Mindflex- Getting up After The Fall- Comfort Comfort My People- Rabbi Yitzchok Feldheim

uh comfort comfort my people after the tears and the flames of tish above sort of how to uh how to be comforted and go on with our lives the by the way it's also today is a holiday we didn't realize that i didn't realize it when i scheduled this but now this morning we didn't say it's the 15th day of it's the holiday of shidduchim of of marriages and hopefully in the end i'll be able to be enough on schedule i'll have a few minutes to to connect this to the theme of tuba of also and not just talk about the the three weeks preceding tisha b'av our time of mourning purani ice we call it tragedies and the seven weeks following tish above are called the shiva dinah the seven weeks of comfort so we really have to wrap our heads around what it is what it is exactly that comfort means just to begin with throughout the torah you'll find that the word actually means two different things on the one hand it means the comfort right the nikon available we have a mitzvah one of the mitzvos is is to comfort the mourners and the word comfort is not some people call you use the word consolation in translation but we want we understand what what what the inference is in in in comforting in what comfort should mean but what's surprising is the other use of the word comfort and throughout the torah you also find the word no hammer used as help helping someone travel to lead them in the desert hashem was he he led us in the desert the clouds will use to lead them on their journey when they leave egypt it says eric plishton hashem didn't lead them by way of the philistines um we have it in in mismala david um psalm 23 the capital uh the 23rd chapter of tillman it says over there you actually have all three uses of the word of the word naham sort of comfort the root of the word comfort the first time in the torah is about the flood it says that noah is going to be the one to comfort us from all this evil and the suffering of the flood and that's why his name was noah because noah is takan to place down to noah is named this one will comfort us now you know a little background of the different meanings of the in in mismo it says hashem right everyone knows that hashem the lord is my shepherd right now hashem will lead us by still waters resting waters the same word is to be to come but then it says lead me on the proper paths the paths of justice so there you have the word is leading me and then in the end it says and your staff they will both comfort me so throughout the torah we find um different meanings of the word here in this in this chapter you find them both right next to each other and also the torah you find the same thing king david wasn't the first one to juxtapose the two types of nakama leading and comforting you by by the previe the pr the the pasik i told you earlier that um that hashem didn't lead them by way of the philistines lest the nation become comforted calmed they lose their fervor so even over there twice in the torah actually in the same verse it uses two different meanings of the word the word comfort so i i'm just going to spend a moment on this i want to talk about something you know something that i think will be very useful but but it's important to have this introduction the it's a difficult question because they're really opposites right does it mean to put something at rest or to move them to lead something in the desert to help us travel to help me move to get them going on the road on the path while nakamura means to to be nakh is to rest right shabbos is a yom minooka a day of rest so does comfort mean to put at ease or to stir up that's a difficult question the answer i think is very cool and the answer is a total paradigm shift on the way we see life you see most people think that the goal of life is to be tranquil completion fulfillment is serenity tranquility in hebrew it shalom many words for stillness and calm by still waters hashem will lead me that is a beauty to manuh and and and calm and the problem is that when negative when sad things happen people die so then the pain it stirs up in me and it ruins my serenity and it it it makes me in turmoil so the goal is is to be managing someone is to put them back at ease to calm them from from from their pain so that's the normal way we conceive of it and then it makes no sense so why does the same word for calming mean to help me move but if you switch it around 180 degrees and you look at it from what i think the torah's unique perspective is it's the opposite the goal of life is not stillness um stillness is not completion or totality before we go through pain when we're young and we're still complete and whole everyone's on fire we're vibrant we're lit up children are right i always say this children are the first ones up in any house in the morning before we've been beaten before we've been hurt before we've experienced failures or shame or guilt everyone's on fire that's the natural state joy isn't then stillness joy is in in radiating and beaming in in in in in living large the problem is though that when negative stuff happens and we experience pain then we curl up into a little ball the pains the trauma of life debilitates us and causes us then to curl up into a fetal position and to recede from life the natural it's not that the natural state is to be still and pain slows me down it's the opposite the natural state is to be vibrant and it's pain that i'm sorry it's not that that pain stirs you up from your calmness it's that pain slows you down from your fire so then the hammer comfort is to get rid of that ball and chain that weighs you down we're weighed down by our pain naturally we're on fire and pain pain makes me receive and curl up into a bowl if that's the case then it makes total sense why these two words are the same to comfort somebody is