I'm being honest no the answer is no I didn't and Schlommo is a very very unique person and Schlommo and now that I'm in the world of of Saddaka and I and I get to meet so many special people like even though I've met so many givers I've think there's only two other people that I could could compare to Schloma in terms of like their pleasure that they get out of giving. Like truly Schlommo gets pleasure from giving. And he taught me like he really taught me about giving. And um and it's really incredible the gift that he's given me. And and now I'm so passionate about giving and getting others to give. And I think it was great that I in some ways that the fact that I wasn't always passionate about giving and now I'm so passionate about giving getting others to give because I understand how it trans it transformed me as a person. It's not like giving has such a profound effect on the giver and now I understand. I didn't understand that before. So that's kind of a little bit background on just what I've learned from Schlommo and and and which just makes sense like so why I had the idea I I don't know but it basically it stem back about eight years ago. Someone had told me about a YouTube video of a rabbi who had a near-death experience. And just the way he told me about it, it I was so intrigued. And it was a two-hour video, and like I don't I don't have time to watch 2-hour videos, but I watched like 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there. And the video is absolutely amazing. It's about this rabbi's name is Rabbi Alon Anava. You could go on YouTube and look him up, put near-death experience. There's lots of his videos. Um, and essentially, he talks about um he says, "I wasn't just a secular Jew." He's like, "I purposely ate cheeseburgers on Yo Kipper. That's the type of Jew I was." And he died of a drug overdose. And before he came back to life, obviously it's his him talking. So he talks about being in this black abyss of pain and suffering for what felt like two billion years. And he said the message he got was you don't have one single mitzvah, nothing to elevate you. And that's why he was stuck there for so long. And that the message he got was we are here in this world to take action and do for others. And it's a very powerful video. It changed my life a second time. Uh when I watched it 5 years later, I was like realized I had never watched it again. And I watched it a second time and it changed my life in a different way. But I watched the video and as the the the day I finished watching the video like I I finished in my car and outside in the parking lot of Young Israel White Plains and I walked into Schul for Marv and I put a dollar in the sucker box like we all have who knows how many times in our lives. And at that moment, I had the only epiphany I ever had in my life that no matter how much money I give to Stucka, I still get a mitzvah for this $1. I was like, "Wow, what a deal." A mitzvah for a buck. I was like, "How can I guarantee that I'm giving Stucka every single day, no matter what, for a dollar?" That was the idea that popped into my head. And it [snorts] wasn't just like an idea. It was like I cuz I like it was an epiphany. Like I it was so like deeply ingrained in my soul at that moment. Like I thought I had a billion dollar idea. I was like I I I knew I couldn't concentrate. Like I really ran home and I started googling is anybody automating daily stuck giving and I could not find it. So I called up my website guy Shovel who's to this day my website guy and is the chief technology officer of daily giving and I asked him what he thought of the idea. He says a great idea. I said could you build me a website? He said absolutely. I said great. Called Schlommo called my friend Rammy and uh we started having meetings at our you know different houses and we're started planning like how could we do this? How how Schlommo was the biggest giver? We sh who do you give your money to? Shom gives his list of sodakas, right? Like we all started just figuring out who were the different sodakas that we want to give to and then this was like probably May or June of of 2018 and um and then I had this idea cuz I listened to a lot of Shir to any time and I really liked Rabbi Pesron who's the voice of Torin time. I was like if you hear Rabbi Cone talk he's constantly saying like to time is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Like he's like by tomorrow my shear is going to be heard in Switzerland and Chile and Mexico and Canada. And so I was like, if I can get Ray Pesakron to speak about daily giving the way he speaks about to time, we're going to blow this thing up. So I I got his number and I called him up and my heart was beating out of my chest and the voice of Tory time picks up the phone. I'm like, "Oh my god." And um I told him the idea and he's like, "This is a great idea." Um he's like, "No one's doing it." I said, "Rebby, no one's doing it." So he said, "Well, do you have a rabbitical council?" I was like, "No." He's like, "Well, how are people going to not know it's not going to your kids' college fund?" I said, "That's a great idea." So we formed a rabbitical council who to this day is our rabbitical council very prestigious Rabundum and we went live with the website January 1st 2019 and I told you the stats before that's that's how it started. >> Wow. >> And people don't know like Schlommo really the first year or two like it was just Schlommo really funded the whole thing. >> Well let's take a break on on that for a second and Schlommo moving right to you. I'm loving this back and forth by the way. [laughter] You get a call from your friend of eight years right? someone who you're very very close to and he has another idea. >> Yeah, [laughter] I imagine you're full of ideas and we're always we're always percolating ideas, right? But this time something felt different. >> Tell me about that call. Tell me about that meeting. Give me your side of the experience of what happened that you went through. It was actually a shabas walk between uh I remember thinking it sounds like an amazing idea like how I was trying to you know I'm trying to be critical like what what could be it why haven't why hasn't it been done uh so and I was just so excited after Chabas is just you know running to the internet and figuring out what what would be needed you know we have to form a nonprofit status and all that it was I've been blessed with uh with some some friends that have had some brilliant ideas and so I I can I can tell and that one I knew >> right away. >> Yeah. >> That's it. And you went running with it. Yeah. >> And you helped fund it. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> I I actually g I didn't want other people to fund it because I >> funding operations. If you think about it, for every $100 I give to operations, it gets another giver. So my $100 turns into 15 $2,000 20. Like that's the biggest return on on my Tedducka investment. Why would I want to share that with anyone? >> Most people don't talk that way. So we need to back up and find out who the heck you are. >> Where did you grow up? Who are you? And just lay it on me. This is like, you know, >> this is a question, right? Like I want I want to marry you. Who are you? Where are you from? Who are your parents? What camps did you go to? What schools did you go to? What got you interested in giving? What challenges have you faced as a child in growing up? Uh were you the bully or were you bullied? >> You know, did you go through stresses and anxieties? Like what got you to the point in life where you wanted to fund an operation that will continuously give? What you just said is not something that somebody wakes up with in a morning and just says, "Oh, that's my personality." It it comes from somewhere. And I'd like to break that apart a little bit and find out a little bit more about who Schlommo is. >> Oh my goodness. Where do I begin? >> Um, where'd you grow up? I was born in Israel. >> Okay. Who are your parents? >> My parents are Israeli. They we still speak Hebrew at home. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Offie. >> Yeah. As a gift. [laughter] >> I feel bad I don't do it with my kids, but um they hear it through my from uh my parents. Grew up in LA. We were born in Israel though. >> Born in Israel. I moved to LA when I was seven. >> Right away. Oh, seven. Okay. You got seven years in Israel. >> Seven years. Yeah. >> What community? >> No. >> Nebro. >> Stop it. They wouldn't let those socks or that shirt in. [laughter] >> No. It's probably why I wear them. >> So, you go up as a dosi. >> Yeah. >> Right. Am I saying that right? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I mean, ultraorththodox. >> Oh, that's or notish. But ultra >> Yeah. Right. Like that area. >> Yes. Very close. >> Okay. >> Right. Okay. Cool. So you grew up very Israeli. >> Yeah. >> And your parents were very Israeli. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> But very Israeli. >> Where were they from? >> From their parents are from uh Budapest, Germany, Poland. >> Got it. Okay. So they went through the uh Holocaust. Uh >> my uh one grandparent went through the Holocaust, escaped right before the the one from Germany. The others escape moved to Israel before. >> So they went to Israel when Israel was being built as a country in general. Yeah. >> Beautiful. Okay. So at 7 years old, uh guys, we're not um in this challenge anymore. We're going to LA. >> What happened? >> Yeah. My uncle lived in LA and offered my father uh a job. >> Okay. >> So we moved there. I remember getting into the my uncle's Cadillac with with like fancy leather and I I still remember the smell. It was unique experience. >> How many siblings are you? >> I'm one of five. >> One of five. So you all went together or they were all born >> at that time. We were only three. The two younger ones were born in >> So you were the oldest? >> Yeah. >> Wow. So you're the oldest boy of an Israeli young family >> moving to LA. You come to America and you get entered into a Cadillac and you're like, "Wow, what's happening here?" Okay, I love it. >> It was a >> Wow, say the least. Okay, we didn't have a lot of money. Uh, one thing that kind of defined who I am. One year, um, my brother had a birthday and he really wanted this calculator watch at the time. I'm aging myself here. >> I remember those. Come on. It was fun. So, I bought it for him. I surprised him and I gave it to him and I think like within an hour or two it broke. Oh no, what do I do? Before he even realized I went back to the store and I bought him a second one and that felt so good. Um, I think that thinking back I think that's probably my first experience of really enjoying giving a sec like not just giving giving a second time when you when it's not expected or finding a way to give. That's to me that's still exciting. So, um, fast forward high school I was, uh, I was bullied. I was definitely bullied. >> Well, you're Israeli. You're coming into LA. I mean, come on. >> I don't blame them almost. >> It was not fun. >> I mean, like, wow, right. >> Yeah. I mean, you went through that process then. >> Yeah. >> Did you complain to someone? Did you go home? Did like >> There was nothing to do. >> Nothing to do. >> You just put up with it. >> Yeah. They skipped me in Hebrew and I was behind in English and so I had to while everyone was playing recess, I was moving class my my desk across the playground. >> That's very tough. >> Yeah. >> High school, I went to Ner. >> Oh. >> To uh Yeah. And then for Yeshiva, I went to Rabbi Zwisha in Florida which was mind expanding. Really taught me how to think. >> From what perspective? >> Um, this is so unique. Friday night when he sat with us, he would ask questions on the para and not answer them no matter what. Like he will not answer them. So we'd have to like talk amongst ourselves and find answers and then go to him and see if we got it right. I love that. It taught me how to think critically. Um years later when I decided to write uh dwar and every aliyah of every para I started with his shurim. Whatever I could get out of there I did and then I supplemented with other sources. >> Wow. >> So that that really was the beginning of my religious journey. >> So you're you're in Florida high school. There's a high school in Florida that you uh no yeshiva base madish. >> Oh b madish. Okay. So it's after Yeah. >> Got it. Okay. Okay. So it's after Narius Stroll you're saying so Narius Stroll to this Florida base >> medish >> and I'm just curious as a person throughout your life until you went to Florida and this >> yeshiva how were you with recognizing God religion um just that whole that whole world where were you up to did you recognize it? Was it you know relevant? When I was