My 3 Year Old Wants to Leave This World

Okay, we have another caller waiting on the line. Um, hello. Hello. Hello. >> Hi. Hi. >> Hello. >> How you doing? >> Hi. >> Good. Bar Hashem. Um, I'm call I we've spoken before, not on um the call in >> where did we speak real life or on the phone or >> Yeah, on the phone. >> On the phone >> about other completely different things. I don't know if you even know me from this like what I called to ask. >> I speak to so many people. Well, I I I don't I don't know if I would necessarily remember it, but Okay. >> No, no, just um but um this this question took like a long time for me to have courage to ask. I know I I usually listen in from the beginning, but I had something else tonight, so I know a few people spoke about their children. Um so, I'm sorry if it's like a repeat. Um, I have a three-year-old son and he's adorable, like the love of of of our lives, like an an amazing kid. Um, ever since before he was even born, really, it's almost like it's almost like he didn't want to be here. Like when when I was when I was expecting him, um, we were told by our doctors that the pregnancy was not viable and that, um, we should terminate it. And we went ahead and we asked a lot of like um questions obviously to um to Araban and in the end we were told um no go ahead with it. What they're saying is not true. We switched doctors and bar hashem there was a beautiful healthy baby. >> Then he turned six months old and he developed like for very unknown reasons he developed like very strange symptoms. He stopped eating completely. He stopped sleeping. He lived a life of real chronic pain. Nobody where we live could figure it out. We actually went to Boston Children's Hospital which is like one of the best in the country and he was part of like many studies there and he had over 16 surgeries for two years just to keep him comfortable. Like just they were finding different things and they were doing exploratory work to try and figure out what was going on with him. Um and basically we're he's three years old today, almost four actually. And he a lot of things have been you know figured out here and there. He's been tinkered with a lot. Um, but he has a very like residual heaviness to him. We obviously do a lot of therapy. He goes to therapy actually every single day. He has somebody who comes to the classroom with him. Like he is my entire life. I spend a lot of time trying to keep him happy. Um, sometimes at night, like before he goes to sleep, like really two days ago, he goes to me, I don't like this planet. I don't I don't want to be here. He >> Hold on a second. I'm going to interrupt you. I apologize, but >> he's three and a half, almost four, >> and he says to you, and please don't paraphrase. I I want to make sure you're This is a quote. I don't like this planet. I don't want to be here. >> Yeah. I I I I wish I >> This is your This is your only child, right? >> No, I have other children. >> Oh, how old are your other children? I have a five-year-old and I have a one-year-old. >> Okay. So, let me ask you about the 5-year-old, meaning the one who's older than this child. A boy or a girl? >> A girl. >> A girl. Did she or does she speak like this? >> No. No. My other two children are just very like the only reason that I'm able to put so much into this child is because Barashe my other two are just so No. No. He >> No. >> So then you understand because you have a I want to make sure you have a point of reference. >> Okay. I want to make sure you know what normal >> I was going to say that to you before. That's why I'm so tortured by it because >> So you know it's highly unusual. Yeah, I do. And I and I there's like a I always feel like I'm dealing with somebody who >> he's also the the basic functioning mechanism, right? What we we need to listen and we need to >> between you and me. If he were born, if this child were born in another century or perhaps even in another decade, he would not be alive. It's only a miracle of modern medicine that he's alive. >> Yeah. and >> and but I'm a strong believer that God knows exactly where and when he sends souls. >> And this is a soul that normally would be >> too intense for this world. But God sent this child's soul to the world at a time when medical >> advancements would be sufficient to keep him in his body. >> But but the and and to follow what you're saying, right? Yeah. This child has never gotten a specific diagnosis. >> Correct. >> Even by treated because medical diagnosis are all um tertiary. They're not even the real condition. Medical diagnoses are a description of a glimmer of a glimmer. They're never the description of the real thing. They're talking about the physiological manifestation of something that is ultimately spiritual. So it's >> yes >> the real condition >> is is is existential discomfort with embodiment. That's the real diagnosis. And and I know that you speak a lot about embodiment and and honestly it's the only explanation of this that has