Moshe & The Rock: The Mystery of Pain

okay today's class is dedicated in honor of bener for a complete and speedy recovery with all the blessings nigla thank you very much and a complete recovery at of fora the first para that we read this week is Paras as I said last week in yides and T names are very crucial because they capture the inner theme of the person or the para or the thing or the idea that is given the name as it says in that the channels of energy come through a name this same is true with the name of a portion hukas the word hukas as commentators explain is the concept of a which means a law a statue but a specific yeah beautiful thank you a specific type of of of law which has an element of mystery to it or maybe much of it is mysterious and I find it very powerful that this the name of the par because essentially the week is a week of mystery it's a week of hukas it's a portion filled with mystery it's named of course after the opening Mitzvah of the par which is a most confounding mystery in Judaism that even considered the wisest of all people said I said to myself I was a wise person and yet this remained distant from me and he was referring to the mysteries of the paruma of the red heer which purifies a human being or a vessel that was contaminated by contact with death so even SCH you know throws up his hands and feels that he can't really Master the depth of this Mitzvah of this ritual because ashes of a red cow mixed with spring water and a hiip a hiip plant that's used to sprinkle it on the person what is the real meaning of this so the med says on it means I decreed a decree word is also engraving like in other words logic will not lead me to my destination here because cerebral analysis has its place and has its Virtues Of course has a is a tremendous gift but also it has its limits some things are Mysteries but as you continue the paraa the Mysteries only become stronger and deeper which would explain of course why paruma made its way into the beginning ofas really the laws of cleansing and Purity and impurity are all in sa ofra so you would expect the laws of parad also to be in sa ofra particularly pares em or t that's with the pares of Purity and impurity but this exists inas the answer is because it become it comes as a Prelude to everything that happens after that right after the story of paruma Miram passes away after that there's the story of mosa and a who will experience a decree that they too will pass away the desert after Miriam and they also won't go into so we encounter yet a greater mystery Miriam's death and then we encounter the greatest mystery of all and that is the story of mosenu and iron and The Rock so let's remember the context Miram Misha's older sister passed away as long as she lived the Jews had water they drank from a miraculous well that gave forth water in her Merit we call it now the water has dried up the people are thirsty they gather around M they clamor to M andarin asking them to irrigate them they need water to drink for themselves and of course their children and their Liv stuck M and iron turned to Hashem for Direction when you're reading the story it seems like a very sweet story it's deja vu all over again as they say in the desert it's not the first time they're missing water or they're missing food or they're missing something else they come to mha they complain they lament M goes to his to the Creator and there's a solution and what does they say all is well that ends well this seems like one of those stories it's going to end very well but suddenly it takes a very strange turn and I use the word mysterious turn so if you look in your Source Sheets if you didn't get a source sheet is more on the it's one page you have the story in par beginning with that's BB 20 beginning with verse 6-13 not many verses but it contains probably the most one of the most mysterious stories Ines so the people are begging for water they're pleading for water they don't want to die in the desert there's obviously no natural sources of water in this Wilderness so what happens so go away from the congregation they go to the door to the entrance of the of the Mish of the sanctuary they fall on their Face's Glory Appears to them tells take the staff gather the people gather the you and ir and your brother and in front of them speak to the Rock and it will yield water it will produce its water and you will bring forth for them water from the rock for them and all of their animals all of their livestock takes the stick from as he commanded they gather the people to the Rock and they say listen oh Rebels shall we bring forth water from this rock raises his hand he strikes The Rock twice with his stick and the water gushes forth in abundance and everyone drinks the people drink and the Animals drink the beasts drink everybody drinks at this point it seems like a very beautiful story doesn't it I'm laughing just because how strange it is if if you would stop here you wouldn't read anymore it's a very beautiful story everybody was thirsty Miriam passed away there was no more water you would think we would have a colossal tragedy of a few million people dying from thirst Hashem once again comes through through M raenu and the stick somehow strikes a rock and water comes out May in abundance there's no shortage nobody has to fight for it nobody has to clamor for it there's absolutely no shortage of water and everyone is satisfied the animals have enough to drink the human beings have enough to drink Al get everything is perfect it was a grand Miracle you could take sticks from today till tomorrow and strike as many rocks as you want I don't think you'll produce water and even if you'll somehow find a rock that has a few drops of water I don't know how you're going to produce water for a few million people what happens next shocked everybody until today we read it and we scratch our heads what's the next scene Hashem responds very differently he says since since you did not believe in me to sanctify me before the eyes of all of the Jewish people you will not bring them into the land that I have given to them and the T concludes the story like as a postcript as a summation these are called The Waters OFA the Waters of quarreling the Waters of fighting mariva is like a fight the water is a fight with which the Jewish people are fighting with God and he was Sanctified through them and that's the end of the story indeed later inas Aon will pass away as hasem told mosha M will actually pass away only at the end of Kes but the decree for him to die happens in Paras so from The Mystery of the red heer we get to the death of Miriam and then to the story of The Rock and to the death of Aaron so indeed it's a para of mystery but the question we want to address today is the famous question everything seems good the people needed water mha gave them water the people are happy it's the end of the story but apparently something terrible has happened the weather has changed abruptly and M denied the privilege they yearned for their entire life which is to go into the promised land in fact the objective of taking the Jews out of Egypt initially was to go into Isel and to establish a society as Hashem envisioned in so for M this was not just a small punishment it was a colossal disappointment which really denied him from something he was yearning and pining for for for 40 years to the point that we see that he does not cease to plead and pray for the annulment of this decree later in P he will say I pleaded with to allow me to go in and say is the numerology of 515 that he composed 515 prayers just to go into to the point that hasem said stop already ra stop stop don't talk to me about this anymore and until the last moment he would not stop very pun right even if there was something wrong that happened here the punishment seem so disproportionate usually the concept of a punishment is proportionate with an action everybody understands that and here it seems so out of the blutes like you're not expecting this like there's other stories with M here suddenly boom he he struck the rock water came out okay you're not going into it it's so strange that when you read it on a literal level you just scratching your head like what happened what is going on what's the connection with going into not going toel there was so many interpretations given to this story that I once saw a commentator his name is l and he writes he says poor because every commentator gives another explanation for what he did so he says he did one sin but if you read the commentators he did like 13 of them because everybody has a different interpretation Rashi has his explanation the ran has his explanation has his explanation the r has his explanation kayaker has his explanation the safo has his his explanation every M has another explanation let's say for sh he collected 25 different sins that did according to different and the truth is if you gather all the explanations that have been said on this you will probably find a few hundred different explanations so this man says poor M he made one mistake and it became 500 mistakes cuz everyone doesn't know what the mistake is so they impose another mistake on him it's fascinating right man did one thing whatever that thing is nobody knows what it is everybody has to find another explanation this one says mha got angry this one says mha called the Jews Rebels Rashi says he hit the roq and didn't speak to the r theel says it wasn't about this it was about sending the spies this was just a this was just like you know a pretext to cover up everyone has a different interpretation H uh