Men should take RESPONSIBILITY. There are ONLY two genders!

[Music] [Applause] Shawn will welcome the practical spirituality here in Asia tour in the old city of jerusalem overlooking the western wall you know we all want to have amazing lives and one of the ways that you can have an amazing life if you want an amazing life and I think most of us do at least at a certain point your life you decide that you're gonna want an amazing life and you want to make it amazing so one of those ways is by fulfilling responsibility which sounds strange because you know as Cheech Marin of Cheech and Chong said responsibilities a heavy responsibility man yeah most people don't like responsibility very much and they're just avoiding it most of the time and especially teenagers do not like responsibility kids don't like it much either either the responsibility just seems like a bummer for most people but check out the happiest people they're generally the ones with the most responsibility they live the richest lives they were the happiest they sleep the best people who take on responsibility people who are responsible tend to be the happier people and and so so that's very interesting because we don't want it and I myself know what that feels like believe me I'm not looking for more responsibilities which is strange because my life's only has riches and my responsibilities that I've taken on so we have to shift our our focus on the subject of responsibility into to decide that responsibility is good you want responsibility now there's two types of responsibility and we're gonna look at each one two types of responsibility one is electives and the other kind is how would you say it it's sin it's forced upon you it's it's your duty there's words like duty and you got to do it what would you call it elective versus non-elective what was that No what is it what do you call the responsibility that every person is responsible for like like cleaning up after yourself obligatory you got a you got an assist okay tory's okay so there's elective responsibilities and there's obligatory responsibilities now which home you think brings more pleasure yeah elective elective responsibility brings more pleasure for sure when you elect to do something that's that's a real pleasure to do and like I had mentioned that I was trimming the trails mountain biking today so that was obligatory are elective did I mention getting a lot of pleasure out of that a lot of pleasure you know I got poked a lot of times I was not enjoying my ride because I wasn't riding my bike was at the top of the trail and I was down the trail working on the trail and the I really got poked a lot my the muscles in my hands now are completely worked so when I finally did start writing I had sore hands and whatever it was it was hard work it was great because I elected to do it I enjoyed it and it made my day so far a highlight of my day was was taking on a responsibility that was not incumbent upon me but something I elected to do now now obligatory responsibilities can also be very pleasurable and and certainly I don't think pleasures our main thing we're looking at pleasures kind of an outcome I think the main thing we're looking at is is meaning orientation like that where that were our lives are meaningful and Kim a Giunta for life was meaningless you imagine what your life would be like to have a meaningless life that would really be lame to have a meaningless life so what's the correlation between responsibility and meaning in life I mean imagine someone who is not being responsible at all like no responsibility imagine you gave someone no responsibilities could you see how maybe their life would start becoming meaningless do you see that tell me who give me an example of someone who has the highest responsibility and the most meaning the parent very good I will start with that as a parent that's a serious responsibility but but parenting is you know it's it's somewhat elective and Judi is a bit of purgatory too but it's it's really obligatory an elective you know like you that you have kids it's obligatory how many kids you have is elective we could say and and the it's the most responsibility you've ever had in your life and it's your greatest pleasure did I said pleasure and the most meaningful thing it's very meaningful very meaningful especially if you're female it's extra meaningful and why especially if you're female what about women well you might say women are more nurturing that might be why that's more meaningful to have children but there's another reason what's the other reason it's on the board what they're they're the ones who can do the duty here you understand like like manner men are fun for children when you're raising them and the babies you know I'm the one I'm the father I'm the one of the two parents that keeps doing these little gravity moves with the kid you know and like I'm making life fun and stuff well while but but the woman has the bears the brunt of the responsibility of the child because she she's only she can really care for it in the way it needs unless of course it's on bottles but you know that's definitely not the way you want to raise a kid unless you absolutely have to and so and so she gets the most meaning what's that yeah they invent interesting and that interesting I wonder if the obligation because women are not on good to have kids for various reasons one of them is you can't obligate the Torah cannot obligate someone that's could kill them and so that's one of the reasons but they but the men are obligated to have kids which is really interesting because in a way I mean there's a lot to learn from that one of the things is you're obligated get married then men are obligated to get married in the taursus very specifically low twelve untimely at Livadia it's not good for man to be alone where so why is the Torah have to say that why is it that obligate a man to be a parent of children and therefore he has to get married because your children are gonna be total animals if you raise them out of wedlock and you know that it's not good for children to be raised out of wedlock it can be done and some people have done it well but but it's a you know you're you're statistically ruining your chances of having good kids if you marry if you raise them out of wedlock and so and there there are socialization to the institution of marriage is gonna be skewed so the anyway amongst many other