Lehavin Hilula D'Rashbi: How Do You Know You Married the Right One? Look at How He/She Triggers You

Since we're getting ready for today's ed of so we'll learn aimer on I want to thank Kaplan for the beautiful copies at such a late notice. So this is a mimer a discourse that was said by the as you can see in the headline shabas parishes the of shabas afternoon bahar a few days before the year which was 19 59 and it's based and develops a mimer of the alterb of the balata on of sakdal as you'll see which is 1804 four. So, let's begin. Today's class is dedicated to Mrs. Esther comes in her honor and tribute by her grandchildren in honor of her birthday on Yud's the 12th day of Advana. Many happy, healthy, prosperous years overflowing with blessings. Thank you very very much and maz and happy birthday. This is how the of actually begins. to to understand the whole Indian of the of the word hila means a wedding in in Aramaic when the garra wants to say it says hilula like we'll see later the gmorra famously says this whole world is like one big it's a wedding and it's fascinating that the day of the talcos the yard site of is in zo itself say for it's called hilula his day of hilula which means the day of his wedding which obviously is anything but that in fact everybody understands that passing is the termination of a marriage the says in the beginning of a woman is acquired you get married through three methods money and a woman acquires self meaning terminates the marriage through two methods either there's a get or the death of the husband but nonetheless why is the how did they get this name in called if you look speaks over there that the tus the day of Mrs. him is actually a tinus for example none other than himself and other some people tast rituals of differentishes and different communities but in it's brought that Mrs. is a day of tus by it's exact opposite. Not only is it not a fast day, regular day, it's called it's called like what's the in this as he says in in footnote which means that begins with these words will be based on an introduction of In order to understand this, you have to understand that there's a difference between souls and malik souls and angels. What do we mean the difference? You say shamas are spiritual. Malik are spiritual. We don't have contact usually with either the shamus malim. It's all in the same category. He says no. There's a fundamental core differentiation when you talk about a soul and you talk about an angel on one hand is high. A malik is high. A malik remains an angel. Yeah. It's an old very bad joke. I once heard from a rabbi in a he says one woman tells her friend she says you know my husband is an angel. The other one says unfortunately mine is alive. Say an angel. You know, you say somebody's an angel. Fine. Un unscathed, untarnished, pure already goes through a whole process. But says that the opposite in are often called. It's based on a we'll see are called they're standing. The shamas are called they're in motion. They're in movement. Says he promises. He says this the beginning of the bay. It's a very complicated era and the satan is because his children married out. Says he's saved from the fire. How could he be? And he gives him a promise which means it's a it's a difficult to understand between all of these I will give you the ability to become one of the between all those who are standing you're going to become one of the one of those who move from the word to go. So it says it's brought in is that refers to and is standing in one place represents that there's growth but it's within means a measurement and means a limitation which means even though you're talking about so you're dealing about a realm that's completely infinite relative to our realm. Nonetheless, they're called and it would seem strange if anything because are in like this, you know, free zone of consciousness without any obstructions are all going are contained and confined. Here you see that it's not so simple. We say mean everything has a which means a container a container and that which fills the container and even though you're talking about a spiritual a spiritual container it's with a finitness goes through a whole over there that you have the legs of the legs of the angels and you have the the legs the thighs all the way in other words different dimensions of what you're calling the of the and since they're their container is with in with infinitess. So the sura which means the soul the inner core the consciousness is also with it's also with a measurement. Furthermore, even the flow of divinity of godliness which is communicated to them from above which is the capacity of how much they comprehend in godliness. Every malik what's a malik malik is a spiritual energy. So it channels a certain frequency or a certain energy of godliness. So he says this is the there's a there's a certain divine energy that's mature that's estimated that's channeled that's contained in this malik in this comprehension and a different that another malik channels not only that you can have two malik with opposite frequ frequency it says for example Malik represents love represents represents a what's because in there's an energy of an energy of and every malik is built of that chemistry so to speak spiritual chemistry both the and the which channels just like different brains every brain has its unique chemistry you can't compare the brain of an elephant to the brain of a chimpanzeee the brain of a chimpenzeee to the brain of a squirrel the brain of a squirrel the brain of a fox to the brain of a human being and within each human being. So everyone has their own which is the kal for that which is the kal for that. So it's three levels. There's the like we have the physical container. There's the which is like the spiritual energy in it and there's the divine electricity that can be channeled through it. So every malik has a it's an it's estimated with a certain in this malik through this through this comprehension that the malik contains and channels. Yeah. And therefore it has its it's it it's its realm it's hagdar it's where the idol is like in that sense they copy it from us but they deify it. Yeah. Yeah. It could be. Yeah. In addition to the limitation that we're talking about in the in the very flow also its manner the way it happens is limited meaningless the malik doesn't get into a bad mood or to an ecstatic mood. There's not going to be a difference one time more than there was the first time. It remains just like you have in the physical world, right? A machine. If the electricity is flowing, it's a gate. You say what the why do people like artificial intelligence? Why is it going to take over the world? Because it's not moody. You don't have to deal with employees. Yeah. Everyone has a personality and everybody has issues and you need vacation and they have strep and you think you have strep and you're having a stroke, right? Whatever it is, everyone goes through stages. Yeah. The hardest job of running a company is the people, not the company itself, the people that are working there. Yeah. When you're dealing with artificial intelligence, boom, somehow they work non-stop. They don't have to get paid. You don't have to give them a dollar. They don't need lunch breaks, dinner breaks, coffee breaks, they're not on their phones, whatever. Somehow, huh? Opinions. Yeah. They don't have opinions, etc. Nobody's calling them [Laughter] yet. Yeah. till we train them what it means to live in a stressful way. And the same is true also when you're talking the animal world, right? Behem is similar. There's a consistency there. There's a predictability there relatively speaking at least. So in the source, he says the just like the flow is limited. Also the way the there's not going to be a tremendous explosion of an experience one time more than it was another time. It's always why because the energy is flows in a certain measurement to each one according to its realm and it continues that way. There's a predictability. There's a consistency. There's no major upheavalss or changes. says in we say her husband is known among the gates refers to Hashem her husband comes from the word comes from the word which means connection everybody connects to the husband through their own through the the higher spiritual measurements of which gives its unique to every one of these angels according to what it's representing and what it's manifesting at every single moment continuously is a whole different are not called everything we described about is different by they're called they're in motion is in because it can grow higher and higher and higher odd infinite and there's no she it's not like a Malik also could move the Malikos moves but it's in an orbit there's an orbit in which it grows based on its its energy you can't expect one animal to suddenly morph into another animal doesn't work that way you are who you are within that obviously there's growth and there's changes but it's it's consistent it's predictable as he explains the nama has the capacity to surprise itself till infinity is that's what we mean by doesn't just mean one is standing in one place doesn't move and one is walking and represent in a more abstract formid can also be growth but it's a growth within finitness represents continuous continuous continuous It doesn't cease. It doesn't stop. It's not growth. Just goes ali growing higher and higher. But on the ladder on the but on the ladder on the ladder. They were in the within the escalator. Of course there's ali. Yeah. Even though a soul also has a certain finite and a measurement. It's true that the is called a piece of a fragment of God so to speak of infinite consciousness. It's called it's true but the fact that you call it a represents that it's a so to speak. It assumes an identity to the point that you could say that it's it comes in it's something called an so even though it's in its essence like it's compared to a child a child is indivis a child is begins in the mus in the very essence of the parents of the mother and the father and remains always connected it's like a part of the parents what's what's part of the parents not that it remains subsumed inside the parents we hope that it's not that way right ultimately it develops and and it becomes an independent reality with its own consciousness and yet it's still completely one. It's still still completely connected. That's the unique paradox of a child. On one hand, you're looking at something that's mish one with you. And on the other hand, you also need to respect the fact that you're looking at something that's not you. That that uniqueness of some parents struggle with one and some parents struggle with the other one. So that's why you call