six, I was biking with in Israel, biking with a friend and um remember seeing a car backing out of the driveway and I'm like I remember thinking, "Oh, I hope I don't fall where that car is going to be." And I did. I fell. And because I thought of it, I froze. I'm like, "Oh my god, it what I actually was fearing actually happened." And I froze. And my friend knocked, you know, banged on the on the window and stopped the car and I was fine. I at that moment, I thought, "Hashem, you got me." That's when I realized that Hashem was always with me. And since then, like I traced it throughout my life, I always have that knowing I'm good. It's a It's a thread. Wow. That thread that took you to where you are today, to where I am today, to my friendships. And it really is that thread. When people see it, they recognize it and they want it. And it's it's like a flame. It's easy to transfer. >> That's, you know, this story is amazing to me on so many different levels. Um, there's a lot of people that get transported from America to Israel. The families that do aliyah, >> there are families that go from Israel to America like yours did. And >> there are children that grow up in this process. And many of them have challenges throughout the process. But hearing this, uh, you know, first of all, your parents had the foresight or insight to put you in the right schools, >> right, which helped tremendously. >> Yeah. Um, I'm curious what else happened then after that, like how your life evolved because here's a kid that came from Ben who's suddenly sitting here in front of me today and who's accomplished so much and you you learned everything that was put in front of you. So kudos to you for recognizing all those different parts that Hashem sent you. Um, and I want to learn more from that in terms of that process. So after you finished base medish like what what did you do to go out there and you know start a family or get a job like tell me through that pro take me through that process of a young immigrant >> you know and how you ended up doing all that and what you learned from that or something that your parents taught you of how to evolve and become who you are today. >> Wow. It >> it was a challenge. It was not easy. My first years I I dated I started dating when I was 21 because that's what was expected. I ended up going out with 116 girls. My wife was number 116. >> Wow. >> Um >> this is how that came up. I'm just so glad [laughter] >> it was rough. >> You knew that, didn't you? >> Of course. >> You knew if I was going to say it. >> Yeah. You wanted to see what >> I was going to try and get you to make him say it, but I mean you ask him. But ask him how many girls. >> But I'm proud of it. I'm proud that it took me that long and I appreciate my wife so much more. >> Who was paying for all those dates? >> Uh yeah, I had to do that, too. My parents covered me for the first little while. >> Wow. >> And then uh yeah, when I moved to New York because it wasn't happening, the the thing wasn't working. >> So you were dating in LA and you weren't finding the right girl, >> right? >> And after a certain period, you went to New York. >> Yeah. I I had to make there's so much pressure flying to New York to date for the weekend and then coming back. You really you have to decide right away if you're if she's the one almost >> because the amount of people that you have choices for in LA are limited, I guess. >> And I'm going back to LA and Yeah. Yeah. I I would date LA girls in New York. >> Wow. >> Yeah. Because everyone everyone went to New York. It wasn't >> This is really important, by the way, because I do love this topic of dating and, you know, finding the right one. And I see a lot of people that get frustrated because it's just not going, you know, and um this is giving people hope in hearing about this and just recognizing that you just have to keep going through it. So I want to learn more about it. So >> you you moved to New York. I want to hear about these challenges and and of course you know number 116 was the right one, >> but I I'd like to know what went through the process of oh my god I just finished my hundth girl and I'm giving up and like take me through that process if you can. I I made it a point to learn something from every girl that I dated. And I remember after I think it was about 80, I there were no more lessons to learn. So So why am I going through this? And I remember one time walking down the street crying, just not knowing what why why is this happening to me? I remember crying, yelling at nobody to Hashem. Um, but the truth is that the amount of pain you go through translates to to the pleasure and and gold on the other side. Once you do find the right one, you see that it's all worth it. And the truth is that marriage at the beginning wasn't was also rocky. But that it's it's like the darkness turns into light. It's not that you lose the darkness. I'm reading a lot of secrets these days. It's not that you the darkness goes away and now you have light. The dark turns into light. I I really truly feel like the dark days of my marriage, the dark days of of being single is now the light of my life. And so whatever darkness you're going through, just wait. It gets that's how light it's it will be. That's honestly how how I see it. Yeah, I I feel it. I enjoy learning about the by the way. So, you can keep going. I have that brownish and shul, by the way. So, >> that's good. I used I've used that for a day. I I buy them for literally every sh I visit because it's my favorite thing to talk about on Shabas is that until I learned about this kabad brownsh I would not know what the Torah is talking about cuz it's like in riddles almost sometimes but it just makes it more into a legible story something that you can read and it makes sense to you and I as you might imagine to write a dvarra in every ali of every para is timeconsuming and you have to go through a lot of sources you know some some aliyah are three sukum song and there's not many commentaries, right? So, I've had to go through a lot and the amount of beauty beauty that I'm learning now from is staggering. How how how has this been kept for me for all these years? That's how I feel. I'm like, right, it's every week you're putting out Torah on every aliyah. Is am I hearing this correct? >> Yeah. >> It's an enormous amount of time. >> Yeah. They've been written so but I send them out on WhatsApp now for for those who sign up. >> Wow. Okay. Um so and and they're very pointed type of ver like >> practical >> practical stuff. Can you tell me something you wrote recently that you can share with us? I mean there was so much going on in these weeks paras. I mean >> love to hear something that like you know how you put it together. You're looking you're not only looking for kabad sources you're looking for any source right. Oh, I'm actually thinking of of writing another another set of deter using uh >> because you have nothing else to do with your time, >> right? >> Might as [laughter] well. Yeah. Okay. >> If you want something done, you ask the busy people, right? >> Yeah. Exactly. >> Yeah. >> So, yeah. Um, tell me something that uh, you know, we're reaching the the month of L and I'm I'm on the journey now of making sure that I go into L and I go into the new year not scared, not nervous, not thinking I'm going to hell because I did something bad. I I I'm I'm on a journey now and I hope that my listeners are with me of finding the love and the happiness of going into L and uh and and Rashashana at the beginning of the new year and Yum Kipur. So, I'd love to hear anything that >> connects. Do >> you want a minute to think? Yeah. Okay. You think you think for a minute and I'll just take a take a second to tell you that I actually wanted to bring you a gift and I forgot it. It's a book called really want to call it a saver called Pine Hashem and um it is it's blown my mind. It's anonymous and this book it just goes into and I I'm from from birth and I' I've learned Torah my whole life and I literally feel as I now I'm reading for the second time where I literally just feel like how could I not how could someone have never taught me this. I'm on fire like every time I read >> it's synonymous though. What does that mean? >> No one knows who wrote it. >> No one knows who wrote this book. And you're blown away by the by the >> blown away. beyond blown away like okay I I I bought I I just >> you got me a gift and you didn't give it to me I appreciate [laughter] it I got it I got it next time yeah but look you can get on Amazon for your listeners trust me I'm telling you will thank you p hashem it's on Amazon >> and it's in English >> it's in English >> but not complicated English >> not complicated it's super deep like literally as you read it you read I read like like I read like 15 pages every shabas took me like six months to finish reading and it changed my life it literally now it changed the way I davin it changed the way I make braas it changed the way I understand Hashem change the way I understand myself. >> Give me a little bit of anecdote of what you're referring to if you don't mind when you say this. And then we have to I guess >> while Schlommo is really, you know, thinking about it, we're going to have to get a little bit into your life, Jonathan, because you're saying, you know, from I'm really enjoying this. We should stick with [laughter] >> Sorry, buddy. We're on to you now. >> I'm actually really excited cuz like, you know, I'm kind of more the the front man for daily giving, right? So, I've been on a lot of podcasts. This is Schlom's first podcast. I'm so excited to to be here [laughter] with him and uh shine shine the light on this on this uh this light. So >> I love it. So So you know, you're saying you're from from birth and you're relearning it again. That's very important to me and I like >> you feel like when you read this Torah, you you feel like it it's MS. Like you just reread it. >> Give me a practical example again. We're going into L. We're supposed to be scared. We're supposed to say, "Oh my god, I can't believe I did this and I'm so sorry." >> Yeah, that's Look, we went to yeshiva. That's how we were taught. We were taught things like God is like God is the angry man in the sky and if I do something bad I'm going to burn, right? Like that's like I don't know it sounds like how you were right and so many people still feel like that, right? >> I mean why Jacobson he he says he he said this thing I he said so many things that are just amazing but this really this one little anecdote he said a couple years ago like really changed my life. He talked about aasm and hashem. Now Hashem for most people is a little easier to understand like love of God. Like so it says like Hashem loves us more than a parent loves his his child, right? Now like that's like that and that language, right? Cuz as a parent, right? Like you you don't really don't really know what love is till you have your own child, right? And then and then you understand what love is more, right? So So why does he use the words Hashem loves more than a parent? Because like that's like for anyone to say like that's that's the most love you could have is for a child, right? Right? Hashem loves us more than that. So, so that's a hashm it's a little easier for us to understand for some people. Some people are just trauma God, you know, just it's it's all trauma, right? Like some people have a really hard time with God and I understand it, right? But but that's one thing for me. I didn't have a problem with I was Hashem. I had a problem with your Hashem, fear of God because I was taught like if you do this, you're going to burn. If you do this, you're going to burn. Like and and so then that brings an unhealthy love of an unhealthy relationship with God also. So Raway said something about yours, Hashem. He he explained it in a way I never heard. He basically said I won't you know I can't do it justice but I'll try just to you know forgive me. Um but he said he said let's say you're you're you have a business trip and you have like a I don't know 20our flight to Vietnam and you get off the flight you're exhausted. You check in the hotel that your room's not ready and they they give you a a free drink at the bar. So you go to the bar and there's this beautiful woman sits down next to you. She starts talking to you and the next thing you know you wake up in the morning and you sinned. Now he said let's say that person has the most incredible relationship with his wife. I mean bar none like he has he shares everything complete vulnerability the closest relationship with his wife and he wakes up in the morning his first thought is not even if she knows doesn't matter if she she's not going to find out the feeling of