things so the the men are obligated why do you think the men are obligated so it's really interesting and I've heard I've heard Jordan Peterson touch on this subject a little bit is that women have inside them meaning they're built-in with meaning because they can create children not only can they grade them they want to create them men on the other hand you know men's self-esteem is so is so low that it's a question if they even want to propagate themselves like it's enough I would it's enough I'm here like I want to bring another one you know like why don't we borrow someone else's seed for our children so the anyway the but women have a built-in meaning and men don't then don't have built-in meaning men have a bigger issue with meaningless than women do because we don't have a built-in meaning in our reproductive system and that's not that's that causes us to live a more meaningless existence but and and there's another idea I learned from Jordan Peterson is that if you can move your bag of bones somewhere like just move that bag of bones and like I don't know what put people's luggage onto a little cart and bring it to the airline window you know the ticket counter for them otherwise known as a what are those guys called not a busboy that's what do you call the guy at the airport what that's funny like we live in such a generation like people most airports on it I'll ask you deal no youni what do you call the guy at the airport that brings your bags to the window from your car skycap oh it doesn't exist anymore it's certainly not an easy jet coming from London man or you know a sky cab there you know that's that's like it's like a bus your seats don't even reclaim so anyway they're called a skycap actually everyone practice that word learn more about cab Euler so so skycap is please that's why that windows there so I can invite shy people into the room nothing you're shy is you don't interrupt a class and I understand that but it's a drop-in course and you have succeeded in dropping better than anybody here except for UT who dropped in a second before you so anyway skycaps can move their bag of bones that man can move his bag of bones and shoulder that luggage that's not you know there's a heavy bag especially if they're Jews coming to Israel and with gifts for everyone they know and they're gonna they can lift that thing with those muscles of theirs and they can move shown them there's a spot right here next to this lady if you wanna know so the anyway they can lift those bags they can put them on the cart they can bring them and here the crazy thing about all this hey nothing let's see if there's a spot right here if you want to grab so what happens at the end of all that back-and-forth is when you when you finally get the guy set up they hand you money what have these guys gone insane why are people handing you money and the answer is is because they find value they found value in what you contributed because you move those bags for them and that's worth something to some people five bucks ten bucks I'd only give it 20 if I got you know if I got a lot of bags five bucks ten bucks and hey that man comes home with you know a couple hundred bucks worth of tips and his wife sees him walk in with some self-respect which is gonna radiate respect from her towards him and things are going well for him that day that he moved his bag of bones around and it was pretty meaningful and it's very meaningful to be recognized that you can move your bag around your recognized monetarily that you're recognized monetarily brings great meaning to a man not to be not to be not to be treated lightly that you can do that and this is why it's very hard for girls whose fathers work to respect colons even though you've been brainwashed by your schools to color men who are married who learn in yeshiva for years yeah you get these girls saying you know so what are you looking for a minute I want a man who will learn full time while I work yeah it's like okay thank you for telling us what your school told you to say does your father do that no what does your father do he works what do you want what would you respect in a man because if you don't respect your husband you don't have a marriage and you're not gonna be attracted to him because we respect and attraction our mated forever respect and attraction go together that you cannot separate them there's not respect there's no attraction and there's no marriage now I do know women who wouldn't respect the guy works in my community in my little shtetl in there but they pray that they would not respect their husband if he worked what they respect just take it because they were raised totally immersed with fathers who learned their whole lives and and got a chief trainer through Turin and they were trained in this and and that is a great reason to marry a man who learns full-time and she will respect him even more than a man who would work but you do have to know yourself and once in a while you get a girl from a home whose father worked and that's what she would have respected except she had she had eight I guess you could call it a Beatty moment where she she had this he service spiritually something happened where she had this like incredible revelatory moment where she realized all there is is God and all there is this the prophesies of directing our daily lives wow I want to be married to a man who knows the wisdom of our tribe like backwards and forwards I want that kind of guy there are people like that my wife was raised by a you know an 80 not an atheist but uh but almost an atheist workaholic you know a secular German with a very heavy work ethic and lots of guns including one under his pillow couple shotguns and you know like that's how she was raised you know skinned and raccoons and the but my wife had a revelation and the more tour i study the more respect i get it means nothing to her it means nothing to her that i support the family it means nothing she's happy she could buy produce she's happy she can go shopping you know that's nice but other than nice she would give it all up if I would sit and learn now of course she would go to hell in a bucket if she didn't support the impact that I'm having you understand when whoever you marry you must figure out what they're here for and then you women have to figure out what their husband's here for kids he may not figure it out but together you figure out what he's here for and