No More Box-Checking Judaism | Rabbi Tomer Zino | Tisha B'Av

Thank you to to any time and um all of the people involved in what they're doing for giving us such a wonderful program for us to have this year after year. It's our blessing on this very sad day to have at least going around the clock was not the we shouldn't need it anymore. But now that we have it, we're here to them. should give them and uh obviously bet is very very thankful for to time to gather together to collaborate to make this wonderful event. I want to focus on a different aspect of the destruction of the beta mikdash. We have the one the last story in the sug if 58 I think speaks to the core of what we're experiencing today and what we need for and this lesson hopefully will bring us to the ga amen the says very interesting story it says They oppress a man in his home, even a man in his inheritance. Who is this oppressed man and what is going on over here? Thear says this puk was fulfilled on someone during the beta mikdash. Right before beta mikdash there was a man, the says that he was a carpenter's apprentice and he was not such a righteous man. He had desires and he coveted his master's wife. So he was uh looking and uh interested in her. So one day his master fell on hard times and he had uh he needed some money. So he said the apprentice who had money, he was learning the skill of competentry from his master. He said to him, "Listen, you know, I'll lend you some money." He said, "Uh, okay. So where's the money?" He says, "The money is in my house." So he goes and he he send your wife to my house and I'll go give her the money. So some some of say that you know he felt not so nice to give money to his master. You know he's someone who he looks up to. He says don't get so embarrassed you know send your wife to pick up the money. I you I shouldn't see you and and give you the money and embarrass you. So he sent his wife and what happened? She was gone for three days. He wasn't with her for three days. The the the the master the master got up and the next day after the third day, where's my wife? What is this? What's going on? I sent my wife to pick up the money and my wife's not here. So he goes and he says, the apprentice says, I gave her the money. I don't know where she went, but I heard Shamati that the youth, there were some youth, unscrupulous youth. They went and they did bad stuff to her. I heard bad things happened to her. Meaning to say that she's not uh permitted to maybe she did adultery already and and that's it. She's forbidden to the to the master. So now the master was all nervous. He thought the apprentice, you know, he gave him good faith and he thought he was telling him the truth. He says, "What do I do now? I can't divorce my uh my wife. He says why not? He says he says just to him divorce her. You should divorce your wife. He says I can't. Hera her is is a very high payment when a person divorces his wife. He has to pay her the kuba money that he owes her and this woman had a big he cannot afford to pay all that money right up front. So he said to him, I have better advice for you. He says, he says, "Don't worry." The apprentice said to the master, "I'll lend you some more money. That way, you could pay the divorce your wife. Don't worry." So, he goes and he lends him the money and he divorces his wife and he pays the kuba money. After the time came to pay the loan, the master didn't have money to pay the apprentice the second loan. What did he do? He said to the apprentice, "Listen, I don't have money to pay the loan. Please, what do we do now? How do we figure this out? How do we resolve this issue? So the m the apprentice said to the master, come and work for me and you'll pay off the debt that way. So then the says the one of the most chilling stories that go and work for me as your as to pay off your debt. He became the butler of this apprentice's house. And who does he see? He's sitting with his wife. He divorced his wife. And now his apprentice got married to his previous wife. And he's a butler for his apprentice's house. And he's serving food. While his apprentice is sitting with his ex-wife, he's serving them food and drink. The says that while he serving them, he's crying tears. tears fall into the cups that he's serving them. And when those tears fell says right away was sealed the decree of destruction of the betamed meaning to say there was a decree already, right? We know we know many reasons why there was a destruction of betamed but it wasn't sealed. It was able to subject to change. Somebody could have prayed and could have changed it. What made it sealed that that's it is this story over here. So what's the lesson in the story? The ends some say some say the reason why the the decree was sealed because of the two wicks and one lamp. What does it mean? Two wicks, one lamp. Some commentaries say that's because of adultery, right? The lamp is like the euphemism for the woman and two wicks is a euphemism for men. So you could say two weeks two husbands shared one wife. So that's adultery. So some learned that the apprentice actually did adultery before she got divorced. He did adultery with the master's wife. But some say no, he he did everything according to the book. It's just that uh nobody said anything that it was it's crooked and ugly this behavior that he had. He was giving him advice sneakily. He was uh you know pulling the carpet out from under him with a smile. He was doing everything according to the book. You know, there's a there's