MY SON DIED! I couldn't go to the funeral...

hello hi r hi how you doing thank God I'm doing well these callers are all so such amazing people I really appreciate you uh emphasizing empathy that is such a powerful word that people don't understand understand how emotion rining it can be to be in that empathetic state so thank you yeah thank you for doing yeah well it's and my question I I emphasized empathy because the longer I live the more I realized it's really what matters the most people don't have to be smart really you know people don't care what you know they just they need your empathy that's that's what we're drawn to that's what we need from each other and okay yeah go ahead but what's your particular uh call about well I guess the word than I is uh Clarity and I'm looking for clarity okay I've been I've considered a you know upstraight guy I never broke the law and never you know do these kind of things yet I find myself in a position where I'm in a one room motel room and I can't get a apartment because I went through an eviction and I went through bankruptcy because my ex-wife uh decided to you know find out a way to do it but she put me in jail on a monthly accus for five months and I didn't have anybody to look after myself financially and everything uh went downhill and I had to declare bankruptcy and I got victed and everything and and I sit back sometimes and I just wonder what did I do to deserve it you know wow it's the age-old question why do bad things happen to good people and the clear what Rabbi is is is there anything that spot you know what I'm saying do I have a blind spot that causes me to cause me to go to where I'm at right now or is this just a phase of that is trying to teach me a lesson you know what was that lesson and and while I was in jail just to give you some more insight five months just waiting on a court date okay just waiting on a Court five months and one a constitutional right to a speedy trial yeah you think so you'd think so yeah and I told him that yeah I told him that you told them that that usually helps to get better customer service in jail yeah yeah yeah I told him that I said and and the other question or other statement I make is is it still true that you're innocent until proven guilty because I was treated guilty they say they say you're innocent to and guilty yeah that's what they say yeah yeah one month exactly one month my uh my accused incarceration I found out my middle son Shane passed away oh my good 10 days before his 21st birthday oh my goodness and I was on I was being charged with felony accounts and I couldn't even go to the funeral and uh that kind of hit me and you know a few other things and uh I was on put on suicide watch I was put the psych W all that kind of stuff because I st eating that kind of thing but when I got out that's when I found out you know eviction and all I kind s and you know don't very well in these little you know Extended Stays and all that kind of stuff but know I just sit back and I just wonder what did I what what have I done that has caused me to be here or is this just God's will of getting me to see the other side wow you know before I move I have turned the corner and and a lot of is thanks to you I mean I just happen to come across your little shorts on YouTube and it just struck me wow every time I see one of your little shorts it's like I learn something I want to watch it over and over again so you know I joined your group and everything but I just didn't know if there was something that you could let me know that maybe I'm overlooking or I can you know you can I use this as a springboard something even better in my life or you know something wrong those lies yeah wow you've been through a lot okay okay so as you very very correctly referred to it you said the ageold question why the bad things happen to good people and you're right the reason it's an age-old question is because there's no satisfying answer and that's why has been asked and will continue being asked why the bad things happen to good people there are so many reasons and many of those reasons are inherently beyond our limited capacity as human beings to ever understand and so at the end of the day you just got to sort of say God knows what he's doing but I can't keep track and I'm not going to try I'm not going to try to keep track the the the Practical question is exactly also what you said you were like is there a blind spot is there something I'm overlooking in other words I mean you're asking the right questions Joe you're really asking the right question you're saying if I'm going through a hard time maybe I I'm to blame at least to some extent maybe I I've played some part in it and if there's something I'm doing wrong let me see what it is so I could fix it let me fix it you know and that's such a mature question to ask it shows that you're willing to own up to your side of things my answer is look I don't know your situation and I I can't begin to even get into the whole situation but I'll say like this whatever there is that you could be doing better differently I'm sure you'll do it I'm sure you are doing it and you'll continue doing it and you'll do more of it the the the real question is you know sometimes you're doing everything you can be doing and you still don't catch a break life is still testing you and in those cases we really really have to believe and I'm telling you only the same thing I tell myself we have to believe that God is a teacher and