Maamar Purim 5716 #2: A Relationship with G-d Is About Liberation from My Coping Mechanisms

good morning everybody Welcome today's class is dedicated by theim and B Abrahams in honor of their beloved children mael yesaya in honor of their children ma Yeshua AA Rafal and Dav griel and all the blessings thank you very much we began last class a new mimer the mimer of the re that was said onm 5716 or 1956 the theme of the first class was theal say the med says that all of the may all of the festivals all of the holidays are going to be nullified in the future when mashia comes excluding purm PM it says in the Milla that the days of PM will never be removed from the Jewish people and the memory of it the memory of purm will never elim be eliminated from the seed from the children of the Jewish people so on this the med says that purm is unique that none of the only the one may the one holiday that will not be bottle and this is the famous question T is Eternal and if the and the Mitzvah are Eternal how could the med say such a thing and on this he gives the answer and the answer is that it doesn't mean that there will not be the other holidays it means that their their potency their relevance their power will be nullified like lighting a candle in the middle of the day because of the Great Joy the Abundant Joy because of the Bliss and the goodness and and the the happiness that's going to vibrate during the time of the Redemption the time of the Gul so it's the the the power of the that Joy won't be felt it won't be experienced in a significant way again like like lighting a candle in the middle of the day even though at night it's not only significant but it's extremely significant and saves I wanted to say saves the day but I guess here you have to say saves the night and this he had a question because the med gives another opinion about Yer and the second opinion is that Yer also won't be bottle because the expression it's an eternal statue if the whole V is so then how does come into the picture that you have to negate it the whole of is a separate is not competing with are called we say we don't say that on on the contrary the you should afflict this Soul so it's not in that category it's not in that genre of of of mitzvas that now you have to negate that even will when there's going to be so much this won't be nullified to say this is exactly what he wants to say this is exactly his point that y won't be it's not one of these holidays that's going to be eclip when comes because it's not about that's what he wants to say then he says should have said about is also not not a of and then also you don't need [Music] a and and and and the first opinion holds that will be bottle so that's also strange according to this so this he went into a whole explanation that everything physically comes from a higher source right everything in is from which we spoke about at length so when we speak about the goodness or the joy when mhia comes and all the physical benefits that will be and the the properties that will Ex all the all the physical dimensions of mhia is coming even higher than in the time of the first B it's because of a spiritual State of Consciousness it's because of a spiritual transformation what's called in the language of a unique level of Gil revelation of godliness even deeper than the one that existed in the first everybody Beed so there will be no transformation any maybe they'll be even you're saying what's going to be with it won't be transformation it's a different type because because truth is infinite so relative to a higher level of infinity you need transformation but it's a different type of transformation it's not Darkness to light it's within light itself so you promise it's not going to be boring no it won't be boring don't worry about it in many ways the transformation is deeper because the transformation from from Darkness to light is is it's an obvious necessity the ability to transform light because relative to a higher level it's also dark requires a lot more uh subtlety and maybe for a sensitive soul that can be uh it's a very profound experience there's an expression in cabala that K which means the light of CER even though it's shining and and and so full of light it's considered Darkness relative to the source so even with when we talking about Infinity every level of light even as infinite as it is you won't be bored don't worry nothing to compare it to don't worry don't worry don't worry about it once you understand that it's of so now we understand that the Gil is such that even the Gil the Revelation m comes the power of Pam is still going to be potent and relevant and forceful about there's two opinions it's like so on one level it's like and that's the opinion that the revelation of is going to be still powerful even in the presence of the revelation of mashia and the other opinion says only is only it's like PM but it's not p and therefore that will also be nullified what does it mean it'll be nullified that the the G of the revelation of Y will be like a candle in daylight and uh he says even in nigla you see this concept that this things Yer doesn't atone for and yet put him atone for it because of the complete transformation that was a very brief summation of what we learned more details you can go back to the first class and now we're going to continue C Bas chapter 2 which is page this itself now has to be understood what's the greatness of the divine revelation of PM and what is it about PM that happened on PM that created such a light such a such a revelation of truth that even after Messi's coming when the world will be appeared when there'll be the ultimate tick on the ultimate fixing and healing still PM will be celebrated as a unique day as a uniquely Transcendent day Way Beyond every other holiday and according to one opinion even Beyond you we explained that this is this is the med and therefore it's not a contradiction to not going through a change is one of the 13 principles of Faith what is Tak now the what is it about the second paragraph yeah B you see B four lines from the beginning of the second paragraph page 120 so for this we need to introduce this will be understood by with with an introduction the difference of p and the other the other one of the general differences it's a very obvious a general difference and that's in terms of the timing all of the were established of course they were given by so they were established in the midbar when the Jewish people have just become a nation and received the and built a mish and they were created around life in there it's is with a central epicenter Mish or later so it's connected to to the time when the Jewish people are are are are are dwelling in their organic natural habitat their Homeland with a with with with that's called is the time of the B when the Jewish people that's the expression by everyone dwell each one under his Vine or his fctory which is the expression in tanak of saying everyone was rude in their organic space yes divided there between all of the tribes right we say in in in in mus we say on we speak about the fact that um you should plant us within our border it's an interesting expression you usually don't plant people you plant trees right but the truth is a person is also planted just like a tree we're not physically PL planted we can move around but means that you have Roots you're rooted in something and you're rooted in your boundaries in other words people who have healthy boundaries they're planted somewhere this is where I belong if you pull me out from here I'm not doing you a favor and I'm not doing myself a favor cuz it's like say tell the tree come here I got to talk to you we have an interesting conversation here so you bring the tree over and what happens it's dead right it's a very powerful idea you know who you are you're rooted you're rooted literally root the word is rooted planted so that's it's interesting I saw this I think in an article by Rabbi Jonathan saak said what's the opposite of K right what's in Hebrew what does in Hebrew mean sand sand we translate as the mundane right but really means like the sand of the beach of the Sea of the ocean so sand between the Sands the story ofab there was somebody who came to n on Friday when he was in the bath house yeah and he asked him all these questions and one of them was about uh the eyes of the of the Chinese of the why their their eyes are are very round or very soft it's two gear two explanations of not so he said because the the sandstorms the sandstorms they were created that their eyes should be protected so why is that the why is that the antithesis of kadus because in and sand you can't plant anything you have Earth and soil it's m it's fertile to plant try planting something on the beach in the sand yeah and then a wind comes what's it called Gone With the Wind Everything Is Gone With the Wind so the opposite of kadha is not profanity the opposite of Kusha is your rootless I don't know if there such a word