Nissim Black Tells Over His Amazing Journey to Judaism

can everybody hear me okay thank you guys so much uh I hear wonderful things about Y and I see what happens here kazak and I want to take take this time to also thank Shalom and Victorio Z please make a for finally dragging me out to to be here so if you can't hear me at any point uh while I'm talking so what I'm joking I'm joking please feel free to to to speak up my name is Nim black um originally from Seattle Washington I just want to preface to talk a little bit because uh one of the biggest things I've been being written up by a professional reporters uh real professional uh since I was about 13 years old 13 14 years old and one thing I can say is true I've never been able even when I've sat down with people and talk to them I never been able to get the actual Story the same way I never read it the same way that I even gave it over so people ask me now say why because you're you don't watch the news you don't listen I'm saying listen if I was there I talked to the reporter I gave over my whole entire everything I gave over my whole entire story and then they still messed it up and I've seen this every time I'm definitely not going to trust them to give me an eyewitness of something they didn't go see so so for that reason I want to preface it by by speaking a little bit about my family a little bit like that uh few times I've been written up they put them directly under the bus and things were dysfunctional I'm not going to say but uh one of the things I like to say is that my my my stepfather for for instance was uh I think it's only appropriate his father's day was the type of person who will give his shirt off his back for anybody I knew I and I speak about this often is uh you know everybody have certain they have certain you know things that you have certain K that a person has and and that are part part of them attributes certain things like that that you see by certain people but then at the same time you can see somebody hit somebody with a bat over their head also to and say same guy you know so but I just want to preference to say that you know all of us we have inside of us you know two different people the the the Safar the holy books talk about the uh M the battle between that the two cities the batan brings down and inside a person there's two kings of of of two different sides Waring and they each one of them want to have that person so understand that with every every um every problematic or issue or bad meter that a person has that there's also the opposite side that a person also has a meter meter to and they also have the good side of that meter sometimes it's just redirected so I grew up in Seattle Washington born and raised there and uh thank God they finally let me leave three months ago I was born and raised there and uh I was exposed to a lot very early as a kid I seen uh I seen a lot of drug abuse a lot of violence like I said it's very dysfunctional me myself I um started smoking pop when I was about in the 10th when I was 10 years old so about fourth grade think that's grve for grve for by the time I was 12 years old I was already selling it I already had uh my own little business there and uh I was a business entrepreneur you know started early but these were the things that I seen very very early on so naturally a person becomes a product of your environment this is what you've seen so what you see you do I remember when I was about 8 years old my family we were battle ran by the FBI so I woke up to my mother have dress with a gun to her head and everybody in the house zip tied and and uh and cuffs and my uncle at this time was a really big uh drug lord or whatever and his face was in the couch and they screaming we got you we got you and that whole night you know funny business was going on but we didn't know everything that was going on as a kid especially when I was so young I didn't know everything that was going on but that morning waking up to that but this is this is to give you an idea of of what I seen so when I was about 8 and 1 half close to 9 years old my grandfather came to live with me my grandfather was a Sunni Muslim and uh later on he ended up in a place where a lot of Muslims are it's not Mecca it's Penitentiary unfortunately I don't know why they hang out there so much but a lot of people come back out and their Muslims when they come out of there so that's my grandfather ended up back in that place but before he went he Ted me how to pray I prayed with him five times a day um I was exposed to some Quan he he was very very influential in my life because nobody else was religious I didn't have any connection to anything religious my parents were completely secular my you know my my my mother sold drugs my father sold drug so this was the kind of lifestyle that I was exposed to very very early on and it wasn't until about I say 1997 my grandfather ended up going on a very long vacation I just mentioned and during that that that time I started to want to search I wanted to find out what I was supposed to be doing now you should know I was always into music everybody asking when did you start you know they said I was doing Michael Jackson you know with a boo boo diaper I I mean by the time I was seven you couldn't convince me I wasn't Michael Jackson I knew I was Michael Jackson I us to go to sleep with a dirty white glove you know one glove you know I had to move down and nobody had a meaner meaner moonwalk than me second for my my best friend here yph there was this one guy named Bobby in school he had a better moonwalk but that was it other than eny then nobody had and so uh I was always into music and every way that I could possibly express myself through song I was jumping at that opportunity and so when I was about 13 years old I was offered to to go to this hip-hop program at this hip-hop program was at a particular it was a it was a like a center community center and this community center was called the Union Gospel Mission I had no idea if anybody asked me at this time what my religion was I would have told him I'm a Muslim because that's that's my grandfather was and so I remember going to this to this place and it was like a safe haven for me a little bit they got me out of my environment all those uh beautiful dysfunctional things I seen at home I got to distance myself from and