even though it's so it's not a to say that the has nonetheless her ali her movements and her growth and elevation deeper and deeper higher and higher are to no end in she it's This is also the alterb I believe because they can go and grow to which is above. In other words, when you look at here is an identity. So everything should be in that realm. Nonetheless, they can completely upend and shock and metamorphosize their own system, so to speak, and go beyond beyond beyond the measurement of their own essence to the point of reaching is the highest of states in the essence of which is pure infinity. To clarify more, even the before they come into this world, they're also like angels. They're called says may God live the one whom I stood before which is explained in this to refer to the way it was prebirth it was I stood before him and this it says in that all the come from and over there he says I stood When does the change status from precisely after coming into the body and doing it beginning its down here in this world in the physical container init to be called a mahal which means higher and higher and higher you would think is the opposite. This world is a world that's even more finite. The nama becomes far more limited in this world. The body becomes a true true container to the point that it can even eclipse the totality of the soul. It may not person may not even know that they have an ashama. It's it's it's avoided to be able to live with your soul and embody it and and manifest it. And here we're saying that till the nama comes into the in other words where it's pure consciousness divine consciousness it's and precisely down here becomes a mahalash. So the explains that this will be explained by using a parable a metaphor from our physical world and he gives a similar thing in the whole concept of marriage. We see in the concept of When the shamas come together, zoo of course is from the word connection, right? Like a zoo, a ben. So when is meaning the shamas that are here in this physical world come together in marriages. So we see a fascinating thing if somebody would ask a fascinating huh as usual. Yeah. If you'll ask a lot of people especially today, I mean people today much much less people are getting married. I don't mean in the religious community there's also crisis but in the world much and much less people are getting married and if you ask them why they'll say what do I need it for it's restricting me it restricts me right a a free bachelor can do whatever he wants his life is unrestricted nobody tells him what to do nobody everybody's on their own the moment a person enters into a marriage everybody understands now you have to you can't only dance to your own beat. There's a second beat you have to dance to and you have to negotiate between the two beats, right? The name of the game becomes compromise. You have to listen. You you become there's another there's another person in your life and that obviously changes everything. Now usually when people get married sometimes for a few years the men don't realize that but usually after a few children they get the memo. Yeah. I think the kabala one of the says insha when she had her third child she said hapam love is now my husband is going to accompany me one of the mafar I thinkab she says she held in her right arm shim baby shim she left arm ley is born finally my husband is going to help me yakov I have two kids here two babies okay one after the other they were born pretty fast so Ley it's your turn yakov ham finally you love At some point you realize whether it's marriage, children, etc. On one level, the person is restricted. They're now confined. Right. What's the even the word? What's the word means? Yeah. For the wordish there is now a boundary an invisible boundary and a visible boundary hopefully right of they belong to each other. She belongs to him exclusively. The other is designated and conversely he belongs to her to the exclusion of all else. To the exclusion of all else. So on one level it's the ultimate confinement in life. Right. The bohemians say I can't do this. I can't limit myself to I'm an artist. I'm a free spirit. Yeah. You're a marriage therapist. People go, "I'm a free spirit. What are you going to contain me? You want to put my head under a rock with one person my whole life?" Anybody relates to this question? Says in here he says before marriage, let's say you want to be free, you want to be unrestrained. So don't get married just yourself. Says you see people before their marriage the their capacity for giving what can I create is it's very finite every has its limited ability what I could create when you go into this marriage the way Hashem made it biologically before uh which is a reflection of the spiritual element. But Davka when they use Davu when they come together and then there could be birth because male and female together can create that fetus shifa's clone suddenly a new shea that's unlimited emerges first of all the ability to create a child that self the closest thing we get to become god right to literally create it's it's not yeshi and mameish it comes from the body but the remoteness between a seed of life a sperm and and and the egg and to be able to become I mean you know we take these things for granted but we shouldn't and it's in the whole world that way in the animal kingdom and in the botanic world it's dka that z especially with human beings where it's you know it's a z it's a zug that like says it's it's it's not just you come and you go it's a commitment so what happens here is so there's a whole new shea that's completely beyond the shea Huh? I'm on my own. You're a creative artist. So sit dream. Yeah, dream. But fine, you'll you'll create. You may create the Roman Empire, but even the Roman Empire comes to an end. You may create lean brothers. You may create beer sterns. I'm saying all these things alum some people don't even remember. Big big nobody thought uh but ultimately everything we create reflects the creator. for so what I create also has limits suddenly here the most limiting experience in life where you're committing your whole life to one person and what happens so infinity emerges you can suddenly create a life create a life a life and not only create a life he says we're only here today because thousands thousands thousands of years ago people decided to be together. So you're talking about the capacity to create what we call doesn't only mean in their lifetime. It means to no sh even the greatest empires and civilizations ultimately are declined. But here you have the capacity you put something into the world that will continue and continue beyond anybody's imagination. Most people don't know the names of their great great-grandparents. And even if you do, at some point you go back, you don't even know a name. We don't identify with it anymore. But we should really because that's the only reason we're here. But you don't think, you know, we don't think about the people. Huh? Who's Mosha? Okay. Okay. No, I mean we all come from I understand. But I'm saying unless you have a specific family tree and this people know the ela altaz the alta ala baba unless you did like real research and even then it's limited you know but that's only from our knowledge but from the point of view of genetics they're very very much alive today there's a whole field called epigenetics right the way that our genes are actually manifesting life stories of dozens and hundreds and even thousands of both in the positive and the other stuff and it's a it's a real thing. It's not uh it's not like we nobody was born in a vacuum. So it's people don't even realize what they're doing in the world through marriage. So the wants to understand what's the in this when you're alone freespirited so to speak your is this is the the mechanism God made it that in this confinement so to speak infinity emerges there's something in the capacity of birth that has the the light of the infinity beyond the and even beyond the net beyond someone who's created even beyond the net which is already you're talking about one of the spheres that's emanated but it still has some finitness. So this is the mshel that he gives when you come in there's certain relationships and this is this is this the critical key. Some things in life ostensibly limit you. Some things in life ostensibly liberate you but they make sure that you remain confined in one orbit. Some things in life challenge your uh uninhibited expression but they actually reveal your infinity and it's not always so simple what that is right sometimes a person says I'm not bound to anything I'm just a free free free spirit and because of that they actually never find themselves they're like floating you know like floating you're an angel like you know when once you hit out of you go out of our our uh our hemisphere where there's no gravity and you just you know flit you flit you you're free nothing is sleing you down right I think that's the commercial when you come to our space you know the gravity the earth slaps you down you're not free you know you're finite but sometimes that uninhibitedness you're much more infinite but actually it's not you never touch you never find your yourself you never find your core the mam and in life sometimes those things that that challenge me. They also challenge me to find a deeper a deeper part in me which is my aipythe. Now you have to know what doesn't mean that every time somebody chains you down you know you should everybody everybody should become chained down you have to understand what that is that which which which puts you in a relationship which connects you to the so here you go out of into Huh? I'm going to say overashra. We're talking about marriage. So I say over a I heard from my wife. It was a gavald. I mentioned to her one day what it says in Zhar. It's very famous says it I think it's a practice that a husband and a wife is today it's two halves pal is a half two halves of one body and kava were one and then they're separated and they come together so it says in very famous two halves of one body or two halves of one soul and it's brought in a lot of from the says it I think if I'm not mistaken so I said I don't know how I mentioned it. So my says me how do you how do you understand this? I said I guess it means that in some very deep spiritual space a husband and a wife share one soul. The soul was split like Adam and Aava was it was from Adam and uh and the wedding is really bringing that together. So my wife says maybe it means something else. Maybe it means that when you get married you meet the second half of your own soul that you would have never met. In other words, there's a second half of yourself that you don't know