Q&A Panel @MDY w/Rabbis Schachter, Stefansky, Gold, Bensoussan, Gantz

how he handle stress yeah this question I understood well um first what would you say that listen to stress relief pill always say attitudes are caught not taught so welcome ladies and gentlemen this is a Q&A panel you're supposed to be officially on and ended up being and many different things now although we have our esteem panelists I was asked a question many times over shabas and that you're unaware of so I think although I wasn't going to start this way I think we're going to start the panel the way I usually start a panel and that is we're going to ask every R here to give a one minute background of who you are and how you got to where you are what you do today because we know I is a big fous speak what you do your give quick background if you want that's up to you hopefully people know a little bit about you and then official and then we'll get straight to it your further way let start with you what's your background story I sat here to like just be away you know starting with you look at that coming right back wow okay yeah ASA was worn first but Yakov went in first that that's the thing that's okay my name is Aran chushan I live in Los Angeles California um I have an organization called kazak kazak with a K uh that's the one you haven't heard of and it is um Outreach for Safar yeden which we teach every single age possible a lot of shum a lot of events of things like that I'm also a re in 12th grade in Ula High School um and I do some recordings online you know here here and there that's that's the basic thing about me very awesome R you know it's a complicated question for me I don't know if you know you opened the can of worms for me I have identity crisis a little bit so if you ask who I am um address depends which crowd I'm talking to um if talking to crowd my name is y I grew up in Williamsburg and they're not happy the way you look today though okay listen that's why I have to be careful but they see there's a mix so okay I'll have to tell you we're only going to broadcast you four bios we're only going to broadcast on MD's website the thousand of people but that's fine so uh my name is y gold um yeah I grew up inides I am uh some I made it my way to La um my my wife is from La I was a rabbi for many years I was a rabbi of a for quite a few years until a closed down it was Holocaust Survivors they all passed away um and um I started doing videos video production 10 years ago I write for the Army every week um and people say what do you do now every day like what do you do so it it just does take a long time to do a a video and the film so that's really what I do most of my day um because of relli I also give a DA which I'm very proud of um so uh relli is my inspiration and um yeah I'm a father and to be a good Jew I I wasn't going to speak but because of what he said y um I'll just tell you a quick story to add to what he said I was in schul in Chicago and um this guy says where are you he says he's P's son and he's here in Chicago because there was just an accident his father his mother were killed and his sister our sisters in Chicago having surgeries and this is years ago I said you're shimin think is a son so he says yeah he said oh you my he says no I wasn't I said yeah you are we learned this in so he says I don't recognize you I said wa you don't remember I did this I jumped over the Bea and this I hit this guy beat up that guy no it doesn't remember anything so anyway so I walk away from I said okay we after DAV and then a minute later he says uh wait a minute wait a minute the how you related to stefansky that the the Ruthie Stans the one that was just sniff her I said that's my mother said whoaa time out time out time out you yansy I said yeah he says tell me in Hebrew when did he go after the D so we have used to beish you have me who used to be Uber Lish you have two off the guys it's not bad to be off the D come back sting in the center here all right say going straight to perfect he used to be also went off the little way officially you're going confirm how you doing love you man it's a hard act to follow if I want to describe who I am my name is f sh I'll tell you you one short tiny story and I'll tell you who I am I once came into Lakewood tell the story to 3,000 kids and I walked in everyone stood up and started singing Y and I felt very very good about it and the person behind the day is I was telling him man it's not necessary and the person behind the day is was saying it's it's he was it's okay you deserve it and I felt a very very uh gentle hand on my shoulder I turned around I S of Cutler standing right behind me and where I interpreted he's saying it's okay you deserve say we're sure going to get out of the way standing behind you that's who I am what I tell you I don't know how else to describe myself what do you do day to day what I do day to day so I try to survive um try to take my stories and look around and see stories and people always ask me how can you have stories and no one else doesn't I said we all have stories we just have to see them so what I do dayto day is I try to see the stories around me beautiful beautiful so we'll start with the first question as we got in order we got a lot of questions that we are able to say publicly some questions we can ask publicly especially it's being recorded so we'll start with someone said about daving he said I have four boys the oldest is eight years old they see me learning hard for the da but I I'm very frustrated that they don't want to come to school they don't want to DAV and my oldest is eight years old how do I instill in them a love of daving officially we'll start with you you can't instill a love for DAV and you don't force kids to come to Davin I'll tell you what I did with it's a very very long ding three four hours and my kids I just had them come by from were different parts of ding give me five minutes just to sit next to me get the and the rest I let them play Outsider or or whatever it was I think it's a mistake to try to force kids you got to give a kid a minute now at the shabas table people fight kids cut they come and they fight from my place your place and you pull the chair out of her sister's thing and they to get the kids settled by kiddish then you make kiddish and they all disappear so what were you fighting for they're not here the answer is the kid needs one good minute I think that's the point by Dav get the kid to have one good minute don't force him to sit from B at the left be the fansy I was noticing the the where the guy said he's frustrated he's frustrated kid doesn't want to go Davin how do you get over that what would you say I have to argue I mean I think the best way to get a kid to D in is beat him up be may I remind you R the fat this is being recorded unedited broadcast for thousands of people proven proven over the generations good zet and when they don't point in the you take his finger and you bend it in that's that's usually how it works it worked for me I sorry mdy survives with could say this MD still keeps on growing I have no idea how listen uh I'm not