to get rid of the weight the weightiness of their suffering and to allow them to to to allow them to make further progress and now allow them to live and to expand and to grow and to to bring back their fire so the word nakama doesn't mean to help saul someone get going again to move on in their journey through their deserts to move on in their lives from the thing that is slowing them down that's a 180 degrees from the way we understood the hammer and then it makes perfect sense why why the word means to comfort somebody at the same time to get them moving the fullest position to be in is expansive to be to be to be you know vibrant okay so in this context it'll it allows me to do what i want to do next what i want to do now is i want to explain to you what comfort is but in order to understand comfort we really have to first probe to understand what the pain is what is the suffering what is what is what is the destruction about that we're going to come you can't you can't really help someone get over something unless you really know what it is they're getting over so i want to give you use an idea i have that's a very very powerful vehicle to understanding what is the what what what it means destruction so the 40-second song right the one it's one of the most beautiful to him there's so many songs written on these words i'm sure everybody knows these words just like a deer is yearning by the afique mayan some water some we'll see so too does my soul yearn for you hashem someone actually like him my soul thirsts for you hashem must i of i when will you come and i will see the face of god this is this is what we sing this is the song this is the words of king david so i first have to tell you what most people they they have an assumption of what this song is saying it's like sort of you know that like uh like a deer is you know lapping up the waters by this pure watering hole so too do i bask in ugand but that's not what it means because we're not talking about any kind of watering hole or some spring of water or some some babbling brook that is a deer because it's the word afique doesn't mean a sea or a river afique we say it in sheer hamalas and before we before we say the grace after meals right by negev like afikim in the negative the negative is a desert so what there's no there's no pools or streams what is what must affect mean them if they're in the negative so at this point most people will assume that rafikim are um like an oasis and then it's a whole diff now it's a beautiful song also a different beauty not the beauty of of a a deer lapping up innocently lapping up orders but it's sort of like the relief of of finding oasis in the desert so too does my soul feel this sense of relief in discovering god the problem is that beautiful as that is and not as true as it might be they're all true but that's not what king david was saying because the next words that i read you it says when are you going to come and i'm going to see you which means that we're talking about something that's not here yet it's not that you found an oasis and i'm drinking i'm saying when are you going to come god like uh we're saying that like a deer is yearning for this affection so too dry urine for you hashem so the water the deer is yearning for isn't here yet masayava when is it going to come so let me tell you what i think them are if you ever go on a trip to israel if you travel in the desert you find these these wadis there are dried out riverbeds throughout the deserts in israel and you see them they're just dried out but there was a sign that there's water used to be some water here and what happens is a couple of times a year you know maybe once again maybe a couple only once every few years i don't know but there there's a big store there are big storms and there are flash floods then and because of the big storm and some far from edge of israel the waters then rushed through the desert so now picture the beauty of this imagery like like a deer longingly waiting yearning by the dried out riverbed there's no water here yet it's dried out but he's sitting there like everyone's looking at him what are you doing like there's nothing here and the deer is sitting there confident fully longing see most people can never do this most people when things aren't appear so you can't long for something that's not here it's too risky the pain the suffering of of you know frustrated dreams how does one dream for something that's far away that may never come it's it's very painful but that's the deer represents the trust in hashem the ability to let it all hang out to make himself so raw so vulnerable to long for by a dried out riverbed because he believes that it's going to come so in in torah in at least for sure in king david's writings and in the hillem the io represents he's the metaphor for the thing that is fully invested willing to dream and to yearn for something that's not here really the hallmark of the jewish people the people who live proclaim to the world the trust in hashem i even believe so far that this is what it means when we say we're the chosen people in we're the kingdom of priests in what sense is hashem created the god he created this garden he wants us to dance he wants the world to live in his garden he wants all the adams and eaves all of us to be to be living joyfully in hashem's garden instead what happens is we all make mistakes we eat from the trees of our lives and we feel ashamed and we go hide in the bushes and we're not in our gardens and and we let the failures and the pains of our life break us and give up on on the beauty of the world so the jew is like the deer we are the lesson to the world that no you can sit there and you can still long don't give up just just keep on dreaming and keep on waiting it's going to work come out of the bushes and this is the entire torah the dire torah is the story