about. And the marriage helps you find your own second half. In other words, without a relationship, half of me is alive, but there's a whole half of me. So, the second half of your soul doesn't just mean the second person. The second person helps you find. Yeah. Yeah. That your two halves come together, which of course is not a contradiction. It's really the same thing. always says yeah. So the reason says that doesn't only in it means right she's like a part of him but in it means that it's yeah also says that all the mitzvah say that women are part I'm sure they don't do it the second half of their goof does it if I put on fillin on my left arm you don't say oh I didn't put on fillin it was only on my left arm no my right arm also is mim fillin right I eat matzah with my mouth my whole I I is mim you eat it with your mouth. So that's what says the husband does the mitzvah, the wife is also doing the mitzvah. Huh? No, that's what it means. They're put on their own. In other words, they're put on their own. Oh, you're saying why do they have to or you saying the wives should do that for the [Laughter] husbands? I don't know. I have to look over there. I don't remember. It's a good sh I don't remember. I'll call them. What's the here? The Indian here is that sometimes in life what's be what what seems as the most limiting experience becomes the most liberating experience. What seems as the most liberating experience could become the most enslaving experience. And people know this in life. You know sometimes you feel if I'm just completely free and uninhibited, I have no boundaries whatsoever. I just have fun fun fun endlessly. I'll be a happy person. Why? Because it's not a question of what you're doing. The question is what part of you are you getting connected to? Yeah. If the discipline, if my boundaries are protecting and preserving my life energy, then you need much more of these boundaries. These are not e these are not bad boundaries. and of the lack of boundaries just cause me to get squandered. I just become like a um uh you know just a floating floating spirit. There's no base, there's no substance, there's no self. So then on the contrary, I become the most limited person. So a person has to be very sensitive to understand this. Again, this doesn't mean every time I confine myself, it brings out my best. But very often you see a lot of artists have this challenge. They don't know how to confine themselves. They don't know how to work with people. They're very very creative. Yeah. But but but there's there's no there's no kay to limit them. And it's hard. It's hard. And in marriage, it's also hard for many husbands and sometimes for wives. Many, you know, some people are like, they're just like, "Leave me alone." That I don't need to deal with anybody else. I have enough of myself. And it's the best thing in the world, right? Patrani leave me alone but then very often you completely remain stuck in your own idiosyncrasies your own magasan your own identity the growth is very limited it's precisely the the the challenge of real real connection of real real attachment that ultimately brings out the deepest and the best of a person and that's why Hashem made that in the entire world it's the male and the female coming together that can only produce the new a new generation which means eternity is created only through a relationship procreation regeneration reproductivity only through the connection and that could be you look at trees thousands of years old but even the trees that are new they come from another tree another tree another tree all the way back to the Tuesday of creation the same is true with says, "So where does marriage begin? It doesn't begin with a husband and a wife. It begins much much earlier. Marriage begins the moment your soul comes into the body. There's a zeiv. And this is a marriage, right, you can't separate from. He can't tell you goof, you know, I'm going to Miami for a week. I need a break. No, no, no. I'm coming with you. Right. You can't run away to the and the goof are really married 24/7 nonstop mamish. So, you really got to learn to get along. So, the first z and the goof. And what gives what's what's the birth? The birth is what we do when the nama comes with good deeds. Suddenly the is infused with a new of that it doesn't have on its own that she can grow to a place of infinity which can only happen because of the relationship with the body really this body or I should say ms ms The nish is constantly negotiating. Dish is is let's put it this way. What happens in a marriage? God made marriages in a way that husbands and wives know how to trigger each other more than anybody in the world, right? How do you know you're in a good shik? How do you know? How do you know it's your bash? Right? If your husband and wife triggers you better than anybody else in the world, it means God designed it. Somehow with the whole world, you're Mr. Social. Everybody loves you. You're the life of the party. You're the gaba of the shoulder. I don't know everything. You're the you're everything. You're the m at home. It's not so par. The reason is because again there's always and I always say this you don't have to make disclaimers there's exceptions and sometimes things are whatever you know in there's also sometimes you never get but my point is we're talking here about where things could get worked out even if it's with avoid the bottom line is that the fact that I'm being triggered it's it's it's a horrible thing or an amazing thing when you're in it could be a horrible thing when you look at it from a broader lens. It's the best thing that ever happened to me cuz it's the only thing that allows me to go back to the wounds that are keeping me truly finite and eclipsing my soul and find the second half of my soul, you know, the the hidden part of my soul, the of my soul, the So, it's a what do you need it for? Go, what are you going into this place? You go into this place because this is what it means. Every every you know what is it called? Uh when you have a sun every sunburn is going to get triggered and if you stay there and you work it through afterwards you'll be a mench. You'll actually be in a place of you'll actually be who you really are. What they call in English you'll become a man or a woman. What is this a martial for? This whole the marriage doesn't begin in marriage. begins the the moment of birth as a marriage and it's a complicated marriage than the goof. I would say it's more complicated than the most complicated marriages. I know you're thinking me you don't know my marriage but I'm telling you the goof's marriage is more comp most complicated marriage is the goof is like what's for breakfast okay we're finished what's for lunch I think we need a coffee okay where's the phone distraction distraction goof is trying to survive at now get married the worst thing you can do to the soul now in this it's being triggered constantly. It actually finds itself. It couldn't find itself. It found its limitedness. It knew itself but in a limited way. It was an angel. Where does it find it? It's only through [Music] the this is uh she didn't have this capacity. She wasn't in touch with that dimension. Only after they come into this world they get a new name. And by the way, it works both ways. They can fall in a way that they can't fall in heaven. Right? As he said, mal are predictable. They were excited yesterday, they're excited today. The nama goes both ways. The nama can go into the wants to say it always in one way, but we understand it's the same. She completely can reach a place where she doesn't recognize itself in a good way and in a negative way. It's fascinating, right? In heaven and a shaman know, she looks in the mirror. She says, "Okay, I know who I am." Here, she can reach a space where she doesn't recognize herself in the most beautiful of ways and in the most horrible of ways. You know, when you look in the mirror and you say, "Where did I go?" Exactly. It's the same. The goof can bring out unleash spaces in her that are like, "Wow, this is amazing. I never knew this is me." Right? It's and and never knew. She wasn't in touch with it. And it could be also in the negative. Wow. I never knew I'm capable of of this. Like, how did this happen to me? And it's the point is you're not an id anymore. Huh? I don't know if it's appropriate in the middle of a but it brings out the point. There was a fellow named Yogi Barra. You remember Yogi Barrafvelt? Yeah. So he was very he had very cute whips. So they say that his wife once asked him when he was already an older man where she should bury him, where she should buy a burial plot. And she says she has she has three alternatives, three possibilities. She says like this, "You were born in Missouri. You live in New Jersey, but you play for New York. So where do I bury you? New York, New Jersey, or Missouri?" He looks at her and says, "Surprise me." Yeah. That ability to surprise yourself, right? To shock your system is unique. It's like I'm not predictable. That predictability is id means you're not predictable. You could surprise yourself and the surprising is from going out of my comfort zone and going into a place that restricts everything and here a new reality is created. Now why is it tak what's the Indian ta that in the ziv the a comes out so now this is this is very deep I'm just going to say one one here explains it's the paradox it's the paradox the only way two people who have distinct identities can really merge as one is if they surrender to only in pure an are all paradoxes one the moment Infinity comes into a structure. I am I and you are you. And by definition, we shouldn't get along. And even if we get along from a distance, but the moment we get into each other's lives and under each other's skin, pun or non-pun intended, there is friction and therefore distance. And in fact, at some point, many people distance themselves when somebody's getting too close. Like at it's too scary. I can't be present in such an intimate and vulnerable relationship. Why? Something about my identity is threatened. And it makes sense. delegitimized. I mean, think about it emotionally. Let's not confuse that, right? And and it makes a lot of sense. The identity is is pushed scared. Never mind this is even in the healthiest of people. There's I don't know are there such a thing of the healthiest of people. There's probably three and a half of them and they live in New Zealand. The three and a half healthy people. call chicane if in my own development my identity also has its own scars right my own self-esteem stuff how much I like I and now suddenly I and I created these these protectors and now suddenly you're coming and you're coming into