No Pain, No Gain - Dealing With Adversity - Rabbi Yissocher Frand

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Rashi par vas Rossum the psyche Walker a.m. they were they were walking back they were led the expression they were taken aback amar acaba he knew Columbia they were embarrassed Corolla hambo Lawson rock of it ten whom he called he comforted them he want to appease them you want to mollify them you want to make them more at ease because he saw how you Milly a tan on Baris they were they couldn't look at him he saw their discomfort and somehow wanted to put them at ease but the second part of that pus ik Gazoo now a live ie guru which Rashi tells us our words of tongue human and words of comfort and words of brotherhood in love but the next words in that parsec I share my heart am I see me mitzvah on its rhymer you brothers you guys who sold me to get the ultimates ryeom which in effect means you guys sold me down the river remember that I remember how you went ahead and threw me in the pit so what is it this is the ratio of the plastic that he's trying to be Menachem them and trying to comfort them or is it he's trying to go ahead and make them feel if I cared it's like he's turning the knife I shed my heart and I see hey dinked you remember that remember how you went there and sold me down the river so which is it is it the ratio give me time Coleman wash I'm Gohar time I see aina your bunch ever show him you sold your own brother down the river and if you're embarrassed you should be embarrassed but obviously that's not what those words mean because Rashi tells us that he was trying to go ahead and be Menachem him so what is it what do those words Hashem and now a sham a heart and I see Hannah mean softer hailey is famous a unique insight into what this project means totally different than shooter so Meera when Yosef goes ahead and makes his announcement Ani Yosef besides being humiliated and embarrassed the brothers had a profound feeling of guilt for the fact that they sell da Sethe because they realized what a Sadiq you side eylem Yosef was and that's in fact what the plastic says kingly mouth no me part of they looked at his upon him and they thought upon him of exotica side eylem and they're thinking to themselves in mitzrayim the cesspool of metrium he was able to maintain this my dragon and to become at Sonic vos felt given if he would have stayed by Yaakov Aveeno in his house we had a terrible habla to him besides everything else but we diminished him if this is what he became when he was in mitzrayim what would have been if he would have always remained in Eretz Israel with an IQ of Avinu in the support of the brothers and to be bided Sadiq Yaakov and that is what's bothering them besides everything else but Luca and Avila we did to the veldt to him we deprived Yosef of alia that he could have had we're gonna have to give them the husband for that and it's to that very point that Joseph was responding and he's saying I am race if Yamaha team I see haina softest awesomeness you know what yes if we're saying you did me the grass the toy over he sold me to miss Ryan because I became who I became by virtue of the fact that I had to deal with the adversity that Miss Ryan through Italy and out of had I been in the comfort of the house of yankov Aveeno I won't have to work I went after stag I would have to fight and it would have never been a race if you did me at Ivers of this for service I give all the guitar because I am Who I am by virtue of the fact that I had to fight and I owe you yes Akaya in fact this awesomeness makes a play on words I share my heart um I see Hema hey know I share my heart them so just like Hazael darson i sarah see Bart oh uh sure yeah sure Clara Foss I see Barto softest Fossum is Yasha Kodaka that you sold me to me try him you don't have to apologize not to be embarrassed yo macka Yasha kya because had I been there in the safe environment of yankov Avena who knows who knows what I would have become I share McCartin Nashik artificial micarta as a soft as Fossum is he's not trying to twist the knife in their sides he's thanking them thanking them from putting him in this massive because by virtue of the adversity that he had to face that's why he became a race of exotic and herein lies one of the great lessons of life and that is people grow by challenges and even by adversity and if one survived those challenges he will be in a better place by virtue of the fact that he had this haircut and he had the adversity and he had the pain that's why he became what we became you know dr. Abraham say torski the famous psychiatrist saul guten start sign writes in one of his books very famous story that he said in many types and rushes he was once in a dentist office and he had to wait so he was bored to tears she picked up a magazine and then the magazine there was an article entitled how do lobsters grow now the last thing that dr. Twersky really needs to know or any firm ahead is who cares how lobsters grow not kind of anything to do with lobsters in my life but it's better than sitting and staring at the wall and the holcomb that he is he reads this article when he gets a life's lesson out of it you know how lobsters grow lobsters they're born little babies and lobsters are born with a hard shell so that's their protection so the little lobster begins to grow and guess what it gets very very tight because he's outgrowing his shelf so what does the lobster do I can't take this anymore so he gothe goes find a safe place at the sea bed maybe under a rock he sheds his shell and now we can go ahead and can grow again because there's he's not being constrained confined by the shell the little lobster grows