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the yeshiva dotnet okay as an introduction to today's class I want to read to you a letter I received by email two days ago it's from a woman who listened or watched last week's class which was the Chanukah class we analyzed the two views of a shamayim basil--oh whether you begin with 8 7 etc and you go down or basil--oh you start with 1 flame and you go up each day and we spoke about two approaches of how to battle or how to deal with the inner darkness which later came out and more or less two paths of Freud and Skinner and really develop or focus on two ways whether you focus on the on the darkness so you focus on the light so this is what this woman writes to me I'm reading it verbatim I found your shear to be insightful as usual you are very articulate and weave your shears so masterfully effortlessly and beautifully almost too beautiful rabbi Jacobsen is light and dark as simple as lighting a candle flicking the switch I'm no stranger to inner darkness I can personally attest to how easy it is to get consumed by one's darkness so much so you go blind I've been lucky enough to succumb to the darkness and for many years that darkness has clouded my perception I know darkness all right and I also now how a little light can abolish a lot of darkness I searched for that elusive light for many years and in many ways I still do that being said I find it frustrating that as mystical and etheral as the light may seem nobody acknowledges or speaks about how that one little light can only burn for as long as it has enough oil to fuel it's light is keeping the light going as simple as adding more fuel to fire sometimes for some people I guess depending where that fuel comes from but what if you don't have inner resources for fuel some people have existential energy that can keep fueling the light with some efforts there are people who have to outsource their fuel the energy is not in them but around them be it in meds in therapy or what not does that make it less worthwhile less altruistic less authentic people need to know in here that not always can darkness be dispelled from light within it took years of me battling depression for me to finally succumb to happy pills which allowed for a light to ignite in a normal life do you know how many years I've been blaming myself for not seeing the light for not discovering the light for not having enough Emunah for not having enough betoken for not being grateful enough for not finding the soul within I didn't want to analyze myself to death but I did I wanted to live and climb out of the darkness but I was powering up I realized and frustrated at my incompetence even now when it's crystal clear to me that my meds are absolutely vital to my mental health I'm always judging myself harshly for not finding the light intuitively naturally holistically organically but now that would be so unfair to my personal journey wouldn't it my truth is not your truth as you said so poignantly two contradicting truths are not mutually exclusive both truths are true for individuals that you speak to so what if we find our light from different sources a light to still light right yet what if there's a third truth that we also never talk about the one who was actually wholly blind the one who no amount of light can ever help dispel the darkness for he or she is destined never to see it is he or she ever doomed should he be faulted for his darkness allow me to elaborate please a couple of months ago I went to air to Cyril I visited the blind Museum a simple explanation of the museum is it's entirely pitch black you hobble your way through many different rooms with a walking cane as though you were blind and you are blind because it's pitch dark thank you you slowly learn to rely on all your senses to direct you there is the rocking boat there's the smell of sea water the stumble of a lurking step you have no eyes you only have the other senses and a stick that I record you it was terrifying I felt more vulnerable and insecure than I ever felt in my life we were a group of six frantic strangers and one guru guy who was actually really blind and he is guiding us and the darkness the only thing I knew about anyone in the room were their voices that who'sa throughout the tour I subconsciously learned to drown out the strangers vote the strangers voices around me and trained my ears to listen to the one voice I instinctively trusted to guide me to safety namely that of our blind tour guide I allowed his voice to guide me to the shook a room with a wide array of smells assaulting my senses in a sensual tsunami he had all of us shop items from the baskets but it's pitch dark I pick up this wrinkled rubbery ball I'm smelling it's citrus laughs before determining I'm holding an orange in my hand to be honest I also picked up something slimy and mushy but didn't have the guts to smell its identity nothing could have prepared me for the music room it was an empty room I know not because I know that because of the echo I heard cyno was empty we all sat on the floor doing nothing just listening to beautiful Bach and Mozart compositions was perhaps one of the most visceral experiences I've ever had I could feel the music in my bones the vibrations in the floor but I don't wanted to grant digress I want to share with you my point the last room was the cafe we order snacks we make our way to a table we grope our way around sheers finally settling in a chair for what becomes a faster a chance to ask our authentically blind guy everything we ever wanted to know about being blind for the first time since I entered the museum I felt comfortable in the darkness I was grounded in my own space I had this or so I thought I'm finally sitting in a chair in a dark room but I'm sitting in one place it was quiet and all you heard was the ruffling of snacks being opened when the guide the blind guide turned his attention to me and asked out he said my name why aren't you relaxing sit back fully settle into your chair make yourself comfortable I was flabbergasted the room was pitch black and even I didn't realize I was sitting upright and uptight I turned to the tour guide and I said how do you know how I am sitting you can't even see me he didn't even pause to respond simply authentically he said something I will never forget I don't have to see you to feel your anxiety I was blown away I told him for a blind person you sure see a heck of a lot more than most seeing people do the rest of the hour I spent in a fascinating exchange he told me his life story his accomplishments his trials I was mesmerized by this guy he was so brilliant intuitive inspiring he saw me without seeing me and then the lights went on and I got to see him rabbi Jacobsen I am ashamed to admit this I recoiled and shocked as I looked at my tour guide his eyes were half masked flooding fluttering jarringly his gait was uneven his teeth buck stained and crooked I stared at him I was horrified I couldn't reconcile the wise trustworthy brilliant inspiring insightful guides with this bumbling physical mess grotesque physique my eyes saw my brain new yet they couldn't mesh it all together I was horrified how was I so erring Liew so grossly judgmental how is it possible that the two realities wouldn't correlate which one was true was it light or was a darkness as long as it was dark in the room I could see this person the moment the room became light I could not see him again I became judgmental of his ugly asymmetrical physique physique it was on that day that I learned a truth I will always cherish both are true everyone knows we need the light but far few people know that sometimes we need the darkness to be able to see truth to be able to see light light doesn't alter our reality it just clears our vision but who is to say it's not the darkness that connects us to reality it's not the darkness that allows us to let our guard down to be real connect with our true selves to see reality to connect with real people and truly one has to feel the darkness to appreciate the light and the clarity it brings because without it the light can be the greatest lie of all I may have lost my way a