Loving Kindness: Kind Words Don't STING!

Today is Hashem. This year is actually the 13th in the series of Hashem. The title of this year is the gift of loving kindness. Before I begin this year, I'd like to mention a magnificent gift of loving kindness. Torah anytime Hashem is having their annual uh campaign to try and raise the funds. They have an enormous budget. Shim and Kyakov had mentioned that it's enormous over $3 million they're trying to raise in order to keep Torah anytime going. What is the greatest gift at boy side that you can help somebody else given the gift of able to learn Torah wherever he is under all circumstances people learn Torah through Torah anytime make your loving kindness gift and give it to Torah anytime and Hashem and the organization should grow. Let's go back to a theme which we mentioned in a previous shirim about the says in mascul describes David as somebody who is a mascul an enlightened person says in mish someone who is correct in his thinking his logic is correct and hashem was with him maybe as an example we can take per 16 in kufz Zion you help me for my eyes were crying and my legs would stumble and I couldn't carry on for all the difficulties all the then the end of the poe ends in a beautiful way how can I possibly answer how can I be turned back to the almighty of all the kindness that he's done meaning despite all the difficulties David went through he said how can I possibly answer you back the outcome was he declared that he was a servant to the almighty he was a servant meaning from all the tobas and all the gifts and all the benevolence that he received I declare myself to be an hashem on hashem abd and we explained that it's very difficult it's a daunting thought how can we possibly put ourselves into that sort of profile of being an e hashem Avoina was called an eved. So was Mosha Abenu and David Abdi as well. How can we put ourselves into that position? And we brought in the previous Shia the Mishna of Shimatik at the beginning of PKL the world stands on three cardinal principles and we mentioned there that has explained that it's unlike the Mishna later on which the world exists that Mishna is talking about the maintenance of the world. in MSM on din judgment, truthfulness and peace. But says Raben is quite different. This is why the world was created. In other words, says Raben, the almighty anticipates the certain perfection and excellence that we would try and reach a very high level of of involvement in these three areas. Toyo which we discussed in the first year which was last one and this week is gassodim. Maybe we can say tora isma for me for myself I must understand the master plan I must understand the blueprint that's for myself is I pray to the almighty that's and this year is going to concentrate how am I supposed to relate and therefore how do I perfect myself how do I grow what is the characteristics what are the characteristics that I need to do in order that I can excel in order to justify myself being a human being now going according That's what he means here. He means that he anticipates that we will try our best in how do I possibly do that and then I can turn and say I suppose that's what we're saying here. If we can reach that at least be on the track for that towards that I was thinking in order to maybe develop the profile of an Hashem in gamm let's look at the first let's look at the master first let's look at aeshb the almighty and see who is he who how do we understand the master himself there is a prayer which we say every single shabas morning called nishmas nishmas is an incredible prayer it was written it was called hashir a with song to it and it in reality I often think nishmas is something like a catalyst. It brings you back after a week spent in emails and buying and selling and telephone calls and business whatever you're doing buying and shopping. Then you come back to yourself. Nishmas takes you back with your nishi which your additional shama which you're given and it brings you back to where you're supposed to be as a yudi. I often think that what are the tools my thoughts are my spinch and then I describe the next section there's nobody else you are the god from the beginning of time to the end of time the master of all characteristics of all features of all personality traits that a person has describing the master babai straight after that we get into who he is who is the almighty Immediately after that we say the following. You know who he is? He is a master who is turn totally involved in in kindness in benevolence. Let me read out to you what we say. This is who he is. The master is he is and he acts with all his creatures with tremendous mercy. He never slumbers. That means a deep deep sleep. He doesn't take a nap. He doesn't drift out for a few few minutes. He wakes us up every single in the morning after we have a sleep that's when you're a deep deep slunder when a person has died eventually that you can open your mouth and talk and speech comes out. It's all who releases the bonds. Beautiful explanation on the matas by the Abu D. The Abu Dharma said it doesn't just mean someone who's in prison. It means as follows. The Abu Drama says maybe an autistic child or child with special needs. He has a mouth but he can't use it properly. His legs don't function properly. Maybe his arms don't work properly. Matiasu means that every limb and every organ that we have works properly. That's what it means. In other words, in the morning I get out of bed. I can stretch. I can walk. I can behave normally and everything works in normal way. When I'm on the way down, I'm bent over completely. This is who the almighty is. He is the profile is meaning of it's the first reference that we have in if you want to come back to yourself and find yourself as yudi. The first thing to do is recognize who the master is. Now what about me? How do I come into the picture? How does an evashem come into it as follows? For that we must look in the beginning of the parasim in paras. What does the almighty ask to walk in his ways says it's specific mitzvah as he behaves so we are supposed to behave is he is he is merciful so we should be merciful he is he is gracious we should be how the bunch behaves we are supposed to be like that there is a magnificent safer which is written by written by one of the great mubalas called tom he goes through different features and personality traits of the Almighty, how he's supposed to be similar to it. A little later in par, we find the words and you should cleave to those qualities. Cleave to them. It's more than just going them, but you should be devoted. You should be attached. Do means stuck, attached to these qualities. You want to take a look in the mik right at the end. The noby says if you want to know what the best thing you can possibly do in life is and to be involved in loving kindness to give the gift of loving kindness and therefore we can therefore project as followers that the ever the servant of the almighty which is really what the themes of the ishim are follows a profile of the master. The master is who made he's benevolent. He's kind and we are supposed to develop that says Raben into our personality. We're supposed to develop the theme as best as we can. It's interesting. I saw in the writings of Rabbon Cutler Mishnar a beautiful comment. When he says the word and hashem it does not necessarily mean that a person dabs with tremendous sincerity and very genuine and careful with his doesn't just mean that a person is so careful about every strictcture every in everything. It's much more than that says Baban. Dakus also means in the qualities in the merciful qualities in kindness. It's also usaku is also we should be the same says in Hashem is not just but also how you behave with your fellow man. How you relate to your fellow man is also a relative aspect to it. And therefore let's come to a certain conclusion in this introduction in the following way. The mascul is telling who is the adine is all the alltime giver. He gives all the time and therefore what must I do? I must try and develop my personality in specifically in this year we're talking about ginasim. That is the way I will grow. That is the way I will verify and validate my existence here according to otherwise I'm I'm not here in the world. I'm supposed to be somebody who is a giving person similar to the almighty in that way this year me a little long but what I'd like to try and do is give you something like a suggestion box of ideas different ideas I came up with seven ideas each point is quite exclusive one to the next and let me tell you what I did I thought like this I don't want to just label you with references all about the importance of I wanted to choose something which would maybe wake you up maybe ring a bell that's what I'm trying to do I'm trying to ring a bell well with the importance of gumasim they're all different points but points which I think are very relevant to our lives and very practical I hope I hope you'll find them very practical in our day-to-day life how we can excel ourselves in kindness in loving kindness how can we give the gift of kindness each point is something I carefully