My Awesome Experience as a Kidney Donor - Rebbetzin Lori Palatnik

[Music] in 2007 the almighty gave me an incredible opportunity to do something that it's a little bit unique in 2007 I donated my kidney to a woman I had never met before and I'm here to tell you it was the greatest experience of my life there's no no comparison I want to explain to you what happened but I learned from it how did it all come about and hopefully maybe some of the lessons that I learned it how it impacted my life maybe you can maybe incorporate into your own how did it all begin well I was living in Denver Colorado at the time and my husband told me that he was learning with a guy sort of an older gentleman and he said you notice he wears a beeper and I was like oh my gosh he does and he said that's because he's expecting a kidney he's waiting for a kidney he needs a kidney transplant like oh my gosh so that night I went onto Rabbi Google and I go go kidney kidney transplant kidney donation kidney foundation I really just wanted to know what he was going through so I have to tell you before I started this adventure I didn't even know what might where my kidneys were I didn't know what they did I know I'd kidneys in there somewhere and I know they did something so you have two kidneys and they're in your back just on the lower part of your back there are two four ounce kidneys and what are they they're filters they are you take things into your body they filter anything bad out and make sure that anything good stays in so if your kidneys are not working the bad stuff stays in and you get sicker and sicker and sicker until you die so I have to tell you some of these websites are very compelling and very heartfelt there are people on some of these sites who are saying save me save my daughter's save my brother saved my mother and in the kidney foundation it talked about on the website talked about who makes who's a good candidate to donate their kidney to be a kidney donor and I'm just a reading and it's saying oh you have to be healthy and you can't have kidney disease in your family and you can't have had diabetes and you all and I'm living I'm going down going check check check check check oh my gosh I could do this and another thing was it said that you know you have to know that to match people up in the kidney world it's very blood driven it depends on your blood type now I don't know if you know your blood type a lot of people don't but you should give live and you should find out your blood type I'm o+ so an o-positive is a universal donor that means I can give to any blood type I can only receive from an O anybody out there is an a B abs are universal receivers they can receive from any blood type but they can only give to an A B every other blood type they can receive from their blood type or an O and they can only give to their blood type that's how it works so I'm o+ I'm a universal giver I can give to any blood type so I'm going check check check check check check check oh my gosh so I went to him and his wife and I said you know maybe I can give you my kidney so obviously he was very touched and we went to their to their their surgical team his doctor and his doctor took one look at me and said no because he was a big man and I wasn't a big woman and they were concerned that my perhaps my kidney would not sustain his body and they wouldn't even check me they wouldn't even test for it we appealed no da-dun a year later we moved to Washington DC area six months in I get a random email that says four year old Jewish boy needs a kidney so I wrote in and I wrote back and I said you know actually I've looked into this last year I think I'm a very good candidate to donate my kidney a couple of days later I get back from them actually he's too sick for a surgery right now but would you be willing to donate to somebody else and that was my first moral dilemma man who you know who we know and love take my kidney four year old Jewish boy take my kidney for somebody I don't know then I thought somebody knows them just because I don't know them this is somebody's mother somebody's friends somebody's sister somebody's daughter and I wrote back and I said yes I'd be willing to be tested and I didn't tell my husband now of course I told him later but like why bring up something that's going to end up to be nothing why just make a deal with it they sent me from the mantra pure Hospital kidney donation clinic they sent me forms and I had to fill out a lot of medical history and I faxed it back to them a couple weeks later they wrote to me and said you've been accepted as a possible kidney donor and now you have to have medical tests and they want you didn't want me to be tested from head to toe and most of the times they wanted to happen in New York I'm living in DC and because they only trusted their clinic so now I have to tell my husband so I waited one night til he was in a very good mood and I said Yakko can we talk about something completely different and he said yes so I told him what I was thinking of doing now I want you to appreciate what a great man my husband is he said I saw the papers on your desk I was waiting for you to talk to me now I have to tell you if it was reversed and he was doing this I would not wait I'd be like what what are you doing but he's a very special person but I have to tell you he didn't stand up and go yay yay yay go with him to go ahead and do it he says hold on you we have five children what are the risks etc he says we have to ask a rabbi I want to talk to a doctor I go great ask our rabbi talked to a doctor in the meantime I started doing a medical test in continuing why because he didn't say no you know ladies if your husband doesn't say no you just keep going until you hear a no didn't say nobody can say yes so I just kept going so every time I got an offer to speak in New York during those next few months I always said yes then I would show up and I would speak and I would go the Bronx test SSSs and go back and you remember those medical tasks that at a certain age you should do but you put off while they do those tests and they actually told me that one time they were testing somebody and they found something wrong with them and they couldn't donate their kidney because something was wrong but they ended up saving their own life because they wanted to save somebody else's all right so months go by and there was a point where I had to I had to do like sort of three days of tests in a row so on the way back I I'd lead another director of the Jewish women's Renaissance prop project we have something it's almost like a tug lead II Mahad we bring thousands of women from all of the world to Israel so I