Ki Seitze - Getting Real Grace and Charm

You're listening to the weekly para podcast with Ari Goldwag recorded with never running assistance in Ramish Israel 5785 2025. This week's paras and in our para we have the mitzvah of sending away the mother bird when it will when you will come upon when you stumble upon you're walking along the path and you find a bird's nest and you want to take the eggs or you want to take the the chicks. So the Torah commands us to take the mother bird and send away the mother bird. And this part of the reason as our sages tell us the I'm pretty sure the talks about it is to ingrain in in ourselves the mida of ramanus. We don't want the mother to see the her babies being taken away. Send her away so she doesn't see it. She doesn't have to see that. Don't take away two generations at the same time. Similar to what we see by the medish teaches us something about this. Let's focus in not so much on the particular mitzvah itself but in the way that the terra describes it that you stumble upon. You come upon a bird's nest. You have an opportunity for a mitzvah. The the chance to do a mitzvah is something that you stumble upon and it's something that happens all the time. Let's see the the magish brings a p at the beginning of mish the says I'm going to read first says listen my son to the chastisement of your father to the instructions of your father don't turn away from or don't throw off of yourself the Torah of your mother okay so there's the tyra There's the mus there's the direction the itself is a powerful means for us to connect but to live our lives here in this world the Torah is an instruction manual for this world and this is the verse to focus in on the Torah these concepts of guidance and what a relationship with Hashem what a relationship with the world looks like these are things that accompany a person liv they they are accompanied by the Torah accompanies the person but they accompany a person with the word is an interesting word it means grace I heard from my he said that the word comes from the word which means for free when someone has or also is is grace is a pardon is called, right? When you give a person a free pardon, they've done something wrong, but you let them get away with it. Or a person is imperfect or a person has has a certain about them. They might not be the most good-looking person per se, but there's a certain about them. They have a certain there's something about them. Maybe it's the personality. Maybe there maybe it might be, you know, the it could be anything, but there's a a person feels drawn to the person. They they want to they want to give to that person what they what they request. They want to feel connected to that person. So the the the concept here is that the and the when a person listens to the instructions of the Tyra. So the result is that a person has a person has that that element that that uh what's the right word? I can't come up with it right now. that you you meet somebody and and there's something about them that's that's special that when a person submits himself surreners himself to the Tyra surreners himself to the instructions of the so that person has he has a a grace and it's to your head the head is the place of intellect as is explained before And the is also a chain around your neck, a beautiful chain, a silver or gold chain, whatever it is. And it's something that it hangs there and everyone can see this person is a Tyra person. This person is a refined person. This person is not so focused on himself and his needs and his grabby wants. He's concerned about others. He's concerned about what he can contribute to life. Zashu says the majish in speaking about the concept of when you you're going to trip over the opportunity to do a mitzvah the opportunity to send away the mother bird. So the PK refers to this when it says in Mish that the Tyra is an accompanying grace for you for your head. So there's two shut one is more connected to to the concept of kipur we'll see shortly but first gives us that when when it says which means to your head it can also mean when you become old and and weak the word means the head the word rash without an olif which were Dash here means when you're poor when you're on in years or you don't have the same strength the Tyra becomes a grace for you when you get older. Okay. So what does that mean? When a person is a bent a person who has you know given himself over to the his entire life he's been trying to do the will of Hashem. He's been trying to understand what Hashem wants from him. He's been trying to to become a more lofty individual. So when he gets at when he gets older, everybody surrounds him, everybody asks him questions. Even though he's weak, even though he's feeble, he might be in a nursing home, but people come to him to ask him questions because he has so much experience in Tyra in seeking out the will of Hashem and trying to understand what this world is about. So terra provides for a person a a a hope for his future for his old age. He becomes somebody who still has what to contribute and what to offer to the world even though he doesn't per se have the means. He might be poor. Obviously in the times of the maj they didn't have uh they didn't have pension plans. Another explanation which comes back to what we're talking about we were talking about with the Another explanation. What is an accompaniment of grace? Wherever you go, the mitzvah accompany you. Wherever you go, the mitzvah accompany