Living With Emunah (Part 267) - Strengthen Yourself in Emunah

Good morning. Good morning. Boca Tov. This morning is Amuna Shiur. It's great to be back together. Great to be learning and growing in our Amuna, reinforcing our Amuna. I hope people had Amuna even while we were on break. Our Amuna Shiur is generously sponsored by Dr. Zev and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Gelb in memory of Bella's mother Dr. Ellen Shanzer. We remain incredibly grateful to the Morgans for their generous sponsorship. This morning Shiur is sponsored by the cover the recent Rosh Chodesh in memory of Dr. Jacob M. Hiller. It's also uh sponsored Nishmas Shoshana Feiga bas Chaim Yitzchak, a beacon of Amuna second year site is today, and in honor of the Kleinfeld and Michelle families. Very grateful to my good friend for his uh generous sponsorship in honor of the Kleinfelds and Michelles. Um a lot to catch up on. It's been a little bit of of time since we met. Since before Pesach, right? Okay, so it is good to be uh back together and back together working on our Amuna together. Let me share with you a couple quick emails I got that of course again are examples of putting Amuna into practice. Amuna is not academic. Amuna is not theoretical, conceptual. Amuna is not something that is in a book. And Amuna is not something that you acquire. You can't buy it in the store. You're not yotzei Amuna. You don't fulfill it like hearing the shofar taking a little bit of an esrog. Amuna is a way of life. Amuna is a perspective. Amuna is a way of being. Amuna is a way we engage the world. Amuna are the pair of glasses we wear and the way that we see and perceive the world. And every time somebody shares with us or sends in their personal Amuna story, it's to me an enormous chizuk. Because here we talk about it every week, but when people are putting it into practice, it reinforces and reminds us and inspires us that we can too. So, uh I got a great email from our friend. I think it's okay to use her name, Henya Gansburg. Our dear friend Henya who has moved to Israel where uh she forwarded me an email she got from her child, from her daughter. Hi Mom, just tried calling. You're probably already going to sleep. I found living with the Munashe by Goldberg online. I randomly chose one to listen to and it began he thank you for sponsoring the class in honor of Rabbi Gansburg. Coincidence question mark or what I call a God wink, a wink from Hashem. So here you had somebody who put on the a shear and randomly chose one. We're up to number What number are we up to? 267. So we have a lot of a Munashe shear I'm up there and out of 267 shear I'm she chose the one that her mother sponsored. So she got to hear me introduce it by thanking her mother. There are no coincidences in life. Got another email. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, I listen to your Munashe every week. I find the Munashe stories very uplifting. This week I have to share a story. I dove in every day that Hashem should keep my husband, my children, my grandchildren safe on the highways and byways of life. I went to get gas and after doing some shopping drove home. I was nearly home when my car started spluttering. It made a screeching noise and it turned off. What was remarkable is that it happened as I turned into the street where I live. My husband tried to restart the car but found it too dangerous to drive and the car had to be towed. One might say it was a coincidence it happened so close to home and that I was very lucky. But I choose to think of it it was Hashem who delivered me safely to my house. So again, whether it is seeing the seeming coincidences in life, nothing is coincidence, nothing random, nothing's chance. Everything is designed from above, everything is Hashem. And to live life with that perspective, with that attitude, with those glasses, you didn't just happen to get that parking spot. You didn't just happen to make that flight. The light didn't just happen to turn green. Person didn't just happen to call you at that moment and you didn't just happen to choose that episode and it turned out your mother sponsored it. Everything is by design. There is nothing which is a coincidence. And I'll give you one more and one last and one very powerful, powerful example. So I'm not going to rehash the entire thing. Maybe you know of it by now and if you don't, I wrote about it last week. You can find it online. But over Pesach, Yom Tov Pesach, when tragedy struck Israel and the Jewish people and decent people all over the world when a uh wicked, evil, heinous, terrible terrorist, who should still be caught and eliminated from this world, um extinguished three beautiful lights in the Dee family. Lucy, Maya, and and Rina Dee were simply on a tiyul on Chol HaMoed. The family Dee family had gone in two separate cars, and they were in the back car. The terrorist opened fire, killing Lucy, Maya, and Dee and Rina Dee. A horrific, terrible, unbearably painful tragedy. And the whole Jewish world tuned in. Rav Leo, Leo Dee, the husband, father, was a beacon of emunah, of faith, of strength, and still is. I woke up to four voice notes from him this morning reminding me to make aliyah. Yom Atzmaut. Baruch Hashem, he's become It's amazing how souls can feel so connected, having spent so little physical time together, but can feel so connected. Anyway, the first funeral, the funeral of his two daughters, his wife held on a couple more days. He uh he mentioned in the funeral, he said, "People ask me, where do I get emunah? How do I have faith in a moment like this?" And he said, "I listen to all the emunah shiurim of Rabbi Yisrael Goldberg in Florida." And the Jerusalem Post wrote it up and mentioned the shiur, and I I'm not telling you this. I'm enormously overwhelmed, humbled, feel grossly inadequate, but I I'm at least reassured by the fact that I don't say anything in the shiur. I just repeat the same thing every week, and I say things from others, and I read emails from others. So, I just have the privilege privilege, enormous privilege, of being the one sitting here in this side of the table, on this side of the camera, but it's all your emails, and it's all the Torah of the sefarim of the tzaddikim that we're learning. It has nothing to do with me, but but he found it and he he learns from it. And then the next funeral for his wife, he referenced again. And then at the shiva, he kept quoting things from our emunah