Letters of the Rebbe: "Faith, Fertility, and When to Listen to Doctors" (Class 3)

okay shalam alaykum welcome back to 30 letters in 30 days we are going through letters that the labacher wrote to people from all walks of life about all types of real human issues these are all letters from helicode that's volume 10 of the igris kratish which are all from the year 1955 but if you've been with us for the past two nights i think you'll agree that these letters read like they could have been written today um before we jump into letter number three which is uh our letter tonight i just wanted to mention a couple of orders of business that are pertinent right now uh if you're watching live first of all we want to clarify the people have been asking if this is a women's class or if it's open for all so i want to explain the class is open for all however there has been a very special emphasis and a and excitement on behalf of the women which was very uh painstakingly planned and carried out by the vad or vegemite cashews women's division and the zoom if you're on the zoom right now is a is it was specially made for women men are welcome to watch live on youtube there's no limit to how many people can watch on youtube live and if you're watching the archived version then none of this is applicable to you also i just want to mention i mentioned last night but i'll mention again regarding the women that they have been organizing groups all over the world cities all over the world i believe there are now 40 groups of women and of girls who are getting together at various times throughout this course and discussing these letters and really taking it to heart if you would like to lead a group you can contact contact us at the website 30 days 30 letters and also at the website you can sign the dukh that's the report that we will be bringing anjadolph nissan to the isle to report to the dev about this birthday gift this wonderful birthday gift that we are putting together here um i want to clarify also there will be a sheer tomorrow night tomorrow night is the night of chris mcgilla we have enough time to break our fasts to hear chris mcgilla and to get on line or at least i do so maybe no one else will be on live but me and everyone else will watch it tomorrow or the the the next day but however you do it is fine but yes i will be here live with hashem's help tomorrow night the night of careers in magilla furthermore [Music] as crazy as it sounds there will be a class thursday night the night of the purim suda and in fact not only there will be a class there will be a double class because the way we're doing 30 letters in 30 days is we have to cover a letter every single day friday night we have no way to make use of this technology it's shabbos so thursday night is lachemis we'll have a double portion and we'll have two letters and an hour-long class on thursday night and that will be happening not just in spite of porn but because of porn we'll be there put him dick in a purim spirit and again maybe i'll be the only one there but you're all invited to watch the archived replay okay without further ado let us jump in to letter number three in our packet if you don't have the packet yet it is on amazon and as of last tally it was number 10 in jewish books on amazon how about that and maybe if we make a concerted effort we can get it up to number one just for fun okay oh and if you don't have the book the pdf is available again everything is at 30 days 30 30 letters 30days.com and the pdf is there and everything all the resources you need okay um here we go this letter i'll begin barak hashem we're now after the high holidays remember the last two letters we had were both in the middle of the high holidays now the high holidays are over and it's the end of the month of tishrei brooklyn again addresses that he's in brooklyn bracha vishalam blessings and greetings again this is when the rabbit is writing to a woman before i begin i just want to give you a little bit of a heads up i guess deb is writing to somebody who is in pain we didn't really have that in the first two letters this is someone who clearly i mean we don't see the letter that they wrote to the rabbit but we can easily surmise uh from the rabbi's response this person right wrote to the dev about a painful personal issue specifically as we'll see from context the issue of infertility and i just want everyone to sort of notice how the rabbit responds to a person in pain obviously with compassion and in a gentle manner and in a way of validating this person's pain but there's another aspect to the rebbe's response as well which to me is quite characteristic of the way that abby responds to people who are reaching out in some type of a crisis and it's a little bit surprising it's unconventional but i think once you notice that it's such a constant pattern in the way that ebba responds to people i think you'll realize that it's um it's really the most effective way and the truest way the most respectful way of responding to somebody who's going through a hard time right now in life okay let's let's see what the rebbe says i want to verify that i've received your letter blijjoros zeman aksiva that does not have any indication of the date she didn't date her letter i i always wondered why does you know if someone didn't write the date and the letter that ebb will always say that you didn't date the letter and then i i realized that i'm so used to email threads where you have time stamps on everything and you can and everything's in order and it's very easy to tell who said what and when but when you're writing