those places and trying to penetrate and pierce through those protectors of course your identity goes crazy and people respond in different ways how can there then be any any real connection of course there's only one answer the answer is when both when two people can surrender their identity to to infinity and in infinity paradoxes can merge because they're really one but you need a lot a lot of safety to be able to go there. Now this doesn't mean that in that space there's no boundaries anymore because if everybody just becomes a you know so then we're not created. There's a yin and a yan but it means that the boundaries are an opportunity for connection rather than an opportunity for a separation. The makita is not here to distance you. It's actually here to maintain the healthy boundaries that allow you to connect. So that's why the paradox the paradox is merging touches the precisely because it's not natural right only when you feel that you're not losing a part of yourself your identity is not being shot down and crushed it's actually being liberated from and experiencing that's what marital bliss looks Like did everybody understand what I just said? But this takes a lot of emotional safety, right? Because if if if without that emotional safety, I'm not surrendering anything. I'm going to put on a bulletproof vest and then another one and then another one and another one. I'll dig in even more. And it makes sense. It it's important to understand here the the here that the ziv generates because the whole system of creation is that way. It's in making space for the other who's not me and remaining present and vulnerable and spontaneous that we're actually touching the place of infinity because that's the only place where that can really happen. But in this world we need to choose it. We need to choose trust. We need to choose that connection and we need to choose the courage to be able to overcome that initial resistance. And if you understood this, you understood a lot. And this is all a mushel for the for the deep for the first marriage in life. of the nishama and the gf the nishama through the gof learns about itself in a way that it didn't know itself before even though it was in ganed it couldn't have been higher and of course the goof learns about herself through the nish the way it never knew herself they both discover something about themselves and this is the birth of masim that mitzvah that happens precisely in the gulf you can't do it outside of the gulf the say once somebody is ki So you go to you put in the titus it's brought in you know because it's a different than somebody wanted to ask something teachers don't teach What's Zuk Sheni? Huh? is sometimes in ze every needs a ze says in zog is masplas a voice in heaven is it's not masle it's not bash it's what you deserve says within within within is not necessarily two separate marriages that you can have that too obviously but sometimes if you're lucky your morphs into your first marriage becomes your second marriage which means you're not just there because you know you're there because bash but you actually deserve each other you It's you actually connect in in a very way but that's you have to morph into it. Yeah. It it's it's the result of the it's actually it's actually this. It's when you work through all that resistance that helps you now merge from the place of your souls without all of the deep resistance and triggers because they were worked through. So, oh wow, we were meant for each other and to be able to say that with it's a very very deep space. This doesn't come without a lot a lot of work. I mean, unless you're too and then if you're too the whole system is different. Then you just then it's great. You excited the first day and 30 years later you're excited exactly the same way. Like he says that's every day. Huh? Renew their vows. Renew their vows. Yeah. So respos was brought for all but actually the is on means that you have to split. Yeah. Exactly. It means you have to split your sea. It means to yams let's let's call it doubt is a form of suicide for the ocean. We look at oh you split the sea. Well for the sea it's su for me it's nice. I could walk through it for the yam it's death we call it death of ego for the yam what's a yam a dry land is not yam so to ask the yam to do kus yams yeah is a very very very serious commitment talk about coming becoming finite is a beautiful sea and suddenly you're going to split by abasha excuse me why should I split why should I die I should become a wall I'm not a wall I'm water that's my claim to fame right H2O Oh, I'm water. I'm not I'm not I'm not earth. The yams can only do when it reaches a place like we always learn inas where yam and yosha come together that transcend it transcends ka can only happen in a real way if the yams feels that she's not really losing her identity. She's sublimating her identity. And that's what marriage the the the true energy of marriage happens when everybody feels they're not losing their identity by connecting and restricting themselves. They're actually allowing themselves to touch a much deeper place which can only come through profound safety but can generate connection in the profoundest way and generates a new connection with self in the profoundest way. a self that I would have never known without this type of courage and vulnerability enhance their identity and therefore enhances their identity it's back to the old world world called word called ble but bit from a place of safety not from a place of bypassing you understand what I'm saying if you tell somebody just become one with the other person without working it through it's not oneness It's just like you shut down. That's not what we're talking about. Shutting down is not a shutting down is a shutting down, right? Death of ego is not death of self. It's death of ego. It's not death of self. Death of ego, it's very different than death of self. It's actually the other way around. Death of ego is when the self finally comes to life. You can actually live. You can come out from the rock. But there's a vulnerability here because when the shama comes into the body, it can go both ways. It can also be dulled. It can be crushed. It could be suppressed. We all know that the nama has to make sure that it does not does not lose its light and it can very easily lose its light. It's very tempting and that's that marriage is not going to work. A marriage never works when you hijack another person and you just force them to surrender everything and just you know accommodate the other person in a way that they're completely of no value. I mean sometimes people make those choices for different reasons and one has to respect it tremendously and not judge it but it's a very very sensitive and serious issue. It's not so simple. I mean some people do it. They sacrifice everything for whatever it is. Maybe sometimes children or other reasons. Okay, it's a very, you know, every situation is different and it's obviously a very intimate and personal and painful discussion and you can't compare one to the other. You know, how much potential is there? How much goodwill is there? Right? Obviously, the mime is talking about a case where a husband and a wife have goodwill to work it out and that means they both need to be mature and both need to say, "I'm not perfect." And uh and and it's hard sometimes for people. You know, whenever a husband or wife says only person who needs fixing is the other person doesn't work that way. Are there such cases? Maybe. I mean, I'm not going to say there's no such cases, but generally, right, it's it's two people who are ready to look in the mirror. And sometimes, on the contrary, when one does the work, the other one for the first time can actually look at themselves and say, "Whoa, one second." You know, one of the issues I see sometimes in marriages is you have one of the parties, a husband and a wife, that blames themselves for the for the deterioration and the disaster. And there's a lot of truth to that. But what they're not realizing is that there's another person who's also involved. And when people start growing and healing, what happens is they suddenly realize, you know, some things I take accountability for, but some things I actually can't take accountability for. And it's not healthy if I take accountability for it. And that's when people need to say, you know, it really takes two to tangle on every level. And when people can start taking accountability for that, that's glorious. That's that's glorious. Like talking in in the niml, the nama can take responsibility for everything the goof is going through. Like the nishama has to know this is me. This is the goof. And together they learn each other and they grow from it. and everybody confronts so to speak their own limitations that are triggering each other and they can touch a much deeper place. So that's the is called in this [Music] world. However, just in a shaman coming in without which as we explained is the marshall of children. The Gmorra says also in Rash brings it in told us the children of that's why he says the children are called without even in the body it's not called it says when you walk when you move will lead It's precisely the leads of high you're in higher to the highest of places. It couldn't reach there without the so as you go into a place of the will take you will lead you. He explains like this that the reason that TA can take the nishama on this journey that the brings out the aip of the nama is because the root of is what's called inaber so to speak the crown of hashem kesser is the letters t which are 620 t is 600 is 20 which represents all the mitzvah because you have 613 biblical mitzvah you have seven rabbitic mitzvah mitzvah so together it's tough 613 + 7 is 620 in we speak about there's 620 pillars of light which are what's the idea of a pillar when you have a gag you have a roof you have a ritzpah you have the ground and you have the pillar that connects the two without that omud you don't have the distance between the gag and the but you don't have the gag and the unfortunately everything just caves in so what connects the roof and the ground. On one hand, it's a roof. It's way way way up there. You you have these huge, you know, the hermit, you have these huge, huge mansions. You're not talking about just 20 ft. It could be extremely extremely tall. And yet the pillar creates one holistic identity. You walk in and you say, "Wow, it's one building. It's one home. It's one mansion. It's one room." Because the pillar connects the two. There's the gag, the roof, the pillar corrects. The reason the pillar could connect them is because he's not defined by one or the other. He's not the roof and he's