Likkutei Sichos Vayigash 5786: Why Did Yosef Cry for His Brother's Pain, Not for Himself?

bus. >> Yeah. Okay, make yourselves comfortable. Good morning everybody. Welcome. Okay, this copies on the bimma. I want to thank Kaplan as always for the beautiful copies. Thank you very much. Okay, today's class is dedicated and you'll forgive me in advance if I don't pronounce the names exactly perfectly because I don't know Mandarin so well. So it's dedicated by Wei Ru Jang Wayu Jang in loving memory of his dear mother Shuen Lee. So dedicated by Wayu Jang in memory of his dear mother Shuen Lee who passed away on the sixth day of Tavis 5778 which means her yat is tomorrow and may her soul be an everlasting source of blessing and love and light and inspiration and to always accompany you spiritually and shower all channel all the blessings from above for many long happy and healthy years and thank you very very much. Amen. [clears throat] Okay. Today we're going to learn a from the from the labb that he said of Shabas that was actually also Zion just like this year Shabas is that year also Shabas was the seventh of Shabas just like this year that's December 12th 1964. I don't know the calendar bal from 1964. I just checked it up because I like to see the dates. And it's published in the 10th chap the 10th volume of the Reb focuses here on a very famous rashi in part which is based on a gim but really reveals uh a level of depth in the story that it's easy to miss in the beginning. So let's see. Very often the are written in Yiddish but this happen to be written in Kesh. So hopefully everybody will be able to understand even if you don't understand Yiddish alfashy after revealed himself to his brothers. So there's that moment when Ysef falls on the necks of Binyammen and he cries and Binyammen cries on Ysef's neck. So they basically fall on each other's necks and they weep and they sob on this is the garra says something very interesting here. So Gomorra is migill and Rashi quotes it in Rashi doesn't quote all the details but Rashi quotes the main idea. The Gomorrah asks why does it say on the necks of how many necks did he have? A person has one neck. It's not like two eyes, two ears, two arms, two legs, a neck, you only have one neck. So it should have said not is plural necks. That's what the Gmorrah asks. How many necks have? So the Gmorrah answers was crying not just meeting Binyam and his brother the physical Binyam he was also crying for the two Mikdesh which are all indicated both are indicated in the word the necks of Binyam other there's something in Binyam's neck that is plural that he's carrying two things the Besa mikdash was built partially in the lot of binyamin when they divided to the part of the besame mikdish was in the kaik in the part in the boundaries of binyam and ultimately they'll both be destroyed the first ba mikdish built by and the second ba mikdish built by the above those who came back and etc and they would both be destroyed and that's what y was crying for on the necks of binyam because they would be in the part of binyam what's beyammen crying Before the mikdash there was a mishk that was built in sheiloy people go visit Chile they they they in the archaeology they excavated the ancient Shilo so she was the parishion of y and that's where the mishk was for 369 years when they came to build mikdash only 440 years after they came to so what they for 440 years. So there was no basikt. There was a mishkan from Moshe and it was wandering but most of the time it was in a few different places Gilgal given but the most of the time it was in Chile Mishkan Chile 369 years and then it was destroyed from the war with the pishim against the Jewish people in the times of Ali. Ali was the he had the two sons and is all in Tanak. So Mishkan Shill was destroyed and this was in the section of Yis. This was only one Mishkan. So this is what Binyaman was crying for. This is what the Gumar says in Migilla Daz and Rashi quotes it here in now the question of course is the first basic question is where what's the neck the necks of I mean it's it's a cute the necks because it's too I mean but it seems very far-fetched I mean how does the neck become the so it's not the word necks. Okay, let's put in two mikt. That means there's some thematic connection that the is saying he fell on the neck of that somehow the neck is connected to the mdish. So there's another medish everything in you know becomes connected. There's a chapter 4. Your neck is like the tower of David. It's it's it's built incredibly handsome and well. It's a says talpas's tail shall huh from all the corners. Everybody wants to come there. It's attractive. It's it's appealing. It's it's it's mesmerizing. It's like it's like a towering neck. Mdal David like the tower of David is your neck and talpa means it's it's made to it's made to store weapons. It's very impressive. So it's interesting that when she defines her groom when he wants to describe her neck his neck and how beautiful it is she says mdal like the tower of so say on this in the neck is located in the height of the person. So the mikdash is located in the height of the world. So David represents also the mdash and the itself makes the connection that it's like your neck. What's the connection to the neck? It's in the height. It was located physically spiritually in the height of the world. But it's interesting. If you want to bring out the height, you have things that are higher than the neck. The neck is not the highest part of the person. [laughter] When you say it stood in the height of the world, it doesn't mean you found the highest peak in the world. It's not. There's higher peaks. If you're looking for the highest point in the world, it's not where the bdes was. That's why it says neck. It's not the highest point. There's another those who are learning learned it not long ago the says in when speaks to he blesses beyam so he says of the dwell between his shoulders of course the neck sits on the shoulders of so the garra says from he learned The Gmorian explains that near there was a higher peak and that peak was known as the wellspring of atam. That was what it was called and that was the highest peak. So first they wanted to build a bamed on that peak but then they decided to lower it 23 Amas which is approximately around 4623. So it be around 46 ft lower than like the neck. The neck is in the height of the body, but it's not on top of the body. It's lower than the head. Why? Why do you have to lower it? What's wrong? They said you have to lower it a little bit. He dwells among his shoulders. The most handsome part, the most beautiful part of the is its shoulders. The sturdy powerful shoulders of the ax. So when it says that was located in the height doesn't mean in the highest height. It means in the height but not on top. So that's why it says David [snorts] which is the neck which is connected to bak and that's they looked not for the highest peak in that area they looked for the second lower peak which was the harabayas the temple mount and the