the right guy to ask next okay yeah I mean one thing I would I'd say I I I'm starting to argue with my wife about this now and um I think that it's like this the new sh is like let them grow into it on their own so usually people grow into Ding about the age of 27 28 and you have this this you bring in your son with the long beard and he's like what's this what's going on here and I don't think that's the right way either so I would recommend maybe to to bring them when you there's three they don't know they don't know how to argue with it and then they're four or five and then they kind of grow into it otherwise I don't have a good a it's a big it's a it's a Mack of the generation where the kids they just don't connect to zero I actually opened up a minion literally two months ago Ines with a lot of um the community was very against it they made meetings and this and that it's a 9:30 million in America it's like wow 9:30 is early in it's very late all the the latest is like 8:00 it's my very M so to make it quick we open the minion and there's nowhere to sit over there's 80 90 boys they don't want to get up early that's one thing I saw we give them CH and they love diving there and I just got a message last night because it's a minion of zero tolerance for talking they were scared that since I'm not there they would be talking they said it was Zero talking so if you make it gak I don't know like anything else make just gmak her sorry well um I thought I had this figured out I have three B I had I had it figured out until a couple of weeks ago my uh one of my boys had 103 fever and he was sick and bad he couldn't move for literally two to three days and we brought us to fill in back from yiva he was ding in bed and then one night he gets a call a friend of his offers him to go to a basketball game with him so he says yeah I'm coming I said to him I said you're going to the basketball game he said yeah now you don't realize guy's very rich if he invites me we're sitting Courtside I said but you have 103 fever he says yeah I'll make it happen he drags him himself out of bed and he goes to the game he has a blast and then really collapses back into bed three hours later for another two days and I I my first thought was wow I'm I'm doing something really wrong you know like this is what am I supposed to what am I supposed to do um so I agree with her official and also essentially her belly that I think they do grow into it you have to let them grow into it there are other stuff that that is more exciting in the moment but um if they continue to watch me do what I'm supposed to do I always say attitudes are caught not taught and they catch it from from us So eventually 30 years later they'll start ding yeah you're very hopeful before before I ask the question a lot of people claim that one of the reasons why kids have a hard time about daing because they don't understand the words like I'm saying Spanish they don't know the literal translation what do you say about that so I I that's an easy one to answer I just want to talk the way you you you you the way that you voice the F the guy's frustrated I'm quoting for btim so I'm saying so we have to talk about his frustration is problem isn't his kids the problem is him meaning if anybody goes and says something I'm frustrated about so you are frustrated you know so you got to look you know what's going on with you and I'll tell you why he's frustrated so my oldest son I'll say this on the thing he's a nerd as gave him such a he he loved daving in in in in the B from the mama you know he just he just my my name was also Y at one point so know brother so so he would always show up to to doing and always do that and and and I thought I had to figure it out hey Abe and then and my twins came along and they're good sweet awesome kids who are gaval and and there's a challenge there so the guy who was sitting in the sh with me would see my oldest son show up from the youngest of Ages and his son the same age didn't show up and now that guy's frustrated at his son because I did nothing it's just that the way the temperament of my older son is to show up you're upset because you do see a couple of nerdy kids sitting around and you think that well those kids are here so how come my son's not here no no no no no those kids are like lamala Mina they're Oddities the fact that from such a young age that they can do in there's absolutely nothing wrong with yourself you're just projecting this anger thinking that well I must be doing something wrong there's something wrong with my kid because for every one kid who's sitting in SHO there's I can say unfortunately unfortunately there's a hundred other kids are outside playing beating up and talking to the security guard how many bullets you have in your gun you know the newest thing now is you have security guards in front of every show every kid now is they have such a depth of understanding in swat teams like no no no first they bring in the helicopters then they're bring in the Sharpshooter Brian from TM has told me ex you know the the security guard so you think that your kid is not there and other kids are you need to pump the brakes there are a lot of kids who are not in sh along with your sadic as well so your frustration you really have to just zoom out and recognize relax you know relax so now with bringing in the kids so 100% we don't force the kids I used to go to Sho and when and when my twins started to say they were seven eight I we want to come with you I'm like no no no you're not coming you made it hard to get type yeah yeah yeah and like why I said because I have a good time I enjoy myself and you you're to ruin the whole thing for me I'm going to be there no don't do this like no I'll and then slowly but surely you know we we we we go and bring him in also to Smart him we have a leg up because we sing Everything I'm G let you keep on going we we sing and and for the kids that's there's something to that you know the Shir there's just something of an enjoyable now coming to understanding Thea words I don't know did did did anybody understand the words when they were in elementary school or high school you know to go to try like push kids into understanding the words exactly I I don't know if that's really the m i teach high school and um I I I have a lot of sh on explaining shim I'm trying to do it with the kids they're really not at the maturity level because let's face it every kid goes home tonight barash not questioning do I have a roof over my head not one kid is going to sleep tonight thinking well I have breakfast tomorrow morning most kids are thinking that when I need a new pair of sneakers is just gonna all these different things they don't have to ever ask like their life depends on it those of us who be to learn the words when we got a little bit older we recognized oh wow my life depends on these words it's really understanding truly the that pushes us to start to really resonate you gonna make a kid you've done too good a job as a parent to make them feel so secure in you that maybe they don't have to start to look at words you have to feel secure in Hashem