not the ground. He has that ability to link the two. You know, like the arbitrator who can bring both together. The gaga he says there has to be that the pillar is higher than both and therefore it could connect them. Mitzvah mitzvah are called 620. It's called the 613 pathways in the skull. It says in the 613 pathways in the skull which represent the mitzvah. Each mitzvah is a pathway. So these are theim that connect the highest to the lowest. God's infinite will but they come down here and manifested in the physical world as physical mitzvah. So they're theim that connect the highest to the lowest. And that's why they can bring the nish mitzvah can bring the nish from down here from the most limited place but it leads it to which means practically that the soul on its own even coming into the body with all the limitations is like the guide. It's like the blueprint. It's like the map that helps the unleash and connect with the like the like the pillar. Huh? Yeah. Yeah. So in other words, you can have the relationship itself. This is what people don't know. You can have the relationship itself. The relationship itself can go so many different places. Take take a marriage for example. Everybody knows that a marriage requires commitment and requires work. But if I don't have a blueprint, if I don't have a blueprint of how to do it, what do I rely on? What's true? What's not true? The person could get lost in the endlessness. Every day I have another feeling. Every day I read a book and there's a new theory and suddenly I I'm committed to that theory and that's it. 10 years later where am I? You need to be able to have something you trust that's real that's taking you to a right is so so important because it it's like you have a car and you could travel to the most beautiful places but you don't have a map. So I can end up in a ditch and then I see a beautiful landscape that I go up I end up in a the river and here I end up st I'm stuck. So in this journey of the soul in the gof, it's such an intense journey, right? You need that guide, you need that blueprint, you need that map that helps helps them both touch the explanation of this. It says in Kabala that every shabas in the souls experience a tremendous aliyah in Ganeden, right? Souls are real. Souls are real. Our souls are real. Souls in Ganaden are real. And every shabas and there's an in it says it's like a pillar in Ganeden and they go up through the What does this mean? So in the explains the difference between aud and a you have a is a chamber and the is a pillar in many ways where do people sit you don't sit in the pillar the pillar holds up the structure the pillar is beautiful it's a design but you sit in the you sit in the room like you have a room we're sitting here there's beams the beams are the foundation but you don't you sit in the what's the difference If you have a physical chamber, the external part is where you see everybody. You see everybody sitting. What's inside the what's inside the pillar? You don't see. It's the pimus. So essentially it's an it's a metaphor to what's happening on the outside of the and then what's happening on the inside is a vanelum there's like a hidden path. It's like when a person has you know a trap door and you go in and there's hidden pathways and tunnels that nobody sees. So if you look at the as a hollow pillar it's like a place to ascend or come down but it's vanilla. This is the what does this mean? As we're going to see this two forms of growth, a whole week. This is what means a whole week then like in the of mean it's a more external space so to speak they're elevated in the pimas through the which is connected from the lowest part of the chamber to the highest part of the chamber which is rooted in that which comes higher than this chamber. So in cababalistic words you have the light of the ganed alen of which shines in the um of ganed alen of assa and therefore to go up from toss is through this um secret passageways the elevator shaft the elevator shaft very good. That's what he's describing here. The room itself is the room itself. That's where you are. But inside the room, excellent. There's the elevator shaft. And this is many year, many generations before the elevator called the um and in the um there's like a secret or hidden passageway. And that connects the highest floor to the lowest floor. What do you mean? Am I on floor two? You're on floor two, but there's also a passageway that nobody sees which can take you to floor 69 in no time. Today, they have the see-through elevators and know you could see it. So it's not you could see it. Huh? Gou. Yeah. Gou. It opens up. What does this really? This is all a mush obviously. What does he mean? He means there's the growth that's visible. There's the visible parts of people's lives where you could quantify and qualify and put people in positions. You're here. You're here. You're here. You're here. That's the is that's called the the is internal dynamics that are happening in people's lives in which there's growth in ways that are not even quantifiable and that's what he says on shamas there's an is through the because in the is connected to and therefore when wants to go to which is a completely different floor you can't go through the the has a roof and that's it you have to go through the you have to go through that elevator and the elevator which takes you all the way up and could take you all the way down. What is this a marshall for? He says when we speak about mitzvah being the pillars 620 pillars, what's the pillar? The pillar is the pimus of the mitzvah, the mitzvah through which you bring together, you unify the all of the divine energies and you bring the into the mitzvah. But the action itself without is the more external part of it. So therefore, there's two types of mitzvah. There's a mitzvah in which I only touch the external part of the mitzvah. It's like ritualistic. I do it and I do it right and it's galdic. But then there's somebody who touches the of the mitzvah the internal energy the of the mitzvah. So one who has the right you remain in that you remain in that chamber. The of the mitzvah elevates the person through the higher and higher beyond. You have it also in also you have the the chamber of that which is open which is the nigla meaning the concretized part of what he calls the is that which is nigla that which is revealed everything is explained the law and the reasons in a more tangible and concrete way. You have the sat the what you call the secrets of the esoteric dimension of the plyus. It's all there but it's the plymus. It's the invisible frequency. It's the infinity of it that you can lose sight of when you're just looking at the concrete. You just think you're talking about a cow and a donkey and physical wool or physical parchment or physical agriculture and it's part of it. Yeah. That's the of it. That's the of it. That's the nickel of Nicholas and that's what you need from Isa. And then you have that in every single one of these elements there's really it's really infinity that's being communicated. It's like a pillar that comes from the highest again that elevator shaft that internal space that comes from the highest highest place and it just and it and it connects all of them in one in one um it's one um and over there there's a different dimension of alias. You see it also in a person's life. There's the life of the and there's the life of the life of the the life of the is the life of the is much more it's an external life. The relationships are more external. The actions are more external. Them is when you're connecting to the pimus of yourself constantly. You're always connecting to the pimus of your nish which is always connected to. So it's expressed in mitzvah. How I do a mitzvah? I could just do a mitzvah, you know, I just do it. And even if I do it with basic kavana, but it's touching a more external dimension of self. And then there's the deeper of every mitzvah, which is tuning into the infinity of it. The same is true in terra. There's different dimensions of tra. There's the tra that's more the of which is the basis of what people learn, you know. And then there's the which is the internal dimension of it's the of it's the connects the highest highest level of and it goes down like that pillar that goes from the highest of the roof from the high from the tallest point all the way to the lowest point because it's higher than both that's the so this is the and it's not so visible because it's not always visible. Sometimes you look at a person's life, you know, you look at two people externally, they're both sitting in the same room. On a deeper level though, they're completely different continents. You know, have two people the same Shir, two people sitting around the same shabas table. Huh? Yeah. And literally one person, let's call it in English, is doing the work and one person is not doing the work. They're sitting the same. They're smiling. Yeah. And they're saying over it's a different world. It's a different world. One is in a world of one is in a world of pineas. Huh? Yeah. One is creating and generating and there's a very very deep growth. I'm not talking but in an arrogant way because then this is not connected to this m but it's a different it's a different type of experience. Everything is different. It's like tak marriage. You have a relationship. You have two people. One is living and one is not. One is living and one is not. Very good. You said it bluntly. One is busy living. One is busy dying. It was sad. Somebody was telling me yesterday about a certain couple. They got married recently. They said they saw them at a sim. So the person happened to tell me, "Wow, they look so so cute together and so so so happy." Okay. Huh? It was you. Yeah. Just joking. You just got married like a a week ago, two weeks ago. And sometimes people look at such a situation and it's true and it's amazing and sometimes it's exact opposite. It's exact opposite, right? There's a world of now sometimes it's mamish a fake world, but even if it's not a fake world, but there's a world that's just more external. And then there's a world where everything is plyus. It's just authentic. It's authentic. It's it's worked out. It's authentic. In Yiddish itself, you have the mitzvah. You have the plymus of the mitzvah. You have you have the plymus of in both of them there's growth. No question. And ultimately the value of the mitzvah is all the kavanas in the world is not the mitzvah. You have to eat the matzah and put on the fill and give the just say I have kavan and I'm meditating. But nonetheless that the pimius takes you into the it takes you into [Music] the and in the um there's levels of growth that are completely different. Like