Likkutei Torah Bayom Hashmini #2: Can Psychedelics Show You What Happened?

okay good morning everybody to one and all so on Monday morning we began a new MIM from the alter that deals with Yer and sukus anderas it begins with tra and then it goes on to sukus Andis and it's in the section it's in the section of sukus suus page 160 we did the first chapter almost completed the first chapter and we today we'll continue and bem Monday morning I hope to uh finish the miner so turn to page 160 the starts off you see 160 in the Hebrew it's pay column for pay column four but on top it says okay today's class is dedicated by Sim and Hanah Hannah Miller from Ramat B ches with tremendous appreciation for the yeshiva.net and its incredible lifechanging classes thank you very very much and a lot of to you and everything and an amazing year with all the blessings it's also dedicated for a blessing and memory of M benf and may he be an eternal source of blessing and inspiration and thank you very very much for your partnership so what was the the the the main point that we learned last week the begin first class he starts off with a with a change in a word that there's two there's two holidays that are called thatas in following another Y is its own y but following another is called and is called we even call it but we actually call you don't say it's a con it's a continuation to P so they didn't change the name it says its own holiday but the way the T describes the two is different when it comes to the word means it should be a day of Gathering and a day in which you're closed off from workus means when people come together it's called even today aner yeah because when you're together it's you're closed off from you're quarantined you're together sealed off if everybody goes wherever they want it's not aneras atas means people come together to one room to one Hall to one one Garden one yard one thorough fear but that's what say so it should be a day of where you stay put you stay together and you don't do work for you it says about here it's for you and here it's for they could say What's the difference it's for both go gave the Jewish people this day wants to be together but it's interesting by it's for you it's to you and by that's the how the M begins in order to understand this he goes off subject and he starts talking about what love what we say with all your heart you should love with all your heart with all your soul usually they translate with all your might with all your from the word very excessively very intensely with all your might with all your strength explains that Ines in Hebrew has two meanings you shall and you will the word v you shall love or V you will love like you say even today you say mean you shall love or you're going to love him you will love and he explains and this is a very uh very fundamental idea that a is but it's also it's an instruction but it's also a prediction when all the blockages are removed this is what's going to happen so it's not I'm telling you to do something contrary to who you are on the contrary I'm telling you what's going to happen this is where it's going to go the reason it's going to go this way is cuz this is who you are so when the truth comes out when reality prevails and reality always prevails because reality comes from the word real so when reality prevails this is what it's going to look like so a Mitzvah really means engaging in something that is aligned with what is the Ultimate Reality it may take some time for me to see it for somebody else to see it for the world to see that's true that's why there's a Mitzvah it says the says the the element of mitvah the Commandment nobody commands You to Breathe nobody tell nobody instructs somebody to breathe the whole system of the body is is directed towards that right nobody tells even the child you know when you're hungry maybe it's time to eat to drink why if you haven't eaten in a day or two yeah so it's not it's not you don't eat it's not a Mitzvah it's not a g of a Mitzvah because it's just who you are it's natural thear says that Vu is a Mitzvah on men not on women to have children is a Mitzvah on men not on women so the once asked he said it's a funny thing the wom the women have M for it and the men get the Mitzvah like the man gives a contribution a very important contribution but the pregnancy and the nine months and the birth and all the pain and comes with that it's and then the nursing I mean it's the man it's it's the man's Mitzvah the woman okay yeah we need you a little bit so he said by men has to be a mitvah because if not you know men they do their own thing by a woman it's her whole mitus it's deeper than a Mitzvah it's her very her her very nature and celebrates it so so he says if a is not just a mitvah it's also a Mitzvah you shall but it's you will it's that's where that that's where the person goes as he says what type of a is this so there's three things so we explained it at length I'm just going to do the summation you could listen to the last class it's very means say all the parts of you says and and he explains because essentially all the parts are going to come to love Because deep down even that which looks like AAR which is negative and and and toxic and even poisonous or evil inclination everything can and therefore will be transformed now there all the passions a person has all the emotions all the instincts all the anxieties whatever it may be all the broken feelings that a person has which we call as he puts it here ultimately the whole he says every the whole power and intensity and fire of every conceivable type of it's all going to be transformed and that's really what it say by the as it's not just the physical nations of the world that too it's also inside every person all the the sh as he puts it of all the T gash of all the physical material Cravings all the sh all their Roots which is it represents the roots thees of all the of all the all the different types of emotions and instincts it it's all going to be transformed that's what we call this transformation so we explained at length what this means at least one of the ideas that every single T and every single emotion and Instinct in the world if you if you trace it back to its Shish to its source to its root and you hold space for it with with compassion with empathy you don't get scared from the of it you'll see that really the person is looking for a person is really looking forus for Oneness with the source of life and there's only one source of life and that's the source of good good and pleasure and Bliss and there was a distortion in the process of how we cultivate and how we grow up I explained that length of banana does the banana peel does the banana very good hijack yeah that was the word and sometimes the banana peel Is Not a Bad Thing a banana peel is a very good thing we call it a Clipper Clipper Is Not a Bad Thing unless the Clipper hijacks the banana and suddenly there's no banana there's only a banana pill and that's what happens to people with bananas doesn't happen cuz ban anas usually don't have a y and they also don't have trauma like people they could but not the same level although we share 50% of our DNA with a banana just for the record when you look at a banana it's not such a far relative it's 50% of a person as a banana although it's aish but that's the truth so the evolutionary scientists like to say cuz everything evolved from everything else one we were a banana in some gilgal you were a banana the said since the whole world comes from so everything is everything else wherever you look you're going to find the same of course you 50% with a banana the whole world comes from so everything is everything else everything is interconnected interlaced a much more Rich explanation much more rich and much more real explanation when you talk you look at animals we share much more DNA like we chimpanzee we share Almost 100% 99 99% of our DNA with a chimpanzee why am I saying this I [Music] forgot oh the banana pale yeah I'm saying the mush from a banana is not such a remote mush so if the banana pill hijacks the banana and suddenly the banana doesn't know that it's a banana it thinks it's the banana pill it's whole life is invested in the peel it doesn't even know what a banana tastes like that can happen by a person with a Clipper takes over and hijacks hijacks the personality and where's the real self the real self ising somewhere buried deep deep deep down and this is the story of un blending un blending and disentangling it's called the word is l is literally un blending right on shabas you're not supposed to do Bo what's is UN blending you know you have a salad and there's stuff mixed in or and you want to separate you want to literally separate the too this is this is called pus this is not good this is good so on chabas you don't do ber you could take out the good from the bad but not the bad from the good unless and only if you're going to use it right away so that's the of un blending disentangling so that you could see this is this and this is this this is a peel and this is the banana and then you realize the peel wasn't here to destroy the banana actually the pill was here to assist the banana to protect the banana in its protection of the banana sometimes it goes Haywire it goes whack it's whack it's it's it goes crazy it goes mad because usually of certain breakdowns or breaking points which cause the shell to say this banana is doomed I'm going to take over EnV the environment