that's why it's in hukas very good that's what I'm getting at that's what I'm getting at that was the the introduction I was giving to the class was part of this it wasn't just stop that's why it's really in hukas it's really in hukas and the name is because just like the even said I tried to understand every part of pasas is part of that mystery it's part of the paruma mystery which has to do with death of course parum is all about death it's the concept of cleansing a person from contact with death but what does that mean on a deeper level it's not just a technical thing somebody touched a corpse and they're T so if I'm a c and I can't eat holy food if I'm is I can't go into the B mikdash I can't eat carbus that's all true of course but it's also the concept of contact with death not just physically emotionally psychologically can a person be purified after they contact they have contact with death in simple English is there recovery after loss is there healing after loss so we say Life Goes On life has to go on what should we do but the question is can it never be the same is the real T of course people move on and you know we have to live and eat and breathe and wake up in the morning but the question is you know at what price what does it do to a person how does one deal with it how does one react to it how does one recover from loss that's the question of parad it's not just a ritual istic question about sprinkling the ashes in the water what is the mechanism in the Bri in creation and in to be able to heal from such pain from such loss especially when it's so mysterious and unfathomable and after thousands of years of explanations everybody knows there's no settling information that you hear and say ah ah with all the insights and beautiful insights and Powerful insights and deep insights there remains an element ofas of mystery there's something mysterious about pain andu story with the rock goes right into that category because it actually touches the core of what happens with paruma and when we want to explore today other years we did we spoke about this story from different angles and different perspectives because there's the story has so many and different interpretations and like everything in they're all true you know sh there's 70 faces to the T and every face is a real face but it's a different face and the says that every PK has 600,000 different interpretations and that's inat and in remes and and S so figure out that's a few million interpretations because he says every soul has its own interpretation and there's 600,000 Souls so they're not contradictory to each other it's just the fact that you know from the source of light there are many different frequencies of light and they're all authentic today we want to explore one aspect and as we will see as it turns out M didn't lose the plot didn't lose the plot but rather mosa knew exactly what Musa knew exactly what he was doing knew exactly what he was doing when mosa hit the rock and didn't speak to the Rock hashm said speak to the Rock he hit the rock he was initiating a shift a shift in Consciousness a shift in history a shift in Paradigm a new direction for the Jewish people and for history and hashem's decision was not a punishment as we would usually say a punishment you didn't listen to me and I'm going to penalize you so that everybody learns a lesson and that you learn a lesson but rather it was a consequence of the reality that M introduced at that moment in order to appreciate this let's study a piece of Zar which says something very strange about this whole story and it right away shows us a different dimension to the story I just have to say one thing at the end of this class it's all still going to remain a mystery but so why am I giving a class I could have just said it's a mystery you'll see why okay of, one of the 600,000 interpretations yes but but but a but a but a very profound one I find a very profound one so you see your second source is a safer that is exclusively written as a commentary on one word bous it has 70 different interpretations on the word Bas because Bas has many different configurations it's a big saer it's a whole section of Z and each interpretation occupies many pages so this is in middle of the 21st interpretation on there's a saer called Malala we're going to just quote him soon he wrote a saer a h very thick book on the word the word I believe 176 or so interpretations of and each one is a whole interpretation so it's the beginning of 600,000 so let's see what the Z says I'm going to translate if M would have not struck the rock m in Aramaic is Strike hit none of the Jews and none of the none of theages would have to toil in the study of tah which is compared to irq said speak to the Rock and it's just going to flow the water is going to flow without exertion without without bother speak to the rock rock representing the to that's what the says that's the word v Hashem said it will give its water it will give like when you give freely benevolently generously with ease without a burden without intensity without complexity without says there will be a day nobody will teach anybody else because everybody will know from small to Great from small to big young the old the says in chapter 31 nobody will have to teach anybody because everyone will have intuitively and uh instinctively and deeply the ultimate knowledge the ultimate awareness the water would come out without questions without debates imagine Jewish life what Jewish life would look like no questions what are we going to do all day no no disputes and therefore no need for [Music] verdicts the says in chter 23 my words are like my words are like fire hasem says and then he continues cah like a hammer which splinters a rock but in the beginning my words are like fire and this would have been in the mouth of all the Jewish people my words refer to the oral the word is a combination of two words Sak Sak is 60 and all in Aramaic means to enter to go in so s is all there are 60 there are 60 tractates in who edited for the first time till his time nothing was really written down people could take notes but the tradition of T was given over verbally and orally from teachers to students you had the text of tanak but that was it that was it so the the transmission of judism was all live it was mastered to teacher what what that did was it did a few amazing things number one there was an interaction between teachers and students that was essential because without that live interaction there was nothing left there were no books there were no texts it also gave responsibility to the teacher and the student on another level because I knew that if I don't transmit it it's all going to be forgotten if I'm a teacher I am a student it also allowed people to ask all their questions books now I have to struggle with the text but if my teacher is there I could speak to him so that's was the first one to put it on paper this is in the second century after the Comm around the 150 years after the destruction of the second MDES because he realized that the Jewish people are not in a position where they're going to be able to maintain that type of pedagogical communication because the dispersion was so dramatic and so intense and so fast so that that fabric that essential makeup of Jewish civilization is disintegrating I'm going to be left with nothing so he decided let's better have it on the text the gar says on this that he employed the a sometimes you have to do something for God and anull theem says you're not supposed to write down ter but said I'm going to disobey in order to write it down and he wrote down the mishna and it's basically 60 tractates he made it into six sections tyus Z is agriculture is times anything connected to time Nim is anything connected to relationships marriages Etc Nik are civil damages cut and relationships between people civil law you know Partners damages neighbors Etc business issues and then you have Kim which are all the laws of carbonos and of food and which are the laws of Purity and impurity those six sections each one contains many tractates together so all s means to go into the 60 so this rock was supposed to give its water freely but thenu hit the rock and the Z says everything changed now the water is not coming out freely anymore now you have to extract the water now there's debates what does the water mean you say this is the water I say this is the water you say this is kerosene I say it's water you say it's dirty water I say it's clean water the water is not coming out easily that's why when M hits The Rock Says doesn't it will give its water water came out in its in its intensity this also fits with the next Source the says about page 82 the says whoa everyone who's thirsty go drink water what is he referring to we need Isa the prophet to tell us that if we're thirsty we should drink water is that what yes really people didn't know that when they thirsty they should drink water it's like you know when a woman tells her husband you know I'm so hungry and he says so go eat you think your wife doesn't know that when she's hungry she's supposed to eat like I'm thirsty so go drink wow that's brilliant you should get the Nobel Prize for that g that not not the issue I know that I have to eat that's not the issue what the issue is I don't know but ah now you sound like uh I hear you so what's so the says using as a metaphor so here we see it also in the zya the water coming out of the rockon is the water of T Hashem told him speak to the Rock andu struck the rock so all comes from that moment and all the toil and exertion to