shiur. And uh so, I felt incredibly, incredibly connected, and that I had to get on a plane and had to go see him, which I did last week with my friend Rabbi Shai Schachter, whose shiur him he also listens to. And it was an enormously powerful experience, and I'm not going to rehash it now for lots of reasons, including there's no tissue box on this table near me. It was an enormously powerful experience to go for a day and to sit with him and to As I said, you know, he mentioned that for 10 years for it for 10 years for a decade he's been listening and learning, and I felt like our neshamos have been chavrusa's together. Our souls have been chavrusa's Our souls have been singing. Our souls have been studying. Our souls have been learning. And it's amazing the power of Torah. The article I wrote is just the amazing the power You don't know Those of you who send me emails and will share your story, thank you. You don't know someone listening to that story how it changes or impacts their life. Not me, you. You don't know who saw you make your bracha this morning, who saw you caffeinate with kavana, and they changed the way they make brachos forever. You don't know who saw you this morning save a siddur help a friend or or or collect the siddur sheets afterwards or bring tissues. You You don't know. None of us know the power of our souls connecting in a metaphysical way. We only have We can only see physically here on Earth. We have physical eyes and physical bodies and we see physically, but metaphysically what's happening in the world of our souls and what's happening all around us, we have no idea who we're singing with and who we're sitting with and who we're studying with. We have no idea what's happening. The impact we have, people's impact on us, we have no idea. It was incredibly powerful. It was incredibly powerful. Anyway, so I got an email. There was uh someone in a frat who hosted us, a beautiful family, an amazing family, who I had also not met but also feel connected through the the Torah learning. I don't have permission to use their name, but I'll read her her email. A very beautiful, beautiful family. "About a month ago, our eldest daughter finished learning Nach Yomi and asked me what I thought she should learn next." Hold on, I've to tell you a story to introduce this email. So, at the shiva in this tent in his backyard with recording devices and sitting next to two cabinet members of the government. And so, Rav Leo we exchanged you talk and words and it was incredibly powerful and I'm still processing the experience. But anyway, as we were talking and he said for 10 years he was listening and he said, "Do you remember that we had a correspondence? Do you remember my email to you?" Now, in the rabbinate and in life you have certain moments of truth where you don't have a lot of time to think and you have a decision what to make. Right? Like every time you meet someone and they say, "Do you remember me? What's my name?" You know, you have to decide which way you're going to go and I think honesty is always a very good policy. So, I said to him, "Remind me." I didn't say no, I don't remember. I just said, "Remind me. Remind me." And he reminded me of an email he had sent. And it was an email that I read in the Emunah Shir. He told an incredible story during Corona, during the lockdowns, when he was still trying to go visit his parents and he was stopped in the country cuz he wasn't really allowed in. And we had spoken about maybe you remember this. We had spoken about the the significance of using people's names. Our name, Hashem's name. And when we use people's name, we give them value. We make them feel visible. We elevate and we lift them. The power of using a name. You go to Publics, you say thank you to the cashier or the valet, you ask their name. And thank you for being my car. Or you use a name. Use a name, it has a very very powerful impact. So, he sent me this whole story about how he got stopped and he wasn't going to be allowed in and he was put in detention in the airport. But the person who escorted him there, he said, "What's your name?" And then he kept using his name and he created a personal connection. And by the end he was walking out of the airport to go visit his parents. And the Emunah non-coincidence part of it, he went to go buy something and and he was given money because he was going to be in detention and he needed food to make it till the next flight. Even though he was out of leave, he still had that money. He was going to buy something. There was nothing kosher in the store except for these chocolates which were exactly the chocolates his children asked him to go get and to bring. It was a beautiful story about he was listening using the name and Emunah, Hashem always has a plan, and the not coincidence of the chocolate is a beautiful beautiful email from Leo D. And I read it and I shared it. I didn't remember it. I'm embarrassed to tell you. I didn't remember it. So again, just another powerful connection of of that story. So then I get this email. About a month ago, our oldest daughter finished learning Nach Yomi, and he asked me what I thought she should learn next. I suggested that she start listening to Living with Emunah shiurim. She started from the beginning, and as Hashem would have it, she got up to the shiur in which you read Rabbi Leo D's letter today. And she sent me this email on the day of the shiva call when I met her. So she got up to that episode where I read his letter on the day that I met him and that I was with their family. Anyway, there are no coincidences is basically what I'm taking a long time to try to tell you. There are no coincidences. Everything is from Hashem, and he's he's messaging us all day. All day, when you think you randomly press play, and what you heard, there's nothing random. Everything is by design. The Halacha of Hashem says in the Mishna in Avos, "Dama l'ma'ala mimcha. If you know what is above you, ayin ro'ah v'ozen shoma'as, v'chol ma'asecha b'sefer nikhtavim." The simple understanding or translation of that Mishna in Avos is, "Know what is above you. So ayin ro'ah, know that that you're being watched. Our generation appreciates this more than any that came before cuz we are always being watched. There are satellites and Google cameras and Street View and you're never There's cameras in this You're You're You're being watched. We didn't understand this till this Mishna made no sense