Latest Talks Podcast - Ep #28 | Topics: Parents Struggling With Children | Kesher Nafshi Shabbasim.

I was completely drained as a parent how did you come up with the name I was nervous we had 2400 people who are you to tell me what to do is how you grow from having these children [Music] exactly foreign [Music] foreign [Music] is given a website besides Lakewood house.com this is a hot Arizona Miami uh 100 locations New York New Jersey and mentioning event like the cancer flag and fly the kosher Villas than New York hazards so again another situation website luxury villas and luxury kosher Villas is the umbrella brand it was named Alexis [Music] in the field that by the location yeah website and anytime that does that kosher vacation rental top-notch best equality wow luxury kosher Villas um argument foreign talk again thank you luxury Village foreign so basically um 2017. [Music] dealing with candy over there I'm already in my fifties and now we have an 11 year old or 12 year old that's a very showing signs Yeshiva is depressed doesn't die belongs with their shelves is a website in so cash enough she is designed for mental resignation completely over there itself is Health design in the attacker majority of the people these guys shame guilt as a parent is School foreign [Music] and now they're having struggling child of 11 12 13 years old [Music] the zakah was a failed to if I was very young from vegan I'm addressed this yet at the young age is if we do the early stages so every child has their own Journey we're not International boss of a child's Journey okay and they show us is based off the slow speeches uh entertainment therapists others today Shoppers okay so basically is a life-altering event [Music] exactly so my Kim tone Donna in with a setting in such time as alternative is [Music] the top mentions [Music] foreign to get them to have a feeling of what to experience throughout the weekend usually you get to welcome reception of yourself so people able to relax get yourself comfortable go on to a couple of current shoot them concurrency reminds you to drive in the same time foreign everything is going deeper so imagine again experiencing him and I will so to get them to really understand the child sessions throughout the weekend s out at night usually threaten to open something light so the man comes it's in let's use the vacations emotionally he came with swaid [Music] um music but basically if it comes foreign for the throne different events uh foreign [Music] type of environment and the next token the freedom was special yoga and some art Andreas basically the same idea it's on a special purposes but for therapeutic purposes but basically we want to be we encourage the women to sit on their own because this ten women at a table and said do I moderator ambassador then see grab it open-ended questions so get people up 200 Etc unfortunately comfortable so we don't have seating arrangements so people can sit comfortable amongst their friends so they get this opportunity to sit wherever they want so foreign to really speak to each other and get that feeling foreign [Music] foreign really gets people to connect to understand to relate to what the parents are going through Charlotte Avenue they don't really pay attention they don't understand the value that yay Dimension episode they don't like it and decor and what the dimension was deaf and whom the relationship building was there's nobody else that can build this relationship without having people that understand you back to your question-wing therapists we pay a lot of money to get the top therapists to be there donations and they all they speak to the parents for free foreign size so that's how it is you know so this is the quality of the people that we have and the and the quantity and some overlords every rain at that same sound this is for you mentioned is so it was so now a couple of questions if I can take the first couple which I wrote down like six seven of them um [Music] organization the truth of the matter is and I couldn't figure out a way how to do it without paying for it so I made a conversation that was my next question that was my next question by the way [Music] from 2014 15 basically it was 2017 I was completely drained as a parent giving and giving and giving and doing and going foreign we always get praised and it's good to be humble so it's not afraid if I wouldn't have this challenge I would be a very arrogant person a very judgmental person so having this challenge uh makes you a humble person people say that I don't know you're good you grow from having these children if you do it right I mean some people I don't want to talk about them but uh but they're not doing the work they have to do they don't see the results basically two three years two and a half years and even though I'm very grateful that is 24 hours a day of myself and often Chavez and all these things and people are dealing with drugs and addiction and and craziness that we're dealing with on a daily basis phone calls every day sometimes three times a day two times a day until middle of the night but basically the the work that parents have to do is very draining and they get zero stars in the bucket for themselves so things that I should have been doing could be amazing because I'm scared but the fact of the matter is the truth of the matter is the parents need to be able to get something for themselves so when I started it I made a barbecue in the backyard and I figured so naturally I became the party planner and the Manchester traffic in the late news I mentioned and to design it and to bring everything done and that just happened since you're going to organization we had 75 appearance show up men only the first time we had no idea that we'll have people we had maybe 30 people say we should make it I'm gonna go off the back yet to the same Fifth Dimension we had 75 people after foreclosure property says helps Acres how often is a Wetlands so intimate decided um someone get their jobs because the businesses you know like we're okay in the country because the country guys people are very busy with themselves so when we started out we were very scared to make it in the place and people are going to see us so we made it in a month in Montebello where