uh nobody mentioned anything to me about religion nobody said anything to me they just brought in by the music they knew I was very interested we put on a play it was a whole whole thing and uh very very loving people and uh shortly after this they decided to ask me if I wanted to go to camp now this Camp was a was a camp it wasn't just any camps it a missionary Camp you go to this Camp you know they it's a it's the real deal so I went and uh I remember going I had like Kies you know I didn't know I didn't fit in but you know after a couple days I started eating some pork it was all good it was all right and uh you know I remember I remember standing outside one time somebody like snatched off like my little kofy turban thing and we got into a big thing but I wasn't it wasn't one of those things where where for me it was about just a camping itself it just it took me out of my environment and that was the best thing for me at that time and Hashim works in mysterious ways because it was the most appropriate thing for me and what my Nish needed at that point to get me out of my environment so so uh finding that out that throughout this I don't know week and a half week eight day um experience that there were a lot of questions asked to you at 13 years old what are you going to answer you don't know what to answer when you got serious questions like what are you going to do with your afterlife you know what are you going to you know I didn't know I hadn't thought about it I still at that point thought the whole world revolved around me so I know I'm definitely not thinking about what's going to be in the next world but of course with all the question that they ask you everybody's got the answer everybody's got the answer the other beautiful part about this sort of like in a Jewish camp today have o after you may heard something very heavy very serious you get together you discuss it with a counselor we had something called cabin time after during cabin time we were were dealing with inner city kids everybody was coming from the most broken situations the most broken homes and for all of us to build and to get together and to speak and to talk and build such a like a camaraderie it was it was amazing it was amazing experience that I had and it was the first thing to really help me to put my to put my guard down and uh now finding out out by the end of this Camp I was a full-fledged uh born again Christian you're born again even if you wasn't born a Christian but you're still born again that's that's how it works I don't know how still trying to figure it out but anyway I was very very devout I was very very into this for about 8 months very strong very strong I was and uh I immediately came back home I distanced myself from the friends that I was hanging around and I started to go to uh all the Bible study they had these these Bible study groups and all that I couldn't get into church because football was on Sundays they had church or football you know like you guys I'm still amazed I just was told it's game seven and look how pack the guy section are I'm really really proud of you guys but you know this type of thing I couldn't make it in my head I'm supposed to be a church and on Sunday the Seahawks are playing you're crazy I'm not going so I will go all the time to this to this to this Bible study throughout the week and just slowly over time you know I became like the poster child for this place cuz I was bringing by this time was on my way into high school so I was bringing like half of my high school was involved in all the study groups all the clubs and all the you know this whole Community Center and then so I started being on the new magazines for these you know these Christian magazines and I was such a pillar of Hope and I was the like I said the poster child other then they gave me a little Junior missionary card you know so I got it was a beautiful uh beautiful beautiful time in in life I was I was moving up and slowly but surely things hit you you know you start to live life a little little bit and and and when I talked to most gar or most people the balich Chua I talked to them and we discuss that most people I know had an experience where they either felt that they they didn't belong or they felt like they were completely out of place and this hit me about my ninth my 10th grade year of high school I remember walking in one day through the through the through the gates um and I was nothing happened nothing significant nothing didn't I didn't hit any I didn't hit my head or anything but when I walked through the door during that lunch period I looked around and something hit me in inside and said I didn't belong I felt out of place I felt as if I knew something that there was a certain uh knowledge I wouldn't have said back then but a certain DS there was something that I knew that nobody else knew and it was separating me from everybody else and I couldn't feel it and then after a while ate like a chicken nugget and then went away but I never forgot that moment that uh I had that experience where I felt completely completely different so fast forwarding a little bit now I'm moving up I'm the captain of the football team I'm uh very very busy and by this time my 10th grade year I was also very strong spiritually as a religious Christian I was I I miv like I said miv all the school they're all going to the to the to the programs now all these different things and and one of the things is my friends they admitted to me after well After High School by this time you know I'm already a year and everything else and they would sit and they told me you know we used to plot on you because you were so religious and you were so and you made us feel so you know like bums you know for lack of a better term I think that's a good one they were being bums so we'll call them bums they were being bums towards me and and you know and they apologize as grown men they apologize for the way they would treat me they would they would say the most foul things about God and curse and just everything just cuz they want to get a reaction out of me they won a lot of times they really won there one particular time I remember that they they had these nightclubs you know uh that you would go go to uh when you were young and and you needed to get in the worst trouble you could possibly get in to so and I was very very