Lag Bomer 2022 Farbrengen - Therapy vs. Immersion in higher Torah thought Chasidus - Rebbe's Day

um good morning good afternoon it's uh not famous i'm gonna bring a little bit about luck and monday imagine we'll finish the mimer because the earliest maisha told us that to get the new maimuram will be i think tuesday is the earliest so we haven't we'll have monday to finish it i just hope make sure that that we could that that will be the case uh but if it isn't you let me know okay yeah no no okay no problem so i want to share a memory and and and also something that ever spoke about unlocked by emeritus already printed but it's good to verbalize it i just wasn't sure and i was speaking to a lit [ __ ] a talmud you know a strong literary literature talmud who comes every day dressed in you know with a tie it's not every day when you wear see someone wearing a tie why do some people wear everyday tie because of covet you know you're standing before hashem and the presence right happens to be he told me once that his ancestors were khabad khasid and masha will tell us that another time the uh the fame of the cup is volume two if you really want to know the ins and outs of the cuppista lubavitch um conflict during the uh uh late the 1800s into the early 1900s but like that ever said it's all past but he comes from there he told me so i asked him you know where shul and there's an entire spread for the shimon lox and bagels and and and wine this is this is borough park in its uh glory and everyone feels good about bringing food and wine and contributing and then cream cheese don't ask and it's organized and it's clean it's a real uh it's a real uh you know production anyway so i asked him i i knew that he had learned by a jew named rabbi labe malin rabelais malin was a survivor who made it through shanghai with the mirror yeshiva and it was a great talmud cohen and he came to new york and he opened the yeshiva called basa talmud now the philosophy of basa talmud was and maybe still is that there to the right of lakewood they're like to the right of ponovich like you can't get more literatures than they are and base atom with very strong learning i mean really strong learning and that they felt that the um the american culture crept in even to a place like like lake we're not talking about now 56 50 60 years ago not 20 years ago when he started it and therefore he opened with together with another russian shiva too yoshi here in benzenhurst 15 minute 10 minutes from here mom is 10 minutes from here the border the bordering neighborhood to borough park called basa talmud my uh my recollection of basa talmud in my when i was growing up was that anyone that drives in a station wagon you remember the good old-fashioned station wagons they used to have yeah we all remember that well station you don't see station wagons here hardly ever probably never too slow either or not but here you gotta pay to see a station wagon who drives still a station wagon people who who learned from base of talmud who are our age you know 50 60 70 they grew up with the station weapons because barak hashem they had large families and for some reason you know the i mean the station wagon accommodated their families at that time uh not you know in the 60s 50s and 60s um the facility world was just beginning to have large families anyway so that was always to me a sign ah he learns the base of town but he concentrates on talmud this is an introduction it's a fabregas i'm telling you a story so uh i say to him how did rabbi labe marlin celebrate la boleymer you know you have to know how to get under the skin of holy [ __ ] and guess what you have to know how you have to know how to get out of the skin but with khabar i think it's much easier but anyway we're going to leave that for another time so so this question was uh was a jab in other words i know how they celebrate black volume or they don't but he turns to me with his tie and a straight face and his beautiful beard and he says to me what's safe what do you mean we sat and learned that's let's beat and right away it was quick to say and today's the our site of the rama he says most people don't know today the the teacher and the rabbi of israel gave us why don't we celebrate that right away he was you know drabbing him back to me why are you hasid making a big deal about rush b why aren't you making a big deal about the number and this is all it you know just and laughter and then not anger you know then we and then i sit down and say look i am of course he just looked and he spoke so why am i telling you the story first of all it's good to know good to know to you be informed in general until recently and even today the celebration of what believer was really made by the sfardim and the khasidam the whitfisher world did not celebrate it in any special way you know like i said to him after he told me that it made bradley learned learned with rashmi when he learned a piece of kamara allah guess what he answered me he said if there was a monsoon to me answered but he didn't go out his way they say look hey has a very different way of looking at the same yiddish guy in the same toilet and and and it it's it's completely different you know you're not going to hear this much because you know everyone's today pc politically correct but that that's the truth that's the amis not that there's a difference has michelle but the application or let's use the word that we throw that we use in hasidis the soul then that hustle applies to a yomtif into a mitzvah is completely different another example yesterday i went i took my family my daughter returned there and said i took her to jfk and before that we went to the oil i mean we