Maamar Mekoshesh 5713 #2: We Love Using Our Brains to Make Sense of Life; But It Keeps Us Miserable

Israel attacked Iran last night in a massive massive attack. They took out some top generals and nuclear scientists and uh yeah bombed a lot of facilities apparently stunning some stunning incredible attack. I mean across different parts of the country, you know, Iran is a huge country. They start putting weapons all around. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Last night, Zion 7 June 13th shall go down into history as the day they eliminated uh Yeah. Iran's nuclear threat. Yeah. Where is the microphone? Huh? Yeah. Yeah. It's like a naspur because uh you're talking about realum over there. [Music] Yeah. So, we'll learn today dedicated to uh the air force and all of the soldiers involved and all of the pilots involved and all of the leaders involved. should be able to eliminate the enemy completely and bring peace to a world desperately in need of it. Amen. Okay, moa, we're good. What? Yeah. [Music] Yeah. Okay. So we begun yesterday 1953. Today's class is dedicated in loving memory basis and for a complete and speedy recovery for bas ya and for halevi Ben for many many more good long healthy happy prosperous years with full health dedicated by Rabarak Ysef Marov and his family. Thank you very very much and a to all the blessings and thank you for your partnership. So we began the mimer. We learned till we're middle of chapter 3, page five in the copies. We're middle of page five. The paragraph on top. We're middle of that paragraph, right? Yeah. Okay. We're good to Okay. So we'll continue now. So what did we learn? The summation was after the questions about the mishim the interpretation of the z that it means he was comparing trees the tree of life the tree of knowledge seeing which one is greater which is a very interesting but strange interpretation and commentary on the text what it means what is the relevance why was he doing it then why was he punished for what's the connection between that and the literal interpretation So he went into the whole discussion of understanding what is theadas right that the tiger shami says it's the it's the tree that gives you the knowledge that when you eat it it's a tree of knowledge in the sense that when you eat it you separate between good and bad which seems to be a wonderful wonderful thing. In fact, it seems to be the main the main goal of a person's life. This is one of the ma biggest themes in avoida to be able to separate between the good and the not good, between the positive and the negative, between good and evil, between desirable and undesirable, between the holy and the unholy. That's what we hope for, right? Yeah. for it. Yeah. So, not only should you not be punished for it, you should actually gain from it, be rewarded. So, you have to say that thehat here is that the essentially you're not talking about a bad tree. You're talking about a tree that allows you to separate between good and evil. So you're talking about something that's holy, but somehow it's a type of holiness that from it can stem after a long series of developments from it. It can be a source for something undesirable to emerge. And this is also why it's in Ganeden, which Grenaden is fully holy. It doesn't tolerate anything that's not holy. And yet the tree could remain there. The tree is part of Ganed. It's not just geography, you know, it's in Grenade and you put it somewhere. When you talk about in if it's there it means it's connected to it. This is part of the infrastructure of Ganeden. It's part of the furniture of Ganedan. And Ganedan is a place that doesn't tolerate unholiness. So all of this brings us to the point that you're stealing with something that it's holy. It it belongs to LMI as he says for many it becomes a source that can be distorted after many levels after many filters. because it can be distorted and become something that's undesirable as right that was that was the main um the main thing we learned yesterday and then he began to explain that in avoid to understand this in avoid there's generally two tracks in the the experience of Yiddish serving there's two tracks and he said one is a track it's with measurement and finitness and one is it's beyond finitess and he started to explain the two tracks We discussed first in a very practical way. There's a person who gives charity but it's extremely limited and when everything is calculated the gar gives an example. If your teacher's ra your your father's is lost but your yours comes first and the person is extremely meticulous in that and ultimately as he says it's a it's a scarcity scarcity mindset interesting and uh that is ultimately unholy that that that mindset of poverty in as well somebody can do their dues because there's times And this says it shouldn't be like paying your debt and you know just a checklist. It should be an expression of of a deep relationship which is not defined and fixed in a particular time frame even though it has a time frame. That's the challenge of it but it shouldn't become something that is just very uh constricting and it's about time and and there's no flexibility in that. The same is true in a person can also find even though there's a mitzvah constantly to learn but a person could find their I do my one chapter in the evening one chapter in the morning everything is in a finite way that's the track of deeper he said it's also true in mid this is all in in behavior so he discussed in learning the three things, the three pillars on which the world stands. The last piece we learned was about midas. When you speak about love, which is the natural love and all embedded in the soul, it can also be in two ways. One is of what did that the love is not because I'm experiencing or in tune so much with the goodness of that which I love essentially but rather as you say meaning the the focus is what how I gain from it. I love it. I love I love you but the love is really because I experience very much as he puts it in Yiddish is good what's good for me what I want what I need yeah we discussed this at length how it works in marriages how it works with people and their children how it works with people and themselves and of course how it works in what he's talking about a hashem with with with Hashem with kaduca with holiness so this is a type of love in which I'm very limited in my matas And then he says even in my yeseshas meaning I'm confined in my own space I can't really let go I can't crack open I'm afraid to crack open because if my entire identity is is a limited identity I limit my identity. In other words it's so then the love to you I can only afford a love that comes right back to me. Yeah. Yeah. You keep the shades closed. Exactly. Yeah. And it doesn't mean we're not talking here a person who's using the other person like manipulating, exploiting. We're not talking about that. We're not talking about a sinister, you know, form of like what we spoke yesterday with narcissism of manipulating. It's just it's it's called love, but it's just fake. It's there's no we're not talking about that. He's talking here about a he's talking about aa but nonetheless the ava has its like everything it's on a spectrum but the ava is in its own you know I I remain in my I remain in my ego so why do I love I love because it's it's it enriches my life yeah and as we spoke yesterday this was the main discussion right that very often you see it with parents and children parents love their children very very deeply. It's the deepest form of love. He's going to actually bring that later as a dagodma for the deepest form of love. But nonetheless, that deepest deepest love could be eclipsed by other types of love. And one of the deepest things is as long as you know you're giving me the nas that I need and you're fitting the role that I need you to fit, then the love is amazing, right? And children sometimes disappoint, especially in our generation, maybe in older generations in this area. And really it's an opportunity to crack open and to be able to go into a much deeper place inside yourself. Find a much deeper aa which comes from a deeper source. Not from my own mid of my own mitsas for my own yeses. And they allow the person to have that relationship with hashem also with life also. So this is the example he gave in love. Where do you see practically the difference? He says the love that's defined by I like it, I want it, it's good for me, tomorrow it can change. And the reason is because something else may attract me more. There's a certain transiencece in it because since it's based on my own mitz limited my own mitz so therefore tomorrow somebody else can uh can attract it can attract my mitsas that was the main huh what' you say the fasteners are in the wrong Okay, that's a metaphor of a plumber. Very good. He gives metaphors from his field, you're giving metaphors from your field. Yeah. Yeah. You're saying when the fasteners are in the wrong place, they're not secure. So, tomorrow it could change. Yeah. That was that that was the main point. Let's now see further. We're holding the middle of the paragraph. The line starts the same when it comes to means fear, right? with it's different because more than a love is all about an amazing experience. I love you like wow it's enriching. The idea of ya is there's more humility. It's awe. It's reverence. So by definition is not about me. I'm in awe. Right? humbles you says that's true but nonetheless can also come from a very very limited place from an ego space meaning I'm still stuck in my paradigms it's very practical and this means I'm fearful of the sin means I'm fearful of what's going to happen to me as a result of the sin. In other words, yeah, I'm afraid, but what's just like in love, what I'm going to get out of it also what I'm going to lose out of it. And then what happens? The year can change tomorrow. Something else can strike a deeper fear in me because it's transactional. Yeah. Whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah. So some could be tomorrow means a year from something alien, from something that's that's undesirable. the person is in awe and nullified and and and and infatuated or overwhelmed by something that's an onion of of negativity of that's not even necessarily moral. Why? Because again the was was based and limited according to the confines of measured and limited of the mits of the of the person. So there's two types of there's and there is right one is when you speak about and it's a very very deep difference when you talk about fear one is what's bothering you what what what what strikes fear in your heart is the experience itself yeah the sin itself that's what that's what you one is no I don't care about the itself that's not it's the comes from it it's a very very big One is completely from right like he says is good. So here is good [Music] but the heart is not open to anything besides that. It's it's not I cannot experience the expansiveness of the