inability inability to yeah rootlessness there's no there's no root and therefore yeah I'm here today I'm there tomorrow there's no Vis so that's describing and that's why are all based on agriculture in other words it was based on a system where Jewish people are farming they're growing their land they're settling their land that literally is not just a metaphor the Fig Tree and the vine the vine and the Fig Tree the system of of is all about the FI trees and the grape trees and all of the other trees and all of the grain Etc and the vegetables and the fruits are associated with the various processes of Agriculture you have is when the grain starts becoming ripe in the month of niss usually April the carbon the first carbon coming from the new grain The Barley which was the second day of PES and then we have then you have later two to seven weeks later when you have the holiday of harvest when you could start harvesting and then finally after leaving everything out during the summer to dry before the new winter season and sukus time was the holiday celebrating the Gathering us is the Gathering of all of the fruits and all of the Grain and all the vegetation and produce into the silos into the storage houses houses under a roof where it would remain for the whole season to be able to nurture the family or the community or if it was used for Revenue for business whatever it is so why is this important because represented that relationship with Earth that connection with Earth that organic connection between the person and his field his home his his Gardens his farm or her Farm Etc so it's not just the physical element it's it's when the Jewish people were in that state can put him put him is the one holiday it's the one holiday in t that was created da in G in ex the entire circum all the circumstances that brought about PM were circumstances that came because of Gus because of of the Exile of the Jewish people the alienation of the Jewish people the fact that they were uprooted from their from their organic homes the fact that the tree was severed from its roots which usually trees don't survive that way you know you can maybe artificially do something here and there but we all know you bring you cut roses you bring them home for shabas it's galic but after a few days you need a lot of Asus in order to keep it alive because it doesn't have that natural that natural flow the whole pudm happened because the Jewish people were under the jurisdiction under the tyranny of and over there there was a and told them told these are parasites they're they don't have a place they're exiled between everybody and they want to eat they take everything from in other words they don't have their own place their own Homeland they and they're not loyal to you so the whole PM happened and you have that in the tanak all the are in tanak the one holiday millas Esther is the one holiday that was written that was that was experienced outside of only everything is no no the we're talking about the three from are called the the way the T identifies it is based on agriculture no it's called means rash says that the grain it starts becoming ripe yeah spring was created in says why don't we say you say and one of the reasons gives there we are still the Servants of slaves of in you say say so even after everything of P they were still under the under the regim and the government the monarchy of it was AAL but was the boss the great miracle was that was on our side M was appointed to be prime minister or vice Roy second in command Esther's Glory as the queen came to the four and her jewishness came to the four but all in the Palace of where all the holidays of Jewish people had that Independence they were not they say that's what the explains the general difference the two eras in Jewish history are represented by two separate names Esther ra Esther and ra kazal say are not just individual names of important women in our history the Jewish people have these two names sometimes we're called Esther and sometimes we're called ra so he says the the time of P him represents a time when the Jewish people are called Esther and that's why Esther really embodied the Zeitgeist of PM it's called millas es it's not even called millas M or millas M it's called millas eser it's not just Esther the person of course Esther the person but Esther embodies a certain energy that exists then during the time of the decree of and even afterwards during the miracle after the decree and then there's the state of the Jewish people in the time of the B the time of the and then their name is RA about it says in she was was to and to means the physique was beautiful and Mar is the countenance the look The soon see the two expressions and that's the time the Jewish people are called in the most beautiful the the most beautiful of women expression is we'll soon discuss if you don't know most beautiful most common of woman where to go he tells her where to go in the beginning of so say that's an expression it's an expression on is a metaphor for the two who are so connected to each other so the title is that's represented by ra who was the quintessential Paradigm of I knew what are we talking about this beauty that we're talking about the time of put which was a time of Galos this this beauty was concealed it's not manifested says the first chapter over there in the beginning of sh as I said it's a metaphor the the the bride or who would be the bride who wants to be the bride turns to the shepherd happens in the spring and it happens in writes it and it's the story of the two who meet and they begin to develop a contact and it's very difficult it's on and off and on and off and there's alienation and then they ReDiscover itself like five times back and forth it's very U it's a very intense story beautiful story so she asks she turns to him and says where can I find you where where can I find the where can I find the shepherd and the shepherd responds if you don't know most beautiful of women where to go so follow the footsteps of the flock and you'll bring your goats and Shepherd them by The Dwelling Places of the Shepherds obviously it's a cryptic PK and there's a lot of different interpretations here here we're going to see one of the spiritual interpretations but he's describing a situation of this most beautiful of woman does not know where to go she doesn't know that's what Exile means means Exile is not just a physical experience physically you could be in Exile but you're not there was once a meeting in Russia 1910 bris was there theth was there so he got up he gave a famous he said the bodies of the Jewish people sent in Gus not their souls the souls were never are never in Galas galus is not just a physical thing of geography it's a state of consciousness right even Jews who living in they say how could you lie I could be in I could be in but it's a state of G it's an inner state of G that's I don't know where to go I don't know so have to follow the footsteps I'm following footsteps here in the he's saying a whole deeper T in the if you're not aware of your own Beauty it's not just if you don't know most beautiful of women where to go let me tell you where to go in other words is almost like in parentheses it's almost a a way of calling you no that's what you don't know you don't have you don't have awareness of your beauty the your beauty is not known to you you don't know about it or even if you know about it intellectually you don't have D in it you don't have connection to it this is the beginning of all gas the beginning of all Gus is when you're robbed from that innate sense of malus that innate sense of royalty that inate sense of dignity we sometimes in our coping mechanisms or complete inability to understand what people need call it selfishness narcissism but it's the opposite of that it's what allows you to be selfless it's what allows you to be non-narcissistic it's what allows you to be functioning is what allows you to have relationships the moment the person is alienated from their own Yi from their own inner sense of of dignity of value which what becomes in especially become a dresses like a like a a doorm that's made for people to step on to go into the house that's not humility that's self-destruction it's the opposite of humility humility is the greatest prerequisite for growth and this is what destroys it it demolishes so there comes a time where you look in the mirror the spiritual mirror and you don't see yourself as ra I don't know my own Beauty I doubt it and I'm not talking I doubt it intellectually on paper am I beautiful I'm not talking about that that's a separate in it's not the Su of the we're talking about a doubt that's rooted in in could be rooted in the DNA of the person at least in their own perception of their DNA in other words it's it's it's sometimes so deep that it's unconscious that it guides my life without me knowing that it guides my life you know when we're not aware of forces inside of us that guide our life it