Living With Emunah (Part 165): Attach Yourself and Bring Him Everywhere

good morning and book your top and welcome back to living with emunah so excited to be together again and to host our emunah support group each and every week to remind ourselves what matters and who's in charge who is in control and what we need to let go and with that to draw strength to draw hezek to never be jealous or anger angry or arrogant and to be able to control our emotions because we know that we're just along for the ride we are passengers and somebody else is uh is really driving us i want to thank our amuna sponsors for the series for the year uh dr zavian bella morgan a member of dr brian galbert and in memory of her mother dr ellen chandser thank you so much for your generosity thank you so much for your sponsorship uh we deeply appreciate it and a reminder that any particular class can be sponsored as well please be in touch with lee at brsonline.org lee at brsonline.org and she will be happy to arrange that sponsorship okay we're gonna start a new lee mood a new learning which i'm very very excited about um it's a new safer that i got and i'm really really excited to share with you because um it's really inspiring to me uh hold on one second i'm just trying to find the technology end of this uh there it is one second and okay yeah we're good now the name of the safer is uh it's a safer on character growth a safe or on self-improvement a safer on um recalibrating the priorities of our lives and who we are and who we want to be it's in hebrew it's not in english here is the safer and the author it's not an author it's really a record of the teachings and the inspiration by ravitzhak mayer morgenstern otherwise known as may or morgenstern who was a gerhart in eretz israel he um comes from i believe he comes from england but he made aliyah lives in ireland destroys the russia shiva of taurus in eretz israel he's a mukubo and the great talmud and aguero hassan with very deep penetrating insight and very elevating and enriching thoughts and he has a wonderful wonderful safer and it's not the usual um book that tells us the path of character growth it's not the usual qualities that we often hear about it's some unusual one so for example i'll just share with you from the table of contents what he considers to be the path of avodah of self-improvement he talks about ava how to love all jews achilla how to eat like a jew he has a whole peric a whole chapter on sleep what does the torah say about sleep how do we value sleep how important is sleep how much sleep what role does sleep have in our relationship with hashem kedusha holiness desire [Music] is a whole series of topics really really uh wonderful and i don't know we're going to learn the whole safer but he has a parakeet as a chapter on vegas he has a chapter on equality that we've spoken a fair amount about which is to make us how to attach ourselves to hashem the root of the word vegas is devek devek means glue mesh vins we shared many many times says that vegas means stick with god like glue stick with god stick with him and know that everything is going to be okay that is the quality that is the attribute of of devekas so you don't have the text in front of you you can buy it online but i'm going to share it and read it and translate it slowly and hopefully we'll all gain together this is a quality the heart of every jew aspires and leans towards the evan happiness this is the cornerstone of any real effort or desire to draw close to god any real effort to be a living vibrant enthusiastic dynamic animated jew has to include vacus it includes somehow you have to be joyful you have to be happy you have to have a smile but you also have to cling to god you have to attach yourself to him you have to see him and feel him in our lives the he is this is the foundation of a true life of really living there are people who are sleepwalking through life there are people who are dead even while they are alive they're asleep even while they are awake they are numb to their own reality to their own lives to their own relationship to everything that's happening and everything that they're trying to do to others how does one really achieve life how do you come to life how are you alive dvacus clinging attaching yourself to god feeling his presence all around not just stumbling through life not just trying to figure our way through life but rather feeling that there is a navigator that there is a guide that there is a pilot knowing that there is a source knowing that there's a source of support knowing that there's a place of accountability feeling hashem's presence each and every day in our lives and knowing that we are accountable to him and attaching ourselves not just that he's a policeman or a supervisor not just that we're being trailed or followed not that he is surveying us but rather he's not policing us he is there as an extraordinary sort source of support for us just attach ourselves to him stick with him that is the source the core to really living and he writes here in the footnote on those words this is the foundation of what it means to truly be alive he says the following yes you know there's something which is very frustrating and it's difficult to benealia what are binet aliyah benellia means the community of people who are striving to be better now you'll say who doesn't want to be better and the answer is most people just look around most people in life are complacent they're apathetic they're indifferent they're happy-go-lucky they're satisfied with who they are and what their lives are about they're simply being carried by the momentum of life each and every day the day ends they don't even remember it's beginning and the week blends into the months blends into the years and you can fast forward several years and most people their marriage is what their marriage is and professionally they're stuck wherever they're stuck and in their spirituality or in how they take care of themselves it is what it is they are who they are and most people things don't change they don't grow or improve there's simply a attraction a momentum that carries them through life to be among the banaya leah to be counted among a community of people who are striving who are ambitious who are aspirational who have set goals and are seeking to achieve them who've made resolutions and have have metrics to