of hashem trying to coax adam and eve back into the garden from his bushes and mankind digs in deeper and deeper into the bushes but we know that the deer digs in deeper and deeper by his water his yet to arrive order so this is what the isle is and this is what i believe life is life is learning in in in torah if you had to define judaism in one sentence the relationship when you live with the knowledge of hashem you live with this ability to admit to your hunger admit to your dreams you don't have to protect yourself with with all those you know modern words whatever eye rolls laughing and scoffing at things no you don't have to be jaded it's going to come hashem i'm like i am waiting for you like the deer waits for the water so that's what living is that vibrancy so then we can start to understand what corbin is you know what destruction is in that sense this is what it means to be alive so what does it mean to be destroyed so listen to this terrible passage from lamentations that we just write this is what we need to be comforted from if you want to know what comfort is it's a tall order because here's the description the yachts describing the steady loss of all the beauty of of the jewish people and the destruction and finally it reaches the verse that says the yachts and finally all of its last splendor left the daughter of zion the daughter of zion lost her last vestige of her splendor hadara the idol it went and exited the last of the splendor of the jews exited what was that the yachts its leaders the princes of the jews the apple of our eye the best of what we have you saw ayola the princes of the jews were like a deer that did not find their sustenance waiting and waiting and it didn't come in and they went with no strength before the pursuer the isle hung its head and turned from its dug-in waiting place this is the jewish people stop yearning that's destruction if the hallmark of the jew is the yearning and the longing and the dreaming version when are we destroyed when do we lose all our splendor when the deer leaves it's what leaves that dried out riverbed when it's still dry and he turns on his heel with his head hung and he goes on then he has to say water dreams this is what it means to be broken it means to be broken is to lose all your dreams and the life that comes with it i'll give you a uh not that you need a a a different metaphor but it's a very to make it real very powerful the best way to picture this is imagine a child the boy who grows up and his parents separate they get divorced and the kid the boy is waiting his father told him i'm gonna come visit i'm coming to see you don't worry i'm moving out but you're gonna see me i'm gonna come and the boy sits by his window waiting for his father and the mother sees her boy yearning by the window and she says to him she knows the father and she goes your daddy's not coming like what are you doing don't you're just hurting yourself and the boy says stop mommy you know you don't you just don't like daddy you ate him my daddy told me he's coming i know he's coming stop don't say that and he sits and the mother can't even say anything because she has no he doesn't trust her on this so he sits in she has to watch him get hurt what hap what what's it like the day when the boy finally leaves the window he doesn't wait by the window anymore that's when the aisle stops yearning and that's the so how do you comfort how do you pick up the pieces from somebody who's been crushed how do you get someone to long and to yearn again this is a huge problem this is the secret of parshas of of these parachutes hi so how do you comfort how do you give someone back their spirit after they've been crushed like this how do you get the the deer to yearn again so before we answer how we get someone to urine again i i want to focus on for a second on a probably the most spoken about aspect of nakamura which is we sort of set it up so it'll be easy to explain it why does it say comfort comfort what is the double expression comfort comfort so in the context of those who have been following the torah readings and reading realizes this is part of a much larger question the theme that unites all the different mourning periods and all the different the three weeks of this and the seven weeks of is this duality oh virtually everything spoken about in these these portions is a double expression amy amy my eyes my eyes give forth water may i may i my ins my insides my guts are in pain but my insides my insides i cry i cry and the source of it all we we sin to be sinned throughout the entire story and even when it talks about comfort right it says hashem says it is i it is i your comforter there's a duality through all the pain and the up ups and the downs the sins that we did were double the tears were double the crying is double the turmoil is double the pain is double the sorrow is double and the recovery is double and the joy will be double so what's the duality so the duality is is that we sinned we sin there's a duality in the sin because it's not the sin itself that where it ends i rebelled against hashem i did something wrong adam and adam and eve ate from the tree they did but the story didn't end there because of their they felt shame and the shame causes them to go hide in the bushes and that's the second hat the whole purpose of the world was god created the world to give us joy he wanted his children to experience his benevolence that we should be sitting there rolling in the grass thinking and learning and loving and growing and giving and sharing it it's a world that's a gift and all hashem wanted was to give us joy and instead we end up hiding why do we hide because we sinned the big sin is the rest of our lives that is ruined from the first sin the first sin is pales in comparison to the greater sins that happen afterwards that's the way of life when we do things