the environment and many different factors and that's really what happens how develops so essentially if you go down to the skeleton of it he says every type of in the world is going to ultimately become one day a that's what it's going to be that's so your whole heart there's no part of you that's not part of the love there's no part of you that you have to be afraid of there's no part of you that won't and that can't and won't be transformed you say well you don't know me so that's what Al said for the person who says you don't know me he says as far as you go it's fine it's when you believe so strongly in the soul like he did that you're not afraid of looking at everything else if you don't believe that underneath the peel is a banana then you're afraid you know what what's going to come up but if you know the truth then you're not afraid because it's just all uh it's just all protecting and covering up what's inside then he says this is the frequency of love that's experienced only by the soul hey B it says about about souls they're containers of and Clay the has an experience of a that is unique as he puts it you won't find this AA even in the physical world we have a lot of love but all the love that we have is defined by the properties of our world and the properties of our heart there's a type of love that the can have that you're not going to even find a replic C it the first love is we have a lot of different attractions I'm attracted to this I'm attracted to this I'm attracted to this deep down there's a difference between being attracted to something because that's who you really are or being attracted to something as a distraction of who you really are that's why ultimately is that everything is going to be transformed instead of being a distraction but to say that there's no replica of love in other places there is plenty in fact that's why the kppa does such a powerful job it substitutes instead of authentic love I'll give you a different type of love but everybody is searching for attachment why do people get involved in all types of different relationships that are unhealthy or immoral yeah websites that people go to clubs that people Vis all these types of things what is it they're looking for attachment the poor child never had a day of attachment in their life they're looking for attachment the problem is it's fake attachment it's going to explode in the fa my face like the beepers in Lebanon there's a there's a ticking bomb inside it's not going to work because by definition I'm not pursuing who I really am what I really am what I'm looking for I'm finding a nice distraction that for a few days or for a few months or if I have enough money for a few years I could numb myself and fortunate is the person that sees it earlier than later and they can redirect their their yearnings their loves to to to their own truth but there's a lot of replicas you know there's a lot of replicas so that's the is a deeper it's a it's it's it's it's a it's a desire that exists in the that when I when I'm open to the flow of the Divine Soul there's something absolutely Transcendent there he says simply that intensity that frequency of love is not replicated anywhere else it's only in the source and with the source and he says this is actually thead means somebody who's continuously in touch with their Divine Soul they never get confused with the Clipper on the contrary the banana peel is a protection it's not a uh substitute so in a very real way they see life there's Hashem there's the pece of Hashem me the Divine soul and there's the animal soul in the body which is like the that's why he calls it the is the place where the dwells is not a ciper it's a conduit it's a home your animal soul is not a Kiper Kiper in a negative sense it's it's it's a protection it's a container how can the Divine Soul live in the physical world I have to go to the bathroom it's a necessity I need to need circulation I need to breathe I need to digest food I need to sleep I need to drink that the Divine soul is so you have a beautiful animal soul to take care of this and to tell you now you're hungry now you're thirsty now you're tired now you need it now you need to relax now you need to go to the bathroom now you're hot now you're cold now you need to put on the air condition now you have to go out for a walk that's that's that's a healthy neas and it's very very good it's a beautiful thing that's why we never shun the animal Soul the animal that's the whole point the animal soul is not evil that has to be rejected and obliterated even thear when you understand really what thear is again it's just the ciper that was given too many jobs that it wasn't supposed to do the clipp is not supposed to decide yeah what life is all about it's not it's too heavy it's like I told you it's like asking the puppy to run the house it's not fear the puppy is supposed to be a puppy he's a cute puppy let him be a puppy we give the Clipper so much power the poor puppy he has to become a philosopher cuz now he has to figure out what life is because there's nobody in the house then he has to become a psychologist to deal with his anxiety Then he has to become an expert on everything in the world then he has to tell you who you are who you're not so the poor puppy has so many burdens and it develops into something that's completely out of its League it's it's going out of its Lane so that's what happens so of course it gets jealous it gets spiteful it gets but these are these are funny examples but this is the real this is the story of life this is the ne ofam going crazy and becoming a said it's core is not a ra it can become aara like a little puppy could become a monster from The Barking it can also start biting you know or could even grow into a German Shepherd I mean not the puppy but another type of dog so that's [Music] so with all your heart including the animal Consciousness and the this is every type of will be transformed and it's not just what you shall it's what will be you will love not who you are is who you will be when the blockages are gone if it's all based on blockages and it's not who you are so ultimately this is who you will be when you'll heal when you'll recover this is who you're going to be no one of the things you see in the my M I've seen it over the years is it's an incredible thing you know a lot of people are in healing Journeys these days the gift of healing and people sometimes go to pretty deep places relatively speaking but people's on as and everybody wherever they go as deep as they go the deeper deeper deeper they go yeah ultimately what what do they come to they come to the EMS in l m this is where it's like and if not it didn't go deep enough you go a little deeper once said a son of the four once said that the world says that there's three things three somebody who drinks gets inebriated um if you're very rich you're crazy and he says if you learn does you become refined and he say on all three there's a Kasha you see there people who drink and they're not drunk you see there people who are wealthy and they're not M and you see there people who learn and they're not refined there was once uh stop huh yeah yeah but before I finish before I finish I'm not going to digress I'll extrapolate the previous like I'm named after them so the father-in-law of the Reb so his daughter once asked him about a certain who was considered a big but his Midas were not uh so refined so she said t you say that refines but look mean she was I don't know upset about something she says imagine what what he would be without anyway so said on each is a Kasha so he says the answer on each one is the same it's not enough if he's drinking it's not drunk he didn't drink enough he has to drink more and he'll become drunk if he's rich and he's [Laughter] not so that's the the there's certain things it's the future this is where it's going to go you're not going to go away from it means I can get lost in a lot a lot of things but the truth that there's one truth there's one reality that you were conceived in love that you're part of the love that you're part of infinity that's not going to go away how I get there that's different choices people make so you have and then comes the Highlight this was the main point he says it's not even for aad can't be even aad means infinite and infinite means it's beyond the it's beyond creation it's part of Creator in him and he's ain't safe the and that's why the love doesn't have a name it's called not your heart not your soul with your what does your mean means very with very your viness it says there's no inquiry so this love he says is even Beyond aad because thead experiences the frequency of love in the soul nees but the nees is also a we call it a soul we don't call the soul a it's we always say about the soul it's a but still you use the word it's a derivative it's it's the way it comes into a soul a certain form of Consciousness however you explain but it's called you don't just say so he says so what what what does this love have to do with us he says this is for it's not for this is the what the of CH is the of chv is that it shatters the K it shatters the M the says with the stands the complete s also can stand in other words the B is higher so literally the world says it's just a statement says the state has the whole explanation what's the challenge with thead that he's a g he's complete he's a he's complete he's whole he's Flawless he's perfect G he's complete that design is complete