Moshe vs. Yehoshua: The Inner Conflict Which Undermined Success

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mata is we learn so it's a very intense story god tells moisha he says take revenge of the midianites and then you're going to die then you're going to pass away and this is of course in the aftermath of the story in which bilum suggests to the moabites and the midianites that they should allow their woman their young women and girls to engage in immoral promiscuity with the jewish people something that affects hundreds of thousands of jews who surrender to this type of promiscuity and their idolatry it was something that almost that that not almost it claimed the lives according to rashi of hundreds of thousands of jews and it was almost like a spiritual genocide plan against the jewish people after nobody can defeat them all the years in the desert the midianites would defeat them through a very ingenious and original way of completely breaking down the boundaries of family of integrity of of of borders in borders and intimacy and luring in thousands and thousands of jews hundreds of thousands of jews into the idolatry of which represented complete anarchy complete promiscuity absolutely no rules no authority no boundaries no structure the nature of the idolatry was that you actually had to defecate in front of it which represents the life philosophy that it represented so in particular's matas god tells maisha i want the jews to go to war against midian and then you'll die says the madrish said we also have an english translation from safaria thank you safari god told him take revenge for the jewish people from the midianites and then you'll pass away so it's clear that god made his death dependent upon the vengeance against midian he told them only after you wage a war against midion will you die only afterwards so what could have maisha done maisha could have delayed the battle the engagement with midian and then he would have lived until after that battle so he could have engaged the he could have delayed the battle for a few years and lived another few years this teaches you the praise of myself he didn't say islam in order for me to live for the sake of my remaining alive i will delay the war against the midianites that's not what he did rather miyat immediately after god told them to go fight the medyana and moshe men suitable men to go to the art to go into the army and let them go for battle toward dominion wage war against media so what's the matter saying moshe could have had my shirt here was given uh a an opening to live longer god said death your death comes only after the battle with midian but that's not what happens right after hashem says and then you're going to die right away he mobilized a jewish army and they went to fight with you a little later in the madrish the madrid contrasts this with moshe's disciple um the sages of blessed memory thought yeshua it's written about joshua joshua is of course the faithful disciple and successor of moshe in chapter one right after moshe passes away and yahushua takes over god tells them just i will as i was with moish i will be with you this is your yeshua parikh allah chapter one verse five therefore alicia is yeshua essentially was supposed to live for 120 years just like maisha because hashem said i will be there with you just like i was there with my which basically compared the two just like i protected my preserved maisha's life he lived the full span of 120 years yeshua was also supposed to live that span that lifespan following why was yahushua's life shortened by 10 years what happened is take revenge from the midianites for their genocidal attempts to exterminate the jewish people even though at that moment he was also given a death sentence god told him that afterwards you're going to die he didn't say to himself tomorrow i will die what benefit is there for me to go fight the midianites i'll fight them i'll win and then i'm gone and therefore what should i do let me stay let me remain here alive i'll delay the conflict in other words winning a conflict and removing those who want to destroy your people is great but i'm going to die right afterwards so let me delay it that's not what he did god told him to do it he immediately did it he sent them immediately to go to mid-year his student yahushua didn't behave this way battle against the 31 kings each of them which led a tribe or a mini nation in the land of kanan there were 31 nations that yahushua when yeshua came there to sort of the land of israel he sent the letter that says in tamil urushimi in the random quotes and he sent the letter to all the nations and he gave them three options option number one is whoever wants to leave could leave option number two heroic wants to live with us in peace can live with us in peace under the authority of the jewish people and they would have to adhere to the seven or hide laws in other words to the basic moral codes of civilization pay taxes etc and whoever wants to fight could fight so there was one tribe the gergashi tribe they taka left they left the other ones remained in battle so when yeshua had to fight with 31 kings in order to give the jewish people their homeland eretz israel umar he said if i'm successful if i kill these kings i'm going to die right away that's what happened to my shirabay no he fought midian he defeated midian and then he died shortly after he died the same thing is going to happen to me ma asa so what did yeshua do his skill he began with one um he delayed the war he procrastinated he began with one but he stalled in the war with the rest shanema the passage says yeshua chapter 11 verse 18 yahushua when it describes all of the battles that yeshua fought in the land of kanaan shanemmer it says joshua waged war with all of these kings over a long period of time he made sure not to do it like this the snap of the finger because he didn't want to die afterwards says this is what you do this will shorten your years by 10. omar david this is the meaning of what says we say it every morning ish which means there are many thoughts in the heart of a person but it's the council of god that will stand people have plans they say they are menstruated people have all these types of mahashavas all of these types of dreams what's the connection here seems like yeshua wanted to live much longer that's why he delayed the years that's why he delayed the wars in reality he lost 10 years in other words he lived shorter than moish moshe didn't delay the war he went right away he lived 120 years even though he could have delayed the one would have lived longer but he didn't do that yeshua acted in the opposite way he delayed the war that's what the passage says