ground of the bik was 23 amus lower than mayan so this is fine so this is all that it's not neck the neck is connected to the bd you see it from kazal you see it from the kdal saw the neck of boom the neck represents something but what's the here that you want the neck and not the top the the brains the top of the head that's where the the whole kay is s physically it's the top of the body and also spiritually and biologically the neck is important but obviously there's something higher than the neck but here you say it shouldn't be there if there's no uniqueness in the height. So why what's the who cares where it is? It is where it is. But it seems like quality it is and they see it. It seems like from the so the higher it is if height is something if the impression of height is something so make it higher if you can go higher why not go higher stay lower has to be lower so you have a understand shoulders are lower you have a but that itself is a question it's interesting the question is of height to something so he brings in footnote after the question is why when they made the foral it's even if you don't want to say all four you don't say but is greater than lulf you see people walk work much harder to choose an estri it's more expensive and the kazal say has a tom it has a flavor it has a has a smell lulv has no smell it has a tom not really the lulv has a But the dates on the palm tree have a top. So the is much more. So why should he make a answer is so brings it's brought from the is the tallest so it has the most prominence and all the are called for it because it stands tall. Another is just bringing out in other areas in where you see that height is significant even in the physical versus the and the other I'll call upon him so why not find the highest peak but this will be understood when you understand what a neck is and here again we come back to the really the core of the when the ever you say is It's not that Kazal needed up as some way to found something interesting in the Pik. It's connected thematically. We hear a neck. So we just see the physical neck. What's connect but you have to understand that writes the whole was written before the world was created. In other words, the is really spiritual energy. It's written in a way that could also be understood physically. So you have to know when you say a neck he fell on Binyam's neck. There's different stories you could be reading. You could be reading a physical story. One person fell on the other person's neck and sobbed. You can also read the same story on a deeper level. You say, it means not just it came down from heaven. It means it's it's it could be read as a heavenly document. So when you read neck, the neck represents something. What is a neck? What is the it's basically the bridge is the intermediary between the head which is the seat of the brain the skull with has the brain and the rest of the the rest of the body. The energy of a person, the life force collectively is stored in the brain. But it needs to be channeled from the head to the rest of the body. So for there you have a whole intricate design and it flows through. You have the connor, you have the windpipe, it's called the trachea. You have the vashet is the food pipe. It's called the esophagus. And you have the vid. All the veins, the nerve, all the nerves, all the veins, nerve endings, nervous system, which ultimately comes through the which is the throat. The same is true also when it comes to communicating the the weirdness from the brain. When the external part he says the external part of the comes from the brain to the heart and from there to the entire body that means for a person to embody something it doesn't only remain an idea to be able to be communicated it first must travel through the magar murin means the constraints of the gurin the gurin is the neck the throat which interrupts between the and the but you're not going to get anything from the mind to the heart if it doesn't travel through the it's a highway it's the narrowest highway in the [laughter] world and in the body and there's a lot of traffic in that highway you could try getting something from your head to your heart and opening your heart it's a lot of it's like getting out of your to go to Tel a Viv but sometimes and this could also be a lot of havanot a lot of demonstrations [laughter] and it's not so easy. It's a small highway but it's a very that's why it's called maharag mates means the constraint. It's the narrowest part of the body because it represents the fact that that transition is critical but it's not it's not such an easy transition. There's it could be many blockages in traffic. That's called if so the neck even though it's channeling from the brain and the head that has something special even the head why because it's the neck the throat inside the neck which really executes the what's the what's the purpose if that all the limbs and All the organs but down to the lowest part should receive their energy their kay their life force from their it comes through the the gar like he said before without the the the wind pipe the food pipe and all the viden all the all the veins the arteries like arteries veins nerves and all that there's no communication number one number two the first is biology life and the second thing is awareness that all of them should be able to behave behave based on the guidance, the blueprint, the map, the the awareness of the this comes through you need but the is the one that so to speak is the channel the execution happens through the even though come on it's all there to execute and channel the so the my love of the is obviously the way it's independent is higher than the neck and that's why physically it's also on top. That's true. So he says something very subtle when you talk about what's higher, what's lower. Obviously when you talk about the is higher but if you want to know the purpose of the head and the of the head is it fulfilling its function its purpose its function there is a mile there's a quality there's a virtue precisely because it's lower you know why because the person wasn't created to be a head if you were created just to be a head to be a walking head. You're right. The head is much higher. The head has much more genius in it. The head is the source of life. The head is a source of everything after that is lower. So if you were created just to be a head, [laughter] a head without a body, it's called AI, it's much higher than the but what's the is fulfill through the and that's why it's lower because it's lower. Because that is the mammud that is the bridge and that creates the capacity the potential to transfer to transmit which is the life and the which is the awareness and the spiritual guidance from the head into the rest of the body the heart and every other part of the body. In other words, the embodiment happens through the mamuta. And the mamuts is the sav of the neck. And that's what it represents. That bridge between the highest part of the person, which is the brain, the seed of consciousness and