Rav Yitzchok Lobenstein - When You Have NKN Can We Count on Them?

Good morning everybody. We're getting to the end of our program. And uh it's been very inspirational so far. We're going to try and and take this one step further. We mentioned on one of the previous times that I spoke Omri Inshi, people were used to saying people used to saying "O I have Brusa or I miss Usa. Either I have a companion a Brusa, a partner or I miss Usa. If I don't, then it's as good as dead." And the that's what people used to say about 2,000 years ago. Omri Inshi The last time we spoke I we took it to the place of love which is what the Gamorah and Rashi does in Baba Basra daf tesayin is one place in Shas. There's another place in Shas where the same quote is brought and the Gamorah takes it to a completely different place and since it's equally important in our journey, um I'm going we're going to try and focus on that a little bit. There's the famous story with Choni HaMe'agel. Sure you all heard of him. He fell asleep. He fell asleep for 70 years. However that works, whatever that means, we're going to just we're going to try and keep it simple. He woke up. He obviously remembered who he was. And what does a Tana, what does a Choni HaMe'agel do when you wake up after 70 years? I mean, I don't know if he felt guilty for all the time that he like overslept, probably not. But he went to the shul. He went to go and sit and learn. So it says that he came into shul and he said, "Hi everyone." "Hi, who are you? You look like one of the old-timers." Says, "Yeah, I am and my My is Choni HaMe'agel." And they said, "Yeah, pull the other one." What do you mean Honiya Magel? He's been out of We haven't heard of him for 70 years. What do you mean you're Honiya Magel? There was a a discussion in the shul and people said, "It's amazing. It It sounds like the good old times and Honiya Magel is here. We haven't got him. We have got him." It was a whole discussion. Tachlis, he could not convince them that he was Honiya Magel. The Gemara adds on a few words. They ovdile yakra k'dei kabolei. They didn't give him the respect that he needed. And we're talking here about tanoim. This is not about a power struggle, you know, I came in, you didn't stand up quick enough and you know, this was a tana and they did they couldn't give him the kavod that he needed. Now, I'm making a a disclaimer which is very important that many people get confused about. It says, we all know the mishna, hakina hatayva v'ha kavod motzi'in es ha'adam min ha'olam. Kavod is terrible. It takes you out of the world. Which world it takes you out of is a different discussion, but it certainly messes you up. That's only There's that's a type of kavod which is the bad kavod, which we're not discussing now. There's a type of kavod which the Vilna Gaon used to say that in the absence of all kavod, we will drop dead. We all need some level of kavod, whether it's self-respect, whether it's to be respected by others, whatever it might be. In the absence of kavod, there's no life. So, here we have Honiya Magel and without really understanding what what the kavod was that he was missing, we don't need to understand it more. The Gemara doesn't tell us more. But they ovdile yakra k'dei kabolei, cholash da'atei. He became weak. I don't want to use the word depressed on a tana. It would be the wrong term to use, but became cholish daite, okay? Boyre rachmei, he davened to Hashem and missed, and he died. He obviously davened to Hashem and said, "This is not a life." So, Hashem says, "You're a tonner, and if this is not a life, I respect that." And took him away. And then the Gemara says, "That's what people used to say, oi chavrusah, oi misusah." If you don't have somebody who can respect you, you don't have a life. Now, in contrast to the topic called ahava, love, that we spoke about last week, where the concept of love is that ein oved l'ya'avor, it's not dependent on anything. If I only love you because you are conforming, because of something you did or might do, then it's not that's not real love. Might be appreciation, might be hope. It could be lots of other things, but it's not real love. Real love is the essence of the person. We discussed it last week. In contrast to that, is koved. Koved only ever applies if there's something about you which is more than me. There's no halacha of koved, of respect, on two equals. What about a husband and wife? Okay, are they equal? I mean, yeah. Mhm. No. If they're equal, then he's not a husband and she's not a wife. You know, that's what feminism tried to do. It tried to turn the women into men and the men into women, and to lose-lose situation. They each have to respect each other, otherwise Correct. they live for love, so Right. But, it's not that one is better than the other. They definitely are. It's not about It's not good and bad, but there's something more about the other person. There's something the other person has that you don't. And if it's about being a Jew, you're not Your husband is not more or less of a Jew than