thought out I spent a lot of time preparing this shia trying to work out what exactly will make us tick what will ring the bell with us when it comes to here's the first option which I thought is not an option ion is not maybe something yes maybe no if I have the time it's not supposed to be like that it's something which is far more of a priority than if having time I also I remember the awful line in England I remember where I come from remember I'm awfully so it's not convenient what do you mean awfully so you just can't be bothered no the line it's I'm a I'm terribly busy at the moment I can't manage these lines what does it mean it means it's an option by you I always remember the line I went to an English grammar school in England I remember the line I think it came from Richard the third I don't know maybe in kingly I don't a beautiful line which king the king turns around and says I am not in the giving vein that's what it's all about no I'm not in the mood you're not supposed to be like that in the mood you're supposed to be somebody who is takes it on it's not an option something as best as you can to try and be it it's not a choice which you chase maybe yes maybe no not if I'm in the giving vein if not if it's inconvenient so it's inconvenient no that's the point here the word inconvenient often means I can't be bothered no that's what it really is valid at all let's choose the words carefully of if you want to look it up. It's listen to these words of what does it mean? It's not an option says a human being is obligated to take the trouble to search for the good of his fellow man of his nation and be diligent with great effort on the welfare and the benevolence of his fellow man if he's poor or rich. Doesn't make any difference whether poor man or a rich man. One is supposed to be take to lishka to be diligent to be persevering to try as much as one can searching for the good of his fellow man. Listen to these words. And this is one of the basic principles a cardinal principle of humanity is to look after the good for somebody else to search for somebody else. What is the best thing to do said to search for the good? It's expected that in humanity a person will search for the good. If you ever have a chance to open the beautiful safer by nephe in the introduction the son of writes as follows. My father told us all the time we are not here to look after ourselves. We are here to care for and look after other people. It's a it's a duty not a matter of convenience or an option or something like that. I remember I used to be as a lawyer in England. I remember I once opened a law society g a gazette a gazette for lawyers and I saw a picture there of I think three or four lawyers from the north of England and the heading said at the bottom these are pictures taken from the highly successful charity affair of lawyers in the north of England that was the chapter at the bottom and the men were standing with the glasses of wine and they were drinking alim I don't know what they were doing they were standing there and the caption said at the bottom this was an outstanding successful successful evening they raised 15,000 pounds Rabbi say £15,000 will be an embarrassment. No, for charity, one of the most the biggest wage earners that there are in the country, maybe the lawyers of the bank, they can give only 15,000. We will be embarrassed to to print such a thing. No, how how can you print such a thing? 15,000. It wouldn't even wouldn't even make a a comment in a newspaper. It doesn't begin by by non-Jewish people. It doesn't doesn't exist. No, they don't understand the quality of kindness of giving. I remember reading once that uh a fabulous charity donation which was given by President Bill Clinton. He gave his old couch over to charity to an organization couch. We will be embarrassed to say such things. No we are duty bound to take the trouble to be able to do that. The first point therefore it's not an option. The second point which I want to point the second thing is when it comes to giving aim it's the level of involvement I mean in the following way it's like a demeanor like a countenance what is your outlook what is your mindset when you come to see somebody what is your personality as it comes over what is your offering when you what is your demeanor what is your countenance what is it what what makes you tick what do people look at you how do you react when someone comes over to you something is your demeanor an open and giving person or is it not like that. I think it's very much a question of a demeanor, of a countenance, how you relate to people, what your natural response is. One has to develop, if it's not natural, then one has to try and develop it and cultivate it, I suppose, inside oneself. That's the beast behind it. I'd like to bring you a post from Asia, which talks, as you know, about the qualities of a of a a magnificent woman. But as you know, the Vagon says, maybe you don't know the beginning of of Asia, he says as follows. is gamatria 48 and as is who has the 48 of it's talking about who is married to his toyra of course it means as well a woman as well but in reality there's no excuse for a man is talking about the qualities of a man just as well as a woman one particular listen to this she gets up in the middle of the night and she gives food to her house to she gives a baby a bottle or gives cereal in the morning or sandwich an instruction to her maidens say let me ask you a question where is the in this what does mean every woman gets up any woman gets to hear the baby crying and she gets up in the middle of the night of course she gets up in the night she gives the child food a bottle every woman would give food she doesn't give a sandwich that's called cruelty where's tidy your room, wash the dishes, go to the mollet, tidy up the house, sweep the floor. instruction is given. Where's the assh here? Please tell me. Getting up in the middle of the night, giving a cereal to a child or giving a sandwich. Where's the asshy? I would like to suggest as follows. There's one word in this post which hinges and switches it over to an asasle to a a woman of valor. It means as follows. The word vat say always means an a good eye. That's what it means. We say in Benji there's a beautiful face. If someone greets a friend with a beautiful smile as if he gave him the most wonderful gifts in the world is always something give. It's not what she does, it's how she does it. It's how she gets up in the middle of the night. How she gives the cereal how she does it. It's not necessarily what every woman gets up in the but how does she her patience her love and her care to the child? No. Does she do airplanes with the child when the child wants to eat? No, she gives the does she just throw the food in front of the child and walk away when she helps the child to eat. Sometimes the child can't eat or doesn't want to eat. There's a way of doing it though. It's the the and the love and the devotion toward the child. It's the which comes out and that I think is the demeanor that we're talking about here. The demeanor is everything. It describes the level of involvement which a person has. Not just by when it comes to it's the approach the outlook that a person has. I'd like to share with you two incidents which happened to me. My daughter my daughter my oldest daughter Estie went to school with the daughter of the wav of a name of the wav was mud shakavitzki. He was a wonderful very much involved in kiev. who was the son of the gates wakavitzki from gates but m shakavitzki was a w in a he had passed away and my daughter was in his daughter's class and I came home one evening from ko and my daughter said to me aba I'm going to the funeral to the of kabitzki but my daughter is in the class I said I'd like to come with you he was such a great man I felt I must go as well I didn't have a connection with him but I heard about him but I told my daughter I can only stay for half an Uh if you know Azabira is right next to Hanovi in Gula there. I said to my daughter, listen, the men will be on one side, women on the other. Meet me on Hanovi after half an hour cuz then I'm going to go straight back. I'm taking a taxi back home. I stood there at the V listening to the Hespadim. And after half an hour, I went on the street and I couldn't find my daughter. She wasn't there and I and I had to go back. So I decided I'll walk over to the women's section. Maybe I'll try and find my daughter. If you know, Alabir is on a circle. So the men were on one side of the circle in front of the buildings and then the women were on the other side of the circle and they were by microphones they were listening to on the loudspeaker they're listening to all the spadium which were being the funerals which were being said I walked over and I had saw something the most incredible sight which shook me enormously there must have been I think about 200 women all of them were like this all of them their eyes closed and shockly backwards and forwards it was an incredible sight The women were involved. Now that's the point. The involvement. The men were not behaving like that. I must men were listening to them. But there wasn't this sort