Maamar Mekoshesh 5713 #5: You Will Never Get Your Answers from the Tree of Knowledge

My brother got an email a little while ago. My brother, Rabbi Simmon Jacobson. I want to read it to you. Very, very special. Dear Rabbi Jacobson, I'm a musician that lives upstate New York. I usually play secular music, secular rock music. Last Thursday, I was doing a performance in a bar in Pikipsy as Israel started attacking and destroying Iran's nuclear weapons, even though nobody in the bar looked Jewish. During the performance, I announced what was happening and I asked that everyone should pray for peace in their own way and make a commitment to do an act of kindness to help make the world a better place. Then I played the song shalom and I explained the meaning of the song that there should be peace. Shalom. The next night, this was Thursday. The next night, Friday night, I had a strange dream. Rabbi Label Groner, the secretary of the Labavich Reba, calls me and he says in the dream that the Rebba wanted to thank me because what I said in the bar inspired a Jewish woman who was in the bar to light Shabas candles and her candle lighting in Pikipsy helped bring extra blessings into the world. It protected people in Israel and it helped the Israeli air force succeed. I wake up shabas morning and I thought even though it was a nice dream it's probably nonsense because I'm not important enough person to get a message from the labavba in a dream today Sunday morning which means yesterday giml Thomas the rebart site I get an email from a woman in pikipsy she looked me up on social media and she says to me you inspired me by what you said in the bar and because of that she says she lit Shabas candles to honor Israel. It's the first time she lit a Shabas candle since her bach mitzvah 50 years ago. Wow. Wow. It's an email my brother got yesterday. So, my sister-in-law writes, my brother's wife writes, "I'm sharing the following. An email Simmit my husband received a short while ago in the hope that would inspire and uplift you as it did me. There's no doubt that Ebis sees and hears and knows what's going on. How lucky are we to miraculously catch a glimpse from behind the tapestry. Well said. Okay. I just I thought I want I wanted to share that with you. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty. Huh? Yeah. Huh. Apartexic. Apartic aartic a few days ago. Apart tag. Apart tag. No. No. Not protect. No. Huh? Oh, I don't know. Well, uh, El Bogen, Yakov El Bogen told the whole story. Uh, Shabas Yakov Bogen, you with you heard his story? El Bogen story. The lawyer. The lawyer. No, no, no. He's a lawyer. He comes Shabas morning a lot to him. So uh he told the story Shabas by Rabisf Mas's home. He's you know grew up in Bar Park. He went to the yeshiva Philly, the Yeshiva Philadelphia. And uh he became a very successful lawyer, a very special young man. And uh some years ago he started to learn uh with us, started to learn and got more involved in learning sat and he said his son is he has a son Shangi told him he wants to go uh to the oil. So he went with his son. It was very very packed. It was packed packed. Apparently a whole group from Fran France came so it was packed. Even when you open the door he said you hit you know 20 people. So he said I grew up very comfortable and I don't like pushing. I don't like pushing my way through. I like being in comfortable places pampered enjoying the moment. So I told Shrai this is not for me. I'll dav outside behind this hos and I'll al son says you came here already. You came here all the way. You go in. So if you want go in. So his son, you know, pushes his way pushes his way in and he goes he goes outside. Okay. They finish dominating. They go home in the in the car. What did he say? Why did he put on my uh way home? Let's hear something from the Reba. On the way home to Bur Park says sunset. Let's hear something from the rabbi said we're just a dial that's hypo teaching. So uh I guess he searched and sash of mine came up. So in the car they start listening. So I tell a story. What's the story I tell? That's what he said comes up in the car. I told the story that I heard from somebody. Now I I know the story because I heard it from the guy that it happened to. But I was saying it I think he said it was a yuchvat faban. Right. Faban. Oh, it was live. I forgot it was Yuchvat. Yuchvat is the yard site of the Rebayat the day the Reb became Reba. So in here in the tent or one of the rooms. So I told the story and so on the way back they were listening to the to the story. What was the story? There was a Jew, his name was Rabb Zalman, Rabbi Zalman Pner. He lived in Nashville, Tennessee. He went to Nashville I think around 1949. Tin test the previous labyat sent him there and he built a shul a school a community I think it's called akiva day school it's still there and it was a desert I mean Tennessee then even today Tennessee still has its uh challenges and infrastructure but then it was extremely midbama a real desolate spiritual desert and he built it up he used to come once a year from Nashville at least once a year he would come for yvat to the to visit I heard this from zman When I said this over at the fabang says one year he came and shul by the fabang would that's when he would say the basil it was packed it was packed and he decided he's going to sit there push he won't be able to concentrate it's going to be annoying it's sweating upstairs they used to have uh a hookup a speaker so you can go upstairs to the sh if you know 770 there's the big sh downstairs upstairs is a small sh and they had from the speaker from the mic you can hear the reba upstairs. He said, "I'll go upstairs. I'll sit on the bench comfortably like a bench and I'll be able to listen." You know, the Reb had to listen. I had to concentrate. It was long deep. It wasn't uh just the very small part. Okay. So, I sit there the whole I had a good time. I heard everything and uh I went home. The next night before he was going back he went he went into theb. So uh he says he came in theb says where were you and I was searching for in fact three times I asked about you I asked your father where you are and I asked you would s I asked them both where you were and they said they don't know you mean they don't know vubist. So he was honest. He said, "I came. It was packed. I didn't want to push. I went upstairs so I could relax and listen." So the looked at says, "Once a year, a whole year, you're in on a pedestal. Once a year you have an opportunity to to penetrate the coarseness of the of the body and the animal soul in you. You run away from it. This was the story that Bakard he said on chapas. He said his son was looking to see if he's listening like Tati because they had an argument before. This is what he sold on Shabas. It was very uh very meaningful. All right. Okay. So, we're holding at the end of the mime of the mak. Yeah. That we began. I think this is the fifth sh the m from in the copies. It's page page nine. Right before right before if I do a summation of the mime so by the shashana we'll still be learning the and since time does move we should also be moving so instead of doing a summation of the I'm just going to say the last point and whoever whoever doesn't remember could hear the previous on your own because Everything that you learn, you need if there's no it just goes in and it goes out. Even if at the moment it's inspiring and it's Gishmak when there's no in anything that you learn, it just it's very fleeting. As I told my students in yeshiva, the first time learning something is not called learning. It's nothing. If somebody learns gam once, it's mish nothing. The second time you start. So I so so so I asked if that's the case why do you call it learning said it's only learning in the sense that when you're learning it a second time it's called a second time that's what makes it learning that if you learn it a second time it's not the first time so that's that's a truth about learning the first time is only that if you learn it a second time it could be called a second time not a first time if you never learned it a second time then it wasn't even a first time but that's how learning is because it takes Uh I read a story that a Jew came to Revelv and he said that he has a horrible memory and he needs a how to remember things. He learns he learns the Gmorra and it goes in from one and he right away forgets it. So he has a terrible terrible mind. It's horrible memory and he needs eight or something advice a blessing. So asked him how many times do you kaza the garra after you learn? So he says four times. So he says, "No, no, no, no. You don't have a problem. If you told me that you learned it 60 times and then you forget it, then you need a problem. You learn it only four times and you forget it." Says you're a normal person. Come learn it 60 times and then if you still have a problem come says it's brought in that they used to learn everything a 100 times. The gammor says in the time of the sh they used to learn everything 100 times. Did you know that? So and the Gmorra says that was above nature. So explains in that the 101th time is more precious than all the 100 times because it's going out of the comfort zone. The 100 times is 100 times. at one time may is more powerful than 100 times because 100 times they used to this was he gives [Laughter] this what you know yeah the garra gives a mshel the garra says that shamarim they would rent out duns like taxis so if the donkey is going let's say a kilometer let's say the dunke is going 10 kilometers so it's a zuz yeah If it goes 11 kilometers, it's two zoos. But that doesn't make sense. 