it took and rabbit many years for him to engage in all of these wars with the 31 kings why because he wanted to live much longer and he was afraid if he does it swiftly he's going to die like maishnabeno he lived 10 years lester as i shared many times his grandfather was the hadith of the first rabbi of gur passed away in and then for a few years the khasiddhim were led by rabbinic of alexander the cayenne they called him the kangada and then afterwards this facemas he came of age he became the second or third rebel depends how you want to count it in the hasidic dynasty of garry passed away schwa in 1905. his book on hummish is called on in holidays is called swassemas and this is from the year tophraish noon tough restaurant would mean what 1890. it's as fast as usual he's very brief and very cryptic and very concise but let me try to explain it he tries to tackle this madrish i guess pun intended the madrid is talking about tackling we learn in the madrid says this fascinas could have lived another few years by delaying the war with midian but this demonstrates the praise of maishnabeno he said to himself in order for me to live the vengeance of the jewish people against the midianites should be delayed no it doesn't make sense it's not worth it that's what he said to himself that's what the medrast says that why did moshe not delay the war why did moshe not delay the war why did he not say for the sake of my remaining alive i will delay the vengeance amidya he did not say that rather what did he say he said immediately we're gonna go to war gives a reason why moshe was justifying him going to war right away and not delaying it he said for me to live the jewish people shouldn't exact vengeance in other words there are two priorities one priority here is i want to live longer but there's another priority and the other priority is that the jews should exact vengeance from the midianites so moishe says um doesn't say for me to live it's my personal game i want to live it's my thing i like life i want to live but because of that i'm not going to stop all the jewish people from exacting the vengeance of those who wanted to exterminate them therefore we're going to go to war i am going to die afterwards okay something i don't understand why did he have to make this whole calculation he had a mitzvah from hashem to go do it let's say it wasn't vengeance because i should live the jewish people should not get vengeance from the medianum right away why do you need this rationale god told you to do something you do it it seems like the madrish is putting in a calculation into moisture's head my living longer is not worth to laying the vengeance of the jewish people against media very nice but why did he need this whole explanation why did he need this ration now this justification to go to war right away because it's important for them to exact vengeance it's very simple god told him to do it so he did it mitsuba vaimadu he was a servant of hashem hashem said in the claim god didn't say wait five years god didn't say wait twenty years he said no nikoi said he did it so you might answer that's exactly what the mattress is saying that even though there was an incentive in him not to do it why because he wanted to live but he did nonetheless he did it because he would not say to himself that for me to live i'm going to delay the vengeance but there's something strange because it's not about the vengeance it's not about the nature of what the mitzvah is it's about the fact that god told them to do it let's say god would have told him to do something else nothing to do with the midi on him and then he would say you'll die afterwards you do it because hashem said to do it now he knows best he's god he calls the shots he told you to do it you do it the medicine makes this whole pill this whole calculation that he made available there's a much deeper perspective whenever somebody is going to go to war and is going to exact payment and administer vengeance and is going to battle a war for the sake of a mitzvah sorry is believed one must make sure that they are cleansed from every ulterior motive even the slightest when i'm doing you a favor when i'm being nice okay so i have personal agendas i like the compliment i like the satisfaction i like the reward you're doing something good but if you're going to war very very powerful stuff if you're going to war if you're going to hurt somebody else you make sure that you got no personal incentives affilo marshall even the slightest okay and if somebody does have an agir does have some agenda even a very small one and a very subtle one the slightest agenda ultimately they will not be able to endure the war they won't be successful because one of the greatest greatest virtue above everything else is what we say in this song the jewish people saying after the splitting of the sea you remember us we say it every single morning omar the egyptians say the enemy said um i'm gonna pursue the jewish people i will reach them i will defeat them and i will distribute their spoil that's the foe of the jewish people now come to another passage the opposite i'm going to pursue my enemies and i'm going to get them i'm going to reach them he says to be able to say that to be able to make that a mission you have to be so pure you have to be so cleansed because if there's some insecurity or ego or any personal agenda involved it can ruin everything when again when i'm doing somebody a favor when i'm doing something kind and benevolent it's also important to know your agendas it's important to be honest but even if you have another agenda shy there's the story of a husband who came to the balatani to the altareba and he said that he distributes money for charity especially for poor people but he feels that there's so much arrogance and ego involved he loves the credit and he loves the feedback and he loves the good feeling that he has even if nobody else knows but he knows and he feels that there's no genuineness it's not true it's not earnest it's not truthful there's no ms he gives poor people food money money food but it's not genuine it's not ms it's selfish so the alti rebbe rabbish went into with vegas he went into some spiritual transfer a few minutes and then he came back and he used to speak with a melody with a negan he said the miller was the kingdom of the aramic in the s and this is but the piece of bread the loaf of bread and the bottle of milk that these poor children are going to get to eat and drink because of your donation that's true the bread is true the milk is true you may have less than you may have motives that are not purely idealistic okay so you have to work on yourself but the bread is true the milk is true you're