actual paper letters it is very important to make sure you're referring to a specific letter and you use the date to do so so that is saying i can't refer to the date because he didn't give me a date okay and according to her request apparently this woman requested that what hinane olav i'm going to fast forward your letter i'm going to respond to your letter ahead of the line i'm going to let it jump the line even the urgent letters and the letters that were written earlier so that ebba is telling her that i am i'm exceeding or a seating to your to your request obviously that itself is is validating that this woman wrote clearly i mean in a desperate frame of mind or she wouldn't have asked that ever to skip the line and that ebba is validating that and saying yes i am skipping the line for you so that right there is validating it is a wonder apella is like this is crazy it's a completely unfathomable okay it's interesting to me i've noticed there that ever will use this expression sometimes like this is a wonder like like i don't even understand how this could possibly be and again this is all according to my humble opinion but it seems to me that that ebb is training us how to think and sometimes there are things that we say as just as axiomatic like well that's just the way that it is and then ebba wants to challenge that and say that's that's what you think is normal no no no that that's actually appellate to me it's it's actually shocking that you're saying that so that ebb is sort of like challenging that which we think is taken for granted and that was saying no no don't take that for granted to the contrary it's not even true and then conversely as you'll see in this letter itself more than one time think even more than twice the devil will do the exact opposite as well and teach us that some things that we thought were wondrous and we couldn't understand or fathom that teaches us that no actually that's the axiom that's the normal thing and that's the thing that you should just take for granted as being true it's very interesting i'll i'll point it out as it happens at any rate so what does that ever say is a pillow what's a wonder masha mashrila this how she started her letter that i was speaking in third person that's how that ever writes it in in the honorable way in uh in hebrew to write in the third person maybe i'll just say in in second person because it's easier on the english ear what you wrote in the beginning of your letter uh i don't know if it's a quote but it's that i'm just saying this is what she wrote that the last spark has gone out it sounds like she means the last spark of hope my situation is now completely beyond hope okay so that i was saying that is impeller that you're speaking that way where would a person know such a thing in other words that ebb is challenging her her despondent attitude and saying where do you get this from like what are you basing yourself on is there a is there a logic that that you're following to this conclusion and then that ever proceeds to explain to her that her her conclusion is completely off base you know i once heard somebody say that what's a pessimist an amishman with the falsehood meaning he has correct data but his conclusion is off the mark so that ever saying and in fact here that ebb is even saying your data isn't correct let's see what that ever says it seems like your entire foundation meaning the crux of your argument for why your situation is hopeless is your age okay and i told you this is a letter about fertility so i don't know how old this woman was who wrote to the rabbit but it seems that she wrote and said i'm beyond childbearing years there's nothing i can do and it's it's too late all right so the rabbit says it seems like your whole the crux of your whole logical argument is your is your age but that's not a proof whatsoever that's not compelling as we find both in the words of our sages as well as we see for ourselves whatever says two things first of all we find in the words of our sages i'm not sure exactly what the deb is referring to but there are places where it refers to in in what's considered a woman of child bearing age so this could be uh the reference that it doesn't say specifically but the rabbit says in addition to the fact that we know from toyota also we see for ourselves meaning i guess the rebels implying you know women who are older than you who had children women older than you gave birth to sons and daughters and the never says plural sons and daughters maybe that's a okay so that's first of all i don't understand your your your argument the noise if i was that but in addition and here's the real the real point is if you look at the world you'll see that in the rabbi uses he says the los angeles which means the the scriptural phrase how great are your works how many are your works how great are your works this means quantity quantitatively qualitatively and you look at creation the vastness of creation e f sure it is impossible for one person to wrap his mind around and understand everything in the world okay look at the vastness of the world the complexity of creation that god made and you will see there's no one there's no one person who can get it all the gam loya there's not even some one person who can understand most of what's going on in the world in fact there's no one this is a strong statement who can even understand all of what's going on right in his very own backyard things that affect his own life and he can't understand it all so look around you'll see that's just that that's readily apparent velocin therefore nifridubine adam