Living On Purpose | Being a Man Training – Class 1

So here we go. We're back to the man tree. And the whole inion the whole inion is that we are men in our lives. Men for our for our selves, men for our wives, men for our kids, men's for for our community. And uh and so that's that's what we're up to. And we're starting with what we did was we went through a list. And I'll tell you the list again. And if you're on here with us, you can post it to everybody. Uh but what I want you to do is um look at this list of uh you don't have to look at it. I'll tell you the list of being a man. We made like an exhaustive list and now we're going to go into each. So today we're just going to do one in. And so the first is to live with purpose. And that's what we're doing today. That a man lives on a purpose. He has a purpose beyond his wife and kids. Now they can share that same purpose. they can share that purpose with him, but he is living his life on purpose. And the um and as soon as he drops the ball on that, she'll let him know real quick. And also, we learned that the uh that when he's living on purpose, she'll she'll try to she'll say, "Oh, can you pick up milk while you're in the middle of going to do an important thing?" Or she might even tell you a very important thing in the middle of you going to do that purpose. That's her checking to see if you really live on purpose. But don't forget to bring home milk. Surprise her with the milk when you come home. Don't just don't just blow off the milk saying, "Oh, Rabbi Glazer told me that's my test, you know." No, you tell her, "I'm actually going to do what I am here in this world to do." And uh and then you surprise her with the milk later. Okay. So anyway, here's here's the list. living on living on purpose. Number two is take care of things yourself. Number three be is to be aloof. To be aloof, which means to be um indifferent. You not affected by every little thing that happens. So when she's freaking out or the kids are freaking out or your community is freaking out, you're just like at peace. And the next is to be a mashpia. Okay, you're a mashpia. And that has to do with the the polar vibrations of the plus and the minus that you're the mashpia, you're the plus, she's the minus. And we we'll be getting into that in detail later. Um the next is leadership. That a man takes takes leadership. Uh the next is he laughs at pain. And maybe that when we do that one, maybe I'm going to send everyone to go like go into cold plunge that week. Like everyone man's job is to go find a cold plunge and deal with the pain of a cold plunge. The next is self-control. A man has self-control. It's the definition of a man. Remember I said it at that when we did that one that a man is very dangerous and his power is that you never see his danger. And the next is sensitivity, which is that we are actually very sensitive. We're meant to be sensitive. We're not supposed to be this this blunt man who's like lacks sensitivity. That we are sensitive. So let's begin today's session of being the man. And today's session is called living on purpose. And so the first thing you want to realize is what what's the difference between a man who's exhausted after a long day and a man who's exhausted after having done done nothing? Think about that everyone. What's the difference between a man who's exhausted after a long day of doing stuff? Yeah, thank you. a long day of doing stuff versus a man who is exhausted for doing having done nothing. And you all know what I'm talking about when you're not doing anything. There's a certain exhaustion that comes with it. That's like that's that exhaustion you can't get out of bed. That's that exhaustion if you've been scrolling through, you know, scrolling through videos. It's a deep deep lethargy. To use a fancy word, lethargy is just like it's like you're wiped out, but you didn't do anything. But if you go out and do stuff, you're living a life in the meaning if you're out in your doing life and you really worked hard. Now you're exhausted. You know what's a good example is, you know, all all you guys have seen me stand for 11 hours straight and give something over, like give stuff over for 11 hours straight. And at the end of that day, you know, I'm just like, you know, I land in the bed like exhausted. It's a very different exhausted than a day where I had nothing to do and I'm just feeling wiped out. So a lot of people think that working is what you know going out and doing stuff is what creates fatigue, what creates tiredness, but it's doing nothing. But let's get into what's the problem in doing nothing. Like doing nothing like people go on the beach, they enjoy themselves, you know, they go on vacation, they enjoy themselves. What is it about doing nothing is the meaninglessness you have. Like when what happens is you you I mean at the beginning you're just chilling or whatever but after a while you start to realize there's a deep meaninglessness that's going on inside. And that meaninglessness is what exhausts us. You know there's um there's no I forget what the there's a great quote like this but there's there's no end to the to the motivation someone will have if he has the right wise. You understand? WHY. If he has the right wise, there's nothing he won't do because they're they're meaningful. Why am I doing this? Because it means something to me. You got to have the wise hooked up in your life. And if the wise are hooked up, you can go and go and go and go and go and go and go and I used to give is is imagined uh you know it's like World War