the sculpturer the designer the Goldsmith the silver smith the carpenter the Craftsman The Artisan completed it so he says he's a k and if so it's a container it's a container that contains but it contains that which can go into the K by definition it has parameters what happened with cha cha the person is not a K on the contrary the K was broken the K was shattered the person when the person experience Darkness this is back to when the Clipper hijacks the person and therefore they become shattered they're fragmented they're fragmented many many pieces it's it's like the broken theas that are complete are a the that's and then from that Darkness the person experienc es truth in a different way with a different passion because it's the darkness itself that becomes the the fuel the gasoline the energy that creates the love and he says here this is the amazing that says I've seen that wisdom I've seen that wisdom is greater than Folly like light is greater than Darkness says in which many people read on sukus really only knows that wisdom being wise is better than being stupid well today in America yeah you have to be as smart as to know that I guess so iish the Kasha but the Z had the Kasha you need only to say that light is greater than Darkness I mean everybody knows they're looking for light yeah can even ask the bees and the butterflies everybody looks for light again today it's not a cash any anymore you see not everybody looks for light everybody knows light is greater than darkness when I'm saying the greatest light is the light that comes when you say two ways light is greater than Darkness or the greatest light is the one that comes from Darkness that's already a in other words the chemistry of this light is Darkness it's made up of Darkness how can Darkness create light this is the when a person who appreciates the who in a person knows what it is to that their heart is in prison and then they manage to come out of that so every moment of dysfunctionality and every moment of darkness actually not only contributes but it becomes the very very Foundation it creates the momentum and it creates a different type of love and experience it's hard to explain it's The Love Inside the love you could see Darkness that's its power because when darkness is fueling the light it's a different nature of light it's a different quality of Light When the Love is born out of the pain when the love is born out of the Brokenness there's a crack in everything and that's what the that's what allows the light to come in when the crack itself generates the relationship the love it has a different quality to it that's the quality of that's what CH That's The Power of TRV this is what he explained the gor says that by cha from love the sins become mitzvas how can sins become mitzvas it's not fear the answer is the sin is only a sin when you see it as a sin when the sin created this so now what's the definition of definition of is it's a different type of it's a different type of uh it's a different type of sin the sin itself becomes a Mitzvah the sin becomes the tool of the relationship of course through chva doesn't mean when you're doing the sin so what I explained this of when you do the CH out of love it redefines retroactively the the the sin the mistake the failure it transforms it yeah so it's a it's a glorious concept the failure itself becomes the Mitzvah because you could have never experienced this type of appreciation this type of love this type of longing this type of pining this type of authenticity humility vulnerability without the dysfunction the depth of the dysfunction is what creates the depth of the passion you have to feel what I'm saying cuz I it's very it's it's extremely experiential this that's not a Phil that's that that can do not because he's a bad guy because he's a good guy the is a good guy we have no ESS of the he's a great he's amazing guy he's a good guy it's not his it's his he's a he actually keep he keeps the system healthy it's not a he keeps the system healthy he's a he's normal he's balanced he's centered he knows what's good he knows what's bad he knows what's poison he knows what's not poison he knows who his animal is he knows who his animal is not he knows the difference of a banana and a banana pel so his love is incredible happens of CH cuz the K was shattered and now the shattered the Brokenness is what creates the new the new awareness so the awareness is not just the broken is not just an introduction to the awareness the weirdness itself is made up of the Brokenness you understand the difference it's not the introduction to the safer it's much deeper than that means the is made up of the first T ISAC first T that's what I was mentioning we had last night a a zoom with you were on you on it you did the meditation we had a zoom last night with fresh start for people who've been in their program of recovery so so uh somebody asked is it trueu or real that when I come God forgives when I come to 120 it's really going to be erased because they always said in school or wherever that you're going to see a video of everything so what's going to happen with that chapter in my life it's going to be an empty video they wanted to make sure that God is really is going to delete that from the video but Google always keeps a backup so if Google always keeps a back up so how does tra work yeah that was the question the person was very worried about this so so I answered for you want it you want it to show up on the video you want it to show up on the video but when you're going to after TR you're going to look at it you're going to see it differently you're going to say ah that was my greatest moment you don't need to delete it from the video you want to bring it into the videos that's the V of course it's going to be on your video but it's going to be recontextualized the rea the the background is going to be the whole experience is going to be different you could look at it and say that was my lowest moment or you could look at it and say thank you for breaking it so you say come on what's what's the thank you you ruined you ruined yourself you ruined others you destroyed your life B muga that's true that's true that's the grief and the tears and the remorse but the TR May is the rebirth that happens through that and the rebirth that happens through that nothing can compare to that and whoever is involved in this work knows how true this is there's nothing that compares to it you don't tell the sadic to do that you don't tell the sad Go destroy your life so you can rebuild it that's not what you do right you don't put a kid into a crazy situation so he could become you know so he can heal and then become that's not what you do we say in the morning you don't go in to a sick place so you can get sick so you can build up your antibodies against the illness you don't do that CU a lot of things can happen you know what I mean I can get sick and not build antibodies and even if yeah why am I wasting my time being sick that's true but some of us it's already especially when is not even about your own mistakes it's about mistakes that happen in life that you didn't even have choice so it's really God wanted you to be a Bala you have to understand that too it's not like everybody every four-year-old decides which Ava they're going to have they don't decide that very few people have that luxury so essentially the Journey of life is B and I would say in our generation probably most people it's the of CH even though everyone is also aad and you have that too but generally it's it's the healing that comes from the Brokenness and by the way I'm going to give a plug if people there's people who may have a hard time going into Yip somebody asked a very powerful question you heard the Leia's question she was abused and everything and she's going to say she didn't do any of these sins they were all done to her she was betrayed everything was done to her she didn't do anything to anybody else so I try to do a guided meditation about how to understand it because it's really a conversation with your own soul anyway I'm just going to give a a commercial plug for the class last night it's on the usa.net with fresh start it may be very helpful especially if you know somebody who goes into Y and they have a lot of trauma especially Al confession and it brings just up bad memories and self- guilt and self shame and self-loathing I think it could be it could be very helpful I actually said over a piece from that we once learned about what confession is so so that's that was the main that was the main uh that was the main point and he says that's why being humble is the key why so because it's all about humility the moment I'm feeling arrogant around people then the the the the the Brokenness is not there anymore and whenever there's no crack there's no light whenever I'm like this whenever there's no crack there's no light right it's humility it's the humility it's it's it's it's that ability to be a to see things from a humble perspective and then a person is capable of experiencing the which is deeper than aad I saw a voice from the I think I saw it from him he says it's a real real of art says like this it says I think it's somewhere in that zip code what's the why does it say Hashem twice Hashem Hashem whenever it says twice you have to know why so the gor says the first which is compassion is before you the second one is after you what do you need compassion before you sin after you sin you need compassion