lumum that's why in the world you have different expertise you have people who have an expertise in one thing or that the lawyer doesn't practice medicine the doctor doesn't practice law neither of them do what the plumber does you have specializations in the world why because no one person knows everything the eno odom no one's going to give a confident opinion allah except in his field of expertise and then regarding other topics that he's not an expert in he relies on the people that are experts it's very interesting here you know what that ebb is about to say is how can we know hashem's ways and there are many philosophical proofs that have been given throughout the ages to prove that finite mortal man can never understand an infinite god the proof that ebba gives here is just it's so um accessible so so uh just everyday and relevant that ever says just look at the world around you you want to tell me you can understand hashem's ways we don't even have anybody who can understand everything that all people understand we take the some aggregate of human knowledge there's no one who knows all that stuff and that's why people are broken up into specialization so this guy knows this this guy's this guy knows that so how are you gonna say that you know that the last spark of hope has gone out and there's you're never gonna have a child like where do you get this from what are you basing yourself on you there's there's no there's no logical reason to say this very interesting in reference to our present discussion meeting about fertility now although it is true the rabbit says that torah gives credence to the opinions of doctors and even bases the halacha on the doctor's opinion in certain cases and it seems that rabbi is talking about shocking that's chapter 328 of arakayam where it speaks about shabbos that if the doctor says he's sick so that's good enough we go based on doctors so the rabbit says a hundred percent we listen to doctors toyota says listen to doctors okay fine granted no problem and also the rabbi mentions and everybody's conduct you're supposed to follow what the doctor says when it comes to practical instruction so if the doctor gives you a prescription he tells you take this medicine or do this therapy or whatever it is so we listen toyota says you listen to what the doctor says as far as practical instruction fine granted no problem aval however together with that with the fact that we do what the doctor tells us to do ladas bhara bilvava you have to know clear in your heart the amish there is the one who's really healing hashem is the healer vahu saylami kipp he's the one who's running the whole world literally hashem's running the particular lives of every individual hashem is running every little meticulous detail especially when it comes to something so important meaning like having children so yeah we listen to the doctor what the doctor tells us to do fine no problem did the doctor tell you to do anything did the doctor give you any instructions doctor's instructions are different than doctors opinions or even prognosis by the way which it's going to become clear as we get into this okay so that ebba is contextualizing the validity of medical opinions yes the medical opinion is very important now how lucha says to follow it but that's when it's talking about giving you a course of action but not to use some type of medical opinion to make a to make a statement that you're not going to have children watch what happens now your letter wasn't even it it appears that it says your letter wasn't even based on a doctor's opinion doesn't seem you were even basing yourself on a doctor's opinion but even if you were to have consulted with somebody the number of times where doctors are wrong about these things is beyond our ability to count so first of all i don't even think you got a doctor's opinion but even if you were to tell me you got a doctor's opinion doctors can be wrong about these kinds of prognoses the ana darvatola alabachik between so rather the whole thing is about your strength of the talking in other words that i was flipping it here it has nothing to do with medical science at this point has to do with talking i should mention by the way there's a story of that the third rabbi of khabad and he told the doctor once and this story we know from the sikhs of the philippine the frida grabber story uh second night of rosh hashanah tough shin hey and uh it's printed in the sikhs of tafshin hey of uh 19 what would have been still 1944. but this is a story that the the vidiq rabbit told and the rabbi actually told uh many times as well that a doctor once gave a a grim prognosis to the tamartadek and that said listen permission was granted to the healer to heal that's true the healer the doctor has permission to heal but that's all he has permission to heal not permission to make proclamations or to say a prognosis or especially nothing grim or or morbid so in fact he said the the the expression in yiddish that the that that samar sadiq used is he said that if the doctor oversteps his bounds and now he's no longer guiding you how to do treatment but he's actually saying scary or morbid or negative things then verter he's not a macho anymore he lost his power he has the power to heal that's it not not the power to make a grim prognosis so at any at any rate that ebb is saying i don't think you even had a doctor tell you this but even if a doctor were to have told you it's not important okay let's continue here so it's not about the doctors it's about him it's about your talking and your connection to the creator of the world and