giving them real bread even if you're not real but you're giving them something real so don't judge yourself so much relax as you say cut yourself slack you have to work on yourself but you continue you're doing good stuff the bread is real that's when i'm giving bread and milk but what if i'm fighting somebody what if i'm going to war oh here i have to be very careful here i have to really know what's my motivation whenever there's a macholicus whenever there's a fight in a family whenever there's in the fight in a community here you have to be very careful i may quote god from today till tomorrow i may say it's only for god i have no agenda why do i have to be careful here because sometimes in the name of god and in the name of truth and in the name of idealism i destroy myself and i destroy my family and i destroy my community and i destroy other people so to be able to say i'm going to pursue my enemies and reach them he says this is one of this is a very very high level the khalil ali do you think the madris really had a doubt that martial may have delayed god's commandment just for his personal agenda do we even have that doubt about being after everything we know about him the madrid is like by the way i want to tell you what a good man moshe is he did not delay the war for him to live do we really think that that's how he called the shots he first asked what's in it for me his whole life was a life of absolute dedication that was never a question and the message doesn't have to tell us that the torah is going to teach us the greatness of moshe that he was not driven by personal agendas even the agenda of life raka kavanagh the meaning of the madrish is shameless it means certainly he would have gone to war he wouldn't have allowed personal desires to override what the right thing is god told him to go he would go the question is something else if in his inner heart the desire to do the right thing to fight the battle for the jewish people wouldn't have been more powerful than his entire life so as he was waging a battle deep deep in his soul maybe unconsciously he would have had an agenda he would have had a motive to delay the war even if he wouldn't and then it would have not been successful because a part of him would be undermining it wow the mattress is not telling us that in actuality maisha did what god wanted to do and of course he would do it whatever god would say take revenge don't take revenge do this do that you don't need an explanation why he did it and he did not delay it because he wants to live hashem told to do it he was an evident that's not a question what the message is saying is something else you could do something but deep inside are you completely at peace with it or maybe not you're doing it but there's a part of you that's revolting against it there's a part of you that's pushing you away that's pulling you in the opposite direction it may be conscious it may be unconscious but it's there that's what the matter should say maisha didn't even have any voice inside of him that was pulling him in the other direction why not because his passion for the jewish people to protect them to get rid of this genocidal nation that had one agenda to exterminate them was so powerful that his own personal life did not play a role you know sometimes you have a person they embody the people so deeply their life becomes synonymous with the people his own personal life was not relevant that's what the medrash is saying so therefore even on an internal level mystery was not conflicted it's not like on one hand i want to help the people on the other hand i want to live but this is the right thing to do there was no negia there was no personal agenda whatsoever this way or that way not to fight them he flipped them because god wanted him to fight them to save the people and not not to fight them in order for them to be able to live yeshua now we'll understand what happens with yeshua the cost of the madrid says yeshua made sure to delay the battle and the battle took many many years why because he wanted to live longer and he was afraid if he finishes the battle he's going to die soon after and because of that he lost 10 years it's extremely absurd like you sure to say this about yeshua really yeshua knew that the jewish people have to go and tear to israel they need to conquer the land and defeat their enemies this is their homeland this is where god wants them to be and yet yahushua who's called the evidence servant of god says well well what priorities i got to make sure i live longer we all understand people crave power we all understand people want to live this is normal we all want to live we all understand people crave their positions and their thrones and they will often manipulate their positions as leaders for their own benefit we see it constantly we call it corruption financial benefits political benefits longevity on the throne that's what people do that's what mortals of flesh and blood do because we have different agendas and those agendas motivate us the question is on yahushua he wasn't just sent on a mission to do some small little tasks this is really defining the history of the jewish people and he is considered the suitable successor of much god chose yahushua and not much his children and he told them i'll be there with you the way i was with yeshua the way i was with myself it's stiff isn't it difficult to say that yeshua could finish off the job but he doesn't want to he's like i'll take my time let me go study let me go meditate let me go relax we'll do it slowly we'll do it in a slow pace why because he wants to live longer this fascination it's very strange to believe this that this is what the matrix means the sukkas there's also another question it doesn't even make sense daksiv the posix says in yeshua chapter quoted by this madrish that yahushua was engaged in this battle with the 31 kings for many years it's clear that he wasn't sitting idly at home um great question what you really have an option when you're in middle of a battle to make it longer and make it shorter i mean your enemy calls the shots as much as you call the shots if you would say about yahushua he killed one of the kings and then he said you know what let's take a break let's take a break let's retreat to our territory and stay there for 10 years and study torah and do mitzvahs and fabric together and learn together and and uh live together okay i get it but it says clearly in the passage of that all these years he's engaged in war he's just delaying it he's procrastinating how does that work in a war i mean when you're engaged in a battle either you live or you die you kill or you get killed you're on the offensive on the defense you can