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Men should take RESPONSIBILITY. There are ONLY two genders!
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Men need meaning and responsibility, we are in the generation of weak men, denying the truth that there only two genders creates meaninglessness in our society. We are in deep need of meaning and responsibility
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Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
[Music]
[Applause]
Shawn will welcome the practical
spirituality here in Asia tour in the
old city of jerusalem overlooking the
western wall you know we all want to
have amazing lives and one of the ways
that you can have an amazing life if you
want an amazing life and I think most of
us do at least at a certain point your
life you decide that you're gonna want
an amazing life and you want to make it
amazing so one of those ways is by
fulfilling responsibility which sounds
strange because you know as Cheech Marin
of Cheech and Chong said
responsibilities a heavy responsibility
man yeah most people don't like
responsibility very much and they're
just avoiding it most of the time and
especially teenagers do not like
responsibility kids don't like it much
either either the responsibility just
seems like a bummer for most people but
check out the happiest people they're
generally the ones with the most
responsibility they live the richest
lives they were the happiest they sleep
the best people who take on
responsibility people who are
responsible tend to be the happier
people and and so so that's very
interesting because we don't want it and
I myself know what that feels like
believe me I'm not looking for more
responsibilities which is strange
because my life's only has riches and my
responsibilities that I've taken on so
we have to shift our our focus on the
subject of responsibility into to decide
that responsibility is good you want
responsibility now there's two types of
responsibility and we're gonna look at
each one two types of responsibility one
is electives and the other kind is how
would you say it it's sin it's forced
upon you it's it's your duty there's
words like duty and you got to do it
what would you call it elective versus
non-elective what was that
No what is it what do you call the
responsibility that every person is
responsible for like like cleaning up
after yourself obligatory you got a you
got an assist okay
tory's okay so there's elective
responsibilities and there's obligatory
responsibilities now which home you
think brings more pleasure
yeah elective elective responsibility
brings more pleasure for sure
when you elect to do something that's
that's a real pleasure to do and like I
had mentioned that I was trimming the
trails mountain biking today so that was
obligatory are elective did I mention
getting a lot of pleasure out of that a
lot of pleasure you know I got poked a
lot of times I was not enjoying my ride
because I wasn't riding my bike was at
the top of the trail and I was down the
trail working on the trail and the I
really got poked a lot my the muscles in
my hands now are completely worked so
when I finally did start writing I had
sore hands and whatever it was it was
hard work it was great because I elected
to do it I enjoyed it and it made my day
so far a highlight of my day was was
taking on a responsibility that was not
incumbent upon me but something I
elected to do now
now obligatory responsibilities can also
be very pleasurable and and certainly I
don't think pleasures our main thing
we're looking at pleasures kind of an
outcome I think the main thing we're
looking at is is meaning orientation
like that where that were our lives are
meaningful and Kim a Giunta for life was
meaningless you imagine what your life
would be like to have a meaningless life
that would really be lame to have a
meaningless life
so what's the correlation between
responsibility and meaning in life
I mean imagine someone who is not being
responsible at all like no
responsibility imagine you gave someone
no responsibilities could you see how
maybe their life would start becoming
meaningless do you see that tell me who
give me an example of someone who has
the highest responsibility and the most
meaning the parent very good I will
start with that as a parent that's a
serious responsibility but but parenting
is you know it's it's somewhat elective
and Judi is a bit of purgatory too but
it's it's really obligatory an elective
you know like you that you have kids
it's obligatory how many kids you have
is elective we could say and and the
it's the most responsibility you've ever
had in your life and it's your greatest
pleasure did I said pleasure and the
most meaningful thing it's very
meaningful very meaningful especially if
you're female it's extra meaningful and
why especially if you're female what
about women well you might say women are
more nurturing that might be why that's
more meaningful to have children but
there's another reason what's the other
reason it's on the board what they're
they're the ones who can do the duty
here you understand like like manner men
are fun for children when you're raising
them and the babies you know I'm the one
I'm the father I'm the one of the two
parents that keeps doing these little
gravity moves with the kid you know and
like I'm making life fun and stuff well
while but but the woman has the bears
the brunt of the responsibility of the
child because she she's only she can
really care for it in the way it needs
unless of course it's on bottles but you
know that's definitely not the way
you want to raise a kid unless you
absolutely have to and so and so she
gets the most meaning what's that yeah
they invent interesting and that
interesting I wonder if the obligation
because women are not on good to have
kids for various reasons one of them is
you can't obligate the Torah cannot
obligate someone that's could kill them
and so that's one of the reasons but
they but the men are obligated to have
kids which is really interesting because
in a way I mean there's a lot to learn
from that one of the things is you're
obligated get married then men are
obligated to get married in the taursus
very specifically low twelve untimely at
Livadia it's not good for man to be
alone where so why is the Torah have to
say that why is it that obligate a man
to be a parent of children and therefore
he has to get married because your
children are gonna be total animals if