he has a private road but to get into his property you go through the back Department [Music] we had 75 people we're seeing classical as long as anything he came in the Ashton would happen since and uh unfortunately you don't have video of it because the guy had just bought the property he didn't know how to turn on the lights in the backyards it's the time it got dark and he spoke for an hour and he spoke about a lot of personal things and we realized we have something going I decided yeah from pomegranate the party planner and we rented a place in ten of life and we start off without a name we had 250 parents why were Jacobson spoke about our first normal molecule that is out there that's what he spoke about the first but that comes afterwards downstairs foreign so basically um this is how we started so Abby fish have said yeah 100 parents each are going to give you a hundred dollars you're gonna get ten thousand dollars how are you making shops so that's for me to figure out so we had no funding no name we still don't have a name as far as being legally licensed to take Government funding we're not government funded or government controlled but Hashem foreign [Music] sends us out of the blue I'll tell you a story guilt Avengers this is a style even if you're gonna get out of me it means I'm managing the insurance business [Music] foreign [Music] people are paying but they're not paying the full price foreign unfortunately foreign and that at the course of the parents the parents have to see equality high class shabbaton with quality speakers quality with trailers quality everything so this is they at Hearts our thoughts our office known as uh those are their Allah so basically covet teached us taught us of the vowel we do have a lot of volunteers that are working so foreign drugs and addiction which I don't know anything about it travel time [Music] out of there plates of his eyes people are traveling with the kids all over the world so he has he knows all over the deals people fly to Puerto Rico people fly to Cancun people fly to Orlando people fly all over the United States and other places in the world it helps them to travel and a wage like me Lisbon pushed me foreign in Connecticut that he was basically Logistics he understands before um so he was able to help me with that part of the logistics Rosenberg is full time um events [Music] um in Connecticut in the rally in Chicago Connecticut 13 14 months staff tomorrow foreign so really people are complained about the room or the bed by the time they hit the bed at three o'clock in the morning so same thing happens over here they don't have the comment they're going yeah so I never spent around location of she wasn't part Finn the healthy can donate.org slash latest talks guys the developer for the podcast special page for Visible donating and obviousness I came from the podcast enoshi.org slash latest talks not canon game donations and organization about it from before families Redmond do in New York Times nine name yeah so we looked at the numbers I had to send them numbers to work with it this is before the let's deposition we had 2400 people since we started different names it's not doubles in the system so just to give you an idea of how many parents were touching also you have to understand this is but ton if a Lakewood organization group so why do we know somebody from receivers we actually lie behind the scenes what can you pay seven eight hundred thousand whatever it is and then from that fund we covered the rest of Waterbury the whole Waterbury team for no parents and whatever that never came is a team that works behind the scenes to help them come Chicago we did Chicago last year two couples showed up to match I had no idea who they are Chicago was amazing that's why couples in Chicago from Chicago they came all of a sudden they came to Connecticut foreign [Music] three times they wanted to do something in Chicago for the parents from there they're already up to 31 people in Chicago foreign [Music] foreign [Music] people foreign [Music] 165 people wow the topic was when you have a struggling child so you had one literature to start off and then we had one speak and then spoke for an hour and a half for sure when you have a strong child through our website.org foreign but basically they self-funded the United States but they basically funded and since somehow it's giving my driver nobody had jobs there was no customers No Limits there was nothing going on foreign [Music] that endorsed our training so Thursday night we had 165 people just for this this idea of this concept Shabbos afternoon and again that we had over 200 people for drugs and addiction was packed they hold the hand right off the shield in Chicago that's how follow us um Sunday they finally have off why should they come I guess they felt this value and it was over 200 people there so from 31 people she had touched over five six hundred people over that weekend not all the people the same people um especially Sunday there was a whole bunch of them and all that stuff and the therapists besides that we had Friday afternoon before I won a class meeting over 25 private two and a half hours [Music] meeting not for therapists a closed meeting with Angelo's game today which big cloud Israel is going today's days unfortunately and so we covered in that weekend what most organizations don't have in a whole year wow so that's what Chicago was same thing with with measures we had 191 people there a trip no fun for appearance from the ground completely changes I'm jumping a lot of places so that we had parents from London came to our second chapter three couples and they got very excited and they wanted to come to the next one that we did the big one in Connecticut I think it was supposed to be cash in Russian number three another four connections and they signed up and covert hit and they couldn't come in they couldn't get vaccines they couldn't come in admit the vaccine the right wasn't so we went to the actually they wrote letters to the U.N to get them to come because they have to get training for drugs and addiction they never have Einsteins we had 12 couples signed up not what I'm like looking to do and then it hit me so I'm dangerous when I have an idea I just do it doesn't have