LCSW Mordechai Weinberger Answering Your Mental Health Questions

welcome everyone we are actually live at the jroo studio hiab root studio and we happen to have a very special special system that today we are also live on the Lakewood Scoop website where you're able to listen to us live and therefore let's go ahead and go pick our topic for today the immediate topic today is about we all need someone to Believe in Us which means that once we have someone that believes in us it's very different where our life is different we start feeling different to give an example what that means that means as follows that somehow when we have that one person that says you can make it I believe in you that changes everything now many of you would think is it really simple do we really need that to happen well guess what yes we do and what that means is as follows just by having one person that believes in you can change your entire life if you like to ask your question or send in your text we are going to be able to do it today several ways number one is through the studio over here that you can ask your questions call in 718- 683 58-58 718- 683 58-58 or you can text your question to 347 927 8398 347 927 8398 or you can also go on the Lakewood scoop.com and there we have questions at the comment where you can post your question am toam we will definitely be reading them so let's go ahead and recognize who said that we need someone to Believe in Us I'd like to share with you one of the most beautiful garas that I know because people always like looking at others and seeing the great side how what an easy life they had how wonderful it went of our but we don't like looking at the other side there and we all know that when it comes to L we all run and we go Dan ing by the cave of half a million people a million people who was with him in the Mar in the cave his son rebela and that's who's buried next to him Raz but do we know the rest of the story what happened to to raza's son rabaza was NI at a very young age and his name was Yi which later he became the greater of Yi but the gamar says that his beginning wasn't so good rebi rebi was going over and he asked he asked is there anything going on by him he has a son and says but yes and every there was a certain Parable a he was a young kid and I don't want to say what it is but there was a terrible a going on that was happening what did do he right away took him he sent him he sent this son this great son from this most amazing people for grandson of son of which was doing he sends him to his uncle to raise him because he was he was a yam at a young age and guess what he's saying call Y every day have and he's telling his uncle a CH in I want to leave I want to get out of here and he tells him know he tells him I'm going to make you into a huge the go the and I'm going to put on you this huge cloak of gold on you we're going to call you a re you're going to be great you're saying I want to run away and therefore what it happened is the gor continues when got bigger he goes to and looks like Reb ask to sh and goes ahead and answers and all says he raises this voice that I recognize it sounds like and they said this is his son and to that RB said wow this is what this is what the says PR the fruit of a is is Everlasting and someone that knows how to get someone to bring them back is a and the says this is the fruit got there but who is that let's realize what rip shim ask you what his son what his uncle did to him he's saying I want to get out of here I'm a kid from the street I know nothing I'm an orphan no one's looking at me and you know what he tells him we're going to make greatness out of you that's how big you're going to be it's going to be fantastic and do you know what happens when someone believes in you you're able to take a kid off the street and raise him imagine what you could do with a kid that's on that's straight that's going great how much we can help them so again if you'd like to ask your question to call into the studio 718- 68358 58 to text it's 347 927 8398 or you can write your question to on the Lakewood scoop.com and we will be reading your questions so we're going to start over here of n let's go take a couple of questions audio questions then we will be taking some some questions in Lakewood Scoop hi you're on with morai listen to both all over Brooklyn plus Upstate and now in Lakewood hello you're on the air talking to me yes I am okay a two-part question regarding a kid in Camp with a timeout okay uh uh a timeout toy like a Game Boy type of a thing yes okay so like a Game Boy one of those yeah so um the kid is not such a social child and he asked for it and we're not sure if we did right we sent it to him that's question number one a child that's not so social and we felt that's going to make him his give him his comfortable corner but is it smart or is it rather he doesn't have what to fall back on and it's just going to have to go out and be with the boys more like more social more into sports which is really not his okay so the first part of your question is if your son is having a difficulty being social in general he's not that social and therefore what's happening now is he asked if you could please give him let's say a Game Boy or something to play in the camp this way when he needs his little timeout or if he's not playing he'll have what he what to do now the question if it's going to be a little timeout or is going to end up taking over that's exactly what I want we'll get is that great that's part one let me hear part two now part two is he got the time out already and the kids are standing online for it kids are offering him money and kids are saying I'm first I'm second I'm third I'm fourth and then when he finishes and someone wants it and he gives it to somebody that one said it's not fair there's a whole long line that's right and he is not interested in keeping this whole whole long and being busy keeping track who's getting it first and who's getting second I didn't have it long enough he has to be the whole judge now that's that's right all right so let's go ahead and deal with part one which will then lead to part two part one is is it a problem if you send let's say a game to Camp one of these timeout games game boys whatever else they should be and let's realize what's uh what happens and what's happening in today's generation as we know in today's generation with cell phones and with all the texting we're becoming a lot less social and we're becoming a lot more technical just like doing little stuff and what's happening is our social interaction our ability to connect to people is getting hindered is getting harmed and actually it's affecting marriages it's affecting communication but before we go blame technology like Everyone likes blaming technology for everything let's take it a step further because K the families are growing Financial strengths are huge which means both many families now having two two parents that are working we're having less time to actually educate our children in the details that they need and one of the details that every kid needs contrary to what people believe that you have it naturally which you don't what it is is they