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Maamar Purim 5716 #2: A Relationship with G-d Is About Liberation from My Coping Mechanisms
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Transcript
Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
good morning
everybody
Welcome today's class is dedicated by
theim and B
Abrahams in honor of their beloved
children mael
yesaya
in honor of their
children ma Yeshua AA Rafal and Dav
griel and all the
blessings thank you very
much we began last class a new mimer the
mimer
of the re that was said
onm 5716 or
1956 the theme of the first class
was theal say the med
says that all of the may all of the
festivals all of the holidays are going
to be
nullified in the future when mashia
comes excluding purm PM it says in the
Milla that the days of PM will never be
removed from the Jewish people and the
memory of
it the memory of purm will never elim be
eliminated from the seed from the
children of the Jewish people so on this
the med says that purm is unique that
none of the only the one may the one
holiday that will not be
bottle and this is the famous question T
is
Eternal and if the and the Mitzvah are
Eternal how could the med say such a
thing and on this he gives the
answer and the answer is that it doesn't
mean that there will not be the other
holidays it means that their their
potency their relevance their power will
be nullified like lighting a candle in
the middle of the day because of the
Great Joy the Abundant Joy because of
the Bliss and the goodness and and the
the happiness that's going to vibrate
during the time of the Redemption the
time of the Gul so it's the the the
power of the that Joy won't be felt it
won't be experienced in a significant
way again
like like lighting a candle in the
middle of the day even though at night
it's not only significant but it's
extremely significant and saves I wanted
to say saves the day but I guess here
you have to say saves the
night
and this he had a question because the
med gives another opinion about
Yer and the second opinion is that Yer
also won't be bottle because the
expression it's an eternal
statue if the whole V
is so then how does come into the
picture that you have to negate it the
whole of is a separate is not
competing
with are called
we
say we don't say that
on on the contrary
the you should afflict this Soul so it's
not in that category it's not in that
genre of of of mitzvas that now you have
to negate that even will when there's
going to be so much this won't be
nullified to say this is exactly what he
wants to say this is exactly his point
that y won't be it's not one of these
holidays that's going to be eclip when
comes because it's not about that's what
he wants to say then he says should have
said about is also not not a of and then
also you don't need
[Music]
a and and and and the first opinion
holds that will be bottle so that's also
strange according to this so this he
went into a whole explanation that
everything physically comes from a
higher source right everything in is
from which we spoke about at length so
when we speak about the goodness or the
joy when mhia comes and all the physical
benefits that will be and the the
properties that will Ex all the all the
physical dimensions of mhia is coming
even higher than in the time of the
first B it's because of a spiritual
State of Consciousness it's because of a
spiritual
transformation what's called in the
language
of a unique level of Gil revelation of
godliness even deeper than the one that
existed in the
first everybody Beed so there will be no
transformation
any maybe they'll be even you're saying
what's going to be with it won't be
transformation it's a different type
because because truth is infinite so
relative to a higher level of infinity
you need transformation but it's a
different type of
transformation it's not Darkness to
light it's within light itself so you
promise it's not going to be boring no
it won't be boring don't worry about it
in many ways the transformation is
deeper because the transformation from
from Darkness to light is is it's an
obvious
necessity the ability to transform light
because relative to a higher level it's
also
dark requires a lot more uh subtlety and
maybe for a sensitive soul that can be
uh
it's a very profound
experience there's an expression in
cabala that
K which means the light of CER even
though it's shining and and and so full
of light it's considered Darkness
relative to the source so even with when
we talking about
Infinity every level of light even as
infinite as it
is you won't be bored don't
worry nothing to compare it to don't
worry don't worry don't worry about
it once you understand that it's
of so
now we understand that the Gil is such
that even the Gil the Revelation m
comes the power of Pam is still going to
be potent and relevant and forceful
about there's two
opinions it's like so on one level it's
like and that's the opinion that the
revelation of is going to be still
powerful even in the presence of the
revelation of mashia and the other
opinion says only is only it's like PM
but it's not p and therefore that will
also be nullified what does it mean
it'll be nullified
that the the G of the revelation of Y
will be like a candle in daylight and
uh he says even in nigla you see this
concept that this things Yer doesn't
atone for and yet put him atone for it
because of the complete transformation
that was a very brief summation of what
we learned more details you can go back
to the first class and now we're going
to continue C Bas chapter 2 which is
page
this itself now has to be understood
what's the greatness of the divine
revelation of PM and what is it about PM
that happened on PM that created such a
light such a such a revelation of truth
that even after Messi's coming when the
world will be appeared when there'll be
the ultimate tick on the ultimate fixing
and healing still PM will be celebrated
as a unique day as a uniquely
Transcendent
day Way Beyond every other holiday and
according to one opinion even
Beyond
you we explained that this is this is
the med and therefore it's not a
contradiction to not going through a
change is one of the 13 principles of
Faith what is Tak now the
what is it
about the second paragraph
yeah B you see
B four lines from the beginning of the
second paragraph page
120 so for this we need to introduce
this will be understood by with with an
introduction the difference of p and the
other the
other one of the general differences
it's a very obvious a general difference
and that's in terms of the
timing all of
the were established of course they were
given
by so they were established in the
midbar when the Jewish people have just
become a nation and received the and
built a mish and they were created
around life in there it's is with a
central epicenter Mish or
later
so it's connected to to the time when
the Jewish people
are are are are are dwelling in their
organic natural habitat their Homeland
with a with with with that's called is
the time of the B when the Jewish
people that's the expression by everyone
dwell each one under his Vine or his
fctory which is the expression in tanak
of saying everyone was rude
in their organic space yes divided there
between all of the tribes right we say
in in in in mus we say on we speak about
the fact that
um you should plant us within our border
it's an interesting expression you
usually don't plant people you plant
trees
right but the truth is a person is also
planted just like a tree we're not
physically PL planted we can move around
but means that you have
Roots you're rooted in something and
you're rooted in your
boundaries in other words people who
have healthy boundaries they're planted
somewhere this is where I belong if you
pull me out from here I'm not doing you
a favor and I'm not doing myself a favor
cuz it's like say tell the tree come
here I got to talk to you we have an
interesting conversation here so you
bring the tree over and what
happens it's dead right it's a very
powerful idea you know who you are
you're rooted you're rooted literally
root the word is rooted
planted so
that's it's
interesting I saw this I think in an
article by Rabbi Jonathan saak said
what's the opposite of
K right
what's in Hebrew what does in Hebrew
mean sand
sand we translate as the mundane right
but really
means like the sand of the beach of the
Sea of the ocean so
sand between the
Sands the story ofab there was somebody
who came to n on Friday when he was
in the bath house yeah and he asked him
all these questions and one of them was
about uh the eyes of
the of the Chinese of
the why their their eyes are are very
round or very soft it's two gear two
explanations of not so he said because
the the
sandstorms the sandstorms they were
created that their eyes should be
protected so why is that the why is that
the antithesis of kadus because in and
sand you can't plant
anything you have Earth and soil it's m
it's fertile to
plant try planting something on the
beach in the sand yeah and then a wind
comes what's it called Gone With the