you. Right? What is the grace? What is the grace? I would say it this way. How do you know Hashem is in your life? How do you know that that God is is there? He's with you. He's with you. So there's a certain there's a certain grace that comes. What does the grace look like? Says the medish. Wherever you go, you'll have chances to do mitzvah. What is a mitzvah? It means a commandment. But what is it really? It's a it's a chance to connect. If I do the commandments of Hashem, that means that I recognize I have a God. I recognize that my God has commanded me and told me and guided me in certain actions that I'm to take. And each time I take that action, it's an opportunity. Of course, we have to be thoughtful about this. It's an opportunity for me to connect to Hashem. I make kish on Friday night. Connect three times a day. Connect. Learning this Tyra. We're studying together the it's an opportunity to connect. Says all of the events that we have in life, everywhere we go, we build a new house. There's an obligation to place a fence on the roof of our house so that nobody falls off and gets hurt. But it's a chance to listen to Hashem. says you make a door into your house. You have doorposts. Put a muza there. When you walk into the house, doesn't say this in the maj. You walk into the house, kiss the muza. Remind yourself this is what it's all about. My whole house is a is the purpose of it is for it to be a location where I serve Hashem, where I connect to like it says in the muza, I'm aware of him. I'm doing his mus. from loving him. You have an opportunity to do a mitzvah. You put on new clothes. You're you're you're out in the store and you're going to buy new clothes. Make sure you don't have wool and linen in the same garment. It's another opportunity to connect, to be thoughtful, to be misb. You go to get a haircut. Regular stuff that we all do. Go to get a haircut. The mitzvah accompanies you. There's the mitzvah is this is such a beautiful mish. Every mitzvah that I do is is a is hashem in my life. Is Hashem interested in having a relationship with me? You're taking a haircut. Make sure you don't cut off your sideburns. You leave out those the pace. You leave it a little bit longer. Make sure you have a field. You have a backyard and you want to Well, it's more of a field, not a backyard in this case. and you want to doish, you want to do the the plowing of the field, the mitzvah is accompanying you. You got to use a beast of burden, but don't use an ox and a and a mule together. It's a obligation to separate things to keep to keep each min each type of animal separate. It's very interesting the examples that it gives if you're going to plant. So, make sure that you keep the different types of plantlings separate. You don't want to mix up the mean. It's very interesting that the examples that it's giving are all things that have to do with not mixing things up. Making sure that we have clear boundaries. It's a there's a certain that wherever we go, we understand the boundaries. Even the one that even the the placing of a fence on top of a person's roof is to understand the boundaries. This is the edge. Watch out. Don't go over the edge. Trusting. Putting a putting a muza on your door is also it's the entrance way of your house. It's the edge. The outside world is here. The inside world is here. I have to have when I walk into my house, I have to be Miss Biden before I walk in. These are the most precious people to me. I can't treat them any less with any less respect than I treat those outside of my house. says, right? And when you're coming the next the next stage in, you know, after you do the plowing and then you do the the seeding. So the next stage is that you harvest. What happens by the harvesting? There's mitzvah there as well. There's there's if you leave a a bundle behind, you need to leave it for the poor. Hashem says you could be you could be you know not just regular important actions that a person you know in a obviously an agricultural society does but even you know you could just be walking along on the street and a mitzvah just boom comes to greet you. the the you trip over so to speak an opportunity for a mitzvah. You find the bird's nest and you want to take the take the baby birds, send away the mother bird. So the mitzvah are each of these mitzvah is an opportunity for us to have a relationship with to to think about to contemplate to realize she is in our lives. Hashem wants a connection with us. Hashem wants us to be thinking consciously I'm trying to manifest Hashem in the world. another explanation and this thing I'd like to focus in on as well which is completely different concept but still important. So the first concept is first concept is the mitus are something that accompanies you wherever you go. It's something that gives you grace. It's something that connects you to right because Hashem is the ultimate giver of grace is the ultimate he gives grace he's gracious and another concept is as follows says a mitzvah causes or drags along another mitzvah an a sin drags along When when a person does one sin, it it brings a person to another sin. He says the talks about the fact beginning of our para the beginning of it speaks about the fact that if a person is at war so in those times they used to have beautiful women who they would bring to the war scene which would distract the men of the other side the men of the of the other waring team I don't want to say the word team the other army and and then