understand what it means layers and layers and layers Like a Rock layers and layers exterior interior happens at that moment now this explains another fascinating thing and that is if you look in your next Source it comes from y which is the told speak to the Rock and teach on it one chapter of T and it will bring forth water was does it mean teach one chapter of T Which chapter was offered what its basic laws were why do we say that before daving so the Bas writes in he quotes the reason is because it's the one chapter M that has no arguments one chapter that has no debates you read M usually every chapter the first one there's a debate every there's always debates that's one chapter that the tradition from mha came clearly down through the generations nobody had any argument so before we start ding we say that chapter it's fascinating so he says that's love per read that one chapter of which has no because as the says if he would have spoke to the rock it would have just given out the water yet what happened says my words are like fire the like a hammer which splinters a rock when mosa took his stick and he struck the rock water came out a lot of water came out but it's like The Rock was splintered into different dimensions so it's like Sparks go out from all the places in fact theal writes that psh is the same gatria like M The Stick of mha is the same numerical value like the word PES which means a hammer the says that was like a hammer you fight it it splinters The Rock and the water comes out from different directions and different layers and therefore there isas there's arguments and the main thing is there is toil there's exertion it's not easy to to access it all this explains why the T says he it's the water is a fighting why is it the waters a fighting there was no fight here you say well the Jews complained about water okay they complained about water they complained about everything they still complain people complain why why are these Waters called M River the Waters of quarreling there was no huge fight here they complained M went to the Mishka hasem told them what to do but that's the name Maya the answer is because these Waters cause the whole concept of miva they were the waters that created a lack of clarity and therefore there is debates there are disputes like the Z says there's there's I have to exert myself to find the meaning to find the depth and there so many different perspectives and different issues it's a different it's a different type of sah in fact there's a FAS ating and very mysterious interpretation in the ZEM told him to speak to the RO it says M struck the twice like we just learned twice so the first time didn't work so there was striking and there was more striking and in it says the word is so the med says the says we have in a and aa aa it's a form of of of blood that gets emitted it's different than there's D and D you have to know how to distinguish today we have a hard time distinguishing but he says the first time he struck blood came out of the rock which only only extends and expands the mystery where does blood come in there [Music] what is the Z teaching us and of course the big question is why would mha do any of this we all know that people have different Temptations I never heard of a Temptation instead of speaking to aaq you're going to hit a rock it's like no I'm not going to talk I'm going to hit the rock besides between you and me I think that hitting a rock and producing water is as miraculous speaking to ack and hitting water producing water it's maybe a little harder but it's also it's a it's a grand It's a grand miracle if water if water represents wisdom and inspiration the Jewish people come to Misha and they're asking him for water they're asking him for physical water but they're asking him as the gamar says also for Spiritual water emotional water psychological water water is the staple of life we begin our existence in water nourished in water every feed is develops I don't know if to elaborate about this in this class but every feetus develops in an Amic Sac submerged in a Mikvah submerged in water for nine months our bodies can't live without water our world our Earth can't live without water in fact water constitutes 70% of the total mass of every cell so if you have trillions of cells in your body and you do probably between 50 and 100 trillion cells 70% of the mass of each and every cell consists of water right we have some scientists here in the audience did I get my numbers right I believe that's what it is in fact I think it's around 65% of our body that is made up of water it's around 70% of water that covers the surface of the Earth right like kazal say 2/3 water and one3 dry land so water is not just a nice thing it's essential to life nobody and uh nothing can live without water not an animal and not a human being and not a plant every we we all depend and live on water everybody needs water again there's physical water but everybody also needs water a person needs inspiration wisdom perspective Enlightenment and water is fresh water is alive the par we have there's different types of water you know there's water of life living water and that's why when RAB AA was confronted by the person who told him why you're teaching tah during the times of the Roman edict not to teach RAB aa's famous metaphor in traed bras page 61 is the fish in the water the fox who was hungry and he told the fish to come out of the water and the fox and the fish said they say you're smart I don't know how re but this is ridiculous we barely we we we we are so threatened inside of the water from all the fishermen who want to catch the fish now you want us to go out of water it's a certain death so AA again was compar comparing water not just to a as a physical source of life but also as an emotional and spiritual source of life but how do I get this water there is speaking to a rock and there was hitting a rock and it's a completely different type of water and mha chose at that moment not to speak to the Rock he chose to strike the Rock and when he strikes The Rock our sages tell us something fundamentally changed it's not the same water that they got they got a different type of water and as a result of this type of water everything changed or is the way the Zoya puts it if he spoke to the rock all the debates wouldn't exist exertion and learning wouldn't exist and nobody would even need somebody else as a teacher why because I would have that inner awareness directly from inside intimately the splintering of the information causes a whole different type of reac with there's exertion where there's debate what does what does all of this [Music] mean words words by definition contain and capture an external dimension of a person's life think about it if somebody were to ask you to talk about the weather to talk about um summer plans to talk maybe about politics or making a to talk about exterior design or interior design to talk about Concepts you're comfortable with or you know about so people can talk about things for hours if somebody comes over to you and says can you describe to me your innermost self can you describe to me your core can you describe to me your three profoundest emotions even if you're ready to be honest with the person you'll see most people will struggle to find the words why some people could talk about sports or politics for eight hours without stopping there's rabbis who give sermons and they go and go and go and go and go and go and go look who's talking somebody once introduced a speaker he said this speaker doesn't need an introduction he needs an ending and and and and that non-stop suddenly I ask a person okay so tell me what is the deepest part of your life what makes you tick what scares you most What Makes You Most Happy who are you I don't know what to say why not it's not because it's not deep it's because words are containers words are limiting words are powerful but words structure everything that's the beauty of words words are building blocks right you have word Smiths just like you have gold Smiths and silver smith you know how to build a structure with words great writers do that great orators do that you take words you take letters the same letters like somebody else but you build them you weave them into sentences and paragraphs and then chapters whether it's in verbal communication or even more in writing but all words by definition capture a subject or a feeling and they they contain them they put them into what's called a k a box a vessel those vessels are Illuminating and bright but they're also limiting and that's why there are many experiences in life they call today them preverbal what are preverbal experiences experiences that we have no words for especially experiences that we experienced pre our ability to be able to articulate things in words and compartment ize them in words and therefore words will not help me access them because they didn't go in through words they're not going to come out through words ideas and feelings that I access through words I can talk about them they have the context of words they have been defined by words but deeper layers of the self especially from childhood and early on in childhood are called preverbal so they're ingrained in a very very deep part of a person soul in a person's mind in a person's psyche and words will not do them Justice I may not even know about them in a way that I can articulate it in words so it's not that I don't want to talk about it or that I don't experience it but it's not something that words can capture so words are very powerful but by definition