you support him to the end of the world even if you think something else would be more important you support him to the end of the world and so I'm in that situation my wife will get great reward because she backs me she'll pack my bags she'll call the travel agent she will she will help me with my marketing she will she will she will comment on on fliers and what she thinks about them how's it going Rebbetzin sitting next to the surfing rabbi over here he's famous four times you were when I was just a little pipsqueak so so the M anyway I don't know if you guys know but you have the surfing the surfing rabbi I'm the rapper who surfs you have the actual surfing rabbi here really not from shiffman's in your midst here wait let me just finish that point is I was just saying that she has tremendous reward because she's she's respecting and supporting a man who she would rather have learning who's on me on my mission you know to transform the world so that's that's pretty special just want to put it out there for your honor my wife yeah Kobe you want to say so if your meanings external ma I'd have to think about that a lot if they if the if the if that destructive behavior of men when it comes to intimacy is related to their their inherent meaninglessness that they're gonna somehow tear down others if there is a correlation people who live meaningless lives tend towards bitterness in revenge in event and resentment and ultimately sometimes even revenge that's that's correlated for sure I mean all you have to do is all you have to do is just you know read any any manifesto of a kid shooting up high schools you know you're you're gonna have a nihilist full of resentment and anger and with extremely destructive behavior but does it correlate to what he's saying is very powerful is it correlated to man's man's meaning male males inherent meaninglessness just by by the very virtue of being men there's a meaninglessness there well today you do but but you didn't used to violent things yeah but even even the the [Music] regarding the the non the selfish and destructive behavior when it comes to physical intimacy using very big words for my for my Torah anytime viewers obviously in YouTube you could say whatever you want but this is tour anytime also so anyway but women aren't known to do that kind of stuff unless something's really wrong socially you know meaning that something's gone terribly sideways for them and in the which has happened to a whole generation because women are willing to be party to behaviors that were famous for men historically but very not famous for women and today it's some of that behavior is considered normal and and that's that's us that's a real shift in nature and shifts in nature do happen and and you know when things in the nature of the essence of things start shifting that that things are going south that's when trouble hits and we just finished last week the the parsha the portion of of Torah called Noah where things went sideways and God decided to fold the whole thing it went too far hit a point of no return there's a critical threshold where God says enough next week's parsha of my era it's gonna happen again with Saddam in amaura we're where God is you know he's willing to keep the place around but there's got to be some kind of anchor of Sadiq am i holding the place up and you see Abraham goes into negotiations over the weather there is that anchor that would keep the boat from from you know just drifting off into hell and but there weren't and so it gets destroyed as well because things went sideways there and so you know you got a that's a and we're in a sideways generation to the point where we're gender is has you know when genders come into question we're like you know in a completely binary world where everything is a plus or minus but everything like nothing you can point to is not male or female am nothing your table you know it's being held together by you know male and female there are screws holding the wood part onto the frame and and the frame was molten metal which was male that went into a mold which is female and and the and the windows that you're staring at air are are the are male and the frame is female and the hinges on the door in the door handle in the buttons on my best and there's just nothing you can look at there's not binary masculine and feminine every single thing in Korea without any exception it's either male or female and to what once that gets called in a question for when when clearly I mean may I saw some of your eyebrows being raised because you're just realizing for the first time that everything's male and female which is really gonna freak out the rest of your day as you walk around the Jewish quarter game like wow everything is male and female but it really is male and female everything you will look at you will never see anything but that and in the which is important to know I'll explain why Kabbalistic Lee in a minute but but the humans were not the surprise part the surprise part was the table or the window is not the human humans have Anatomy you know when they say it's a girl you know it's it's it's not you know it's not cuz the doctor some genius you figured it out you know so when that gets called into question you you run the other way you run the other way look start looking for life rafts you know look for the lifesaver and grab it my brother has a song called lifeline I can't remember anyway but on the album cover it my mother who's an artist drew a port painting for each song of that album and the Lifeline had a it had a you know a life would he call I said it earlier no the round thing a lifesaver which became a candy actually eventually but a lifesaver and guess what it had wrapped around it because usually has a rope wrapped around her where did it have it had to fill in straps wrapped around it with a with its filling on you know you know as if someone had put it on to fill in on and wrapped it a lifesaver and in that song was called throwing me a lifeline it was the album where my brother was becoming observant and put out this amazing album each song is awesome and that Sam Glaser by the way to check out his music it's unique in the Jewish world very rare you get a you get a singer who actually writes his own music in the Jewish world so he's written the most songs of anybody and maybe in history he wakes up every morning two three four new songs two new songs three new