how do you connect to the creator of the of the world you have faith in your day-to-day life the hashem is with you and that's going to cause you to be happy now watch the pivot so that ebb validated her pain he said i took your letter ahead of all the other letters like you requested then that ebb starts to question more than question that i said it's a pella that had to object to the basis of her of her argument where she's expecting uh negative things and now watch what happens that ebba turns the whole subject of the letter into okay now we've spoken about what you need but now let's talk about what you're needed for so that ebb is writing to someone who's in pain who's in crisis who said answer my letter urgently and the rabbit does that allays her fears by saying you know there's really nothing to worry about and you should just trust in hashem and then the rabbit goes one more step and says and now let's talk about what you're doing for the good of the jewish people you got to get to work we need you we need your talents we need your we we need your participation in accomplishing the goal so i understand that you're going through a hard time right now but what about what the world needs from you and i just i find that so uh uplifting that when somebody comes to you at at their darkest hour so first yes obviously validate and allay their fears but then let them know you know you you're not this nebuch this uh downcast down and out uh this this nerd duel this person who's who's coming here pitiful no you to the country you're strong you're powerful you you have a contribution to make and and that all that worrying you have about your problem it's actually detracting from you making your contribution so let's talk about your contribution now that ever completely pivots now at this point in the latter okay so that ever said you're going to be happy if you have been talking and now that ever talks about another happiness another happiness that you could have is the happiness that you have in your ability to have an influence on your environment and the merit of doing so is way beyond our ability to estimate remember last night's letter speaking to mr scharfstein about being a uh an early adopter of covering her hair with a shaytal and talking about how when you're an early adopter you have a great merit so similarly here that i was saying you have a contribution to make and when you do that when you influence your surroundings you have an incredible merit from that okay okay you do a pisces it's known the saying of the world that a soul may come to this world and live a life span of 70 or 80 years just to do a favor for another jew either materially or spiritually listen to what the rabbit says here umi who is like the baal champtov who can compare to the balsham who could comprehend as well as the balshamptiv how great that descent is said that a neshama could come down to this world for for a whole lifetime just to do a favor for another and and ended up saying now come down to this world you think that's a small thing for a neshama to come from its lofty heights in paradise and come down to a physical world full of distractions temptations and limited in its physical body you think that's a small deal it's not a small deal it's a very big descent for the neshama and and the balchemt have understood how great of a descent that would be or that is uber notwithstanding that on the canal he said this statement meaning somebody who doesn't understand how massive of a descent it is for the soul to come to this world they might say yeah but it's worth it if you do a favor for somebody but when the bell shampoo understands what a massive descent it is and still says it could be for the sake of doing a favor for someone else that makes a statement and then the rabbit adds not only did the balshampton say this um actually handed down this statement he transmitted it to us not only said it but he transmitted it to us which means we're supposed to know about this and even in these times or maybe especially in these times of deep dark golus how the rabbit gets personal so that's about every soul every soul that comes to this world came here to help someone else you're not here for you you're not here for you you're here for the mission you're here to be of an to be of influence on your surroundings that's for everyone that's a universal truth now that ever gets personal says especially you especially you ube especially we're talking about a young woman that i was writing to a young woman now he calls her a young woman so i'm not sure how old she was that she was concerned about infertility she did not yet fully use all of her powers bashbo al svivasa to influence her surroundings to arouse in them the good in their souls by the way that itself you could you could fabrenga whole night on just those two words the good that's in their souls when the rabbit tells her to influence the people in her immediate surroundings how does he tell her to influence them to bring out their innate goodness that they already have i mean just those two words okay between and to strengthen them in goodness and what is toiv what's goodness vain toy valet mitzvah we're talking about learning doing mitzvos so you have so much power to influence people get to work in a cloud and i don't just need to influence them to get involved to do torah mitzvahs and shabbos and ayamtev i mean that you should influence those around you to especially especially to realize how to express their their jewishness on on regular mundane days not chibas days and not yamcha days the days that people mistakenly