relationship. the relationship is always limited to my own terms. So it's a very very diminished form of in terms of a of experience of a it's a very very diminished form. Again, it's not saying it's not it's a track in a and it could it could help per person abstain from things that they should abstain but nonetheless it's called this is the track of limitedness just like we spoke in love in he said it's a bigger because the holy of is about humility is about it's standing back but nonetheless here too you have the same things of course I'm I'm I'm in a state of and reverence right cause of the consequences. And it's important to understand this when we speak about Hashem, right? What does what does what does fear look like? Yeah. So, there's two types means it's the it's the it's the it's the breakdown of the relationship that I'm afraid of. It's really a very very deep connection. I'm afraid to lose such a powerful relationship. It's too good to be true. You know, to really feel we'll put it this way. I once heard this line for was once at a at a at a Shabbaton or at a drash was I was talking with Rabbi Manis Freiedman. I don't know was a panel for Russian Jews. So, somebody asked about Hashem said he said a very nice line. He said it's when you know how much when you feel how much somebody really really loves you. It's scary the feeling of really being loved and they put their whole line they put their whole life in this love is very scary. It's like don't love me so much, you know? Let let's let's let's let's keep separate a little bit. There's too much at stake. A real relationship is scary. Let's face it. You understand what I'm saying? Okay. People don't understand that. Let's keep the relationship more superficial and it works for everybody. I remain in my hole, you remain in your hole and we interact, you know. Delay. Huh? It's it's it's it's because every move counts cuz you got to be on cuz you got to be on 24/7 cuz cuz your presence matters. You can't say I'm checking out for a week. If the relationship is superficial, like a check out for a week, huh? Yeah. It's authentic. You're here or you're not here. Like with an infant and a mother, a mother can't check out for a week. The infant is going to collapse. There's no such a thing, right? You have to be fully fully present. It's not going to work. As adults, we think I can get away with it because you're not a oneweek old infant. Yeah. You don't need me 24/7. And I'm not talking about physical. I'm talking the emotional the emotional presence. To know that somebody really really loves you and is so dependent. Dependent in a good way. I don't mean dependent as you know that they don't have a self, but they're so connected that the it's a scary experience. It's it's it's good. It's it's very powerful, but it's scary. It's very intense. It's a very intense experience. You have to be ready for it. You have to be mature for it. It's a form of miserious never. A lot of people avoid it. We avoid it in our generation especially. Let's keep it toned down. You know, shut the emotions, shut the fuses. Well, just a little bit. You have a little bit so you also you can get hurt. You can't There's a reason we do it so you don't get hurt because this needs a level of trust that is absolute. All your eggs are in one basket. You don't do that in business, right? You don't put all your eggs in one stock. You don't do that. Everybody will tell you. You disperse. Huh? Diversify. So in relationships, that's also very common. Even if you diversify and even if you're not diversifying, but you hold back. Not you don't put everything there. You see today, especially with marriages, husbands and wives, because because for this level, you need a level of trust that's very very deep. If you to feel that the other person is not fully there, it's very hard to be there fully. Huh? Yeah. It's extremely painful. It's very very hurt. So that's essentially so there's two types of this I'm afraid of losing such a relationship. It's also it's the itself is is is is is scary for me. It's not you're going to find out, right? Let's say let's say in a relationship, right? If a husband could go do things and he knows that his wife is never going to find out. She's never ever going to find out. Nobody will ever know. Nobody will know. I mean God will know but in his mind nobody will know there's no right so everybody understands that that's a very very weak form of a relationship if the entire motivation is that you're going to find out and punish me and without that the motivation is not there it means that the relationship is a very very diminished form of relationship it means our hearts are not really connecting means let's say nobody will find out There won't be any punishment. There won't be any consequence. The biggest punishment for the is itself. You can't get worse than that. The separation itself that's the that's worse than every punishment. But that you have to that's a sensitivity. It's a sensitivity. Sometimes a person is not there. No, I don't care. I don't care. It's the punishment. If the police don't find out, I'm good. I'll rob the bank. It's a different Indian you know they say I think they say it's a story about they say know these different stories about different they say about different people I heard about that when he was a child they went by a prison with he was walking with his father they went by a prison and there were you know these tall gates fortresses that didn't allow the prisoners to escape so he asked his father what are these tall gates for he said it's a prison for criminals and they're here and they don't want them to escape he says I don't understand why don't they just not put neglassa by the beds in the mornings they won't be able to leave right that was the question of so it's a it's you know what what's really preventing you what's preventing you inside no punishment there's no consequence nobody's going to be upset at you nobody's going to find out you're still going to be you're still going to be you'll get you'll getish you'll everything will be beautiful but the destroys him that's the that's what I'm afraid of so that's the difference it's also a but it's already what's the itself is not is not I don't care so much or at least that's not my main emphasis so here you see the same two what is it One is a year that's reduced to my comfort zone. I still did not go out. I didn't have the freedom to be able to let go. I'm still in control. That's what means. It's a relationship, but I still need control. The love is that way and the fear is that way. Yeah. Yeah. Giving validity to the No, still there's still something. Yeah. There is something to it. Why is there something about Why is it any different than that? I don't care. I don't care because it's not a relationship. Because sometime you're right. You're right. But in terms of a relationship, it's extremely limited relationship. But the but the fact is it's called a relationship. It's all about my fear of being punished. Relate to that. It's a good place to start start because the because sometimes the results the results save a person from disaster in actuality but has nothing to do with the relationship. Okay. He also mentioned he also mentioned no but that wasn't punish wasn't saying of punishment he was saying it's a betrayal of his master his master trusted him how can he betray him not be yeah that's what he told her that also yeah he said both things the the fact is that can often prevent somebody from from immoral behavior so in that sense the relationship is happening in actuality. There's something to build on. That's the point. You're right. Right now, there's no experience of the relationship. Without that, we can't start. But but without that, the person is going to end up entangled in immorality. Then for sure, there's no relationship. At least here, there's something stable happening. And one day, he or she will be able to expand their capacity and and and introduce a deeper relationship. There's there's something to hold on to. Yeah. Yeah. Like the gar says you know in other words completely with ulterior motives. I completely don't care about the project itself. Person is giving stuck because they want covered whatever it is but nonetheless right the act itself is a holy act and it puts a person into a certain mode of life which can be built on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So here means that the itself I'm afraid of. Right. In other words, I it's not it's not there's a there there's a much deeper relation. It's an authentic relationship. That's what's b that's what that's what's neg to me just like in aa we spoke but it's not just you enrich my mitsas there's a real ava there's a real real connection with you yourself and that means the person has to find in themselves an infinite in something that's if I'm stuck in my mid of aah I can't I really can't I'm not capable of that this is not a question of you know this is not robotics this is really where the person is. It's not like it's not a checklist. This aa that the first is a checklist, right? Like we spoke before here, it's it's it's it's a relational experience. It's a very deep relational experience. So, it's a person really cracking open, pun intended, to go beyond. Mida means measurements means finess and you're cracking it open and then there's a different flow. there's a different experience. If I'm afraid of that, I stay in my become very transactional. It's like I let you in as much and to the extent that I can handle it and it secures something I need to secure which I'm fine. I'm good. But that means tomorrow somebody else may secure that. Tomorrow there may be a much more interesting thing, a much more fascinating thing. And then I'm like bye-bye. If the tomorrow's onesh is more worse than today's so fine something something else would overwhelm me. Tomorrow's aa becomes more powerful. So fine have a good day. I'll go love something else. The ava is very very limited. That's the point. So he finishes this paragraph. So this means that even though when a person is ding they may truly have his they may really be present mindfully present in a very personal way. It's not showbiz. The person is really sincere and they are aroused with an authentic love and authentic. But since the person remains in their own mitz in their locked up in their own identity and even in their own yeseshas in their own sense of ego their egoic mind is still dominating the role that's the vert mitsus means identity yes means ego still since I remained in mitas and furthermore in my yeshas which is the egoic mind is controlling the You are. So this is very powerful. After davening, right? You go, you see other things. You experience other things. Now the changes. Yeah. Like there was a Jewish comedian. He once said, you know, he says, I talk to people. I do business with people. And I tell them right away, I am a principled man. I have principles. And if you don't like them, then I have