you raise them out of wedlock and you
know that it's not good for children to
be raised out of wedlock it can be done
and some people have done it well but
but it's a you know you're you're
statistically ruining your chances of
having good kids
if you marry if you raise them out of
wedlock and so and there there are
socialization to the institution of
marriage is gonna be skewed so the
anyway amongst many other things so the
the men are obligated why do you think
the men are obligated so it's really
interesting and I've heard I've heard
Jordan Peterson touch on this subject a
little bit is that women have inside
them meaning they're built-in with
meaning because they can create children
not only can they grade them they want
to create them men on the other hand you
know men's self-esteem is so is so low
that it's a question if they even want
to propagate themselves like it's enough
I would it's enough I'm here like I want
to bring another one you know like why
don't we borrow someone else's seed for
our children
so the anyway the but women have a
built-in meaning and men don't then
don't have built-in meaning men have a
bigger issue with meaningless
than women do because we don't have a
built-in meaning in our reproductive
system and that's not that's that causes
us to live a more meaningless existence
but and and there's another idea I
learned from Jordan Peterson is that if
you can move your bag of bones somewhere
like just move that bag of bones and
like I don't know what put people's
luggage onto a little cart and bring it
to the airline window you know the
ticket counter for them otherwise known
as a what are those guys called not a
busboy
that's what do you call the guy at the
airport what that's funny like we live
in such a generation like people most
airports on it I'll ask you deal no
youni what do you call the guy at the
airport that brings your bags to the
window from your car skycap oh it
doesn't exist anymore it's certainly not
an easy jet coming from London man or
you know a sky cab there you know that's
that's like it's like a bus your seats
don't even reclaim so anyway they're
called a skycap actually everyone
practice that word learn more about cab
Euler so so skycap is please that's why
that windows there so I can invite shy
people into the room nothing you're shy
is you don't interrupt a class and I
understand that but it's a drop-in
course and you have succeeded in
dropping better than anybody here except
for UT who dropped in a second before
you so anyway skycaps can move their bag
of bones that man can move his bag of
bones and shoulder that luggage that's
not you know there's a heavy bag
especially if they're Jews coming to
Israel and with gifts for everyone they
know and they're gonna they can lift
that thing with those muscles of theirs
and they can move shown them there's a
spot right here next to this lady if you
wanna know so the anyway they can lift
those bags they can put them on the cart
they can bring them and here
the crazy thing about all this hey
nothing let's see if there's a spot
right here if you want to grab so what
happens at the end of all that
back-and-forth is when you when you
finally get the guy set up they hand you
money
what have these guys gone insane why are
people handing you money and the answer
is is because they find value they found
value in what you contributed because
you move those bags for them and that's
worth something to some people five
bucks ten bucks I'd only give it 20 if I
got you know if I got a lot of bags
five bucks ten bucks and hey that man
comes home with you know a couple
hundred bucks worth of tips and his wife
sees him walk in with some self-respect
which is gonna radiate respect from her
towards him and things are going well
for him that day that he moved his bag
of bones around and it was pretty
meaningful and it's very meaningful to
be recognized that you can move your bag
around your recognized monetarily that
you're recognized monetarily brings
great meaning to a man not to be not to
be not to be treated lightly that you
can do that and this is why it's very
hard for girls whose fathers work to
respect colons even though you've been
brainwashed by your schools to color men
who are married who learn in yeshiva for
years yeah you get these girls saying
you know so what are you looking for a
minute I want a man who will learn full
time while I work yeah it's like okay
thank you for telling us what your
school told you to say does your father
do that
no what does your father do he works
what do you want
what would you respect in a man because
if you don't respect your husband you
don't have a marriage
and you're not gonna be attracted to him
because we respect and attraction our
mated forever respect and attraction go
together that you cannot separate them
there's not respect there's no
attraction and there's no marriage now I
do know women who wouldn't respect the
guy works in my community in my little
shtetl in there but they pray that they
would not respect their husband if he
worked what they respect just take it
because they were raised totally
immersed with fathers who learned their
whole lives and and got a chief trainer
through Turin and they were trained in
this and and that is a great reason to
marry a man who learns full-time and she
will respect him even more than a man
who would work but you do have to know
yourself and once in a while you get a
girl from a home whose father worked and
that's what she would have respected
except she had she had eight I guess you
could call it a Beatty moment where she
she had this he service spiritually
something happened where she had this
like incredible revelatory moment where
she realized all there is is God and all
there is this the prophesies of
directing our daily lives wow I want to
be married to a man who knows the wisdom
of our tribe like backwards and forwards
I want that kind of guy
there are people like that my wife was
raised by a you know an 80 not an
atheist but uh but almost an atheist
workaholic you know a secular German
with a very heavy work ethic and lots of
guns including one under his pillow
couple shotguns and you know like that's
how she was raised you know skinned and
raccoons and the but my wife had a
revelation and the more tour i study the
more respect i get it means nothing to
her
it means nothing to her that i support
the family it means nothing
she's happy she could buy produce she's
happy she can go shopping you know
that's nice but other than nice she