have a rush beer right here you know we get right here there but the big sadiq is right here in queens ten minutes from from jfk so we went there for for phila for a few and it was it wasn't your emperor people there i'm about to get a coffee and my daughter sees me one of my daughters says you know your friend is in in the little room when you go into the oil and i i said oh since you want you want to see him i said sure i forgot about the coffee now i forgot i avoided the coffee which is better and i went up into the room and i saw him standing next to the big video screen looking at that they have a video playing of of of the rabbit if i bring it or giving out dollars and talking to people i go into him and he's he's he doesn't see me i see him and i grab his beard like this his beard goes down to his belly button like he okay long beard i grab his beard and i give him a big hug they're all lay women in the room there were no men and my daughters and my three daughters are turning red oh no and i talked to him like no one else is in the room not i'm not i'm not i'm not proud maybe i disturb them but maybe i but i just my emotions and my love for him this summer i learned with tanya for 10 years and i saw him become a husset of the altareba with his long beard and davening and learning from belonging to from when i met him he he belonged to a reformed temple what's the point the point is there is the way a hosted goes about basics in life and we see this now though let's go to the shiman we see this with shimon bay hi and the rebbe said this once i share with you of what the rebbe said was 13 years right in a cave right in amara you know you could imagine being locked up for 13 years somewhere it ain't fun my father may be well just told me a story briefly yesterday with an aunt of his who was hit hidden by a ukrainian guy during the holocaust somewhere near her house or on her property she made a um a bar she made a grave she dug a grave she put my father's aunt in there and she said i will bring you every two days food and i will also remove the waste your waste you'll give it to me in a bucket and hopefully you'll survive and it came to a point where my my father's there said i can't anymore if this is what life is i want to die i can't two years so the guy the the the crane non-jewish person the woman said to her i love you i i ask one thing if two weeks two weeks from now there's no change in the situation the war isn't over i will go to the police and tell him that i have a jew hiding by me and they will take you and kill you as you want she wanted to die give me two weeks and my and the aunt agreed those two weeks was deliberation and she survived why am i saying this because being locked up or for us we went through this difficult period of covet we were locked up every one of different ways and we and and we know the difficult results that have come from it and unfortunately still linger so being locked up isn't fun if ximena was locked up 13 years yes he says if she buy koi he's teaching the learning scientists i'll tell you the secrets of data it's all nice but he's locked up and he can't go out okay let's call a spade a spade what would you think after he he got he gets the sura taver the good news you're you're a free bird would we do we would party in different ways whether it's going to a bar whether it's going to a base madrid whether it's going to see your friends whatever you know uh whether it's even going to the base you know to to learning more but you know to be a free society what does shimon do the mother says as soon as left sherman came out for the mighty he asked the question maisha he asked is there anything and anyone that needs to have tikkun correction of course we all need tikkun wanted to know if there's someone he or something he can do now as soon as the exit as he exited the myra that knee has a problem and he needs to get and have shipment can help and the gemara says they told them shimon we don't know we're certain um where there are certain gravesites so kohanim cannot walk there because it's a question of tuma of spiritual con contamination and defilement which was forbidden for a kind sort of shiman with his with his was identified here and there and it showed these pieces of earth is where there are where there are people buried this is what the mother says if she did as soon as it went out says that what does this teach us this teaches us that the idea of helping another year and bringing tick into the world is the comfort zone the real comfort zone of a heat the comforts of shimmer wasn't to learn another page gemara or to to go wash himself in a hot bath the first thing he says is how can i help someone who needs tickling in other words and that explains volvo another another important lakuta because we see that if shimon's highest his geshemak his pleasure wasn't helping a situation that needs help that's how he survived the 13 years in the mighty how could a man survive 13 years being in a cave the answer is because to him those 13 years were designated and he set his clock kind of to learn secrets of the title and he gave those 13 years for that so therefore nothing else spoke to him during those 13 years so he was in his pleasure mode he was in his most exciting being what is that to learn to say this but as soon as the abrasive says you're a free bird if shemin connects to hashem he says now what does hashem want of me not to continue learning inside the satyr right now but to bring taken to the world and i believe it's a very very important lesson in other words like this i know it's in my life and i i assume it's your life too we have different periods there's a period when we're