LTT Podcast EP #01 - An accumulation of anger!

[Music] hello and welcome to let's talk talkless thank you so much for joining us today today we have the honor and privilege to have you my dear friend joseph schlemmer spira um soon you'll find out why i call him my dear friend for many many reasons and many many years we go back and we had a lot of good times together some sad times together and we are very we have a very good rapport so we are so glad to bring him to our studio to do our first podcast and let's get straight to it how are you mr smearer hashem thank you very much for having me and mr rab aaron as i would say is absolutely correct we go back a long time and this is an honor privilege to have you as a friend and mr blumenfeld as we call them today or byron whatever whatever works has been a listening gear and a shoulder to lean on for me and my family for many many years it's actually thanks to him that i'm here where i am today so so let me ask you why are you here today i have no idea but the i'm actually surprised that this interview is taking place in english not my first language not my preferred language either but um what is what is your preferred language nice language beautiful and it's taking us a long way and um so we'll do the best we can in the english language so some listeners will be able to understand us better yes that's the goal our goal is our listeners they are the they own this show they own the content they can tell me they can tell us what's good what's not good what to delete or to highlight it's all about the listeners i would think that i found you to be very very grounded why am i saying it because we all have challenges in life and we all have larger and smaller issues to deal with and all our challenges come from hashem obviously and often we don't understand why hashem is doing things to us the good things and the not such good things if we suddenly make somewhere a nice bulk of money we never think why hashem did it to us but unfortunately sometime in life we have sad and difficult things to deal with and then we think that hashem is interested is running his world in an interesting way but if you see someone that had a big challenge in his life and he overcame the challenge in such a powerful and meaningful way to me as an inspiration so i'd like to speak to you today with your permission about your big challenge so you say challenge and i'm going to ask you a question we have which challenge are you talking about i've been my next birthday i'll be 56 congratulations married married for remember 36 years 1995 36 years plus and so the challenge can mean bias marriage financial large family a disabled child or as my wife calls it differently abled child i like that with challenges for 27 years or many other things in life that are challenging so which one do we want to concentrate on so i think that we may have to invite you for four or five separate episodes because i'm sure and i know some of you part of your history and i know that you dealt with many of your challenges in a very unique way but today i i choose to with your permission to talk about what i think was probably your biggest challenge in life i know that you had a child that really turned your life around in many many ways i knew the child somewhat not so well but i knew him i saw him often i never interacted with him but the way you and your wife and your family dealt with your child really took me by storm and i was really baffled of how parents can overcome such a big challenge and come out like winners not only winners i can say leaders in this industry so with your permission let's talk about what happened with your dear son i would completely agree with you on the fact that it is the biggest challenge and the reason is the biggest it's only because it's a surprise marriage every child knows when you get it we're going to get married there are challenges adjustments to be made financial challenges every child knows it can get an adult become an adult you have to find yourself to financially support yourself sometimes surprises will happen there also when you have a large family of kids challenges normally expected when you have a child who six months after he is being born has a meningitis which is a brain infection and never recovers from it and becomes completely um what's the word i'm looking for immobile non-functional many visibilities was disabled and that's kind of a surprise it's not supposed to be that way i think surprise an understatement that's the yeah it's the element of surprise that makes the challenge the biggest of the all challenges and all of a sudden you're 22 years old and child number three and you just don't know what hit you and don't know what to do you have to start life so one sad part looking back in retrospect is our parents who are from the previous generation would wanted it very much to be a secret for about a year and a year and a half i think it was it was a secret nobody was supposed to know so we had to go to a wedding guitar this child was left with a babysitter so to speak which makes the challenge so much greater and bigger which makes it a lot more drama because you have nobody to share with wow um with the information i want to back up back up a little and hear just the basics what happened when it happened how did you find out like i believe it was born normal if am i correct yeah yeah so my son child number three what was his name shmuley friend for those who in the family that liked to call shauna prime he was born normal was born on right of the pesach we went to israel in the cajun my wife and i and the baby of course normal trip we came home on a sunday morning and the baby of ours at the time like wednesday thursday started not feeling well something like that went to the doctor that is an ear infection gave him some antibiotic nothing was moving still had fever and the child was lethargic and um listless as we can call it now and little