Wind Everything Is Gone With the
Wind so the opposite of kadha is not
profanity the opposite of Kusha is your
rootless I don't know if there such a
word inability inability to
yeah rootlessness there's no there's no
root and therefore yeah I'm here today
I'm there tomorrow there's no
Vis so that's
describing and that's
why are all based on agriculture in
other words it was based on a system
where Jewish people are farming they're
growing their land they're settling
their
land that literally
is not just a metaphor the Fig Tree and
the vine the vine and the Fig Tree the
system of of is all about the FI trees
and the grape trees and all of the other
trees and all of the grain Etc and the
vegetables and the
fruits are associated with the various
processes of Agriculture you have is
when the grain starts becoming ripe in
the month of niss usually
April the carbon the first carbon coming
from the new grain The Barley which was
the second day of PES and then we have
then you
have later two to seven weeks later when
you have the holiday of harvest when you
could start harvesting and then finally
after leaving everything out during the
summer to
dry before the new winter season and
sukus time was the holiday celebrating
the Gathering us is the Gathering of all
of the fruits and all of the Grain and
all the vegetation and produce into the
silos into the storage houses houses
under a roof where it would remain for
the whole season to be able to nurture
the family or the community or if it was
used for Revenue for business whatever
it
is so why is this important because
represented that relationship with Earth
that connection with Earth that organic
connection between the person
and his field his home his his Gardens
his farm or her Farm
Etc so it's not just the physical
element it's it's when the Jewish people
were in that
state can put him put him is the one
holiday it's the one holiday in t that
was created da in G in ex the entire
circum all the circumstances that
brought about PM were circumstances that
came because of Gus because of of the
Exile of the Jewish people the
alienation of the Jewish people the fact
that they were uprooted from their from
their organic homes the fact that the
tree was severed from its
roots which usually trees don't survive
that way you know you can maybe
artificially do something here and there
but we all know you bring you cut roses
you bring them home for shabas it's
galic but after a few days you need a
lot of Asus in order to keep it alive
because it doesn't have that natural
that natural
flow
the whole pudm happened because the
Jewish people were under the
jurisdiction under the tyranny of and
over there there was
a and told them
told these are parasites they're they
don't have a place they're exiled
between everybody and they want to eat
they take everything from in other words
they don't have their own place their
own Homeland
they and they're not loyal to you so the
whole PM
happened and you have that in the tanak
all the are in tanak the one holiday
millas Esther is the one holiday that
was written that was that was
experienced outside
of
only everything
is no no the we're talking about the
three from are called
the the way the T identifies it is based
on
agriculture no it's called
means rash says that the grain it starts
becoming ripe yeah
spring was created
in
says why don't we
say you say
and one of the reasons gives
there we are still the Servants of
slaves of in you
say
say so even after everything of P they
were still under the under the regim and
the government the monarchy of it was
AAL but was the boss the great miracle
was that was on our side M was appointed
to be prime minister or vice Roy second
in command Esther's Glory as the queen
came to the four and her jewishness came
to the four but all in the Palace
of where all the holidays of Jewish
people had that
Independence they were not they say
that's what the
explains the general
difference the two eras in Jewish
history are represented by two separate
names Esther
ra Esther and ra kazal say are not just
individual names of important women in
our history the Jewish people have these
two names sometimes we're called Esther
and sometimes we're called
ra so he says the the time of P him
represents a time when the Jewish people
are called Esther and that's why Esther
really embodied the Zeitgeist of PM it's
called millas es it's not even called
millas M or millas M it's called millas
eser
it's not just Esther the person of
course Esther the person but Esther
embodies a certain energy that exists
then during the time of the decree of
and even afterwards during the miracle
after the decree and then there's the
state of the Jewish people in the time
of the B the time of the and then their
name is RA about it says in she
was was
to
and to means the physique was beautiful
and Mar is the countenance the look The
soon see the two expressions and that's
the time the Jewish people are called
in the most beautiful
the the most beautiful of women
expression is we'll soon
discuss if you don't know most beautiful
most common of woman where to go he
tells her where to go in the beginning
of so say that's an
expression it's an expression on is a
metaphor for the two who are so
connected to each other so the title
is that's represented by ra who was the
quintessential Paradigm
of I knew what are we talking
about
this beauty that we're talking
about the time of put which was a time
of Galos this this
beauty was concealed it's not
manifested says the first
chapter over there in the beginning of
sh as I said it's a
metaphor the the the bride or who would
be the bride who wants to be the bride
turns to the shepherd happens in the
spring and it happens
in writes it and it's the story of the
two who meet and they begin to develop a
contact and it's very difficult it's on
and off and on and off and there's
alienation and then they ReDiscover
itself like five times back and forth
it's very U it's a very intense story
beautiful
story so she asks she turns to him and
says where can I find you where where
can I find the where can I find the
shepherd and the shepherd
responds if you don't know most
beautiful of women where to go so follow
the footsteps of the
flock and you'll bring your goats and
Shepherd them by The Dwelling Places of
the
Shepherds obviously it's a cryptic PK
and there's a lot of different
interpretations here here we're going to
see one of the spiritual interpretations
but he's describing a situation
of this most beautiful of woman does not
know where to go she doesn't know that's
what Exile means means Exile is not just
a physical experience physically you
could be in Exile but you're
not there was once a meeting in Russia
1910 bris was there theth was there so
he got up he gave a famous he
said the bodies of the Jewish people
sent in Gus not their souls the souls
were never are never in Galas galus is
not just a physical thing of geography
it's a state of consciousness right even
Jews who living in they
say how could you
lie I could be in I could be in but it's
a state of G it's an inner state of
G
that's I don't know where to go I don't
know so have to follow the footsteps I'm
following
footsteps
here in the he's saying a whole deeper T
in
the if you're not aware of your own
Beauty it's not
just if you don't know most beautiful of
women where to go let me tell you where
to go in other words is almost like in
parentheses it's almost a a way of
calling
you no that's what you don't
know you don't have you don't have
awareness of your
beauty the your beauty is not known to
you you don't know about it or even if
you know about it intellectually you
don't have D in it you don't have
connection to
it this is the beginning of all gas the
beginning of all Gus is when you're
robbed from that innate sense of malus
that innate sense of royalty that inate
sense of dignity we sometimes in our
coping mechanisms or complete inability
to understand what people need call it
selfishness narcissism but it's the
opposite of that it's what allows you to
be selfless it's what allows you to be
non-narcissistic it's what allows you to
be functioning is what allows you to
have
relationships the moment the person is
alienated from their own Yi from their
own inner sense of of dignity of value
which what becomes in especially become
a dresses like a like a a
doorm that's made for people to step on
to go into the house that's not humility
that's self-destruction it's the
opposite of humility humility is the
greatest prerequisite for growth and
this is what destroys it it
demolishes
so there comes a time where you look in
the mirror the spiritual mirror and you
don't see yourself as
ra I don't know my own Beauty I doubt it
and I'm not talking I doubt it
intellectually on paper am I beautiful
I'm not talking about that that's a
separate in it's not the Su of
the we're talking about a doubt that's
rooted in
in could be rooted in the DNA of the
person at least in their own perception
of their DNA in other words it's it's
it's sometimes so deep that it's
unconscious that it guides my life
