Living With Emunah (Part 166): Be a Subject, Not an Object

good morning and welcome back to our weekly living with emunah our amuna support group our weekly reminder should be a daily and hourly a minute-by-minute reminder that we don't live life by ourselves but we have hashem by our side the almighty is guarding the almighty is guiding and supporting and lifting us each and every moment i want to thank our generous sponsors dr zavian bellamorgan who sponsored the living with the moon shear in memory of rabbi dr brian galbit and dr ellen chandser thank you so much for your generosity and your sponsorship this morning's class is also sponsored by dr sol and carol khan in commemoration on the year site of carol's beloved parents abe amdusky and bluma gordon i'm dusky nishamas should have an alia thank you so much to our dear friends the khans and a reminder if you'd like to sponsor a future particular share you can email lee at brsonline.org.org okay last week we began a new safer a magnificent safer beyond which is by the witcher mayor morgan stern and we began the section on vegas how do we cling to god how do we stick with god no matter the circumstances no matter the challenge no matter what we're going through how do we ensure that god is by our side that we don't fail to remember that he's there that we don't forget that he's part of our life how do we make sure to remember that in fact he is responsible that in fact he is guiding everything that is happening how do we achieve that divacus to cling the root of the word vacus is devek is glue how do we glue ourselves to god how do we stick with him in all circumstances and at all times how do we cling to and stick with god always so we read the introduction last time that spoke about vegas clinging to god as a fundamental principle as a driving force in our lives it's animating everything all the mitzvos that we do all the commandments that we fulfill it's all there as a platform to remember that we're not alone that we shouldn't inflate with arrogance to think that we are responsible for our success and nor should we panic or be overly anxious with fear to think of what could happen in our future but rather as much as we take his tablets we take our initiative we make our efforts we do all that's within our power but simultaneously at the same time we defer at the same time we submit to the almighty we cling to him we stick with him we know that he's in the room with us he's with us wherever and wherever we are that is our mission that is our mandate that is our challenge and that is what we're trying to achieve and he mentioned in the book we said last week how many people benealia people who are striving spiritually ambitious and aspirational who pray and who learn and who work on their qualities their medos and yet with all of that god is absent he's not in the conversation he's not there we're not clinging to him what a mistake i wrote an article i published yesterday about this election not espousing a position in fact entirely against that why as a rabbi i will never tell you who you need to vote for but at the end i said what's absent from the conversation that i find so deeply disturbing even among people of great faith is inserting god into the conversation people speak with such certitudes such certainty how they know the next four years will be if their candidate wins or loses i too feel strongly about the candidate that i believe will bring about the policies that i think are most important i care a lot about it i've tried to persuade the people i think are persuadable in my family never letting it get between us but you know when all said and done you have to have humility if these last eight months in corona has taught us anything it's how little we know and how little we're in control of and how little we can predict and how little we can be so overly confident about so where is god in the room shalom tells us hashem the heart of kings is in the hand of god you know the election results will not just be the will of the people the election results ultimately are the will of the creator got as many messengers and god has many agents and we have no idea why god chooses whom he chooses to be that agent or messenger to bring about a result that we all want and that we all would look forward to and so we can't be overly confident and we certainly shouldn't be overly arrogant to think that we know what's best or we know with certitude we should assert our opinion but vegas after we submit our vote after we've tried to persuade the people within our sphere then recognize where is god in that conversation where is the moon in faith in the conversation where is the submission that i'm finite and he's infinite that he knows best and i will cling to him whatever the outcome is it is what is meant to be and somehow it is what he has determined is best and is right that's what it means to vacus it means to vegas when i'm in a difficult circumstance means to make us in a moment of great joy and celebration and realize and thank him how many people go through extraordinary success or triumph how many people have their prayers answered and they move on to the next prayer without pausing to say thank you that worked out thank you that came to be thank you for all the good in my life i'm gonna cling to you and stick with you and i'm going to thank you and appreciate you and acknowledge you and see you in the good times and the bad