Lessons We Learn From Rochel and Leah - Rabbi Avraham Willig

yaakov avinu was searching for a wife so he goes to love him and the torah describes that loving his two daughters very beautiful leia lesso says that says the torah yakov loved and wants to marry her and that's how the torah presents question people are asking me is it so vain is is that the story of yaakov yaakov chooses to marry a woman and loves her because she's pretty what was wrong with what was wrong with leia well i'd like to suggest that there's more that means that meets the eye let's roll it back just a little bit look at the story the subtle story before the story he had never met leia before but he had met the torah describes yaakov having a terrible terribly difficult experience where his brother wants to kill him yahoo needs to flee for his life he has he's robbed he has no money he's all alone he has no family he needs he's sad and he needs he needs love he needs he needs a smile he needs a kind word and he arrives at this well and the people who clearly are used you know are the people who are present right the people who are citizens they don't even greet him they don't even recognize him they don't even talk to him it's jacob the outsider the visitor who starts the conversation and says hey guys how are you where are you from and and if you read the matters carefully they say listen we don't have any time to talk to you but we want to talk to someone here oh yeah go talk to that girl the raquel over there so hell approaches and jakob does her a favor her she's thirsty her sheep need water he helps her out and presumably she speaks then a conversation ensues who are you and she talks to him and yaakov unburdens himself finally there's someone to someone to speak to him not only that jacob begins to he begins to cry and he kisses her and he's crying that's a that's a strange thing to experience with a total stranger but she had been kind to him and that is why you have let down this guard you see i work with i work with couples often find myself saying the following sentence love is found in the vulnerable space between people love is found in the vulnerable space between people you know i see people men especially who are like too macho to share their feelings to be needy to show weakness that they need their spouse's love it's a mistake and it's a love blocker it does not allow does not allow the couple to to develop emotional intimacy and closeness the story here i believe is showing this that there's a reason very much a reason why jakob loved her because she had she had been vulnerable to him he had helped her and he had been vulnerable to her when he had when he needed a kind word when he needed to listen in the air she had been there just to hear him and and hear hear hear about his difficulties so much so that he kisses her and cries and cries we learn from here that the secret to yaakov avinu's decision to marry razel and his apparent love for her had to do with the with the expression of vulnerability because after all uh love is found in the vulnerable space between people so if you have people in your life maybe a spouse maybe parents or children maybe friends and you like to love them more two things first of all don't be so macho don't be so much allow yourself to be vulnerable lives have to share your fears and worries and difficulties and make it safe for your spouse and the other person in the relationship to be able to be vulnerable to you and that will breed love between the two [Music]