wrong we feel shame then we hide and then everything becomes sins the suffering is really from the sin that is the child of the first sin so in the unraveling of this we're going to have to have this duality and the unraveling we started off as dreamers and then we failed but the failure destroys your dreams because you don't believe they'll come true anymore you know i say this a lot children children are scared of the dark adults are more scared of the light and kids are of the dark we love the dark the dark's an excuse it's a hiding place it's excuse for my non-performance it's excuse for me to fail but in the light i'm scared what's going to be i have to answer to this i have to perform it's our dreams that that scare us more than our fears and uh this is a result of what we've done wrong that we lost the belief in ourselves and then we the way we have to live life what does it mean that we adam and eve hide in the bushes so everybody that's where we're different we're unique in our hiding there's a million different bushes everybody has a different way to hide but the common denominator of all hiding is is that i'm somewhere not because i want to be there because it is it's it's protecting me from facing the things that i long for that i think will never happen to me because of what i did wrong and that's the second sin so we have to unravel these two levels of sin the original failing and the guilt and shame that comes which causes the seconds and we have to unravel both with our so how do we do this so i'll give you one more thought that'll sort of i think it'll make it clear there's a possibility a verse in in that says those who used to honor her degraded her when they saw her that she was exposed and the erevo the nakedness of the of of what's it talking about it's talking about in the madrid says in the basal mignosh we know in the holy of holies where the cohen god was only no one was let it go they're only the high priest once a year there was an ark and the ark is with the toe where the tablets were on top of the ark coming out of the cover with these two cherubs proven two angels a young boy and a young girl and it says that when they were doing the will of hashem they would embrace their wings they had wings and they would hold each other when when the jews were doing the will of hashem but when they were not doing the will of hashem they were turned away from each other that's what the gemara says what happens is when titus the russia came in and to destroy the base of ignorance he ripped off the curtain that separated the holy holies and he saw the two cherubs on top of the ark in an embrace and they were holding each other and he took it and he paraded in the streets this is what the holy jews are they're just like us you know low lives look at this look at his exposure look what they're showing this into public intimacy this is this is what they worship two people hugging in an embrace and uh naked and this is that was the way they degraded the jewish people showing that you think they're so holy they're so special they're just like everybody but the side question on that is because that would be something to study or this is it gives us an insight really into what anti-semitism is the need to degrade the jewel but that's not for now but the question is an obvious question is if it says that when we were doing the will of hashem we were separate they would separate the two proven so then shouldn't this be the destruction of the temple is the the ultimate not doing the will of hashem how come they're hugging now it doesn't make any sense we said that when they're not doing they will wash them they separate you open the curtain and they're hugging this has got to be the lowest point the destruction of the jews doing what hashem wanted so the answer i think is very very deep the answer is is that there's two different kinds of hugs there's not a hug and separate there are three choices there's a hug separate and another hug the first hug is the hug of the people of children the people who are innocent and good and doing everything they should you feel like a hero and you want to give hugs you want to care you want to save you want to encourage you want to you want to put your arms around someone you want to pat them on the back you want to wipe away their tears you want to be the hero that's when you're doing well when you're dancing in your garden and then when things aren't going so well and you've failed and you've eaten from the trees and you've made your mistakes then we curl up into a little ball we separate i'm not a hero i'm not saving anybody nobody's interested in me nobody wants me and we pull away when you don't do the will of hashem you're separate but you know what happens eventually it gets so bad and so lonely and so terrible it grows and when you're hiding what happens when you hide and you're hiding you're alone and never you have no friends and no one cares eventually the pain gets so great that you beg for a hug not the hug of a hero i want to hold you it's hug me hold me look i need it please hold me that's the second hug there are two different hugs there's the hug of the hero vibrant enthusiastic let me hold you and then there's the dog will hold me and that's what happens by the herb yes when you do wrong you separate but when you separate so far and you get so dark and so scary then then save me there's two people who hold each other the happy innocent people and the broken lost people unfortunately most people in the world spend their entire lives in the middle we don't feel we're not innocent and good and pure enough to feel our place is to go be a hero and save people and give hugs but we're not broken enough and sad enough to beg someone to hold me we live our lives 80 90 years in between those two those two hugs gritting our teeth with a stiff upper lip stoic coping