strong I'm not going you know these guys and so they all trying to talk me into it so I go to an adult in the house and I say you know I think it was my mother at the time I said you know that all trying to get me to go to this and I waiting for her to say no and she goes you should go you know so I had nobody on my side finally and I remember walking going to this uh this nightclub for teenagers basically is what it was and I remember walking in there and like I took 10 steps and just inside I was struck so I turned around and I started walking back and I'm real close find he comes and grabs me in my chair he said you're already sinning by being in here just finish it out you know so you know this is like what they thought you know like you know this is you you need to C I was finding myself all the time forcing situations when I was trying to I was trying to grow even back then I seen that I had was with me I had a I had a I had a path I didn't know how to get there it wasn't uh gilo it wasn't clear to me yet but it was a it was a path so fast foring a little bit now I'm in my 11th grade year not so religious why am I not so religious because I just been offered a half a million dollar contract from a big record label named Virgin Records one of my demal made it there some friend or another friend another friend to the table of this an& AR and now I'm receiving calls and one of the things that they want from you all of a sudden is to spice up the wraps a little bit you know you can't to rap nobody raps without cursing who was big at that time A guy by the name of 50 Cent he do have the to be mentioned in the show but whatever we're talking I'm just saying you know if you know who he is then I'm sorry so anyway you know this is what rap was back then so they so they wanted me to you know just throw in a few curse words toughen it up a little bit so along with all these new edgier WS came people that did a little bit more than rap about it you know so this becomes the people that you're around and uh I remember we tried to get a bidding war going so one of the things we did we went to I went to New York then I went to uh Slim Shady's records I went to Atlantic I went to all these places Dame Dash and Jay-Z had just split so the Rockefeller so Dame Dash had his own thing we went to go meet with him Clark kin who both discovered Biggy Smalls and Jay-Z he was really into me wanted to sign and and here we go we're trying to get something going and everything that we that we thought even the Virgin situation everybody pulled out and now I'm left with this new record this harder person what are we going to do so we decided to do it independently and we had some Su you guys hear that kosher ringtones kosher phone ringtone somebody knows what's going on over here so just in case this may happen again somebody want to take this from me yeah it's okay yeah you give it to that guy who's standing behind the M that's yoseph thank you and so now here we are we're left with the music and uh we got the guys that like I said they're doing a little bit more than just talking about uh this thing and and song it's the real deal and so slowly but surely we start to build a follow we're selling you know getting kicked out of the mall and the movie theaters we're soliciting hand to hand you know that type of thing you know like they say selling the CDs out the trunk you know we did all of that and uh we started to gain a following and then at this time also too um I started producing records for other guys that were part of inner scope gunit uh people that were connected to 50 Cent and different things like that I found myself on a few disc records also too that uh I didn't have anything to do with so things were kind of blown up and we started to see that we were having a little bit of success and I at this time we I became the um co-ceo of our Independent Record label and so I'm starting to put my guys on and start to put their music out and a good friend of mine we just finally finished this record and we went of course to a drug dealer to go find the money to put it out that's the type of thing you did back then we didn't have too many guys that were real uh real investors that could give us any real Capital so we had to go go get the capital from you know from someone else it was a good thing though cuz you know it kind of worked that worked itself out in a bad way um so what happens in rap and what was happening during this time was this whole thing about rap battles you know guy get on the and trust me it's no different than WWE wrestling sorry for the guys who thought that was real it's not real neither is the rap stuff neither these guys are all some of the chains they're dipped in dipped in silver not the real thing and all that but anyway so they're going back and forth and one of the one local guy thought that he would make a record about me behind my back and uh then maybe I would I would say something back and then it'll be the talk of the city Talk of the Town and then we'll go back and forth in it and maybe give him some I don't know and so when we heard the song we decided a group of my friends what are we going to do about it we make another song or we going to do so we decided we just go beat the guy up and he won't make any more SS that was going to be that was going to be it so we went and we went to a nightclub that we knew that he was going to be at we found through someone else and uh we went up there and of course a brawl happens that's what happens at nightclubs that's what they're for and uh so we went up there we had we got into this altercation and it was it was an altercation but it wasn't the worst one so I didn't think anything of it I left after you know put the rest of my clothes on all that type of thing we went to the to the office of our independent Rec label all of a sudden I got a phone call the phone call was from a friend he said the police are looking for you I said for what for fighting at a nightclub everybody fights in night how were they going to get me on what I do I damaged a wine glass I don't know what's going to be so and uh I said no the police are saying that you were shooting you were shooting in the nightclub and that you you were I said no way I know I didn't even have a gun at the time so I couldn't make out what they were saying to me because I know I didn't