Maamar Chayei Sarah 5712 #5: How Do We Heal Our Self-Consciousness?

Besides that, with you. Okay. And that is some of the things. Okay. Good morning, everybody. Welcome. Brochim haboim. So, we'll continue today and hopefully the Aizer Hashem bli neder conclude Bli neder, I said. The mymar that we began Chayei Sarah taf shin mem base from the Rebbe. We're holding seif hey, I believe. Middle of seif hey. Chapter five, which in the copies is page 123. Right? I think we're in middle of hey. Closer to the bottom of the page. Today's class is dedicated with prayers for a speedy and complete recovery for Binyamin Zev ben Hadassah l'refuah shleimah u'refuah krovah and many long, happy, healthy and prosperous and and joyous years. Amen. Thank you very much. Israel. Whoever needs a complete and speedy recovery. A force of go for a force of fish. Okay, so after a very long discussion that we had about um Simcha, joy, and what it means to go out of self-consciousness, out of ego, the ego space, the ego mind, into a place which he calls header herdish atsma. Right? Where I'm not at the center of the universe. I'm not at the center of the universe, not because I don't exist, not because I'm a shmata, because I'm a nothing, but on the contrary, because as we say, you're in flow, you're a channel for Hashem. So, your existence in many ways is is a real existence. It's an authentic existence. It's It's a deep existence. Right? It would be counterintuitive. You would say, "No, when you feel yourself, you're here. When you don't feel yourself, what are you?" But it's really we all know in our own lives, it's exactly the other way around, right? Like the example that we gave when it comes to health, that you know that the body is in the best shape and the healthiest space when you don't feel it, when it's light. It doesn't complain, and it doesn't even have to give a comment. It's so comfortable in its skin that you don't even know it's there. It's just like it's happening. Why? Why is that? When you feel you How do you know your pinky's healthy? When you feel it. And how do you know your head is healthy? When you feel it. You feel it. It's making noise. How do you know somebody's in the room? They got to make noise, right? Make noise. There was a lawyer who once told me that uh he said when he was in law school, I think it was in Columbia, so he said his professor told them that uh when the law is on your side even if it doesn't really feel right pound on the table and yell the law, the law, the law. Sometimes the law is not on your side, but emotions are on your side. So, just yell emotions, pound and yell emotions. And what if the law is not on your side and emotions are not on your side, then just yell. Just pound and yell, yell, yell. Right? You yell so we know you're here. You make an impression. But the truth is that's only when it comes to an existence that is much more superficial, like the says in Kayla's Divrei Chachamim B'nachas Nishmayim. Yeah. B'nachas. The true words of the wise are heard B'nachas. Nachas means with serenity, like a menucha. Because they're subs- they're substantial. So, as we see in health, it's the opposite. And the reason is because the definition of a healthy body is that it's completely, completely aligned with a soul. That the soul and the body are in seamless flow. There's no separation between them. There's no gap. There's no Hefsek. The soul flows through the body. That is the healthiest body. The moment you start feeling the body, that means there is an interruption, so to speak, in the electricity, in the energy, in the vitality, and therefore suddenly the body is occupying space, and that means there's something off, cuz a healthy body is one that is just in complete flow with the soul. And even if it's not So, first of all, somebody could be sick for Shalom. You know, whether it's an infection or disease, but even if it's not sick, it's just a heaviness. You're not sick, but it's just a heavy something. Whatever it means, that there's something that's a little you know, whether to to whatever it is, but something is not fully, fully aligned. This is true physically, it's also true emotionally, it's true psychologically, it's true spiritually, as much as it's true physically. So, that was the and the whole idea of another Simcha. That Simcha is connected precisely to humility. Precisely through the ability to go away from this space into a different space. And that's the space from the egoic mind where the mind has to be in control and figure things out into the space of openness, open-heartedness. It's not always easy because we live in a world where the ego needs to survive. So, that was the whole of what Simcha is, what humility is. And in Simcha itself, a Simcha that's not Ruuma. Right, it's not like the bottle itself, which is being in flow, also needs to be bottle. And by the way, this is always the litmus test. When you speak about bottle self-nullification, how do you know when it's healthy? How do you know when it's unhealthy? How do you know? How do you know if it's just nullifying myself and becoming a doormat? And how do you know it's actually a beautiful thing, it's a holy thing? Which means it's a productive thing, it's a divine thing. And the answer always is right? What what First answer is what it does to your life. A bottle that is about you know, telling yourself how bad you are and how stupid you are and how evil you are and and this endless critic all in the name of bottle ultimately it turns you into a powerless person. It turns you into a person who's depleted, who's tired, who's heavy, who's exhausted, who's not confident, who who's it's hard to function. Certainly function well. Real bottle expedites, it it elevates, what's the word? It uh Huh? It's exhilarating, yeah. You feel better about yourself. Right? It's like when you don't let's just like in health, you don't feel your body, it's much better, it's a better feeling, you have more energy, You're more alive and you're more confident. And by the way, your boundaries are very healthy boundaries. Because as I told you in the beginning in one of the it's not about I think the first class of the second class you asked about this. Cuz it's not boundaries to protect my ego. It's boundaries to protect the divine energy that's flowing through me. Of course you need to protect the divine energy that flows through you. It's very important. I can't just squander it. It's not first of all it's not mine to squander. And second of all it's too sacred to squander. Not from a place of arrogance, actually from a very deep place of humility. So you actually have very powerful boundaries, but not boundaries in terms like suppressed diminished to talk to you. It's boundaries that comes from recognizing what is at stake in this in this in this flow. So this is where confidence and humility completely are one. Like he said real Anava is that you know your myeless. You know your greatness. That's And in this itself the bittle also is bottle. In other words, it's not that I own the bittle. I hijack the bittle. The bittle itself is also bottle. Ruuma is a beginning of clippa. Ruuma see the bittle. And then from here he went into explain the whole idea of Etz Da'at. Right? This was the main thing we discussed last time. What is Etz Da'at? That Hava wanted to feel. She wanted to experience experience of the relationship. In other words, she wanted to be part of it. Which was a holy thing. It came from a holy space so to speak. And nonetheless from this is where death came. From this ultimately is where disconnect comes. Because that beginning of Ra is the Hargasha. Even though from a different perspective what he mean that means you're alive. You're connected. But in the flow in complete complete oneness this is an interruption. And from this interruption, like Ruach could come ultimately disconnect where the ego takes over. Uh? The Kodak moment. Yeah. I freeze it. I own it. I want to take it home. And of course, when the bitul is not bottled, the moment I go out of it, I become very guilty, disappointed, shameful. Where when I don't own it, it's a gift. So, when I have it, it's amazing. And when I don't have it, now I have to work through something. And that's also when you know, when you own something, there's no gratitude anymore. On the contrary, if you take If I own something and you take it away from me, I'm very upset. Right? I own this cup of coffee. Don't take it away from me. I own this phone. Don't steal it from me. I own a house. Don't take my house away from me. If I own nothing, then whatever you give me, like he said in the mind, all I am grateful. I'm grateful. So, we live in a world where we supposedly own things, right? And there's something called like six I'll send this to you. There's a dinner by the bayous. We have those dinner. We have those That's part of the plan. That's part of the system. There's boundaries. We live in a world of finite separateness where, at least in our perception, I own things. But in the real That itself I don't own. God wants me to own my house. I own my house. Just like my eyes. I own my eyes. I own my oxygen. I own my body. How much of your eyes do you own? How much of your oxygen do you How many of your cells do you We own nothing. So, therefore, really the attitude is gratitude, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. And the same is true with bitul. Bitul is also a gift. And that's why Moshe could say I'm humble. He could write that he's humble. When you know that it's not yours, you can talk about everything. You could talk about your power, too. You could talk about your power. You know your power. You experience your power. You're not ashamed with it. We're ashamed of things that, you know, when Adam and Hava become naked, they're ashamed. Because it was a self-consciousness there. When you're in flow, what are you ashamed of? This is the power that's flowing through you. Why are you ashamed of it? Shine. Shine. So, who am I to shine? I'm nobody. Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, one second. Yeah. There was a year this name was Avraham Hecht. We have here a great nephew of his. So, uh he was a machuten of mine, my brother-in-law's father. So, he once said about mitzvah one of my nephews, he shared that the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, the Rebbe Rayatz, once asked him in the 1940s to go speak somewhere. And uh he said that uh he can't and it's not for him and he's not going to do a good job. But whatever, he was very hesitant. So, the Rebbe said to him or wrote to him, a nover shalom and kaima you say das a gaiva. Misplaced humility is rooted in arrogance. Misplaced humility is rooted in arrogance. Yeah, it was a direction for life. Arrogance doesn't always look arrogant. Arrogance could sometimes look like verbeina hamnov. I'm a nobody. You see what a nobody I am? I'm a mamesh I'm inadequate. I'm nobody. Look at it. What's beautiful? It's the best humility in the world. What Why is that arrogance? I'm not superior to anybody. On the contrary. But the truth is it's it's making the mistake that if I do have something to give uh then it is mine. I'm embarrassed with it, but it's not. And then just saying that I'm a nobody, it's actually it's it's not trusting the process. It's saying that you know, God made a mistake. What What do you mean you're nobody? Yeah. Yeah. So, mayla. The chet tzaddik was the chet hargasha. And therefore, as a result of the chet tzaddik, you can have a tzaddik where the whole simcha is really just flow. But me said most brains cannot contain that. And there is a constant danger of falling into a place of ego, the egoic mind which takes over. And therefore, by most people, he says the Derek avoid is Simcha B'fnimius, Kabbalah soul, B'hisgalus. Gilu B'rada. It says in Tehillim, Gilu This is the beginning of Tehillim chapter two. Gilu B'rada. Gilu means rejoice with a tremble. Which one is it? Rejoicing is not with a tremble. Tremble is awe, reverence. Gilu is Gila, Simcha, Gila, Rina, it's one of the sound one of the words we use for joy. Ashira B'sason B'simcha B'kallah. Gila, Rina, it's one of them. Gila is joy. Nagila V'nismicha B'zisa Torah. Right? We say on Simchas Torah, Nagila, we're going to rejoice. So, what's Gilu B'rada? Rejoice with a tremble. What type of rejoicing is that? When you're dancing and you're celebrating, you're not trembling. You're not in a place of awe. But that's the vort. Gilu B'rada, on the outside it looks like her other. There's a certain a calmness, an awe, a reverence. There's boundaries the person has. But inside, it's full Simcha, full Simcha. Because Simcha is the gratitude. Simcha is the flow. Nonetheless, B'chitzonius, it's Kabbalah soul and Yira. Why? Because it's knowing that just Simcha without anything else can go into a place of easily Murgash. What's Murgash means? It becomes very self-conscious and it could be hijacked. And he says, how can the paradox happen? L'chatchila the paradox? Because when you're a real channel, so the bliss of the master also flows through you. No, there are certain times where you say not the Gilu B'rada, right? He's saying on a general level, the what David HaMelech brought back the Aron Hakodesh M'futzar M'chakeh, it was uninhibited. That celebrated. He's just talking about in in a regular in a in a in a regular situation. There's obviously unique moments where the Simcha bursts out and the should burst out. Because it's really waiting. It's It's there. It's just in the general structure of life to counterbalance all the all the cobwebs and all the toxic forces that can feed off my energy one needs to be able to maintain a holy sacred boundary of kabbalas oil and year. Based on all of this, he now in sif hey goes back to the Zohar, which was the whole beginning of the mind that there's three people. Sarah and Hava, Noach and Sarah. Each one apparently and he compares to that he compares them to each other, which seems strange. So he says now we understand that each one was really trying to confront the same issue. And that is that joy and bliss are essential to life. Not only they're essential to life, it's the whole nakuda of life. I want to live inside your heart. And as he said, the only real dirah betachtonim is when you touch the joy. Because comprehension, understanding, rationalization is only a very limited experience. Even though it's a cali, it's a container and it's an initiator. But the real relationship is a relationship of connectivity, of intimate emotion where there's taanug and simcha as he explained in davening, the two different sides of davening. And therefore, dirah betachtonim, which is dirah for the atzum. What's What's He says what's mamshach atzumus is when a person could feel the taanug shel amalah, the bliss of Hashem in them. That relationship, that oneness, that connection, which is beyond words. It's an experiential moment that fills all of your bones. It fills your nervous system. It's a transformative moment and it's very, very secretive. It's very, very quiet. It's not wordy. It's not intellectual. So already from the first moment Hava and then Noach and then Sarah are are trying to deal with this issue. As he's going to put it, to bring joy to the world. And Hava does it her way, and it ends up in a certain way, as we see Sarah, and Noach, and then Sarah. And that's why the Zohar compares these three people. So, now let's see weiter. So, we're in the middle of Sif Hey. It's the line that starts Al Noach Ve'hitel Ba'zuhama. If you remember, the last point was, Chazal say that the snake was I mean The Gemara says in Maseches Shabbos, and Rashi brings it even in the Chumash. So that even a child learning Chumash knows this this this idea. That the Nachash Ba'al Hava, which literally means, the way you translate is that the Nachash had intimacy with Hava. He lived lived was was was together with Hava in a relational experience. Ve'hitel Ba'zuhama, and he injected her with a zuhama, which is toxic toxicity. Filth, poison, something. So, it's What does that mean? It's like a It's a very very, you know, it's an intriguing story. It's a little strange, obviously. It's disturbing. What does it really mean? So, that was the last nekudah that the Nachash put into her, as he put it, inyan Ha'arushah. He injected her with something. And and and and intimacy just represents the deepest form of putting something into somebody. It's not just an external thing, you know, I could take a shower and get rid of it. You know, when the skunk sprays you, so you take a tomato uh tomato bath. Which is also not so easy. But when something goes inside, now it becomes part of the system. I don't even know my system without it. And when you don't know your system without it, it becomes so entangled and entrenched, one needs a lot of avodah, a tremendous amount of avodah, just to be able to decipher this is natural, this is inherent, this is real really authentic, and this is something that I need to deal with. Yeah. The moment you can isolate it, identify it, that's a huge blessing. The Nachash Bal Hava Yitbol B'Zuhama is that Hava already doesn't know what's me, what's the Nachash. Becomes part of my experience. And what's this experience? This experience is that in a moment's call, not a moment, millisecond, I go back into that space of separateness. It's so easy. It's so easy. It It's all in the system. In other words, in a moment I go to the Cheit Eitz HaDaas. And what's again the Cheit Eitz HaDaas? The ultimate feeling of disconnect and therefore it's the feeling I'm looking for that experience to be able to tell myself that I'm not alone, that I'm not broken. But before the Cheit Eitz HaDaas, it's inherent. You're in flow. After the Cheit Eitz HaDaas, which came from the Hargasha, she saw that it was a good tree, it was delicious, which spiritually on the highest level it's the Inyan of Ruach Uma. I want to be able to experience, which is the beginning of separateness, in a moment I can go into separateness. I can go into that space. And here it's either anger or resentment or victimhood or ego or hatred or animosity, right? Or despair. All these things it's coming from that space. And And And how long does it take? Just a text message. It's just seeing somebody. It's an energy. And life is challenging in so many different ways, so it's so easy to go in over there to go there. And that's the Nachash Hava Yitbol B'Zuhama. So now let's see if I turn. So it's not like a separate story that Hava is saying. She ate from the tree, the Nachash. This is all This is all it. The moment that became an internal experience, it's it's it's part I can't escape it. She says, "V'zeh Gam." The line starts cut now. It's like six lines from the bottom. After the Aitz HaDaas, what happens? It says Hashem sends him away from the Garden of Eden where the tree was in order lavoide. You want to want you want to copy? You want to Oh, yeah. Lavodah's Ha'Adamah to work the earth, to toil the earth asher luchach misham, from where he was taken. Cuz Adam and Chava are created from Adam was created from the offer. So, he sends him back to the earth where he was taken from to go work. Go work with the earth. What does this mean? You're going away from Gan Eden. It's not a punishment like I'm done with you, out. No, it's a it's it's a continuum of the process. Now Adam's work is going to be to elevate and work through the sparks of divinity. Where they are, but derech malmata l'maalah. Malmata l'maalah means you start on the bottom and you're climbing upwards. The birur, the word the word birur comes from word berer, selecting, clarifying, separating. It doesn't happen bederech malmata automatically bederech malmata l'maalah. From a place of malmata l'maalah meaning there's a strong light that shines from the higher realm and automatically it attracts the sparks. I actually have to work through the cover-ups. I have to start on the bottom. What do they say? The only work that you start on the top is digging a hole for yourself. If you dig a hole, you start on the top. Well, after the Aitz HaDaas, it's malmata l'maalah. I have to go down to the lowest place and start digging. That's what we're going to see, Yitzchak digging wells. Right? There's water, but to find the water, you need to be able to go through layers of debris and earth and gravel and stones and pebbles. There's going to be a mayim chaim. So, mamash l'maala is a different avodah. Mamash l'maala means I have to grapple with everything that's covering it, and I'm going to work through it. I'm going to work my way through it. I can't ignore the snake anymore because the sparks are entangled there. They're trapped there. So, it's like literally you have to sift away like the mashal of Rashi in the beginning of Bereishit. You have to literally sift the sand. Right, sift. Avodas Habirurim. And then you're going to find the diamonds. You're going to find the pearls. You're going to find the coal. You're going to find the water. You're going to find the margoliyos, the precious stones. But, I have to work with the sand. And that means I'm going to confront it. I'm going to hold it in my hand. I'm going to see it. I just need to make sure that I don't stop. And I don't look at the sand and I say this is the diamond. Rather, I continue to dig until I find it. You can't ignore it anymore. It's It's It's It's here because you know, the money is in the safe. You have to open the safe. You have to work with the safe. You can't say I'm going to somehow, you know, from a helicopter or