with our pain never never getting good enough to hog or bad enough to be hung that's where we live that pain of loneliness these are the two different uh the two different hugs so this is why we say i just this is why we say you know me i'm sure you've all heard the phrase that misha when the month of other comes we increase joy and when the month of comes the month of tisha b'av the month of ab we minimize joy and this is the secret of it the whole purpose of the torah is for you to dream and to live your life to go hug and instead we're sitting there curled up into a ball so there's two cures one is build the guy up make him a little more confident make him a little happier like quite this other the month of other you drink a little bit what happens when you drink you go you put your arms on everyone's running around purim hugging one way to get people to hug is to increase their joy another way to get people to hug is to is to push sometimes you sow in the dark that you push them further into the dark and make him sadder and in the sadness he'll say hug me these are the two ways to get people to hug because the only place you don't want to be is to be in the middle the person who's hugging so month of other week we make joy we make everyone happy we're singing and dancing and everybody hopefully people will hug people will reach out to each other but if that doesn't work a few months later we can hide this other show we increase your sadness we read lamentations and and kinnos and why because we want to cause you pain no nobody wants anyone to suffer but if we can get you to feel the pain then you'll cry out hold me if we can push you to the bottom you'll scream for help and you know what happens when you scream for help what was my question is how do i get you out of the brokenness you know what the answer is we push you deeper in and when the pain and when you scream hold me when the tears come that's the comma do you know what the first time somebody feels good is when they have their good cry when they let the tears come all the pain in the world is in the middle when you're gritting your teeth when you allow the pain to go with distance and you allow the person to feel it that's already the first what does it mean is we need you to feel feeling is living crying is as much alive as the giggling of a child both people are living in reality you can live in reality bouncing and giggling or sorrowfully crying with that deepest from the depth of your being the the whale and they they both feel real and there's a joy in being real and the pain the bach the faith the sin you sin leads to tears and tears and that is the as soon as you cry is the tish above did its job and it pushed you the enemy is not pain the enemy is the the grinning of the teeth that the enemy is that when you you can find the place where you you when you the bushes you found the place to hide where you were avoiding your pain and you could you can you can live there sometimes 80 90 years and have nothing the comfort is the comfort of tisha mothers is to get you to cry because tears are comforting and then when you when you cry and you feel the tears you know what happened then you lived again and you're right back at your watering hole you're right back at the window you're right back at your dreams we didn't get you there by hugging you and building by building you up into a hugger we we you got there from the sorrow of needing the hug but if you got there you got there go play it out in your mind if you if you're living in the pain and you figured out how to roll your eyes at the world and how to sneer at everyone and you're jaded and sarcastic and skeptical and biting and you know how to reign on everybody's parade and you know how to laugh and scoff at every chupa and every baby and you learn how to make fun of the world oh what a wonderful place to live that's the bushes it's a lot of different bushes nobody lives in one any but together we all have all those bushes i just listed and you live in those bushes and you want because you're broken and you're a corbin the building of your personal temple is in shambles your temple is your longings and your dreamings the offerings that you were going to offer to god and the place the idea that you walked in sensitively in your temple and now your temples and shambles because you're hiding in the bushes of sarcasm and sneering you've met you've perfected the hyrule you know like uh you learned how to say whatever whatever nothing everything's everything's foolish the cure is to let the tears come and those tears comfort you because the second you cry there's a joy in tears if you haven't felt you don't know what i'm talking about but if you resort this year to get there or any time in your life to get them you know exactly the joy of tisha this is what it means and we say call on this abba yerushalayim anyone who who mourns over jerusalem he merits to to see in this literally then if you will mourn then you will have the joy it's not a reward you're going to get points and god's going to cash into you did a good deal is going to pay you back if you let yourself feel then you're a feeler the secret to feeling joy is to feel pain is the comfort is is when you feel the pain of the hormone you feel hope again and when you feel hope again then you can join enter your life and have the real muhammad all the happiness of your life you can go to all the symbols again and all the kuppas and you can just like you were you were for you you broke so you were you became invested in the pain but so too you you but now that you're a feeler again now you're back to longing so now you can go to a wedding now you can go on another date now you can open that business now you can re you can do all the things you dreamt of the first nakamu was forced on you or hopefully you were encouraged into it or whatever you