need to be taught how to be social being social means how do you connect to someone how do you deal when someone rejects you how do you deal when someone makes a nasty comment oh you're stupid they might not have even meant it negative it could just be a way of let's say complimenting someone it can also be we got to learn how to start setting limits we also got to learn how to create time for ourselves now it seems like your son is missing some of the alive Bas in how to connect to people how to have friends and therefore what he likes to do is go to his safe Zone his safe zone is I'm by myself I'm happy and I'm comfortable now that's okay if someone has a place where they feel they need to feel safe comfortable read a book but we got to realize that this little issue eventually shom can turn into a huge issue which is he's not popular he won't play sports or he won't be involved with what people are talking about and he's going to feel more and more isolated the older he gets in that case giving him a Game Boy is actually going to harm him instead of teaching him how to connect how to do that which means instead of giving him a couple of tools which we've done before Camp Seasons we've had over here on the radio several parents that called up several kids that called up teenagers even how to connect we've dealt with that what we're doing now is we're actually giving him almost his drug it's like self-medicating here you go take your little thing and we'll push off another summer we'll have another kid that won't that won't be dealing with it and in reality that's not what we want what we want is we want to be able to help you we want to be able to help them to please you know how to connect how to socialize does that make sense right yeah okay so Step One is if you ask me now sending him that game boy to Camp was it the healthiest thing my opinion you may always disagree is that it was not the healthiest idea okay is there any way to back out definitely step two is you can have the counselor but now before we take away his support system which is a Game Boy a timeout what we want to do is we want to make sure we work on this on the issue itself which means I would first have you call the counselor usually a couple of bucks helps out also doesn't have to be much you can tell him you'll give him a nice tip and what you'll tell I want you to hang around my son and make sure my son is sitting in a good place discuss topics with my son and other kids stop bringing him into the group when it comes to playing sports or whatever they're doing make sure he's involved you'll see that the first couple of times your son is probably going to run away but after three four days of having a counselor interact with him integrate him into the system naturally everyone follows the leaders and if the counsel does that your son will be a lot more social and he'll bring him in once he starts getting him in there or at the same time the council will tell them listen you know the school Camp rules are we can't have any game boys and therefore we got to take it away or we got to confiscate you can have it especially shabas nak is coming up in a week and a half which means till visiting day you can't have it it's going to push him to do that but it's not really against Camp rules well we could make it against this bunk Camp rules very simple to change rules you know you know you know that happens all the time when we got to change the rule for our likings they change very easily but what happened the kid all the kids have it it's not like the only kid that has it kids have it then okay then another thing then the counselor can actually limit it the counselor can take everyone's game boys and say okay you only get it the last half hour of the day but the rest of the day you cannot do it during lunchtime you cannot do it during Sports time you cannot do it before you know after daving before breakfast because it's going to prevent your son hold him back from actually learning how to socialize how to connect how to sit and convers have a conversation and you can speak to the council again to interact to include him saying oh what do you guys think was it a great night activity last night oh and then Kim what do you think Yan what do you think have him integrated have him say his opinion if he's quiet come on tell me what do you think he might not answer the first time might not answer the second time but let's realize we just I just quoted this gamar B Mah about rabi he was saying listen to his words what he's saying he's saying the cry you Isel I want to run away I don't want to be here in yes I don't want to learn and why did he say three points said number one you're going to be given I want to teach you Ty you're going to be a smart we're going to give you this golden special Robes of has a people and we're going to turn you into a rebi when you give the guy a goal you include him just because he says I don't want to you don't back down that's the power of leadership we lead and they will follow you just got to be persistent you got to believe in it and then you get it with desay of course does that make sense it makes sense yeah I hope it's going to work the problem is not he's not that quiet it's just that this is his enjoyment exactly and therefore I would not have sent it to him and I would have more had him pushed would again include the counselor ahead of time to push him uhhuh thank you for that question it's fantastic so for the second part you know we got a whole line full of questions I just want to be able to take people plus take text plus the lakid scoop so I appreciate you calling in and I appreciate the question let's go ahead a second we're going to take a question from the Lakewood Scoop then we're going to take from the text and over here the question is as follows let's go pick one of them my 12-year-old son is diagnosed with ADD do do you need to take medication or can it be helped through therapy okay very interesting let's discuss 2 minutes what add is and again this is from the Lakewood scoop.com thank you for hosting us we have it on J root.com jrot radio.com we where you can text question your or bring your questions and the question let's discuss a INE add add is a very popular um diagnosis going on I will tell you in my opinion as I have we have here of niss President and also likes the title of technician of jroo radio of H Brut over here likes going under the title technician is laughing at that it's an overdiagnosed um diagnosis why is that and one of the ways before you diagnose add you have to rule out certain issues which no one does so let's clarify a little what add is ADD is the concept when the brain imagine our brain let's say sends messages uh let's say a certain speed from 1 to 10 let's say an average mind is going six or seven I'm just shooting numbers here let's say the speed limit is 65 the brain of an add person is shooting 95 100 120 which means they see more they smell more they taste more they'll drive the car faster they're going to be they're going to be learning so much more they're going to understand and know what the rebbi wants to say before he's saying it and many times the Reby will say but you didn't