without me knowing that it guides my
life you know when we're not aware of
forces inside of us that guide our life
it doesn't mean they don't exist it
means that they exist in a more powerful
way because if I'm conscious of it at
least you know I could monitor it right
when I'm not conscious of the enemy
there's nobody to monitor so I could
just go eat breakfast when really it's
wreaking havoc it's it's a complete
control it's so in control that it even
hijacked my awareness so it controls
everything the last the last security
barrier which is awarness is also gone
it took the over oh no nothing there's
nothing wrong everything is
fine so now it's completely inside the
person and it's literally causing them
to decompose
that's there comes a time
where the person does not have that
inner Das that Das is the visceral
awareness Das is not intellectual
knowledge right this is the visceral
consciousness of the
now if I'm not
y now my whole life has a different
trajectory now I have to live in a way
that at least somebody should say I'm
beautiful cuz I don't know it so at
least maybe you'll know it so now I
could become the quintessential people's
pleaser or I could become the
quintessential person who's constantly
dancing around and my postures are
changing from minute to minute simply to
be able to feel some beauty some value
some validation or another billion ways
of it expressing itself and manifesting
itself but the common denominator is
there's no say you don't know who you
really are and therefore I'm not
stepping into life I'm waiting for you
to tell me how to step into life does
anybody relate to what I'm talking about
you're all looking at me as I uh I'm the
only Mish here in this
room so that's
the why is the name
Esther means concealment something is
concealed worder but it's something else
says the says that the fact that
Esther was so taken by Esther was a the
M even
why her face her the color was means
green greenish greenish yellowish
y says there was a special says there
was a
special a thread of Grace that was
extended over in other words Al
naturally if you would look at
Esther why is the trying to say this so
he say spiritually he bringing out a
point you look at you and you say I'm
yellowish I'm greenish in other words
that's the
of never doubted that she was
a she had a security in the relationship
with Y see in had a certain Security in
the
relationship Leia struggled Leia
struggled in the
relationship am I his wife am I not his
wife for good reason because he wanted
drug right Leia struggled she named her
kids cuz Hashem saw my pain shim Hashem
heard my pain Ley because now now God is
going to now my husband will finally be
with me now I could be thankful
grateful now my husband is going to live
with me everything
was Security in the
relationship however you want to explain
it on any level obviously deep deep a
lot deeper
levels there was a struggle
here ra had a baby she had a baby y it
was right away y I'm going to have
another child the question of the
relationship with Ra was not a question
spiritually what that means is she never
doubted when I'm questioning a
relationship I'm questioning myself I
don't say that I say uh you know you
don't like me you don't like me because
I don't like me when I like me then
whoever has to like me he's going to
like me it's fine and you know what
whoever doesn't have to like me is good
fine we'll we'll figure it out when I
don't like me then you don't like me you
don't like me you don't like me you're
talking behind my back you're texting
cuz I'm boring you're talking to
somebody else whatever it is then
suddenly the whole world is is is a
difficult place to live so spiritually
speaking in other words it's the mat
when a person's own inner beauty is
concealed and
that's so it's two different States
there's the state when Jews are called
ra and there's the state when the Jewish
people are called
Esther and here the throws a a Divine
bomb I would say say listen to
this and you see the words are in italic
you know what italic means like
underlined it's not underlined but
italic means when you it's a different
font so it you emphas the
words
the
creates on one and that's the whole
point on one level put
is you don't know cuz it's Exile I'm a
slave of I'm not a slave of God what
what's the mean slave
means you know who you
are has to tell me who I
am people think means now I'm a slave of
God now I'm a slave of okay which is
better maybe is better because at least
don't
say how's the
go at least I could run to the bathroom
I don't know I could lock the
door right it's better at least
with it could be very
disturbing but that's of course a very
depressing and external way of looking
at it it's exact
opposite means
that you understand who you
are you understand that you are a
manifestation of the Divine in this
world theor
says EV M an evid of a m is called a
m rash brings it says is
why theid acquires Rabbi
acquires and
the explains it's not the acquires it
and then it goes over to the master
it's like the evid is a manifestation of
of of
rabbi
if an EV makes a makes a makes a it's a
serious thing it's it's it's not uh it's
not it would be like I'll make a I'll
make a nether on on on on on on your
fruits I'll make a nether on your house
I I I don't have a power to impose legal
procedures on somebody else's
property like I don't have that so
because belongs to the can
make I think arue but it's a what's the
point my point here is when you
say the idea here is
means person knows who they
are means you're in tuned with the
rhythm of existence you're in tuned with
the true hierarchy of
existence means I need to tell me who I
am so him is a
of you don't know so
obviously it's a very difficult space to
be
in but from
this you
have what's the transformation of we
spoke earlier that the power of p is
transformation is the one who made the
miracle the same one who made the decree
it's notes was eliminated AES was the
one who made the decree and he's the one
who created the Salvation everything
that ham did to undermine the Jewish
people those very acts became the great
blessing of the Jewish people that was
the and he explained because
the it's not that you eliminate the sins
it's that you transform
them and that's the power of so he says
here
too is a state of ignorance there's no
knowledge there's no connection I don't
know
Y what happens on put him from that
is
Created from when knowing who I am I
can't
create it's a it's beautiful you know
and it's good it's good to know your
beauty because there was
a says
from
theer in a positive sense that's from
the from the which is the darkness that
exist in the time of PM it is the
transformation
is y is much higher than y as we will
see the one is is lower than in other
words it's a lack right I'm
ugly
I'm concealed my beauty is concealed but
from
that only from that when that's
transformed you touch the space which is
beyond that will that's that's going to
be explained
yeah you can ask
yeah beauty is is a
strange because person knows his
strengths I understand person knows how
smart is he can relate to
knut you good
question yeah
yeah yeah yeah so we have to know what
beauty means it's the next the next
chapter we're not talking here about the
beauty of
uh because that's the
expression we don't relate to
ourselves
right am I attracted to what what's what
are we talking about right no we're
talking a different type of beauty we'll
see in a moment it's a very good
question why is the focus on
beauty yeah you want to ask something
gimel to understand this what we talking
about we're talking about P that I
should be able to look at myself and say
I'm attractive I'm the most handsome guy
in the universe what are we talking
about what's this whole inion so here is
it's very important to strip it from the
materialistic veneer
and not and the important thing here is
in other
words if it's stripped
from it's like a person a person's
entire investment is in their
physical reality outside of their
spiritual reality becomes a tragedy
because the person is not just
physicality but it's not that undermines
the physical element of it it's just
when the physical is connected to the
spiritual it's
holistic he's going to say what are we
talking about when you
say What's the difference between and
there's two
expressions and you have it throughout
the right it says it about y y the only
male inish who's described that way
he was RA Son by it says it says about
his
mother and
by exactly the same expression like
because he was her son he was
her on men you don't have that
expression the
[Music]
describ he uses the word Mar by rif it
says when she came out when she came to
the well right
by we just
learned so the t is emphasizing about
the about the matriarchs S and Rifka and
and ra not Le ra this
quality and two expressions there's and
there's what's the
difference
has to do with what we call physique the
Symmetry the means the picture of the
the the display of of the
limbs there's a symmetry in terms of the
weight in terms of the size in terms of