measure how well they're doing with them they're very very few in fact the gemara quotes that one of our great talent one of our great rabbis turned to a son and he said there are no banay aliyah and if there are you and i are the only ones among them there are very few bananealia to really be striving to grow so as a richer mayor it's very frustrating if you're among that community of people who are thoughtful and mindful who say you know what i want to grow in my patients and i want to grow in enriching my relationships and i want to grow professionally in my career and i want to grow in understanding torah and the parsha and i want to grow and dominate really moving me and i want to grow in my relationships with my spouse with my children with others around me that group that segment the demographic that community of banalia inya and kuwait there's something that frustrates them and what is it that even when i'm sitting and learning or even when i'm dabbling i feel the presence of the almighty i feel that he's over my shoulder i feel that he's in the room i feel that he's on the other side of the harus i feel that he's listening in my davening and even if during a davening even if there's an amazing chasen and you're listening to a beautiful tephila and the song and the melody is moving you and you're clapping and it's amazing you're being lifted or you learn something that touches you in a very deep place in a very deep way however for many people afterwards what happens you got to close the safer you close the sitter you leave the shule the basement and you have to enter a world of inyane olam the world of indiana olam is work i have to go shopping i have to cook i have to change diapers i have to drive carpool i have to review documents i have to pay bills i have to take out the garbage binance where is god on garbage day where is god in the supermarket where is god reviewing reviewing and filing papers where is god in the inyane olam hey margin is and my dearest friends i have to include you if you're watching this right now and if you're part of our living with the moon at each and every week then hopefully you're among we are among the aliyah we're not complacent we're not apathetic we're not indifferent but we are regularly striving to improve to become better we are among the aliyah and i identify with what he describes in the sheer in the darling at the kumsits in the hezbollah transformed feel the presence of hashem alive excited awake and then you go to life and you forget he's in the room and you forget he's in our life and we forget his role that we lean on him and turn to him and that he's responsible and deserves the credit we can so easily forget and we're brought down and we can grow depressed or despondent says you have to know this vegas that the answer and the antidote is this quality that we're going to spend the next few weeks maybe longer learning discussing and most importantly practicing and putting into practice if we want to bring him with us then we've got to attach ourselves to him devek glue you know if something gets stuck to the bottom of your foot then it's not only with you in that room but when you is the worst analogy ever just thought of on the spot but when you walk out of the room it follows you out until someone tells you you have something stuck in the bottom of your foot and you look like an idiot lahav deal in great contrast and completing this worst metaphor of all time if when we're in the room with hashem we make the effort to stick to him we apply some glue we staple ourselves to him then when we walk out of that room and we go to the supermarket at the gym when we go to work when we go to drive carpool when we go to the inanimalum when we go to take the garbage to the edge of the driveway when we go to do whatever we're going to do that is not among the spiritual lofty but as among the monday mundane but if we bothered when we were with him to attach ourselves to glue ourselves to staple ourselves then he comes with us and therefore it is the most important part of the formula the antidote this is the most important quality says richard mayer to be able to not feel the drop and to not feel that down and to not feel that um and to not feel that when we walk out of the room where god was there now we're at work now we're at home now we're choosing what to watch now we're choosing what to entertain ourselves with and there's no more spirituality no more loftiness no more god and that neshama the soleness no longer feels alive we've developed through the years and we all know this to be true it's the foundation of our judaism that we're made up of two parts simultaneously it was last week's parasha gracious it's part of the creation the beginning of the whole torah we are on the one hand human beings we're we're animals we're physical beings we're material beings like animals we have instinct and like animals we have intuition and like animals we have desire and appetite and temptation and animals have no self-control an animal wants to eat it doesn't care whether it's belongs to that animal or someone else an animal wants intimacy an animal wants to defecate whatever whatever physical impulse the animal feels the animal gives into that impulse at that moment because that's what it means to be an animal to eat like an animal to live like an animal to be in a pig sty it's what it means to be an animal but we were endowed also with a telemalo we also we're endowed god says i've breathed the power of discipline of sovereignty of self-control i've given you the ability to not only have a self-awareness but i've given you the ability to regulate yourself i've given you the ability to not give in to that pull of impulse of compulsiveness of indulgence of appetite you have the ability to be discerning and discipline and say what's good for me what's bad for me what right now what at a later time what with this person and nobody else to apply and satisfy all those appetites but in the appropriate place with the appropriate person at the appropriate time so we have a body a goof and we also have a neshama and which is the real us so many or most of us are used to saying i'm a body and i have a soul but it's really the opposite i am a soul that happens to be housed in this body and it's housed in this body for a finite period of time and we confuse who we are because when we look in