10 kilometers is one zoo. So 20 kilometers to be two zoos. The answer is that extra that extra para, right? That extra kilometer that's already above its comfort zone. So it cost as much as the entire 10 kilometers it went in the beginning. So that's the idea. The Gmorra says that everyone has a right. It's not of of dunkeys. speaking about the it's all connected. I just realized it's right. So it has a certain comfort zone. So sometimes it simply can't if you're going to torture the and say just go go go endlessly. It's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about torture or or doing something unhealthy. We're talking about something that works for the but it's just you know it's stretching it's exercise. So then fet that that that becomes the most powerful thing. So you see in learning people have comfort zones like sometimes a person is push having you know they're just disintegrating they need whatever they you have to know the difference there's a big difference between torture and and breaking your nature to the point that you're destroying yourself and exercising meaning flexing your muscles and like stretching there's stretching and there's breaking bones it's a big difference it's not the same thing in aem it's a very big difference sometimes people don't know the distinction of taz of you have to work with the kamar not break it but work with it. Expand capacity. Okay. Okay. So, this is all I'm just saying about the need for so the whole in we're trying to explain here the whole mahalak is the two trees the eightas and the right and the truth is that because this is like the opening story insh or one of the opening stories in kish the story of the tree. It means that it's a fundamental, you know, it's a fundamental it's a fundamental story, right? It's obvious that the eating from the sadas is such a fundamental story because it affects all of history and because it affects all of history. So it was obviously something in that process that wasn't just a detail or an incident even though every incident is significance but it was as we call it in English cataclysmic historic it was sweeping and not just sweeping in this world but sweeping in all of the worlds you see from the consequences. So the whole explanation of and is a pivotal idea that is central to the whole Yiddish and really to the whole cosmos and the whole avoid the the whole avoid of of of of a person and of all people. So the whole explanation here about the true trees is an essential idea that trickles down and expresses and manifests itself in so many different aspects and really in all aspects. And the real nuda was that as we always as as we learned in all the that there's two paths there's two there's two aspects in avoid two two uh journey two pathways in a as he calls it one is based on an expectation of the self that is finite I see myself in very finite terms and I need to protect that finitness. I see myself within parameters and I need to protect those parameters. Yeah, talking about a comfort zone. It's also connected, right? I have my mayom. It may be 100 times but I'm not going to go beyond that. As he gives all the examples and I may go 100 times, which is impressive, right? And for another person only does it four times, 100 times is like wow. But this person knows 101. No way. I think the marsh brings and it's also from the also talks about it means you could learn something a h 100 times but what you're missing is the the oneness says you brought the into the and that's really the whole the oneness is means there's no it's it's infinite and therefore it permeates every space and every time because it's complete oneness everything is part of that it has no limitation. That's the only thing that can be. Anything that has a limitation, it's not because there's certain parts that are not connected to it. There's certain places it doesn't reach. Like we learned in so means I'm protecting my parameters, whatever that looks like and I operate from that space and my entire life I could live from that space and I could do good things. It's not as we're learning in this m this is not a distinction necessarily between good and evil. It's between good but the good is defined by parameters by finitness. And therefore even when I reach out or I reach in it's always limited by that and as he goes through all the examples how it expresses itself in actuality in how it expresses itself in in motions in love and awe as he said there's a but the is the person still remains I still remain in my ego in my comfort zone there's love there's connection there's also there could be fear awe in a positive way but I still remain in my mitas and myases like we spoke about ava right there's a love because how good it is for me and when it's not good for me then I look what is good for me and that's why it has a fragility to it yeah we spoke a lot about relationships and family and different types of relationships as long as the relationship is working for me as long as you're giving me nas you have it with parents and children you're giving me nas I love you not only I love you I love you I love you to death and you mean it it's not that you don't mean it But watch out if you don't give me nakas. It's funny what happened yesterday. Your love was infinite. Of course, it was infinite, but it has it had a certain condition. And it really takes a lot to crack open and become extremely extremely vulnerable and surrender every vestage of ego. And it's very hard because why should I? No. Why should I? Why? Why? I love you because Yeah. Because yeah, because it's it's for me it's M is good. Like M is good. Me is good. But that really also means that you never touched yourself. It's not only the other person is missing it. You never touched yourself. You never found the capacity in yourself that's infinite. That's really the the the the casualty first and foremost casualty is not only the person who's not getting that love like your child. The casualty is also the father or the mother who's capable of giving that love, but they don't know that part of themselves. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. They're they're enslaved. It hurts them. It's not only the other person. Oh, and you'll shape up. I'll start loving you. People don't always realize that our our relations to others is a reflection of where we are internally. my my limited interaction with you that is so defined by my comfort zone is because I never touched those parts in myself that really reflect my own infinity. So that's the second type of the and he goes through the whole is higher and higher and higher and higher and deeper and deeper. the way it's in a the way it's in the way it's in the spherus and the ultimate conclusion of it all is that whenever our is only it's basically reducing God to a structure and whenever reduce we reduce Hashem to a structure we deprive oursel from touching who we really are and what reality really is because the essence of reality is not final it's infinite and the essence of the soul is not fine that it's infinite and the essence of the body is also not fine that it's infinite. So whenever I I I uh insist on remaining in those patterns in those comfort zones I deny myself the ability to touch to touch the texture of the texture of infinity and it's a form of enslavement. It's a form of enslavement. Much of life, I would say. And this may not be so easy to say or to hear, but much of life is do the voice, the sound of my beloved one banging on the door. Piski, open up the door. Or in other words, crack open. Piskili open up the door. Let the walls come down. Often when somebody's banging on the wall, what do you do? You fortify the wall more. You bring in a construction guy and you say, "Make this wall thicker so I don't even hear the banging." So the banging becomes harder and harder and harder. And I fortify it even more. I fortify it even more. I go I fortify myself even more, sensing the danger. And then there's an earthquake. There's an earthquake, right? And on one level, you could say, "Wow, look how cursed my life is." On a deeper level, what's really happening is it's a deep divine invitation to start living. It's a divine invitation to go to the space of an ego death and actually become a reflection a conduit of reality going into the flow of divine energy which is a it's not an easy transition going from a place of mid Abbala is essentially a quantum leap from a place in which I'm protected behind my walls whatever those walls may be they may be you know may it's a hundred times it's nice walls I live in a palace I don't may if you live in a closet that you live in solitary confinement, you live in a in a cave, of course you want to get out. Very often the prison is luxurious prison, right? They spoke shabas about difference between Riker Island and Otisville. Uh there was big difference, huh? Big difference between Riker Island and Otisville. Both are prisons, but you can't compare. In one place when I went to Otisville, they told me they were go they're going around and I said which dips they want for Shabas and they showed me all the dips they have for Shabas. It was impressive. They were which dip you want this dip. Jalapino dip that dip. That dip that dip. I was happy for I'm not minimizing prison is prison. But the point is when somebody is in a is is in a B in a pit, it's obvious that it's prison. Sometimes my prison is beautiful. I created a beautiful palace may but essentially the person is stuck and I operate from that space. The heart is not open. It's not expansive. It's in a place. So life knocks. It pounds on the wall until it breaks it. Open up. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Open it up. Open it up. Because only when I come out of that space can I truly be alive and I'm truly manifesting life. Because what is life? Life is the energy of a and it exists in everything. In your love, in your awe, in your learning, in your davening, in your kindness, in your relationships, on every level, every strata of the psyche and of existence, thoughts and words and behaviors and emotions and awareness. That's what the Maya goes through. It's always my awareness is what triggers emotions. My emotions is what creates behavior. So it's always like a domino effect. When there's there's in the mid of the that's the the depth of the how he goes through those two tracks on all levels and it begins already in the spherus. It's not the person begins by Hashem as he goes through the hol of malus and etc. And the key always in this area is the key is the hardest thing and that's surrender. What calls B because BL and as we always say what BL means right b really means graduating from being finite to being infinite. That's a I think that's one of the best definitions for BL and it just came into my head and it's not for me I promise you. Bal is graduating from being finite to being infinite. That's what it means. But that's scary because when I was finite, at least I knew who I was, you know, like these are my walls. This is who I am. Yeah, I have control. I I think I have control. Let's put it that way. That's why balis is so scary. I want to have control. Control is a way of navigating the world from a place of perceived safety. It's all perceived. It's not real. I have control. Yeah. Like you're a tiger. Actually, it's a DNA. You're closer to being a tiger than me having control. So the the the the the belief that I have control is a demian. The fact that I crave control, that's not a demian. That guides my whole life. You understand what I'm saying? Huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the fact that I have control that's an illusion but my craving for it and my desperation for it am I making sure that I position myself and my posture remains one that I have control that's as real as it