Maamar Mekoshesh 5713 #1: Stop "Taking Care" of Your Kids; Let Hashem Do It Through You

We'll start a new mymer today. Thank you to Reb Nechemia for the copies, as always. How many copies did you make? Perfect. You put them on the beamer? Thank you. Okay. There's going to be a sheer also tomorrow base in Hashem at 8:00. And then Monday again. And this week I was traveling in the beginning of the week and also next week I'm going to Brazil for a chasuna of a nephew on Tuesday night, so next week we'll learn uh over sheer Monday. So, that's why I'm doing today, tomorrow, and Monday. I'll go tomorrow again. Okay, so we begin a new mymer. And uh this is a mymer that's connected to the upcoming parsha next week, Shlach. It's a mymer from the Rebbe that the Lubavitcher Rebbe said Shabbos Shlach M'vorchim Machar Chodesh Tammuz Tof Shin Yud Gimmel. That would be 1953 in the English calendar. On top it says Anacha Bilti Mugaha, which means it was not edited by the Rebbe, it was just transcribed by the listeners. So, this is a mymer that uh deals with the story at the end of parsha Shlach known as as the Mekoshesh Eitzim. Literally means the wood gatherer, as we will see. Today's class is dedicated by our dear friend Reb Ezra Dovid Philip in loving memory of Reb Boruch Yosef ben Shmuel HaCohen in honor of his yahrtzeit coming up on the on the not coming up today on the 16th day of Sivan. To Haim Moshe Zvi ben Sarah Haim, today is his yahrzeit. And may his soul continue to be a source of light and love and inspiration for everybody connected to him and all of the Jewish people. And thank you very, very much, Reb Ezra Dovid. Vayiy'u bnei Yisrael bamidbar, vayimtzui ish mikoshesh eitzim b'yom hashabbat. The Torah at the end of Shlach tells the story that the Jewish people were in the midbar and they found a person, a man, who was mikoshesh eitzim. The word mikoshesh is a very interesting word, cuz it's not a usual word. So, most translated as gathering. He was gathering wood on Shabbat us. And uh gathering wood on Shabbat us and perhaps making bundles or other same mikoshesh eitzim means he was harvesting, he was cutting wood on Shabbat us, meaning he was cutting felling trees. So, he was mikoshesh, he was detaching the branches and the wood from the tree. These are all forbidden things on Shabbat us. One of the melachot of Shabbat us of course kotzer, you know, a lot of harvest, whether it's cutting fruits or grain or wood, lumber from trees. Or mikoshesh eitzim, if he was gathering wood, one of the surim of Shabbat us is ma'amer, right, making bundles, like taking sheaves and turning them into uh taking grain and turning them into what's called amarim, sheaves, piles, bundles. If you go to your field, you take all the apples and you bring them together in a pile, it's forbidden on Shabbat us, it's called ma'amer. These are different different explanations, but the word mikoshesh remains somewhat of a mysterious word. So, the Isav Zoya in Zoya, there's something incredible on this possuk. Isav Zoya base pirush, in Zoya, in of parshas Shlach, As he brings a footnote to right in the beginning of Schlock and Zoya of Schlock and Zoya. The Zoya says base Peter's Peter's Olive. He says the word "makoshesh" Peter's Olive eights and Kyle eights and kind of eights and dos. When it says eights him, it's not one tree, it's two trees. There were two trees. There's the tree of life and there's the tree of knowledge. Right when Adam and Eve are created, Hava into the garden. And Hashem says "Mekel You should eat from all the trees in the garden. But there's one tree called eights and dos to Vera. The tree of knowledge of good and the opposite of good. That you shouldn't eat. Right? The day you eat from it is Thomas it's a there'll be death. And then when he eats from it, Hashem says now he may come and eat from the eights and Kyle also from the tree of life and live forever and therefore he should leave he should be expelled from the garden. So the Zoya says when it says eights him, it's referring to those two eights him. There's the tree of knowledge and the tree of life. But makoshesh eights him have a diet. The makoshesh eights him was being mad diet meaning he was studying he was observing I'll Elaine Elon in on these trees hey me now you rather lock her. Which one is greater than the other? Where does the Zoya get this in makoshesh eights him it says they found a man makoshesh eights him. Where where do you have a mice with with looking which tree is greater than the other? The high new show makoshesh and hekish. The Zoya learned this from the word makoshesh. The word makoshesh comes from the word hekish. She hekish as base a eights him laid the eights and am rough. Meaning he compared the two trees one to another to figure out which one is greater. One of the formulas of of of explaining Torah is known as hekish. Hekish means comparing. For example, when two things are in one possuk, you compare one to another. Like just an example will be by marriage. It says by marriage and divorce it says in parshas Ki Seitzei, right? That when a man gives his wife a get, for she leaves his home and she goes and she marries another man. She's free to marry somebody else. The Gomorrah says makkesh have via the Yitzia. The fact that marriage and divorce are in the same possuk right near each other. So it's not stamp. In Torah all these things are meticulous. It means that you could compare these alachas to these alachas and from here you learn my Yitzia Just like a divorce is through a document that says clearly in Chumash. For a sefer krisus which means a document of divorce which we call a get, the same is true. You can betroth the woman through a star, one of the three methods. It's kesef and star and beer in the beginning of maseches kiddushin. I'm just giving an example. The word hekkesh is a frequently used term in in in chazal in Gomorrah. Uh? It's not one of the 13 Interesting, yeah. A binyan av is also a sh'takel hekkesh. Binyan av means it's a paradigm. Binyan av means it's like a binyan. It's a one of the other methods is binyan av. In other words, you use this as a paradigm and you compare anything that falls in under this umbrella to this. Also. Anyway, but the point here is the word hekkesh means you compare. Makshinan. It's it's often used in Gomorrah and Rishonim etc. So the Zohar says the word makkeshish is this word. Makoshesh hates him he was comparing trees. A good question. He was compa- This man in the desert was sitting comparing trees. So, the question is, what do you mean comparing trees? What was he? He was a scientist, he was a biologist, he was a naturalist, he was a geologist, he was a farmer, he was a botanist. What what what's he comparing trees? And there's a whole drama around it. I mean, you're sitting and studying trees, fine. You want to do it on Shabbos, do it on Shabbos. You want to You could look at trees on Shabbos. So, come here from here the Zohar says there's a whole deep story here. Which trees is he comparing? Two trees. There's the tree of life and there's the tree of knowledge and he wants to know which is greater. That's the Zohar. The Zohar doesn't explain more. That's That's what the That's what the Zohar says. And then the Zohar says Peter Shabe is another says Shaa Aitzim Beha De Shabbos have a makoshesh be kav lancha. This is already according to the literal meaning that Shaa Aitzim Beha De Shabbos it was not those trees. Nothing to do with the tree of knowledge, the tree of life. It was other trees. Shaa Aitzim. Regular Regular trees that grow. Have a Beha De Shabbos it was on Shabbos have a makoshesh. He was either cutting them or gathering them and for this he received the penalty punishment. So, Peter Shabe I am makoshesh Aitzim Beha De Shabbos un choice of bonus Shabbos. This is consistent already with the literal interpretation. That on Shabbos he was gathering wood. Which you're not allowed to do on Shabbos because you're not allowed to harvest and he was cutting the wood and therefore there was the death penalty for for for desecrating Shabbos. Well, it says there was a penalty so that's what you have to understand. The second one is a little just literal the way the the way the regular first one explained this. So, that itself has two interpretations. One is makoshesh that he He harvesting, cutting and one is that he was gathering and making piles. Cuz the word makoshesh is is not so clear. It It lends itself to different interpretations. The first interpretation in Zoya is very interesting. But what does it even mean? What's this concept? That he's standing and comparing trees to know which is greater. What was There was a contest? For what purpose? What does it even mean? And it also seems strange that the should be greater than the higher. What does this whole mean? The whole There's a whole issue going on here. Oh, and the second is then where do you get this from? I mean, what What's the connection between this and the little interpretation of the words you On many you have different interpretations, but they're somehow all connected. And but here it seems completely like disjointed, like out of the blue this interpretation. Another deal cuz makoshesh in shabbos. Another deal cuz the way this the sentence is structured. Makoshesh in shabbos. The higher. According to the higher it should have been shabbos and then makoshesh. It should have first said shabbos when it happened and then what happened. The main thing is not the makoshesh. The fact is that it was on shabbos. That was the main thing. In higher shabbos you first say the main thing and then you say what comes out of the main thing. For example, when you want to say a very smart man in in Hebrew we do very before smart. In higher shabbos you don't do that. You do gudal, not gudal. Yeah. Yeah. In English we say good morning. We say good before morning. But in Hebrew you don't do that. You do not boker. We say good Shabbos, but they say Shabbos shalom. First you say what you're talking about and then you go to the details. The main story here is not that it was makoshesh aitzim. You could do makoshesh aitzim Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or etc. through Friday. It was beyond my Shabbos. So the chidus is say there should have been that they were in the midbar and on yom ha Shabbos he was makoshesh