until the modern era. We can relate to the notion that we're always being watched. V'ozen shoma'as, we're always being listened to. The digital fingerprint that we're leaving online, v'chol ma'asecha b'sefer nikhtavim, and therefore, what we do, it's all being recorded and one day, we're going to have to sit and watch the story of our life. Every choice we make, everything we said, everything and heard, everything we did. That's the simple understanding of the Heyluka de Bashem. Sichli Yagen Alenu de Bashem Tov interprets the Mishna differently. Bashem Tov says, Da Ma L'Ma'ala Mimcha, know that there's someone and something above you. Nothing in your life is chance, nothing in your life is random, nothing in your life is coincidence. Everything is orchestrated, curated, choreographed, everything is by design. Da Ma L'Ma'ala Mimcha, there's someone, there's something bigger than you, there's something happening around you, there's someone in charge of you, and therefore Ayin Ro'ah, what you see, you were meant to see. V'Ozen Shoma'at, so when you press play, what you hear, you were meant to hear. U'Choma'asecha BaSefer Nechtabim, now what are you going to do with it? What are you going to do with it? You saw something, you heard something, say something. It's not just a security message, but you heard something, you saw something, do something. It's a Pirkei Avot message. It's a Chazal message. It's a Hashem message. It's a Torah message. It's an Emunah message. Don't turn away, don't look away, don't stop listening. What you see and what you heard, you're meant to see and what you're meant to hear, and you're meant to extract and take a message, and you're meant to react, and you're meant to grow and do, and meant to do something. So, I'm not even sharing with you all of them, but how many times somebody sends me, I randomly put on one of this Shiur and that day you said this that I needed to hear, one fear, didn't want to hear. There's no randomness. That's true for all of us. When you get in that car, or you go on that walk, or you're starting to cook for that Shabbos, and you press play, what did you listen to? And why were you meant to hear that song, or that podcast, or that Shiur, or that thing? Ayin Ro'ah V'Ozen Shoma'at, because Da Ma L'Ma'ala Mimcha, there's someone and something bigger and above us, there are no coincidences, everything is by design, and it gets us through, and we can lean on it, and it is our anchor. Now, for the Dee family, and we daven for they should have strength after this Yom HaZikaron, his daughter wrote a beautiful, beautiful article, powerful, painful article. Her connection to Yom HaZikaron until now, what it meant, and now how she never thought or see herself as one of those families. It's powerful. It's painful. It's painful, but that family demonstrating emunah and so many others. Mentioned yesterday in the parsha share acharei moshiach bnei Aaron, the Jewish people's story is Yom HaZikaron into Yom HaAtzmaut is going from acharei mos to standing up and to going forward and going weiter in life with faith. What's our next mission? What's our next message? What are we meant to do next? That's our story. That's our story. How can How can you get through anything without emunah? How do you do it without emunah? You got to live with emunah. Emunah is our anchor. And as we mentioned on Shabbos Hagadol, that's the other thing we should I told you I say nothing new. As we mentioned, as we said, as I previously, as I like to repeat, how you keep coming back. God bless you. So, the coffee must be really good. So, we spoke about this article I shared with you. If you don't know the source sheets, they might still even be in the lobby. You can find them online or I'm happy to send you, but I shared an article from one of my rebbeim, Rav Leichter, whose rebbe, Rav Wolbe, they paid a shiva call to this great Rosh Yeshiva who had lost his wife. And the Rosh Yeshiva said, "Ah, everything Hashem does is for the good and she's in a better place and I'm so lucky to have had her when I had her and we're all good. And we're all good." And Rav Wolbe writes, they walked out and Rav Leichter said to his rebbe, "Wow, he's amazing. That was amazing." And Rav Wolbe said, "It is amazing and it's genuine. He believes in Hashem, the emunah is genuine, but he's going to crash. He's going to crash. He's going to implode. His emunah is going to go into crisis." So, Rav Leichter said, "What do you mean?" And he said, "Because when you suffer loss, when you grieve, when you're in pain, when you have a crisis, when something's hard, whether the magnitude of what the D family or something much more insignificant and inconsequential, when you're going through something hard, emunah doesn't mean to ignore or pretend or for or numb, emunah means to realize this is painful, to lean into that pain, to eat and chew on that maror, but to say, "You know what? I have emunah that it's not random, it's not chance, it's happening for a reason, and I will get through it. There will be an acharei mos, there will be a day after." He likened Rav Leichter based on Rav Wolbe, this beautiful idea that emunah is the anchor. If you're caught in a storm and the winds are blowing, it's a category five, the boat feels like it's going to turn over. Emunah is not to pretend that there's no storm raging around you. Emunah is to remember that you have an anchor. So therefore, you hold on for dear life, and you're afraid, and your heart is racing, and your blood pressure is high, but you have an anchor, and you remember the anchor. And that is the emunah in these extraordinary cases, and that is the emunah in our lives, and the emunah in our lives. I visited with Rav Asher Weiss shlita when I was in Israel for that for that day. We spent some time together. And we were talking about this these losses and people and the tragedy and the challenges our community knows, unfortunately, too well. So I'm here now, very, very personally, too well. And he told me the teshuvah of the Radvaz The Radvaz has a teshuvah where he was asked somebody had lost a loved one and didn't cry the whole shiva. And was asked by someone as the Radvaz was asked, "Is that something we should admire? Someone who goes through shiva and doesn't cry cuz they have faith in Hashem, is that something to admire?" And the Radvaz writes a lashon, he said it by heart, I don't remember it by heart, but the Radvaz uses a language that