other principles. Don't worry. You know, we have different sets of caum. you know as the old joke to vegans you know when you're on the road I have other principles it's fine so the your your heart your your heart was feeling something right you have to understand the first a you could feel something very strongly I really like you I really love you and you have you have sometimes you have people I don't have to describe this at length but there's people that at certain situations their life they could say I love you I love you and they meant it they felt it they weren't trying to lie Right? And suddenly a day later, an hour later, sometimes it's an hour later, sometimes it's a week later, a month later, boom, it's the opposite. And that very same love turns into heartache, headache, pain, and maybe even hate. Yeah. Yeah. after that it could be things that are the opposite. This is in summation. This is what we mean. Just like we spokeid of in the previous paragraph in this paragraph you have there's midas which midas by definition is there's an emotion there's an experience but it's all of now he goes to the next step he goes now deeper it's it's step by step he starts off with how it's ins then he goes to the of that was this paragraph now he goes to the next paragraph in every aspect of you have two streams you have and that's what he's describing on every level these two tracks it's like two tracks the first class middle and economy class one is one is outside of says The same is true also in what do we mean in the word the brain this means it all begins with awareness here we're talking about the awareness the contemplation the meditation that brings to love and awe because that are born from come through his So like he said in when he started the whole Indian he said that these two two tracks exist in the in the produces the and then in the spherus that produce the so till now he's spoken a now he's speaking about the produces the that produces the you have you have not he say so now it goes already much deeper now it's elevates. So every you have it on one level, you have it on a deeper level, you have on a deeper level and each it's more subtle on a deeper level. But from there comes aid of experience and it's manifested all the way to the lowest levels but its source is much deeper. Everybody understands. Yeah. Very this is very very interesting in the godliness. It's already a deep madness. It's which means it's enclosed. It's manifested in the worlds which by definition is finite because the world is a finite place and what I use for the is my own which means the own garments of my comprehension the tools of my comprehension which are also limited and the person does not mix into the things that are higher and higher than the God that I'm ready to contemplate is the one that in some way I can have some picture of. Obviously, I understand we're talking it's abstract. It's I'm not God, but it's uh yeah, in other words, it's it's it's it's manifested in the creation and in the world, which is incredible. It's very very powerful and that's why it brings to but it remains confined to what the person can understand and comprehend and somewhat control at least on an intellectual level. It's it works. But then there's other ideas. The of which means the logic that's not from can bring other proofs antithetical to your contemplation and even destroy your whole demolish it. is all again the word is with measurements with measurements and limitations. So then the could come meaning with a larger with a larger a larger measurement a larger mass or volume and contradict the divine perspective. And this is why the his requires that it should be something that's beyond the limitations of a person. So that there's a real surrender here of the egoic mind completely as will be explained later in the mime. Yeah. Yeah. What does this mean? It's already before we spoke about. So we understand right there's love the way it affects me. Of course I love you, but I love you because I really love me and you enrich my life and that can exist in every type of relationship and I could remain there and as a result of that tomorrow something else turns me on that enriches my life more and these things happen constantly. It's it's transactional. It's temporary and even though I'm feeling something very very strong. Yeah, I'm feeling a very strong love because I'm feeling myself very strong. And the person needs to learn how to be able to graduate and morph and elevate that love into a much deeper love where there's a true true appreciation which comes with respect which comes with authentic connection where you can actually see the other person. To see the other person is a deep gift. It's not just seeing the other person in terms of how they benefit me, which means I really see myself, but I could really, really, really see and therefore connect and truly love the other. And that means I also see myself in a different way. Right? That's the whole to see somebody else, you have to see yourself. Not if the only self that you see is a very a fragile a limited self means a fragile self right and has so so yeah I could only see a certain part of you only when you see yourself in your full expansiveness in your infinity can you actually see somebody else because in that infinity there's space for other people you understand in your infinity there's a lot of space in my finitness this atan like same is true with right that's that's the vter it's really about your own capacity it's it's it begins with yourself not with the other what space I'm in here we go to the deeper space here we go to the to the already the elos there's two types of isbus one is but it fits it's like in a box everything fits like you put god into a very gishmak This bundus is basically in things that we could see and perceive and appreciate and understand you know it could be things that you look at you look at the world and it's very very beautiful stuff and there's something that keeps you it stays in your comfort zone other words the way it's hashem can be understood and appreciated of course I mean every Buddhist person understands that there's mysteries but it's something that I could control in my head even not understanding fits our way of understanding Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there's something very comfortable about it because it's predictable or even if it's not predictable, but at least it's I can articulate it and there's measurements and you can define it and it's a certain form of his. Yeah. So the Reb says here just like we spoke with and tomorrow there could be an opposite is there could be other things that come in and they shake up the whole because since the was my and my understanding and my comprehension of it right there's a lot going on in the world so there could be other things that really really could come in a very very powerful way and undermine it. So then it becomes a mind game. Yeah. Right. Which are stronger? Yeah. It's a framework and therefore there's another framework that comes and destroys this framework. I didn't understand the question. [Music] start. So it's interesting he's saying that the the the the come from is they will reflect these two types of isbos. Yeah. That's the first stop of the train. The rest of the journey is going to be based on on on the beginning of the journey. Uh what's the other type of isbanus? The other type of isanus is question, right? Right. So just means that the love and the awe are born and emerge because of an awareness. There's always a that precedes an a right to some degree. To some degree only Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Of course. A person loves something that's good for them, but they need a s to identify and say, you know, that's good, right? Even take a simple thing, right? A child needs a child wants sweet foods. Yeah, I love a sweet food. Some adults do, right? But there's a label that says this is cotton candy. This is salt. You understand that label? So physically, yeah, you look and you see this is cotton candy. this is salt but you're talking about more abstract things the is like a makum say h that's going to be sweet that's going to be not sweet so there's always a form of that precedes the so when is only in other words it's that is relatable to the it's packaged in the worlds that we could see and perceive and appreciate and from there a person comprehends the godly greatness of godliness is and they use their own comprehensive tools in order to be able to define it and articulate it and they remain there. So the relationship is one on your terms because there's no real surrender just like we spoke with love. Love means truly feeling the heartbeat of the other. The heartbeat of the other is a different type of ava. And once you really experience the heartbeat of the other and that's what you're connecting to. So that remains also tomorrow. It remains the next day. Somebody once said, "What's the definition of love?" Learning the song in somebody else's heart and reminding it to them when they forget it. Right? To experience the song in their heart. And when they forget their own song, you could remind it to them. It's the song in their heart. It's not just, you know, you made me sing. A relationship with Hashem real must come with surrender. Surrender of what? Surrender of everything. The first thing you surrender is your mind, the brain. Of course, you want to understand whatever you could understand. And whatever you could see and perceive is amazing. It it doesn't negate that. And some of that glimmer of it we can perceive and it's incredible. But the real relationship just like in love where I want to touch your heart requires to let go. Let go. Let go of your brain. Let go of the saga. Why? Because what I'm just doing is I'm reducing the divine infinity to my comfort zone to my box. Is it a track in a it's a track. In fact, some people live their whole Jewish life that way. Like you described as very when you learn sidas. So, one of the things that frustrates people when they learn sidus is you never fully get it ever. And if you think you do and you learn a little more, you see you don't. Yeah. And for some people it's it's it's very frustrating because the entire way that they approach Yiddish and sometimes even people this is what attracted them to Yiddish was a formula that works and makes sense and there's a predictability in it and there's like systems and if you do this to God he does this and it's connected and the systems and this and then comes in and he says this is all and is just a like one letter. Boom. Okay. I just worked my whole life to build myself up. Yeah. Spiritually to build myself up. You destroy everything. But for what what turns off some people is what ignites the heart of others. It's like of course this is the place where you want to live in a place where your ego is comfortable with it like the once said I don't know how to say that in English but uh a god I