gets that's the whole world of of of of shells of husks and it's very normal and all anger all the mid all the all the emotions of the nephahamus that develop are often just about control including jealousy what do you think jealousy is it's a form form of control. Hatred, it's a form of control. Animosity, all these things, right? Of course, anger, these are forms of control. It it position control doesn't only mean I own you. Control means I position myself in a way that I could tell I could tell myself I'm good. I could tell myself I'm a victim. I can tell myself I can't get hurt. Whatever it is, I avoid getting hurt as much as possible. And it makes sense. It makes sense that people develop these postures. Nobody wants to get hurt. You've got hurt enough, right? If if if if I know who you are and you're danger, I won't get hurt anymore. I know if you remain locked up and you throw away the keys, nobody can get in. I'm a much better. That's why we numb. That's why we freeze. That's why we detach. Yeah. Even anxiety, anxiety is not evil. Anxiety is your animal soul saying, "Danger zone, danger zone, danger zone. Don't open your mouth. Stay behind closed doors. Be hypervigilant." Yeah, it's dangerous places, dangerous people. And this not only when you're coming into a with 2,000 people. It could be in your own dining room when your child walks in or your spouse walks in or somebody else walks in. But these are all the messages to say stay small, safe, and in control. And this develops these are defense mechanisms that develop survival skills, coping mechanisms every person according to their capacity. And sometimes they can even be cultivated in a very nice way. A person becomes moral and a person becomes charitable and a person is a mench. That's that's the whole point here. We're not talking about Yeah. Obviously, you have a situation where to protect themselves, people become monsters and they become, you know, impossible. They become impossible. Whatever they they're involved in, whether it's thievery or dishonesty or deception or or crazy addictions or not crazy addictions, but Huh. Aggressive. Yeah. Aggressive. or or or the opposite, completely depressed and shut down, which is a different type of aggressiveness. The whole aggressiveness is towards you, right? You you kill every last emotion. You're aggressive towards yourself. Yeah, depression is aggression. It's just not not to others, it's to yourself. So, you can even say, "I'm a good guy." In order to avoid hurting other people, I became depressed. Somebody once told me they grew up in a home where a father would have um rage outbursts. Those who grew up in such homes know it's not an easy thing. It's a very very for a child children need safety. They need they need consistency. They need to know people are responsible. For a child, it's very hard when they're given the responsibility to take over from the adults and make sure Tati and mommy are okay. It's one of the most difficult things and if you're the oldest in the family, so you took on that responsibility first, it could be very very uh damaging. Yeah. So this person said that their father would have these crazy outbursts of rage. Crazy. And it was horrible as a as a the person is very very refined person, a very sensitive ad human being. And he said it was it was just it was it was so painful. It was so devastating. So at some point this person made a vow to themselves growing up. I will never ever ever be like this ever. And how how I will make sure not to feel what I'm feeling. I'll make sure Yeah. not to feel what I'm feeling to to to to to not be embodied because if I don't feel I won't have these feats of rage. So their whole system was designed in order to avoid really really feeling because if you start feeling what you're feeling, who knows what type of malik you're going to become. And imagine a person who's capable of feeling and wants to and needs to feel, right? But their whole system says absolutely not. So here is a classic example where of course I'm living behind a 100 walls in order to not even for myself to protect others because I know how much I suffered from that father. I don't want other people to have that including her his own children. So what did he do? He locked up everything. So now he deprived them and and for noble angelic intentions from having an emotionally connected father because he loved them. You understand? This is this is the sadness. He loved them. and he didn't want they should have what he ate they don't we shouldn't have a father who screams and rages and can throw things whatever he told me all these stories it's not gay the details but you get the points right now it was now completely wasn't a choice it wasn't like he sat down at 9 years old and said I have right this is going to come from choice this is what we spoke shabas uh right we spoke chabas how how to to make choices in life yeah when you had your Yeah. Yeah. I said over what I heard from Pinson that the only way you're going to choose things if is if you're choosing life because to choose you must be in a place in which you're regulated. You're mindful. You're anchored in your true self. And now you're making a choice. That can only be the only way I could really choose is if I'm choosing life. If I'm choosing the opposite of life, it's always a reaction. It's always I'm in I'm in default mode. I'm in cruise control. Huh? Crisis mode. Crisis mode. Yeah. Consciously or unconsciously. So this person, they didn't need to make a choice. This was the best thing they can do based on their understanding with the tools they had. And it was coming from love. You understand? It was coming from caring. I want to avoid this catastrophe. I know how much I suffer from it. I don't want my children to suffer. So many decisions that good people make for their children is to avoid what they experience from their parents. In that process, however, what often happens is I shut down so much of myself and it's nobody's fault and the children don't understand what's happening because even the parents don't understand what's happening. These are all classic or not classic examples of what it means that my entire life could be governed by mid ofah. The question is what mid of a means. It could be in a very very ad subtle very very high mga and sometimes in very very lower madgas but the nikuda is always that I'm stuck in that paradigm and it's very hard to get out of it. Now what this person needs to learn is that they can trust themselves. They're they're good. They're good. The moment they can trust themselves, they can trust their emotions. They're not defined by their wounds anymore. And now they can trust their feelings and trust their love and they they have the capacity to engage in emotions without these feats of rage. But that's a very deep process. Yeah. You said something more profound than liberating. Okay. So is the only choice you really have. Everything else is pre-programmed. Yeah. Everything else is pre-programmed. Hashem. Everything else is God's choice. It's doing even more. Yes. Yeah. So, that was Yes. Yes. Yes. For me, it's letting go. It's it's let go God made his choices. Like, it's not your choice. Everything else was his choice. Everything that's pre-programmed. Um, a woman once sent me a note. She says, "Of course, my mother knows how to push all my buttons. She installed them. God installed the buttons. He installed them. Your mother, God, your mother, whatever. your mother installed the buttons which were installed in her. So it's it's knowing that difference. The only place of the only place of real is so in fact that the father outraged and was angry that was also yeah of course so the only time he was not programmed when he stopped doing that's that was his the father's rage who from PTSD he was in some war somewhere uh I don't know one of the wars I don't know if it's what age this Korean whatever one of the wars you know it's it's it's What was he responding to? I don't know. The time we start having choices when we could realize all of this. We can really really realize all those of this. And when we realize how much choice we don't have, we can realize now I can have choice. As long as people think they have choice, they have very little choice. Because part of the programming is you think you have choice. It's like, oh no, I'm a free person. I make my decisions. That's part of the dignity I give myself. I'm in control. Of course I have choice. My trauma doesn't tell me that I'm completely completely robotic. I am completely a shell of myself. It doesn't say that. It says of course you have choice. That's part of being a hush of a person. But I'm an evid. I'm not an evid. My whole life I'm searching to be independence. So it's again it takes a lot of surrender and say oh I really don't have choice. Wow. All these things all these internal mechanisms and reactions were installed. I have almost no choice. The moment you realize that for the first time you start having choice actually the choices you have before the making conscious decision to do the right thing. It's they're all choices but they're pre-programmed choices you that that program already exist. Yeah. The only thing that that in a way doesn't exist you need to override that was your own choice. The hero is in a way overrides everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is the Yeah. Everything that's pre-programmed. My choice is just to see that they're there. They're really there. And I could stay there or I could notice them. I can observe them. You know, I quote often from uh Victor Frankle, between stimuli and response, there's a millisecond. There's a fraction of a second. And that's where all human freedom exists. The stimuli was not my choice. The reaction is not my choice. But between the two, there's a split second. Stimuli is what comes into me. You send me You send me a text. You send me a text. I meet you. You say something. You look at me a certain way. You don't say good chabas. I walked and you said you walked there and you didn't say good chabas. Now it happens to be Yeah. that you were fat. But I don't know that you were fat. I say you have too of a big ego to say good chabas to me. You understand? Or you don't like me or you got upset cuz Thursday it's a conspiracy. Thursday I was by the bib and you walked by and I was talking to somebody and I didn't give you a Oh, so you're probably upset. So now you're not telling me good chabas. You understand what just happened? Taka, why didn't you tell me good chabas? He's not hair shabas. So that's the stimula, right? The stim. So the reaction is okay now he's upset at me. So either I get upset at you or I'm feeling shame or I'm feeling guilt whatever it is but there's a whole b now it has nothing to do with what happened you fat you fat I was once giving I years years ago I gave a woman's class and there was a woman who would come and then she stopped showing up I didn't see her for two years after two years I meet her in the street I say hi and then I innocently said you know we miss you we haven't seen you don't lie, you don't miss me. I was surprised. I'm like, why are you saying that? And what happened two years? What do you mean? You don't know why I'm not there? I said, no, from when you insulted me in public. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I insulted Don't make believe you don't know. It was a public and you you shamed me in public and I had to really uh surrender my expectations and my anger. And I'm like, I'm so so sorry, but maybe you would tell me because I I don't know what you're talking about. So finally, not sure she believed me, but a little bit maybe she believed me. So she agreed to tell me. I was once talking about Tanya chapter 7. And overb says that whenever you eat every piece of food is no, meaning it's neutral energy. If you eat it with kavana, with mindfulness, with spiritual consciousness, you elevate it back to the source. all this sparks in the nutrients of the food and if I eat it as a glutton on the contrary I I degrade the food. So whenever you're eating and I I was talking about that init those who sit here know when I teach I look at people. So she said, "As you were talking about this, you were staring at me and you think it's not hard enough for me that I'm 100 pounds overweight and now you're talking about this, staring at me, embarrassing me in in in public." Of course, I didn't show up for two years. Huh? Yeah. So I learned a I learned a few lessons at the time. And one of the lessons was what I say and somebody hears has nothing to do with each other. Nothing to do with each other. It was feutal to explain that I look around the room and sometimes my eyes hit somebody and I continue the sentence and it's it's not because I have a bug in their dining room and I know their conversation last night and therefore I'm trying to talk about it. But it it was it was such a wound. It's like if you have a sunburn, right? And somebody pats you on the back, they mean to say hi. But if you have a sunburn, it kills. And I understand that. Well, we all have that in different areas. We all have sunburns. And I may be patting you on your back or you may be patting me on my back. You're trying to say, "Good morning. I love you." And what I'm hearing is, "I hate you. You're a sick person. I want to wound you." So that's the stimuli. the reaction is already pre-installed based on who knows what between those two things there's a moment of choice and say you know what maybe I could respond in the unpredictable way maybe maybe not but maybe maybe I could surrender all of those coping responses and do something new creative that that that's where it happens the only way the only space of that is if you're choosing life. Victor Frankle. Yeah. Victor Frankle was an Awitz. He was a student of Freud. He was an Awitz. He was a Jew obviously. And uh and he argued with Freud. Freud was his Reb. Freud was his teacher. But he completely deviated from Freud. And he felt that if Freud would have been in Awitz, he would have seen levels of people that he could never see on his couch in Vienna. That Victor Frankle did see because he saw what it looks like when people are stripped away from everything. They have literally nothing left. Not even their body, their skeletons, of course, their family and their money and their identity and their freedom and their their uh abundance, food, everything. But everything is deprived. And and a lot of his what's called logoogotherapy, huh, is is is based on his experiences. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not for now. It's an unbelievable story. Victor Frankle in the lab. I don't know if it's incredible. Incredible story. I heard it from the of Vienna Rabbi Yankel Beerman. So an of the verb whatever incredible incredible story it is there. Yeah. There was a woman there was a woman from I don't remember all the details he told it to me many many years ago but there was a woman they called her Mrs. Mozart. She came from a Vishnitz family a vishnitza family. She left. She was a brilliant opera singer. So she left the environment. She went to Vienna. She sang the the concert in 1938. Hitler was in the audience and she was warned about the anlo that that Germany is going to conquer Vienna. So she escaped and she was saved. She came to America and they called her Mrs. Mozart. Mrs. Mozart because she was like a Mozart prodigy. exceptional exceptional talent and uh she lived in Detroit. They called her Mrs. Mozart. She lived in Detroit and in the 1950s she decided she wants to go back to Vienna where she was as a child and as a teenager and it was amazing years for her till she had to escape as a Jew. And she ca she I don't know who arranged it but she went to see the rebba the labavba and the rebba then the rebba then asked if she could go meet victor Frankl on his behalf like 1958 in the 50s 57 58 incredible incredible story I heard this from Rabbi Bamin when he came to Vienna she came to see him he came I think in 1979 80 so she says what are you doing here. He says, "The labb sent me here as a shak." She says, "No, no, I'm the first to Vienna. I'm the first to Vienna." He like, "What?" So she says, "In the 50s, he sent me to go and what should nobody knew about Frankl then he wasn't today. He's world famous." So he says, "Tell him aspected by anybody and anything. He should continue and he's going to have unbelievable. He's going to become worldrenowned if he continues, but he should continue. He should have gotten his pole. Anyway, she went she she went to the university. They said that he he resigned. He's he's he's out of the university. So, she went till she found them. I got some ice. She came into the house. They would slum him in the house cuz his second his second go wife was a non-Jew. She was a Christian. So, he said for sure I made a mistake. And then she she found him and she told him the message and it's a it's a long story but what what she told Rabidan is that Victor Frankl said that uh that the whole establishment of psychiatry and psychology in Vienna were students of Freud and his idea was that the man's deepest search is a search for meaning which is really a search for for truth for authenticity. It's not just the sexual crazed monkey that Freud spoke about. The person is really searching for meaning which of course the ultimate meaning is only Hashem. So they completely completely not only marginalized him but they scoffed him and he was about to give up. You can't fight the whole you know you can't fight the whole world. You want you need you want to be a professor you want to be you see how corrupt the whole world of professors are. Everything is tenure tenure son the professors. a bundle right so he completely completely surrendered and he told him like wow shimish came at the last moment and he completely went back and then his book became a bestseller he has a book sided said he said I didn't know Victor Frankle wouldn't even come to kipper maybe he would never he would completely not part of the Jewish community but when I came he started to send me money to kabat of Vienna and I couldn't understand why the guy was completely segregated from the Jewish community, why is there any money? So I called him. I asked I asked Frank, you don't show up to anything. He didn't want to be associated with. So he says, "When I heard that you're Rabbi Schneers's here, I'm sending you money." And he told me that his words in German and Yiddish were will ever be thankful for him for what he did in the 50s. What what am I bringing out here with all of this? It's a long mice. It's kadai to research it, but it's a guy to look it up. But the Indian is that what was his mama? His mama was essentially to put it in very simple English in very very simple terms. It it's maybe it's a much lower level than the mime, but I think it's important to put it this way. Is a person a machine or is a person infinite? That's really the question. If a person is a machine, a very sophisticated machine, artificial intelligence, a supercomput, amazing, but it's a machine. A machine by definition has parameters. The only thing that's not a machine is the creator who created machines. So the question is, are we a reflection of the creator or are we machines? You understand the question? If you're a machine, it changes everything. a sophisticated machine, a brilliant machine, an interesting machine. You have to figure out how all the buttons work. And that could takeund 100 thousand years to figure out the buttons. They say it's taking already 25 billion years. And we still didn't figure it out. But you have to figure out the buttons. At the end of the day, figure out the buttons and then you'll be happy. And you fix the machine, you fix it. And that's really what the function of medicine is and psychology is. It's to fix the machine. Of course, you have to know the machine. Some people know it better, some people don't. We're still figuring out the machine every year. Neurolink fixes the brain. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Even persones limbs or Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And all neuroscience of course neurolinks and all them. It's really all going into that space. And then there's another approach. The other approach is essentially you're infinite. That's based on ama. That's based on the idea that you're that there's the divine. The divine is not a machine. If there is the divine, he created matter. He created space. He created time. So he must be beyond the system. He can't be a system. That's what infinity is. That's what eternity is. Right? And that's at the core of everything. It's just that I was sent into machinery. I was sent into structure. I was sent there. Like we always say, I was sent. It's a it's not it's not who I am. It's a very big difference. And therefore, as long as you don't touch this spot in you, as long as you don't touch this point in you, you're not touching yourself. You're actually depriving yourself from your truth. And every day, I need to surrender this truth again and again. I'm not a machine. What does it mean to be a machine? A machine has no a machine responds the way a machine responds. I cannot ask the machine to do something else. You don't get upset at your phone, right? Because you put it in water and it stops working. You don't get upset at your phone that you pressed send and it sent. What do you want? There's there's Yeah, there's buttons. You press this, it's going to be send. You press this going to be unscent. This will be a text. This will be a an emoji. This emoji means I like you. This emoji means get out of my life. What do you want from the emoji? Yeah, that's how machines work. And many scientists, psychologists in our generation were invested in this philosophy because if you're invested in this philosophy at the end of the day really as Darwin wrote in his book uh in his book quotes his book u origin origin of species that the fundamental conclusion of his idea of evolution is that fundamentally there's no difference between the human being and the animal and he understood that that was his conclusion that fundamental of course there's many differences But fundamentally there's no difference. You're just an animal. You're a fine. So what it really what really what what is really really saying deep down that's that's who the person is and is it looks that way. That's why it's so convincing. It feels that way. It looks that way. Also it's something that they can touch and something you can touch and you could control. A machine you could control. You may need to learn more. You may need to get your PhD. You may need to learn another 40 years. I'm fine. But you could touch it and your children will get it and the next generation and that's how you go and somebody will control the machine at the end of the day. The tragedy is that all of this is gulos. It's alienation from self. It's alienation from self until we touch the point that we realize that we live in reality. Yeah. When you touch very deep When you co when you touch the deepest button you teach the it's called the button of surrender. You could surrender all the buttons and you realize that you're in the reality of you're of course we have buttons and we installed and we have programs and we're finite and we react and I can't do anything about that. The stimula is going to create reaction. But when I can every single day go into and lean into that deeper transcendent space. Only when you believe that there's something called life, godliness, can you actually believe that there's choice? Yeah. The button. Yeah. Mr. Hako. We learned in about before the mimer. The button. Bacious. Bacious. That's that that's the writes of Chernobyl writes that uh the Rambam asks everybody asks how can Hashem punish parro when he said I I'm taking away his choice how could you punish somebody I take away your choice and then I punish you that's cruel it's like punish a punish a lionist every time she chases a gazelle what do you want from the lionist what do you She learned what do you want teach and then have the lionist change her DNA and then it's not fear right says that said you create people this way stop don't don't play games so the says it's right so the says something uncredible hashem was actually explaining to mo why they should leave mit is not a punishment. It's a condition. He says, "Let me show you what it means to live in mitz." Look at the king. The king of mit is the king who has no that's what it means to live in mitz. To live in mitz means you're completely completely living without choice. And the word mit means he was actually explaining to him what it means to leave Egypt. To leave Egypt means that you start having choices. What does that mean? How? Why? That's the idea to because when I'm living in exile, what does it mean? I'm living in exile. I'm just responding to the situation. Whatever is going to make me feel more comfortable now. So now I need to shut down. I need a shutdown. Now I need to be aggressive. Now is fight. Now is flight. Now is freeze. Now is for now I'll be a people's pleasing. Now I'll go into anxiety. Now I'll go into depression. Now I'm angry at you. Now I'm jealous of you. Now I'm overwhelmed. Now I'm anxious. Now I just shut down. Boom. Basically I'm I'm just the life of Pare. living out Par's dream and everything is in that orbit. Yeah, I can go on vacations. I can make money. I can be powerful. I can win a Nobel Prize. But I'm completely stuck in Mits. What does it look like to have a gula for Mits for the first time in your life? You'll actually have a choice. You'll make a choice. Because to make a choice, I have to be completely regulated, completely mindful, completely anchored in myself. How can I do that when I'm wounded? only when I could connect to the divine in me and from there there's a choice. So this is all this is my short summation of the two different tracks the two different tracks. So the wholeish of this is now we'll understand the what's the is not evil that's where we started the medicine says it's a tree that allows you to know the difference between so it's actually a good tree it's a holy tree it's a ganeden it's actually a ganeden tree it's not a ganim tree what had accomplished or didn't accomplish was something different much more subtle didn't say there's Oh, good and evil. No, says there's good and evil, but aadas says there's good and evil because of das. There's good and evil because of my finite calculations. It's the das that defines the it's my that defines the momentadas did that, it took it from a place of infinity and put it into a place of control. Once you did that now from the of that could come out complete but it doesn't begin that way. What is means the necessity to be able to live a moral life but from a place in which I think I control it and the first and deepest form of control is the mind comprehension because when you understand something it's the deepest form of control right the real people who control the world are those who know the system when you know the system when you know the backend system you create the programming everybody else is just victims of your programming. That's why the worst thing in life is when you think you have it figured out. When you think you have figured out the Yeah. Why? Because then I'm really stuck. Then I'm stuck in the fact that I believe that I control. And that can be the most dangerous form of ego is ego. Ego egotism. the egoic mind because it's not a dangerous mind in the sense that I'm not sinister. I'm not a monster. We're not talking about a a Russia sick sick evil person. We're talking in a very very subtle place. I know the difference between good and evil. But what the snake wanted is that should know the difference between good and evil. In other words, it should be filtered through their knowledge and digested through their knowledge through their das. And that's what governs the system. And when that governs the system, essentially what happens is the person is in that modality and they're not in flow anymore. Ah, it's like cat, right? Knowing it is what creates. Yeah. Knowing about Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Let's see inside. Even though the miri says whoever eats from it knows the difference. He's separating good and evil. So this is a good thing. You want your children to know the difference between tav and bish. Everybody should eat from the madusha is kadusha. It's not kip. It exists in ganed. It's part of ganed. It's part of paradise. Knowing good and evil is not it's not gene. It's ganed. It's it's all through the filter of measurements and limitations. There's a separation, but it's based on how much of the fruits I ate. I digested it, which is a metaphor. I eat it. It's a meal. It goes into me. It goes into my system. I'm comfortable with it. gate in it. Further than that, I'm not going to go and we're not going anymore. I danced enough around the bim. We're done. I have my checklist. It's fine. Vitating it. What mean vitating in it? I'm not ready to stretch. I'm not ready to stretch. And one person's stretch is for another person not a stretch. Depends who you are, right? Yesterday's stretch is today's prison. Today I need to stretch again. Today's stretch will be tomorrow's prison. Tomorrow I need to stretch again. It's very very relative to where a person is. It's like lifting weights. You know, one person can bench press 300 for the other person, they're going to die. But if they bench press 25, that's the question. The question is not how much. The question is this person says they put it in because you know you can't say that in that my said in he's not going to go further. I'm not further. I don't go the extra mile. I won't go because that extra mall requires me to crack open and I'm I'm going to go till that. Maybe I'll expand my wall. I'll build a bigger kitchen, a bigger dining room. I'll build another floor, but I'm not going to go outside of my walls. Yeah, that's where I'm stuck. So yeah, but but it's all in of and he says from here starts the not because it's not it's not but means the branches the results the offspring will be and this is a very very deep place. It's an energetic place. In other words, it's not something you could say clear and point out, right? And it's not like a it's a it's a curriculum because it's a very very deep space in the person of how much are you ready to reinvent yourself. How much am I ready to surrender the truth that I'm not a machine? It's it's more scary than we imagine. BL is very very scary. It's liberating because the moment you give it up you're in flow. You're not oh but thank God I'm normal. Wow. You can actually you're in flow. God chooses. You choose. Of course you choose. The moment you're divine, you choose. And then you always choose the right. You you always know what to choose. You choose connection. You choose truth. When you say choice, what it really means is not that you may choose this, you may choose that. It means that it's coming from a complete place of openness and authenticity. There's no blockage that's dictating it. You're completely completely open. This is where the tree of life comes in. of Allah is the tree of life. It's not the tree of Das. The tree of Das tells you the difference between and the tree of life is you are life. You're in the flow of life. You're not stuck. You don't take life, hijack it, put it into a box, and say, "I own life." The moment you do that, you're not alive. It's like taking electricity, you know? It's like imagine I get jealous from the source of electricity. So what do I do? The wire has electricity in it, right? So I take the wire I have and now I own electricity. Yeah. How much electricity do you own? How much? There's no such a thing. You don't own it. You channel it or you detach yourself from it. You don't own it. There's no such a thing. The moment you own it, it's not it anymore. That's even electrons. We're not talking about we're talking even electrons which are not the source of life. They're creations. Want to be connected to death. Yeah. Very good. You don't want to hug it too tight either, right? Like the story of