did we know that he had a meningitis going on at the same time basically being misdiagnosed or it was an infection type of meningitis we don't know yet didn't know at the time so the doctor said go home till after the weekend and uh come back and see me monday morning if not the changes we called friday to complain and it's not and it turned out that at that time sunday afternoon came around he i thought we found him in the bed breathing very heavily it looked no good so of course we called the ambulance and we were going to the hospital the time he got to the hospital his eyes was rolled back no oxygen for a few minutes resuscitation took place which is known to be one of the biggest um one most affecting issues in a person's life not to have oxygen in the brain for a few minutes it damages the brain correct and sometimes it's permanently and sometimes it could be recovered it depends how how deep the damage was so we found ourselves with a brain damaged child and which we basically never really recovered from and from there we went to therapy hospitalizations surgeries back and forth we put a shuntiness to his brain to drain the fluid and then because he was immobile for a long time his hip gave him a gave way we had to do a replacement then the other side his ligaments kind of became very tight except for his heart and urology i think everything about his body eventually was okay started giving up giving up being fixed repaired medication and so on and so forth wow do you do you believe i know everything is bashed we all believe that but you believed it was human error that caused the derailment and the deterioration of the condition i would answer like this doesn't really matter wow because i may i once made a statement and i'm not maybe you were present at the time many years ago as you know i like to speak i like to speak to people i me myself without people i'm dead i need people around me that's one of the reasons you're here right so i made a statement at the time and i got a little flag for it i said if i had to live life all over again i would choose it with a sick child people said yes you're not supposed to talk like that no this is not good you don't talk like that you know what you just said i i'm one of those people so i said i'll take it back i'll correct my statement if i have to live life all over again i would choose it with the benefits that a sick child brings into the house wow so it doesn't really matter how it happened the fact of the matter is that eventually we had to deal with these challenges on a daily basis simple stuff like going to a wedding or getting the whole family together and got something it was not an option in our household there was always one of us had we stay home a brother-in-law gets married in belgium naturally everybody goes so my wife meant herself because her brother got married and so on and so forth this is like little things i was going to say and then going to hospitalizations where we do the other kids and if i may add the easiest part of having a six child at home is the sixth child himself or herself every part of the body has their own specialist it would be brain eyes chin skin what's this called legs hands everything orthopedic doctors gastro doctors neurosurgeon neurology everybody the problem is the healthy ones around us not to mention the family we'll get in the moment that makes it even hard but even i was more concerned for my son moshi and malki who were their little kids that we had to give away every once in a while we go to hospitals we send them to a neighbor to a friend to a sister-in-law i i pity them much more because they they were they had the right to have normal upbringing normal right they didn't have that for a long time how how do you i know they were young at the time but how do you break the news or how do you bring in siblings to the situation that happened in your house how do you how do you make them part of part of this of the story of the dilemma besides the fact of wanting to protect them and to have them growing up normally but like how do you break the news to them [Music] so as i was saying about um siblings no so the siblings this child number three so that the first two were little kids they were two years old my daughter and my son was one year old so there there's no rules to break their names a new baby and we're going to the hospital we go this and that the other things that they kind of now the rest of the kids were born into it obviously for them easier now so it wasn't breaking news today it was their experience in our whole life basically was if i may elaborate a little more now they saw us parents doing what we were really doing so everybody becomes came about it wasn't like the kids were not able to go to school and tell not tell their kids their friends that they don't have other rabbits being just the other way around they would go we have a special brother so i want to i want to stop with two three points number one today when you have when one has a sick child or challenged child we graduated to call them special children and that i think that's a tremendous accomplishment some organizations i know hask used to call them special children slowly it grew it grew on us they are special children they're not bad or hard children but i think in those days going back um 28 years ago more 28 to 30 years ago i don't think the the label of special children was so popular and common so it brings me back to ask you again like how did you and your wife and your kids felt somewhat comfortable to go out there and not be embarrassed about the brother the the thing that they have in the house called a sick brother or sick child okay very very well well asked question the going back 1988 was when someone was born this is 30 something years ago no i was the first kasi person to push an own child in a wheelchair on the streets wow now how did the koi have to do that very simple because i was angry enough and