have a weapon so I hung up the phone and I'm panicking now because I don't know what this person's talking about and I remember being with the rest of my friends we ran downstairs and ran out and now I'm on my way home cuz my heart's beating cuz police are looking for me because I supposedly was shooting and we see from a distance sirens and we see the the the lights of the of police car so we tiptoe a little closer and a little closer now I want to let you know as this black people usually don't go towards the sirens we're not looking to go find out what's going on we used to go the other way but for whatever reason I was very interested in knowing what was going on especially after knowing the police you know were looking for us that wasn't a typical thing to go towards the police so we started walking tiptoeing and the closer and Close Our God I seen that it was a good friend of mine who in my honor and in my defense he decided to go up and try to take the other guy's life and uh un unfortunately but fortunately in the streets you know guys don't usually do target practice so they miss a lot and that's what happened in this particular case he missed and he didn't hit him he hit the pole and the car and other things but he didn't hit the actual person so I remember going back and and later on finding all this out I had no idea what's going to happen and then so I had the next thoughts the next morning when I figured out when I got a call and they told me everything that what happened and what the situation was and I put two and two together now I'm fearing for my life why am I in fear for my life because there's colds in the streets one of the things are is when you bring a gun into a situation if we fight we fight but once a gun is brought into the situation then that means it's either you die or I die and so now for the first time I'm pacing back and forth in my living room and I'm halfway in tears because I'm thinking if I don't go take this person's life he's going to come and take my life so now during these times a person lives life you know Hashem would break a person down very quickly and start to show you who you are I can uh back back up a little bit I remember the first time I robbed somebody I was 12 years old and it wasn't because I wanted to or I needed something that the other person had there was a guy this big and he told me that if I didn't go take from the other person he was going going to go do to me I remember hitting this person taking their belongings walking off and when I went home I cried like a baby because it wasn't who I it wasn't who I was and sometimes a person puts you get put in a situation to where you're really exposed here I am for the first time this isn't uh this isn't a song it's not a rap song This is the real thing and if I don't go hurt this person or take this person's life he's going to do to me my barber I remember when I was a kid he had a very similar type of situation where he said she said whatever and he had a disagreement with another person and in broad daylight they finally seen each other him and the other person and they killed each other in the middle in the middle of the day because it never got talked out and never got handled and I remember pacing I said back and forth in my living room now saying God what's going to be you know and and I was crying I started crying I started crying because I didn't want to be the type of person I knew people who that if they would have been in my neighborhood and they walking they would have been worse than than the worst for them to be in that just to walk in a certain neighborhood there is it's like suicide and I didn't want to have that issue so as I'm pacing back and forth and I'm talking to God I don't want to answer my phone I'm not interested and I was just crying asking God if there's another solution am I going to skip town am I going what's going to be cuz I know for sure there's no way in the world that I'm getting out out of the situation and one day allow for my phone to ring I answered it and it was the other guy and he was just as afraid as I was he didn't say it like on the phone he didn't say I'm scared you know he wanted to make himself sound like you know what is it you know and um and he thought if you know he didn't come kill me I was going to kill him and so now we're here both on the on the phone and theim allowed for us to be on the phone to be able to talk about the situation before anything ever escalated and we squashed everything and what are you going to do are you going to continue with the same type of thing and allow for another situation like this to happen and it to be the real thing or are you going to stop and rethink things and so I went with that I stopped and I re rethought everything I stopped answering my phone stopped talking to people and uh I just sat and and and and I thought and I kept praying to Hashem I kept talking to God every day every day every day and uh along this this uh you know this these these long conversations conversations with the sh kept getting longer and longer and longer and longer I started to ask questions a lot of the questions started the reservice that I had as a kid when I was going to those Bible study groups that nobody could ever answer me questions about uh you know JC if he was Jewish how can Christians are not Jewish and different questions on and different things like that that they don't they're not so that that that never got answered to me by them are typical Christians people that I knew so while I had all this free time on my hands of trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life because I can't continue a gangster R that's not going to be uh best solution for trying to stay out of those type of situations so I started every day to learn something I started going on Amazon I started buying hadash with my wife didn't know she thought I had you know uh Arabic she thought I was Arabic she thought I was becoming a Muslim she know what was going on with with all these books and every day I was spending about eight hours a day in in front of my computer in front of my books trying to find them and trying to find the truth and every day I was crying and talking to Hashem and I'm telling you I became so broken I started fasting 3 days at a time I was taking no food going out talking to Hashem for hours I knew