LTT Podcast EP #02 - Stop Suffering In Silence.

[Music] hi and welcome to let's talk tactless i'm so happy to be here again today we have a very beautiful and interesting conversation with dr bennett and i really advise you to be patient and listen to it you'll learn a lot wait till the end is a lot of surprises in the content towards the end and as always hope you enjoy it we would love to hear more from you at bloodstocktachlesnow.com i'd also like to thank our sponsor the former press we invite you to join them and sponsor as well you can see information on our website let's talk talklessnow.com of how to reach us thank you very much hello and welcome to let's dress tonight without further ado i'd like to introduce to you my dear friend dr shleiman bennett dr bennett come on slimer bennett you're not a doctor are you i have a phd in psychology huh that's very admirable can we jack tiz you'll tease you a little bit and ask you come on you see the guy you belong your have a beautiful family wife and children don't tell me you're a doctor first of all i have a wife and children have a beautiful family i was in coil i wasn't yeshiva um yeah i went uh i went to the field of mental health uh first i went to school i became a therapist a mental health counselor a master's degree then i went to my doctorate which is a long long process which is not a discussion for this podcast but um it's doable today you see a lot of people see the shamishing a lot going to the field not necessarily a psychology level but a lot of social workers a lot of mental health counselors yeah so basically i have a million questions based on your statement okay number one how does the what drives acidity inge man we said coil family to go out of the box let's call it out of the box when you start it was definitely out of the box correct to go and become a doctor strive and hope and study and do the process so i always say that people expect i get this question a lot different versions of the question and people always expect some dramatic answer some you know horror story difficult childhood whatever but the truth is you know i had the childhood like many other people quote unquote normal i don't think there's any normal childhood um yeshiva you know i was always in the box i'm still in the box very much also whatever that means um but i had a when i was a teenager i had a big interest in i believe was a natural interest understanding people helping people um i had an interest in particular in psychology i didn't know back then even the word psychology but i i i put my hand on a lot of different you know whatever was kosher for siege to read on different you know reading material different things i could gather at that time so after my husband i was looking for different ways of you know what's going to be my future uh i knew back in the day a big thing was was then you know real estate it was before the still is yeah but then but um i had this drive i want to do something more more impactful i don't know where it came from why i had it but this is this this was the fact and i felt just on my job and started start out you know like like many people do i want to do something more it wasn't it wasn't enough to accomplish more accomplish more so uh back then uh somebody actually introduced me that this program in bar park that you can get like a bachelor's degree um and after a master's degree and i just it was a few months after my hustle and just walked in it was touro in bar park and i walked in and i i started asking them what type of programs you have and they offered they had a few programs one of them was mental health and i was like okay wow and the rest is history yeah at the time i didn't even think of where it's going to end but it's always it's like once you start and i just love the process of learning still to this day it's my i always look back of the years i was learning and studying it's just just being immersed in so much knowledge and on this you know learning new things and around people that are in similar interest um you know so the day that i graduated with my masters i was ready in the field because you know before you graduate you have to do the internships and all that and i was doing some work and i i didn't feel like i accomplished what i needed later i found out a lot of people have that feeling and it just comes with time but somehow someway i just made a decision i remember the day and the moment i made a decision it wasn't even thought through i want to go off my doctorate and i just made that phone call and so it's a few schools within a few weeks i just enrolled in a program i just continued how long did it take from so after the master till the doctorate doctor is a good long process it took about four or five years but i already worked in the field because i had my masters and i was i was able to get licensed as a mental health counselor um so i worked already and i so it was it was easier in a sense because i it was wasn't like just going to school um but you know people always ask me what's you know what's the drive of a person to do what i do and i think there's no one answer that every person has different drives but i always tell if a person wants to succeed not in at least going to school going into a profession which requires a lot of learning you know a lot of professions you go into it's field you learn in the field and some professions you have to learn a lot of you know schooling and things that's so it's it's it's it's out of your comfort zone it's things that you're not used to uh reading books and listening to lectures and writing uh papers in a way yeah a lot of new concepts new ideas especially someone coming from the cathedral world or even even the shiva world and it's it's it's not something we grow up with right we grew up with learning gamut and all that but it's it's it's a different different lingo different everything so um i think there's two main ingredients is you need to find something that really motivates you and it's almost like a blind motivation like a childish motivation like excitement this is what i want to do and you don't look back you just do it can i stop you my name because yeah it's hard to understand why this subject is can sound like a childish motivation it's really in a