Living With Emunah (Part 189): In Good Times and in Bad

welcome back to living with emunah our weekly series in which we get together to remind ourselves what we already know what we intuit what we're born with in our kishkas in our gut that there is a creator that's already born he's involved and invested in our lives he's not only aware of but he is connected with all that happens there is no random there is no chance there is no happenstance but rather it is all of course by design i want to thank our generous sponsors for the year dr xavier bella morgan in memory of rabbi dr brian galbet and in memory of bella's mother dr ellen shanzer thank you so much for your generosity this morning's class as well is sponsored in particular by the aegis and fox families two very special families i've known for a long time commemorating the upcoming sixth year at site of dr saul aegis who was a really extraordinary man and thank you to our dear friends the aegis and fox families for learning with us and for sponsoring this morning if you'd like to sponsor a future episode please email lee l-e-e beersonline.org lee at brsonline.org okay we continue our study of devekas how can we connect to and cling to hashem not only in the happy occasions not only in the happy moments but how do we feel his presence how do we feel connected to him no matter what's going on particularly in the moments that we would otherwise panic in the moments that we would otherwise feel anxious in the moments that we would otherwise turn inward he's selfish or envious or arrogant how can we remember specifically then to be davak to cling to connect to glue to attach ourselves to him and therefore to relieve ourselves of any of that anxiety or worry to recognize that all that happens is for a reason and that everything's gonna be okay i know none of you slept in the last week you were all waiting to find out did my daughter get her negative current test she was able to get back on the plane to israel and the answer is drum roll please yes she did which is what he told her everything's for a reason hashem will come through whether you make this flight or the next one it will happen the way it was meant to in barak hashem it happened the way she wanted it not just the way he wanted they coincided which always is lovely when that happens so as people were coming to the airport and already boarding the plane though it was getting late and was stressful that negative test the lab result finally came back she was able to get on the plane and barack hashem thank god she's back in her natural habitat back in israel learning study and growing and so grateful to hashem for that and for so much more we have been learning about vegas etc the notion of clinging to hashem in good times and in bad being connected to hashem not only when it's convenient not only when we're on fire not only when we feel like it but to realize that his presence in our lives is permanent it doesn't fluctuate it's not only when we want it it's not only when we need it but it's there no matter what so let's go back and drop it we have to put it in our minds again this is of ichameya morgenstern and his bayam darachakha his wonderful work of self-growth of personal growth the chapter on vegas and how to acquire this attribute of clinging to god so a person has to very carefully very importantly put inside our mentality don't just look for the light we are a vessel of light god is all around us god is in nature and god is in experiences and events and god is in history and god is in destiny and god most of all is in us every one of us that tell him eloquem we are a unique divine spark every one of us is an ambassador an agent every one of us is a shliyaka messenger of hashem and if we woke up this morning and if we're here and if we're alive there is something to accomplish something to achieve there's something to do we are a unique expression of god in this world we are that vessel that carries that light we are meant to be the angel for others to be that light in someone else's life to be of service to them that doesn't mean that we can't relax or enjoy or be invested in our own happiness but in fact the greatest route to happiness the happiest we are is when we are the most of service to others so don't see yourself as insignificant or inconsequential don't see yourself god forbid is damaged but we are clear we are a vessel every one of us our lives every one of us why we are here every one of us and our role in this world in our family in our job with our friends is to be a vessel a conduit to shine and to illuminate that light the shallow leos totally wrapped behind us however there will be times that i don't see and i don't feel and i'll feel connected there will be times we're not in fire i don't feel like waking up and going to show i don't feel like making broccolis i don't feel like dabbling slowly i don't feel like doing i don't feel like keeping shabbas there will be those moments just like in marriage just like in any other relationship we've been describing it's not always fireworks and sparks and romance there are moments that we feel incredibly close there are moments that our relationship is on fire but there are moments also that it's ice cold vegas too many people they cling to god only proportional to how connected they feel to him so for too many people when god is good to them everything's working out health wealth happiness family the job the spouse it's all coming through then then i feel connected i feel close then there's a god then everything is for a reason but when things don't work out when we feel all alone abandoned when we're struggling to get by when we want to make it through the day when things are not flowing when we run into challenge when we run into a wall do we still cling to him nonetheless that's the proof is in the pudding and as we mentioned last time in the time before it is a metaphor