understood you understood it yeah okay a god that every which means every putrid seed can comprehend and I will not serve. Yeah, this is not an attack on don't take it. Not at all. Seel is a tremendous gift and the fact that godliness is malubis is with a purpose that we should be able to have that uh uh visceral relationship. It's very very powerful right even studying the universe studying biologist seeing how the body works how the organisms work how how the planets work the world of botany the everything anyud of the world is malleus we always spoke we speak about that there's no every atom every cell it's it's it's incredible but that's as a manifestation of the infinite not as a uh Don't put into a box. Boom. And then you cut off the wires from infinity. But surrender is hard because surrender means you give up. You let go. That means what are you letting go of? You're letting go of of your own of so you can experience your only when you let go of your mid of it's the only god you want. Then surrender becomes the source of bliss. What for some is a nightmare, for others is bliss. You understand what I'm saying? Why? For some it's a nightmare because it's really challenging what I worked very hard to protect. And it's very subtle. This is we're not talking here in a sinister way. Sometimes it's a very, you know, you're talking about sometimes intellectuals, right, have built this whole Yiddish guide and it really really works for them. And and the moment they start hearing is they know right away. Their brains know right away this this not for me. Like let's not go there. It's too deep. It's too deep. Right. Let's say you're sitting with your child. you have a teenage child or you're sitting with your wife or you're sitting with your husband whatever whoever very somebody close to you and they say I want to share with you something very very intimate going on in my life and they start talking about it and the person says you know what this is too deep for me this is too deep for me I don't let's just talk about things that we can talk about you know Let's talk about uh what are we doing for summer vacation? Let's talk about Pesak. Let's talk about uh we have to uh we need a new landscaper. Uh we need a chandelier. We need a painting. We need a couch. We need to fix this. We need to fix that. It's going to be very very painful for the other person. Why? Not that I'm asking you to understand, but I'm asking you to listen, right? to tune into this. I may not be able to understand. And you know what? I can't. You can't really understand somebody else's most internal space. There's no such a thing. You don't even understand your own most internal space. You think you're going to understand somebody else's most internal space. But you want to be present. You want to hold space for it. The same is true in Yiddish when it comes to Hashem. It's like let's not go there. So there's all these sources, right? All these things. It's not for you. It's not just stay just stay put. Stay in your framework. And it's true because with your alid here, we're not talking with your here. We're talking about ble that's different mean the experience of it. Yeah. Don't mean remain stuck in your egoic mind and fight the experience of real transcendence. It means yeah don't bring your ego into that space. Yeah. And that's scary for people. And it's a very very subtle it's a very subtle distinction. When however you know that the em is then surrender what for some is a nightmare for others is literally bliss because the source of the deepest bliss in life is surrender. It's literally letting go. Ego death is the source and the deepest form of bliss. You're not going to have a greater bliss in this world. Every other bliss is a distraction. every other bliss, like I said yesterday, God can be the best distraction of all, but it's a distraction because I'm not letting go. God becomes a good distraction. And you know what? I I told yesterday better than a lot of other distractions, better than my phone, better than pornography, better than gambling, alcohol, genealas, things that are fine. I'm saying distractions, but but it's still an important idea that it's a distraction. What does it mean? It's a distraction. I'm still I'm I'm in my ego. I'm using I'm using this. Is it going to last? Of course, it's not going to last. Is it going to be another distraction? God is a powerful distraction. Maybe if I'm cold and timid and I remain closed up in my house, more or less, God, the distraction of God will continue. But it's a distraction. I could serve Hashem my entire life and remain stuck in my egoic mind. Why? It works. Don't shake the boat. Don't make a ruckus. Once you you appreciate the of then you know that if you don't go out of you're like in a prison cell I'm mammish in a prison cell. To be an ego is literally in prison. It's like living in a fake world in a cave under a rock and making a picture of reality and we're making sure that it's under the rock and anybody who says why don't you come out of the rock and see that there's a sun. No, no, no. We don't go there. But Muslim So, I would rather remain under a rock because I know coming out on the other of the rock, the rock is safety coming out from under the rock, who knows which predator is going to kill me. I guess I get I get it. There's there's oysters. There's animal, you know, the they stay under a rock their whole life and they're very safe. I get it. I don't want a predator. The last time I came out from under the rock, there was a predator waiting for me. So, you don't go you don't go out of under the rock. It makes sense. the worm and the horseradish think that's very good. I never heard that the so the worm in the horseradish thinks that that's gonna eaten. Yeah, it's very comfortable there. And then comes a person who wants to eat the horseradish and he does and he takes out the worm and the worm says I I came out of the Yeah. So this is but for a person who appreciates the em that is not the only way to go is with surrender. Why why would you want anything but surrender? There's a tit I think it's very nice about brings from what's means it's like an engrave like I engrave the law I made a decree you don't have permission to think about it in other words you have questions right but you don't have to show us do the things like shness brings the different mitzvah that don't seem to be rational at least to us. Yeah, everybody heard this. You didn't grow up with this. Okay. Yeah. You got the you just didn't hear the before it. Okay. So, the reason you got a is because you weren't listening to Okay. So, the way we hear it always is you don't have permission to think. You don't have permission to think. In other words, stop thinking. From here comes an idea. You don't have permission to think. We don't give you permission to think. Now, people who are thinkers have a very hard time with this. I don't need your permission to think. I'm going to think anyway. So, now you think that you have no permission to think. Now, usually when you tell somebody, yeah, when a teacher or a principal or a mother or a father tells you, here is the rule, and you have no permission to think about it. What do most kids assume? Why is somebody saying you don't have permission to think about it? Huh? Because it's stupid. Because what I just said was stupid. It was irrational. Right? If a leader of a country says this is a new decree, nobody has permission to think about it. What is it? It's because you have you have no way of explaining yourself. You're ludicrous and you're being caught and people are more intelligent than you. So the only defense you have is don't think. So if you don't think, I'm safe, right? So that's what many people believe about God and about don't ask questions. You know why? Because if you ask too many questions, you know what happens? Nobody has an answer. I was once at a shabaton was there was I had a session with you. So you and he said he comes from my from a certain beautiful community here. He's a very he's intellectual type of guy. So he told me that when he was a kid he would ask his father all these types of questions and he asked his his father would always tell him about mim about miracles of the sadikim and the rebbis that used to be so he asked his father why don't I never see it now so his father said it stopped so he tells his father it's so interesting that all the miracle stories happened stopped the day I was born like till I was born there were miracles every day by all these people the day I was born and all the miracles stopped. Isn't that an interesting thing? Like was God so afraid of me being born like so he told me that his father told him that you're speaking like a non-Jew and then whenever he would ask questions his father says this is not something that Jews ask this is ask questions. Yeah old expression. Yeah lma comes from the So I asked him did by your father saying this did you get rid did he get rid of the questions? Did he eliminate the questions? So he said like this he told me he was like 10 years old. He said something very insightful. He said before I asked the question I was 50% in doubt. 50% that he has an answer. 50% maybe doesn't have an answer. After he answered this it was 100% that he has no answer. So he didn't only make the question stronger he made the question absolute. But then I still have all the questions. So it's interesting. I thought to myself, the father was trying to help his child. He was trying to cleanse his child's brain from these questions. What did he do? From 50% he made them 100%. In his own mind, he was cleansing. That's what you Yeah. So when you say that's what it sounds like. Yeah. Why you have no permission? Why? Let's have an intelligent conversation. Why? Why? Why can't I think about it? says a vart. He says, "Yeah, comes from the word like you. You saw the v by him." Huh? From uh from me or somebody else. Oh, okay. Comes from the word property, right? You don't have the you're not in the you're not in the domain that you could think about it. In other words, makava belongs in a certain where there over there is think as much as you want to hate. You're dealing with a realm that's beyond logic is a created reality. So to to approach certain realities with logic that is the most ludicrous thing. Not because we're afraid of logic. We love logic. Use logic to the oomph degree and maximize your potential because it's an incredible gift that God gave the human being with our brain and mind and the whole is to use your mind to the best of your capacity. Everybody is according to because even migill is called the capacity of learning in a deeper way. But then there comes a certain element of life. You're going to go into this with your it's like taking a bull into a china shop. It's like you want to entertain your horse. So what are you going to do? You're going to take your horse to an opera. And then you say, "Look, I'm the best horse master. I took my horse to an