some force I'm going to extract it. There is an avodah l'maala l'mata, but that's not this avodah. So, he sends him out of Gan Eden. It's brought that the Midrash says by the moon was complete. Kayima syara b'Shlomo. It's an expression of Midrash and Zohar. The moon was complete, which means from Avraham to you have 15 generations. If you go through the leaders and the kings of Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Levi, Kehas, Amram, Moshe, etc. And you go down all the way or you go through Yehuda. So, you have Yehuda and Peretz all the way down. So, HaMelech you have Bayez and then Oved and Yishai and Dovid. is the 15th generation. So, it says in Midrash it's like the moon. On the 15th day of the month, the 15th night of the month, the moon is complete. And then it begins to wane. So, from Avraham the moon begins to grow, to wax. On the 15th, it's the time of which means peace and wholeness. And that was an amazing time in Jewish history. And then after that, from there's another 15 generations until Tzidkiyahu was the last king, and he was the one who Nevuchadnetzar took into Babylonia after the Churban Beis Hamikdash, the last king, Tzidkiyahu. So, that's kaim as so the moon was so complete, so the light of was so powerful, it attracted the sparks. It says that they came from everywhere in the world to hear Shlomo's wisdom. You have the famous story of Malkas Shva. The queen of Shva who came to hear of his chachma. This is an example of you remain in your space in Gan Eden, and you attract the sparks because there's such a powerful fire. So, that's a unique experience. But generally, the avodah is milmata l'maalah, which means I got to go into the space and work it through and come out with the spark. I have to travel down there. I can't just sit in my palace and attract the sparks. V'haynu, the key when Tzadok has inyan harasha, so he says amida d'kivart. Because by cheit Tzadok was created was self-consciousness. It was created inyan harasha. I need to feel it. I need to feel it. I want to experience it. I want to know that I am in this relationship. I am in this relation. I'm looking for a relationship. But I want to be in the relationship. That's what happened. Ineila achas as itzlichli is gam avodah b'morgish davka. So, afterwards, the avodah must go into morgish. You can't deny it. I don't feel anything. I'm bottle. Stop lying. Of course, there are those moments where you lose yourself. There are moments. There's uh? Stop lying, yeah. Yeah. Stop being a baby. No, there's a part of me that's yeah. Right? You could see it in in a in a child. The child's attachment, the child's safety, the ability for a child to experience bitter is only when it feels attached, when it feels safe. And if you try to bypass that, and you say, "Oh, don't be a baby. Don't be petty. Ain't no more bad day." Really what's happening is it's it's creating resentment. You're not trusting the process, and therefore you may fake it, you may go into transcendence, but deep deep down you're not part of it. And you're going to feel the It's going to be a pain in the It's going to be a torture. And then you're going to blame yourself. You're such a bad guy, but you're such an egomaniac. You're such a yesh. What's with your bitter? Your bitter is there. But I need to be able to work through the mergish. I have to hold space for them. I have to work it through. I have to I have to bring safety. Huh? Feel it to reveal Feel it to reveal it, and bring safety to it so that I can let go. I want to be part of the experience. Right. If I tell myself I'm experiencing, but I'm forcing it through the system, I'm bypassing the system, ultimately the system is going to revolt, it's going to rebel. I still want to be part of the experience. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the avoid it needs to be the mergish. What does this mean in practical terms? It's very very powerful. It means It's what we always talk about. It means that you have to really be able to have a relationship with all the parts of yourself. You can't You have to befriend them. You can't say, "Oh, this is my my my sickness, my my animal consciousness. It's my ego. It's my separateness. I don't want it." You may not want it. It's not true. You do want it. You need it. It's It's part of It's part of you. Just like your nose is part of you. Somebody say, "My My hand hurts. Get rid of it. My eyes hurt. Get No, this is part of you." And ultimately it's going to be a blessing. But it's part of me. So it's not something to be embarrassed about and guilted and shamed. This is the avodah. That's what he says. The avodah is the mergish lavada to some tzusis makayam him. In another In other ways it's saying it to go to the places where the sparks are and to be the mevadid in their space. I can't just remain in Gan Eden and from Gan Eden attract all those sparks. I have to actually go out of Gan Eden. What does that mean emotionally go out of Gan Eden? Go out of Gan Eden means I'm not I'm I'm I'm not in paradise. I need to go through the journey out of paradise to do the avodah in that earth and find the nitzutzos over there. Because within the mergish you have the nitzutzos. You have the sparks, but it's encased by the self-consciousness. So, you don't have to be afraid of your self-consciousness. You don't have to be afraid of it because the self-consciousness is really deep down it's just saying I want to experience God. I want to experience I want to be part of it. True in mamish ain soif, you don't need that because you are part of it. You don't need to feel part of it. You are part of it. And from hargasha itself you can come into my feeling my feeling and then it's just it's just I'm in the center there's no relationship. That could be the result of it. But we cannot escape the work of Yeah, I want to be part of it. I need to be able to be assured. I need to be able to feel the connection. Huh? Yeah. He's waiting his whole life for this. The inyan zeh ratzon elokim ha'avodah shebeinyan vayitekel. So, he hits the haflah. Noach understood all of this. He got it. So, he decided we're going to fix the world. What did he do? He planted a vineyard. Mizach lechayei. Exactly. The haflah dikvar. We think there was a marble. No at the vineyard. He planted a vineyard this grapes. Okay, this schnapps this this good wine French wine, Italian wine, whatever wine it was I don't know Turkish wine actually Turkish wine. And uh Ararat, right? And he got drunk he got drunk he takes off his clothes shirt. So it's like the only story we know about Noah after the marble nothing else like he saves the whole world. What else did he do? He got stoned and naked shirt and then he dies. It took 350 years after the marble till he died. Noah lived I think till 950, right? So Noah lived 350 years after the marble. What's the 350 years is a nice amount of time I think, right? What's the one story we know one story not two not six not seven one thing the guy got smashed inebriate that's it shirt. Huh? Huh? So it's a pretty tragic sequel and ending to the man who's literally responsible for all of civilization. It's like it's funny. In many ways like he's the most important person in civilization. Because after the marble there was nothing left. He is the one person. I mean he and his wife and his children but it's all him. So he is literally the one that we have to be we have to thank for everything. So now finally what's the end of the story? Only one thing he's drunk. Curses one kid blesses the other kids and he's dead that's it. And that's 350 years. So my mom is 350 years he was drunk straight. Was it one day like what what what's this? Obviously this is not a story stop. So some say it's PTSD. This is the show of PTSD. After the flood which is not a bad interpretation. After the flood is post-traumatic stress disorder on steroids, right? It's never the same world. Huh? So you get drunk. That what do people drink? Why do people do other things? Yeah, it's a way of numbing. I think I once heard from Dr. Twerski, the psychiatrist from Pittsburgh, I think he once said that the shot is he says, it was interesting he says, "Noach used to drink before the mabul also." He used to drink. He didn't realize that the amounts of mashke that he took before the mabul is not going to work after the mabul. In Russia there's something called "seksa nintsika" in Russia and you seksa nintsika means 96% alcohol. I don't know if you ever tasted it, but it's pretty intense. 96.6, sorry. This is Russia, yeah. You don't make a mistake on that. So before the mabul Noach could drink seksa nintsika and everything was perfect. After the mabul he didn't realize everything changed. Now you take a couple of seksa nintsika, you're out. He didn't recognize the transformation. But I'll call upon him, what's takah de havana here? So this maymar reveals a whole new depth to the story. You wanted to say something in the business? About Noach? So he says the he nay yayin who b'chinus bina, the next picture. Yayin in Kabbalah, yayin represents bina. Bina means expansive understanding, chulin in hasaga. V'yedu'a that we say the when the the Gemara wants to describe, the Gemara says nichnas yayin yotzei sod, right? In Eruvin, you take wine and secrets come out. And generally, wine represents not just the physical one, but rather represents a state of expansive comprehension. Consciousness. That's what it represents. That's why we make kiddush on wine, we celebrate on wine. It's like when the heart opens, the mind opens. It's a time of harchava. Hasaga is comprehension. In comprehension, in awareness, there's two states. Hasaga Sachil vasaga Sachlila. In the awareness of consciousness there's what's called Hasaga Sachil vasaga Sachlila. Hasaga Sachil means you can comprehend things in a direct way. Hasaga Sachlila means when you start touching real transcendence, the only way you could begin to comprehend things is Schlila. It's not in a direct way of I get it, but it's only Schlila, it's abstractions of negating that which I don't get. He's going to explain. Hasaga Sachil hishamasaga sadova atsma. When you can have a relationship with the idea, the thing itself, that's Hasaga Sachil. You understand it in a positive way. There's Chiluv and Schlila. Chiluv means positive, Schlila means negation. Hasaga Sachil means I can grasp it. It allows itself to be grasped. It It's so to speak It's in a dimensions It's dimensions that I can grasp through my dimension. Hasaga Sachlila means it is It's evasive. It's beyond. It's not tangible. So, the only way you could begin to have a relationship with it is by negating that which is not that. You could say it's not this. It's not this. It's not this. What is it? Oh, that's That's above my pay grade. Direct proof and they can shake