the mirror who we pamper who we feed who we experience pleasure with we think that's us but that body is temporary that body is finite that body is only housing the soul as an instrument and vehicle for the soul to make choices so what makes our soul feel alive when is the last time that you were in touch with your soul how do you measure the health of your soul your body you know how to measure you get on the scale you may not like what it tells you right after you untif but if you get on the scale it tells you how you're doing if you get your blood pressure or take your a1c and you know what your sugars are or your cholesterol you know how you're doing we have metrics and measures to physically know how we are doing and try to regulate ourselves exercise eating and if necessary medications in order to take care of and protect our physical well-being our physical bodies but what do you use to measure your soul how is your soul how is your soul when you see a friend or you talk on the phone and you connect with someone you say how are you doing what are you talking about how is your body how is what's your blood pressure what's your cholesterol what's your a1c how's your pulse rate are you asking how is your body or how is your soul and the soul is not just the heart it's not just the realm of emotions and relationships the soul is something so much deeper the soul is the peace of god in us the soul is that place that we know that is immortal that existed since the beginning of creation the beginning of time and that will exist forever and ultimately will be extracted from the body will ascend back on high and will reconnect to god so what are the things that nourish that soul you know when the soul feels alive have you ever witnessed a magnificent sunset been present at the birth of a child this is a woman cheer so if you were at the birth of a child you were probably present have you ever seen something that seemed coincidental or miraculous and came together to being have you been to the swiss alps or the grand canyon or to glacier national park or i'm happy to say i will be leading a trip this summer to jacksonville wyoming hopefully you can join us and you felt something have you been at akum zits or have you done ila have you heard of shir that touched you in such a deep place and made you feel so alive there's something so much bigger than us and there's something that is so much more lasting than us then that is the soul that is the soul that is the essence and the truth of who we are now how do you nourish that how do you feed that how do you make sure that that stays well and alive and the answer is this vegas that soul to be soulful and to know that we are an ashama and we have a body and even when i'm taking out the garbage it's because my body produces garbage and the garbage needs to be collected and disposed of and my body has this task but even in this task my soul is present and my soul is guiding because you know my body said by the way sleep in there's enough time in the morning you'll take the garbage out before they get here to collect it and my soul says you lazy is good for nothing bum get out of bed even though you forgot to take the garbage out on a sunday night or wednesday night it's really not my soul it's usually you'll have its soul it's telling my body to do this but get out of bed you're good for nothing bum and drag the garbage to the edge of the driveway because you don't know when they sometimes come early and we're not going to be stuck with the garbage not being collected and now the soul has a choice will it give in to the laziness of the body the lethargy of the body or will the soul say you know what i'm greater i'm stronger i'm disciplined i'm jumping out of bed because i'm in control i'm sovereign i determine my own destiny even on something as mundane as taking out the garbage which is because of the physical need that i have so in every which way with every morsel of food that we eat with what time and how we jump out of bed with our punctuality and attitude towards time and whether we're being disciplined when we take the garbage to the edge of the curb it is our soul competing with our body and what nourishes the soul and how do we how do we experience the pleasures of being alive of the soul being alive even when we're not in a soulful environment namely the sitter open or naila or the grand canyon or the sunset or the birth of a child or the learning of torah so the answer is we have to know that we are a soul that has a body even when we are in the place of even at the supermarket in the gym and at work and in carpool and in changing a diaper and how do we do that when we attach ourselves to hashem which is the the power source of the soul the soul needs to plug in and draw power from somewhere and where do we draw it from the source of the soul which is which is the almighty himself so we draw that power when we plug in and we remain plugged in all day and everywhere we go when we practice vikas so he writes we're just concluding this footnote when a person achieves genuine authentic sincere truth you see if you really achieved vegas your life is not bifurcated your life is not divided between the physical and the spiritual the holy and the mundane our lives are not bifurcated between who i am and how i behave in shul and in a base mattress or at my shabbos table and how i behave at the gym and at work and in other environments my life is not divided or bifurcated my life is integrated my life is whole my life is one because hashem is there i'm attached to him i'm clinging to him i'm stuck to him i'm stapled to him he's there holding me accountable and he's there giving me love encouragement support all day and everywhere. is the the acropolis it's the essence the core of who we are the neshama of judaism to live with a connection to god and to be attached to him with such a powerful and deep deep connection till we feel the presence of hashem in every way veneers iraq also below as kira so all we want is him all we want is to come close to him all we want is to share with him all we want is to experience with him and to experience the knowledge that we are children of hashem now i want to make a better metaphor let's not talk about the toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe let's come up with a little bit of a better metaphor not even a parent than a