was on a trip and on the way back I was I had a stopover and I had convinced my friend Rebecca who was a single woman at the time to stay with me for these tests on the way back and I remembered like landing in New York and it was a crazy day it was a storm and a freak tornado had touched down in Brooklyn and it was just like really traffic was impossible we just flown overseas and we were exhausted and hot it was August and muggy and I remember waiting for an hour and a half for the driver of our car service to come and we took four and a half hours and stop-and-go heavy hot traffic to get from JFK to the Bronx at one point I was looking at Rebecca she looked green she was like hanging over like we're going over a bridge and she's hanging out the window and look was like she was going to be sick and I said Rebecca you make me sick like I can't even look at you we finally get to the hospital we walk in they were waiting for me and I told them I was delayed they said everybody's delayed today I walk in they took one look at Rebecca and they sad are you the recipient we laughed and we said no no no she's she's my friend so they took her to the local apartment that they used for cases like this and they took me right into the test cuz I was late test test test us us all day long passing the test yay afterwards I went and I have to tell you before this when I first told her back about this she was completely against it what are you doing why are you doing this because when I floated this out to anybody people were negative why are you taking this risk and a lot of it was misconceptions that they had because you can live a perfectly normal healthy life with one kidney at one point the driver who was driving us to the hospital he was like he said he's Indian he says I'm turning oh I'm pulling over I'm going home I'm not doing this anymore so I had to keep him going so I said like I said I am about to donate my kidney to a woman I've never met before he's like really so he kept going and he asked me well how can you give this woman your kidney you need your kidney I said no you have two kidneys but you can live a perfectly normal healthy life with one so he asked me the question that I asked dr. Greenstein who's they head physician at this kidney donor clinic it happens to be a shomer about you I asked him the same question if you can live a perfectly normal health healthy life with one kidney why would God give you two he said one to keep and one to give away so afterwards when I was when I was finished with the test I went back to the apartment hotel and there was Rebecca she had showered she addressed that she looked like a different person I said Rebecca you know if you needed a kidney because they thought she was the recipient I said if you needed a kidney you know I would give you my kidney she goes I know I go then how can I not give it to this woman just because I've never met her she was okay okay I'm in so now she was in and finally my husband who had been dragging his feet talk to her rabbi and I rabbi told him this is a very big mitzvah support lorry 100% so my husband's in Rebecca's in two weeks before the surgery I was back back home and I got a call and it was from the clinic and they said we just told the woman that she's about to have her surgery because we finally picked a date in mid-december she's about to have the she's we found a donor for her and she's going to you know they have there are many people I was tested for she was the best candidate that we matched so I said to her they told her and I said well what was her reaction they said she was she was so emotional she couldn't believe it she's and they sad she wants to talk to you do you want to talk to her and I said yes no yes no yes why did I have mixed feelings I had mixed feelings my husband said don't talk to her why he goes what is she's not nice just because she's a Jewish woman who needs a kidney doesn't mean she's a nice person what she's judgmental what if she's a smoker you're still gonna give your kidney to her but it's gonna take away a little bit of the pleasure but I felt deeply that I needed more of an emotional connection to this woman to get me through the next few so I said to them yes I do want to speak to her give her my number if she doesn't want to talk to me she doesn't have to but if she wants to talk to me I want to talk to her so I kept my phone on all the time even when I was teaching every time it rang my heart left maybe it's her and it wasn't it was kind of like waiting for that guy in high school to call it was a Wednesday night I was walking in to teach an 8 o'clock class and just before I walked in my phone rang a night without looking I picked it up and it was her and I said oh my gosh I still want to talk to you but I'm about to go in to teach a class can you please call me in one hour she goes of course so during the class I was so distracted at the end of the class usually the women want to ask me questions I was like class is over see you next week bye went into my office and she called and we talked for four hours we wanted to know everything about each other she told me her story she was my age seven children the year before she was diagnosed she just went in for routine tests to get a hernia taken care of and the tests came back and they said something's wrong with you she even know anything was wrong because by the time you find out it's too late and they said the only cure is a transplant and everybody was around her was tested and and and and no one passed the task no one matched her except for her sister but her sister had had some kidney problems earlier and they didn't want to do the surgery they finally went around to different hospitals until they found one that would do the surgery and three days before the surgery they canceled the surgery why because in one of the tasks they test you to the last minute that her sister was spilling protein into her urine and unless there's a thousand percent chance this is going to be successful they won't do it and they cancelled the surgery she told me Laurie when they canceled the surgery she says I was I was devastated my sister was inconsolable and my children there are no words and then she got the call about me so I just I went to New York for the surgery I decided to go with Rebecca with a plan was my husband was going to come and and then could have a surgery and he was going to go back and spend Shabbat with the kids but I have to tell you I love my husband but there's a reason he became a rabbi and not a doctor okay he is not good with blood he is not good with these things and if I cut my finger and ask for a band-aid all the blood drains from his face