a little more invite to dissolve a problem he's outgrowing his shell what does he do he repeats the same thing until he becomes a mature and full-grown lobster what's the mr. Haskell the mr. Haskell is because of the pressure because of the sense of confinement because I feel constrained that's why I have to go ahead and do something in order to be able to grow in this case I have to get rid of the shell in order to be able to grow and that's what this awesomeness is saying we grow through smear cotton we go through adversity we grow because his mist green vows his snare that's how we grow you know I learned in Baltimore there you spell my entire life I've been there overwhelming majority of of my life the time I was 15 years old in my time we were sacred to have a maashjay'eh his name was robbed of a chrome gloss sacred sonic live rock on can't see around the whole crowd if there any in there you stroke I'll meet him he's a billionaire sold found it but Abdullah was really exotic he was a nemesis Sadiq but he was here at the whole package she was the tomahawk home he was alarmed and he was at I sake he was a Palmer sir he was everything and the regime that he left and there he saw especially the people of my generation that was a that they to have him to hear the missmizon they're they're different there are people who they are because they word of it from Javed learnt in the mirror in Poland and he went with the mirror to Vil know when when they were escaping from Poland and then he went across Siberia so they went to Kobe Japan and finally they went ahead they went to Shanghai where they knew you Shiva was for the entire period of the war Abdullah throat I safer called dear aid of it dear friend of it is on Saders Roy it's not the really not a typical you see vicious safer it's the lumbus and the understanding of the sugus of satyrs right which is a very difficult Seder nostalgia Mora served offered rights in the hog de Mai I always felt was a very very moving October but ahmud writes they're not dummy that he doesn't say in so many words but he was he felt like so huge gets a broken you know he didn't know what was with his parents the conditions in the mirror were were so so difficult you know and I read about the mirror yeshiva I say to myself I would have not survived I don't think I would have survived I mean the conditions of physical conditions I mean if I don't have air conditioning forget it Shanghai in this summer is hot and humid even worse than out there but I said garnished people on Yom Kippur when they were dominating there was no air conditioning that Buffum were dropping like flies served oven rights over there he says I needed some kind of project I need some kind of music I needed to go ahead and to stay focused because I saw that I was making didn't say that he's maybe coming orcish father it's not what these Baltimore going through they didn't know what's gonna be with their parents I found an article written in a book about Shanghai let me read to you a letter that a parent sent to his kids his children who were learning in the in Shanghai dear children you need no longer to write us stop warring stop running to consulates to beg for visas for us there remains but one thing that you can do for us say Kaddish tear your garments to mark your grief but he's though heed the words of the Navi yo tear your garments and not your clothes fill your minds with Tyra your hearts fear of Hashem that wherever your destiny will take you tire and Mitsos will shield you from the frost of alien winds imagine getting a letter like that from your parents this is the mots of that er of dog had found himself in so heard of it said it was macabre on myself to learn through satyrs ROI him and to go to the sugus at the right don't even say taro and that is the product say called 0d read of it all seyforth right this is an example of what the Gomorrah says or the Madrid says Umarov come up our Papa called terror cell multi behalf miss CAI Mele the tiger that I learned bath that was shared that was difficult that is what remains with me I often wonder had read Ovid chrome fire sacred sonic lavaca the war would not have broken out and robbed of it would have remained in the mir and Poland I wonder if he would have written at the rate of it he wrote a dreg of it because of events where that's not the sadness is saying and here's another example of this concept of no pain no gain growth through adversity I hesitate to say over this story this is verbatim and if there's anybody here who's a Holocaust survivor I asked purpose forgiveness in the beginning because you're probably gonna be appalled by what this woman says and it's only she can say it because she was there this is the story of Rebbetzin hi essaouira kramer as recorded in the book holy woman she was deported to auschwitz at the age of 20 her and fire family was sent to the gas chambers except for toussis except for one sister who was shot before her eyes she herself tendered the worst Church tortures of the death camps including mangle is horrific medical experiments yet Rebbetzin Kramer later said of her time there Buzzelli she know I was there with a group of religious girls like me together we tried to keep all the myths as we could we said brought us over for food we davon when the guards weren't watching and kept track of the days so when we we would know when it was Shabbos and we tried not to work and here is the sentence for me ouch wits was a good place now anyone who was in Auschwitz I don't know if they would be of the same opinion but she was there and she said this what she meant is that she grew through because of the experience I became Who I am by persevering and meeting