you did it on your terms but you got to the place of tears and then you'll feel this rush this feeling of living again you feel like water in a parched desert you'll feel like your skin coming to life you're living and as soon as you feel like that the next thought the first thoughts your pain and how sad you are but the next thought will be old will be longing and dreams your dreams will come rushing into the door like like you just like they've been knocking on it forever they were on the outside of the door without any key dreaming of coming in but the ability to cry those tears you know you threw the door open and everything comes rushing in the first hat is a small head and the second head is that you hide forever and in the hammer the first you unravel it and the second comes all the dreams come back because you've let yourself feel again and that's how you rebuild your own temple let me end with a short thought on on okay to talk about too bad for a few moments the 15th day of off in order to understand the 15th day you see the 15th day of a month is a very important day because in a month that's 29.5 days the 15th day is um every month is a trait and the trade builds with the moon the new moon is a sliver then it grows and the 15th day of the month the moon is full so the 15th day of any month is the peak of the month and then the beginning well the 14 in it's 29 and a half days the cycle of of the of the earth the moon around the earth so of the all right so so the the 15th day is the peak when starting begins to wane the moon grows and grows and grows comes full and then it begins to shrink and then the next month the first day it's the new moon pops up and then it starts to grow again so the 15th day of the month is the strongest day of that tree so we have to know the trait of every month to understand the significance of the 15th day the problem is months are very difficult because normally if i want to understand things in the world what they're about we look back at the story of creation and we look at the roots of that aspect of my life where did it come from and then you get insights of how it started everything can only be understood by knowing what its purpose was where it came from where it began to define things without knowing and source is always difficult you need to plot all the points on the journey so the normally the way we do it in jewish thought is we have something called the ten utterances god created the world with ten lead derbies right let there be light let there be a firmament let there be fish let there be flowers some says let there be there are seven days but the ten [Music] asara mammarus ten statements and so we understand that everything in the world has its roots in one of those ten and that's why there are ten commandments the ten commandments are the perfect way to live understanding the ten aspects of life and the ten plagues are what happens when you don't live properly it's a very neat picture the ten utterances are the potential of the world ten categories perfected there the torah commandments destroyed they're the place the problem with this is it becomes difficult to understand the things in the not everything is neatly in with tens you know we i just gave you the knee tense but what do you do with the things in creation that are built on 12s there are 12 tribes there are 12 months so how did those 12 tribes how did those fit neatly into the 10 utterances so i don't have time to do a whole share on this now but let me let me just say this that there really are 12 utterances if you look at the story the 10 are obvious but hashem says let there be and every time he says let there be he says hashem saw the light and hashem that it was good he saw this and it was good this and it was good right that's the that's the formula god says let there be x x came to be god saw the x and he said and and god saw that it was good so what's the 11th order figure it out yourself the tenth utterance is let there be man so what did hashem say after let there be man what's the next thing hashem says the 11th utterance that god said in creation because he really said 12 things what's the 10 what's the 11th utterance i'll give you a hint it's cool when you get it yourself right the levin utterance is is not that god god didn't say it was good on this one doesn't say it was good okay the eleventh utterance is low told you it is not good for man to be alone ten times god creates things that is good then he creates man and he says it's not good for man to be alone that's the 11th utterance and that if he right we start counting from nissan only because that was the first mitzvah the jews gave got when they left egypt but before they left egypt in creation the first month is tishrei so if tishrei is the first month what's the 11th month the month of of the month of of is not good for man to be alone that's the root of the month of so if you want to understand the nature of the month above you have to understand this idea that is of is the month of it's not good for man to be alone that's a it's a month built for tragedy it's the month of it's not good all of our tragedies take place in love but we not only do we know that this is the month that's not good we know why because man is alone and hatred and division the torah is in the smallest most economical use of words is telling us all of history all of the pains of khodasha of the temples holocaust inquisition it's all because of one thing it is not good for man to be alone so what's the 11th on 12th utterance the 11th utterances the root of the month of others it's not good for man to be alone so what's the 12th veterans what does god say in the torah the next thing he says i will make a helpmate opposite him and that's the root of the 12th month the 11th or the 11th month is the month of is it's not good for men to be alone and the 