nothing about breast nothing about I know nothing about I was just looking for the truth I was looking for Hashem and every day it was like I fell in love with Hashem some more just some more because I had to start over because now I'm finding out that everything that I thought to be true was not true so what happens I'm saying Hashem all right we're going to start over I'm going to learn you brand new brand new I want to learn you so when I started going through all of all of na and I was starting to see that has was open my eyes to so many different things I decided at this point that I needed a rabbi that was going to help me sort all these things out uh mind you you should know that I grew up in a Jewish neighborhood and uh in that Jewish neighborhood I never knew anything about Judaism so I started to explore so I went to Rabbi rabbi's name was google.com and google.com g the holy holy holy holy Reby Google led me to a lot of lot of lot of places took me on a whole different path and different type of sugas in life and uh and and rep Google showed me showed me such a way don't don't try that at home by the way I don't I don't don't pass him by Google at home so say you know I was in a place I was in a certain place don't pass him by Google but at least you know it was it was a it was a time it was a time but I got to a place where hasim started opening my eyes and everything was happening so rapidly I said now I have all this new information I found out that you know almost everything I knew was false and it wasn't true and I I couldn't give up JC of course obviously because you go to hell that's a oneway ticket so I didn't really know what to do with that part but I knew at least that Christmas wasn't true and Santa Claus and everything else that didn't have anything to do with it but I still was kind of holding on to Santa Claus for a long time it's too long too long but anyway so I I remember one day I uh went to my wife and I sat her down on the couch and I made sure that I sat on the other couch just in case anything went flying across the room and I told her I said honey I don't want to celebrate Christmas I don't want to celebrate Easter she said I don't want to be married and uh it was a very very like you know shocking thing for her she knew something was cooking but she didn't even want to ask what was going on with me over there with all those books open cuz she was just like you know she's like we just had a baby like how can you do all this and uh baby wasn't barely a couple weeks even not even a week when I when I told all that I was so insensitive but I had to tell the truth I was I was at a place and uh I remember asking her listen I'm not pushing myself on you I'm not pushing my believe I just want you to learn she grew up in a much stronger Christian Foundation much stronger uh Christian Roots so for her it was a lot more for for her to disconnect and so she started to study on her own she pushed me like stay away I'm going to see what you're talking about here at least she had enough Hashem had mercy on me that she would also one day she came to me and she said I feel like I've been lied to my whole entire life she was so livid so upset with Hashem that he allowed her to be born and she didn't she didn't have em and she and and and and she was hurt and we said what are we going to do I said I don't know what we're going to do but it says you're not allowed to work on Shabbat so I said I'm not going to do the dishes on Saturday I said we didn't know what I meant not to work on Shabbat you know taking out the garbage doing dishes I hated it so I said all right on shabas I'm not going to do it you know so that was that was how everything began you know it was like you're not not really knowing now we thought we're on an island on our own what are we going to do and so a long time rep Google that's why I say you got to save from rep Google he started leading me also to websites where people were uh uh Jews for JC and uh so I started to figure out Hey listen we're not the only crazy people there's also other crazy people on the online so we started so I found a congregation that I could go to and I I went to this place and I I walk in and at first I was a little taking it back I mean i' been to church before but this was something new you know I never been to anything else and so everybody's got these small beanies on top of their head and they got these sheets draped over their backs and they got uh you know all the all the literature the doing over there the prayers were in a language I never spoke before it's all in Hebrew and uh these guys were Jews for JC it wasn't like they were the uh you know it wasn't actual sh but they had a beautiful real saer T they really that's so I you know I said okay this is not exactly what I was looking for and then then after the half to somebody went up and they read from the New Testament so I said okay maybe I can learn a little bit so this place was a great stepping stone for me because in order to catch up with everything and everything they were teaching there I had to start learning so I started uh I went back to rep Google and I typed in you know like everything I typed in no matter what I typed in Jewish learning Jewish holidays whatever kab.org came up I don't know why kabat's everywhere as soon as you type in anything you type in J and kabor comes up so I I went onab I started learning everything I possibly could and learning tools and the more and more I started to learn I started going to a rabbi on the east side uh uh my brother and I and we and and here we are like the more and more we learned the more and more we that we invested our time in into Yiddish and really trying to the further and further and further this place looked from real yish so we said what are we going to do wa we had to figure out something and I told my wife one day I said what are we do she said I want to leave and I want to go do an orthodox conversion and I want to be at this place so I said listen you know you're kind of jumping the gills here you know we just you know it's not so not so pushed we don't know what to do and I and for me it was a difficult test because unfortunately you know if you look around only black guy in here you know didn't think it was going to be something I can so look he's actually looking around he's like no I know somebody