Nasa Na 1938 #11- Improve yr Family Issues by eating Dinner together - one's table is key to Nachas

um i encourage you to listen to the uh fabregan that we did it was all 58 minutes it's online uh for youtube it's a good a good a good preparation for your tribe yeah the other day uh we we we if i break together speaking about rosh haidershvat and it's important to prepare ourselves okay let's go to the mimer we're on page and now that is going to summarize to us what the spiritual meaning of a table that the issue name is made for ish this holy man and and basically the represents the table represents chakras and they have explained to us in the previous chapter the previous paragraph that refers to both tsuki de zimbra the which is the zamira reads him to cut away the bad evil of the nethershabamis and just to leave its good part which is which is its drive and passion and then there's ah and then there is krishna the blessings that prepare us for which he spoke about yesterday and its idea is the concept of humility show because if the angels who are who are our spiritual parents are humble before god and subservient shouldn't we be that way as well and we discussed it at length yesterday and i encourage you to listen to this year okay let's go now to the last chapter next chapter and this is the idea and this is why we say that the table in the in the verse in tanakh in malachim 2 and kings 2 where it speaks about the ish tsunamis and she said prepare for my our holy guest a room and in the room there should be a bed which we spoke about refers to chris michelle amita the evening schma and there's the smile before we go to sleep and the husband on efforts that we need to make and then she says prepare a table and then just prepare a chair and then just prepare a candelabra so the ribbon says what is the intent it refers to the service the activity these oscars of ones of oneself while one recites verses of praise and because primarily these two sections of chakras refer to making a dent or better cell said hakika the engraving in the nephew la says to make it a proper vessel a proper receptacle in two ways of engraving it's number one engrave it uh from the outside make sure from the outside when you touch it it has no splinters and it's smooth and all that will have friday mara spiritually that means separated from bed separate passion don't throw out the baby with the bath water as the famous saying goes but separate the baby from the ugly bath water and the second aspect of engraving it from inside leo is clearly really key for that it should become now a vessel for god and you'll notice you know you need that it says it should become a vessel for god i know he's referring to now what did in other words before you can you can uh solidify and refine and come to a place of bitter you have to get rid of the schmutz and that's why we say surme rava say if we say it in hallelujah and shabbat right first turn away from the evil then come good so people say well khabar is always saying put on and put on the bazooza and you worry about your issues later no contradiction when you're talking about the someone who doesn't know from olive to tough of course you say put the villain on and and and do a mitzvah and get you know one second one second but when you talk about someone who knows better and who's learned and or someone who wants to know the truth you got to tell them suramirah surmirah if you don't have suramirah i say tov will never stick yes i was gonna say my son my son usher just learning right now so he told me last week that i don't know where he was learning he was learning i don't know but the whole kind of how do we but how do maybe even a higher i don't know if it's a higher level maybe then maybe yes maybe no sur how do we how do we achieve now there was a person that's focused on right it's it's going to be it's going to distance a person automatically from rough that that that is that is a nice concept and on a and also on a certain level the ms but that's not i'm talking about the rudimentary basic idea you know and and and and that's not what the puzzle means literally the possibility is literally surmi ra and then vasatov what what usher is sharing is true but uh it's a it's it's when you're at a different it's a different experience in other words there's a time and and and that and and that time is is is needed many times where the a saito of itself will bring to sur mira that's true but in other words someone who who's learning in a yeshiva some alert yeshiva and he knows he's doing something bad okay they're simply stop doing the nonsense stop it you know you don't need here to be a philosopher and to be someone who's uh you know deep and knowledgeable just you you want you want you want goodness and kindness and holiness to rest in you you have to make a platform you have to make a like in the gosh mystical world if you don't clean your house how do you expect someone to come in and feel good there if it's a if it's full of garbage so first thing is clean out the garbage and and then bring in bring in the goodness so the goodness will be appreciated what he was saying is that that there's an ex there is an experience at certain times when a person is either not capable or the the time is right for an overwhelming amount of tov to illuminate a situation so for let's take the rebel the river at times would say do something which was not the way people would do things and that's why it caused alarm frankly where the froome world went bonkers and then they and they freaked out yeah you know they said like that's not the way the missouri has been till now and that ever saw something from on high that no one else saw so they were right from their perspective and that emma was right from his perspective that he got a message from his father-in-law uh that now we we should uh they said give out print tanya's all over the world what's this idea of printing tanya's when people aren't learning the kanjis they don't even know the time users first make a campaign that there's a holy book that you want to share with people and no rabbit says print the tanya and then learn with that the tanya in other words so there ever saw that the world needs at this particular time this revelation of hasidism vis-a-vis the therefore he says go for it that's an assail that supersedes surme ra but that's a hindus that's a novelty and usually it can only come from a big sadiq now when someone who you know