12th month is the month of of of ello and ello is is is the month of i will make a help made opposite him it's the cure for being alone and that's why the month of elle is an acronym for anila dodea i am to my beloved my beloved is to me the whole idea of elo is the cure for being alone the cure for being alone this is all understood it becomes very obvious what what is going on on the 15th day of khadijah of khadijav is the month of loneliness of separation where it's not good in the pain of loneliness and the month of elul is the togetherness of two people who found each other anil dodie dodi lee so where does that happen so the loneliest day of the entire year the darkness of loneliness is the 15th day of the month above where it reaches its peak and the second it reaches its peak is when the loneliness is the greatest and if that loneliness can translate this to that groan that primal groan that somehow unwillingly even escapes from the deepest parts of you and it breaks that stoic that gritty jaw that that that those firm tight lips if someone had something sneaks out of it this groan then you're still tall it's all it's all good it broke through you got real you weren't able to hide you weren't able to suppress your dreams they popped out the darkest day the loneliest day of the year the 15th day of the month of it's not going to be alone the 15th the full moon of that day and that moment is the moment that gives birth to yeshua is born from the pain of the 15th day of that's our whole speech the comfort of the pain of all pain but specifically the comfort of the pain of loneliness only comes when when the loneliness gets to you and you say hold me if you can get to the point you say hold me then you can go back to your your your your dried out riverbeds and you can go on the dates and throw yourself you don't have to protect yourself you don't have to roll your eyes and say who wants to get married i don't care and laugh at all this and the secret is is to throw yourself back into it no to throw yourself look into it you have to feel the pain and that's why the 15th day of love is the day of the goal of it's the holiday because the pain the pain got you to the point where it's where it forces you to let go of your masks and your hiding place listen we all get good at that cynicism and that because that protects us it's our mask but you know hashem has a lot of gifts but the most valuable gift and the hardest gift is the gift of pain because how else does he get you to face your dreams if he doesn't if he doesn't get you to face feelings first you can't dream if you're not feeling and you can't feel if your whole life is is protecting yourself so you understand that the hashem and hashem's mercy requires him to chisel at the walls that we created around ourselves imagine how angry we get when hashem starts chiseling away at those walls that we've protected ourselves with but that's hashem's mercy i'll eat sin that hashem tore down our temple it was all worth it if one jew will moan because the two moans then he'll he's faced his feelings and he's faced his feelings he'll face his dreams he's living again and the natural dance in hashem's garden but when our walls become masks and hiding places our bushes are our walls oh he may we all be zoe listen the pain the pain of all the singles is is i don't know who has the right to talk about anybody's pain but you have to after you have to feel it you have to allow it to get into your deepest places and if you're not screaming here if you're not tears aren't coming down then you didn't get there yet but as soon as the tears come you've experienced the first nakamu you're living again and you'll feel alive and then once you're alive you're going to go on a date and you're not going to protect yourself you're not going to say sarcastic lines you're not going to make fun of things you're going to go there wide-eyed you know you're going to giggle at the person's jokes you're going to be optimistic when someone's living and trusting hashem kindness surrounds them when you innocently giggle and you're longing and you don't then everyone's gonna love you everyone's gonna want to marry you but nobody wants to marry the dried out stoic stiff lip rigid jaw nobody wants that everybody has their own things to hide from they don't want to double their hiding places and to adopt your hidings also they want someone that gives them a second lease on life and the second lease of life today is to cry the tears of corbin and let those tears of hurban allow you to feel the hot tears running down your face those tears mean you're alive and when you're alive then all your dreams come in also once you've tore down your walls and everyone likes dreamers dreamers are exciting dreamers are mysterious dreamers are fun dreamers are optimistic and everyone needs optimism there's not a person who won't want to marry you hire you learn from you be with friend take you on a trip go by everyone whatever the role of light your role of life is you're selling they're going to buy you're you're you're buying they're going to want to give you the best product everybody wants to be around the person who's dreaming and our the trip to dealing to the trip to dreaming is uh is being real the shortcut to being real is to let the tears let the tears fall that we should feel our pain and uh and experience all the blessings and all the brachas that come with that may all of our dreams rush in and hashem fulfill every last one of them may hashem wipe away the tears and they those tears be the last tears that we ever have to shed they rule the rest of our face from now on be animated with wrinkles and wrinkles from smiling around their eyes and our mouths as far as we should you should look at us and you should see like wow like i must be smiling a lot it's my bra all right we should all have our redemptions oh