Rabbi Shloime Ehrlich

huh we had such an amazing shabbos in a way it was a very heavy shabbos but it made us lighter it's oxymoron maybe or it's a contradiction or it's both it's a heavy shabbos and a light travis there's so much emotion so much feeling so much information so much physical so many classes so many information and inspiration 30 seconds of inspiration i'm not really the uh maybe i started the 30 second of inspiration but i never trademarked it so anybody could do it someone asked me the shabbos if you could also use a the same format of saying 30 seconds of inspiration every day i told them i didn't trademark it other everybody should do it everybody should use their voice that's what it's made for that's what technology is made for now the case claudio is the most amazing nation we all know that whenever we come to a new place whenever we open a new town whenever there's nine hidden moving to wyoming within a few days there's gonna be a shul maybe two shoals there's gonna be a shield there's gonna be a haider toyota yeshiva right away after that there is a so we take care of the spiritual needs of the kahillah kashir is kosher food allah says it's a candid label to have what we need right after that what opens up we have atsula and to take care of the physical needs the physical body of how the ship someone gets hurt we have a tula come we have a whole there's no indian there's a tool over there we always constantly set up no whenever we were in ghoulis we were going from one country to the other we're kicked out and one god went to the other claudia will never fell in despair we always started anew started fresh we always had something new to do there's one thing that we didn't have all the years and the last few years claudio started focusing on another need besides taking care of the need of the spiritual and physical of the claudia's eden there's a whole new awareness is the need for emotional hatsula one of the things i i got slapped into the last six seven years is that i volunteer for project kai from high lifeline project high from high lifeline web is familiar i hope none of you are it's for crisis intervention if loyalists happens the accident or something like that and we need to inform the parents about children or the other way around we're the ones that are trained to talk to the family to let them know all these terrible things that should never happen what is it it's the emotional asula hatsola knows already emanci for sure where i live whenever there's a tragic accident or something they right away call her lifeline as well you don't just call someone to take care of the physical booboo you take care of people that were standing by were witnessing the trauma people on the kids on the side who recently had a seven-year-old boy that was witnessing something very tragic instead of him going home having nightmares and turning into a nightmare right away we were there we send them some volunteers we talked to the kid we helped him to help him process it shouldn't be so traumatic and this attachment is able to move on to life at least to make his life better we all know that we we have to operate and mature adult has to operate through the mind to do it whenever we make choices i remember i was once in the torah in irish line when i was a teenager i was in shiva there in ishiba islam and i used to go to aish very often i have a cousin there rabbi mati bergen my from my family so i felt close i used to go very every sunday sometimes fridays to sneak out of yeshiva i used to go there and listen to the i remember once rabbi matthew burke was talking to the whole class and he said whoever's an adult should raise the hand whoever the child should raise the hand he said nobody raised the hand when they said they were your child why he said we are all adults sometimes when we make smart decisions and sometimes we make foolish decisions and we're a child you could call it like this if i see this making the godless mother in the cottons there are moments when we are in clarity there are moments when the child in us is operating our our body sometimes the moisture is that's that's what so what's the difference between a mature person an immature a mature person is someone that's most of the time they're mature most of the time their decisions are based on cycle but we all know we how many times we make conscious decisions very logical decisions and we don't end up acting upon our own decision that we made let's say if someone decides to go on a diet it's a very conscious decision you know you need to go you need to take care of yourself and you decide you know what for the next six weeks the next two months this is what i'm gonna do i'm not gonna eat this we need that the whole gangsta diet i'm very stark the first few days so i'm going to give you guys the horrors here and then you keep yourself back and you you you stay your mama gabriel you work in the garden then suddenly your brother-in-law is making khasana you come to the khasana and you're a good mood everybody's dressed good that's making music and then comes out this big smorgasbord and it looks like you know today's day is designed the the party plan is enticing and you go and you you love that cake you grab it and esther's off and then the next day you wake up you're like what's up i just i just i just cheated on myself i cheated on my diet i ate sugar but look what happened and then again and then again what happens at that moment your emotions were operating your system not your