the seed of life. And now begins the purpose of it, which is what? To get into the body. So if you talk to talk about what's greater, of course the is greater, but you talk about what's greater in terms of purpose and function has something the doesn't have because the could remain cerebral. It could remain, so to speak, detached. Everybody understands a head without a body what it looks like. This is the depth of mik is compared the neck. They didn't want it in the head. That's not a mikdash. Mikd doesn't mean you live in your head. Bikdish means you know you master the neck. The main of the bish is that it was lower not that it was higher. Of course it was in the height of the world. But what shot in the height of the world? Bring it down a little bit. Come on. Bring it down. Don't stay that to stay up there. I don't need to mdash. Bring it down. Just like it is in the microcosm in the person though it's also in the universe. The Bikish's function is to channel divine consciousness divine weird to to the whole line to the whole world. He says when built it says that he made the windows narrow inside and brought to the outside because the purpose was the light should go out to the outside not the other way around. So that's why the B mikd was not so high. You didn't want it on the highest peak. Of course, it was high because it's a leader, but not in a way that it's aloof, sublime, detached, completely beyond the ability to illuminate the world. It's way up there. These are the words of the Garian went down a little bit. So, there should be a connection to the world to illuminate. This is what the neck represents because it's lower than the of the exaltedness. It's lower. It's closer to the body. It could become a mammoth to be a bridge. You need to understand both worlds. You need to be able to go down. You need to be able to speak the language not just of the head but also of the body so to speak. So the way Hashem made the gof is that the sav becomes that bridge that narrow bridge. Yeah. It's a very narrow bridge but that's the bridge because it has a kov. It could become a that the two can become one. They could become integrated to the point that there's a seamless flow between the highest and the lowest. And that's the of the mikd it's true in the collective bd it's also true in everybody's individual bik like he brings in 10 says it should have said just like it should have said not. So answer it's not I dwell in the Mishkan I dwell in every person in every Jew. So the mikdash is also in every person. Sometimes you can have the divine soul which represents the head but it's it's completely exalted. It's in other words your little world is detached from your divine soul. The person becomes a mikdash only when the mikdash is in their neck. That's where the B mikdash is. Sometimes benef you know people they could be very idealistic very spiritual but ultimately remains in the head it's no way of embodying batting it. Why? Because they don't have that language. They don't go there. I don't want to lower myself. I want to remain in the clouds. It's a beautiful thing. It's hard to deal with your emotions. Let's face it. It's hard to deal with your blockages. It's hard to deal with your body in many ways. There's a p purity in in that inspiration and at times it's very very workable but that's not what a mikdish is the mdish is the should be able to communicate like he says misses it should become manifested and enclosed why because you want to work with the nephas what's the ne is the animal consciousness which is represented by everything in the entire body this is what's called the work of embodiment bringing it in integration my body, my animal soul and then my part in the world. It starts on once you integrate it with all the parts of you, you can integrate it with the world around you. That's how it works. If it's not integrated inside of me, I can't integrate it with others. So that's the neck. So now we understand the da the neck. It's not just a technical thing because the mikd was not on the peak. was lower as it says there's a of that there's a that understood not just because they had a so it's a cute it should be by the shoulders because it represents the of the B mikdash of course you're here to channel the highest energy but you're here to channel it not just to keep it up there you're not just looking for peaks you know peaks in life I I got to the top of the mountain no you're looking to come down take what you learned in the peak and bring it down integrate it you got to a peak. You have amazing awareness. You had an amazing moment of light, of inspiration and now you come home and a few weeks later it's gone. I think I told you once I once heard from the it says in so he goes through the whole section the whole so at the end writes he adds two interesting words which you have to understand why he adds it. He after everything he took off his big he put on his big he finished the whole says to and he goes home he goes home. So they ask fine is here to say tell us that he goes home and what if he wants to go to his mother's house and what if he wants to stay in the Bish another few hours and learn maybe he wants to learn a little they said the once came he was in and he came to a house and he said he wants and he sat all night he learn so you could say whether was telling you what he does. Fine. I mean, yeah, he went home. He was tired. He was hungry. He wanted to eat. I mean, yeah, he didn't go. He probably didn't go to a pizza shop. So, the said that the was actually saying a it's a and in many ways it's the hardest of go home. Go home. That's the hardest of yip because you imagine what now I'm going to add my own little humor. When he went home, what do you think happened? His wife didn't look at him and said, "Wow, it looks like you were in Kadeshakadash." His wife told him, "I'm done with this." Okay, I'm done with this. Home a whole day with your 11 crazy kids. I am done now. Take out the garbage. Yankee has the virus gum sugar. Give them a bath. Take out the garbage and give me a break. And he could look at himself. I was in Kadeshakadashim today. I deserve to be spoken like this. And this is where many people lose it. They lose the plot. Why do they lose the plot? because maybe they have a head, they don't have a neck. [laughter] It's not integrated. They don't bring it into their humanness. They think they're not human and that's where they stay. So in many ways, how do you know it was a real if he goes home afterward? Doesn't go home, it wasn't a real. So this is in the same here the is divine. It's very powerful. But is to bring it into the to bring it into the to bring it into. This brings us to another understanding in the story. Why did fall on the neck of and cry on his neck? Why when they're crying is crying for why is the that he cried on his neck? So by it says first that he fell on Binyammen's neck. He fell on Binyam's neck. That's the by by it doesn't even say he fell. It's mash that he was crying not just on the physical neck but almost like