but says my re bur the only way you ever teach to a kid in Hashem is that they feel secure with you and then one day when they look to their ABA who's in their house sometimes ABA says yes sometimes ABA says no and they know that you have the best in mind for them so then later when they look to Aba and Shay when they get yes or no it's the same thing and they'll know it through the vehicle of speaking to him so it takes time that sounds beautiful I actually once heard I think M of bsky he said that what someone asked him what's called kav by Dav he said saying every word just say every word so let's get back I just want to add one thing I just as he speaking um maybe because I threw it in make DAV gak um I'll say this bar I think um yesterday was beautiful daving with all the kazas but I think my son went off the D right after d in other words do not bring him don't bring your kid to kazanas they don't appreciate certain things and maybe the reason why these kids in like it because it's not fast but we don't waste any time we have the quickest we don't do they're in and out an hour and 15 minutes and we don't go fast so maybe there's a way to make it more Gish and another thing I just wanted to ask you everybody or whoever's on the panel do you think last generation was different you think we have less kids wa that has to be answered by the oldest man on the panel please whoever that is please speak G I want to say what Abell said is Don't Take Your Kids to Long Min that's why I DAV with the shortest and quickest man I blame it on my kids I say it's to my kids because I want to make sure this really turned into a therapy session for you want to add something no you know the guy said how rashash say I don't D it's the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning okay we're too little to a lot of questions people by the way are they watching our thing outside you guys outside wave yeah they are the look looking all those guys sitting over there watching it's it's a mirror belly it's a mirror mirr that's what it is oh they're watching it it is it looks like a door look that I got that hereditary from my father my father walked into and he runs over to his brother he's like he such a you told me you're not coming to the wedding he runs in front of everybody he whacks the mirror right no way yeah it's hereditary sorry there the panel has been oh here he is watching I saw D over there literally this is great I disate the women don't don't make fun of me you got to see this it looks literally like a doorway over there the video guy does like a door a video tape we put on camera so we know you not M wow so let's talk about D A lot of people are sending this question they said we learned the da withi unfortunately we don't feel like we're actually accomplishing anything we go through the da we learn it but maybe there something what type of would you suggest is a should we try do tell me what you really think about me right they appreciate people again this people send in this question that they they they learned the D they feel like they're not Ken they don't remember I know always says that he always says you know I don't remember D It Anyways we're not going to start with you let you think about their answer we all will start with you what would you suggest as such a person so it's a great question because I spoke about a chabas I was saying that I started the D many times and I fell off the bandwagon two to three weeks into each M and and part of it as I look back was that feeling of you know I'm learning I'm learning I'm learning and I'm not retaining anything and there's no there's no cbook that's a question so this time around I'm giving sh like to my five guys but also I I started doing Z oh you stole my answer this is Mom we started doing yeah no no this is the answer together one two three we started to do so just a Clos it to that we could have got sponsored by them for MD right no no asked me to mention I'm my M shirt I'm putting on ziku just right now we're going to so just to give you a little uh concept what Z it's super easy Z basically takes the da let's say d piml right in Basra so pimel stands for PoGo a pogo stick and then they give you the Simon and they also give you an image telling a St I'm a story guys say give you a story about a pogo stick that connects to the daff three points into the daff you see a kid you know bouncing on a pogo stick between tree one tree to the next and it has to be between and in order for it to be his dayon we have three trees and between eight and 16 amas between between the trees and then he gets his award with which is an award made of it's supposed to be made ofik and he's complaining that it's a there's another point in and so basically now which stuff is that that's Pim pogo stick inas so he now has so I can tell pocket yeah no and and the three points and then once you remember that you'll be surprised you remember the names of you remember the names of the on the raid it's like a guy goes shopping uh for 100 items how's he gonna take out 100 items from the store and bring it to his house he needs bags he needs shopping bags so what Z does it provides you with a shopping bag it says take the Simon and really that's how they used to learn in the times of Kaz they used to have some on them and that's how you remember it and like you know like I just like like and they do these funny Simon like you can't you can't can't get out of your brain like is a blood clot you know a CL you see a father in a hospital with his foot up blood CL he's looking at the wedding bills you know and it's talking about you know marrying go and they each want you know the B you know got M got married before and thean want to get married not from the same money but they got married with the fathers my father still alive the whole thing it's a blood clot what would you say that we get you next I just feel I I I'm a terrible memory I don't even remember why I'm sitting here I think Aur is something that you have to keep moving and keep moving you know the old cars in my days they automatic didn't didn't have the key you push them until they started you develop develop I remember the first time I learned I felt the same way second time around I said I remember this how could I remember this I didn't understand it the first time and it must be I did I remember where I learned the BL I remember the coffee stain on my on this gar that's my kid pushed it we do you don't realize what you retain you have to have patience it's not instant I think you keep doing it and it bounced around once got when I first started doing then it was just audio tapes 3 o'clock in the morning got a call from somebody in taipe in the hotel wanted to understand a mar that I spoke out and I was like tell you know it's 3:00 in the morning yeah he didn't didn't realize and those days these phone calls were like $100 a minute or something then he called back the next night he forgot again and I said to him and he used he car the whole suitcase of these cassette tapes and I said to him how much are they call calling you he said uh could be $3 $400 a call wow and I said