oh my god what did I do that is yours Hashem it's the fear of ruining the closeness and the relationship with God that is the punishment right so and I I feel this in bones. Since then, I understand like that the closer I feel to God, the better my life gets. When I feel when I do something that is misaligned from whatever that is to myself, I feel like I'm doing something that I I'm not proud of or whatever. It just feels like I shouldn't be proud of that. Then I feel down. I feel that that brings that that is the punishment. That is the punishment. We're not like news flash. There is no hell. The hell is you are you're going to have you're not going to be close to God. Now some people don't understand that and I understand it's almost like it's it to me and understanding where I have gone from and and everything to me like I I I've lived it so I know I know it's MS when I'm when I'm close to God when I feel close to God like that is winning in life. >> You you won me over by the way. I I love that. I I really love that explanation and it's really deep. uh we're saying it like in a second and you know why has the theatrics behind it when he talks about it. >> Yeah. >> But that's what is like is like reminding you. It's like reminding you you know like we're taught like you learn the whole Torah and then like you know they go like when you're a baby in your mom's womb and then they like like they pinch your nose and then you forget everything. I feel like that's what when I read and I and I literally I'm like yes yes MS MS. This is the truth. This is the truth. It's like a reminder. It's like revealing what was already there. It's not like I I'm learning for the first time but I'm like oh my god this is true. So inem you know he talks he brings so many basic things he's talking about and Israel and we're not talking like you know complicated we're talking about like the the like the regular stuff we say every single day. I now literally when I say you know I think of something else. When I say I think about something else but he goes he explains it he explains the the each word in a different way that you've never understood. You're like he just spins the whole thing. You're like, "Mic drop. Mic drop. Mic drop." >> Wow. Thank you for that, Jonathan Schmo. We're coming right back to you. Speaking of mic drops, this is a an entire mic drop for me moment. Speaking to someone like you who is writing Torah and putting it together and putting it out there. You mentioned NCSY. I want to get to that. I want to understand how you got involved in NCSY. Why did you get involved? What do you learn from it? And so on. I want to get into that in a minute. But let's go back to, you know, finding something that's relevant to what we're talking about here and anything that you can share. >> Yeah. So, use a source cuz I need the the it says you are all here for happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you. >> What stands out? What doesn't fit? >> What is that? Which one doesn't fit? >> Which one doesn't fit? I don't know. I don't even know what it means. [laughter] >> So, the heads, your tribes, your elders, your policemen, and everyone else. >> Okay, >> tribes. It's not a It doesn't represent a particular person. It's just this vague concept of a tribe. What does that mean? So, Rabbi Fry Mvvis explains that tribe refers to the leaders, the teachers, the anyone who takes on a position of responsibility. That is something you choose. So when we choose to be leaders, it's on us to be the proper leaders to do it right. >> Beautiful. So that's the connection of the and the and everyone else. >> So it's not just this vague terminology. When did you realize you were a leader? Cuz you're an obvious leader. What when when did this happen? We we got to the part that you're getting married and, you know, and we're talking about relationship with, you know, our better halves, right? And I do want to get into that topic in general because I I believe truly that the relationship that you have with God is a reflection of your relationship that you have with your spouse. And >> there's so much to that to talk about. And um >> guys, we met at a spa, >> okay? In a hot tub. >> In a hot tub. And what what I was blown away about you guys, not just the two of you, is the group of friends that you had together. And I'm not going to lie to you, I have I have quite a few friends, but I was still a little bit a little a tinge jealous when I saw you guys. And it wasn't because you were frolicking in the hot tub and you were, you know, laughing and enjoying each other's company. It's because you guys, and it's not just the two of you. There's a group of almost 10 of you. I think there's a little bit more than 10 already, right? >> 10. >> It's 10. It's it's it's on purpose. 10. Okay. >> We had nine for a long time and we >> Okay. So, you have a minion of friends, right? The 10 of you are ridiculously connected mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and then what I saw physically. Now, you're going to say physically? What are you talking about? You guys were talking about deep topics and you were sharing with each other information about your lives and about your challenges. And that's what turned me on to coming to talk to you guys. You were physically on top of one another. You don't even notice it, but I noticed it from the outside. I was like, "These these guys are connected on a level that I've never seen friends do in my life. I've been connected to friends." But then as the evening continued and we got out of the hot tub and we went to the spa and then we went to the to the room there together to relax and talk, I noticed that you guys were really really really connected and on a next level. So like I definitely want to dive into that and who you guys are as a group and what the heck is going on with you guys. I mean >> why is there only one of you that's Kabad with a beard and why are the rest not? I want to know that also. But I'm joking about that, of course. But again, we're breaking it down. So who are you? How did you become that leader person that can do these types of things and look into these things and put it out there to the world and be the leader of a tribe? You are the leader of a tribe, Schlommo. You're putting information out there to thousands of people and you are essentially a leader of a tribe. It's your own tribe that you created. So, I want to learn about that. You know, we spoke about NCSY before. >> Yeah. T take me through that journey of yours of getting married and being a part of organizations. What made you be a part of it? How just just try to think back a little bit and tell me what it was about you? >> Wow. What question? >> I don't think you've ever heard. >> This is amazing. Michael Ramor offer >> the it started when I ran a chapter for NCSY in LA shard villa and they asked me the shul asked me to write a bulletin and so I read I wrote an update what the the youth program is doing >> at what age >> I was 23. >> Okay. So you were >> past the two years of of Florida. I was back in in LA back in college >> dating. >> Sure. >> Um and then I thought I had an epiphany. >> I'm writing anyway. Why not share adv? It's an opportunity to to say something meaningful to these people who may or may not like even if they're not looking for it, let them uh get something valuable out of it. And so I did that and then over the years I accumulated uh a few diver Torah and they were short. I like it short. I like it short and practical. Nothing esoteric. Something they can that people can use. I was an NCY and these NCSires had shabbatones and they needed to speak and they needed to say Torah and they knew I had a duvarra. So they asked me for for my dvarra. I'm like, of course, I ended up with so many of them, like it made no sense to just gatekeep it. So, I published I published a book called The Weekly Dar. Um, my favorite story is one time in Shul Shilo, my father and my brother and I went to Schul and the rabbi didn't tell me he was going to do this, but he his Friday night Torah was mine. And my father was, oh my god, he melted. >> Wow. >> He melted. And I I cried that he was proud of me and I cried that the rabbi thought of it and it was just a beautiful moment. Like why wouldn't I want more of that? So that that I I I don't see myself as a leader, but I guess if you defined, you know, sharing Hashem's beauty as you leading that effort, then sure. >> So tell me about NCSY then. you got involved in at a later date, right, in your life? I was in high school. Yeah. >> So, you're getting involved in them and you went to their outings, you went to their programs. >> Shabbatim. I was known as Mr. NCSY. >> Why? How? How did you become known as Mr. NCSY? NCSY is a huge program. Like, you have to be a somebody to be a somebody in NCSY, right? So, what is it that you did that connected people? I focused on not the main crowd but those kids in the back that didn't have anyone to connect with. That's who I connected with. Um and and the more I saw that the more I realized what I someone needs to be doing this and no one is. And so I had to I shish you got to do what you got to do. >> So I'm the guy in the back and I'm on a program and I'm alone. What are you doing? So, I developed this game. I I don't think you know this either. >> If you take a bottle cap and you flip it a certain way, >> I am the best at I I can hit any target. I'm not kidding. >> Okay. Can you hit it against the wall and have it come back to you? >> Oh, I've never done that before. >> It's a skill. It's a skill. Plus, I can curve it. It could throw it a certain way and it it goes around people. >> That was my stick. >> Are you really good at it? >> We got to play this later. I do I do this at like Chevro, you know, when I'm sitting and it's boring and there's a speech. I'll take a bottle cap like that across the room. >> Oh, yeah. >> But I'll make sure not to hit the person in the face, obviously. >> Oh, I can I when I was good, I could drop it. I could drop it into that cup. >> There's no way. Get him a bottle cap. [laughter] There's no way. >> That's great. Okay, so what do you do? So, you come over to me. I'm alone. I'm quiet, >> right? Yeah. >> We start playing games and talking and, you know, they open up, right? >> They just need someone to, you know, share, >> right? is you're you're finding the common ground. You're finding something easy to connect with someone >> and saying, "Hey, let's >> for whatever reason, people connect with me. I connect with them." >> I see that now that I I I'm starting a new coach coaching career and people just I'm not even ready to advertise being a coach, but people just approach me. I have, you know, I want to tell you something. Rabbi Kaish um Waterberry, he was once asked about his amazing memory, how it's possible that he remembers everybody's brother and sister. And his simple answer was cuz I care. >> When you pay attention because you care, you start to remember. I think that's what I'm getting out of you. You're you're [snorts] very very attentive. You know how to pay attention. You're paying attention though to the things most people are not paying attention to, which I think why you jumped at this daily giving opportunity and it's why you did the NCSY thing and and it's just something to learn from in terms of knowing that this is something that if someone's not paying attention to something, you're paying attention to it and that is really an amazing thing. So I want to learn more about I want to get a little deeper into that. So, you're you're getting involved in NCSY, you get married, you're living where at this time when you first got married? >> Riverdale. >> Riverdale. You already had a job at that point. >> Yeah, I was doing NCSY full-time. I was the regional director of Westchester. >> Oh, okay. And Riverdale. >> The Westchester chapter and Riverdale. >> Region. Okay. Okay. So, you're really an NCSY guy. Yeah. >> Okay. So, you're in charge of this program of this region and this is your full-time job? >> Full-time job for two years. >> My goodness. Okay. So then how did you come to doing what you're doing now? I mean tell me about that. >> Yeah. >> Because a lot of people by the way I just want you to know that >> um I I love doing career guidance. I think you I mean right >> and we talk about this topic a lot like what should someone do when they come back from yeshiva >> a 20 21 year old boy or girl. I mean girls they tend to have better ideas of all the T's the OT's this T right there. And there's like you know there's a path uh forward nursing teaching. So, which I which I think is great, but for guys it's very very challenging. You went to running an NCSY program and it took you on a path of success and I think it's great. I and and I want to learn from that. So, I'd like to learn how you did that and what what happened. >> Yeah. >> Um, so I had an MBA and the well, not how I got the NCSY gig, right? How I moved on from that. >> Yeah. I asked for a raise and they said no. [laughter] >> That'll do it. Yeah. >> Thank god they said no. >> Yeah. >> Um >> is that interesting how that works? Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. One door closes. And I'd done some day trading on the side. And that experience was good for someone in the White Plains community who just got a bunch of money to run. And he needed someone who doesn't know what they're doing, who he could train to do it the way he likes to do it. He wants it done. And so he taught me Excel. He taught me everything I know. He He changed my life. >> Wow. Let's shout him out. I mean it's >> he passed away a couple 12 years ago I think it was >> Shamash and Aliyah then David Geller. >> David Geller. Wow. Yeah. >> Okay. >> Beautiful soul. >> That's amazing. So he taught you this world and took you on as like a mentor I guess. >> Yeah. >> What are the things that you learned from him? >> Uh as little human interaction with numbers as possible. >> What do you mean by that? If you have if you can have it work in Excel where you're not actually fussing around with the numbers, you're better off. >> I see. Let the systems do the work. >> Find create a system. The spreadsheet I have now is beautiful. It runs itself. You just feed the numbers that you need to feed it and it >> would love the world of AI we have now. >> Yeah. >> Are you utilizing AI at all in your life? >> Not enough. >> Okay. Okay. That's fair >> to help me with that. Um guys, I I do want to get to the point of knowing how you guys all became this group. And were you always Kabad? I want to just touch upon that for a second. >> Not not until we met our friends. >> Oh, that this was a cohesive group of people that became Kabad together, you're saying? Or no, like four or five of them are Kabad, like grew up. Some of their parents are like, like they literally grew up in the footsteps of the Reb. >> Okay. >> Um like their parents are, you know, very much Kabad families. And the rest of you >> and the rest of us just love love love we love what the Rebi stands for. We love for we love Akas. We love we just love juice. We love >> fascinating to me because >> like if I if I can meet one person in all in the history of the you know the world if I can meet one person I want to sit with it like like that. I just always felt akin to his soul of >> what would you ask him? >> Oh on the spot what would I ask him? How do I get 15 million juice to give stuckad daily every day? >> [laughter] >> What a great question. >> Wow. Okay. Uh, that's a good one. You're passionate about growing this daily giving thing, and I love that. Uh, we got to break you down a little bit, too. I'm sorry. >> I think we should stay a little slow. >> You're not getting away with it. You're not getting away with it. You're from Minnesota. >> Yeah. >> Um, >> shout out to my parents who just moved to Tene, New Jersey. They were 50 years in Minnesota, and they moved last week. >> Wow. What a move. Congratulations. >> All right. So, there's three Jews left in Minnesota now. >> It's It's bigger than people think. It's it is a great place to grow up and uh it's a wonderful community. >> Yeah. No, it is a nice community. I do have a couple of friends from there. So, um they were always my nice out of town friends which was which was always nice. So, you grew up in Minnesota? >> Yeah, I grew up in Minnesota. >> Um where where's Tell me about your family. Where's your family from? Where your parents from? Tell me about your journey of growing up in Minnesota. >> I want before you get to me, I just want there's Tell them about your grandfather but that stuck also like there's something both of our grandparents. I just realized as we're talking, we both have crazy >> stories of our grand of our grandfathers. What's with >> I'm so happy you're saying this cuz I love bringing up people's history and where they're from. It's a big part of >> So, you started like getting into his history, but I just I I wanted to bring up his grandfather. >> You want to talk about his grandfather first? Let's do that. So, your grandfather that you mentioned earlier from Hungary that >> that lived in Ben. >> Yeah. >> He was Gabitaka. >> Oh. >> Of the schul. That was his that's why we moved to Ben. That's why he moved to Ben. Not because we were and because he had that's what he did. >> Got it. >> And he used to he decided who got who got saddaka for the shul and often times he would he would give his own money and one time he was taken advantage of and he never recovered from that. And I learned an important lesson. If you're going to give, you make sure it's the right person or the right organization. >> You got to back up a little bit. What do you mean take advantage of? You got to explain that. What do you mean? >> He ran off with his money. >> Someone ran off with the money, you're saying? >> Yeah. >> So, he was he was responsible for a certain amount of money to give to someone to do something with that was supposed to be for the community. >> So, the community he he gave on he gave what he was supposed to he gave personally. >> Oh. And it it killed him. >> Really? Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. We're talking about I'm imagining a large sum of money. >> I don't even >> for those days or whatever it is enough to to really >> really hurt him. >> Yeah. >> So, he stopped doing that after that. >> Yeah. He he wasn't well after that. He just >> never recovered. >> That was not the part of the story I wanted to focus on. But just the fact that his his grandfather, >> but also like Schlom like that's the kind of person like he he he doesn't just hear about Stuckas or direct people. He's always giving his own money towards the different stuckas. He was like >> it's in his DNA. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And I have a crazy DNA stuck story too. So that's why it's like >> please. >> Um >> so where are your grandparents from then? >> All four of my grandparents are Holocaust survivors. >> Oh wow. And um and I was always particularly close with my mother's father who was a um I think when there were I think my mom was my mom was born in a DP camp in Poland and then they moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts. I think first they were in Cleveland for a very short amount of time and then my became the shamas of a schol in in Cambridge, Massachusetts where he he was basically the spiritual leader of the community for I think 60 years. He died when he was 92. And my most prized possession is a migilla. uh that my ziti gave to me and um I leaned from it every year and uh it's like a fireproof safe and um he gave it to me. I remember the day he gave it to me and he said he was about 90 when he gave it to me and he said um a man in my shaw gave this to me. He said I got this from my grandfather who got from his grandfather who got it from his grandfather. He said, "But none of my none of my grandchildren are know what to do with this, so why don't you give it to your grandchild?" And um he gave it to me. And uh yeah, so that's just a side point. >> Wow. >> But I was always very connected to to my Zadei. And my Ziti um he just to give an idea like literally people thought he was a Lubnik. Like that's the kind of person he was. And um for many years when people ask me why do you think you had this close of starting daily giving? I was like well cuz mine's 80. Like it's not even a question. Um and um and my Zadies, one of the stories of uh Yol Gold did a video about my grandfather and um >> I wish she was there. It's his brother-in-law, by the way. >> Really? Oh, such a special guy. >> So you could do it justice. >> Yeah. You got this. So So basically my Z was like >> So there was a story. >> Yeah. So he was like, I'm not exaggerating. He was like 4'7. Like really my like a small small man. And um he was um basically the first day of the war he was he was he was like um teaching in a or something. They just took him off. He never saw his family again. They just took him away. And he was in Siberia for 7 years in the gulags in Siberia. And [snorts] he was this little man and he would look around and all these much bigger men. They're all getting the same ration like less than like a piece of bread for the whole day. Um and he would break off his piece of his bread every day and give it to another man cuz he saw they were bigger and they needed more. And you can imagine that besides his other great great things he did and why he ingratiated himself with other people, but that was one in particular. Um, one day my Zadei he would get up early and he put on fillain in secret in his in the barracks and one day they raided the barracks and they caught my Zadei with his fillin on and they thought he was a spy. They thought like somehow it was some whatever and they wanted to make an example out of him and they wanted to kill him in front of everyone and so they took him out and they there's like a big circle and they literally were like raising their guns to shoot him and all the people these these all these people he had saved were like yelling and screaming and the two guards literally thought they were going to riot against him. So they put the guns down and they decided to let him go. And um and my Zadei like my my mom was so poor like when they grew up like if if the if the school would say you know you need three pencils my my Z would be like we could only afford one like they really lived in poverty. My mom and her two sisters they like shared a bed. three three girls. They shared a mattress like you know and um but every single day when they came home they had like this little um one day like a life insurance salesman came by and like listened to the pitch so they gave him this like I have it now as a gift. It was gifted to me this little sodaka box. Well, it became my sodaka box where you put a penny, a nickel or a quarter and it counts. You you hit the thing and it it's really cool. So the girls like would love it and they would like literally fight over who got to give that day's penny into the stucka and every single day even though they were so poor they would give sucka and I didn't find out that story till after like several years after daily giving started just to give you an idea like DNA passing through of Teddaka. >> Wow. Wow. It's amazing to see that both of you come from that >> world and you didn't even know that when you met and it just connected all the way through. >> Yeah. It's like uh like you were saying earlier, since you were six years old, you know, God's been looking out for you and connecting you to the right people. Let's keep going, bro. We got to do this. So, Minnesota, you're growing up. You have siblings. >> Yeah, three siblings. Three siblings. >> Second. I have no sisters one year older than I am. And then a younger sister and younger brother. >> Okay. What was it like? What was happening there? What >> was there's a great great school called Tour Academy. Shout out Tour Academy in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. Still there today. It's uh and it was through 8th grade. It was like a regular grade upbringing, you know, small town. I think I graduated 8th grade with like maybe eight nine or 10 kids in my class and my parents gave me a choice. They my older sister who graduated a year before me, she went to FR. She lived with my aunt and uncle in Muny and they offered her to live with them and she did. She went and she went to FR but they already had their own kids and my sister so they they're like it was a lot. So they um so they didn't really whatever it wasn't a choice for me and my parents said do you want to go to like a private school a secular private school in Minnesota and we'll give you you know you'll you'll you'll have private Torah tutors or do you want to go away to somewhere else and so I ended up deciding to go to Skoisha for 4 years. >> What a decision to make by the way at such a young age. >> Yeah. And I'm thinking back like my parents really left it up to me. They really did. They did not like looking back and there's a lot of things that they did, you know, they never I never felt pressured into any decision I made. They really supported me and in all the decisions I made and going away at 13 years old to high school. It's it's uh I mean like I have a 19-year-old and a 16-year-old. Like just thinking now like how young I was. I mean it really shaped a lot of who I am and in fact some of the skills that I think really served me for daily giving I got from those days being in