words are limiting told right when he met him I am not man of words it's hard for me to speak on a literal level it's m had a stutter or M had a speech impediment or mha didn't have the language or mha had a hard time speaking there's different interpretations on a deeper level what it means is that M raenu was in touch with a level of reality that is deeper than being articulated in words when we say talk is cheap words are cheap I'm not referring here cheap in the sense that a person is not sincere or a person is not authentic but what it means is that words by definition can pay pay just can can can display and pay Justice to a part of ourselves that is more external a part that's accessible to me and it's accessible to be in a way that I can talk about it I can analyze it I can dissect it [Music] so when Hashem says speak to the Rock and let it give the water he's really telling mhu I want to give them this direct water smooth water clean water pure water that comes from speaking it's the wisdom that can come through speaking through words through listening and through communicating this is a to of clarity a to of light a t of Life a t where there's a certain powerful and profound Simplicity in a very very good wayu decides to hit the rock what does hitting a rock mean he's looking for a different level of water he's looking for a level of water that he can't get through words he's looking for a level of water that is much much deeper than words so mha doesn't even speak he does an action it's a completely different dimension of wisdom of inspiration of truth that comes out talking will get me to the surface of things what about the inaccessible parts of myself we all have parts of ourselves that we can talk about but we all have parts of ourselves that we can't talk about first of all we may not know what to say we may not even know it to talk about it and even if we have some inkling there's no Clarity there to the point that I can talk about it I can write about it you you know for a whole generation for a century talk therapy was a very very big thing it's still a big thing and it was the concept of helping people talk about process information emotions and talk about it and give it meaning and give it structure and put it in context and explain the background more and and and and there's tremendous value in that the gar the P says when you have anxiety you should talk about it and give two interpret ations either means you should remove it from your mind or you should talk about it to others and the two are probably connected because by talking about it and processing it I can actually work it through and not remain stuck there so there's obviously a tremendous value in people articulating their emotions and trying to make sense out of it the whole institution of CBT of cognitive behavioral therapy and all of its branches and all of its manifestations and all of the different aspects of therapy are focused on a form of analysis on a form of communication on a form of talk so it's powerful and beneficial but we're learning every week every day I should say more and more that all conversations as authentic as they are have very very profound limitations and it's important to understand those limitations because if I'm suffering from a trauma that occur to me in my youth especially in my earliest years or a series of them developmental trauma or one event or major events or even not major events but a series of events that included you know emotional neglect or or I was didn't feel safe or secure or seen or s soothed or or misunderstood whatever it is it affects a space in my Primal brain that is deeper than words so now you're talking to me from a place of verbal self and you want me to articulate it in words I can't I have no words for it words are too poor they're simply they have no access to that space inside of me how do I even find out about that space this is where words completely fall short in we have a concept in was called the way something goes in that's the way it goes out when you have to Casher dishes let's say for PES or if something is not Kosher right you always have to ask yourself how did the non- kosher flavor get into the pot was it cold water was it hot water was it a barbecue because K the way it was absorbed that's the way it's going to be extricated why is this true in chemistry and kous because it's true psychologically the way something goes in that's the way it's going to go out if it went in through words if I'm 40 years old and you told me something that insulted me it went in through words I gave it words I can spit it out through words if I was 2 years old 1 years old 3 years old even 5 six seven years old didn't necessarily go in through words especially the younger a person is the more preverbal the whole boo was a different experience so now the pil toy the spinning it out is a completely completely different experience it didn't enter my system through words so I need tools to get to my subconscious self my preverbal self my Primal self my amigdala the stem of my brain where things are encoded very very Deep Emotions fears insecurities Brokenness shame in such a deep space and I don't even have the regular let's talk about it that's where people don't realize the limits words can do and that's why more more and more tools are being developed literally as I speak but in recent years and decades in order to be able to access those layers of self major successful forms of therapy example somatic therapy what's somatic somatic doesn't deal with words the body keeps the score it's dealing literally with the body the body knows everything and it's literally a form of not beating the body not striking the body as striking the body but yeah touch different parts not through words all different forms of energy healing different forms of healing that deal with the nervous system or deal with subconscious memory things uh EMDR or sematic or ner all these types of forms there's many I'm just I'm not mentioning I'm not an expert in them but some of you are very well familiar and we have even some people trained in various therapies there's also different different types of uh forms of healing medicines therapies and they're designated on one thing they're designated towards one goal towards touching a much deeper layer of self that is hidden beneath the surface and where words really really fall short where did all this begin it began with M The Rock The Rock I am a rock everyone is a rock not everyone some people are but there's a rock there's a rock in a person there's also water inside the rock if you take the word sah take the word sah look at this sah is three letters if you spell out the word s is Right spell out write write out or pronounce it right what's the middle letter of me go to the l l l l what's the middle letter me now let's go to that's the third one how do you spell what's the middle letter Y very good so we see we have a me and a me and a yud that's May so what does that mean that means sell is a rock but if you go inside the rock if you go inside if you go to the core if you go to the inner letter you're going to find May you're going to find me and Y and me that's what s for that you have to have the right iron you have to be able to have the right eye the right perspective the right glasses the right prism the right vantage point the right microscope or telescope but I have to be able to have that ey in because at the surface it's just hard there's no water here this is dry this is tough this is Harsh this is cold it's a rock a rock fails no pain and an island never cries or so it seems or so it seems because if you dig a Little Deeper the cell has a lot of mayam in it it has a lot a lot of tears and it has a lot of blood so there's the water I can extract from words there's water where Where words fail I can't get it through words andu wants to give his people that water he wants to give the water that words cannot access in other words a whole deeper layer of self which is much deeper than verbal communication much deeper than articulation because remember words are amazing but they're finite that's what a sentence is and that's why when you're very very emotional and I say what are you feeling I don't know why can't you tell me what you're feeling it's not because you don't want to I'm not talking about if you don't feel comfortable with the person you may feel very comfortable you trust the person but you can't even tell yourself what you're feeling and this is what creates sometimes a lot of complexity because remember any emotion that we never had words for growing up what do we have to do with this emotion huh so you name it and what if you can't name it so either you're very very embarrassed by it extremely embarrassed by it or you give it the wrong name or you give it the wrong name or you work very hard to make believe it doesn't exist and all of these have serious consequences as we get triggered with these same emotions growing up because I don't have a name for it whatever I don't have a name for is very scary especially as a child you know if I could have a name for it it could be predictable but some things we can't name and there was no nobody there to give it a name so if somebody experienced something very emotionally devastating and there was somebody to give it a name there's almost like a certain definition that I can deal with have a relationship with if there was no name given for it and I don't even I'm not even in at an age where I can give it a name so what happens to it it remains nameless but you know what it means it remains nameless