aitzim. The fact that he first has makoshesh aitzim it sounds like yeah, it was important that it's b'yom ha Shabbos, but the main thing is that he's makoshesh aitzim. Which this gives us siyuah, it gives a support to the first interpretation of Zohar. That the makoshesh aitzim itself it wasn't just the Shabbos dikinyan. Obviously Shabbos was the you know, what with Shabbos nipton in the butt. Shabbos was what they call the makah b'patish, pun intended. Shabbos was the makah b'patish to make it a problem. But the makoshesh aitzim that's the inyan. According to the first interpretation of that it makes sense. Cuz Sunday gathering wood other than that he's supposed to gather wood on Sunday. Sheishes yamim tovim, that's when you do it. You gather your wood, you harvest wood. I mean, that's the avodah of the six weekdays, right? Sheishes Sheishes Sheishes yamim tovim versus a kom lachtah. But according to the Zohar we see takah this avodah that makoshesh aitzim this was the main inyan. It happens to be that since it was Shabbos, that's what made it a problem. But the chidus according to the pashtus the main inyan is Shabbos not makoshesh aitzim. Base. The loshon of Zohar is even more because the pashtus shair aitzim b'yom ha Shabbos has makoshesh. It's like the issue of the makoshesh was different. Yeah. The one I'm doing that pashtus that the issue is the The aitzim. The aitzim. Sha You're saying even in the second interpretation the loshon is shair aitzim b'yom ha Shabbos have a makoshesh. Again he begins with the aitzim. He focuses on the aitzim, yeah. The canonical pashtus says that No, you could say you would have to change the human nature of a midbar. Um But you would have to change the human nature of a midbar or the human nature of a midbar is makasheishas. Or maybe then you will interpret that they found out on shabbos that he gathered the wood. No, no the human nature of a midbar is makasheishas. Or something like that. Because this is the only way to say it. I think it's you cannot say it otherwise that he cut the wood on shabbos. No, the same words you would say. You would just say the human nature of a midbar Right, but I'm just Then the emphasis would be on the answer. You will find out on shabbos that he cut the wood. Maybe he cut the wood before shabbos. Then it's open for interpretations. But here is the only way to say it. Why would you say that they found out on shabbos? The human nature of a midbar means they found, not they found out. They encountered, they they they observed the situation. It's like a midsea. Yeah, they found on shabbos a person who was makasheishas. What I don't understand. If you say you encountered on shabbos this and this event, why would you say it happened before? No, obviously that you could say you are also I mean that obviously then it wouldn't be an issue. The human nature of a midbar is makasheishas. He was in the middle of the act. Makasheishas means he was doing it. It wasn't after. Okay, of course that. Base of a human nature of a midbar is makasheishas. You need to understand What's bothering you? One thing is makasheishas. Makasheishas, right? This is one thing. No. Think even in English. Say So, this one thing is mandatory No. On Shabbos. Okay. To understand all of this, first have to preface what's this whole Indian of the Shabbos. So a pastor's literally means a tree of knowledge. Which is one of the earliest translations of the in on the word he says as follows. The tree of it's an the tree of knowledge. Whoever eats from it separates between good and bad. Have means good. Dish in means negative bad evil. So whoever eats from it what not that the tree is good and evil mixed. No, the tree is a tree of knowledge. It's a tree that gives you awareness. Gives you consciousness. Gives you perspective. Whoever eats from it this person creates a separation between and a. According to this It's not understood. Hilmes Adas. What's the great sin of eating from this tree that gives you wisdom, knowledge Ad K D Karta the points because of this Adam received the punishment of death for him and his descendants all the way till the time that the spirit of impurity will be removed from the earth which is only in the future as the If everyone who eats from it separates between good and opposite of good Not only should you say that there's no sin in this Adam on the contrary Shadi call The whole Indian of Avida and the whole tacos of Avida the whole theme of our Avida of our service in life and the purpose of it is to be Marvel to separate between good and bad. So what is the great punishment? What is the great sin here to the point that you see the effects of the eight of us are so powerful and potent and cataclysmic. Not only is it not a sin at all on the contrary. This is like the ultimate purpose is the ultimate mix up. Wow. You get to eat something and you know the difference. This is good. This is not good. I'm a amazing. The best thing you should feed it every child in the world. Every politician, every child, every person should eat this tree and know the difference between good and not good. Right? You always say what's the purpose of education to make your child a mensch to know the difference between good and evil. Here you have the tree. That's what the tiger himself. I'm moving me says So, from this we understand that eight sad ass itself is actually in holiness. It's something holy. When you say that anybody who eats from it separates from good and evil, you're talking about something in the world of Kadusha. Because this is the holy union of Avoda. The general union of Avoda is for every person to be able to make Avdala. We live in a world where toiv and rah mixed. Inside the person and inside the world. And the general theme of Avodas Hashem is to constantly make that separation. Make that distinction. Know what's good, what's not good, and separate between them. In your thoughts, in your words, in your behaviors, in your feelings, in your interactions, on every level, every every all every spectrum of life, every strata of life, to do this. If eight sad ass has this quality, it means that on its own it's part of holiness. The shot is that from many shots meaning from a long chain of evolution, from many many developments, from this could come something that's negative. The eight sad ass itself is clearly in the my drag of Kadusha. It's in the realm of holiness. So, why why not eat it? The shot is that from a lot of his shots meaning sometimes something in its source can be good and even holy and yet something from it after many many stages is diluted or compromised, ultimately something negative could come out. This will also explain why the eight sad ass is in Gan Eden. How did it fall into Gan Eden? Gan Eden is a realm that's all holy. Ve'ein savel inyan sholeh pekrasonali. Gan Eden can't tolerate anything that's antithetical to the divine will. It doesn't fit in there. It's allergic to it. It spits it out. The definition of Gan Eden is it's a place that's not savel. It doesn't tolerate something that's antithetical to Hashem's ratzon. Shulchan, that's the reason. L'acher shichato Adam nemar, "Vayishlachehu Hashem Elokim megan Eden vayigareshehu shas." Therefore, after Adam and Hava sinned, the pasuk says Hashem sent him away from Gan Eden. "Vayigaresh." He expelled Adam from Gan Eden. Why? Because he already couldn't be in Gan Eden. Gan Eden, so to speak, Gan Eden spit him out. It's not a place for you. The environment of Gan Eden cannot tolerate any form of toxicity. Which means anything that's not deratzon Hashem. Huh? Oh, so good shaila. Uchmuvan gam mizeh, we can also understand this from the fact that Gan Eden hu tashlum aschar al kiyum haTorah u'mitzvos ba'olam hazeh. Gan Eden is the space where there is the reward, the completion of the reward, the fulfillment of the reward for the fulfillment of Torah u'mitzvos in this world. Sh'aschar hu ziv Torah u'mitzvos. What is the s'char of Torah u'mitzvos? It's the light that comes from the Torah and from da'avoda. In other words, Gan Eden is created by Torah u'mitzvos. It's the ziv. It's the It's the appreciation. It's the full glory and light and radiance of what is accomplished through Torah u'mitzvos. Over there you feel you're saturated, you feel the impact of it, the light of it. It's ziv. It's the light that comes from Torah u'mitzvos. So, therefore, Gan Eden is the place of the s'char. So, maylo, what is the holy inyan of Gan Eden? It's basically the full glory of Torah u'mitzvos. Shami s'char, yeah. Sham izem, like it's just chaim mitzvah mitzvah, which means the reward of the mitzvah is the mitzvah itself. It's seeing what the mitzvah is. Sham this all explains to us that Gan Eden is fully holy. It's It's It's full It's full of kedusha. That is Gan Eden. And that's why it's the reward for a person That's why it's the reward. Because it's the space in which it's clear what is Torah and what is mitzvah. So obviously it can't tolerate something that's the opposite. If it has a Gan Eden in it, so how is it that in Gan Eden this tree was so comfortable? It's a tree. It stays there. This tree that has that has evil in it, how can it be in Gan Eden? It has a tree in And not only that, it's there. And not only that, it's inviting even. Adam and Eve could come and eat from it. It gets this comfortable home in Gan Eden. The fact fact that this tree is in Gan Eden is the deal. It means somehow it's connected to Gan Eden. The answer is it belongs in Gan Eden. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's nurturing from Gan Eden. It's in the environment of Gan Eden. It's It's It gets its It gets its nurture from It is from Gan Eden. From the air of Gan Eden, the earth of Gan Eden, etc. And Adam and Eve could eat from it even. In other words, not just a person isolated you know hiding somewhere in the corner. It's It's a shame Yeah. I put my foot in like you say shishi. So in the next world we'll be in Gan Eden actually sitting alone in front of the tree. So it's not stam. We look at it Yeah, put a tree in It's in Gan Eden. If it's Gan Eden it means it's it's part of the It's part of the the furniture of Gan Eden. Right? It's part of the It's part of the infrastructure of Gan Eden. It belongs there. So what are we attacking it for? In its source it's Gan And that's why the Targum says that it's a tree that when you eat from it, it allows you to separate between good and evil, which as we said is the tachlis of avodah. That's like a very, very good thing. In fact, it's an ideal that everybody should aspire to, to know the difference between good and not good every moment of your life. Wow. That's pretty good That's pretty good. You're doing well. Alamai, from many hishtalshlus, from many, many Ribui hishtalshlus means many evolutions, something from it could ra could come from it. And therefore, he wasn't allowed to eat it. So, after we explain this, we can be able to going to go back to the zoyar of mikasheish eitzim that this man in the desert was comparing the trees. This already takes us in It invites us into a different realm. We asked before, what are you comparing two trees for? The tree of life, the tree of knowledge, how do you even compare them? And why are you comparing them? So, we don't have yet explanation, but at least we see that eitz hadaas needs to be understood in a much broader or deeper, more sophisticated way than it's understood. Not just a tree that's just evil. It says toyva ra, but as the Targum says, no, it's the tree that allows you to know toyva ra. Wow. That's a an amazing thing, and you would think if somebody eats from that tree, they should be rewarded. The reward There's no greater reward than knowing toyva ra. Understanding, this is toyva, this is ra. And that's takke the vort, that there was something very powerfully positive here. Alamai, from a lot of hishtalshlus, from this very realm could come an inyan of ra. And that also needs explanation. If it's holy, how does negativity come from it? If it's takke so good and it allows you to separate between toyva and ra, so why after many, many levels from this would come something negative? It should always remain holy. So, the paradox here that has to be understood. I know in life that that good perspective brings a good behavior. Bad perspective brings bad behavior. Right. Okay, so let's see let's see it. Yeah, let's see it. We'll see. Gimmel, the youvan be the mabir be kol the sinyan ha'avoda. So all this will be understood by first explaining the whole general inyan of avoda. Avoda meaning our service of Hashem. She yesh bazeh bazei fanim. There's generally two different streams in avoda. Avoda she be medida v'hagbala v'avoda she be l'maala medida v'hagbala. There's two different streams. There's avoda which you could call be medida v'hagbala. Medida means measurement. Hagbala means limitation. And there's avoda that's beyond measurement and limitation. So there's two streams in avoda. One is one that is measured, it's finite. And one is an avoda that goes out of measurement and out of finiteness. U'bazei fanim meilu these two streams are not just two side things. Yeshnam b'avoda atzma. They exist on every level of avoda itself. You can identify this is an avoda within hagbala, within limits, and this is an avoda going out of limits. Furthermore, be'isbonenus she me'ivila de'avoda. It begins with the meditation and the contemplation that brings to the avoda. There's two types of isbonenus. There's two types of consciousness, states of awareness that produce it. Because the difference in the child, in the fruit begins with the seed in the source. Furthermore, v'gam be'seider hishtalshelus ha'svidus l'maala, these two streams already begin in the order of the evolution of Hashem's Sefiros, Kavyochol and Hashem himself, the divine characteristics above, you already have these two differences. That's what he says. These two and the Avodah itself and the Hisbonenus that brings to the Avodah, and even in the Sefiros above, you already have these two streams. And from this comes two Hisbonenus, which comes to two different types of Avodahs. So therefore, in every Nekudah where you look, there's two streams in the Avodah. There's Avodah that's Avodah, but it's always with a measurement. It's always defined. It has parameters. It has limits. It has Hakbolah. It's Avodah that has parameters. It has a limit. It has a beginning. It has a middle. It has an end. It has a middle. You can measure it. And there's a Hisbonenus that produces it. There's a certain consciousness, a certain meditative contemplative process that produces it. And there's Sefiros that produces it. There's a certain Giluy of Elokus that produces it. And then there's a whole different stream of Avodah. It has no parameters. It has no Hakbolahs. It's beyond Hakbolah. It doesn't live in a defined space, in a finite space. And this again is in the Avodah itself. In the Hisbonenus that brings to it and in the Sefiros Lemalah. If you begin right away, the main Avodah is the Posuk says in Vayishlach, Hayom La'asosam, today is the time to do. As the Gemara says, it says on the Kabbalas Schar, tomorrow is the time of reward, today is the time to do. Or it says in Pirkei Avos, in the first chapter, Lo Alef Hamedrash the main thing is not Medrash, meaning expounding and learning and explaining, Ela Hamaseh, action, behavior. And when you speak about Maaseh, it doesn't just mean Maaseh your hands. Mice means this is not the time of reward, this is the time of production of of working. But this itself is divided into three things. The world As it says also in Pirkei Avot, the same chapter in the beginning, Shimon HaTzaddik said that the world stands on three things: Torah, Avodah, and Gemilus Chassadim. And that's all included in Hamaaseh, in the behavior of a person. In these three things, whether it's Torah, whether Avodah, whether it's Gemilus Chassadim, a person's actions can always be defined by Midat HaAgbala. There's a measurement and there's a limitation. For example, if you take the third thing, Gemilus Chassadim, Gemilus Chassadim by definition is about kindness, philanthropy, giving. Gemilus Chassadim means giving kindness. So obviously, there's tremendous compassion. But even Al Pi Torah, you could define it in a way that's very limiting or limiting. Al Pi Torah, there's a Midat HaAgbala. Chazal say in Bava Metzia, on my crown, the Torah says, "Efes ki lo yiyeh b'cha evyon." So the Gemara says, "Shelo l'cha kodem He speaks there about this Bava Metzia in Perek Eilu Metzi'os, that if you find you you're walking, yeah, you lost something and your father lost something or your rebbe lost something. Aveidah shelo kodemes, yeah. I have now a half an hour. I could search for what I lost, I could search for what my father lost, or for what my rebbe lost. Al logically, you don't have to go search for their thing. I mean, it's very nice if you want to, but you you come first. You come first. You have a certain amount of money, you come first. Efes ki lo yiyeh b'cha evyon. Right? We want to make sure that we help all poor people, but the beginning is it shouldn't be the poor person shouldn't be you. You come before everybody, even your father and even your teacher. And therefore, if it's at your expense, you could neglect their aveda and say sorry, I'm not worrying about myself. This is how it works. But the Gamorah says over there also, that if your person you're allowed to do that, but if a person lives like that, ultimately they end up also like that. What does this mean? If a person is always involved in this always with this hagbalah, I come before everybody else. So if you love me the day I need you only Allah does. It brings to a mindset of poverty. It's a mindset of poverty. Literally the Gamorah says they'll become poor. It says on the S real on the S is without. When we saw the knees beg ashes once there's poverty in the mindset, it also evolves physically. It it expresses itself physically. It's a scarcity mindset, yeah. It's a zero-sum game. Yeah. He has a marker. That's why it's calling it a void. He's not a hefke young. He has a marker in Tida. He says says call you I come before everybody. Come before my wife, I come before my kids, I come before my parents, I come before my Rebbe. That's how it is. But I have extra time when I finish my aveda, fine. Then I have a mitzvah of aveda. Huh? Father and Rebbe cuz if he knows it's good for him. Because that misses that misses issues the by law. Unless my sayada, but that cloud in alacha um a man is completely obligated to support his wife, but if she can make a deal with him, she says, "I don't want I don't want your support. I'm going to work, and I'm going to but everything I work goes to me, doesn't go to you." Right. So, generally, if he's supporting her completely, so then the mitzvah is also stopped. Okay, but I'll call upon him. Yeah, so it's great What's that a scarcity mindset? That's what he means. So, if all of that neas, the person lives in a very limited limited fashion. It's a way of living. It's a It's a It's a projected way of living. It's always with with with a chashbon. The clalis inyan aniyus hipach kdusha. Interesting. The general concept of poverty is the antithesis of holiness. Because kdusha ba'etzem is harchava. Ufaratzta yamah vakedmah tzafonah vanegbah. It's an expansive way of thinking. It's an interesting expression. Yeah. We usually think aniyus is kdusha. Says, "No. Because poverty is fakait, it's the tightness of things. It's the symptom of things. It's restriction." So, because his avodah was with me divagbala, who was this this Even though he had a makor for it, it wasn't that he was doing things with that. He did it with a source. But that's what the Gemara says, that kol kayan ba'atzmei kach soif bal dekach. K'maykin b'kav avodah, the same thing you have in the kav of avodah. Aizeh avodah sh'b'leiv tz'filah? The Gemara says in Taanis, "What's avodah sh'b'leiv? It's davening." Amru razal, "Chazal say in Pirkei Avos, Al ta'as t'filascha kva, ela rachamim v'sachanunim." Don't make your davening kva, permanent, fixed. It should be an expression of compassion, an expression of of of emotional conversation. The times boom boom boom boom kva. Don't do it that way. What's p'shat? What what what What is he trying to say? He's not trying to say a person should daven. This is talking about a Jew davening. It's a good Jew. The key of an ish man im k'ilu sh'chi'el min l'hispalel, everybody will relate to this. Since there's fixed times when you need to daven, there's a time for Shacharis, there's a time for Mincha, time for Maariv, and there's man t'fillah. Efshar she'yeish t'fillah