it away. Uh yeah. It's It's It's It's seeing what's a lie. This one No. No. No. No. You're You're You know, you're you're you're you're you're barking up the wrong tree. Something called direct proof and that contradiction. Yeah. Direct proof is It's like direct. It's almost like visible. In other words, it's It's lends itself much more to a mind owning it. Hasaga Sachlila it's too evasive. I can't describe to you what it is. It's not something that my eyes or my ears or my brain can describe. So, so how do you even know about it? The answer is I don't. But I could see symptoms sometimes. Or I could know that this is not the right thing and this is not the right conclusion. This is not the right conclusion. So, there's something deeper than that. You rule everything out, yeah. So, that's called shlilah. You know it not through not through a positive direct awareness, but through negation. A process of elimination. There's even things in science and physics nobody ever saw. Yeah? There were things even Einstein when they spoke of black hole for example, yeah. Today there's already more evidence, but it started you see so many things going on. You can't explain it this way, you can't explain it this way, you can't explain it this way. You have to say there's some secret dinosaur. Whatever, I'm just giving an example. There's some some reality there that we may have not seen, but from all everything else it seems like it's something even though we don't have yet the ability to to see it. That's an example of it. So, you don't have a direct contact with it. You just say it's can't be this, it can't be this, can't be this. What is it? We don't we don't know. And that's usually when you're getting to a deeper deeper space because it doesn't lend itself to be seen by regular So, could be deeper deeper. In other words, yesterday's could become today's because we develop a new technology or new instruments or new telescopes for example or spaceships that allow us to see it. But, then so yesterday's becomes today's but there's a new when you go higher. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You don't get stuck. It's it's it's through negation. Through negation. It's not this. This doesn't feel right. No, no. You're not there, you're not there, you're not there. It's also true in in in in inner work of healing. Like, you know, sometimes like, "Oh, this is it." No, no, it's not it. You just know it's not it. We got to go deeper, we got to go deeper, we got to go deeper. So, what do you know? I just know this is not it. It it doesn't feel right. You're not hitting the spot. It's not connecting. There's something off. So, what? I don't know. And that's that's fine. That's a tremendous moment because this opens you up to something grand, something new. Asaga sachlula. When I need to find things only through chiyuv, I limit my ability for truth. Cuz it's basically as much as I'm going to be able to hold on with into the with with the grasp of my hand. A ball you can hold on to, a tissue box you can hold on to. Truth is nothing you can hold on to. If there's something you can hold on to, amazing, but it's so much more. So, that's what he says. The seichel grasps and almost encompasses, it's like makif, like hakafos. It's makif the muskal. Seichel is your cognitive abilities, the faculties of the mind. And muskal is that which we understand and grasp in the mind. So, sometimes the seichel is toyfis, it grasps, um makif, it encompasses as a muskal, but a muskal nitfis biseichel. So, just like when you hold on, you're grasping a ball or you're grasping a physical object, you're also grasping an idea. You could say almost I'm holding this idea in the mind. I could see it, I can touch it, I can grasp it. We're talking intellectually, of course. This doesn't challenge seichel to go out of its stance. It remains in its stance and it grasps it. I'm standing here, you throw the ball and I catch it. And I have it. Or I throw it to you and you have it. So, seichel in its stand grasps it based on its ability. Asaga sachlula, you know right away one thing you know that you don't know. That's what you know. You do know one thing. You know that it's a dover mufla. You know that you don't know. You know that it's muffle. Muffle means transcendent. Pella. Uh? Wonder. It's wonders. It doesn't mean that itself doesn't mean you know the essence of this wonder, the essence of this transcendence. Your knowledge is that you really know that you don't know. That you know that it's a muffle, but you know that. That's why it's sagas ashila. It's a form of comprehension. You could ask if you don't know it, so you don't know it. So what why are you saying it's knowledge? So it's not knowledge. So you don't know. There's things we know, there's things we don't know. Uh, so that's knowledge. That's That's much deeper. It's called enlightened ignorance. There's ignorance, I'm a couch potato, I don't know. And then there's what the Jewish Jewish in the swadem that say there's a lotion in swadem I think they say for ekram and others. Takhlis The ultimate knowledge is that I don't know you. So why is that knowledge? If you don't know, you don't know. So just say don't learn. No. It's takhlis idea. In other words, there's real knowledge. There's after all you come to where there's real knowledge, but what's the knowledge? Not in the of it, but rather that it's a muffle. So that's the two states of two states of comprehension. And you have it almost in everything. Hm? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Takhlis idea. The ultimate knowledge is I don't know you. And it doesn't mean the person was downgraded. It means the person was upgraded. Cuz whenever you go on that journey, you're going to hit ashila. Ashila is not comfortable. Cuz ashila, you acquiesce to the fact that this is really really above me, really beyond me. It's a very deep humility. That I'm not going to use my tools and my previous concepts and notions to define it just to make me comfortable with my position. I'm not going to do that. I could be open to the fact that I know what I know does not grasp it and I need to be humble about the fact that I don't have the tools to be able to define it, to be able to see it, to be able to articulate it. So, how do I even know it exists? So, just say it doesn't exist. Because that's not an option. I know enough to know that there's something. I know enough. The fact that I have to be busy with everything that is not in order. Yeah. On the contrary, it comes from the fact that you see that whatever I do know is is it's not cutting it. It's just not capturing it. And therefore, I negate it. I say it's not this and it's not this and it's not this and it's not this. You have it in a person's life also, just like you have it in almost any field of reality. And in a person's life, it's we all like to explain ourselves to ourselves. I'm angry because of this, I'm resentful because of this, I'm insecure because of this, I'm in pain because of this, my marriage is suffering because of this, my every I'm not making money because of this, I'm a loyal to business because of this, I'm not reaching my ultimate goals because of this. Right? I don't like this person because of this. Okay, maybe you're right, maybe you're 50% right, maybe you're 10% right. As you go deeper into the soul, you could see and if you do that, you could say, "Oh, this is not it. This is not it. This is not it." And what do you I don't always know. But there's something there's there's there's a there's a deeper reality. When you touch it, you know it. But now, I don't. But I could know don't attribute it just to this. Like, fine, it's a comfortable theory, but a comfortable theory doesn't mean it's reality. Maybe it's workable for the moment. Maybe, I don't know. But, the point is you're you're and that brings you much closer. In other words, negating things that are not relevant is also a form of knowledge, even though it doesn't seem like to be revealing to you the essence. But, the fact that you could say it's not this, knowing that this is shaker, is an amazing step towards MS. Even though I don't know the MS. I don't know it. What should I do? But, that's a big step. You understand? Smashing Terah's idols is a tremendous step. What are you putting What are you substituting it? Yeah. I want to say about my Barrel Wine who recently passed away as a kind of a rough in his history, one of his history lessons or a drasha. So, he was saying, "What did the measure doesn't say? What did Terah say when he came home?" And he saw all the smashed idols and Avram said the gods got into a fight with each other and one smashed the other. But, then he What did Terah say? He says, "That we have to use our imagination." Terah said, "Avram, when you'll get older and you'll have to start paying tuition and for a mortgage, Mr. Layman first of all, you'll understand. Everybody got to support their family. So, I have statues. Like Avram, you know, don't take it so seriously. Somebody got to pay the bills in this house. You're a little idealistic kid living off your father's money so you could smash idols. Once you got to pay bills, you need to sell something. So, this is what I sell. So, the beginning of MS is not I know what it is. The beginning of MS, no, this this this this is not going to do it. And that's that's a very deep step because a part of us wants to say, "No, I have it. I have it." It's much easier. It's much easier to say this is it. Why do you have to go to If you go to a sagasachi, if you own it, a sagasachi, you don't own it. Always evasive. But, you know you're closer to truth because you're not going to settle for mediocrity just because you can't capture the truth. You're able to capture the You have to be able to get lost, right? You have it also within science and the physics and cosmology. One of the worst things is when the ego takes over and because I need to There was a Harvard professor I once saw who wrote an article about something. He was actually honest. He said, "I have to admit that a huge part that motivated our research was cuz we wanted to do prove that you don't need a god in the universe." Like that was a huge motivation in the research. At least he was honest. You're going to be stuck. Like at least could you really really be open? Really be open. And that means I don't control. That's a social is a whole different Indian. You're saying it's a huge step, it's a big step, but in a way it's very small. When you think about it, you're like the mushroom gave it. The person said, "I'm This is why I do this. This is why I do that." Then when you just ask them a simple question, "Is that really why? Can you really now stand and say that's why?" Then when they say, "No, I guess that's not why." So then is that's why? And and then you a few minutes and if you In the end And then the person you know the sudden the person going to be honest and be like I realize nothing to do with it. It's a big step. If you take the step, but in in Yeah. It's almost like shining Yeah. And it doctors Yeah, 100%. 