so what you really bother you the m so much he said I'm all alone here you have no idea Theus I have in this hotel when I see a in front of me that's what holds me back I have to talk to somebody and say what I don't care what it cost me so we don't realize the effects that has on you even if you don't feel it right away it comes it eventually seeps in so will turn to you because I know you address this a lot specifically I would want to ask the guy he feels frustrated doesn't have a seat book when when he doesn't remember it he's asking for Kazar advice maybe he could address both those things right I'm with official over here these guys are just you know promoting another program I have a terrible memory also terrible the idea is the Sahara will come up with any excuse you don't remember you don't this I address it all the time because that's what he does you're you're not learning Eon it's too fast it's too this it's to that don't do it program is a program I tried it for three days Al I did I had him in my house the whole thing and the people there's a guy in our Shear that does it every day theyy Freeman it's a great program if you can do it if you have the time when you do the da you see the same Su over over and over and over and just become second nature the first time you might not retain it that much after he retained more you get better and better at it and theara sometimes I know a guy who when broa started he said I got to do this well he used to wake up at four o'clock in the morning he had a at 4 o'clock in the morning I'm gonna do this and I need toaz andaz guess how long that lasted ask him he's right over here it was three in the morning but okay I'm not joking wellow what would you say as a Kar advice you have any suggestion for that or just like just go with the flow I I 22 times 22 times I don't remember one word from it one word every D that I just gave him is brand new to me so for me didn't work I have guys in my co that that know but it takes you less time to prepare what as you think you don't remember but it takes you less time to prepare I'm saying I remember I don't remember ever learning the I remember the story the stor wow I remember that story is crazy story but M just everybody in their memory and if you have time to do Kazar 100% you should do Kazar and there great there other programs like um the where you you doar the next day on the da you do at the end of the week do the end of the month and it's supposed to like as you're about to forget you do it again and then you retain it but we're talking about people that have only limited amount of time or they think they only have limited amount of time you just do the da stop with the excuses if you don't remember it's it's also good you're the Mitzvah you'll remember more trust me just keep on going and you you'll you'll know it so I'll seg that to next question I I want thr one quick thought sure certainly what R said that that it gets in there even if you don't know it certainly gets in there the Z thing it's a type it's it's it's a type you know there's certain people who really really get into it I'm trying now to do Z first with my boys we obviously doing the D with r belly and and I want to try you know I did do base was really galic you know with that house with the the three different levels of the S the San hedin inside the guy outside trying to call in San hedin with them over there but I want to give everybody a a Matana that was given to me there's a book called The Meister plan does anybody here familiar with the Meister plan it's a Bittersweet story really really quick to make a a long story longer so it goes like this this was a guy he became a BAL Chua he was going to become a brain surgeon instead he bumped down what he was going to do became radiologist instead because he wanted to give his life to Tyra and he came out with a book called The Meister plan it's a fascinating book in he gives you 22 different stocks to invest in he tells you if you invest in this it's a long-term thing that by the age of 60 you'll be able to retire and give yourself over there he said but why wait until the age of 60 he gives you a how to break down to learn it in a 10e plan or a 20e plan okay that's his plan but he wrote one thing he he brought down I believe it's from he brought down from somewhere I don't recall right now he said that remember that said as long as you've learned something once in your life after 120 you get admittance into that place in shamay so there's a Bas Mets called bsia it does not say if you haard and you remembered every single word get into there it says if you're covered ground and you're put in Fire and you're put in m nees they give you those keys there we go so what we're looking for over here is is that the a is in this world to reap the benefit of the next World by the way I don't know I don't think there's going to be so it could be that husband and wife the wives who also ear be start to kill me and everything else of course won't be woman W be o I didn't sayell said that he's a fantastic vist why how' you do that so but but the point is is that don't think you're not accomplishing with it you are gaining keys to that's beautiful once asked will I have aank can I look up any safer I want he said the Swarm you looked at this world you'll have in your swarm if you never took it out there you're not going to have it here sh you take out a sedr you have a sedr I I'm taking out zard from now the is you know people are going to watch this they're thinking that on shabas they probably said controversial stuff and they're more quiet than po camera it's not true totally fine so I I'll segue to the next question that a few people said they find a hard time balancing work and Tyra have a hard time being several people sent this question even people were struggling to do the DA they don't finish the DA they said look I'm working very very hard I tried to do the da I don't have set time I don't know how can I figure out the time to betim be established even with the trying to busy making P who you to me first of all none of us work for a living you may projecting but no so one of them used to work for again same thing excuses speaking to all these people everybody has another 45 minutes in their day every every single person barah look how much time they spend on their social media and on their this and the nice and everybody has and if you don't have 45 minutes extra you're doing something something wrong you shouldn't be working so much there's no hether even to work so much what's the what right do you have to work for parasa for more than eight to nine hours a day who who gave you that hether you're from you're you believe in and you're going to work and work and work for what who told you who said said oh you're allowed to work for paraso because you have to make itless excellent stas what else do you make it floor let's here you work on your marriage you have a sh in your marriage when was the last time you went to class of your marriage no exercise no oh I have to make for work 14 16 hours a day that's that's that's your head there it says we came