songs that he doesn't remember writing they he has a little recorder by his bed and when the songs hit in his dreams he wakes up records into them the key all the lyrics the bridge the baseline the tempo the guitar riff the keyboards everything's sung in but the entire song from beginning to end without any it's not even gonna get edited that's the song and he's learned code over decades and decades how'd it do this and he and then he falls back to sleep till he wakes up again and he records another song then he wakes up in the morning and there's hardly ever a day where there's not several songs there in each song if you sat at the end of his piano bench because what does he do when he wakes up he runs to his piano you know and hits record and plays out the song and you know just flushes it out totally for just to get it recorded and then that song gets archived he's extremely organized guy the archives that song and probably no one will ever ever hear that because when you write three songs day you just do the math you know you're writing a thousand of those a year and you know how much it costs to get a band together to play it in your studio you know it's so that it actually is put down so and this has been going on since he was seven and my mother had he had a poem assignment and so he wrote a poem about colors and it had to be about colors and his poem was about about black and my mother's who's a musician also says hey why don't we make a song out of it so she gets on the piano and she's got his poem in front of her and she starts singing the poem and my brother looks at her seven years old this is that's not how it goes she's like what do you mean how does it go and he goes to sing like one of the most complex melodies you've ever heard with all the lyrics of this poem it actually was a song it wasn't a poem when I hear it I can't nail every word but I'll do my best something like this but those were musicianship oriented listen to the tune what's going on there black is the night we're hip down the ho stars it is a rocket going to Mars black is a bowling ball waiting to write black is also the night black kids or something black black is the surrounding of the stars so bright and black is your father when he says good night black gives your mother when she says go to bed and black is the hair up on your head and my mother was like huh she's like let's choose another color and he's like yellow he's like okay and he's like yellow is as bright as the Sun yellow is the color of a hotdog bun yeah yellow is the color of a table dude is the color yellow is a fish in the sea yellow is the color when you're stung by a bee Minnie wrote and then II wrote a song called alone it's so what yeah as much as he allows I mean cuz you know what's that I don't never heard of a Orbison anyway should I sing you alone is really sad but you might have felt alone before anyone here felt alone before okay there goes seven year-old alone song although you have some time to Spain but do not have anyone to play with or share alone is feeling lonely having nothing to do feeling sad or fear when all the people are laughing really having fun you feel so when you feel you're going to run without anything to be very he was a wild kid he's still a wild kid and he handles the Shabbos tent at music festivals cuz he never grew up and he's the most playful person ever my kids love him all kids he does too called marriage you need someone you know you're the kite she'll be the string hopefully I didn't marry much of a string I mean my wife's like it's like two kites what's your your characteristics are your best Newars okay so the meaning the meaning of a man being I'm the movies bones is bag of bones around and someone pay him for it gives the man value and what's really interesting about this back to respect and stuff is his Adam's curse and a meaning the first to Adam the first man because he he listened to his wife over God in other words he allowed this is like the second feminist story in the Torah is Adam choosing to listen to his wife's really bad idea that was a bad idea but he listened to her bad idea and everything went seriously sideways after that and and God had already said not to do that so like how did you possibly choose a woman over God but of course that that would joke that was a joke meaning that I said that totally facetiously because this room's full of men who know what God wants them to do and know what God doesn't want them to and they keep doing what he doesn't want them to do when it comes to women so it's so it's famous to do what women want or what you want with women and not listen to God that started at the beginning of time like this is this is old this is old news you know doing that kind of thing so anyway but look at Adams curse Adams curse is is to go out there and make something of himself and come back with the goods show respective it says and and she will that who iam shall Bach means the who he Jim Schall will rule back over you he will rule over you which was Eve's curse because she Lily you know she dominated Adam and which is fun for a moment for women but I'm not gonna be very lasting because as we said before respect and attraction art art and they say in okay thank intertwine but I want to say they they can't be they were extra extra something like that but they're what's that yeah well their tongue constantly wrapped up so like you may think it's cute to play feminist games with your husband when you get married executed they can never be extricated or or the or the marriage disappears so like you might think it'd be cute to be like a little dominant when you get married with your husband and he loved it they love it by the way men love it why first of all they miss their mom so that's nice that like she mommy's gonna go to the post office for me you know and she's gonna this for me and you into that for me and she you know and they also like it because men have an averse relationship with responsibilities much more than women who are built-in with responsibilities and meaning men and having a have an adversity and adversity to it and and here's this young feminist girl married this you know guy and and she's taken on everything and he's like great take on everything like go pay our bills you know like go work and or go do whatever you're gonna do and and she's kind of enjoying it when she's young it's kind of nice when she's young to be in this