times in all of those moments and what it means to be to make us okay so let's begin and i know you don't have the text in front of you i apologize you're all welcome to order the safer on the internet you know it does not appear in the english but we'll read it together because i want to tap into his beautiful beautiful words morgenstern it's so so powerful he says the following the video or the name to cling to god is the generic name that describes this attribute of feeling a connection of feeling his presence of being relieved or being empowered of being strengthened it's the idea that god is a living god god is not the person i read about in books god's not part of ancient history god's not just dictating law god is not a subject in the abstract he is a elokim he is a living god he lives and he breathes with me and through me wherever and whenever i am in whatever circumstance i find myself he is a living god i don't leave him behind when i close the sitter i don't even mind when i close the safer i don't leave him behind when i leave the religious context of a shule or the base madrish but god is a lo kim he's with me at the gym and the supermarket he's with me in my office he's with me in the kitchen the dining room the bedroom he's with me he's elokim he is there when i feel like i'm falling down he lifts me up and when i feel like i'm overly successful and taking too much credit he keeps me humble when i'm ready to give up he shows me support he's not a god that's in the abstract he's not theoretical or philosophical he is elokim he is with me wherever and whenever i go he's with me all the time um and i am attached to him i want to tell you one of the things that gives me great physique one of the thing that gives me great strength is when you the wonderful tamidim talmidos when you the wonderful friends that we learn with together on wednesday mornings when you reach out and email or share a moment in your life and when you tell me about and i take no credit for this because we're learning texts that are authored by other great rabbis i'm just blessed to be the one who's able to to share it with you and when you tell me how it helped you it has an enormously positive impact on me so one of my dear friends someone who is family who i love was telling me yesterday she had significant back problems and needed an mri and you get in that mri machine you might as well be putting a straight jacket they might as well bury you in a coffin if you've ever had an mri you know the experience certainly if you have uh any um what's the fear of closed spaces but if you have a phobia it is difficult to slide into that mri machine with very little room then not only are you in this enclosed space but the jackhammering the sound that you're on a construction you're not on you're under a construction site it is overwhelming so she told me just yesterday that as she was lying on that really uncomfortable metal board and it was sliding back into the mri machine she thought about aramuna shirun she thought about all of our learning and she said to ourself hashem please come in the machine with me lie down next to me be in here with me and i know that if you're by my side and i know that if you're in here with me then i'll be just fine then i can take the closed space and then i can withstand the sound and i know i'll be over just fine and it worked instead of the heart rate increasing instead of panicking instead of an anxious reaction deep breath come hashem i know that this is the right thing and what a miracle there's an mri machine that can see right through me and help me find the problem and help me fix it and what a gift and thank you so much for that invention but you know what this is really uncomfortable and inconvenient and if you don't mind could you come in here with me and if you're in here with me and i'm not alone i have no doubt that i'll be able to do it and she did those messages they they inspire me and they motivate me and i hope they do you too because that's what it means in elohim is not just that wednesday mornings when the share is over i leave him behind he's on the recording he's in the book he's in the zoom room on youtube facebook he's wherever we left him he said he's in the mri machine he's in the boardroom he's in the courtroom he's in the operating room he's even in the bedroom he's in every room of our lives alive but even within this notion of us even within this idea and even within this mission of living a life of attaching ourselves and clinging to god there are different levels madrigal the foundational the core level of what it means to attach ourselves to live with glue to stick with god hargasha is the feeling that he's he's opposite me we learned this a little bit we saw a piece by revolba together as a group earlier we say the navi tells us hashem let me pour out my heart my mission my goal is to live my life in means opposite that you are opposite me you're opposite me always you're not only opposite me when i'm in front of the ark the arun kodesh not only opposite me when the torah is opened and being read you're not only opposite me when i feel there's accountability you are opposite me your no this feeling that you're ever present you're alive and you're there last week i told you the muscle i gave you the metaphor and i mean it and it's the way i think about it the way i try to live it in a healthy marriage your spouse is not just your spouse