child but what speaks very much to me is the metaphor of a husband and wife of a romantic loving relationship and marriage now i know that not everybody's married and those who want to be married or remarried i bless you that you should find your zivag you should find your shirak you should be merit to find your your spouse those that are married and are not experiencing the happiest marriage should be zokha should merit to be able to repair and improve those who have a great marriage should be a greater marriage a good marriage should have a great marriage so what's the metaphor is the following in a great marriage in a truly great marriage you're not just married when you're around your spouse you're not only married when you're present together you're not just married when you're in the kitchen preparing for dinner or setting the table or heading to the bedroom you're not just married when you're in the car on the way to a sim car on your on a vacation together but when you go to work when you go to the gym and when you're doing the mundane activities all of a sudden you're a bachelor or a bachelorette you're all alone that status and that identity of being married is permanent is consistent is constant it comes with you everywhere that you go it is part of the core identity of who you are now i don't just mean it's part of the core identity of who you are that you need to have fidelity and loyalty that when you're on the business trip without your spouse you cannot say i'm a bachelor of bachelorette god forbid do terrible things that will be damaging i'm not just talking about how it informs your behavior but i'm telling you the following in the most romantic and the most beautiful and the healthiest marriage it's not just that you know you're married all times and everywhere you go it's that in the background of how you're living life is always that connection and that love of the other person what i mean to say is in the best of marriages even when you're not together everything you're experiencing you are remembering so you can share everything you are experiencing is being informed and inspired by how your spouse would experience it what they would say to you about it the advice they would give you for it remembering how you're going to tell them about it later so that even at the gym and the supermarket and even at work and even in carpool and every activity the love of the connection you have with your spouse even when they're not physically with you they are metaphysically connected to you you are one two halves becoming a whole and you experience life not only as your half unless you're in the room with the other half but you experience your entire life with the other half what you're going to tell them how you're going to remember everything how you're going to share it how are you going to enjoy it how they will be said with you or for you how they will celebrate or be happy in the triumph of your success together with you how you're going to turn to them for advice and guidance and the best and the healthiest of marriages it's not just when you're physically together but it permeates it penetrates it informs it inspires all the time all the time not just when you're together there's an awareness that you're married all the time and that which we can achieve in the healthiest marriage we should all be zoha to have such a marriage that 24 hours a day seven days a week 365 days a year in that beautiful marriage that we have we cannot wait to be together again we cannot wait to share we cannot wait to be able to confide we cannot wait to draw strength we cannot wait to get advice we cannot wait to experience emotionally intertwined and integrated everything together to have becoming a whole living together as one not just when we're physically together but emotionally and metaphysically we are always together i'm not just married when i'm in the room i'm married at work and when i'm in the gym and when i'm in the business trip and when i'm traveling even if you're not there and i can't wait to tell you about and experience it with you and get your feedback and advice and response to it and that that which we described as the healthiest and best marriage is exactly what vegas is all about with hashem it means that my identity as an evident my identity as being in a loving romantic connection with hashem my longing for hashem my attachment to hashem and whichever metaphor works best and whichever works best for you today because it changes on a regular basis is my relationship with hashem as a parent and child is that as a spouse is it as a friend is it as an employer employee what is it a king and a servant we have all of these metaphors and all these paradigms for a relationship with hashem whichever one is working best for me and working best for me today is okay but it means that that metaphor i'm connecting with today that paradigm i'm tapping into today is not just when i'm in shul it's not just when i'm in the basement it's not just when the homies or the sitter are open it's at work and i have an ethical dilemma in business it's my conduct it's how i speak it's how i think it's where i go it's what i do it's in every arena and every aspect and every venue of my life i'm married to hashem my core identity as an ev hashem i never literally or figuratively take off my yamaka i am forever aware of his presence and connected with him i can't wait to confide and to share and to tell him and to draw strength from him and to get guidance and wisdom from him i can't wait to experience it all with him because it's who i am he is part of me and i am part of him and we are incredibly attached together the kokachar bayou shall leave him heir and so many jews whose hearts are awake show alum they ask how do i get to that because you know what happens as soon as i turn on netflix i forget that there's god and i forget that i am his servant i just choose what draws my attention to it and as soon as i go to work and i have to negotiate a business deal and as soon as i go to the supermarket or as soon as i have to drive carpool or change a diaper or drag the garbage to the edge of the curb i forget he's there because it's hard to see god and frankly we're trained to not want to see god in the garbage or at the diaper station or sometimes at work so how do i achieve that that's part of my core identity it defines who i am