that life is a classroom and that we're not being tortured here there's there's no Superfluous unnecessary suffering there's something to be gained there's something to be gained and and sometimes it hits us like a light bulb and we're like well I guess that's not the right metaphor doesn't hit us like a light bulb sometimes I don't know it hits us like a brick and we're like aha that's the lesson other times we don't get this this this sudden Clarity it's just the process of being the person that you become when you come out the other side some people come out the other side hardened and they become resentful and that I I know is not the right way I can't blame people who go through hardship and they come out hardened but I know it's not the right way I know the right way to come out is with a soft heart and with compassion and with forgiveness even for those who have harmed us now forgiveness for those who have harmed us doesn't mean that we need to continue associating with them because it may not be safe for us to do so so it doesn't mean we have to put ourselves out there to be hurt but it may mean that we move on and we pray for them we pray for them we pray that God should deal compassionately with them but just you know separately from us on a parallel track two different train tracks like let's not have anything to do with each other anymore but I I honestly only pray for for your well-being and when you go through hardship and you're able to keep your heart soft you become one of the few people one of the rare people who really really you know he started this call by saying that word empathy means a lot to you I got to tell you something oh you know some people are born with a talent for empath empathy other people gain it through living through hardship and somebody who's gone through loss someone who's gone through betrayal someone who's gone through [Music] real real challenges if they remain soft and loving such a person becomes overflowing with empathy and is able to be a tool for goodness in so many people's lives now here's the part where you have to be really really really spiritual because it may mean that the the payoff quote unquote payoff for all of your hardships may not be that you are rewarded and that you are given a better life and that you are finally given relief the whole payoff for the whole thing may be that after all the hell you've been through you become a really good tool for delivering love and compassion and empathy into other people's lives and it takes a really spiritual person to to value that because I got to tell you the default setting is give me a good life what I should be a part of delivering a good life to other people they get to have the good life what about me I've been through so much hell already why don't I get to have a good life and it takes a really spiritually evolved person to say you know what that is a good life that is a good life if I can be helpful to others even if my life continues to be challenging so be it what a great what a great twist I it's like it's like yeah that's what it is and I believe I really feel go ahead I feel like I'm coming feel like I'm coming out of this you know and and it's like and you're right I still have a soft heart I still I'm still very empathetic and everything and it's like yeah yeah if I can just share that with people if I can that's right that's and that's use use it and that's where you're heading and I I also want to tell you something nobody nobody should know what it's like to deal with the criminal justice system but you do you do and because you do it gives you a unique empathy and I do believe that you will find Opportunities to show compassion and empathy I think to young men who have been through the criminal justice system and who need to see love and compassion from another man yeah does that resonate with you yes in fact when I was in jail for this five months that's that's where I really got some insight you know with some other inmates that been in there longer multiple times and also the uh the spiritual people you know they didn't come that often but three or four times during that time and it's like that's where oh man I got I get such a great message from them it kept me you know kept me on the right track and uh so I understand that I I get that so yeah it's it's a matter of just you know picking myself up and and getting through this stage of Life using this this uh these bad experiences just as a a lesson just you know contrasting compared to where where I used to be which is I had you know and uh so I've had the the top and the bottom so I guess I can just say that I can just use that when I move forward and yeah like you said to help other people other other uh other men other people young men that kind of thing and and I like that I like focusing on that instead of myself and that's one of the biggest life Pro tips focus on others instead of yourself and when I say focus on others I don't mean to CR critique them or to find what's wrong with them focus on others meaning how can you be of service to them and if you focus on how to be how can you help you'll have a good day even when everything else is falling apart that's right yeah all right yeah awesome call thank you that was really an awesome call call really really really thank you okay all right hey this is shase tab you were just watching a clip from this class if you want to get the full context the full 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