in the yeshiva of of being the out oftowner and like on Sunday I wanted to go to someone's house to watch a football game. I had to go ask someone like, "Can I come over to watch the football game?" Like, you had to you had to you had to be able to if you didn't fend for yourself. You didn't ask, you know, and that and that was really the start of me not being afraid to ask people for things. And I think that's uh you know, I was just talking to my friend today about my favorite equation, which uh you know, it probably some someone listening will it'll help. It's my favorite equation. It says S w cubed over N, which means some will, some won't. So what? Next. You're in business. you run a successful business and you know like we're always selling doesn't matter what you're doing you're always selling and so I just wasn't afraid to ask like as a small so when I when I started daily giving and we were we were trying like I remember like we started January 1st 2019 in March Lo and I went to Apac together we brought a thousand business cards and there were none we we gave out a thousand business cards we did not put them on chairs we had a thousand conversations right and out of those thousand conversations at least 100 people at least 100 I'm being at least 100 said this is Nob brainer. We're for sure going to sign up. Guess how many signed up? >> 90. >> Six. >> Six out of a thousand. But I'm saying the hundred were like, "We're going to do it." That was a big lesson. Also, just, you know, even for your listeners, if if something we said today, if something resonates and you and you you're like, "Wow, that's a good idea." I'm telling you for your listeners, we're underelling how great Daily Giving is. When you join it, you're going to like it more than any stock you give to. Uh it's daily.org And it takes literally 1 minute and then you could just pause this podcast and go right now and sign up. It takes literally 30 seconds and you will, like I said before, we don't realize the profound effect of giving has on us because life is hard. We we we all know a lot of people like and we we the three of us, we're all super blessed, right? And I mean, we're all blessed. where it's like we won the cosmic lottery to be born in this time that we're Jewish that were born in 2000, you know, in you know when we were born in the 70s or ' 80s, whatever, right? Like and and we're living today and we have all the this forget our Teslas and our, you know, the air conditioning like, you know, running water and all the other stuff, right? But we're so so so blessed. But life is hard. There's so many things that we that are difficulty and um and and really I truly mean this. It's like mitzvah mitzvah. I didn't understand what that meant till right but like the reward that you get for giving is that you're a giver. That is the reward because when you feel like when you know in your heart of hearts like you're a giver that's what that's one of the things that could really help you with self- loveve right to really really know like you're good and so and and it's really not always about the amount it's the frequency so it's not the dollar it's the daily and so it's a muscle like that's what the Rambom says right like oh just like a saying the Rambom says no it's real right like if you give and you give again and you give again. Hashem made it so hard for us to give. We work so hard for our money. Now, except for Schlommo. Schlommo is easy for him to give. He loves to give, right? But for most of us humans, it's actually really hard for us to part with our money. And it's on purpose because it's such an incredible thing for us if we become givers and what it does for us that we don't know. I didn't know. I didn't know till now what it's like, but now that I've become a giver, like I see what it does. And so, it's a muscle. And just like any muscle, you have to exercise that muscle. And the more you do and the more you do, the more it grows and the more it grows. And then before you know it, you're like, "Oh my gosh, I'm a giver." >> Let me ask you a question. You you you guys know about giving and about charity. And you mentioned something a minute ago um a little while ago. I want to touch upon that. You have a rabbitical committee. Has anybody ever discussed with you what you're allowed to deduct before you give charity? And Schlommo, I think I'm going to direct this question a little bit more to you because uh you know he Jonathan mentioned earlier that you were the one that created the system for 10% and you spoke about it and you know you wanted to make sure there's a process. You know Excel spreadsheets. You guys both have a rabbitical committee. I have a little experience with this but I want to know what you guys say. I uh I'm a young man. I'm married with one kid and I make $100,000 a year and um between my wife and I and that's after taxes $80,000 let's say right nothing went out to expenses yet according to your understanding of giving and what your research has been because I know you guys like to do research and you're finding the truth and things so how much of that do I have to give do I give 10% % of the 100? Do I give 10% of 80? What else can I deduct from it? Did you ever research this topic before? >> I mean, it's a it's a it's definitely a mocus as you can imagine. Like there's a lot of different opinions on >> Okay. I'd like to hear your opinions. >> Yeah. I would say that you pay you give 10% of the 80 of the net. >> That's what I do. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Can you deduct anything? I would say I was told at the time when you know when we were starting out that education kids educa education can be counted or you can give you can use myer money to pay for for Jewish day school or swarm >> I see so just the Jewish part of the school you ever think about that >> they separate interesting >> you you haven't you guys haven't thought about this more than this have >> I mean I have a little bit um like I was just um talking to someone recently about that I used to consider like I said when before I and now I'm very careful about 10%. So, and I'm very passionate about this like about starting donor advised funds. Like it's so simple now. Like it's never been easier where you could literally take one minute and um go to the donor fund pledger mia Jewish communal fund. There's like there's endless. >> My perms are so chilled right now because $18 $36. >> Yeah. Yeah. They're amazing. Right. >> Whoever doesn't give to any of these organizations is just missing out. >> Let's let's take a minute to explain to our listeners because there's actually it's crazy. Some people still don't understand this concept. >> Please do go for it. So what a donor advice fund is is that again you can go to any of these websites you sign up um I'm you know I'm not giving the mega bucks right so there if you're giving me bucks you could do where where they actually let's say you have hundreds of thousands in your sedaka fund they will manage it and then the money can go up right that's even possible you have to have a minimum but I'm talking like this is could be someone like a new I I love talking to young people about this like you get your first job start one of these funds you go on it takes 5 minutes to sign up literally and then every time you get paid. Like Schlommo taught me this for years. Slow-mo had a segregated account. So every time he got paid, he just moved 10% or whatever number he put aside to the Tuck account like automat. He had it done automatically. So what I do with the donor advice fund is every time I get paid, you know, checks, whatever's the tax already been taken out, I just go on the app. It takes 3 seconds. Boom, boom, I click it. Just out of my bank account. Now it's in the stock account. Now, as a just for a second to talk about taxes, like now that is fully taxdeductible for this current year. It doesn't mean to give it out this year, so you could decide, you know, and I mean, I'm I I I'm a big fan of giving it out and not keeping too much in the account, right? Um, but that's the basic gist of what a donor advice fund is. And guess what happens? What happened to me? I'll just tell you speak for myself. When you do that, you start giving more. And you give more. It's so much easier to give when it's in the Tedduck account. when someone asks you for money, you're not like, "Oh, should I should I?" You're just like, "Yes." Like just to give you an idea, you know, like these there's so many like WhatsApp groups like asking for. So I used to like my standards I just asked 36 36 36 but then all of a sudden like it's in there. So like all of a sudden I did 72 and then I do 108 like just I don't even know who I don't even read who I'm like it just it becomes easier. The money has been put aside and so it becomes so much easier. And like I said I can just tell you how I feel like I I know I'm a giver now. Like I I and I gave in other ways before like I was a counselor at camp ask like I I was a good person but it's a totally different thing. Um I I just I just think that I've just seen it over and over and over again in my own in my own life like the more I give I feel like the more braha I get. And not that you should do it for braha like I I'm not into that right like I really think like get the reward you get for giving is that you're a giver. That is the reward. But um yeah it's it's it's the best. So thanks to Schlommo taught me. I agree with you and and kudos to the both of you whether you're giving uh according to your local Orthodox rabbi prior to your child's education for Torah or not. That's up to you, I guess. >> Yeah. So, back to your question, right? So, so I I now give it besides tuition, 10% besides tuition, but I I know there are lots of rabbis that say, you know, if you don't have if you don't have enough to give, >> right, >> then your tuition counts, >> right? And and I get it and it makes sense. So, uh, you, uh, went through high school in Skoi. Yep. >> And then what I went to, what makes, what makes someone like you become a chiropractor is what I want to know. But then what happened? Yeah. >> Uh, so I spent a year and a half in measerat, now known as MEVs, where my son is now, Sha Beth there. >> Nice. >> Shout out to MES. And, uh, did a year and a half there. And then I went to YU for the rest of college. >> Um, had a good experience there. I met my wife in Israel, Shan Alf, like we were like 17, you know, 17, 18, whatever. So, >> scandalous. >> Scandalous. Yeah. So, um, yeah, we we did it all through all through YU and Stern and then, uh, >> Wow. So, your first your first girl, you're saying, I guess, I mean, first real like real inverse of >> Exactly. [laughter] I had two other like whatever. Non, you know. >> Yeah. But this is meaning like as far as when you're serious, ready to get married type of thing cuz when you're 17, you're getting married, right? >> Yeah. Exactly. That's it. Yeah. So, >> so that's amazing. >> Yeah. So, went through, you know, um, >> so you went to YU and you moved weir when you went back to New York. Um I lived on campus in YU. Okay. Yeah. And then during the summers I went home to Minnesota. I was in Campass, whatever. So um got married very young. We got married at 21 and um >> yeah, then I I I always I actually was going to go into business. Um I always had like a pretty good business mind and I was inside Sims and then I went to camp and I spent the summer seven weeks taking care of special needs children and I was like I really want to help people. I just want to I mean um so I decided to be a doctor and then it was like a quest like what kind of doctor want to become? I come from a family of a lot of doctors. Um you know one uncle is an infectious disease doctor, one one of my older cousins is is an allergist. One uncle is a podiatrist. Uh my sister became a dentist you know so a lot of different things and that was a quest that I I I really always loved sports. I loved playing sports. I love watching sports. I love fantasy sport. I loved sports and I knew that you know at 5'8 I was never going to become a professional athlete. So, I was like, "Okay, I want to be I want to treat athletes." That became my goal. And um I'm one of the few chiropractors that like didn't actually have an experience where I was helped by a chiropractor first. I had never been to a chiropractor when I decided like, "Let me go look." And I and I visited chiropractic offices and I just I remember this experience where I sat with this chiropractor in Minnesota and I and I shadowed him for a day and this um this this gentleman walked in and he was like crooked. He like could barely move and he said like his daughter was getting married like later in the week and he like he was like in tears. He's