bit in this ramble I'm trying to say this Hanukkah celebrates the light but it's the inner darkness that allows us to celebrate the light if there was no darkness first of all the gift of life would be insignificant and sometimes it's even more than that our inner darkness is vital to our growth the inner darkness allows us to see things in a much truer way what more people need to know I feel is that not finding the light may not always be your fault it's okay to need help igniting the light it's okay to know that it takes you much more effort to keep the light going it's okay to no you must have outside forces meddling into your psyche to help you discover who you really are we all have our individual role to accomplish and our own truths to live by if you're reading this through the end I want to thank you for listening to my gibberish I am honored and please remember this truth that sometimes it's only from our darkness that we really get this learn about the people around us [Applause] [Music] yes I answered I answered their email and I asked a permission to read it in the class which she graciously granted me I thought so too the truth is we don't really need another class right I'm not sure what I can add but I won't add I'll just continue we always continue okay as an introduction I'm gonna read to you a few one-liners that somebody sent me not a not a woman a man if a person with multiple personality threatened suicide is it a hostage situation no I don't have a solution but I do admire your problem okay who stopped the payment on my reality check well doc I have a memory problem and I also can't seem to remember anything consciousness is that annoying time between naps I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where is the self-help section she said if I told you it would defeat the purpose so I really like the one where consciousness is that annoying time between naps I think that's a very one of the better definitions of consciousness so anybody who wants to start napping now go ahead it's a great time when a rabbi begins talking and why it why deals with consciousness on any level which is also a free lute which I'm going to continue on nature of consciousness of the pain of consciousness one of the most dramatic stories in the whole of commish and really in the whole of tamaak there's no question the moment when Joseph reveals himself to his brothers in the opening of marshes my gosh even the introductory remarks of the tiger to tell the story builds the depth of one's emotional experience the way Genesis forty five begins Mauritius parent Mihai begins ye gosh in the middle of ie gosh below yo ho yo syphilis topic well hold on it's of him aloft Yosef could not contain himself at the end of the case it says biopic Yosef Yosef did contain himself when he saw his brother Benjamin he burst out in sobs but he made sure to do it in a private room and he washed off his face and he came back as a fresh my vases prime minister stress-free burden free sad free I'll just make up a word probably but here he can't contain himself and he asks everybody to leave so that nobody stands there like vomit Ishita be smarter Yosef Alexa there's not a human being outside of he and his brothers in the room when Yosef confesses when Yosef reveals himself to his brothers he starts weeping and he saw being so loud that the Egyptians all around can hear that the Prime Minister of their countries weeping and he says to them two words on eosin ha avi IIM Yosef is my father alive and his brothers cannot respond Kinabalu they're terrified they're overwhelmed they're agitated they're frightened in their wildest dreams or nightmares they couldn't imagine that this man who was been treating them so harshly and so toughly and so negatively is really the prime minister of Egypt is really none other than their brother he asks them to come close and when they come close as if they don't know who Yosef is he says again I'm Yosef i'm the Yosef I feel so much I'm a hard to my symmetry man as though they don't know I am you said you know which one the brother that you have sold to Egypt but then he continues and he says but after now I'll take a swim don't be depressed value carbonation character my Sienna don't even be angry about yourselves that you sold me why Kela mr. Yash Lahani and the kin with Nick because Hashem has sent me before you to bring life there's been a famine for two years another five years we will have no ploughing no sono harvesting well you shall Haney Elohim with mayhem loss of luck I'm Aries Moritz Allah Hafiz la Hellmuth later today so our son sent me before you to create survival in the land in the world and to bring before you so you should be able to escape from your distress the Ottawa outcomes lock them I see heineke holic him so you are not the ones who sent me here to Egypt it was rather Hashem who sent me here to Egypt and then he says now go home and bring back father my aru go hasten go back there it's his stolen bring back father and tell him to relocate with his entire family to Egypt and the story continues but I want to try to understand with you this morning is the emotional response of Yosef we know what he says but if we can try to understand Yosef emotional response now let's remember the story and imagine somebody else experiencing such a story or a similar story the early stuff was orphaned at the age of nine ruffle died during childbirth of his second of his only in second sibling his one sibling his brother Ben young at the age of seventeen his brothers who despised and plot to kill him they throw him into a pit with scorpions and then sell him into slavery why did he even go visit his brothers because he was trying to do the right thing it's called keyboard of his father asked him go visit your brothers if there was ever the saying no good deed goes unpunished this was it he could have told his father I'm not going to that send somebody else Yosef went he said he named me Yaakov said go and he said he Naini and he went and because he goes to his brother's even gets lost on the way and that's an excuse to go back but he continues to search for his brothers he says it's a kite on a theme of Akash I'm searching for my brother's they stripped him from his tunic they throw him into a pit and then a prince becomes a slave and this is before Abe Lincoln's days nobody's abolishing slavery a slave is a slave for life an aristocratic royal boy growing up in a royal family in an extraordinary family as a prince as a favorite as a beloved child is now somebody who does not own his life anymore he is an absolute slave in the house of Pettyfer that scene won the Med which tells us that on the way as the caravan was taking him down from arity straw from the Holy Land Down South to Egypt it passed near base lehem and he ran out he ran away to his mother's grave Rock and he stood at her gravesite and he asked he said II me II me mother llamas of Tony why did you abandon me and he meant of course not only that she died so young but also even later on she who did not look after me mother mother he says arise from your sleep and take care of me and they see that he ran away and they take yo sit back and they whip him for daring to run away to his mother's grave this is on the way to Egypt one can understand one could could maybe a little bit try to imagine the suffering that the ISIF endured and one single moment his entire life and future was literally snatched away from him as he was abducted and sold into slavery now he finally is in Potiphar's house and he does well for himself he's extraordinary resourceful he's graceful he's successful as new dish system is a consisting resourceful he's on top of his game he's on top of his game and he's he's ordinarily charming and and quick TFR loves it and he confers all the responsibility he gives him all the responsibility trusts him and waited for his wife now takes a liking to him and we all know the story incessantly she demands from him to engage in promiscuous relationships and the reason he rejects her is because he's trying to do the right thing but no good deed goes unpunished so for doing the right thing she has him accused of