doesn't mean they don't exist it means that they exist in a more powerful way because if I'm conscious of it at least you know I could monitor it right when I'm not conscious of the enemy there's nobody to monitor so I could just go eat breakfast when really it's wreaking havoc it's it's a complete control it's so in control that it even hijacked my awareness so it controls everything the last the last security barrier which is awarness is also gone it took the over oh no nothing there's nothing wrong everything is fine so now it's completely inside the person and it's literally causing them to decompose that's there comes a time where the person does not have that inner Das that Das is the visceral awareness Das is not intellectual knowledge right this is the visceral consciousness of the now if I'm not y now my whole life has a different trajectory now I have to live in a way that at least somebody should say I'm beautiful cuz I don't know it so at least maybe you'll know it so now I could become the quintessential people's pleaser or I could become the quintessential person who's constantly dancing around and my postures are changing from minute to minute simply to be able to feel some beauty some value some validation or another billion ways of it expressing itself and manifesting itself but the common denominator is there's no say you don't know who you really are and therefore I'm not stepping into life I'm waiting for you to tell me how to step into life does anybody relate to what I'm talking about you're all looking at me as I uh I'm the only Mish here in this room so that's the why is the name Esther means concealment something is concealed worder but it's something else says the says that the fact that Esther was so taken by Esther was a the M even why her face her the color was means green greenish greenish yellowish y says there was a special says there was a special a thread of Grace that was extended over in other words Al naturally if you would look at Esther why is the trying to say this so he say spiritually he bringing out a point you look at you and you say I'm yellowish I'm greenish in other words that's the of never doubted that she was a she had a security in the relationship with Y see in had a certain Security in the relationship Leia struggled Leia struggled in the relationship am I his wife am I not his wife for good reason because he wanted drug right Leia struggled she named her kids cuz Hashem saw my pain shim Hashem heard my pain Ley because now now God is going to now my husband will finally be with me now I could be thankful grateful now my husband is going to live with me everything was Security in the relationship however you want to explain it on any level obviously deep deep a lot deeper levels there was a struggle here ra had a baby she had a baby y it was right away y I'm going to have another child the question of the relationship with Ra was not a question spiritually what that means is she never doubted when I'm questioning a relationship I'm questioning myself I don't say that I say uh you know you don't like me you don't like me because I don't like me when I like me then whoever has to like me he's going to like me it's fine and you know what whoever doesn't have to like me is good fine we'll we'll figure it out when I don't like me then you don't like me you don't like me you don't like me you're talking behind my back you're texting cuz I'm boring you're talking to somebody else whatever it is then suddenly the whole world is is is a difficult place to live so spiritually speaking in other words it's the mat when a person's own inner beauty is concealed and that's so it's two different States there's the state when Jews are called ra and there's the state when the Jewish people are called Esther and here the throws a a Divine bomb I would say say listen to this and you see the words are in italic you know what italic means like underlined it's not underlined but italic means when you it's a different font so it you emphas the words the creates on one and that's the whole point on one level put is you don't know cuz it's Exile I'm a slave of I'm not a slave of God what what's the mean slave means you know who you are has to tell me who I am people think means now I'm a slave of God now I'm a slave of okay which is better maybe is better because at least don't say how's the go at least I could run to the bathroom I don't know I could lock the door right it's better at least with it could be very disturbing but that's of course a very depressing and external way of looking at it it's exact opposite means that you understand who you are you understand that you are a manifestation of the Divine in this world theor says EV M an evid of a m is called a m rash brings it says is why theid acquires Rabbi acquires and the explains it's not the acquires it and then it goes over to the master it's like the evid is a manifestation of of of rabbi if an EV makes a makes a makes a it's a serious thing it's it's it's not uh it's not it would be like I'll make a I'll make a nether on on on on on on your fruits I'll make a nether on your house I I I don't have a power to impose legal procedures on somebody else's property like I don't have that so because belongs to the can make I think arue but it's a what's the point my point here is when you say the idea here is means person knows who they are means you're in tuned with the rhythm of existence you're in tuned with the true hierarchy of existence means I need to tell me who I am so him is a of you don't know so obviously it's a very difficult space to be in but from this you have what's the transformation of we spoke earlier that the power of p is transformation is the one who made the miracle the same one who made the decree it's notes was eliminated AES was the one who made the decree and he's the one who created the Salvation everything that ham did to undermine the Jewish people those very acts became the great blessing of the Jewish people that was the and he explained because the it's not that you eliminate the sins it's that you transform them and that's the power of so he says here too is a state of ignorance there's no knowledge there's no connection I don't know Y what happens on put him from that is Created from when knowing who I am I can't create it's a it's beautiful you know and it's good it's good to know your beauty because there was a says from theer in a positive sense that's from the from the which is the darkness that exist in the time of PM it is the transformation is y is much higher than y as we will see the one is is lower than in other words it's a lack right I'm ugly I'm concealed my beauty is concealed but from that only from that when that's transformed you touch the space which is beyond that will that's that's going to be explained yeah you can ask yeah beauty is is a strange because person knows his strengths I understand person knows how smart is he can relate to knut you good question yeah yeah yeah yeah so we have to know what beauty means it's the next the next chapter we're not talking here about the beauty of uh because that's the expression we don't relate to ourselves right am I attracted to what what's what are we talking about right no we're talking a different type of beauty we'll see in a moment it's a very good question why is the focus on beauty yeah you want to ask something gimel to understand this what we talking about we're talking about P that I should be able to look at myself and say I'm attractive I'm the most handsome guy in the universe what are we talking about what's this whole inion so here is it's very important to strip it from the materialistic veneer and not and the important thing here is in other words if it's stripped from it's like a person a person's entire investment is in their physical reality outside of their spiritual reality becomes a tragedy because the person is not just physicality but it's not that undermines the physical element of it it's just when the physical is connected to the spiritual it's holistic he's going to say what are we talking about when you say What's the difference between and there's two expressions and you have it throughout the right it says it about y y the only male inish who's described that way he was RA Son by it says it says about his mother and by exactly the same expression like because he was her son he was her on men you don't have that expression the [Music] describ he uses the word Mar by rif it says when she came out when she came to the well right by we just learned so the t is emphasizing about the about the matriarchs S and Rifka and and ra not Le ra this quality and two expressions there's and there's what's the difference has to do with what we call physique the Symmetry the means the picture of the the the display of of the limbs there's a symmetry in terms of the weight in terms of the size in terms of the physique that's what T represents there's a symmetrical like a piece of art where everything is integrated