learning there's a pyramid happen it's a period when we're raising our children there's appearing one where we're we're we're trying to get an advanced degree or write a book and and and a period of uh you know convalescing there are different periods the the kunst the yiddish word of the cons trick is to understand that at this period that you're in now this is what hashem wants you have to be totally there and not say oh i could have been elsewhere then when you finish with the menachem whether your employer tells you you're not employed anymore or whether whatever if you graduated school whenever that whenever that first avoider is finished from on high don't don't say uh what what a tragedy to take take it as as an opportunity and a realization hashem wants something new from you now and of course you're probably wondering well how do i know the answer is you got to pay attention you have to pay attention and not think about yourself and let and and let it and really let it go through you go with the flow you really go with the flow if you don't go with the flow and you and you action yourself you're stubborn you can make big mistakes and that's why we have the famous story with an objective balahagala the previous celebrity he records it in his in his talks the famous story rabbi yosef was a balagog it was a hustler of the altar but before he was a bala gullah mashup he comes to discuss his his life and his avoids hashem with the alta river abram that ebba says to him you now should be a balaga taxi driver a car service driver a monitor a root he doesn't say a word he doesn't say altered are you out of your mind like what what what are you telling me i'm i'm a spear you want me to become a driver now dr rabbit told him he said thank you rebel for the advice he went back and years and years aft even after the altar ever passed away he came and once he came to the middle area the sun the second rabbit and mithril said now you finished your way to go back to being a spear and he did this is a an important lesson and of course when a yid is fortunate to have at sadiq kind of advise them and and and and give them that opening and they're listening and they're paying attention that's a that's a that's your lucky day what i'm saying is that even without one second unison even without that even without that if you if you if you if you're sensitive and you listen to the what's happening and you realize there's a message here for every one of us foreign for 13 years was immersed in the secrets of tita when he comes out he's avoided according to the gemara naxidis the gemara says his first thing is helping another jew bring taken to the world yes you're innocent uh [Music] and i suppose he goes back into the cave for a year and when he came back the second time then he started picking these up yes yes unison is right in that technicality i just i skipped that technicality because i was going to say 12 he was 12 years and then he came out in 13 but uh i didn't want to emphasize a lot william or the second point the first point but you are correct so thank you for the correction but then it could that could there is mostly about wasn't the time when he came out the first time and he burnt up the world through his gevorah but rather the second time that he came and he did it with the hasset in helping the world so that's one one one one important lesson i i think that we need to you know focus on a day like this the second idea is that even in chabad when i was growing up in the seventies in in in brooklyn and boro buck in crown heights black william was a was a quiet day you didn't have any bonfires here at night nowhere as far as i remember maybe i didn't know i was a young boy but the next day today right now today we went on field trips and uh when there was a when it came out on a sunday there was a major parade in front of 770 and because it was sunday public schools were off so therefore they brought a lot of the children that attended what was called one what is called wednesday hour release time that rabbi of you to have jj organized where bakarim would go on wednesdays to teach yadisha kinder who were in public schools one hour of tita outside of the public schools called release time and when it came like blamer the count the the counselors invited all of the students and they came to participate and the river would come out i'm sure you've seen these videos and if not it's worth looking at they're very beautiful they put out a red carpet and a high bema and it was very majestic and they sang anima that negan as the rebel walked down out of 770 door up the the the carpeted the platform to his podium and it was there's just uh a feeling of of like the the the calling guddell you know what we say your young kipper meeting the clan goggle who came out of the kachikochi that that that paragraph is such a elated uh you know how his face was shining you take a look at the words over there it's really wonderful to the description of the clan god well i tell you that that's the way it looked to me even as a boy as the rabbit came down that podium and they were singing animate and then he spoke in 1980 i was there in 1980 in the middle of the lot bomber in the middle of his talk after he finished one talking about translated the yiddish he starts speaking russian and he's it's on the loudspeakers the entire eastern parkway for one block is quite rough and you know it's a major thoroughfare and he's talking russian and we don't know who only you know some of the russians see them knew russian but i can hear him say i remember like now constitution constitution novels constitution and so i asked people there who knew russia and i said what is the