being a violator of being a disgusting immoral person meddling into a marriage and she has her husband cast him into a pit which again this is not a democracy Egypt there was no democracy then it's a shady democracy now he is in a in a prison cell and he would be there for 12 years I mean as far as he is concerned he could have been there for life but for 12 years he's in a prison cell without a single visitor without a single friend in the world without a single letter that he receives his father thinks he's dead his mother is has passed away his brothers are the ones who did it so they're not sending him any letters this is Joseph's story see number three in prison he rises to success again he's resourceful he's charming he's wonderful people love him he becomes the steward of the prison and then he does a tremendous favor for the butler he interprets his dream he instills him with hope and he asks him for one favor in return when you go free speak to power about my fate plead to him about my innocence but no good deed goes unpunished well a soccer star I'm askin is Joseph my yeash go hey that's how parshas McKay parties variation ends the buckler doesn't remember him and he forgets him so yosef now continues to languish in prison for more years for two more years actually without any recourse without any hope for for any type of salvation how is he supposed to have himself out of this of this situation and yet and yet he does because two years later when Perry has a dream and Perry is desperately seeking for a man to explain and decipher his dreams the butler reminds himself of yosef story and he shares it with parent Harris summons the alias of Yosef interprets parents dreams and Pyrrha is so blown away by Yosef commentary and wisdom that he appoints him to become the Prime Minister the Viceroy of his superpower of the time and Yosef becomes the Mishnah lamella the second-in-command to pirate mellifluous Ryan now it's been 22 years since that day that he was thrown into a pit and sold into slavery by his brothers 22 years later finally Yosef feels the time is right to reveal himself to say Annie Yosef ha avi hi I am Yosef and in this scene one would expect Yosef to perhaps be driven by some feeling of payback time these are the people who did this to you they are the ones responsible some form of revenge or at least some form of rebuke some expressing of your grief of your pain of your emotion instead Yosef is the serene man who says don't be depressed don't be upset they shouldn't be upset he is the victim they are the perpetrators they have for 22 years been with their father with their parents with their family with their siblings they have been in the hub in the cocoon they have not been cast away throwing away exiled sold into slavery and then up in prison accused of immorality nothing like this happened to them Yosef turns to them and he says don't be depressed don't even get angry at yourselves what about he oh I'm fine so some people erroneously interpret the story this way and it's a clearly erroneous Lee from any perspective objectively it's an erroneous interpretation but this is an interpretation I once read and that is people who go through a lot of pain sometimes decided they're not going to trust the world anymore and they closed off their emotions because when you keep your emotions open you can get stabbed you can get abused when you don't trust and when you're not emotional so then it's very hard to get hurt and you navigate life through your mind you become a cold intellectual and you figure everything out with your mind and therefore you stop responding with your heart with your heart you only respond with your brain however anyone who reads the story knows that this is not the case and the reason is Havel asked you a question in the Tanakh people sob people weep but who weeps most in the whole of tomorrow who weeps most we have Yosef weeping eight times even Yaakov Aveeno the great weeper weeps twice Avraham weeps once at the funeral of surah Yosef does not stop crying and every emotional juncture he goes to another room and he cries people who shut down their hearts don't cry Yosef remains mushy vulnerable emotional threw out his heart never turns into stone a rock feels no pain and an island never cries but Yosef does not become Iraq nor does he become an island in fact if you would read through the whole tomorrow and you would ask yourself which character would you like to spend time with who would be the life of the party who would be a person you want to hang out with who would be a person whose presence things come to life and to light there's no question and on top of that list there would be this young man who never lost to Spain never lost his grace never lost his charm never looked as if it never was disappearance never lost his charisma and never lost his resourcefulness and his attitude his successful attitude under all circumstances he is a success story the Turner makes it clearly to the point that even in Egypt even in a bunker even in a prison the entire evolution of the dreams of the butler and the Baker happens it says at the end of a nation because one morning Yosef comes in to the room of where the prison was I guess where their prisoners would meet and he looks at Paris Butler and Baker the tailor says towards vehemence I offend you no desire fear means so your feelings they were not angry they were depressed omote it sad dejected downtrodden it's like if you walk into a yeshiva early in the morning what the boys look like you know what I mean you eat them so effing or sometimes if you go to shul early in the morning what some people look like because they didn't have their coffee yet or they didn't huh Sunday morning but whatever it is now and you feel as the boys why are you guys so sad well they say we're still in a halfway house now imagine he comes in and he sees two people and they're there there's color look now they're they have this sour look though if it's a sour look it's a bit to the look I'll show you that I saw you two iced cook a sour demeanor now if I would come into a prison bunker and I would see two people depressed I would say okay I mean even even in freedom when I see two people depressed I don't blink I mean on the contrary when people are happy you want to know what they're taking when people are in a bad mood I mean that's what we expect we expect people to be miserable sad angry bitter like when you see really somebody happy like is everything all right but something happened are you not alive you think you died already like what's exactly you're sleepwalking it's the time you know it you're in it you're in a nap I mean if you're conscious how can you be happy but apparently yosef didn't learn that Yosef turns to them and he asks them one question which consists of four words medulla pan-asian Ryan hi Owen why do you look miserable why do your faces look dejected it's unfathomable friend that two people in a bunker waiting on death row look Messer oh he's like what's going on guys why aren't you jolly ones excited let's dance what type of question is this what are they what is this poor in some closet area what are they eating sushi or they're standing at a Viennese table with a dancing cos øx cos at a wedding this is one of them is still gonna die this is a serious place what do you want them to do but somehow he doesn't have an issue with this question the question is even more what about he it seems like he was obviously happy when he sees two people depressed it's like what's going on really what about if you were to give the resume of Yosef to a skilled psychoanalyst and you would say read this resume what is your diagnosis what type of mood is this kid in what type of disposition should he display what type of makeup do you think he has and you know what most people would say he's doomed he's doomed to depression Prozac one how's Olaf won't help we don't even know how we can recover after all of this and yet Yosef turns to them and he says Madhu open eyes Samurai Amaya this tells us that this is not a person who's operating in his brain as a computer like a robot cynical detached tough here's a kid here's a year not