cycle it is an avoider to live more more in the cycle but we need to be realistic that we are emotional beings as well and we need to tend to it we need to be aware i once heard from someone i forgot his name upset professor and he gave up some method i don't know why it didn't catch on as much as i would think that it should have he has a program it's called think feel things done tftd that's how he calls it think feel things done what is it he says like this says a mushroom let's say you come and your desk is a mess you come into your office there's so many things you want to take care of this advises that yeah tomorrow you take of this pile and that pile the other pile and every day you come to work and it says okay i'll take care of it later first you get you get to work and you never you're coming every day in shane should you make them tomorrow i'm going to clean up i'm going to make my office i'm going to be masada i'm going to buy new file folders i'm going to i'm going to have to throw that in the garbage and certain things away storage i'm going to be missing it and you try so many times it doesn't work so what he says his method is like this it says come into the room look at your desk and envision the desk close your eyes envision the desk being clean for a minute close your eyes and you see the desks clean you walk into the office visualize you walk again and i'm like hi the office is clean you open up your eyes and you see it's a mess said do it again two times close your eyes envision it done feel it get into the feeling how it feels when i walk into the house and the and it's spotless and it's clean and the office is missing it and your mom is enjoying it and then your friend comes in with you your eyes are closed still you walk in and you see ah you can bring in guests you can show people your office there's nothing to hide and you open up your eyes what do you see the messes do he says you don't need to do anything else within the next few days your hands are going to clean it up automatically why because your subconscious your feelings felt it done and it your your feelings cannot stand walking into that room anymore as a mess try it out it works i once had a boy after i i got into this method a friend of mine i don't deal with kids but a friend of mine son was very very overweight and the parents are very very worried for him you know he shouldn't get issues health issues or whatever they didn't want you know so they would they took a very different diet this way and that way and the other way so i told my friend let me try this method with him so i got this boy knows me very well he's sitting there with his father and i tell him okay envision who's which boy in your class do you want to look like in question year from now and he was envisioning i gave like a whole hula and he sees himself and a half a year from now he comes spicer his mother is buying him a brand new suit he fits into his mamash i can smack it in a suit how he looks like in it and how he runs up the steps he doesn't have to breathe heavy and allah's whole hula mama and i told him i wanted to feel it he was breathing and was feeling it mama's feeling it he opened up his eyes and i told him do you want to go and die do you want to get it done i did it with him twice a few months later he was very skinny it worked why is it because his feelings were masculine but we undertake something we need to understand that tucker we have to do psychedelic things but we need to remember our emotions have to be masculine if the doctor tells someone next time you eat someone loves sour pickles and he says next time you eat a sour pickle it's going to eat you up you're going to have such pain and who knows you're going to die from it the person even is by hassan in a good mood and everything is amazing he's never his hands are never going to take that sour pickle why because his emotions are so worried so scared that even when he's an emotional his emotions are driving his body his system it's not going to let him do it how many times do we see people that are it has to be balanced how many times do we see a person deciding that they're going to stay fatal go to the gym god gets to the gym if the reason is not strong enough then you're going to lose the the high shake but if you felt how it feels you envision yourself how it feels when it's done your system is going to help you do it it's just going to help you do it you're just going to get it done so basically our feelings are a very that's what makes us human that's what makes us very human is that we have an emotional system a feeling system this whole shower is this mother shabbos this uh doula everybody was in it's music feelings at the end of the day we have to face it that this is something that actually drives us many times more than our cycle so if they're in sync our emotions and cycle are in sync for something we're going to get it done if one of the two are not masking you're not going to do it you always have to make sure that everybody both of your systems are ready to do it the police or the police uh uh when they when they arrest a chicked uh a drunken guy alcoholic going white's walking down the street and he's drunk and they don't know what to do with him they're allowed to hit him they take out the stick and they hit him stand up get into the car why because the emotional system only their cycle sleeps when we drink alcohol it's like but the subconscious the emotional system still works and the emotional system is very scared