a saying there's a story of a of a person who who came to the rabbi for a he asked the rabbi a question. He said, "Rabbi, my chicken fell into the sewage. Is it kosher?" He said, "Yeah, it's kosher, but it stinks." Meaning, there's certain things that are kosher, but it smells bad. It's horrible. How can you do such a thing? So, that's that's the first opinion. The second opinion says, "No, literally, they did adultery." But what what what is this lesson? Why is this the story that causes the seal of the decree for destruction of beta mikdash and the he says a beautiful explanation over here says that we learn from the story the power and the and the severity of being fake of being fake with somebody else what is the apprentice he started what did the story start out with he desired the guy's wife so what did he do he gave him all this advice on condition as if I'm helping him. Oh, divorce her. Get rid of her. Oh, you need money. I'll help you. I'll give you a loan. Oh, it's okay. You don't need her. I'll give you another loan. It's okay. Come work for me. I'm helping you. And in the end, what was he really doing it for? He was really doing it for to get everything out of him. Get his money, to get his house, to get his dignity, to get his wife. He he he he tricked him out of everything. And that was all in the sense of no, I'm helping him. I'm doing it by the book. You he could come and tell you, show me in the book which sin did I do? What sin did I do? I didn't do adultery. I didn't steal from him. He gave me his wife. He gave me his money. He works for me. He said he wants to work for me. What did I do wrong? I didn't do anything wrong. I did it by the book. Says doing things this way, fake doing it. Oh, but you can't say I did a sin. That mentality destroyed the bet mdash. And we all have to look in ourselves and see if we shalom act that way. Maybe with other people, maybe with the Ramban famously says that a person is obligated to fulfill the Torah. It says to you, "You shall be holy." What does it mean to be holy? The Ramban says, "Do not beh." What does the Torah? Don't be a glutton in the confines of the Torah. A person can say, "Okay, Rabbi, so what? I go out every night to a steakhouse. So what? Every night I drink, you know, a nice bottle of wine. It's kosher. The steak is kosher. What? What did I do wrong? What I did? Show me in the inh which prohibition I transgressed. Where does it say that I went against the dotted line? Nowhere. I said, "Yeah, but between me and you, you know, in Israel they have a saying. It's not a saying. It's an act. They go like this. You pull your eye down like as if like, are you serious? Come on. Like what's wrong with you? You know, what you're doing is not holy. But you're sitting here and telling me, "Oh, but where does it say? Where does it say? Show me a source. Show me a source. in your nish you know it's wrong you know it stinks what you're doing so Hashem says when people started being fake with me and people started being fake with each other they know it stinks what they're doing but they they're claiming oh you can't say I sinned for that says destruction mdash it was sealed the decree was sealed how many times we do that with how many times we do that with other people that we have to realize that wants our heart. There's a very big yet to say I checked the box. You know, I came to Sh. When you came to Shak, but did you pray? Some people could go the whole hour like this. What are you saying? I have no idea. I prayed. I bowed. I said, I said, did you feel you prayed to Hashem? Did you like forget where you were? If you read what says and how am I supposed to feel? He says you're supposed to forget where you are. Yeah. It's a meditation that you're in sham almost. Did you feel like that? No. But I checked the box. I came and I I put the tilan on and I and I and I did my dues. I paid my dues. I did what I I did the hour of learning. Did I enjoy it? Did I feel closer to Hashem? Did I grow because of it? I don't know. But I checked the box. We have to not suffice with that checking of the box because you know what that checking of box leads to? The time will come where there will be a mitzvah or there'll be alaka that's hard for you to keep and you don't have the love and the real relationship with Hashem and you won't be so motivated to check the box and what happens you'll say listen rabbi give me the leniency rabbi where does it say that who said where's the source you know the gar says that a person learns in the mother's womb all the entire Torah and then when you go about when you're about to be born, the angel smacks you on the lip and you forget everything. So why does why do we need to learn everything if we're going to forget everything anyways? So many commentaries say either because when you learn Torah one day and then you remember it, you'll remember it better and you'll feel it's true because you learned it before in order to teach us the reward of working for something and gaining it as opposed to getting everything as a freebie. Fine, that's beautiful answers. But another beautiful answer I saw is each Jew knows in his heart what's the right thing to do deep down inside of us even if there would be no alaka in in a sense we know exactly what's the proper and kind righteous thing to do and where do we get that from is because we learned in the womb [clears throat] everything that we all the entire Torah we learned yes we forgot when we came to this world but our nishama didn't forget only