crying for the neck. But that doesn't that seem strange, >> huh? >> The word shoulders say the word sav that sav the neck sits on the shoulder. >> Yeah. >> Neck makes no sense. >> Right. Right. So that's even a bigger shila. Right. Because you can't really cry on the neck. I mean I could put my my head on your neck and but it's really you put your neck on the you put your head on the shoulder which the neck is situated between the two shoulders. The shoulders holds up the neck. So what's the deal here and if you want to bring out that he was crying for the presence of so so the life of the head of is the main part the purpose of the Jew the Gmorra said the Mishna says at the end of I was not created only to serve my creator. In other words, to serve and fulfill the purpose of your creator who created all of the worlds. And as say in order to have to make a home in this lower world and this whole purpose is it depends on the of the Jew. The Gomorrah says everything is in the hands of heaven besides and that is the beginning of and the foundation and the root that they should make the everybody refining his body and an animal soul and part in the world. And therefore the main part in this even relative to the head is the neck through which you could fulfill the in other words the ultimate purpose is to serve your creator and to fulfill the purpose for which he created you which was that happens through your doesn't happen from above. It happens through a person's and that is that means it's your own work with your in your part of the world. So in this in many ways which is the channeling of the higher consciousness into the body that is that's what's most important. So now we can understand why the sobbing is connected to the neck is crying on the neck of bin is crying on the neck of this word. This is this is it for the head of a Jew for the you don't have to cry. If you're crying for the soul you don't believe in them. You don't know who they are. Like it says in Tanya the soul of a Jew even it was completely loyal means loyal from the word amuna like it says by millis but it's a quote from he springs in 14 theor says that even though a Jew sinned he still is because the remains remains completely in in in intact. So you see the is the letters or because what do you mean the core the source the root of consciousness that's always good you don't have to sob you don't have to cry it's there you could if you look well you could see the greatness over there and hold space for that greatness and and see On the other hand, the purpose is not in the head. The purpose is not in the soul for itself. The soul is good. He brings in in in 15 from Tanya quotes that the nish doesn't need. It didn't come down here for itself. The nish is good. The nish is divine. It came down to beak in here. So therefore, it's not the nish itself. You don't have to cry. The purpose is not the nish itself but the neck. So when are crying, [clears throat] they're not crying for the head. And it's two in first of the head, you never have to cry. In other words, you can always trust that the soul is at its core. The soul is indestructible. Nothing happened. And therefore, it's fine. And that's important because when a person has that unshakable awareness now they could do the work much easier because you know that there's a part that remains completely that can't be destroyed. You have to know that as much as you have to know what's happening with the neck. You also have to know what's happening with the head. So there's no crying over there. What are you crying? Why are you sad? It's amazing. It's glorious. It's perfect. It's full of harmony and holiness. Where is the crying? The crying is for the because over here is the of the so two in he says first of all for the you don't have to cry and second of all that wasn't the that's not what the issue is the issue is what's happening with the that's where is the channeling the embodying the communication >> people have what they have in their head [snorts] >> yeah what he means here head is not when we say you have it in your you have a juke in your head here he means the head include like the the root of consciousness. In other words, the highest form of consciousness. We have the consciousness that the body carries. It's in the nervous system. It's in the body that can be very very contaminated. What people carry somatically today there's like a big field you know sematic work because what people carry in the body like somebody once said it's not my psychology that's disturbing it's my biology like I have the right ideas. You can have the most amazing ideas, but literally the body carry, what do they say? The body keeps the score. The body carries a tremendous amount of messages. And it's literally, it's literally stored, it's literally stored in our veins, in our nervous system, in our body. That's where the work is. And it's very easy to avoid this work. It's very easy to go into a place which is a beautiful place of intellectual clarity. And a lot of people have tremendous intellectual clarity, but it's completely irrelevant. You know I you know sometimes as people they do a lot of inner work and then they and they make decisions and they make and they make and they journal and they make resolutions and they make deals with themselves and with God and with the whole world and then push comes to shove. He comes home his wife tells him something and boom he loses the whole plot. If it's not his wife it's his mother. If it's not his mother it's his brother. If it's not his brother it's his sister-in-law. If it's not that, it's his teenage boy or girl. And and then he goes back into guilt for another year till the next ele. What really happened? The person's ideas were very very good. The ideas weren't contaminated. The reason is because they're not dealing with their body. They're not dealing with their nephas. Your ideas are perfect. You're good. You don't have to fix your ideas. You don't need another Shia. [laughter] Maybe it's good to come to another Shia. I'm not knocking. You should come to another Shia. You're welcome. Another V. >> But you don't need another Vart. Yeah. You don't need another Shia. That's another Vart. You got it. You got it. You know everything. You know it. People are coming to you for advice. [laughter] So you're giving you're giving the world advice. Yeah. And your advice is good. You even charge for your you even charge for your advice and they're willing to pay. So you have brilliant advice because the issue here is not the head. That's not your issue. That's not where you need. You don't need more information. You don't need another another lecture about it. That's not the issue. The issue is that something happened and it triggered a part of you that felt very very unsafe literally and that's your body. It's your goof and and it's almost it's it's like and if as long as you don't have if as long as you don't know this you almost don't have like you're like you become a robot in a funny way because I'm just responding to danger to my own