kind of powerful place and and he likes it cuz he doesn't do anything but but after a while they a a woman's feminine side starts getting stronger stronger because women don't get into their femininity till their 30s and it never really kicks in - doesn't really kick in till about their 35 36 37 by 38 every woman's like like fall feminine like powerfully huge intense femininity comes out of women it could be because by the time they're in their 50s young 50s they lose their their reproductive you know abilities and and it could be that that it's kind of like a firework that shooting but then at the end it just and that's like that's like the forties you know where their feminine is very strong and if they have set up a a a opposite dynamic of what should be where the cheese the dominant and he's the sub dumb and in which what we're discussing right now regarding Adam and Eve if they set up that dynamic in their 20s or they're just victims of our generation so that is the dynamic no matter how old you are so they and I'll tell you some interesting for the first time in history women are trading in their husbands when they reach 40 41 42 they're dumping their husbands now in the 480 community they won't dump them they'll have the lack of respect and then maybe they'll want to go see a counselor so we can try to build the man up I have to build up a lot a lot of her 80 men in their 40s like right around 35 to 45 I would do a lot of work with men and in fact I'll it's not part of my seminar but I do mention the subject quite a bit if you recall I bring up the man training stuff in in seminars which will be in Brooklyn this this Sunday's Brooklyn for men and then Muncie will be men seminars at night women by date in two weeks starting the week of November 17th so anyway but what happens is were feminine he kicks in and if the dynamic is wrong if the dynamics the opposite meaning the she's the dominant he's the sub-dominant so the the marriage just falls apart because how can you respect such a guy you know he's just a little girl she's married to a little girl and she's now finally a woman and like I said before everything my own female so now she's she liked his feminine side because she was male and he was female and that works but it doesn't work in your 30s in your mid to late 30s when the femininity kicks and strong no matter how male you were in femininity is now strong and you're yours she's smelling for a male now and and she ain't got one because she crushed him years ago or he was probably crushed by society or his mother God knows who you know his his that his a Hungarian mother crushers you know in me and so you know there's just nothing left of them we just started this whole industry called man training which I'm not a manager but I've been around the sport enough that I know I know the principles I just don't have the patience to take on men you know to train them in this but what's amazing about it is the worse I'm telling you the worst crash-and-burn divorces that are already like you know it's over and they're separated he lives somewhere else she lives here they're finally getting like enough of that you know Kramer vs Kramer hell fire of the divorce has finally come to the get and then what happens the guy stumbles upon man training and he's like I never heard man training so he goes starts getting you gets a trainer and he's working with a trainer and the trainer is like you've been doing everything wrong man and he's like yes guess so and and anyway so they they they they meet with the arbitrator right before they get and she's been training now for a couple weeks takes a couple months but he's been training for a couple weeks and they're at with the arbitrator and she starts smelling her husband she's just gonna like she's like there's a man here and he's doing everything right right now doing everything right and and whatever the arbitration debts a it set and everything and there's she actually no she's send in the forbidden text messages here and there you know it's how you doing he's like yeah and thatit ex-manager from earn nine months you know and there's the text and the man trainer of course you send your text directly to man trainer what do I do you know he's like it's working you're gonna get her back and he gets her back almost every single time he gets her back and whenever there's a crash and burn marriage the problem is not the woman it's always the man and it's always his manliness which is the which is missing and and that is this this gender shift where creation itself has lost its way just like the time of Noah it's it's it's killed the institution of marriage and it's and it's the requirement of the man to to get it back and it's really funny to watch and it's even funnier to watch with really intellectual women who are like they know they shouldn't be having this happen but it's happening and they can't stop themselves and they stop the divorce and they they backtrack and they stay married and it's it's really something very special very special oh and just one other thing just to show you in a chart and then I'll take questions something very interesting on a chart regarding cohabitation is this is the chart of a frequency of cohabitation of of young couples okay that's the first year sorry that's a little steep and then every couple kind of comes to some agreement some agreement and thankfully in Judaism if you keep Jewish law it never drops below twice a week you know which which they they have now pulled Americans that um for Americans it's after ten years of marriage because doesn't make any sense pulling newly married but they pulled people after ten years of marriage it's once every six weeks and that's gotten that's gotten worse now that but that's a figure from like maybe eight years ago it's even worse now and and by the way as the years go on it gets worse and worse so whereas in Judaism it's collectively obligatory it can never be less than twice a week ever never can dip below that which is very interesting because if you go take the eight year ago statistic from ten years which is pretty good is once every six weeks versus twice a week comes out that being an observant Jew means that you'll be cohabitating with your spouse twelve times more than your secular counterparts now that's not something anyone really thinks about I call it I teach a whole class on it it's called the best-kept secret best-kept secret