she'hi k'purei chov. So, basically, your davening is like you're paying a debt. You have a debt, you pay it off. Baruch she'patrani. You don't sit with the debt. Let me sit with it more and more and more and more. You have the money, send it, boom, next, boom. Right, you don't sit, you have the money for your mortgage, and you sit with it, and you look at What are you looking at? Pay it up, and baruch she'patrani. So, the Bartinura over there says, "Al ta'as t'fillah she'hi k'purei chov." It shouldn't be like a purei chov, like a checklist. Check, check, check, check, check. So, then you'd want it to have a fixed time, and you'd want it to finish as fast as possible, so you could pay off your debt. Nobody likes to have debt. It's a very gishmaka feeling when you pay off your debt. Hopefully, you're left with something afterwards. But everybody knows, it's like, "Ah, it's like, we finished Shacharis, baruch Hashem." Baruch she'patrani. And people don't say this, but, you know, deep inside, it's like, "When are we going to get this over with, you know?" She'hu heipech inyan ha't'fillah. Like paying a debt, it's opposite of the whole inyan of t'fillah. It's a relationship. So, like, imagine if somebody in a relationship with somebody very close to them, they say, "Okay, listen, I don't want to be with you, but I have a chov. So, mamila, I have 20 minutes on the clock. Okay, but if you go a minute later, I'm out of here. I'm done. I'm finished." It's like over here when somebody takes them a few minutes later, you know, if you sh'talah, "What's going on there?" Let's ask Mr. Mashuga, people are busy. So, it's not It's heipech inyan ha't'fillah. The whole The whole The whole mahus is missing. He has a marker for it. Yeah, there's a time it's not like He's davening. But there's something off about it. But and then the full is not miskabel to fulfill his needs. It's the hip of the holding that's full. It's about Talia. It's the same Nakuda. The the the the the the obsessiveness with time obviously defines the value of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Listen, it's not you can't make you can't make a clear in this itself cuz every person person has to know their life, you know. Some people have different responsibilities. Somebody is running a home with kids. Obviously, you have to This is not something you could make a clear of anybody. And you can't make a clear of what it means. That itself that itself is an underlying thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is it's not like the guy invented the concept. There's there's times you you can't I can't have it whenever I want. So because of that remember that in the first base of Miktash but the first thousand years of Jewish history there was no such a thing as full of the way we know it. There was no man of my life. Listen, no watches. There was just the sun the sun moving. I mean there was still time, but it was different. So as a result of that the whole concept of the explains that full of the midst of having was everybody to our sham the way they wanted to for as long as they wanted to. You can meditate for six hours in the field. You could talk to God for 2 minutes. And what did you talk about? Whatever you wanted to talk about. It was only in the Look, he's excited. Only in the beginning of the second base Anshei Knesses Hagdoloh were the ones who instituted Shacharis, Mincha, Maariv with a fixed Nusach, which we call Shmoneh Esrei, Tefilas Amidah. Even though there's a Shittah in Gemara that Tefilas Avos Tiknum, it doesn't mean they gave us the Nusach of Rabeinu and it's a They didn't give us the Nusach of Davening. It means that the concept of Tefilah three times a day came from the Avos. Machlokes in Gemara Tefilas Avos Tiknum or K'neged Tmidin Tiknum. It's because of the Korban Tamid or Shachris bein Arbayim and the Korbanos that were still burnt at night was Maariv or it's connected to Avos. But either way, the whole structure of Davening, the way we know it, comes from the beginning of the second Beis Hamikdash. So that's what the Mishnah is saying. Still Al Tashchis Tefilascha. So this is another example where the Avodah could be it's always measured, it's always in a box. Like I have this time and then we're done. Or can I connect with Kavanas Torah in the same mystery of Torah? In the Av she Mitzvas Limud HaTorah Mitzvas Assei she ein Zman Grama v'Chiyuvah b'Yom u'v'Laylah. Over here it's already harder to play with the Halacha because the Mitzvah of Limud HaTorah is ein Zman Grama. It's not a something that's connected to time. The Mitzvah is by day and by night. Mi Kol Makom Efshei she Limud HaTorah even b'Limidah b'Hagbalah. Still, the way a person approaches it could be with a limit, with a measurement. Sheyei Limud HaTorah l'Prakim. Like the Gemara calls it Limud HaTorah l'Prakim. He learns Torah at different points. And in an interrupted way. This is the time Kivan she Motzi es HaTorah Malpishulchan Aruch lotsi she dechiyusa b'Pedagogical and Davening. Already in Shulchan Aruch he finds a time. I do one chapter in the morning, one chapter in the evening. And he finds a time. Again, this is not somebody who's doing something wrong. In Avodah this is his seder. It But it's an approach. It's a certain approach, a certain attitude. It's stuck a certain attitude to davening and a certain attitude to Torah. I did my time. I'm done. I I have a checklist. I I found I had to help people I'm good to go. Yeah, extremely transactional. It's a way of living. It's a way of living. Medida vagabala, there's a measurement and there's a limitation. The Gamara even speaks in Menachos that it does that a person could sometimes, if they have no choice, fulfill their obligation of learning Torah with saying the Shema Yisrael Hashem Echad. They're good. They're good. So, the person finds a heter, I said Shema Yisrael Hashem Echad, good. But the truth is they say that somebody who has the ability to learn Torah and doesn't learn Torah, there's a penalty for So, this is an example of what it means avodah could be measured and finite when we're talking about avodah with the actual avodah whether it's in maaseh, thought, work, action, like milas chesed, or dibur, words, like Torah, or machshava, thoughts, like davening and Torah, which are both dibur and machshava. So, here is an example of the three things of Torah, avodah, milas chesed, and how they could be avodah with medida vagabala where it's always always with measurements and finiteness and this is how I do it and I don't go out of this and I remain here in this box. And a person could sometimes live their entire entire life that way and woe unto the person who tries to uh to disrupt the schedule. There's a structure here and you remain very very committed to the structure. But here he goes deeper and he goes deeper. This is all in avodah with meaning in maaseh, dibur, machshava, Torah, avodah, milas chesed. The same is true now going to a deeper space. In the first, it's a it's very obvious. It's two attitudes. There's somebody, you know, let's get this over with. Boom. Whatever it is, you have it in everything. He's just giving three examples. You have it in the way approach to Shabbos. It's an approach to Yom Tov. It's an approach to connecting to people. Obviously, it's all in every element of Torah and mitzvahs, of Yiddishkeit, you have something that's extremely extremely measured. I'll do the right thing. I have a checklist. But, I'm not going to go out of that space. Yeah. Yeah. And as he puts it here, it's a it's it brings a person to scarcity, to poverty, meaning ain't a nice element of us. It's a certain mindset. But, it's a certain mindset that if I give up of that extra, I'm going to lose something very very powerful. It's like, you know, don't infiltrate into that space. I won't survive. You know, there's something I really we need to really need to protect. And that's really what it means. In other words, in this person's mindset, if I don't have these defenses, if I don't live in these parameters, if I don't put up these walls, something is going to happen. If I if I allow these these limits to be breached, you know, if you cross you which you're trespassing. If you're There's borders here. And if you trespass, there's a danger here. Like, you really have to understand. This is This is how this person operates. Now, they managed to fit God into that. It works. They could say I'm a good person. And they're talking they're talking good. In other words, in a certain way, there's there's something very moral about it. There's a You know, the the Torah There's a There's something very righteous about it. Huh? Yeah. But, now he goes deeper. The same is true when it comes to middos. What do we mean by middos? I'll have the unity There's a natural embedded love and awe that exists in the Jewish soul. Even emotions here you're already talking about something that's much more much more much deeper. But you can have meters that I only tap into a certain limited form. Meaning I knew Shahar and very very very darkest any minute I guess I have a bit of some. When you're feeling love for something it's not that he's feeling the the goodness of that thing itself. He's feeling how it makes me feel good. It's both. I I love it it's very it's very smack, but it's not tuning in to the properties of the thing itself on its own. That's the that's the power of it. The main thing is I'm experiencing myself. It works for me as he puts it they they simply wrote it in Yiddish because the Yiddish brings it out. What's edible? What's edible? What's good for me? What I want? What I need? Huh? You can't relate to this? Okay, you're about my trigger I guess. Let me tell you something yeah. Somebody said I love chick I love he was eating he was eating chicken with a lot of passion. So he said what is what's the passion? So he said I love I love I love chicken. He said if you love the chicken so much, why do you have him slaughtered and killed and plucked and cooked? That's not what you do to things you love. You don't love the chicken. You love your taste buds and the chicken fits into your taste buds. So it's not the chicken that you love. You're not in love with the chicken. That's what you mean. They say it from the Bistol Salonte, I think. So, you don't relate to this. You have an ever. It's