isn't religious and you have a relationship with them and you know them and you know that you know telling them to stop this and stop this and do this and do that it's going to turn them off of course you use the other method but what i'm talking about is a a regular situation anyway enough said so that it says here the previous rabbit says that the december consists of two activities two avoiders one is one who are they beetle how do you make the the uh how do you make it a vessel for godly light it's through bitter see here the wording is very precise look what he says here through the bittle through the nullification of seyur we have a sayar with us a painter a drawer an artist the word seer means a drawing um an image an imagery the first thing you have to do is you have to remove the seer of the nephesh obama's velvet what is the seer of the nephews obamas it's the way the nephesh obama draws and paints a situation and the situation that it pains is always associated with stus with stupidity with bad with indulgences yes so um a long time ago something like 40 maybe 40 years ago 38 years ago um we used to live in a place called sheepstead bay yeah and she said brooklyn so we david there was only two orthodox shoals and the the there was the young israel and then there was the nerolis table yeah so he said i'm going to roll the rebel on avenue an avenue yeah yeah yeah so now he's in israel now he's in the roller rugby here in israel right but um so the royal rubber used to tell me always i have sports and cup is to say you have sports and cup so i say this reminds me what we're learning now something almost 40 years ago already okay so thank you by the way the neurologist he learned in 770 1949 i believe 48 49. anyway so so that's ior i want to talk a moment about the seer herrera you understand what's wrong with the seer of the nephesh obama's the imagery of the nephesh obamas in tanya chapter 11 with the alternative speaks about the difference between the russia of the table and the russian a complete evil person and incomplete dalton speaks about he begins there saying he quotes the thoughts about a sin are worse than a sin and over there's talking about you know it matters of sexuality that thinking about sexual things is worse than doing sexual things now wait a minute here it's it's it's a it's an action here it's only a thought so the one of the explanations is and and i believe hillary again is not here today he would be able to support it from a psychological perspective is that the the the power of imagery and fantasy as related in this case the sexuality is a lot worse because it doesn't stop whereas the actual action it's a excuse the expression it's a one-night stand it's a one-night deal it's one moment of pleasure and you go on but the fantasy world is a very very credulous world where it constantly works on you and it constantly drives you and this has been studied i'm not telling you an introduction and i don't want to elaborate more on it but this is a fact this is what i would mean by seer the never bomb is and it's not just in a matter of sexuality it's in every area by creating an image well let's use the word fantasy and that drives the person to bear to no good to unhealthy cravings so that epic says the first thing you have to do is you have to be my vatel the seor the imagery the fantasy of the nepheshabamis then the nephesh obamas can shine with its passion with its with its drive but you have to get that bad image and and and fantasy out of it and this is an avoider this isn't com this doesn't come from eating challenge this comes from realizing that you're a slave you're a slave to your fantasy to your imagery to your seer and who wants that i want to be in control i want to be a free person i don't want to be ruled by a fantasy i think that would be an explanation of what the rebbe says here being the vatel the seer of the nephilish obamas let's continue let's see how the rebel says it the nephesh obama's it is the power of desire and lust or passion in yiddish there's a word for to will something is vil or villain so the rabbit says velvel that the nephesh is a kayak vers vil it's a a a a a power of want of wanting and the manner in which it expresses its taiva its willy its will and yiddish next words sign its will who but kayak god rules very strong the verse says there is an abundance of wheat coming through the power of an ox when the ox plows the field compared to a little sheep plowing the field you get very little produce so we have an ox the knife is like an ox um and it's from there from that part of the acts of the nfl promise that the yates are the evil inclination comes enclose the power of desire betsy yuri in evil images the taiwanese of indulgences goofnia's bodily ones omit this rise but the very core power of taiva of passion look at these words is not bad in its very core by a day let's see by a nulling by nullifying the bad imagery you're able at that point to transform as sovereign the power of lust and desire literally for good veliful yode and to use it and through it with your entire theme by inserting that very power into good imagery but it's with spiritual desires between seabourn you become fascinated to double dominion and it's in your blood you won't travel if you don't have a minion you'll make sure you travel everything surrounds around dominion but filipe cavanaugh number two and when you dive in you're diving with carvanha and you won't allow anything to stop you of the crease it will turn into setting aside time to learning and not having everything anything disturb you the closer to the best all this depends on your table what type of table do you guys have do we have at night when we sit down with our family if we do that if we don't we should start doing it what are we discussing at the table politics lush and horror car racing super bowl what are we talking about or we'll talk about those things a little bit too but we say david we asked how the day was we asked each child what did you learn what do you think what do you have to say and yiddish vlas i love these words we look at what type of table do you have what what's that what's that famous saying that they've it's been advertised a family that eats together stays together right how many how much time do we spend thinking about how our table both weekday and shabbos will be with our family whether we have guests so we don't have guests do we take some time friday and say