not only is that something that not to admire, but he says that is midas achzarius. That's cruelty. It is a demonstration of cruelty. To lose and not cry? It's cruel. It's cruel. It's based on the Rambam, we saw that. When I showed it to Rav Asher Weiss, he said it's based on the Rambam. To mourn excessively is a lack of faith, cuz we believe that we will be reunited, we believe there is a world to come, and we believe in the immortality of the soul. So to cry excessively, to harm yourself, the Gemara says, the Gemara the possuk says, the Torah says that "Lo yishrutu sarutes l'soso k'dodu." You're not allowed to carve your skin in a loss. You can't cut yourself. To mourn and grieve excessively is to be unfaithful to core principles of immortality of the soul and that will be reunited, resurrection, and so on. To not mourn and grieve at all is also unfaithful. It's cruel. It's to not feel pain. It's to not recognize that it's okay to feel to feel pain and to feel hurt. So, what gets us through, the anchor, the compass, the anchor depends on the day we'll use a different metaphor, but what gets us through the challenging situations of life is emunah. Is that emunah. You can't wait till you need it to find it. You got to be working on it all the time. You can't wait until you need it to find it. That's why we get together every week and work on it. We're on the bottom of page ayin ches 78. Bottom of page ayin ches. I'm still processing that whole trip, that whole experience, that whole new relationship that's an old one. And uh if there's something worth sharing I will, but still processing, still so powerful. Baruch Hashem. I feel emotional. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov I'm in his shul in Uman. I love the whole vibe of being in his base. See where we are. We're learning from Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. Bottom of page of ayin ches 78 Tiv HaEmunah. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov a great Rabbi in Uman today shlita. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov a great sage and cabalist and a great Jew and a great individual in Uman today. I've never met him yet. I hope to one day, especially now that we're learning his Torah. His whole series Tiv HaEmunah, Tiv HaShabbat, Tiv HaTorah, Tiv Ha is the whole series. He's a prolific author. And a special, cheerful, positive, hasn't had an easy life either. You know, maybe I'll share in the emunah group. Did I ever do it yet when we started learning this? An article Mishpacha Ami I forgot where about Rabbi Nachman of Breslov and his life and his attitude and his approach. It's good to know about him. We're learning him. You can also go online and see pictures and videos of him. His Torah will then come to life because he's he's living. He's living He's living through the Torah we're learning and he's biologically living. He's actually he's living. So, his safer Torah he writes, "Come and see the great Moshe, our faithful shepherd. The Torah testifies about him." Hashem doesn't say that about you and me. Hashem doesn't say that about everybody. And all of my household, he's faithful. He's reliable. He's dependable. He's dependable. Not for now, but if you need a Torah, what do we wish every couple? How do you end every of the when you can't figure out how to stop talking? You say, "And may the couple build a by us be strong." What's meant to be by us be strong? Everybody knows that ubiquitous expression, but what does it mean? May they build a by us be strong. What does that mean? It's pretty if you if you translate the words a faithful So, you got this couple, maybe young, maybe not so young. And it's a beautiful shabbat and you're ending it by saying, "And may the two of you never cheat on each other. Mazel tov." "And may the two of you always be faithful." No, that's what you're ending it. By us I can't believe what by us means. That's not what by us means. So, what does by us mean? What's the whole So, maybe look at these words. The whole by us Hashem turns to when he says, "The whole by us by us." By us means reliable, dependable, predictable. I can lean on you. You'll be there. You'll be there. Loyal. Fiercely loyal. Dependable, reliable, loyal, consistent. That's what it means the whole by us. And that's what we wish them should be consistent and reliable and dependable and faithful. And faithful. So, Moshe who Hashem says about he's the whole by us, even though nevertheless there were 50 gates of wisdom that are created in the world and and motion was given access he was given the key to all 50 gates of wisdom minus one I'll do the hard math for you that is 49 very good possible you're a stickle less than God in other words we're great we're elevated prominent a little bit less than God turn the page I ain't test why Moshe Rabbeinu he's Rabbeinu in perpetuity forever he is known as Moshe Rabbeinu he is collectively forever our teacher he is Rabbeinu forever and yet he wasn't given the 50th key only 49 one door is closed why did I show him keep one door closed for Moshe why not the whole base in the moment reliable dependable fiercely loyal faithful so give him the 50th key let him go in the last door let him access all this wisdom and all the truth why did he hold back says you know why because if Moshe had access to it all he wouldn't need Amunah he wouldn't have to take that leap there wouldn't be anything that he showed that he was leaning into without you needing to take that leap without that expression and demonstration of faith without that last amen I believe I'm working I accept then you can't have to make us Even a Moshe as faithful, reliable, dependable as he was, even Moshe as great and humble as he was, Hashem had to leave one door closed so that Moshe would have to still take a little bit a little a little a little faith, a little leap, a little leap. Why was that necessary? Why couldn't he have access to it all all the truth, all the evidence, all the proof? Why not? Because without faith there is no relationship. You need that last little bit that you're afraid of because to cling, to connect, to surrender, to submit, to practice bitel, to nullify, you need that faith. You need that little bit that says I'm in a world I don't understand, I can't see, I can't comprehend, but Hashem, even though I want to feel entitled and I want access, I surrender to you. It's not a competition, my way or your way, I surrender to you. I give