like, he's like, I just want to be able to dance at my daughter's wedding. And I and I shadowed him that week and I saw um this him just nurse this guy back to health and he was able to dance with his daughter at his wedding and he was like the the amount of cars I told this guy had, I was like, "Wow, like I want to do that. Um I want to help people get out of pain." And um it's been a rewarding 20-y year experience. And now I'm kind of seeing patients much less as I kind of go into daily giving more and more full-time. And what a I always felt like, you know, as a chiropractor, like one of the biggest things that was amazing is like the kadeshm I got to make like 90 over 90% of my patients are not Jewish and I work every day and and and I have over 10,000 patients and I I remember this one woman who came in from Jamaica um to see me and and I I treated her for a couple months and before she went back and she told me that she was saying like now cuz her her congregation in uh her you know her her Christian congregation in in in the Caribbean like they always pray for Israel and but she never met a Jew and now she's going to like think of me every every time when they think of you know pray you know praising Israel like just there's so many opportunities like I I I don't not no judgment but like I I feel when like when Orthodox Jews don't wear their kipa to work like what a what a shame like what what a lost opportunity of the keshm so I always felt like one of the things I was so proud of as being a chiropractor is like the keshm I got to have so often with non-Jews like I was the only Orthodox person they ever met so really really really love that experience. That's amazing. So, you're not just uh breaking people's backs, right? You're not just cracking the knuckles and just like Right. >> Yeah. You know, we're like we're like half half doctors, half like physical doctors and getting them nursing back to health and half like psychologists, you know. >> Oh, really? Okay. >> Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, a lot of physical pain is emotional pain. >> That's true. That is true. And and I've I've experienced that as well. You know, when you're stressed, >> you know, suddenly you're feeling your back is hurting and you're you know, you're getting into pain and so on. So, it's related. >> Yeah, very much so. >> The emot emotional and physical part, which is great. >> Uh, we're going to have to wrap wrap up soon, but before we we we even think of ending, we got to talk about your friend group here. I need to know how um how you guys connected. I mean, you know, I I know Sadio is a big connector of all of you guys. >> Yeah, you have you have him on your podcast. >> He's coming on with his wife. >> Oh, great. That's going to be a treat. >> That's going to be a treat for all of us. Yeah. And it's just a matter of uh scheduling. we've been going back and forth and uh he thank God he's busy helping a lot of people. So it's just a matter of um of figuring out the calendar. So was was that the main connector to all of you in terms of uh meeting each other and just connecting? >> Yeah, it's really it's an amazing story. Um uh my uncle who's a podiatrist Dr. Fessle in my um SA so first of all for hippo reasons SA has told me very openly he's okay me sharing this story that he was my patient. So SA had uh severe back problems and his wife stubbed her toe and needed a podiatrist like they were she was having pain in her foot. went to my uncle and they actually had left his office but and then he like Saja just was in so much pain and he he was getting into the car was like limping into the car and his wife Mushki said Saj why don't you go back and ask the doctor if he knows a good back doctor and he's like you know what they like really connected with my uncle actually sent to my uncle too and he likes him my uncle's amazing and um and he went back into the office and um and asked him do you know good back doctor and my uncle gave him my And it was during COVID and Saji came to me for a couple months. He had a really severe problem. And I mean the first like 6 months I knew him like we we had masks on. I didn't even know what he looked like, you know. And um you know he'll tell you this like again it was like I was his I was his chiropractor. I was his psychologist and we became really close. And um and >> he recommended Saja for me cuz at the time I was having uh issues, marital issues. And so I hired Saja and he absolutely changed our lives. >> Wow. >> Yeah. And so >> you're saying a lot where you just dropped on me like that like >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. So >> what what who who is he like who was he to you when you met him like what was the other >> So he was my patient and we became friends. They teach you in chiropractic school. Don't become friends with your patients. I never listen to that. I I I play golf with lots of my patients and uh yeah I just never it's just not who I am. So we became very close and it was Saja's 40th birthday. and um and um one of his close we had a mutual friend that we knew we were friends with. So Joey Davis who's one of the founders of Torah Anytime also has a daily giving on that organization. So uh called Joey were like let's make a 40th birthday party for Sajia. So we did and there were like eight or nine of us there and that was the beginning and really >> yeah that was the beginning it was a magical night. >> I came just cuz I knew him cuz I had already introduced him. I had already introduced Sadia. So um He you got introduced to him as a coach as a >> started out as a coach someone as a coach as a >> and then stopped using him as a coach but then he became a friend. >> Wow. So this so the birthday part is what put you all >> birthday party in in fact like I didn't know everybody there. There's like I think four guys I didn't know like you know >> that he brought her. >> Yeah. It was his birthday like two of his brother-in-laws came. >> Yeah. And they're part of the group now. >> They're part Yeah. They're like our best friends in the world. Like Yeah. And like you said you it was funny. I remember so clearly you getting into the hot tub and within 5 minutes you're like whoa guys can we just stop for a second like what what Twilight Zone did I just walk into cuz you saw the closeness and like what we have is is very unique and very special and >> [clears throat] >> uh >> wow what I'm mesmerized about the most is and it's just wild just I have to say two things about this uh discussion number one is I was six year years old when I recognized Hashem and I fell off my bike. >> Wow. And when you said it, I had chills, but I didn't want to interrupt you. So, just connecting with you guys, even connecting with you in the hot tub that night and smoozing with you and just realizing that you're there to help each other, which is so phenomenal. Talking openly about marriage and challenges and and really figuring out how to get through these humps together. It's just phenomenal. Really, really is. And just like I'm I'm appreciative of you guys as a as a group of friends and just listening to all of it and just accepting it. But even more than that, literally for the past two weeks, I've been telling this to everyone who would listen. If you stub your toe, there's a good reason why Hashem made you stub your I swear I've been saying this for like everyone around me. I'm like, because you don't know that you're going to end up going to a doctor and that doctor is going to have a shock for your niece and that's going to all >> and that's why you stubbed your toe. And I'm I I've been saying this for weeks now and here you are telling me >> the whole thing. entire group started from >> you you don't understand how many lives have been changed from it because like we're all we're all like broadcasters you like we're all connectors we're like you know there's SA there's >> tell me who else is in the group so you have the founder of Torah anytime >> yeah one of the founders of Tora anytime and um Schneer Hayes is a you should have him on your podcast he's an incredible healer he's an IFS therapist somatic healer um the guy's changing the world and uh he's just a powerhouse and then you got um Barry Nash who who I really actually want to take a second because you asked about the group. Like Barry Nash is very passionate about men's groups. People don't know what men's I didn't know what a men's group was, but essentially we're a men's group, right? And what is what does that mean? Like what we don't realize going through life is how important male friends are because there's a piece there's like Schlom and I have incredible relationships with our wives, but it wasn't always that way. And what we understand now is that there's certain things that are not really better not to share with your wife. Now I'm I'm not saying like hide I'm not talking about hiding things but there's certain like you understand when you learn about masculinity and femininity like what the you know there's certain things that like you know if you're if you're there's certain things that it's better to to go to a friend with and not burden your wife with a certain thing or whatever where where where she's not going to feel safe right like a woman wants to feel safe with her husband right we're the giver and they're the receiver I'm not going to do the whole thing whatever right but that side is well that side is that side is godless you can get you can give you he'll be here soon. >> Look, I mean, yeah, he'll be here soon. I would just say, yeah, so so men's groups, what what's so powerful is when you have group of of men who learn to be vulner like we're what? We're we're we're Orthodox shoes. We we were taught that crying and vulnerability and and is weakness. And now all of a sudden, you learn that when you when you when you share and like there's literally the times there's nothing we don't know. There's nothing we don't share. Okay? When someone's having trouble, we we all know about every part of our our lives. like the the the way we level each other up is so incredible. So we'll we'll learn be better husbands and better fathers and better business people and better hashem like you know go keep going you know Mayor Goulson is like his his photo coach like he taught his one of his passion is like just teaches people how to talk to Hashem so Barry Nash does men's groups right like Moshi he is the is the co-founder of charity and and the the co-founder of Hatch these are like you know like there's just powerhouses right of Rammy Spitz like there's they're just each each one of us an Aussie wrestler's brother. You know, there's the the the >> I hope I didn't forget anyone. [laughter] >> You mentioned 10. >> Oh my god, I'm going to feel really bad if I forgot something. But but each one like really like we each learn a certain thing from each other. But back to what I just want to say about men's groups and understand that like what you saw is that I mean I remember that night I remember being in a room and I remember like one of the guys was having struggle a certain struggle with his wife and he was so upset. He was so angry at first we just like held space for him and just like listened and and then and then it happened to be that like I saw a different perspective like I I actually he was so angry about something with his wife and after he finished like you know ranting about it and we listened and we held I said do you want us just to hold space or do you want to hear my perspective on it and he said no I really want to hear your perspective and I was prepared to not say anything and then I was and then I and then I I basically told him what I saw his wife's perspective and because he was hearing from me like a guy and I was just saying like I hear you and I understand I totally understand where you're coming from and it's not easy. It's not right or wrong. It's not you're right, she's wrong or you're or she's right and you're wrong. It's not that. It's you're both right, but you this like like so many things in Judaism, there's a paradox like both two things can be true at the same time. You're both right, you're both wrong. You're both right, but do you want to be right and happy or do like right? It's about like she has her feelings and you have your feelings and feelings can't be wrong. So, if your wife feels a certain way, this is like like a lesson I've learned. Am I right? Like, if if your wife feels something and you think like, well, that's that's ridiculous. How many times as husbands do we feel like that's ridiculous when our wife feels something? But like, it's their feeling, so they can't be wrong. So, do you want to do you want to be a happy marriage and and and and deal with that and or or and