way it's very boring and deep and even dark feel to be in and it's interesting to hear that someone has at a younger age the drive and the excitement and the thrill to master it and to be in it what i mean by childish motivation i mean to say maybe it's not the right phrase i'm not i'm better i just want to understand the difference the deeper level of motivation what drove you to come to that [Music] i'm actually the opposite of what people consider sometimes internal real motivation like understanding knowing yourself like going deeper i'm talking about the opposite of that just thinking of the dream you know you have to think of the dream like yeah one day i remember i'm you know i i a little embarrassing to say this but i'm not you know i can say this even here in front of people here that you know i used to have these visions that one day i'll stand in front of a crowd of people and talk about psychology um and back in the day i was i was just thinking in your mind i was in my early 20s and this was such a fine concept for me but that was sometimes these hard days i used to have i used to envision like standing on a stage in front of people or sitting in a room with someone and it's just just helping them and the person is like opening up to me just these simple excitements of that vision that that i want to see myself one day wow um in reality it's not like that as we all know i mean some days are like that but in reality things are harder than it looks like but i think in order for a person to go through such a difficult process i mean tedious process so difficult tedious it's both um yeah you wanna you wanna you wanna find just a simple motivation that keeps you going that worked for me could be other people who have different ways of motivating themselves another important thing is something you have to be very resourceful what i mean by resourceful is that there's not one way to to do things there's many different ways especially today with technology um when i graduated i i i had a few friends who took me uh you know made some pleasures sort of um and they asked me to to say a few words and usually if somebody gets up like a graduation party they say i want to thank my father my mother i so i i not even hoping i i just i stood up and said i want to thank google for helping me out like google people you know where would i be now in other words you need to find these resources people you know i reached out to many people that were not highly from the community because back then right there was this this was going to be one of my following questions about feeling so alone in the community taking on taking upon us of such a big project but i'll let you finish the you thought that that you were looking for people at the time you started saying that yeah i reached out to people who who went through the process or in the field already um and what i found is for for the most part people who are in the field already are more than eager to help and if i believe it's in any field i know in my field certainly i know for myself over the last uh i don't know 10 plus years i've held numerous i i don't want to say exaggerations but tens or maybe you have close to 100 people who've reached out to me with even little you know little help questions details questions or or um you know sometimes they get stuck on certain assignments or certain classes so they take in psychology or their mental health whatever and um i'll be more than happy to help and i always joke with my colleagues i'd rather help someone in such a capacity not rather but sometimes it's just it's much more exciting for me to help someone you know who is a student they want to help themselves here and deal with the cases deal with your cases but um it's a joke because by the way it's you know i love working with my clients of course um but uh so again so i think uh you need to really motivate yourself and and to find all these i think i think even if we would conclude the conversation right now it was worth listening to it because it's a it's a tremendous motivation for people that really anyone and everyone once they jump into something with a real commitment and they set himself up to and i want to be clear you know i'm very flattered sometimes people think me as a very smart person i always joke because hashem made my hair so fall out so it makes me sound very smart i don't consider myself a smarter person than an average person i'm that's serious now um you know i'm just a simple guy if you ask my friends from yeshiva years i was just the average student normal run-of-the-mill person it's doable everybody if you put yourself into something and you know you really immerse yourself you can really get to it i i would say you're out of the box kind of a guy i remember you in the good days i have to share with the audience that mr bennett is one of the founders of traveling no no no no no no no no no no no no i'm a member my brother you i said one of them you were very active we met a few a couple of times we met on the road and it takes a lot of love and dedication and self selflessness to to leave the house for weekends and shabbos them and to go make other people feel good about themselves about irish guide and i know that you were also a big contributor to california even before you were lecturing there before you were a hired no no no take it thank you yeah no sorry i don't want to take away credit for me no no no no no everyone gets their credit you too thank you but definitely to to go back to the subject of your of your field and those days i think even to today there's a little bit of an a little improvement in the openness and the readiness and the eagerness of our community and society to deal with these issues but back then i would ask you why wouldn't you become a heart surgeon to a brain surgeon or a foot doctor like if you want to have guaranteed clients you want to book 10 15 20 appointments a day do what do what's in do what's popular and to become at that time to become a doctor and a master in this field i think takes a lot of bravery and and i commend you for that okay yeah thank you no really i'm not here to flatter you like yeah but but today that's i want to go to this subject because i know lately there's a much more awareness in our community