in. You're in charge. You're in control. bonus. So a person has to be misgaber ba'emunah. Misgaber. Sometimes you want to say I have no faith, I have less faith, it's not going my way, it's not working out my way. I'm done, I'm out. So recently dealing with someone who's having a crisis of faith. Because I think his faith, while in many ways admirable and beautiful, but also was in other ways counterfeit all along. What do I mean by that? The person who takes on an extra da'av I da'av and I say to Hashem, I say this pitam Torahs, then I do this school, then I do this mitzvah, then I do everything right. And why am I doing all that? Because I live with a sense of superstition. That I I don't want my parnassah to go down or I don't want my children to post challenges or I don't want a health crisis. I want everything to work out. So Hashem, we have this quid pro quo relationship. Right? So in a in a real superstitious way, if I do my da'avening and I say my tehillim and I I drop off my hassid meal and I put check next to everything you want, then you'll give me everything I want, right? Quid pro quo, it'll all work out, right? Right? And that's all That's all that can work for weeks or months. It could work for years. In this case, it worked for decades. Beautiful family, beautiful parnassa, success and health in every which way. Check, check, check for you, God. And now God, you did the check, check, check for me. This is working out, quid pro quo, good relationship. I'm all in. I'll say mi yitzei Hashem be'ezrat Hashem. I'll say all the right things, do all the right things, give the right amount of tzedakah because you're reciprocating. You're paying me back. It's all working out, quid pro quo. What happens the first time something doesn't work out? What happens? Now all of a sudden you say, you know, I don't really feel connected to God anymore. I'm not coming up to sh- I'm not showing up in shul as often. I'm not saying the voluntary parts of davening, the actual tehillim I used to say. So you say, why not? So you say, cuz I'm having X challenge. I'm not going to tell you what. I don't want to even hint to what I'm talking about. I'm having X challenge. You say, yeah, but still look at all the other bracha. All the other things are still going. You're still living, you got this, you got that, you got the other thing, you have a magnificent life, it's incredible, the gift, the privileges, the brachas. It's incredible, the good fortune. You're right, that's the challenge. By the way, you need him now more than ever to navigate that challenge. The answer is now that something went wrong, I'm out. This is not an emunah issue alone, this is a our generation issue. And you see this in the relationships that are disintegrating and crumbling and disappearing. And there are times that people are not meant to be together and divorce is a mitzvah in the Torah. It's not a obligatory mitzvah, like hearing the shofar or eating the matzah, but we are a religion that says in certain circumstances when people are not meant to be together, divorce at times is also one of the tariag. At times it's also a mitzvah in the Torah. We believe in it. However, this enormous spike in the broken engagements, broken marriages, my children tell me among their friends, do you know how many young people are getting divorced after incredibly short periods of marriage? And some of them didn't mean to be together, and much of it is a wake-up call to the shidduch dating system and how long they date. There's a lot of things you could extract from it that we should be learning from it. But there is a wholesale phenomenon going on in the world today in a disposable society which says, "The first time I run into a little bit of friction, I'm out. Turning in the car, turning in the phone, turning in the house, turning in the wife, turning in the husband, turning in the children. It's dispo- I'm done. Disposable, I'm done. I don't like it. It didn't function properly. It's got a scratch. I don't like it. I'm out. First scratch, turn it in. Disposable, I'm done. I'm out. And this attitude, which in some ways is a beautiful world we live in that we are able to get a new car every few years and upgrade and update your phone all the time in your technology. And we want to then project that onto people. Let me we ask our spouse, where's how can I turn you in for a newer model? How can I upgrade you cuz you're nagging or you're difficult or you're not responsive or you're not helpful or you're not Where Where's the upgrade? Where's the You know, you get the alert like software update available? Where's that on you? I'd like to go to sleep. Usually on your phone it says, "Plug it in." Right? It gives you that option. Plug it in and while you're sleeping, it'll upgrade to the newest software. Next, you know, version 7000.2. So, you tell your spouse, "I'm going to sleep. What can I press that when I wake up, I can upgrade to a different version of you?" And if I can't, sayonara. I'm out. It's a huge challenge in today's world. but relationships take work. And the from Sarah Iger, the more work you put in, the more reward you get out. The richer the relationship, the more rewarding the relationship, the more real the relationship. You know, that that young couple, I meet with them before the wedding. And especially if I'm speaking under the huppah, I like to ask them, "What made you What made you fall in love? Or what made you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with them?" Now again, sometimes they met each other three times. They're like, "I'm not really sure. Could you ask my mother?" I'm not going to get into that right now. My mother fell in love. She read the resume. She told me the date. She told me to ask to propose. She told me ask my mother why we're in love with her. I don't know. Okay, ask the dating coach why we're in love. I'm not really sure. I'm not again, I'm leaving out my editorial right now on the on the system, which needs a lot of work. Leaving it out altogether. But, you know, a couple who genuinely have actually have some feelings, you ask them. And they look and starry-eyed and it's beautiful and the light's nauseating and it's in the room and it's right? You know, and then they come home for Pesach and their siblings are like, "You got to talk to them. I can't be around them. I can't sit on the couch next to them. I can't be at the Yom Tov meal with them. The way they look at each