would give it all up if I would sit and
learn now of course she would go to hell
in a bucket if she didn't support the
impact that I'm having you understand
when whoever you marry you must figure
out what they're here for and then you
women have to figure out what their
husband's here for kids
he may not figure it out but together
you figure out what he's here for and
you support him to the end of the world
even if you think something else would
be more important you support him to the
end of the world and so I'm in that
situation my wife will get great reward
because she backs me she'll pack my bags
she'll call the travel agent she will
she will help me with my marketing she
will she will she will comment on on
fliers and what she thinks about them
how's it going Rebbetzin
sitting next to the surfing rabbi over
here he's famous four times you were
when I was just a little pipsqueak so so
the M anyway I don't know if you guys
know but you have the surfing the
surfing rabbi I'm the rapper who surfs
you have the actual surfing rabbi here
really not from shiffman's
in your midst here wait let me just
finish that point is I was just saying
that she has tremendous reward because
she's she's respecting and supporting a
man who she would rather have learning
who's on me on my mission you know to
transform the world so that's that's
pretty special
just want to put it out there for your
honor my wife yeah Kobe you want to say
so
if your meanings external ma I'd have to
think about that a lot if they if the if
the if that destructive behavior of men
when it comes to intimacy is related to
their their inherent meaninglessness
that they're gonna somehow tear down
others if there is a correlation people
who live meaningless lives tend towards
bitterness in revenge in event and
resentment and ultimately sometimes even
revenge that's that's correlated for
sure I mean all you have to do is all
you have to do is just you know read any
any manifesto of a kid shooting up high
schools you know you're you're gonna
have a nihilist full of resentment and
anger and with extremely destructive
behavior but does it correlate to what
he's saying is very powerful is it
correlated to man's man's meaning male
males inherent meaninglessness just by
by the very virtue of being men there's
a meaninglessness there well today you
do but but you didn't used to violent
things yeah but even even the the
[Music]
regarding the the non the selfish and
destructive behavior when it comes to
physical intimacy using very big words
for my for my Torah anytime viewers
obviously in YouTube you could say
whatever you want but this is tour
anytime also so anyway but women aren't
known to do that kind of stuff unless
something's really wrong socially you
know meaning that something's gone
terribly sideways for them and in the
which has happened to a whole generation
because women are willing to be party to
behaviors that were
famous for men historically but very not
famous for women and today it's some of
that behavior is considered normal and
and that's that's us that's a real shift
in nature and shifts in nature do happen
and and you know when things in the
nature of the essence of things start
shifting that that things are going
south that's when trouble hits and we
just finished last week the the parsha
the portion of of Torah called Noah
where things went sideways and God
decided to fold the whole thing it went
too far
hit a point of no return there's a
critical threshold where God says enough
next week's parsha of my era it's gonna
happen again with Saddam in amaura we're
where God is
you know he's willing to keep the place
around but there's got to be some kind
of anchor of Sadiq am i holding the
place up and you see Abraham goes into
negotiations over the weather there is
that anchor that would keep the boat
from from you know just drifting off
into hell and but there weren't and so
it gets destroyed as well because things
went sideways there and so you know you
got a that's a and we're in a sideways
generation to the point where we're
gender is has you know when genders come
into question we're like you know in a
completely binary world where everything
is a plus or minus but everything like
nothing you can point to is not male or
female am nothing your table you know
it's being held together by you know
male and female there are screws holding
the wood part onto the frame and and the
frame was molten metal which was male
that went into a mold which is female
and and the and the windows that you're
staring at air are are the are male and
the frame is female and the hinges on
the door in the door handle in the
buttons on my best and there's just
nothing you can look at there's not
binary masculine and feminine every
single thing in Korea
without any exception it's either male
or female and to what once that gets
called in a question for when when
clearly I mean may I saw some of your
eyebrows being raised because you're
just realizing for the first time that
everything's male and female which is
really gonna freak out the rest of your
day as you walk around the Jewish
quarter game like wow everything is male
and female but it really is male and
female everything you will look at you
will never see anything but that and in
the which is important to know I'll
explain why Kabbalistic Lee in a minute
but but the humans were not the surprise
part the surprise part was the table or
the window is not the human
humans have Anatomy you know when they
say it's a girl you know it's it's it's
not you know it's not cuz the doctor
some genius you figured it out you know
so when that gets called into question
you you run the other way you run the
other way look start looking for life
rafts you know look for the lifesaver
and grab it my brother has a song called
lifeline I can't remember anyway but on
the album cover it my mother who's an
artist drew a port painting for each
song of that album and the Lifeline had
a it had a you know a life would he call
I said it earlier
no the round thing a lifesaver which
became a candy actually eventually but a
lifesaver and guess what it had wrapped
around it because usually has a rope
wrapped around her where did it have it
had to fill in straps wrapped around it
with a with its filling on you know you
know as if someone had put it on to fill
in on and wrapped it
a lifesaver and in that song was called
throwing me a lifeline it was the album
where my brother was becoming observant