they would be able to to kill the guy. So, but what happened if the person won and they found this beautiful woman? So, the Torah tells us that we're allowed to take this woman home and go through a process in order to be able to marry her. Now, interestingly, the T doesn't really want us to marry her. That's the indication. How do we know that? Because the says, "Shave off her hair. Let her become really disgusting looking in your eyes. Let her cry for the fact that she's she misses her mother and father. And then if you don't like her, if you if she's not, interestingly, the buzz has the same word. She doesn't find favor in your eyes. She's not refined. She hasn't lived a life of Tyra. She hasn't lived a life of of greatness of seeking Hashem's will. She's an uncoose I don't I don't know if the right word is barbarian but she's an uncoose lowly person wants us to know that she might be beautiful on the outside but does she have if she doesn't find grace to you she doesn't have like we saw the is the so then let her go let her go now what happens if you don't let her go that means that you bring the lack of into your home, you bring the lack of refinement into your home. What's the result of that? Even though I said that you have an option to bring her home and you can, you know, if you decide after that, you know, even though she has become disgusting looking, etc., You still want to marry her? You're going to wait it out till her hair grows back, until she stops crying over her mother and father. Imm says I want I wanted you to get rid of her. I didn't I didn't want her to have any by you. I didn't want you to feel any connection to her that would forgive her of her uncoutheness, if there's such a word. Now, what if you don't do that? If you don't send her away, you keep her, you marry her. What does the say afterwards? The the next para speaks about a parent who has well, first, it's funny. It's interesting. It kind of skips it. First, it speaks about the the the two wives, two, two different firstborns, the the older one. I'm pretty sure that's first, but it doesn't matter. It gets to the concept of banser that a person has a child who turns away from the ty he turns away from what's right and what's good and he's off on his own and he's doing terrible things and he has to be killed. Why? The Torah connects these concepts, puts them next to each other because wants us to know that if a person follows his desires, does what's wrong, doesn't he finds grace in the wrong place, grace is to be found by the Tyra, by those who keep the Tyra, by those who are refined by the Tyra, but he finds grace elsewhere. So he's going to end up with a child who also finds grace elsewhere and doesn't follow in the ways of that which are good. He becomes completely uncou. He's interested in in in meat in wine. He's measy trying to rob people of their money. The end is that there's going to be you're going to have fights in the house. You're going to have wives that you like, wives that you don't like. You're going to end up with this kind of son. I'm reading here now from the Is going to end up having to die. So, so what's the result? What where did it come from? And we said at the beginning mitzvah is mitzvah a ver when a person follows starts to get a little uncravels more and more. When a person even if it's a mut thing person can do a mutter thing and unravel through the mut thing he loses the he loses the grace which is a gift of hashem uh Rabbi Habber was discussing to him about the idea of just yesterday and he said what is like I said it comes from the word it comes from the word free when a person gets a free gift but there's also a sense when a person you meet someone who has the is there you see something about the person that's magical charisma that's the word I was looking for earlier there's a charisma about the person now there can be a negative charisma too of course that's that's what we're talking about here the the two different types of but the the real is where there's a you see the person you see God's presence in that person see is on his face. You see the light coming out of him. He He's a giver. He's He's looking to to to be in love with people, to to give out to people, to encourage people. There's a there's Olivia. So the point is you have a person sees the wrong kind of he ends up losing the he ends up in a place of mis a place of death which is complete disconnect from a complete disconnect from the source of life is called the one who gives life to the worlds person ends up dead that's because he's disconnected from he had the wrong this is the concept of one sin brings about another sin in and it starts off with a little mistake and ends with a big mistake. Right? Of course, we're here I I've said it many times. We're here to make mistakes. We're on this earth. We're imperfect. But the point is to make less mistakes. The point is to make more refined mistakes, to learn from our mistakes. This person, they're making a mistake and and then it becomes it's just a gateway to bigger mistakes. They don't get they don't take stock it's mitzvah but the opposite is true says the medish when you do one mitzvah when you fulfill one commandment when you let the of the into your life when you let that grace of into your life through the mitzvah you do one and it brings you to another In the you have a number of paras next to each other in our para number of concepts one after another. The first is you trip over the bird's nest. You