here to be to learn to be it happens to be that we have to make El you work normal hours 8 10 8 n hours a day whatever normal is in that in that Society to work 15 hours that you don't have a minute to put on fillan such a thing I don't I don't have time to put on have to work no such a thing so you have time to put on Fillin have to have time to learn T at least 45 minutes a day at least every single day you hear rib sound every single day let's address the fact of the msas official Turn to You the msas says that although you're right or belly and saying what everyone saying is just an excuse the fact is that people don't do it they feel like oh they want them struggle why would you say to that person hey get over the hum besides for yeah it's it's it's all it's all in you sit down and say I'm sitting down for five minutes always tell people I made up when I was a kid when I was a B I was going through a hard time I said believe NE 10 minutes before I go to sleep I open a CER even if I don't have time to Le I just sit in clots and and sometimes when I I'm going through a crisis I say five minutes for the next five minutes I'm opening gar you'll see it become more than five minutes It'll become more than 10 minutes you think start with five and another thing I like to is with gamar also so because there's a whole I'm going to 10 rashis that's what I do start the gamar okay and I said I'm going to Counting with my fingers 10 rashis I'm working my way through because I don't have patience now to do an entire da I always wind up doing the entire da wow you need something to pull you in anyone that says he doesn't have time to learn that means he doesn't have the courage to break through once he breaks through he'll have more time famous salant what should I learn I only have 10 minutes today he said learn mus only mus I'll be in he said you learn mus you'll see you'll have more than 10 minutes it's real you want to add that Atomic habits that's meaning like gave to to nony in the world to go to write something that I think is a lot of Gess um you're not going to read the whole book uh that's just not you're not going to do it but either get the audio book on it um and or or just get the cliff notes there is a way please tell us the cliff notes you have basically there are four steps to it um there's a problem a solution event nobody um walks into a dark room and thinks to themselves oh it's dark here I need to turn on a light you don't think that you did when you were three years old like oh what happens Hashem made an Incredible Gift which is that he makes certain things turn into a habit so that your brain can think about other things So eventually problem uh want a solution is is basically all of that becomes a habit smoking a cigarette um for people who smoke problem one and solution it comes into like just a second people who overeat all these different things it come now you can go and the same way that you make turning on a light problem one solution and then it becomes a part of you part of your subconscious you can make almost anything become a part of your sub and you heard it here a lot you heard Mish people who who have already made it a habit the d a habit that that they Mish feel that they the same way you can't go without a coffee you also can't go without the do it happen but you do have to like learn a little bit I'm just saying that what people don't understand is is that that's your entire n in life like just said your entire n over here is to push through meaning the almost could care less about the da and more about you overcoming laziness meaning we're all given is the name of the game that that's the that you're building wants to give you created the world us to give you give us the greatest good the greatest good is building through those things to become like to become in control to get you have to be that's the way it goes you have to be D hashem's in control you need to be in control wants you to be in control how you going to be in control I got to make the do my thing understand you're becoming Godlike with that it's not just I'm getting over something you're building AA when you understand the reality of what's at stake over here it's not just doing the da it's becoming by being says Ram it's all of your Eternity for you and for your wife to overcome and to just at Atomic habits or to take the advice of the of the 5 minutes it is your entire reality that you will Echo for eternity you have to look at it that way that's beautiful you want to add something I just want to say one word and um in addition to what everybody said accountability you know Scranton university they did a study and they found that only 8% of people keep their commitments that means 92 out of 100 naturally fall off the bandwagon anything they commit to yeah New Year resolutions whatever that only 8% there's a university in Sinton yeah sorry I just made it up uh but here's what they found they found that if you are held accountable to someone then your success rate goes up by 70% wow 70% that means if you have a Kusa or if you have to give she there's no way you're missing you're accountable to other people so if you want to do the do consistently and not allow work or anything else to overtake your day you have to be accountable to someone keep accountability make sure that you're answering to someone someone can give you theic someone can push you someone can ask you where are you and um you do it for each other that's for sure I think also if you make a schedule for yourself in the morning how you appropriating your time that's one the question the person ask like you know just have to be can I do when I random time sit down and say doing now when are you I'm going to learn the da when I have time you'll never have time I'm going to learn it at 3 at 4: at 5 at 6 anybody that watches the daff heard all these things in the last week five minutes at least five minutes a day accountability you have somebody on WhatsApp Atomic habits last night in the speech these are things we Schoo about all the time that's why people love to D It's All About psychology and stuff different books me plan that's a good book it's just if if anybody he I want to tell you beautiful and sad his plan was always to retire at 60 and keep but he finished once or twice before that he got cancer in his late 50s wow and he passed away about 60 or 61 wow you know and so it's a very big muser inside that where so many of us think that we have that time and bar for him the guy who wrote the book that he finished Ty once or twice before that because we don't have time you got to start now I'm going to touch on the next question before you said just I just want to forget RAB Yakov told someone I know that if not you're going to die when you retire because when you retire the only thing that's going to keep you alive is learning and if you don't learn now you will not be able to start them wow that's very deep and scared the same time no he said right in the beginning he said when someone starts learning or starts doing something and it's hard for them they get a lot of so once it gets easier you get still