a kid a young man who sobs freely and easily and as you know people who cry again and again are not full of their hearts are not stone like if there's an emotion there's this fluidity there's a fluidity and in Joseph he's always fluid he never becomes congealed that's the word he never becomes tight he's fluid and indeed when he meets his brothers you see it immediately he turns to them and he says don't get depressed and you would think they should tell him Joseph don't be depressed don't be depressed we'll hire a great therapist and we'll pay for all the expenses and we ask forgiveness it's the opposite what happens and in fact after Yaakov dies after Yaakov passes away and parts of your fee they are certain that now is payback time in other words they never believed him that he forgave them and that's why right after Yaakov passes away it says that the brothers felt now he will take revenge he was waiting for Tati to move on to the next book we didn't want to aggravate the app code because Yakov was not at fault and they send them a message that your father said that you should forgive us and they come to him and they say we will be your slaves forever and what does Yosef say what happens it says Yosef starts crying he's crying again he doesn't stop crying he's a prime minister he's not crying cause he's a never he's not an abusive his never enemy you don't get that impression and you see wherever he is he's on the top he rises to the top he's extremely ambitious extremely successful everybody has a teen as a kid he was dreaming about running the world his brothers despised it for him but this is not a person who surrenders easily but he weeps because he's very in touch with the emotional energy of every moment and when his brothers suspect him of wanting to take revenge and are offering themselves to be slaves it moves him to tears and then he says then one of maybe the most graceful responses he says by younger I am your cynicism by Fe el tiro ki Asahi's la Kim Ani do you think I see myself as God Adam Hirsch after Malaya and when Kim Keshava whatever you plotted evil God plotted goodness Lamanna say l'm on our cycling azza Mahathir yo some rough for this great day that I should be able to give life to a great nation my own people and the rest the rest of the of the Egyptian people and everybody who came to get who don't worry I will feed you I will feed your children by you nothing or some he comforts in them but you dhaba aleikum he speaks to their heart until they relax what is the secret of yourself what is the way the path to understand who this man is sometimes two people can experience the same story or can know about the same facts and they will be sharing the same story and yet it's a different story what makes it a different story is not the facts or the circumstances it's how they tell the story and it's what they choose to emphasize when they tell the story in therapy there's a branch of psychology that became quite well-known recently it's called narrative therapy narrative therapy was developed in the 70s and 80s by two fellows from a New Zealand guy named white Michael White and David Epstein it became popular here in the United States in 1990 when they published a book about it narrative therapy also has given rise to different branches of psychology that focus on similar elements and components but what narrative therapy suggests to put it marked and put it simply and briefly and to simplify it somewhat of a more complex discipline is that every person's life is a story if I asked you to describe to us or to me your life there's a story there's the story of your birth is the story of your development there's the story of your parents of your home of your siblings of your family of your babysitter's of your teachers of your mentors of your environment of your schooling of your own experiences within yourself everybody has a story everybody doesn't have a story everybody is a story and with every day the story continues we add another chapter to the novel we call life as the puss excessive AirAsia zest safer todos Adam the story of man is really a book it's a novel it's a story and the story continues we open the story with the first breath we breathe as we emerge from our mother's womb and we continue to write that story every day you add a sentence paragraph some people who are more dramatic make sure to add a chapter every day and so and so the story continues and it goes on that's a story a narrative therapy however the person who was not even called the patient because they don't like pathologizing its assets to rephrase their story or to focus on certain parts of the story and choose what is the focal point of your story the facts I can change but how I tell the story the context I put it in what details do I choose to emphasize what becomes the focal point of the story and what becomes the preview to the story what becomes the essence of the story and what becomes the preliminary to the story whenever a person reads a story or if your ever wrote a story always now there is the hero or it is the focal from the focal point of the story and then there are of course all the nuances and details that are there on the side to be able to give you the complete picture to be able to draw you into the ambience remember when you were reading those novels when you were 18 you took off school for two weeks and you read those 1,500 page books he didn't want those books to finish now probably have a little less time for that and it's brilliant but writers can do how they draw you in through all the details it from the color of the eyes to exactly what type of furniture was in the room where the entire drama begins or ends in its development so a narrative therapy I can't choose the facts but I choose how to describe it how to frame it what we call today also another form in psychology called reframing and framing is an important word you can have a picture a painting on your dining or wall in your living room or doesn't look good it doesn't fit in the problem is the frame sometimes you have to change the frame I can't change the picture but I can change how I framed reframing is a very conscious experience in life because reframing does not have to do with what happened reframing has to do with your thoughts about what happened and the thoughts about what happened is not about what happened what happened happened how I interpret what happened how I think about what happened what I choose to focus on and what happened and this is the story these are conscious choices people make so narrative therapy they encourage people to learn how to retell the story in a different way may I suggest that the origin of narrative therapy the origin of positive behavioral psychology the origin of reframing is all impartial ie gosh Yosef could not alter any facts but it's the way he told the story that made all the difference and I'll show it to you by analyzing the text again and these are as I pointed out to you in my ich lock subtle nuances that often an English translation that lost on the reader because the message seems the same remember we spoke about the five times Yaakov speaks about the face of space versus his face my face your face his face her face our face their face soul faces faces faces in English you would never know that face is so important here looking at your brother's face having the courage to be able to see somebody's face rather than their back and what they do to you to be able to see their continious and here we'll have not an identical situation but I'm gonna point out how Yosef speaks to his brothers and he's really reframing the story he is really shaping the context in which the story happens and he's choosing how to tell the story what is the story so I'm gonna read the plastic again I read it to you already and just focus on the nuanced details of how he chooses to tell the story so your success don't get depressed don't even be angry with yourselves and of course Yosef knows his brothers they're Jewish juice deal with guilt they are guilty forever somebody once asked what's the definition of a Jew and the response was if he's not if he does not feel guilty he