II and the enemy's got a gun to your head and he's making you turn a crank and it's hard to turn but you're turning the crank and after a while it's like torture. He just says keep turning. But after a while it's torture. It's like what am I doing with what's on the other side of this crank? You know, am I killing people? like is this like part of a a chain of, you know, that's pulling people into their death or or or am I grinding wheat or is it doing nothing? On the other side of the wall, is there just a a you know, just a pole that's just turning that I'm doing nothing with. So, if I'm killing other people, I'll take a bullet. If I'm grinding wheat for to feed people, I'll keep grinding. I don't need you don't need to put a gun. I'll just keep doing because now I got a why. But if it's doing nothing then I'll maybe I'll also take a bullet like maybe it's doing nothing and that's like that'd be like the biggest torture if it's doing nothing. So many people are in that place where it's doing nothing. You know they're not doing anything wrong and they're not doing anything good but it's just doing nothing. It's just meaninglessness. So you, you know, when you're building something, you feel alive. When you're not, you know, you're just scrolling on your phone for those same 15 hours, you're wiped out. The only thing that gets bo gets your body tired is is work. Gets your body tired, but but meaninglessness, purposelessness, that gets the soul tired. Meaning that's your soul tired. The soul yearns for Hashem. It yearns for Hashem's light. It yearns to Well, what is Hashem? Hashem's create the creator. Well, when a man uses his creative ability to make a difference in this world. You're you're aligned with creation, you're on fire. And that time away you could meaning someone who works eight hours a day, but he takes an extra half hour. He comes home, his wife's upset like why why'd you come a half hour late? Kids are kids are resentful. Community doesn't respect it necessarily, but you can work 16 hours, double that time and come home because you're living on purpose. Your wife and kids have have uh only only honor for it and the and the community respects it and you're on and you're on fire. That's the point. So, so a man needs a mission and a man needs a mission differently than a woman. Men are are we're built differently. Women are have I just want to talk about women's mission just for a second. Women have a very different mission. Their mission is actually built into their bodies. It's into the reproductive system. And that's why women find tremendous meaning out of ra out of building a family out of raising kids and tremendous meaning out of relationship which leads to ultimate relationship of husband and wife which leads to kids which leads to the tremendous meaning of building a home. That's why Riffy Mayu with when she was pregnant with she didn't know you know it was two twins she just thought it was a skitso kid and she um but it wasn't it wasn't saying it was Rift Mania saying what am I living for because her thing is relationship and her thing is reproduction that's the meaning that is meaning now it's not that women can't have a greater cause. But if you look if you took a hundred women, you will find 98 of them will be interested in in reproducing into this world to build. Now they want akafa. They want to build for a reason. If they don't have a reason, they'll have 1.2 kid. They won't even replace. They won't even do replacement. People who have live meaningless lives, the woman still wants a baby. Still there except she'll have one baby, maybe two babies. But when you get a a woman who's got proper, she understands that we're living here for Hashem. We're building homes of Torah. She she wants as many kids as she can possibly handle. So again, that's women and meaning. Men on the other hand, we are oriented towards having a mission, a greater toughki. And um and check this out. This is so obvious. Like when a man is either doesn't have a mission or he had a mission, he loses his mission. When a man's like off mission, you'll notice he immediately goes towards substitutes. He's like, why doesn't he just do what his wife does? Go home, be with your wife, be with the kids. Like, like that's great, you know, like do do her mission, you know? Go, oh, you don't have a mission right now, go to that mission. Notice what men do. Men immediately go to entertainment. They go to pornography, which we'll discuss more later. They'll go into, you know, money and power. They'll go into status. They'll start like looking at politics and, you know, power. That's more power playing and stuff like that. Conspiracies, workcoholism, you know, like overwork, anything that gives the illusion. the illusion that his life matters. Meaning he'll just go into the illusion that life matters. So what you realize is that purpose isn't optional. It's not like purpose is some luxury for the people who have it. You know, it's not a luxury. It's oxygen for a male. For the man, living on purpose is his oxygen. Now I'd like to bring up the this famous psychologist named Victor Frankle. You guys have heard of Victor Frankle? Victor Frankle is one of the famous he created a whole like school of phil of psychology. um after being tortured in the Holocaust and watching people die every day in the in big numbers and even being in charge of disposing of the bodies like I mean he went through absolute hell and what he found was the people who had a why were surviving someone who had a why and he also had a why to get through the war