once you get into that that elevator boom you know you're on the first floor and suddenly you're on the 40th floor. There's a different connection. Why? Because even when you're on the first floor, you're really connected to the top floor. When I'm in the room, here I am. And that's what it means to be alive. To be alive means that wherever I am, there's links to every other part. The ability to go. So there's the ability, there's there's that growth, there's that flexibility, there's that openness. When I'm stuck in one place, this is my floor. I don't leave the second floor. I don't leave the third floor. I don't leave the sixth floor. That's what we learned about in the all the madregas get mixed up, right? The melik comes out and he's playing with kids in a sandbox. It's a past for you to be on the sixth floor. What are you coming down to the basement? You know, in the ships they had the titan was it called stair stair where the what's it called? The the rooms that are very cheap in the boats. Huh? Yeah. Below the water line. What is it called the huh? Steerage. Yeah. Steerage. So what your first class [Laughter] is right. So some people that way they I remain sheltered in my box my whole life. This is my So the Reb says in the higher world you also have it. You have you could be stuck and this is your thing. The takes you out of that place. There's an openness. There's a flexibility. I'm not stuck with anything. That's the pimus of life. The pim the mitzvah. That's the kava. So now he comes back. I'll pee and move on. So that's why mitzvah are called which element of mitz is mainly the pimus of the pimas of a mitzvah. even in a mitzvah itself, what dimension to of it do you relate to? I could do the mitzvah. And that's what it is. What happens when a person is in touch with the divine frequencies in a mitzvah? It's like you could see how every mitzvah is an electrical wire that's channeling a siphon to this world. It's a whole different It's a whole different dimension. In a marriage, you can have two people. They do it together. You take out the garbage, you pay the mortgage, whatever. You clean the house. It's all good. What happens if you can actually experience the flow of the other person's soul, the heartbeat of the other person's soul? The same is true in libra. I'm not just learning means you're actually experiencing an intimate oneness with infinity. And you could look at me like what in the world are you talking about? Which Judaism? Like which yeshiva? Like what are you talking about? But that was the holy of Rajbi. the holy of raj the holy was to be mgal of this dimension I mean it's really what we're always learning about right that's really the whole it's to embody the a in our life so he says when re revealed this dimension of it was the not the obviously revealed also the is one of the biggest I don't think there's one chapter in innay that is not mentioned if I'm not mistaken is the most frequently mentioned in all of I'm not mistaken. So that's obvious there's not a single ped even is everywhere because he he captured the he also he revealed the he revealed the invisibility the invisible elevator shaft as puts it the connectivity of the highest reality to the lowest reality and that continuous flow it's literally in flow you're always in flow you're never stuck and there's always means there's unifications happening. It's alive. There's an intimacy. What does that mean practically? Right? Imagine when you're dinging, you're actually experiencing intimacy with God. What does that look like? You're doing a mitzvah, experiencing intimate. You're making a brah. You're experiencing a relationship. What does that look like? People sometimes don't even know what it looks like with a person. What does it look like a relationship with a person? I could be sitting with you. We're having lunch. You're sitting with your kids. You're having dinner. What? Fine. Let's talk about I don't know Trump. What does a relationship look like? It's not it's pineas. That's what he's saying. This this means you have two bodies sitting together and maybe doing something nice and good. Fine. Pimmus means that souls are connecting. Souls are connecting is not visible. It's an invisible process. But once that happens, there's a different type of growth, a different type of relationship. You're not anymore in your confined in your own space because you're operating on a level where there's tremendous tremendous growth. There's tremendous connection. It's almost once you go into that, you're flying. You're flying. It's a funny thing. It's such an interesting of because today with elevators like you like you know I'm sitting on the third floor. That's where I'm sitting. If I want to get to the fourth floor, I have to go out of the building. I have to start take a lesson in mountain climbing which means I have to lose some weight and become a little more athletic and hopefully I could climb up without falling and breaking my legs and my head and get into the fourth floor like the good old burglars maybe there's a fire escape right we take it for granted and because they didn't have this mush didn't have elevators but you go into that elevator and suddenly you press you know 89 right in 5 seconds 89 so he actually gives this muscle This is what probably allowed science to develop elevators. But this is the marshall where there's a certain place you go into, you tune into and over there it's the where there's very very deep connections happening. Nothing is just external. Everything has meaning and value and depth and it comes to life and animation. So he says allowed this because he was through the gill of it's an interesting of he gave birth to the highest levels of through the revelation of sat doesn't just mean he sat and he said gamatrius he [Music] googled is gamatrian you know the gamatrius with Yeah. You know, move out as fast as you can from the house. Yeah. You know the Yeah. There was a big ver and there was a Russia kyu who came from Israel every year and he gave him every year a thousand $100,000 check for his kyo. One year, one year he was coming to Israel. So he decided he's not going to tell him. He's gonna go check out the ky. So he goes to check out the ky. He sees it's a grocery store. So he thought maybe it's in the basement. The basement is a shoe store. Maybe it's upstairs. Upstairs a suit store. Maybe he looks around. Nobody ever heard of a was ever a Okay. The next time comes back, the rash comes back and he gives him a check for $18. He says, "What happened? You always give me $100,000. Why do you want to lose this?" He says, "Because Zelig is." His name was Zeli. He says, "Zelatrianov." He says, "It's not." He says, "Io, this is a Jewish humor, right?" Actually, the joke works better. There's a name that works actually with that but I don't remember I'll call upon him. You know which one it is? It's a name that works with why are we talking about oh didn't sit and was when it says he was it means he gave people the experience of that's what it means he was mala doesn't mean he gave information that's also a big thing that's not what he did he helped people embody the dimension of Judaism of the not just the not just the concrete structures which are important the structures there's there's there's and there's a there's of and there's of and that's the and and remember we put in much more focus on the room than on the pillar. You don't focus your whole attention on the elevator. How long are people in elevators for? Right? You set up the dining room, you set up the living room, you set up the lobby. That's the place that you set up and that's his historically that's where we put in all of our energy. Rashbi said you have to find the you need to find the the diplius of it all. Staircase to heaven. The staircase to heaven. Exactly. The staircase in your own soul to heaven. I'm down here. What is the mechanism to go up my staircase to my own heaven? What does that look like? That was That's why whenever passes away there was a established because their light is now absent from even though and and even their mitzvah they stop doing them and even though there's always an impact and a residue and a always remains higher and higher and higher. True. boyfriend even though by everybody there's but nonetheless the mitzvah are not here the gof is not here so it goes higher and higher but there's still a limit and therefore the day of the passing ultimately is a day of a fast day was he was the secrets of so that he creates remember this is the that comes out the we explained before that coming into the g with is what allows it to go to that's the and that's more emphasized in the pimus of the mitzvah and the pim which be revealed and manifested. So the of the soul is emphasized very much. That's why it's called a marriage. What did we explain? What's the holy of a marriage? A marriage restricts you and yet it brings out your infinity. Something that's eternal. was the one who revealed that as the soul comes into the body. It's not that it compromises the finitness of the soul, the infinity of the soul. On the contrary, it accentuates it. is you could say I understand that is a big fine but we're celebrating here says that's the whole vert so he showed that the la the finite world down here is really the experience of infinity he redefined the body he redefined the relationship ship which is the whole concept of a wedding hila the whole of was to be meal that it's a hila what's hila just like a wedding between a husband and a wife a wedding between and the goof the limitations are really the portal to infinity so the ultimate limitations of this physical world is the portal to infinity but the kdesh is that it's revealed not only in the higher world even in the lower world that was the whole idea so the this infinite growth through which is what hilula means could be present and is present even in this world. So every main connection was to gill the gal of the of and that was amazing that was incredible. So in their is a they finish their mission they finish their mission whenever they finish a mission the whole life comes together but the main is down here it's missing ultimately of and that's why it's a concealment and that's the idea of a fast you're recognizing that there's a concealment is called which reveals the connection from the highest places all the way to the lowest places that there's no such a thing. Oh, this is earth and therefore we're removed. were remote because once you go into the level of the is connected right here like we explained in the so but even in the physical absence of when he finished his completion in this world it's celebrated that was his contribution his influence is not only felt in