brought me any any form of comfort. Like my my friends always say to me, I I don't understand how you're comfortable with the fact that at the end of the day, you don't have a name for this. Like his stomach stopped working, but then it started working again. His lungs stopped working. And and basically everything that they did was just to ease the comfort. And I I always picture him like I don't know what what's that flower. I I what a dandelion where you like blow out the >> Yeah. >> They they go scattering in the wind. Like ever since he ever like came into my life, it was me just trying to run after the the like those those sparks that were flying everywhere. I just always feel like I'm dealing with a soul trapped in a body that is so uncomfortable. Yep. >> And doesn't want to be here. And I I am a very intuitive >> person. It is one of my strengths. I do connect very deeply with people and I understand them >> and to me it's it's living and obviously this is not something that I discuss with my peers or even my parents or it's something that's a very that I keep very close to the to the chest that I that I feel like I'm I'm raising somebody like that because I don't think it's something that a lot of people really connect to and I don't blame them for that. >> Not only they don't connect to it, it'll upset them. >> There's no reason to tell them. >> Yeah. >> No. and and but it is at the end of the day I I do go to bed crying sometimes that I I just feel like I'm I'm I'm raising somebody who's so who's so tortured who it's so hard to keep comfortable and I I was saying before right like and and what do we do here like we eat and we sleep and and we need that in order to function this child is almost four he there is no food that he enjoys he hates food he has to have he has a feeding therapist who sits with him and tries >> to get him to eat. He doesn't feel hunger. So, if he did, he could go, he has starved for three days. >> He doesn't sleep at night. He's up most of the night crying. And it's a very it's a very strange thing. I've never heard of it before myself before he was brought into my life. But to raise a child like that and to stay focused and happy and grounded and I know that everything that Hashem gives me I I honestly feel sometimes I feel like it's such a compliment like wow I didn't I can't believe you ever thought that I could even do this >> taught me a lot because >> it's a vote of confidence that Hashem picked you to be the mother. >> It's the biggest vote of confidence I've ever had. That's what I've turned around and said. But I'm somebody who needs everything so down on paper and so like like stamped and and here and stable and this is the most it's like an unstable atom like it's just >> and it's very it is difficult but it's very re rewarding and I you know it takes a lot and I don't know what's the best way to keep him comfortable necessarily like I almost feel like I focus so much on his body that I also forget about his soul. >> Correct. I was that that's exactly what I was about to tell you. That's exactly what I was about to say, which is sounds like you're doing a very good job taking care of his body. You know, the body the body is sometimes more obvious. I mean, it it's usually more obvious because you see it. But then there's spiritual comfort that he needs. I think you speak to a kid like this completely transparently. You don't hide anything and you say to him, you know, you know that you're really a soul. We're all really souls. You're not different in that regard. We're all souls. You know that it's difficult for all souls to be in bodies, but God sends us here on a mission for a purpose. Everyone has a mission as a purpose. That's why we're here. Um, and part of the comfort, and in fact, for a kid like this, this is much more comforting than physical comfort. Obviously, you should do everything in your power to give him physical comfort, obviously. But I'm saying sometimes what's ultimately going to really make him feel at peace is going to be spiritual comfort. And I think you have to speak to them very transparently about the fact that souls don't really want to be in the world, but they realize that God needs them to be in the world to accomplish something and that we accomplish that through through the mitzvah that we do. I mean, speak to him about mitzvah. I mean I mean do you do you speak to him about mitzvah? So yes, like like two nights ago when he when he had said that to me, I don't know whatever it was two nights or last night, I said to he also wakes up a lot during the night. His mind doesn't stop working. He's like like really he'll come and he'll come and say he'll ask like Vanza math questions. What's 300 plus 12? Like he's very he doesn't shut off. >> Yeah. >> Um and I said to him, >> um you need to be here. Like your nishaman needs to be here. I know that it's a crazy thing to say, but >> No, it's not crazy at all. Not crazy at all. No, not crazy. >> And he asked me, he