you need but before you sin you don't need says what do you need for that's what he says so I think the rash answers cuz God knows you're going to sin the says you know why you need compassion before you sin before you sin you need more compassion because you become arrogant he says then you really need at least now you you're normal You're vulnerable before you sin he says that's the danger says now you need me to sometimes the uptightness of somebody who's living a perfect life is so deep they don't they never touch the texture of vulnerability they never touch the texture of humility and some and sometimes that's the biggest clip in the world because it becomes the protective mechanism of we don't go to these places we have it all worked out you know when somebody says we have it all worked out in our family it's all worked out you know that right it's all worked out this doesn't happen here it happens everywhere else doesn't happen we have it all worked out and usually when those skeletons are going to come out I don't want to be there because they're going to be very very deep the the the depth of the fear of touching it is because what's going to be there we your system know the system is very smart the clip is very smart it knows not to go certain places so that's that's even when it's all one big lie AEM here is even a we're talking about a real person we're not talking about a k that's a sham I'm just trying to protect myself we're talking real K it's a and but still not and the last is that's where the says a person should be his whole life in one moment of Tru in this world is better than the how could you say that the whole purpose is to get says no because was created with a what does it mean created with a it's a flow an energy that comes from one letter of's name say this world sh is the next world is the r the glory the Z and that's but then we say so was this something that is means the intimacy with with the essence of which you achieve only through of Love which creates Beyond and only this redeems trauma only this only this really heals the depth of the dysfunctionality because nothing else can really heal it at best the person can get out of it can change which is itself amazing I'm not minimizing that but what really allows you to look back and say thank you for this journey how can a normal person say it says when Mia comes we're going to look back and say are you cucko you crazy so yeah I could be grateful for where I am now but how could you be grateful for where you were how could you be grateful for that or to put it differently how can be a Mitzvah and there's only one one one one I don't want to even use the word answer cuz it's not an answer it's an experience but the truth is that what really happens in the real transformation is that the depth of the darkness is the depth of the light so then you look back at the darkness say wow thank you if the depth of the darkness is the depth of the light and the deeper the darkness the deeper the light so the darkness is [Music] re-experienced it's re-experienced completely differently and every moment of that darkness is essentially a moment of gratitude of gratefulness this doesn't mean it wasn't painful it was very painful it's the shattered that created this love so the pain is there but even the pain itself the depth of that pain is from what the love is made up of it's not there's pain that led to love if you if you take an x-ray of the love what is fueling the love the DNA of that love is is the pain it's the darkness it's the dysfunctionality this is not to romanticize a person's pain but it's to explain the process of how this type of transformation works huh in Jewish history it's hard to see it at the moment that's why Mia will see it at least a little bit of it but sometimes in a person's individual life we get a taste of it you get a little taste of it and this is not you see this this is not spiritual bypassing some is good it's good that's that's not what that's not the F if you spiritually bypass you could never reach this this is the opposite of bypassing you understand it's not it's all good I'm thankful Hashem I had the most amazing life and they'll quote the B and they'll quote the they'll quote right but they do we spiritually bypassing that's coming cuz I'm not ready to face certain things and I get it I get it I'm not it's not judgmental this is we all do this but this is the opposite this is I could look at everything and actually hold space for it and see the depth of the dysfunctionality I'm not bypassing anything this is and that's why it's so real because it brings everything with it I think there's a ver from I may have mentioned it last night I I just I mentioned he says by the end of you turn around yeah so he says people run into shabas they say wait wait before you go turn around and take everything take everything with you life it's time to turn around take it all with you sometimes people who are Bala literal ter here the term Bal cha is an experience it doesn't have to do where you were born and how you were raised but they grew up secular become they're embarrassed with their past you want to integrate says wasn't embarrassed with his past that's what made go back turn around Don't Run Away turn around it's whole part of your experience what do you have to run away from this ISS what made you you since this is what made you you you don't have to uh you don't have to uh you don't have to escape it sorry and there's a ver here Al says a he says that when the person is in prison and they come out of the prison the prison itself is what creates the the the recognition of the locks that they're breaking out of and going into a place of ear of of of openness right that is of a different magnitude it's made up of a different nature like I gave the example somebody has been underwater and under a rock for decades you know and then they come out it's just you can't describe the the the Ty the Bliss the the the love every moment they were under the rock contributes to the love it's a different type of oxygen they're taking it in differently and I hope you don't only understand what I'm saying but you're even feeling it a little bit but if not it's also fine don't judge yourself out yeah coming out of the rock yeah we can't figure it out with our brains our brains we understand it's the experiential coming out of the rock it's the heart coming out out of the rock it's the body coming out of the rock I quoted last night something I heard from my wife she said it's not the psychology that's blocking me it's the biology that's blocking me sometimes people psychology they know everything but the biology is blocking them the body has a lot a lot of trauma cellular trauma cellular trauma and sometimes it's not even so deep know you have to help the donkey don't run away from the donkey help the donkey don't run away from the body help the body so I grew up with this that would always say this from the I never understood the depth of it what the B was saying is there's no without the without the without the cuz what happens is you live in your brain and you know ashkenazic Jews are very good at that and the brain has it all figured out but the body is completely not there your wife walks into the room the body is triggered your brain says the right thing the brain knows but the body is triggered your child walks in the body is triggered you go here the body is triggered there's no healing in the body and these are terrible these are very profound blockages that happen the body stores the terror the the dread the disappointment the frustration the annoyance the anxiety it's all in the body so the don't don't run away from your you got to work with your with your whatever s says listen to her so the one said it says in is the and S is the Goof hasm was telling whatever your goof tells you you have to listen so what's whatever my goof tells me now I want chocolate my goof tells me now I want a lie my goof tells me now I want to eat cheesecake you should listen to it you shouldn't listen to it but and S it says they were already so the Goof they knew that the Goof is completely in tuned with its own truth sometimes my body itself it's like the banana pill my body is out a whack it doesn't know even what it wants it just knows it wants comfort so I'm having a stressful day so the body says just go eat you finish eating the body says now go eat again you finish that the body goes back to the refriger you know when people open the refrigerator every 10 minutes as though in between man fell down from heaven and filled up the refrigerator what do you think happened to your refrigerator in the last 10 minutes your wife went shopping mysteriously together with eloi and filled up your refrigerator with food it doesn't have to do but everybody's laughing cuz we all do it you go back to the refrigerator what happened to the refrigerator the same fak milk and juice that's 3 months old is still there with a few pickles that's it you don't have anything else in your refrigerator eat pickles maybe there's lettuce somewhere in the bottom draw the answer is cu the body just let's look again maybe we'll look again we'll look deeper into T into the M we'll find some food behind the refrigerator you'll do some but the point is I'm not respecting my body my body learned to develop Comfort mechanisms we want to be comfortable who doesn't want to be comfortable so the reaction to pain is you go to the refrigerator that's not that's actually