when you're in the same room or space or place your spouse is no they're opposite you when you're at work and someone's trying to flirt with you or cross boundaries with you when you are on a business trip or a road trip when you are experiencing life and you can't wait to share it with someone or you're thinking about how they make you better and how they share their wisdom and their feedback with you as an azer connect though as only your spouse can they're no it's not a status and it's not a relationship which is limited to when you are in those moments actually together but you carry that feeling of togetherness of drawing from their input and of remembering what you want to share and of experiencing the highest highs and the lowest lows that is the healthiest marriage and that is our romantic loving marriage with hashem he's no he's with me he's opposite me he's ever present and he's always there tahini and i just want to be together i just want to hug i just want a hug have you ever needed and felt you wanted to give and receive a hug because a hug can communicate things that words can't a hug can exchange an energy that words can't a hug can give you a feeling of of being of being assured of being confident of being strengthened of being loved of being comforted that words can't book he writes like a hug i just want to hug with hashem no i don't just want to be opposite hashem but i want to be i want to be emo i want a book i want to hug hashem i've shared with you before that it's brought down its forum that's the idea one should have when one puts on a talus in the morning we do so with atifa we put the towers over our head we wrap it around ourselves we fling the four corners over one shoulder and you're supposed to remain that way today he looked at almost the amount of time it takes to walk six feet and what do you do in that amount of time it takes to walk six feet it's not just that oh your mind is racing but the things you have to do that day where you start davening you're supposed to feel like you're getting a hug from hashem the day starts with a hug from hashem you're wrapped in that talus and i know women don't have a mitzvah to wear sits this or a talus but you can recreate that feeling in other ways the sukkah is sitting within the embrace and the hug of hashem wrap yourself in a blanket and feel it's hashem it's in our minds it's a mentality it's not the mitzvoth it's this be very careful to say but this notion that sometimes you want to receive sometimes you want to give sometimes you want to feel that hug from hashem and that hug is the feeling of no it's available it's accessible to us wherever and whenever we are and whenever we need it he is he's opposite we are ima we're with him this is the feeling that we're supposed to generate within ourselves that we are together and we feel his existence there is an inextricable link there is a tie our lives are intertwined we are so deeply connected there is a profundity there is a depth to that connection again i keep giving the human metaphors because the best way that we can relate to it and according to the kabbalists it's why god gave us all of these different relationships to begin with he gave us a relationship of a parent and a child a romantic relationship of a husband and wife a relationship of a boss an employee a relationship of friends a king of a servant all of those are different metaphors at different times the different moment of our lives all of them are aspects of our relationship with hashem for us to tap into and so the deepest relationship the healthiest marriage sometimes it can be a friendship david and yahona son nafshok shiroba nafsho the notion that our souls are intertwines a yadidnefish a friend who is such a close friend they're a soulmate not in a romantic inappropriate way but a friend who you have so much in common with who makes you so much better or you feel so connected who you trust with every fiber of your being that you have this a soulmate a soul connection a you did nephesh god is our ultimate you did nephesh god is our ultimate soulmate or soul friend our souls are intertwined quite literally our soul comes from him our soul is an expression is a peace of god god took a piece of himself and put it in us similarly the connection of a parent and child you know children think they love their parents my oldest child now has a child or shambley and her and my grandson and and she said to me and it's true because i've told their whole life you don't know what love is until you have a child and those who want children should be blessed to have healthy children those longing for grandchildren should be blessed to have healthy grandchildren but you think you know what love is when you're a child towards a parent you don't know what love is until you have a child until your heart bleeds for them when they're in pain until your heart is on fire when they succeed until you just desperately care about and think about their well-being until you give your life you would take a bullet you'd even change a diaper when you do anything for them in the world that's love that's love naf shokshira banaf kesher amok and why do you love that child that way we've discussed this in other contexts and other times the great insight of destler that children love parents more than parents could ever love children because parents just give to children and love is the result of giving but it's more than