opera." Your horse doesn't need an opera. Your horse needs hay. Your horse needs to run in Kaki Park for for 6 hours. Your horse doesn't need no opera. Yeah. Then take your goat to an art gallery cuz you're a good goat master. So take your goat to an art gallery to see Rafael and Van Go and Rembrandt. Then you go, you understand? You say, "Oh, oh, really? Would you hate your goat? You don't hate your goat. You love your goat. Your goat is a great animal. He wants to be does care about your art galleries. Art galleries are for finemeckers. Horses and goats are not finemeckers. They don't have your egos. They don't have to be in these places. They know what they want. People are confused. They think the art gallery is going to make him uh whatever. You understand what I'm a different it's a different realm. You don't have that. You're not in that rishus. You don't own that ruse. The only way you can enter that ruse is if you stop thinking, if you surrender your thought. This doesn't come from insecurity. That's why the moment your to the moment you experience this you know this is the only place of bliss because this is the only place that allows you to go to places that you can't go with your brain with your brain you're very limited it's like a passport you know it's a p it's a beautiful passport you can go here and here and here but you'll show your passport and you want to get into uh top security in the white I don't care about your passport your passport is good for this the passport to go into is bit surrender that's the passport So the when the when a person is ready to go beyond then that's the greatest in the world as I said the only real tug that's not a distraction is a tug of alus and alus is a and that's only through an ego death that's a whole different first taste And how much do you surrender? It's it's inf infinite. Surrender is infinite because the bal of today is tomorrow's yesh says you know the mam of today is tomorrow's gullus and the mam of tomorrow is the next day's gullus. Not because you're doing a bad job because you're doing a good job. Cuz you actually were allowed into a domain and now you want to go to the next. So it's a new level of b. The bos once said for every question I have an answer but for every answer I have a question. So I once heard from the I still remember he explained what's if you have an answer you have an answer. He said the question has an answer. When you go to a higher level, the question has an answer. But then when you go to a higher level, yesterday's quest answer becomes today's question and then you go deeper and you have an answer. But then you go deeper and then you have a question. And it's all true. The mash was basically saying, I'm not I'm not stuck. I'm not going to be stuck. If you're not stuck, a question has an answer and then the answer has a question and then the answer that question has an answer and then it has also a question. It says in so it sounds like a punishment. Come on, we're all trying to have a little people work 65 years so they could retire and have Yeah. people work a whole year. So in the summer they can go on vacation and have what's the says at the end of and by the way don't even think but so don't be like it's a punishment or what the is we we look at as a distraction from the stress of life. So of course is a gavaldic a thing is actually living means you're in the frequency of infinity of course over there becomes a curse is paralysis is distraction is you're not in flow that is the deepest says the deepest is there's no better it means you're in the flow of infinity the moment your ego dies eyes. Yeah. That that that that that's where it is. That's where everything is. It's very hard to explain this in words cuz because it's it's it's it's an experience. Huh. Then you find out. Yeah. Just I wouldn't say the word find out. It's not find we're not talking about an intellectual experience here. Surrender is not an intellectual experience. Surrender is not okay because God is beyond logic and logic is a creation. Therefore, I'm going to surrender, right? It's like we're now going to have spontaneous dancing. You know those events? We're all going to dance spontaneously mitzvah. It's like a comedian finishes a joke and says, "Could you please laugh?" It's pretty bad. Surrender is not let's surrender everybody now surrender like everybody. You know, it's the pink elephant in the room, right? Tell everybody to surrender. You'll do everything besides that. How do you get there? How do you get to surrender? [Music] Surrender is a daily daily sustained effort. It begins in small small steps of uh for example during davening right which is the holy of davining is bal a person for example you're you're you're present and different thoughts will come in and that's where we can practice surrender. you like experiences them. You breathe into them and then you let go and you actually you you it's a physical experience. You could breathe surrender into your body like you basically bring oxygen into the body and into those places that you want to surrender and then you just like let them go. It's literally like physically if you're carrying five suitcases. Yeah. Or three suitcases. You just let let it go. No, no, no, no, no, no. I can't. These are my stuff. Let it go. It's in the heart. It's in the heart and literally your body, you'll feel it in your muscles. You surrender. You surrender it. And and this is constant because there's always an attack. There's always an attack. Yeah. But this, but this, but but but your child, but your wife, but you have to do this and you got to go to the bank and there's a builtup. Yeah. Like basically the animal consciousness doesn't like surrender because it's based on control. So it will find every excuse that you're not let surrender. You're irresponsible. You're a heong. uh your house will be taken away. There won't be anything for shabas. Right? So we have to say don't worry I'm not running away. I'm gonna I'm gonna be responsible. But now I'm davening. So for a half an hour, yeah, I'm going to surrender now. I'm not running away. I'm not I'm not starving my kids. It's fine. I'll fix my car. I'll pay the bills. It's very very afraid because the truth is once you surrender, you could do everything much easier. You're much faster. You're you're you're in flow. It's much better. You could pay your bills better. So that's how it is. It's it's a daily sustained effort and it's it's a it's it's really constant but there's times that you can dedicate for it and it's really a very deep experience. Also when you're having a conversation with somebody that's triggering you surrender is very very powerful. Then what does surrender mean? Surrender means you look at all the thoughts you acknowledge them you can have compassion for them and then you just surrender them. You like you just let them go like you give them back to God. Let them go doesn't mean repress. Let them go just means like you free them up. They don't have to like be tight and controlling you. You could just let them go. You'll see when people you do this, it's a very deep calmness and blissfulness that takes over. You validate it all. You could validate everything and you can validate their fear and you can validate how overwhelmed they are and you can validate how afraid they are. And and if you could do this for 10 seconds, it's already an achievement to stay like this for an hour is a big big avoid. But if a person can do this for 10, 20, 30 seconds and fill their body with the sense of surrender, which this is called BL, it's an incredible it's an incredible achievement. This is what opens the heart. So that's what he's saying. There's two types of hisbus. there's a in which everything remains and I'm constantly using my to control it and then tomorrow it could be overwhelmed it could be contradicted cuz it's not rooted in a real relationship just like we spoke in a vira I don't love you I love me and tomorrow somebody else is giving me more pleasure I'm not afraid of you I'm afraid of the punishment that's going to come to me and tomorrow something else is more overwhelming, more fairy here, too. Of course, I understand you and I'm learning about you and I'm amazed. I'm enthralled and it's incredible, but it's all in my lush saga and tomorrow there's another that undermines it. It's here's the paradox. We think that through logic you have a much deeper relationship with it. He says, "No, tomorrow there could be another logic." Surrender gives you a relationship with it because surrender really fills you. you become actually connected with it. And when you become connected to it, tomorrow that connection is not going to be obliterated. You're experiencing it. Once you're experiencing it, you're not letting it go for anything else. He's going to explain this later in the mimer. Huh? It's real. It's real. Yeah. And you know that there's no substitute for this. Back to love. If I really, really feel your heart, I really really feel your heart. Tomorrow I'm not getting that heart. I'm getting a good feeling. I'm not getting that heart. You understand? So, I'm not going to let it go. If my love to you is I'm feeling good about something, tomorrow I have another high. So, I let it go. But if I'm feeling your heart, I'm not getting that heart tomorrow. They're not giving that to me. They're not interested in giving that to me. They're giving me a high. I'm not going to let go. The same is true with So it's my understanding, my comprehension. Tomorrow there's another logic that can undermine it. And even if it doesn't undermine it, I remain stuck in my own relationship with you based on my terms. Once you touch surrender, now you're actually experiencing the emis of alus and you're not going to get that anywhere else. So there'll be a hundred rayas. Yeah. That god doesn't exist. Okay. like he's going to say later. It's like bringing a riot to somebody who saw something and tell them you didn't see it. Okay, fine. I didn't see it. I mean, what? I'm not going to I'm going to bet is what allows you to see it, experience it. You you you get the a little bit. It's deep in him. This is uh this is realus. This is uh his No, no, it's his. So, it's it's his bness, but it's his bness that's full of surrender. What does that mean? His baness is what happens. Right. Because because we're not against his ben. That's the whole the is not against is that this shouldn't be detached from the b you understand yeah back to aa can I love you because you enrich my life of course when you love somebody for really they enrich your life so that's not the problem is when it's detached from loving you if you really love somebody they will enrich your life much more than if you love them only because they enrich their life, your life. You understand what I just said? Much more. You will comprehend much more of God's world when you know how to surrender. Much more. Your life is much more enriched when you love somebody for who they are, not because