be right like, "Oh, I'm right and she's wrong." or do you want to like sit and hold space and and a lot of times with women it's like you know if you just if you just hold space and let let women you know have their emotions like we're not we're not as men we're not comfortable we can't hold our own pain that's the problem we haven't learned to hold our own pain so we can't hold our wives pain this is like in a nutshell most marriage problem marital problems right like us men cannot hold our own pain we're constantly repressing our own emotions we that's how we were taught we're taught like crying is weak and like you Like I >> parents tell us don't cry. >> Yeah. >> It's not just crying though, right? Like it's it's like it's like vulnerability is weakness and the different things are weakness. So like when we learn like you know when we learn to hold our own pain and not repress our emotions and like to go feel the pain and understand like the the like the depth and like the the the awesome the gold at the end of the tunnel is in feeling our own pain. And as a man which we've done a lot of and I have done a lot of self work the last four years, right? We've changed completely. And really our marriages in the last 4 years have I'm married 24 years it was 25 years like our marriages have completely done a 180 like from not great marriages or like it was we thought it was okay to like out truly outstanding marriages right and our wives would tell you the same thing like we're not we're not you know and and it comes from really sitting with our own pain because if we can say our own pain then when our wives come with us with their pain we're not like shutting them off and shutting them down and getting constantly I mean listen don't get me wrong we're not sadik we I I we still get triggered by our wives you know but then you learn when you understand that the trigger if you're getting triggered by your wife or your kid it's not your wife it's you it's something that it's it's bringing it's a gift for you to figure out what what is internally going on there that's making you get so upset. >> Wow. Uh I I've met people that their wives don't let them hang out with their friends and it it really bothers me. It hurts me when I when I see that happening and I have to have them escape and I say, "Come to me in the afternoon and let's just chill for an hour and let's talk." >> Yeah. >> And it hurts me that that's happening in the world. And uh this guy Nash that you're talking about, we got to talk to I think one I think every single one of your You should have every single guy I'm not even exaggerating. >> I'm not exaggerating either. I want to get it done and I want to talk about it because men's groups >> and putting men together and to feed off each other is saving marriages. when we come back, when we whenever we get together, when we come back, what guess what happened? Our wives saw like we were different, better leveled up versions of them. So they they literally encouraged us to go away >> instead of the opposite. In fact, nowad [clears throat] the sad part is like they they're all they're so envious of us like they don't they they want to have >> I want to clarify something for a second and and Schlommo and I want you to break it down for me because you went through this experience of understanding u Sadia's you know remedies and I really want to break it down for a second if you don't mind. But before I do, please do not mix this up with going out with your friends to Oman or going with your friends on a trip or going with your friends to chill. That's not what you guys are. I've seen it. I've seen it live and I can attest to the fact this is a meaningful, healthy physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, you know, just complete vulnerable relationship. You guys are feeding off each other and you're helping each other tremendously. You're helping your kids, you're helping your grandkids, you're helping your families. And I saw this firsthand and I love talking about this more and breaking it down. And I'm committing to you. I am going to interview every one of your friends cuz I want to learn about every single one of them, what they do, cuz every one of them is fascinating just in their own way. And I think that every person is fascinating in their own way. But knowing that you're part of one cohesive group and getting the message out there for both a women to encourage their husbands to find friends like this and make a group >> and b for men to recognize that they need this >> and to share to be able to share wins. That's another thing to be able to like literally we cheer. We're we're each other's biggest cheerleaders. When someone is succeeding like we are there's no jealousy. There's no jealousy in this group. Like >> how often do you guys meet? >> It's erratic. Like sometimes it could be it could be like we meet once one week and then we do again a barbecue the week after. It could be like >> average weeks on average six times a year, >> 10 times a year more average once a month, let's say. >> I mean the best like we all went away to Costa Rica in February. That was that was amazing. >> Okay, but we're not talking about every day, every week. We're talking about justic our WhatsApp group is active every single day. >> I guess what you're talking about is intentional meetings. So, you know, like I said before, we're going to have to wrap up soon, but this is a topic that I love. Relationships, and it's just I can't get enough of these topics. >> Parenting and relationships, by the way, is the hottest topics that I love talking about. Uh, >> in general, >> so important. So, I want to add >> to what we were talking about. >> So, I went to Sadia for one-on-one coaching, and he was he was phenomenal. But then to be able to put that into action with my wife, but also like come back with with feedback or or just to practice on on other men how to be vulnerable, how to hold space. That part you don't get with one-on-one. You have to actually do, right? I hold space for my kids. They they light up them. >> Explain what hold space means. So some people might not even know what that means. Holding space is seeing them. Think of yourself as the sky and you see a cloud go through. Somebody, your kid, your wife has an emotion, a reaction. Something's wrong. Something is bothering them. You don't you don't fight a cloud with another cloud. You hold space for it. You listen to it. You you validate. You don't even try to solve it. Just watch it. You're the sky. If you do that, everyone feels safe. They are safe. they actually are. Um, and then you see each your wife, you see your kids for who they really are. I love that my kids are so different. They're so unique and special and they know that. It feels like they now know it versus something that wasn't the case. >> Trying to fit into the, you know, paradigm. Is that what was happening in your life? trying to fit in because I I resonate with this a lot by the way. I've been working on >> my own journey for more than 5 years now in terms of seeing a therapist and being vulnerable and open and >> and um the the world is my oyster and uh I would say my men's group is every man I meet and I just connect and grow from them. So, but this is unique in terms of your own little group and I asked if I can join I think at that point and you didn't let me. So, uh, [laughter] I don't know what it was, you know, like >> No, we we the funny thing is that that that night we met, we we vibed with you. We're like, man, this guy could be part of our group. Disgusting. >> So, uh, but no, you have something special. I I want to go through that. Just take me through that transition, if you will. Tell me about Schlommo before and Schlommo after what you learned about. >> Beautiful. Please. >> I used to have a rule with my kids. They had on Shabas, they had to be in Schul by 10:00 a.m. And I found out later that one of my kids used to go away for Shabas because of that rule. He just didn't feel right. It didn't he didn't want to. And so he just stayed away. When I realized that I am associating a punishment with something religious, which I didn't intend to do because I didn't see them for who they are. I saw them like you got to fit into this box. What are people going to think of me when my kids show a plate? Right? When I saw them for who they are, I took that. Of course, how can I put that on them? You come to show when you want to come. You know my preference. You know what I prefer, but but you are a person. You are your own person. I became the sky. Suddenly, my kids want to come. Suddenly, my wife wants to spend time with me. It's just so much more enjoyable when you're not imposing on them. You're just you're good. >> Wow. Wow. Slowmo. That's amazing. >> It's a shift. >> You you you just you just described one simple example, one small little antecdote and >> I'm going to save more of it for when uh Isaiah comes with his wife and and we're going to >> by the way we didn't mention his names in case someone watches now you look like Sadia Nuttik just so you know the last name. He has his own podcast with his wife, which is an amazing podcast called Talk to Me Baby. And uh >> what a great name. >> It's such a treat. It's such a treat to like listen to two people who work so hard in their marriage and have come so far. Um because it's it's like their podcast is literally they just they it's on purpose. They don't plan anything. They just hit the record button and whatever they're talking they just go and they talk. And you see people um it's such a lesson in um in in um like SA is one of the best. You've never seen someone listen to his wife like she does. Like and I like some we like we laugh about like the pauses like like it's like a sometimes he'll he'll wait for 30 seconds. >> It's not awkward unless you say you think it's awkward >> like and he'll say and then his wife will just keep going >> like she's just not done. He just he just sits and waits and waits and waits and waits and then there's more and um it's a it's a great lesson for us. There's a I just love you know we're we're men. We're fixers which by nature we're fixers. we want to fix. When our wives come to us with with emotions or whatever, we just what it makes us feel comfortable cuz we're like, "Oh, if she's upset, I'm not a good husband." That's how we feel. So, we want to fix. We want to fix. >> Wow. >> And so, yeah. So, you learn to you learn to listen and and women, like said, it's like we're the sky and we're they're the storms. And if you allow them to have their emotions, you allow women to just move through it, they actually move through it. And if you give them enough space, >> by the way, I'm like making it sound like we're like truly masters. We're like we have plenty of plenty to learn. you know, it's it's always every day is every day is a journey. Every day is, you know, whatever. But overall, um, we've come a long way and our our marriages are we're very proud of our marriages. >> Guys, I'm I'm proud of you and I'm proud to call you my friends and uh, what do you want to say? >> I was going to say I'm going to take uh, all of Sadia's material, but emotions are energy in motion. So, just wait for it to pass. It'll pass. >> Beautiful. And I'll take that one step further as a as a chiropractor who um who treats pain for 20 years. >> Um I heard I heard that from Schneer. I don't know who I don't know who or but I heard that from Sher that that emotions are energy emotion right and if you don't and as men especially if you don't allow that emotion to pass through you if you don't process the emotion it gets trapped in your body and it'll turn into pain dysfunction or disease. So, it's really important. This is like really really really important to process emotions. Um, so start listening to Y Jacobson's because he talks about this all the time about about processing emotions. And before we I know it seems like we're about to wrap up, but I just want to say something to your listeners cuz you know you sit here so and you and you are a really a master at asking questions of holding space of of listening of even tracking. you you track you like it's it's really a skill like you know it's amazing but I don't I don't know because you don't get interviewed you're the one interviewer but like Schlom and I got to experience something that I don't think your listeners know that Michael in his spare time on Sundays for years he's done this for years people come who are struggling with their careers and financials financial things they come to Michael to his house he has office hours and I got to watch this and he helps so many people the like the the you do and you connect people and you get them jobs and you do it so quietly and