dude I just seen him where is he no but I'm saying you know it wasn't it's not so easy to just say you're going to go through I grew up in a Jewish neighborhood I seen people going I didn't see anybody black ever going up there I thought they were all Amish anyway they know the difference between Jews and omish people but the the the the the very very interesting very very interesting cont so one day I was sitting and this is probably what sparks it really really good friend of mine now I was standing in a grocery store shopping shoers by this time I was wearing a wearing a keep and uh we were bagging groceries I you know and behind me for about 10 steps away I heard uh Shabbat Shalom brother I turned around as a black guy with a ke and I'm like you know wow cuz I knew there's these other guys over there the Blacky isites or whatever so he introduced me his name was yakob he invited me for shabas he lived in Su Park like I grew up over there I used to grew up a block away from your house I know I know this area so we started going for shabas over there by his place and then other people started inviting us and uh we started to see these things are really really possible so we said what do we do to distance oursel from this from this other place we didn't know and and theologically even now we're having really big battles because we're in a place where we want Dam we want truth and I want to serve hash in the most authentic way that I possibly could by the way you should know I was not looking at the beginning of this for a new religion especially after finding out the one that I I had was false but I wanted to serve aim and authenticity and now I've come to see that in y that's what it is so we're here still associated with the other congregation and now there's this big conference coming this Con conference was massive from all over the United States all these uh Jews for for The J Man they were getting together and one of the things they did to preface us for this for this conference was they set a few of us down and told us we're part of this uh this board we were filling in for another group people they said there are going to be rabbis hanging in the lobby Orthodox rabbis and whatever you do don't talk to them don't say hi they're only trying to get you don't speak to them don't don't you know they warned us to stay away from these rabbis so we decided we will go to the conference but instead of going in we decided we would sit with the rabbis for the 4 days outside in the lobby the exact opposite of what they I got R Bame here now I'm going to ask these questions for real I want to know I want to know I'm going ask the r bam and so I'm going to sit here and one of the rabbis happened to be a rabbi by the name of uh Michael scoach Michael scob back is a educational director for Jews for Judaism in uh Toronto and so we shot we sent out our questions and we got answers and it was such an amazing and profound experience that we really grew and had real cater with the with the rabbis the other one was Ellie Cohen he's a rabbi in Australia kabad Rabbi in austral who also accompanied rabis scope back during this time so it was a beautiful beautiful thing but one of the things that he said hit me it wasn't anything so theological it wasn't something it was the fact that he said he said that if a person want because he knew he could see in my heart and I expressed how much how much I wanted to be year and I went through the na'vi and when I'm reading through the na'vi and I'm seeing the love that hasem is showering and I'm is is such a beautiful and I'm expressing all of these things and he said listen it's like root he said what is root what is your version of Ruth he said the root is he says that just like she said your God is my God your people is my people he said that ultimately a person is saying that what the Jewish people accept I accept and what the Jewish people reject I reject and when they said that it hit me really really deep in my heart so after that we never went back to the place my wife found us a place inside the Orthodox Community andem about two and a two and a half years after we had moved not only me and my wife converted but also my brother-in-law was my best friend since kindergarten and my wife's sister all four of us converted 2 and 1/2 years after that had a double wedding and it was the most beautiful experience and that is my story thank you very much so I want to open I want to open up for some questions if anybody has any questions I'm uh okay for next few minutes somebody better put a time limit on it because I got rambi syndrome so I may go on a little bit beyond first question Community you grw up in any idea why why it's like that why what um why there so much drug abuse why there so much it's a cyclical cycle that goes all the way back from the time of slavery it was never I mean my high school we were never set up to succeed we didn't have a chance to really succeed we we barely had books the teachers you know I'm not going to say all of them but we had a lot of lot of idiots you know teaching teaching and we didn't have we weren't set up to to succeed so when you have that type of environment and people that were not exposed to healthy relationships and it becomes a cycle over and over again it's not because people are bad that's why I wanted to preface the convers the the the tonight it's not because people are literally they're bad people some of the sweetest people I ever met were the guys on the streets and they wanted to get out I could tell you conversations people would talk to into the hours of nights older people that knew on how much they wanted to go how much they wanted and out but it's it's a lot of people are institutionalized to be the difference to tell you why I'm not there and why someone else that I knew is still I can't tell you it's only I can't tell you I don't know what can we do to help we can dve and that's the first thing we could do we need to pray we need to pray when Isel restores itself to his shes and to the root that helps the whole entire worlden so it's the first thing is that all of us to fix on us as the first thing to help the first help is us helping ourselves how did your parents react when how old were you when you actually them you are leaving the to how did my parents react it's a good question um my mother died of an