Learn How to Connect

they're finding more and more that children and adults who can't function well suffer from attachment disorder at those key years those critical years when their primary caregivers needed to give them attachment they did not have the attachment that they needed and when i don't have the attachment i need i don't have the security and the confidence and the resilience and the fortitude to be able to grow up as an independent confident person to be able to make healthy choices in my life and to be able to love myself and accept myself and connection attachment is the key it's the prerequisite for everything does your child feel connected does your child feel attached does your child feel understood does your child know that they can trust you they can really confide in you and it doesn't begin at 18 begins at one and two and three and four just like you want to find out the love language of your spouse and yourself you also need to find out the love language of your child i think i'm giving my child what i think he or she needs but it's not really what they're looking for it's not really what they're craving for and i have to have the humility to suspend my ego and to transcend my own expectations and ask myself how this child could feel connected you don't need your child to approve you [Music] you don't need your child to compliment you that's not what a child is for your child is not here to give you nachas and tell you what a good mom or dad you are find yourself somebody else to give you feedback and validation and approval your child is not your best friend but you have to be your child's best friend he or she needs your approval and needs your validation and needs your understanding and needs your lack of judgmentalism and needs your empathy and let me tell you something you could send your children to the greatest and best therapist in the world but there's nobody that can do for a child what mommy and tati can do nobody in the world no teacher and no principal no therapist no ma no rosh shiva no rebbe no sadiq great people but there's nobody that can do what a mommy and a tati can do so when you're seeing iniquity when you're seeing folly and it's embedded you become more connected you get down on the floor and connect to that girl connect to that boy let them trust you and i have to listen i have to know and let them know that i will be here through thick and thin and i will understand them [Music] the yeshiva.net