they enrich your life. Much more because they actually enrich your life. because they're enrich the relationship is enriching your life. It's not just I'm using your energy and borrowing it the way I could. So his bonus itself becomes a conduit for the bit. Let's just learn one more paragraph and baser hashem will continue on we'll continue on uh Monday morning because uh uh next week I'm going away on Tuesday. I'm going to Brazil for a of a nephew. So there'll only be a she Monday and Tuesday because Tuesday night I'm flying. So let's just look one more paragraph. Till now he spoke about then now he goes to the next step means in Aramaic and means the desire of the heart that's deeper than even is meaning it's not the relationship that comes through his it's the relationship that comes from the depth of the soul that it's the yearning of the heart. So the whole Indian is mach. Mak means it's above you. It's not something that's on my terms. He says that's true. But still in Makim there's two Madreas. Even in Makim there's two Madregas. There's the and there's so even in so he's going deeper and deeper and deeper. Okay. You already touched this. Even when you go into there's also still have less control. Yeah. Lib is not about control by definition is not control. It's the liba. It's the yearning of the heart. There's no control. I'm not interested in control. It's already there's no ego there. That's what mak means. Makf means it's above me. Right? Mak means it surrounds me. It's not inside of me. So I don't have control over it. Something that's inside of you. You think you have control over it. It's called means above me. And I know it's above me and I and I want it to be above me. That's what means, right? It's called Mak. It's around. It's not in you. It's not integrated into your system. Your system surrenders to it. So if it's Mak that's his if it's Mak what's this holding inah by definition means not that's why it's pi means it comes into a measured kali that's why it's inside means I'm not measuring myself I'm staying above that's why I'm so that's his question that's and the whole of isb but is also there's that's on In other words is I'm af that's completely beyond it's true mak for example a garment you you don't it's not digested inside of you. It's not like food. It's a lavush. It's mach, but it's a measurement, right? It's a mach. It's called makarf. I can't wear a jacket that's too much smaller or too much larger or shoes. It has to be measured to the gof even though it's around the gof. Then you have a home for example. The home you can have a bias dollar, but you can also have a bias that's a half a mile. I mean, you can have a bias of 10 acres, whatever, right? Or an acre, two acres. The bias is a mach but it's not a machave that's limited to the kali. So he says in g you have a that's in relation to the kali it's tak not inside the kali and then you have a beyond it's like two friends two lover two two people who love each other their love is so powerful it's in other words it's not anat it's not an you know we're business partners and you give me money, I give you money, I help you, you help me. Like the Mishna says, it's a love that depends on something. No, they have a real real love that's not dependent on something. It's meaning it's not because of a logical reason. You do something for me, I do something for you. There's a very deep love like the Mishna says about David and Yness, right? David and Yanak rationally, they shouldn't have loved each other. David should have been Yison's enemy because Yusan was Shaw's ear and son and David would usurp the Mala from from Yan as Shaw warned him. Nonetheless, there was a loyalty there, right? He says when was killed and says it was an incredible incredible love that David had to that's an example of two friends who love each other. could be the love is meaning it's a very revealed conscious experience and it can also be concealed. It doesn't disappear but it could be concealed could be on a level of revelation meaning it remains in a in a level where there's revelation and it could be concealed could be concealed. It can go into it can go into a dormant space where one does not see this one does not experience this love in a revealed way. And therefore one needs his some form of mindful contemplation to to trigger it to arouse it like two friends sometimes maybe years they didn't see each other maybe there was a family fight or maybe there was some issues whatever it is and it goes but they're real real friends. It's not friends based on a transaction. So what do you do? You have to remind you know who we really are you know before all the garbage you you remind a deeper space where the love was taken never interrupted that's what you do you remind them this so he says the even though it's withtood all the tests it comes back yeah and they come they meet each other they give each other a hug. So still this is called not like we spoke before this a different type of why because it's not but it's you needed to trigger it. You needed to arouse it. It was dependent on something to bring it back because it went into dormcy. It went into it became dormant. true. Once you arouse it, it's not an it never was. It's a real love that's not dependent on anything. Even when it got concealed, for whatever reason, it got concealed. It didn't die. Fell asleep. You wake them up, boom, they're the same best friends. It's almost like they never left. In other words, there was a very deep soul connection that withtood everything. No said this said, you know what with these relationships? No. Never talked to him again. But there was the friendship touched a place that was very deep higher than like your souls are connected like souls are connected and maybe like a child who never knew his parents. when he meets the parent just awakens that love was there any yeah immediately yeah yeah yeah so he says once it's aroused it's not about but nonetheless the very fact is in order to arouse it in a revealed way that was you needed something to arouse it because it can go into concealment the limit ation here is that the type of a is one that lives in a realm of revelation which can also be concealed. Something that can be revealed can also be not revealed can be concealed. The light can shine and the light can be eclipsed. Light can be eclipsed. Why? Because it could be revealed. What can be revealed can be concealed. This is an ava that lives in a world of gillui. It's about revelation. Extremely intense, extremely authentic and it can be concealed. That's why you need something to bring it back to revelation. This is but it's deeper than this. Not revelation. A metaphor for this would be not two friends but the love of a parent and a child which is an ava. It's an essential love. And because it's an it can't be concealment doesn't apply here. Why? So listen to these words. You can't talk about being revealed and therefore you also can't talk about being concealed. It's like we learned in the basilani aboutum that when we speak about it's only in the it's not says in the there's not there's no concealment there's no revelation what do you when you say the only meant to say I'm saying when you say even it's because in don't speak about is what's what does that mean it means that presence doesn't mean it's revealed it's not in terms of revelation So the word the word revelation and concealment don't apply to it. The word revelation and concealment can only apply to light to the essence itself. There's no revelation and therefore there's also no concealment. It's fully fully present. Is it is it just is it fully is it can't be revealed and therefore it can't be concealed. What does it mean it can't be revealed? Revelation over there doesn't mean what we call revelation. a type of revelation that there could be the opposite of revelation. He says it's anatmas in there's not of there's no so it's always fully present. What do we mean fully present? Fully present means in the most revealed sense but what does revealed here mean? Not a revelation that can go into concealment with the two friends. The a is also a very deep love. It's roo but it can go dormant and you need something to trigger it. This means that it's not an but it's an something to bring it out from its dormcancy. When you have the itself in the deepest deepest core of the essence, it's always fully fully fully present. It's not revealed in our terms and therefore it's not concealed in our terms because it always remains essence and essence remains etim on its terms and therefore it's fully fully present and manifest in its full infinity without any any ability to be concealed. So the word and are not to it and the example he gives here is a child and a and a parent of course when the parent and the child are present are present with their right we're talking about people that are in touch with their so when they're in touch with their so what what is it it's a constant it's not do you need you know the we have to always make the disclaimer you know we live in a world where sometimes this metaphor unfortunately doesn't apply. So it's just important to understand that it always applies but sometimes people it stays in it stays in the world of etsum and if you have no relationship with the world of etsim right if my whole life is just a blocked life I'm a I'm a shell so then I wouldn't even understand the metaphor but still I think parents and children can could relate to it somewhat right I know there there's exceptions and sometimes there very very painful situations but a father a child, a mother, a child that they're relatively speaking in touch with themselves. Yeah, let's talk at normal people. Those are the thing a mother says, you know, for a week, right? Like with two friends, they could be for a few years, they're not in touch with each other. Yeah. They're busy or something happened, you know, things go into concealment. With a parent and a child, it's an aa meaning if you're breathing, if you're alive, if you have relationship with it, you have a relationship with the child. This is your it's always big. painful. That's true. That's true. That's what makes That's You're right. The fact that we see how much pain there is to parents and children is only because of this. That very well said. That's exactly the pain. If it's somebody who's a stranger, even if it's a good friend, it's also painful. It's painful to lose a good friend. But here, it's a different type of pain because this is like losing yourself. But it's a self the way it's articulated in another person because it's a child especially if the child is a grownup. But that's what that's what the is saying here that the powerful idea this is what is there's no there's no so you don't even need a it's not like the mother has to sit and somebody has to come to her and say let me remind you that he's your child again I'm talking about a healthy mother etc. That's why the pain of parental and child alienation