the challenges that I faced just like Yosef I send my heart in my sea Haena yasser kakaako bar Semak art you know as a say friend whom is called Musa written by Rob Yaakov Neyman he makes it hora on a famous Rashi the ACV archives in their silver vase of Yaakov softer parts of Taurasi be case Yaakov they saved us all Yaakov wanted no I want I want a easy life for the rest of my life call fat's all of rugs also Yosef Jesus a there are Parsis you know you have four yeah he have the brokest and told us he has to steal the brought is a Yates he has to run away by you stalked against the Knights with love on etc etc etc new conservative by Asaph Yaakov be calculation is Oliver katha tell of Regulus elesif the rest was child's play baby than the other mice with Yusuf soft Rashi Siddiqui move action lazy be salvo Sony can want to have its serene American is borrow who like dine let Siddiqui Marcin Masuka met Lola my boy says nice Knut it's not enough that is Miss Illinois law boy LM of oxalates Sheba shall I boil them Isaiah Sara some says the Yaakov no I ain't finished yet here's Yosef seems the reven Islam has Thainess on Yaakov Aveeno with lacy Basava that's so wrong to be lazy Oliver what do you think yeah Covina wanted lace should be solver for you think he wanted to go down to the biblical equivalent of Miami Beach and sit there on the beach on a rock in our rocking chair and go to kosher restaurants that's B hey Shaco they should be solver giacomino ought to be be shovel because he wanted to start if he wanted to grow and he wasn't after the manuka son nephesh so what's wrong what's wrong with Shalva the answer is ruben ashlynn who said the IQ of Inu I put you on this world to achieve ultimate perfection Jacques was mission in this world but only happened the trials and tribulations that Yaakov Aveeno endured as opposed to the other of A's Yakko had it mamas the toughest face difficulties all of his life he incurred the wrath of his brother ace of yet to flee for his life he spent more than 20 years having to deal with the ultimate used car salesman loved him and then the scary encounter after those years with Asaph when he was feared for his life in the life of his family and then the subsequent MYSA with Tina and Shimon la vie and then the entire story of Joseph and his brothers there was a life of once or after another sorrow but as a result of that Yanko Vivino becomes but here shebar vez that's a statement but here's some office by virtue of all those challenges the bun islam is not punishing him for be calculation to solve he's merely saying to him your work in this world is not done yet your destiny is to growth so tests and challenges the other than its Eve from I've taught it to you who did Berlin and this Paris and hummus writes an amazing thing we all know our vici there are two Tommy them Tom wooden snake Tom with him partly you show me something it see if we had to guess which Talmud is more hailing than the other Talmud you saw me this should be more a league then Talmud Bavli Talmud you saw me was written in the environments that Eretz Israel with the caduceus alright severity thrill with the avi were there to show mark mark him and all the other mindless of a Verity swirl Talmud Bavli is written in a political and the mahashakti VEISHEA Vani the land of high ships not a land of or so which should be the desired Talmud if one can say that dr. hailing and it seems I was in receiver the Talmud Bavli is the Talmud that we learned it's the Talmud that we have on it's that the Talmud which we too tough yummy on its the table with sleepy teaching you Shiva's it's the Talmud which every little kid in fifth grade learns a limit see it's Talmud Bavli why carrot because it was written written in a tummy dick a land in a land of heishi the product is even more cautious you have to be in it sieve who knew poet ever cool to say that all this points to the same conclusion we all would rather have serene and calm lives but sometimes that is not our lot in life nor is it our mission in life and I want to tell you something and this is so important for anyone who's still raising children or grandchildren sometimes it's not the lot of our life that chilled our lives children to have it easy either you know there was an expression that went around several years ago they still use it it's called being a helicopter parent what's a helicopter parent say helicopter parent it refers to a parent or two parents who hover over their children and make sure that they are safe at all times and under their constant supervision you have to watch them always this means no unsupervised play that means no walking or biking to school no trips to the park without a parent there because I have to watch nothing goes wrong nothing will happen helicopter parent they hover over their kids so recently I saw Anaya madruga a my dragon versus even grosser than the helicopter parent that's called the snowplow parent what's the snowplow parent the snowplow parent is the parent that makes sure that nothing should ever stand in the way of a child's success and like a snowball they will remove any obstacle in that while we all love our children and we want them to succeed but sometimes it's important for our children to have to face adversity and even to fail and to learn to get up again and trying to shield them from every single challenge in life is not doing them a tyfa it's doing them a raw it starts with things like asking the teacher to give them a good part in the play or to make sure that they get an award at the end of the year you know there's a concept in develop that we're probably shielded from because our kids don't play and leave stuff like that but you know what a