hear me you didn't let me finish but he already is assuming because the brain is double the Speed Triple the speed and that is ADD so it stands for attention deficit and then there's another part H for hyperactive disorder and that's a diagnosis which means that the mind is running and racing it gets easily distracted not because they can't focus it's just the opposite they see so much they'll notice the fly in the room flying which a regular kid would have noticed it because their brain is on a super Drive they're able to notice everything imagine you have a radar which when you have for the airplanes it's got to be set to a lower setting that you don't pick up airplanes I I mean that you don't pick up birds when they're flying and other animals but if it's set to that high setting you're going to pick it up that is ADD now why do I feel this overdiagnosed if there are problems in the family kids the brain goes under stress how do you feel when you're under stress under stress you're nervous and guess what happens that happens to kid too and that means that if you're nervous if the kid is nervous if the kid is under stress if there are fights going on in the family if the kid didn't eat well or if there other stuff going on now his mind is going to be nervous and tense so do you know what happens then very simple it looks like it's add and they might try to medicate well it might be something else therefore a professional therapist or a psychiatrist is supposed to rule out and we know what to do how to rule out these issues before we start diagnosing now can add be treated with therapy on certain levels it's like everything imagine the car is only going 75 miles hour yes then you can slow it down to go hey just go 75 above the speed limit it's not a problem but some people the mind is shooting at 12 where then usually therapy might have a bit of a difficulty for it to be able to work so thank you for that question from the lakeood scoop.com mm we will be going back to your questions now we're going to be taking a question from that was texted in and maybe I should refresh the page okay we got over here a question from old the way of New Jersey tell Mor to speak tonight about going to therapy sh was someone that went to therapy say over everything that went through your phone line this week about the subject let more people okay wow we want to bring up over here controversy okay let's go fill you guys in with a little idea first of all I would like to thank which they sell the shur my programs the sh in yish in B MIM as well as now what's happening starting as of tomorrow the English shum the English programs that I have where I give an hour sheare as we've just mentioned with just some of the Mist they're being sold in the local store so in bar Pock you can get in super 13 Mega 53 Gourmet gor glat um kosher Fu Depot Food Mart of 45th Street if you'd like in Flatbush you're able to get it in eers in Lakewood you can get in zundal burans Jud Plaza all of them in Mons you can get in toia meras farm and in the mountains is a huge list ABC toys landel Supermarket J St X gumbos hoba safe from Woodburn Cent to one by right Fishman Fishman Supermarket Green fresh all these wonderful places on this phone line that I have which you can listen to She I'm all free and it's mental illness is my father the number is 7182 29820 one1 718 29820 one1 we had a question of someone calling in saying that he's dating a girl and she told him on the fifth date that she's on Med she's not on medication she had OCD is it a problem for shim should he drop her or not if she was admitting it and she said she finished with everything with a therapy at the age of 17 so she's now 19 years old two years later should she date or not or should he marry her not and what I explained is OCD an emotional disorder is just like any other physical disorder what you do is you speak to the doctor if a person went for therapy and they got better that you should say no to this person right har what do you say to that let's go hear his opinion who am I to say about because it's a it's a huge topic yes and we spoke about it so many times I know that if we taking now the as today with all the shim I tell you nobody will be married and not our fault father AB everybody is going to be Bachelor to 120 years like I'm telling you this is one of things that we are really become a little bit lunatic and if AB knew knew that Sarah doesn't have a suppos not to marry her it'sin father was a crook and a brother was a crook how can can married and I give you all the list of other people that you know of our for you know it's amazing we are starting become trying to imitate tell we have all this stuff it's around we become who are we to choose you know I know that people has a certain issue but believe me with a filot with other stuff no we can go over and if this is your you Destiny but and you feel she is right for you I don't see any problem and yes you have to consult your RAB consult the Dr and see what and a close friend if she is behaved normal but if you think she's right and after five days you feel she is okay I would say go ahead you know it's nothing to do and you have to pray to K that he send you okay let's go ahead so let's go let me hold on stay on let me tell you the controversy that was going on so that's basically what I said and what I also said is someone that got better why should we why should she not get married then I took it one step further and I said if you really want to start going on everyone how about the Yeshiva Bak that are sleeping late or someone that has an anger problem I think he should also divulge that at the fifth date saying you know something my father yells a lot I yell a lot just because she went to therapy she went to take care of her problem and she's healed that should be a problem but then we had the next question which is number 151 151 questions where a guy where someone came forward and said I went for therapy and I'm a better person I'm better in my marriage I'm better understanding a person if spouse would have a problem I know how to deal with it so then that went great then I got the next question number 152 and there a girl neb blasted me she said she was married for eight months to someone that had OCD and they got divorced and she blames me and all the therapists and many other people that how could you say OCD is okay it's a huge problem you can't heal it they told her everything's okay and now she's a divorced girl which I responded to her that my pain I really feel bad for her and I really do feel bad for the pain that she went through but they didn't do the research you speak to the therapist I've had someone to tell me when it come to shok please say I'm all healed and I go but you're not ready yet and guess what he just dropped me and he went to someone else that will just say it's okay a licensed therapist will not lie is not allowed to lie it's like a medical profession and you got to tell the truth so do your research which we've actually had one last question I think that was number 156 which the person actually said that guess what this is the lady that said she was married she came from a difficult background she wasn't aware