said, "What does Nishama need to do?" That's what he said. He said, "What do I have to do?" And I said, "Hashem put you here. You have to do I spoke about I said, "I really I think you're going to love learning Torah. I really I think you have the mind for it. >> You should start already. You should start already." >> So, I did that day. I actually took out his olive and I started like opening the pages. He happens to be very cognitive. You know what they describe like, you know, he's had a lot of evaluations obviously done and they say that he has like a Porsche mind and a jalapy body. Like it's like his mind and his body. And >> they mean his mind I view it as his soul, but they're on two different planets. >> And it's a very difficult existence. But >> I'm very glad to hear that. I mean, I'm doing the best that I can. And I think I think that this like it's also an age where they're only starting to get in tune with their surroundings and mitzvah and Torah. But I really hope that >> No, but kid like this comfort here. >> This is this is exactly what he needs. I mean really you should be studying deep concepts with him. He's already deep, you know, and his mind is racing. The truth is he's so philosophical and deep that if you don't feed him with with Torah knowledge, he's just going to go off into weird places. So he needs >> that's my fear. >> Well that that you have to stay on you have to stay um on his page. >> What would you teach to a child of this age? Like if you would start with something what would it be? >> Um maybe you know maybe shabaten because it would help him to to relax and feel at peace. I would literally take a safer shak and I would learn with the kid >> like like >> I'm actually really gonna start doing that. It's impossible for him to fall asleep. I'm going to do it with him. I would I would I would like like the most kids you read them you know like little kitty books about you know Mali wants to know is it time for Shabas yet or whatever but for him you you read them shaba talking >> it's very interesting that you suggested that because when I was going through ver like very difficult times with him in the beginning when it was like just very frazzled um there's there's a big there's a mashia on His name is Ravichaya Morgan Stern. He's in. And I kept calling him and I was saying, "I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do." And he kept sending a message back that my husband and I should reach together. >> Oh, there you go. >> I didn't take his but I didn't take his advice. And I called him again and he said, >> "No, at the time though, now I have." >> Now you did it. Now I did. Okay. >> I called him back. I was very fussed. And I called back and I said, "I'm still not coping. I'm not functioning." And he said, "But you didn't." He remembered and he has hundreds of thousands of people who come to him today like and he said to me but you didn't you didn't listen to what I said I told you what to do so my husband and I through this entire you know ordeal we started learning it together it's the one thing that we learned together so I and it's the one thing that I make the time for like you know it's hard right now to be doing much so I think that it's a beautiful thing to to pass on to him >> yeah oh that's so interesting that you all it's they say Right. The the cure comes before the >> the disease. So you already you and your husband both already study and Yeah, that's perfect. >> Yeah, we just started I think for the third time again. It's like something that we just keep doing on a cycle for for exactly this reason. So wow. >> And I'll put in a shameless plug for my Shaim that you can watch on YouTube or on soulworks.org or on your favorite podcast. >> I do listen on Spotify. >> Okay. Very Oh, you listen. Okay. on Spotify and I forget what my podcast is called, but if you know Yeah. If you know how to find it, great. >> Yes. >> Yeah. >> And there are some great ones about amuna and anxiety and I got me through some very That's how I found you. >> Oh, very good. >> Actually, that's actually now that I'm thinking that's >> the first video that you found of mine. That's great. And now now you're here. You made it through the pipeline. >> Yes. I'm here. >> Yes. >> Yeah. So, thank you. That was very uplifting. I really appreciate it. >> Okay. Listen, lots of nas from all of your precious children. And uh Yeah. >> Thank you. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a special special job here that you've been given. >> Hashem should give you strength. >> Thank you. >> Okay. >> A mean. >> All right. >> Thank you so much. >> Okay. Be well. >> Be well. >> Thank you. >> Okay. Bye. Bye. >> Wow. Amazing. That's really >> Hey, so this is an excerpt from the Thursday night live call-in show where people call me up with their real life issues and we try to work it out together. If you want to watch the full episode of the full call-in show with all of the spontaneous stuff, uh, click here, right here.