say you know what guys uh let's take a break now for three months and then we'll resume you're in a battle you're in a bloody battle if you're successful you're gonna win if it's gonna take a week it'll take a week if take a month we'll take a month it'll take a year i'll take a year he'll take five years i'll take five years but you're not the one to make the choice yeshua says you know what we're not going to mobilize any soldiers today let's wait a couple of months and then we'll mobilize them you talk about war i think in the first world war if i'm not mistaken it was such bloody and inconsequential battles over there and in ye press and belgium and other places and i think that there was once for new year's that both sides decided they're going to take a break for 24 hours just to celebrate the holiday both sides they could agree on that and it's such a sad story because it showed that you know right after that day was over they just went back to killing each other and i know 10 million were killed the first the great war they called it but it's not usually what happens in the war you don't get to call the shots you're in a battle so what does it even mean again if it says yeshua didn't engage in war he retreated he remained at home i get it but it's not what it says throughout all this time that he was delaying he was in war he was in battle he was in a mulhammer so how does he delay it so he's not delaying it so what is he being penalized for so how do we supposed to understand this how are we supposed to understand this madrish so he asks two questions first of all it's very strange to assume that yeshua literally allowed a personal agenda even a great agenda i want to live it's a normal agenda nonetheless he allowed that to really eclipse his task as a jewish leader instead of saying let me do my job when i have to leave this world i'll leave this world and number two it doesn't even make sense in the story because he continued with the war so you can't make it shorter than necessary or longer than necessary will be explained commotion is parallel based on what we explained before by mosh of course he didn't do anything to undermine the mission no of course he wouldn't allow his agenda i want to live longer i don't want to die and therefore i'm not going to conquer righteousness at all you were sent on a mission to this world yeshua you're the leader do what you have to do it means something else because there was internally internally not externally internally he had a negia he had an agenda all of a mah he thought about the fact he thought about the fact that his life is dependent on this so the battle could not be won easily and that's why the battle continued the battle continued for much longer than it would have been otherwise because he himself was conflicted not that the conflict caused him to do something wrong no he went to battle and he did it as fast as he can and he did it as successfully as he can but because internally he was conflicted he was being pulled in different directions there was a voice in him that said you know remember after this you die i'm not going home i'm going to continue but this was in his consciousness after this you're going to die so this created a damper on the war and he didn't have the stamina the vigor the success and the divine success to be able to defeat them easily and therefore it's stretched on and on and on and on because when you don't do something with your full heart even though you're doing it and you know that you need to do it but he himself unconsciously was undermining himself sometimes excuse me sometimes people tell you i want this very much in my life and they do but they also don't want it they may not be honest about it i want it but i also don't want it i want it to happen but i really don't want it to happen because there's a lot of fear so in an unconscious way or in a conscious way i undermine my own my own desire so that's what he says wow there was also a war in himself okay now here it's easy to miss i was looking something up it's easy to miss the subtlety of what he's saying it says in parshashmi's it happened during those many days the king of egypt died and the jewish people moaned and groaned from the slave labor and they cried out to god so the meadow says madrid because they were days of agony and pain they're called yom rabbit many many days because when somebody's in a state of joy and jubilation and serenity you know the time just flies and passes but when i'm god forbid in a in a day of pain the days stretched on and they never end you know when you have they call it it was a long day what do you mean it's a long day rashi writes and say for apartheid that chavez hagando was called shabbos dick shop is the great job is why because the rabbis would give shabbos hagado droshes they would give shabbos a cuddle sermons so everybody said this was a long shabbos you know when you're sitting at a long speech and it can get a little boring and monotonous so you shouldn't feel bad that only today people have add even in rashi's days which means in the 11th century people couldn't sit in the shabbat sagan russia and they used to call it this is a law this is a big long shabbos that never ends when you're having a good time when you're involved in something that creates joy and serenity and tranquility and you're enthusiastic about it the day flies by saying well the time flies the time flew by i didn't even realize you know they say you could have gone another hour i wouldn't have realized but when it's agonizing and when it's monotonous and when it's boring it goes on and on and on says the madrid robin is yamashotsar says that's how you have to understand this the passage says in peri doesn't only mean it took many days it took a long time it means these were long days of aggravation maybe physically it didn't take more than it would have taken otherwise but the mental state was one of inner pain of inner anxiety of inner vexation and stress of agony and suffering that makes it many days says this face there was a war inside of maisha there was inside of you there was a tug of war inside of joshua there was a war inside of him i want to do god's will i want to give extra shot to the jewish people i also want to live the memorable side there was an inner war this created many days of pain of vexation of suffering it could even be that he's intimating that maybe it took as long as it would have taken otherwise maybe but it didn't feel that way it felt so long it was so draining because it was so painful it was so difficult because of his own inner conflict or simply what he means is the war took much longer because there was a part of him that had a different agenda there