of it and I consider marriage a times 10 PR times 10 principle which means when you're married whatever is going inside gets times 10 if you're hurt pain it's going to be times 10 if you're happy stable it gets then times 10 and this person said she got married and she wasn't so healthy and stable but her husband stuck by her and said you're going to get better I see you'll get better they went from one therapist to another till she got better and she says now she's living and laughing and her husband's got a better wife and she's far healthier and better than everyone else now this is what's going on this is what that po has been asking we should discuss so there's been a lot of attack I know I want to tell you we spoke about it so many times in the radio and we had a special program about it and we I couldn't hold myself when it was a special program about the shim and I don't accept this kind of approach that you have to make all the research and you're going to do and who are you know if AOS want to give you a healthy boy El girl he will give you if he want to give you a someone he will give you doesn't you can check yourself you go all over them under microscope under MRI under all these kind of things and nothing will help you you know I I saw on the paper so many sh that it seems perfectly you know perfectly and after 3 four months they divorce you know unfortunately so who we are to make this decision you know I with all respect I cannot say it and not not I did I don't see I don't know any shatan here that know how to make it you know right now I have do yes I'm I'm I'm salute do I really understand as kind ofes and see what they see who am I to say it all right we've got here some fantastic questions let's go take one or two voice questions and then we're going to be going back all right yes hello you're on the a with morai hello yes you're on um um let's say I'm cha um um you you have um um like um maybe chicken cooking or ch um and let's say um the oven it it shuts off while it's cooking and it's like the afternoon and you need for the night of shabat what you do are you all to call like a go to put it back on ah so this is a wonderful question but this is really a question one of the things that we have to learn is that if something is not your expertise you we try not to deal with it right so you want to know what's if something happens and could you do an shabas let's leave that for the rabam so let's see if we can get you a r maybe you can ask your father who's a r that can answer that question is that okay yeah let me also tell you how it's very brave of you to call in and to ask your question that's impressive okay okay thank you for the question thank you sure my pleasure thanks for holding all right we got another question you're on the a with Mori hello hello hello hello all right let's go take another question hi you're on the air with morai hello yes I have a problem okay let's try to hear it I'm afraid of the dark ooh let me ask you how old are you 10 you're 10 years old and what are You Afraid of the Dark about that someone's going to come and kill me whoa and how long are you afraid of this since the beginning of the year since the beginning of the year do you know what happened why it started like did any ever happened did you hear a story or something yeah what what happened let me hear like um like about I read something about like a murder okay is it in a book is it a true story did it happened to a yid what it happened to a yid and is it a true story or is it or is it one of those uh fiction one of those make belief stories it's true mhm it's true and what happened when you heard that story I got got very scared you got scared that might happen to you or to your family or to everyone to who let me hear to who to me or my family to you and the family so let me ask you something first of all I want you to realize that it makes a lot of sense which means that if a kid or even adults when we hear a story and when we get older we start noticing that hey things can happen we don't always feel so safe then when we're not feeling safe then we can start being afraid and whenever we think about that we get afraid that's the power of the imagination of our mind mean every time we think about it we can be afraid so if you would sometimes think about it even during the day do you get afraid no only at night right but let's say you think about it at by day o it's going to come at night soon do you get afraid yes exactly so what I'd like you to realize is that our mind works that when we imagine something it works as if it's real as if it's happening now make sense yeah so now what I'm going to work with you is a little we do a couple of minutes how to get you to be able to feel relaxed and confident that marm you won't be but just to just announce for a couple of people the number to call them for the studio is 718- 68358 58718 683 5858 and if you'd like to text your question actually we've got huge amount of texts or you can do it through the Lakewood Scoop just email your question or actually text put your question by the comments area and we will mem address it so let's go ahead and again the number to call is 718 68358 58 718- 68358 58 so now your question is you're afraid right let me ask you what feeling that if you would have that feeling you would know that you're going to feel so safe like if the re slam was next to you if your father would have a gun in the house what feeling would make you feel safe that I know that that nothing's going to happen to me excellent what will can give you that feeling that you know nothing will happen how about if you know that there's policemen always all over the street yes excellent so could you now close your eyes for a second and imagine and know how safe we are that not only do we have policemen watching but there's something called the National Guard that is the Army which is there in case there's ever needed for emergencies they're there then you also have the Sharm Shiro special from people that drive around all day and all night if there's something going on that you're not even sure they're going to check it out even before the police come plus we live in big communities there's a lot of people everyone here is protecting everyone all you have hop hey there's a GH of and everyone comes running by day at night how would you feel would you feel more relaxed than calmer then yeah so could you imagine now cuz we're not done yet I want you to imagine now that it's at night and how do you feel knowing there's the police there's the whole Army there is everyone around protecting you very good good now when you think about the night right now how do you feel um good now how would you feel if you know know that in case there's ever an emergency your parents can always and you can always call 911 know that on the phone you just dial three buttons 91 one and right away everyone comes running to protect you how do you feel good so I want you to imagine that a minute feel that you're safe it comes at night and if you ever get afraid you stop think I have the police I have the army with these huge guns machine guns and they have tanks they're all there to protect you isn't that