Men & Women: The Survival of Love - Rabbi Shmuel Neiman

[Music] good evening before I start I want to thank you for giving me the honor and opportunity to share together the topic of this she tonight the survival of love that means in our generation love is a word what doesn't exist that means the way the go they say love it's not the true word they say they say love they mean desire but it's not not it's not the real word for lovees love is a says in the a is the is the Lo from half from giving not accepting when a person has a desire for somebody else is accepting not giving love means I I I care for you that means I have I give for you I care for you so in the in today's world that love should have survival is come is come out impossible is that's the that's the reason of this she tonight we want that love should have survival we we look in the go in the by the tah love has survival the rambam says when he speaks about house he says like this that a person has to love his wife and he has to respect his life his wife and when he speaks to the woman the ra says that a woman should respect their husband y means more than enough the woman should try to make the husband feel good he knows what the husband wants she should she should try the husband should should do and also a woman should respect the husband as if his his husband will be a king this is the L of the rambam so again when the rambam speaks for the man the speaks about a about love you should love your wife like you love yourself when she when theam speaks from respect damam says you should respect your wife more than you respect yourself when the ram speaks to woman the ram says a woman doesn't talk from love the r doesn't say a woman should love her husband like he like she loves herself ra doesn't say it and the ra doesn't say a woman should respect the wife more than she respects herself ra says and ra says a woman should respect the husband as if he's a king so the question is why doesn't the ram say that a husband should respect the wife as if she's a queen if he is a a king she should be a queen doesn't say this so first of all the question is says should love your wife the same you love yourself the question is how could we do this you should we should love our our wives like we love ourselves question is why and how and then we ask why the ra doesn't say a person should respect wife as if she is a queen and now the question what's the ra says that you should respect a wife should respect the husband as if he's a queen as if he's a king he's not a king the means to say that heish a woman has to live in an illusion they should they should make up their mind that it's not true it's not do what from the r that yish woman should should should respect a husband as if he's a king he's not if he he would Beki or big God the biggest okay my husband isy person but he's not a king he's not a so what's the from the r other question in the Tor says when says like this says I don't want that should be alone I will I will make I will create other person so he made that UD should fall asleep and he take he took out a bone and he build a woman from it and then the T says because created a woman from the man so therefore a person should leave the father and the mother that means a person should leave the most important thing for him in life he has to leave his father and his mother the wife should be the most important thing for you in life even your father your mother gave gave you birth and this is the you should leave them you should go to to your wife so the question is why does the Torah say this this message only for men why does the Torah why does the Tora say this message for woman the T should say because was created from so a woman should leave her parents in it should connect to the to the husband why does the T point out this message for men more than woman other question the G says that 10 parts of speech came down to this world nine of the nine Parts took the woman the woman took nine Parts a man took one part that mean to say that if men are speaking one million words a day so ladies speak N9 million words a day this was Kaz is telling us the question is why why why did make that women are speaking nine times as much than men the gar says then when wanted to be the first king on want should meet together with and they didn't live in the same country so the same city so wanted they should meet made's father his name was Kish he lost his donkeys and went to to look for it and he went a few days looking for it and he didn't he didn't find it then he was he said for his the guy went with him maybe we should go ask Ani we should ask maybe Ani will tell us we the Don so he asked he asked there is in this city in the in the place here there is a Novi so they said yeah here is the near the city of R and shovi is living there maybe he maybe he's home now because the says shovi was never home he used to travel from one city to the other City to be to he wasn't he wasn't at home and waiting that clis should come to him he went out to reach in clis so he asked the people if you know ifov is home today they said I don't know so they he went to the city he he was the outside of the city he found the a few girl girls that was standing by the well and asked them you know know if shovi is today in town so they said yeah yeah he coming home today today he coming home and you know they will because in that times they will be able to be because it was it was so everybody will eat from the will sit who will sit in the front from all the people he will give for everybody to eat and nobody will eat till will make the because he will make the then then the the whole Gathering will eat so the is asking why did they talk so much this wasn't the question the question is if Shi is today in town the answer should be yeah he's coming home today today what is the whole the whole thing he's coming home he will be nobody will eat he get to the point that's not the the says yeah that's the way created women they talk they talk a lot so the question is why why did create woman to talk more than men and the gor said gor says not more the gor says nine times as much why other question the husband comes home from sh shabas shabas in the morning like 11:00 11 is finished and one one shabas there was a kidish in a good friends of him of him make made made a KES and he's a Wy guy he made a big KES CH and kgle coggle with with a lot of Liquors wines and he was sitting there