in the most beautiful of ways M Greek's Beauty very much into Beauty Body well the Greeks worshiped Beauty yeah physical Beauty yeah is upon Mar is not the physique of all the limbs and their symmetrical connect relationship with each other but it's the face it's the countenance cluster upon Him means some you look at a face there's a there's a there's a light there's a shine it's a beautiful face to look at this is very much connected to the circulatory system of a person the means the Journey of the blood the circulation of through the GM through all of the blood arteries GM are the this the veins and the arteries through which the blood cruises and travels which affects the the flush or the the mara the countenance of a person's face in a spiritually in a person this is the two structures of say a 248 positive mitz that's connected to the 248 organs it says the 248 organs in the human body correspond to the 248 Mitzvah and that's the idea of to as we said to is that each organ of the body the Symmetry and the way it's designed and functioning is in perfect Beauty and symmetry that's and then you have the says in the 365 G the veins or arteries sen are conected that's the mar that's what affects the mar as we said because that's how the blood travels including to the face so when a person's spiritual posture is intact so both there's and the posture is intact and the face captures this unique light and beauty of the person so what does that mean on a collective level spiritually in every Jew and collectively when the avoid of a person is the way it should be so is they're called and captures the unique Symmetry and perfection in all of the limbs the 248 mitv posi of mitz and because there is also the respect the boundaries as he says everything of is Al means there's the the boundaries that the G are protected from the of the 365 prohibited things it doesn't just say they had a to and a says you can have you can have but it's notas from the wordi beautiful what's what what adds to the beauty there's to on its own there's a to and there's a but here we say that represents integration symmetry his scal he says you see beauty comes when different Force different colors Gana means colors when different colors come together to create a beautiful piece of art it's not one color it's the symphony it's the integration it's the synthesis of different colors that brings out the most powerful Beauty the same is true in architecture the same is true in music see a beautiful piece of music if it's just one note yeah uh you could do a c Min whatever it is fine but one note is not going to create a beautiful ballad the power of symphony right you have a choir children singing It's not the one voice could be a beautiful voice too but that combination of voices creates a special type of aesthetical feeling the same is true with a symphony of many different musicians each one with their own instrument and together the togetherness the synthesis it's called the integration of Many Colors that's what creates Yi that's what creates Beauty things things that could be different and the same is true with a goof a goof is a piece of art you know it's hashem's piece of art it's one of the probably the most incredible piece of art in our world you know just the brain just the design of the brain when you see thecal is the integration of everything it's m mind-blowing that's y so he's saying here both in the to and both in the mar there's an element of y huh right right so we'll see exactly you're saying could be not just my illusion it could be a genuine thing that if I'm missing we'll see yeah what does this mean in a person you f what does that mean I understand you have have have he says the integration meaning a person's could be a person has one C that's not Yi it's one C this is where I am anything else that doesn't fit in to my nature my disposition or my schedule I have no connection to the concept of Y is that the person has that openness and flexibility to be able to embrace different kav different aspects different lines different attitudes different experiences that's what Kaz say the world stands on three things right the tripad the tripad why you know why it has three legs yeah the photographers will tell you it's that stability the three legs it's much better even than four or five it's it's much better yeah yeah especially when you have surfaces that are not flat you have slopes you they're going to a wedding on a mountain here there it's the the tripad the trio so who invented the tripod says the world is standing on a tripod so he says is the right a is connected to kav to the left and the center so you have the thesis and antithesis and synthesis so brings it together so you have the three and when when you have that integration you have Beauty specifically represents the beauty in to not there's going to be what's the beauty in the beauty it says every mitvah has in it all of the other mitz that's what means integration it's one of the reasons it's you're involved in one mitvah from other mitv so explains he proves it from the reason is because each mitvah essentially has all the other Mitzvah so when Mitzvah you put them in a Mitzvah because you're already doing that Mitzvah too this represents the concept that there AOL just like you have in the body of a person right in the DNA in the in the it's called the code in the gim that exists in every cell you have a double copy of the gim with the DNA is a blueprint of all the parts of the body in other words in each in each uh element of the Goof you have escalus you have integration of all the other parts of the Goof even though this is only one cell from trillions of cells in the body what does this mean in a person's usually the that in every you have otherz so you you but he says this is a TI of how to do a Mitzvah when you're doing a Mitzvah it's teaching you how to do a Mitzvah it's not just so you're exempt I'm doing one mitah I don't have to do another Mitzvah that's not the he says when I do a Mitzvah could be two things it could be it works with my ego it happens to be that this mitzah works with my ego right if I'm OCD yeah a lot of works very well for me in fact somebody once told me he became F because he was OCD and he needed he needed a system of life that would work with it and sometimes you see people I need safety I need to just tell me what to do 24/7 and I'll do it it fits very well the moment this person goes out of their comfort zone God is as powerful as my comfort zone the moment I go out of my comfort zone I'm done in other words y has a c as long as I'm in this C I'm the best but moment I'm challenged to go out of this C and usually somebody in your life is going to challenge you usually people closest to us I lose it c means a line a way a comfort zone a structure so it's important people have structures and people need structures and you have different dispositions means never get involved in the Mitzvah that you that without losing the touch that it's all the mitv in other words even Mitzvah that come from an opposite there's different types of Mitzvah whenever don't get stuck on the external form touch the DNA of it and when you touch the DNA then it's all all the mitv there in other words when you touch the that it's it's it's is not defined by he's God is Not defined by division into forms and all of them don't worship the outer structure right worship Hashem who's Beyond structure now he's being manifested through the structure now I'm eating mat now I'm putting on now I'm daving now I'm learning now I'm giving now I'm in a state of connection with others now I'm in a state I'm alone but don't what happens is was an expression right there's Jews who are scared of the and there's Jews who are scared of hasem you understand the difference that's what he's saying there's a relationship something called hasem there's a relationship here because what's wrong with nothing wrong with being afraid of the it's good but what often happens is there's a lot of ego involved and not necessarily ego in a in a bad way but ego simply it's my comfort zone like don't bother me my shabas table has to look X Y and Z and if it doesn't cuz it's not what your child needs it's aan your whole chabas is destroyed who decides what a shabas table has to look like tell me if I don't follow the par sheets it's not chabas huh this is it of all the mitzvas there's an adal criter so when we do a Mitzvah be connected to the Divine in the Mitzvah the Divine in the Mitzvah you're not stuck obviously right now it's a shabas table and there certain mitz that I have to do [Music] now and that's what is but that's what Yi means Yi means it's not one limb you don't hold on to one limb there's a symmetry there's there a body there's a physique you understand that's what it means it's not it's not one Mitzvah there's all the Mitzvah even in each limb the limb is in a relationship with all the other limbs that's what a physique means that's what you fast means that's the beauty