you. So, when it comes to the real love, he's not more or less of a person than you. So, if it comes to love and you say, "Well, I love you only if." Then that's not love. That's an investment. That's something which is like, is it worth it? Is it not worth it? Am I going to gain? With investments, you can go bankrupt. And normally, you'll go bankrupt if it's in a marriage. All right, it's very important. Love is not an investment. So, the where the halachas of kavod on an absolute on an absolute level, where's kavod? There's a halacha you have to give kavod respect to a king because he's above everybody. There's kavod to a rebbe, to a rav, there's kavod to a parent. There's kavod to the Torah. And that's it in halacha. There's always you have somebody superior. So, at the point where he where I end and he starts, that's what causes kavod. I don't want to get sidetracked to why it works that way. That that those are the facts. Now, we we all know it's brought down in meseches chibbut hakever, which is something which some people know about. It's a very scary sefer. The Reishis Chochmah brings it down and the Vilna Gaon brings it down that when we come to Shamayim, they're going to ask us, "Himlachto es chavercha?" Did you turn your friend into a king? The Gemara says in Bava Metzia, it's now very much the time it's the time of the Sefirah. So, in there where the talmidim of Rebbi Akiva lo nahagu kavod zeh bazeh. So, we should all be asking ourselves that if I'm right, we don't need to be nahagin kavod zeh bazeh because I'm a I'm a talmid, he's a talmid. Why kavod? Like, why should I give you the kavod? For what? Are you a king? Are you a rabbi? Are you my father? What makes you more deserving of kavod than You know, it's like if a rebbe stands up for a talmid, that's very bad. If a talmud walks into the room and the rebe stands up, that's not good. There's something wrong there, and everybody would know that. I just imagine you walked into office and the president stood up for you. There'll be something very wrong with that. So, what's the So, Rashi speaks about it. Rashi says that there was a a time where on the absolute opposite of what the talmud of Rebbe Akiva was, where they used to tear keria. Somebody passes away, and the halakha is one has to tear keria. And there the the minic was that when one of the talmudim would pass away, the other talmudim would tear keria. Now, keria only ever applies if the person that passed away is either a rebe or a father. It doesn't apply to a neighbor, to a friend. Right? You don't There's no halakhas of of keria when a friend passes away. But the Gemara says in Bava Metzia, keria in zeh lazeh, when one of them would pass away, all the others would tear keria. What does Rashi say? Rashi says there because everybody realized and appreciated there was one point in his friend that in that point he was brilliant. He was the one and only one above beyond me, and in that point he's my rebe. We mentioned the Gemara in Eruvin, daf nun gimmel, where Rebbe Yochanan he would get to know each and every talmud. We just mentioned that's why it's so important if you have children and you have talmudim, it's not good about It's not enough to do it right. You have to learn who you're dealing with. And the Gemara brings examples there. And he says that he made sure to know what was unique about each and every talmud. That means there's something about this talmud that he's my rebe in this point, something I can learn from him. And if I appreciate that he's my rebe in this aspect, then as far as that point goes, he is my rubber and I need to give him covert. The rubber even says okay, we'll leave that. So if somebody says give covert just because of who the other person is then that might make sense in spoken slang or whatever, but it's not the essence. You don't give covert just because of who you are. You give covert when I appreciate there's something about you which is beyond me. The higher order writes and the higher order used to say this over in the name of his father that kibud over aim how are you making kibud over aim only if you know there's something about your father and or mother that is that is a in this point a God lover. So I'm sure that it's in a few places in the safer in the news to bring it out. So if you don't know Let's say the principal of your school you want to give them respect because they do have something that you don't have. Power. But you also still have the power necessarily. No, maybe they're very smart or they're very good organizational skills. But you do clearly see also because you work with them for so long you see inconsistencies or you see that they're manipulative. And you see this right here is also could you still just give covert just for the thing that they are better than you? Yes, if it's real. If you find a point if if that point is real and that point is deserving of respect. He might be a real good bad guy. He might really be doing it well better than everybody else. Right, but you have to know that the point you're