a good feeling yeah excellent and now could you imagine when you read that story and you could think okay well that person was killed but I have the police and I have the Army and I have the Sharm room and I have everyone protecting me how do you feel then good excellent do you feel better now yeah excellent let me hear why do you feel better what do you feel changed because I know that the person's not going to come that's right and do you know by any chance if that guy was arrested did no all right well we'll help you find it excellent good thank you for that question so the number to call in we're going to take an audio another question but the number to call in is 718- 68358 58718 68358 58 and again to tell people if you'd like to hear my shm for freeish my father these are our shm with psychology combined with Tyra mcir that is 718 29820 one1 718 29820 one1 if you'd like to get the inish they're all your you have and they're under pretty nice title and if you'd like to get the programs in English they are sold in all the farm stores and all the local stores you got it in Mon and tuvia you have in a lake old burmans you got in Juda K Plaza and Bar Park you got it in the stores in super 13 Mega 53 gmet glot koser Food Depot food Mar and you got it in the mountains all over ABC toys in South Fallsburg landal Supermarket jico stores called the from Woodburn Center one by rght Fishman Supermarket Green fresh Supermarket MTI supermarket in Swan Lake Raleigh Hotel and t-s wow so we can get them all over there and you're on the air with morai what's your question my friend hi me yes I guess so yes yeah hi first of all I called a couple of weeks ago that I was the people told me they heard me I was the lady that was very like every time my husband like skipped the turn like missed the turn I got very scared that we gonna get lost yes yes I remember that I'm telling you I didn't after I put on the phone I didn't believe it it's gonna work I said okay fine I I did not I don't know I just I didn't even think oh my God my mother nothing I didn't think anything afterwards I'm like okay fine we'll figure it out whatever it was just like nothing happened excellent yeah it was really great I hav't it was it happened two times and even in other areas that I didn't even think now when I look back I'm like hey I would never do that cuz I would be too scared excellent so let's go ahead and get it so what is let's hear I'd like you to share with everyone what we did and let's go ahead and share so what was your question your question was that when you're driving you're afraid no not that I'm driving my husband is I don't drive my husband's a driver I go out with him and I actually remember what it was it's funny with the train right so I said that what did I say about the train I don't even remember you said when we went back I asked you when was the first time that you were not feeling safe when you make a wrong turn so let's go didn't share with everyone so what happened was the question was that you're on the you're in the car with your husband if he makes a wrong turn or if he's going somewhere you get petrified right you get afraid only if he like do going know where he is I used to tell him don't even tell me you're lost cuz I can't handle it exactly make as if you you're in the good place cuz I can't excellent yes now he's like oh shoot I missed the turn I'm like okay exactly and now would you like to share with with everyone what we did because it's so beneficial so basically you made me feel like um I should imagine something that but you made me in a certain place like I was shaking scared I'm not choking and then after you told me to imagine my mother was oh okay I'm so relaxed and exactly what we did was the basics and therapy and it was actually interesting to be able to do it on ear in like less than just about five minutes I not believe it's going to work thank you exactly but that's again this is what I do all day Hal would be as good in learning as I am in therapy then uh it would be I have another question about completely different topic okay go ahead okay I have a friend whatever I have friends they're married and I'm like we're our family were very very close to them yes very close um like we helped them a lot um before they got like before they got married and like and now they're married and they have a kid so after she got married like she didn't really have parents to go to after she got married for dinner so I said okay I'll have her once a week and now she has a now she has a kid and I don't know it's like becoming too daunting on me to have her like I love her dearly and I love her husband whatever I love them dearly I I don't want to hurt anyone and and if I tell her she can't come then she really doesn't have where to go and also like she might look for other places to go to that are not good all right let's go ahead head and deal with us a moment and let's recognize very complicated histories and things involved all right everything is nice and dandy but we got to realize the basics the olive bays in everything the olive bays and everything is that you got to be able to say a yes and you got to be able to say a no what type of mother would you be if you've never told your kids no which means you can stay up who knows how late right know that won't be so what we've got to learn is and somehow this is another point in this generation that I would almost blame I hate saying it cuz I'm a therapist but that therapists have almost knocked out the confidence in parents to be parents which means the generation in the past was a little too strict and therefore there was a lot of damage but what's happening is because of that damage we've turned too much we've swung too much to the other side that we're afraid to be assertive we're afraid to say no we're afraid to say this isn't good for you and guess what happens what happens is now we have a generation that everyone is weak everyone's afraid we're afraid to be honest we're afraid to communicate we're afraid to talk and if that happens do you know what happens we're not real we can handle difficulties when they come I'd like to share with you one PK it's a PK IM malim and it's an interesting story from it's actually a sad story but that was almost all the kids from from davel which is talking about the grandchildren going through schel were almost all killed out from a grandmother that married in there was one son that survived and his name was yish and he was protected by his uncle the K God you know where he was hidden he was hidden seven years six years in the kadash cuz that's the one place where they thought there's no way for anyone to survive there and he's the only person that was able to now let me share with you a PK that the PK is per B and it says y the King was was straightened by you know how great it is Imagine on me and you the would be made to say was Yasha but all the days of Y and Rashi says why when yay was nther this says over the the S of Yehuda were telling him you're Mish a god a why because people can't go an hour into the into and survive you were there for six years and he lived for and unfortunately the PK says that that's what happened he started to