the physique that's what T
represents there's a symmetrical like a
piece of art where everything is
integrated in the most beautiful of ways
M Greek's
Beauty very much into Beauty Body well
the Greeks worshiped Beauty yeah
physical Beauty
yeah is upon Mar is not the physique of
all the limbs and their symmetrical
connect relationship with each other but
it's the face it's the countenance
cluster upon Him means some you look at
a face there's a there's a there's a
light there's a shine it's a beautiful
face to look
at
this is very much connected to the
circulatory system of a person the means
the Journey of the blood the circulation
of through the GM through all of the
blood arteries GM are the this the veins
and the arteries through which the blood
cruises and travels which
affects the the flush or the the mara
the countenance of a person's
face in a spiritually in a person
this is the two structures
of say a 248 positive mitz that's
connected to the 248 organs it
says the 248 organs in the human body
correspond to the 248 Mitzvah and that's
the idea of to as we said to is that
each organ of the body the Symmetry and
the way it's designed and functioning is
in
perfect Beauty and symmetry
that's and then you have
the says in the 365
G the veins or arteries sen are
conected that's the mar that's what
affects the mar as we said because
that's how the blood travels including
to the
face
so when a person's spiritual posture is
intact so both there's and the posture
is intact and the
face captures this unique light and
beauty of the person so what does that
mean on a collective level spiritually
in every Jew and collectively when the
avoid of a person is the way it should
be so is they're called
and
captures the unique Symmetry and
perfection in all of the limbs the 248
mitv posi of mitz and because there is
also the respect the boundaries as he
says everything of is
Al means there's the the boundaries that
the G are protected from the of the 365
prohibited
things it doesn't just say they had a to
and a
says you can have you can have but it's
notas from the wordi beautiful what's
what what adds to the beauty there's to
on its own there's a to and there's a
but here we
say that represents integration symmetry
his scal he says you see beauty comes
when different Force different colors
Gana means colors when different colors
come together to create a beautiful
piece of art it's not one
color it's the symphony it's the
integration it's the synthesis
of different colors that brings out the
most powerful Beauty the same is true in
architecture the same is true in music
see a beautiful piece of music if it's
just one note yeah uh you could do a c
Min whatever it is fine but one note is
not going to create a beautiful ballad
the power of symphony right you have a
choir children singing It's not the one
voice could be a beautiful voice too but
that combination of voices creates a
special type of aesthetical feeling the
same is true with a symphony of many
different musicians each one with their
own instrument and together the
togetherness the synthesis it's
called the integration of Many Colors
that's what creates Yi that's what
creates
Beauty things things that could be
different and the same is true with a
goof a goof is a piece of art you know
it's hashem's piece of art it's one of
the probably the most incredible piece
of art in our world you know just the
brain just the design of the brain when
you see thecal is the integration of
everything it's m mind-blowing that's y
so he's saying here both in the to and
both in the mar there's an element of
y
huh right right so we'll see exactly
you're saying
could be not just my illusion it could
be a genuine thing that if I'm
missing we'll see
yeah what does this mean in a person you
f what does that mean I understand you
have have
have he
says the integration
meaning
a
person's could be a person has one C
that's not Yi it's one C this is where I
am anything else that doesn't fit in to
my nature my disposition or my schedule
I have no connection to the concept of Y
is that the person has that openness and
flexibility to be able to embrace
different kav different aspects
different lines different attitudes
different experiences that's what Kaz
say the world stands on three
things right the
tripad the tripad why you know why it
has three legs
yeah the photographers will tell you
it's that stability the three legs it's
much better even than four or five it's
it's much better yeah yeah especially
when you have surfaces that are not flat
you have slopes you they're going to a
wedding on a mountain here there it's
the the tripad the
trio so who invented the tripod says the
world is standing on a
tripod so he
says is the right a is connected to kav
to the left and
the center so you have the thesis and
antithesis and synthesis so brings it
together so you have the three and when
when you have that integration you have
Beauty
specifically represents the beauty in to
not there's going to be what's the
beauty in the
beauty
it says every mitvah has in it all of
the other mitz that's what means
integration it's one of the reasons it's
you're involved in one mitvah from other
mitv so explains he proves it from the
reason is because each mitvah
essentially has all the other Mitzvah so
when Mitzvah you put them in a Mitzvah
because you're already doing that
Mitzvah
too this represents the concept that
there AOL just like you have in the body
of a person right in the DNA in the in
the it's called the code in the gim that
exists in every cell you have a double
copy of the gim with the DNA is a
blueprint of all the parts of the body
in other words in each in each uh
element of the Goof you have escalus you
have integration of all the other parts
of the Goof even though this is only one
cell from trillions of cells in the body
what does this mean in a
person's
usually
the that in every you have otherz so
you
you but he says this is a TI of how to
do a Mitzvah when you're doing a Mitzvah
it's teaching you how to do a Mitzvah
it's not just so you're exempt I'm doing
one mitah I don't have to do another
Mitzvah that's not
the he says when I do a Mitzvah could be
two things it could be it works with my
ego it happens to be that this mitzah
works with my ego
right if I'm OCD yeah a lot of works
very well for me in fact somebody once
told me he became F because he was OCD
and he needed he needed a system of life
that would work with
it and sometimes you see people I need
safety I need to just tell me what to do
24/7 and I'll do it it fits very well
the moment this person goes out of their
comfort
zone God is as powerful as my comfort
zone the moment I go out of my comfort
zone I'm
done in other words y has a c as long as
I'm in this C
I'm the best but moment I'm challenged
to go out of this C and usually somebody
in your life is going to challenge you
usually people closest to us I lose
it c means a
line a way a comfort zone a structure so
it's important people have structures
and people need structures and you have
different
dispositions means never get involved in
the Mitzvah that you that without losing
the touch that it's all the mitv
in other words even Mitzvah that come
from an opposite there's different types
of
Mitzvah
whenever don't get stuck on the external
form touch the DNA of it and when you
touch the DNA then it's all all the mitv
there in other words when you touch the
that it's it's it's is not defined
by he's
God is Not defined by division into
forms and all of them don't worship the
outer
structure right worship Hashem who's
Beyond structure now he's being
manifested through the structure now I'm
eating mat now I'm putting on now I'm
daving now I'm learning now I'm
giving now I'm in a state of connection
with others now I'm in a state I'm
alone but don't what happens
is
was an expression
right there's Jews who are scared of
the and there's Jews who are scared of
hasem you understand the
difference that's what he's
saying there's a
relationship something called hasem
there's a relationship here because
what's wrong with nothing wrong with
being afraid of the it's good but what
often happens
is there's a lot of ego involved and not
necessarily ego in a in a bad way but
ego simply it's my comfort zone like
don't bother
me my shabas table has to look X Y and Z
and if it doesn't cuz it's not what your
child needs it's aan your whole chabas
is destroyed who decides what a shabas
table has to look like tell me if I
don't follow the par sheets it's not
chabas
huh this is
it of all the mitzvas there's an adal
criter so when we do a Mitzvah be
connected to the Divine in the Mitzvah
the Divine in the Mitzvah you're not
stuck obviously right now it's a shabas
table and there certain mitz that I have
to do
[Music]
now and that's what
is but that's what Yi means Yi means
it's not one limb you don't hold on to
one limb there's a symmetry there's
there a body there's a physique you
understand that's what it means it's not
it's not one Mitzvah there's all the
Mitzvah even in each limb the limb is in
a relationship with all the other limbs