Kalum, you know, they didn't they didn't have a moon for Kdeshana, right? We know the story. So they hired somebody to stand all night with an open barrel of water. And the moment he sees the moon reflected in the water, he should cover it with a lid and save the moon till the next day. And that's what he did. And he covered it with a lid. And the next day, the whole city came for Kadesh Lavana. The next night they opened the bucket and the moon was gone. Until today, they're searching who stole the moon in Khalum. But what seems like a kalum story is actually a pretty relevant story. It's true with happiness. It's true with love. It's true with relationships. It's true with yourself. Is a tree of life itself. Nothing. The moment I take it, I understand why I want to take it. I want to have it. I want to say I have it. I have it. I get it. I have this. I figured it out. I own it. I control it. What does that do? interrupts me from life. Now it may be that right now I'm actually making I'm in I'm in a pretty good place and I'm making good decisions and I know the difference between but it's coming from that space of so the eight says eat from the go and then he says and then you can go back to we have nothing against this is very very important this is not a war against das this is not a war against the mind This is not a war against systems, structures, boundaries, parameters. Boundaries are healthy, parameters are healthy, structures are healthy. Das is blessing. A mind is a blessing. But the question is, do you eat after you eat or do you eat as a substitute for? That's the difference. If you eat after, it's a conduit. The mind is a beautiful conduit. The heart is a beautiful conduit. Parameters and boundaries protect the integrity of your life force like the wire that protects the electricity and you have to have protection. But when the boundaries are not to protect the energy, the boundaries are to replace the energy to substitute the energy. There's only boundaries. There's nothing outside of that. All I have is boundaries really. Anything else? Is there any anything that you're connecting to? No, I don't know. I just have boundaries. I just have walls. What do you protect? The main thing is I got walls. Yeah. The storefront. I have the merchandise. Yeah. Once he ate from the now he says he can't eat from the anymore. Why? What are you hearing? What are you hearing in that? So why don't we teach kids first and then let you do it. We're teaching all the kids in this room about the including myself. That's what we're trying to do. Sometimes you have to grow up to realize you're a kid. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. That's part of the when we realize we're children. That was the desire. The desire was eat from the and then eat from the sadas. It wasn't a prohibition against for eternity. Don't eat it before you eat from the tree of life. Makes sense because wanted it says that's what's that's going to be the whole thing with Shabas here. It says in medish that that that if mo if would have waited three hours and come shabas he could have used the vine and make wine and use it for kdish and would have been sublimated but they ate it prematurely 3 hours before shabas kava squeezed out the grapes gave Adam the wine and he made kdesh before plag to all the problems started with plag yeah to we have to eat something Oh, that's only kul notas. Yeah. Yeah. Can also be part of the problem. Yeah. Because is to eat from the means to be able to separate. You need to separate. about but from the alone without there could be a means that the external forces get nurture and it leaks it leaks from there. So first you need the which allows you to go outside of finitness which is the complete surrender of any button and any ego and any expectation to the point that you're in completely life itself. And how could you be life itself only if you're in a place of infinity? And how could you be in a place of infinity if there's no way that you define yourself? If I define myself by anything it's not infinite. The only definition we have for infinity is no definition. We don't have definitions for God. Even the word God is a definition right in it's always called why because God is not a right is not we use it but it's not the right term is he was will be all in one space in other words it transcends time it transcends space it transcends matter so what does that look like the answer is nothing no thing don't get no it looks like no thing so that requires the surrender of every definition of myself. Who am I? I don't know. I don't know who I am. You want to tell me says don't make a picture of God. What does it mean don't make a picture of God? Don't define it. And he uses the word which also means don't make a picture of yourself. It's the same thing. Making a picture of yourself is making a picture of God. Don't reduce yourself to a picture to it. Don't turn your true divinity into a picture. The moment I turn it into a picture, this is who I am. Now, of course, I have to survive and protect it. The gift of life cracking us open is let go of the picture. Let go. Throw away the picture. Throw it into the fire. Don't make an image. No images. What do we care if you make an image? Who cares if God has an image? Why is he so insecure? If you make a statue of me, so what? I have to kill you cuz you made a statue that doesn't look good. Every child makes pictures of their parents when they're three years old. They're horrible pictures. You put them on the refrigerator and you make believe they deserve a Nobel Prize. Ah, you lookious in the picture. It's not even you. Who cares? Your kid made a picture. You're happy. So why does God care if we should have been kind? Make pictures of me and put it on the refrigerator. Because the moment you make a picture of Hashem, you're making a picture of yourself. You become a graven image. The moment you become a graven image, you're not in touch with life. Still, you're still image. I'm paralyzed. Of course, I need to protect myself now. Now, all my relationships are coming from that place. Is it good for me? It's not good for me. It's good for me. It's good for me. So, my love is there. My awes I'm I'm living in a place of feed my ego that needs oxygen. So, the question is who feeds it better? You feed it good today. Tomorrow you don't feed it. I go to you, you feed it. There was a Jewish comedian I told you once he said, "I have principles and if you don't like them, I have other principles." That's classic. That's eight. I have principles, but tomorrow I have other principles. I just realized that pessel is the same as selfie. Pestil and selfie. Exactly. Very good. A pessel is a selfie. A selfie of you. A selfie of Hashem. Now, are we against pictures? We're not against pictures. But don't eat from the eight before you eat from the Don't look at your picture to find out who you are. Huh? Yeah. People look at their picture. Who am I? Yeah. Who am I from the p? Oh, I look good. Okay. I'm handsome. Okay. People are going to like me. Good. And whatever that picture looks, not necessarily a physical picture. It's looking at the outside to define the inside and it's a very normal thing. It's a way of surviving. It's not there's no judgment here. It was so powerful that even who were the greatest people they were created by Hashem himself couldn't withstand this. It's important to understand that they couldn't withstand this because to live in the takes so much surrender. You have to have compassion. It's surrendering every picture. Who wants to do that? What does that look like? giving everything up. You know, if somebody would come to me and say Jacobson, control all, delete everything you ever did in your life. Everything you ever were in your life or are in your life, delete everything. Surrender it all. That's the beginning of this. And you're like, "No way. You crazy." So, we choose prison because at least there's supposed security. It's like prisoners who don't want to go out of prison after 30 40 years you know they have already a they consider the zika you have all these stories people who were there 60 years they don't want to go out there was a story of a prisoner you know he was he was he was already in his 80s and he was eligible and he went to the court and he asked them to keep him in prison and they gave him another seven years voluntarily my show you could look it up he killed somebody in 1911 or somebody and he went out of prison like in 198 82 or something. Crazy story. He stayed. They gave him another seven years in prison. So what do I have outside of prison? In prison, chief rabbi. Everybody respects him. He's older than everybody else. He's the senior. He's the He's going to come out to the free world. What's going to be? What's it going to be? Prison security, insurance, health insurance. What do you need? What do you need it for? But it's such a metaphor for life. And we can understand it. So you hear this is this is what he says this is every single day. It's not in the beginning of every day. Every day you make the same choice. Do you start with eight and then you'll never get to or do you start with? So he says how does a Jew start the day? The word is surrender. We touch but he's saying is something deeper is like like you acquies like and how does start. So you see the moment you open your eyes and the moment you start diving is the same word. Why? That's it's surrendering everything. I surrender. I woke up. I could go to my phone. I could figure things out. The first word is why it's not just I thank you because giving me back my soul. It's much deeper. I surrender everything because you just gave me back my soul. How does that explain? Because who am I? It's your soul. You just gave me back. You're you you just gave me a piece of yourself. So you got to be crazy not to surrender. You just got a soul of infinity. So what do you want me to go into a place of control and hijack it? You got to be a Surrender is the most normal thing you can do. It's called bliss. Let go of everything and just be. That's all. Why should you want to detach from God? Why do you want to do that? And then I have to ta chase my tail a whole day investing money in a stock that doesn't exist called the ego. Good luck. It's Ponzi scheme. So now I need your attention. Now I need your attention. Now I need his attention. Now I need this. Now I'm chasing everybody I'm chasing besides being in flow. That's maid. And then you start dingu. He says but don't stay. That's then you go back to then you go toadas. What's the his means? Of course, you should use your mind. You have to use your mind. That's the whole process of appreciating the world of appreciating the self, of appreciating the divine that