why CU you're always touching the the Divinity in the Mitzvah andem is not defined by a is not defined by by by by by small by it's beyond kav and therefore it integrates them and therefore they can work together and therefore I'm not stuck if I have to move if I have to shift sometimes you have to make a it's very hard to make these Paradigm shifts that that's the because you're doing this doing because everything so how you taching it because of this you're do that's why yeah it's very easy to get stuck you know I get stuck in a because I'm not in touch with the mitem it becomes almost like it works for me and because it works for me it's not so if it doesn't work for me I'm done so it can become sometimes it could become selfish sometimes it could become destructive and sometimes it could become very very uh um egotistical and even if not but sometimes it becomes very limited a person becomes very a very limited person because I'm not in touch with the and that's that's the mush of the DNA I was giving the of the DNA is that any part of the body that you extract it from it has the entire goof there because whenever you're dealing with like the says when you touch Essence even a little part of it has everything if you're touching a core level any has the whole so if you're touching the DNA of the Mitzvah every Mitzvah has all the other mitzvas if you're touching the external part of the Mitzvah then it doesn't this is this type of Mitzvah this is an opposite type of mitzvah and the same is true with also which is generally it's connected to the to the line of of discipline of strength so generally it's connected to but we say not only what does it mean not just you have a there's a Beauty there there's a beauty in Sur what does it mean there's a beauty in it it's one thing it's negative it's abstaining from things that are not good so the person is in a state of discipline and self-containment and and and so you're conquering yourself but means there a there's an integration from all of the and from all of the Mitzvah here again the is not just based on you know I'm a very disciplined and strong person and therefore I uh I'm naturally maybe more reserved or more introspective or uh more introverted or uh more tough and harsh and then it actually works for me and then when I'm called for to go into a different a different modality it's very very hard here too needs to have an element of Y call it's not just because it's that fits [Music] me there's a Yi here there's a beauty here what that means on a practical level is there's somebody who stays away and the point is I'm staying away the point is to show to myself for others that I'm staying away in other words again I start worshiping the the disengagement the then it's almost I'm excited about how negative the other person is and I could stay away from it don't wor don't worship don't worship your worship Hashem WR somewhere in one of the my sometimes they have a a very zealous person so he says he makes he protests and makes and this he says the real problem is he has mid he never worked on his Midas but if he comes to schul and says that it's not going to be so popular so he always finds a carbon a victim who can he can get upset about the problem is he's an angry man and because he's an angry man the anger has to come out so he found God to let out his anger there's no there's no personal refinement here you're not challenging yourself I'm not over says you're not I'm not over this I'm over this and could sometimes be even worse than I say because you know you're everything is RA besides me that's not y even there's a beauty here what's the beauty the beauty is you're not stuck in this there's a positivity here take Tak in a marriage in a marriage there's two in says why is K called K so he says one reason is because when you get married the wife is forbidden for the whole world like he just like something holy there's it's not for everybody to use there exclusivity there intimacy that's one inion and then there is she's designated to you explain there's two elements in one is the positive and one is the negative negative in a good way the positive is two people are married the negative is they're disconnected from the rest of the world disconnected in a good way they're not married to anybody else if a woman says I'm married to you but I'm also what do they call they call it an open marriage right one of the biggest masas of Our Generation a couple came to me from a couple he wants an open marriage says it'll be everybody will be happier she could bring in people he could bring in people after a few minutes I'm where did you get this from it turns out he's an atheist once you're an atheist so who decides what's good what's not good so I had to use a completely different language so I said from an evolutionary perspective if you want Evolution to work avival of the fittest it's going to work much better if there's a trust it's Evolution when this trust the system is more relaxed it's work much better what's my point there's no such a thing if I'm connected to you right the wres you're not going to have fire and water [Music] coexisting I can't be addicted to pizza and cheesecake and Ral and all the other things they have at breakfast for breakfast and the same also I'm connected to a healthy lifestyle you got to choose can have a pie of pizza and then I'm going to go to the gym and then another pie of pizza for dessert you have to choose what am what am I it's a there's a relationship with something so there's two elements in the marriage is this I belong to you and because I belong to you I have boundaries I don't belong to somebody else people don't like that always they don't like that but that means that the positive is missing because if there was a real real connection you understand to maintain that connection a child needs to know this is my father this is my mother Stalin in Russia he wanted what do you need families for the state will educate kids you make a crazy world the safety of a Child is This is my mother this is my father you're my T you're my mommy yeah there's a safety there and the more you have that the more you could be a universal person who's connected to everybody because you have an anchor same is true in a marriage if there's a very positive relationship yeah there's boundaries why because it doesn't begin with the negative it begins with the positive but if you have a marriage which is only but there's no connection then it's cuz all we have is no no no no no no no right it's like houses what's shabas shabas says you can't do that you can do that everything is forbidden yeah I don't know we're miserable if the shabas table is only we don't we don't we don't yeah that's the idea it's not don't get stuck in the I don't I don't there's a connection that's why I don't if it's only I don't without a substitute of what do we do there's a mar there's a beautiful marriage that's why we don't go other way there's a relationship if there's nothing for me in the house I'm coming home and it's miserable and no one is connecting yeah of course I need other connections what do you want me to do so if you're lucky I just hang out here in SCH and I eat soup so that's my connection okay better than other stuff and if we're not so lucky you know my takes me to other places you get your is the same like the same it's not only about this it's there's there's a connection here there's a connectivity here because and then it's not negative only then there's a y in it there's a beauty in it cuz you're connected to the Divine DNA of the Mitzvah that's yeah I don't know that there one uh what comes toward daving or helping your wife your wife he says if you don't help you're going to have to dve in much more it's going to be hard to DAV if you're not helping your wife daving needs kav and ultimately you want the wife to understand that uh when you're daving you're also helping if a wife feels that daving is a distraction of the relationship there something that that needs to be healed if it's because I need to escape the house so does whatever it is all these good things if it's an Escape then we're back we're stuck again I'm looking for escapes I'm looking to escape I'm looking to because I'm because there's a lack of connection you understand that's the idea of the Mitzvah is part of an a collective relationship it's a holistic experience and that's why sometimes this this Mitzvah and some they say no this is not this mitzah now it's the time for another mitzvah and I'm fine my shabas table has to look differently my SED has to look different people come to a PES s with expectations what a Seder is supposed to look like and they're so annoyed afterwards you know there's fathers who prepare speeches for a month before P they have 30 AAS they prepare the best ver in the world and of course they're waiting for all the kids and the and to sit with open mouths as this man is going to spew the most delicious that ever existed since before the and on