that's what a physique means that's what
you fast means that's the beauty why CU
you're always touching the the Divinity
in the Mitzvah andem is not defined by
a is not defined by by by by by small by
it's beyond kav and therefore it
integrates them and therefore they can
work together and therefore I'm not
stuck if I have to move if I have to
shift sometimes you have to make a it's
very hard to make these Paradigm shifts
that that's
the because you're doing
this doing
because
everything so how you taching
it because of this you're
do that's
why
yeah
it's very easy to get stuck you know I
get stuck in a because I'm not in touch
with the
mitem it becomes almost like it works
for me and because it works for me it's
not so if it doesn't work for me I'm
done so it can become sometimes it could
become selfish sometimes it could become
destructive
and sometimes it could become very very
uh um
egotistical and even if not but
sometimes it becomes very limited a
person becomes very a very limited
person because I'm not in touch with the
and that's that's the mush of the DNA I
was giving the of the DNA is that any
part of the body that you extract it
from it has the entire goof there
because whenever you're dealing with
like the
says when you touch Essence even a
little part of it has everything if
you're touching a core
level any has the whole so if you're
touching the DNA of the Mitzvah every
Mitzvah has all the other mitzvas if
you're touching the external part of the
Mitzvah then it doesn't this is this
type of Mitzvah this is an opposite type
of
mitzvah
and the same is true with also which
is generally it's connected to the to
the line of of discipline of
strength so generally it's connected
to but we say not
only what does it mean not just you have
a there's a Beauty
there there's a beauty in Sur what does
it mean there's a beauty in it it's one
thing it's negative it's abstaining from
things that are not good so the person
is in a state of discipline and
self-containment and and and so you're
conquering
yourself but means there a there's an
integration from all of the and from all
of the Mitzvah here again the is not
just based
on you know I'm a very disciplined and
strong person and therefore I uh I'm
naturally maybe more reserved or more
introspective or uh more introverted or
uh more tough and harsh and then it
actually works for
me and then when I'm called for to go
into a different a different modality
it's very very hard here too needs to
have an element of
Y call it's not just because it's that
fits
[Music]
me there's a Yi here there's a beauty
here what that means on a practical
level
is there's somebody who stays away and
the point is I'm staying away the point
is to show to myself for others that I'm
staying away in other words again I
start worshiping the the disengagement
the then it's almost I'm excited about
how negative the other person is and I
could stay away from
it
don't wor don't worship don't worship
your worship
Hashem WR somewhere in one of the
my sometimes they have a
a very zealous
person so he says he makes he protests
and makes and this he says the real
problem is he has mid he never worked on
his
Midas but if he comes to schul and says
that it's not going to be so popular so
he always finds a carbon a victim who
can he can get upset about the problem
is he's an angry man and because he's an
angry man the anger has to come out so
he found God to let out his anger
there's no there's no personal
refinement here you're not challenging
yourself I'm not over says you're not
I'm not over this I'm over
this and could sometimes be even worse
than I say because you know you're
everything is RA besides
me that's not y even there's a beauty
here what's the beauty the beauty is
you're not stuck in
this there's a positivity here take Tak
in a marriage in a marriage there's two
in says why is K called K
so he says one reason is
because when you get married the wife is
forbidden for the whole world like he
just like something holy there's it's
not for everybody to use there
exclusivity there intimacy that's one
inion and then there
is she's designated to you explain
there's two elements in one is the
positive and one is the negative
negative in a good way the positive is
two people are married the negative is
they're disconnected from the rest of
the world disconnected in a good way
they're not married to anybody else if a
woman says I'm married to you but I'm
also what do they call they call it an
open marriage right one of the biggest
masas of Our
Generation a couple came to me from a
couple he wants an open marriage says
it'll be everybody will be happier she
could bring in people he could bring in
people after a few minutes I'm where did
you get this from it turns out he's an
atheist once you're an atheist so who
decides what's good what's not
good so I had to use a completely
different language so I said from an
evolutionary
perspective if you want Evolution to
work avival of the
fittest it's going to work much
better if there's a
trust it's
Evolution when this trust the system is
more relaxed it's work much
better what's my
point there's no such a thing if I'm
connected to you right the wres you're
not going to have fire and water
[Music]
coexisting I can't be addicted to pizza
and cheesecake and Ral and all the other
things they have at breakfast for
breakfast and the same also I'm
connected to a healthy lifestyle you got
to choose can have a pie of pizza and
then I'm going to go to the gym and then
another pie of pizza for
dessert you have to choose what am what
am I it's a there's a relationship with
something so there's two elements in the
marriage
is this I belong to you and because I
belong to you I have boundaries I don't
belong to somebody else people don't
like that always they don't like that
but that means that the positive is
missing because if there was a real real
connection you understand to maintain
that connection a child needs to know
this is my father this is my mother
Stalin in Russia he wanted what do you
need families for the state will educate
kids you make a crazy world the safety
of a Child is This is my mother this is
my father you're my T you're my mommy
yeah there's a safety there and the more
you have that the more you could be a
universal person who's connected to
everybody because you have an anchor
same is true in a marriage if there's a
very positive relationship yeah there's
boundaries why because it doesn't begin
with the negative it begins with the
positive but if you have a marriage
which is
only but there's no connection then
it's cuz all we have is no no no no no
no no
right it's like houses what's shabas
shabas says you can't do that you can do
that everything is forbidden yeah I
don't know we're
miserable if the shabas table is only we
don't we don't we don't
yeah that's the
idea it's not don't get stuck in the I
don't I don't there's a connection
that's why I
don't if it's only I don't without a
substitute of what do we do there's a
mar there's a beautiful marriage that's
why we don't go other way there's a
relationship if there's nothing for me
in the house I'm coming home and it's
miserable and no one is connecting yeah
of course I need other connections what
do you want me to
do so if you're lucky I just hang out
here in SCH and I eat soup so that's my
connection okay better than other stuff
and if we're not so lucky you know my
takes me to other
places you get
your is the same
like the
same it's not only about this it's
there's there's a connection here
there's a connectivity here because and
then it's not negative only then there's
a y in it there's a beauty in it cuz
you're connected to the Divine DNA of
the Mitzvah that's
yeah I don't know that there one
uh what comes toward daving or helping
your
wife your
wife he says if you don't help you're
going to have to dve in much
more it's going to be hard to DAV if
you're not helping your wife daving
needs
kav and ultimately you want the wife to
understand that uh when you're daving
you're also helping if a wife feels that
daving is a distraction of the
relationship there something that that
needs to be
healed if it's because I need to escape
the house so
does
whatever it is all these good things if
it's an Escape then we're back we're
stuck again I'm looking for escapes I'm
looking to escape I'm looking to because
I'm because there's a lack of
connection you understand that's the
idea
of the Mitzvah is part of an a
collective relationship it's a holistic
experience and that's why sometimes this
this Mitzvah and some they say no this
is not this mitzah now it's the time for
another mitzvah and I'm
fine my shabas table has to look
differently my SED has to look different
people come to a PES s with expectations
what a Seder is supposed to look like
and they're so annoyed
afterwards you know there's fathers who
prepare speeches for a month before P
they have 30 AAS they prepare the best
ver in the world and of course they're
waiting for all the kids and the and to
sit with open mouths as this man is