body's perceived danger my animal consciousness which includes the nephas it includes the body and it includes the whole physical existence of a person it has its own rules it has its own mechanisms it has its own patterns and as long as I don't deal with that I don't acknowledge it I don't work with it, I don't see it, I don't talk to it, I don't calm it down, it's going to go crazy. And those are the parts that are the hardest part to work with. And that's the idea of the that's not the head. But here we have to understand the big question. You explained the neck, how the gar connected to the bdash, what it means in a person's life. Why is focused on neck is focused. But here's another question. Why are you crying for somebody else, not for yourself? It's a funny thing when you feel the pain of the whole world besides your own kids. No, there's people like that. that there's experts like that. They know the pain of everybody. They're the biggest balass in Muny, Lakewood, and Bora Park. Their own kids are suffering that they don't know. They don't have time. They don't have time. It's a very funny. It's a weird thing. I'm not saying you shouldn't cry for other people. But there's a IN YOUR OWN HOUSE FOR HEAVEN. Your own house is on fire for the rest of the world that's on fire. BUT YEMEN HAS PROBLEMS. But first, cry for yourself. Yeah. >> Huh? [laughter] >> Right. So either he doesn't have time or you're repressing. You're avoiding. So it's much easier. You know, with the world's pen, you could be a hero. You could be the going to honor. Your kids are not going to honor you at a dinner, right? For for saving them on on the contrary. [laughter] But the world is going to honor you. You're the biggest healer. You're the biggest therapist. You're the biggest. So I understand feels bad for I get it. And feels bad for and what's going to happen in the future. But is a rule in life. It's not a bad thing. It's maybe it's a beautiful question. No, don't cry for the rest of the world before you can if wind you feeling your own pain it's connected to the whole Indian yet he brings a very interesting in 16 says in says in a lot of places that's why you can't say this for yourself right if you come to and you say you're a Russia they're not going to believe you why You can say an aid. You can say if somebody says uh even somebody says that somebody the gar says their brings somebody a guy says somebody had with me homosexual right so is being you don't believe him why not just like you don't believe a brother or a child says on a father good or bad you can't you're not AN AID FOR YOURSELF SORRY you're not it's a fascinating But he says this is a laws of they have what's called two brothers who come from one father are called they're not let testify for each other. Their children first cousins are called their children are calledishi bishi. The question is how close do you have to be that the ais is disqualified. So bish is always ple two brothers pussle what about sheni basheni first cousins. Yeah my father had a brother he has a child we're sheni basheni we're not our father is my father and his father and my my uncle because they come from one father but the children are called sheni basheni is does that work or not and then you have bishi already grandchildren. So this is all question how it works. So he says when you say it's more of even the what's two brothers or a father and a son a father and a son and are also called because they're also connected from one source the father and the son. Even with your father or your child or your brother you don't know what they're thinking. You think you know what they're thinking, but you don't. With yourself, you know yourself from your thoughts. Even know the closest relationship, they're close relationships, but it's still something additional to your essence. And you need to know this. >> Huh? >> Didn't have any split personality. >> Yeah. >> Mash with yourself. It's you. you are you that's not so even though in it's the same you can't be an eight for yourself you can't be an eight for your child but he says here it's even deeper than that so why is not crying for himself even when it comes to the which is loving another person loving another Jew and even the way explains what means the depth of it and the quality of it and the quantity of it. Still the P says love your fellow like yourself means with that makes it similar it [snorts] doesn't reach the same mid of self love it's a interesting thing that is usually usually always talks the opposite but here he's bringing out but it's it's it's really it's the of The same letter we brings out how much a person needs to give stuck in more and more and even if as a result of that they can't have live in prosperity. My prosperity doesn't come before you're eating bread. But in that letter, he also brings the gar that says in the there's two people and you have only one jug of water. So holds you have to split it and not watch the other person die. And says your life comes first but of course if you have a little extra what do you have to give and if not it's it's it's but if you have only one drug and only one person could survive unfortunately you don't have a to split the water you drink the water because your life comes first so even in the midst of in the most radical wave after still there's an element of and it's not just because you're selfish it's because that's the container through which you can love right we all understand I was once sitting at my shabas table many years ago and I don't know we got to was a Friday night one of my boys was then six years old so I turned to them and I said There's 613 mitzvah in the T. Which one do you think is the hardest? Which one is the hardest to do? So one of my boys says 6 years old. So I thought I understood what he said. I said, "Yeah, cuz loving somebody like you love yourself is very hard." He says, "No, because that means that you have to love yourself." I told my wife, I said, "Oh, this is going to be an exciting journey." [laughter] Six years old because it means you have to love yourself. If you don't love yourself like you love yourself if you hate yourself the doesn't work. I said that's why it's the hardest mitzvah. That's the care right it's not because at the end of the day I don't care about you don't that's not the is the container from which all the love is going to be channeled to your brother to your son to your daughter to your wife to the rest of the world to every other person. It's like if you go, you know, if if you go, somebody once gave a marshall, if you take a ambulance, it take somebody to the hospital. The problem is there's no gas. So the passenger tells the driver, "You got to stop for gas." He says, "I have no time. I save lives. We're going to the hospital." He says, "You don't have gas. You with your gas. We're going to the hospital." We all know the end of the story. It's still stuck on the highway. The guy died. there was no gas because if there's no gas there's NO AMBULANCE TO TAKE him to the hospital first this is