of pain you give him a smash it hurts him he stands up he listens to you you could talk to him logically his logic is not here so if the emotional system is scared of something you are going to end up doing it now what happens where does the emotional system get built up how does it get built a little child is born hashem gave a murder for a little baby the children little babies are taking from us they sucking every piece of koi out of us a whole night we're up we're giving them we're giving them we're giving them what are we really giving them they can't talk to they don't know what's going on you're giving them emotional support you're holding them you're patting them you're kissing them you talk them you're singing to them as they get older their emotions are being filled up and being given a very healthy um it's filling up healthy they're physical also we're taking care of their food to make sure they have food all of that often then we're taking care of the emotional system the mental everything as we grow up we go through the school any school and he hides there's always going to be a few kids telling you things and who you know and and suddenly your emotional system gets hurt you get hurt once you get hurt twice and love the kids i'm not even talking about bullying hashem the world most of the world not enough became aware there's such a thing as bullying you have to be careful i uh work with bukharan sometimes and this book last week that came to me he told me that he's being bullied in yeshiva nothi there is a boy in yeshiva that that that that has has some issue i i guess he's in a wheelchair i'm not sure what he said but he has some and uh other kids are making kaiser of him they're championing him and this boy was telling me that mama hurts him i immediately called him manala told him this is bullying you have to make sure that nobody this kid could grow up to be i remember my class when i was a kid there was one kid in the class it was always he was funny it was i guess now we could look back and i could frame it and name it i know things make sense already but at that time i remember the whole class used to make crazy machine learning oh the michigan is due that's right there's all kinds of names and by now i know where he is now he's he's taka michigan he's he's out he's not he's not part of uh the normal culture and the culture's you know he's never so we all we're aware of bullying but let's say not even that extreme if a kid wasn't nurtured their emotional system the way it should be what happens is it eventually it hurts them and it affects them when a kid grows up and they were not violated they had more or less a regular school system more or less a regular home you know us parents are not always 100 of the time 100 perfect for only 80 of the time 80 perfect and that is perfect for perfectionists i always say perfect is 80. 100 is ocd it's too much yes 80 is perfect eighty percent of the time eighty eight it's eighty percent then you're perfect that's that's that's good so a regular child who grows up regular system regular schools regular friends all of us as i get so a person like that is emotionally quite quite stable i always say when someone comes to my office and they sit down or anybody if i see i see three people i see the physical person sitting in front of me i see the emotional person sitting in front of me and then i sit in the shower the spiritual person sitting in front of me and always check is it balanced there's a person that could be a 30 year old walking into my office sitting down as a 30 year old he could talk logically like a 30 year old but the minute he starts talking about emotions how he feels about his wife for his kids and the christians and his emotions start talking i said that his emotional system is seven years old sometimes his emotional system is 90. fine but you could see the emotional system and the physical system is not always balanced most of the time is not exactly balanced and then he sees the schuma is okay which which is not important for now but the different types of to understand what's important for this person and then his mental system but we could see on a person when you talk to a feminist see if they're emotionally in the in a mature place if the emotional system is the mature place in the physical system is a mature player 30 year old and they decide the person like that decides to to undertake something let's say to go to the gym twice to wake up for talks every day morning six six o'clock and down and sheet and to do everything the way the way it decides it goes one week another week and then it rains and then it goes later what happens as i said before if your emotional system is masking it's going to help you do it if not not the best of us i need to talk from basham to basham was 300 years ago about he was very very early in the world to be aware and to talk about the emotional system of course it was a very logical school of thought the bashante minister with brilliant people so god tells us but they one of the things they were very aware is a person is made out of emotions and you need to if you want someone to be honest hashem you can't just be technical and you can't just do what you got to do because you have to do if not you're going to go to the hand if not you're going to go take a night and this whole system he said he said it's not going to work we need to make sure that people are in emotionally in a healthy place they're going to end up doing the right things they're going