is manifested in the world where you do use your mind. But that's after the now that is a channel. It's not a trap. It's not a substitute. Of course, you have to have boundaries. What I'm not of there's no Now if you sit on my head what should I say there's no mid ofahid ofah is precious if it's not a substitute for the if it's a continuum of a barrier. Yeah you wrote that a boundary versus a barrier. How do you know the difference? When the boundary is a is a continuum of you can also let go of the boundary. You can open it up. It's flexible. When it's not, I will never open it up. You will not get through. It's a wall and I will fortify it more until finally the walls come crumbling down. And it's a gift. Fortunate are the people whose lives are not working out the way we wanted them. And then there's another disappointment. Then another disappoint, another disappointment. And they're like, "God, why do you hate me? Why do you hate me? Am I the most evil man who ever lived? Am I the most evil woman who ever lived?" And I can't answer that question. But all I know is that question is part of our ego. That question is part of our ego. It's positioning myself versus Hashem and saying, "Come on, this is the life I want. This is life." When you could surrender everything, you could say maybe all of this was the greatest gift I ever got in order to be able to go to the from the this doesn't justify and it doesn't explain and it doesn't rationalize and it's not giving answers for pain and it's not explaining why this person went through this. I don't know and we uh I don't think we know any of this. That's all questions. The is not answering questions here. He's saying the answer to your questions are not going to come through answering your questions. The answer to your questions are going to come through going from eight to eight. As long as I'm looking to answer questions, I'm stuck in eight sadas. So this guy has a better answer. This guy has a foolish answer. This guy has a brilliant answer. Even the most brilliant answer will not bring me the healing I'm looking for. Because the the struggle here is in the very question. And it's not that answer that answer in the it's not about answers or questions anymore. You don't need an answer because you don't have a question because you are life. Why it happens? I don't know. When you're when you're just in it, when you are just a manifestation of life, you are life itself. It's not a question. And not because there's no pain and not because it makes sense and not because there's a good pimple and not because I figured it. It's in a puzzle. It's not There's no puzzle here. There's a clarity that comes from being Hashem himself. I guess that's really what it is. There's a It's a certain clarity and it's a clarity that comes with a lot of tears and it comes with a lot of grief and it comes with a lot a lot of surrender. Infinite surrender. But it's the only thing in which you come back to yourself. Everything else is chasing something that will disappoint you until I'm not ready to graduate from the to the I will just make more puzzles and search for beggar puzzles. So now I'll go to this sh that I'll find this guru. I'll find this rabbi. I'll find this saddic. I'll find this therapist. I'll find I'm looking for another eightas. You have eightas. will find a better eightas and another atas another [Music] and he says it starts off with ande that's that's an of complete complete b and then now go eatas now go enjoy the sadas go eatas now when did all this happen it happened Friday right before shabas if the atas would have been eaten on shabas is it would have been a continuation of the butadash was eaten before the before shabas. So now when other wants to eat from the hashem says now you want to do when other wants to eat from the after eat from the he now wants to take the and contaminate it too. Now the is going to be serving the say oh do me a favor get out of ganed let's at least keep the pure so that when the person is ready he'll be able to touch the if you'll eat now from the remember is connected to the essence so what a person does affects everything if Adam would have eaten from the what would have happened would have been forever tainted by the in practical words it means that even your deepest bit would be part of your ego go and that's the end that's the end of everything. That's that's a death sentence because you're doing bit in order to have a better ego. Yeah. Now now I have now I have the perfection of B too. You know that I'm I'm I'm worked out too. I'm healthy too. When if Adam would eat from the after he eats from the it would have been part of the is search for more ego. Now I have too. I control God too. I have him too. I have infinity too. I have the perfection of being nothing. You know that. Huh? Yeah. And he won't come for two years. Huh? He says I was looking at him when I said it. So he's not going to come for two years. Right? This is this this means that would be would be no pure anymore. Everything would be tainted because Adam didn't eat from the so remains. To get there it takes you have to surrender. But when you surrender you're going to touch it. If you want to really understand what's happening, yeah, really all the martyrm that you're learning, this is the secret. Everything that the whole is the and what anyone who's sensitive feels that the wasn't doesn't affect it. It's there. That only happened because from there's a space in which the BL remains pure that when you're ready, you'll go there. You'll see it over there and it's in every person's life. I could be chasing my tail and my ego my whole life, but the remains pure. When you're ready and you crack open and you're going to eat from the you you'll know it's there. It was there. It was always there and it's not tainted. And no cynicism could have ever contaminated it. And that's basically what everybody who's here or is listening and is sensitive that feels in every m that's what you're feeling. You're feeling that there's no here. This just came into my head. It's not I'm not even explaining any of this. It just came into my head. That's what that's what that I know that's what I'm feeling. You feel it. You know it energetically. Of course, we have egos and our insecurities, but you know there's a space where you could feel there's no corruption here. It doesn't lend itself to corruption. It's not that there's no corruption. It doesn't lend itself to corruption. You understand the difference? It doesn't lend itself to corruption. Some peop some things are not corrupt but they lend themselves to corruption. What's called is there could be a unika. It's not corrupt, but there could be a yika. A yika means somebody could leak, right? A unika means nursing. A woman, a mother's milk is for her baby, but somebody else could take and hijack the milk, right? We do it with cows all the time. Cows have milk in order to feed their calf. What do we do? We take the milk for ourselves. That's called yika. Kipa comes in and hijacks it. Some things are not corrupt, but they lend themselves to corruption. And then there's things cannot lend itself to corruption. It has to be a space that doesn't lend itself to corruption. If you try to be yik from it, it's going to you're not there's nothing there. You can't be from it. It remains pure a you can't hijack it. You could think you're hijacking it. There's people who could learn things. We're not talking about that in their own dreams. But essentially, you feel that it's a type of energy that doesn't lend itself to that space. That's the healing. That's what that's why it's so healing. It's healing because you feel that you your soul feels that it's not like I'm not corrupt because I'm a good guy, because I'm moral, because I'm a gentleman, because I have good values, which which is all nice. It's I'm not knocking good people who are moral and men and but it's very often a place I'm a mench. I'm a good person. I I believe that God is here and I want him to reward them. And deep down, it's really coming from the of the deep down. But in manifestation, you know, I could be used. It could be things could be manipulated. Even good people and and and good and good uh messages could be manipulated. So now based on all of this we'll really appreciate this whole story with the mako and the real problem was mashabus that it was mashabus and suddenly we'll see how the zar about comparing the trees is really the literal at surface it's like a funny thing it's like oh here we come again with kabola it says he gathered wood or he harvested wood he wasn't comparing trees sorry says no he's comparing eight sad your that's all because we ate so much from the that our whole Judaism is one big this is trying to teach you about the so every p it says of course I know the literal interpretation I'm explaining to you what's really the literal interpretation he's saying I finally spilled the beans I'm not spilling any beans. I'm just channeling what it says in the whole Yiddish could be. So everything is withas. The whole idea of is of so it's showing you what the real meaning of it is. It's not it's not a divorced. It's like a from the zyettle some cute thing with a gamatria where's we need for the so you get upset another gamatri another gamatria it's it's everything we're learning is also the way people understand Judaism I could learn the whole yishkite from anas perspective this that this guy does it with this guy does it with this this guy does it with this guy does it with with a pill ahead a pill but you understand And it's all in the egoic reality of life. It's puzzles. It's mathematics. It's good stuff. And and it's nice. It's also nice and it it has good messages. Doesn't tell anybody to to shoot uh to shoot animals and to shoot and to kill. It tells people to have a to give and to learn and to be a mench and to be that's why the is not bad. Hadas is in Ganaden. It's all Ganaden. But it's Ganaden. Like we learned in the Mays, you know, right? I want a piece. I want a piece of you that I could have. Just give me a piece. He speaks there. You remember the two, right? Are you ready not to have anything? Now you got to be crazy not to have anything. Of course. But with it's but but but but it's without but it's without it's without that goal. It's true. When you're ready to h when are you ready to have nothing goal you'll have everything. But if that's the goal then it's another it's another eightas. That's the whole point. It's the biggest the biggest one. I'll have nothing and then I can have everything. I surrender. Yeah. In order to have everything. To have everything. Paul, you have everything. That's the point. The point is not to punish and crush. This is not about