it comes back to everything is kind of a shirt as you like to say so the fact of the matter that it was supposed to be a secret for a year and a half here and there was a very long time to keep a secret especially when you like to go out and deal with people and so on and so forth socialize live life social idea of life exactly so a certain anger builds up in you only asking yourself every single minute of the day why am i keeping this a secret because my elderly parents thought it was right the thing to do and we couldn't understand why had i gone to macy's had a choice of buying children or kids and i'll pick a sick one over a healthy one okay good i agreed he didn't made a super move shame on you you know mesas was almost in bankruptcy yeah so so having a child like any other child and a child just made it to be different what does god do with me why do i have to keep a secret i was going to ask you a question but i was going to ask it later in the game but i won't ask it now it's a tough question i vaguely remember that in the first few years i'm really polishing out what you just said but i prepared this as a question for you i'm sorry i vaguely remember that the first few years you were kind of locked and so secretive about what happened to you and at one point the champagne bar popped open and you became the most outspoken [Music] noisemaker conversationalist about this issue and i was going to ask you some what flipped the coin from one end to the other end what happened accumulation of anger wow three words i was angry at myself for listening to people who didn't understand me and for the life of me as many times as i asked they couldn't give me a good answer answers about what why should i keep your secrets and i'll be able to make sure with the kids for me at the time was like very far away 20 years out i wasn't even thinking so so maybe they are right maybe they're not but again i felt miserable not to be able to share with anybody this big secret every single day if everything that in my life the same thing and at one point i kind of said to my wife this is it so i remember driving down to muncie i had to pick a person that i'm going to tell the story so i picked the person the lucky winner yes i picked the person in muncie who i knew he knows a little bit about medical and i drove down to him i called him upset can i come and speak to you that's something important to me said okay come tomorrow eight o'clock whatever made up a time and i told him my story driving back to bora park that night was for me the most pleasurable trip i had ever had felt relieved nothing happened i told it to somebody i'm alive i'm alive i'm still the same person think i can still go out and sell life insurance this is what i do for a living and it even better now because i had a whole big bundle off my shoulder it's working beautiful so and i told my wife of course how the conversation went and was still on an issue because my wife was still in this black place she had that she didn't have that person yet to speak with so that was an issue in itself now going back to the school of buyers issue right right so that was kind of interesting separate podcast separate discussion yes so with that happening we decided that we're going public with the story and it's going to be a public event and we didn't do anything wrong we're doing for this kid whatever we can possible and we'll continue to do that and screw the world what a game changer huh and that's what you might remember i popped open and it was absolutely correct wow and not only that you became the biggest advocate you went around to people of sick children to people difficulties in life i'm sure it happened slowly yeah that came with the territory but that was my my time was for me to do the right thing obviously you wanted to i i want to do we want to do the right thing with our child in the right way and there's nothing to be embarrassed about sticking up for your kids when you have normal kids every child is a different level would you not treat all the kids according to their needs absolutely so why was my son any different i heard once a beautiful line that um some people kids have challenges some people have hearing issues some people have small issues so let's say for hearing i heard it in reference to hearing so they have those little hashem they have the little solutions they put a certain the plant in something in the end they can hear better and some parents didn't graduate to the point that you did and they feel very uncomfortable embarrassed about it so one of the parents i i use i spoke with they told me the they flipped the coin someone told them why is eyeglasses different than hearing aids this child cannot see well they wear glasses this child cannot hear well hearing aids and there was really beautiful perspective which takes people to a calmer place to a better place to a healthier place and they can deal with the issue in a much more productive and meaningful way so it's funny you mentioning the hearing aid thing my grandfather does he's not alive anymore he's looking for a shoulder for his daughter his first daughter so his daughter is now 77 years old so we're talking about some 50 something years ago or see yeah so he would look for a bokeh that does not wear eyeglasses the reason my daughter doesn't deserve a blind boy oh my goodness wow lo and behold until today's day her husband does not wear eyeglasses that's funny it's really cute it's true story but it shows you the advancement hashem of the generations here's no glasses and today we have glasses nothing lenses laser correction all these things then we have hearing aids hearing assistant assistant that's a nicer word and then we have yesterday telling us that his child who is very very disabled and sick hashem does nothing wrong by opening up and bringing him out to the street treating him outside like a regular child from the point of visibility and exposure i think it's an