it remains present all the time in every part of my being it doesn't have context that's why real trauma doesn't have a time and doesn't have a place it exists in all times it exists in all places because it doesn't have a time and a place it never had a name to access that is very very deep and to access that requires tremendous amounts of empathy and very very deep awareness of the whole reality of the self that pre exist names you understand what I'm talking about cuz I'm talking about things I shouldn't be talking about you realize right that's the problem of every class huh you don't have a diagnosis so yes you want to contain right right a diagnosis contains yeah words are yeah yeah so words are very precious they're containers now sometimes they do an amazing job that they they always put it into a context they always limit it it'll become it'll become clear in a few moments what does Hashem tell M you want to strike the rock strike you're not going into why because I want to give them their deepest Waters so that's another explanation I said in the beginning that different years we do different interpretations today we're doing another one they're all connected but but this is another angle it's not a punishment it's actually a direct consequence result a result yeah a result and as we will see mha till his last breath was trying to fight this result in a very good way but what's the connection what's the connection of hitting Iraq oh you're not going into what does this really mean what does all of this mean I'm struggling with words here you you'll understand in a moment why one of the most uh one of the most I would say painful maybe tragic truths about life and I'm calling it painful and tragic even though it's a truth about life is that it's the confrontation of people with darkness that allows them to discover their deepest Waters their deepest wisdom you know once in a while you meet a person and the person has a special Halo is that the word a light around a a light around them an aura a Halo you speak to them or you listen to them and you right away sense that there's a special light here there's a gem here there's just you feel a certain let's a sincerity uh no pettiness uh no ego no insecurities no covering up something very very real very very authentic there's like a certain maturity a depth somebody once said you know life is like a tale of two mountains we climb up the first mountain in life the first mountain is very much about success whatever success means in that culture different cultures have different definitions of success but I climb that mountain and I work hard and I get to the top of the mountain maybe I get to the top maybe I get close to the top maybe I'm trying to get to the top and that's a mountain where the word is Success the word is I want to fit in I want to make it it I want to be a success story again whatever success means in that particular World it could be it could be good good forms of success at some point in life many people fall off that mountain into a cliff either it happens simply because of experience sometimes it happens because of children make us smarter sometimes it happens from a difficult difficult challenges mental psychological emotional spiritual family marital can happen through loss illness or the various challenges and I fall off into a cliff and then I start climbing a second Mountain the second Mountain looks very different than the first Mountain the second mountain is never about social Conformity it's never about fitting in it's never about what this one is going to say what that one is going to say what this Yen's opinion is what that y's opinion is it's never anym about impressing this one or fitting into a mold or being y or being afraid it's like a person almost finds an inner calling directly from Hashem and you just know you don't have time for anything else I don't live anymore in a world of competitiveness and frustration and resentment and falsehood and c and pettiness and facades it's a very very deep place of authenticity there are noble Souls who climb that second Mountain just instinctively but generally there's a huge ug amount of people who only start climbing the second Mountain once they have fallen off the first Mountain um somebody once asked me it was a sad question to hear this person is in recovery for many years and they go to 12-step programs every day every day they have to if not they surrender to disease and this person asked me he said why is it that when I come to schul I don't feel that spirituality that I feel at these meetings and I said to him I'll be honest with you I'll tell you why I said God is present everywhere but there's only one condition there's no ego if there's an ego God's light is eclipsed the gor says in s says I could live everywhere besides under the same roof like with an arrogant person I can't live there sorry and there's a reason for it because by definition Hashem means Oneness organic Oneness arrogance is Detachment from Oneness so I said in the 12-step meeting every person who's there their lives have been shattered their egos have crumbled they have all been brought to their knees they have all done things that destroyed themselves or their loved ones and they're trying to repair when you walk into that room there's no ego there's vulnerability there is rawness because of the pain that they went through I said unfortunately laav you walk into sh you can't say that always there's sometimes a lot of ego people protecting themselves people wanting to fit in people looking a certain way acting a certain way smiling a certain way and wherever there's protective gears there's no honesty there's no authenticity you're not going to feel the divine presence it's just the way it is what does it take for people's egos to be shattered it's usually pain it's usually pain I was last shabas at keser Nafi shabbaton in the Raleigh Hotel in the Catskills so you had there around 1500 people like six or 700 parents sets of parents and the common denominator of them were that their children are struggling seriously emotionally psychologically religiously spiritually socially from one extreme to another extreme and that's what brought all their these parents together so there was a parent that was there for the first time this was the 10th convention I think I was already I spoke at the first one so I had the to be there and there was a parent who was there for the first time and it's not easy for parents to be there the first time because they basically like are admitting to the fact that our family is not the perfect family and that's very hard in the Orthodox religious very from Community it's very hard because our family is the perfect family you don't know that where did you learn where did you learn your family was never perfect your family remain perfect yeah so it's very hard for for for the person to come oh and and we right away what is he going to say what is she going to say who are they going to go back to after shabas and say I'm the principal of of the biggest school in Mon and what are they going to say that I fail you know all these that are all normal and human but cause us to live in a very very uh fake World in a shell not in a real world so there was a person there who was there for the first time and uh they just their expression was so powerful they said after shab I never saw so many people so honest in a room it was beautiful but it was also painful why is everybody so honest and the answer is because they got nothing to hide I'm I got nothing to hide and if I you know there there were two Jews who were in a hospital there were two people in a hospital on they both had gout you know what gout is it's horrible and uh the doctor came in and there was a gentile and a Jew he goes to the Gentile he says show me the foot that has gou he shows the foot doctor starts looking and poking and you know the pain he starts screaming the poor GLE starts hollering from pain for half an hour poking he's hollering he finishes with him he goes to the Jew he says no show me the foot the Jew stretches out his foot he starts poking and looking and digging and the Jew is quiet not a word after half an hour the doctor leaves the gentle looks to the Jew and he says I never saw a man with so much self-control in my life how did you stay quiet for half an hour he says I showed him my healthy foot you think I'm stupid my crank I showed him my healthy foot yeah I cup right now we all laugh but isn't that the story of life life I don't want it to hurt so I show my healthy foot the only problem is the infection is in the other foot so the moment a person can Embrace that vulnerability that rawness everything changes but it's often pain that causes me to realize I can't cope with fakeness anymore I can't cope with coverups I just can't cope as long as I could hope I could be superficial some people life has thrown such curve balls at them they can't be superficial they can't afford to protect themselves in the Shell of an ego of a facade it it's just not working for me all the walls have come down with vengeance and in our generation we see it happening a lot especially through the youth they're challenging their parents and grandparents and systems in such profound ways that the regular methods of just do what I did just like I did what my mother my father told me to do is just it's not effective in so many ways and people are challenged to go to a much much deeper place and so many traumas are coming out which are preverbal and therefore they have to challenge me to go to My preverbal Places and ask myself