our bodies forgot he says therefore each Jew deep down inside himself. Every situation that comes up, he knows what the right thing to do. His nish tells him what to do. He knows what's the righteous thing to do. Ah, so why don't we do it? Oh, that that that will gets covered up. It gets covered up by the by the he tricks us. He tells nah, don't be a loser. No, don't give in. No, why? You have to enjoy why go you according to this opinion and according to that opinion, it's really allowed. So therefore, no one will have claims against you. So the forces us and tricks us into trying to fulfill his ways. But really deep down we know the right things to do is it says in the Torahem he will do the righteous in the straight in the eyes of Hashem. Each person knows what's the straight and righteous of Hashem. This guy he pretended to help his master. Really he was taking advantage of him. Where's the right and the straight the righteous in front of the eyes of Hashem? He didn't have that. His shamat told him what the right thing to do is but he didn't follow it. He was hiding behind this and that. How many phone calls I get, Rabbi? Is this allowed? Is that I said, "Really? You know, it's not allowed. You know, you should follow this opinion." Oh, but there's an opinion like this. Why can't I follow that opinion? Shukhan doesn't say like that. You should follow. No. Why? At least what I'm going to go to gay because I follow that opinion. What? This rabbi is not a rabbi. So I said to listen, you have to understand you're right. But since there's an argument about it, better to avoid this. So you see you know deep down inside your heart but thear is trying to trick you and try and make you fall and make you think that no I can go like this I can like that be smarty pants in the end this being smarty pants with his friend eventually leads to being smarty pants with and he says on that the destruction of the mdash happened. We all have to look in ourselves. How can we make our relationship with real make it real? There'll be situations where technically you might not be obligated to but you know that wants to feel that real relationship with you and you have to have it. You have to feel it. You have to do it. Even sometimes you're not obligated, you'll do it. Why? Because that's the right thing to do. And nobody told me to and I have to do it. In communities, how many time how many opportunities we have to get up and say something. How many times we have to get up ability to get up and do something, make a change. We see a problem, don't just complain about the problem. Get involved and volunteer and do something. Oh, but where does it say I have to get involved in the community? Okay. The Rambam says whoever doesn't participate in the community is suffering. He gets punished for that. You have the ability to help and you don't help. Judaism is not a individual religion. It's a community religion. It's a group. You have to have a community. But besides that, even if you find an excuse why you're not obligated, you know it's the right thing to do. You know it's the right thing to involve and get involved and help the community. So, a person has to. But more than that, a person also has to ask himself, am I real with other people? Am I real with and how we behave with each other? A lot of people today, they can get fall into the trap of faking each other out, pretending to be somebody else who they're not. Why? Do it for the Graham. Do it for because everybody else has this. I also have to have this. Everybody else drives this. I also have to drive this. Everybody else goes there. Today somebody told me if you don't go and some in a winter vacation it's abuse. My parents are abusing me if they don't take me away in a winter vacation. What is this? Everybody goes winter vacation. I don't go. People say you're not going to go away in the summer. You're not going to go to summer camp. Oh something's wrong with you. You need a mishak. You're not going to summer camp. You're not going to sleep away. What is this? What's wrong with you? Why? Because everybody everybody I remember I explained one time to a few people. I said, you know, after the after the I I I said mazalto and the kupa and everybody said, "No, not yet. Not yet. Why are you saying mazaltov?" I said, "What do you mean? When should I say mazalto?" He said, "We didn't break the glass yet." I said, "Do you know why we break the glass?" Why do we break the glass mdash? Because it's such a joyous event. We can't forget about the mikdash. So, we break the glass to remember and to be sad a little bit. We should go and I said to them, we should go and say mazalto and be and clap and sing. The second you break the glass, what about mikdash? They said to me, oh really that's the reason that's why we break the glass. I said, yeah, even even funnier, even more than that, now when we hear somebody break glass during a party, we say maz. I said, what is that maz? Where'd that come from? Oh, from the when they say mazalto. No, rabbi. It's because the we got rid of. Okay, maybe that's another reason they add it after. But the real reason we break the glass is mikdash. I said, so why do you guys clap and sing mazalto after mikdash? They break the glass. Well, that's what everybody does. Uh you just follow everybody. What everybody else does, everybody else jump off a cliff. You jump off a cliff. So person said, "No, we don't do monkey see monkey do." Monkey see monkey do leads to being fake. being fake with each other, being