as if it's as if it's hard for you so let's seg to a totally unrelated question nothing to do with learning actually we had to be honest a lot of questions that were related to learning but I said we have to get the learning part in before we get to Let's Kish and we'll talk about living within your means so I had like a few long emails about this that I it was kind of a person wrote a mini article and I I can't condense it basically I think people who are rich should spend a lot of money because they spend a lot of money in their own Sal and they give a lot of to but but not shame they shouldn't spend so much because they don't spend so much then everyone's keeping with the Joneses so how do I convince my wife to spend less even though I spend more on the things that I want to spend more it's a very very totally loaded question so it turns out the question is really how can we live within our means and is that the way the right Mahir you to do especially if he's doing okay um will start with you on that one really this is the one you want to start with right good for you he didn't he didn't look at this one and be like how met you Jan you live in LA repeat can you repeat the qu next question next question I'll succinctly ask the question again the question is is it important for a person to live within their means and if so how do they actually do so a lot of people find a very big difficulty in doing that it sounds very nice but it becomes hard and the person said that very interestingly he said even a rich person has live within their means because if they're living Way Beyond they should also they're also struggling and they're also having a hard time so what would you suggest for people how to actually do that they're struggling so much to do it again so so explain question people that have money shouldn't be spending a lot of money or people don't have that's right that's right was asking saying both people should both people have to live within their means and if so how do you do so let me explain you know would you like me to actually read the question very good b m there are people like you like to know if you have a lot of money could you spend a lot of money within your means and if you don't have money you spend a lot of money above your means two different question meaning on credit cards like just going to debt is good idea to show off and buy a nice car even though you can't afford it but then everybody's going to think that you're even if you leave it over in Chicago like a Tesla type you're multi right and the guys in Lakewood that have a lot of money and they're flying on private jets is it appropriate fly in a private Jersey even though people next door are struggling bread on the table you're paying $40,000 to get to the to the Aron hotel when you live in Lakewood let's say cuz that's how much private jet cost it's a lot of money you just wasted $440,000 to get it I know people that have private jets and they fly to a baseball game and then they fly to the next one the same day they go to three and it cost them $100,000 it's down because they could say that they spend $100,000 is that he wants to know it's okay no that's not okay that's not okay that's what they say like a good question when your m is understand it it's already half to have the I said move on move on I'm going to read I'm I'm going to actually read the question I there's been a talking the Torah world lately regarding gmas both by those that have means and those that are lacking means I humbly believe that those who have are certainly entitled to spend their live their life as long as it within their means but humbly believe at the same time that they're also making other people very jealous the question is basically like this in our times how do we live within our means it's a difficult thing for people to do it is hard they feel like hey I can make a small tiny B mitz some make a big b MIT I could not have the fancy thing or even Basics things people are struggling a lot to live within their means you're thinking very hard about this let's see what you say no I I yeah I'm the wrong guy to I don't have you live Way Beyond your it's like asking me you know an astronaut once asked once he's on the moon how many moon rocks he's put in his pocket hell in the world I'll tell I'm not like you I'm not a wealthy guy I'm I'm I'm not gonna so so I'm GNA I'm going I'm going to counter back at you I would say I know so many people they're not wealthy and they're struggling because they're trying to do things that they can't afford what do mean time okay so you asked you want me to start I yeah you start so as far as of very wealthy people I've been to enough wealthy homes uh uh to give speeches you know different things that I've been invited to and I I I I go on a program here with there sometimes I'm brought him to come and speak I'm the hired help and uh they uh no no and and and a lot of times you see and I sit ioo with people some tell me about the hardships they're just like look I don't know you know the leather is starting to really give a little bit inside my private jet on the seats so I know should I you know redo it with just imported from or just go American already extremely wealthy people when I meet them I recognize that this is a yat Sahara that I don't understand and so I have no business to talk about it that's rich people but what about people are not rich people uh well regular people so um I I I also may not be the guy to talk about it because I was never brought up with a Yahara for money that's not my thing I got oh I got some other good yatar going inside me crazy sorry most people that thear is not money it's it's coved or no I'll tell I want to tell you I was at United at Sola dinner with Ellie bear and Beverly Hills and there must have been in the room like a hundred billion dollars Ellie bear and I I think is yeah what Ellie Bear yeah you know Ellie bear sure hang out all the time I'm sending you guys to build I never had next time you meet Ellie bear can you ask him does you own anything that isn't orange seen the guy we the mdy logo the um no so I never had this I for the first time I really understood it I was sitting at a table and um they locked the doors I don't know if you know there they literally close the doors and their guards there as they start going around the tables asking people how much are you giving to United all and people are giving a lot of money like you have the gazans a quarter of a million dollars Sunny cisson from Coffee Bean and Mia mson you know millions of dollars are going MD fundraiser take notes here and uh yeah absolutely One Note don't take you ready for the next part of the story my wife so look she G me out the table she says yo how much are we [Laughter] giving 100 times 100 so anyways so this person comes over to my table and and uh I you know I was like okay I'm gonna give so they had a whole host of stuff you could donate and the lowest like the cheapest thing you could give was $2,500 defibrillator so I said okay I didn't want to I I can't afford so I said I'll okay I'll give the defibrillator 25 I said do me a favor