blames himself so either you feel guilty and if you don't feel guilty you make sure to feel guilty for the fact that you don't feel guilty how horrible must you be that you are not feeling guilty you're so guilty that your unsalvageable your irredeemable but the main thing is you get to sit with your misery and who wants to disturb that there's an old anecdote why Jewish women don't drink and the answer is they don't want anything to interfere with their suffering so therefore they don't drink you'd rather come to the event and deal with all the internal anxiety rather than just you know drink it off or whatever it is so Yosef says don't get upset with yourself okay later he will tell them when you go back to so I'll tribute by Derek don't get into a fight on the way he knew they're gonna get into a fight you did it I did it he did it if not for you it would have never happened he says don't get into a fight on the way why shouldn't you feel guilty he says muhurtham I say no you sold me and the answer is Kela mr. Schlick on a lock-in with me because God sent me in order to provide life now here it is a change from mahira he changed it to SH lives he said you didn't sell me I would expect him to say God is the one who did it God is the one who caused the sale he was behind it but he actually changes the concept you didn't sell me kill'em is honey Ellie came with Nathan slow Connie from the word sha la vie ish like Leah Hashem sent me and then he says again the hunger is devastating by his LaHaye me l owe him lift Nathan lost someone I'm Aries but it's Allah Hafiz look I'm the flight the girl they reboilers Shalom God sent me before you to create survival in this world and to provide rescue for all of you and then he says van atta boy act and shall act the noisy Haina key allocable in the beginning he says you didn't sell me after his explanation that God sent me he's like and you did not send me Hashem sent me so Yosef here is telling them not one thing but two things first of all he's telling them you did what you did but Hashem really used you for what he wanted to do in addition to that Yosef says something else Yosef says you didn't sell me Hashem sent me what is the difference between matira matter versus slippers selling or sending in both something leaves my domain and goes into another domain when I sell something I sell you my home I sell you my ring I sell you my car I sell you my suit I sell you my website my company my organization it's transferred from my domain and it goes into your domain I sell you my animal whatever it is I sell you my computer it used to be in my home now it goes to yours that's what you do when you go to the market and you buy something and the seller sells you the bottle of milk or the fruit to the bottle of wine or the sheitel and it goes from the stores domain into your domain that's mahira slitaz I also sent something I send you on a mission to go elsewhere not here because if it's here I can do it myself but to go elsewhere and fulfill a mission so I'm also sending something out of my domain into another domain that is the common denominator between sale sold selling something and sending somebody but there is a drastic difference between the two and that is when I sell something the object that I'm selling has no say in the matter the object is just a silent passive recipient of circumstances that are beyond its control I don't consult with my house and say would you like to be sold to the Finkel things after the Goldbergs I sell my house when I sell something I'm just selling the object the object has no participation the object has no say the object is just subservient to the owner who decides here the bull was by me yesterday and today I want the bull to be by you so I can make my money and you can get your ball that's sale I don't consult the object that I'm selling what about when I send somebody when I send somebody on Ashley host when I send somebody on a mission and I of course wanted to be successful it's usually for it to be cold or slickest it's usually done with their consent with their consent means that they have to want to do it they have to be enthusiastic about the mission it's even more than this when I send somebody on a mission I first have to evaluate if they have the resources then know-how and the skills to be able to fulfill the mission if they don't the mission would be futile so I first have to make sure that you are well equipped you're well suited to fulfill this purpose to fulfill this sleepless to be sent to actualize this objective only when I can determine that you have the resources to be able to do it now I could send you on the mission when I sell something I'm not evaluating if you are capable of fulfilling this mission because you're really just passive you're just the passive object being thrown around loose I have a mission for you you are an active participant first of all there is consent second of all you're not passive you're active you have to fulfill a mission and therefore third of all third point is I have to make sure you're capable of being an active participant I can't send somebody on a mission to open up a chapter of my organization or a branch of my company in Indonesia if they don't know the language if they don't have the invested money they don't have seed money that than know-how I have to make sure you're capable of doing it yosef now turns to his brothers and says you didn't sell me God sent me and with this he reframed the story with this he focused to tell the story in a different way he is telling the same story like anybody else would tell you can't alter the facts what happened happened and cannot change facts I could decide how I'm going to tell the story Yosef says my dear brothers let me tell you how I saw my story I was never sold I was said that the difference between the two is from one extreme to another extreme if I was sold I was basically like a pig like a ping-pong ball I was thrown you take a kid you throw him into a pit you sell him as a slave he's accused of promiscuity throwing at the prison this one takes revenge on him this one picture and he's used he's manipulated he's used and he's abused and he never stops being used and he never stops being abused that's the story how could you not be bitter how could you not be depressed how could you not be angry unless you're crazy unless you're dumb unless you're Cullis if you're a human being with emotions how could you not be furious you look at these brothers macho men and what they did to you at the vulnerable age of 17 and how many sorry Sooners how much pain you have to endure because of them and now you look at them and you say don't get depressed what is this a titanic form of self repression then that work okay not all pros always works I know what is this such extraordinary repression what are you feeling yes it why didn't they ask him you said what are you feeling know what happened here but of course Yosef told his brothers I was not sold I was sent I can't change the fact in the circumstances I will choose how to frame my story how to frame my life and here is how I came to see my life Yosef cannot tell anybody to do this I could never tell a person how to frame their life and how to tell the story of their life but I could look at Yosef and see how he chose to put his life in context how he chose to tell the story you see he says if I was sold that basically means things kept on happening to me and of course completely outside of my control my father sends me to meet my brothers they do what they do I am completely passive but if his wife does what she does to me the buckler does what he does to me everybody is doing things to me and I am the victim of perpetrators mean vicious ambitious crazy insane meshuggenah bitter miserable horrible people sounds familiar present company excluded of course always besides why not however Yosef says I never saw my life that way I saw my life as being sent what does it mean being sent it means and here he's telling us a very mystical idea that's brought in for immigration before a neshama comes down to the world listen to this before Sol comes down to the world God tells the soul I