100%. Brings you much closer to the MS, yeah. And this is called Pnimiyus Bina in Chassidus. This is Pnimiyus Bina. What's that Pnimiyus Bina? It's similar to Chochma in the inyan of the bittul of hasaga because you go out of hasaga. So you have Bina, you have Pnimiyus Bina, you have Chochma. Chochma is koach ma which is bittul. Chochma is not something I comprehend. So Chochma I don't get it, it gets me. Chochma is like the epiphany where a transcendent idea comes in. And all the person is, it's like you're a receiver. That's why you can't articulate, you can't write it down, you can't say it yet. It's like a trend It's like a a light shines like a lightning bolt goes into your mind. Ah, wow. Boom. Now, what do you do? Now it's but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, It's where is close to because it's but in itself, is the place where the comes into but it's still connected to something higher than my but in but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in So, when wants to heal the world from the but in itself, he says, "What is the but in itself, this is but in itself, So, he wants to heal it through wine, which is but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, We explained that but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, This This self-nullification that comes through comprehension comprehending that which you negate from the reality, which creates a a mystery, a curiosity. That's how he wants to heal from the but in itself, but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, He was trying to heal the but What's but in itself, this is but in itself, this is but in itself, When drank so much, he was not self-conscious. You could talk to him. He was very honest. Things he would have not told you for 800 years, he told you. He was there. He was fully fully fully transparent. No, beautiful. He was naked. People don't know he took off his clothes. Why did he take off his clothes? HE WENT BACK TO ADAM AND HAVA in the garden. Stop wearing clothes. Why is everybody wearing clothes? I'm done. I'm done with the show. I'm done with the perfection. I'm done with walking around on eggshells just trying to make believe that I'm a good guy and I'm normal. I'm done. Here, take my clothes and throw it in the Hudson River or the Atlantic. Here I am. This is it. Full exposure. Ah, we can breathe. You know what happens when people take off their clothes? We're talking emotional clothes. You can breathe. You can be normal. I'm not like this. I'm not with a bulletproof vest. I'm not defensive anymore. It's the Stop with the defensive. Everything is defensive. You say this, I say this, and now I have to say this, or you say this, or he said this, or she said this. So, everybody is playing this game of defensiveness. And now you just hurt me. Now I'm not safe. So, now I run away. Now I run to New Zealand. Now I run to Australia. Now I shut down. Now I'm aggressive. Now I fight. But, it's all in this place of ego. Can we Everybody just take off their clothes for heaven's sake? And what happens? You see there's unity. Everybody can breathe. There is a bliss. There is a There's a lightness that happens. Huh? That's the Russian inside of you. Right? You're going to be swallowed. You're going to be eaten by the sharks. But, what if the sharks also take off their clothes? But, you want to be the last one. Churchill said appeasement is feeding the crocodile in the hope that he's going to eat you last. Right? We live in that world. I'm going to appease people? No, no, no. You put on clothes. There was somebody I once met I knew him when he used to come to my classes years ago. And he had he had a adult height. And then I met him and he was like very He He changed somewhat. So, he says, "What should I tell you? I went into a particular business. I'm surrounded by sharks. I became a shark." I became a shark, you know, he nailed it. I'm surrounded by sharks. I don't want to be eaten. I became another shark. Now the question is who's going to eat who? But when it comes to the emotional landscape, Noach was touching the pain of the world. The pain of the world is the pain, the burden of ego. The burden of ego, whatever that means. And if we could let go of that, if we can heal that, which is what happens when people drink, or drinking here is a metaphor for any form of journeying in which you let go of that need to be in a protective stance, where it's me versus you. And now I have to impress you and even impress myself, cuz I need to tell myself that I'm a good guy. So I'm busy basically flattering myself or flattering other people. Both are equally painful. One is deeper cuz it's less conscious. One is a little more conscious. When you're busy flattering yourself, you don't see it so much. But it's busy telling myself that I'm a good guy, whatever that means. I'm successful, I'm nice, I'm human, I'm holy, I'm spiritual, I'm religious, whatever it is. But it's it's the burden of existence. It's the burden inside of me. So Noach says, "We're done." In Seder, this what is it? K'nemi as binah, get asaga s'chliha, which is really the mystery of the universe. It's like letting go. Asaga s'chliha, have to let go. It's not this. It's not this. It's not this. It's not this. What is it? I don't know. I could just be in awe. There's a reverence. There's a There's a transcendence. That's the wine. On a more biological or physical level or psychological level, it's the idea of I don't want hargasha anymore. I don't want to feel myself. I don't want I want to come into a room and not feel myself. Does anybody know what that means? You know what that looks like? Come into a room and not feel yourself. You come into a room, there's 5,000 people, a lecture, there's only one seat in the front row. You know that feeling? You ever see it? Sometimes I'm lecturing, it's a big crowd, and somebody comes late, there's only one seat right in the front, you know, nobody wants to take that seat cuz you can't sleep there. Yeah, and you can't text. So, there's one seat. So, this poor guy, you know, has to come from the back and he has a big coat with an umbrella and a suitcase, you know what I mean? And he comes in and you know what happens? Everyone is always looking for distractions in the middle of the lecture. You ever notice when somebody walks in, everybody turns to them. If I was basic, but that's the claw. Yeah, so first of all, the speaker doesn't like it because it means they're looking for a distraction. But, but what happens to me, I feel even more bad for the guy because like everybody is on him. And now he has to come all the way to the front, right? So, I could see when he sits down there, you think he could be present for the next 25 minutes. He's like, "How stupid am I? Are they looking at me? Am I normal? What do I say?" You know what I mean? But all these types of things, you know, they're funny, but isn't that how life works? And you get sick of it. It's sick. It's just a terrible burden. And especially when it exists in relationships and marriages and in relationships with families, like leave me alone already. I'm done. You're sick. It's just it's it's it's it's it's from from a place of authenticity, it's nauseating. Very debilitating. It's very debilitating. >> She asked when you walk into a room, find yourself, "I feel so what is it?" That's confidence. Right. But what type of confidence? But there's a different There's two types of confidence. There's confidence that's more fake news. You know what I mean? I don't care about people. I don't care. I don't care about anybody. You can jump in the I don't care about anybody. You understand what's happening? That's not regulated. That's not You feel it's not regulated. You're You're You're like I'm I'm I'm in a fight. This one is flight and this one is fight. I'll kill you or I'll just melt into the I'll I'll you know, I'll disappear. It's the same thing. >> It's the confidence of like mission Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a different type of confidence. It's almost a confidence where I don't have to feel myself. It's real confidence. I take the word. Yes, real confidence. It's a confidence that's that's it's almost like a secret. It's Yeah. And and it's not easy cuz there's a part of the brain that doesn't get it. Like there's a part of the brain like, "No, you have to be very self-conscious. Of course you have to be self-conscious. You have 5,000 people here. Everybody could shoot you. Everybody can have an opinion about you. And your kids also need shidduchim, by the way. Be responsible. Don't be a shmata. You know, it it comes in so many different ways. And there's that you tofes abayis ik. First stays dominion. And we all have it. And that's what Noach is supposed to confront. Why does Noach want to confront this? Cuz this is the key to simcha. Self-consciousness destroys simcha. There's no simcha there. Simcha is I'm in flow. Bitul. Less morgish, more simcha. More morgish, less simcha. Everybody knows it in their own life. Whenever I'm in a state of self-consciousness, right? Whatever I'm doing, if I'm busy looking for the validation and the credit, it's not simcha. It's torture. It feels good for 5 minutes, just like a sick disgusting piece of food that's poisonous feels good. You can have poison covered by sugar. We have it everywhere. It looks good. It feels good. You just eat it for 5 seconds. The taste buds got excited. For 3 minutes it feels good. And then you're in the bathroom for a whole morning. Right? If instead you eat a cucumber, doesn't look good. It doesn't feel good. But you know what? You don't have to be in the bathroom. Are cucumbers fine? Okay. I'll okay. Water nach besser. So you understand? So it's very very attractive. But that which is attractive is not the issue. The tree was very attractive. Chava was gravitating to the attraction. It felt good. But in that moment of feeling good, she detached herself from her most precious reality, and that is herself. And that's what you have to ask yourself. This is going to feel good, but is it going to sever me from my essence? And if it severs me from my essence, it's a death sentence. Not just physical death, it's an emotionally death. It's a trap of death. Are you ready for that? Cuz it's a death trap. It's covered with sugar, it's covered with beauty, but it's there's there's a snake there. And the mabula Noach wants to fix that. So the guy that got vaulted, Noach is drunk, he has no