what type of table do i want tonight or maybe do we do it during cabela's shabbos i'm having guests are you going to forget about your family just focus on the guests are you going to bring the guests into the family how are you going to set up that table whatever it says here that the the table that this woman made for the holy man was very relevant to having a relationship with holiness it's what's on your table i could tell you just from from my my experience with my my family one of the things that my wife and i brother hashem succeeded in is that i can't say every night but over the the 37 years of family life and children we've had mostly family dinner together um every day every day and and and sometimes longer sometimes shorter and i see i see the benefit of it and sometimes some of my kids are not doing it for whatever reason and you know i'm a grandfather this time i'm a zeta and i you know try to encourage my child to to really implement that because it's such a healthy thing it really is so healthy it's like you're rushing you're rushing especially today with the usage of electronics and the phones and this is a something that really on on on on a path of to stop and the the usage of of phones during supper where phones ring and it's to me it's it's asinine it's it's it's wrong it's it's not healthy it's not good forget it it's not it's not good and if it means shutting those phones off taking about i mean really there's certain principles you know we talk about you i mean what can i kind of implement or someone use the word force on my kids and it's a sensitive issue i've told you about the struggles i had with the girls you know matashabas um you know taking off the shoppers clothing and putting on weekday clothing to go out saturday night you know and that really you know rubbed me the wrong way i come from a certain tradition you know and what's the shabbos you dress shop is thick wherever you go you dress sharp isn't it how much of a fight do you put up how do you deal with that the same as with the table you know with the cell phones you know uh are you adamant you know put those phones away and turn them off and there's no emergency you know if you happen to have a house phone if god forbid there's an emergency you tell people call me on the house phone the the kuda is that it's it's an ongoing issue now so how do i come to this from the mimer right moshe always talks about what what practical instruction do we have when we learn facilities you know if it's just a um uh topic of discussion that's you know fascinating uh wonderful but we're not in college or we're not in yeshiva we're in betshemish or brooklyn and we have to pay our bills and we have to raise a family and do what we have to so the answer is that evan says look at those words these words should be pinned in everyone's house verse by him is you want to know how your family will be and whether you'll be much leaf or not know that ask yourself the question what type of table do i have that's what it says right here it's not my words guys it's the frida kareem tells us and this is why she made him available a table what the ish kurdish needed a table yoni what do you need a table he has a bed he wants to sleep what does he need a table for so that's what happens being mosby here that's what he's explaining here the table shows where he's putting his emphasis on it it's another step in the latter of showing holiness if you can't find holiness in the table it's a problem that's why what does it say in pirkei elvis someone doesn't say words of tata at the table during the meal it's like it's like a disgusting meal it's a pirky of us it's it's it's in the in the mishnah it's disgusting why because then you're showing that all your table is about is fleshing eating even if you eat properly but still it's just it's very basic and material and physical animalistic eating when we eat the eating itself needs to be demonstrative of holiness of kedusha says that ever the way you can come to that position is if you separate the imagery of the nepheshabamis which is usually into unhealthy things from the passion of the nephesh obamas which is very important and and what does that mean that means don't squash the will of a person and we learned about this i want to remind you in the contrast of education that the previous member wrote for his father as well you remember there is something i always remember he says there when it comes to educating and and and raising a student or a child in a healthy way don't squash their will don't eliminate their russo because if you do you lost them and not only did you lose them you've hurt them for life and issues later of depression low self-esteem low self-confidence and everything else comes from that i remember when i was a little boy probably 9 10 11 i started to uh draw little menchies and i i was fantasizing like a game and then as a year or two later i started to play basketball with my little menchies using a dreidel i i created an entire game my brother jokes just hi and today you should take it to to to mattel or one of the hasberry one of the toy companies you'll become a millionaire from your idea but that's not the point i want to get to at and and um i i wonder i i i wish i would have copies it it was very cutesy you know i mean i wasn't a nice artist but in my own way i i drew a man and a second man and and like i created uh some kind of competition and game you know a dentist's office in america you will probably remember they used to have a magazine called highlights you remember the highlight magazine so whenever we went to the dentist we you know it was a very fun magazine the publication to look at it was oriented towards kids and a dentist's office you know for a pediatric dentist you have children so you found them in those offices and i i hopped and i said wait a minute i want to submit my little mensie drawings and writings of the story that i created to them and i found a publisher on nostrand avenue in between williamsburg and crown heights in the section called bedford stuyvesant which in my day uh was a war zone and um you wouldn't want to walk there even during the day and i sent this out to him and i got back an answer that he probably he will publish it and he sent me 10 or 15 this is in the 1970s in the early 70s i believe or the late 60s and my mother there shalom encouraged me highly to do it while my father basically said you're wasting your time and my mother