and not in some punitive way in some accountable restraining constrictive way but some liberating way some enriching way some elevating way that i always know he's there and i always know he's with me how do i get to that uh and others have achieved it and they are familiar with it and they know what that's like at times but they want to increase the intensity they want to turn up the volume turn up the knob turn up that feeling which could be true in marriage and it could be true in our marriage with hashem that have experienced it and i know it's there at some low level but i want to make it even more bright even louder taking place in the background how do i get there now understand my dearest friends what's at stake why this is worthwhile why we need it and why it's important because you'll say to me well what's the difference this vegas as long as i'm ethical and moral at work and in the supermarket and in life so god will be waiting for mitchell will be waiting for me in the basement what do i need him in my living room and my bedroom and my kitchen in my car and on the plane in the business trip what does he need to be there so the answer is he's there whether you recognize him or not but i'll tell you why you want him there because your life will change radically for the better when you welcome him there and when you see him there and why will it change radically for the better for all the reasons that we have learned and studied and tried to practice for the last several years because you will get less angry because you'll realize when you're frustrated that your anger comes from your ego and true this person or that thing didn't work out the way we drew it up but so be it i'm not always in charge and i'm not in control and i can't micromanage everything around me and hey god who's standing right next to me when that thing disappointed me what was the plan and why did that happen and why did you make it work this way and here's how i'd like the outcome can i turn to you and ask you to do it differently but i'm not getting bent out of shape you know why because you are my superior you are nipping an infinite the source of all and there's a reason that it's happening in this way so i may get frustrated i may disappointed but i'm not going to be angry when we're tempted to feel envious or jealous of what someone else has or something else going on say hey god you know what i have what i need and you're in this room providing for me and therefore i'm not going to be angry or envious or jealous of anyone else we're able to regulate and control our emotions we're able to not even be tempted or feel those compulsive feelings if we're attached to hashem if we have that to fake us we know he's there we know he's there we know he's in charge we know he's in control we know everything is for a reason and for a purpose and therefore we're able to avoid those feelings those feelings that are most negative and those feelings that are most destructive lazarus so that's our mission that's our goal i'm reading so far by the way all we've done is the introduction to the chapter on vegas morgenstern morgan's turn in this beautiful beautiful new safer that i really recommend and he says we're going to open the gates a little bit we just want to open the window a crack to look into a life of what it would what would it mean what would it mean to be at the copier or the water cooler at work what would it mean to be online at the supermarket what would it mean to be working out at the gym what would it mean to be in my kitchen trying to give breakfast to my kids or getting them in the car to school and what would it mean to always be attached to god how would that improve my life how would that how would that help me with my anxiety and my worry and my fear how would it help me with my anger and my envy how would it help me with my not only physical well-being my spiritual being how would it help me with nourishing my soul to walk and take steps after our matriarchs and patriarchs and teachers should duff kubo yes who attached and clung to god with all their hearts as king david said my heart desires my heart clings to you my soul my soul clings after you how would our lives be different if we see him everywhere and we look for him everywhere and therefore we keep our calm and cool and we are collect no matter what's happening okay started pouring and we were in the middle of doing x y or z and we got drenched that was the way it was meant to be that's what's supposed to happen that's how it was supposed to turn out viter what's next let's keep going on how would our lives improve and how would it be different that is what we're going to try to work on together all we did today was the introduction and one footnote but we'll pick it up next time until then here's your homework as it is each and every week to see hashem everywhere and to cling to him and to recognize everything is for a reason and to rely on him not only in the places of holiness but each and everywhere we go to i hope everybody's been updating their hashtag diary whether you have a family what's app group i posted on it yesterday when did i do that funeral monday i did a funeral 97 chance of rain in miami at the graveside funeral that i did so i was prepared to get drenched i was prepared to absolutely get poured on we've had in the week of precious knock of course it's going to rain a lot so we've had terrible mabul it's been pouring it rained all the way there and it rained all the way home and for the short time we did the graveside funeral there was no rain so i recorded a voice note in our family what's app group hashgash diary that hashem thank you so much see you could see that and chalk that up to a coincidence and chance so you could say hashem you're right there with me you're right there next to me do we see him in our lives in the seeming coincidence and chance do we thank him to appreciate him do we do we nourish the relationship with appreciation which is uh critical to every healthy relationship okay you know your homework go and do it until then until next time stay happy stay healthy stay holy nine o'clock tonight we're going behind the bema with judge rookie fryer uh woman the first classic judge criminal court of new york and the founder of ezra nashim a women's emergency uh medical service see you tonight nine o'clock until then have a fantastic day