not something that's so understood by people >> huh >> if you have is to hate but you don't have through selfhate it's an interesting thing here had unbelievable there was nobody for especially in our generation after the holocaust is unprecedented I mean it was >> [laughter] >> But here he's got God bringing out the container of it is always a relationship with yourself. If you hate yourself, even in a very subtle way, that's going to come out in all your relationships with other people. Not because you mean bad. It's just by nature. I can't give you a hundred bucks if I don't have 100 bucks. Sorry. [laughter] And if I don't even have 50 cents, I can't even give you 50 cents. Nobody ever gave anybody anything that they don't have. It doesn't work. So you think you can give a $100 that you don't have. You everybody knows you can. And you think love. You think love you could. $100 a stupid $100 even $1 bill you can give that you don't have. And you think love which is an infinite priceless gift you could just give when you don't have. How how does that happen? How does that miracle happen? So that's the somebody once told me he's a therapist Yosi gross in he told me a very powerful idea I really appreciate it. He said what'sman Yeah. A person has one jug of water. Yeah. They take the jug. They say, "Oh, it's either me or you." So, here it is. Here it is. Essentially, now I I know I I know I know is not saying you're not like if there's a father and a son and you want to give away your jug of water, you give away your jug of water. saying you're not it's not hold you're not allowed to hold it for yourself you have to split it in two even if you both die don't watch another Jew die says it's like you says no and he said I saw he says why doesn't it say what's so he said that everybody was afraid to argue with Benetra. Why? Because it seemed like he was more selfless. He was more Jewish. You're going to watch another Jew die because you're drinking the water. It's like how despicable are you? Split the water and you'll both die. You'll both die tomorrow. You'll both die in two days. Don't watch another Jew die. It seems much more Yiddish. >> Much more Yiddish something else. >> Huh? >> Much moreish something else. What? >> You give him a joke, he sips and he does the same as he usually did. So you >> Madame Schiff speaks about that and then it's endless and you both drop dead. [laughter] >> Yes. But at least at least you do. >> So nobody argued with Benet because they felt that their argument is coming from from from ego. He's the one who said when the Romans killed him and he said the said how could you do this he said my whole life I'm waiting for so nobody could suspect of that he had any agenda his whole life is whenever said it's not because you're selfish because this is this is this is the way God wants you to do it anyway so this person so this guy was telling me like this he says if you think about it conceptually what am I telling you when I give it to you. Essentially what I'm saying is that in between you and me ultimately I say I don't matter and you matter. I don't matter and you matter. So I may have given you water but I also killed your soul because if that becomes a message in a person what's the message in the person? The message in the person is I don't matter and somebody else matters. And whenever that happens, the person ultimately doesn't allow the container that can become the giver to function. So that essentially becomes a very very subtle message is sometimes the greatest love you can give to somebody else because we teach through embodiment. When you embody you know what you're teaching them that their life comes first. So in a paradoxical way when I tell you my I don't you matter. you. I don't matter. And you're looking up to me cuz I'm your father. I'm your teacher. I'm your rabbi. I'm your So what what am I teaching you? You don't matter. [laughter] You don't matter. Actually teaches actually, oh, you respect that means also it's going to be with you also. So you're coming from a place of fullness and of presence. Now, all these things are counterintuitive to us because we're often trained exact opposite. Stop thinking about yourself. You're narcissistic. And the truth is you need to know the difference. There's a big difference between and narcissism. There's a big difference between selfishness and it's actually two opposites. You see the difference when you understand what the Reb is saying here. It doesn't create selfishness. It actually creates much more love. You're actually much kinder to people around you. You'll see when people fill themselves, they're much kinder. You know why? They have more mental space. They have more capacity. They're feeling much deeper. And they're feeling much more connected to their source. And in the source, everybody has place. [snorts] >> When I'm in when when when when I'm in a like just like when people are starving. Yeah. You know what Churchill said the difference between socialism and capitalism. Winston Churchill said they're both horrible systems. Everything is a horrible system. He said social capitalism is the unequal distribution of wealth and it's unequal. It's unfair. He said socialism is the equal distribution of misery. Everybody gets misery. Everybody when I'm in a miserable space you're not getting more. You're getting a little more misery of me. So this is the whole of it's building the container. I'll cope on him. What's the here? So is crying for Binyam. is crying FOR GREAT FIRST CRY for yourself. Your whole house, your house is burning down. If you're a human being, unless you're in denial, unless you're in repression, unless you're avoiding, unless you can't acknowledge what's happening in your own family, first cry for your own basa at LEAST FIRST YOU'LL CRY also for his B mikdash. Here it's no y is crying for him. He's crying. The gumar says clearly was crying for his bd and he was crying for the mishk of later in the para meets. What happens over there? Falls on the neck of he cries more and more. He doesn't stop. That's why it says he cried. There was the crying for the first Bikto and then there was the crying for the gull for the last gullis after the second Bik that was crying. If this is the is crying for doesn't care about the Rashi famously brings from that was busy saying it was in the morning so therefore he couldn't cry he was busy saying but I don't I'll call If you learn they meet and after so many years they start crying. So you could say that even when Yakov saw his his his son the first time because he was saying he didn't interrupt the and not only that needs kavana he can even have kavana but according to the zy that was crying for the mikd and yakov wasn't how could you say that the mikd didn't touch YAKOV TO THE POINT THAT HE COULD SAY WITH KAVANA complete kavana because yakov doesn't cry be So the explanation on all of this is so here says it's a classic vintage explanation. It's not because didn't care. It's not because was repressed. It's not because was avoiding. It's not