participation trophy is it used to be you know you'd have the league's you go ahead you get to the playoffs you would the playoffs you win the trophy no today everybody has to win a trophy it's called a participation trophy you get a trophy because you participated I you struck out every time you went at that no master dice you participated for them comes to a trophy that's a snow plow parent because you can't lose just you lose it's gonna hurt your ego it's nerves your self-image guess what sometimes it's good to lose sometimes you have to lose and I'm sure you're aware of the scandal that happened a couple months ago about parents trying to get their kids into top colleges you know prestigious colleges and you know what happened they bribed Proctor's they bribed coaches IP to get their kid into the right program and perhaps the most egregious example of that is the parent that got their choc child by bribing the coats a scholarship on the water polo team even though the kid couldn't swim what well I don't I can't fail to understand there is one couple from China that paid five million dollars to get their kid into a program give the kid the five million dollars and he'll go ahead and investment night mommy well what degree could be worth five million dollars snow plow parents nothing can be difficult nothing could be fair you want to hear a worse example I read about a kid kid who went off to college butts in the time he was all young boy you could not eat anything with sauce on it when he would go to a friend's house to play the mother would call up the other mother and say whatever you do when you serve Him whatever is Subba Getti or whatever no sauce doesn't like sauce call your mom call Yama's like tom-tom sauce Miyama cook there I'm in college those in the cafeteria what is it they put sauce I'm not making this up he left the school because he couldn't handle the sauce because his mother made sure that he never had to have sauce I gave this to Russia once before and a fellow came up to me after the drush a-- told me the following 17 years ago I had a Down Syndrome child and if someone would have come to me and said I'll take away the child if you give me your house he would have given it to him on the spot and now he says 17 years later that child is the pride of his life and he wouldn't give that child away for anything it's difficult raising a child like that not to be minimized but he saw he grew because of it and he saw the novice throughout the challenges and again rabbi psy unlike the rest of you or most of you I like serenity I like it easy bkc self relation Basava also or Hashem but if we have challenges and everybody has their challenges now this is an opportunity for growth no pain no gain not the mucker of that expression is it's from exercising which means if you want to lose weight you can't walk slowly to shul you know you got a shits you're on the treadmill you have to keep on upping the ante because no pain no gain that's the way it is in roughly is all so I just want to close with a letter that I recently read in one of the Jewish magazines this again is a verbatim quote I was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer in November 2017 this article was written in February 2000 and 19 many the woman is still alive Kanaya Hara pallavi vitae pancreatic cancer is a very terrible cancer very terrible I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in November 2017 at the age of 35 at that time my newborn twins were four months old and my two of older children were under the age of five my world was turned upside down and I was thrown in the Battle of my life Barra Hashem I am doing amazingly well and I have so far defied the statistics and the doctor's diagnosis my husband and I have faced miss Uranus that no other person she ever have to face but through this our ideals our thinking and our vision have changed and she's happy for those changes and as amazing as this may seem I have heard this from other cancer survivors as well they went to Ganim and back but if they're able to survive they become different people our boxer Watson Zeta thought equiv Roja tells her receiver was diagnosed with cancer Elena and was first given the diagnosis he said I would have raised a million dollars to be able to get rid of it and not have to face it but after he survived he ultimately died from it but uh for a while he was alive he says I would have given it away from a million dollars it's the same thing if we are able to go ahead and survive the challenges and grow from it we become different people better people grace' mention that's what Rebbetzin Kaia Kramer said from experience in Auschwitz that's what this woman says her experience with pancreatic cancer it's hard to imagine a while laying there burners those laburnum said save us from such fairness Janice Rock monoliths lon has terrible illnesses like that but when we face things that are fair and yes oh whoa why do I need this I don't need this who needs this things to ourselves about the lobster yourself about robbed of it bah-ha still think about Rebbetzin try Craner think about this woman Venetian alone should if he gives us this Jana's challenges he should give us the capers to be able not only to survive but to thrive as well I put the knife in the consumer - shame Aaron Sherritt Aramis is fussing like to give against a character a friend for the very inspiring Joshua to reassure character le goldbam sponsoring tonight's share and let your biggest regret ahead am ashamed sponsoring tonight's year as a solicit we should do from the car of will be a circuit for the sponsor tonight sugar venom shame leaving 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