other, the way they talk to each other, the way they I can't be around them, right?" Baruch Hashem. It's a beautiful thing. Halavai by all of us. We should have We should have such nachas. Why am I telling you this? Because when they stand under the huppah, they think they know what love is. They think they know what love is. Ha! Right? We look at them now. And we look back and we're like, "We thought we knew what love was?" Wait till your first fight. Wait till your first crisis. Wait till chalilah a miscarriage or a stillbirth or a loss. Wait till the first job interview that didn't go well. The first time you were let go. Wait till the first time the child gave you agmas nefesh or the child didn't arrive or come and you waited. Wait. Then you'll know what love is. When you navigate that, when you live through that, when you use that to bring you closer together instead of further apart, When you find a way to be in sync as you overcome it, now you'll know what love is. Wait till the first time she says, "We're having milk and eggs for dinner." Wait till the first time she says, "What do you mean? It's a kale salad. It's delicious." Then you'll learn what compromise and sacrifice and love is really all about. Then you look for the upgrade button. Where can I upgrade to the fleshig? Where's the the new model? So, then you know what love is. Then you know what love is. And the same is true in the relationship with Hashem. You can't come back from seminary or your year in Israel. You can't come back from whatever stage of life that you discovered Hashem in the Amuna Shiur and you're on fire and it's all hunky-dory and it's all going well and smoothly and everything's great cuz you got the quid pro quo. I started going to this Amuna Shiur. I listen every week and I say baruch Hashem and I think about Hashem all the time and now my life is amazing. We're all healthy and we have parnassah. We're making simchas and boom, you hit a wall. And what happens now? What happens now? What happens to the D family when they wake up and they went from a family of seven to a family of four. What happens when you hit that wall which in Hashem is so much less than that, but you hit the wall that says, "You know, the doctor said we got the labs back and this time he didn't just send you a text that said, 'Got the labs back. They're all good.' He said, 'Come see me on Tuesday.'" And there's not something that you're fighting for your life, but there's a medicine you have to take or you have to be more careful eating that food. What happens when the teacher calls you and says with your child, "I think we've discovered some learning issues or behavioral issues. I think the child's struggling socially to make friends." What happens when you hit that wall? You say, "But Hashem, I thought we had a deal. Like I just daven and say the Tehillim and do the things and then it's all good, right?" Nowhere do you sign up for that deal. Not in your relationship with Hashem, not in your relationship with your spouse, not in your relationship when you give birth to your children, not in the relationship with your employer or employees. There's no area of life I know of that you get to sign up for that. I don't know of that option anywhere. They take work. And when you hit that wall, it's the real test of who you are. And the real test of the quality of that relationship, and behold base in Amon. Are you dependable and reliable and faithful even now when it's not going well, even when you hit that wall, even when you hit that speed bump? Is that also from Hashem? Is that also a sign from him? So, this friend, this dear friend, I'm telling him, you're blessed that for several decades your quid pro quo was working. And now you hit a wall cuz something's you're hitting a struggle. It's a real struggle. It's a painful struggle. Not a simple. It's surmountable. Please God it has a light at the end of its tunnel. It's repairable. But it's difficult. It's painful. And there's a lot that's unknown about it. And now is not a time to back away or back off of your relationship with Hashem. Now's the time to lean in. Now's the time to double down. Now's the time to say, you know what, until now I thought I was in love with you. We looked at each other starry-eyed and made people nauseous around us. Whenever I said baruch Hashem and Hashem and I love Hashem. Don't you love Hashem? And Hashem loves me and Hashem loves you. Until now we were making people nauseous, Hashem. And I thought I loved you. But now it gets real. It's about to get real. And we're going to have real conversations. We're going to go outside and I'm going to yell at you. I'm going to curse you. I'm going to protest you. I'm going to object to you. And I'm going to wonder where you are and how you could do this to me. And after that we're going to hug it out each and every time. Because we're going to feel closer than ever cuz I need you. I need you. I need you more than ever. So, start clearly his God be the Amona. A person has to be misgaber. You got to work. Misgaber is like a gibor, a warrior. You got to battle. You got to battle to double down. You got to battle to lean in. You got to battle to dig in in those moments that you hit that wall. How do I hit in the wall should be you missed your flight. How do I hit in the wall is you failed your driving test you have to reschedule. How do I you hit the wall is you had milk and flakes for dinner. How do I that's that's not how do I you hit that wall. You had milk and flakes the other night. How do I you hit that wall? What? No no we went out for milk and flakes the other night. Do you remember? We went out for milk and flakes. If that's not love I don't know what is. Is that yeah? Anyway how do I how do I so that's the test that's the test that's the test of of a moment. So we got to use the using the lotion using the language specifically to stop there. You got you got to you got to strengthen you got to work out. You got to work out. Leave aside all of your calculations and all of your thoughts and all of your dreams and all of your wishes. But what do you mean it's not how I drew it up I was supposed to pass on the first time. That's not how I drew it up each of my children were supposed to be exactly the way I want them to be. What do you mean that's not how I drew it up I was supposed to be able to eat this forever. I was supposed to be able to sit on a couch forever and not have to exercise. What do