why am I reacting in this way and where is this hate coming from from and where's this anger coming from and this disappointment and this rejection it's a whole different level of self-awareness that is required when you're dealing with realities that don't work if my car functions I don't have to pick up the hood if my car breaks down I have to pick up the hood and see what's happening inside the car my computer is functioning I never have to open it but if my computer crashes and there's a virus all over the place you have to open up the computer and take it apart and find the blood and the water that's deep deep inside in my Journeys and I've have I I have and I had the privilege of meeting many many many people both in person and through correspondence and it's even hard for me to say it in words I'm strugg you see I'm struggling for words with this class and us usually I don't struggle for words so badly uh it's always a inspiring to me to speak to people who have been through the ringer and have been through challenges that nobody can even imagine sometimes that people can be through these challenges or people should experience these types of struggles or perpetrators should do these types of things to people and in the depth of their pain and sometimes their Horrors there is such a light there is such a sweetness there's such a purity and authenticity that comes through because there's no vanity there's no futility there's not an ioda there's not a SC there's not an ioda of arrogance of hoiness of pettiness of smallness of cheap talk or cheap shots everything is at stake they their their souls are on their sleeve and it only came from profound profound challenge it's because nothing worked for them and therefore the protective gear and the bulletproof vest that I may wear with a nice tie and a nice suit and come to SCH and I look like a mench right and they're like they're like beyond that and because all the walls were shattered they had to go to a much much deeper place so here is what happens Misha strikes The Rock he doesn't speak to the Rock he wants to get and wants to give people their deepest deepest deepest Waters Hashem says but mha that means you don't go into what's the connection if mha would take in the Jewish people to is as darel often says there would be no struggle there would be no Darkness there would be no imperfection the Synergy that's a good word the Synergy of the synthesis of these two lights would create the Perfection of a Messianic era that would descend immediately and the arch of History would be complete what's the problem with that seems good to me there's no problem with that but here is the tragedy I'm talking about about life and that is the path to discover people's deepest light comes through Darkness it comes through failure it comes through the lack of clarity it comes through confusion the path to my inner light always leads through my skeletons my darkness my ghosts why is that great question I don't know if that I have an answer but I do know something fascinating that the says in the introduction if you look in your Source sheets on the bottom and it's quoted in Tanya chapter wanted to ascend to the Heavenly Shrine of and he heard a voice Whoever has not converted the darkness of the world and of their soul into light and transform bitterness into sweetness cannot enter into this chamber what does that mean what does that mean it means that there's a certain depth of awareness and a depth of light I will only encounter if I could confront my blockages and my darkness and my bitterness and transform it if comes into as you see in the previous Source it says they said about the face of M is as bright as the face of the Sun the face of yua is the fa is like the face of the Moon if mosha goes into is the Sun goes into is if yua takes them in is the moon goes into Isel what's the difference of the Sun and the Moon you got it this is the difference the light of the sun eradicates Darkness [Laughter] today but it still eradicates Darkness the light of the Moon does not eradicate Darkness the light of the sun is steady unwavering it confidence where it shines there's light and you see where to go and you don't trip and there's no debate this is right this is left this is a ditch it's clear it's articulated they say that in they once had a debate what is more important the sun of the Moon they debated for seven days and then they decided the Moon is much more important than the sun because the sun shines during daytime when you don't need it the moon shines when you need it because it's dark outside the Moon is shaky the moon waxes the Moon wains the Moon is doesn't have the stability the moon flashes in and out and then the moon disappears for a couple of days and it's invisible it's in a depression there's a reason we call lunatics lunatics based on the lunar cycle there's a lack of of stability and and consistency there are solar systems and there are lunar systems and it's great when they marry each other and that's when you have to have a leap year and iar so in the beginning of the month it's invisible in middle of the month it's like wow gak at the end of the month it's like again waning and about to disappear and it never removes the darkness it shines inside the darkness there's something very beautiful poetic about Moonlight sitting at a bonfire and singing camp songs to the light of the Moon and that's why when yes takes the Jewish people Yeshua was a student of mha but he was not mha so when Yeshua takes in the people to is it's a different experience the bikes is built and destroyed a second bikes is built and destroyed again withu it says theal says and it says in many the couldn't have been kban there wouldn't have been destruction but if I don't destroy my own soul if I don't experience my failure can I experience the light that comes from the deepest place of the Soul so he tells hasem tells M you struck the rock I get it of course you can't go into now this is the idea of the Z striking the rock created exertion and learning what does it mean exertion I look at information and I don't know what it says so I have to go deeper and deeper and deeper and what happens I get to a much deeper place you know it says M struck the rack twice so it says in there's two garas the difference is the gamar says about your B the Babylonian says I've been placed in darkness says the the Babylonian tal is called darkness that the gar is much more direct and succinct than it comes to conclusions fast the Babylonian gamar and that's what your boys are doing for like the last 12 years every page is another page saturated with debates and questions and reputations there's an idea and then IDE is challenged and then there's an answer and the answer is challenged and sometimes you can have 10 20 30 times and it's challenged more and more and more and more could you give me the water there's no water you got to strike and work and work and work and work but at the end it's a different level of water it's like the water that comes from under the Earth the wells Springs are much more fresh than the water you're going to find in a lake or a pond or a river or a canal or an ocean even rain water rain water comes from the clouds from Heaven it never has the freshness and the clarity like the may may of the par the living Wells Springs that come under the Earth why the answer is because the water that comes from under the ground struggles its way through the G AR it's called the veins of the earth and it receives all the nutrients of the rocks and the gravel and the soil and the Earth and it struggles its way and that's why there's nothing as fresh as spring water to quench a thirsty soul but that's the water that struggled and it was buried and deep and you had to dig and dig and dig and you have to literally strike you can't just talk to it and get the water it's a different level of water there's so much more nutrients because it had to work through its way that which I have to struggle for I own and that which I struggle to find the light that I had to work for cuz I had to work through Darkness it gets all the nutrients of the darkness that's what rash is saying you see every every experience that a person has every blockage a person has is hiding a very very deep light and sometimes the deeper the pain it's only because the deeper the light inside of it that's what caused so much pain and this is a very very fascinating and also difficult Paradox speak about that child when that child closed up when that child disassociated when that child disconnected when that child went offline because of what happened to that child one time or many times what were they trying to protect they were trying to protect their light but their light now is covered over by layers and layers of disassociation and disconnect so how am I going to access their light only if I work through those layers for this I have to strike the rock because that's where all the Li is the light is deposited beneath layers and layers of darkness when I'm confronting my darkness it's a direct path to my light and that's why when a person has pain and when a person is experiencing confusion andus what does makus mean I have no Clarity I don't know I don't know this rock is so confusing I don't know it's like a maze life becomes a maze I don't know where I'm going I don't know if I'm coming I don't know what to think I have no words from speaking to the rock that would have never happened it would have been a different dimension of water this Rock This Rock to find the water is a maze and it's hidden behind layers and layers