to be over hashem if not not you can give mr derushas from today till tomorrow it's not going to penetrate but if the people are going to be aware of their feelings they're going to connect to their feelings they're going to make sure that their emotional system is in a happy and stable place and you could see throughout all the suffrages from they constantly talk about this avoid there's a story the uh again the uh sanji roof was nifter and his son one of his sons took over was the shin of the roof at that time when the sun's lifted was many different rebels who became rabbis there was a lot of rubbish in the as long as that sounds there but sanziru was like at least in his neighborhood in the in poland in galicia and while he was there but nobody would proclaim to walk call it how do you call yourself whatever you're going to sit over knowing together that sounds like you felt like you couldn't he was nifty all the rebels became rabbis many schools opened up and everything yeah when the light lashes the house when you turn off the light all the rats come out what do you mean to say what did he mean to say he meant like this in the olden days he had tense he wasn't so sealed their homes like today there were there were mice and rats when he closed the lights he used to come out and eat up all the food there's a derek and avoid this hashem which bashemtov told us he said keep open the lights the rats are never going to come out there was swarm and bala the shooting before the basham came and they used to tell people all the rats that they have in them you have this like this which tavis and this avoided all your schwa and all your surroundings we're telling you you have to work on gaba you have to work on tavi you have to work a lot harder you have to work on this and that we all have a lot of rats we have an f bahamas we have a lot of bad parts to us but when we're in a good mood have you ever heard someone talking hara talk about other people and gossip or if they're happy in suffering usually not when we're down when we're broke and mr brock and you're not happy suddenly you realize the enemies if you see someone when a person is happy they feel satisfied they feel happy with themselves their emotional system is happy you don't you don't end up doing a virus so the bashamtv said keep the lights on the whole time when it sounds it was on the light was on ladies and gentlemen all the rats and people oh everybody's what happened this was one of the avoidances that the bashar wanted all of us to work on is that we need to be aware of our own emotional system that we need to be emotionally stable and happy and calm and only like that we could be annoyed with hashem and only that we could be successful in in all our endeavors but the moment a person becomes subragan wary of themselves insecure you're out there from the calendar he said that what the eight sahara does not want when the atari tries to get you to do an average he doesn't want your avedo he wants you your atmos after the average he wants you to be broken afterwards and say look at myself ah i fell through again i'm such a aha what's with me and you get broken you get subrahel you're going to attract that's the moment you start doing even more available so what was the method of the tomato bashem you did in avera say it's like forget about it and move on immediately don't sit in it the more nine why would i mention when on friday night varane brings that when i the rambam says you have to achieve some skill you have to look back and you have to achieve it the same he said it doesn't apply anymore says you need to just move on because as long as you're thinking of dividing that you did it's still in your head and when it's there you're too broken you're broken you're hurt and you're upset at yourself and your emotional system is is fractured you're going to end up doing a vedas you can end up being bitter so the gresta avoided to be aware of our emotional system should always be in tune and that's why when you daven you look at the words the the articulation and the s with a fire with a burn with like a smack with a bran everything should be your dharvani should shake this whole shaking my diamond started to see them original it was always to do something you know just dive in like like allah and even when you eat your shabbat seed is okay even when you eat something whatever you do it's a zombie schmuck if you do everything with the semicolon end up doing everything right so this is the idea that if we want to be successful in life or if we want our children and people around us to be successful it's constantly we have to be into another feelings so now if someone misbehaves when we behave a certain way because we feel that way right we know that if you feel hurt if you feel broken you feel scared you behave that way right let's say you walk into walmart and you go shopping and suddenly here bang and you look up and you see a little smoke by the corner what happens in your brain you just made a decision danger so what happens you feel danger you feel it's a dangerous place what happens afterwards how do you behave you run you run out of the store right it's all happened in a second but what happens is your behavior is an outcome of your feeling you had a feeling that it's danger again there's two types of people fight or flight the fight people are gonna run and try to see what it is maybe we can help and the other people are gonna run out but there's gonna be action according to your feelings so if