allowing the body to distract itself more it's like the animal that creates crazy habits but of means to listen to what's really inside the body and then from there comes all the all the healing used to that is going to be through the through the body it's a pela thing because therapy now is moving away from words to the body the whole of is through the through the through the because the ultimate is going to be in the go and not only that it say now the Goof gets its nourishment from the soul the soul is going to get its nourishment from the body in other words there's going to be something that's going to come out in the body that is so real so powerful like Atmos yeah you're done good I'm just talking it's fine the has so that's gonna feed I'll on so that's the that's the whole inion of of of the TR yeah yeah very good very good there's a beautiful V from it's a a he says it according to the understand it in explained it but says it says about he's going to mention it also here in a different context it says about suas on the first day of suus you should take the four Min because only in the there was a mitvah to take the seven days everywhere outside of was only the first day after the that everybody should shake for seven days we should remember how it was but really besides the first day it's not a only wanted to ensure that the memory of the bikes remains alive in the Jewish colle memory and Consciousness so he made different this was one of them of seven days so the says why does the it's why does use the words the first day should say the 15th of so he says the med says it's the first day when God calculates your sins sukus is the first day for it's like a new a new a new balance sheet we start calculating why so it's explained because Kipper everybody is Forgiven so there's no sins anymore four days between and everybody is busy nobody has time to sin you're building a you're checking you put the under a magnifying glass yeah I was once by buying an estg somewhere so it was in Crown Heights years ago so there was so there was this guy I came one he was there later he was there so the dealer tells me that he's there almost 12 hours looking for an EST so somebody in the store was a he says he spends more time on his choosing his EST than he did on choosing his wife so the guy says absolutely absolutely it was a very funny comment in any case so so the four days everybody is busy you have to build a Suka you have to get food so who has time for to sin no has time now you're relaxed so now you could bring in a the four days is hectic everybody's stressed but has no other way of defining the first day of sukus the day when everybody starts sinning again like what if somebody sits in the Su and they're not going to speak they're not going to sit Maybe they'll sing maybe they'll dance maybe maybe they'll learn Aus maybe maybe they'll such a pessimistic view that that's how the the first day when huh very good so says something says he says that the G says TR out of and TR out of love as we learned here of love the sins become could still be out of the whole is love as the is going to continue so what happens in the sins become when Tru is done out of fear it says God erases the sins when Tru is done out of love the sins become mitzvas so he says like the sins are gone but now come now is so what has to be so now you have to bring back all the sins so now you go back you bring now you make a of the sins now all the sins become now you start making by you threw them away you bring them back that's Dort that's but this is an experiential process it's experiential process where my failure and my darkness actually becomes the stuff from which my love and relationship is built so of course you tradition that's why I said don't get it don't you don't get rid of that video that video you want to play front front and center that's the video that that that made you that's a very very good question so that's one of the deepest yaras and one of the most beautiful and holy is but it's to hold on to the story he's saying sometimes this Darkness has such a depth to it that you don't want to transform it in other words sometimes a person feels you know you have to ask yourself the question who will I be without my darkness who will I be without all my stories who will I be without my pain and sometimes a person feels without that I'm going to be nobody it's almost the pain that gives me it made me me it gives me so much richness so much sensitivity so much depth so much empathy it makes me it makes me so much smarter than everybody else in SCH cuz nobody understands pain like me H so it's a very it's a it's it's very tempting that when we go into awarness and we hold on to the pain and even though we're saying we're holding on to the pain just to be a weird of it my whole life I wasn't aware of it now I'm going to be aware of it but now comes a new challenge the challenge is I'm holding on so tight I'm not ready to let go and I'm afraid that without the pain there's going to be nothing left and the truth is the opposite the truth is that that's part of the trauma that the pain makes me believe that without the pain I'm going to be a boring dull you know simple garnished eff keep it's the last effort of trauma to keep you in trauma I'm not anymore stuck by the pain but I'm I'm aware of it and I know how bad it is and I can always if you ever ask me who are you I'll right away go to the pain that's really a victory of the pain it's a victory of the trauma nothing of this is said in a judgmental way because it's a very deep process of letting go it's not so easy so after all the healing and after all the awareness is the last step and that is I want to hold on to it I want to hold on to it huh oh that's even a deeper thing sometimes a person says there's no witness to the abuse if somebody was molested as a kid yeah there was no witness with no video camera he denies it yeah everybody else denied it the parents denied it he denied it the whole kahila denied it there's only one Mish who knows the truth the child if I let go of the pain you know what I'm letting go of I'm letting go of the last Witness to the story how can I do that there's no other witness it's not like there's Witnesses everywhere you know for I going to tell the story I'm the only witness and what's the witness pain cu the boy also doesn't remember the story maybe the only witness that he has to the craziness to the evil is his pain is his trauma is all of his mishas the fact that I'm disassociated or detached or numb or or paralyzed or a people's pleas or whatever it is all this crazy behavior of mine it's the only aidus that's left to the pain you want me to kill this Aid that's a very deep that's a very deep question that's not so simple that's true that's true that's why you have to be very careful that's why it's so subtle it's so subtle cuz sometimes people want tell you let go of the pain but it's not coming because you healed it's coming because it's too painful and they just want to get rid of it but again that's called bypassing so so so there's a very very delicate delicate balance between holding space for it acknowledging it embracing it grieving for it processing it through your body allowing all the grief that comes with it and then coming out on the other side and said yes this made me who I am and now I could let go let go doesn't mean you forget let go doesn't mean it never happened let go doesn't mean there's no witness let go means that the witness does not constitute my internal identity of course it happened and I'm never going to deny it and I'm never going to let anybody else be deceptive and hijack my my my truth and my authenticity but it means it means that you you without your pain and Trauma you're infinite you're not going to lose your richness on the contrary the pain is going to become an essential part of your don't worry about it you're not going to lose anything on the contrary the pain will go back to the source of everything so if you're really looking to hold on to the pain you're going to hold on to the beauty that came from it in an incredible way but it's not you're not going to be defined anymore by the negativity and that's Liberation you don't have to worry that there's no witness you know why you don't have to worry there's no witness so now I'm going to say this and take it in a very sensitive way you only need a witness to the destruction that occurred but you managed not to be destroyed anymore so you don't need a witness anymore you don't need a witness you need a witness to destruction but for you nobody destroyed you the destruction that happened became your greatest strength and for that everybody is a witness so you'll say but what about that Crook and that llife who's getting away with murder okay so if you don't want them to get away with murder and it's the right thing to do fine do what you have to do nobody's nobody's telling to erase it from your memory but that's not part of my identity you know why it's not part of my identity because he doesn't control me anymore but this is a process this is not uh you can't snap your finger and reach it so there's a time that we can let go of the pain we can't we need a process and we need to hold on to it but then there's a deeper space a much deeper space where the person actually processed it they don't have to hold on they can they can let go they can go into a place of trust of love and nothing is going to be lost from their personality though you