not It's It's It's always seeing I appreciate the thing, but what do I appreciate? I appreciate what it does for me. How it makes me feel. How it satisfies my needs. That's what the love is. It's not related to the thing on its own. In other words, it's this person in their core. That's what I really, really appreciate. It's always how it's how it affects me. Huh? Yeah, it doesn't mean things here. It's usually with He's talking about Hashem. Hashem, people, yeah. Love with you know you're not Yeah, of course. I I want a tissue cuz I need to blow my nose. I don't have something with the tissue itself, yeah. You should hope so. Yeah, it's all similar to that, yeah. Yeah. It could be. He's not using the word selfish because it exists on so many different levels. Sometimes it's very, very subtle. Doesn't necessarily mean, you know, just a narcissistic personality disorder. It could be much more subtle. You understand what I'm saying? You have somebody who's pushing narcissistic. It's not to love. You don't call that love. They don't see another person. Everybody is just an object. Yeah, that's why he's That's obvious. That's not a void. Here he's talking about a void. The divine above all. Right? And we're going to see that that exists in the also. So, so it's much too much more in you. A narcissist means that the whole world is a mirror. I don't see you. You're a mirror. You're In the mirror you see yourself. You're just a of how I can get something. That's not what we're talking about. Here there's an appreciation. There's ever. Yeah, there's the second Ahavah. Huh? You have such a mathematical mind. One of it's selfish is not selfish. Selfish is not selfish. Selfishness is a spectrum that's pretty infinite by the way. It's a very very big spectrum. What what's what's not selfish on one level is selfish on a higher level. Even the word narcissism, everyone has a little bit of narcissism, so to speak. Yeah, obviously not everybody has narcissistic personality disorder, but it's a spectrum. You talk about a spectrum. It's deeper deeper deeper deeper. So, if you want to call it selfish, fine, but the point is that there's an Ahavah which is not met the wish of Ahavah itself. It's not really marveling and experiencing the beauty, the amazingness of the of the person or the thing that I love in its essentiality, but more on how much I am growing from it. Which is in many ways a beautiful thing. Wow, I'm benefiting from it. It's so meaningful to me. I value it so much. So, it's not necessarily called selfish because you appreciate it. You're not going to and you also understand that you can't abuse it. Narcissism, you don't call don't consider that. It's like it's made for you. It's everything is really really. Yeah, here you appreciate it. You really and therefore you're also going to be considerate and you're going to be respectful. You're going to be loving. Right? So, that's why it's not a classic selfishness, but deep down it's the driving force is is me. And it's not called negative in in in in our world. It's not called negative in our world. It could be a very very fine relationship. Right? Many relationships are based on that. We say somebody fell in love with somebody. Why would that person why not with another person? Because what you do for me, yeah? You enrich my life. Your wisdom, your kindness, your humor, your beauty, your depth, your sensitivity, whatever it is. I I love being in that connection. Yeah, yeah. This connection is very, very enriching. Yes. Yeah. And there's a very there's a very beautiful thing about that. But nonetheless, I'm not tuning in so much to the etzem of the of the person. It's more of how it works for me. If this this conversation cannot be if I bring in an individual Of course. No, no, that's what it is. The mind of the individual, who cares if you love this way or you love that way? You love. You love me, you love this person. You love this spouse, you love these children, you love this friend, you love another human being. It's a beautiful thing. So he says, when the ahavah is what's good for me, the ahavah ba'al tzimtzum, it's a different type of love. The love has very, very clear parameters. It has very limitations. It's ba'al tzimtzum, it's lafi tzimtzum of my own metzius. I remain stuck in a in a ego space. And from this, the love could very fast or not fast, but the love can turn around and go to opposite things. Since even when he had the love in kedushah, holiness, we're talking here about ahavas Hashem. He remained stuck in his metzius. What do we mean? In these parameters of the my own identity, the way I perceive them and if perceive it in a finite way. And not only in metzius, after be a even in his yeshes because the love is being driven by what's feeling good for me after so after the other being on the so then afterwards when I'm feeling differently the other could go the exact opposite things today you were amazing tomorrow you have to put on up his best suit because ultimately it's about what's making me tick what's making me getting excited like you can see it in relationships sometimes a person is madly madly in love with somebody and they'll swear this is the peak of bliss and then there's some rupture for whatever reason maybe somebody can't provide a certain need or a certain perceived need and then suddenly everything is gone what happened yesterday you were completely completely infatuated and consumed the answer is even yesterday the was how it's making me feel so there was a certain lack of depth lack of authenticity lack of maturity even though you weren't lying you documented huh so this is a type of love that I have which is connection but it's in other words just like we spoke before about the darker to either to feel her I'm doing all of these things but it's within a very certain finite realm I'm not stepping out of that this other is very much I'm not stepping out of my own space I'm loving you on my terms and for what you do for me that's the power of you're right you're right you're right mhm We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. So, but this is extremely important. This is very, very important in life. It's even true with our children. Even though there's such a deep love, but very often it's like the deep love can be eclipsed. The center can be eclipsed by this type of love. You make me feel very, very good. What's in is good. What's air will what's air daf. What's good for me, what I want and what I need. Or at least what I think I want and what I think I need based on my present ego. So, you become a tool for me having a very, very beautiful life. What happens in the day that you don't become that tool? Boom, I throw you under the bus. Or even if I don't throw you under the bus cuz I'm afraid of the consequences, but inside I throw you under the bus. Internally Huh? Yeah. Internally my attitude changes because you're now a disappointment. Which means I never even appreciated you for who you were. Because if I really, really would have appreciated that, that didn't change. Maybe I'm in a different space, okay? But that didn't change. I never really, really appreciated this. You for you for who you were. This is very, very important in relationships. I need to take a break. Okay. So, yeah, this is like a very biggest site. Cuz sometimes people, you know, their whole life, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. But the focus is I love you. I feel how it's good for me, what I want, what I need. And in a way you can't just delegitimize it. You can't just say, oh, you always love for the other because there's a very important piece here. It's a conditional love. The condition is that you're doing something for me in a very, very real way. And like that's a true thing. Like that's not something you could just say ignore that. That's a very important thing in life. We develop relationships. Right? When you speak about unconditional love, it's very nice to talk about, but how practical is it at least in many situations, you know? Between parents and children it's easier to talk about because it's very very deeply embedded. And God made it parents, you know, healthy parents love their children usually in an unconditional way and at least it's there. Maybe they have to find it. Right? They have to find it. It's usually there. You know, deep deep deep down, but sometimes it's covered over by a lot of other things. But the Rebbe is saying it that in Ahavas Hashem you have the same experience. Ahavas Hashem means when he's speaking in Kedusha, I love it because of what it does for me. And as a result of that, the person is vulnerable to be able to lose that and go to opposite. Why? Because the Ahavah remains from a place of my Matzius and even my Yashus. And therefore it's a not an essential loyalty. It's not an essential dedication. So we'll soon see yeah, where that that comes in the source. That's very good what you're saying. Yeah? Very good. Yeah. Yeah. 20 million, but yeah. Don't think with Anias, think with Ashiras. You think it with Anias, 10 million dollars. A nicer number, yeah? That's good for Musk. Think bigger. He says Anias hyper kosher. You know a niece is hyper kosher." But it's very true what you're saying that very often our children can help us with this because you know, they allow us to exercise a muscle that we often don't exercise. If my children fit in exactly to the structure and the pattern that I created so sometimes I never get to exercise this muscle cuz it works perfectly. I love you and I love you with my whole heart and it happens to be that you also do exactly what I want you to do. So it works perfectly. So you never ever I never ever get to discover my capacity for real love. Cuz you never challenge me in that way. Precisely when your child sometimes challenges you in a deep way and nobody asks for this you know, but you know, we don't ask for everything that happens in life. This is an opportunity to exercise a new muscle that we don't know about. Maybe my whole life I never knew about it. I didn't even know my capacity for it. But the truth is this is what love is. That that challenge that this child creates allows you to become a much more authentic loving person inside yourself. The child is helping you grow. That's what people often don't realize. They're getting