someone does something it's a reaction to their feeling in the olden days when i was a guided by russell's son-in-law was talking about when he was he triggered me i was very very hyper kid i was never hit spitting never bad kid but it was hyper very hyper kid i was labor deck how much petra hopped in my life for that that okay so what was the idea what what was the idea in the olden days in the olden days maybe 10 years is like a century so when someone misbehaved we reacted with their behavior we reacted to their behavior nowadays we should at least focus on their feelings if they feel as so if they behave a certain way don't react to their behavior because then you're also not behaving you also did something wrong your parts to me also did something wrong what are you teaching him so then when his sister doesn't behave he patches her you haven't seen that in certain houses where nobody patches the kids don't botch the parents slap the kids slap the other kids you're teaching them this is reaction you react to an action with an action but the real way is to react to an action by changing their emotion their feeling i remember my little daughter once came from school and she was sharpening this one and that with the little kid in my wife i came home from work and my wife tells me i don't know i don't want to come today she's she's hurting all the kids i spoke to her i punished i spoke there so i i right away i sat down at the dining room in the couch i said i started asking how was the school today i gave her 15 minutes of attention i didn't mention to her a word about her behavior i was interested in her i was listening to her stamps this and this girl that girl this co she walked over my lap she was in the best mood for three hours after bit till she went to sleep also again beside what happened she behaved does she do it every day no if they do it every day that also means that they're very hurt that's a red flag when a kid doesn't behave it's a red flag you don't react to their actions you don't get angry on their actions you have rahmonas to get sympathy on their feelings and if you're about madrigal you could even do it for another year that's misbehaving even it's not your child that's a keeps it i missed you yesterday where were you sunday the guys they get the mood but at least to ourselves we need to realize that if we behave a certain way i'm nervous why am i nervous what happened i heard something before okay we change our feelings our behavior changes this is an awareness this is something that we need to check i was talking to to malam and muncie and we'll talk about difficult children how to deal with different different issues and i i was talking about this concept every single moment you wouldn't believe it the next two weeks were calling me a text me i have a whole new class i'm a malamate for 10 years already everything changed he doesn't have to scream it doesn't have to raise his voice if someone misbehaves is because they feel threatened they feel unimportant they feel violated they feel whatever it is change their feelings how do you change their feelings by talking to them giving them attention showing them them important that they're important the moment you change their feelings the behavior is going to change we are dealing with kips for those of you don't know what kippis the world calls it otd and they're there a kip is really in pain why not all the time we'll be able to know but regardless what it is if someone behaves different than they were born or raised a different than their family different than everything else there is something bothering them in their emotional system we have to be einstein sometimes to figure out what it is what is in this kid i'm giving them all the love in the world and five years already and that's why i'm still doing hard to know but their behavior is not who they are their behavior is not what they're trying to do they're not trying to misbehave nobody ever said today i'm misbehaving i'm gonna kick every boy and hide i'm gonna pull a spice i'm gonna i'm gonna do whatever nobody ever makes that decision if a boy walks into class and he sees the christmas talk a secret and showing on his face and his brain he just decided they were laughing at him making fun of him so what does he feel feels like insignificant like a schmatta whatever it is the feelings that it whatever word is going to provoke in his system and it's going to start behaving that way if he is the the person that by nature usually caves in he's going to get quiet mute or turn red be angry the whole day and not going to talk if he's the aggressive type he's going to fight with everybody but either way whatever system this person has this boy has it still going to come out of an emotion that he had but if we tell our child to say i'm in it he comes over and says you know the menial calls and it says your child misbehaved one day and another day in two days and you say it sounds like what happened or girl today is what happened was it ganesh right that's the first answer goodness okay you never said that something is bothering you you don't repeat what the whatever told you that he was misbehaving and he was hurting and his schleck dingo say he never said that something's bothering you what's bothering you do you feel do you feel that you're a second class citizen in the class do you feel like you're not part of it this is someone chapping you someone building you do you feel that you you don't know that you don't know they'll meet them you're