believe it and that's why after after the CL God yay was nter there was no one there to ground him what we take out of this is a rebi a principal a parent our is to build him up which yay did he made the whole Revolution and he got him to be king and he guided him when you have someone telling you this is good and this is not good that's when you have a healthy person that get to the level that the PK is made y Hashem can you imagine how great it is but part of that is we've got to be able to say no when he didn't have that person to stand up to the king and say your highness but it's wrong this isn't right unfortunately it can end not well that's what Rashi is teaching us you have certain fears concerns and these are one of the things they teach us in therapy school which is extremely important that is we don't own the client we're not responsible for what happens we let go we do our little drop and we let theam take over and if it's not us then someone else will take over part of your control or you're wanting to protect the situation steer it in a certain direction that is very simple because unfortunately we feel that if we're not involved it's not going to work out therapists get training in that how just to do hours and to let go and wait for the next session and if they fall it's no problem we'll be there to pick you up again and again and again until you finally get it on your own for those people that don't let the person fall you're never giving them the opportunity to learn you're never giving them the opportunity to stand on their own feet and then instead of teaching them how to be independent you're actually making them dependent so now with your question about that friend creating a healthy boundary for you is the most important point and we start that when we go to social work school psychology School mental health counseling they balance you they tell you hey you're getting too emotionally evolved you're owning it let go a little you're worried the person will fall you will be there in the healthy space to pick it up you can discuss it openly with them hey how can we get you some better FL Place how can we get you to better people that you should hang around with you can help them out with that but one thing we don't want you to do is we don't want you to own it we don't want you to feel that you must take care of it does that make sense you describe to the button that I'm afraid to let go because I I feel like who who knows that's right and this is where we get supervision I what to say I don't know what to say like and that is I'll tell you even another example like once she did meet like she whatever there was a party she baked me something and then she asked me afterwards like um she asked me afterwards for a very hard thing and I I told her I really can't I'm I'm so sorry I really honestly can't do this to you and then she's like oh you're feeling guilty cuz I did this to you like oh my gosh all right so let's go ahead and recognize there's a lot where you just need some guidance how this isn't something you need to be able to complicated that's right and it's a little bit manipulating and all that you need a little bit of guidance this isn't so simple recognize that therapist we go through three or at least two supervisor guiding us when we do our internship in the place where we do it we have a supervisor Plus in college we have a supervisor and we also have an entire peer supervision where the students as well supervise each other that's part of it so we got about three different systems supervising us as we deal with this and sounds like you just need a little bit of help how to deal with that but keep up the amazing work keep on helping CLA because we all need someone we all need a mentor we all need a coach we all need someone there to believe in us to help us but at the same time the coaches need a little coaches as well to help need us all right let's go ahead and we just got over here question Mor you leading a support group in Lakewood sounds like you must know a little bit more about me than we tell because it's a secret I actually um live in Lake we'll take some more calls in a couple of minutes we'll do some questions over here from that we've gotten texted in and we'll also do from the Lakewood Scoop yes in Lakewood there is a group that is forming that I will be running it is completely for free it is done fored run by an organization for and this is one of the mitz one of the freea things that I do to help people and the question is what is the topic and how does one join I hate to say that I'm sorry that I do not remember exactly or know how to join it but um I would ask you if you'd like to call relief let's see if I could get their number over here just a second because I know they will know the place or M you know let's do it differently I will have it for you next week the number where you can join this is all done byed for said to help us to grow in Lakewood yes there are groups there's actually two groups that I'm in one I participate in and one mm we will be leading starting and it's again it's done for done for men they already have several groups for women but for men this is what they're starting now and it's amazing how it helps and group therapy is a very powerful concept we have over here a question for you dear niss so if someone has yaka cancer should I not do research just before niss of niss answers it let's clarify over I want to defend him over here I think this is not right RIS is not saying don't do research he's not saying that you shouldn't check out what's happening and he's not saying that if someone has a mental disorder just go ahead jump into it imagine someone is bashing their head in the W he's not saying go ahead and marry the person without doing research but anyhow I just feel we have to defend him now n you can take over you know what God forbid you know you get married and after 10 days you find that your spouse is getting the M what are you doing if this is your new sonion yes I would say that definitely but I don't say that you don't marry as as said said yes we have to check we have to check very carefully before we doing we have consult our rabbis our people that knows the mishak the but it's many things and I tell you I have so many stories believe me I can write a book you know War and Peace this size of books that can about shim that people from Johannesburg South Africa married a a you know and Brooklyn New York and all of kadosh who running this show and whatever you do if you believe if we are believers that theh run the show so we cannot hide you cannot hide without you know the testing and all this stuff believe me we have to understand this is we running the Torah and we trying to believe that is helping and protect all of us that's what I think thank you wonderful and beautiful I by the way you're spelling my name n i SS i m very good we'll go over ahead first of all we got one of the questions ask where can they hear the sh that way have try to hook it up over here to the program but to listen to call in it's again a free shurm it's at 718- 29820 one1 718 29820 one1 we'll be connected to and all together and also we can purchase from J Radio all