that people really have conditions and issues and they have to be and it's smart to deal with it rather than let it go and let it be ignored and for them to have a dark and sad life and unmanaged life full of trouble to rather deal with it um i want to tell you a quote i heard from my pharmacist two years ago this is not today he told me that more than 50 of his prescriptions more than 50 percent are mentally related yeah i thought he's truly at that time i thought that our that it came into our community a little too fast and too with their revenge a little bit and people are starting to just throw around titles and codes and hdd and d and abc all kind of notes and names and titles and they took it i took it to the next level of going to the pharmacy and going to specialists because to think that more than 50 of our society are people that are affected mentally and need help and are not the norm and not and not common to me it was a little bit a shocker right i know 50 of the population takes medication but but it's a big number at the pharmacy at least in terms of giving out medication um yeah those actually what you're bringing up right now is something that's very personal to me because this is actually the subject that i studied when i went to my doctorate in order to get your doctorate you have to do a thing called it's called a thesis or a dissertation so you have to actually do a study and and present it for a group of professors all thing and it's actually published my study that i did on the noise on the topic of stigma because what motivated me to to work on the subject of stigma which stigma means basically a a certain negative or what they refer to as a mark a stain stain actually the word stigma comes that's very interesting years ago back in the greek surprises so they used to take people with mental illness they used to burn on their face or something that people should to know because back then they had all these beliefs so over the years it's regenerations became this thing that people of mental illness are outcasts or whatever so when i went into the field as i said before i was young i was actually very naive and i somehow didn't pick up so much on this whole thing that it's so stigmatized um you know i thought that's yeah of course there's a stigma about this but the people will be very welcoming the fact somebody's here to help i was also a little bit in a bubble because i was most of my days then with other you know uh people and learning the subjects they were discussing it and then i went i went out to the people and i told them what i'm doing and people like almost like what are you doing you're almost part of the stigma exactly and uh i never i i told this recently in in my speech and uh i i i remember the moment after very hush with told me like what what are you doing he told me yiddish like a basement that kid that schmidt you got he said in english that uh that uh you know a broom give me a new broom and you use it yeah it gets dirty so so in other words you'll get dirty from these people and everything so by the way this roof fast forward is one of the biggest referrals today for mental health but what happened was so when i did my study so i looked at the subject of mental health and on stigma and i wanted to see what are the things what are the factors that causes people to have stigma because i wanted to see what can we do to change it so i looked at different things and and of course the whole thing but the main important thing is push it people are just not knowledgeable missing the knowledge about it so the basic education so an interesting thing what i saw in my data that i looked at people living in the area let's say monsie brooklyn different places what i saw that for some reason there was slightly or even more than slightly less stigma let's say for people live muncie compared to people live in brooklyn and that was an interesting thing for me why so i went back and i looked at a very simple factor how many mental health professionals are emanci per capita like how many people are in brooklyn and i found that for some reason there were more mental health professionals in muncie don't ask me why uh there are some more clinics there and everything so that also told me because there are more people in the field more people talk about it so people are less stigmatized um but what happened the last few years is mama's everything changed explosion because you know the different i think it happened a lot of people went into the field there's many different funding from the government for these different programs and and a lot of people a lot of organizations started because of it um and also the fact that you know today you can read a yiddish magazine and you know there are articles about this in the open and and the interesting thing is as you know i go and shield i hear people discussing these concepts as if their their mama and they're talking about it and people read books about these things and and they're like wow and i'm sometimes in shock how people have so much knowledge um about you know subject that that you know so which which i think this changed a lot you know you touched on a very important thing if it's over glorified sometimes and i'm not one of these people that think that therapy is the answer to everything absolutely not and like everything go for therapy go for medication no no but harnessed what i believe if you have an issue just you have to figure out a way to deal with it there are many different ways of dealing with therapy is one of the ways one of the traditional ways you know it's not for every problem it's not for uh you know some people don't have severe problems but i always say just start by looking yourself in the mirror that's the whole point of going for help but the problem is a person that has a mental problem when he looks in the mirror he's not the right judge to judge his condition his deficiency now i don't want to say deficiency because i don't think the people that have mental issues are deficient in people but i mean to say that this process of deciding i have to gather myself and i have to deal with the fact and have to deal with reality even this is slightly affected these people are usually less ready to tackle difficult tasks in life