not you're not you know what's going on what as soon as they are able to say it hopefully or even if they see that we're interested to knowing how they feel sometimes that alone is good enough they're going to end up changing their behavior so what happens if someone's emotional system was really hurt was violated by perpetrator or just life you know different things sometimes happens to people then it's not just good enough to have a schmooze with them or try to put them in a good mood our kips the kids in pain their wound is sometimes so deep that they can't even tap into it it's not like the regular kid the regular kid everybody's regular everybody's irregular everybody's regular but we talk about just for conversation purposes a regular kid you put him into a good mood like i said before you talk to your child you put into another cigarette there's something deep inside their system that's mummish mama's hurt and sometimes just by talking to them and we're trying to be rational and giving them love sinis genic there's something missing how do we heal that how do we do that i feel that sometimes it turns into an addiction let me explain an addiction is something that brings dopamine into the brain sometimes a different stuff and makes you want to repeat it because it's some kind of runaway or gateway a pleasure that you're trying to seek you run away from something and you want to find the pleasure over there if it's alcohol or drugs or something else in the toilet language it's called hergel nasa teva head gold means something that you're used to doing you do it again and again you become it nasa dave it becomes second nature headache now's the tape if you do something repetitive it's going to end up becoming part of you so all this wouldn't say if you're a stingy person and you have a lot of money you want to get sudoku give a penny a day and then tomorrow give two pennies the next day give three pennies and then a dollar for sudoku your your body gets used to doing something then it's able to help you you're able to become a about sudoku sometimes we get addicted to our pain this is what happened probably the first 30 40 50 years after the holocaust claudius was going through so much pain as the nation as a unit we got addicted to it we got in sigevint like i see when the uh sometimes people will move new neighborhoods like a muncie in different places we could we could expand and expand and some people need to build the ghettos again it's like it's in our dna it's not we got used to him and miss voilan gaga the city if you don't have a choice for style we have to we get used to it even in a serial different place where there's so much place always there's something in us we got used to it some people have a fear of success they were told they can never be successful on one hand they want to be they make up a hash but they're going to go into panus they're going to do this there's something in them that's always going to do something wrong and you're not going to be much late ah that's what happened look if not for that i would have made it there's something in people sometimes that we don't want to be much lear psychology we want to be mature our emotional system does not want to be muslim does not want to succeed why we got addicted and we know how to live over there some people are very comfortable being in the even the guys were they they they used to living in a very low neighborhood you'll come to them you talk to them i can make you rich i can bring you they'll be excited for a few moments but their system is going to make them do wrong they're going to lose their job again or lose their job again something in their subconscious is going to make them do it wrong again because they know how to live in the hood that's the way they call it they know how to live over there they don't he doesn't know how to operate between rich people he does not operate between successful people so every person in the world has a certain circle around them which where they feel comfortable over there they would never go between people likewise that are greater than more successful they're going to always surround themselves with the same people more or less in their in their circles because over there they know how to operate they know the line the lingo they know the alice's it's comfortable so some people want to be successful and move up the ladder but their subconscious has a fear of it why because they got used to it our children and many of us probably most of us have it somewhere where we don't we want to be mature we want to we want to do things we want to we have a fear of being skinny we have a fear of joining the gym we have a fear of really being successful and moving up the ladder going into between whole new circles of people and and and avoid them if someone was violated hashem in the heart most horrible way things that we spoke about throughout chavez it was all kinds of abuses and different types of stuff we need to stand up for therapy for trauma and everything but there's something in there sometimes that they got used to it some people like to be a nebra you ask them to say no i don't want to be in because i want to get out of this a lot of people that come there was a he that came to hell from shalom to america and uh and then he came one year every day every child he marries off i kept knocking on lifting him with some additions up with his medicine visions manager guilt five cents ten cents a dollar he's here for two months away from his family he