and put out this amazing album each song
is awesome
and that Sam Glaser by the way to check
out his music it's unique in the Jewish
world very rare you get a you get a
singer who actually writes his own music
in the Jewish world so he's written the
most songs of anybody and maybe in
history he wakes up every morning two
three four new songs two new songs three
new songs that he doesn't remember
writing they he has a little recorder by
his bed and when the songs hit in his
dreams he wakes up records into them the
key all the lyrics the bridge the
baseline the tempo the guitar riff the
keyboards everything's sung in but the
entire song from beginning to end
without any it's not even gonna get
edited that's the song and he's learned
code over decades and decades how'd it
do this and he and then he falls back to
sleep till he wakes up again and he
records another song then he wakes up in
the morning and there's hardly ever a
day where there's not several songs
there in each song if you sat at the end
of his piano bench because what does he
do when he wakes up he runs to his piano
you know and hits record and plays out
the song and you know just flushes it
out totally for just to get it recorded
and then that song gets archived he's
extremely organized guy the archives
that song and probably no one will ever
ever hear that because when you write
three songs day you just do the math you
know you're writing a thousand of those
a year and you know how much it costs to
get a band together to play it in your
studio you know it's so that it actually
is put down so and this has been going
on since he was seven and my mother had
he had a poem assignment and so he wrote
a poem about colors and it had to be
about colors and his poem was about
about black and my mother's who's a
musician also says hey why don't we make
a song out of it so she gets on the
piano and she's got his poem in front of
her and she starts singing the poem and
my brother looks at her seven years old
this is that's not how it goes
she's like what do you mean how does it
go and he goes to sing like one of the
most complex melodies you've ever heard
with all the lyrics of this poem
it actually was a song it wasn't a poem
when I hear it I can't nail every word
but I'll do my best
something like this but those were
musicianship oriented listen to the tune
what's going on there black is the night
we're hip down the ho stars it is a
rocket going to Mars black is a bowling
ball waiting to write black is also the
night black kids or something black
black is the surrounding of the stars so
bright and black is your father when he
says good night black gives your mother
when she says go to bed and black is the
hair up on your head
and my mother was like huh she's like
let's choose another color and he's like
yellow he's like okay and he's like
yellow is as bright as the Sun yellow is
the color of a hotdog bun yeah yellow is
the color of a table dude is the color
yellow is a fish in the sea yellow is
the color when you're stung by a bee
Minnie wrote and then II wrote a song
called alone it's so what yeah as much
as he allows I mean cuz you know what's
that I don't never heard of
a Orbison anyway should I sing you alone
is really sad
but you might have felt alone before
anyone here felt alone before okay there
goes seven year-old alone song although
you have some time to Spain
but do not have anyone to play with or
share alone is feeling lonely having
nothing to do feeling sad or fear when
all the people are laughing really
having fun you feel so when you feel
you're going to run without anything to
be very he was a wild kid he's still a
wild kid and he handles the Shabbos tent
at music festivals cuz he never grew up
and he's the most playful person ever my
kids love him all kids he does too
called marriage you need someone you
know you're the kite she'll be the
string
hopefully I didn't marry much of a
string I mean my wife's like it's like
two kites
what's your your characteristics are
your best Newars okay so the meaning the
meaning of a man being I'm the movies
bones is bag of bones around and someone
pay him for it gives the man value and
what's really interesting about this
back to respect and stuff is his Adam's
curse and a meaning the first to Adam
the first man because he he listened to
his wife over God in other words he
allowed this is like the second feminist
story in the Torah is Adam choosing to
listen to his wife's really bad idea
that was a bad idea but he listened to
her bad idea and everything went
seriously sideways after that and and
God had already said not to do that so
like how did you possibly choose a woman
over God but of course that that would
joke that was a joke meaning that I said
that totally facetiously because this
room's full of men who know what God
wants them to do and know what God
doesn't want them to and they keep doing
what he doesn't want them to do when it
comes to women so it's so it's famous to
do what women want or what you want with
women and not listen to God that started
at the beginning of time like this is
this is old this is old news you know
doing that kind of thing so anyway but
look at Adams curse Adams curse is is to
go out there and make something of
himself and come back with the goods
show respective it says and and
she will that who iam shall Bach means
the who he Jim Schall will rule back
over you he will rule over you which was
Eve's curse because she Lily you know
she dominated Adam and which is fun for
a moment for women but I'm not gonna be
very lasting because as we said before
respect and attraction art art and they
say in okay thank intertwine but I want
to say they they can't be they were
extra extra something like that but
they're what's that yeah well their
tongue constantly wrapped up so like you
may think it's cute to play feminist
games with your husband when you get
married executed they can never be
extricated or or the or the marriage
disappears so like you might think it'd
be cute to be like a little dominant
when you get married with your husband
and he loved it they love it by the way
men love it why first of all they miss
their mom so that's nice that like she
mommy's gonna go to the post office for
me you know and she's gonna this for me
and you into that for me and she you
know and they also like it because men
have an averse relationship with
responsibilities much more than women
who are built-in with responsibilities
and meaning men and having a have an
adversity and adversity to it and and