do that mitzvah. What happens next? You're going to build a new home. You're going to do one mitzvah. Now you're going to have another mitzvah. You're going to expand. Your life is going to expand. You're going to have another opportunity to do another mitzvah. You're going to have a field. Don't plant that field in the wrong way with with two types, right? Having clarity. That's what we saw before. Having clarity between the different types, the different types of seeds, giving each thing its own thing, having good boundaries. That's what a mitzvah is. It's a boundary. This is where I gotta be careful. I don't do whatever I want. I got to have a boundary. You do one mitzvah. You get another mitzvah. You build a new house. You get another mitzvah. You plant your seeds in your field. You get another opportunity for a mitzvah. It's expansive. It's expanding. More and more chances to serve Hashem. And that comes into your life. That grace comes into your life more and more. The more you choose the and I can't see poor I'm saying think about it what's the difference if I send I'm the mother bird runs away on its own really what do I need to do that for it doesn't matter you don't have to understand it so much this is the rat hashem this is what hashem wants do that you're going to have another chance to do rat hashem your life is going to expand more and more things are going to come more opportunities for mitzvah and then you're going to have a field don't plow with the same with with two different types of animals together. You're going to have a garment and you're going to want to put on the four corners of your garments, you're going to want to put situs. You're going to have clothes. You're going to have all of your needs are going to be met. Why? You know, we think that in order to get our needs met, I got to grab I got to do whatever it takes. I got to get a degree. I have to go to college. I'm not saying not to. I'm just saying we think that that's what produces our income. We think that that's Hey, I'll tell you a secret. It's not that way. It's the secret ingredient. Grace. Why does one doctor make a lot of money and another doctor is not so good? Why does one therapist make a lot of money, another therapist not so good? Why does one singer have a lot of success, another singer has less? Why does what is the ingredient? What is the magical ingredient that makes a person successful? And the answer is when we say you understand that we're talking about the false the false of the beautiful woman that Hashem says turn away from that false. That's not what we're talking about when we talk about we're talking about here as we said is the you see Hashem is in that person's life that's the ingredient that's the that's the success comes because of the how do you get that mitzvah the tells us the secret and the secret is do a mitzvah do one mitzvah Give up your own self. Give up your own ego. I want to keep the the crops for myself. Oh, I forgot a bundle. So what? I'm going to pick it up and get it. No, leave that for somebody else. You come to take the eggs. Who cares about the mother? No. Think about, okay, it's a it's just a bird, but develop inside of yourself a sensitivity to others. I would say I mean it's in concept don't put an ox and a and a mule together an ox is a stronger animal a mule is not as strong there it's not fair it's not right to take two let's say two people in concept it's not exactly I'm saying this is an idea I'm just thinking as I'm as I'm speaking take two people who have different types of abilities and and don't put them in in the same classroom so that one ends up jealous of the other one. I remember she was speaking about a guy who when they were young P spoke about this guy when they were young he was a brilliant person he could memorize like so much and they were learning more beun more in depth slowly this guy could have memorized all of shas in a short time but he didn't he was busy learning be it wasn't the right thing for him don't place two different types in the same in the same place know who you are there's a in you being you wants to manifest in the world through you in with your talents. That's be yourself. Find your own special talents, your own special abilities. Do a mitzvah. Let Hashem into your life. Other opportunities will come. There'll be another chance for you. And it's not easy to limit my own ego. It's it's hard to give it up. There'll be another chance. You get married, you'll have a wife. It's going to be hard to give in to whatever she wants. Sometimes you want your own thing. And then you're going to have kids and it's going to get deeper and deeper and you'll have family and you'll marry them off and they'll be in-laws and everything. The more you do, the more you get opportunities to do more. Look for that. Look for the the divine presence. I want to bless you. to ask you to bless me. Hashem should help us that we should find this recognize Hashem is in our life. So many opportunities for mitzvah. Use those opportunities. Hashem should help us to to see the grace to to draw his into our lives through the mitzvah get more and more opportunities to have that and all of our lives we should be accompanied by the Hashem's divine presence. Thank you so much for listening. Have a wonderful Shabamus. This podcast was made possible through the gracious donations of listeners like you. For more podcasts like this, please visit www.argoldwag.com or search on iTunes Ari Goldwag. [Music]