respecting is a positive thing. It has to be deserving of respect. look away at the you clearly see this right here is on this person. Absolutely. Then you You respect that point. But it's got to make sense. Do we have to respect our kids? Somebody might one of the speakers mentioned it over Shabbos. How can I like respect them? Like what Tell me what about exactly? And I've just aggravated that question. It's like he's not keeping anything. He's not even respecting me and that's a mitzvah to respect me and you know, of course he has to respect me just because it's a mitzvah, right? And he's not even doing that. He's eating on Yom Kippur. He's eating chametz on Pesach. He's doing all the other aveiros. Can I I can love him. He's my son, daughter. He's that human being and you know, he's a Jew. But to respect, what exactly is it about him that I can respect? The Torah always says that we can respect them to remember that they were once a baby and they were free of sin once. We can respect that. He speaks about koved or he speaks there about acceptance and love. No, it speaks about respecting its root. I would encourage you to get this I would encourage you to get this kuntres sometime later and have a look. Have take You're right. The Tanya will understand the Tanya very much better a little bit it will look shortly. You're I know the Tanya exists. It's not it's not a steer to what we're talking about. So, is there a mokem to give koved to somebody who's like strictly speaking a rasha. I know we know that our kids are not reshaim. We know that they're they're onus. Tachlis at the end of the day, at the end of the day is there anything about him to respect? Like let's be honest. What? He's a ben adam elyon. Ben adam elyon when he understands That's That's reason to love him. Your passion about respect. Respect? Talmid chacham. Is he more He's more of a talmid chacham than you? No, same. thing. Same, then there's no COVID. COVID is not for equals. What if he's What if he's exemplary in certain with a certain thing that he does? Right, okay. So, if this kid If this kid is doing lots of things right, and he's just struggling in some things, then there's something about the way he's doing things which might be exemplary. Okay? But, how many of us have kids where we can't exactly say, "Yeah, this mitzvah, he's like a godol hador in this pratt." How many of us think we have a godol hador in one pratt and and here for this Shabbos? Um not godol hador, but but if something beyond me, then once I did the kid wakes up every morning and faces life with all his and her challenges Right, okay. Right, okay. Yeah, we'll we'll get there. We'll get there. Mhm. It's basically what she's saying is that it's the faults of our avos for giving us so much pain that we will never know that pain. Mhm. So, they maybe working on a tiny It's a different yardstick like we're working on. Here, let let let let Let's move on. Let's move on. You're all right. You're all right, but uh As it's not sure we're getting a bit nervous that like we're going to end this off with like, "Okay, so love them, but like don't respect them." excited that I might know the answer. That's all. You do know You do know the answer, but it's much more profound than that. You do know the answers. And as it's not sure they know the answers. And the mitzvah we'll all know the answers soon. Well, we do have really sayers, so Mhm. Yeah, we do. We do. He thinks he's like a godol Um The first point that we have to come to, the first point we have to come to, are we appreciating that the value of what a person is doing is not only the cut and dry act. Is he keeping Shabbos? Is he not keeping Shabbos? Is it's the backdrop of the challenge which is a tremendous part of what make what gives value to what he's doing. To what he's doing. I mentioned this over the weekend sometime, I don't remember exactly where, but the Arizal, Reb Chaim Vital, famous talmud of the Arizal, asked the Arizal, why did you pick me? Right? He was the youngest talmud. By far the youngest. He had Gedolei Hadore that were sitting there, the Besasam was there, and there were huge people there. And the Arizal more he he almost rejected them. He didn't even let them in, and it was only because of Reb Chaim and his sensitive his sensitivities that he actually let the others in. And had the Arizal had it his way, there would have been one talmud, it would have been just Reb Chaim. And Reb Chaim asked him, why? So the Arizal answered him and said to him, I'll read you out the last two sentences, two lines. Dalacha, you should know, Ki ein Gedulas Hanefesh teluya kefi maaseh haadam. How big you are is not dependent on the dry act. Rak kefi hazman v'hador hahu. Depends on what generation you're in. Ki maaseh katan meod b'dor hazeh, this is 400 years ago, shakul b'chama mitzvos gedolos sheb'doros acherim. Ki b'doros elu haklipa geveres meod meod l'ein ketz. Mash Mash ein ken b'doros harishonim. Which means that when a simple person in the time of the result would would just like keep shabbos. And