to make sense I said you know what if you have 50 people we're doing a Shabbos but I have 20 20 couples I could bring spaces okay there was evidence I mentioned do you mentioned this is not also foreign is beautiful it's a shine the ideas the concept is get but the way I did it I can show you in the book s it's been a beautiful result for the off now I'm the main speaker of my show I'm beginning foreign upstairs it's going to be the health lectures Shield but he liked Vegas again they like the tiki Tiki bites whatever inside the fires a real shiny type of event so and so we got 191 people he came into the measures yes you have to realize the departure foreign [Music] is unbelievable okay so that brings me to my next to my next question how did you come up with the name with the choices no I'll tell you the truth I my first Shabbat tone that I made which was took us from November till April to do it he said we have to come up with some a name and basically my whole idea was how do I get parents to bond with their child Visa brings titles are voices [Music] foreign [Music] by the time the parents come to us usually the parents want to see the kid that that's how bad it is our job is to build a relationship back to the vinabino is again for an attempt to a 20 to 30 to 50 to 80 to 100. can't an adult doesn't matter what it is has to have a meaningful relationship a long lasting meaningful that's a kind of lambly uh as I mentioned but anybody was like the name the skin Roosevelt I feel nobody understands me these kids are not worried about about dying they're worried about living every day so that's what I'm dealing with on a daily basis have you look at the First videos from the first showers behind it didn't have anything else foreign the parents that are there the crowd I'm sorry is is foreign the crowd in against the popular belief that someone can get the education system other than English and I'll understand English is English so the keynote speaking is Allison English track s foreign but basically is this event designed that way the clientele it's unbal certain about the this is program light dimension of them since the office is in your car right so it's a challenge foreign between everything else 150 people by now this is barbecue in Manchester and America alone each one had about 80 people so there's an under guidance your name is she in Monte group series they don't have time groups foreign [Music] at least I don't know I don't follow it is [Music] people come together at the pizza shop or they they buy themselves each slice of pizza whatever they want to buy they pay for themselves and they were trained so says foreign [Music] so the first initial one they funded it was beautiful we didn't call the screen we had about 150 160 people there is Mr Stein to be of my fish the basics it's formed internet foreign drugs a lot of these kids never do self-harm we met if this a lot most of these kids are kids that have suffered severe trauma in their life because you're not going to the details for this podcast but learning disability religious abuse and other abuse that they went through is what causes them to go over there at least over 80 or 90 of them that we found out doing this for 33 34 years has never found any kid that was not traumatized that went over there so that's I think you're pretty pretty big number more than 80 to 90 so basically tricks to go into the so then yeah my full day training and something Phil but no um and therapists so we did from ten to six with an hour break you went away from from a thing you said your question you said that you asked these people ah sorry foreign Adventure foreign [Music] foreign this was my daughter had I not then this child at home I didn't know what she was going through I knew she was hurting but I never understood how deep it was [Music] if I wouldn't do this that he's talking about I didn't even know I wasn't trained but I know a thing I'm not throwing my kid out I would have lost my chart foreign [Music] 43 people signed up it behind it mentioning who starts every time we do something like this is upstairs the screen downstairs we ended up doing it a little bit outside of Monroe in version the the school district the superintendent school district is given invited again Monroe foreign [Music] so it's a lot of legwork Hashem is [Music] you know like Community professionals that come to them a vegetable politicians try to be as humble as I can let somebody else do it likewise I'm trying to picture myself foreign [Music] because I need it he opens up the door and there sits his next door neighbor because but whatever position is foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign okay no problem s okay dining room foreign we're all in the same boat yeah they never had an issue with the first few kids and now they're the fourth kid the fifth kid and they're having an issue they have zero idea goes to T next the only place they're gonna get this type of real open honest vulnerable conversations happening nowhere else aside from the alternate siphon the rabunum everything is there open there's no there's no nobody's reading from a script nobody reads from the script if I mention something to the bridge foreign you with your experience is this a legit is this [Music] it's fine the kids grow from it making that statement alone even though that might be a true statement but it's not validating your concerned if I would say this to you yeah this is and everything else foreign [Music] from dysfunctional homes a skin that was in a gun over the data are coming from dysfunctional homes took the I looked at my wife I have a pretty functional home I am the leading therapist in Lakewood nobody asked me for my extensive research I'm seeing the people in Lakewood so where does this person has the hits that kids going over there are coming from dysfunctional homes so I wrote back to them he said we put this function into our home when we have such a chat it's not a dysfunctional home it's pretty functional but that's not a decision okay and usually it was really hyped to the Sun a blue helmet ICS and blue foreign finished some days if you throw your child out you're gonna look if you want to be honest with yourself without your gather you're going to