finally saved my ten thousand dollars and he goes back the fifth time you still have another six kids i have a brother-in-law in the island he owns the nursing over there and he's looking for someone to be a manager you're gonna make panusa you don't you don't need to know any have some very high credentials you can't you could you could do it you could he got all excited true story he got all excited he said okay fine he hooked him up he went back he couldn't see him and he forgot about him a few years later the heat kept knocking but it was mad she's got food i went up with that job this and that this person told me some people are so used to his three generations doing it already they got so used to it people label themselves they get addicted to that label because it's because they're used to it and because it's hard for them to go out of it and that's that's the way they live so what's the method the bashamtv says when you see arusha he didn't like the word russia ever but when you see a person that does everything wrong you call him sadiq why you're helping him change his label people have labels in their brain on themselves i'm a i'm a 200 000 type of a guy i could make 200 000 a year that's who i am i'm not the type of guy to make five hundred thousand dollars a year so i once heard from uh someone that talks to salespeople i forgot his name he says encyclopedia of uh of sales and he says if someone goes into sales let's say you want to sell a product you want to sell the item because and you're selling judaica so you're going to swim so you make a cashman i'm going to sell enough products i'm going to make thirty thousand dollars a month on sales he goes out he goes from one's food himself to the other and he shows the products and he wants to sell a minute the moment he made thirty thousand dollars in sales even it's only the third week in the month his subconscious is not gonna let him say he's still gonna go to stores and try to sell the product but he's not gonna have the right words it's not gonna he's not gonna make more sales but if he ups his self concept and he says i am a fifty thousand dollar dollar sales person by fifty thousand dollars a small i need to make more again we can't raise the bar too much because then we fall and we give up so we constantly have to raise the bar a little bit so that's what on ourselves but bashanto says if you want to raise someone else's bar you want seven i'm a type of guy i'm not mikhail shabazz but i am the you know every person has their cell hey dimensions someone told me he only has a selfish habit he doesn't smoke and the other one only drives with when his friend drives in the car and every it's also alice but everybody has their own a concept this i'm a typical i have one uh one hour every day is my share okay it's two sheet of them everyone and one guy's like i'm not i've got this well just the morning and night the during the day of another everybody's a self-concept of of how much rakhinis they should do and how much gas means and how much they're they're they're gonna do but if someone self-concept is so low their self-concept is that they need to belong between the lowest friends to do self-harm to surround themselves with other kids that are doing the most silly things they all know that it's silly we don't need to tell them as i said friday my we never need to tell our kids what they're doing wrong they know if something is driving them to go between because that's their label they have a label in their subconscious that i am my concept my self-confidence my circle where i belong is between these low lifes between these losers what do you do you change the label you call them sadhaku you know who should we are someone said the shabbos one of the speakers he said a master from one of the sadiq i don't know that much the last generation that someone came to him and he said rabbi i think was it a bachelor spinker if i remember he said rebecca my son started smoking he's going to call shabbos he was crying so the neighbor said bring him to me i know for one to come bring him to me he came smoke shabbos says really how many cigarettes do you smoke on average 10 cigarettes a day okay how long does it take you to smoke a cigarette three minutes oh so only a half an hour in total of every shabbos you mahalo shabbas the other 23 and a half hours you keep it shabbos you know who you are it's not all or nothing but la masa he gave him a concept this boy went home and he started thinking i'm going to smoke only five cigarettes next shabbos and i'm going to be keeping shabbos 23 hours and 45 minutes and whoever said the master over there said that that is kinder beautiful yiddish family how did it happen where did it come from it all came from that little measurement from the basement of and its teachings where they brought awareness of feelings how important a person feels is how it's going to impact on their awareness hashem and he told them the best focus on the fact that he kept shabbos 23 hours devices minds how easy is it to say these shigets how is it to say and sometimes we didn't have to say they feel it if we don't even think that way they're not going to feel it the problem is that sometimes you're so scared to tell someone you're good because you feel that oh they're not going to want to go better it's not true we are pleasure seeking beings it's always pulling for more pleasure photonic we always want more and more we don't need to be scared then we're going to tell our kids ah lame same minute