Misplaced MODESTY | Letter #8 of 30 Letters in 30 Days

all right welcome to uh the first class of the second week of 30 letters and 30 days can you believe it we're on letter number eight we started last week on a Monday night now we've wrapped around all the way back to another Monday night and of course we're doing this to prepare for yiss for the's birthday and as mentioned before we're not just learning Tor we're also giving tadaka I'm using the pushka app of course you can give TOA any way you like but this is just fun you see little app looks like a I don't know if you can see it even looks like a kabad pushka [Music] and okay that's fun okay okay um let's learn tonight's letter this is a letter that has a lot of uh application to Parenting and education and just in general to life today Modern Life so without further Ado let's jump in uh and this letter is from the igis V volume six it's letter 1,793 oh um if you're watching on YouTube the PDF is clickable in a little Link in the description if you're watching on soulwords dorg then there's a PDF clickable on the bottom of the video player remember also if you're watching on YouTube to turn on to subscribe to my channel and to turn on notifications and that way whenever we go live you will just get a an alert and it'll be so easy and simple okay um by the grace of God the 27th day of manim of 5712 that's the summer of 1952 so we're talking about early in the Reb's years of leadership uh Brooklyn uh Shalom that means thatb is writing to a man from Context you'll see this is a father and uh we know from the letter at least about two of his kids the most most of the letters about his daughter and also mentioned something about his son okay but at first the letter talks about something completely different actually there was another part of the letter which was redacted that's why the letter starts with the dot dot dot with the ellipses because something presumably of a highly personal nature was redacted and then the part that it starts with is my father-in-law the's Diaries of his imprisonment have not been published yet but when they are B there without a vow they will be sent to you okay it was pleasing for me to read in your letter your your daughter may she be well B she has promised to conduct and to lead her house in the custom of Jewish homes okay it seems that the daughter was engaged to be married I mean that's what it seems to be and that the father perhaps wasn't sure if the daughter was going to make that level of commitment to run her home in a uh h way and the father asked maybe even the deba asked the father to ask because it just seems from Context that that the father's reporting back to the debba and the debba is thanking him for report for the report and then the debba is sort of asking for even more which you'll see as we read on okay so it was pleasing to me to read that you spoke with your daughter and she says she's going to conduct her home according to the way the Jewish homes are supposed to be condu conducted however it's known and the cites the The Source the in chapter one one OFA which is uh that when when it's possible to clarify something you don't just go with the presumption the original context of that is talking about about ritual Slaughter that although there's such a thing as a kazaka that it's presumed the person was uh competent that he knew what he was doing but that that's after the fact uh really from the outset one should ascertain whether or not this is a competent uh so similarly um theb is saying you need to make sure that she knows what she's talking about and thenba says it explicitly in in a couple more lines that basically it's nice that she wants to she has a willingness to run her home in a Jewish way but we don't exactly know if she knows what that entails especially something that affects all generations for uh for the rest of time time forever meaning you know the original context was you know so somebody and they don't know what they're doing and it's it's TR how long is that beho going to be around for how long how long are they going to eat from that but um you're talking about conducting a Jewish Home raising children bringing children into the world that's something where the effect is uh is intergenerational so we have to really make sure to clarify that she knows what she's talking about because of this meaning because of the gravity of this that this is something that affects many generations I'm permitting myself I'm taking the liberty of of of rousing you one more time so it does sound from context of was May once like in the previous letter and now that EBA is taking the Liberty to to do it again Shan at least regarding meaning there are other areas as well of a Jewish home but I'm going to focus on and perhaps it's because that's most closely associated with the idea of for all generations for the end of time um you know there are generally three categories of mitz was associated with The Jewish Home overseen by by the Jewish woman and this is the famous uh neonic or ravas that my ancestor the magala Muk taught the the the word KH or H which is Kal so kala is not just kala it's all all overseeing with kosher uh status of all the food in the home and uh then there's Nido which is tus or Mikvah bringing children into the world in with the benefit of of ritual Purity and then had Locus natus is talking about lighting chabas candles and yam candles okay but the saying I'm focusing on the on the mikah stuff all right um You have to know clearly like you have to really make sure if she knows what this int s today it's very very common in fact it's kind of sort of uh I would say organized that a young man or a young woman gets engaged and they have a husten teacher or a colge teacher and there's actually like certification for that nowadays and um pretty much any RV who's going to do CID kadushin is going to ask who did you learn with and it has to be a known person a certified person we're talking