going to spew the most delicious
that ever existed since before the and
on every paragraph in the he has another
and another and already three minutes
into the S this poor man is so is so
frustrated he says this
is it's much better to be on the party
we should have never left M with look at
what the say the looks like the what
what what happened he got stuck in what
a s is supposed to look like what's a s
supposed to look like I know one thing
it says he
talk to your child what does that look
like I don't know figure it out talk to
him don't talk to yourself you want to
give
speeches come and give
speeches that's the connect to your
child Bond Bond connect maybe it's a
five minute experience of of
Connection huh whichever whichever
language yeah some have to look very
different my point is I know the beauty
of a say and everyone
says but you can't get stuck in an ego
this is an ego thing and I don't mean a
bad ego I don't mean that people are not
a bad ego but ego means this is what God
looks like how do you know what God
looks like he doesn't look like
anything what's a what's a say what's
supposed to look
like it's it's maybe a nice not being
I'm not judging it everyone has it but
the comes a moment and you have to say
ask
not what God can do for you ask what you
can do for your go for
God what what what's the now maybe it's
a different maybe it's a complete
different
modality there was a here in M very
special Drew RAB Ronnie
Greenwald remember
shom he once uh so there's an
organization like
organization I know Gateway I don't know
one they made
up to bring in a lot of Jews out they
rented a big hotel they would sleep
there and Dav you know and he was
invited there I guess to be one of the I
don't know Yip how many sh you give but
maybe before Yip the middle by the and
he said he came in before to the hotel
he came in the late afternoon to the
hotel and uh he's walking already to
kidre with his medalis you know
everything he's walking you know Jews
before kid there's a certain uh energy
and he sees right then a a van pulls up
in front of the
hotel and like 12 people come out and
right away one look he sees that these
are all you know kids from Muny from
Lakewood from Williamsburg from Monroe
from bur Park Crown whatever it
was and
uh they book uh they book a room and a
few minutes later they're sitting in the
lobby with uh everyone is coming from
the sud with a lot of
beer so Ronnie at that moment understood
that his a is not to go to
sh and he sat with them he sat with them
said what brings you here they said
listen if we're going to live where we
are you know there's all this Yip guilt
we don't want Yip guilt so we came here
we came here to enjoy our Yip and they
went to the Other
Extreme of course Yip in the morning in
honor they went to the beach whatever
they did
everything and he said basically his
entire yipper was spent either in the
lobby or on the
beach he came into
SCH he got the end
of says but it happens to be at the end
of the he says for when he went back for
99% of them came with
them so whole Yip is
killing I came here to have a good Yip
this Yip how do you know what Yip is
what's Yip supposed to look
like how do you
know that's that's that's what we mean
when we talk about beauty Beauty means
there's a flexibility just like in in in
in physicality right there's a
flexibility there's a physique or a body
that's very tight it's very tight I only
move in a certain direction in in
different postures of exercise and
stretches the concept is there's a
flexibility there's an interplay and
that means there's a comfort I'm not
stuck in a particular pattern and that's
also part of so
both that's the concept of escalus it's
the concept of
integration now like everything it could
this can be misconstrued screwed it
means oh y so just sit in the lobby with
people that are not like you you know
you the rabbi sermon is
boring there's also the other side right
there's a person they're they may be
afraid they don't like confrontation
they don't like discipline they don't
like structure so so so the so
so so let's just
chill sometimes the Trap of ego works
both ways doesn't always work in you
know a harsh harsh uptight exact
opposite
everything goes I'm such a cool Chiller
yeah you're so cool chill you don't even
know how to bond with your kids you
don't have an opinion you don't have a
perspective you don't have feelings I
just let everybody do whatever they want
it looks beautiful in other words love
doesn't mean everything is permissible
love means Attunement love means you're
connected you understand what I'm saying
sometimes yeah I'm just a relaxed person
yeah I'm detached I'm relaxed I don't
care about anything I'm disassociated so
everything goes that's that that's the
opposite that's what we're saying me
since every so no Mitzvah are important
or it's just it's a beautiful Sur it's a
seriousness here the seriousness is not
a seriousness that's coming from an
uptightness and an egotistical trip it's
coming from
connection real connection and
connection not just with the Mitzvah
with the source of the Mitzvah and we
said with the source of the Mitzvah I'm
not stuck in a particular kind
so this is all the concept
of again so to
is as we
said
the to has to do with the symmetry of
the and Mar has to do with the blood
that flows through the
gdm and that creates the
mara toar is the positive involvement
and Mara is the the state of the person
right the of the person means there's
what I do and then there's what I don't
do which is as powerful as what I do cuz
what I don't do really defines me what I
don't do is the boundaries I create that
defines you as much as what you do you
know people don't
realize defines you as much as essay
essay means what I do but l means what I
don't do that's part of
me you right I don't do this that's
that's a very serious part of me cuz
that really creates the boundary like
where where you are if I do and I do
everything there's no you so Thea says
the mar really what the person looks
like but in each one there could be and
not is the beauty of it is the scus of
it the integration of it the connection
that it's a it's not just my nature
happens to fall in to fit it this fits
into my nature I become passionate about
it because it just happens to fit but
there's really no personal amense
ipation there's no egolessness there's
no Transcendence when there's
Transcendence the way of is that when
I'm doing a Mitzvah I'm really doing
every other Mitzvah if when I'm doing a
Mitzvah I'm really doing every other
Mitzvah then I'm Not
Afraid when I have to change course
because I was never only doing this
Mitzvah so it's it's a whole
new it's a t of how to do every Mitzvah
when I'm doing a Mitzvah I'm not only
doing this Mitzvah I'm doing every other
Mitzvah even the Mitzvah that by Nature
they're opposite from this
Mitzvah when I'm doing
the is opposite from the of
of it's the opposite and it's one is one
is but
when means even when I'm doing I'm also
doing the other how can you be doing the
other Mitzvah because you're connecting
not just to your comfort zone you're
connecting to the fact that it's a
Mitzvah of and the is beyond this it's
beyond the visibility in particular
structure so may I may be doing this but
I'm not completely defined by this and
therefore I'm not going to get
lost in the ego I'm not going to get
lost in the easiness of it but sometimes
in a moment's notice I have to
shift I have to shift because that's
what's that's that's what is necessary
now when I'm fully present when I'm a
tuned I can make that shift the same is
true the
opposite right that's why a person
always needs to ask themselves I'm doing
the I'm doing a Mitzvah now yeah I'm
trying to educate my child whatever it
is I'm I responding to my fear am I
responding to my uh
anxiety then it's
not then I'm o in my anxiety don't call
it if my rebuking my child is a way of
viting my guilt my shame my anxiety my
pain okay so you're using your child as
your therapist I don't think you should
be doing that at least pay him at least
pay him like you pay a therapist say I
need to use you now as my therapist and
I'm going to give you all the money
maybe he won't
mind if it's if it's a real of it's
tuning in to real where the person is
and what's the in this moment why you
sighing for
okay we'll take a break here everybody
have a beautiful day and B will continue
this Monday morning
7:45 we still have to get to
the on the that's uh Next
Step
person in in almost in his
nature in our comfort zone as
you so what you're saying is real
connection is not to be connected to
your nature but nature of
reality real
yeah out of your reality into yeah yeah
yeah I could be stuck in my nature and
and you know but really I want to go out
of my nature and go into hashem's
reality and then my nature is not a
confinement a place of
confinement dissolved the
nature box it's not a box it's dissolved
in the infinite reality and then it
becomes a manifestation of infinity
rather than a trap that keep me stuck
this is who I am this is why I'm not now