was adamant and she said don't listen to him do it send it in and then later when i started to write she said hi and you see you were a writer when you were 9 10 years old and and i thought about this many times how a parent saw in a child at such a young age and didn't crush and squash at that time what his will was so therefore the confidence and the self-esteem blossomed and the face of all odds i go ahead and i i get a positive result i have another example this is just childhood memories i want to make the point i had a basketball a spalding everyone knows is the company that puts out all the good equipment uh for baseball and basketball no football spalding i bought a basketball 13th avenue here i don't know if you remember the store linux linux it's still there except i think a new owner but it's a little store and we lived at that time a block away and and to me and to my brothers this was like going into a store with all games and toys and it's a block away and across the street is omnum's pizza i mean this is ballpark 70's heyday you know like hate ashbury in san francisco for us this was like uh you know candyland and i bought i bought the ball the basketball well pretty soon after using it a few times it it i guess hit a nail or it flattened and i was very upset so again there i said to my mother i'm sending the ball to the company i want a refund my father said what are you wasting every boss bro you know i sent it they sent me back a brand new basketball the nakuda is that you have to identify well where the person's will is at that time in that particular situation in that part of the life and if you hone in on that and you then you you you create a real healthy self and and this is something that when we sit together at a shulhan at a table with family we're able to kind of put and we put aside all of the gadgets and we talk a little bit and relax and you're really able to make the best of it and that's why there ever says these words vas faratishes by in right he's saying here you want to know where is a person's will is at look at their table i mean this is a very unique and unusual statement that ever makes it you don't find it i don't think you find it in any part of jewish writing or at least not you know elaborately maybe in some muslim there's a little discussion about it but not in hasidis overall and that's why it and it's it it adds so much to the set to the reason why she the issue names says about this fellow ish kardashian king he's a holy godly man why because i look at his table and i see in his table holiness to see holiness in the show is no big deal to see holiness and darkening and learning is no big deal but when you eat and you're with family and you're talking kind of tlt down to earth and over there you see holiness you see that they're into healthy things that's very special and i i believe that's that's what that ever is also alluding to here and what we could take in our life any comments thoughts for anybody beautiful stories the purpose is not just stories which okay thank you um it's really to to to to use you know we see so many so so much unhealthy things in in in children and youth and teenagers and and we need to really hone in on on the issues when they're when the children are children and and youth and it's the the system the yeshiva system and has not mastered this area it's like you know still cookie cutter schools cookie cutter parents everything's cookie cutter and i understand that world i come from that world i really do and my father wasn't bad and outrageous he's he was just a romanian european survivor cookie cutter jew my mother was also survivor but somehow the beena usaida nitin alicia the extra dimension of comprehension understanding given to women she had really you know and and she wasn't the the the provider you know in the home but she honed in and said i saw there's another example going to the river we lived in borough park where i live now right we lived with not in this house but we lived in borough park the rabbit for brain shabbos i wanted to be there my father my father said that you go during the week stay home for shabbos i'm talking when i was 13 when i was 14 15 years old my mother said to my father i remember like now he spoke in the polish either she wasn't gained let him go the mother who has the motherly feeling says to the father let him go for shabbos and believe me her yearning and longing was a lot more and deeper like a mother than my father so these things left an impression how she had the keen understanding that if this is the will of the child and a teenager don't crush it work with it yes maisha maisha you wanted to say something yeah i was just gonna say that every time we come to this point about the table so i can't help but always recalling the words of uh from dr torres he would the quote that he said about how you know studies show that the more times per week the family sits together and has supper has dinner the less amount of potential drug abuse that will be amongst you know the family the children i mean this is just one one little nakuta but i always always you know for years now i i i've drawn back to that and um the things that we're talking about right now are so precious and critical it's it's like uh it's it's so so on the one hand so um uh obvious combined with just depth and at the same time it's not obvious right at the same time it's not obvious right it has to be oh it's just just that we've been learning we have to hear it and learn it again and again and again and and to share the message with families with parents you know make time at the table make it and make it an experience what we want to create is that our kids as they go leave the house should have the feeling i want to come back home to my parents table you see then it's gonna be all right it's gonna be all right they should know that they they enjoy sitting at the table with the parents they enjoy the schmoozing they enjoy the camaraderie they they feel good about it they don't feel like ugh i don't want to be there what a waste of time then you won't have to so pacer comes they want to be at the seder they want to they want to they don't want to go to to mexico and tijuana and because they feel better being homey with parents siblings and friends it can't be created but it takes work as they as they grow up and um uh yeah that's it okay have a great day everybody we'll see everyone tomorrow bye bye good night thank you