was a part of him that wasn't happy with it so it's not that he didn't do the right thing he did the right thing but his heart was not cleansed of other ulterior motives that's why the medrash continues with a strange passage people have many thoughts but god ultimately is victorious okay we know that what's the point here so literally you're going to say yeshua wanted to live longer but god said no you're going to live shorter than my he wanted to live longer than my she lived shorter than myself the whole tanakh is based on the fact that god runs the world why does the marriage bring this passage he says wow the message is trying to tell you there was no sin you shouldn't do anything wrong it was just a thought all it was was a thought here but this thought this is what prevented him he could not defeat the enemy momentarily it was all about the marriage doesn't even mean to talk about this second part of the process about sasha means people are reading the madras wrong the manager is not trying to bring out that yahshua had his plans and god had his plans no the method was trying to bring out that this was all about rabbis belevish in action yeshua went to war he did not delay anything god told him to go and he went and he did the right thing because he was a genuine leader and he did not put his own needs or desires ahead of the people but internally internally there was a mahashava there was a nagy allah there was there was a thought he was a person i want to live and i'm afraid that what i'm doing now is going to compromise that that's it and that mahashava which moshe did not have changed it changed the nature of the war it changed the battle you have to be so aware you have to be so self-aware of what's happening inside of you hashem is the one who always knows what's in my heart and what's in my kidneys even the thoughts that you yourself are not aware of let me tell you the praise of moshe it's not to tell me that moshe said i don't care about what god told me i'm going to live another 10 years and i'm going to delay the war no that's not a big deal that he didn't do that he was a real man he worked for hashem he didn't work for himself the smack of moisture is there was no nagir there was no ulterior motive there was complete peace and surrender in other words mueller defined his life as a channel for hashem so if this is what's happening now if i want to take if we have to take vengeance of the nation that tried to exterminate the jewish people moshe was not just at peace with it he didn't just do it and he wasn't just at peace with it his entire identity was completely focused on that and there was no inner conflicting voice of saying but i want to live and now there's a battle between the two forces tugging at him the priority to go to war and the priority not to go to the war he was so dedicated to the people and so dedicated to their safety and their security and their survival that that whole agenda about his life it was just subsumed it was it just surrendered there was no nigia there by yahushua he also did the right thing but there was a mahshava and because there was a marshava it delayed the war he couldn't be successful it delayed the war and he says sometimes these thoughts are not conscious thoughts that i don't feel them i don't know that i'm having them but for god they're very real and what they what it means for god they're very real is don't think they don't exist and don't think they don't have an impact they have a real impact and therefore have to open myself up to that truth and see if i'm undermining what i'm doing because i have this conflict which is part of being a human being now what we're learning from here is that there are two states of people there's moshe is yeshua moshe manages to go to that state where there's absolutely no conflicting motive yeshua does not he wants to live longer and not and it's not that because he wants to live longer he changes the plans he does not change the plans but the plans get changed because of that and sometimes i'm not even aware of it but god is very aware of it rabbis is belevish and they're very real and because of that he couldn't be successful in the war yum and robin the war was delayed the war procrastinated not that he did something to make the war get delayed you can't once you're in war you're in war but because of the lack of full stamina and motivation the war was prolonged and even the nature of the war was with much more vexation with much more pain with much more suffering and the suffering came from within inside of himself there was a lot of conflict there and paradoxically what happens moshe lives longer than yeshua that's the paradox of course because the source of life is god moshe completely surrenders to hashem there's no other agenda he actually lives much longer than yahushua [Music] and this is what the mufashim explained and when he says him or farshim he's talking about the hasidic masters the degal machine frame and pasha's matas that's the grandson of the balsham of the kadusa slavy the bodhisattva the audience of the khal simkrib sinclair they all say the same thing pirisha passing the passage says it's a very strange um expression that's used tells the soldiers that are going to go to fight with midian literally it means mobilized from among you means mobilize from among you soldiers literally means to remove like halita to remove the shoe lache is to remove to eliminate to get rid of he says peter shapos okay [Music] when you're going to war you have to get rid of all personal agendas and all personal worries and concerns to sacrifice your life to the battle of god you have to get rid of the it that's mobilized from among you remove me that's not easy could you be completely dedicated i have to remove all my nikias all my ulterior motives all my agendas all my insecurities all my fears i have to let it go not deny it not repress it then it's going to be there transcend it emancipate myself from it you can't force somebody to do this it has to be a very internal it's it's an internal space it's an internal decision deposit says but you must rule my alpha yisrael they gave over thousands of jewish soldiers to go to the army peter shirashi even when they heard about the death of moshe they didn't want to go they said if we're going to go to war we're going to hasten moisha's death so the jews jewish soldiers didn't want to go they didn't want to go to war against midhiev why because they knew that martial is going to die after they said we're not going subway master that's why it says they were given over they themselves didn't want or they had to be pushed and compelled she explains what does this really mean they did have an agenda because they