I'm triggered now I can't be connected
to you and the truth is the reason we
create nature it's a form of
separateness it's a form of protection
when I'm one with the source I don't
have to get stuck in a nature because
Hashem is not defined by any particular
nature I could manifest that through my
nature but if my nature I put a lid on
it and I say okay the flow is not there
so now it's a self-contained reality now
I have to invest in it and really create
something that's counterfeit the
counterfeit
ego this
and yeah
that's means I'm sitting at the S but
I'm in get out
of the biggest MIT sometimes
looks the whole pace say this to go out
of Egypt but sometimes that's the
biggest cuz I'm stuck in what things are
supposed to be what it means to have a
good family because we have expectation
if they don't fit into our expectations
yeah and also and what if a person feels
you know why can't our family be like
this family all the kids sitting around
and everyone prepared Dres on the ha and
everyone looks to say tati you're the
best tati you ever lived and mommy this
is the most amazing S I ever had please
let's continue it let's not go to
please let's do mag for another 3 hours
right why can't why have that family
like my next door neighbor yeah I've
seen you s that's what it looks like
right seen the by this this is at my
house already by Kadesh it's already aan
once we hitpas they're all already ready
to go to sleep by the time we start the
man this is done we're
done
huh but that's the whole thees is to be
able to find Seder in the reality that
you're facing you understand instead of
creating chaos from it create seder from
it realize this is the Rhythm this is
the D this is the beat to dance to you
don't have to run away from it go find
me a normal house go find me a seder
this is seder this is your seder your
say is not my S then what order is for
you is not what order is for me order
means cre
order out of chaos that's the of
the and that has to do with attitude
that's
Consciousness it's so difficult it's
like basically you coming into somebody
say you becoming uh a conductor of the
symphony right and everybody in this
Orchestra doesn't know how to play
instrument doesn't know how to fit in
Mak a total and you try to conduct it in
the three in in 3 hours supposed to be a
Sy beautiful but what if you say we're
going to do
jazz we're going to do jazz that type of
music exactly you you're saying I'm
coming into do a say as a conductor of a
symphony I need you to be a violinist
you to be a celloist you to be a Pianist
you to be a guitarist you to be a drum
it's
aan but say no our we our family does
Jazz improvisation yeah you improvise
and music doesn't have to look like
music maybe it could look like I don't
know
and all the scream all the as long as
everybody participates and he connects
to it as long as everybody feels a part
of it because they feel safety they feel
connection bring out the
bestbody so when we go in when we go in
with expectations that come from ego it
becomes very hard cuz everyone is always
disappointing me always disappointing me
but that coming from the fact that I am
detached I'm allowing myself to be
detached I'm falling into Judaism
becoming a
crutch for my insecurities you
understand I need to feel like an
accomplished person I'm a good father
I'm a successful father I'm a whatever
the name is and suddenly this whole
family is proving me wrong so what what
of course I'm angry so basically instead
of attachment you have Detachment
because of yes to expect exactly so the
religion becomes a source of Detachment
whenever God becomes a source of
Detachment it's not God it's called
a if it's Hashem it's a source of
attachment because what is Hashem Hashem
is the the Divinity that connects the
world connects me and my kids or me and
my wife or me and my friend or me and
another person me and another Jew so if
it's the disconnect it's not Hashem
basically there's a separation I fell
into my ego I call
it CU that's the comfort zone I'm in but
it doesn't have to do with that so I I
really have to it's it's it's this is
inner work this is what we learn about
constantly the inner work of
emancipating myself from my ego I don't
need it we don't really need this this
is all superimposed because I'm not
connected when I'm connected with the
source I'm a channel if I'm a channel
that's what I need to be I need to be a
channel if I'm a channel you're a
channel for what you need to be a
channel to
Al it's a great story Al was
unbelievable he was in the middle of
kidre and he had his Talis over was
daving and suddenly he took off his
Talis and took off his kid and he left
sh and they found out that he went to
the edge of the city
there was a there was a woman who gave
birth and people left wanted to be by
and she was left alone she was stranded
and and her life was in danger she was
hungry the baby was hungry she had no
milk and he went and he chopped wood on
Kipper and he he made a fire he lit a
fire and he cooked soup and he gave her
the soup and she could nurse the
baby so the Reb told the story once he
used to tell the story and he said
what's the it's a
everybody knows doesn't stop on what's
the yeah if a if if a mother's life is
in danger and a baby's in danger you're
allowed to cook of course you're allowed
it's a
Mitzvah it's a Mitzvah that you
shouldn't send a small child because
people shouldn't think like it's a hat
they should understand it's a
Mitzvah of the story is that he was in
in middle
of in the
ultimate felt the the hunger of this
woman that was the that he felt it he
didn't get a WhatsApp message and Leos
they didn't have WhatsApp for whatever
reason so that means that means that he
wasn't connecting to he was connecting
to Hashem you understand the
difference so he was not connecting to
carpus he was con he wasn't connecting
to carpus he was connecting to Hashem
and was conting to his child ipus you're
right carpus
he didn't go learn is
now and how do I can't say who cares
we're just going to we we're chillers
that's not what we're saying we're not
saying that we're saying is that the is
also infinite not that there's no
there's no carpas there's no Yak of
course there is but it's God that's
coming through it if it's God that's
coming through it then the carpass is
not only carp
the it's the it's all the same when you
touch the DNA again the of DNA is the
the core of a mitvah you're touching
every other Mitzvah so if you're
touching every other Mitzvah you're
parted from every other Mitzvah and
you're doing every other Mitzvah you're
doing every other Mitzvah even the
Mitzvah that are opposite but because
the
form is not a trap the form is a channel
you understand the difference is form a
Channel or is form a trap nature is not
a trap it's a
channel by that
says I always knew you a man of Love Now
I know you have year by that that says
that the first time about that was a man
of love that wasn't a question he was a
lover loved he loved
people by Nature was very introverted by
Nature was
extroverted so but his extrovertedness
wasn't cuz he was a social butterfly and
therefore he you know he wasn't shy and
he could was that's
was that's it says looked like what's
the it says made that should look like
people were laughing they said that is
not as real real
child says tell the he formed the image
of Vis of is to be compared to sounds
like it was a big miracle it's very
natural that a son looks like a father
it's not aish right you look just like
your
father so their dispositions they were
opposite the reason a son looks like a
father is on a spiritual level on a
genetic level there's a continuation but
actually in nature was opposite than a
so at the
surface looked more like a than was a
was
a very leeda person a party
animal he was a very was much more
reserved so at the surface and were much
less similar than
yal but that's on the surface in the pus
and were the
same they lived in God's reality so yeah
was but they lived not in nature not in
their own nature their nature was a
reflection of of the divine nature of
divine reality which is not
stuck so that's why looked like was that
really
P was was they were both
not how you serve God everyone has a
different AV you have yours I have mine
because I have my heart I have my nature
I have my disposition I have my
strengths I have my weaknesses I have my
talents I have my struggles and you have
yours that's not going to be it's never
going to be the same you have to know
who you are and what your a is but
you're it's an AV it's it's an there's
an element of B there's an
egolessness if you can internalize this
your life is much happier
much
happier not only happier you're fully
present you're present cuz you're ATT
tuned you're present you're not running
somewhere the moment I'm sitting shabas
say and there's guilt and shame and more
guilt and then I'm like okay now I'm I'm
not going to get angry now I'm not going
to explode I'm already I'm already
exploding by not exploding I'm even
exploding more it's going to come out in
an hour passive aggress but it's going
to come