about this letters back in the 50s where they didn't have that kind of network established and that EB is asking the father can you please make sure that she knows what it means like she's she's agreeing yeah I'll conduct my home according to Jewish custom and Jewish law but does she know what that means as fire she may not she literally may not know what that really means [Music] and it seems like this letter was written to someone in America although theb is writing in Hebrew but um could be the father was a rabbi and he was comfortable with Hebrew for correspondence and the the daughter perhaps would find it easier to read English that's what it means Vasa Medina the language of the of the place especially because that says Young Israel Young Israel is referring to to America so the de says there are books in English that Young Israel put out like you should make sure that she reads them okay um let's continue here in the old days Al there were those who were embarrassed to talk about these matters meaning in the old Generations people were very refined and very uh modest and they were embarrassed they didn't want to talk about intimate matters but we've already experience we've seen through our experience that in the other side meaning the not holy side where they speak and print things that are foul language priz Blas and they receive uh awards for this prizes for this um like pitz are Prize or I guess right that's for uh literature or uh journalism something like that okay at any rate not a Nobel Prize that would be for like a scientific discovery but the point is people are writing books now where they use foul language and it's not considered like something that is scorned or seen as like a like rejected by Society no this this is held up as the as the Pinnacle of the art form and they're given prizes for writing this way that EV makes a joke here it's a joke means a humorous uh quip of a little pun prizes M pitos Pros means promiscuity or lack of modesty so in in the world in the big world out there the more Pras the more prizes they they're being awarded and lauded for their uh lack of modesty but when it comes to matters that are that our life and death is the way I translate it in English for the parents and their children had a now the other side comes along and the other side is sometimes called the cling the The Crafty one the cunning one the we're talking about and he says no no no no Jewish people are bonim Bon means bashful reserved modest I don't have to elaborate in other words the points out here the hypocrisy of the Yahara itself that when it comes to I guess literature and the the the things that are not really important in life to say the least we're so comfortable with speaking in unrefined ways but when it comes to something that's super important for all generations for all time all of a sudden we become very very puritanical and we're concerned how oh no you can't speak those words you can't say these things they're they're very private and that I was saying you know it's a it's a it's hypocrisy and it and it clearly the the hyp the hypocritical nature of it clearly exposes the fact that it's nothing more than the Yahara okay so don't get all FR on me all of a sudden that we have to be so careful we have to tiptoe around and we don't want to say anything that's off color like no no no this is where we have to speak really really clearly because this affects Generations so yeah I you don't use the fact that you're uncomfortable and you're you're a little uh you know shrinking violent you don't want to talk about these things it's not refine I mean obviously there's a setting there's a context these are not things you speak about publicly and there's there's a reason why we we learn these matters with just a couple of students at a time and the mishna speaks about this but the point is that you're going to have to speak about these things and you're going to have to in this case you're going have to make sure that your daughter knows the real technical details of T and and and you cannot invoke this bonim thing bonim again means um bashful it's one of the traits that the was going to speak about it uh the the the gor in yamus speaks about the three traits that are indicative of the Jewish Nation um don't invoke this uh bam thing as a as a way of being uh remiss in your duty okay okay so the indicates two garas that are pertinent one is the other is in yamus the three mid the three attributes which are the acronym gim is that the Jewish people are um associated with being charitable or philanthropic right look at the name on every Museum of every aquarium is always every hospital always a Jewish name um bonim the forementioned bashful or modest and R R means merciful which these are considered to be Hallmarks of the Jewish people [Music] it's interesting of the three categories two are different than the third the compassion and the um kindness those come from a aino those are a spiritual inheritance that's in the the DNA of all of the Ben aam all the descendants of aam Mas not so by the aforementioned modesty that came about much later much later that was uh Seven Generations after that was time of that was so the and the that was implanted from aam's time but the banam part came along in the the time of M specifically at the event of the Revelation at sin um now I particularly enjoyed this I I I enjoyed Tanya you can see behind me behind me is how do I point behind me is the Tanya map the Tanya map from kahos which was one of my very first it was my very first project that I did publicly and uh I still teach Tanya and I I we just taught of tanir today here in the five towns at leat hook Library Mondays 11 o'clock women's tanir we just learned chapter 15 today and I love Tanya anyways um so here's a little insight into Tanya at the end of pic ala of Tanya the very end sh when the alab is talking about the qualities the good qualities the mid that are in the neis because the neis of the year