loved maisha they couldn't go to war full-heartedly because they loved much they didn't want to die but by moshe telling them he elevated them to a different space and he took away from them all of their ulterior motives and by force they were drawn into the path of moshe they will lure it into the infinite halo of myself on their own just like yahushua they had a nagia they wanted moisha to live they didn't want to go to war but maisha told them if you want to be successful this cannot be about you and your agendas and your desires and yours i understand you want me to live but if you want to be successful when you're in a mulham hashem you have to be completely one with the source completely one with the cause there's no i whatsoever you have to become synonymous with the cause don't take yourself seriously but take the course there is the two types of people there are people who don't take the course seriously but they take themselves very seriously moisture says don't take yourself seriously but take the core seriously and when you take the course seriously you become emancipated from everything because it's not about me and if that's the case moisture says let go of all your mind ideas we all have the keys i all have my insecurities and my fears and my issues and my toxicity and my traumas and my motives and what i want what i want this is a moment where the nation where god is calling upon you to single-mindedly dedicate your entire soul to bring redemption to this people to get rid of their to get rid of the genocidal nation of midian which is what they do but they don't want to go they also have an iggy i want my to live it's a beautiful ulterior motive it's not so ulterior it's pretty selfless but it's some type of motive that's going to hold back the mysterious nephesh moisture says you can't go there doesn't mean they're forced not they're physically forced you can't chain people to send them to war it means spiritually they were taken away from their mindset and brought into moshe's mindset and what's maisha's mindset maisha's mindset is complete dedication to the cause moisture's mindset is that he didn't even experience a conflict between wanting to live longer and going to war for midian because his entire identity his entire life was just a channel for infinity questions great question if yeshua himself was not aware of this how could he work on it i don't know that he says that yeshua wasn't aware of it he says sometimes a person is unaware of it it could be yeshua was aware of it because it says that what yamim rabbim hama and says it was days of tsar so could be he was aware of it i don't know that he was not aware of it next question i cannot control the thoughts that come up i can only control my reactions to my thoughts so why is yahshua at fault for thoughts that come up especially if they come up subconsciously and where does that leave all of us who all have all these different types of thoughts with personal agendas and personal fears and personal insecurities subconsciously and con and consciously where does all of this leave us it seems like we we have no hope with this it's a beautiful question beautiful question if you remember we once did a sheer in parches it's also a swasmas beautiful beautiful sheer why the story of eliezer is repeated in the torah the whole story is repeated twice it's one of the longest parachutes in the whole torah because eliezer also had an ulterior motive he didn't want to find the shidduch because he wanted his own daughter to marry itzhak so even though he was a faithful servant of avram and he did his job but there was a part of him that was undermining his job because deep down he didn't want it to work out because he wanted his own daughter to marry its hooks he didn't want to be able to find the bride for yitzhak in mesopotamia and that's why the toyota has to tell the story all over again because the terror first tells the story the way it happened and then eliezer repeats the whole story and when eliezer repeats the whole story to pursue eleven and rifka's family he suddenly becomes aware that he is the obstacle he suddenly brings to the fore that he is the one who's holding it back unconsciously because he has another agenda and the moment he becomes aware of it and he shines a light on it he's not a prisoner anymore of it and that's why he repeats the whole story it's an amazing amazing idea it's brought in this facemason and other places in the name of the katsuki rebbe we had a whole shear on this it's in it's on the yeshiva.net so what does this mean for us this means for us if you commute to yourself what does this mean what does this mean for us what it means for us is we all have different thoughts i'm not in control of that i have fears i have desires i have instincts i have all types of visceral emotional reactions that come up things that come into my brain but here's the deal if i could become self-aware and i could notice what is happening inside of me and then i can choose how to live in a way that i'm not controlled and dictated by those thoughts that's an extraordinary moment of liberation and emancipation in other words there are thoughts that come up and when i'm not aware of it they actually dictate my behavior because they pull me in different directions without even being aware of what's happening to me and this happens constantly it happens constantly with your children it happens constantly with your spouse it happens constantly with yourself with other people things are controlling me without me knowing that they're controlling me and then i give different justifications and rationalizations you know my brain comes up with reasons why i have to hate you why i have to get angry at you why i have to scream at you why i have to run away i already have a lot of good reasons because you're dangerous because you're this because you're that but it's all fake it's all covering up for the fact that i'm so unaware of what's happening inside of me but if you can actually bring it up to the fore and then you can quarantine it you can define it and then it doesn't dictate you rather you dictate it so the way we understand this the way what he's teaching us here is of course we have conflict of course i may have different thoughts but i could look at it in two different ways one is these thoughts come up and i'm a victim of these thoughts in other words either they're unconscious i'm a victim to them and even if they're conscious they confuse me they overwhelm me and therefore they dampen my stamina they don't allow me to be successful in the battle that i have to achieve but there's something much more powerful that we have to learn from this and that is whatever thought comes