the higher world and even in the physical world to a limited degree but it reshaped it redefined our relationship to the body and to the world and therefore even mata it's not a day of concealment it's a day of festivity of joy maybe only true in a way more than I'm saying even because it doesn't mean that in gan they're not celebrating everywhere they're celebrating but the kdish is that even in a world where is gone why do we fast because the is gone all the mile is eternal and he's in celebr celebration but down here it's a concealment tried to to to to help us navigate that point this was the that in the places of concealment in every person's life right in the places of concealment in the places of hm in the limitations of my life the parts of my life that obscure the light that bring in darkness so that on the contrary in the reaches its ultimate Because in the physical world precisely through mitzvah you could connect to the ultimate ultimate depth and that's what reveals and because Rashb is the one who revealed it. So the day that his aid is complete is actually called a hila. It's a wedding. And of course it's also for him personally a wedding because his journey down here allowed his nish to reach the highest levels of which is the idea of the wedding. That's why that day is called but if it would just be him fine. So let him call it. Why are we calling it? The kadesh is that it's mayor. Our wedding. It's our wedding too. Yeah. It's the day that you can discover that the lowest and the highest are not separated. That on the first floor there's a link to the highest place. Yeah. Like it says in Tanya that the day of h that the day of is the day that a person's hol is finished and their is mayor in the world. So he says but in the that's made in the world is more it's more limited of was that he was finishes the will explain strange theor says in that told was one of the greatest sages he had a student he used to call him shin sharp one he was very sharp so he says shin hi this world from which we're coming that we're going from it. We're coming from it is like a wedding. Grab and eat. Grab and drink. That's what he told him. An interesting this world that we're going from it is like a first. What does he mean? It's like a wedding. Grab and eat. Literally Rashi says basically life is fleeting. Interesting Rashi. And therefore spend your money today. Don't hold it because you're going to die. You won't enjoy it. In other words, literally learn how to enjoy life. YOLO. What's yolo? Live once. You only live once. Yeah. So says just like a Just like a Before you know it, it's over. Unless the MC doesn't stop. Huh? Huh? not sure life. You'll discuss that with your uh life insurance uh guy. I'll he'll probably bring you another gimmar. But if he's good, if he's from this, I'll bring you another gimmar. So, it's like a wedding. So, in other words, don't wait. Don't wait. In 10 years, in 50 years, I'll start living. Live today. Enjoy life today. Very nice. Why is he after being from saying about everything the day is fleeting the sun sets sunrise and sunset has a limited time everything the rain weather changes so says a whole was actually saying something very deep I mean the first thing is also very deep also is this world which we're going from. It mean we're going from it. We're leaving. Says this is the whole high this world this crazy world that everybody is scared. You should know only from him we're going to become a mahalik in Aramaic is to to walk to move is to walk be a mahal. So this world is the only world that mean from here we could become a mahalik. If you stay in the higher world you'll always be an like the like the soul before it was born only from here and you could become a mahalik mean from this world. Really from this world? Why? The answer is just like a just like a what happened by a just like by the husband and the wife come together and they connect and they're becoming limited and creating a new boundary. They're exclusive to each other. Nonetheless, from this their comes out an infinite flow comes out. They can create life like God and this life can hopefully go at least potentially. There's a capacity for infinity precisely through this connection, precisely through this confinement. Why? Because this comes out in the relationship. So the same is true. This is high. This is the secret of this world. The whole world is angry. At every step of the way, you're being limited simply the goof. The goof is limiting the it's curtailing you. It's it's it's confining you. All the triggers that the soul has to deal with, all the temptations, all the challenges, all the fears, all the insecurities, all the anxiety, whatever every person's life is physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, but from here you become a mahal. It's this of the that allows you to give birth to which makes you a to experience yourself. Ah, unlimit yourself. unlimit yourself. Yeah. So he says, "Grab and eat, grab and drink or seize the moment, seize the opportunity. Grab the food, grab the drinks." But what was he telling him? To jump to the smogus board because if you wait five minutes, yeah, everybody is going to already eat, finish eating means appreciate the power of in this world because this is where you become a mahal. And that's the without that it doesn't make sense. this world from which we move through this move we move of course as says there it's also this is revealed when you leave the world when you go out that's the connection to that in his you s he saw what happened through this world when was in the world he was in the world when leaves suddenly you see what happens It's a different it's like finished. So that's the that's when you see the power of the and he finishes the last this should have been the introduction. Explain this. Then explain after finishes in the holy with he goes to this at the end even have a contradiction. We're talking about the uniqueness of but was saying this about everybody not only in this world the world for everybody is a not for certainly even the sadikim that their day ofus was made a tinus so something is wrong so the isb says it's the first answer the second question is answered by the first question now says this at the end of the after he explains about you see the structure of the M should have been asked the question about brings this GR builds the M around this gimmar because that's his whole explanation of the G of the marriage and then says according to this you'll understand he doesn't do it that way first he explains it at the end he says according to this we'll understand the gur when really this gur is really the basis of the whole idea of the mime right this g captures the whole mime everything we said the second question is this gur actually contradicts the mime because talking about every person every person's for everybody not only certainly so every every every finished talking about and then he went over to this explained that everything we said about is not only about We have a cl that is written in is is said in cl and said in meaning the has you have general principles and then and then it comes out in like say in the beginning of par right sometimes the ta was given a general mitzah was given without the details it includes all the details but they're not visible and then later you have the just like in a tree You start with a seed. The seed has everything inside of it. And then you have the proim. It branches out into many many details. You have branches and you have leaves, you have flowers, you have fruits. But it starts off with everything. Why is this when you talk about in a more general way this is but more is this is to every person why because even though this is main but of this a light of this exists in every single Jew. So if you're talking about surah you say this is of but specifically it's to every person is like the central nervous system of this he's like the central power that's the clin includes everything but every gets this because everyone has and again like is like of this it says inab that's what it says is maid of and is of what does it mean it means by mat was a it was but it was more concealed right brought it out more revealed way so when you have mat on shoes it means you don't learn the rest of the year No, it means is the but it's a whole year. So also you don't mean this is it is the general idea but it's a whole year every day that a Jew needs to know that in every moment of life and in every activity of life there's a created a Jew needs to know how to look at his life that high alma this world that you're dealing with and every moment every activity you can live in two places you can either live in a limited dimension where everything is contained and finite or you You could see the heloc of it. You can appreciate the movement of it, the power of it, the infinite potentiality that exists right here, right now in this place, in this moment, in this relationship, in this activity. I it's limited. It's one moment. It's in my go. That's what is teaching. This is true. is still it's more revealed in the time of this was the shabas before from which all the days are blessed. It says in that shabas blesses all the next days of the week. So that means before blessings this is the comes out the infinite growth that comes out from the journey of the nama in this world and because revealed that so that's why his is called because he showed what happens when the nishama comes into this world what does it mean on finished its journey so that's why it's dka called he redefined that relationship and he didn't only redefine it for himself he redefined it for the Jewish people and even the way they're down here with the histo which means breaking free of all the boundaries. Yeah. Havada Havurren to a husband and a wife. What does it mean that a husband and a wife surrender to the ins? the only number in the equation. It's a very very deep it's a it's a good question. It's a very vulnerable space because it's really the ability. It begins it always begins with an internal space of empathy, curiosity, compassion and surrender. In other words, what that looks like practically is um when somebody's say triggered, right? What's usually triggered is a wound, a wound in which I feel shame and separateness from Hashem. And what you're saying is triggering that. So, it's very easy for me to go down that rabbit hole and stay stuck there. And that's where all the disagreements happen and the misunderstanding. But if you could literally breathe in some ear and compassion to that wound that was just triggered, literally like like give it love because it's it's struggling. not not delegitimize it and not argue with it. What people often