that you gave that child the ultimate gift which is life your dna is what drives that child this you talk about a piece of you in them they they are formed from the pieces in us and similarly we are a piece of god and god loves us and we love him so there's this that the love towards our children and the love in a healthy marriage of a status that permeates and carries us everywhere and at all times the depth of those relationships they they pale in comparison to what should be the depth of our relationship with hashem that he is with us and we are with him always that we are no opposite him that we feel his presence his love his support his strength vadim and a person who merits this what such an important point that a person who merits to live this level that we're describing to achieve that that god is with us always and that i love him and that i feel i'm a piece of him i know his love that he's ever present that our lives are intertwined that our souls are are connected that level of living how much higher is that than the person who simply lives in fear how many even righteous jews how many observant torah jews their whole judaism is informed by fear it's the sense that if i don't do the right thing lightning is going to strike i hold these dreams and i have all these hopes and i have all these prayers i want to do well financially i want to stay healthy i want this i want that and if i make the wrong move lightning is going to strike if i do the wrong thing it will be taken away from me that is not the nature of a relationship could you imagine if my whole marriage was telling my spouse that you know the reason that i listen when you ask me to do x y or z is because otherwise i have this great fear i'm gonna be sleeping on the couch you're gonna throw me out you're not gonna make me dinner you're not gonna talk to me and feel connected be proud of me you're not going to unconditionally love me what kind of a relationship is a relationship that's founded only on fear a healthy dose of fear is good a healthy dose of awe is very good but if that's the totality if that's the sum total of the relationship how terrible how disastrous how tragic that's a low level of a relationship on top of that mutual respect awe and even healthy fear needs to be layers of love of respect of affection needs to be layers of deep and profound connection so richard meyer says how much more important than kabbalah's old yes we have to accept the yoke of heaven yes observing god's commandments torah and mitzvos law it's non-negotiable he's the king he says jump we say how high and there's the metaphor the other metaphor we talked about of a king and a servant that's the other aspect of the other the other description god says jump our answer is how high these are non-negotiable requests of us this is what we're responsible for cabela's old the yoke of responsibility to live a certain life and behave in certain ways and meet certain standards but that's not the sum total of a relationship that doesn't capture at all how tragic we have a friendship and we have a love affair and we have a parent child deep connection that's so much more than that the one who lives in fear the one who accepts the yoke of heaven also recognizes and identifies but he doesn't feel that god is part of their life such a person only lives in fear says okay was i a good boy today was i a good girl today do i have to worry about lightning strike today and then they leave god in the book then they leave god in the abstract then they leave god in the philosophy but for him to be in the king if all you have is fear of god he doesn't come in the mri machine with you if all you have is fear of god he doesn't come in the doctor's office with you if all you have is fear of god he doesn't come on the hike or the nature walk with you because all you have is fear all you have with him is when you want to make sure that i don't make the bracket that i speak that i do the right thing i don't want lightning to strike oh no that's not a relationship that should be the sum total that's not what he asks or invites from us how tragic that some people think that that's it see when all you do is live with fear and all you do is see yourself as kabbalah soul as having to bear the responsibility then you are some external thing god sits in judgment you know of everything that he ever created every chair every leaf every person so if all we do is think that we are those judged if all we do is think that we are someone who has to sit in fear of hashem if the sum total of our life is to live with consequence then we are some superficial external object we're just another object in this world god judges every object he created to see whether it's worthy and whether it should continue and whether it's serving its purpose and creation and to determine whether it should remain god judges every single object called by olam over in the final q name not just jews not just human beings everything in creation god is in constant evaluation of to determine should he have it continue that flower time for it to die or should it live on that orchid does it have another day or is it over god is judging every object and the degree to which we live our lives seeing ourselves as objects of his judgment only because we're in fear in him that we're an object but the moment we realize we're in a relationship there's love there's affection there's connection there's a hug this