you mean that's not how I drew it up I've been telling everyone I'll never take a medicine I don't believe in medicine. What do you mean that's not how I drew it up I was supposed to be able to upgrade my spouse to the software to just make them change and to become what I want in them. What do you mean that's not how I drew it up? So you have to you have to be willing to abandon and relinquish and let go of those thoughts and those dreams and that fantasy that you control the world. We believe with a full faith kilo He loves us. Everything is by design. Everything is with a purpose, even when we don't feel it and don't understand it and don't have an access to comprehend it, it's all His love and it's all for us and it's all by design. He wants to redeem us. He wants to redeem us. And he's listening. He wants to hear our voice. Every one of our davening. I would argue that in that quid pro quo prototype of your relationship, even the davening wasn't a real davening. It was kind of like one of the check marks. I got to do this, this, this, and this. Then you give me this, this, and this. So yeah, I'm shackling. Yeah, I'm waving my arms. Yeah, I'm screaming Yishmerabbi. But all that was just my check mark. We just said in in the city of snippets the other night. We mentioned the city of snippets the other night the notion of Eon Tfila. The says there are three things that are scary of social Adam. Three things that if a person does, says go bring me his file. Go bring me her file. Let me see whether Let me see how they're doing. Let me see whether they're worthy. One of them is if you walk under a dilapidated wall. You walk under a wall that's about to collapse. says oh, look who's so confident that everything's going to be okay. They'll be protected. They'll be safe and secure. They're so confident they're worthy. Bring me her file. Number two is you have a lot of them. You turn somebody over to the authorities. Now, let's be very clear. The is if someone is a danger to society, you have an obligation to turn them over. We're not talking about that. We're talking in antiquity in ancient times when the authorities were unjust and cruel and and you turn the Jew over to them. So says, oh, you're in a position that you're turning someone over. Let's see your file. The third thing the says is Eon Tfila. Come on Eon Tfila. What's Eon Tfila? It's like this. It says Eon Tfila means overconfidence in prayer. What's overconfidence in prayer? I know you all heard this cuz you listen to Seder Tefillos, but I'm just reviewing it. Overconfidence in prayer. What's Even Tfilah? Even Tfilah is Even Tfilah is you had an incredible davening. You had an incredible davening. You were focused and concentrated on every word. You lost track of time. You have no no idea how long you were davening. You were connected to every page of the siddur came alive. You had this feeling, this connection to Hashem. You walk away and you're like, "Wow, what a davening. I was plugged in." And you know what? I'm feeling pretty good Hashem's going to answer me. I feel pretty good I'm going to get a good response because what a I never had a davening like this in my life. So, the Gemara says, "Instead of the rabbis applauding you, instead of the rabbis honoring you or clapping for you, the rabbis say, 'Uh-oh, Hashem's about to take out your file.'" Why? What's so bad about Even Tfilah? Is there something so wrong that you feel like you schmuck? What a davening. I was mindful. I was present. I was engaged. I was passionate. I was present. And now Hashem's going to answer me favorably. Why is that so bad? Cuz who did you knock out of the equation? The moment you see davening as a tool or instrument that as long as I do it right, I get answered, who got knocked out of the equation? Hashem. It's no longer part of him. It's like, "Oh, I'm sick. I got to go to the doctor, take my multivitamin, drink my orange juice, eat my What's that called? Echinacea?" Echinacea. Echinacea. Oh, and I also have to daven. And then once I do check, check, check, check, I'm better. No. Your davening is not something on your checklist that once I do it, I'm guaranteed and I'm good to go. Even Tfilah, if you have overconfidence when you daven, you knocked him out of the equation and instead of sitting him sitting in the seat that he's in charge, who did you replace him with? You. So, Hashem says, "Oh, you think you're in charge? Let me see your file. Let's see how well you are doing." Davening Tfilah authentically is not quid pro quo. I do this, this, this, and this. I get this, this, this, and this. Davening is we're up to insider snippets. Again, I know you will know, but we're up to bakasha, the middle section of the Amidah. The shavach, the first three brachas are praise. The last three brachas are hoda'ah, gratitude. And the middle section is bakasha. So, we're about to study the 13 universal things we ask for. Ata chonen l'adam da'at, we start with da'at, knowledge. Funny, if you were to ask me First of all, it's a fun game. Gather your family and ask, we're composing a prayer that will have to last for all time. Every Jew throughout all time, in every place in the world, we're all going to say the same prayer. What are the 13 things that are universal needs for all time and anywhere that we should compose that people will need? What are the 13 things? Would you come to the same thing that Anshei Knesses Gedolah came to? Some of them, yes. Good health and parnassah, we'd all have in there. Shma Koleinu, the generic catch-all, we'd all think that's a good idea. Redemption, we'd all want that. Okay, good, but that's less than half of them. Would we have come up with the other ones? Hashiva shofteinu varishona, would we come up for that? Justice, reinstate rabbinical courts and a system of justice, hold others accountable. Ata chonen l'adam da'at, would we have asked for wisdom and knowledge and contemplation and and capacity for analysis? And that's the first one. So, one exercise is which 13 should you come up with? The next is now put them in order. What's the order of priority? How should How do you go? Now, the Gemara Megillah tells us why we have the order we do. We, whether you grew up with it or not, if you've become accustomed to saying the Amidah, you don't even think about it. You don't But, do you ever stop and pause? Why is Ata chonen that's the first thing? That's the first one. I would have started with health. If you don't