up in me i am never a victim to it i could see it for what it is i can appreciate it for what it is and i could really look at it as simply a catalyst and a springboard for more awareness for more growth and for making the right decisions and then i'm not a prisoner by it even though it's there i'm not a prisoner because essentially what i did was i eliminated the ability for it to influence me question this facebook says in these words it seems like he is referring even to thought that the person himself is unaware of for sure it's clear that a lot of this maybe most of the time or at least a lot of the time are thoughts that i'm unaware of and they're undermining the situation and because i'm not aware of it i can't even do anything about it and that's why it's so important to be able to become aware of what is happening to open myself up to all of the reactions inside of me i don't have to be afraid of anything the only thing that's worse than having these types of thoughts is making believe i don't in other words repressing them or suppressing them consciously or unconsciously hiding them forcing them under the radar so what i do what i then do is i'm in denial and now they're controlling my life without me knowing how much they're controlling my life because they go under the radar and they leak out in all types of dysfunctional ways you know passive aggression anger or frustration resentment depression they leak out but they're leaking because i didn't let them come to the force i can't deal with them so in a way when they're unconscious they're much more dangerous like i spent about eliezer eliezer had to bring them out to the consciousness in order to be able to deal with them and the same is true with us with each and every one of us so nobody is here demonstrating against the fact nobody is lamenting the fact that we have different thoughts and different agendas not everybody's moisturize the point is can i be open to it can i be aware of it can i let it be can i even have compassion for it understanding what it's there for and i don't have to deny it and therefore i also don't have to allow it to take over my life and therefore you're not going to creep into my motivation and you're not going to stop me from winning the wars that i have to win if you could see it for what it is then you can quarantine it you can allow it to be even though it's painful even though it's real even though it's authentic and then you don't allow it to define your wars you don't allow it to turn you into a loser you could still be a victor with great stamina and vigor but it takes courage and it takes resolve so in a way once it comes to the fore you can actually deal with it because it could come to the fore and take you over or you could come to the friend you could say no it's only here to help me it's here to teach me what i'm dealing with what i'm struggling with what i have to be afraid of but i'm not going to allow it to control what the right thing for me to do is at this moment this is what i need this is what i want this is what i truly desire question you said earlier that when somebody goes to war or when somebody's fighting you have to really really be aware of your agendas because if not you're not going to be successful what does this mean practically what it means practically is that if i'm going to do something that's going to be divisive if i'm going to uh split up a family or a community you just really want to make sure that this is what god wants you to do in other words if it's coming from my trauma my insecurities or my or my mood disorders or my personality disorders or my deep loneliness or my deep anger or my deep pain which may all be humanly acceptable and have to have compassion for it don't blame it on truth and don't turn it into an idealistic into an idealistic goal sometimes people get into fights and they don't speak to their brother they don't speak to their sister they are abusive they do wrong things and they have all these excuses and it's they are so destructive you have to be extremely careful at every step of the way to take a step back to get objective advice to open yourself up to real critique from people who care for you and care about the truth because once our need for victory gets in the way we become very dangerous people if we as humans don't know all of our subconscious feelings and actions how can we change our thinking how can we prove improve ourselves it seems like we're in an impossible situation great question the answer is nobody's asking of you to do something that's impossible what we're asking of you is to be able to take note of all the things that do come up in your consciousness take note take note of your thoughts take note of your feelings and when you take note of them then you can actually handle them you can actually know how to put them in their place because you took note of them that's all wrong we're not asking you to know everything that you're not thinking and you're not feeling but we are asking you to take note of what you are feeling and you are thinking question how does one help someone else who is stuck in this space how do we help this person is it possible or is it only something one can do for themselves it's a great question you just have to explain to me what you mean by stuck in this in this space stuck in which space if you could just clarify so then i can try to uh understand thank you okay how does somebody help somebody else who's stuck in this space they are unaware of the self-sabotage oh that's a good question somebody was unaware of self-sabotaging i think it's one of the most important questions because this is so much of what goes on in so many of our lives i self-sabotage myself and therefore i sabotage other people i go into a place i'm so stuck and it's often trauma so often that's what we're seeing today i'm not a therapist i'm not a psychotherapist i'm not a social worker i'm not a coach but what everybody's seeing today is that trauma creates so much self-sabotage because basically i'm in a traumatized space and everything that's happening to me i'm interpreting through the lens of trauma right and everything is being filtered through the paradigm of trauma and therefore my reality is completely skewed my perspective on people is completely skewed i don't even have a choice in the matter it's like in the marriages especially the husband towards the wife or the wife towards the husband so the husband is looking at his wife and he's completely interpreting her from a place of inner trauma he doesn't see her for who she is he's getting angry at her and explaining it with all types of explanations that are not based in reality they're based in his own interpretations