isasa that's a lot to unpack there if you don't know any but basically the the neutral quality it's not holy but it's not profane and therefore it has a mixture of good qualities in it so even the animal Soul which is not holy has within it good qualities and the AL says for instance and he doesn't mention the third one he implies he says such as right is that the language he says I should know P about P should everyone should know about that but uh let me just make sure here um yeah means like right so it says like these two but it doesn't say the third one it implies that there are others because it says like which is like saying for instance yeah um so why doesn't it say the uh B uh one all right he doesn't even say Etc meaning sometimes there's another item or items in a list that the AL doesn't enumerate but he at least nods to the fact that there are other items by saying Etc so but why doesn't he do that the reason who Canal as mentioned above you get it because the qualities that that are an inheritance from aino that's only two of the three the the and but the B part is is a totally different thing that comes from that was implanted from the time of Mata okay so you're saying very interesting but what's like the Practical takeaway this is a a teaching a moral teaching for all of us [Music] that any bonus that we have any Tim uh timid or bashful shy kind of quality which is a positive quality yes it's enum enumerated as one of the positive qualities but any of that must be used in accordance with that which we swore and we are standing under the the continuing force of that oath at Sinai where the B quality was [Music] given and in fact anothere says that really the Jewish people are I mean where stiff necked Nation so then that's the opposite Aus is the opposite of of bonus so the explains really by Nature the Jews have a certain but M to implanted within us a certain bonus however where is that bonness only when it's being used in alignment with TAA so in other words let me spell it out don't come along and say I can't talk about those issues in toyoto because they're of a very private intimate nature and I can't I'm a ban I I can't do it no no the only context for bonus is when it's being used in accordance with TOA so where toyra dictates Banus yeah but where Banus actually is undercutting your ability to learn and teach toyra and conduct yourself according to Toyo in a in a clear way then don't come to me with bonus it doesn't even apply here that's not what the bonus was given for it so you're coming from left field with Banas here all right it's a very very interesting insight and and I think like I said this has a lot of applications for for parents and for teachers and really for society in general it's like you know that EB was saying in the 50s how the the priess gets gets the the prizes so how much more so today where like all the filters are off and it's like you know how much are we exposed to even when we try to avoid being exposed to it and and and then all of a sudden when it comes to matters that are NGA benfish life and death and not just for one generation but for all generations all of a sudden we become puritanical all of a sudden oh I can't go there like this is Mis misplaced um prudishness at the expense of the spiritual well-being of families so the Deb is saying get over yourself basically and make sure that this young woman knows the real details what it really means to have a spiritually healthy intimate life as dictated by T like with all of the with all the details okay certainly you'll forgive me for all of the above meaning that Deb is acknowledging that this is pretty uh forthright on his part but you know I had to do what I had to do and I I hope you'll forgive me I know you'll forgive me my my intention is only good here my my the main thing is like the takeaway here the bottom line that should emerge from all this go figure this out go find out how to bin how to make sure that you know ahead of time what you need to know meaning you know whether your daughter knows what she needs to know and um as I say just say words that come from the from the heart unto the heart I'm not sure if the Deb is speaking about his own words leaving the heart that they should enter the letter reader heart or if the Deb is saying that if the letter reader meaning the father will speak to his daughter in a way where the words words leave the heart then certainly his daughter will receive them um in her heart [Music] um with h blessings for good health for you and your wife and all of your family shom also uh please send my regards to your son may he be well who visited me with you together I would be interested to know um I would like to know how he has grow grown closer to Hashem since we you know in the meantime since we have met um certainly he has grown CL closer as our sages say miles we only Ascend in man in matters of holiness apparently the son reported to the debba some type of spiritual growth so the debba is saying certainly the spiritual growth hasn't ended it's only continued and I'd like to hear reports about that uh all of us are drawing nearer meaning your son is drawing closer to hasem and all of us are drawing nearer to the Redemption through mhia which will bring about the end of our Exile with blessing and that's our letter for tonight so yeah very powerful uh a letter which was written what is that 70 years ago but it could have been written today and maybe is May is is more perent and applicable today than ever if you're a parent if you're an educator or even for yourself there is a there's a time and a place for being careful about our speech and being sensitive and that EBA himself was the greatest example of going out of his way to avoid even anything that was a hint of rough speech and yet when it comes to clarifying that somebody knows what they need to know you have to you have to say things as they are yeah okay thank you so much we'll see you again tomorrow night