don't have to worry they'll be as interesting and as engaging but much more present did I answer your question or not really he meant something else oh okay so go ahead yeah oh oh yeah toed that's that's a powerful question sometimes a person has a story so there's something to work with there's something to transform sometimes there's no story everything isak so what's there to transform right that's your question so who says there's something to transform maybe it's Tak good there's something going on so what's going on have to be a so if if nothing is going on nothing is going on but there's something going on something is going on for a reason it's not going on for no reason there's something our system is telling us the body is creating an awareness of something there's an alarm you know when the alarm is ringing it's saying something it's saying something smoke this we do smoke this fire our body is a smoke detector you to be able to that's a great question right do I have to identify the story do I have to go into the story and what if it's a previous gilgal and what if it's generational trauma and what if it's epig gentics and what if it's something not even that happened in this lifetime as he said and what happens if it is but it's preverbal etc etc all these answers all these questions so I think you know we know I don't think it's really about kn the story sometimes it's helpful for information it's about the Havoc that the story created in my system now trauma is never about what happened I mean of course it's about what happened it's about what's happening right now yeah exactly exactly the darkness is what lives in me the demon the Shad that live inside of me right now the story may have been the the bigger the the beginning it created the domino effect it's the person I could blame and maybe very justifiably but that's not really what's happening yeah it's not the action It's the reaction now this is not to minimize the action cu the reaction was a reaction to the action and sometimes being aware of that action is helpful in the sense that you don't blame yourself you don't shame yourself you don't think that you're the crazy person you respect yourself so there's a very very powerful very very special uh um experience in knowing that and that's why it's very special but sometimes it's not available and sometimes it doesn't have to be available what is always available is what's happening right now inside of me that's and that's the darkness yeah the other person's darkness is not my darkness the other person's Darkness however he injected or she injected into me that became my darkness that's where the real trauma is you know theban is that I injected somebody else's poison and I made it mine and now that's the only thing I know about so that's the key that's the real real key and then once I could process that which is a journey and I could really really process it and come out from it so then it's not my darkness anymore there's a memory perhaps or not there is deep deep awareness of what I experienced not only that all of my experiences will become part of my Liberation but I'm not anymore that that person I don't have to be that person and I'm I'm not anymore cuz I'm embarrassed or I'm denying it's not I'm not denying anything on the contrary that made me who I am but I don't want to remain even for a moment stuck in that Paradigm I don't think it's a mitz essay to find out every story sometimes you could sometimes you can't sometimes you don't have to not that it's irrelevant it's not irrelevant it may have created a kban but it's Irrelevant in the sense that what's much more relevant is now right now what's happening right now what's what are the obstructions right now why can't I feel now why is my heart closed now why am I so triggered now why am I overwhelmed now why am I anxious right now what's going on right now why am I so triggered right now let's say you do know a story again it helps to know that you're not muga which is a very big thing by the way people stop blaming themselves it's a tremendous tool it's a tremendous element of growth in in in self-respect it's unbelievable that's why it's so helpful but regardless this way or that way what the key is what's happening right now inside of me and that pain is very very real sometimes in different Journeys people see stories but the stories didn't necessarily happen but they're all metaphors there's a whole big makus about this you know when people remember stories through different experiences is how true they are how true they're not and I think you know everybody could say that in some cases it's really true and some cases not necessarily but when you say not necessarily true it just means that may have not happened but that represents in your mind what happened exactly the effect inside of me is exactly as though it happened that's why you saw that it may be that that exact msas didn't happen that way person saw that PL PL did XYZ on this particular night to him when he he was 7 years old maybe yeah don't minimize it maybe yeah maybe not but not that it's irrelevant but it is Irrelevant in the sense the pain is real some in your system you experience life as though at 7 years old this and this happened is it a metaphor maybe it's a metaphor but your body your brain was telling you that this is what happened this is the pain that broke you so maybe it happened differently maybe it was words maybe it was not physical maybe it was emotional maybe it happened in a much more subtle way maybe because of your sensitivity you reinterpreted it maybe another thousand 100 thousand ways it can happen you know what the pain is real you know people go to extremes either it happened literally and if you say it didn't happen literally you're destroying me it's not true may have happened literally it may have not happened literally but the pain happened literally and that's what counts you know why cuz that's what's living in me I'm living in a body and in a soul that had an experience that is bed to that experience and that's why my brain came up with this story even if it's only a metaphor so it's a metaphor we don't are powerful they tell you what's going on you understand what I'm saying this is very very important and this is this is how this is this because this is TR this is the truth cuz you see sometimes situations where people saw paradoxical things they couldn't have both happened this happened that happened and they couldn't both be so one of them is a metaphor so maybe the other one is a metaphor sometimes people T to see things somebody told me a therapist told me he went on a journey with somebody and uh it was 3:00 in the morning and uh was a woman and she experienced an experience where her mother did some horrible horrible horrible things and she called her mother 3:00 in the morning she woke her up and she asked her mother she said is this is this what you did to me and you destroyed my life and the mother broke down and confessed now she's lucky her mother confessed in most cases you know there's absolute denial so she saw exactly what happened hi but there's other cases where it's not the case where it's not the case and that's why it's always a wise thing that people shouldn't reach conclusions right away and it doesn't minimize pain it not it's not a it's not a form it's not a lack of respect on the contrary it's a respect for the fact that I've been through a lot but exactly I don't know people sometimes the next day they saw something they make a call they break up with their they break they they destroy their relationship with their entire family they don't speak to anybody ever again now there may be very good reason for that there may be a bunch of criminals a bunch of mafiosa gangsters who all belong in prison maybe but maybe not right but the work of healing is not about that the work of healing is not knowing who the criminalist it's important and maybe the guy needs to go to prison I'm not minimizing that you know I don't minimize these stuff call the police and put them in prison that's where they belong these people but the real story is what's happening inside of me that's my story the fact that he's a criminal if he is he should be tried if he's not I'm still living with some Darkness maybe he's not a criminal maybe he was just out for lunch or she was out for lunch and this poor baby was just completely abandoned and that's painful enough make sense when I'm saying I think this is more or less uh this is more or less important to I think this is important to understand so the so the this of is so powerful because it takes so long all the experiences but instead of turning them into something that makes me stuck it turns it into something turns it into something that really becomes the true power and the True Glory and the true love of a person I just want to give one on the of the which I find F fascinating I don't remember if I heard this from the Reb I saw it somewhere else what do we do on we do T what's you throw into the water all the sins yeah you cast it into the water whatever that means whatever that means they say a story very funny story a guy tell me that there was somebody who called himself a Reb a big Reb and he went for Tash it starts off with the story with that they say went for and when he left jumped into the water they said we want sins so they say so somebody said a good joke that there was somebody who considered himself a big Reb and he also went for T and he went and he left