and drinking the gar says the person starts to drink he starts to and start comes out the inside from a person and he started too andoo Ando Ando he didn't see how the the time is running and it's now 12:30 A4 to 1 he runs home and the wife is asking him why why did you come home so late because because it was a kidish I started to drink a little bit you know why did did you not why did you forget from me I didn't forget from you you know why do you make a why do you make a a issue from a tisue what what's what's what what happened here nothing happened no it happened you forgot from me I didn't I'm telling you I didn't forgot from you I I I drank a little bit and I started too so so what's the big deal now you always are doing it I never do it and he he is the best husband he never is doing it he always cares about the wife he's doing the whole five love languages you know the the five love languages he always buys presents for her he always smoes with her he gives a quality time he always helps her when when needed and he he's always there for her so and she is telling him you always are doing it it's not true and the St not true and he never comes home late and the message is you always are doing it so he he tries to argue with you I don't understand you what happened here and she is saying she is saying you you never understand me you always are doing it to me you never understand me and it's not true why does she act like this why why does she say you never care for me you you you you always act like this so we'll try to answer the first question we we brought the r that a person should love the wife like you love yourself so I asked what's the what's a a person should love the wife the same way he loves himself why the T says the P I bring before should leave the father and the mother means because created from when created he didn't create a a male and a female like created all animals in this world when created this world he he created male and female only by people created udam alone and then he created from udam he created why why did not create in the beginning you can in the beginning he wanted to create only only one person and he saw it's impossible should be alone so changed his mind so made up his mind he will he will create other person first of all doesn't make mistakes and didn't didn't want in the beginning to create only one and also kazal is telling kazal tell us that that KES in the beginning wanted to create male and female he wanted to create the woman too so why didate so thean explains that he wanted that people they should be a couple it's not like animals animals doesn't exist exist such a thing from a couple one day this male lives with that female the other day with the other one it's not one couple for Life wanted the people they should be a they should be a couple they should get married and this is the couple for life so made that udam should be alone then was created from udam so udam had a feeling that it's it's his it's mine it's part of me so that way udam had a feeling that my wife is not a separate thing it's it's me my it's myself so this message wanted that everybody should have everybody should feel that my wife is part of me so the T says because created from wants that we should also have this feeling a person should leave the father and the mother a person should leave the most important thing what's important for him should go to the wife because the wife should be number one the wife should be the most important thing for him so the question is by us is not the same like was created from so that way had the feeling that she that she's one with has the feeling that she's one with but by us it's not like this the men are created from his parents the ladies are created from from her parents and they're together now so why a person should feel its one so the explains that the to the the the the man and the woman before they come down to this world they won they won and then before they enter this world they get split in two one part of theisha goes in the man the other part of theisha goes in the woman woman and then when they got married they're together one it you look like the sh read this and that it seems that thought that this this sounds a match this sounds a m it's not what the is is reading it's it's a couple means that's the man and the woman they were one before they enter this world and they got split it in two when they get married they are together and they're one so this is what the Z is saying the Z says that when when men and woman are together it's a it's it's not like animals when two animals are together like it's it's it's not only the the G the thing what together it's more the thing because the the husband and wife are one they are one and when they are together that they they are together one they're now one so it's it's more it's more a it'ses it's says it's the biggest Kad when husband or wife are together is the the biggest kind of what could be in this world when a spoke to he was in the in the Mish it was came down to what was was was the was two statues one of a man and a woman they're hugging each other that means spoke to like when under the two c they're hugging each other that's the biggest place where wants to be in this world that means that when husband and wife are together it's back the Thea gets back one and that's the the biggest type of to be in this world so so this is what the T says the T says you should know when you are with your wife you are one you one so why you why you should love your wife because it's it's part of me should leave your father and your mother your father and your mother with you is not one your father and your mother is not one with you your father and your mother only gave you birth it's a thing your wife with you is one it's one it's m one thing so says you should love your wife the same way you love you love yourself and then the ra says what means should respect more than you respect yourself one of the reasons made that women should should have speech nine times as much for men we know we all know that men are more logic and women and women are more emotional why why are women more emotional and men are more Logic the says it's not good should be alone explains means it's not good should be alone created with a passion of giving a man only FS a man when he has he has for somebody to give he wants to be wants to feel that he is a giver he is a no so wanted create a woman a woman