realize that the six-year-old the eight year old raids are going down the Kent is not doing well therapists have reported that the therapy they have to do on the other kids because this child is not in the house is much worse than keeping this child at home it's a lie the fact Alice effect on a Kindle Mama anything else is blaming divorce was so the fact of the matter is yes it changed deep because that often he also changed now you have to wake up now how are these kids going to grow from the experience and it's very important to address this is [Music] I can't Steve so it's Kansas songs [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign why am I in so much pain so he's having a hard time with it but then I should write as an atheist s email um [Music] foreign [Music] they have a fifth sense foreign they relate to their pain and they know their own pain they can't understand it they don't know what they're going through and I don't want to tell kids ever that your sister or your brother is sick no they're going through something and we as parents love them so much that we're willing to work with them through their pain this for kids getting countless times you cannot get vaccine from them the kid but they can't feel that alarm is willing to go a hundred percent for me at any time they're vaccine for them tricks against the question regarding the under the kingdom is addressing it that is raising a loving family the bookshops um children that go off of their all the kids in the family they each have their own Journey if you look at them you'll realize that they also have something that happened to them why they're also going over there so it's not connected one by the other usually it's not connected cases in the early stages I haven't found the child that goes over there because their mother was nice to them or their father were nice to them yeah because you can allow them to do whatever they want they're going to go over there foreign [Music] foreign [Music] a kid that's going over there the more you see a kid in 7-Eleven or you will see them in in Zoom or you see the romance in in the gas station not with the tattoos with the piercings it's not coming from being strong it's from being sensitive they're the most sensitive kids the most sensitive kids did you ever have a father approach you and zoom who are you to tell me what to do with my head it's a very good question that's why I don't approach any parents anymore because you had a mine is [Music] foreign it was a very good situation but I realized from talking to him that like you said who are you who never said it to me is very very idle in that vegan but when I realized that it was very hard for me to move him from here to here when I was already dealing with parents I mean as a coach the management in so many years being trained as a coach I was able to help many many families since I started and a lot of them the kids are friends today because of it but I realized for me to come to you to try to help you when you're not ready it's like any therapy people send kids to therapy the town the therapists adults therapy going to therapy energy right to him so it's very good you're paying money for therapy for somebody that's not ready and it's just there to to unload therapists so that's what it is the the mentioned the other organizations like a weekend away Focus exactly so they mentioned is because there are new things how does this work so the truth of the matter is it's a very very good question I never thought of it but I'll tell you what happens people like to have community there is no Community outside of keshinavshi right now unfortunately there's nobody else doing with cash enough she does so when they come once if they can afford it a lot of them can't and unfortunately can't come back I would have the money I would be able to sponsor more people and I have ideas and have a meeting out I don't know what time it is what time is it now it's uh 8 30 meeting and Wednesday try to get funding for parents.org latest talks let's talk so basically um question what was the question again so there is no Community outside so they build a community and they keep on coming back the Shabbos are lying is a life-altering Shabbos foreign but I'm always bringing in new people um different topics I will give you in the idea Unity I'm looking at the idea being this the next Miner I will give forgiveness forgive yourself forgive others so do concepts that's it the whole concept is about being authentic authentic Jew this is can sound aggressively but the fact of the matter is this is what we need in life today is this why am I doing what I'm doing and being open with yourself to be able to get close to that show so that's really comes out in the pain this comes out at the end of the day so either ideas under the concepts foreign [Music] foreign [Music] stuff clicking okay from the dimensions are not okay but we have to think about it we'll talk about it I have a question in this story 2017. [Music] so you don't have any statistics the average parent the average parent adults again the answer system s [Music] group and it is powerfulness community this is a community this is our community but if somebody has a community and they feel this part of it that and then this has a mile to it this is on this side 3D question it was doing very well hopefully this rule as a surprise foreign it's out you can have it you can have that recording the other things that I can experience and his parents help them stay alive and he's today friend we went to monsie so and then again clean completely clean if you have drugs so just to give you the understanding that kids do come back each child is different depends when they go off so if you have kids going over the older ages um it's much harder because they're intellectually older the things that work for young kids don't work usually for all the kids so it takes much longer plus it's a breakdown type of ideas breakdown because you never know who's listening and they get offended I think my strips but basically it's the same idea if you have something festering since you're six years old or somebody did something to you and they don't even remember about it and now they're 25 years old they're going after that because