clothes, he's naked. BEAUTIFUL. GO BACK, YOU'RE IN THE GARDEN, NOACH. Noach made a fabrengen for 350 years. Of course that's the only story of Noach. There was NO OTHER STORY. AFTER THE MABULA, what do you need to do? The mabula showed Ruchama in the lowest level, you understand? Etz HaDaas was still kedusha. But it's a chet because from her gasha, from self-consciousness, you can go in to the lowest, you can fall to the lowest abyss. The mabula was the result. It took a thousand years. But here it is. So what does Noach say after the mabula? With a fabrengen. What's the ultimate peak of the fabrengen? Everybody takes off their clothes. How do you make have everybody take off their clothes? You got to start. Don't be a Don't preach. Don't talk the talk, WALK THE WALK. SO HE TAKES OFF HIS CLOTHES. YEAH, HE'S STONED, he's smashed. You go into Noach and you'll hear everything. He's splurging. This guy has nothing hold He's holding back nothing. You want an honest conversation? Come to Noach, he'll tell you everything that happened in that teivah. And 500 years 500 years be 600 years before. Yeah. You like this, you like Noach. It's an interpretation of of of Chumash. This is this is a agalata parsha. You know, we read, yeah, guy got drunk. No, he was trying to heal this world. The poor guy was trying to heal the world. Maybe he felt like his responsibility, his mission is accomplished. And he has no more responsibility. If we would have no more I hear you. Canadian, yeah, I hear. Yeah. And and and in pnimius, it's not just drinking, you're drunk, you're stoned, you're not self-conscious. He says here it's the inyan of asaga shlila. Every story is also on a spiritual level. In other words, the drinking of the wine was that he wanted to elevate the world from asaga shkif to asaga shlila. Pnimius bina. Which is the border of khakhma. Because asaga shlila is the place where you're more in touch with bittle. Elie Wiesel, alavashalom, used to tell us told a story once that in his he grew up in Sighet. And then he was in Auschwitz. You heard of Elie Wiesel, Eliezer Wiesel. So, he told once a story that in Sighet he had a friend who was a mavakesh. He was a spiritual seeker. And he really was a very deep person, a bakhor. And he was just not content. What made everybody else content just didn't make him content. He was always wanted to know, why am I here and why was the world created and why do I exist? You know, some 16-year-olds are not bothered by the question. Some 16-year-olds can't live because of this question. It drives them crazy. It's like a deep deep angst, a deep angst. And nothing and any any scholar or tzaddik or rebbe came to town, he would he would always ask his question. So, Elie Wiesel said that once somebody came to town, he didn't say who. And uh And uh he was a considered a big, I don't know, a big tzaddik or a big rebbe or a big kabbalist, a holy man with a you big mind and big soul. So, this young man went to him and right away poured out his heart. Tell me, answer me, you know, lama lama za nafi, you know, why am I, who am I, what am I, what's this world, what's the purpose? So, he says this rebbe gives him a smack. So, he says, "What are you smacking me?" He says, "You want me to answer that question? Why would you want to ruin an amazing question with a stupid answer?" He said, "It's the answers that divide us. It's the questions that unite us." It's the answers that divide us, it's the questions that unite us. The question is the humility. The question is the pain. Right? The question is I don't have a definitive answer that covers everything. So, it's not to romanticize question in the terms of, you know, liberal doubt where nothing is real and everything is relative. But, the idea of hasagas hashlila, it's the humility of there's so much more. The Rebbe Rayatz has an expression in this division all the way in ignorance we are all wealthy. In ignorance, you want to be wealthy, you are wealthy in ignorance. There's a lot of it. That's hasagas hashlila. I heard from Reb Melech Biderman, the famous mashpia in Eretz Yisrael, he told the story. I never heard this story from other sources, but I he said I saw it in one of his either I heard it I saw it in one of his pan in one of his parshiya pamphlets that he told the story that the Alter Rebbe was once at a chasuna and there was a badchan there and the badchan was one of his chassidim. So, he was hard for him to do badchanus, you know, to do the poetry and everything and the songs in front of the Alter Rebbe. So, he did what Noach did. He drank. So, he was more loose on his tongue. Yes, liquor confidence, very good. And the Alter Rebbe was there and so he said his butchanus, he began talking to the Alter Rebbe. And he tells the Alter Rebbe that I decided after all my research that there's no big difference between you and me. I'll say it in Yiddish, he said. So, what I know, you there's no big difference between us. What I know, you know. What you don't know, I also don't know. Okay. So, what's the difference? There's a lot a lot of things you know that I don't know. But what's the comparison between all those things that you know relative to what you don't know? And that I also don't know. And he says over there that the Zohar going over the Ma'amar, that the Alter Rebbe started to cry when he said that. You know, that's how Seder Haslicha. The difference is what you know and what I don't know, but what is that in compared to what you don't know? So, he so is cuz the Alter Rebbe understood what Hashem Haslicha is better than everybody, right? The more you know, the more you have No Hashem Haslicha, right? When you really know that you don't you don't know Shelo Yeda. When you when you really know, you know that Ein Sof. And then once you know that Ein Sof, you will really appreciate what this guy says. So, that's what Noach is looking for. So, do you see finishes, he says Ein Anami is Gevuldig. But the issue is You hear the word? Noyach accomplished it, but how? Not metsad bittel. Metsad the bilbul, not bittel but bilbul. Liquor confidence. Not bittel but bilbul, confusion. The confusion of intoxication. Meaning, your daas is gone, your hargasha is gone. Of course you're not self-conscious. Cuz you're not present in that space. You confused your brain, you're drunk. That's not bittel. That's bypassing the chet ha'daas. I got drunk, I'm not here, fine. It's like when you're asleep. When you're asleep you also not self-conscious, that's why you could dream all your craziness. So what does mashke do? What does the wine do? Mistalek daas, it takes away your daas. It takes away your hargasha. So you're a free spirit, you could be naked. It doesn't fix the chet ha'daas cuz the chet ha'daas was taking you from Ein Sof into morgish. And that's what you have to work through, and you can't do that through inebriation. Yeah. You can't do that through inebriation. The most powerful journeys that take you away from all the obstructions of the ego and let you see things in a free way, they will feel amazing. But the bliss is not integrated. Because when you get back into hargasha you go right back into self-consciousness and I never did work that. That's why integration is more important than anything. It's not like you need a little integration after these journeys because it should become This is everything. And that's where there's avodah, that's where there's deep avodah. It's not a shortcut. It's a very, very deep avodah because you really have to work it through. It's just sometimes I need assistance to be able to see reality, to see help me see things, to be able to help me see how much my ego or my dysfunctional, my trauma is hijacked my system. But now once I see it, it's not just running away. Now you wake up, you come back and you're good. No, it feels like it. It's a mistake that people make because 6 months later they're sometimes in the same rut because the body just goes back into its survival mechanisms. Everything goes back. It happens constantly. So people have amazing moments, amazing epiphanies, life-changing. But if I'm not ready to integrate, I'm making Noach's mistake. It's a beautiful It's It's It's It's a beautiful interpretation, but it didn't It didn't It didn't It didn't achieve the goal. Yeah. He took off his clothes. But how long are you going to be naked? As long as you're drunk. The moment you sober up, all your clothes are back on. You didn't You didn't heal the Etz HaDaas. That's why he says you have to do Atzilah Mayla. The Avodah has to be Murgash. When you're drunk, it's not working through your Murgash. It's not working through your defense mechanisms. You're not being M'va'er the it. You're not working it through. You Tofus. So Chava wanted Simcha in life. She wanted to experience God. Something wrong? And that's why she ate. And it's a As another mind Rebbe explains, the Gemara says that the Etz HaDaas was Gefen. It was a vine. And Chava squeezed out The Gemara says Chava squeezed out The Medrash says Chava squeezed out the grapes and gave Adam wine. So it's Mamesh consistent with this because Noach also drank wine. Chava wanted joy. Noach wanted joy. Chava wanted joy through experiencing God. And that desire of experience is what created the separation which ultimately leads into the abyss. Ruach Klipah Noega d'Atzilus. Noach wants to fix it. So Noach says, "You didn't have enough wine. We're going to HAVE SO MUCH WINE, WE'RE GOING to go back to pre-Etz HaDaas. And go be naked. Va'Yisgal. We're going to be bigal. Everything is going to be bigal. There's no more secrets. No more secrets. I can tell you everything about my life without any self-consciousness cuz I'm stoned. And you know when people don't you hug everybody and you love everybody. I love you. I love you. I love you. And you hug and you cry and you dance and you're on the table. Mamash ad d'lo yada. And it goes deeper, right? What's Etz HaDaas? The Gemara says in in in Maseches Chullin What's the source of Haman in the Torah? Bereishis. Are you eating from this tree that I told you not to eat? Haman is Etz HaDaas. So, what do we do on Purim? Ad d'lo yada. You go away from daas. You go away from ETZ HADAAS. SO, AD D'LO YADA. You have to get drunk on Purim. Ad d'lo yada. Haman is Etz HaDaas. Haman is the ultimate ego, Amalek. Ego, ego, ego. Reishis Amalek. The beginning of everything of ego is Amalek. So, Purim is ad d'lo yada. SO, NOACH SAYS, let's do Purim a whole year. Why one day? Not one year, 350 years. Purim am machaya. A lot of vomit. But very exciting. And you just stay. You stay. Right? They used to say in Yeshiva there was a guy he liked to drink. They once asked him, why don't you have a hangover? He says he continues to drink so he never have a hangover. You only have a hangover if you