and that's why there's so much splintering and yet MOA was giving this to the Jewish people because he wanted he wanted people not to live on the surface basically he wanted us to climb the second mosa wanted to give people the second Mountain not the first Mountain mosha wanted to give people their deepest deepest deepest truth that is hidden that is hidden behind layers and layers he wasn't thinking about that when he so that's what we explained because you have to feel this experientially it's not so much about words if M comes into there's no [Music] Darkness so it's a direct result it's the it's the darkness the failure the struggle that allows me to go to a much deeper place inside of me and find that water it's precisely that we sometimes look at our lives with a lot of regret if I only would have known this and I only would have known this if I would have had this and I would have had that things would have been so much better the water would be so much clear my family would be in a different place I would be in a different place this one would be in a different place that would be in a different place and there there may be a lot of Truth to that and we sometimes live been a lot of remorse and a lot of regret if only if only but there's a much deeper perspective and that is it's precisely this journey with my mistakes with my errors with my stumbling blocks with my failures and with the pain that I dealt with which brought me to this place that doesn't make the journey easy but it allows me to get in contact with a different level of Truth with a different level of wisdom with a different level of self and therefore with a different level of God of godliness the second Mountain versus the first Mountain it's precisely my mistakes and my struggles the says with the b stands that sad could never stand why just because he's a good guy that's not fair but it's precisely that because it's my failures and my darkness that causes me and challenges me to dig and dig much deeper it causes me to shed layers that I would never have to shed and furthermore number two it causes me to find the secret inside the darkness what it's holding on to what it's protecting what water is stored deep deep deep inside that's protected by layers and layers of fear and trauma but there's an infinite light there and I'll tell you something else the greater the blockage usually the greater the light Churchill said during a time of war truth is so precious we protect it with Bodyguards of Lies the more bodyguards the more truth the more walls of protection it's because the child knew that this has to be protected under all costs so I'm seeing walls and walls and walls and walls and I'm dis I'm delegitimizing myself it's really only because the light the air is too precious and the three-year-old knew that the three-year-old was brilliant and therefore he or she created protections that are unbelievably powerful and if I have the courage to look there and it's not easy because the protectors will always say this is a death sentence if you walk into this place there are this is a mindfield you're going to die you're going to explode that's its only way to to to lie that's what a CIP is that's what a shell is but if I have the courage and that's the M gave the Jewish people at that that day to be able to find that water to be able to avoid the fear of striking those layers and protectors that block and extracting the pus chus the core of the core which only comes through tremendous exertion and unclarity and the time where I don't know I don't know and the reason I don't know is because there's no Clarity CU I'm reaching a place that is so deep that Clarity has no room there because it's beyond Clarity it's infinity and infinity I can never wrap my brain around I can't control it I can't say ah this is what it is it's opening myself up to mystery and that takes tremendous humility and tremendous vulnerability it's an internally experienced world but that also means mha doesn't come because when he comes into the face of the son everything is clear and this is the clarity that comes through unclarity it's the verdict that comes through debate it's the answers that come through questions Elie wizel once told a story that when he was young there was a fellow in his City who was a mish he was always searching for truth and any person who came to town any great money would always say why why why did God create the world why here and once he said this bit s came to town a Sig and this young man came to him and said tell me why was the World created why are we here what's the purpose of all of it and this Reb gave him a smack he said why are you giving me a smack he says why do you want to ruin such a good question with a superficial answer it's the answers that divide us it's the questions that unite us if you think about it what divides people answers what unites people questions so this is what the Z says the think about that the the question it's he didn't say a name he just told the story searching for the same and then you disagree with that there's a few answers to huh of bre writes we say in we say in the the we say where is the place of his glory and you know what he says a the question of where that's M that's the place of his glory the a itself because it's that a that allows me to transcend my ego my smugness my religious smugness my complacency it brings me into that mystery is extremely extremely ennobling because it allows me to touch truth to touch God yet in a much deeper deeper Way Beyond the constructs of my words and of my brain but now mosa confronts Hashem and he says I want to go and ter not because he didn't get it because M says I want to give them this water and I want to go into you told me I can't go into is and we explained why because if mha goes into Isel there's Clarity purpose is revealed Oneness is Manifest the sun is shining there's no failure there's no Darkness there's no struggle I don't destroy myself nobody can destroy me and to get this type of water this water always comes through failure it always comes through Darkness there's a certain confusion that I deal with that I have to confront mha says I want the cake and I want to eat the cake too you're God you created the system so why can't we have the deepest deepest deepest Waters without the deepest struggles I want to go into we'll have the face of the Sun and we'll still have the deepest water and you see mosha didn't stop praying for this till the end of his life it says he weaved 515 prayers to ask this question it wasn't just a question I want to go into is why because the FL and theam is the beautiful SES is beautiful says he wanted the fruits of it's nice to have the fruits of no question it's not even only mha wanted the Holiness of it was something much deeper than thatu as the faithful Shepherd of the Jewish people says I know I split the rock I know I fragmented The Rock I know that the T pre that was a unified ter a holistic ter everything was clear everything had its place and now it's a t where there is a lot of question and therefore confusion think about yourself what that means I could look at my life and there's a clear map this is where you go this is where you don't go it's clear everything is clear every child is born with a manual this is how you treat him this is how you treat her instead it's a ter where I ask questions and I find an answer and then I ask another question and every day the B said every question I have answer for but every answer I have another question for what does that mean it means what was today and answer becomes tomorrow a question the next day there's an answer for that but the next day that grows into another question because with more awarness and with more layers of the onion peeled the journey to Infinity comes through shedding layers and layers and more layers and more layers and more layers and finding that truth so M comes to hm and he says I understand when I encounter pain when I encounter trauma it's not easy but it's my path to my ultimate self I get it it's an alarm clock that allows me to wake up but mha as a faithful leader refuses to accept this at the end of his life he testifies how he never stopped pleading with to go into why M was confronting this very notion in life which notion this truth this this Maxim this axum this Paradigm to reach the deepest light you have to face the deepest adversity is this a true statement or is it a false statement it's sad but it's often a true true statement maybe not for everybody but at least for many people why could the people not experience the essence of wisdom the essence of inspiration the essence of tah the essence of life the essence of themselves and the essence of truth without pain why can people find their true meaning and calling climb their second mountain with light and Clarity why do I need to break down all my layers of ego to find the truth why can't I climb the second Mountain initially why can't I climb it with myself with my resources with my conscious brain why is it why is it that any person any person I would say there's a famous expression of the people are like olives and the Jewish people are like olives you want to get the oil you press the olive you want to look at the Olive great you don't get the [Music] oil you'll see the people that touch Humanity most the people that touch you most the people that you feel you could receive from most the people you trust most the people that come across with the deepest authenticity or truth are people that have been challenged very very profoundly and worked through a lot of lot of