want to tell you everything that I would like to send you to accomplish in this world let me tell you whatever you're gonna go I'm gonna tell you every place you're gonna end up in as my sleep if you agree I will send you if you don't agree I won't send you because a mission has to be done with consent now of course those who are in touch with that level of self that level of the soul know that in a profound mystical way there is a deep active participation of every soul in every experience that they experience in life it means also something else it means things don't happen to you you are sent to fulfill a mission it also means you are equipped with the resources you need to fulfill that mission so let me be very practical some of us have to deal with depression some of us have to deal with very difficult challenging moods as I just read the letter from that special noble woman many of us have to deal with various emotions for some people who may not understand what I'm going to say it if you don't understand what I'm going to say consider yourself lucky if you'll do it you will understand what I'm going to say then you will understand what I'm going to say right that was brilliant I don't know if you consider yourself lucky but you will understand what I'm going to sit welcome to again present company excluded besides when it's not so some people the first thought that they have they wake up in the morning and five seconds later there they have to battle depression they have to battle devastate Forte's how do I deal with it I kid not shame I can't change the facts but I can ask myself one question was I sold into depression or was I sent into depression sold means there are forces more powerful than my soul that have overcome me whatever the cause is whatever the sources and whatever the treatment is I'm not getting into the treatment if it's within if it's without does Xie acutely described in her beautiful letter but the fact that I'm here and I'm there again and again and again what Yosef says is I was sent I was sent means wherever I go during the day wherever I end up during the day every encounter every experience every text exchange every watts of conversation every telephone call and every experience during the day the week the month the year and during the life I was sent I was sent to that person to that destination to that experience to that space and I was sent there with a mission to bring a light into the darkness that exists there so yes if throughout his life he woke up every day and he looked in the mirror conceptually and also physically actually and Yosef would say to himself I moved choose to look at my date today not there's somebody who was sold but as somebody who is being sent got you ready for the right let's go together I'll fasten my seat belt because I know that you will you extend me always to interesting places all I will do is fasten my seat belt hold onto the steering wheel tight put the pedal to the pedal to the metal as fast as I go cos Yosef never slows down he never slows down you probably know the anecdote with the his rib Israel's defense minister was Moshe Dayan who had a patch on his eye remember and he was once driving on an Israeli highway 145 km/h which in Israel is not that fast and the policeman stops him and he says moshe dayan you know you're your defense minister you what to serve as a role model for his Rayleigh society I think I'm going to quadruple your summons and he looks at the officer and he says I'm Donny I shall tell my dear officer look at me I have only one eye now what would you like me to do with this I look at the speedometer and look at the highway I don't know whether he got the ticket or not but I do know that the response was insightful because many people live life looking at the speedometer am I going to slow my money too fast I should go fast I should go slower this one thinks I'm too slow this one thinks I'm too fast but many failed to be able to see the highway to be able to see that they're on a mission there are Nash listed there on a destination there was an Israeli driver and you know in Israel they drive very very fast as I just mentioned and he was mom was driving like a maniac was 150 kilometers per hour miles per hour and the policeman stops him and he oh roles are the window open the guy rubbing his hand he says you know I've been waiting for you all day and he says that's why I came as fast as possible and the guy had such a good laugh he exonerated him he let him go so Yosef put the metal to the pedal and he said to me boy in a shillelagh we're in this together let's go every day he saw his life on a mission he was not sold anywhere he was sent sometimes you're sent into challenging places sometimes you sent into painful places but whenever I'm sent there's three things there is consent of my soul I am an active participant I am an active participant and third I was given the resources in fact I was evaluated before you don't send somebody if you don't evaluate before that they're capable of this I was evaluated before if my soul is equipped to go to this place and bring the light into darkness and transform darkness into light that's the only reason I could be sent to that place can i alter the facts no but how do I tell the story so now ask yourself your story look about your story and think about those things that hurt you most as in yosef situation he was hurt from every possible direction in see number one he's hurt by his family were you ever hurt by your mother will you ever hurt by your father will you ever hurt by your siblings siblings who was supposed to be there for their baby brother Joseph was a baby brother he was the cutie he was the effect are you faint Meyer he was the adorable one and yet he was cast into the pits he was sold into slavery and a pit here doesn't necessarily mean a physical pit sometimes we find ourselves in an emotional pit in an abyss you're stuck and what's worse there are scorpions in the pit if you thought you were just encompass there are snakes there is the feminine right there is the stab and then there's the twirl you know the twirl a tube root a then Caesar Falls the twirl of the of the of the of the blade that's a whole different avoider there's people who throw you in the pit and there's people who make sure to give a bite to say the right remark at the bar mitzva it's exactly what you have to hear exactly what you have to hear that's family but that's not that's not the only one and then Yosef is trying to be moral to his master's wife and she turns the whole thing over instead of being honest and saying here's an innocent boy to let out her own rage that she couldn't get him she throws him under the bus and not just on there a bus on there a train and not just on they were trained she throws him into prison for so many years why because he was innocent all she could have done is not say anything no she accused him here Yosef stands up for truth and he gets hurt and then Yosef does a favor to the butler and he gets her did you ever do a favor for people and instead of reciprocating you're all nodding instead of instead of getting instead of getting reciprocation all they when they look at you the next time they don't even know you exist well you sucker sign right oh wait what's your name oh really that's your name interesting ten years ago you knew my name so and now you don't even know my name I used to hire and yet Joseph is never a victim Joseph is never a loser Joseph has never never why not because he's a stubborn mule not because he's a stone like Vic Bader he's a Napoleon he's a tough guy he's cold-blooded and heartless that's one way of not letting not allowing people to get to you and some of us develop that you know what I'm talking about that harsh thick cover over our skin we don't even wanted to get let them get close to our skin so we become like turtles and we may go slow or fast but nobody gets close nobody gets close emotionally Joseph doesn't do that not because he's naive not because he doesn't understand that mission not because he doesn't understand pain pain he has tears he has agony he has you know what he doesn't have paralysis he's never