you got somebody 400 years before that take the Rambam who was the Rambam the whole Torah everything. Right? Who got more that somebody living in a simple Jew in Safed was keeping shabbos or that the Rambam wrote on the whole Torah? So we would say no the Rambam he was much bigger. That's not so clear because the amount of challenge that this person had in a simple Jew had in to keep shabbos to eat kosher etc. May have been so much bigger that his shabbos that had the Rambam would be here today he would stand up for us. We have no idea that the Rambam would actually have been able to overcome the challenges of the of of an iPhone. Right? We know what we overcome. Do we have any indication that the Rambam would have overcome that? I'll tell you a little secret. In the year 2448 from Island we were all in the meantime. Now the meantime wasn't such a sympathetic place. It says that nobody ever escaped meantime. So people think that meantime they had these security in the borders and you just couldn't get out of meantime. That's clearly not the case. The doors were actually open. They were open. Anyone who wanted to walk in or out of meantime could have walked in or out. It wasn't the slave mentality. It was way beyond the slave mentality. It was It's where being captive and being captivated became blended. They were so captivated by the culture of meantime with all the loneliness of the culture that when you got there you just said I'd rather be a slave here in this place in this mitzrayim than be a melech in another country." That is called mem test sha'arei tumah. We're going to get to America. America is very different and much worse. Right? Right? So, it says and the chazal say that was the 49th sha'ar of tumah. 49th sha'ar of tumah. Now, we all know in our haggadah who took us out of mitzrayim on that great day when we reached the abyss. Right? The Orach Chaim says that we stayed in another 5 minutes, that would have been it. Which means that 5 minutes before we left, we were actually at the worst. Just about at machas b'cheiras, that's when we got up to the worst point. Right? Now, who came to take us out then? Hashem ani v'lo malach, ani v'lo shaliach. Hashem had to come. Now, Hashem Hashem has tremendous amount of malachim. Right? He could have easily sent a few down and said, "You just go make seder." Could have given them a list of the addresses where the Jews are, where the are. You take care of machas b'cheiras. Hashem went on his own. Why? Why was that so necessary? So, the Zohar asks the kasha, and the Zohar says very interesting teretz. He says, "Had the malach come into mitzrayim, they would have gone off the derech." And the Arizal in two three places expounds on that. He says, "We could not get a malach to come into mitzrayim. That That the culture of mitzrayim would have overtake taken them and enveloped them. They would have just become I don't know what they would have become. Bad malachim. Bad malachim. However you want to name them. So, Hashem had to come on his own. You know, Hashem is okay. You know, nothing's going to get into Hashem. So, Hashem took us out of mitzrayim. That's the sha'ar mem test. Says the Orach Chaim Hakadosh, I don't know how he knew this. Maybe he saw what America would be, but it's not only America. He says, "Don't worry." He says, "Before mashiach comes, we're going to get into the 50th sha'ar. It's going to be much worse than mitzrayim. Much, much worse. And the truth is that there's no way we can get out of this. I mean, what had somebody of somebody sitting with me and he says, "I'm not addicted. I just really don't want to stop, but I could stop if I want to. I just don't want to stop." Well, that is addiction. Now, how many of us like you were in complete control? We just don't want to stop. Right? The the the addictions, that being captivated by garbage, by emptiness is worse today than it was in mid-time. So, if like a malach would come down today, they would have very little chance of surviving. And if you put the malach into the internet generation, into the iPhone generation, no chance. No chance. So, what does Hashem want from us? There were ten noid, there were ameroim, rabba and ulla, three great ameroim. Rabba could have been a tanna, probably was a tanna. And they said in the gomorrah in Sanhedrin, you know, we do believe mashiach will is going to come one day, but please Hashem, make sure we're not in that generation. So, do we realize where we are today? We're in a place where malachim would definitely have gone off the derech. None of us better than or stronger than malachim. Right? And this is where we are. The ameroim didn't want to be here, and we are here. The story of Chaim says that the way we're going to survive is because we have Torah. Okay, we're not going into into that part of it now. We have to understand what generation this is. We should actually having a shabbaton for all those who are on the derech. Because it's like so twisted. It makes much more sense to be off the derech than to be on the derech today. That's