rebels saying rep is saying that it's not against the constitution on the contrary to teach religion and then therefore yiddish guy should be allowed that was his message in connection with amer but i recall it was like so it was so angelic so heavenly you know here we are an american crowd and okay some know yiddish most know english but you know we can get by and all of a sudden he goes into russian and it was the first time that we've ever heard him speak or that he ever spoke in such a public form outside on the street in russia it was also very very um awesome very awesome that was 1980 and finally um i recall that during the day today the rebel would go to the oh hell to visit his father and lord the frieda karabakh and he would make a detour he would come to what's called the kingston uh uh a park uh like a stadium from a high school they play sports and chabad rented it we rented it and we had their major major rally with thousands of children and and they gave out sandwiches and drinks and there was clowns it was it was wonderful as if i have these warm feelings from my youth like when i was eight years old seven years old nine years old 10 years old every you know going to only this was only when when la buena came out on a sunday and those years that's all that's that's the only time they made parades because the rebel would come out for the public schools children i think that was really the idea the idea was to bring the public school children to a jewish event everyone else fine but you know and during the week there's no part we can't leave public school they have school so if they didn't have the parade today they already make parades even during the week but i recall that they ever took a detour from going down eastern parkway towards the ohio you know he went uh you know he went to kingston avenue all the way down and the car came in and uh mckinski drove him and he said he wasn't any and he looked and he spoke to maybe an organizer or two and i recall that i was also a very uh um you know special moment to have that experience and and what and what is the experience so what is the experience what's the experience of allah the experience of it is says when the eden were missing rain by you guys nerds israel they came to a great stadium cleaning the circle drawer it's a combination i said help us we have no rain so finally okay he governed and what happened and he didn't have and the rain came and it was too much too strong they dive into the games and clean it you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna kill us it's too strong so the drop the rain came and hit up in the second time it came in little drops they came back to him they said honey this amount of rain is not going to do anything for us so either it's too much or too little so they came a third time to clean the armadillo and finally diamond the third time and it came properly one story let's go to this says that during the time of shame and again there was a drought one time they came to shem and they said shim and die help us you know what if he said he named he quoted that verse and he explained the piece of zayar on that verse in other words he taught tighter he taught the inner deeper meaning of sitting together and being united says the rain came right away the right right amount so here is here's the question that the qasidas asks you know this asks my shirt why the difference why did it take claiming amaga three attempts avraham to get god to send the right amount of rain for the jews to help them whereas if shimon it took him on the first shot he got it right and to say that if shipment was greater than khaini that's we don't know these things and this is a question that's asked the qasidas the hasidic and the answer given in the my murmuring is that the reason why i took claiming three times is because he used prayer he used dhabani tefillah to get hashem's blessing whereas if she men use torah what's the difference feel is generated by the heart it's avoid the shepherd live well we woke up a certain way today our day is going a et certain way cetera in other words tv is is open to let's use a contemporary word moodiness good mood bad but sound good up down right left angry nice everything that moodiness one time two times three times three strikes you're out he got it right finally okay but because he used feeler prayer he died and the commander says he prayed prayer is an adjustment and that's why if you wonder sometimes why one day at my prayers like avaldik and another day prayers aren't because that's that is together that is the condition of davening darwining is your heart the opening is you the opening is generated by you and depending on where you are of course we're saying words that the khazal established but at the end of the day it's you that inserts the feelings in davening etc that's the gether of davenink uh israel you understand you're not dominating otherwise you're just reading words i understand but i also think that there are times this you have the same experience and learning that some days you're learning you're you're clicking in other days it's a struggle you have a motion to kindness wait you have a milk in the godless yes yes every day yeah yeah yeah yeah but you didn't let me finish you jumped i was i didn't i didn't say the that's fine let me finish explaining then but if she meant that shimmer said no he didn't say that [ __ ] they came to him and he says i'm not dabbing for rain let's learn a piece of tyra the taina itself what does the gemara say gemara they've retired in a macabre tumor that's a gemara what does that gumara mean sir that means if i'm tummy i ain't gonna um um contaminate the torah the