of reality which is forced upon him based on his terrible terrible fears and traumas and it's really all of his own thoughts and emotions that are undermining healthier relationships and a happier self how do we make a person aware of this how can we help somebody we cannot do this work for anybody else but we can help a person who wants to be helped we can help point them towards different reactions so that they should be able to learn how to challenge themselves for example i'm going to give you an example and i know of a couple they were having a very very difficult marriage and extremely difficult marriage fine people good people but there was a lot of trauma and it was a very difficult relationship a very difficult marriage now the way i'm gonna change some facts because you know it's a couple that i know well and they may be listening so i'm not gonna even i'm not saying names but i'm not going to say the story exactly the way it happened the way the woman dealt with the man was again both fine people though my husband a fine person no woman a fine person the way the woman dealt with the man was she basically stonewalled she went into her own space she detached she uh spaced out this was her way of dealing with it and they survived that way because she was not confrontational and he did the same thing he spaced out she spaced out so there was no confrontation with no fighting they went to a therapist and the therapist at some point asked her a question and when the therapist asked her the question she answered something and the answer was extremely hurtful to the husband so the therapist pointed out to her and the therapist said you know that what i'm hearing is a lot of anger do you feel anger because an answer like you gave in a very pleasant way you gave in a very pleasant way it's really a symptom of tremendous anger and you know what happened for the first time this person went inwards and they realized how much anger there was that they didn't know they were afraid of their anger because they were so afraid of their anger because feeling the anger meant feeling the pain feeling the loneliness feeling the vulnerability it means that you're getting to me instead what do i feel i feel nothing i'm detached if i feel the anger that's a very vulnerable place that means you're getting to me every moment of the day but when this person realized how much anger there was underlying the detachment there was tremendous anger and anger is always a cover-up for pain anger is a secondary emotion it eclipses a deeper emotion which is pain they suddenly became aware of anger they became aware of pain and now they can begin to heal so you can't do the work for a person not for a woman not for a man not for anybody but if i can point out to myself or point out to you and say do you notice how angry you are can you just notice it don't judge it it's very scary for us it's scary for us to notice how angry we are me no no no i'm an intellectual i'm a cerebral i got it figured out me no i'm a nice person i'm not an angry person i'm loving look how much stress that i do it's very scary to notice how much anger i have because again it means i'm in so much pain it means i'm so vulnerable it means you're getting to me it means you're destroying me i don't want to go there so i deny the anger how do i deny the anger i say i don't need you or i just blame you you're impossible and i detach but when you become aware of that you don't get rid of it but suddenly you can look at it you can deal with it you can ask what's causing you so much anger what's the pain here and then you're on your way towards recovery it's very powerful perhaps the idea quoted in the famous naomi mela hazard could be applied here as well if a person works on himself in times of spiritual awareness and learns to work on himself during the days of gadolin when you have great days then later when you have a difficult moment this will come up and help you choose the correct response famous chernobyl of heart lahazer the great days have to light up the small days right lahaze from the word zoihar light godoidling when we have great days michael the godless they have to be able to light up the small days no it's absolutely true because when you have a strong conviction or a strong value and you live by it and you believe in it and it's really part of who you are it means so much to you then comes days where you're not feeling it and you're not experiencing it but they enlighten you at those moments so that even when you're having a difficult moment and you're having all of these thoughts creep up you're completely not dictated by these thoughts but you could put them in context you can have compassion for them and not cause them and not have them control your life how do you ever know what god wants from you is the war right or not one person says god wants it another person says god doesn't want it so if you really have a doubt to go to war or not you always abstain you never again when it comes to love the worst thing you can do is you love the wrong person okay when it comes to hate you have to be very very careful so if you have a doubt stay away and you need to be surrounded with real good people who are confidants who are objective who will be able to steer you right if you're getting caught up in in in in a negative cycle i just want to throw out a question for those who live in my area in muncie and are listening or will listen to this class we used to have before corona the class actually live not on the zoom or youtube it was also it was also streamed but it was also live in the tent by our shul tuesday mornings 9 30. the challenge now is that where hashem the mignon now continue till for many many hours in the morning so therefore we can't have the class at that time so i want to know for those who live here if you think it would make sense to have a class from your perspective have a class later which means around 12 30 or 1 o'clock p.m it would also stream live and people can watch it later but i'm talking about for physical attendance because till that time the tents in the shul are over packed the parking lot is over packed for anybody who lives in this area knows what i'm talking about so my question to the women is the women and the girls if you could email me or email the website if that time would be feasible for you just want to get some you know consensus 12 31 on tuesday in the afternoon early afternoon you can email me directly rabbi yeshiva.net or email info yeshiva.net i wish you all a meaningful and beautiful inspiring day we should hear good news sure is taiwas thank you for joining us this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at www.theyoshiva.net donate