fake with the you'll do things you're not obligated to do. And when you're obligated to do things, you won't do things that you're supposed to do. Why? Because you're not really here. There's a very big to be like a like a like a squirrel today all over the place. Yeah. Yeah. I'm listening to you. I'm listening to you. What are you saying? I'm listening to you. I'm listening to you. Even in the sh you're not focused. Your wife's talking to you, you're not focused. You're watching a video, you're already 5 seconds in, you're not focused. It's a very big today. But that leads to us not being real with each other, real with ourselves, real. So this teaches us that we have to sit ourselves down at this and we have to say to ourselves how can I be more real it's better to say a few with than to say a lot of without if you have a few prayers you could say with better to say a few prayers then to say all the from the beginning of the until the end without any just to say I did the job just to say I checked the box that you have to be real with You have to say, you have to really mean what you're doing. And therefore, when we you know what a real is, oh, here you need a tie. Here, take a tie. And I tell I tell myself, you see this tie? This tie I didn't wear maybe 20 years. I never wear this thing. Okay, that's is true on some level, but it's not a real is I wear this tie all the time. I want you to have also I it's I'm going to be real with you. I want to I want I want to have share with you and you I should also look nice. You should also look good. Not, oh, when I have a chance and it fits my schedule and okay, maybe if I'm in the mood, so then maybe I'll help you. No, a person has to push himself out of the way and show I really want to help. I It's a real relationship. I really want to fulfill the mitzvah. And we say on Shab that we have after we sit on chairs already. After only chairs, everything else still stay the same. You're still not allowed to learn regular Torah. You're still not allowed to eat. You're still not allowed to watch yourself. and all those other only the chairs is leniency after one. Why is that? Because on we know the Msiah is born and we didn't say today. I'm sure a lot of people were expecting to say vidi after the amid today and then we didn't. We didn't say why is that shab is also called a moed. It's also called a holiday. We know that in the future it will become a holiday but really it's a holiday right now also. How is it a holiday right now? We don't say the we skip the why what kind of holiday is this? Holiday means a day where we come close to a so holiday doesn't have to be only with uh you know uh eating and drinking. Look at yipur. Yonipur is one of the greatest holidays we have in the Torah. And what we fast and we cry and we do we come close to Hashem. It's the Gumra says Yonipur and Tubav is the greatest holidays the Jewish people have. So to a holiday is not only a place where we singing and dancing a holiday is also where we come close to even in a serious tone is also a holiday. The Shab is a great day to change yourself and to finally make amends and be able to have the to build the mdash. From this story we see the people in the Gmorra's times were not so far off from the people in our time as well. They had the same test we have. The only reason why it fell told the people we do they said no we don't need to it's okay we have beta mcdash the beta mcdash will give us kap we'll do hashem will forgive us for all our sins we think that oh shabbat I go to shul or kapur I go to sh and that's it I fulfilled my job will protect me as long as I get and that's how the Jews in the temple time also felt they also felt like that and they thought it was enough your ma told them no hashem does not want your fakeness hashem does not want us to be half-hearted with hashem fulfilled the p their lips were close to me but their heart were far from me but today we have the tremendous opportunity that whatever was in the past and the destruction and many years of suffering and how the guim and we went through all the programs and the inquisitions and all the suffering went through and our hostages in Gaza Today we see before our eyes what the people experienced many years ago it's still happening today we have the ability to fix that all of that today how it's a mo it's a holiday you do to shuva today you say no more being fake with hashem being real hashem I'm going to treat no less than I would a good friend like a father my word is my word attention I will give him and what he asks of me I will do and in that day after It's a ability that ability to change is so power. It's msugal. This goulah of the day is be able to do that and to make a wholehearted change. That day is mashiach is born. On that day we sit in the chairs. We believe that that's the beginning of the gulante on this day. We'll be able to do properly. We'll hear all these speeches. Of course, we'll make we'll be able to be real with the if you have time to sit on your phone. I I ask every single person watching this now, every single person sitting here, take out your phone. If you take out your phone right now, I'm waiting for you guys. Please take out your phone. Go on screen time. You go on screen time right now. Go on screen time. And I want you to look through your phone how much time you spend on WhatsApp, how much time you spend on apps, how much time you spend on YouTube. Go and see. Go and look at open the screen time. Look at it. I want you to see it. And