of involvement. The women a woman gets involved. No, it's the most beautiful feature. There's vatain. The involvement of it. The women felt the the the the morning. They felt it behind it all. Eventually I found my daughter and we went back. But that's the point. The point is the level of involvement. We're very fortunate Hashem thanks to the almighty were able to make several shalom zas. I remember there was one incident my wife sent me off. I went to Breezel's in me in the bakery there. My wife gave me a list of things what to buy for the shaam. It was marble cake or certain cookies. She said come back with all these things. I walked into the store and I knew the woman. I used to go there quite often to buy kalas from from Shabas. I walked in the store and I said we have a maz. She said mazel. Said we have a little boy. We're making sham za. My wife gave me a list of what to buy. She said what did your wife say? I said marble cake. She said no no no. Don't buy the marble cake. Don't buy the M. Then she said cookie, don't buy those cookies. And every time which I mentioned to her, she said, "No, don't buy that. Don't buy that." I turned around to the lady and you were quite well. I said to one minute, "Who is making this sham this? Me or you?" She turned down with a massive smile on her face and said, "We are making it." Isn't that a beautiful answer? The involvement. It's not your sim, it's our simra. What a beautiful line that is. We are making it. That's the point. The involvement. No, the demeanor of the woman. That's what it was. There's vatain inside it. It's our sim. So, and I I I bought what she told me to buy. And after that, the cookies which she told me, we call them afterwards bris cookies. There were certain cookies. This is what you serve at the Shams. I did what she said. I told my wife, I was told what to buy. The woman said, "It's our symbol." And I came home with a different package from what my wife has sent me. That's the second point. The second point is the level of info, the demeanor, the vatite. The third point, number three, which I like to bring out is the following point. In order to be involved in gimm say you need a certain level of maturity. Try this suggestion. I hope it rings a bell. In order to appreciate somebody else, you can't be a little child. You must be mature. Maturity means you recognize somebody else. I have a proof of what I'm saying from a in shamois. You remember that mohenu for the first few years was brought up by his mother. Basia told Miriam to take the child over to somebody and it was eventually was and nursed the child and for a few years I think two or three years was by his mother. The pos says as follows eventually the child grew up. I think he was three. He stopped nursing brought to she was like a mother to a child and she called the name. She had the privilege to give the name of Mosha. I pulled him out of the water. The child was no longer three. He was now grown up. Meaning he was older than three. He was grown up. Next again it says the word. My question is we just told me. What is this second for? The next words are now grew up not necessarily in age but he was mature. He was mature and the next words are he walked the streets of Cairo crying his eyes out. He saw the pain and the suffering of the Jewish people and he realized how difficult it was an he gave his eyes and his heart for Clalism. It bothered him. It disturbed him terribly. And the medra says on that bubon says because you left the palace I think he was 12 years old and walk the streets of Cairo helping out I will leave Shaim and talk to you per el those are the words of the medish meaning felt it growing up means you notice somebody else that's the n the second that I'm suggesting means what the next words are he went out and he saw the difficulties which they're going through that's the definition for maturity but we can perhaps take a little bit further a little bit deeper without being cynical, but I think this is true what I'm saying. You can have an 80-year-old woman who's really like a three-year-old in reality. She thinks of nobody else but herself. She can't think of anybody else. You can have an 8-year-old girl who's like an 80-year-old Bobby. She's so caring. It's not a matter always of age. It's a matter of maturity. Some people never become mature. They only think of themselves. And some people when they're very young, they're very young, but they have tremendous responsibility. I remember just an incident in England when we were growing up. My father Allah shalam used to be the ro of the old age home of the moshab zaka of people and he brought back once the following story it's a tragic story there was an older man who had married a very younger woman and they had a few children I think he was in his late 60s and the wife I think was in her 40s or something like that and then she had died and the court had ordered that the children should be given over to an aunt who was completely religious had no connection to Yiddish whatsoever the children wanted to keep to and mitzvah and the father had wanted that as well. But he was no longer given the the license to look after the children. So they ran away and they ran away to near where my father dabed in the old age home and there was an older sister. I think she was about nine or 10 and about two or three younger brothers. She was like a bobby to them. I remember they brought them back to the house. My father brought them back to the house and they became great. I remember one of them married the daughter of um from Laban I think in in France and a tremendous time in I got to know them later. One of them learned in they were very close to Rabshak as well. She was an 8-year-old girl but she looked after the children. It doesn't necessarily dependent on age. It depends on maturity. She was a young but she looked after the children and made sure that they kept her mitzvah as best as she could. That's the point we're making here. Interesting. Damel who is the masculine brings this point out in a beautiful way in two places two references we find that refers to women both of them really have the same theme behind it in P 144 he describes a single girl the kazovio our daughters are like cornerstones keeping the design of the building carved out for the design of the building a single girl in a House is like a cornerstone. If you have cornerstones which are very strong, then the walls can shoot up and the world the the house will not collapse. If it's if they're wobbly, the whole house will collapse. A single girl in a house is a cornerstone. She's not a mother, but she has tremendous responsibility. No, it means that an older girl, a girl in a house who's single, takes on responsibility for the home. Excuse me. M a single girl. A single girl has responsibility and looks after the home. In 128 describes a married now she's a married woman. She's like a vine by the walls of her house. What's the difference? A vine is actually a trunk. And because the trunk is strong at the back of the wall, it holds up the trellis of grapes over it. It supports the grapes. This time there's fruit. Now, a woman, a married woman has fruit. A single girl doesn't have one. But I'm suggesting as what's the common theme between the two of them? A single girl gives support and so does a married woman, but she has fruit and the single doesn't have fruit. But they're those backers. They're supporters. They're a muddy. They give support. They give great reliance in the house. That's the difference between them. There's the theme coming out. No, the theme is the level of maturity. The more the mature you are, the more you grow and the more you more responsibility you have. A married woman has children and that's the paywise that's the grapes which he gives out. My next point is the first is again it's not an option. The second is the demeanor. The third is maturity. The fourth point assess and I hope this rings a bell with you. A fourth idea which maybe can help you and give you a certain inspiration I hope and aspiration in order towards giving in order to become an hashem the gift of loving kindness. Come back to the theme of this is what I think we can look at as follows. When aness comes along to your door and you have an opportunity to do it, it is a gift from the almighty. You are given a privilege to do be similar to him. So you also you'll be giving an opportunity here. It's a privilege which has come to your front door. Beautiful expression. Do you remember in the when saw these three Arabs walking past his house? One minute. You pass my house for a reason. Don't just walk past. Come in. Let me entertain you. Let me look after you. Let me grant you something. Let me give you something to eat. There's a reason for this here. Saw this is an opportunity. I have an opportunity. He couldn't manage without it. Evidently Marvin was sitting there at the door even though it was the third day after briser. He was in tremendous pain. It was a boiling hot day. He couldn't manage without this. This privilege by him was almost like his his his lifeline. His life he couldn't manage without doing such a thing like that. This was a mino mean. It's a