terror is beyond contamination i can become contaminated but not the torah so if she men taught a piece of china so what he did was he went into the world of tata so i'm agreeing with you this is just to reconcile what you said before that the way we understand toyota that's up to our mind that's true but i'm not talking i'm talking about torah versus trilla on their own not the way i understand toyota the get that's why i emphasized i guess you didn't pick it up the gather of tv is avoider it is moodiness the gather of thrilla in other words hashem planted in twila the moodiness it's not that it's not like you're doing something if i'm in a bad mood like the oven try to work it out because that's what srila is it is the domain and plane for you to work out your moodiness so to begin with the trilla is generated by the heart it's created by the person is not created by the person hashem the words of the the everlasting hashem and therefore you can't go wrong now faster it's understood that shinra was a shipment he said the right piece of toyota right so the traitor clicked with what he said but but it begins with his approach to the problem of not reign is titan let me let me now let me just finally finish how do we see this practically right moses or practically there are two approaches one approach is deal with a problem confront the problem get into the problem and try to work it out and it's very important nevertheless there's another approach is don't deal with the problem throw yourself on god put yourself into the higher mindset immerse yourself in there and you'll see that what was a problem ultimately dissipates the story i've told you with someone who i learned and he asked me questions on chapter one and tanya dalton ever quotes the gomorrah about graham what they do is for for for ego and all of that how could that be and william come for shoulders creepers not just right to him it's not fair and all of that and i explained it to the best of my ability based on what i heard from my my bureau my atmosphere and all that but i saw that it didn't resonate so i said let's leave it for now he said fine i never got back to it but years later i asked him does the question still bother you he says no why not i didn't explain it to you i didn't explain it differently you didn't read up on it why not because he went into a different mode where these things are small change okay in other words i i need to if i want to understand it i need to learn more about it think more about it the there is something to be said and again it's it this has to be really looked taken carefully there's something to be said to be an environment where everyone is doing something a certain way and you get into that environment and and you become that way the the the the challenge the challenge is that if it doesn't become who you are and the issues that plagued you before bothered you are still there they're gonna come out to haunt you so a person when i'm talking about going with the flow and going and going into the other environment and atmosphere i mean ultimately to become that way and issues that were troublesome and bothersome dissipate they melt they're not they're not relevant anymore so let's let's try to give a psychological example anger parents you're upset at your parents you grew up a certain way you have you have issues with your parents either both parents one parent know that right and lots of people do this is not you know it's part of life so one way is to uh yeah yeah back forth up down i want to call you i don't want to call you i want to see you i don't want to see you you're and you can mummish you could mama get sick and stress the other way is just do what's right let time pass and yeah maybe there's certain things you can't talk about you know the surfside towers fell and i think i told you this um one of the children spoke about one of parents who died and he said he said i i'm standing here i have unresolved business my father died and i'm i never reconciled with him now to me the fact that he said it at that time with hundreds of people in the room after such a tragedy that itself i think he will i want you know i don't know what his opinion is but i very therapeutic to be able to get up and admit and vocalize and verbalize the pain that you're in is is is tremendous now do we dwell on that if we dwell on that we can become very cynical and bitter and angry or do we continue by finding things that we have in common and and going into a plane which is you know doesn't deal with those issues and and and you'll see that relationships will improve i i also told you i went to a uh a little suda for oh two sisters two sisters israelis living in florida it was the end of the 11 months for the father scottish and the sister spoke one of them and she said i wouldn't be standing here next to my sister if not for my father for for his death my father's death brought us together because we were in a fight for years we didn't speak to each other we didn't look at each other etc it took his death to bring us together now that's an example of kind of like it's it's it's it's weighing on you it's a heavy load a person has to find and what we take i think from this rep shiman is to go into a different world of tater and when you go into a world of tata it's a whole different world and this might be an answer maisha to our discussion yesterday what to tell the kids and the grandkids one second but we'll say well you had a cheeseburger when you were 17 why can't i the answer is you could and guess what you want it taste it i'm telling you it's not gonna make you happy but rather than arguing go into a world of let's take a walk together let's go bowling