energy to support there's a piece of him in us and he loves us and we love him again not to the point that we don't have consequences but to the point that there's the love and unconditional love then we go from being an object to a subject you see when you have to live in fear of the king do you even know the king do you even have a relationship with the king the king sits in the palace and the king pronounces his edicts and you have to pay those taxes and you have to live that life and if you don't then the agents or ambassadors of the king can take your house can take your money and can take off your head you don't have a relationship with the king you don't you're not enriched by getting to know the king you just live in fear of the king and is that the way we want our relationship with hashem to be he's a king that i don't know he's a king that i don't relate to he's a king that i don't have a relationship with i just live in fear so he doesn't take off my head but in these levels a human being a jew one feels margish you feel hashem in your life bahar gasha's marathon in the longing and the feeling and the desire of the heart to face god has a place in my life i'm in a relationship i'm talking to him i'm talking to god all the time talking to god when i'm trying to write a sermon i'm talking to god when i'm going into a difficult meeting talking to god when i'm in my car talking to god while i'm trying to hold that plank and not collapse and yes nancy i'm still doing the plank i'm talking to god all the time because if you're an object so an object don't talk and to whom is the object talking but if you're a subject you're in conversation your entire life is one long conversation with god the conversation never ends again in a healthy marriage you're in conversation all day whether you're actually talking to each other or you're thinking about and remembering and ending and and nostalgically recalling the conversation and the connection and the time spent together that conversation so to say is ongoing it never rests it never breaks and if you're in this healthy relationship with god if there's a sense of a sense of clinging and connection and attaching you're in an ongoing conversation that never pauses and that never stops and that never rests when you die when you're talking to god when you're learning torah god's talking to you but all throughout the day even not in that religious context or activity there is an ongoing conversation we've shared i think it's the bells of the rebels in sight the gemara says wouldn't it be wonderful if a person prayed the entire day long wouldn't that be wonderful and i asked you would that be wonderful certainly not today where you have to wear a mask every time you dive in but wouldn't that be wonderful would it be wonderful how could you dive in the whole day long you got to brush your teeth you got to go to the bathroom you got to shop you got to cook you got to eat you got to work you got to draw an income they had to take out the garbage there's things that we have to do how could you dive in the entire day long so he says wouldn't it be wonderful if we dive in the entire day doesn't mean that we open the sitter and davin the entire day a liturgy of text it means wouldn't it be amazing if the entire day every activity you were doing you were talking to god i'm going in the boardroom i'm going in the operating room i'm going in the in the uh courtroom i'm going the supermarket i'm going to the gym i'm going wherever i'm going and i offer a prayer god let this work let me be healthy let me succeed let it happen that whatever it is that i need going into my parent teacher conference it doesn't matter halawa she is wouldn't it be amazing if a jew was talking to god the entire day if that conversation and dialogue never had a break and it never ended i wake up mo da ani thank you god i'm alive i open my eyes my faculties are all working it's another day moda ani i end my day god thank you i reflect on my day i plan for the next halifay wouldn't it be amazing if a jew was talking to god from morning to night throughout our entire day not with it to him and not with a book and not with a sitter the more authentic the most genuine why did our rabbis establish all that davening because they worried that we wouldn't actually set aside time dive for davoning otherwise so they had to they had to obligate us they had to obligate us to ensure that we would actually do but the most authentic the most genuine the most real the most raw type of dabbing is what comes from our heart it's that ongoing conversation it's remembering yesterday and it's asking him for today and for tomorrow and it's feeling connected in love and it's confiding and trusting and it's laughing and it's crying and it's feeling connected and attached and saying god i'm not an object i'm a subject i'm a subject that is in everlasting conversation with you yes and even when it comes to this there are different levels kama makam think about your family for a moment maybe there's some members of your family you're closer to than others there could be siblings you're closer to that could be cousins you're closer to there could even be not my case people have children they're closer to than others there can be members of your family who you have in common with them all a sense of connection and love of deep connection and yet still there are different levels and layers of connection and