and it's really ironic too because you know let's say you're in I know you're in San Diego and you're in San Diego and you see this guy pull up you know this grease bag silver hair and his and his girl it was like you know she's about 20 years younger than him and there they were in a Corvette with no roof on it you know they are they are the picture of you know romance you know they've been married already for fifteen years the two of them and and you know and there there are engines you know just like stoplight you know and you're looking at them you know it's gone like jealous meanwhile there's less like super chubby Chabad rabbi from San Diego you know we like you know he's just like walking to shul cuz it's Saturday you know and and he's on his way to show you know where he's got his community and his you know kiddush which is when communities usually come in California to shore his kiddush and he's on his way to shul and he's just not what you're jealous of on that street corner in San Diego but you should be you should be because those two I mean who knows what they're we know statistically what they're up to but we also know statistically what he's up to the chubby Chabad rabbi on his way to shul and I think anyone in the world every man in the world would rather be that guy than the guy in the Corvette and I think from this fact alone every man should just be running to the kippah store in this it's a store and I just sign me up man sign me up for a healthy life a healthy marriage so what happens is let's say this is this is a six years of marriage you get to some kind of agreement of frequency and and what happens is when she hits her 30s this is what when she hits her mid 30s later what happens is it goes like this let's say well make this the baseline so what happens is it goes like it takes it takes in her mid 30s Ted zero to zero and I've met a couple after a couple after a couple of a couple of cover I know already I don't even have to ask but I ask you know ask you know are you still cohabitating you know he or she is like no it's been it's been two years or whatever zero it goes to zero and these are couples you know these are couples you're people you know it's at zero if he didn't get his act together as a man but here's the funniest thing and this is the amazing thing is that is that the men who get the training or if you in needed because he was from a more traditional background that that kept the original roles of husband and wife is that it actually goes like that it goes like that him plateaus there because she's at the height of her femininity and he's playing his cards right in his marriage and it just like goes right back to the first year of marriage which is amazing I mean that's just unreal and it's true and I've dealt with couple after couple of a couple of a couple of couple it is redundant it is absolutely true neither goes to zero or it goes back to the first year of marriage but there's no middle ground if he's not being a man there's no male toxicity right right yeah that's very likely very likely that that happened and you know people eat way too much ain't way to go but I am proof that food the fuel food gives you is ten times more than you realize what you think when you're fueling up is overeating and you can eat so much less food and put so much out on so little food and you'll just your whole body will metabolize it they will it'll find its way you know and your muscles will take over for you no muscles are ready to fire you know the and it is already earlier that as women a charm in the later stages yeah no doesn't know it doesn't happen for men men go through their shift at puberty notice women I mean they get reproductive organs but they don't mean either reproductive or go into action but they don't have this like womanhood take them over it's gradual women's women hood is a gradual natural progression from girl to woman boys don't have anything gradual haven't ya nothing gradual there and it's it's like within a few months and and he just he cuz who says he's a man just cuz his body went through all that that's why men have it so rough boys have it so rough when they go through so to speak that's her in yeah I don't know I've never heard it related to I've never heard that related to that but that's an interesting point I I think it did potentially dangerous using it as a dangerous mcore for it unless it's just a sign of mushiya coming but but what it it just has to do with me being I don't know a teach a mean teachings are literally coming to my brain wall and hearing you say it but again that would be coming from me and the the first thing that came to me was is that there's going to be a shift in the in the nature of things right now we have a hidden God creating this very opaque matrix and that we reflect obviously God but you can't see him so well and so what is the moon the moon is the reflector of the Sun but in the end of days the moon will bestow flector will be strong and so to our world that's usually opaque will go back to its translucent state of the Garden of Eden before they from the fruit I'm just making that up as I go though those were my brain witness that you can put then the waste paper basket when you feet cuz I don't have any source for any of that but that's what came Kobi guys I they bought my digs day keep winning with you wife okay bad idea bad idea if you need to feminize yourself though with your friends if you really got a cry something out well that's good that's good stuff and some feminine being open and caring and by the way crying and with your wife is wonderful if you're crying out deep feelings that's fine but if it's if it's like if it's there's a certain kind of crying men do which is like it's a little boy poor me cry never do that when you're white ever ever I've had men I've had men or you know their their their marriage is going south like that and there they go to couples counseling but really they didn't realize they're in a trap the couples counseling is really just to get a few signatures from the therapist that she's truly married to a woman and that the divorce can go through so he thought a good idea would be to start whimpering and crying in front of the therapist he just thought that's a good that would be a good move and you know because then everyone will have compassion for him and and they'll feel bad for him and sympathetic for him but what happens he starts