privilege to serve others. A privilege of the to help others people. There is if you have a chance to look at in the of he has a beautiful question regarding he asked the following question. If as we know that no was an ishad a great pious person a very righteous person ishad he was unique in his generation was there no other way asked that the almighty could have saved him by becoming a zookeeper just a zookeeper looking after the animals is there no other way couldn't the almighty have found a a mountaintop with a deck chair and a bottle of Coca-Cola put him at the if he was such a sadic to him why make him into a zookeeper there's a medish which I once saw that Eleazar who was a servant of Avon met one day Shame and he asked him tell me what was it like inside the ark and basically shame said 24/7 it was unbelievably difficult there was hardly any sleep the smell of the animals it was very confined quarters it was unbelievably difficult 24/7 it was impossible we hardly slept at all the conditions were very very difficult but why why was it that no in the time of the mabel had to become a zookeeper you This saddic could be saved another way. Answers with the gur in the gumar describes lame. The gumar explains as follows. A beautiful miser but he uses this as the answer to the question. Was there no other way the almighty could have saved no but by coming a zookeeper. He answers as follows. The Gomorrah brings down that the great Nossi of Kadis Ravan Gamiel was marrying off a son and three great Tanoim came to sit at the table. Rabbi Allesa, Rabbi Yeshua and Rabbit Sadok came to sit at the table of the wedding of the son of Abang Gaml. Rabbio was the host and he walked around with a bottle of wine giving his guests a drink of wine to drink alim. He came to the table of the Tanoim and he came over to Ebza to give him a drink. Abza turns and said, "No, no, no. Thank you so much. I can't. The nosy, the prince is not going to serve me. I'm not going to make the nosy into a into an a waiter for me. I'm sorry. It's okay. Thank you so much. He then went over to Yeshua. Maybe put his cup out to take a drink from him and say, "You sure? How can you do such a thing? How can you let the nosy serve you? How can you do such a thing? Allow him to serve you? Make the nosy into your waiter? You can't do that." But Yeshua turned my hand and said as follows the beautiful gamar I can think of somebody far greater than who was a waiter who made a mino stood there as a waiter serving them he provided all the food for them if a mino could be a waiter why can't be gaml become a waiter as well no why can't he also become a waiter that's the point was sitting at the side to a man and said thank you so much for your example why are you leaving out He gives and supplies. He's also a waiter. So why can't be a waiter also? From this brings out a wonderful say two words. It's a privilege to serve others. Not like where you and I come from in western culture. You have a butler, a chauffeer, a cook, a gardener. and the the least you do the best of all. Everything is done for you. It's not supposed to be like that. It's not supposed to be like that. I'm not saying under any circumstances one shouldn't have help in the house. Of course, I'm not saying that. Please don't misunderstand me. But I'm suggesting as follows. Whatever you do that it's a privilege to do. I'm not saying the wife has to do everything. She's not the the the butcher, the baker, the candle. She's not everything at all. But whatever you do, it's a privilege to do. No, it's it's a privilege. That's the point here. It says to serve others. God will shamish. That's a principle she comes out with and brings a beautiful wire. Who are the most distinguished people in the Bikim the priests? The priests were just servants serving the people they were helping out. That's the greatest privilege which they had. He brings a beautiful example as well as a miser when he was he went to Davin in Kelm Kelm. He didn't learn there but he went to Davin there in Kelm and he was standing at the back of the base of Medus. It came to the time when the Coenim came to wash their hands. Excuse me, to wash their hands and there was a bucket of water at the back of the base of Medus. After the kind had been washed their hands, there was a bucket of water there which really should be taken out. He picked the bucket out about to take it out and the voice upon behind said, "Put that down. Put that down. You have no rush to take that. You would not have any permission to take that bucket." Who was it? It was the alter from K. The altar said this is my privilege to do. It's my privilege. Don't take away my privilege. You know in K there's a whole who is privileged to wash the toilet the the bathrooms who is privileged to tidy up to sweep the floor to clean the windows. It was all privileges. That's the they had there. That was the education entirely different from where we and I come from. No western culture is quite different from that. God alhamsh. It's a privilege to serve other people. I remember it's an awful episode this. I remember I was once in a house in America and it was late Thursday night and I came back after giving a shia and the balisabas was inside the house. It was a well very wealthy home. I was staying in the house and she was preparing shabas and I was sitting there having a meal. It was about 10:00 at night or something like she was making shabas and I heard her say these following words. It was an awful comment. Another shabas I have to prepare and it was a groan and I and I was shocked by the groan. It's a privilege to make Shabas no to serve other people. It's a and it was such a shame. I remember the woman had all the resources to whatever she does. It's a privilege to make Shabas. No, it's tremendous to And I was very upset by the comment. I remember hearing it. It stayed with meal to say such a thing like that. No, it's a privilege not to serve that. I remember when we were first married, I think it was a month after we were married, my wife suddenly called me up and said to me as follows. Guess what? Guess I made kalas for Shabbat. She was overjoyed. It's the first time she ever made kalas for it's a privilege to make something for shabas. She should be well my wife. That's the point here. The point I'm making it's a privilege to serve and therefore if an opportunity comes along like that's the reason why you pass my house. That's the point which I wanted to make which I think is a very important point. My next point is something else. Number four was a privilege. Number five is something which I think is very pertinent and very relevant to our lives as well. My suggestion is as follows. When it comes to doing a charity, you should consider these words. What does it mean a kind word to say a kind word to somebody else? That's also said I'd like to begin maybe in the following premise and maybe give you a principle when it comes to interacting on a social basis somebody else. Look at the master a minute. Look at the kesbach. You wake up every morning. He has no motive behind it. His interest is only that we get out of bed and we'll talk. No, the food is on the table. His interest is one thing what is good for us who hate him who made him he's providing us with whatever we need no that's the nature of the bash means he is malish he provide there was no nothing else his motive was a pure motive meaning what is the best for me what what how can he entertain me in the best possible way I'm suggesting as follows when it comes to a kind word or you're dealing with somebody stop a minute and think what does that person need to hear what is the best for that person in that position What would he what would he gain from if I said what would relax him? What would make a person feel good? That's the point. A kind word means you stop a minute before you do maybe the mitzvah or whatever the mitzvah is whatever this the connection with something. Stop a minute and think what does that person need to hear? Not what I want to say. What does that person need to hear? And and it applies to everything. No. Having guests in your house cuz I want to feel so good with guests. No. For the benefit of the guests. No person is giving a share. Why? because I feel I must say something out. No, it's for the benefit of the listeners of the talid who are listening to. That's the point behind it all. It's not what you want to give. If you're doing something for other people, what do they need to hear? What will they gain from? That's the point I'm making here. I think that's the fundamental issue. What is the gain for the people? What how can I possibly help them in what way? I'd like to bring you some personal examples which I'm referring to which I think are very relevant to this issue. always with a premise like he's thinking of my good. So I must also think of the good. Listen to what happened. My father Oliver Scholam spent his last few weeks Lena in a cancer ward in a hospital in South London King's College Hospital in London. He was very sick with cancer. Loeno. It was a few weeks before he died and I was sitting by his bedside and as I was sitting there in front of us in the ward we saw the