stop. If you don't stop, there's no hangover. You're not waking up the next day. You go on. So, there's a Noach's nostalgia. It wasn't anything that he wanted wrong. It's just the times have changed. That that stage is over. He wanted to Yeah, now you you have to work through the darkness. You can't bypass it. You have to go down. You have to go into the You You to go into the trenches. When we bypass it, it doesn't work. If I just tell you, "Come on, bittle." Even if it's an authentic experience, there's moments that a person lets go and they really experience the bliss of ego-lessness. People have that. They go into flow. The problem is the next day your wife sends you a text message or your child sends you a text message or you end up in a different situation and suddenly it's all gone. What happened? What happened is you sobered up. Nothing happened. You sobered up. If you think you own bittle, you don't own bittle. It's a gift and when I don't have that gift, now I'm working with other forces and I have to be there. Is it nice to escape? Yeah, that's why people love escaping. That's why people love escaping. Some people escape day after day, a week after week. They'll do another one and another one and another one just to escape and you understand it's the burden of a You want to get out of the burden. If you have washing machines on your shoulders, you have stones that you're walking around with for 53 years, literally, and you could sit for 6 hours, 12 hours, 14 hours, 2 hours, 5 hours and feel light. It's a gift. I get it. Who doesn't want it? Take these rocks off my shoulders. Just let me be. Let me be. I don't care and I just don't want to care about everybody thinks and what I think and what this one and that one. Huh, mikaya. And it's it it it it it it's a genuine desire and it's a beautiful desire. And people who live with with with with with the burden of trauma so heavily because of their unique Everybody has it, but through the unique life situation, you can really appreciate the the yearning for this. Right? The freedom, the emancipation. Just get me out of my brain. Get me out of my head. And really all addiction is this. I'm not comparing every search for healing to addiction at all, but I'm saying all addiction is just do anything to get me out of my brain. I need a drink, a drink. I need drugs drug get me out of my brain. Even food. Even the phones just get me out of my brain. Give me a clip. Just get me out of this crazy brain. I'm done. It's a snake. And then sometimes it's actually a very real journey where you really go into a very deep place where you touch your infinity. But I'm going to come back. And that's essential to the story. And when people don't have that it's really a miss it's it's it's a deep arrogance that's camouflage this healing but it's not. It's it's really not understanding that it was an eight of us and I'm I'm not living pre-eight of us. I have to wear clothes and work through my clothes. I have to work through my clothes. That's what we said last time not just become a true Messiah. You have to work through the not to get to Messiah. You can't ignore the not. I have the not inside of me. And the the wine is not going to take away the not. It's going to make me confused for a few hours. Fine. Beautiful. So you really needed answers. Huh? You need answers not questions because they does this you actually need to understand. You need answers. You need answers not only question but you need answers that don't substitute the truth of a saga solution. It's answers that facilitate it. You understand? The answers can also be another way of of of control of I'm done. So I just like give answers. It's easy answers. I don't want answers that will numb the search. So that's why we were saying Bal Shu. Say Bal Shu. Yeah. So Elie Wiesel because of his own pain romanticized the questions. He had a lot of pain. He was in Auschwitz. He saw a whole world go up in flames and he romanticized the questions. And that was a very common for many Jews of that generation. The questions became a very It was a protest against a lot of evil that they saw. And they felt that to live with the question will be much more authentic and felt much right than to live with an answer. Yeah, and it's you know, questions keep you keep you There's more humility there. There's less arrogance. And it's also sound, you know, in the name of questions, it's like almost like it's almost like the negation of fundamentalism. You know, when you see what fundamentalists do in the world and how much havoc they wreak, it seems like the healthiest response is questions. We just have questions. We don't have answers. Remain humble. The truth is, it should be said, that's another death trap. It's a death trap of we know nothing. I'm just humble. I'm curious. But you don't fight evil fundamentalism through curiosity. You fight evil fundamentalism through a different type of certainty. A certainty that comes from the infinite connection. That's the mistake of the liberal West and the and certain forces in Israel. They don't understand that fundamentalism and radicalism is gleaning power from a very deep space. And if you're just going to respond to it by being ambivalent, we don't know, we're not sure, maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong. In the meantime, they chop off your head. You understand what I'm saying? But you don't want answers that just um that just They're cheap. Just to satisfy. Like Right, cuz that's That's not going to work. You want answers that are loyal to a summer Sasha Lila. Different type of answers. I'll call upon them. So, this was Noah's mistake. We have a few minutes still. We could finish. Okay. So, this this This was So, it's very important to understand what happens here. Hava wanted joy. Noah wanted joy. They both went from different extremes. Hava was already in infinity, so she went down into the world of feeling and experience. So, that it could be connection. And Noah said, "Oh my god, look what this did. Let's go out of self-consciousness into a place of nakedness and lack of self-consciousness, so we can go to the pre-knowledge and take off our clothes." So, Hava introduced the ego, and Noah wanted to liberate us from the ego. The problem is once they saw the dust happened, you have to work with the ego. You have to show that the ego is also God. You don't have to be afraid of the ego. The ego is also God. That's already a different avoid. First day of the Brazil. You can't avoid it. You don't want to avoid it. Don't get drunk. I mean, I'm putting fine. But, there's a day after putting. Yeah. That's what he says. I'm numb. I was a sort of a llama of an axis for Salkis. Then comes Sarah. She knows all of this. She goes down. What does it mean she goes down? Emotionally she goes into the places where you can again get stuck. She doesn't ignore it, but she comes up. The Gemara says with Avram and Sarah began the second two millennia. Avram was born 1948 since creation. 52 years since year 2000. It's very easy to remember 19 48. What did you say earlier? Yeah. 1948 from creation. That's the beginning of Torah. The Gemara says in Avodah Zarah. You have from Tohu, from Tohu, from Tohu, from Tohu, from Yemai Mashiach. First 2000 chaos, the next 2000 Torah, the next 2000 Yemai Mashiach. We're now in the the third set of 2000. 565786. So until 2000 is Tohu, till 4000 is Torah cuz Torah was given in the year 2448. 500 years after Avram and Sarah. 2448. And then from the year from the year 4000 begins Yemai Mashiach. From the year Now we're from Pay Vav. So since Sarah is already from Torah, she starts the healing of us. Sometimes it's a matter of time. It's not like a blame on Sometimes you have to know which era in history you are. Right? If you were here 50 years ago it was a different conversation than today. Even if you were here 5 years ago it was a different conversation than today. Not because you made a mistake. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE PAST GENERATION. THEY WERE all crazy and stupid. We're brilliant. You're stupid, too. You were to be in a different You have access to different things. Yeah, we have electricity. Yeah, we don't use horse and buggy cuz we were brilliant. Yeah, we have different resources. It's midgets standing on the shoulders of giants. It's very important to understand that. Sometimes people sit What did your grandmother know? We know about consciousness. What did our grandmothers know? What they know? They knew made blintzes. choluptes And if I would have been in the generation of my grandmother, "Hello Vye, you should have been like your grandmother." I'm saying it's important to understand that it's a matter of history. People are put into different times and they have to have humility. It's not because you know, you became God. You didn't become God. You're in a different time. There's different things going on the holy. V'inyan Hinei Saru Lashon Sorerah B'finas Malchus. Sarah comes with Sorerah. What's Sorerah? Leadership, aristocracy, like a Sar. Right? Leo is called Ish Sar B'veisa Shrarah is rulership, like a minister is called a Sar. Sar is Malchus, aristocracy. V'zeh Oshiya Sar Nachas D'Leo Ish B'finas Malchus Yichol L'eired Gam Madregas Achareinus. As Malchus, she is capable of going down into the lowest places. She doesn't bypass. That's what Malchus is. Malchus is the maternal presence of reality. It's the ability to hold maternal presence, to be able to go down there with presence. That's the power of femininity. Aval Sar Nachas B'Salkus She Gam B'Yedidus L'Madregas Achtainus Adei Achzei Zeh Zeh V'Eileh L'Malah M'Kol Habirurim Sheb'Eileh Eileh. She goes down completely, but she comes back with all of the birurim. And that's a unique quality. Cuz very often I can go down, but I can get stuck and entangled. Or I stay up cuz I don't want to go down. I avoid. Sarah had the ability of Malchus, which is full presence. Holding space for everything that is and therefore bringing back up everything that got lost in the entangled cobwebs and blocks blockages. Emotionally, that's what our ultimate healing facilitator looks like. They go with you wherever you have to go. They can go into the lowest places, but they don't get entangled and lost there. And that way they can model for you how you can take everything and come back up with it without denying it. You don't have to amputate. It's like almost there's a breaking point in psychology, breaking point where you have to parts of ourselves splintered into the unconscious. And we avoid those places. It's like a cliff that you don't want to look at. You can go into that, embrace it, look at it, and bring back the self from there. That's what it looks like. He comes up from Egypt with his wife. The is that Sarah