because of were ignoring. What? What is it? Why do people cry? But you look in the world, crying makes people feel better. You know, it's a release. Everybody knows some people here cry a lot. And you know, it's a after a good after a good, you know, it's a it's a wash. It's like a shower. And there's a certain release. It's a release of tension, of energy, of sadness. People feel better after they cry. You'll ask a person. You're going to bring them back. You're going to make them better. The situation is going to be saved. WHAT WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR? BE PRACTICAL. It's a stupid question, right? Men sometimes do it. [laughter] We won't get into the details. What are you crying for? I'm not crying because it's a strategic plan how to save the day. I know my my crying is not going to help anything, but it's part of emotions. It's part of a human it's part of the human coping or coping mechanism that God created in a good way. It's not going to be but even have a Everything he needed a source. So stump to say that crying makes you feel better. What's the source? People says my tears became my bread day and night when people would would chastise me when people would provoke me antagonize me all day. Where's your god? So I was cry what's the point? Why are you crying? You're going to you're going to convince them otherwise. The islik was saying this is what I do in pain. I cried so much it became a substitute for my bread because you see when somebody cries their hunger diminishes right even say that he dipped his bread in the tears it says buton you see a mus he's not fixing anything but he's releasing his pain and it feel you feel in a you feel in a better you feel better m that's why sometimes people just need a cry some people need a cry it's not a bad thing you don't have to always stop crying. You know some MESSAGE SOMEHOW IN THIS HOUSE WE DON'T CRY. WE grow up. That's a horrible thing. Why? Cuz what it teaches people is that they can't trust their emotions. They're not allowed to feel their emotions. They're not allowed to express their emotions. And that's an important part of being human. Not everything is about productive. How is it going to help? This is all part of life. But move on. But for me, you understand something else. What if there's something to do here? Crying can actually be a danger. There's no room to go relax. Say I'm going to go have a good cry. Go do something. You see here becomes a trap. Here it becomes I NEED TO EMOTIONAL. YOU COULD DO SOMETHING. [laughter] There's sometimes you can't do anything. There's there's a real grief. There's a situation of grief. There's nothing I can do. It's [snorts] the middle of a a terror attack. It's the MIDDLE OF HAPPENING. TAKE A GUN AND SHOOT THE GUY. DON'T CRY. Now at a la you cry. There's nothing I can do. We all understand the difference. IF NOW YOU START CRYING, YOU SIT DOWN AND START SOBBING. OH YAY. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? This is worst relinquishing of responsibility. Not because it's not sad, but because you're actually contributing to the you are contributing to the if you could do something to fix it. There was a policeman in Sydney. I don't know if you've he was the I'm laughing. The policeman was hiding. The policeman was hiding with his gun from the shooter and there was a lab who went over to the policeman. He said, "I come from Texas. I could shoot. Give me your gun. I could shoot." He wouldn't give it to him. And Lazarov was shot. He's in the hospital. He survived with miracles. This boy, Yakov Lazerov, he was shot. He was he was begging the policeman to give him the gun. SHOOT YOURSELF. SHOOT YOURSELF. the police police was hurt. So he was scared. He was cowering. So there's a situation in life. It's a middle of the pain. You could go fix something. The child that's sick and the mother Yeah. is looking for she's trying to get to appointment with the best doctor. You'll see that that moment the mother will not cry. She'll be on the phone. She'll be running to appointments. She'll be making everybody crazy. Why? Cuz she doesn't care about her child. cuz she cares about her child. Once nothing works and the situation is over now, now it's appropriate to cry. So you have to know not to ever confuse the two things. >> This situation is something else. >> Oh, good. >> Was crying for all these years. >> Good, good, good. So here he says, this is aart. Listen to this. When you're watching the of your friends, what do you do? Empathy. Cry. Just cry. Put your head on their shoulders and cry. That's your job. But ultimately, I cannot build your mdish. I can be there for you. I can support you. People need to build their own B mikdash. Nobody can save you from your own stuff. Not because they're selfish, but because everybody got to deal with their own life. He puts in parenthesis. Of course, there's something you can always help with somebody else's bd. But the of somebody's mikd is not totally in you. It's totally in your friend. I could do two things for my friend and I need to do it. I could talk to him means I can chastise him means in a pleasant way. Teach him, help him, support, show him the mistake, point out the issues. in a pleasant way. Number two, I can pray for him. Sometimes he doesn't want to listen. I can arouse compassion. But la poish to do the work, I can't do it. I can't come into your house and clean up your kitchen. I mean, clean up a kitchen. I could come into your house and clean up the kitchen, but other parts I can't clean up. the BL of the of all the deviations that caused that the hand was sent into the B mikdash this my friend has to do because he's a bal he has agency he has choice and no takes away anybody's choice I could be a friend but I can't become codependent I can't start living your life for you I can't do that yeah somebody once said you could die for somebody you can't live for somebody you can give them a jug of water but ultimately you're not teaching you. Everybody has to live for themselves. And after you did whatever you could to help the man and you see that his mik is still destroyed spiritually, emotionally, you care. And because you care, you start crying. But if I'm looking at my own destroyed, go do the work. Go do the work. You could save the situation. You could stop what's happening. If you're crying now is going to become a way. I'm just sad. MY LIFE IS HOPELESS. YOUR LIFE is not hopeless. Go rebuild. What he says here bring the gula. This is called gula consciousness. The individual gula in your soul you can bring. I can't redeem you but I can redeem myself. At least I could start to work. There's another type of which is part of it's called tears of sometimes the grief itself is part of building your b. But that's a different type of crying. There's two types of crying. One is a crying it's just there's nothing to do and I'm just sad about my life. He says that's beautiful as long as it's not a substitute for building your B mikdash. But sometimes the crying itself is the sometimes the is of truv