together EXC you know with this is beautiful there are so many sh that's right we got to get it out should we take that question and then we'll yes let's go ahead and no right um all right says yes we take it yes sir you're on the a with Mori hello yes you're on yeah there's someone in my bunk that always bothers me and she and she throws down my stuff and really bothers me that is so cute by the way that you're calling in how old are you I'm eight years old eight years old wow you're a mature girl Miss W really well I want one was like 10 years old I'm very happy to say that gave a very nice example about a man that stood behind his wife sick wife this this is his language you know and I was amazing the way of so intelligent kids in our it's unbelievable kids you know let me share with you an interesting story there is one of the top um do you mind if you just hold on like just stay on but we're just going to just deal with Ru said there is one of the top marriage counselor in the world he's know he's like listed I think in the top 10 and he's actually from balua his name is Dr morai gotman or John Gman as they call it he did an interesting study he said he had a couple Fighting by him both are very productive very um successful people in business and he says he is fighting and he is saying that he is saying that his wife is spending too much money and the wife is saying let him go to work let him earn more money and then I can spend that much and he's fighting back and forth so he takes it he goes to a class of 8-year-olds and he tells them what do we do there's a husband fighting saying his wife spends too much the wife is saying the husband should earn more what should he do he says within two seconds half the kid's hands are up in the air and the kid says I know he should earn a little bit more and she should spend a little bit less and he's asking why is it that for three sessions two intelligent adults can't figure that out and they're fighting and over here you got a little six seven eight nine year olds that can figure it out no yes wow riss is so I love that okay there was a beautiful text thanking R yes I agree with that text let's say it is so holy is probably putting a lot of bricks in the building of the B mikd with his good deeds and okay now let's go to your question so your question is that you're in class and there's a person in class that she seems to be throwing down your books and throwing down your things right right yeah now did you say he she um she right she that's what I thought now what I would like you to do are your parents listening by any chance yeah excellent now how are you in the house well let's see if someone wants to do something do you know how to say no could you say no this isn't right or please stop or do you usually stay quiet um um I say that I say please stop up she doesn't listen she keeps on pushing or does the same thing mhm when you say it do you say confident like please stop or I'm going to tell the mo or it bothers me stop stop stop say it sometimes four or five times you just say it once like please stop and the girl just does it I say please stop and she just does it okay interesting so what I would like to work with you and if your parents can hear this is called practice it's called a little bit roleplay and what that means is you're going to be sitting with your parents mem and you're going to start let's say you're going to act like you're the girl and you're can to have your parents practice with you and tell you stop let's say her name is shaie let's say her name is riy you're going to say riy please stop and let's say they're going to do it your parents are going to say riy please stop and then you're still going to do it they'll go riy we asked you to please stop and then you're going to do three four times and you're going to see how it feels by the third or fourth time you're going to want to stop and then they might say riy please stop or I'm telling MOA and which might happen is you can also tell the teacher ahead of time look riy is bothering me when I say when I go over to you a police keep an eye on us then what's going to happen is now your parents are going to switch now your parents are going to act like riy and they're let's say going to touch your things or knock your things and you're going to go riy please stop and then they're still going to continue doing it now you're going to say more assertive with a stronger voice riy I told you to stop it bothers me and then she they'll what they'll still do it and then you're gonna say riy please stop or I'm telling MOA which means you got to get stronger a a lot about it is about practice many times people say ah let kids figure it out we don't figure anything out everything that we're taught everything that we know was basically taught and part of what we need to be taught is how to be assertive we need to be taught how to stop people that hurt us that bother us in a healthy way not either to take it or not to start yelling and screaming that's one step there's also another step that you could do ahead of time that i' like you to practice with your parents is that before you're going to go let's say tomorrow to day camp to your bunk you're going to go over to let's say we'll call her riy in the morning and say rifty you know when you touch my things and I don't like it or I say I don't like it but it really bothers me when I say stop could you please stop you're going to see how different she's going to feel when you speak to her 101 and not blame her then you're going to see how it makes things so much easier and that's quite interesting by the way does that make sense do you think you can practice those two steps yes excellent so let's just repeat what are the two steps step one is to be able to have that you're going to practice assertiveness saying no please stop more confident and louder and the second step or the second point cuz it's not really step two the second point is you're going to be speaking to her ahead of time and tell her you know it really bothers me very adal not threatening to please stop and the third point is just to tell your MOA your teacher ahead of time you know this has been happening can you please help us out make sense thank you for that question if you'd like to call in your question you can call 718- 68358 58718 68358 58 and I'd just like to deal with one question we have over here on the Lakewood Scoop which I I actually got from someone asked me a question it's as follows what's the Torah perspective on anxiety disorder any to be offered and I'd like to give you uh a concept which I've just had and that is as follows um here's another oh we'll just stick to this one andn is very interesting someone asks me if I suffer from depression does that mean that I'm bad does that mean that I don't have a that's the question that they ask what what do you say har I think not I think that uh all of us is kind of uh up and down and our B and sometimes we go in the street and you get a slap in the face it doesn't say that you you don't have but it's it's painful you know you're going you know something you lose someone you lose some money you know it's painful and you can get go to depression you