crying you know what she does she goes to the therapist she says and the guy thinks this is working great meanwhile he's digging his own grave he's like literally stamping his divorce right now you know because he thought crying would be a good idea anyway so that poor me cry never in marriage that's what friends are for we have those poor me moments call up a friend a guy and go cry on his shoulder don't cry in your wife's shoulder now I cry a lot with my wife a lot but I'm crying over deep feelings of things not pour me stuff pour me stuff goes straight to other friends of mine don't come in like that when I'm just saying being a man it's a subtle man it's it's subtle man stuff it's not you know come in as like he meant even an guy you know like that nobody wants that you just want to be yourself you wanna be you you wanna be fully integrated this is by the way all this man stuff doesn't mean okay you're not you know this nice guy that no one wants her no woman wants a nice guy okay I mean they think they do when they're in their feminist mode but they won't want them later so get rid of the nice guy stuff but see you got to be careful and that's why your question came up you got to be careful not to make an inference and oh no not no more mr. nice guy then here comes the aggressive man guy you know and nobody wants that either just be yourself be fully integrated human being that's all she wants just a fully integrated human being and them and the man of that not the woman of that she wants the man of that Nikki that poor me side starts coming up call a friend go get a beer and cry it out or go to a therapist I've cried stuff out with therapists that just I would never do for my with my wife I used to do with my wife and I couldn't figure out why she didn't want to look at me for a few days you know you know what it's like it's like catching a cold when a guy gets married he can't wait to catch a cold because he's Miz's when he used to catch a cold his mother would bring him this man and you know compress and of soup in abysm and and so he thinks he's gonna try that in marriage except what happens she realized oh my gosh I got like it's defective it's defective like how's this thing gonna support me that now caught a cold if a guy learns real quick never get sick never good thing you'll notice and most of you your father never got sick is he you learned his lesson in the first year of marriage you never get sick yeah you just I mean unless you really catch a real thing but the the old getting sick thing that we do by kind of a little extra processed flour and over processed flour and like extra sugar and a little sleep deprivation a little stress and overworking you catch a cold but you stop catching those colds when you get married you stop kidding but then there's like you know just getting nailed by something and once in a while man gets nailed by something wait yeah don't ever get sick when you're married and that's why you'll notice your father doesn't get sick he learned his lesson she ain't coming with a bowl of soup you know she's like the hell's going on here and then you'll see like your kids sick at the same day and she's just like Oh sweetheart here let me get you something yeah you're like what about me you get there quick get back to work yeah you want to say something and also if you like saying that I noticed that I've been watching your facial muscles like cringing in different times if you have something you like sharing or asking yeah what's being a man being a man is I'd say though I'm not gonna give a long thing because 35 but but I'll give you the Mosin Borg no no beat fully-integrated yourself but be there for your wife as a man and now you're saying well what does that mean that's all yeah I wasn't saying with there's no compromise I'm being on what I said a full integration of yourself but when you're being a man you're really being a man for her so for example women need to review their day when you get home from work they must review your day their day and if you blow it and don't give them time to review your day you'll pay for that later they need to review their day and then after every other day many times by the way they review it with their friend they were good with this one that when they call their mother they review today they review earlier but when you get home you'd think hey they're all reviewed out there not any one last review with their husband and especially if they're a bunch of little kids because they they spend a lot of time with little kids and then there's an adult now in their presence and they want to review it one more time just to put you on the page and your job is to sit there and let her review her day and be there and listen and stuff now but one of the main things is for a man to be a man is to is to not react and reactions are always fight-or-flight and human beings in animals and fish and not react with fight-or-flight when she's being contentious that's being a min not react with fight which means you're gonna be contentious back or fly which means you're gonna run away from this confrontation but be able to stay just and why did I bring up listening to her review because you need to hear her you need to filled her contentious verbage when she's being contentious you need to filled her contentious verbage just as you would her reviews don't let her pull you into something meaning a fight and also don't run away after you heard her expletives about you just breathe and listen don't listen too hard listen a little listen too hard you'll be wounded and generally a woman when she's feeling contentious and he's doing the man thing and he's really being there for her by shutting up what happens is she sees he passed the man tests her respect goes boom and her attraction goes whoa but the problem is he can't do that now because he's so wounded by what she said so it's really important not to listen to carefully just enough for general content do not interrupt her do not fight and definitely don't run away and uni don't run to the bathroom or dominica or wherever like stay right there and stay present with her okay put on put in your create your yogic inner smile which is the position when you're in a particularly difficult position in yoga you you remember to keep your face the muscles of your face at peace called inner smile and be there be a man for her that's all so that's one example of being a man