all relationships in this world are all a metaphor for our relationship with him for our relationship with hashem and just like in the relationships in this world they are consistent and permanent they're not temporary i am married i have a fidelity and a loyalty and a devotion whether the relationship is on fire whether the relationship is ice cold whether i feel close or whether there's a wedge and a sense of distance but i have responsibility and there are consequences to the commitment i made in that relationship and the same is true in our relationship with hashem we're not always going to be on fire we're not always going to feel close there are times that we're going to be ice cold and distance then yet then even then especially then we need to lean in especially then we need to cling and connect to him to be among those who serve hashem faithfully the word ne'emanim moshe is described as evan ne'eman moshe is an evident what does the word neman mean a ne amman is somebody who's trustworthy is somebody who's reliable or somebody who's dependable when we wish a young couple when we bestow abraham blessing upon them we say they should build a bias israel what does that mean abay is ne'eman the house won't implode the house won't collapse god forbid we're not talking about the bricks and mortar we're not talking about the structure what we're talking about is the trust what we're talking about is the relationship they should be a bias it should be a faithful home a trustworthy home a dependable on a reliable home we should be able to rely on that home to live rich prideful jewish values it should be a home that illuminates the world it should be a home that welcomes others it should be a home that is a model of how we're meant to live in this world so therefore to be among the trustworthy dependable reliable servants of hashem who are searching for that inner closeness connection clinging to god not just to work through an agent an ambassador intermediary but to have a direct connection to have a direct hotline believe kesha or gashasa or vatanak for that to work for it to be a real relationship we cannot be fair weather friends what's a fair weather fan a fair weather friend everyone has those friends that when they're on top of the world when the person is making money when they're popular when they're making a simha you'll see that when someone's making a simha or when someone's going through something that they have their moment to shine everybody wants to be connected everybody wants to attach to them but what happens when they fall on their face what happens when the world turns upside down when the wave is over and the person is struggling the person has discovered hardship what happened to those friends is everyone still elbowing is everybody still edging to get in there is everyone still trying to attach themselves is everybody still trying to somehow see their value go up because their connection a fair weather friend is only there in the good times is only there when it's good for them is not there they're not reliable they're not dependable they're not trustworthy a fair weather fan is there in a winning season but what about when the team can't get out of the gate the team can't win a game the team won't make the playoffs is the fans still rooting f deal in our relationship with hashem with our creator are we a fan whether faith or are we a faithful person all the time only when we're on fire when it means something when it does something only when everything's working out in our lives when we feel like it or even when we feel like it even when we don't feel like it rather because the godless and any true servant of hashem who at first was inspired was driven was motivated was enriched was elevated felt and saw the light it's exciting and it's amazing it's energizing enthusiastic but then the light disappeared and it became dark i don't think we educate enough balaychuva in this way very often we inspire and we touch and we invite and we expose those who are new to yiddishkeit to its richness and its beauty and we act as if the excitement the enthusiasm had to begin is permanent it's consistent this is the way it's always going to be so excited to dive in so excited to learn the next salah the next detail so excited to engage and encounter the next holiday they've seen the light and now it's always going to be so invigorating so exciting so uplifting but that's not the way life is life is a roller coaster and life has upside downs and every relationship the relationship with ourselves and our relationship the food and our relationship to exercise and our relationship to reading into studying and our relationship to one another there are moments there are times that we are on fire that we are excited that we can't get enough new other moments that we have to fight through that we have to push ourselves there are moments not of being enlightened but of dark we have to know that you can't just work out or exercise when you feel like it you can't just eat right when you're excited by it and you can't just spend time with your spouse or your child when it does something for you but the truth and the evidence of how much you care about it how much it's a part of your core identity and who you are and how invested you are and how faithful dependable reliable you are is do you show up and do you live it even when you don't feel it sometimes he removes the light sometimes it gets blocked by a cloud and that cloud can be corona it can be quarantined it can be shutting down that cloud can be a health challenge a financial challenge a relationship challenge that light gets blocked it's not all fun and games and fantastic it's not all elevating uplifting nevertheless condition we cannot give up hope and we cannot become disheartened or disillusioned or disaffected or any other word that starts with the word dis a person has to be invested consistently