paralyzed this fear he doesn't have and he's never pessimistic and he never surrenders to other people's mediocrity like oil he rises to the top in fact the worse they are the more they betray him the more light comes out of his soul why because he's Ashley he's a mission he's on a mission Joseph knows number one he's Jewish number two God is with him in all journeys and all experiences and all circumstances not only with him he sent him and he sent him as an active participant with a role with a mission you weren't you gonna end up there as a victim they didn't choose to have you throw it into business as a victim you were sent there with a mission so now the facts are the same they threw me into the pit but Who am I I am an ambassador of infinity to transform darkness into light that's what I do I'm an ambassador of love light and hope that's who I am and nobody can take that title away from me where do I end up as an ambassador oh god knows some ambassadors end up in hostile places like the United Nations and some other hostile places some ambassadors end up in tough regions but the title ambassador which is Ashley oak never leaves me I am an ambassador of love lighten up I was sent I was equipped with the resources there was a soulful consent I am an active participant my question is therefore not how can they do it why did they do it why did I dream this on myself am I such a klutz am I such a nerd am i such an idiot than my such a [ __ ] am i such a loser how many sins that I do in my life or in a previous gilgul to deserve all this abuse you know those thoughts how many sins that I committed in a previous life to be worthy please this is all part of a web that's trapping you you were sent I was sent I was sent to this place I was sent to this mood I was sent to this condition I was sent to this person I was sent to this experience and I was sometimes sent even to this chemical or emotional or psychological space in me to be able to light up my world and to be able to light up the world yosef has that mindset that never ever leaves him and that's why when he turns to his brothers he changes he says you didn't send me but he doesn't even say god told me you know why cuz then God becomes the perpetrator so instead of hating your brothers it just gets transformed he says he didn't sell me I'll think about that God sent me he sent me yes me I'm a partner here and I'm the one who has the power to do that mission oh it's all different story well I always figure out why I was lucky enough to be sent to this place other yeah other Nishat maybe yeah maybe not but I can't allow that to distract me from being an ambassador and from knowing that I'm an ambassador of infinity and since the Gemara says look I shall Adam camisa so that means this leah has the power of the one who sent them the one who sent me is invincible the one who sent me is infinite the one who sent me can't be destruct destroyed or crushed so therefore the one who was sent also is invincible it's also powerful is also divine as long as I remember that I was sent and therefore when the yosef actually becomes a king and he becomes a prime minister he still maintains the same dignity and humility that he maintained throughout sometimes you're sent to the abyss sometimes you're sent to prison sometimes you're sent to become the most powerful person in the world or the second most powerful person in the world but you know what you still sent you're an ambassador because you're sent you always maintain perspective you're sent and as you're an ambassador of love light and hope he can forgive he can forgive not because he did not solve not because he did not feel pain not because he didn't experience suffering but because he never internalized victimhood as his identity he never decided I am a victim of these people who control my life nobody controls my life nobody ever controlled your life we decide if people control our life that's why the measure says that on Tuesday the day that Botany emerged all the plants grew including the minerals emerged including buyers of iron so the measure says the trees began trembling why because when trees notice iron they know the beginning of the end so the reminder Siloam turns to the trees and he says don't be afraid of the earth you know why because if none of you will assist the iron the iron will not be able to destroy you in other words the handle of the axe is going to be wood you will have to contribute the handle to the X that will destroy you what does the matter of shame what is this funny story well the measures are saying God called the trees listen to this nobody can cut you down without your own consent you have to give consent for somebody to come together this doesn't mean nobody will try to cut me down this doesn't mean nobody did things to me as a child which were internalized by me as being cut down that yes but ultimately as I emerge into life I have to be able I couldn't make a conscious choice am i your victim do you control my life or do you control certain things or you're trying to control my life or you do things that in a certain context may control my life but at the end of the day I will determine whether I was sold by you or I was sent by God to fulfill a mission in this particular place equipped with the infinite power of love light and hope that I am an ambassador for now that's the reason it's the Morrises Irish economist you're not mr. zona de Phil Olivetti sheesh Yosef went out from prison on Rosh Hashanah teste kuba Heidi Shafer Bacchus aliança gay no he quickly established with Alec a yak of ADA's the house of somebody says she'll Erikson's join Yosef went out of prison to become the vice for under Shoshanna what's the connection to Rosh Hashanah where Shoshanna is a new year is a new energy in the world the problem is I can't embrace a new energy in the world and the reason I can't embrace a new energy in the world is because I'm in prison I may be physically in prison but I may be you know psychologically and emotionally in a prison and as a result of that there's no rush of Shonna for me there's no newness for me everything is just a cycle that keeps on repeating itself there is no new energy that I can embrace because I am just part of a pattern that somebody else defined for me yosef coming out of prison is akin to the concept of Rosh Hashanah it's the idea that there's a newness there's an openness there's always a question of what's happening right now what is my mission right now because if you're defining me then I have no mission right now I'm just falling into your cycle I'm falling into somebody else's orbit I'm sold you sell me here you tell me here you throw me there so every day I always have to ask you how about how am i doing today oh I'm doing well yeah okay I look good fine I feel good am I good today you think highly of me today Bora Hashem I'm in a good place now if you're in a bad mood so therefore you can't compliment me so certainly I must be in a miserable mood because I live according to your orbit there's no richer Shona there's no newness Rosh Hashanah Joseph comes out of prison conclude with the story I heard this from the Tom they're ever the totally river of weinberg Schlichter told the story it was of course humorously and anecdotally but the message is a profound one and I'll ask forgiveness in advance if there's any kebab Anika breslav sitting in the crowd don't get offended the Tommy rebus said he was once speaking at the Art set of Alabama to him and he said what's the difference between kebab and breslav he wanted to know what's the difference between a borrowed and present so told the rebels I'll tell you the difference herb madman of breslav wanted that old breast should have warmed pace long sidelocks wad he said when you come to heaven you may end up in purgatory how am I gonna get you out of purgatory how am I gonna take you out if you have pious if you have pious I could hop on I could fetch grab your pee slap you out great Paul never says a breslav hassid god bless them passes away after a hundred and twenty comes to heaven they say knew you were connected to the national in the way of wrestlers should be connected their