the truth. And I'm not I'm not going into the trauma, into the pain, which is true. And but that Whatever you know about pain and trauma is all right. I'm not going down that I'm I'm not focusing on that now. I've been I've been dealing with kids and parents of kids for almost 20 years. I've yet to find a kid that's not doing something right. I had a parent who came to me on Shabbos and says my kid is an atheist and he's that the parents is is was getting frustrated to the fact that like the kid hardly feels like pain and you know, he's like, "I'm okay. I'm just an atheist and you know, you've all bought into this story and I'm just not buying it and that's it." Like he keeps nothing. Asked chametz, Pesach, yeah, Yom Kippur, yeah. So they said nothing like nothing you can't There's nothing good he's doing? Well, he just came to shul shofar. Right? You know, I was an atheist. You know, if that child came to shofar, what does that mean? What does that mean? So he's he's keeping anything else. He's keeping shofar. The reason I write is a very deep, dangerous, and complicated topic. When Messiah comes, the Rambam says the highest levels of creature myim are going to be in his gullah. The highest levels of creature myim. Now, where is there more creature myim with might shofar or his kids shofar? It's clear that he is one of those stars that only shines on the backdrop of night. Right? There's no way in the world that we that you can be that we can keep shofar from the abyss. Because we're not there. But what happens? Hashem needs every single one of the mitzvahs to be kept on an absolute way on the backdrop of absolute darkness. Which means that every mitzvah has to be kept somewhere, someplace, by somebody who's got who's doing nothing else. Now, it could have been like it's not going to be the rashaim who are going to do it. Those are not the ones who are going to bring out the great shamayim. There's going to be somebody in pain, somebody who's onus al pi hadibur. Right? There's somebody who you can only get to that place of darkness if Hashem actually put you there. And Hashem put you there and I have a job for you. And that job is the great shamayim. People who know the whole Torah, we had the Rambam, we had the Rashba, we had g'delei hador, we had talmidei chachamim. And I'm not chas v'shalom saying we don't need more of them. Right? The mainstream Yiddishkeit of keeping Taryag mitzvos, that's the great shamayim. But without those, Mashiach cannot come and will not come before there are some elements who have been in the abyss and are keeping Yiddishkeit from there. And those are our kids. And even feeling guilty. I once met I don't know what's with him today. I once met a bochur. He asked me if he can come and speak to me in some hotel here in Yerushalayim, not here in Yerushalayim, there in Yerushalayim. And he told me that he went with his friend, we'll just keep it like he went with his friend on Yom Kippur on a yacht and they ate a you know, a cheeseburger. Don't know don't exactly what that is, but I believe that you know what that is. And he was like showing me with like how far off the derech he is and maybe trying to convince me of like don't bother. You know, this is who I am and it can't really get worse. So, I asked him, "Did it taste good?" So, he says, "Well, the guilt got in the way." So, now how many of us have ever felt guilty of eating on Yom Kippur? Anyone No one No one in this audience has actually is feeling guilty about eating on Yom Kippur. So, none of us actually doing chuva by eating for eating on Yom Kippur. The Prima Gotham brings and it's actually brought in the going in. Going in the going in that in the Torah in the worst What's the worst situation? Tacha shalom to us and because you did not serve Hashem with simcha. The Prima Gotham says he heard from the Magid in Pozna. The Magid of Pozna he heard that the following word. He says the reason that you got such a punishment was Tacha shalom to us Hashem when you weren't serving Hashem with simcha and you and you were with simcha. But if when you're not serving Hashem there's that little bit of guilt you're not going to get the Torah for that. With the ego, the problem was not the avodah zara. The problem was they were dancing. They were having a great time. Are any of our kids having a great time doing averos? I always tell parents, you do not need to remind them that they're doing an avera. They are keeping a log. And when they come back, they will tell you how many times they did not keep shabbos. Every shabbos they don't keep is adding pain and they know how many. You do not need to remind them. One of the parents told me now over shabbos that their kid right you know really you know can't really keep shabbos but like he he he needs his phone. So, what does he do on nail shabbos? He takes a bottle of whiskey. He downs it. He's got no problem with chill shabbos whatsoever. After a bottle of whiskey, you're going to sleep. Before of dollar you're not waking up. Now, so the parent came to me, you know what