and what does that mean that means someone who has uh the meaning in their life. You know what what what was the name of his book? His name of his book was the um new Frankle's famous book um >> Man's Search for Meaning. >> What What was it called? >> Man's Search for Meaning. >> Yeah, man's Thank you. I drew a blank. Man's Search for Meaning. And but the whole beginning of the book is besides the dis horrible horust stories is his point was that it wasn't necessarily the strongest people who died and it wasn't that sorry who survived the war and wasn't the healthiest wasn't the smartest who like figured out ways to survive. It was the ones who believed that something was waiting for them. You understand? They had a they had a why. They had something waiting for them. There was a purpose. Someone to love. you know that that not knowing if your wife or your kids made it through the war increased your chance to survive the war because you were going to survive it for them. So I can just get a pillow real quick. you were going to survive the war for them to be together with them again to take care of your kids to be there for your for your spouse. Uh a book to write, you know, I think he had a book to write. Um a mission to fulfill. So, oh my gosh, I remember it's he's the one with the quote. He said that um he who has a why can bear almost any how. That's the quote. He who has a why can bear almost any how. Meaning how am I going to get through this or how am I going to do this? How am I going to you know so for example all the men marrying off which I'm part of because my daughter's engaged. um the uh her that's the that's the the why meaning I want to raise my kids that they have homes and and are able to start their own meaningful lives. The how is you know is all the details including paying for all those details. Um but that's that's almost a silly example compared to the Holocaust obviously and um but anyway pain becomes bearable when it serves a purpose and without purpose even comfort becomes unbearable. You understand if pain you can survive anything sorry purpose you'll survive any pain but comfort becomes unbearable when you don't have meaning. So I want to add just another aspect real quick and that is that that purpose is is greater than goals. Purpose is greater than than goals. meaning goals. These the things you want to accomplish, you accomplish them. Great. But purpose is is actually the man that you become. You get that? It's the man you become. Goals end when you reach the goal. Purpose never ends. There's never an end to it. Purpose answers, who needs me in this world? What problem did God create me to solve? Where does my where does my unique soul bring life into the world? It's not discovered on the couch. You got to answer those questions and and the and the but the main thing for us is you can have like a big purpose like possibly is like a big purpose for me a big purpose and it's had me I'm 25 years I'm still going and going and going and going and going. Um but you don't have to have this giant purpose. You can have anything that that you find meaningful and and u and makes a difference in the world where you're using your unique skills. That's it. That's it. And and you want to jump into this, by the way. Choose something small. If you don't already have it, choose something small and get moving because when you're when you're not moving at all, you you lose clarity. you you you only get more confused. So, you just want to start getting getting going. Um there's an the enemy of purpose. The biggest enemy of having a purpose in your life is um is not that you'll fail or something or whatever will say like rejection. It's actually distraction. And the world right now is profiting from distracted men. and send every notification on your phones competing for your attention. Every advertisement says, "You'll finally be happy if you buy this." Purpose whispers. Distraction screams. So purpose requires saying no to the distractions. And like for example right now um you know I'll be on the train soon when I leave SWAT I'll be on the train to the airport and I'll be making phone calls. Who knows how many phone calls I'll make. I'll probably make 30 phone calls by the time I get on the flight speaking to people mostly from my about coming to the possible you. And I appreciate by the way anyone who would team up with me a little bit calling some people to build the seminar. That's how seminars are built though. one person at a time. But meanwhile, I'm doing it on my phone. My phone's got WhatsApp. My phone's got YouTube. My phone's got like the news. It's got every possible thing. And and my finger that's about to like press the next number or my finger that's about to like, oh, let's like, you know, watch a little video or something. You know, I'm going to be doing that. And I just keep staying with the whispering purpose because that's that's the whisper compared to like oh I could just easily go on YouTube and watch you know echartulli or or watch a professional surfing video or something. So staying focused on that. Now the next is just um let's bring Hashem into this. You know every morning you guys say abundant is your faith. Hey Rafie, thanks for being on camera. Appreciate it. So we say to Hashem, we're telling Hashem that your faith is abundant, which is like what are we talking about? We're complimenting Hashem on his faith. But yeah, you know what it means? That your faith's abundant. Your faith's abundant that I'm going to get up and do something today. That I'm going to live my