amazing advancement that the world has come to yes and if i may uh brag about myself as well i was the first one here in brooklyn who made a bar mitzvah for a child in a wheelchair that has no ability of talking walking or doing anything voluntarily except for smiling or crying wow there must have been some event it was a very interesting event because a lot of people were invited did not know that this is a disabled child and it was actually challenging not challenging was actually fun to watch people coming in who are very close with me oh this this is your child you're making a bar mitzvah for him and you would see people would kind of talk to each other like this what he's supposed to do with the present because they brought presents for say forever normal boy and all of a sudden they're kind of hiding between the cheers so that was the fun part wow but brexit in today's day and age a disabled child or whatever special needs shots whatever we call them they are special and you have many buses events you have a must speak of frame you have all these organizations parents are not embarrassed doing the right thing and um and i want to come to another point which is very challenging still today because i do get calls from time to time where a young couple having a child they found out that either the child is down syndrome or some other whatever some challenging issue with the child and the parent would call them up and say give the child away now the lady just gave birth she's not back to herself yet you know let's go back to her normal stage and she's being pressured by a parent give this child up because a b and c usually it has nothing to do with the baby or the mother just gave birth usually i found it to be it's an ego of a grandparent and they would call me and tell me can you call my daughter encourage her to give away a child since you went through a very hard time of course i don't do this if anything the opposite i tell the parent to bog out it's none of your business hashem gave it to them because in reality i should have had two other options either give the mother a sick child or give them something the grandmother the child or the newly the new mother just gave birth the grandmother's brain wow two other options so hashem chose philosophy yeah hashem chose give it to the these two people husband and wife they will figure out how to do this right now someone doesn't want to take the test uh i would um have a you know you can have a talk about that as well yes um so the question is really what what what is the what tools if how the show is happens to a young couple totally brand new how can they start collecting a toolbox with for they have the strength to have the ability to cope and deal with such a thing but hashem you look so seasoned in this issue and i know it took many many years of very hard work and and selflessness and commitment and stuff like this i want to talk about hashem soon should have started with hashem but i cannot talk about hashem when you when you have the difficulty i can talk about hashem when i see something good and you something nice and big but how does how the shulam is something like this happens to a young couple or to anyone give us a little summary how should they gather themselves and start dealing with such a challenging thing not knowing anything about life let alone this particular challenge what would you tell them loaded question and the answer is as follows we have to go back in time when prior to gps's when we need to drive to some place so we would uh let's say you want to go to montreal there's no gps you have no idea what they're out of the map barely have a map so first you have to find a map you find to find out where montreal is and where you were where you are and then you would ask a person did you ever travel to montreal when is the best time to leave traffic wise weather-wise getting to the border when is the least busy whether it's very busy so you ask a person to travel that road chances are you'll get there very appropriately well yeah reasonably well like i say now i always use the output example i mean you have people in this this day and age they would want to travel to montreal from brooklyn you have to travel north and they would sit down to new jersey turn bikes out heading to florida and you would call them sorry you're going the wrong direction don't tell me what to do i have three lanes over here beautiful weather no cops i can speed it's burning beautiful i'll get there so what would you do if your good friend is doing it would you stop him of course he would stop and tell him turn around together or north or else you're gonna get to florida right not to not real same thing with every challenge in life i personally i don't know if everybody does that i have never ever made a decision without discussing it with somebody else period and that somebody else does not have to be somebody's older than me more true to me it can be younger me in fact my today's day and age my current rabbi coach robert panetta you know well right is younger for younger than me about 15 years and without him i wouldn't be any place close to where i am today and he got a good blog now yeah okay he deserves it he just loves that the master and now i do have other friends as well and then i'm quoting always a friend of mine who happens to be an attorney and we were talking i don't even know what we were talking about he said one line uh like a one-liner to me at one point it sticks to me lower your expectation you will never be disappointed so when you have a challenge and and you need to gather your tools go talk to somebody actually travel that road and actually talk to both people some people actually gave away a child now and i did this as well and let me back up with a story i don't know if people will like to hear or not yeah it's a story this makes it happen so it was suggested to us to my wife and i to give away the child at one point my son