think of as being gloomy days and the truth is i don't even need to belabor this point i don't have to explain this at length remember i told you earlier that evan teaches us things that we thought were normal that ebbet tells us no they're actu actually shocking and things that we think are shocking like i i never heard that before that evan wants to teach us that it shouldn't shock us we should take it as obvious see i've thought about this and again this is my humble opinion that ever will use expressions like similar to this where the devil says it needless to say it doesn't even need to be explained okay so but apparently she did need to have it explained as evident from the fact that tadab is explaining it here it strikes me but that what that is doing is telling us like not only is that i'm explaining but he's telling us that really i want this idea to you to be obvious that ever says it's so obvious it doesn't even need to be explained well apparently it did need to be explained and that is explaining it but the dev is teaching us here that something we thought was a big hiddish a big novelty totally out of the box thinking that everyone wants to to to tell us no actually that should be your axiom that should just be taken for granted as truth it shouldn't really blow your mind the thing that you said before about losing all hope that blew my mind that was crazy but the idea that a young woman who has so much talent should be influencing her surroundings that's not a mind-blowing idea that's like such a simple idea it doesn't even need to be explained okay um all you have to do is just think for a second i shall call think about the fact that every single jew being a descendant of abraham isaac and jacob is a portion of that which connects the creator to the creation now i'm very cognizant of the time right now and i would love to talk to you at length about this expression the connection between creator and creation and maybe some other time and some other form we will because in one place i'll tell you where in the uh that is english forward to the bilingual tanya that ebba says that that is basically the main idea of siddhis khabad that the jew should serve as the creator and the connection between the creator and the creation but at any rate i have to move quickly so i will all right so think for a second every jew is a link between creator and creation a day this is powerful in their regular life the way that it is this is a very deep i mean i'm sorry i know i'm going over time but i i cannot let this not to be said the dev is saying that a jew just in their life as it is and that others is going to add then on top of that that then when you teach them to observe mitzvahs then it's even more so but just in a jew's life just the fact that they walk this earth and they live is already a link between creator and creation there was a a sirha from a fabregan speaking about current events and some people had said some not nice things about about not yet observant jewish people and about punishments and negative things like that which the rebbe did not countenance and and the rebels said that that's why that the the haftarah of pasha's vehicle we didn't read it last week because we had zakhar but the half tour of parish is very starts with hashem saying this nation the jewish people the jewish people yetzarti li i made them for myself and that the jewish people are are hashem's creation in a very special way where just as hashem is is is eternal so to his people were endowed with that dna so to speak and they are an eternal people and therefore that abba said at that fabregan every jew especially after the holocaust who walks this earth and lives and breathes is a leviticus is a living miracle i i just had to share that that point where that ebb is saying seemingly in just a couple of words that idea encapsulating that idea that every jew is a connection between creator and creation just in their regular day-to-day life and then of course obviously we supplement we add to that with toyota mitzvahs i don't want to call it adding god for because it sounds like two separate things we bring out even greater uh revelation of of that essence through toyota mitsubishi's okay kamehameha uber and then especially the activities that i'm encouraging you to get involved in meaning to help people to get uh more involved in toyota mitzvos called and this connection between creator and creation that is brought about by the jew both by their regular life and their observance of toyota mitzvos that create that that connection is the point of creation by the way that's that's the tanya that we're learning right now in kitas okay let's uh continue here bevadayla mesa it is certainly superfluous to add and again i just want to point out that's one of the common uh expression it's a common expression that i believe similarly we had before it does it doesn't even need to be elaborated upon and hear that i'm just saying again it's it's superfluous to to to add and again i believe it's that same idea that i was saying i want you to feel as sure about this as i do i want you to feel like this is so obvious that there's there's nothing to even question about it so that is modeling for us that the chitos the absolute certainty with which we should be viewing this this this idea okay so it certainly does not even need to need to be uh to be explained that it's superfluous to explain nothing i've just said is coming to minimize the pain of not yet having a son or a daughter okay so the rabbit is again validating her pain just as the debbie did in the very beginning by