here's this young feminist girl married
this you know guy and and she's taken on
everything and he's like great take on
everything like go pay our bills
you know like go work and or go do
whatever you're gonna do and and she's
kind of enjoying it when she's young
it's kind of nice when she's young to be
in this kind of powerful place and and
he likes it cuz he doesn't do anything
but but after a while they a a woman's
feminine side starts getting stronger
stronger because women don't get into
their femininity till their 30s and it
never really kicks in - doesn't really
kick in till about their 35 36 37 by 38
every woman's like like fall feminine
like powerfully huge intense femininity
comes out of women it could be because
by the time they're in their 50s young
50s they lose their their reproductive
you know abilities and and it could be
that that it's kind of like a firework
that shooting but then at the end it
just and that's like that's like the
forties you know where their feminine is
very strong and if they have set up a a
a opposite dynamic of what should be
where the cheese the dominant and he's
the sub dumb and in which what we're
discussing right now regarding Adam and
Eve if they set up that dynamic in their
20s or they're just victims of our
generation so that is the dynamic no
matter how old you are so they and I'll
tell you some interesting for the first
time in history women are trading in
their husbands when they reach 40 41 42
they're dumping their husbands now in
the 480 community they won't dump them
they'll have the lack of respect and
then maybe they'll want to go see a
counselor so we can try to build the man
up I have to build up a lot a lot of her
80 men in their 40s like right around 35
to 45 I would do a lot of work with men
and in fact I'll it's not part of my
seminar but I do mention the subject
quite a bit if you recall I bring up the
man training stuff in in seminars which
will be in Brooklyn this this Sunday's
Brooklyn for men and then Muncie will be
men seminars at night women by date in
two weeks starting the week of November
17th so anyway but what happens is were
feminine he kicks in and if the dynamic
is wrong if the dynamics the opposite
meaning the she's the dominant he's the
sub-dominant so the the marriage just
falls apart because how can you respect
such a guy you know he's just a little
girl she's married to a little girl and
she's now finally a woman and like I
said before everything
my own female so now she's she liked his
feminine side because she was male and
he was female and that works but it
doesn't work in your 30s in your mid to
late 30s when the femininity kicks and
strong no matter how male you were in
femininity is now strong and you're
yours she's smelling for a male now and
and she ain't got one because she
crushed him years ago
or he was probably crushed by society or
his mother God knows who you know his
his that his a Hungarian mother crushers
you know in me and so you know there's
just nothing left of them we just
started this whole industry called man
training which I'm not a manager but
I've been around the sport enough that I
know I know the principles I just don't
have the patience to take on men you
know to train them in this but what's
amazing about it is the worse I'm
telling you the worst crash-and-burn
divorces that are already like you know
it's over and they're separated he lives
somewhere else she lives here they're
finally getting like enough of that
you know Kramer vs Kramer hell fire of
the divorce has finally come to the get
and then what happens the guy stumbles
upon man training and he's like I never
heard man training so he goes starts
getting you gets a trainer and he's
working with a trainer and the trainer
is like you've been doing everything
wrong man and he's like yes guess so and
and anyway so they they they they meet
with the arbitrator right before they
get and she's been training now for a
couple weeks
takes a couple months but he's been
training for a couple weeks and they're
at with the arbitrator and she starts
smelling her husband she's just gonna
like she's like there's a man here and
he's doing everything right right now
doing everything right and and whatever
the arbitration debts a it set and
everything and there's she actually no
she's send in the forbidden text
messages here and there
you know it's how you doing he's like
yeah and thatit ex-manager from earn
nine months you know and there's the
text and the man trainer of course you
send your text directly to man trainer
what do I do you know he's like it's
working you're gonna get her back and he
gets her back almost every single time
he gets her back and whenever there's a
crash and burn marriage the problem is
not the woman it's always the man and
it's always his manliness which is the
which is missing and and that is this
this gender shift where creation itself
has lost its way
just like the time of Noah it's it's
it's killed the institution of marriage
and it's and it's the requirement of the
man to to get it back and it's really
funny to watch and it's even funnier to
watch with really intellectual women who
are like they know they shouldn't be
having this happen but it's happening
and they can't stop themselves and they
stop the divorce and they they backtrack
and they stay married and it's it's
really something very special very
special oh and just one other thing just
to show you in a chart and then I'll
take questions something very
interesting on a chart regarding
cohabitation is this is the chart of a
frequency of cohabitation of of young
couples okay that's the first year
sorry that's a little steep
and then every couple kind of comes to
some agreement some agreement and
thankfully in Judaism if you keep Jewish
law it never drops below twice a week
you know which which they they have now
pulled Americans that um for Americans
it's after ten years of marriage because
doesn't make any sense
pulling newly married but they pulled
people after ten years of marriage it's
once every six weeks and that's gotten
that's gotten worse now that but that's
a figure from like maybe eight years ago
it's even worse now and and by the way
as the years go on it gets worse and
worse so whereas in Judaism it's
collectively obligatory it can never be
less than twice a week ever never can
dip below that which is very interesting
because if you go take the eight year
ago statistic from ten years which is
pretty good is once every six weeks