have your health, you have nothing. So, maybe the first thing to ask for is good health. Why is the first thing that we ask for da'at? Chochma, bina, da'at. First thing we ask for is to be part of Chabad. Chochma, Bina, and Daas. The fabreng. Atzachona L'Adam Daas with fabreng Chachma, Bina, and Daas. Why is that the first thing? So, Bakasha, this is the middle section in the introduction is when we're talking about this, E an Fila. Do you know why we go through this Bakasha section? And by the way, we're going to do it at Mincha. Just had it in Shacharis. And at Mincha, we're going to go through these 13 universal needs. And a few minutes after that, we're going to go through them again at Maariv. Okay, got we got it. What What do I have to keep repeating it? I told you what I need. Now, supply it. Quid pro quo. I do for you, you do for me. We're good to go, no? Why do I have to keep really repeating it? Are you so arrogant and egotistical that you need I I once did the funeral of a major Hollywood celebrity's father. And in that context, we had long conversations about Judaism. And his main reason that he doesn't believe, he doesn't practice, he doesn't pray, is he said, "It's amazing that such an accomplished, award-winning, household name, brilliant, hilarious person could be so unsophisticated and foolish in his thinking. But he said, 'I don't believe in prayer cuz I don't want to talk to a God who's so arrogant and egotistical, he needs the whole world to tell him every day how great he is. That's why I don't pray.' So, we had a long discussion about that and how wrong he is. How God tolerates our prayers. He doesn't wait for them or want them. It does nothing for God that you praise him, I promise you. He's infinite, you're finite. He's immortal, you're mortal. He's omnipotent, you're pathetic. Your praise not you, me. I'm pathetic. Your praise means nothing for I promise you, it does nothing for his ego. He He's going to tolerate it. He's He's He tolerates it graciously, not because it does anything for him. So, why are we praying three times a day? You just did it at Shacharis, we'll be back again at Mincha. Mincha, see you at Maariv. After Maariv, see you again tomorrow morning at Shacharis. Why? Because it's an exercise in this Emunah. We keep coming back and saying, you know, all day I'm going to take initiative. All day I'm going to try, I'm going to work, I'm going to fight. All day I'm going to act like it's all dependent on me. But three times a day I come back and I tell you Hashem, but I know it really is all about you. You know, they say, work like it all depends on you and pray like it all depends on Hashem. Work as if it all depended on you, take initiative, try and work as if it all depends on you, fight like it depends on you, but then pray knowing it all depends on him. It's not a contradiction. It works together. So three times a day, because I'm so busy working and fighting and trying and taking all that initiative to solve my problems and the world's problems, I could easily get confused to think who's in charge? Me. So three times a day I have to come back and remind ourselves, because that's how pathetic I am, three times a day I have to come back and say, I know I'm fighting out there like it's all me, but Hashem I know it's all you. I know it's all you. So the bakasha, this middle section, is all a reminder and exercise in humility, in submission, in surrender, that we'll never be guilty of eating tfila. I'll never be overly confident and pretend it's me. I'm going to be a gibor, lesgaber b'emunah. Hashem, no matter what's going on around there, when I take these three steps forward and now I'm with you, I know you're I got it. I'm going to wrestle with you. And shma koleinu, I'm going to yell at you. I'm going to protest. I don't like what you're doing with this one. I don't like what you're doing with me with this. I need you to heal this. I need you and want you to work on that. But after we wrestle a little bit, I'm going to give you a big hug and I'm going to know what love is. It's not back in the days when we were starry-eyed and nauseating. I know what love is. Love is now when I wasn't happy with you, but I stuck with you. Love is when you weren't happy with me, but you took me back anyway. That's chuva. It's the relationship with Hashem. I wasn't b'chol be si na'amon. Between shacharis and mincha, I wasn't so be si na'amon. Remember at shacharis when I promised I would never speak lashon hara again, I would have kavana when I make brachos, I would learn all my free time. Well, I'm back at mincha to tell you I didn't do any of that. Not only that, I said some of the wrong things, I looked at someone, watched some of the wrong things. And I'm back to tell you I'm going to try again. And you know what Hashem, you know what love is? Love is that I wasn't so base and unmanly, but you took me back anyway. Cuz real love is we're working through it. We're sticking with each other. We're fighting for it because it matters, it means something and it's worth it. That's Emunah. That's this journey of Emunah that we're on. Fluctuate, it has ups and downs. We learn this together Ratzon Hashem. We learn this that need to be misgaber. We have to work hard, work hard. And to realize that whatever's happening it's from above. Shamayim, he's listening to our tfilos. He wants us. K'dei zeh b'zeh Hakadosh Baruch Hu Zohar says, we'll end with this. Rebbe Shimon teaches Borei K'machal b'Yisrael the Zohar is in Aramaic, but we'll read the translation the Targum in the bracket and we'll end with this. Come see K'machal b'Yisrael lifnei Hakadosh Baruch Hu. There's no nation, there's no people Hashem welcomes and wants and invites and listens to our tfilos like no one else and nothing else. Hashem loves us, he sticks with us, he tolerates us because he loves us in the end of the day. And he wants us to talk to him, surrender to him, protest him, to engage him in our life and to see him in every area of our life. We should be zocheh to live such a life with that Emunah, to turn to those role models and to ride their coattails, to follow in their way. I'm telling you we're going a little long today, but we have to make up for a bunch of weeks though. We're okay, we're good. Keep sending your emails, keep sending your messages and stories. They mean a lot, they lift me and others. Keep caffeinating with Kavana. Till next time. Stay happy, stay healthy, stay holy.