a sad situation is. I told him your Shabbos is worth a thousand times more than my Shabbos. With my Shabbos, I'm okay with it. Would I actually become drunk and intoxicate myself just not to be mechalel Shabbos? So if any of us have a question of do we have something to give kavod to our kids? The answer is if you're asking that question, there's something about your kid you don't know. And you have to find that place in the kid. Now we've got one's got to be careful because this the the what we discussed last time, the love must not be dependent must must not be dependent on what he's doing. And many of the people who you heard over Shabbos would tell you, "Don't give him a compliment for doing something right." Now it's true. Make sure that your focus is not your lenses are not is he keeping Shabbos, is he not keeping Shabbos. And like when he finally keeps Shabbos by mistake, you know, just one week because he was too tired to be mechalel Shabbos and you make this major thing, "Oh, now this week you were great." That's bad. That's bad. That means on the it has to be on the backdrop of the avah of a million It's a weak word. My English is not that good, but compliments you've got to give recognition to who he is as a person, nothing to do with Yiddishkeit. But you've got to find that place, that one point where this point he's a godol hador. Right? Rebbe Nachman never became drunk a whole Shabbos for mitzvas kishmira Shabbos. Never. The Rambam never went before Shabbos to pay the bar, to pay the cinema, to pay whatever you call it, right? I don't want to pay on Shabbos. We had a kid who was hanging out Friday night and you can imagine what that means, but he came before Shabbos to pay because, you know, it's muktzah and carrying and you know, so you can Now, the Rambam never did that. He This child is a godol hador in this one point. And it could be that's what he's in this world for. And the chances are he's keeping Shabbos may'ah achuz, 100%. We, maybe not always. And now, sometimes it's really crazy. We had a father here who told me his kid came in on Now, I'll say that 2:00 in the morning they have god and no matzah and no nothing. And you know, he wanted to eat because you know, this whole seder thing, okay, you've done it all that Now, I'm hungry. He came home 2:00 in the morning. I don't remember if he told me he drove home or didn't drive home, but he came home at 2:00 in the morning and he wanted to eat. And then suddenly said, "Oops, we don't have gebroks." So, a bit of matzah fell into the soup. Go figure. But, are there any of us that are moser nefesh at 2:00 in the morning starving? And we're moser nefesh for a minig? Right? Not eating gebroks is a minig. And he was moser nefesh for this minig. Now, of course, we're going to get all blurred and say, "What do you mean? Like, what's the point? You know, as sooner you ate gebroks than you should have been here to eat the matzas." That's an immature way of looking at it. Because it's true, yeah, it would have been nice and next year he'll be there for the seder. But, were any of us moser nefesh to keep a minig? Reminds me, there's a story of the Chazon Ish Abramsky that there was a There was a boy that was about to get married to to a non-Jewish girl. And the parents came and said, you know, that's really like a red line. And by the way, the fact that most of our kids would not entertain doing that, that's also mesiras nefesh. That's also the We I never had that nisayon. But, they're overcoming that nisayon. So, this the father came to the Chazon Ish Abramsky and said to him, um, you know, what should we do? He says, "Call him over." Okay. Um, so he said, "Okay, what's the name of of of this girl you want to marry next week?" He says, "Mary." "Oh, okay." He says, "Called Mary." Of course, he says, "By the way, what's your mother's name?" He says, "Miriam." He says, "You know that in in the Hasid, it says that you know one should try and be mocked by the mother-in-law's name and the daughter-in-law's name is not the same." And he put the shidduch off. He put it off and he came back. Now, we all laugh at that. It's a true story with the pastor Bronsky. It might sound like a joke. But somehow Hasid knew there's something in this kid that he's going to be most for. So, he knew that it was going to be the Hasid. Okay. But he was most Do you know Do you know Do you know what it means to be in a place where you're ready to get married to somebody? I don't need to describe it to you, but he was in that place. And he was most he gave all that away for Hasid, for the Hasid. Does that not deserve covered? And by the way, being that we're all here doing the that we're doing, my daughter befriended a girl who was not doing well at all from somewhere in the north of Israel. And okay, so my daughter who she's trying to help out. So, she told the parents she called the parents of that girl and said I think you should come and maybe speak to my father. Okay. So, they came all the way from the north, came down, we spoke for a few hours, and they