every paragraph in the he has another and another and already three minutes into the S this poor man is so is so frustrated he says this is it's much better to be on the party we should have never left M with look at what the say the looks like the what what what happened he got stuck in what a s is supposed to look like what's a s supposed to look like I know one thing it says he talk to your child what does that look like I don't know figure it out talk to him don't talk to yourself you want to give speeches come and give speeches that's the connect to your child Bond Bond connect maybe it's a five minute experience of of Connection huh whichever whichever language yeah some have to look very different my point is I know the beauty of a say and everyone says but you can't get stuck in an ego this is an ego thing and I don't mean a bad ego I don't mean that people are not a bad ego but ego means this is what God looks like how do you know what God looks like he doesn't look like anything what's a what's a say what's supposed to look like it's it's maybe a nice not being I'm not judging it everyone has it but the comes a moment and you have to say ask not what God can do for you ask what you can do for your go for God what what what's the now maybe it's a different maybe it's a complete different modality there was a here in M very special Drew RAB Ronnie Greenwald remember shom he once uh so there's an organization like organization I know Gateway I don't know one they made up to bring in a lot of Jews out they rented a big hotel they would sleep there and Dav you know and he was invited there I guess to be one of the I don't know Yip how many sh you give but maybe before Yip the middle by the and he said he came in before to the hotel he came in the late afternoon to the hotel and uh he's walking already to kidre with his medalis you know everything he's walking you know Jews before kid there's a certain uh energy and he sees right then a a van pulls up in front of the hotel and like 12 people come out and right away one look he sees that these are all you know kids from Muny from Lakewood from Williamsburg from Monroe from bur Park Crown whatever it was and uh they book uh they book a room and a few minutes later they're sitting in the lobby with uh everyone is coming from the sud with a lot of beer so Ronnie at that moment understood that his a is not to go to sh and he sat with them he sat with them said what brings you here they said listen if we're going to live where we are you know there's all this Yip guilt we don't want Yip guilt so we came here we came here to enjoy our Yip and they went to the Other Extreme of course Yip in the morning in honor they went to the beach whatever they did everything and he said basically his entire yipper was spent either in the lobby or on the beach he came into SCH he got the end of says but it happens to be at the end of the he says for when he went back for 99% of them came with them so whole Yip is killing I came here to have a good Yip this Yip how do you know what Yip is what's Yip supposed to look like how do you know that's that's that's what we mean when we talk about beauty Beauty means there's a flexibility just like in in in in physicality right there's a flexibility there's a physique or a body that's very tight it's very tight I only move in a certain direction in in different postures of exercise and stretches the concept is there's a flexibility there's an interplay and that means there's a comfort I'm not stuck in a particular pattern and that's also part of so both that's the concept of escalus it's the concept of integration now like everything it could this can be misconstrued screwed it means oh y so just sit in the lobby with people that are not like you you know you the rabbi sermon is boring there's also the other side right there's a person they're they may be afraid they don't like confrontation they don't like discipline they don't like structure so so so the so so so let's just chill sometimes the Trap of ego works both ways doesn't always work in you know a harsh harsh uptight exact opposite everything goes I'm such a cool Chiller yeah you're so cool chill you don't even know how to bond with your kids you don't have an opinion you don't have a perspective you don't have feelings I just let everybody do whatever they want it looks beautiful in other words love doesn't mean everything is permissible love means Attunement love means you're connected you understand what I'm saying sometimes yeah I'm just a relaxed person yeah I'm detached I'm relaxed I don't care about anything I'm disassociated so everything goes that's that that's the opposite that's what we're saying me since every so no Mitzvah are important or it's just it's a beautiful Sur it's a seriousness here the seriousness is not a seriousness that's coming from an uptightness and an egotistical trip it's coming from connection real connection and connection not just with the Mitzvah with the source of the Mitzvah and we said with the source of the Mitzvah I'm not stuck in a particular kind so this is all the concept of again so to is as we said the to has to do with the symmetry of the and Mar has to do with the blood that flows through the gdm and that creates the mara toar is the positive involvement and Mara is the the state of the person right the of the person means there's what I do and then there's what I don't do which is as powerful as what I do cuz what I don't do really defines me what I don't do is the boundaries I create that defines you as much as what you do you know people don't realize defines you as much as essay essay means what I do but l means what I don't do that's part of me you right I don't do this that's that's a very serious part of me cuz that really creates the boundary like where where you are if I do and I do everything there's no you so Thea says the mar really what the person looks like but in each one there could be and not is the beauty of it is the scus of it the integration of it the connection that it's a it's not just my nature happens to fall in to fit it this fits into my nature I become passionate about it because it just happens to fit but there's really no personal amense ipation there's no egolessness there's no Transcendence when there's Transcendence the way of is that when I'm doing a Mitzvah I'm really doing every other Mitzvah if when I'm doing a Mitzvah I'm really doing every other Mitzvah then I'm Not Afraid when I have to change course because I was never only doing this Mitzvah so it's it's a whole new it's a t of how to do every Mitzvah when I'm doing a Mitzvah I'm not only doing this Mitzvah I'm doing every other Mitzvah even the Mitzvah that by Nature they're opposite from this Mitzvah when I'm doing the is opposite from the of of it's the opposite and it's one is one is but when means even when I'm doing I'm also doing the other how can you be doing the other Mitzvah because you're connecting not just to your comfort zone you're connecting to the fact that it's a Mitzvah of and the is beyond this it's beyond the visibility in particular structure so may I may be doing this but I'm not completely defined by this and therefore I'm not going to get lost in the ego I'm not going to get lost in the easiness of it but sometimes in a moment's notice I have to shift I have to shift because that's what's that's that's what is necessary now when I'm fully present when I'm a tuned I can make that shift the same is true the opposite right that's why a person always needs to ask themselves I'm doing the I'm doing a Mitzvah now yeah I'm trying to educate my child whatever it is I'm I responding to my fear am I responding to my uh anxiety then it's not then I'm o in my anxiety don't call it if my rebuking my child is a way of viting my guilt my shame my anxiety my pain okay so you're using your child as your therapist I don't think you should be doing that at least pay him at least pay him like you pay a therapist say I need to use you now as my therapist and I'm going to give you all the money maybe he won't mind if it's if it's a real of it's tuning in to real where the person is and what's the in this moment why you sighing for okay we'll take a break here everybody have a beautiful day and B will continue this Monday morning 7:45 we still have to get to the on the that's uh Next Step person in in almost in his nature in our comfort zone as you so what you're saying is real connection is not to be connected to your nature but nature of reality real yeah out of your reality into yeah yeah yeah I could be stuck in my nature and and you know but really I want to go out of my nature and go into hashem's reality and then my nature is not a confinement a place of confinement dissolved the nature box it's not a box it's dissolved in the infinite reality and then it becomes a manifestation of infinity rather than a trap that keep me stuck this is who I am this is why I'm not now I'm triggered now I can't be connected to you and the truth is