things and it's always commerate again there are Exceptions there are souls that are just born you know Noble and Angelic and they Inspire more from above but to inspire from within so you could look at a person's eyes and you could see how much pain they work through so says why does it have to be this way and what's the end of the story the end of the story is MOA never stops disagreeing with Hashem about this point sure logically I could give the explanation when I'm not broken my ego is deflated is is sorry inflated when the ego breaks it becomes deflated and I can go to a deeper place I get it I understand that in the darkness there's a very deep treasure hidden I get it but Hashem created logic Hashem created a system so he could create a system that I reach profound amidst Serenity truth amidst Tranquility the deepest self and the deepest Waters through easy and smooth words so mha doesn't stop fighting so to speak with Hashem and he says let me go into the land I want to go with my people let me illuminate their way let them uncover the deepest parts of the El without getting hurt let them see the face of the son in Isel till the end he quarrels with Hashem about this just like a did just like mosha did in the beginning of his journey in MIT just like e would do just like y would do just like yes would do just like d would do mosha wants to enter into the land of erel what's hashem's answer to m he doesn't give him an answer he just says stop talking to me about this here we come to the ultimate mystery of creation hukas the ultimate mystery of creation is the unknowable reality of reality the unknowable reality of God in other words the ultimate reason why Hashem made the world he way he made it just remains a hukah it remains something that the finite mind of the human even the greatest human grapples with and even the person who sees through so many other things ultimately if Hashem made the system he could have made a different system even logically he created logic logic itself is not logical logic itself is a creation you could have created a different form of logic time is created space is created logic is created strife gives birth to Insight and growth why so there's answers but why so you'll say because and then you'll say but why and you'll say why not and then you'll go to a deeper why and why and why we continue the battle we we Forge we Forge ahead into the darkness but until the moment of Redemptive until the moment of G M's question and prayer remains as powerful as hashem's response the deepest water they're going to get the deepest water they will have access to the deepest water that comes from mistakes the world is going to experience and that's why by definition this has to happen through mosa not through Hashem if Hashem tells mosa hit irq then it's fulfilling a commandment that's not failure this water always comes through the struggle through failure through Darkness it comes through mosa not through Hashem so to speak that's the ultimate truth God almost says there's something that you have to discover I can't give it to you this is something where you become a partner in creation it's almost like think about this as it says in one place the is a piece of Hashem so it's really one right and then Hashem takes a part of himself and he sends it down into the darkness and the gar says that it's a point where Hashem says my children have become Victorious over me my children have have won the war it's almost like hasem says I'm going to stay in the Holy spaces you are going to going to have the courage to go into a place of darkness and transform it into light and that's where the child give something to the father that the father himself didn't have the child himself or herself does something that the parent themselves didn't do it's like the soul has this courage to tell Hashem I'll be fine I'll be able to find the truth in the darkness in the summer we have a month of what does manim of mean usually the father Comfort but really means you comfort the father there's also a comfort that the child brings to the father that the child says I'll be fine I can do this I got it covered I got you back the soul is so infinite is so powerful that it brings and it reveals to Hashem something that is deeper than what was revealed before creation what was revealed before creation was light and then the Soul comes and reveals the deepest light that comes from the darkness this is only the soul that does this so the child will reveal something in the father that the father so to speak didn't experience in a revealed way in himself if we could speak that way my children were victorious like we give back a gift the gift of transformation this comes froma so when you ask why but why but why why why why why why there's there's there's a space of mystery there's a space of mystery somebody who says I'm going to figure it all out I'm going to get this whole picture straight I'm going to have it clear by definition you're not dealing with this level of real this level of reality throws people into a place of deep confusion and deep deep questions and at the end we say there's a mystery here and evenu himself till the last moment says but why let's do it differently and Hashem never gives him an explanation not because he's trying to keep mha in the dark because this is something beyond the realm of explanation this is something beyond the realm of logic this is something Beyond The Realm that my brain will be able to grasp it it says when mesiah comes and the ultimate light will be revealed in the most revealed way the infinite light will dwell in the finite containers of the world it's called there will be able to be the fusion of the two the deepest Waters and will come into only because of the over thousands of years of the world and of humanity and of the Jewish people so that the ultimate Fusion will be that's why thei says we're going to thank for everything there'll be a Clarity that M will say ah so now I'm coming into Isel that's why I didn't go into Isel but till that moment that struggle remains M wants to give the depth he gives the depth he wants to give the profoundest Waters of Truth the infinite Waters of Truth he also wants to come and Isel he wants to have both I want the full truth in the most revealed goodness the T keeps on saying that about mosha because that's what a Jewish leader does that's what a Jewish leader is looking for simultaneously M also understands or doesn't understand that there's a mystery here Beyond and that mystery is a mystery everybody grapples with on one hand you can sense everybody could sense that whenever I'm confronted with a trauma in a Darkness it's an invitation to deep healing what I can't understand ultimately is is this really how the system had to be does this really really make sense even if it makes sense sense itself was created and therefore sense itself could have been created also differently as we approach the moments of gula closer and closer though we see a pattern emerging and the pattern emerging is that we prepare for a time when we can reach the deepest awarenesses of life without pain true as long as Gus exists and we're still in a galus as we all know sadly this Paradox exists there is deep deep light and purpose and meaning I but the question of a is a very very profound one and the question of why is a very profound one to the point that at some point we just say I don't know I don't knowas it's a mystery I I don't know I don't know everybody knows in their own life or the family's lives of different situations you look and the worst and stupidest thing I can do is give explanations because of this because of that because of that we're tempted Jews like giving explanations but at some point it becomes so ridiculously absurd can I just remain present in the face of mystery and that's the first thing mha experiences with Hashem he sees a burning bush it's burning and burning and burning and it's not being consumed it's not being destroyed how much I want to understand I want to understand how it works somebody's on fire and they're not being destroyed and says take your feet off take your shoes off your feet this is Holy soil this is sacred soil this is something very Transcendent very deep at the end M will say I want to go into let's make it work in the most integrated way why do you need this par there's death and then we become contaminated and then there's cleansing this whole process is so painful and what's his answer there's an ultimate ultimate mystery here this Paradox lives in mystery and I could create room for that mystery how not trying to wrap my brain around it and contain it in finiteness I could remain open to the Infinity of mystery and I also want to remain open to the fact that we're coming to a time when we don't have to experience the shattering of the self in order to open ourselves up to infinite truth but rather the concept of gula the reality of Gul is that the whole light of redemption the infinite light of redemption can be integrated integrated within the self integrated within my identity within my wisdom within my heart within the physical and material world so if even the deepest Waters demand that M shouldn't come in Isel there comes a time where M does come in is that's in the ultimate the ultimate Fusion where the very self has been so elevated and transformed that the very self can become a container for that which is beyond the self the ultimate Fusion of Heaven and Earth and that's the experience of gula everybody have a wonderful week thank you and next week we're on Tuesday 9:30 a.m. thank you