is the deepest pain on both sides. Now people may, you know, block themselves off to that pain because they don't want to deal with it. I don't need it. I don't need it. And sometimes there's very very difficult situations you know when there's whatever some serious damage or some serious pain or some serious abuse whatever we're not getting into it there where a person has to have boundaries but essentially and that itself is very very painful. So this is an example of the other of of the deeper the liba you see that's what he's saying. So there's a but as he says it's in other words it's not it's so it's beyond my ego it's beyond so it's but nonetheless it's in a realm of gil and therefore it can go into a realm of helm and you need something to arouse it because it can go into concealment and then you have a mak that's beyond caum completely. This is what we're calling. And here have to go into concealment. There's no such a thing. And the term revelation is also not applicable to it. That's why it can't be concealed because it's not revealed. Light is revealed and it could be concealed. That's the first type of love. This is not light. This is the essence. It can't be concealed. And therefore, it's not revealed in the way we we talk about revelation. Revelation because revelation usually means it's communicated and it's measured. Here revelation means its full essence is fully fully present. It is and it is the way it is in its full full infinity. So he finishes he says which we're calling so can go into something that's unholy because since it's not so the person remains a mitus and therefore he has a mau he has a church. He has a yearning. He's looking for something. When you have an identity, the eye has a yearning. You want to connect one sec. But what's his muk is his not it's his m But since it's searching for the it can also go to things that are the opposite of when you're talking about the which is of what's known in as of that's the that's integrated. There's so the first of the is called this is called of the relationship with you can't be the external forces don't have anything to latch on because there's no mit in even though the mits is a mit that's searching for bit but it's a mits is searching for bit so the mits could so to speak be hijacked i it's but you're Right. But since he's in a state of Giluy is a state of Giloy Giluy not so there is some revealed flow. So there's a Mitsus. Gillu is a Mitsus. ET is beyond Mitsus. Etsum is the truth. The truth that's beyond any any realm any identity any reality. Gilu even the highest form of Gillu is it's a certain communication. So meat gilu which is mitsas. So there's a mitsas. So if there's a mitz I'm searching for something. So true. What am I searching for? I'm searching for the the of the mits as he says because this is you want to be absorbed in because to get there is tremendous to to remove all the blockages and reach the liba. That's that's that's the that's the we're talking about that's what it is. It's mach but in this ga it's a mach of mits and it's called soay it's and because it's there can also be yeah can be hijacked by other things only in that's completely over there it's not it's like the child and the father, the parent, and the child. Why does the aan never go into concealment ever? Ever. The answer is because it's one cuz it's it's not mat. It's not I want you. That's the difference. The two friends, the two friends I want you. So, we have like this. We have the ava that we spoke earlier. Thebah is I want you because I want me. There's the deeper ava. I want you right that's what he spoke before that's the that's here in it's the deepest form of this type of where I truly truly truly want you and it's a place that's coming from deeper than the eye there there's no ego there but it's an ofasin means we are one it's not even I want it's under the father wants the child the child want it's it's The one it's that that it looks like they're two things. They're not. They're really one mamish. That's the power of search. It's not a search. Yeah. It's it's not a muk. A mitas has a muk. I want you now their hair. The ultimate reality is that's what I want. I'm not interested in anything else. But because it's avitally the real of it's completely completely one. It's inseparable. It's not two things. It's one even if it comes into a sear of a mother and a child and a father and a son, a father and a daughter, but it's one that's what it is similar to that. So there's no what are they going to hold on to? They can hold on to Mitsus. You can say, "Oh, you're looking for I'll give you something." There could be a distraction there. So this is a that even which is still there's a that what does he put in here? It's in other words still has some form of it's a mach but it's makov that's still related to the kale. In other words the kali creates the mak you're a mach relative to the kali. It's my mits that wants to go out of mits. The kali says let me surrender into the mak. So it's an uptight kali. So there's a there's a mitas and that's why there's gilly and there's and gill already means it's not completely one with the source which is completely beyond gilly there's some form of distraction there's some form of separation it's very very subtle talking very very high madus here in it's very very subtle but it means even in this form of there's a has a a way of way of latching on that's is one. What's one so who are you? You are the once said he said it was a obviously it was for but in the middle of one of the said he's gay. So then he said people get overwhelmed. How could you say such a things? He said it says basically call different what's how could you say that it's but that's the when you take away all the blockages all the egos in the it's not your god that there's nothing outside of Hashem. It's not that you are I'm God. That's not what we're saying. That's a that's a gas. That's a way of understanding it. That's it. It's when you're completely transparent, when the ego is completely gone. So then God could be mad. You're not a That's the verge. You're not aoid. You're not a contradiction anymore. You're a manifestation of it. That's ultimate over there. It's one. It's not even a gilli. You're not revealing. You're one etamish. Hashem is beyond gili and therefore he's also beyond the helm. He's fully revealed. He's fully concealed but it's not revealed and concealed. It's fully fully present. It doesn't relate to the words gile and helm. This type of relationship this ava atmas is not gile and helm. It is. It just is. And it's is 24/7. It's not going to get weaker. It's also not going to get stronger. Not because it's not going to get stronger because it just is in its full intensity. Yeah. And it's infinite. So it'll get stronger in that sense. But it's not strong in the sense like it was weak yesterday so it has to become strong today. And that's the over there's no the last words he says is the you know what that means. Huh? But you know what the words? Take a look in the footnote. You see uh I'll tell you it's very interesting what he's saying here one half a line you don't realize uh you don't realize what he's saying the word huh you know what the word boua means a shadow a shadow sail okay the Mishna says in uh if somebody falls into a pit a pit deep in a pit and they can't be saved. And the guy screams and says, "Hey, whoever is here, go give a get to my wife before I die. My name is Yeah. Frankfurt Benzel. Please give a get to my wife." So, she should be divorced. Cuz if not, there could be yum. Let's say there's no children. She has to find a brother. And if the brother is a baby, whatever it could be all these problems. So give a get. So she should be divorced and she's free free to go. So this is fine. You could do it. It's a big she could do it. How do you know? Maybe he's a shed. Maybe he's a shed. A demon. And you're giving a get to a woman who's anious. She's going to go remarry. How could you do that? There could be a So the Gmorra says you see his shadow. The garosa have shadows and for the gam you see the shadow of the shadow shadows they have shadows of shadows only humans have you didn't see the shadow you saw the shadow of the shadow shadow shadow the shadow cast a shadow you can sometimes The shadow makes another shadow. That's what you saw. So you know it's not a shvadow shadow. You're in a shadow. Yeah. So how does it come in here a shed? It's it's a a shed says a shed represents unholiness. A person is the shadow is the shadow represents that which extends from you and it's not inside of your space. It's outside of your space. So it represents your mak. It represents the energy that hovers around you. Is yourself. It's the light that's inside of you. is like your shadow is the shadow of the shadow. So the is of the isip has one shadow but they don't have the shadow of the shadow. The first level of the first level of that they have but the shadow of the shadow which is the mak of the that's only in kadosh. Why? Because could compete with mitsus. It can't compete with not mitsas. There's only one god. There's no two gods. So as long as there's some form of mitsas and you have a crazy yearning for something, okay, we'll give you also amazing things to yearn for things that are beyond over there. They can have but over there they don't have it's the oneness. It's etsum etsum they don't have. They can camouflage. They can substitute. They can forge. They can make a show. They can make it very exciting but it's not etsum. So as long as I'm in mitsas, there can be a form of hijacking. But the moment you're in there's no that's devou. So the of the is going to this is all how it's now he's going to discuss how it's in the meaning how it's and once you understand that we're going to see what the what is and then we'll understand the that's the of the everybody have a beautiful day and a beautiful shabas we should see complete victory against Iran and a complete gula. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nice to see you again. Welcome back. You understood the share a little bit. It's a lot. It's not always the first. Don't worry. I also didn't understand. Don't feel so bad. Yeah, I'm hear you. No, the is to get there. You're right. The lip is there. It's a m of the but is to remove all the clipus. What's the last point about and there's a binderness to get there. Huh? What's the last point about the shadow of a shadow? Yeah, that's the mak of the mak. The mak of the mak that clip it doesn't have everything till they have they don't have. because they can't have which is total because it's not mitas. There's no you're not you're not a gillu. You're you won. You won. You Yeah, you you are just like hashem has no clip is not going to hijack God, right? Why not? Why can't clip hijack Hashem cuz he made it. They're not going to hijack him. They can hijack things that feel a little separate and then they could come in and say take it over. But when you are one, huh? Threat behind the threat. You can find a threat. Yeah. Yeah. They have to find something to latch on and they could you from there. So they but in complete where there's nothing outside of the what are they going to what are they going to get when a person is in that space there's so much clarity there's so much oneness it's not shy to separate. It's like you'll come to a father and convince him to stop speaking to his child. You understand? Come to a father, a mother and say, "I'll give you $5 billion." Yeah. Not to speak to your child again. Again, we're talking about a normal fun. So, it's not like, "Let me think about it. $5 billion. Maybe not so bad. Yeah. I could buy houses for all the other kids. Houses for them, their grandkids, their great grandkids outside. Yeah. It's not so bad. Yeah. How much? It's not supposed to think think I have to give me 20 minutes to think about what are you going to think about why it's not it's not it's not to that realm you're going to convince me not to speak to my kid anymore I mean what's end And that's really what that's really what that's really the pain between parents and children. Was right. That's the pain here. The pain is cuz everybody feels that this is the capa this is the this is the capacity. this is the potential and when it's not there it's very painful and it's often not there because of you know all the challenges of life you know the disappointments the whatever it is justified unjustified that's a separate question but uh huh yeah no and listen sometimes there's really real things that are not so simple it's not you know there's situations that are very dark when we're not going to get into them but We're not talking about that because I don't want anybody hearing and they have a situation where there was real abuse in the house and suddenly they have to feel unfortunately if people are behave like monsters they behave like monsters and it sadly interrupts you know nature and connection and attachment but uh but uh yeah how do we know if we're surrendering or by very good question the difference between surrender and bypassing thing is in surrender you never repress anything. You never invalidate anything. You never delegitimize anything. In surrender you you you can observe everything. You can watch it. You can hold space for it. You can hold it in your hands like you're holding a tantruming child. It's very different. You have to be very strong to surrender. Surrender is the strongest thing in the world. You have to be extremely strong to surrender. People think surrender is weakness. That's not BL. Surrender of weakness is not BL. Surrender of weakness is becoming a schmata. That's not good. That's not the way to go. We're talking here surrender of strength. You're actually holding space for everything. You're surrendering it. You're not bypassing it. You're surrendering it. You're giving it up. That's what a carbon is. You're giving it up. It says carbon is everybody translates carbon sacrifice. Carbon is not sacrifice. Carbon is getting close. You're bringing it. You're presenting it. You're you're you're delivering it. You're bringing it close. You're surrendering it. Is an inner parent holding. Yeah. It's like a child. Your inner parent holding your tantruming, frightened, overwhelmed, anxious baby child screaming and you're holding it, but then handing that off to God. Yeah. Handing it off to its source. Yeah. Yeah. With yourself. You you you with yourself. You don't just hand him over. You don't just hand your kid over to You also go over to God. You don't just throw your kid up and say, "Here, take him." You have to have all of you to you have to have all of you to surrender. If not, you're not surrendering. You're bypassing. Surrender by definition means you're taking a mas and you're surrendering it. If you don't have all these pieces, you're not surrendering anything. You're just ignoring them. you're avoiding them. What are you surrendering? So you're surrendering yourself with all these pieces. So you you're holding space and bypassing. It's not that it's it's a very scary thing because for most people the last time they had no ego and they were surrendered right. Of course that's the fear. Usually when we surrender, when we were in a state of surrender as children, when we had no ability not to surrender because we were at the mercy of others, often things did not go well. And therefore, our animal soul makes a resolution for life. Never shall you surrender. Never. And it makes sense. It makes sense. And that form of surrender she's right about. Don't surrender to manipulation, to lies, to exploitation, to deceptiveness, to somebody else's illness, to somebody else's limitations and paralysis. Don't do that. Yeah. Don't surrender. Right. If somebody is is coming to kill you, kill them first. Israel did a preemptive strike on Iran because it's a mitzvah. Strike him first. Don't surrender. Don't surrender to a moola that wants to exterminate you. That you're right. That's where you have to be very careful. Surrender never should never come from weakness. Surrender always from strength. You don't surrender to your enemy. You kill your enemy. Let your enemy surrender to you. You understand the difference? We're talking here surrender to a work through all those fears. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It takes a lot of inner strength to surrender. And it's coming from strength. And it's coming from the desire for liberation. Doesn't even that strength, isn't that strength an eye? That has to be of course exit at some point. Yeah. You're ready when when real surrender is you're surrendering even the eye that's looking to surrender. That's what we're talking about. Real trust. It requires tremendous trust. And that's why you should never surrender to anything besides Hashem ever. You shouldn't. You're stupid if you are. Don't surrender. Don't surrender to Don't surrender to H. They're just a bunch of abusers. They're killers. What are you surrendering to? You're surrendering to evil. Don't surrender to evil. And don't surrender to ego. Don't surrender to fear. That's not surrender. That's all weakness. You understand? This is a different type of surrender. Nothing to do with the way surrender is used. Of course, the world sometimes it's also practical. Like if we're in a fight, I could surrender from strength. Like I realize this fight is just below me. It's it's like really not like I don't need this. Fine. Have it your way. You understand? So sometimes it's very practical also. You don't have to be right. You want to be happy. You don't have to be confrontational. It's just don't go there like it's a waste of my time. It's a waste of my energy. You want to win, win. That's also a form of surrender from strength. Like you know what you're fighting for. You know what your priorities are and you know that giving up this argument is nothing. It's it's it's it's you're just it's an ego thing. You you understand? Don't surrender everything to hold on to your ego. It's not worth it. Surrender your ego to have your soul, to have your god. You don't surrender your god to have your ego. Most fights I'm surrendering my god so I can hold on to my ego. That's pretty ludicrous. Surrender your ego because you're not losing anything. So real surrender is the ultimate form of gaining. That's the difference. When you have bit, you get everything. That's the word. You're right. You're right. I'm using the word cuz that's that. Yeah, because but really ble gets you everything but not in a way that you need it because of your ego. It's just you're plugged into the source. It's like you take the plug, you put it into the source and now the electricity flows through it but it's not its own. That's what it means. And as Yeah, mikvah is all surrender. The word the rabb writes is the letters of hey that's what it really means that's what is if you go to the mikvah before shabas under the water you'll you could do you could experience it you surrender the whole week everything it's a very powerful way to prepare for shabas yeah yeah yeah I know the the word is habit Because that's what mikvah actually is all about. It's under the water. I can't live there. Shalom. A person stays there. We know the results. So essentially, it's an ego death. Now, I know not everybody going to the mikvah experience is an ego death. I get that. We're talking about the the the true unless take something to be fun and then you don't need the mikvah. But the real idea of mikvah is Yeah. Remember, ego death is a spectrum that's infinite. So even a little bit ego death. We're not talking about a complete ego death. Even a little bit a person can like let go of the need to be right, of the need to be in control, of the need to dominate, of the need to argue, of the need to prove. I can let go of that. That's power. It's not weakness. Then you stop wasting your time with pettiness and you can actually use your time for greatness. That's what it is. was once a and he came out against theb came very sharp whatever letter on this and then he realized he made a mistake so to his credit he apologized and he wrote to the rebba that's what they sent a story when I was a bach he wrote to the rebba that I hope that the rebba uh was not mak doesn't have a me like not holding a grudge on me so they say that wrote back to him or said to him Trust me, I don't have time to hold grudges against Jews. Don't worry, you know, I'm saying you what's the it's a different realm. Like we, you know, every moment is energy. Like where's that energy going into? Like I'm not going to be busy with this person holding a grudge. But it's not words because you could say, "Yeah, you don't want to hold a grudge." But you do hold a grudge, right? It's it's energetically bitt is not words. It's energetically can you really let go. Sometimes I can't. That's also have to surrender to that too. Sometimes you have to be bottle to the fact that you can't be bottle. That's also it's also needs. Step one. It's stuck. It's stuck. Step one. Yeah. It's stuck. I can't I can't let go. I want to but I can't. But you know what? That's that's important. Don't bite. Yeah, you I can't I have to surrender to the fact that I can't surrender. There's something I have to work through. That's fine. That's a also Yeah. Okay. Even the You're right. But is more the but is embedded in the nature of a Jew like it says in it's huh city oh my nephew is getting married in St. Paula Krasnanski Benny's son he's marrying Alpirin in Brazil on Thursday. So if I get my visa I'm flying Tuesday nighth I didn't get my visa yet. His daughter is marrying my nephew. Yeah. It's a long trip. So God's grace I still can't get a visa. I didn't get a visa. So, told my sister, "If Hashem wants me in Brazil, I'll be in Brazil. If not, I won't." Huh? Yeah. They're trying to with America, whatever. Talk about talk about ego. Huh? They're trying to take whatever. Huh? Ysef. Yeah. remember. [Music] Okay. [Music] Rabbi Margaret Noan.