following. A black hat and a black suit in front of us. We could not see the face. In front of the face was an enormous bunch of lilac. Enormous bunch of flowers. You could not see the face. In other words, whoever it was was holding the flowers in front of his face. You saw the hat and you saw the jacket. My father turned around to me this man. He says, "Who is it? I'm the only Yid here. There's no one else Jewish. Must be somebody coming to visit me. I don't know who it is." He as I said, "I don't know who it is. I don't know who it was there." And the man was standing there, whoever it was, and he was holding the flowers in front of him. He must have stood there for about a minute or two. And we I don't know who it is. It's obviously something said to me. After a minute or two, this is what he did. He went like this. Moved them away and put them back in front of his face again. And with a big smile on his face and the other and he did that beautiful thing to do. Who was it? It was someone called Hagon Foy. He was the principal of the school in Sanford. My father knew him from the gates. A beautiful man. He realized this is a in bed and he came to entertain to bring s my father smiled and laughed such a beautiful way. I remember he didn't say much at the beginning. He came and sat by them. He touched my father. He said maybe he said a few words but the method note what does man what does this man need to think? What does this man need to hear? That was the nature of the not necessarily the talking but the action. He'd worked it out. He thought beforehand what he was going to do. What does that person need to hear? What does that person need to feel? The sim being another episode that happened to me. Beautiful episode. I can't possibly forget it. The night before I got married, we got married. We got married. I was fortunate to marry Terrace on the park. My wife is from Father Hills in Queens. The night before we got married, my mother, my my father had died the year before, one year beforehand and my mother had came come to America for the wedding and we'd gone out together for I was staying we were staying in Barber Park and my mother we took her out I took her out for a meal and I took her home to where she was staying. I was staying in the house of someone called Harab Uri Helman Helman. He was the father-in-law of a close friend of mine Graden Shalita the one of the Boskim in Los Angeles. his father-in-law. Rabbi Helman was a Tal and also the principal of the day school of the Basyakov in Ba Park. He was the principal there. I knew that his his schedule was as follows. I was staying in the house there. Every night when he came home, he had something to eat and he stayed on his porch learning for about four or five hours every evening. My grad told me one time he looked at his commands and unbelievable he sat and learned by himself for quite a few hours every evening. That night I came in the night before I got married. I was staying in the house. I went from his house and I came into the house. He heard me coming in. He said, "Ah, Yonison, you came in. Please go into the living room. I want to talk to you." Is what happened. I sat went in there and sat on the couch and he closed his gum and he came out to sit with me in the living room and he came with a bottle of beer. He said, "Have a drink of beer." Nice. Have a drink of beer. He gave me a drink of beer and then he turned my I want to ask you a very serious question. He answered me as follows. What do you think in England? Do you think the coal miners will bring down the government? It was Howard Wilson at the time who was a prime minister. Do you think they're going? And he brought me all different questions of the government, of the miners, the unions, of the communists. He was asking me all sorts of questions. What do I think about do you think the miners will bring down the government? Can they do such a thing? The communists here. And he was going at it and he was driving me asking me questions about what do I think about it. He said, "Take another drink and gave him another drink or something." This went on for about a half an hour discussing the politics and the conservative and the Labor government, Labour Party and the Liberal. And he was discussing evidently he knew quite a bit. He was asking me, "What do you think is going to happen there? Then he turned around to me. I'd finished the beer and he turned around to me. He said, "You know, maybe it's good I to go to bed early night before you get married." He said, "When you're in bed, call me. I want to come in and ask you something before you go to sleep." I went into the bed. I remember I called. I said, "I'm in bed now." He came and he sat on the bed. He said, "What do you think? Are the miners going to bring the government down or not? What's going to happen here? What's going to happen?" I And I fell asleep almost quick as quick as I don't if I was shick or not at all. I didn't realize until maybe two or three weeks later what he was doing. What was he doing? Here is a his father had died and he's getting married and he must be under stress, under strain. Must be like that. His mother, he took his mother. He gave his time for me and gave me a drink. He distracted me. He calmed me down. I remember in the morning I woke up a little bit of an over over maybe a little bit I was shaker but I slept that night. That was the point behind it. Isn't that a beautiful what I needed to hear? He realized this is what this person this needs to hear. He needs to be distracted and calmed down and it worked wonderfully. What a beautiful that was helman. I remember this so well. Let me tell you another episode which I remember hearing when I first came to learn the yeshiva. I was told this when I first came to the mir. Evidently in the younger years when when he was washes when he first came into the mir he had the following procedure which he did with every bak who became a got married he turned around and said to them maybe a month or so after they got married he said I'd like to come around and visit you in your house on the le shabas after the suda do you mind do you mind or he wants to come to my house I was told this by somebody I think it occurred to him it happened to him so I said of course of course of course what do you think he did for the next few weeks or so he prepared himself a duvato and what he's going to say this was the procedure this was and she made a beautiful cake obviously the was going to come in he prepared a duvato and she prepared a cake he would come into the house two or three hours after the suda and sit at the head of the table the on the kala on the other side he then turned around and said to the maybe you prepared a certain or something to say a pill he's been at it for for days and nights preparing exactly he said overtoy whatever he into the state of Abraim. As soon as he heard it, he said to the then turned round to the cal and said as follows, what did you do in your life to deserve such a of a husband? What did you do such a wonderful wonderful? He told me he turned around and said to the wife, can you imagine the wife hears it says he then to man may maybe there's a bit of a zone or something. She prepared a chocolate cake, beautiful cake. She gave him the cake. He tasted the cake. He made a b and said thank you. Then turn to said he said to the hus what did you do in your life? He said that you had such a balaba like this a woman who makes such a delicious cake. What did what happened here? What happened when left? No, it came together. No. What a beautiful comment. A kala needs to hear something good. No, that's what he is. You hear the point behind it? Not what he wanted to say, what they need to hear. That's the nature of a kind word. A kind word is based on not what I want to say, what that person needs to hear. Whether it's whether it's whatever it is whe I remember when I became the night of my engagement I remember we had an engagement in let me share with you just an incident which happened I have an aunt she's not alive anymore Alashan her name was auntie Miriam I remember she came around over to me she was a very bright woman very intelligent woman very caring woman she turned around and gave me this ba before after we became we had a in the home of my my father-in-law she turned out to me she it as follows. You listen, I would like to give you a braha. Listen to this braha. It's thought out. I want to give you a bra that you'll never ever feel that you really know your wife completely. That all be something new that you discover in her. Isn't that a beautiful bra? What a beautiful statement to say. And it was true. It's a beautiful line to say that she thought it out. This was her comment which she said it's a but you hear the point. It was thought out beforehand. That's the nature. A kind word needs deliberation and needs thought behind it all. It's exactly what you're going to say. I have a friend who once took the Manchester Washiva he told me to visit a child in great Orman Street hospital a child in hospital he told me all the way up on the stairs going up the she was going in his mind I'll say this I'll prepare myself that he was