was stable my wife and i were stable enough to listen to other people maybe they are right maybe should go away all right so let's go find some people who gave away children right where did he put the child so we found a way to put a child i remember one time we traveled to albany three and a half hour ride and we traveled to a place called i remember the name saint something went into the place it was a stunning beautiful building the paint colors for children was beautiful outside gorgeous however on the floor inside this big ballroom that's the time you can come visit you had like a little not even beds i don't know what you to call them maybe cats maybe a cat where the children would be laying on and doing nothing literally and waiting for their turn to get therapy or different uh programs or food whatever it is yeah and when i asked the uh people in charge over there what's the story over here what's what's going on here i said okay yeah this is what we do with the children we're just waiting for them to next number to live their life and make it as comfortable as possible and when the time comes we just let them go and i said something something is wrong here i'm not gonna put my child here i mean and then we got into discussion their policy was not to resuscitate kids because if god wants to take them away it wasn't a jewish place was god takes them away it's time for them to go and that's to roll onto the next patient so we went to we visit these parents we actually spoke to the parents of a child that wasn't that particular child they were from brooklyn our community from hebron park and the child was there and so we went to appearance so how does how does it work out he gave child away what do you do what do you tell the other kids and um how did it work out so the mother answered very simply like this physically it's a lot easier because you have a child that's in the house so you have to pick them up change your band before a six-year-old is not not so easy the physical element of having any child especially a physical limited child is it's hard so that hardship is gone emotionally first we went every month to enter down to albany to visit and then every six months and then every year and then we kind of uh we go whenever we decide we feel we need to go and then she ended up waiting for the punchline and then she added something very interestingly but i want to tell you something so what do you tell the other kids so we don't tell the kids let's make this child child's name we'll make it yossi not a real name and we told the kids that joss is not feeling well and he's the place where they take care of children who don't feel well okay so one day little three or four-year-old kid in the house the most safest place is next to the mother in the kitchen mommy if i'm not going to feel well am i going to go to the same place where yoshi is and there was a decision maker for us my child our child never goes nowhere stays in the house there's longer 10 months today in the house and my children are aware of the story because we told them to them and any hardship that came afterwards is challenging it is it was that's the way uh let me jump ahead a few years like 20 years later when my son passed away five years ago yeah well i was gonna uh break the news to the audience unfortunately so he was in the hospital for like four weeks or six weeks like kind of dying and my little son it wasn't so little anybody was like nine or ten years old he asked me tati why are you going to show me to the hospital every day very good question my answer was even wilder i think i didn't take a moment before i answered it but i think it's a good message i told him i would do the same to you if you were in the hospital wow it was a very strong answer and it resonates with him till today wow and my kids know that i would have done everything to have each other house so um hope that answers the question more than i can digest wow um it's so hard to to to summarize and to go forward fast forward 10 15 years you think it made your family before i'm as i'll ask about you and your wife you think it made your family a stronger a more united more positive family the experience or you think it brought some weakness some [Music] um i don't want to say sadness i know your kids are not sad i know some of them very well but if you brought some a certain cloud over the life of your family so if i may mix in a little hebrew lingua linguistic over here linguistic linga what it's called linga lingo in israeli military what doesn't kill you builds you in reality a lot of people any challenge in life will either bring you closer or make you bring more apart basically we look at our weaknesses what we can we cannot do and we start building it up hey we have no choice because i'm starting to figure out why i invited you to this podcast many people will treasure and listen to what you say and wow what a strong message and obviously you know some of your kids as i said so the real challenge is if there's any parent out there who who was dealing with a sick child i think the real challenge is the the grandparents they have an opinion they didn't go through any challenges in their life of this sort most likely and they come and tell you what to do and how to do it and you feel like obligated or guilty to listen to them or not to listen to them yeah confused you get guilty you get no because to a parent you used to listen to right and if you're looking in let me go there for a moment if your father tells you to put on a code because he is called and you do not put on the coat you're not over and give it off does not give it up at all right so the same thing is when a father tells you an opinion about the medical issue things these things that i don't think you over any cubit i've asked your local rapper of course i don't keep it up by not listening to them you gotta do what's right for you and um i'd like to say in a very strong way but i don't