versus twice a week comes out that being
an observant Jew means that you'll be
cohabitating with your spouse twelve
times more than your secular
counterparts now that's not something
anyone really thinks about I call it I
teach a whole class on it it's called
the best-kept secret best-kept secret
and it's really ironic too because you
know let's say you're in I know you're
in San Diego and you're in San Diego and
you see this guy pull up you know this
grease bag silver hair and his and his
girl it was like you know she's about 20
years younger than him and there they
were in a Corvette with no roof on it
you know they are they are the picture
of you know romance you know they've
been married already for fifteen years
the two of them and and you know and
there there are engines you know just
like stoplight you know and you're
looking at them you know it's gone like
jealous meanwhile there's less like
super chubby Chabad rabbi from San Diego
you know we like you know he's just like
walking to shul cuz it's Saturday you
know and and he's on his way to show
you know where he's got his community
and his you know kiddush which is when
communities usually come in California
to shore
his kiddush and he's on his way to shul
and he's just not what you're jealous of
on that street corner in San Diego but
you should be you should be because
those two I mean who knows what they're
we know statistically what they're up to
but we also know statistically what he's
up to
the chubby Chabad rabbi on his way to
shul and I think anyone in the world
every man in the world would rather be
that guy than the guy in the Corvette
and I think from this fact alone every
man should just be running to the kippah
store in this it's a store and I just
sign me up man sign me up for a healthy
life a healthy marriage so what happens
is let's say this is this is a six years
of marriage you get to some kind of
agreement of frequency and and what
happens is when she hits her 30s this is
what when she hits her mid 30s later
what happens is it goes like this let's
say well make this the baseline so what
happens is it goes like it takes it
takes in her mid 30s
Ted zero to zero and I've met a couple
after a couple after a couple of a
couple of cover I know already I don't
even have to ask but I ask you know ask
you know are you still cohabitating you
know he or she is like no it's been it's
been two years or whatever zero it goes
to zero and these are couples you know
these are couples you're people you know
it's at zero if he didn't get his act
together as a man but here's the
funniest thing and this is the amazing
thing is that is that the men who get
the training or if you
in needed because he was from a more
traditional background that that kept
the original roles of husband and wife
is that it actually goes like that it
goes like that him plateaus there
because she's at the height of her
femininity and he's playing his cards
right in his marriage and it just like
goes right back to the first year of
marriage which is amazing I mean that's
just unreal and it's true and I've dealt
with couple after couple of a couple of
a couple of couple it is redundant it is
absolutely true
neither goes to zero or it goes back to
the first year of marriage but there's
no middle ground if he's not being a man
there's no male toxicity right right
yeah that's very likely very likely that
that happened and you know people eat
way too much ain't way to go but I am
proof that food the fuel food gives you
is ten times more than you realize what
you think when you're fueling up is
overeating and you can eat so much less
food and put so much out on so little
food and you'll just your whole body
will metabolize it they will it'll find
its way you know and your muscles will
take over for you no muscles are ready
to fire you know the
and it is already earlier that as women
a charm in the later stages yeah no
doesn't know it doesn't happen for men
men go through their shift at puberty
notice women I mean they get
reproductive organs but they don't mean
either reproductive or go into action
but they don't have this like womanhood
take them over it's gradual women's
women hood is a gradual natural
progression from girl to woman boys
don't have anything gradual haven't ya
nothing gradual there and it's it's like
within a few months and and he just he
cuz who says he's a man just cuz his
body went through all that that's why
men have it so rough boys have it so
rough when they go through so to speak
that's her in yeah I don't know I've
never heard it related to I've never
heard that related to that but that's an
interesting point I I think it did
potentially dangerous using it as a
dangerous mcore for it unless it's just
a sign of mushiya coming but but what it
it just has to do with me being I don't
know
a teach a mean teachings are literally
coming to my brain wall and hearing you
say it but again that would be coming
from me and the the first thing that
came to me was is that there's going to
be a shift in the in the nature of
things right now we have a hidden God
creating this very opaque matrix and
that we reflect obviously God but you
can't see him so well and so what is the
moon the moon is the reflector of the
Sun but in the end of days the moon will
bestow flector will be strong and so to
our world that's usually opaque will go
back to its translucent state of the
Garden of Eden before they from the
fruit I'm just making that up as I go
though those were my brain witness that
you can put then the waste paper basket
when you feet cuz I don't have any
source for any of that but that's what
came Kobi guys I they bought my digs day
keep winning with you wife okay
bad idea bad idea if you need to
feminize yourself though with your
friends if you really got a cry
something out well that's good that's
good stuff and some feminine being open
and caring and by the way crying and
with your wife is wonderful if you're
crying out deep feelings that's fine but
if it's if it's like if it's there's a
certain kind of crying men do which is
like it's a little boy poor me cry never
do that when you're white
ever ever I've had men I've had men or
you know their their their marriage is
going south like that and there they go
to couples counseling but really they
didn't realize they're in a trap the
couples counseling is really just to get
a few signatures from the therapist that
she's truly married to a woman and that
the divorce can go through so he thought