overdose when I was 19 so she didn't get to see any of this um the the rest of my family not so happy my biological father now who who changed his life completely complete 180 I don't know not good at degrees 180 is he's a complete 180 he's now a Christian Theologian he's a professor and Doctor he's actually been my biggest supporter the non-religious family not so much because they don't understand it they don't even comprehend how even the no idea of God can can move you away from being close to your family or how could it so uh you know everybody takes things differently but uh hasn't been the best how did hash Hashem has been with me since I was a kid I don't know he always inside you can feel that that God is there so never was one of those things where I had to bring down I never doubted the fact that Hashem existed all throughout everything it just not it's not a part of wasn't a part of my makeup I didn't think like that but how I discovered Hashem in in terms of of Judaism was searching I want to find the truth and for me that's what I found was to to be true I looked for Hashem and I wasn't looking intellectually I wasn't looking for like what's the smarter thing to do I was just looking for EMS that was it and that's what I told that and I started speaking to him every day because of it um my wife's name is Adena um and um the name Nim actually came about through a ace I was uh the first Nest was I made it to shore early I was at to show early before everybody else and uh I was ding on a name I was talking to a I was heing on a name because I knew I was going to the B then early and there's a whole if you weren't going by the name for 30 days or whatever prior two it couldn't go on the K after you do the kadu and so I needed the something name that I was going to and people were suggesting different things and n I boil down to Nim and I think maybe another name and I was uh and I was in the Sho and I was ding I was talking to about it and I seen that the clock was whining and people were going to start coming in from and I put my hand behind the the you know to grab aor and it was that's so I pulled it out said on it I said that was all from so okay few question how old were you and your wife when youed uh me and my wife were 25 and 26 how long were you married at that time how how long were we married already we're married originally when we were I was 20 my wife was 21 how long ago almost three and a half years now what was your name it was Damian the back what occurred for me was that I just seen that if I continue like I said in the same situation that I was going that it probably wasn't going to be good you know I seen that that situation after I got into the other altercation with the other other artists and uh it became a life or death situation and I said you know if I continue like this what's going to be there's a whole other issue also too me and my wife at that time we were pregnant with our first child and I started thinking listen to the things that I'm saying in my songs and in my music how would I feel not only my child but you know I'm about to have a little girl what about other people's little girl you know a big big that was a time of a serious you know what I mean it was it was a it was a it was a time it was the time that hasem was weighing and the person I think that everybody gets moments like that in life that if you don't capture it person can M fall into a concealment of the concealment and not know to look for Hashem at all you know what I mean so I'm just thank Hashem that I grabbed grabbed on to it at that time um I I want to go over here because I think I question no he wasn't he was actually Orthodox uh Jew's name is Yakov lenon it was there's a bigger connection to that the congregation that I was involved with that was the Jews for Jay he had been affiliated with before that particular coners uh congregation and he was never that way he actually was raised the conservative uh growing up by a conservative family took in him and his his mother when he was really young he clean his mother cleaned for the family so he grew up he even went to to a Jewish High School even and uh converted a couple times himself so but he he he ended up in a in a place in life where he was estranged from Judaism he was working in Seattle and he needed to bring the kids to a religious function that he was working with and so he ended up going to that place he didn't know it was uh juice for Jay and then he ended up liking a lady there he was kind of changed and so he ended up leaving and uh with the with the woman also too and she became Orthodox and so so he yeah so he was Orthodox and he start invited us for shabas so I live uh in nowk that guy in the back is like waiting that hand's been waiting for a long time Des Fai Bel the difference between faith and belief or well I don't know if I can really describe that but uh belief I'm saying as much as you possibly can in English just doesn't doesn't have any action to it you know what I mean does it exist doesn't exist I mean well I don't you asking because you have the answer you're asking because you want this saying I'm just saying you belief is something that a person they you have belief in something Faith real in MAA means that a person has action to it so it means something a whole lot a whole lot more we're going to try to AR right but my here it's my thing a look the the the TR truth is okay yeah was in a group you know what me out of it I fell I was almost by I joined a disabled rights group I met my old there under all September 11 201 I I canel out one of the Retreats I went to two Sedar at a locally in and the rest is internet all my old buddies from the voters of group that's like one of the worst ones MSE a whole bunch of them that you know doing a lot of a lot of wow wow wow W um an interesting question I have um in my experience I've met other friends and I've had friends who were gar one who was disabled one who was a man of color and initially they wereing and rapping and lecturing but then unfortunately they then stopped observing and Al they're still Jewish so my question to you is how do you reinforce your imuna and how do you remain strong in your convictions now that you are a so a that's a very good question so person that I've seen I've seen this a lot with people that come in and they're really