know how parents are a problem grandparents are a problem now they are my watch out your grandparents you don't want to hear that about you but i told you i totally understand i know by shiddichim many many parents are blocking the children for making shidduchim that would be right for them and for the child for for political reasons for prestige reasons and stuff like this but it's definitely something we have to [Music] the art would be to do it smoothly and to do it smartly to tell the parents i hear you i will consider but it's a very as you said it's a very difficult there's the famous one of the gay rebels the side in israel decided to open pla to open in his it's called kiriya and then these places and young couples had to move away for five years the first five years after they got married so their parents do not mix into their life and do not shape their life the way they want the children's life to look no life is to be shaped in a normal natural way and if you have good children you have to trust them and you have to empower them to do the right thing but not mix in and not try to make them do what you feel is the right thing to do wow let me let me let me jump in for a moment if you want to go back to pikovis what does that mean i think like if i'm wrong is go pay a therapist now of course therapy nah nothing's wrong with me you know they're very good with strong people somebody wants to go therapy so call it something else call it a coach oh i was waiting for this yes calling for getting yourself a good coach and pay for it because if you know they say an attorney doesn't cost any money it's worth as much as it costs so pay for a coach and and that's what ghazal tells us it doesn't anyway say ask your father or you schwere or your in-laws no self-harass go to your rabbi or you feel comfortable with cover you can spill all the beans and they will give you an honest straight answer or even just listening well but listening that's 80 of the answers listening that's the reason we have two years of one month correct listen more and talk half exactly right i heard from you many years ago it's so true um wow wow let's talk a bit let's talk about hashem for a minute because he's before he's during and he's after it's all about hashem when you found out the severity of the situation did you did you call him up say hashem i need to speak with you we absolutely did so the first thing is deny like everything else in life when something goes wrong uh-oh they say no it's not happening for sure so that's a natural reaction a child would have made a uh what is called this a tantrum throughout tantrum talk tantrum we adults we say no impossible that's a tantrum an adult version of and then denial then the until acceptance is a long way short of some others and that's the time of course we call honorsham we doven and we ask we try to understand and we ask for strength and that's we always ask just give us a strength what it takes to handle situation we'll handle just give us a try but most people would have one stage earlier like hashem you're the master you do everything you are the one doing the good and what looks bad why did you do it why i'm young i'm helpless why did you do it what happened to me here uh how do i answer this question i don't know i'm gonna give some credit to my father maybe so my father's a very nice person lives up to monty new york he used to be very bad batish then came a time where the whole time of this industry went kind of south south and he had no money anymore and he nev he chose never to go on to these city programs like food stamps medicaid for some reason he was saying hashem can give it to me straight in cash and we're just going to do it like that he made of 12 children i was i was the first one and i saw him managing all this with faith and and just believe and trust and assume that everything was okay and it worked the other way so maybe i took it under that some questions your grandparents do get some credit yeah wow look at a lot of credit because we are who they made us to be obviously and uh yeah so i'll take them maybe like that i'm not sure myself that's how this uh wow but then again once you're in business for yourself um live streams business like i said you see it every day hashem is all around every day yeah today is the big awareness to connect to hashem oh thank you for him thank him constantly and i really see many people it makes them secure calmer we should not be tested on such big challenges but i think all in all those days and such a big problem it was was i think hashem would would be okay if you question him for a few minutes after something like this happens he wants you to question him yes correct but to say it as a officially questioning hashem is is okay and that's why i asked you how how did you what did he answer you when you asked him when you questioned him what is the answer you if i may mix into the relationship between you and hashem um so i'll tell you we learned so i remember which means the same way you thank hashem for the good things you should be thanking for the bad things i was a little kid and there and and i asked the question robbie really my mom gives me a piece of ice cream i say thank you and she gives me a smack in the face the same thing this is just the same no you have to descend they said madrigus certain rebels not everybody reaches that yeah and then they go over the stories which i never never bought because i want a real answer in the language that i spoke which was the edition so it was two years ago sitting in my shirt every night i'm losing this and reuben he would learn this gamora and he said at the end of the show and yes does not hesitate to raise his finger and say i have a question that's right in public and that question is something about me for many many years literally 45 years i was able to get a straight answer so you answered like they said when shem gives you something bad sure you should