upset at their child. Their child maybe subconsciously maybe doing this only to crack open the ego of their parents. That's a very very powerful moment. It's a very powerful moment. And this this and your relationship to Hashem changes. That's the point. Very often my relationship with Hashem is quid pro quo, you know? I give sedaka, I want your money. I learn Torah, I want your wealth. I want I I'm davening, I want your reward. Whatever that is. Doesn't always happen that way. You know, life is very very complex. I don't have to tell you. So it's really opening yourself up to a different type of love. It's a real real love. It's a very very pure. It's a different type of it's a pristine love. Without and the words here is without Hakabala, yeah. Yeah. Uh so that's where you know, that's that you know, that's really a redemptive consciousness where where even when my child is not challenging me, I could still love them this way. I heard from Rabbi Shimon Russell, you know, he's a famous therapist. So he was describing once, he said this in public, so one of his daughters was was extremely extremely challenging. And he went to visit her in Israel. And they took up a road trip. And the way she was dressed and the way she was talking and the way she was behaving was very very painful for him. And the entire journey he was just extremely extremely in pain. And you know, there was a lot of inner guilt and blame and shame, mostly pain pain and also anger anger with what she did to him and his wife and and the family, you know, these things are not easy. And the the trip was so painful, he said at some point he just needed a break from her. I guess what was happening in the car, I don't know exactly what was happening, but he needed a break. So he stopped the car, I guess for gas or whatever, bathroom break, whatever, just to and he said like I've read, you know, to get some air, some separateness, not to choke. And he said he got out of the car. And it was like, you know, Israel has these places, it's like, you know, a lot of nature and lands open landscapes and forests. It was one of these places, not a lot of nature. And he walked in like he walked into the wilderness a little bit and he just broke down sobbing, you know, sobbing and he turned to God and he said like I can't handle this anymore. Like Ribono shel Olam, what do you want from me? I cannot handle this anymore. I cannot. I just I'm human. I have midos hagbalah, you know, I have a structure. I can't. I'm not infinite. I'm not an angel. She's just a crack. She's destroying me. She's literally destroying me. And he said, you know, as as he broke down, which is what often happens, you know, when you break down, you become a keili. You know, as the ego breaks, you actually open up. And he said and and he had this epiphany. And the epiphany was, "Wow, this is an incredible opportunity." And the words he says is that it What he experienced in at that moment of flow, the epiphany was, "My job is to demonstrate to my daughter that my love is more powerful than her defiance. My love will always be more powerful than her defiance. My love therefore will not be dependent on how non-defiant you are cuz that means your defiance is stronger than my love. Because your defiance will destroy my love. It's going to be the other way. My love will always be stronger than your defiance. Which of course means that the love will destroy the defiance. The defiance won't destroy the love. And he says, "So the more defiant my girl is, the more I have an opportunity to tune in to a much deeper love." And then he says, "Wow, what a gift I was just given." Who gets this gift? Nobody has this gift. Everybody has the gift of, "You're not defiant. Of course I love you." I have a gift of actually showing her how much I love her. Really showing her how much I love her because it doesn't make sense cuz she's defiant. And I And THE MORE SHE'S DEFIANT, the greater the gift cuz I can show her how much I really love her, cuz much more stronger stronger than the defiance. He said, "And then everything changed." And he went back to the car as a different person. A different person. He already it changed the entire dynamic. It was almost like you're in the tread- you're on a treadmill, you're in the gym. Your trainer puts you on a treadmill. I don't go on treadmills. Run faster. NO, NO, NO, NO. STOP TORTURING ME. HERE ARE heavier weights. No, these weights are not here to torture you. They're here to build muscle. Everything was changed. Suddenly, the defiance simply became the the What's the word? The the catalyst. The springboard. For you to be able to become the athletic the athletic warrior that you are. Or lover, very good. The athletic lover. Without midda of hagbala. Of course, it changed their whole relationship. She she was ultimately transformed completely. But he couldn't experience this until he broke down. You understand? Because when I'm in a place of ego, I'll never experience this. Cuz it is transactional. You destroy my life. I actually not love you, too. I don't understand. You want to kill me, so now I should love you. Even if it's not your fault. You want to kill me bishogig. Fine. So, I should love you? You're sitting and stabbing me. So, how much should I love you? I mean, I'm a meshugana? Right? The And the ego is right. In that space, you can't. That's why when I'm in midda of hagbala. What does it mean when a person is in midda of hagbala? Midda of hagbala means I think I'm limited. That's what you have to understand. When you say midda of hagbala, what does it mean? It means you think you're limited. If I think I'm limited, if I am the saw if I have a certain size, right? And you're taking that away. So, you're killing me. So, you want me to love my murderer? Explain to me how that works. You're a perpetrator. You're a mazik. You destroyed me. You destroyed my wife. You destroyed my family. Now, what else do you want me to do? It's enough that I'm supporting you and not throwing you right under the bus. Now, you want me to love what I'm a shogana? I'm a mazachist? I'm a I'm a suicide bomber? It's a form of suicide. So, take it from a place of midas of a balla, you can't have this. That's why if he wouldn't have broken down, he could have never experienced this cuz you can't come to this with ego. You can't. It's impossible. Oh, he was trying. He was trying, but he was stuck. He was trying to be a nice person from a place of ego. He was being nice and he was taku doing the best he can. It's that that's You can't You can't blame. It's It's a way of living. Sometimes people live their entire life in that space. There are people who are usually not challenged like this or even if they are, they don't know how to respond. They don't have that help or that insight or that wisdom and they remain in this space. And when this happens and they don't learn how to grow, they either become very very bitter or resentful or close up even more. They become even more uptight and go into a deeper shell, you know, like you develop a bigger shell and you go behind that and you just But you remain in your comfort zone. Huh? He couldn't fake it because he's sensitive and he feels his emotions and he just thought destroyed him and he actually allowed it to destroy him. And when literally his walls of his ego broke down, you know what happens? You find that you're not midas of a balla, that you're not limited. You're actually unlimited. And when you find that you're unlimited, then you have a different capacity. You have a different capacity. So, your tighter is different, your feeler is different, your sucker is different and your lover is different. You have a If I'm not limited, I have a much different I have a different capacity. I can actually channel a much higher level of love that I don't even know about. So, it's a very interesting paradox. And that's what we did the hug ball means. We did the hug ball means you're limited. You have walls. I end here. I start here. I end here. No, you are now trying to puncture my walls. You are trying to penetrate my walls. You are like Nebuchadnezzar. I don't love Nebuchadnezzar. Sorry, I don't love people who come into my walls. And I get it. You're breaking down all my walls. I don't want that. Then there's a plan of process station of Jerusalem. Right, it says about Messiah. Jerusalem is going to be without walls. Process station of Jerusalem. Jerusalem doesn't need walls. Jerusalem needs walls when it's in a very vulnerable space. When it's not vulnerable, when it's not so afraid, it doesn't need that wall. So, in this case when he brought this father broke down completely and began sobbing, he also became a cali for a different type of experience. Suddenly, he wasn't dependent on his daughter. His daughter was not the source of his dignity. What's the issue? The issue is your defiance proves to me that I'm a failure. Like you said before, you're not giving me nachos. What a miserable father I am. What a horrible husband I am. What a horrible Jew I am. What a failure. And as he puts it, you know, he was living in Lakewood and it was a hush of a year and he was in college and a Ben Torah and a this. And it was like the worst like like this is so embarrassing. Like my whole life I dedicated to something. You know, you dedicate your life to Torah and raise your children and you have nachos and and suddenly you destroyed everything. Of course, like it makes so much sense. Like we have to have empathy for this. You have to have empathy for the father who cannot get out of this place. He's not doing it from bad People don't understand. They don't We can't judge it is cuz actually he's doing it from a place of love in his own way. He's actually trying to be very loving. He was trying to be nice. He wasn't a cruel, sinister, self-centered father who just doesn't care about his daughter. He cares about his daughter. But he cares about his daughter from his own experience, right? That's what's very important there. He cares about his daughter. You're not talking about a monster or an abuser. I'm a sugar and a sick father. You're not talking about that. You're talking about a good person who dedicated their whole life for this. But I care about my daughter from my own paradigm, from my own perspective. It's a very subtle thing. And therefore I need