what happens? You tell me, "Oh, Rabbi, I don't have time to learn. Rabbi, I don't have time to pray." I want you to see how many hours you spend on your phone and you'll tell me if you don't have time. If you can't knock down from that time and see if you have time for to learn time to pray. If a person makes time for his friends, his friends parties, his friends weddings, his he has time to watch, you know, NBA, he has to watch time amii athletics, he has time for all those things. He doesn't have time for in the morning the evening for to learn his Torah. The says, "Why did the second temple why is the first temple destroyed?" The Gamarra says, "What do you mean they did of they did the sin of idolatry, the sin of immorality, the sin of murder?" Now, the commentaries explain no. What sin led to the people doing that? That already is horrible. That's the already the 50th level. What led what could have stopped them from doing these sins? Like says they they went and they didn't make the says they didn't make a blessing. What? Because they didn't make because of this they get the destruction of mdash. This commentary said yes. You know why the government of says that if you would have made that should have showed that you care and value the Torah. When you don't make tora what does that mean? People used to come to say sh to learn Torah. They say, "Okay, okay, Rabbi, I have 20 minutes. You got to say something very interesting and you got to get to the point because like, you know, we got to get the show on the road." Okay, so what are we learning? Okay, so what what Okay, Rabbi, all this back and forth, back and what comes out from this? What is practical? I want to know. That's how people used to learn Torah. People used to learn Torah and say, "Oh, you know, Rabbi, it's interesting. I like it. You know, this is not so interesting. Can we skip it? Can we skip it? It's not so interesting." They did because it was interesting. other commentaries saying it showed that they didn't look at Torah as a mitzvah. They looked at Torah as okay, let's do this. Let's get us out of the way. I have to do this. I have to. It's it's an obligation. But when you make a braha on something, what does that mean? It's like it's like when you make a braha and a drink. Oh, I enjoy this so much. How can I enjoy from this and not say thank you to Hashem? How can I not thank you? Thank you. Thank you, Hashem, for choosing us. We have the Torah. If you take a person and you sit him through the nicest uh barbecue his friend invites him to, he has the best bottle over there and the nicest meat and he enjoys nice music. Yes, it's enjoyable. But if you give him take him to a Torah where someone who connects to him really somebody really explains to him a big something very deep whether it's from the whether it's from the Gilna whether it's to each person in his level and he understands that with all his being that enjoyment of understanding Torah such a high level you can no barbecue ever could beat that no barbecue no meat no bottle of anything could be ever beat that feeling that tan and that's what you feel when you're supposed to say thank Thank you, Hashem, for giving me the Torah. You gave me this bliss, this enjoyment like I'm going to about to make on a drink. I'm going to make on the Torah. And they didn't have that. And you know what that's a sign of? They weren't real with They weren't real with the Torah. We were just faking everybody out. Yeah, I'm here. I wear the white shirt and I'm in this yeshiva because my brother went to the yeshiva and I'm religious cuz my community is going to outcast me if I'm not religious. And I have to because I have to and I have to get a shuk and I don't want everybody to say any bad names about me. So I have to do this. No, that's what led to the destruction of beta mikdash. That led to people making the that's what led to people being fake with the so therefore we have to sit ourselves down and we have to tell ourselves how do I make time to learn Torah. I have a lot of time on screen time. I have a lot of time to learn Torah. And when I learn Torah, you got to learn with a rabbi. You got to learn with a kuta. You got to learn with somebody who's going to make you feel it. You're going to be in it. You're going to be motivated. You're going to be excited to learn. It's going to speak to your soul. It's going to give like water on a dry parch. That's how you're going to learn Torah. And when you do that, then you save yourself from all the has nothing on us. Nothing on us. And we'll be able to make the shan this and the entire year. We won't sit here next year. We'll be able to heal. We'll be able to help. Look at all those people that we know today. They're divorced and they have no money or let's say they went on drugs and they're throwing their life away. But the biggest sadness is when someone young passes away. Why? Because so much potential. You know how much potential the Jewish people have? You know how great the Jewish people can be? Even greater than what they are today. If only we're able to learn Torah and remember why we're here today and fix it to be real with only then we'll be able to reach our full potential and go from the biggest sorrow the biggest the biggest and the building the mikdash tus when he destroyed the beta mikdash it wasn't it was he destroyed just bricks he destroyed just stone we already destroyed it before he came spiritually and we have the ability to build it even before it's built also spiritually. Amen.