it's literally feeling the pain of a situation and that experience of the pain is a po it's a form of remorse. It's a form of realizing what happened and that itself is rebuilding your BT. Sometimes what happens is the crying weakens your building. You know why you tell myself I already did my job. I cried. And here the crying becomes an obstacle to the work. I'm such an amazing victim. I am so sad about my I already fulfilled my obligation. I'm crying. I sit and the couch and I sobb and I sobb and I tell everybody what a miserable miserable wretched situation I'm in. And I was the mitzvah. I built I think I built my B mikdash and really it's avoidance. Really it's avoidance. It's avoidance of actually tackling and confronting the destruction in my life and saying what's step one, two, three. Is there going to be part of crying as part of cha that? Yeah. But if just because there's nothing to do, I pick up my hands and all I can do is cry. Now the crying becomes a dangerous substitute's I still have a lot of work. I have a lot of work for he cried for Ysef. Ysef cries for Byam cries for Ysef. Like he says your friends Bikash cry. help him. But then you can cry your own Bikdash. Go build it. What about Yakov? You hear by him it's not a friend is his it's his father every and every child is part of the Yakov wasn't saying because he couldn't care less about their B mikdash. This was could cry for could cry for Jacob has to tell himself I'm going to sit and cry. I can actually help my kids and he introduced the consciousness of Krishna. What's the Indian of Krishna? He says the whole basikdam says is a place for carbonas. The Gabra says when you say Krishna it's like you mak a carbon. In other words, you're building a basikdish. You're building the place of the carbon. It's the carbon in you. It's the concept of surrendering the egoic mind. That is what a carbon is. That is the ofrishna. So yakov was actually ingesting so to speak imbuing the genes of Israel for generations with the consciousness of redemption. That's what he was doing. He wasn't ignoring these could cry for the which is going to be in the and is going to cry for the could say if they saw with that it's going to be destroyed. So what there's nothing to do. So everybody should cry. It's just sit and cry. It's already it's already by the there's nothing to do. They saw it's going to be destroyed. The Gomorrah says even when the sword is on and here it also says on the neck of the person they shouldn't stop fighting for their life and stop from praying and even after the says through you can tear it up there's a story But came to I have a prophecy from that you're going to die. So turned to and said you're not a prophet. Finish saying your prophecy and say get out of my house. Really? That's a it wasn't it was Hashem told you this man is going to die. So you're going to be smarter than God. So he told finish saying what you're saying and have a good day. Shi it's a whole story got another 15 years contrary to the that he went to Rome and he said they made a rebellion and I'll prove it send me a calf and they won't be at Mak and he made a mum he made a blemish so the wanted to be at Mak because It's it comes from Rome. So said it's going to make a precedent that people could be of. So said okay but we have to kill him because he's going back to do ms. So he said you can't kill him because then people are going to say that the punishment for blemishing a carbon is death and it's not true. You're not allowed but it's not death. So they left him alive and they weren't of the the the piety or the humility of destroyed he didn't kill him he didn't make he was very from he did everything right and it destroyed the it's a sharp words so says I don't understand didn't know that is you don't have to he was one of the big and you see that all the were listening to him so you understand that he was every child knows All the go off. You're allowed to be for there's only three things you don't do for no one of them is not you're allowed to do everything for you. You can be and you kill a if you have to. You have no choice. The whole soul is in danger. That's his and why does the say the humility of it's not humility. Maybe zealatry. What's humility? Where's the humility? He wasn't so humble. He was he was stubborn. So says so now he had to ask a question. What's going to hold the Jewish people? What's going to hold the Jewish people is that's what's going to hold them. So he understood that at this moment let them realize that with they're going to stay forever. So don't make any any of course if he could save the B save the B but don't make any compromises. let them know that a mum is a mum and you not let a beak of a mum and let them learn the and let them know that for making a mum you don't get the death penalty. He was already looking at it from a different perspective. So he says no. So what's the he says he was because of his humility he tak saw what's going to be and he didn't realize that you could change the reality this is what's going to be but you're plugged into the source and you could still change the reality. This was his humility and that was that destroyed the so that's what the is saying here this what what do you want him to do of course cry it's already so it's not like that understood there's an there's still something to do if there's nothing to do now it's time to cry that's what empathy looks like and that's a very appropriate response it's called emotional connection and release. But if there's something to build, that's what you want to focus on. It says in every generation where doesn't get built, it's as though it was destroyed because it's a cumulative work. This is not a to make everybody feel guilty. It's a on every person. When the mikd wasn't built in my days, I need to look at my own mik. My own bik is destroyed. The individual is so deeply connected to the whole picture that if my own my own was fulfilled was withstanding completely Msiah would come and build a general bas this meditation that this is not just on soul it's on every individual that if my own bd wasn't built that's that's the that's affecting the whole what's the point of this? So you say more guilt, more shame. It's not to get to people groan and sigh and cry. That's never the to be able to create a redemptive individual and build the mikdash in my own soul. Meaning that my soul becomes an embodiment for the so here everything comes together. What's the B mikdash? The neck. What's the neck? Embodiment to channel the consciousness. That's what gola protest looks like. That's what Yakov was doing through Krishna. That's what Krishna is. Like we learned in the mime last that we learned what Krishna is right by the 25 letters of Krishna. What the says what is that's the whole here through this hasten and acts as the collective ghoul and the bdish in its place through mashia. Amen. >> You'll figure it out. [laughter] I orig he first started crying. So they asked him yes. He said, so he said this. He said, "Don't cry in your own >> What?