preparing himself what to say to the child that's really what one has to do you go to or something like that you say something to a what you must be prepared you must be prepared to say something that's a kind word not what you want to say what that person needs to hear whether it's a whether it's Hson whether whoever it is whatever the circumstances are let me show you for an example David Aame and Yonison it's a beautiful ri this I think as you know David was really a fugitive running away from Yonison's father shame and he had tremendous difficulty tremendous traits he was being pursued remember he didn't come to the banquet of you remember the episode in the beginning of Alf and then he ran away to a place called no where he ate from the haponim which really he shouldn't have done he wasn't a coin But he was bulmerous. He was starving, hungry, and he ate from the food there. Doy saw him. He ported him back to to Schol and then he went to Gat and then he went. He he was a man on the run. 3,000 soldiers were pursuing him. It's interesting if you look very carefully. They never found David. Yonison continually found David at different times and bought him food and gave him support. Listen to this conversation. If you want to look it up, it's payoff pay 20 in Alfred. David escaped. He ran away from and he came. Jonison met him on the run. He was hiding somewhere and he said to Jon as follows. What have I done to your father? What is my crime which I have done? Why is your father pursuing me? What have I done? What have I he wants to kill me? What have I done? Why is your father pursuing me like this? He was in tremendous straits, tremendous difficulty, unbelievable panic. And Yonison answered back. Listen to these beautiful words of this close friend. Nay neigh neigh. Don't worry. Nothing to worry about. Don't worry about it. Lo, you will not die in the hands of my father under no circumstances. You know why do it? I'll tell you why. My father whatever he does, every move that he makes, I won't hear. I'm living with my father. I hear everything that he's going to where he's going. I know every move he makes. So I'll always be able to get the message through to you. Don't worry, you're under my control. I will help you. He gave unbelievable support. Basically, it's only one passage, but there are many passages in Alf. You hear him. He swore to him how much he cared for him and David swore to him their love to him. It's a beautiful passage. The support what David Dobin needs to hear was the care nothing will happen to you. Such a beautiful line which he says here. I think we can learn something from this relationship of this perfect friendship between David and Yerson. Somebody who you really care for, someone who you're really close to, not everybody, but someone who you really care means a lot to you. Don't It's not a guessing game. It's not a guess. You should make it clear where you stand. I love you. I care for you. I I'm devoted to express yourself. Yonison said what he felt and David said what he felt. They said it out to each other. They expressed their feeling. They express their love and their emotion which they said to each other which is the most beautiful point. Beautiful point and that's what you learn from here. What they need to hear or not what you want to say but what that person at that specific time what they need to hear. That's the point behind it all. Boy say if it's not a kind word it could well be something called a sting. A sting means when it's something which you wanted to say what that person necessarily does not need to hear and you have to be very careful with that sometimes. I was one day standing outside the bas of the mir yeshiva and I saw a friend standing there in the corner. I think he was crying. He was clearly very upset. I went over and I said to Moshe Mesh, "What's the problem here?" This is what he told me. He said to me as follows. He said, "I've just been speaking to my son's Rebi." The Rebi turned around and said to me, "Yeah, your son, your son is eth zero." Can you ever say that? You can never say to a father that a son is zero. No one is e. Not one person is e. I think the be is e the bevy is nothing at all. No, you can never say that. A father needs to hear his child is nothing. He doesn't work so well. He maybe he doesn't like the be. Maybe he doesn't understand the gur. Whatever it is, but no one is eff. That's the worst thing you can possibly say to a father. You have to be so careful in conversation what you say to somebody. I believe I believe these are principles of of human relationships. You're never a allowed to say to anybody at all. Tell me how many children do you have? Maybe they don't have any children. No, you have to be very so careful. A woman is never allowed to say to another woman and my husband is such a massman. He sits every night till 12:00 at night learning. Maybe a husband doesn't even open a safe. No, you have to be so careful what you you can provide tremendous sting in Charlottes. It can be a wreck, a terrible wreck. You turn around and say at a table I don't know time my wife has turned around to me and told me at the table I remember at a wedding table she turned one woman turn and said no my children is the best in the class and they excel always. That woman never her child is off the devil. You hear what I'm saying here? You have to be so careful what you say to somebody. It's not a kind word. It's a sting. You're not allowed to ask certain questions. You're not allowed to say somebody, you know, where you going for pes. I remember someone once turned around to me said, "Where you going for pess?" I think we had a house full of children. Can I We weren't going any for pess. They were going out to a hotel. You hear the point I'm saying? A woman can never turn around to a friend and say, "So, you know, my husband insisted I buy a new shitle for for y, but maybe she they can't afford it." Or a new outfit, but maybe they can't afford. You have to be so care. You don't know where people are holding. You don't know what the situation is. You have to be so careful when it's not a kind word. It's a sting. You say something to somebody, but in reality it causes the opposite. It's not something. You're never ever allowed ever to start bragging. This is who I am. This is what I've done. It's aim. Someone else should praise you, not yourself. Don't say that I did this, I did that, I the other. It can create enormous embarrassment and upset to somebody. This is who you are. This is what you are. You don't say that. Someone else can say it, but not you. Don't talk about your great achievements. It's not a kind word. It's a sting. It's an awful thing. Be very careful how you address people. You don't know where people are holding what they're doing in their lives. No, it you don't know. Even to say, I think no, I'm going on vacation to Switzerland. Be careful. Maybe the other person can't go to Switzerland. Maybe you hear my point. You have to be so careful in conversation. I once went into a seminary here in Jerusalem and I was asked to say a Shia there and I went inside the office and the manahel was standing there in the office. I was giving a shet one time shia there. As I was standing there, a girl, an alumni girl came in. I think she was in the school about 3 years ago and the man I had turned. Oh, sir. Hello. How are you? How are you doing? Where is your husband learning? Which is she is he learning? She said, "My father, my husband is not learning. He's out working at the moment." And then my head, oh, I see. Okay, maybe one day he'll learn. He's an awful awful. I I felt like punching the lady on the nose. The reason why I didn't cuz her husband is bigger and stronger than me. I didn't want to take him on. You don't do that. You don't turn around to something where maybe he's not learning. Maybe he can't learn. I don't know why. And I I looked at her face. The girl was broken. The girl was And she turned red. She was embarrassed. What? Nothing wrong in working. Nothing wrong in working at all. Why? Why do people give this idea this idea that the best? There's no such thing as elitist. Be careful what you say. You're never allowed to say to somebody, you know, my husband insists that we only have this. Maybe they have another. It's your private life. It's wearing your religion on your sleeve. Why do you have to tell everybody your him, how wonderful your children are, how wonderful you are. I feel very strongly about it because it's not a kind word. It's a sting. It's a sting which a person gives and it can cause tremendous tremendous difficulty. Don't talk about yourself. Don't talk about who your children are, the greatness of yourself or your be careful. It's not a kind word. You can sting somebody. I when you meet somebody, you want to say something interesting, something nice. Then you should have in your mind maybe a beautiful story or something which you can share with them. If you're English, you'll have no problems at all. You talk about the weather, it's cold, it's chilly, it's drizzle. That's all they talk about. It's so boring in England. That's what the weather is this, the weather was like this yesterday. Last year