continuously to never give up and to never give out he writes in the footnote of it meyer the same is true when it comes to our relationship with shabbos you know the baatuva or the person who gets reinvigorated or the flip out they get very excited about shabbos ooh shabbos turned friday into arab shabbos shabbos is incredible has the foods i want and the guests i want and the table i want the kazan i want and the rabbi speech the right length i want when everything is right the way i want that's when i'm interested that's what i'm invested that's when i'm uplifted but if not was terrible the rabbi spoke too long the joshua didn't speak to me my wife i didn't make the foods i like it's the wrong guest i'm too tired then shabbos i can't wait for it to end then what's the relationship with shabbos you have to be happy you have to be invested you have to be committed you have to fight through you have to run through that wall that wall the key thing is that i have god with me i don't feel light i don't feel good i don't feel elevated but i have god i have meaning i have purpose i have a mission and that's what i have to come back to that's what we have to remind ourselves that's what will ground us hashem wants it to be enjoyable he wants it to be pleasurable he wants us to be uplifted but that is a side benefit that's not the core reason why we do it and i'll give you a muscle i'll give you an example i'll give you a metaphor we eat to live now we could subsist we could subside on bread and water it would have the nutrients and nourishment we'd need not a balanced diet by any stretch but it would keep us alive and yet we don't eat bread and water we love things with ingredients and spice and tastes and flavor profiles we enjoy something that tastes good now i need to eat to live whether it tastes good or not i could eat without taste when it tastes good that's an additional benefit when it tastes good it's wonderful it'll make me want to eat more but what if it doesn't taste so you'll say what doesn't taste corona there are people who have corona there are people who've recovered from corona who've not recovered their sense of smell or taste so let's say you're no longer able to taste when one of my son-in-laws had corona we got a video of him eating an onion like it was an apple he took a bite out of the onion and he ate the onion like it was an apple because my daughter and son all i wanted to show the family no taste no he had a great taste in girls he chose my daughter but no taste of food and he ate an onion as if it were an apple so what happens if you have corona shalom god forbid and you lose your sense of taste so once you don't taste you don't eat what happens if you don't eat if because you can't taste you don't eat you will be malnourished you'll dehydrate you'll be in danger you'll compromise your health you cannot survive you can't say you know what right now i'm going through corona i can't taste i'll eat again when i can taste how long are you gonna go without eating a day a week a month there are people who've gone several months without recovering their taste so if you wait to taste to eat again your life is over what's true for us physically is true for us spiritually what's true for the body is also equally true for the soul you know when we do mitzvos and when we engage a rich jewish life it tastes delicious shabbos tastes delicious cashews the discipline tastes delicious it tastes delicious giving stucco tastes delicious davoning a beautiful comes it's a tish a song a sunset it's all delicious it makes me feel connected it makes me feel purpose it makes me feel elevated but then they're going to be moments we lose our sense of taste spiritual taste i'm trying i'm eating an onion i don't even taste it i'm eating shabbas i'm eating kosher i'm getting stuck i'm eating tamatora i'm eating the mitzvah and i don't even taste it i've lost my sense of taste so what happens am i not going to continue to eat i'll die i'll die and so again richard meyer is encouraging us and hammering home over and over and over again that tamuru ukito hashem tasting you'll see that god is delicious his mitzvahs are delicious this lifestyle is delicious i wouldn't have it any other way it gives us meaning and purpose and it gives us a sense of a mission in this world it teaches us to navigate the complications and confusion of this world wouldn't have it any other way it is delicious and if you think it's not look around at a world that is starving for the deliciousness that we have the world that doesn't have torah and mitzvos is also struggling enormously is struggling tremendously we've been given the instruction manual we have been given the blueprint it is delicious but there were times that we're going to lose our sense of taste for whatever reason with whatever we're going through in our life we're struggling to taste the presence of hashem two friends one only shows up for the friend when things are good then ilu kashaya zakoshi but there's a hard time there's a challenge hookfar lobola vacro he doesn't come so when i can come over and you're opening over a bottle of wine you're opening your expensive scotch you're serving your first cut corned beef one i can come over and we're going to sing i want to go show you the right we're going to tell stories and we're going to laugh and we're going to have fun i'm the first to arrive but then you hit hard times and you can no longer afford the wine and scotch you can no longer serve the food and there's no longer smiles a laughter i'm nowhere to be found such a person is not a real friend ask anyone who's gone through a hard time and they will all use the same expression that when you go through a hard time you quickly learn who your real friends are when you're going through a great time everyone's your friend but the people have gone through hard times the people have gone through a controversy a scandal a