because they used to announce the names everybody's name gets announced in front of the whole board I said listen just please say it anonymously and step away from my table as you say that there's Anonymous donor in table 18 so um so anyway she she did that K her and then Ellie's on the stage like no please tell me the name who is giving the the ferat I'm like oh my goodness don't tell the name but I never felt uh so bad about giving so much and I felt Naomi we never going to this dinner and I like it wasn't no it's not anything about United it's just the idea the buffet and then we're out had I known I'm saying like no what I'm trying to say is for the first time I spoke to another guy afterward he said and you were like for the first time I felt oh my gosh like maybe I should take out a couple of credit cards so they can announce yo gold a million dollars hold on let me take pledges for mdy for a second hold that no there's a tremendous pressure and I I never had it I just but in that moment I I got a glimpse of it so I don't judge it I I there's no uh judgment on it but it takes a tremendous amount of discipline and responsibility to stay genuine and honest and uh within your means living within your means no I just want to add this story I had same exact mea same exact we're in D New Jersey we had a mdy thing and the the guy on a regular Parish show not R gets R $25,000 wow to the library $113,000 to the this and $60,000 to that wow that was Ry I'm not I'm not making this up yeah I was there I was there I was there kamishi $225,000 for this and then you realize none of them gave anything they were just s you up million that's not the true story quick say the true story about what you said you stretched it out like I started hiding underneath the beo that's a big pressure that's Ellie living within his means for sure would you say the people my mother used to say that in Europe the poor were poor the rich were Rich everybody was happy with their place but that the poor have to be rich that's she only SW in America and I think our problem is environment I think that if I'm in a social struggle it's easier said than done then maybe you should think about changing your environment yeah changing the class of people you look up to the people you have a connection with have a everyone theing only for someone you wind up doing things only for someone else again I I live you live in the five towns but you have to find the people your friends in the five towns who are your friends in the we we have a friend in the five towns I hope but I'm not going to embarrass my wife the woman NE She searches for used Land Rovers she can't afford anything she needs to drive a ni nice fancy car she figured out that she buys a Land Rover that's like six years old people won't C that it's 6 years old and she gets it this because everything's about what the Joneses are going to think of you terrible terrible way to live there's so much more to answer this question into the psychology I think every sing I think the every single person has to go to their R and have a sit down and talk about their own personal every single person has to have a r yeah there you go right right or they're just going to email us and best of luck to you but but no no I'm it's such it's such a personal because in LA to be honest we don't have this problem as much and every people outside of La think the same thing I'm telling you in La we are simple yeen and and I know you can all laugh and everything else but but the wealthy over there they build much less than they need to be like crazy which part of a lady you live and you live on the CR I'm saying you live on on that side but over on Pico come come on over to no but but it's I'm telling you the people know how to stay in their Lanes a lot more and I believe that they're very happy inside it there are other places and and and we're not going to point out but the frommer places that yes suffer from this a lot and I think that the starting from the top down the rub of every single Sho has to talk to their PE people about it they have to Zone in on this and they have to go but it's not an answer over here it's something it's it's really an epidemic that every single R in his own sh to make the kushim last the bar mitzvah all the it's something that each Community has to really deal with on their own the guy that board he bought things on credit cards totally out of his means houses borrowed money his wife said what are you doing we'll do a rich sh it was all worth they did a sh with the richest guy in town and found out he was doing the same thing it's great okay so before we have to the final question I'm G ask this question because people ask me because I always ask this question when I do my articles and is how do you handle stress in your life I'm sorry R I didn't mean to tricker anything but so we're going to go step by stepar will start with you how do you handle stress in your life you're asking the Moroccan angry person how he handles stress like asking the Incredible Hulk so what do you do after you say Hulk smash puny humans can you translate sit down and have a decaf can you translate the credible hul into your dish y wants to know what you mean the answer to that question is Dr David Lieberman SCH the David lman wrote a book called real power and his Hama to the book called real power he wrote that once you're in Anger it is use the word impossible but it is almost impos once you're blind explain Etc once you're in C reab Waxman calls it an ungodly World once you're in C it's impossible to get out of his entire book is dedicated to never allowing yourself to fall that much and so when the stress comes and you start to feel it come on so there are certain things that you try to take a step back and just Mish breathe through and and really try to think about what are the things I'm stressing about um and I've come to the point in my life um like I told everybody it was my birthday in shop and one person said happy birthday everybody came up with their problem that's for sure but a little happy birthday wouldn't have killed you so but um I I I I've I've learned in my life that re bur was really told us this which is that it's so good when you feel that stress no like what are you talking about not what what does that mean and he said that there are certain feelings that you get in life and you're supposed to look at it and say so now I get to feel this meaning when the stress comes in you begin to think what do I do with this almost looking at it from the outside there's the stress where's it initiating from and how big of a stress is it for me to and it's almost a MAA to look at the stress and to look at it from different angles and and talking it out with yourself with a spouse even talking it out very many times it kind of makes it an out of body experience that it's at least for me it's brought down my levels Mr fancy why would you say that how do you handle yes yeah look every day right before sh literally every single day I have a certain level of stress the stress I have a lot of lot of stress is not one of them I 99% of the time I don't allow stress