obviously so i'm going back to the same question how what was the bridge that connected so many people to yes make them make the move and not stay like they used to stay in the dark area of themselves and be and be closed and said about the situation condition and with a certain bridge that brought them to be seen yeah they don't have they don't have enough enough courage to do it on their own something really revolutionary happened here i'll tell you a story that happened a few weeks ago i want to illustrate a point and i think that's going to answer some of the question so i was sitting in a group i i lead a group of of uh you know therapist professionals uh um once a week uh like a supervision group and we discuss things i was sitting around talking and you know in middle the group somebody comes in somebody comes to the group every week and he walks into the in the into the conference room and uh he doesn't look right if he's pissed he's one of the members yeah okay one of the members in our group walks in he looks everybody looked at him like what's going on with this person he looks like he's coming for one the whole night being up whatever anyways he's sitting in the group and uh and we ask him what's going on so he's he's uh you know tell me he had a difficult night later yesterday and i'm not gonna say the details because um you know to protect the privacy he had to help a family they went through a tremendous crisis and he was there for hours and he was very affected by it and was sitting around the table all processing it and he was like very open and vulnerable and all of a sudden there's a member in the group who uh who lost his father brenkovit and he's processing his information there his own you know all of a sudden his traumas come out sean this is the one part of the story the next day i sit in my office and i have a client that comes in and the client comes in for a different reason you know he whatever reason is and he had a certain trauma in his own life that he once told me about but he never wanted to talk about it and whenever i try different ways to talk about it so so we talk about a so he brings up a certain news that happened that week that somebody passed away and uh it tells me so he tells me that we talk about his news and so sad and he tells me nah shine this is life and it goes it goes further and i was like no no no no let's let's let's takes a second i want to tell you something that happened yesterday but a person's i tell them the whole story the whole experience i don't know why i told him basically i wanted to show him that you know everybody stays with their pain if you don't talk about it whatever normal open and discussed it's healthy so this guy listens to me and sits here and you know he thinks and all of a sudden he's in this moment he starts talking about his own trauma and he started processing opening up and we had a couple of sessions afterwards this guy started opening up now it's not as a dramatic story my point is that openness and vulnerability causes others to be open and vulnerable and this is everybody can see in their own you know interaction with other people if you're open the other person becomes open if you're vulnerable the other person is comfortably vulnerable i think people in their essence know they are desperate to talk about their issues and their feelings and whatever it's just the society around us has all these social norms what's normal to talk about what's not normal and guardrails and you know if you see other people talk about it if you hear oh this is normal and it attracts people to be more open and more safe to talk about it you know a big part of the safety aspect because if a person talks about their feelings and about their traumas ensure and they're being stigmatized they're not going to talk about it and it's almost like that people can feel that vibe if it becomes a normal thing you know within context you know i always have it's not normal to talk about your traumas everywhere right you know if i can't you know the opposite is it's it's not not only it's it's not it's it's damaging yeah you know people um because sometimes you go you go sometimes people almost like have a i don't say the wrong word but almost like a an obsession about this you know they they have to talk about and everything once they start opening up yeah but um i think the the whole environment causes people to be more vulnerable open so it's really amazing that it became a positive um breathing new era a new time in our life as people should become more comfortable to talk about these things and there's a lot of help available out there yeah 100 it's it's it's you know whatever whatever caused it to happen you know the question always comes up you know people who are healthier once upon a time you know people people try to say it was uh when you know 20 30 years ago nobody went for help everything was fine and the answer is first of all i don't know and it doesn't matter it doesn't matter the fact is this is the reality and uh and and people are desperate today to people are desperate for help and and to unload download and the proof is as you say and they're putting that you know you can i challenge people call up any mental health professional unfortunately there's no one available wow there are waiting lists and people try and it's it's it's uh and i encourage people to go into the field this we need talented people to help people and the field is wide open anyone with a heart and uh who could who could go through the process of want to learn um and and just really learn and grow welcome yeah i'm not only welcomed the field is desperate to you know you talk to any of these referral agencies it's uh the intercenter wow and i want to ask you about progress yeah we we establish ready the importance of people having the developing the comfort level to actually make the move say i need help i want to be helped i'm ready to be helped [Music] i want to hear more i want to encourage our viewers and our listeners that maybe you can share a certain story of course without names and fingerprints to some people don't yet believe that the outcome can be so meaningful and so amazing so beneficial right i want to hear from you not me our audience wants to hear from you let's like