do is they use their mind. We're afraid of pain. So, we use our mind to intellectualize and say, "Oh, it wasn't really an insult." Either you say, "Oh, I'm such a baby." Or, "She's such a baby." But it's really the same thing. When your brain says, "I'm a baby." What you're doing is you're amputating yourself. When your brain says, "She's a baby," you're also amputating her. It's basically creating a separation because I'm going into that wound and I'm just protecting myself. I'm like putting up a wall. So they say, "I'm a baby and therefore I'm just this stupid little person. Just do what you got to do." So you hear what you just did? You just shut down. You shut down your creativity. You're not going to be there with a full heart. You're going to be there like a robot cuz I'm just a baby. I'm a stupid baby. You can't trust me anyway. Just be an ever to do the right thing. Or she's the baby. So of course I'm right and she's just impossible. So whatever. But the common denominator is the heart shuts down. This is not called surrender to the insight. This is called surrender to the to the to the to it looks like an ego. It doesn't look like an ego, but it's really an ego. As I told you the other day that shame is as big as an ego as arrogance. The same ego. It just doesn't look like it. Right? Arrogance looks like an ego. Look how big I am. Shame is not garnished. It's the same ego. The same exact ego garnished means I'm separated from God. Yeah. And it means it means it means No, it just means that I'm an embarrassment. It means that God stopped with me. Like they besides me like I'm just the I'm the exclusion. So shame is is but we have to acknowledge the shame. It's there today. There's much more shame than arrogance in the world. Much more shame than arrogance. There's two, three people that still have arrogance. It's the same thing really, but it doesn't look like arrogance. So people think it's holy. They think that that's a place to be. It's not. It's a terrible, terrible wound. Why are you ashamed with yourself? God says, "I'm crazy about you. I brag about you every single day. Why are you ashamed of yourself?" Like, I I I just want to live with you. Why you ashamed? If I did something wrong, okay, so I I have to fix it and I have remorse. But but chuva is the opposite of shame. Truva means I'm too good to think that I have to be attached to this ugliness. It's it's it's it's not who I am. It's not who I want to connect to. So I'll call upon him after you can breathe in really some love and empathy to that wound right in a very very deep place. Then you could say I'm not going to go now to my mind to justify it and make my ego feel good by either denigrating my wife or denigrating me. but rather I'm actually going to surrender all of this to Hashem and realize that there's a deeper place in which you're very very connected and in which you want to be connected and in which you're not ashamed and in which your wounds were not triggered because that space is not wounded. And it's a very deep form of surrender because the brain does the brain wants control. The brain wants to figure this out. The brain wants the ego to remain intact. And here we're talking about surrendering. When people learn how to do this more and more and more and it's a very very deep space. It's not an easy space because the ego fights hard against this. This is where people touch a space of of deeper love which is connected to the fact that that our identities are really not at odds with each other because we're both manifestations of Hashem. I don't know if I answered your question, but this is at least part of the work. I'm sure there's a lot of different mechanisms and different pathways but this is part of the work. So this is the idea of hilula. This is the idea of hilula and it starts as we're learning in this ma you don't start with marrying someone else. You always start with marrying yourself which teaches us something very deep. Our only hope for success in practical marriages is always based on how successful you are in your own marriage with yourself. People who learned how to negotiate a good marriage between the shama and the goof can then hope to expand that into other relationships whether it's a spouse and all forms of relationships. It includes friends and children and everything. You know when we when when we start with relationships outside of ourselves that's not where to start. I always have to ask myself what's happening here. Bring it back. Bring it back here. What just happened between my soul and my body? What just happened? What's even deeper than this is, and I think this is really one of the deepest messages here, is whenever there's a conflict in a marriage, right, you can always bring it back to your own conflict between your and your g. And if you heal it inside your na and your gof, in many cases, it'll already work out in the relationship in the marriage. But it's a much it's a much deeper place to go. And it's not an easy place to go because it's always your fault, right? Or even my fault. But really, bring it back. In simple English, it means what just happened inside of me? My wife said this. My husband said this. She did this. He did. Okay, I got it. I got it. I got it. We know. Okay, he's a mess. She's a mess. Okay, we know that. We've heard that already for 35 years. Got it. Or 25 years or 10 years, whatever. But the question is, what just happened inside of me? And the answer is my gof my nephas was just very very triggered. It was wounded. So now let's go to my nishama. Let's let let's bring that marriage. Let's work that out in my own internal self. Because when you can do that, you will probably know exactly how to respond to the other person. You will respond not from a place of defensiveness or aggressiveness, which is the same, but rather from a place of internal wholeness. Now, that's very, very powerful. The only way I can do that is if I found my internal wholeness within my body. You can't bypass your body. If I don't acknowledge my wounded body, I won't find my wholeness. The body is the vista into my soul. You understand what I'm saying? Now, it's not easy because yeah, maybe my wife, my husband just said something and it triggered me like crazy and I am wounded. I am wounded. Maybe it reminds me of a wound of six years old and yeah, I'm going crazy right now. Yeah, I want to run away to China. Yes, I want to detach. Yeah, and I want to say I want to be a free man. When I say I want to be a free man, what am I really saying? I don't want to deal with this wound. So it means if I run away now, I'm actually going into slavery because in my next relationship, the wound is going to come up again. You know, sometimes people run away from their relationships to go to other relationships. But if you didn't deal with your own stuff, it's going to come up again. What do you think? That's what it means. It's your soulmate. Your soulmate means, back to what my wife explained, your soulmate means not just she's your soulmate or he's your soulmate, right? They're going to be the ones who are going to force you to face your own soul. You never faced your own soul. You have a second half that you don't know about. That's what it really really is happening. So when we could bring a marriage back into ourselves, what's happening in my own marriage between my nama and my goof, that's from where you relate to the other marriage in a completely different way. That's that's the that's the muscle here that is muscle is not mush it's a mirror it's a mirror of each other. So with the coming into the g right and working that through is the portal to literally and mitzvah you say you just have the soul the soul and the body itself won't do it. It's the mitzvah theim, they are theim that connect the lowest place to the highest place because without that I could just remain stuck. There's a lot of people who are very into healing. They go away from mitzvah. They feel even mitzvah is not the way. It's it's it's their trauma. It's their childhood craziness. It's anxiety. They find God and infinite consciousness everywhere outside of mitzvah, right? And and I'm not judging any one of them because there's a lot a lot of pain there and a lot a lot of uh a lot a lot of disappointment and a lot a lot of you know frustration and people are trying to escape and go free from everything they were taught. But ultimately but really really ultimately when we go deeper and deeper and deeper the and it's amazing you know people make a lot of strides but the only real real coming back to your truest truest self is coming back to your ah it's coming back to to to tashem there's no other source of real healing. So you may be going through stages because you have to run away from this and run away from that and trying to find yourself but you'll only find yourself your deepest self. You're going to find yourself in reality not outside of reality and there's one reality and that's where ultimately that's why but then different not anymore of pressure. So mitzvah is that's literally the elevator. It's it's like you said the staircase to heaven. It's like the it's like the oxygen the staircase the staircase to heaven but it's a different mitzvah. It's not a mitzvah. It's a mitzvah. Okay, everybody have a beautiful, beautiful day and uh enjoy the wedding. And as we're learning, every moment is that has a that is a he holds that when you get married, it's not a one it's not a one moment event. It's a you could make even after after the marriage after the how could you do that I can't make a after I ate matzah matzah you can't make a after you says because constantly happening so you can make a bra later because it's it's it's it's still happening it's like when we eat the matzah I finished eating the matzah that's it but is always happening he had a whole like this he explained a bunch of ramboms with So they say some of Zean writes that met once they were they met somewhere they were they were friends they were kuses father sent him for a year to to learn by the bi's father so they were learning when they were like 14 years old so they knew each other so told this to apparently didn't uh he wasn't taken by So, uh, apparently they said after a while and he said, she said, "What's the maz?" He says, "According to you, you just got married." Huh? Yeah. That's right. Some people add that said that the mas of you said then to me is But I don't know if that was just an an an addition. But according to this, we're learning that it's said is that every is right. [Music] And all those who need a should be blessed with a and all those whose marriage needs help. And should be able to experience that. Yeah. Yo. Okay. [Music] Oh, on applause. I like it sight.