the reason we create nature it's a form of separateness it's a form of protection when I'm one with the source I don't have to get stuck in a nature because Hashem is not defined by any particular nature I could manifest that through my nature but if my nature I put a lid on it and I say okay the flow is not there so now it's a self-contained reality now I have to invest in it and really create something that's counterfeit the counterfeit ego this and yeah that's means I'm sitting at the S but I'm in get out of the biggest MIT sometimes looks the whole pace say this to go out of Egypt but sometimes that's the biggest cuz I'm stuck in what things are supposed to be what it means to have a good family because we have expectation if they don't fit into our expectations yeah and also and what if a person feels you know why can't our family be like this family all the kids sitting around and everyone prepared Dres on the ha and everyone looks to say tati you're the best tati you ever lived and mommy this is the most amazing S I ever had please let's continue it let's not go to please let's do mag for another 3 hours right why can't why have that family like my next door neighbor yeah I've seen you s that's what it looks like right seen the by this this is at my house already by Kadesh it's already aan once we hitpas they're all already ready to go to sleep by the time we start the man this is done we're done huh but that's the whole thees is to be able to find Seder in the reality that you're facing you understand instead of creating chaos from it create seder from it realize this is the Rhythm this is the D this is the beat to dance to you don't have to run away from it go find me a normal house go find me a seder this is seder this is your seder your say is not my S then what order is for you is not what order is for me order means cre order out of chaos that's the of the and that has to do with attitude that's Consciousness it's so difficult it's like basically you coming into somebody say you becoming uh a conductor of the symphony right and everybody in this Orchestra doesn't know how to play instrument doesn't know how to fit in Mak a total and you try to conduct it in the three in in 3 hours supposed to be a Sy beautiful but what if you say we're going to do jazz we're going to do jazz that type of music exactly you you're saying I'm coming into do a say as a conductor of a symphony I need you to be a violinist you to be a celloist you to be a Pianist you to be a guitarist you to be a drum it's aan but say no our we our family does Jazz improvisation yeah you improvise and music doesn't have to look like music maybe it could look like I don't know and all the scream all the as long as everybody participates and he connects to it as long as everybody feels a part of it because they feel safety they feel connection bring out the bestbody so when we go in when we go in with expectations that come from ego it becomes very hard cuz everyone is always disappointing me always disappointing me but that coming from the fact that I am detached I'm allowing myself to be detached I'm falling into Judaism becoming a crutch for my insecurities you understand I need to feel like an accomplished person I'm a good father I'm a successful father I'm a whatever the name is and suddenly this whole family is proving me wrong so what what of course I'm angry so basically instead of attachment you have Detachment because of yes to expect exactly so the religion becomes a source of Detachment whenever God becomes a source of Detachment it's not God it's called a if it's Hashem it's a source of attachment because what is Hashem Hashem is the the Divinity that connects the world connects me and my kids or me and my wife or me and my friend or me and another person me and another Jew so if it's the disconnect it's not Hashem basically there's a separation I fell into my ego I call it CU that's the comfort zone I'm in but it doesn't have to do with that so I I really have to it's it's it's this is inner work this is what we learn about constantly the inner work of emancipating myself from my ego I don't need it we don't really need this this is all superimposed because I'm not connected when I'm connected with the source I'm a channel if I'm a channel that's what I need to be I need to be a channel if I'm a channel you're a channel for what you need to be a channel to Al it's a great story Al was unbelievable he was in the middle of kidre and he had his Talis over was daving and suddenly he took off his Talis and took off his kid and he left sh and they found out that he went to the edge of the city there was a there was a woman who gave birth and people left wanted to be by and she was left alone she was stranded and and her life was in danger she was hungry the baby was hungry she had no milk and he went and he chopped wood on Kipper and he he made a fire he lit a fire and he cooked soup and he gave her the soup and she could nurse the baby so the Reb told the story once he used to tell the story and he said what's the it's a everybody knows doesn't stop on what's the yeah if a if if a mother's life is in danger and a baby's in danger you're allowed to cook of course you're allowed it's a Mitzvah it's a Mitzvah that you shouldn't send a small child because people shouldn't think like it's a hat they should understand it's a Mitzvah of the story is that he was in in middle of in the ultimate felt the the hunger of this woman that was the that he felt it he didn't get a WhatsApp message and Leos they didn't have WhatsApp for whatever reason so that means that means that he wasn't connecting to he was connecting to Hashem you understand the difference so he was not connecting to carpus he was con he wasn't connecting to carpus he was connecting to Hashem and was conting to his child ipus you're right carpus he didn't go learn is now and how do I can't say who cares we're just going to we we're chillers that's not what we're saying we're not saying that we're saying is that the is also infinite not that there's no there's no carpas there's no Yak of course there is but it's God that's coming through it if it's God that's coming through it then the carpass is not only carp the it's the it's all the same when you touch the DNA again the of DNA is the the core of a mitvah you're touching every other Mitzvah so if you're touching every other Mitzvah you're parted from every other Mitzvah and you're doing every other Mitzvah you're doing every other Mitzvah even the Mitzvah that are opposite but because the form is not a trap the form is a channel you understand the difference is form a Channel or is form a trap nature is not a trap it's a channel by that says I always knew you a man of Love Now I know you have year by that that says that the first time about that was a man of love that wasn't a question he was a lover loved he loved people by Nature was very introverted by Nature was extroverted so but his extrovertedness wasn't cuz he was a social butterfly and therefore he you know he wasn't shy and he could was that's was that's it says looked like what's the it says made that should look like people were laughing they said that is not as real real child says tell the he formed the image of Vis of is to be compared to sounds like it was a big miracle it's very natural that a son looks like a father it's not aish right you look just like your father so their dispositions they were opposite the reason a son looks like a father is on a spiritual level on a genetic level there's a continuation but actually in nature was opposite than a so at the surface looked more like a than was a was a very leeda person a party animal he was a very was much more reserved so at the surface and were much less similar than yal but that's on the surface in the pus and were the same they lived in God's reality so yeah was but they lived not in nature not in their own nature their nature was a reflection of of the divine nature of divine reality which is not stuck so that's why looked like was that really P was was they were both not how you serve God everyone has a different AV you have yours I have mine because I have my heart I have my nature I have my disposition I have my strengths I have my weaknesses I have my talents I have my struggles and you have yours that's not going to be it's never going to be the same you have to know who you are and what your a is but you're it's an AV it's it's an there's an element of B there's an egolessness if you can internalize this your life is much happier much happier not only happier you're fully present you're present cuz you're ATT tuned you're present you're not running somewhere the moment I'm sitting shabas say and there's guilt and shame and more guilt and then I'm like okay now I'm I'm not going to get angry now I'm not going to explode I'm already I'm already exploding by not exploding I'm even exploding more it's going to come out in an hour passive aggress but it's going to come out I learned I learned I