immaculate Jesus could have been better they say that you have a Munna similar they talked in like a wrestler I try I could have been better did he do he's both induced like if not who wanted to do his buddy this was God your best friend did you go to Oman every Rosh Hashana did you take on a collie taking a property he said could have been better raisin go to purgatory but he goes to purgatory and the barbecue gets hot and the heat accelerates and it goes from a thousand degrees to 2,000 degrees to ten thousand degrees as in all the descriptions that some of you heard in your youth of all the great experts who know exactly what purgatory looks like and what happens to everybody in purgatory as a wonderful way to motivate people to dress in certain ways or whatever they do so this guy gets really really hot and it gets hot then you know when it gets hot it's not very comfortable right so he starts screaming like a breslav and knows that his screen [Music] slots three o'clock in the morning you know what I'm talking about if not through an aggressive here is a Yeats screaming patented at becomes running and this poor guy is in the cosmic barbecue and not Dante's for Infernus but whatever the Orthodox Jewish furnace and maximin sees this man on the barbecue he says the hostages yeah pays about that give me a pays cops on his face slips him out pommie rebus is now a Chabad Lubavitch of course it comes to heaven so they say no were you about costs of the way a hostage should be this could have been better the Turner of the alter rebbe the master you learned every day could have been better spreading in disguise wherever you could in the whole world you did could have been better you learned the Dharmakaya mitzvahs and obviously saw the way of course it could have been better okay go to hell Samos to get him and it also gets hawks and it gets very very hot and Samantha fires burning know what does he do he starts screaming it ever so the totally reverses the llevaba should ever hear is a he is screaming out of paint see right oh he goes to respond it was how the story of his whole life he comes running in and he sees this fellow screaming get me out of here exact saponin episodes of obama true never walks over to him puts his hand into his pocket takes out a dollar gives them a dollar and says house locker robbing your sh Liz's right here you should have lots of success in your mission right here and the toddler ever was conveying a powerful idea and that is sometimes people look at themselves and they see themselves in hell that's a word in the dictionary what type of nganimate is that people have different types it could be a mood it could be a reality you're dealing with it could be a relationship you're dealing with it could be a business you're dealing with it could be a marriage you're dealing with it could be a child you're dealing with but you find yourself in literally a half and all you want to say is get me out of here or who got me in here or why am I here or how did this happen or why am i such a loser why did I do so many sins whatever it is but the most empowering thing you could tell yourself is the most helpful thing the most inspiring thing you can tell yourself is I'm not in hell I am infinity I am an ambassador of love light and hope I was sent I was sent to this place in order to bring light into darkness have a wonderful responding graceful work at shattered you've broken it's a very good question which the best there's two ways that we respond gratefully one as we allow ourselves to become much smarter I don't know your story you step on me step on me I won't talk about it on that's a mistake Joseph never said that Joseph always did the best he can to fight firms in relationships would mean he could confront people yes he could tell people what they're doing and what he thinks about what they're doing he can fight them he could not allow the person does then they're not doing what they have to do I can't say I'll throw me into a pit and I some sent me there kill me and I shall indeed tremendous love and mother tremendous tremendous loveless one among its very powerful confidence he never blamed themselves on the country he never allowed them to control his life he never let them set his agenda he always remained free he was on top of the world even though they crushed that's very difficult so we have to find that love from Hashem because we didn't get to my father and mother in front of my Shamu from people around us that we could trust Yosef had a good father and whom he was Manuel said a good mother but the idea of Yosef was not that he let people step up and he just forgave and he said you know when I forgive somebody while they're still doing I'm making a mistake you understand now what happened to right now is what am I gonna do if somebody is keeps on throwing me into the pit and I say I forgive forgive do it again do it again my super game but it's not that he would allow them that would again what about the house after the choice yeah doesn't you should make bad choices but after I made the choice you have to be able to embrace it mistakes are also part of our mission somehow yeah of course when I have to make a choice I want to make the healthiest most empowering choice but once I made a choice and it was a mistake I have to be able to embrace that it's not always easy because I may see consequences and my whole life I could say what if is over to the box Hampton that says rashon Malayan Hirata's cuz i'll say rashim are filled with regrets so most people interpret it because they always do the wrong thing so they're always filled with regrets he says no they're always filled with regrets because they're taking responsibility for everything they did so they're filled of regrets you take responsibility for that which you could fix but there are a lot of things choices that we made that we say I did it I should have done this I should have done this issue they don't listen so my whole life I'm regretting that one really have to understand that there was a reason I made the Brothers of Yosef were punished very heavily sadly the whole story of our sorry Rudy Marquez is the Brothers of Yosef it doesn't take away any responsibility the question is how do I deal right but this doesn't mean that the person's choice was right the question is does there hurt does there hurt define even if a sham sent them as Ashley oh yeah it doesn't have to do with their choice you understand Hashem wanted to destroy the first place I'm a Kurdish it doesn't turn a book up nets are into it Sadiq hashem wanted the Jews in godless midstream it doesn't turn power into a saint party was a Russia marushin of a cup nets it was a Russian Marisha it happens to be that the reason they did it was because of their evil choices an abuser remains an abuser he's a criminal so that's what I'm saying the criminal remains a criminal the question is could the criminal define my future and I become a victim to his choices and I completely become defined by his or her life that's another question that's where much less huh so if I you know if I can ask forgiveness I have to ask forgiveness I have to do whatever I can - at all from my mistakes and I may feel pain but there's a difference between pain and guilt guilt is different than pain pain is something hurts it hurts guilt rings I have an emotion that usually is trying to take away from me pain guilt he thinks he's an emotion that substitutes for pain because it tries to avoid pain so guilt as I start focusing oh I could have I should have what if it's a whole different process you're busy wallowing and how bad you are - something painful so so try to fix it to the best of your ability whatever if I can ask forgiveness ask forgiveness if I could fix something I fix it and then I have to move on to do what God wants for me today guilts just wants me to get paralyzed and stuck and actually don't hurt the attention from the pain - my obsessions and my own self-consciousness this class is brought to you by the achieve Annette please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot the yeshiva net slash 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