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Mental Health Expert: This is a HUGE Problem For all of us…
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Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
a therapist tells his client I don't
talk about problems I just talk about
Solutions don't tell me your problems
tell me your Solutions and the client
thinks for a moment and says well I
guess I have a drinking
solution we tend to see things
two-dimensionally we see problem we see
solution and sometimes we'll even
convince ourselves that we don't want to
deal with the problem we just want to
deal with the solution which is dealing
with the problem you can't solve a
problem you can't provide a solution to
a problem unless you understand the
problem and there is an inherent risk in
doing this the risk is thinking you
understand the problem when you really
don't because problems are multi-layered
so when somebody has an
addiction you don't necessarily know why
they have an addiction you don't know
why they're addicted you don't know if
it's a relationship issue if it's a
cognitive issue if it's a medical issue
if it's a neurological or psychological
or social ISS when somebody has a bad
marriage and they're coming in for
couples therapy you don't know if it's
psychological if it's sociological if
it's biological if it's medical if it's
neurological if it's psychiatric there's
so many components and layers to issues
and even if you succeeded at diagnosing
an issue you don't know if that's the
full issue and therefore providing
Solutions even to problems that seem
obvious has risks there are many
therapeutic modalities that do provide
Solutions based on research and Based on
data and I'm not suggesting they don't
work I'm just suggesting that doing this
has to be done incredibly cautiously
because you have to be very good at
weeding out all the issues is are and
believe that you actually understand the
true root of the issue and this is the
risk in seeing things two dimensionally
which is problem solution and somebody
has a problem they want a solution they
want to be told what to do it's very
easy to just tell me what to do tell me
how to break the cycle tell me what I
could do differently there is a third
way of looking at things a third
dimension and that is not looking
necessarily at the problem and not even
looking for
Solutions but looking for for difference
looking for what you want instead of the
problem anybody who has a problem no
matter what the problem is wants
something different when somebody has an
addiction that they're ashamed of a
relationship is
foiling somebody is going through
depression or anxiety
and they come to a therapist they come
to a counselor they come to their clergy
or whatever it is what they want is
something else instead of that
issue and highlighting the difference
that they want is incredibly
valuable because when you get to the
heart of what somebody really wants
you're not telling them what to do to
solve a
problem you're telling them who they
could become and perhaps even who they
have become so far that can Empower them
to face that problem there tends to be
like this attitude in life of let's meet
people where they're at
tolerance and meeting people where
they're at is it's respectful it's
respectful thing to do you're respecting
people's issues when you meet them where
they're at when you're respecting
people's limitations when you meet them
where they're at there's an alternative
way to look at things how about meeting
people where they want to be in other
words not focusing on their problems
limitations but focusing on their
possibilities through which they have
the ability to flourish and grow
incredibly the bmov used to say that
where a person's will is that's where
they are I would like to appreciate
where they really want to be not what
they should do differently but who do
they really want to become what is the
difference that they're looking for
everybody's looking for difference not
everybody's aware of the difference that
they're looking for because the pain
sometimes just so deep but when that
difference is respectfully and
graciously
highlighted what emerges from here is
Hope and that hope is incredibly healing
in contrast when we just start to solve
problems and problem solves where people
and just let's tell people what to do
very often we could end up giving them
bad advice I can't tell you how many
people I've heard from who've gone to
therapists for serious issues and have
got incredibly lousy advice I'm not
saying that all therapists are bad and
people should not go to therapy and I'm
not saying that if somebody goes to a
therapist it's likely they're going to
get bad advice but I'm just telling you
anecdotic that the amount of people I
talk to that have gone to therapists and
have been given horrible advice why
don't you get divorced for your own
happiness why don't you just do this why
don't you just do that it's problem
solving and they're not good Solutions
because the therapist often doesn't
understand the full scope of the issue
but an alternative way of looking at
things is rather than be trying to get
to the heart and root of your problem
let's get to the heart and root of what
you want instead well isn't that masking
the issue and the answer is no it's not
masking the
issue because what you want instead of
the problem is an incredibly vulnerable
deep and real part of you and the more
that becomes relevant the more that
becomes meaningful the more you're
empowered to think about that the more
that can become real true and hopeful
and ultimately healing if you are in
need of help and you're looking for
something a little different reach out
there is an incredible amount of
groundbreaking research that shows that
when we help people face their Angels
they're empowered to face their demons
rather than just throwing attempted
Solutions at them that's my story and
I'm sticking to it