out I learned I learned I learned muser
I learned I went to
a they said you have to be an adal Adel
okay fine and I'm going to now I'm going
to be adal these low lives M I'm not
their father I don't know where these
kids came from MIM you know when fathers
call their kids M you know who they're
talking about right they think they're
insulting their kids I'm mom's yeah he's
not talking about
himself you're not insulting your kid
you know they say there was in kabar
house I don't know if it's a joke or not
but a new guy came and you know you
don't know no if you're new guy when you
sit when you stand you know
M so the rabbi there put him down near
you know somebody who's there and he
says just just copy whatever he does
you'll feel comfortable he gets up he
get it's done so that's what he does at
the
end gets up and he says I want to wish
this fellow and SCH the guy who always
came a big ma he fathered a child this
week so he gets up and the guy near him
gets up so you understand the mat of so
uh so basically you have to know when to
copy other people first St don't you
don't have to always copy other
people sometimes let him stand you stay
seated you know becomes a philosophy of
copying what everybody does you have
your own a you don't have to copy your
house is your house it's not somebody
else's house you don't look at somebody
else's house so but this this this
person house struggling with himself I'm
going to be a I'm going to be nice
tonight this P I'm going to be nice
you're missing the point it's not I'm
going to be nice I have to deal with my
inner demons it's not about being
nice if it's and an hour later I'm going
to lose it or the next day I'm going to
lose it or the child is going to feel
that I'm children feel everything and
you'll hear them tell your wife tati was
really miserable tonight huh well he was
smiling the whole time
sure he was smiling because he went to a
sheer and somebody said you have to
smile he wasn't smiling he was miserable
he wishes he could be the father of the
finl
I mean the schwarzes
whatever he wishes he could be their
father neb he ended up in this house
what's missing here what's missing here
is the person doesn't even understand
who they
are y has
become I don't mean literally but it
becomes like a it's a trip it's not a
relationship it's not a relationship
first of all don't take it per it's not
about it's not personal it's about a
mission you don't even know about n how
do you know maybe you
know I had an interview with Rabbi
shiman Russell I know some of you saw it
maybe it was three hour thing it's Kad
to watch very very powerful for parents
children he's a very very authentic
human being so he Shar he grew he's he
was in Lakewood he was a Lakewood talid
he came from Gates and
Lakewood and uh you know sat in kylo for
many years and became a
therapist and uh I think has eight kids
k seven or eight kids he wrote a book
raising a loving family he lives in y
today he shared that you know he was
once sitting at a shabas table and he
said he said he said this publicly he
had eight children and six of them left
yish six of them
left uh I think maybe all of them or
most of them came back but imagine
you're K in Lakewood you know this is
Lakewood you know 30 years ago talk
about success right talk about failure
right and then you're a therapist
telling parents what to do like he said
I wanted to quit my job I I was like the
ultimate fa the ultimate ultimate
failure so he said what really attached
him was one Friday night he was
miserable none of the kids were
interested and he was just he was just
really miserable and he was angry at
them and and and you know very tough and
rough this is not chabas and nobody
could say nobody could sit at the table
nobody could sing a noid nothing
this is like a b m
he was he was just and he was so so
upset anyway he said he was going
upstairs to sleep said one of his
daughters who was already checked out of
the system looks at him and you know
girls know how to say things in a way
that sometimes boys
don't she was coming down in the you
know different types of garments let's
put it that way the from and before all
the issues happened and she looks at him
and she says so this Judaism thing is
not really working out for you tati is
it this Judaism thing is not really
working out for you tati is
it and he said this was
like and the twirl you know the twirl
this Judaism thing is not really working
out for you
huh she got it and he said at that
moment she transformed her father from
being a
self-serving Ultra orthodo Ox
narcissist into becoming a servant of
God that moment that question he had to
look at him and say you know what
Judaism is not working out for me it's
not it's a miserable experience there's
something miserable about my
Judaism and that moment he became a yid
he became a
Jew and once he what happened when he
became a Jew his children also became
[Laughter]
Jewish a yid wants to be a yid a Jew
wants to be a Jew it's not a question
but he wasn't he was he was creating a
fake
Judaism and this is not to say that
somebody who can have the most
traditional beautiful shabas table
should have exactly that and sing all
theas not oneidas but you could sing 29
Midas
including and when you come
to you know do it 30 times
and let everybody do all their par
sheets and when they finish
do and then do the
whatever it's
not but you have to know you
know you got to know what which Mitzvah
you got to tune into maybe the Mitzvah
you have to tune into
is May maybe the Mitzvah you have to
tune into is M you have to have M maybe
that's the Mitzvah how do you know that
maybe that's the Mitzvah now maybe the
Mitzvah that I have to have I have to
surrender my ego to hashem's will maybe
that's the Mitzvah you have to know what
the
mitzvas this takes a lot of humility and
a lot of
practice guance and guidance from the
right people who understand these things
not from the wrong people
sometimes the worst guidance we get is
why don't you explain to her that in
this house we don't dress like this
explain it to her she's only 17 years
old she she knows what you believe in
your wife believes better than you
do she's heard this speech I don't know
between 12 and 13,000 times you think
she doesn't know the values in this
family explain it just explain it say it
nicely
nothing to do with that she knows
everything she doesn't want to know or
she's not ready to know for whatever
reason but it's
hard it's hard to surrender I I want the
quick fix the Quick Fix is not about the
other person it's about me I want the
Quick Fix so if I could cover up the
leak and I shouldn't see the water
coming down I'm fine what about the fact
that above the cover of up the whole
system is disintegrating oh I don't care
there's no
leak somebody has an infection and shows
up on the skin they put a Band-Aid the
doctor says yeah but you have an
infection you know it's going to affect
your lungs just put a
Band-Aid I'm looking for a quick fix or
I'm looking to heal the system if you're
looking to heal the system it's not a
quick fix so you have to tune into the
system you have to tune into the
person so this is all what we're talking
this is your faith
this is I can have all
the but there's no there's no Beauty
there's no
integration I'm afraid of the I'm not
afraid of
hem very big
difference
okay tus
tasta this is what's called after after
the what's the called when the when the
Encore on
after
Encore you could wave again you could
wave
if you're not using the copies put them
back here if you are just bring it back
for the next year
please
huh
sure a yeah
for
right even if you could do both you
Potter of
so if you could do both you have to do
both so there's a to and a ran over
there they discuss it some say even if
you could do both you don't have
to what's as far you have to
understand because it's all the otherz
even if you could do both you already
have
it but still you don't have it in the
same way so it's not so
P
right yeah yeah CU Hashem Hashem is
making you do the Mitzvah when
it's
yeah
okay
I I was once by S there by also people
from Gates you know they're so refined
so beautiful and the whole s stuck in my
M mind you know they were all
yeah and it was like 3 four hours and I
was so young and I was so inspired by
this and once I had my own sorum I would
try to repeat it and what a failure I
was every single
time you know it's
actually one face up I suddenly have two
mofin coming to my house one was uh
rabbi
you
know comes
in P night I didn't invite him you know
we didn't expect nobody you know
somebody comes to to comes him and his
his friend and I
said can we part of your
s just just before s they heard when
they took it
seriously sure so he was Far s and the
kids didn't behave the US the usual one
because they had like little bit you
know
cover and we had phenomenal
Sor that's the name of the game gu
that's Gest guest is the name of the
game
yes thank you what a
compliment but he he came as a surprise
to us I don't know maybe it was Stu his
or whatever I was so oh yeah because you
made thater
beautiful