sadism. It's the opposite. It's about life. You're going from the to you're going from death to life. What happens the moment from the death sentence. It's not a punishment. The moment I go into a space of ego, of course I'm going to die. What? How could I not die? I was never alive. Death just means I was never alive. It just showing. And the part that's alive never dies. M. So why did they kill the He killed himself. He killed himself. The mashum killed himself. The death sentence was just a manifestation of what was happening. I know all the mises are that way. The death sentence is a is a visceral manifestation of what happened internally. It was already a dead man walking in the midbar. Everything was it was the function of was to go mat was to go back to the so to be in the flow the moment you're out of flow it's if I'm a wire and I'm I'm stuck to the source of electricity you take out the wire whatever it's finished now what you do with the wire okay you'll figure it out whatever put it on museum whatever you want to do with it [Music] so here he finished regular trees not not any specific trees comes and even here he saysim is 70 it's talking about the 70 spiritual angels of the 70 nations commission but let's explain it on a literal level says What's the literal idea of you harvested on Shabas? You're not allowed to harvest. The wood is attached to the tree. You fell the tree. You harvest the tree or you harvest branches and you made lumber. So it's a it's the kiter. What does that mean? Something is growing. It's organically connected to its source. You uprooted it on Shabas. What's the problem? A whole week you do that. We cut apples and we cut grapes and that's how we live. We cut grain, that's how we live. But on Shabas, you're not allowed. Why? The idea of is a cosmic idea. Everything is connected to the source. Everything is a reflection of the source. Everything is bottled to the source because that's what gives it life. Harvesting spiritually means you're taking the yesesh and you're turning it into a separate identity. You're cutting it off from the source. Everything is really a flow of divinity and therefore it's it doesn't have a mess. What does kiter mean? You cut it off and you look at it and you say, "Oh, you are your own man. You're your own entity a whole week. It's part of the we live in Shabas. It's a death. It's a it's it's an inan of miss Shabas. It's a death sentence. The holing of Shabas is the holing of Shabas is a day in which a whole day you're in flow. That's what of Shabas is a whole week. It's working with the bringing Shabas into the week. But Shabas is silence. Now comes the second days. He compares to see which one is greater. What type of question is that says that actually what means is he decided that is greater because to work with is much more important than actually said of course is greater. That's where is who needs that? It's good. The is the troubled child. Of course with is more important. That's a deep saying of deep you got to work with. But now we'll understand that the two harvesting wood and comparing the trees are connected. foreign. You hear the vert when he compared comparing the two trees. That's the source of of all the challenges. The challenges is he's calling it two trees. He's maf the emis is there's nothing separate from the that's the truth. The sadas secret is that it's part of the but in order to know that you first have to eat from the the is now comparing. Suddenly the sadas got its own ego its own identity. Now who's greater? He separated the two by comparing them. What does this mean? What this means is he went into the place of what's what what's the result of that? The result of that is harvesting. What's harvesting? Harvesting is you take the yesesh, you separate it from the ion. You turn it into an independent reality. And now you just killed it. You gave a definition. Huh? Yeah, he perpetuated that eight sadas and went on Shabas went in the midbar where the whole idea was to go back. So what happens here is essentially what's the idea of of of tearing out the the the plant or harvesting the the yesesh is created. Hashem made the world but it's part of ay it's part of b. It's always surrendered to the source and then it's alive. The moment we all know, you pluck a rose, it dies. You could keep it in your house for three days, but it's dead. Why is it dead? Cuz you just detached it from its source. We think we're protecting the yesesh by detaching it. No, that's the killing of the yesesh. The only way the yesesh is alive is if it's connected to the ion, if it's bled to the iron. BL means graduating from finitness to infinity, from death to life, going back to life. The moment he separates the two trees, that's essentially the idea of harvesting something from its source. I'm not anymore an iron and now I have a plant. So imagine you pluck the rose. Now you want to keep it. So now you put it in water and you put it in a vase and it dies. So you put in another vase. You put in chemicals. You put in more chemicals. You put chemicals. And then after a year, the poor rose. Okay, I'm dead. Bye. You could have just left it in the earth and it would have been alive. But I don't want to leave it in the earth. I want to take it. I want to own it. I want the rose in my house. I don't want to surrender. I want to control the rose. I want to control it. I get it. So I go into and that's what says there's six mid then there's malus femininity malus goes into the world he went out of and he went into malus the of of Z and is the of but he separated he went out from the six which is through that instead of mal Al being a flow from which is the middle and it goes all the way to which is the but this is back the whole how we explained everything in the source that Malus goes into Malus goes into the clipper but instead of connecting the two he separated the two That was the whole idea with Shabas. Shabas is a time that goes up. The whole world feels on Shabas. If they're sensitive, they know that on Shabas there's a Bose. This allows you even in the weekdays to have the B. [Music] even on Shabas in the weekday that is the struggle of but Shabas is the day of Shabas you don't harvest on Shabas on Shabas you're always in flow that's why all the of Shabas essentially is acknowledging the yesesh as a separate entity that's not Shabas in middle of the week yeah I harvest yeah everything on Shabas is changing the world that's what of Shabas You're allowed to shle a couch on Shabas in your house. It's much harder than planting. But that's not changing reality. The malus of Shabas is a creative change in reality. What does that mean? That's outside of the flow of Shabas. It's Shabas. It's a death sentence. Sunday it's a it could be a mitzvah. You understand? Sometimes dealing with Yesh is a mitzvah. Sometimes dealing with a yesh is death cuz now is a place of you're in flow. The electricity is flowing through you. Don't change that. That's why shabas is such sensitive energy. You took something from what God can't survive anymore. You planted you put on a fire. You say you put on a fire. You went out of the whole flow of reality. There's a death in the world that came in. Yeah. So he says when he finished and that's why he says they were in the desert. He says it was the first shabas. So it was before whether it was before or after was the place that they were where happened to heal the world in the midbar where Shabas was introduced and viscerally felt this person went into the separating the twob that's how he start he asked the question he asked in the beginning the order of the that's the emphasis the source of everything is he compared meaning became its own entity that's the real is yeah you could but the real is he went into he couldn't surrender Now in his mind it was idealistic because is to deal with limitations. God is infinite. He doesn't need me to be infinite. God needs me to be finite. Gavaldic. It's aart. He he needs me to be infinite. Why was I created? It's a good vart. But huh not on chabas a and b. The reason he wants you to be finite is because you're infinite because you're because because you're infinite. It's infinity coming into finitness not finitness replacing infinity. When finitness replaces infinity then it's then you're detached. And when you're detached then I can't even do the anymore. The only way you could do that is you have to find the core of your soul because the core of your soul is it's embracing and it's connected to you. It's connected to the essence. was infinite and this is the essence of what means like we say in the shinness of sukus even this we say in hashness of sukus and in the said that it's the third day other people say it another day the Jewish people uh contain your yoke is a yoke one to unify Are you so it's the same how do you reach through what's surrender accepting the yoke. What does accepting the yoke really mean? Most people think you accept the yoke like pressure pressure. No kabal really means the b of surrendering everything. I surrender. What does that bring? That brings to that brings that reveals who you really are. Surrender helps you become you. Who are you? How do you reveal this is all from the how do you reveal the through which that way you reveal the and then because that's that's who you are. That's the core of your soul. So of course you find yourself this way. You find yourself because the real self is completely infinite. Have a beautiful beautiful day. The Reb said 1953. The Shabas before the world had since 1953. Huh? He didn't want to take it. You saying why did why did Adam fall prey to it if he didn't have an ego? So yeah, obviously the convinced that like he said that the is that their main is going to be in the actually told them you need to go into an ego not to have an ego you'll just be like God doesn't need another god. So they chose theadas and in many ways they gave us this whole avoid you couldn't have this mime if there was noadas it was actually correct but just not on time in other words the whole is because of that because there's anadas because we ate from so we have to work it through if would have eaten from and shabas eaten from then then we wouldn't have the to learn the mime It it it does say that it does say that the aliyah that comes after the adas is much deeper than it would have been without it. Of course, every obviously it was part of the plan. Yeah. But the way the plan had to be executed was through them. If if if you understand, in other words, if we would really know, this is back to what the sheer shop. If we would really know that God is to blame for the sadas, it wouldn't be the sadas. It would just be another infinite experience. So part of it is it's our fault. No,