came up. Abraham was a the limb of ma, bitter of ma. So it's not such a that he came up. He remained in a state of flow of self. Sarah is which is the name of So when she goes down, she's stuck at going down. She's present in that space. She doesn't She's not transcendent. She's present. That's why she's kidnapped by Pharaoh. What does it mean she's kidnapped by Pharaoh? Emotionally it means she goes into those She's She's abducted. She's ending up essentially as a captive. Abraham remains free even in Egypt. She doesn't. What does that look like? Wow, she went in to the lion's den. She went into Pharaoh's bedroom. She went INTO THE SNAKE'S PLACE. HUH? Keep shooting. You can only do that with us. >> What he's saying here is Malchus is known as Yira Tata, a lower level of or. Which is known as Bitul HaYesh. Yira Ela Chochma is Bitul BeMetzius. Bitul BeMetzius means the whole Metzius is subsumed in Godliness. Bitul HaYesh means there is a Yesh, but I surrender it. So even though that is Yira Tata, it's a lower level of Yira. But it's the beauty It's a Bitul HaYesh of what he called before Kabbalas Ol Malchus Shamayim, Anachas Atzmuso. Anachas Atzmuso means in my essence I could surrender. It's not the Bitul HaYesh of Hasaga through comprehension, which is what Noach wanted. Noach also wanted the Bitul, but through Hasaga, through comprehension. You remember the beginning of the Mayim he said that comprehension doesn't bring you to the core. Only Simcha, only Ta'anug. So Sara understands that it's not about Hasaga. It's the Kabbalas Ol the Bitul HaYesh of Anachas Atzmusai. In which the Yesh can completely completely surrender, and that's why Avraham's drawing is with Sara. Cuz Avraham is Yira Ela, and now she's married to Avraham Avinu, which means she brings Yira Ela into Yira Tata, so she can go into the place of Murgash, which is the Chete Tzados. Into that place, which means she goes down. Cuz there's there's a Yesh here. And yet remain present in the Bitul in that space. In Mitzrayim, yeah. Huh? So she can give Avraham what Avraham himself can't can't do. So, that's why the Zohar concludes That's why the Zohar compares that there's Hava, and then there's Noach, and then there's Sarah. That's why it says also by Avram and Sarah Avraham and Sarah they also planted a garden. Adam was in a garden and Hava was in a garden. Noach planted a garden. And it says by Adam Avraham and Sarah Avraham and Sarah they also planted a garden. Vayikra b'shem Hashem Kel Olam. But over there they reached and they found out they declared that God is Kel Olam, the God of the world, of the universe. Kel Olam. The Alter Rebbe says in the Maamar not Kel HaOlam but Kel Olam, it's one. That's what Avram and Sarah did. But But this was only because Nachash she went down into those places. She went into the Murgash. She was fully fully present. Fully present in all of those cobwebs where you can easily fall prey. But she was present with Malchus, with Bittul, with Kabbalas Ol, with Hanachas Atzmo. And that's the key. When you could be present with surrender, but not by bypassing all of it, but you're actually fully fully present, you can bring back everything that got lost over there. Yeah, the Simcha is inside, the Kabbalas Ol is outside. So, at the surface it doesn't look like Sarah is like this Noach she's not as she doesn't Sarah doesn't take off her clothes, etc. Right, on the outside is Yirah, Kabbalas Ol, but that's what Sarah is because of Malchus. So, it's a it's a Bittul Ayish. Hava also Hava had amazing intentions. In many ways Hava was higher than everybody. She was trying to bring it from the infinite into the finite. Right, we spoke last time there is dependence, there is independence, and there is interdependence. Right, so she wanted like a little independence. Like, I want a relationship. I want to feel the connection. Like we said, it's it was no yet Sahara then. It came from Kadusha. So, now he finishes with Masima Kasa of Kushna Yisora. And this is why Sarah is the woman that's mentioned in the Torah that really she owned life. And he finishes Shnei Chayei Sarah. First, he goes through all the levels of the Sefirot from above. He goes back to what he said in the beginning. 100 years is Kesser. 20 years is Chochmah Bina. 70 7 years is Middos. The Chiddush of Sarah is not just Me'ah Shanah, Etzem Shanah, Sheva Shanah, which is all the Sefirot which are all characterized by divine energy. The Chiddush is no, she can go into the place of Murgash. The place of self-consciousness, where you feel everything. And this is the place of disconnect. Bring Bittul even into that. So, it's like it becomes like such a very deep paradox. What do you mean? I'm self-conscious. I'm aware of all my parts, and I'm not running away from anything. What do you mean? Well, my God, this is where ego is born. And Sarah can be present there, too. It's like, yeah, this is it. This is the Murgash. This is exactly the Klipa that's coming in that wants to hijack me and hijack me from Ein Sof. And yet deep deep down, what is it really? It's really Bittul. It's really the only answer. This is really what it is. I think if we would want to define it it's this. The only real the the truest depth of self-consciousness is in other words, if you get to the core of self-consciousness, if self-consciousness can expose itself and take off its clothes, you know what it's going to tell you? I'm just looking to connect to God. I I'm I miss Hashem. I'm searching for Hashem. That can only be from self. When I'm ain soph, I'm not searching for Hashem, I am Hashem. So, I was splintered. So, what do I What's What's now? The only the real What sorrow reveals is that the real definition of self is one thing. Your thirst for God. That's self. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's it. You got it. Some all of us have shame. That's not God. That's That's That's separateness. I only thirst for something if I'm not there. I thirst for water cuz I don't have water. When I'm drinking water, I'm not thirsty. If I'm hugging you, I'm not looking for you. I'm looking for you cuz I don't see you. I'm looking for you. That's what self-consciousness at its core. So, you don't have to be afraid of it. That creates connection. That's dear about that now. You understand? That's called bitter in the The bitterness is also bitter. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I feel myself. Yeah. Yeah, I have angst. I'm self-conscious. I don't know who I am. Yeah, I feel myself. I'm scared. I'm overwhelmed. Tell me that I'm good. Tell me that it was a good year, right? That's all the web, the cobwebs. That's the snake. I'm bad. I'm guilty. I'm weird. I'm not weird. I'm nerdy. I'm successful. I'm rich. I'm a shlimazel. I'm the biggest shlimazel. Yeah, I'm a tycoon. I'm on top of the world. Okay. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Relax. Breathe. Don't get drunk on me. Don't get drunk. You can get drunk and run away. I got that. We don't want to get drunk. Stay with the mortgage. Go into it. Really? What did you tell? You could bring the bitter right into the mortgage. Really? I'm thirsty for Hashem. I I'm thirsty for Hashem. That's all. Yeah. Where is the I'm thirsty for Hashem. And that that is the beauty of separateness. Now it's a relationship. It's like a husband and a wife. If they're Siamese twins, they're not thirsty. When they're separate, I want you. You want me. I want you is I I want you. That's Sarah. I want you. If I could be present in the whole margish, you could be present in all of the cobwebs and blockages without bypassing them, psychologically what this means for those who are familiar with breaking points, you can go into those places where your deepest darkness hijacked you and parts of you went into hiding because you can't deal with them, you broke them off from your personality and they're hidden, and you could bring it back because you're not afraid of it. I know it's easier said than done. That's what we spoke before that the is the simcha. But since created the margish, the self-consciousness, so therefore the way to connect to that is the middle of in the margish, which is the the avid. The avid is so an avid says, "I'm not interested. I don't want to be a slave." But a real avid, they're fully because they surrender everything and then they could channel even the bliss, too. And it's not them. So that's why she finishes Sarah. This is the end. But it says that life was hers. >> says that life was hers. That even her life became this. The more This is not only a story about Sarah. This story entirely is for every Jew. It's a power for every person. We're in Golus and Golus is similar to the expulsion of Adam from Gan Eden. So we're already expelled from Gan Eden. These are the keywords. Even though everybody knows their soul etc. What he's trying to say, everybody knows their cobwebs, their mishigas, their idiosyncrasies, their ego, their their darkness. He says it's holy. In other words, you finish the adjectives cuz we're not going to get into psychoanalysis. Everybody knows their soul. And even if they don't know their soul, can have maybe an inkling that it's a little complex. True. But because of our connection to Avram etc. meaning etc. is all those who represent The Navi Yeshayahu says, "Look, go back, gaze at the rock from which you were chiseled. And look at the the pit from which you were honed out. You were honed out. Look to Avram your father you. Look at them. In other words, You stock. So even in Golus, which is out of Gan Eden, one can introduce can bring into their life this bitul, this alignment of Kabbalas Ol, of surrender. And then the Avoda could be truly blissful. Because Simcha is not the main thing. That's what That's the relationship with Atzmus. Simcha. It's the bliss. It's the connection. It's the time of That's it. But the kaili for Simcha is bittel. That's the kaili. Simcha. What does bittel mean? Not that you're a nobody like he said in the beginning of the mind you're in flow. And the kabala cell there's a gratefulness. There's a gratitude. That's all part of the bittel. And there's also an ability that the external forces shouldn't feed off it. Because there's not only Simcha which is just the uninhibited self-expansiveness from which other forces can feed off. Because it can feed other parts as we see as we learned before. Rather there's an element of kabala cell. This is what it means every person creates a dira a home for in the in their lowest element of reality. What's like he said before that the essence of is fully present in your life. Everybody have a wonderful and beautiful day. Huh? You keep the frequency of bittel. Yeah, I am Thursday morning we'll have a sheer 8:00. Tomorrow we have the women's class in the barn 9:30 a.m.