her as much as she needs me. I need her to justify that. I need her to validate that. And she did the exact opposite. So he tells God, I can't do this anymore. God said, "You know what? You don't have to do it anymore. Let me do it." Ah. That's when your life changes. God said to him, "Shimmy, you don't have to do it anymore. It's fine. I'll do it." Let go. Let go. You don't own anything. It's fine. Let me do it. Ah. So what's my job? Your job is just to be a channel. JUST SHOW UP AS A CHANNEL. I'LL DO EVERYTHING. I'll love her. I'll take care of her. I'll be here for her. You don't have to do anything. I'll love you, too. Ah. Wow. Then you're reborn. You become a reborn person. Huh? It's ex- all experiential. You can't do this with a lecture. It doesn't work. You can't crack the ego through a lecture. It doesn't work that way. It's all more words, more This is not a game. It's like stop doing this. He he he was trying to do He's trying to control. Again, from a very good space. I'm trying to control to be able to have a normal family and have a good girl. I wanted her to have a good life for her. I'm not a selfish. I want her to have a good life. I don't want her to end up in the abyss, right? Just talking about normal fathers here, normal mothers. But it's all about Hakbala. And this shift is a very big shift. It's a shift from finiteness to infinity. The leap from finiteness to infinity is a pretty big leap. It's called an infinite leap. It's It's It's It's a big leap. It's a very big leap. It's a quantum leap they call it. A quantum leap means I'm not just jumping a few feet. I'm not even jumping 200 ft. I'm not even jumping from here, you know, to a very very high space, as difficult as that is. It's a different type of leap. It's a It's a leap between Matias to not Matias. It's a jumping. It's a leap from the scale. So, cuz you can love on the scale of 10. Yeah. Or 100, or 1 million. The just would just completely be on Yeah. Yeah. Beyond the Yeah. Or in other words, it's called ego death. It's the death of ego. So, this is a different type of love. Now, of course, this liberated him. It didn't only liberate her. First of all, liberated her. She got a father. Now, she didn't have a father. She had a father that she could control based on her defiance. If she was nice, she had a father. If she was defiant, she didn't have a father. Now, she had a father. How did he manifest it in her? I would love to understand personally how you would change her. Oh, the kids pick this up within 2 seconds. Your kids pick this up like not within a split second they pick it up. They know right away. They know right away if there's a man here who's a real man or no, there's just a little guy who's completely vulnerable to my emotions today. They feel exactly where you are. Your kids know they have kedusha, they have navua, they have everything. They feel your subconscious before you. Before you, they feel everything. They know right away. You'll see the energy that they give back. Before you know they know it. Yeah, when you turn the handle already, they know your mood. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's true. No, you think about your parents, right? Think Do you know where your mother you know your mother's moods, your father's moods? We know everything. We we feel it. We know right away. But I know when my mother was upset, not upset. What did she have to tell me? You feel a kid feels everything. A child is from the etzem, from the etzem of the father and mother. You sometimes feel children feel their parents more than the parents feel themselves. Cuz parents sometimes co- uh? Cuz they don't have they don't have the cover up. I'll cover up what I'm feeling for whatever cheshbon, but they're not covering it up. So, they know right away. Women also need to be cracked open. Everybody got to be cracked open. This is not This is not picking on men. This is We all share this. We can all live in a way a woman has it harder because women have much more to protect because there's much more at stake. Right, women are born knowing deep down biologically that they have to bring in a new generation. So, when they're protecting themselves, they're not just protecting themselves, they're protecting eternity. So, when a woman creates a defense mechanism to protect herself, it's much more thick than a man's defense mechanism. Men also protect themselves, but I'm protecting myself from me. So, once you shatter it, you're done. You may have to try another few times cuz we grow back our clipas. With a woman, sometimes they hold on to the clip of much stronger because in their own mind they're not protecting themselves. They're protecting children, grandchildren, grandchildren, grandchildren, grandchildren because that's what they're going to bring to the world or they brought to the world. So it's deeply embedded in their psychology to have a different level of protection. So if their protection is coming from a place of dysfunctionality and and wounding, it could be so much more lethal. People have to understand this. I'm not going to get into it, but that's the idea of Lilith. The idea of Lilith. You're familiar with Lilith? Huh? Adam's second wife. Adam's shadow wife, Adam's whatever the Zohar you have the concept of Lilith. This is the This is with the Nachash, the snake, right latched onto Chava and injected her with something. It's because of the holiness of the woman who is so responsible for the future that when the Nachash gets into that space, the clipa could be very very serious. And it But this work is universal work. This is for women, this is for men, each one in their own way, but this is this is not this is not about men versus women at all. I wonder how uh Rabbi Shimon's wife is related to the same goal. Was she completely withdrawn and said this is her job? No, no, no, no, no. They They went on the journey together. Rabbi Shimon and his wife went on the journey. By the Kasha Nachash we can they always talk about this. So she had the same emotions? They worked on it. She came faster She came to this conclusion faster than him. Oh. What if the woman doesn't It doesn't always work that way. Sometimes the father comes faster than the mother. But what if the woman doesn't pick up on Yeah. It's hard. I'm telling you cuz sometimes women in Officially mothers are so compassionate for their children. But because mothers also have the need to protect the whole future, so when they decide that they're when their subconscious thinks that this is the way to protect it, they could become much more. much more serious. There's more at stake and therefore the shell can be much more powerful. The wall is thicker. I'm not going to let you penetrate. The wall is thicker because if you penetrate the wall, you're not only going to kill me, you're going to kill the future. So, we have to understand in in the language of Kabbalah and Chassidus, because a woman is malchus, which means she's responsible. She represents the light that comes into the world and gives birth to the entire world. So, therefore, when the klipois latch onto it, it's much more powerful. Because she's not detached. A man has a part of him that remains a little aloof, a little attached, a lot of Even if you're going to kill me, okay, you'll kill me. So to speak, I'm going to defend myself. Men can become pretty complicated and dysfunctional, but I'm defending myself. In many ways, when the man realizes that he's just defending himself, okay, boom, let it go. For the woman, there's something very pure in her defenses. I'm not defending myself. I'm defending the entire future. So, there's something very pure in that. And when the klipa, when Lilith gets that, hijacks that, it's very, very deep. This is deep stuff. Huh? Autoimmune disease. Autoimmune disease, very well. You want to explain? You don't want to explain. Okay. No, no, this is this is very this is very this must be understood with a lot a lot of sensitivity. Cuz this is this is very deep inner work that happens. So, this is the nekudah here that the whole ava could be from a place of midas ha g'vura, which doesn't mean that it's not love. It is love. But the love is more experiencing how, as he puts it, vos im is gut, vos er vil, vos er and with Hashem it's the same way. I could be very very addicted and in love with kedusha. Which is an amazing thing. Why? Cuz it's good for me. It's what I want and what I need. And those are powerful things. If you can realize that holiness is what's good for you. What you want and what you need, you know what? Pazhalsta, like ganz gut. That That's not nachas. Nonetheless, tomorrow I can also shift. Yeah, a better better distraction. A better distraction. Cuz ultimately God is the best distraction. Now it's a very mature place. You reach a place where you realize that God is the best distraction in life, it's a powerful moment. That's why we don't We don't just say it's nothing. It's part of avodah. If you can realize that God is the best distraction be'emes, better than everything. Better than kavod, better than validation, better than money. Yeah, better than celebrity status, better than your anxieties, your fears, whatever the needs you're busy with. All the distractions, all the numbers, all the addictions, all the temptations, that's the best best distraction, that's very powerful. But, ultimately, tomorrow maybe there'll be a better distraction, I don't know. Maybe somebody will camouflage themselves as God as a better distraction. No, that's I'm using that word specifically. Reverse psychology. It's like back to that story with Reb Shimon, his daughter his daughter's behavior was the proof that he's a good father. I needed I need my daughter to make me feel good. That's not a father. A father is you don't need your daughter. You don't need your daughter. It's not easy for people to understand. What do you mean I don't need my daughter? What's your What do you mean? But that's what a real parent is. That's what a so what a real husband is. It becomes paradoxical cuz when you stop needing you actually get get much more. You understand? When you can let go of all these needs, you actually can get much more. But it has to be lishma. Like I'm not letting go so that you could fix yourself so that you could give me nachas. Like I love my child unconditionally