person who's lost money and often health challenges they will tell you that in that hardship in that difficult time they learned a lot about themselves and they also learned who their real friends are like the friend of a wealthy person you know it turns out turns out retroactively that other person was never really your friend they were the friend of your wine collection they were the friend of your scotch collection they were the friend of your instagram followers they were the friend of however they benefited by attaching themselves to you but it turns out they weren't really your friend how do you know if someone's really your friend or the friend of your things the friend of your name and reputation you know because whether they show up even when you don't have those things barracking only if we stay attached in difficult times that is a sign in a symbol that it's a true friend and then they're worthy of being there in the good times if you know who stuck with you in hard times they deserve your love and your loyalty in the good times as well but if they abandon you they will already be found in the hard times then they don't deserve the payoff of being there and being with you in the good times so richard meyer is applying this to our relationship with hashem there are good times and there are hard times there are times of closeness in times of distance there are times of light and there are times of darkness and the real evidence the real proof of who we are and what we're made of is not our level of the moon and vegas not how much we cling to him when all is going well but do we cling to him in the moments and at the times of struggle are we anywhere to be found even when we don't feel like it even when it is difficult even when it's difficult and we found his heart nehemiah dependable trustworthy predictable leo's evidence barack are we reliable are we the friend who shows up good times and bad times and hard times here is castro's panimas shayna being reliable and dependable is an inner connection that's not dependent on anything if my friendship my loyalty to you depends on your giving me my benefiting your having a lot to offer that's not a real connection the real connection the truest connection was loyal connection is even when there's nothing in it for me and the same is true in our relationship with hashem do we only cling and connect to him when the bracha is flowing the blessing is flowing from above even when we feel we're on fire we're excited we're passionate we're alive or do we cling do we connect do we continue do we have a sense of ritual have we created a habit and a lifestyle of living with amuna and hashem even when it's difficult even when we can't see him and that is a true that is the most direct dvacus cling tim hargasha yosefinimus it is a more organic more intrinsic more direct connection shaina more geshe's baklihar gasha regilim a person doesn't need the light in order to feel connected to hashem you don't need to be on fire i am together with god as one. a person is married they're not only married when everything is on fire and fireworks and love and romance they're married no matter what till death do us part we're married no matter what that's not our philosophy sometimes it's mutual to several relationship before marriage before death but as long as one is married and has the bond and the bind and the commitment of marriage then it means that it's not negotiable and it's not conditional and it doesn't fluctuate based on how i feel but um so this is our mission richard meyer has been defining for us this is our mission to try to be on fire to try to be moved by this singing by the sunset by the chested by the learning by the daviding to be on fire to be passionate to be excited to feel his presence that's the top level the highest level to be on fire however even when we're not and even when we and even when it's hard to achieve leo's move shot me her gosh because to get to a more intrinsic to get to a more connected to not have a conditional relationship is and that's what it means that's the truest most real most reliable vacus to cling to god in sickness and in health in good times and bad times but vikas at some real intrinsic transformative part of my core identity but marshawn to be thinking about him and to be looking for him and to be aware of him and to remind myself of him even when i don't feel like it and even when i don't feel like being with him or even when i don't feel like he's looking over my shoulder and with that feeling that i am with him always and forever non-negotiable he is there he is there so ravichimar is defined for us it's vacus atom it's not a conditional device it's not oh i'm attached to him when i feel his presence listen to this i told you how many times my family has this hashtag protest what's app group not i feel sajd because i feel so connected to him why because listen to this protest story listen to the story of divine providence now do you feel connected to him even when you don't have a story of divine providence to tell do you still feel connected do you still feel loyal you still show up that is the question that is the backbone that is the test of our that is the test of our relationship so i give us all a bracha that we should feel and we shall live it to be inspired to feel to be on fire to have fireworks love romance connection loyalty with hashem but even more so to be so devoted and so committed so trustworthy so reliable and dependable in that relationship that we show up and that we are there no matter how we feel because if we do that for him he does it for us and no matter what we're going through we know that he will be there that nothing is by chance it's all by design pick up tonight 9 pm going behind the beam a very very special guest we'll continue with our living with the muna series next week until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay holy