we call it the stocktackles bottom line does it help doesn't help i was involved in a certain case and the person told me i need an expiration date i need to know how long this thing is how long this case will become will become to success give me a time two months three months ten sessions eight sessions twenty i don't wanna have open check he said it's not about the money so people still have doubts if there's a way to measure from point a to point zero to somewhere in between maybe you can share a certain story and experience you had with a certain client to actually encourage people yes there is a the the sun is out there we are almost reaching almost right sunrise is almost upon us [Music] so so what this is a very very it's not an important question it's it's it's a lot it's not not the question it's loaded it's a whole topic it's this whole book's written on the subject how even to know if it works or not but you know first of all i want to tell you i always say like this you go for example you go online you do any google search in any company you're always going to find reviews yeah most of the time who leaves reviews negative reviews yeah it's a you know company does a lot of good marketing they'll get the other positive reviews as well it wasn't how you find the negative reviews so people always say horror stories that person spent you know so much money and then they sat in therapy for for 10 years yeah you'll hear the horror stories and this is what people talk about you know and and like every field there are professionals that are not doing a good job you know lawyers and you know whatever even doctors you know but the vast majority of people that go for help get helped yet now this is it's complicated why you know i used to work for a clinic it used to be a second still there a secretary a very sweet lady all the ladies so she she she somebody once uh called her in the phone and if they the mama they were they had taktanas like they were arguing with her why is the therapy taking so long um it's like a parent that the child's therapy is taking so long and i overheard this lady saying mrs so-and-so it took you so how old is your son like whatever 10 years it took you 10 years to create a problem give us a few months to solve the problem so um no magic so it's no matter it's like anything in life if it has to do with personal growth especially if we're talking about years of trauma or years of suffering from anxiety or whatever it is nothing will work fast and in fact if it works fast likely it's not going to work um you know too good to be true it doesn't work when it comes to personal growth you know sometimes you see with medication things work fast but when we're talking about real therapy help a person really wants to work on themselves it takes it's a process that's why people sometimes get very stuck on this why is it taking so long but the the truth is it takes a lot of practice a lot of a lot of consistency to get to where you need to now the question you asked about you know people always want to know a time frame and it's a it's it's a very important question but the the problem that that is it's virtually impossible to give a time frame of this why because it there are so many factors components components it has to do with you know not only the client the problem even if a client will tell me exactly their problem the first session it's never the case you always you see different layers different things and the causes and the causes in in their environment right now and you know uh uh um i just tell you i had recently i i was i was um come on give us something juicy no no i just tell you just an example i gave you a lot of juicy stories um i i was about to you know finish up therapy with the client and you know we're about to you know do like what's called a closure session and and this guy was like almost like derailing that you know he went through the process already so he was in a good place but you know that's a factor for example um you know the things like that something like this can can you throw in the garbage five years now i don't know if they're very traumatized they just barely finished a very delicate long process and suddenly they get such a bang on the head it's it's not like a of course it's it's a life visual it's individual basis each story is different it's a lifelong process working on yourself as a lifelong process nobody gets healed whenever you you're barely gonna hear get healthy people have to constantly work on themselves exactly because mental health is something we all have right all right and we all need to mental health me too not mental illness okay so i just made sure yeah so yeah people sometimes we just use in general what meant we all have our mental health we we need to take care of ourselves and sometimes we have our days like physical or more absolutely and by the way you know you know that i could i would always have a joke with people i could look into your mind you had in the last month a day that you felt very down that's correct that's correct how do you know i don't know sorry crystal ball i have a crystal ball yeah you know the day that he fell down he had like a three little bit of depression you're not depressed it's not clinically depressed it's not a diagnosis yeah don't tell anybody yes um i was anxious today about something i had that for that for that few hours i had a little bit of anxiety again that's not mental illness but something like that it happens consistently there's a mental system existing for every person and it's operating operating application it needs maintenance everything's food it needs gears needs everything absolutely and and you know guess what you know always tell people if you'll go a week in a row with very little sleep you will not be the same mentally i'm not saying you have mental illness but you'll be your anger everything you'll be nervous as these things will take you off you know we just like we take care of our physical health we take care of mental health that's why it's very hard to quantify exactly you know you know a person comes in with an issue so sometimes people come into therapy they have let's say a certain anxiety that's that's easy to quantify say listen you have this anxiety let's make a goal and