telling her that he's answering her letter urgently so nothing here is minimum it one doesn't have anything to do with the other the fact that you're going through pain i know you're going through pain and we spoke about that we spoke about what to do that to increase in your batokin and and and and don't make negative morbid prognosis upon yourself but then i had to tell you that the main the main thing you need to hear right now is about getting to work and now that i've told you that you need to get to work i just want to make sure that it's clear it doesn't diminish one iota that of course it's a very serious thing and it's a very painful thing that you don't yet have children the aniba ella laharis i'm just trying to point out the absolute truth there's absolutely no grounds for sadness the woman wrote to him in in in a depressed state but i was thinking there's no basis for that and especially not the way you wrote despair that you've given up to the contrary and to the contrary no no despair hope only hope one more little subject here regarding her question about moving apparently in this heartfelt letter where she expressed her her despair where she felt that she was not going to be able to have a child she must have mentioned she clearly mentioned that she was thinking about moving so that mentions that the hashem is and secondly but more importantly meaning the main idea taking in a foster child that's what it sounds like taking in a child into your house to educate so what is that i begin to tell her about moving and more importantly about the idea of taking in a foster child does not sound like adoption it sounds at least to me it sounds like like more of a foster type situation this is going to depend meaning the answer depends depends on something on what how is this going to affect you and your husband meaning emotionally how will it affect you emotionally desert if through this through moving or taking in a child you taste of simcha will it make you happier will it strengthen your talking in hashem specifically i share your mali that hashem will grant you your desire for a child if this is going to be part of your surrender strategy of just accepting no i'm never going to have a child so we'll foster a child and we'll never have our own biological child that i'm saying then no i'm not for it but if taking in a child will be part of your plan how to move forward and eventually merit to have your own biological children and and to do so happily then yeah great fantastic you tell me how it's going to affect you and then that'll be your answer then bavarde then for sure it's a good thing if it's going to cheer you up if it's going to be uh uplifting but not if it's part of any anything that has anything to do with despair okay now here's another little part um i think i one time wrote to them i think that i was saying jointly to the woman and her husband i wrote to them something based on one of the sikhs of my father-in-law my rabbi my father-in-law that what even though it is true that a person must take personal stock that's called moral inventory even though that is true yes nevertheless it has to only be at special times because if not you're going to lose more than you gain so yes there has to be something called kashmir nafish but don't do it constantly you know it's very interesting there's a there's a gemara in uh based that says when robin yeah zakai the great leader of the jewish people during the pivotal time of the destruction of the second temple and the re-establishment of jewish life following the corbin sorry zake when he was passing away he said something very puzzly he said puzzling he said i see two ways before me one to paradise and one to the opposite and he said yadaya i don't know which path are they gonna take me to and many many throughout the ages many of the great minds have asked how could rabbin yeja menzake this great leader be uncertain about his his ultimate reward how how could he not know that he was a great sadiq and the rabbit actually offered a novel explanation um this is brought you know in a sikha in the sikh is actually originally from a mimer leicester mishkayla at the end of his life wasn't sure of whether he was going to be rewarded or not how could he be so oblivious how could he not know how because he was so busy doing good things his whole life he was so productive he hadn't had time to take inventory at any rate the point is that i was saying here not to never do inventory your whole life that i was just saying don't constantly do inventory because the main thing is you got to stay focused on the work and there's so much work to be done all right let's finish up here um stop doing after stop doing a stock taking every day and and and and not even once a week um instead i want you to immerse your talents not in stock taking but i want you to immerse your talents in good actions by allah in influencing your environment like that was speaking about earlier you're so talented and you have such a contribution to make please don't worry about your your fertility issue it's going to be fine have been talking hashem and and and stop with the heisman enough just focus on doing stuff to influence others because you have so much to offer others hashem will pay you back in kind for all that good you're doing for others but when hashem pays you back measure for measure it will be abundantly disproportionately greater because that is the way of hashem with a blessing for happiness again that stresses the happiness and uh that you should be able to report good news about all we have spoken about good night