and all the jumped in and they started to kill each other because they were fighting for the place so the gab said for alaman you don't have to push there's enough avas for everybody to go around okay not bad so uh you guys have too much Han from this joke it's not a good sign huh you're having too much too much s from this joke okay huh it's very true so we throw away into the water all our sins that's what was theah what you know what they used to do from the first day of su every morning they went down to the well and they drew water and they brought it to the B and they put it on the what are you looking in the water what's this new and since when do people start dancing all night cuz you're pouring water I never heard M if you would give wine dance put him you drink wine is the dancing is the water what since what does water make people dance I've seen wine make people dance but was not every day they poured wine was May so here's the what he's saying here be so you throw away your into the water Su is so now you got to go back to the water and reclaim all the sins when they were show the water they were drawing the water it wasn't just the water they were drawing everything that was thrown into the water and now you bring this to the this becomes Divine this becomes an a not only you're dancing all night before what are you dancing it says because is a different type of it's an element of infinity there's an in it that's why it's a different type of Joy it's the explos of joy of not as he's going to say the next that's what comes only after what they say that's what you mean thing that they were saying was about cha why are you talking about that people are coming to dance what do you have to talk about who sinned who didn't sin CH so here you see Tak even in nigla that this is the whole it was going back it's going back to the water so in a person's life that's a very very profound sentiment it's a very profound experience I threw everything away which is always the step one you know this disengagement the disentangling I am not this I am not the dysfunction I am not my mistakes I am not the sin I am not my anxiety that's disentanglement and then do something even deeper and that's you're going back you go back and you reclaim everything bring it all bring it all up to the and that creates a that's a that's a different type ofed out yeah as long as it's sort not sorted out if it's not unblended bled you can't bring it back it's dangerous right that's why it's so important to be able to un blend it to be able to see the difference and then the person could really go to a place where the very Brokenness becomes a different type of K it's not a it's a k for the only type of K that can be a k for a is a k that's broken if a k is whole it's a beautiful thing we K that are whole I could drink a coffee cuz this is whole we're not upset but it's not a kif fr the only K kif FR cyer is when the K gets cracked and it opens up so now Infinity could flow through it huh yeah yeah so when the cracks when the cracks show up it's the the the vulnerability the surrender that opens up the K there's no K anymore there's no walls the walls were broken the walls were broken right and it's also in a person's life sometimes we all have boundaries that have to be protected every person has walls good walls it's called a child needs to have boundaries the boundaries have to be protected some of the pain that people went through is a breach of boundaries the was penetrated you know we fast that's when the Babylonians Bes they breached the wall what does it mean they breach the wall they breach the boundaries right when somebody when somebody takes his hand and puts it in an inappropriate place on somebody else's body they breach the boundary if you're eating soup and I put my spoon in I take from your soup it's a breach of boundaries right if you're standing and I walk up to you and I is something called healthy boundaries it's a this is a k a k has boundaries every person needs a k a sadic is some body who's align they protect their boundaries a child's boundaries have to be protected when they're young they can't do it on their own they have to be taught to do it and hopefully they'll do it but very often they don't know right everybody knows what I'm talking about so those walls have been broken there's no walls anymore and when there's no walls everybody could just come in straight into my system so I don't have boundaries it's also when we grow older right when With No Boundaries right so whatever anybody says goes right into my system if it goes right into my system something I'm living off your words your energy I don't know who I am who you are and that's it's a very painful way of living I'm living off other people's passions and emotions like living vicariously off other people because there's no boundaries when there's boundaries you can open the door and say come in now this goes out this doesn't come into my system but this this is a lot this is you have to know how it works so many ways when the boundaries have been breached it's the destruction of the person the Kaye is full of cracks There's No Boundaries anymore what does mean also No Boundaries also no K but in the opposite way what happens is and this is where the the very negativity becomes the chemistry the energy from which the Divine experience is created it becomes the person becomes an Aon from yes you go into Aon because there's no walls that contain me so the destruction really created a matus of a complete surrender complete vulnerability to the only source of who's also outside of Caleb who also has no boundaries so now my destru the lack of boundaries aligns me with the source of without boundries it says is the says comes is going to sit PR Without Walls yeah you're not going to need an Iron Dome to intercept Rockets you're not going to need walls Pro so what what what happens then is the lack of boundaries is horribly destructive it creates an iron instead of a yeses there's no self I don't know who I am that's absolute destruction that's absolute destruction what happens in this space in this space the person loses and has to surrender their entire ego their entire ego has been has been penetrated what's the healing there's only one healing the healing is that they align themselves with the a which is infinite the only source of real security and in that place they rebuild themselves but from a place of infinity and that you can't have with the K so the very breach of boundaries becomes an experience where the person is now channeling something that's infinite but this is a very very intense process and then they create boundaries but the boundaries are rooted in a completely different reality they're not boundaries that limit you they're boundaries that give you access with something that is completely Beyond boundaries that's the comes from par told USS right there's par and Par is the grandfather of the grandfather of DAV breaking the boundaries but there's different types of breaking bound breaking boundaries CU I don't respect you there's breaking boundaries because you're you're you're a channel for Infinity so sometimes when we become ion in life the Ani is destroyed and becomes ion healing is that you become a k for the real Iron no thingness from nothingness you become no thing and then when you become no thing then you're in a different space you're a different space so that's what healing looks like becomes iron in a negative way right nothing and then the iron makes you a to be no thing you're a nothing because you're no thing are the protectors what's the job of a father and a mother boundaries what do a father and mother supposed to do create a home create a space create a shelter protect the child but your father and mother couldn't do that they themselves didn't have boundaries whatever they were busy they were stressed they were overwhelmed maybe one of them was sick who knows right maybe one of them died one of them was incapable whatever it is they didn't notice they didn't have to whatever every person their own story so what's I don't have those boundaries so I need to find refuge in a space that is completely Beyond iron but from that iron you recreate a new an the KNE become comes an an that comes from a so it's not a less powerful an that's a real an now you have no fear now you've already touched the essence of vulnerability everything has been shattered you're not afraid to be vulnerable and you'll right away see this type of with people you know sometimes you meet a person and within five minutes you could see in their eyes that you can go with them anywhere you could talk about anything they're just there they're wearing their soul on their sleeve like they're not protecting it anything anymore everything has already it's I'm not busy protecting myself you know sometimes we all walk around with with bulletproof vest everybody protecting themselves saying the right thing or being hypervigilant even when you make a like everything was you know I got to fit in and I want to be especially before whatever Etc you know we all huh so real authenticity real authenticity is I'm not protecting anything anymore I don't have anything to protect once that becomes I what do what do you have to protect anything so it's it's really the place of all emancipation and freedom and sometimes the in the negative becomes Theon in the positive so that's the that's the you meet a person and you right away feel that there's a frequency of