should have the opposite feeling not the feeling from giving only the feeling from accepting it's not good a person should be alone because a person has to have the feeling from giving so if would create a woman with also the feeling from giving it will not be good I will make hel from the I will make the opposite nature not the nature from a man the man has the nature from being a giver and the nature from a woman is to accept she wants to accept love she she wants to feel that somebody loves her some somebody cares for her and that way udam will have the the capability to give us somebody to give love for his wife and the wife will have the man who gives who gives her love and that way will be a wonderful couple if the woman would have the same feeling like UD it will not be good soate should be the opposite their feeling should be the opposite he should have the feeling from giving from being AIA she should have the feeling from accepting somebody cares for her and that way so the says that means because the woman they need love so the T says you should leave your father and your mother you should leave the most important thing for you in life your wife should be number one that means the wife has to feel that you have that you love her number one of this world you should leave your father your mother you should go to your wife that means you have to you have to make your wife feel that she is number one the T doesn't say it for a woman because men doesn't have to feel that I'm number one by my wife this is not what men needs men are needing to feel that I'm needed a man is a so a man has to feel I am needed so the woman has to respect the husband if he is a king what means if he a king is not a king that means to say that he is a king he is a mashia this is what the ra means to the R means to say the woman has to make the husband feel all the time that he is the mashia he is the king he is the giver so he will feel needed this is what a husband needs a husband needs to feel needed a woman needs to feel loved so when the ram is talking about love the ramam says you should love your wife the same way love yourself but ra doesn't say it for woman that why because a husband doesn't need it a husband doesn't need love a husband needs feeling needed so says should respect the husband and you should respect him if he is a king he is needed but the ra say saying for the man you should love your wife like you love yourself because this is what woman need woman need to feel that my husband loves me my husband cares for me what was the mean created woman they should speech they should have much much much more speech than men the reason is created women women are created with feelings and man like I said before is more a man is not so much with feelings more logical why because created the person with because he has a he he has to be logic he has to know when to give what to give a woman because a woman is not not a she is a so she is made with feelings she she she should feel she should respect she should accept the love from her husband that's the reason created women they should be emotional because they are made more with feelings that's the way created woman that's the way a woman accepted ex is accepting love so when a a woman is talking the reason why she is talking because she's bringing out her her feelings a man usually don't a a man doesn't doesn't talk to bring out his feelings when a man talks usually is when the he knows why what he's feeling before he knows what he's feeling he will not talk women they talk to bring out their feelings they don't know what they what they feel so the to bring out their feelings the feelings should come out with speech so because of created woman with feelings so they they have much more speech than men and the g says nine times as much so again when a woman talks a lot in a man will the husband will tell for the wife stop to talk like a woman that means in other words stop to be a woman don't be a woman B she is a woman he got married to a woman B so he will he will tell him stop stop to talk like a woman means don't be a woman you got married to a woman this is a woman so so when he when the husband is telling for the for the husband for the husband is telling for the wife like get to the point get to the point no the says no women don't get to the point the way women talk they talk that's the way so says you should respect your wife more than you respect yourself meaning when you talk talk to her you should know you talk to a woman you don't talk to a man so even when you talk with your friend and your friend is talking like like a woman you're telling for your friend go get to the point and don't don't be so emotional be a little bit more logical when you talk to your wife don't talk that way you should respect your wife more than you respect yourself so that way it it will it will the love will have a says like this love your your wife like you love yourself and and the reason why I love her like I said before because it's one with me it's one it's one it's one like I said it's one but a lot of times it's it's very hard for a person like you know I'm also married it's not so so easy so says try to work on the respect you should respect her more than you respect yourself that way you will come to the love that you will love like you love yourself so now now now we will come to the the question we asked why when the husband comes home like a hour and a half late why why does the the wife get so angry what happened here It's a Long Afternoon 7 o' they they It's a Long Afternoon she it didn't got didn't got messed up the afternoon because he came home an hour and a half late why what bothers her the answer is it bothers her because she feels she's not number one this is the feeling when I when I when when when a woman is feeling I'm not number one by my husband that means something else is more important by by him she doesn't feel good she feels she feels horrible that's the reason she feels she she does it makes her angry so when when she is telling for the husband you always are doing it she doesn't she doesn't mean to say that all the times he coming coming home late no she he's not coming home late she means to say I feel now so horrible as if you always are doing it like I said before created woman with nine times of speech than men that that doesn't mean like I said before if men talk one million words a day so how much will a woman talk N9 million words a