involved in the it's the outside and even if a person looks like they're really stagging it's really something outside and as soon as it becomes that there's nobody there to uh we're just talking about as a friend nobody to impress anymore with uh how devoted you are you fall off because the from the inside it wasn't from a place of emis nobody can say you know R talks about this a person needs to D in their whole life that hasem should keep them that they should stay close to Hashem and that they should you know stay in a stay on the path so no who can predict what's going to be for me personally that comes from talking to Hashem every single day person needs to live with Hashem you need to have a relationship with Hashem if you have a relationship with Judaism you know it's not going to what is that you need have relationship with Hashem specifically and so you know for me I feel like that's the that's the thing and also being when you're when you're Mas and you're going out and you're speaking like me I make it a habit to talk to as many people as I can it's not just for them it gives me when the words are coming out of my mouth and things of things that are given other people they're hitting me right back so I need to strengthen myself every single day and I was best with I was blessed with the my brother's not in here now my brother-in-law has been my best friend since kindergarten who I said we able to make this journey together it's a true somebody that's really going to be there for you and have your back and of a person you only find a person like that once in a lifetime so very very important to surround yourself with people that's also going to strengthen you in your aod and they're going to strengthen you as a person and individual so I only have time for like two more questions and then we're going to and then we're going to go yourf reaction my grandfather who I mentioned was a Muslim Muslim uh she asked what what was his reaction when to my change in my belief it's very funny because he didn't grow up Muslim he was a originally Christian he said as long as you didn't fall for Christianity I'm happy said he tell me so all right two more questions cuz he's going to ask another one I want to get the young guy in there I'm sorry is it easy is it hard um I don't know if any of those questions Define Judaism itself is it easy is it hard I think that like I said at the beginning what happened to me is I you know people think it's a phenomenon and a person wakes up he decides that he wants to come closer to hasem all of a sudden he finds himself in Judaism for actually for me it's not that hard for me to wake up and to see that I'm distant and astrange from God when I knew I was doing the things that I was doing but for a person to already have been Jewish to already been raised in a religious home and to take that Y and to make it their own that's much harder I think than to than to wake up for me I fell in love with Hashem and this is the whole story of we just had sh sh that we receiving mat T every year that we're receiving the Torah new that's a ution That's Falling in Love with hasem this is a marriage you understand what I mean so if a person is not making a sort of effort every single day to fall in love with Hashem Judaism is going to be hard it's it's much easier to give yourself over to something or to someone once there's actual love there if the love's not there it's much harder for a person to do you see that people they find themselves infatuated with their spouse or with that person at the very beginning especially if you went on you know sh dating and you don't really know who the person is yet four or five months after that it's sort of like no you take out the garbage you know what I mean because it's one of those things but until a person really works on them to really find real love forem once you find the relationship aspect it's much easier for you to do than me to vote but as long as that's lacking then it becomes hard so it depends on the person for me I I've been asked that question a lot oh what was the one thing that was hard since I fell in love with hashm nothing was hard for me to to to I I threw myself into Hashem I threw myself into the me V I drew myself in the and it was easier for me because of that but for a person you grew up with it your whole entire life you've been telling you you had to do it you have to keep shops you have to for that it's a much bigger phenomenon but you have to make Hashem yours you have to take him and make him yours not what your grandparents had not what your parents had as long as you don't have the relationship with a it's going to be hard for you to do but once you have it's Blissful and it's it's no problem it's a very easy thing for you okay one last question why did you stick with the Bible why did I stick with the Bible and not go to other books yeah because I came to a big H with all of that I I did I did deal with the Quran I also bought a Quran also at the time and obviously the Christian Bible I didn't go outside of that cuz everything else was completely foreign to me and I I I didn't even understand that on entrance of thought so I didn't go into it but I had to make on I said If God Was if Christianity was the proper of the True Religion God changed his mind it's very clear God changed his mind if if Islam was the was the god changed his mind a couple times so my next thing was what stops him from changing his mind again we got 700 years later somebody else comes and they they got the now seal with them Hashem could change his mind any but at least with Y didn't change his mind and you know so that was that was my from there thank you guys so much appreciate thank thank you so much very very inspiring ladies and Gentlemen let's give me him another round of applause please with me okay don't leave me hanging this is the world makeover sh will come take over you ain't got to be me all see what I see all you got to do is take a look forward lift up your eye to the sky spread out your hands and say thank you smile get them up put them up leave them up haha yep yep pop up the volume every day stand in place heart racing no words to say pressure build and trying to hold my face mind drifting like not today wake up from everything break out your shell and scream ha shim you're the king ha shim you're the King lay all by Z