was cold. All they talk about is the weather. You don't have to talk about the weather. It's not necessary. But you should have something in your mind which is interesting, a nice story, something to share with somebody. I remember I was once sitting at a wedding. It was in no shall at a wedding. And one of the people at the table in front of us was telling about that they just had I think their 11th child or something like that. He was saying you know can I know my wife has 11 and he was telling me at the table the man who was sitting next to me I happened to know personally he'd been married for 20 years and never had a child in his life and I could see he was let down. It was a it was a sting to him. He felt so bad. I sat there and I described to him I don't know if you've seen in my safe bridge called prayer. I describe about two women who daven for each other for 32 years. They dam for each other and they gave birth within a few weeks of each other. After 32 years of dam I told him a story, it's in my safer if you want to look. The two women from Zurik it's in my safer. He turned around to me alters and he said to me, you know something, Yison, you gave me tremendous. I was so pleased. He said to me as follows, I've only been married for 20 years and they were married 32 years. You hear the point? You have to be careful. Be careful what you say. Don't say something which is going to make something interesting but find something which is interesting. I would like to share with you a beautiful interesting story which I was told by my son-in-law Duchinita. My son-in-law told me this beautiful episode you know last week was the yacht site of salvik the son of the brisk he was nifa I think last week one day last week on the same day asshad and there were articles which were written about my son-in-law called me up on shabas and told me the following duchin my son-in-law told me the following beautiful story and turned up to learn in his yeshiva and he turned up I think a week later a week after this and turned around and said, "I'm sorry. There's no room for you in yeshiva. I'm sorry you can't stay in yeshiva." So the turn and said, "Rebi can sit in the ba medish here nevertheless." So David turned around and said, "Okay, if you find a place to sit, but you're not in the yeshiva." Okay, fine. But I sat there. He was sitting there for a few weeks and then after he was learning the gum of what the yeshiva was the ka was learning. So then he asked is it possible for me to come inside the Shia because the mice I'm here I'm learning the same thing and said to him if you find a place to stand it's very squashed and if you want to you can come you can sit but you're not in the yeshiva he said you're not in the yeshiva he was dabbing there in yeshiva as well and then eventually he saw that you know dabing there in yeshiva maybe you can eat breakfast there in yeshiva as well and he asked is it possible for me to he said if you can find something to eat you can eat something as well but you're not in the yeshiva he kept not in the yeshiva Then came to the time at the end of the month and Abdul was giving out a kaluca giving out a a stipen to all the people in the co. So he would turn around and he said you know yes is it possible I'm learning you in the yeshiva you know and is it possible for me to receive so maybe if there's something left I'll give you something but you're not in the yeshiva he said well I don't understand I'm learning here I come to the shia I have breakfast I d in yeshiva and I give back what does it mean I'm not in the yeshiva David said as follows a beautiful line I must tell you when I say you're not in yesh yes I mean as follows I'm not able to daven for you I daven for everybody in this yeshiva It's too much for me to take on for davening for you as well. Everybody else I dab for. Is that a beautiful story? Beautiful. There was yeshiva here. Daven for everybody. It's too much. I can't take on. Not in yeshiva means I can't dab for you as well. My son-in-law told me that he told this story over Friday night at the table. And his son turned around and says, "Aba, now I understand the lebi who I have in is aik at the beginning of the year. He asked all our names and took all our names. Maybe it's the same thing as well. He took the names of the he damned for the children. Is that a beautiful story? You mean something interesting. Don't talk about the weather. No say a I don't mean for talk as I said before. Not from talk. Say a nice say something which is a nice story or something like that. That's the point I'm making here. A kind word I think means as follows. You're able and capable and you wish to say a compliment. A compliment spelled with an I, not with an E. You know compliment means compliment with an E. As far as I know, I was always told compliment with an E means like a scarf is compliments the dress. It matches it. It's good. Compliment with an I means a nice word to somebody saying a good word. I once gave a shar about a compliment, giving a compliment and I came out, someone wrote to me after the year and she wrote as follows. A compliment has the word t test. The the t the first t stands for tailor made. If you're giving a compliment to somebody, it must be tailor made to the person who you're talking to. A compliment is only a condom if it's addressed to that person specifically. I remember when I lived in Hanov came to give a in the oni he gave a sh I gained a tremendous amount from the sh I thought I wanted to go and say something to the world. I went over to him after and I said I wanted to tell the world how much I gained from the Shia. He beamed at me. He absolutely beamed and he said thank you for telling me as a compliment tailor made for him. I gain from your shear. That's the point which you're saying here. The E stands for enthusiasm. When you say a compliment, you must be smile. You must be enthusiastic. If you're saying something nice to somebody, say something with a smile. Don't just murmur it or groan it. It must be said a certain way. I remember when I was in school, you know, school boys can be very, very cool. There was a teacher we had. He never ever smiled. Never ever crossed his never cracked his face ever. Even if you say something was good, he was very good. It was like miserable a miserable person. We gave him the nickname instant death. It's an awful thing to say. We called him instant death. He never ever smiled. If you're giving a compliment and you're saying something nice, you must say something with a smile to it. No. S stands for specific. I was told always never ever can use the word nice. What is nice? Nice weather, nice hat, nice cake, nice tablecloth, nice picture, nice wallpaper. Nice doesn't mean anything. Remember the gay I once brought to you. What does a good guest say? A good guest says he's specific. Say something specific rather than just think a general nice. And the last T is tailor made. E is enthusiastic. S is specific. And T also means the last one is truthful. Don't tell a lie. When you're giving a compliment, tell the truth as it actually is. There's a beautiful Pik in Mish which describes it. And the Vagon explains in the following way. a conversation upon the lips which is truthful lasts forever. For one second lining shock an expression which is false which is not true. The vagon says there were two words of conversation whereas are the lips and lashine is the tongue. The main conversation is the tongue. If it's if it's a comment which comes out from the lips, it's a m a side comment but it's truthful it lasts forever. So if it's only a side comment but it's truthful it lasts forever for one second it lasts. It's a long long diet. Isn't that politicians they talk and talk and it's all a no it lasts for a second. As long as they say it and it's gone even though it's a long long diet tribe doesn't mean anything she from the beginning. That's the point which we're making about what are we saying here as follows. Maybe we can bring a buyer from all that I'm saying here. A kind word. There is a beautiful sentence which we say in if you say it in your shabas morning. The Almighty is glorified by me cuz he wants me for who and he is for me to be a crown of pride. A crown of dis distinction. What is the per of me? What is the what is the glory of me is my speech. No, I speak when I glorify he has given me the incredible gift of speech. When you give, it's a it's a glory of a human being. Say something. Say a kind word. Think about who you're talking to. Not what I need to say, what the person needs to hear. No, think of it. And if you can't say anything good, at least give a hug and a kiss. No, afterwards or give a bu. If you can't say anything good, at least give a smile. Make the person feel good. If you have nothing to say, you can't ask about the children. You can't whatever it is, give the person a bu and walk away. At least that you can give. No, you can give that. Give a give a glory a certain thing which is beautiful. Number six, the first one was it's not an option. The second just going over it was uh the demeanor. The third one was maturity. The fourth was for privilege. The fifth suggestion was a kind word. The