so that they could see that I don't need them so that they I really love them so then they'll come back tomorrow. You know what I mean? Like boom. And they know it so fast. So you really have to let go. You really have to go outside of the vagabola. Yeah. And it all comes to the If my If I'm in a place of vagabola, I am limited. And therefore there's certain interactions that are very very important. I need you to feed that in a certain way. And you're doing very well. And when you stop doing well for me, I'm done. It's a very subtle thing this. It's it's a You understand? Huh? It's extremely authentic. The They Everybody knows this right away. And it's also true with husbands and wives. What does it mean a husband is a mashpia? We say a woman is a husband a mashpia. You know, we we use words. The husband gives gives gives gives gives and the woman takes where the woman gives nothing and the husband doesn't take, really? You know such husbands? They only give, they never take. And women who only take and never give, really? I mean, if you have such a If you have such a husband and wife, fine. I want to meet them. He only gives, she only takes, really? I mean, just carrying a baby for 9 months is is pretty much giving, right? And giving birth and raising them and nursing them. What's this idea? It's a very subtle idea. Mashpia mean Mashpia is an internal space of identity. A man fully becomes a man when he's not needy. When he's in a full state of Mashpia. And you can only find that if you find your infinity. Where you are real real Mashpia, like what that daughter needed. Your defiance is not going to define my love. My love is much stronger than your defiance. It's in a very very internal state. You could be fully fully present, but this takes a lot of inner work. And the moment the woman feels that in a very deep way, it changes everything. It changes the dynamic. As long as the woman feels that he's a Mekabel from me, she could never ever be a real wife. She could never be a real wife. She's like a Shtikel mother. And a lot of men want that. They want mothers. They don't want wives. They're looking to to repair their relationships with their mothers through their wives. And the women feel it subconsciously right away. Now, it's not so easy to be a Mekabel either. It's not easy to be a It's not so easy to be a Mekabel. Being a Mekabel is very serious. Being a Mekabel means I let go of everything to be a Mekabel. That's also very scary. It's hard today for women to be Mekabelim, just like it's hard for men to be Mashpi'im. The women think they have to be Mashpia. I have to have a place where I'm not Mekabel cuz maybe you're going to I don't know if you're going to play games. I should just be I should just be open. Why should I be open? What if there's a sword going to come? What if disappointment, rejection? You need Mashpia first. You can't be a Mekabel. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It has to be a deep place of trust. It has It has to be very deep trust. Very deep trust. Without trust, none of this can happen. And tremendous inner accountability and inner awareness. I mean, when somebody is is is driven by their own traumas, there's not even a way anybody can understand this cuz I'm just with a defense I'm just with a bulletproof vest all day all night. I'm not touching that. And then everything will just be manipulated and exploited. So, we're talking about very deep dynamics in a person, but it all comes down to this point. Only when I go out of the sheltered place of midda va'agbala can I open myself up to an experience of love that does not need the other person's behavior in a certain way to be able to deserve it. And it's hard for people to understand this. Like sometimes, you know, I talk about these things a lot to myself also, not just to others. And you know, fathers and mothers will often say, "I what what do you want? I don't understand. I What are you talking about? I want it for my kids' sake, not for my sake. Of course, I'm disappointed for their sake." You understand? Because it's very subtle. I want them to be have good lives. I'm not selfish. And they don't realize They don't know what a good life is. And we know what a good life is. Look how good our marriage is. I'll tell you another gevaldiga story that Reb Shimon once said at a kashya nafshi. He's really a role model in this for a lot of people. I'm just saying. He said it was Friday night and he has baruch Hashem a big family and a lot of his children left Yiddishkeit. He says this in public. So, it was Friday night and everybody left the table. And his wife was in the kitchen. So, he was sitting alone at the table. You know that feeling that one kid is there. If a family of seven, eight, everybody Nobody was interested. So, he's sitting alone doing the zemiros, you know, Kol Mekadesh Shevi'i K'Ribon Olam, you know, Koach Soif Noi. And he says, and you see him sitting himself and singing. There's nothing going on, right? Saying divrei Torah to yourself. In this week's parsha parshas Balak, you know, there's a gevaldige gevaldige vort. Right? All to yourself. Okay. And then he was he was miserable, anxious, overwhelmed, upset, angry. And finally, it was time to finish and go to sleep, you know? There's always a bed to escape to. That's always an arei miklat. So, he benches. He finishes benching and he's the way upstairs. He's going up. He said as he's going up in the hallway his daughter decides to come out of her arei miklat. And she was dressed, let's put it this way, she was dressed close to uh to to the you know, to the pre-Aitz HaDaas we're talking about here. And they walk by. They walk by. And he doesn't want to be confrontational cuz he's a good father. He's a nice father. So, he doesn't say anything he's feeling. As though your kids don't know, but he doesn't say a thing. He's just going to go. And he says she looked at him and she said "Tati, this Judaism thing that you're into doesn't seem to be working for you. You seem so miserable. So, this whole God, Shabbos, Judaism thing doesn't seem to be working for you." And she walked right there. And he said these words. He said at that moment he became a baal teshuvah. She made him a baal teshuvah. Because yeah, Shabbos was the most miserable day. So, basically, this God that he believes in is completely dependent on how his kids are going to show up to the table. So, the whole Shabbos, the whole God, the whole Torah was out the window because his kids were not doing this mirrors with them. She made him a baal teshuvah. She said, "Do you have a relationship with God or no? It's all based on how the family looks." And when the family doesn't play the part, there's no God anymore. Wow, your Shabbos is I thought Shabbos is a holy beautiful day. Why aren't you tuning into that whole I mean, she didn't give this whole drasha. You know, kids don't have to give the drasha. She just said it. This Judaism thing that you're so into doesn't seem to be working out for you, right? And he went to his bed and he said he went he started to cry and he realized yeah, it's not working out for me. Shabbos is not working out. God is not working out. Judaism is not working out. It's actually a recipe for misery. And then he had to ask himself, "What is Judaism? What is Shabbos? What is God? Is it to create a beautiful family that everybody says Get the kinder. Get the kinder. Get the kinder. Ooh, get the kinder. All the shadchanim from Borough Park and Toms River are knocking on your door first. Oh, I'd get the kinder. If that's Judaism, yes, it's really not working out for him. And she told me, he said, "That moment he became a baal teshuvah." At the age 40, 50, whatever it is. I guess at the around age 40, he became a baal teshuvah at that moment. His wife his daughter made him a baal teshuvah. Huh? He used to beat his son. Right, what what was the void? It's exactly the same thing. He was doing everything right. He was trying to keep Shabbos. He was trying to do It's an It's an avla miris on Shabbos. I'm telling you what's an avla. The hope of a parent to have a beautiful Shabbos table with beautiful children singing together, schmoozing together, laughing together, eating ice cream together. Huh? There's something very very powerful about that, right? But what is it? It's all about midas ha'avala. It's all about midas ha'avala. It's good for me. I want it. I need it. And she allowed it allowed him to crack open. What says crack open? Crack open means actually ask not what your children can do for you, but ask what you can do for your children. Ask not what God can do for you, but ask what you can do for God and for his world. It's a different question. Really, why should I ask that? No, I want what I want to know what you could do for me. Depends who I am. If I'm a yeah, the only question is what can you do for me? What everybody can do for me, including God. What's M is good? What's enough? What it what what's good for him, what he wants, what he needs. Of course. And if you could provide it, God, I'm yours. I'm yours. And since you could provide it, cuz you're Hashem, you created the world, so I believe it. Yeah, you could provide it. I'm here. But the as as But what happens is when Shabbos doesn't look that way, it's a miserable Shabbos. It's like a miserable Shabbos. Why? Cuz I'm not internally internally internally I did not discover my own internal relationship that transcends any form of self, that transcends any form of ego. You typhus? This is very very very deep and subtle stuff. I could live my whole life not even knowing this. You started off when we started this paragraph you said you don't understand what he's saying. Now you're like, "Wow. Wow. Wow." Just tell me what changed. I just want to know in the beginning you're like, "I don't see the difference." You let go of mathematics. That's what happened. You let go of mathematics. Mathematics is God's creation and but it's a certain formula. Mathematics will also talk about higher than but from a mathematical perspective, zero. Okay, we'll stop here. May I suggest tomorrow there's a shear. Tomorrow Friday morning there'll be a shear, so we'll continue tomorrow 8:00 a.m. Everybody have a beautiful beautiful day. This is painful? Oh. Oh, okay. You're not going to be able to ask your questions, you mean? Uh