a good idea would be to start whimpering
and crying in front of the therapist he
just thought that's a good that would be
a good move and you know because then
everyone will have compassion for him
and and they'll feel bad for him and
sympathetic for him but what happens he
starts crying you know what she does she
goes to the therapist she says and the
guy thinks this is working great
meanwhile he's digging his own grave
he's like literally stamping his divorce
right now you know because he thought
crying would be a good idea anyway so
that poor me cry never in marriage
that's what friends are for
we have those poor me moments call up a
friend a guy and go cry on his shoulder
don't cry in your wife's shoulder now I
cry a lot with my wife a lot but I'm
crying over deep feelings of things not
pour me stuff pour me stuff goes
straight to other friends of mine don't
come in like that when I'm just saying
being a man it's a subtle man it's it's
subtle man stuff it's not you know come
in as like he meant even an guy you know
like that nobody wants that you just
want to be yourself you wanna be you you
wanna be fully integrated this is by the
way all this man stuff doesn't mean okay
you're not you know this nice guy that
no one wants her no woman wants a nice
guy okay I mean they think they do when
they're in their feminist mode but they
won't want them later so get rid of the
nice guy stuff but see you got to be
careful and that's why your question
came up you got to be careful not to
make an inference and oh no not no more
mr. nice guy then here comes the
aggressive man guy you know and nobody
wants that either just be yourself
be fully integrated human being that's
all she wants just a fully integrated
human being and them and the man of that
not the woman of that she wants the man
of that Nikki that poor me side starts
coming up call a friend go get a beer
and cry it out or go to a therapist I've
cried stuff out with therapists that
just I would never do for my with my
wife I used to do with my wife and I
couldn't figure out why she didn't want
to look at me for a few days you know
you know what it's like it's like
catching a cold when a guy gets married
he can't wait to catch a cold because
he's Miz's when he used to catch a cold
his mother would bring him this man and
you know compress and of soup in abysm
and and so he thinks he's gonna try that
in marriage except what happens she
realized oh my gosh I got like it's
defective
it's defective like how's this thing
gonna support me that now caught a cold
if a guy learns real quick never get
sick
never good thing you'll notice and most
of you your father never got sick is he
you learned his lesson in the first year
of marriage you never get sick yeah you
just I mean unless you really catch a
real thing
but the the old getting sick thing that
we do by kind of a little extra
processed flour and over processed flour
and like extra sugar and a little sleep
deprivation a little stress and
overworking you catch a cold
but you stop catching those colds when
you get married you stop kidding but
then there's like you know just getting
nailed by something and once in a while
man gets nailed by something wait yeah
don't ever get sick when you're married
and that's why you'll notice your father
doesn't get sick he learned his lesson
she ain't coming with a bowl of soup you
know she's like the hell's going on here
and then you'll see like your kids sick
at the same day and she's just like Oh
sweetheart here let me get you something
yeah
you're like what about me
you get there quick get back to work
yeah you want to say something and also
if you like saying that I noticed that
I've been watching your facial muscles
like cringing in different times if you
have something you like sharing or
asking yeah what's being a man being a
man is
I'd say though I'm not gonna give a long
thing because 35 but but I'll give you
the Mosin Borg
no no beat fully-integrated yourself but
be there for your wife as a man and now
you're saying well what does that mean
that's all yeah I wasn't saying with
there's no compromise I'm being on what
I said a full integration of yourself
but when you're being a man you're
really being a man for her
so for example women need to review
their day when you get home from work
they must review your day their day and
if you blow it and don't give them time
to review your day you'll pay for that
later they need to review their day and
then after every other day many times by
the way they review it with their friend
they were good with this one that when
they call their mother they review today
they review earlier but when you get
home you'd think hey they're all
reviewed out there not any one last
review with their husband and especially
if they're a bunch of little kids
because they they spend a lot of time
with little kids and then there's an
adult now in their presence and they
want to review it one more time just to
put you on the page and your job is to
sit there and let her review her day and
be there and listen and stuff now but
one of the main things is for a man to
be a man is to is to not react
and reactions are always fight-or-flight
and human beings in animals and fish and
not react with fight-or-flight when
she's being contentious that's being a
min not react with fight which means
you're gonna be contentious back or fly
which means you're gonna run away from
this confrontation but be able to stay
just and why did I bring up listening to
her review because you need to hear her
you need to filled her contentious
verbage when she's being contentious you
need to filled her contentious verbage
just as you would her reviews don't let
her pull you into something meaning a
fight and also don't run away after you
heard her expletives about you just
breathe and listen don't listen too hard
listen a little listen too hard you'll
be wounded and generally a woman when
she's feeling contentious and he's doing
the man thing and he's really being
there for her by shutting up what
happens is she sees he passed the man
tests her respect goes boom and her
attraction goes whoa but the problem is
he can't do that now because he's so
wounded by what she said so it's really
important not to listen to carefully
just enough for general content do not
interrupt her do not fight and
definitely don't run away and uni don't
run to the bathroom or dominica or
wherever like stay right there and stay
present with her okay put on put in your