next point which I'd like to bring, it's another suggestion. I hope it'll ring a bell. Is the nature of of humility and modesty when it comes to doing a let me explain what I mean. Evidently so they say was very concerned that there would be no amba for him. The reason was because everything that he did was always broadcast. Everything was public. He had tremendous respect. Shak went here. Rash said this and he was very concerned. covoid respect and honor that you're given and prestige is reserved for hab and therefore if you get it here in a mazer there'll be nothing for me in he was very concerned about that evidently his son-in-law mayor Bergman Schlita once explained on the yacht site of Rabshak which is on paras va just before on in after kanuka va pashes va by the aada and he said these following words about ravshak as follows he applied a lesson from the pa do you remember in the aada When he took these things when he was going to do the question is what is the rashi says the males is the knife he took the wood the fire and the knife why is it called males rashi says because khalis eat up the reward from the for many many generations for many years why asks for bergman why the atom and the ash why does the reward specifically come from the knife the males rather than the atom and the egg. Why don't kalis be bought from the wood and the fire? Why the males? And he explained as follows. Nobody spoke about the knife. Nothing was discussed about it. It was all kept quiet. The knife was to be used for slaughtering but it was quiet. Something which was quiet retains all the ba there. That's the point he was bringing out in the ha of that particular para. Remember the messa with Asus Avajia the wife of Avajia. Avajia had looked after 100 prophets in a cave and looked after them and fed them. And then he had died and the children were taken away. His children were taken away by the creditors and she had no money at all. The wife went every single day evidently to pray at the grave of her husband of Aadia and Abascal came out. She heard as follows. Alicia will come to down and give you a bra on the oil. And as you know the mice Alicia came. She had a tiny measure of oil. He poured the oil on forb she became a wealthy woman a very wealthy woman. The question is asked why specifically the oil? If you look carefully at the episode of a vadia looking after the prophets in the time of it says quite clearly he provided them with lemay with bread and water. It doesn't talk about the oil. The oil is quiet. Something which is quiet carries a tremendous. That's the point here where Bergman was saying whatever Rashak does, you think he was a very public figure, there was even more to Rashak than what you saw in the public figure. There was far more behind the scenes. Beautiful point to say by the son-in-law. Whatever you saw in the public arena was only one side, but there was a tremendous amount of modesty and sneak as well. What's hidden is the reward. And therefore, he was saying to the shre at the grave, he was saying as follows, your aba will be enormous. Why? Because we know quite well what we saw was only a fraction. the tip of the iceberg. There was far more to you than that much more than that and that's what we saw in you beautiful point. Now I remember hearing a boy from Bulba several times both in the mir and also in the basa where bulby used to say very often what was the merit that we had to come out of Egypt because of the nshimid kanyas the greatness of the women the righteous women who brought food for their husbands in the field and looked after them. Rabula said the same will be in the future that the reason why the gul shal will come out because the enormous avoid of a woman. Now why? What's the reason behind it? I was thinking what Rabula had said maybe for the following reason. When a woman gets to the age of 90, we don't make an enormous dinner in a hall and say this woman washed a million dishes in her life. No way. We don't turn around and say this woman cleaned a thousand chickens in her life. We don't talk about that. No one talk. No one turns around and said woman said do you know how many washes I've done today? How many diapers I clean? It's not said. It's all quiet. Everything which a woman does is quiet. And that's the reason why because it's all sheet. It's all sua. Nothing is said but a woman does. No one talks. You make a dinner for someone who gave a million dollars. But you don't make a dinner for a woman who made a thousand shabosim or 5,000 dishes, whatever it you don't do that. It's all quiet. That's the greatness of a woman. It's all behind the scenes. Nothing is spoken about. She doesn't talk about it. No one talk. You don't a woman doesn't come to a wedding and say you know I washed I did five washes this week or I changed 80 diapers whatever you don't talk about that since you don't talk about that's where all the is there something which is which is hidden from the eye that's the reason why that's the suggestion I'm saying last suggestion which is a long she this but I'd like to bring the last point the last point maybe I thought of maybe looking at the end of every time you damage these are the words that You say should we be rebuilt speedily in our days. The same and there we will serve you with great fear like in the olden days. Why do we say this at the end of the reason why we say it? Because we have now spoken out. Our lips are instead of the bulls. Our lips says the noi what we do is in place of the bulls but we should go back to the bulls and and serve you with great fear. And then the last sentence which he said is actually a translation is it should be pleasant to the almighty the gift of Yehuda in Jerusalem like the days of old. We will come back to those days again. What is the meaning behind this sentence? I once heard a beautiful explanation from Hagon Victor Neansson. He explained the love of the old city. He explained as follows. The word has two meanings. Or means something which is sweet and pleasant and is also a guarantor. And he explained the sentence in the following way. How will we have what is sweet and pleasant to the almighty is the what is the the guarantee that Yehuda turned around and said I'm looking after whatever happens I am pledging my support I will be responsible for this child what's pleasant to the almighty is the gift of Yehuda when he turned around and said I'm looking after this child from me you can search for him that is so favorable to the almighty like the days of old How will we get back when we take where it has responsibility to it for somebody else? The min was sweet to the almighty because it showed really the element of no took place because mindless hatred the greatness of is that the which comes out and that's these are the points which I hope the suggestions which I brought out hopefully we can turn around and say that what are the points we should know in order to become inevitable And I must be the same. I must cleave to that first. The options are as follows. Not it's not an option. It's not something which you if you're convenient, if you're in the giving vein. It's not supposed to be like that. It's an obligation. It's to do such a thing. The second point which we brought out is the demeanor, the countenance, the way that you do it. It's that's the a that's the woman, the giving, the good eye which is behind it all. Third point is if you're mature, you can be a and maturity doesn't necessarily mean age. You can be a young woman and you can be like an an alter baba as well. The next point, the fourth point was the privilege to serve. It's a privilege as a gift from the almighty. He's giving you an opportunity to do a kindness for somebody else. That's the beauty behind it all. Next point was a kind word. A kind word is not necessarily something that you want to say, but something that the person has to hear. Let them hear this. Give them the support. If it's a it's a whatever it is say the words which will help them like Yonison did with David do to help you out as much as you can find something interesting keep in your mind a nice story to sell a compliment is test tailor made enthusiastic specific and also it has to be truthful as well there's a tremendous gift in a in a a which is kept quiet if it's a message we learned from and also no kas everything is kept quiet what a does. And finally, what is most pleasing and pleasant to the Almighty is the gift of loving kindness is the responsibility which we take on Hashem. A boy said, just to go back to where we began, what is the greatest gift of loving kindness? Help out to anytime he meets Hashem in order in their campaign to give them money as much as possible to to create the ability a gift to other people that they can also enjoy to as well as Hashem. I hope my wife to be in Lakewood, New Jersey over Pesak. If you're interested in hosting a share maybe in your community in the New York area, Mony Pose, any of these communities around New York and Lakewood, I'll be delighted to come in. My email address is yalpin y a l p rn rbsgmail.com. yalpin [email protected]. I look forward to hearing from you and please remember to anytime you have a generous donation.