the same is true in this quality of us in this mitzvah it's not just the quality it's a mitzvah torah it's one of the taryag we have to cling to god stick to him glue attach ourselves to him it's one of the mitzvahs that we have and in that area and in that quality there are many different levels and what does it mean to be whole what does it mean to be complete in this way is a person has such an awareness such a feeling of god and such a sense of attachment to him until all of creation is a very high level don't lose me now but a person is capable of living with god in such a high level that you don't even sense that there is anything else but him he is all there is there could be moments of such deep connection hispodus sitting on a beach going on a hike sitting in your own room and closing your eyes and clearing your mind and thinking about attaching to him where you can have such an awareness of his presence a presence that's greater an infinite omnipotent presence a great light that's overwhelming that you can even be overwhelmed with this feeling that in that moment there is nothing else and he writes here in the footnote we have to strive to get to that level not in an ongoing way because if you're supposed to be spending time with your spouse or your children or you're at work you don't want your boss to say you know in the middle of the meeting excuse me are you tuning out are you with us and you say with who there is no one and nothing but god right that job will be over that day and you'll have no income for your family and that is not what's meant to be that's not what the right or righteous so we're not talking about doing this all the time but we're talking about ever doing it knowing that feeling ever achieving it shirosha yeah to set aside time to meditate and reflect and to be able to feel there is nothing except him and me the typhus liberty yeah and the type of the longing of our heart should be to get to a place that my soul thirsts for god when will i see the face of god why don't i feel the presence of god and in all aspects of the bria to feel that there is nothing and no one but him and he gives this example that you know if you've ever been with someone you admire enormously if you've ever been in the white house of the oval office not necessarily someone you admire but in a place of great power if you've ever been with someone who has some great celebrity status some status and you've been overwhelmed you didn't notice anything else in the room you didn't notice anyone anyone else in the room you can't recall what things looked like or who else was there or what happened all you know is the feeling of being overwhelmed by that moment by that experience by that person la that's what it's supposed to be like with god if a person truly feels in that moment that depth of connection and they're overwhelmed with the sense that all there is is him all there is is me and him right now then there is no one and there is nothing else now that's not again an ongoing sustainable feeling but it is a feeling that we have to get and we have to capture at times and in moments we have to get to a place where we have felt that well we know what it's like when we long to get back to it we set aside time for it i wrote last week's article and and each article is on on the website rabbi from governor.org if you want to check i don't make money from it it's just a shameless plug for you to read it but i quoted from a podcast i had listened to recently it's a non-jew a non-jew who talked about they they do espodes they obviously didn't use that word but they isolate meditate for an hour a day this is a super successful venture capital individual who's invested in the most successful companies in the world and he talks about the secret of his life he's no longer anxious or worried or fearful he's no longer a pleasure seeker who's looking for pleasure in the wrong or um harmful places and he credits it all to an hour a day he hispodus sitting and reflecting and experiencing and being i i quoted from it and i wrote the description if you want to look back at the article you could see it in there but it's sort of what he's describing here to get to a place and to ever have the experience to relate to that feeling all there is is him and me and when i really stick to and cling to him and i really feel him then there is nothing else there is nothing else so we'll leave it here for today but that's our goal that's our mission to get beyond kabbalah's old to get beyond just feeling the yolk to go from an object to a subject to go from somebody who only talks to him in prayer to talking to him the entire day to the conversation not only never stopping the conversation never ending to take him with us everywhere to feel his hug and to reciprocate that hug to feel his love and to love him back to be able to feel no he's opposite with me he's with me always and everywhere and at all times and that makes my life so much better in every which way thank you for joining us until next time stay happy stay healthy stay holy tonight nine o'clock first time ever behind the bema on location at boca's newest restaurant roadhouse we will be interviewing the master chef seth warshaw as he brings us his greatest and newest creations to taste very exciting culinary episode exciting at least for us uh gastrointestinally so hopefully you'll join us tonight at 9 00 pm until then stay well everybody take care