create your yogic inner smile which is
the position when you're in a
particularly difficult position in yoga
you you remember to keep your face
the muscles of your face at peace called
inner smile and be there be a man for
her that's all so that's one example of
being a man and probably one of the most
important ones and and I can't stress
enough the almost impossible thing of
not listening because again if he comes
out wounded what good did it to her you
know
now he's just wounded and now she's all
like getting romantic you know and she
wants to make him eggs and sweet potato
and he's just like he can't even eat you
know after what he just went through
what every man has had that anyway so
that's exciting did you want to share
something or say something okay but but
I realized that whenever I bring up
these subjects more more in the last
year's obviously but whenever I bring up
these subjects I'm never I'm I'm my
intention is to my intention is is to
mess with you but my intention is not to
be hurtful at all I'm believing I this
is not where I make my living
I'm here because I care about people and
I know that there are principles of
living that will create long-term good
and there are skewed principles of
really doing that will mess you up and
that's what today was all about and they
will mess you up down the road and so I
am willing to mess with people big time
with all my luck with all my love I
don't have to be the heart there's
nothing to make a dent in my my monthly
nut financially that whatever stipend
they give the rabbi's here is not even
really relevant to what a costumer in my
household especially with two kites for
parents and in the but I'm really here
because I love people now but what but
when I'm saying stuff that can be hard
to hear or maybe even fly in the face of
philosophies
moved political or air with the
movements of society for young people
today when I say things that are seemed
to be not just contradictory but they
help sense it's an attack on the on
those values which I don't consider
values I consider them a channel that's
just being changed and this is the
channel it's on today check 20 years
later we'll be at another channel it's
not it's not eternal it's not timeless
like our Torah and the so when I mess
with people I'm really messing with
people with love with love in my heart
and care and and I want to see people
have beautiful marriages and I want to
see people have meaning in their lives
and to wrap it all up is meaning comes
from it seems that meaning comes from
responsibility women have it built into
their systems men have to get it through
through taking on voluntarily
responsibility some of those things we
take on our obligatory you still have to
take it on like for example you keep
kosher you have to take you took that on
now you may have been raised that way
but you take that on you know it's not a
big choice cuz you're raised Jewish and
raised keeping kosher and so you got to
keep kosher
it's part of a big Ettore but for you to
get up and get a cup of water for
somebody who you felt might be thirsty
that's elective you'll probably get more
meaning out of that cup of water than
putting on your to film this morning
because you're you put on your film
today that's an obligation but getting
someone a cup of water might be more
meaningful because you elected to do
that and when you elect to when you
elect to take on a responsibility life
gets really meaningful and this is one
of the reasons why Bali chuhwa are much
more excited about Judaism than they're
raised observant counterparts because
they they're they're taking a whole
world of obligation on electively
understand they're taking this whole
world of obligation on electively
taking on all this responsibility
electively it's just magical it's a
wonderful is it your life gets
like infused with meaning forever for
the rest of your life you like you have
something that no one could ever have
you're just filled with meaning but with
this breakdown between elective and
obligatory responsibilities I think that
we can all find ourselves living very
meaningful lives no matter how you're
raised and and this is something that
that all of us should be doing and that
is embracing responsibility and Torah
obligates the man I'm just going full
circle now obligates them into to be
married not really but it does say don't
be alone and it also says that men have
to have children while children don't
come out so good unless they have two
parents married to one another
statistically even though as I said
there are individuals that can raise a
kid but generally it needs to be a
married couple for the kid to come out
somewhat normal
by the way plenty of people who come out
to normal with two very married parents
but the but the so men are obligated for
this and this where women are not
obligated to be married nor to have
children they have this built-in meaning
which will probably drive for them to
get married and have some but the men
have to be commanded so because men are
AB Horace Ponce abilities responsibility
scares men very much and meanwhile that
will be our joy that will it'll be our
meaning and that will be our joy and
then the last thing I just said is the
benchmark that your life's very
meaningful the benchmark of it is the
feedback you get so I'm gonna handing
you 20 bucks removing this bag as
feedback getting a salary is feedback
from the world letting you know that
your life's yeah it's working it's
working this this embracing of
responsibility is working because
someone actually hired you for
responsibility and they're now you're
now getting a salary and that that means
it's working out for you this whole
meaning through responsibility that's
feedback and feedbacks really powerful
for and you you want to live off that
and feed off it I mean we live off God
but you can feed off of the feedback of
of whether financial feedback my
greatest days once I get these
whatsapp's all the time that usually
start with I just want to thank you
because I was in your class I was ready
to kill you
and and I cried for two hours after and
I was and I was gonna raise hell and
troll you online and then I eventually
realized that you're right and my life
has turned around and thank God and I
want to thank you for that and that's my
best day because I got the feedback of a
responsibility I've taken on sure to
make a difference for this generation
Shalom if you enjoyed watching this well
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