cry he gives you pain you should cry open the tell him give sadaka ask and pray and darwin and yeah sure now two years from now when you find out that that thing that happened to you two years ago was really a toy if it was really something good for you that's when you thank hashem wow he started supposing instantly so you ask me what hashem answered me sometimes you never answered so i'm saying maybe wait a few years for an answer and sometimes tell us now looking back what was the answer of hashem i think we should summarize this amazing conversation with this challenging question but it's all about hashem the the goal of this program of let's talk tacos is to make people believe more manage more of the issues be part of yiddish kite and he's such a traumatic story and dramatic story has to end with a very positive and i know he's a very positive person you always there to help people and to encourage people to empower people you're acting as a super coach without being a certified coach and a super social worker without being certified so we have to conclude this interview with a very strong message tell us how he saw hashem's goodness in this i'm sorry if it's too challenging the question but i'm throwing it at you anyway let me first thank you for the kind words appreciate it my pleasure and i do have a question for you though since you're a coach i do have a question before we end this conversation should we do it off the air or we'll do it here let everybody pitch in if they want us to help help me out everyone to please join us send us your email your ca on email your comments your suggestions your observations how you felt about this program and i promise you mr shapiro will be invited again he has a lot to say obviously as you can see but before you ask me my question don't run away don't hide we're not gonna i'm gonna ask you the question first because i want everybody to answer this question it still bothers me why is it when hashem gives you a lot of good things i have a family of kids i'm healthy they're getting married grandkids they go to yeshivas they learn well a lot of a lot of good things happening in a person's life you're healthy you're walking out your feet you have a wife you have a spouse um why is it that when you have one little challenge i'm going to say a little because i just want to minimize it why not you have a small challenge and that pulls you down to a point where you cannot even concentrate on all the good things in life that's the question that i have from the answer i want you to answer then and then i'll tell you what my attorney friend who was 16 or 17 years younger to me answered me very very simple okay you give me his business card after this yes so i think that number one it's instinct it's human instinct to [Music] expect the good and think that i deserve it and life is good and good when good comes my way i don't even stop for a minute and pay attention that wow good came my way and my bed comes when you get angry why what happened supposed to be smooth supposed to go on the road without bumps without problems why is this happening but i really lately heard a very nice concept that our challenges in life are a tool to remind us and bring us closer to hashem they're not here to distance us from hashem they'd say oh one minute there's a manager there's a controller someone is sitting in the watchtower and now he wants he wants to communicate with me hey i haven't heard from you for a while yeah here's a little tidbit going your way oh wake up talk to me communicate discuss cry to me to me i'll take care of it for you so i i liked it very much because the good we take for granted unfortunately so sometimes hashem should never test any of us with very big challenges my mother-in-law says in edith bahit me got from glory you want to throw me little challenges here and there i'm fine with it but don't give me big stuff however i think that's the difference why that's the reason why people take good one way and they take um challenges another way and maybe we have the strength to believe that this is the reason brings us the challenges but i definitely want to hear your inspiring answer i'm sure it's going to be better no no no i you took it more like a spiritual answer as opposed to a but the question was really a physical practical practical answer that i was looking for and that guy asked me that you probably know any ceo of multi-billion dollar corporation if he has an ingrown toenail he would call the secretary today no messages cancelling my meetings the white ingrown tone is like so far down our body like all the way down here it's by hidden underneath a sock and a shoe and now he stops why little tiny piece of nail growing into your skin no that's what the world's all about a little thing can pull you down and does never have the reason so all we have to do is find the good parts and and ride on it wow what a powerful message so that was kind of a interesting question amazing amazing so i want to thank you so much for being here today i'm sure our audience and listeners will really grow and learn get inspired and empowered from your amazing way of taking the challenges hashem through at you and your family and as i promised we'll bring you back for many different things and i'm going to share a little secret that my friend jason has a separate file in his brain for the outcome that happens to people if how's the shoulder embarrassed and insult and hurt other people and he's he has a collection of real true life stories of how dangerous and not good it is to speak and be disrespectful to our friends and our spouses and our children and how's the show where it can go this will be also one very entertaining separate podcast but for now thank you so much for watching the let's talk talkless podcast we appreciate and we invite your input have a great day thank you very much it was nice to be here and the reason i had a sick child has a story as well [Music]