we work through that and and you know after a while how likely you know how do you deal with that if you still have that anxiety and that is very easy to see but we're talking about many instances a lot of events you know i see more and more now a lot of things are due to childhood trauma or previous traumas and you know something that comes to charlotte probably like shapes you so what is what is really the the measure of practice so usually what we do is we go from you know to get you in a place where you're functional really functional um you know sometimes people are very functional physically if you know from the outside but internally they're not functional so even internally you're functional you can deal with it but that doesn't mean you still don't have flare-ups you know things will trigger you eventually so so that you so therapy is basically a process you go from dysfunctional to functional you know some people choose therapy longer than that some people you know uh sometimes it takes i sometimes takes a few therapists to get to the point you need you know you you go layer after layer sometimes you you work with exactly yeah i sometimes work with people for a few weeks and you know trying to figure out a problem and once you get clear of the problem we can sort of come up with a plan what i think it's right thing and sometimes i feel there are other people that can do a better job whatever they you know certain traumas or certain whatever it is um or sometimes for example i'll give you an example some people often come to me about marriage so i don't do marriage couples therapy um because the secretary it's a it's in the field but it's not something i specialize in i never you know i i never put myself into it as fully um but i work a lot of time with individuals in the context of marriage in other words they have certain issues that affect your marriage so you know issues like uh you know connecting to other people connecting sharing sharing previous traumas not letting them to to trust me trust all that but sometimes it gets to a point where i feel like okay this is crossing over into working on your marriage so at that point like our work is now finished let's you go to couples therapist work through things because it's readily directly yeah yeah so you want to have a story about progress i can tell you because the reason i'm asking because i was very impressed you said before you had the closure session with someone we're about to have a closure session and let's talk taco salsa soon and i still have to drive home but i'm very impressed to hear that a person can come to an achievement to a moment to say my dear friend we've been together three months or nine months a year you and i both feel and believe that i'm i've reached what i have to reach and to give a kiddish and to say wow i'm healed my foot was broken i had the cast for three months i made some therapy physical therapy i can now walk like i did before it's an amazing i think the relief must be my into the high heavens so you want to hear something i can tell you so many stories but i'll tell you today oh today out of the oven in the oven so you don't want to store it i don't know if it's a juicy store or not but you wanna i i finished with a client today so um i'll tell you two things that happened today uh so number one i thought again what happened there there was a there was a boy i'm going to change some details that um went through some horrific trauma not you know not to go into details and he started developing all these symptoms of going to sleep at night and they didn't want to go to yeshiva um acting out at home etc so probably eight months ago he came to me parents came to me and um we we started working and the good news is this child was very open he wanted to work and he wanted to share it he cooperated extremely well and did some beautiful work now wasn't always so beautiful meaning there are some weeks i felt like he's not working along and you know i had to use a lot of creativity and different methods to get that but in the last few weeks he's been doing exceptionally well he still sometimes has his triggers but he's doing well he's functioning he's going to hide you know everything is working and um you know i sat with parents and and basically your parents wanted to know so what so listen i said you know that doesn't mean this particular child will you know maybe one day he's gonna you know things will come up and we can work it's a process that's life so just give me one example i think another example i got a phone call today from who's getting married in a few weeks who came to me five six years ago and i i forgot about him almost like you know i i people make an impression and uh you know what's you know someone that was a long time ago and he just wanted to thank me and and i asked him what's what motivate they're calling me so i don't get this like what was the the thing so he told me that he heard a speech that i gave and he reminded himself so he told me that uh you know the story was when he came to me he was misbehaving as he shiva and this and that was he was in a very terrible massive and when he left when i finished with him it wasn't so successful at the time i thought because i felt like i i was burnt out with him already i got to a certain point with him um and you know i suggested them to the appearance you know let's try for a while to see how things will be without any help um you know i i consider that i went to 50 with him [Music] and he told me that after he finished with me that he started missing the days that he used to talk to me and he's like he started realizing they had someone who cared for him and he was able to talk and i can't explain it but somehow this somehow gave me the koi of the energy to to want to work further myself and and and he just didn't go for any help afterwards but he's just the fact that this whole time we spent together a year plus i don't know how long it was gave him the strength to to to want to work himself further so as i say it's complicated now that it's time to thank you and acknowledge he wanted to acknowledge the fact yeah yeah he's getting married and then wow and he's doing very well story so in other words he you know at the time someone asked me was this successful