day no this is not theat the way a woman expresses herself could be nine times as much than when so when she Express herself take down take take it like put it divided in in nine take one part of it when she is telling you you always are doing is she doesn't mean always she means to say my feeling now is so hurt that that if you're doing it to me all the way you never care for me she doesn't mean to say you never care for me you mean to say she means to say I feel now so so alone as if you never care for me but if we ask her I never care for you yeah she sure she knows she knows that he's the best husband but her feelings now in the inside is as if you never care for me so what should the husband answer the husband does shouldn't fight with her why do you say like this I don't know I don't know I I came home one one time it came on late you you make such an issue from nothing no no no don't not this way other way she tell for your wife you know I feel I feel what you feel I feel very bad for you and I understand you and this is it she doesn't need more than this you understand her that's the biggest love language you have to you have to show her your understander so even you're angry inside no I don't want to understander but make up your mind says should be you should give give her respect more than you respect yourself me to say this is what she needs now she needs that you should understand her when she feels understood she is okay and you will have the best Su the shabas like never before so before I finish I want to I want to I want to say one thing like in in in today today's work we work together man and woman there's a CH he says in that times they used to they they woman you and they started to work by by men and they it started to work men and wom together the says it was never like this it was never such a thing in cla's rule man and woman should work together but it happened and today that's the way word goes men and woman are working together and we see a lot of times the man the man has a the boss has a good time too with the secretary and Theo goes very well I said before to say when it comes to the wife that you have to work on yourself that you should be able too with your wife even even she she even she's talking nine times as much from men but you have to try don't tell her get to the point and don't tell her don't be a little bit logic don't be so emotional don't be a lady you should you should be but we see when it comes to the secretary when it comes to men of woman working together they have a good they can like 10 hours 10 hours and it goes why if if created man a woman should be so differently why when it comes not to the not a couple in the it goes the G explains why a person loves to to to talk Lara you know a good gossip you know it's it's it's G why what so G you say that person you feel so good about it what so what's the feeling what's so so the explains that is the biggest so because the is the biggest when you speak at that time you'll be able to learn and be and do the big mitah on the world so the doesn't want a person should learn to so what's what's the he makes that should be even you don't understand what you speak about other person he did this he did that so what so what but he puts in in the the speak English that way a person will not will not learn the same we can say here the the connection from from man and woman when it's not when the doesn't want it is the biggest yeah the says that's the biggest thing a person has to be Kos with his wife he has to be connected but with other woman we are not allowed to even talk St talk so the Sayes why should a man go talk to a woman they are so differently they it will never happen so thear makx it should be sweet it should to be so G when it comes to your wife it's a Mitzvah then comes in I don't I don't have patience I don't have patience so says yeah you have to you have to work on yourself you have to have patience but when it comes to to not to your wife when he doesn't want this connection the makes it really sweet you could talk like 10 12 hours in one shot and you will it will not once feel I don't have patience to talk to woman because this is the makes it very sweet so this is what you have to work on yourself if you want at home the love should be really strong the only way is when by the work you you you're going by the guidelines from Al there's what you allow to talk to woman what not allow to talk when when you come in in to work you have you have the you have your secretary you you have to tell her good morning good night you have to talk to her normally it's not it's not it's when you when you work with somebody you have a connection but you have to watch very very carefully the connection should only be a connection what's related for work it should be a connection from Friendship friendship no it's not your friend man and woman is one friend your husb husband and wife has to have to be friends but when you have a workmate it's not your friend friend it's not friendship friendship is also the Tora doesn't let and it's not it's not look see it that's the reason I made the book 9 to5 because there were a lot of people they said it's not it's only it's not true it's after I made the book I had a lot of T telephone calls they called me you're so stupid yeah I told them look up every I I I brought him a from look it up and then you should tell me if it's blown macaroni so I I I got a few telephone calls after two weeks they told me Rabbi I'm sorry I didn't I didn't know I'm sorry I'm really sorry but this is and again wanted this not because he hates us it's the opposite he wanted we should we should have real love in home our wife should feel that she is number one a lot of times a person works works together with a with a female and they they the the is developing a connection and the wife is feeling left out she doesn't know why but she's feeling she's she's feeling she's not number one so wanted that he should always have Shalom he should always have shom it should always the wife should always feel that she is number one so when you work with her with female you have to know there's there is guidelines and you will not break the guidelines you have real Shalom bias you will have the real love your love will have survival and the says when you have when you have you have when you have you have you have good children and should help you should we should all be to have good children we should have and