he looks he's like he's gonna faint and I'm thinking like I'm gonna bring this guy with me like this is not a good plan so I asked Rebecca if she would come and she said yes so I told my husband you know maybe you should stay with the kids and Rebecca will come with me and he's like oh really oh thank you so much so on my way to New York I got a call and it was her and she said we'd love to meet you my husband and I they live in Muncie New York and I was like oh my gosh like yes I would love to go and I remember Rebecca going like I'm gonna wear that it was like a first date so Rebecca and I both went we Matt Don was amazing he's a very special person you can imagine how emotional was to meet her her husband kept trying to thank me and he was crying and well you know the thinking it's fine fine fine so she showed me pictures of wedding albums marrying off her kids and I remember at one point she said like I said to her like here's your daughter walking down the aisle she married off two kids since she had been diagnosed and very few people knew that she was sick and I said what were you thinking as she was walking down the aisle she says I was thinking if I don't make it she'll be okay I just wanted to live she married she's married good guy I just wanted to live to marry off my last two kids okay so then there was test test test test and the surgery was on a Thursday on Wednesday morning I woke up and I said to Rebecca I'm nervous she goes okay we're going into the city we're gonna distract you to really distract me we picked up my daughter who was going to college there and we took her and her friends out for dinner on the way I got a call and it was her the woman I want you to appreciate how special this woman is she I said hi how're you doing how're you feeling cuz you've been tested also she goes Laurie I'm calling to tell you you don't have to do this what she does you have five children your responsibilities in the Jewish world it's okay I'm gonna be okay I promise you you don't have to do it I want to tell you if this was reversed I'd be at home praying don't change your mind don't change your mind don't change your mind I would not be giving somebody a free pass out I said unbelievable this but you're gonna see me tomorrow morning at 6:00 a.m. you can count on me so then we go for dinner and halfway through dinner I get a call and it's her son he's a young adult and I excused myself from the table and he said I want it I'm calling you to thank you for saving our mommy's life we love our mommy so much thank you she didn't tell her kids until that moment till after the first up that phone call to give me an out she didn't tell them about the surgery because they were so devastated before when it was canceled the next morning I was there at 6:00 a.m. with Rebecca and my and my daughter they took me first they prepped me and my hot emotional with my husband and I'm about to go into the surgery and I remember people asked me like was there ever a time you thought of backing out and there was there was one moment I walk in I thought they're gonna wheel me in I'm just walking in with a with the nurse and we get to this room that's sort of a semi sterile room before you go into the actual operating room she puts her hand on the operating door she goes okay are you ready I go hold on I'd have to say a prayer and she's like okay so I said the Sh'ma because I knew that I have to say this mob before they put me under because it's supposed to be the last thing that you say at night and the last thing you say before you die and I was afraid I'm gonna get in there I'm gonna forget so I said the Sh'ma and the essence of prayers what do you want and why do you want it what do I want I want to live and I want her to live the question was why what was I gonna do with my life I made my deal with God I said fine I'm ready she opens it up I walk in and I freaked out I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't this okay there was I thought it was gonna be a doctor an anesthesiologist like you know a couple of nurses they must've been 15 people in the room they're running around and surgical mass it's this concave mirrors it's very cold out very cold inside to keep it sterile and there's this flat steel table which straps on it that looks like it's supposed to be an autopsy and I'm supposed to get on that table and I froze and I said to myself Lori are you doing and I closed my eyes and I said to myself just do it just do it I walked over I laid on the table and the next thing I knew I was in recovery I have no memory of the surgery whatsoever dr. Greenstein came in and said to me Laurie you got a great kidney there she's pushing up a storm it was miraculous it's like a car that didn't work and you put a carburetor and it goes it the the measure of your your kidneys is called your creatine level and if you have a high number like a 10 you're in dialysis and if and you want it to be low she was a nine going into surgery she was just steps from dialysis where you get sicker and sicker also in 24 hours she was at one point for it's miraculous the recovery was just whatever it was a few days I laid low for a couple weeks and four weeks later I was speaking in Houston four ounces later two years later she invited me to her daughter's wedding of course I went to her daughter's wedding and we always spoke every week we became close I went to her daughter's wedding how do you think I felt at her daughter's wedding I'm sitting there she's under the COPO with her daughter there are no words to describe how I felt after the ceremony she leaves the chuppah she runs into my arms crying thanking me for letting her live to see this thing to see the dance with her daughter at her daughter's wedding there was no words for the pleasure what amount of money would I trade it for that moment what what material possession what experience it was priceless if you only knew the first time I spoke about this it was I remember she called me up it was Eric rosh hashanah it was like a year before I even spoke popularly about it it was airbrush Hashanah and she called me up she goes Lauri I'm calling you to thank you for my life one year ago I was praying for my life I said on Kol Nidre night going into Yom Kippur I'm gonna speak about our story publicly for the first time is there anything you want me to tell people there there's gonna be hundreds of people there she goes yes yes Lauri when you tell them please from me that when they look around and they people in need don't look away takers are happy people at the moment but in the long run givers are happy people you may not give away your kidney but be a giver the pleasure there are no words you