this particular client i was like i don't know could have been better could have been better but um i just just want to bring out the point it's it it's a process and it's not something narrow it's predictable now it's predictable no but it's very encouraging to hear that people can actually find themselves in a much closer and better place in life and i think this if we accomplish this goal tonight for people to evaluate does it usually should it be self-driven or or do parents or siblings have the right and the authority to guide the relative or the child towards therapy i'm not talking a young child a 12 year old or a young girl so you're talking about you're talking i'm talking if someone is is 18 19 24 year old and someone around them believes and thinks and is convinced that they need help is it fair for these people to obviously in a nice and responsible and caring loving way is it is it the right thing to do to in somehow slide them towards help or is it something that they can take personal and and be feel very very um hurt from 100 that may outdo the benefit of the treatment so this is this question we sometimes sometimes have to sit with families sometimes hours just to answer that question because it's so complicated because of course there's no one-size-fits-all because in one hand you see someone suffering you know i i said before success stories but sometimes people suffer and people really have a hard time going for help and sometimes it's not easy um especially sometimes with this more severe issues you know they don't want to go and sometimes they're burnt out for going to help also sometimes people there's image about them and they are perfect and the image is happy in the jolly and deep inside this the software and the 100 system is rotten yeah um um so so it's a delicate line because sometimes you you when you approach a family member that you know we want you to go for help you know it could really really strain you know stain and put a stain in the relationship and sometimes it's i i've no i've known story beyond repair exactly um and i know a whole family they got cheered apart you know torn apart because you know the children sort of wanted as the father sort of forced the father to go for help and of course it didn't work and some kids who weren't for the father kids you know it was it's not it's not simple um so my suggestion is always yeah i want to finish it this this interesting and deep session with a positive message to the world not to do i know there's not one wants to have cookie cutter style to answer all the situations but i want to hear from you a concluding um statement to bring out the benefits and the hope and the belief that will outweigh some of the some of the negative images and pre so i'll tell you this two weeks ago i gave a speech somewhere and i thought i'm giving a speech to a couple of hundred people it was a like a conference about mental health awareness and um but i didn't know at the time that 20 000 people listened and and it was put on a lot of different platforms on youtube whatever and um uh by today i heard close to 40 50 000 people already listened to that speech now why i'm saying that because during that speech i said something and i at the time i didn't know i'm saying to so many people i told all these people that i myself i'm going for years for therapy now people will say oh you go for therapy you're a therapist you have to go for supervision or whatever no i do that also for personal help for myself i go why because i have seen you know people always say oh you have to go because you hear so many problems no because i've seen one thing that my success in my life in every aspect of my life and i can go back to the day or the key the the the time period that it happened is this is the time that i started working on myself from on my personal own inner inner work i was all of a sudden became not afraid to be vulnerable open let the guards down and that was a time everything switched for me even professionally in my work you know i was already working the field for a long time quite a few years and i was doing uh sort of you know whatever looking back i i was just working you know maybe i helped some people maybe i hope so but i was working and that was a switch because when i started really as i said before look myself in the mirror now i'm not saying this because i want to you know just advertise this and it's not something that it's usually heard by people but i'm saying this to say to people you know there's no magic to anything of this this is it's very simple we all went through life things and stuff some have more some of less you know if you went through life certain things or you are going through this real life right now certain things why just suffer in silence why there are people out there who could listen to you who can talk to you who can help you figure things out and it's not a weakness it's actually a strength to tell yourself because it's going to help you in your own life your own relationships again i'm not here selling therapy come to me no they are not giving out your number i don't know um um actually it's it's it's just it's hard yeah because i i always get a lot of phone calls after i give you know things like this and it's hard to tell people i don't know what to tell you i don't understand i can't thank you i'll have them call them let's talk about that okay so we'll get it there yeah now um [Music] so i was saying that you know just figure out a way to get to someone do some research and you know it's going to help your life in many areas in many ways and and and the main thing is we got to stop suffering sounds you know it's it's it's these days that everybody that our family doesn't have problems we i'm good i never had anything to do with these issues we all have it all over over and you know we all have issues and when i say issues i mean we're messed up no we're normal healthy people will have issues and it's worthwhile to take care of it beautiful thank you so much for the encouraging ending and for the entire session and thank you for this amazing opportunity for this podcast my pleasure i'm here to [Music] to make to make the world maybe a drop a better place and you definitely help me do that thank you so much [Music]