to get to me at all it doesn't I've been in crazy crazy situations where I lost a lot of money or different things happened and you know people are dying whatever it is I'm very under control in those situations however I will say there's one time where I thought I was going to lose all my properties everything there's a some anti-semite put on he more than doubled the taxes in 2011 or something it was and all my properties were worthless basically if I had to pay those taxes and I found myself getting up in the middle of the night with heart like literally I felt my heart I didn't know what it was and I went to a a heart specialist I thought I couldn't get away from it like during the day I thought I was okay and then at night I just something like my heart would like okay I have a heart issue I got to go to the doctor I go to the doctor and he said you know I had the same exact thing when I was moving practices um I I thought I was you know having a heart attack and this and that he said it's all over here it's in your head what are you talking he it's in your head you got nothing you don't have a heart problem check me I walked out of his office never happened to me again in my life ever it was just was in my head so but us usually I don't have that it's not an issue I have other things but that's you the question is how do you handle when you are stress that you know you're saying nature I look at everything get ask beny beny you know somebody steals from me somebody stole from me a lot of money this I say okay give me a thing I have and this whatever it is I don't allow it to affect me 99% time that one time in 20 I don't know why H and I was able to turn the switch off and so you don't have any real advice you're just saying this is your nature this is my nature in this thing in this thing I'm not I'm not a in this particular thing I don't have that in a sign offici why would you say that listen to take stress relief pill very good best answer than no B I heard it from a lot of people they you take an hour off that's it you know what I mean I remember was I was sitting in the hospital my mother wasn't well and I was there we and I was there my wife was take care of the kids and she came during the day and I was there every night and I had to go teach eighth grade the next day and hospitals I'm sure they measure you and they give you a recliner that's narrower than your back and at one point I said I I'm GNA plot and I called my reab called and he told me said like this just these words with the you can fly over seven Skies without him you can't step over the threat special so you're with him you can do it if you're not with him you can't do anything says if we wouldn't have stress in our life we would all die of depression because we would have nothing to live for he says the fact that we're forced to do things is the reason you're alive that's what he says really one thing to add before we we end off yeah this question I understood well um skipped over me over here so uh because I do have stress and um maybe we'll switch it to anxiety absolutely is that a stigma we're here I I'll say like when when I do my articles right so one of the things people talk about when I ask a stress question always it's business related right yeah and I what I found is that the most stressed people have a business has nothing to do with business they worried about their health their kids their their wife that's what caus them stress in business more than anything else but in life in general so what would you say to that so I I'm gonna tell what I do practically for myself um my wife picked up uh not because I'm stressed she picked up qars like uh Co time we're home and was just sitting there my kids pretending to be on Zoom doing school and nobody's doing anything so we uh started learning how to play guitar and um I have to say that now it's almost instinctive anytime I feel stressed their guitars all over the house I grab a guitar and I start strumming and my wife can tell how stressed I am W based on how hard I'm strumming the guitar and I don't even realize it myself and she like what's wrong no no no you know like so I you have to have an outlet you have to have something that you can I play basketball with my boys you have to some somewhere you can go if rebell sh work for you to you know to de-stress that's unbelievable um I I don't know I definitely don't have that gift of not being stressed like that um but um stress can can cause a lot of pressure and in a household and you have to ask yourself where can I let it out other than my home and on My Wife and Kids that's that's the that's really the beautiful so I want to ask I want end with the one minute message the message would be the following you you have an individual one-on-one meeting with everyone who's watching everyone in this room they're specifically comes to Tyra learning they're having difficulty they want the to keep on going further like I said you know could be say excuses but they're having a hard time what's a one minute message you can say official will start with you who who are your friends like we said before pick two or three friends that you work with and and say we're going to do this together and there's nothing like a just like a chat works you can just create don't do it alone beautiful Y what would you say I would say the same thing and I really want to say um yeah get join Elli she join a Shear that you can attend to live um because again I official you can't do it alone yeah can't do it alone um the only things that have ever pushed me in life to do anything was like Rabel said accountability um to make yourself accountable to to have a and that ultimately the thing that brainwashed me into this whole thing to begin with was R burth which is a person has to constantly think to himself that my entire eternity is based on punching through this the harder it is the greater the oaba the fact that it's difficult is that my eternity on the other side will be even greater beautiful will end with you what was the question question is if he sitting one-onone with a person who wants to to keep it going further to keep it further and learning hisra to make sure it doesn't give up what would you say to that person I always tell people the same exact thing it's for your benefit it will change your life literally change your life and I want to if I'm sitting here in front of the women I didn't have the opportunity first of all I want to thank my wife who gives the most most sacrific and what I mean by that is I used to spend a lot more time with her we used to go out more used to go we used to go out we haven't been to a restaurant probably in a few years of vacation so I want to say thank you to her thank you to all the women for pushing your husband thank you because you know that by them learning Tyra they become better people better husbands and better fathers so keep on pushing tell your friends about it because you could change another person's life by introducing them to Tyra and having them learn Tyra everybody thank you so much for the steam panelist thank you all for joining and with that day