so with such humility and so just that know that Michael does it so you can get in touch with him I don't want to you know blow his uh he does he does it for free and he's so many people have gotten jobs and he's helped so many people and it's it's really >> thank you I definitely appreciate it yes and um yeah I have spoke about it in the past because careers are my thing I I'm I'm truly a big believer that if you help our generation and uh you know grow in their careers and figure out how to make a living and live in the right place if you need to move and cut your expenses and learn how to manage your costs then we'll all live a healthier life you know you won't need daily giving you know um but you know look ultimately we all need to help each other and give in some capacity and what you guys are doing is amazing how many organizations are you giving to is it >> over 100 >> over a hundred >> wow and it's just phenomenal and it's just um I'm trying to hold space for all this that's going on right now in terms of what's in front of me. So, in wrapping up, uh one of the things I like to do is ask you guys if you have any questions for me. So, we'll, you know, we'll open that up. Just don't ask me why we started the podcast because we've covered that 10,000 times. Um so, would love to ask you that. And I als I also always like asking who would you recommend as a guest on the podcast, but I already have eight of you now that I have to go through and I'm going to do it guys because I I I think that >> each each one of you in going through this journey are learning so much that so much so many people can learn from. And if all I did was talk about relationship, relationships, relationships, I'd be okay and I'd grow from that. And that's really something that I am so passionate about about, you know, building relationships with parents to children, children to parents, uncles to aunts and nephews to uncles and just brothers to sisters and, you know, and to be honest with you, I'm on that journey myself and I'm recognizing more and more that I need to work on my relationship with myself and figuring out what that means to me. So, I'm on that path. But, uh, Jonathan, we'll start with you. Any questions for me? >> Well, good for you, Michael. what you just said is is really it's really like that's where the gold is is like actually I didn't understand this my wife my wife was in therapy for many many many years and I didn't understand it and um it's just like another bill you know and um and then she switched to a couple years ago do something called IFS IFS therapy and I I actually became jealous of her of how how she was changing and how she was learning about herself and she would tell me and she would just try to you know explain to what what it was and she was like encouraging me but I was like I don't I don't need therapy I And like and really thank God I felt great. Like I actually ended up starting IFS therapy two year like almost 2 years ago at a time where I felt the best I ever felt in my life and I cannot tell you how much it's catapulted me forward. Um because when you learn about yourself and you learn where you came from and you then can have you you then [clears throat] learn self-compassion because it's really about self self-compassion and self- loveve and it's really hard to love other people if you don't love yourself. You can't you can't fully love someone else if you don't love yourself. So, like you said, it it starts with learning where you came from, understanding yourself. The more you understand about yourself, the way the way you the why you tick the way you tick, then you can have compassion. When you do something that you thought you used to like, I hate that part of me. Like there's all things that we hate about ourselves, right? But when we learn why we're like that and then those things that we hated were actually there to help us and protect us, then all of a sudden when we it changes the whole relationship to those things we hated about ourselves and now we no longer hate those things about ourselves. We actually love those things about ourselves. And that's really a path to to self- loveve. But back to your question. To your question though, my first the first thing that popped into my head is I would love to know what gets you excited about giving like like what when you when you give stuck like what do you look for in a stucka? Are you are you are the certain both that that's question number one and number two are there specific stuckas that just really get you excited? >> So I'll answer both questions with one answer and that is my community and the closer you are to the proximity of where I live that's how much more I want to give to you. That's my answer. So, if you're my neighbor and you're suffering, I want to know about it. I'll make it my business to know about it. And if you live two doors down from me, you'll get less attention. If you live three more doors down, you'll get even less. But that's the way I look at giving in terms of simply my community. And I I truly believe that if we all worked that way, we would be taking care of each other that way and our communities would be amazing and we would all help each other uh by giving. So, I would say is every anything that has to do related to community. So in my community in Miy we have Kupas or Tom Kashavas and so many people. But I want to make sure that the people who are living around me are paying their mortgage, are able to pay tuition and they have a career that they're able to be proud of and they're able to buy their children's gifts and they're able to take trips once at least a year and you know that that is my answer to that. Yeah. In terms of giving, what about you? What do you got for me? How do you set boundaries >> for for all the different things that you do like when you help people on Sundays or when you come like you you're working late >> you know to record? >> It's a great question. >> Do you have boundaries for family for friends? >> I was terrible at this. Uh when I said to you a little earlier like you know five six seven years ago whenever I started my journey of growth um I was at a point where I would fall asleep and the phone would just knock on my head and all I was doing was looking on LinkedIn right? So like I I got to get rid of social media and that was one of my first things getting rid of social media, stopping to watch news. So what I did was I created certain rules in my life and that really really helped me. Rules is what helps me in terms of setting boundaries for everything I do. I have a rule. I go out to the city or somewhere with my wife every Thursday night. And the rule is anybody who wants to join can join. It could be and usually it's single divorce friends that come join us. and we're just like, "Hey, uh, Michael, where are you going this Thursday night?" "Oh, we're going to a comedy club. We're going to a place and anyone can just join us and, uh, and we go out." So, so that that way I know also that even though I travel, I'm on a plane pretty much, uh, you know, every week. So, I know that Thursday nights are dedicated. I also know that Friday night till Sunday afternoon is dedicated to my kids. So, like that's another rule. And I used to want to help everybody. And I had this challenge in my life in general. I always loved the idea of helping everyone who calls me. It's just not possible. So, I decided to pick a lane and that lane was the career uh uh path. And I made a rule and my rule is you want to attention for your career and your guidance and you're a rebby that wants to become an employee of some sort or you want to start your own company. Sundays 11:30 to 2:30, half an hour each. And it just became my rule. So if you call me during the week or I have somebody or somebody sends me a resume, my rule is I'll see you Sunday between 11:30 and 2:30. It's the same thing that I do with everything else. It's like my rule of er shabas, my rule of mozzar shabas. I'm preparing candles and every year it happens to be it's rashashana time. I try to think of okay, what rule am I going to add to my life to make things? >> Are you adding rules? >> I every year I add rules. >> Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. >> And when like when you help people with finances like is it hard to not actually want to help them financially? That's another rule. >> It's a rule. >> Yeah. I can't I'll I'll direct you. I'll guide you. I like being the 411 for 911. Meaning like >> you have an emergency. Asani Pearlman taught me this years ago. If you have an emergency, call 911. But if you really want to know who to go to, at what point, especially in financial decisions, Yeah. >> you can go to RSK will help you manage your funds better. You can go to this recruiter who will help you do this. You can take this test that will help evaluate what you're better for. And you could be this, you know, young people who are asking me about careers now. One of the most important things I say is what you said earlier. Be a shadow of a category of service that you want to get into. You want to go into real estate, just be a shadow of somebody for 3 weeks. Just ask them, you know, don't be an intern, work for free. That's annoying. Be a shadow and and learn from there. So yeah, uh being that Rashashana is coming, I the rule I like to pick two rules. Rule one is about my life and how I'm growing and rule number two is about Shabas. So every year we add something uh on Shabas. We light candles together every shabas. We bench together every shabas. And it's all been accumulative of the past seven, eight years of things that we're doing every shabas. So, >> what's your favorite rule that you've come up with the last 10 years? [snorts] >> Candle lighting. Not even a question. I can't believe that families don't light candles together. I'm I'm actually shocked that they don't. >> Wow. Interesting. >> Yeah. Like women are sitting there lighting candles and they don't have their children and their husbands next to them. What? >> So foreign to me. Like of course you have to be together. Why does a man have the opportunity to bless his kids before drinking wine Friday night? Why can't the woman have the opportunity to bless the whole family while everyone is sitting around her? So, that is my favorite. >> Yeah, >> you might have just gotten some other people to do that. [laughter] >> I'm visualizing it. >> Guys, thank you for listening. Thank you to the subscribers. Thank you for the comments. Thank you to the Prime Source production team. uh retrospect looking back at this interview and this conversation I just want to say I learned so much about living life with intention and that's what I think I get most out of the two of you. It's the fact that you're finding things to do that are important for not only the people around you but for the for you as a person in of itself. And another shout out to Alex Bar who taught me to do this, which is at the end of the podcast, reflect a little bit about what you learned and what you grew from that and talk about it. So that's what I'm gaining from you guys is you have a good idea, do the research, uh, you know, figure out, you know, how you can be better in this world. Most importantly, having friends that you can rely on and creating a men's group. Please, if anyone is listening and doesn't have a men's group or people that they can rely on, find someone that you can rely on. You'd be very surprised if you go to a guy that you feel somewhat close to and you say, "Hey, I want to share something with you." How quickly you'll create a bond by just connecting with them and learning about that part of your life. Learning about the transition of knowing that it's never too late. We're in our 30s, we're in our 40s, we're in our 50s. Suddenly, we're transitioning our life and we're telling our kids they don't have to come to Shul at a certain time anymore. Could you imagine how much better of a lifestyle a person can live knowing that it's never too late? You can actually learn now to live a more healthy lifestyle of how to raise your kids and how to have a healthier life with your spouse. So that's what I reflect on on this conversation. It was amazing. >> If you change now, they can see the before and after. >> Absolutely beautiful. And we're going to see it together. And I can't wait to see all the changes that we have and our growth that we have together. So thank you so much, Jonathan. Thank you so much Slommo. I appreciate you being here today. Shaatva, God bless you guys here for you and your family and >> you're doing so much for CLM should repay you. >> I appreciate you guys too. That's a rep. Wow. Amazing. [laughter] >> Thank you. >> That was awesome. Wow. That was your first podcast. [music]