purpose today. Like your faith is abundant that you you went and created me again. And and maybe yesterday you were amazing, but maybe yesterday you were a couch potato. And every morning he creates you again. And I'm thanking Hashem for putting my soul back in that you are you believe in me. You believe you're giving me another day of responsibility. Yeah. It's more like um the Torah is not asking us how you feeling today. The Torah is asking is like what are you called into into being and doing is possibly you what what are you call what is God calling you up to to do today? He's um we're here to become one but we're here to become one with Hashem and and the oneness with Hashem. Hashem is the creator and we are here to be creative. It's not about self-fulfillment. It's about becoming an instrument through which Hashem brings goodness to the world. Like when you're living on purpose, you're telling Hashem like you like we're partners. We're partnered up. You you're going to bring your good is going to come come into the world through me. It's not so much what do I want from life? It's it's what does life want from me? What does life want for me? And that just gets you going. That just empowers you. So if you have a pen, you have a a piece of paper or you got a smartphone in your hand or something just like write down just quick brainstorm. You can think about it if you don't have anything to write on. Just take a moment. When do I feel most alive? Take a moment and think about that. When do I feel most alive? Everyone just come up with a word or two. And here's another question about mission. And uh this is obviously in my tough kid seminar. This is the of the four ways to discover your tough kid. This is number two is answer this question. What problems in the world naturally bother me? What problems in the world world out there naturally bother me? Okay, I'm going to ask you another question. If you had 10 healthy years left to your life, what must absolutely be true that you accomplished Scary question like what has to have happened in this world outside of you outside your home? What has to have happened within the 10 years? And now here's a painful question. What am I pretending not to know about my purpose? Meaning, what am I being willfully blind about? And I'm going to ask you to sleep on that one. I myself can sleep on that one. Like you guys probably think, "Oh, yum. You're full of purpose." Maybe I'm maybe I'm hiding something from myself. What am I pretending not to know about my purpose? So, I'm going to challenge you guys. We're going to finish up. Just got to keep an eye on the clock. Purpose isn't found. Purpose is built. Purpose isn't found. Purpose is built. Every purposeful life begins with one decision. It's not tomorrow. It's not next year. It's today because you can just choose a purpose for today. Obviously, you want to look for that big one. And now answer this question. Those who are writing, write this down. Tomorrow, one thing I will do that serves my mission is. And please write down one action. And if you don't have anywhere to write, everyone think about the one thing that I will do to serve my mission is so that when you go to bed tomorrow, might be one phone call, one conversation, might be an apology you have to make. First, it's one act of leadership, one courageous step. The world doesn't need more successful men. It needs more purposeful men. Success is measured by what you accumulate. Is sorry success is measur Let me try that again. The world doesn't need more successful men. It needs more purposeful men. Success is measured by what you accumulate like money and stuff. Purpose is measured by what remains because you lived meaning when you're living purpose, it's your legacy. It's going to survive your life. It's bigger than you. It's bigger than your life. It'll get bigger when you die. So, that was the module number one. The next time we get together, I'm not sure when it'll be because I'm tra I'm traveling now, but the next module we'll do probably when I get back there at you should already start reaching out if you're going to be joining the kabura. I haven't decided what should be the size of the kabur, but the first kabur is going to be I'm guessing it's going to be 10 men. We're going to be working together. So, it's like 10 men. How do I choose those men? Because if I offer a sixe program for 10 men to join for to spend, you know, I don't know how long each it'll be each week, but it's a real haba like we're getting to know each other. you're all in um to work on on this, which means everyone's going to have chance to speak and meaning we're going to be knowing each other deeply. Um I don't know how to choose who gets to be in that first kaburum. I have a feeling it's going to come down to money, meaning it's also getting getting me to buckle down. So I'm more likely to buckle down on uh you know getting me to do something once a week is like almost impossible. But so I'll have to be handsomely uh it's a fancy word of saying it. I can't find it. Handsomely paid to to buckle down once a week for six weeks with a group of men. But uh but we're coming up to that to have an actual kabur of men and to really break through. And the only way we're going to break through is not me talking on a camera. It's going to be us working together, group working, dedicated, committed to each other, you know, full confidentiality and to to break through together. So anyway, if you're already interested in that, you should start reaching out so I can make a list to be part of that.