started twisting. A few weeks later, the father calls me up and says, "I want to tell you the following story." He says to me, "We don't know many of the details." But he says to me that this girl came home Shabbat morning 11:00 without her glasses and without her phone. Okay, what happened? He says, "I don't She went out with some friends, and obviously they just like invited her, they her something to drink. And it obviously intoxicated her. And all she knew is that she woke up the next morning in the gutter. She doesn't remember anything else. Her glasses were gone. Her phone was gone. They I think they'd taken it away from her afterwards. Okay. So, I said to And this was a girl that was like At that point, she was quite She was quite protected still. I said to her, I asked the parents, "Do you know if they like if they got too close to her? Like Could they be they hurt her?" Maybe a stupid question. But I asked the father anyway, "What's the difference?" Difference is just I need to know what I have to handle now. I need to know how to guide the parents if she's waking up the next morning and been through that possibly for the first time in her life, we need to know about it. So, he says to me, "I don't know." But he says to me that the one of the friends, one of the boys that that were in that group, came to the father the next day and said, "I just wanted you to know something. She was out. And we were going for the kill. We were going for the kill. She screamed at us." This girl doesn't remember anything. She screamed at us and said to us, "I promised my father I was going to protect myself. No one is coming anywhere near me." And they couldn't get anywhere near her. Is that not a God ladder? It's sad that that's the situation, but is that not a God ladder? There's this girl that called me up from Las Vegas. She says to me, "Rabbi, you have I've got a very serious question. I promised my mother that whatever I do, I'm going to light Shabbos candles. I'm going to light Shabbos candles every week. But I'm a mechalel Shabbos b'farhesia, which means I don't keep Shabbos. I I drive on Shabbos, I do I a mechalel Shabbos b'farhesia. So I said, "Okay, so what's the question?" She says, "Is it a bracha levatala? Should I light the candles without making a bracha because maybe this is not called Shabbos candles because I'm not keeping Shabbos." Now, go figure. I asked her I made sure I sent her the app. Make sure that you light before shkiah because you know, at the end of the day you're lighting Shabbos candles and it's just technically the time to light Shabbos candles is before Shabbos and on Shabbos, but you know, besides for that she says, "Yeah, no problem. I'm lighting before Shabbos." Do you realize what's going on? She's mechalel Shabbos. She wants number one, she's keeping her commitment to her mother and I'm sure she doesn't want to make a bracha levatala. She'll drive on Shabbos, but she'll be moser nefesh. You know, do I need to do a toras nedarim? That was bothering her. She called me up a few months later saying she's got stomach cramps. I said, "Okay, makes sense. Like, so what's your question?" So she says, "I know that the halacha is that you're not allowed to take any action to stop those pains and I have no intentions of doing it. Where do Where do I go from here?" "Where do I go from here?" Can you imagine that she didn't ask me a month earlier about trying like getting to this place? But that's what was on her mind. Where do we go from here? But I know there's nothing in the world I'm going to do to stop this. Well, Shabbos? On Shabbos? Pains on Shabbos? No. Nothing to do with Shabbos. But you can't stop the pains I'm just trying to I told her I'll give you a bracha that is just from the cholent and baruch Hashem it was. Baruch Hashem it was. But it was a miracle cuz there's no reason it should have been. The list goes on. I've already been given a two signs at the door that the time is up, but this year you all got a book. Thank you, Hashem. Thank you, Hashem with the different steps. What I would beg all of you and I'm going to say it tell it to the kashrus committee as well. Next year, every single parent should come up with a story where my child is the godol hador. And I guarantee you what that's going to do is going to bring mashiach more than everything that we're doing. I want a book with 600 testimonies somewhere is a godol hador. And as parents, we are muchuyav. You must find that point. If you find that and we haven't got time to to go further into how it works. But if you find the point that your son is a godol hador, from that point on, from that little bit of light, you don't need to even say anything. You can say something, we're going to discuss that in our next session. What we can and can't say to help them move and appreciate that spark and move on and and take it further. But if you find that spark and you say nothing, just be done with the kashrus, you breathe that point, focus on that point, he will feel it and you'll see tremendous change after that.