and probably one of the most important ones and and I can't stress enough the almost impossible thing of not listening because again if he comes out wounded what good did it to her you know now he's just wounded and now she's all like getting romantic you know and she wants to make him eggs and sweet potato and he's just like he can't even eat you know after what he just went through what every man has had that anyway so that's exciting did you want to share something or say something okay but but I realized that whenever I bring up these subjects more more in the last year's obviously but whenever I bring up these subjects I'm never I'm I'm my intention is to my intention is is to mess with you but my intention is not to be hurtful at all I'm believing I this is not where I make my living I'm here because I care about people and I know that there are principles of living that will create long-term good and there are skewed principles of really doing that will mess you up and that's what today was all about and they will mess you up down the road and so I am willing to mess with people big time with all my luck with all my love I don't have to be the heart there's nothing to make a dent in my my monthly nut financially that whatever stipend they give the rabbi's here is not even really relevant to what a costumer in my household especially with two kites for parents and in the but I'm really here because I love people now but what but when I'm saying stuff that can be hard to hear or maybe even fly in the face of philosophies moved political or air with the movements of society for young people today when I say things that are seemed to be not just contradictory but they help sense it's an attack on the on those values which I don't consider values I consider them a channel that's just being changed and this is the channel it's on today check 20 years later we'll be at another channel it's not it's not eternal it's not timeless like our Torah and the so when I mess with people I'm really messing with people with love with love in my heart and care and and I want to see people have beautiful marriages and I want to see people have meaning in their lives and to wrap it all up is meaning comes from it seems that meaning comes from responsibility women have it built into their systems men have to get it through through taking on voluntarily responsibility some of those things we take on our obligatory you still have to take it on like for example you keep kosher you have to take you took that on now you may have been raised that way but you take that on you know it's not a big choice cuz you're raised Jewish and raised keeping kosher and so you got to keep kosher it's part of a big Ettore but for you to get up and get a cup of water for somebody who you felt might be thirsty that's elective you'll probably get more meaning out of that cup of water than putting on your to film this morning because you're you put on your film today that's an obligation but getting someone a cup of water might be more meaningful because you elected to do that and when you elect to when you elect to take on a responsibility life gets really meaningful and this is one of the reasons why Bali chuhwa are much more excited about Judaism than they're raised observant counterparts because they they're they're taking a whole world of obligation on electively understand they're taking this whole world of obligation on electively taking on all this responsibility electively it's just magical it's a wonderful is it your life gets like infused with meaning forever for the rest of your life you like you have something that no one could ever have you're just filled with meaning but with this breakdown between elective and obligatory responsibilities I think that we can all find ourselves living very meaningful lives no matter how you're raised and and this is something that that all of us should be doing and that is embracing responsibility and Torah obligates the man I'm just going full circle now obligates them into to be married not really but it does say don't be alone and it also says that men have to have children while children don't come out so good unless they have two parents married to one another statistically even though as I said there are individuals that can raise a kid but generally it needs to be a married couple for the kid to come out somewhat normal by the way plenty of people who come out to normal with two very married parents but the but the so men are obligated for this and this where women are not obligated to be married nor to have children they have this built-in meaning which will probably drive for them to get married and have some but the men have to be commanded so because men are AB Horace Ponce abilities responsibility scares men very much and meanwhile that will be our joy that will it'll be our meaning and that will be our joy and then the last thing I just said is the benchmark that your life's very meaningful the benchmark of it is the feedback you get so I'm gonna handing you 20 bucks removing this bag as feedback getting a salary is feedback from the world letting you know that your life's yeah it's working it's working this this embracing of responsibility is working because someone actually hired you for responsibility and they're now you're now getting a salary and that that means it's working out for you this whole meaning through responsibility that's feedback and feedbacks really powerful for and you you want to live off that and feed off it I mean we live off God but you can feed off of the feedback of of whether financial feedback my greatest days once I get these whatsapp's all the time that usually start with I just want to thank you because I was in your class I was ready to kill you and and I cried for two hours after and I was and I was gonna raise hell and troll you online and then I eventually realized that you're right and my life has turned around and thank God and I want to thank you for that and that's my best day because I got the feedback of a responsibility I've taken on sure to make a difference for this generation Shalom if you enjoyed watching this well watch some more send it click it forward it join it subscribe to it you know keep coming on in joining me in this amazing movement to make a big difference in the world and the biggest thing you can do of all is to join the yom tov media club calm please go online yom tov media club calm