connection with no ears no uh no stick no drama nothing no lies not even no conscious lies not even unconscious lies just no there's just no deception it's like wow that's a breath of fresh a huh some people are very afraid of that of course I'm afraid of those people if I'm hiding a lot of skeletons and the more skeletons I'm hiding the more afraid and often and often the way of dealing with my fear is I'm not going to say I'm afraid because I'm not afraid I'm just a healthy guy so why he saying yeah he's listening to Rabbi why why too much it happens it happens to the best families everybody's laughing that means I said something real right when everybody laughs it's usually because I said something real not because it was a good joke experience with them you're listening a little too much calm down calm [Laughter] down what's that's a wonderful way of saying I'm afraid there's something triggering me right CU that's hard to say it's not I'm not triggered I'm not triggered by anything I'm just healthy but you went a little crazy why do you go crazy cuz you became a better father cuz you became a better husband why cuz you're daving with a little more kavana cuz you're learning with a little more gak cuz you're actually a little more functional cuz you're less you became less toxic wh what made you so crazy you're shaking up you're creating a Ruckus you're talking about things that we never spoke about that's not good but you don't but you but you don't have to be judgmental you don't have to be judgmental you have to understand that this are is are real fears it's almost we we have to have empathy have to have compassion that's why he says I have to be humble in front of every person this is the arrogance that comes from healing you know this arrogance that comes from healing like doesn't work that way a relationship in the flow is always a relationship with a the moment that I get it you know I get it I I know what healing is I know everybody else is the the simple folk are still stuck in in in in in Pagan you know in Pagan Orthodoxy I get it the I'm from the spiritual CL it doesn't work that way because that's another serious trap that's a very people in this class should know it it's a the moment I go into that space it's a very serious trap not not because you should minimize your journey or give credence to stupidity and people who are completely toxic not but it's it's it's just when a person is really in touch with the frequency of trust and love and faith they just don't go into that place because you're you're you're you're like in a place of light you're not in a place of Darkness so when somebody's going through their Journey you could you could see God inside of them and you can also appreciate the fact that people are in different places and as says everybody at the end is going to go to love because that's what's going to be just what's going to be the moment you know I'm better than you because I did this and you didn't and you're from the idiots and I'm from the enlightened ones it's just another way of taking me out of being one with the source like if you want with the source be a conduit for the source why you busy you know how is judgmentalism going to help anybody how is it even going to help you what what is the statement you're telling yourself by being Superior like how is that helping you kind of takes you back to square one yeah but it takes you back to square one without knowing it because it takes you back in square one in a very in a very Sly and clever way like I'm healthy like I can have an honest conversation you can't so look at the difference right so basically it's it's again all these things are so subtle you know what' you say the heal the healing becomes another source of of of protection of of uh of of kipa it's it's another source of kipa yeah listen forus to become a clip is not hard because unfortunately you know when cus is not lived and breathed and applied it could just become another yeah it's another it's another mask it's a great mask you know it's a great great mask it's a very it's it's this a very deep process and at the end of the day it's all between you and God like nobody else knows you know some people may know a little bit May sniff out a little bit but this is a very it's a very very intimate intimate process the secondus were given in silence that's why they didn't break the firstus was a lot of drama there was a lot of fanf so the says it broke it didn't last so whatever is lasts because it's intimate it's it's silent it's quiet you know okay let's at least finish the paragraph huh yeah so this is what TR looks like everybody understands the ISAC first a little illustration and it just affected me very deeply there was a year I happen to know him he's already in the he was a young man he died young and he was very sick he had different sicknesses that he was struggling with I once saw this on a video somebody showed me on a video the one who took the video showed it to me I don't know it probably was not uh I don't know if it was made public could be it was but I saw it many years ago so this person he was a he was a and he went on to he went to get a dollar from the from the so he was online it came his turn so he looks at the and he starts going like this you know like like they used to do the four-year-old children you know like you're going to get it you know like he's going like this to the was very strange I mean even not the not standing in front of the re triple his age besides being the like you would make to little kid before and then and he comes over to theb and he says I am very disappointed in you and he's goinging like this I am very disappointed in you means in Hebrew it's I'm watching it and I was so curious how that EBA would respond to that you know and he was this this person was he was feeling it like this and this is this is what this is what I remember could be it's not ver B the deba looked at him and the debba repeated his words he said you're very disappointed in me you're very disappointed in me well that makes two of us because I'm also very disappointed in me that was that was the that makes two of us or he said you're in good company you're in good company I think I'm also I'm also disappointed in me and they gave him a br now I want you to think about it somebody comes at anybody forget a big rabbit say I'm very disappointed in you usually the natural trigger you become a little defensive true if you're smart you're not going to attack sometimes you become defending you're disappointed in me should I tell you okay if you have a little more intelligence you repress it but it's much less G that when somebody comes and tells you you know I'm not disappointed in you so you may hold but there's a there's a little bit of a trigger there I was so touched by the calmness the repeated his words like I heard what you said said and then he said you're in good company I'm actually with you I'm also I don't know why he was disappointed maybe he felt that could could bless him that he shouldn't be sick I don't know he didn't say so I don't know what the story was and could but but but there was also something else here he was a he was a a is connected to the Deb I'm disappointed in you it's a form of disconnection you're betray betrayed me so the rebba was telling him I'm with you I'm with you there too don't worry we're not separate you're disappointed in me I'm with you we're still connected we're together he didn't he didn't he didn't detach even for a moment he was present there this is a response what is where does this response come from so it's not just a person who's humble and worked out it represents that you're completely completely in a space where you're not being protected by an ego there's no protective mechanism it's like you know usually your wife comes to you and says uh I'm disappointed in you so right away you know what V yet you know V yet so you know right away like you know when you're when you're completely in a place of trust you could be present and it's very vulnerable I don't know what's coming next I don't have to be hypervigilant and I could be fully present to that energy and then respond from that place with complete openness that's a space where the person is not living in a shell they're just completely completely open and in many ways it's painful because I don't know what you're going to say I don't know what's going to happen the next moment and I'm not preparing for it I'm not going to control it I don't have to control it I don't have to control it because I'm not living in Act of trauma I'm living an act of trust I have nothing to hide yeah I have nothing to hide I got to breathe after this but but but you understand it was such a small interaction but it was like wow what a lesson in life now you can't fake this either you're either you're in or you're not in it's not something you could fake you know okay I think we'll just take a break here and I wish everybody an amazing year and a not just everybody should be blessed with your most incredible year yet a year of complete victory of the and ultimately a year of complete Redemption good everybody Monday morning we'll have a okay I had a morning workout today a lot the process okay it says in that literally means one moment comes from the word one turn it's one turn huh it's a lot to process but it's letting go is always a split second but it takes sometimes time to to get to that SP second yeah I'm he Kipper yeah yeah let me just let me