learned muser I learned I went to a they said you have to be an adal Adel okay fine and I'm going to now I'm going to be adal these low lives M I'm not their father I don't know where these kids came from MIM you know when fathers call their kids M you know who they're talking about right they think they're insulting their kids I'm mom's yeah he's not talking about himself you're not insulting your kid you know they say there was in kabar house I don't know if it's a joke or not but a new guy came and you know you don't know no if you're new guy when you sit when you stand you know M so the rabbi there put him down near you know somebody who's there and he says just just copy whatever he does you'll feel comfortable he gets up he get it's done so that's what he does at the end gets up and he says I want to wish this fellow and SCH the guy who always came a big ma he fathered a child this week so he gets up and the guy near him gets up so you understand the mat of so uh so basically you have to know when to copy other people first St don't you don't have to always copy other people sometimes let him stand you stay seated you know becomes a philosophy of copying what everybody does you have your own a you don't have to copy your house is your house it's not somebody else's house you don't look at somebody else's house so but this this this person house struggling with himself I'm going to be a I'm going to be nice tonight this P I'm going to be nice you're missing the point it's not I'm going to be nice I have to deal with my inner demons it's not about being nice if it's and an hour later I'm going to lose it or the next day I'm going to lose it or the child is going to feel that I'm children feel everything and you'll hear them tell your wife tati was really miserable tonight huh well he was smiling the whole time sure he was smiling because he went to a sheer and somebody said you have to smile he wasn't smiling he was miserable he wishes he could be the father of the finl I mean the schwarzes whatever he wishes he could be their father neb he ended up in this house what's missing here what's missing here is the person doesn't even understand who they are y has become I don't mean literally but it becomes like a it's a trip it's not a relationship it's not a relationship first of all don't take it per it's not about it's not personal it's about a mission you don't even know about n how do you know maybe you know I had an interview with Rabbi shiman Russell I know some of you saw it maybe it was three hour thing it's Kad to watch very very powerful for parents children he's a very very authentic human being so he Shar he grew he's he was in Lakewood he was a Lakewood talid he came from Gates and Lakewood and uh you know sat in kylo for many years and became a therapist and uh I think has eight kids k seven or eight kids he wrote a book raising a loving family he lives in y today he shared that you know he was once sitting at a shabas table and he said he said he said this publicly he had eight children and six of them left yish six of them left uh I think maybe all of them or most of them came back but imagine you're K in Lakewood you know this is Lakewood you know 30 years ago talk about success right talk about failure right and then you're a therapist telling parents what to do like he said I wanted to quit my job I I was like the ultimate fa the ultimate ultimate failure so he said what really attached him was one Friday night he was miserable none of the kids were interested and he was just he was just really miserable and he was angry at them and and and you know very tough and rough this is not chabas and nobody could say nobody could sit at the table nobody could sing a noid nothing this is like a b m he was he was just and he was so so upset anyway he said he was going upstairs to sleep said one of his daughters who was already checked out of the system looks at him and you know girls know how to say things in a way that sometimes boys don't she was coming down in the you know different types of garments let's put it that way the from and before all the issues happened and she looks at him and she says so this Judaism thing is not really working out for you tati is it this Judaism thing is not really working out for you tati is it and he said this was like and the twirl you know the twirl this Judaism thing is not really working out for you huh she got it and he said at that moment she transformed her father from being a self-serving Ultra orthodo Ox narcissist into becoming a servant of God that moment that question he had to look at him and say you know what Judaism is not working out for me it's not it's a miserable experience there's something miserable about my Judaism and that moment he became a yid he became a Jew and once he what happened when he became a Jew his children also became [Laughter] Jewish a yid wants to be a yid a Jew wants to be a Jew it's not a question but he wasn't he was he was creating a fake Judaism and this is not to say that somebody who can have the most traditional beautiful shabas table should have exactly that and sing all theas not oneidas but you could sing 29 Midas including and when you come to you know do it 30 times and let everybody do all their par sheets and when they finish do and then do the whatever it's not but you have to know you know you got to know what which Mitzvah you got to tune into maybe the Mitzvah you have to tune into is May maybe the Mitzvah you have to tune into is M you have to have M maybe that's the Mitzvah how do you know that maybe that's the Mitzvah now maybe the Mitzvah that I have to have I have to surrender my ego to hashem's will maybe that's the Mitzvah you have to know what the mitzvas this takes a lot of humility and a lot of practice guance and guidance from the right people who understand these things not from the wrong people sometimes the worst guidance we get is why don't you explain to her that in this house we don't dress like this explain it to her she's only 17 years old she she knows what you believe in your wife believes better than you do she's heard this speech I don't know between 12 and 13,000 times you think she doesn't know the values in this family explain it just explain it say it nicely nothing to do with that she knows everything she doesn't want to know or she's not ready to know for whatever reason but it's hard it's hard to surrender I I want the quick fix the Quick Fix is not about the other person it's about me I want the Quick Fix so if I could cover up the leak and I shouldn't see the water coming down I'm fine what about the fact that above the cover of up the whole system is disintegrating oh I don't care there's no leak somebody has an infection and shows up on the skin they put a Band-Aid the doctor says yeah but you have an infection you know it's going to affect your lungs just put a Band-Aid I'm looking for a quick fix or I'm looking to heal the system if you're looking to heal the system it's not a quick fix so you have to tune into the system you have to tune into the person so this is all what we're talking this is your faith this is I can have all the but there's no there's no Beauty there's no integration I'm afraid of the I'm not afraid of hem very big difference okay tus tasta this is what's called after after the what's the called when the when the Encore on after Encore you could wave again you could wave if you're not using the copies put them back here if you are just bring it back for the next year please huh sure a yeah for right even if you could do both you Potter of so if you could do both you have to do both so there's a to and a ran over there they discuss it some say even if you could do both you don't have to what's as far you have to understand because it's all the otherz even if you could do both you already have it but still you don't have it in the same way so it's not so P right yeah yeah CU Hashem Hashem is making you do the Mitzvah when it's yeah okay I I was once by S there by also people from Gates you know they're so refined so beautiful and the whole s stuck in my M mind you know they were all yeah and it was like 3 four hours and I was so young and I was so inspired by this and once I had my own sorum I would try to repeat it and what a failure I was every single time you know it's actually one face up I suddenly have two mofin coming to my house one was uh rabbi you know comes in P night I didn't invite him you know we didn't expect nobody you know somebody comes to to comes him and his his friend and I said can we part of your s just just before s they heard when they took it seriously sure so he was Far s and the kids didn't behave the US the usual one because they had like little bit you know cover and we had phenomenal Sor that's the name of the game gu that's Gest guest is the name of the game yes thank you what a compliment but he he came as a surprise to us I don't know maybe it was Stu his or whatever I was so oh yeah because you made thater beautiful