know sometimes you don't know how to control you don't know how to control it you know and you cannot control it it's something that not depends on you something to come to you and with blaming you doing something that is not under your control and you get depressed it's very normal but we have to understand that slowly slowly come over and life is continue the water in adson river is flow back to the ocean and that's it you know that's right so my question would be would we say is the greatest of all that he didn't have thees all the time that YF was taken away because he wasn't on that level that he was cuz YF was was gone would you call him to have that thought again to ask your question 718 68358 58 what I explain is just like we have to do our his this is not coming from me the G prefers not to be announced on air because many times they get attacked but it's one of the greatest gum in the L ficial world that almost every safer gets a HK from him so we can trust me on that and he explained to me as follows that um using understanding of how you believe in the do you believe in him do you believe he will help you but what happens if someone has a broken arm will you say my my broken arm is going to get helped absolutely not you have to do your establish to heal it now he explains to me emotional stress is just like that if you have five things you got to balance a business you got your kids you need to be at home you have to learn and you're not able to juggle that is not called that you're lacking a you're lacking the tools how to juggle life just like you got a broken arm you now have a broken juggling system and therefore you will get depressed CU our brain is a physical machine and therefore if it doesn't know how to deal with things it will break not about an issue of is when things are going good when things are say when you're able to juggle and you're still saying cuz everyone's got the downers and you're still saying I don't know I'm having these hard times but if you're not able to juggle the basics in life understand that it's not you understand that it's not you that we're talking about over here what's happening is simply a level of B balancing it so thank you for that question from the Lakewood scoop.com now we'll take a couple of questions over here yes siss um who do we have yes you're on the air with morai hi morai thanks for everything and still waiting for your weekly she I think you didn't give it in for a few weeks we've just given it last week and that is the title we all need someone to believe in us so go ahead and let's do it for our children so yep that number is 718 29820 one1 and it's actually Shear number 59 there are 9 sh hour Longs yes we're able to do it yes thanks let me hear your question my friend my question is what should I do I feel yeah I think you have a she in it it's about how to get you to do this done and how we get some time res scheduled on on the schedule schedule on every day you want to know how to get your day scheduled to get your structure there how to do get my to-do list done how do you do you get your to-do list done let's just give you the short version step number one is get a friend well let's put this way take a deadline deadlines is what works which means there's a reason why we have exams and most of us to study for the exams usually the night before or two days before because deadlines work there's a reason why when you finish you say the you finished it there's a reason why when you know hey I got five blot left 20 blot left you need the goal to finish second step is hire a hire a coach and I don't mean a coach as higher and pay I mean have a friend that it's going to be if you don't get up you're in trouble it's funny that somehow when when we're in Yeshiva when we're in KY we're not able to get up you get to work and you got a boss yelling at you it's amazing all of a sudden you're up you get fired from the first job by the second job you're there and you're able to get it why and the reason is because we got that extra pressure so I would just stick to these two points we got over here um some more callers and we got three minutes to go so let's go ahead and take the next caller yes you're on the a with morai hi yes I really understand the importance of having someone who's believeing me on in me but is there anything that I can do to get someone definitely who's a good friend of yours don't tell me his name but do you have a good friend yes sure good and I would actually ask you not to Pick Your Wife by the way because starts getting a little bit crossed into the emotion support wife it's not cuz sometimes you need that little kick to get going and it's not healthy for a wife to be that for a husband get a best friend and ask the guy is he ready to be tough to set a goal and and you'll set up what the consequences are either he'll yell at you or he'll tell you hey now you got to get up early or maybe he'll even just just do something that's that but the guy will call you up did you do it simple not even no consequences no punishment just simply did you do it yet and you'll see how when you have someone call you up that you have have to answer it usually adds on does that make sense yes who do you think you can use I have a friend excellent Now give me another name don't give me a name but have one or two people I have only one all right let's pick up I always like a backup give me a second one think think think we got two minutes to go on air and we're spending it with you my friend I want you to have a second person maybe all right we got to a maybe I'll take that contact both of them and tell them I want this and this goal this and this time call me up daily ask me if I'm working toward it and know that the night before deadline you will always be up every sheare that I've done almost every sheare always the night before I got to touch it up or do something or even now just to this program last minute we're trying to work out last minute stuff but if not for deadlines we won't get done have well it doesn't look like we got time for another caller do we have no how much time do we have left let me see the timer go down this way we'll be able to time it well all right so let's go ahead and take one quick we'll take on a text over here from the line is I have a phobia I'm scared of train stations I get dizzy I can even stop and get scared I don't know what to do all right let's understand that fears phobias stress these things are all happening and what that means is that we got to recognize why is it there's a cause to that and when we can go into the cause we feel healthier we feel Stronger Just we had that caller earlier which she said she was afraid every time her husband gets lost but the cause was that she was once on the train and she was lost and she didn't know how to go once we feel one second the brain feels unsafe that we completely feel unsafe in L in new places unfortunately the brain will now repe will recreate that all the time so once we can feel safe we feel better thank you all for listening mm to hear this to hear the sh is 718 2982 0111 we'll have it very soon on the J rout radio thank you all for listening hot you're listening to jro radio [Music]