they think that kidishka is not working for them anymore like all of a sudden like hello before I work now it's not working for you so they go over there it could take 10 years it could take 12 years or 15 years till they come back completely you've seen much better turnouts [Music] number two and is it because foreign that God like how do you have to turn around like a hat says getting completely off his hand positions for things again with a meeting is foreign foreign basically from business camera the school would have been better off without you went off from and I don't think they would ever have that kind of outcome ever they're both productive they both have jobs they're both working they're productive in society yeah it took a little bit of time and a lot of patience but that's that's what we see when we do the right thing we do the work foreign but I was nervous when you deal with a child you don't know what the next move is going to be am I going to get a phone call are you going to get a phone call three o'clock in the morning the kid is not here anymore Hashem I didn't have to deal with that but yes parents are dealing with kids on drugs it's becoming more and more especially today the drugs are laced unfortunately and they overdose from from that yeah see my achievements and take and like I said before I don't think too much but I have an idea I try to do it and I said you know we're doing your training I say it's my achiever she might also has to leave at 5 30 people because it's five is nine o'clock back that's his Rule and he's coming from Cleveland I want to do a Narcan training at 5 30. for drugs and I was giving kids the robot organizations they can bring 25 kids with David can you come something to have three other jobs that Sunday I can't come I'll send somebody how many kids can you ring me as many as you want okay I have 150 people without 200 people coming on Sunday not everybody's going to stay his parents on a Sunday try to take fire and keep a vegan lab okay I'll bring as many kids as you want I only have 110 kids you think I have to go back to The Offspring was it's not make what you have 50 questions nothing foreign so yes appearance it's a very very hard in appearance but it's even harder if they don't have a mileage if they're lost they're not coming to Shabbos like this and they have nobody to talk to it's much harder much harder foreign the therapist foreign [Music] you as a as a parent of of a child like that right what would you tell that kid first of all as a child that doesn't have children okay they don't understand the intrinsic leaps of the tattoo is so yes they're in pain they might act out and they might act inappropriately [Music] so no matter what you have to know that your parents love you because I tried at one point I had a group called Bridging the Gap which was before I made trouble tones and I tried getting the kids to understand the parents and to have to a way of building that type of relationship with the kids back to the parents i-40s unfortunately 35 40 45 so he came into the meeting um foreign but as a child you should always know that your parents love you they're there for you they might have a hard time they might have had somebody that gave them bad advice to tell you that if you don't come at 11 o'clock at night we're gonna lock the door but usually just know one thing your father or your mother did not sleep that night so it wasn't coming as a manal or as a principle or as a or as a judge saying you know what you violated our rules in the house and we're throwing you out it came from pain for you not because of you so they aren't paying for you the whole time and they really want to see you back at home if there's no smart parents they love you and they care about you but to what they should do the kids just also understand every person has a journey and it helped personally as definitely says [Music] with him but unfortunately foreign the fact of the matter is as it's lessons [Music] in in the current massive is even if you're in the worst situation foreign [Music] foreign and it should have as I mentioned was kennish mccabelsan I mentioned the amount of design Israel on the inside so basically talking to the children themselves I don't care if you're in a bar I don't care what you're doing we you are Hashem loves you where you are you have to know that intrinsically and that should give you causes to come back and the comeback minor has just came with devices I come back and where you can be and what you can be Hashem communities that you can feel comfortable and calm and enjoy and live your life and you don't have to use drinking or drugs to know your life you can really learn your life with some good music and some good community and have a good time so no and know that it's a journey Vice adibis in a journey of inside um know that it's part of your journey that I wish to write this don't be hard on yourself know that this is part of your journey this is of the foreign the statistical division is my phone is the question you asked was for email Services really depressed because basically unfortunately very very dire situations [Music] foreign so it's hard to answer for the ultimate for the candy or for the ultimate Christ was Arabic I was all you know something being honest is more important than trying to have an answer and sending my Victim them episodes with a message interview if there was 60 Seconds that a person would give you and you would say a message for clothes you have 60 Seconds look into this camera and talk to them not to me so unfortunately 60 seconds will never do justice to answer the question you just asked us foreign [Music] foreign the middle Kent foreign [Music] if you do the work you will see results if you do this this is Kinder stays strong you have your journey Hashem gave you that massage and how much is my biggest enemy but if you do it you'll get out ahead it takes a lot of patience but you will see nachos you could build a normal healthy family after you go through this the strongest people other people that went through this Dr Lander said go be close to you these students they will be your philanthropists and I want you to be one of our future donors Takashi that talk slash latest talks have a good day