together let's go swimming together let's go on a trip together go into a domain and live your life in a way that you elevate the situation and you don't get bogged down with the details and this is important for us with our families with our teenagers and grand and children teenagers and all that we need to raise the bar in other words what if my daughter say in the car when they you know spoke about me hugging my friend at the oil last night my daughter who's you know the psychological one so she said that's the difference between you to me and my wife says my wife would be calculated you know that's her style says i i grab him i grab his beard and i hug him i don't care who's looking what's going on she took it in a very healthy way i didn't say anything to her i have no idea that she's looking who's look is that looking i i just did what i felt at the time in other words when you when you're emma's and when you go for when you go for what you believe in and you and you don't get bogged down what is he gonna say what is she gonna say what's going to be the comment how am i going to look you know it's it's a certain approach it's a shimmers approach that's what i'm saying so both are necessary both are used at different times you know i don't know which one is better you know in other words do we have do we have better results going to therapy and dealing with the problems and on and on and on and on versus immersing yourself in something higher and greater yes maisha i'm sorry just just to clarify i got a little bit confused and i'm sorry for the basic questions yes yes approach was the approach of connected to toro or tofila kara and and so and what was thrilla he said torah on the verse any other question you had moisha well that was it thank you so anyway maybe you have something to say any of you on this this idea these ideas as it applies to the real world we're living in anyone hello sure i saw a beautiful kara in the safer moor of hashemesh uh economist coleman uh shapiro who uh the talmud of the nomely mello and was an ancestor of the of rabbi shapira he says uh something that um that uh i've been thinking about a lot and your your your words kind of echoed today he says uh if you look at the sort of the structure of the chiconamidos that we go through during spherus omer he says the real work of the medos is from khased through hode that those are those are meadows because you soda and malcols are kind of gathering together and all of the qualities and he said so really the the the uh hours of this day are sort of the final final hours of our tikkonomidos and and it seems meaningful that the essential uh tikkun takes place in the realm of ode because hoda is this uh extraordinary word in the torah first time that the torah introduces it is by the leia at the birth of yehuda when she says hashem right yeah this word of kind of one might say ecstatic gratitude to hashem and and then later it's used by yehuda himself by tamar when he was mow dead that she would he'd outcome me many she was more righteous than i it has these sort of dual qualities of taking in and of self-reckoning uh seems to me as a part of of getting to the place where we can be really grateful and really appreciative of what what life is and it seems to me that that in a certain sense is a kind of reconciliation of the kind of tension that exists at the heart of our life in tasidas which is you know do we concentrate on the godless hashem or on our own nature you asked a question before about uh about uh what's better therapy or or uh or just dedicating our life to hashem both of them when uh can gover can go can uh can be used in a sense hide from the other it seems to me that uh sometimes we'll hide behind a uh a mask of piety and of of of holiness as a way of not acknowledging that the ticonomitos that we really need to do and sometimes we we just use our issues to kind of uh really not ask the question what does god want from me now you you when you're talking before about the davening and and and torah uh i just wanted to share a kind of claw that came to me in recent years that helped me in governing a lot it used to bother me a lot how crazy my thoughts would be in davoni uh you know just like uh i was gonna uh i thought once i was gonna write a column called between the brothers all the things i could think about between the breakfast but but then i i came to to a kind of a different approach where i accepted that whatever fell into my mind whatever falls into my mind that's what hashem is giving me to to work on it's like a message from a shamayim that this is this was something i need to pay attention into and sometimes that's enough to let it go and to turn my heart back to diving to hashem and sometimes it's not like i'll you know i'll acknowledge that that's where i am and then seconds later i'm back doing over the same thing but uh but i but i've come to see that that's really an important part of my davening life because after it i often those things are not following me around in the same way that they they were before so i want to bless us all that we would have the kind of ticonomitos that we can uh really enter into the realm of the deepest kind of gratitude that includes being true to ourselves and true to hashem and finally today the the shipment the rebels cited that if shimon says that gomorrah says [Applause] in a situation when it were against the wall and uh we don't have to wait for that situation so we're already in that situation 1900 years ago hashem should help us we should only have sempress begoli in the revealed way in our families and the ultimate simka the coming of a shiak now amen and have a great day it's everyone bye