you know i'm not talking about the kips even before that that's it why would scared to say it because we're going to think oh this is going it's not true if so you have ten dollars you want to make twenty yes i'm gonna rochester and any successful you don't have to be scared honest i feel a possible they're full of mixes like like like a pomegranate pomegranate is full of healthy seeds full of self of his essence of the seeds of the pomegranate is the whole thing i'll fill out parties through them alive mrs kennedy why's they want to tell this house because this is the way we should talk to them and usually our kids all these kids are usually usually not all the time a very big bottle of kasuda they love doing cases a person needs to feel somewhere go they they take their friend as a flat tire they're going to go middle of the night and they're going to help each other this is amazing the friendships the the the noon chava they do the cases let's elaborate on that one this is something that's going to speed up their process if we help them and we tell them you are amazing you think we need to tell them you put on a tattoo he doesn't know she doesn't know we need to tell them that that you look like peter that you decided to to spray paint the hair green and blue literally saw a boy like that last week what is that boy saying what is that boy saying what is he telling us what he's telling his parents despite rebellion hate most of the time not he really his self concept is that he belongs between the hippies he walks down soho in manhattan he feels at home over there you don't need anything over there you don't need to have language you don't need to have nothing no credentials you fit in all you need to know is hey what's up and that's it and i feel this is it's so easy to be in that circle and our circle is very complicated you need to know things you forgot that it's and you didn't say that all everybody there's so many details you need to know and the second you're not in you you lost the holy it's hard for them sometimes certain kids went through the system to hide the system great hydro system but they didn't catch on to things so they always feel i'm gonna always gonna be failing because to be erdogan there's so much things that need to work in our community in the siddhis community it's probably in the high mission in the shivers also we all have this garb it has to be white it has to be black i don't know if you know my mother is a regular american lady and i remember when i was bar mitzvah we went shopping and then she got me a sweater and it had like a thin red line very thin tamiya and i put it on with me mr kamasu i came to hide i went to very similar i was so chapped i threw that sweater out i never wore it again you know like they say uh like if achiva comes to the casino community everybody's gonna know in a second it could be 20 years but he's not going to know that the pie is this short and the bieber head doesn't work but if it's a little a quarter of an inch then you fit in and if it's there's so many nuances on the levition and if you have a taste to your type of guy that wants to look good you want to look fit you want to take care of it you have that they have that nature you have yourself a sonic nature you're ostracized you're out you have no way i keep trying to shine and glaze it okay the phone call now gets it in golden glaze i don't know gold is already good now i think now is plastic the issue there's a i had i had a couple that came to me in second marriage and and one of the kids are from one high from one culture i'm not going to say names one situation culture the other and she has booked where you're not allowed to wear plastic because the plastic is more madness and his kids the buchanan are only allowed to wear plastic because gold and silver glasses is medellin so he says it was a serious issue because and they discussed it it was statement though the kids are like these shy gets these shy goods so mama she was those i remember when i was a young book when i was bar mitzvah i i went to school at hyderabad park my father we went it was considered neutral at that time i don't know if you know there's there's cuffs on the pants on the bottom at that time cuffs was the most modern thing when i was bam it was fair and so there's a few bookers i wanted they wanted to be a little more chic a little about this or they are from tamims two years later cops was the most casitas you think for for years for many years maybe it's got coughs but it can't be the thin one the thin one is the cool guy it had to be like an inch three quarters of an inch with stitching in the the he had he had no he had no chance of survival in this in this jungle of yeshiva you were out you were you didn't fit in imagine just just on lavish and then learning if everybody needs to be if you're not on par everybody needs to know this community and you're not pink like there's so much that they need to fit in it's so much easier for them to lower the level i have a lower self self concept between the the geshmaker have over there is easy all you need to do is be friendly and talk the lingo and uh say ken and i i know the names i'm with the boys that sean you're good you don't need more can we make it less complicated can we make it less complicated to fit in to our house our home the way it's supposed to look a shabbos table how many kids have they don't want to sit for an hour and a half or two hours or three hours of sharpest meal they're not interested in hearing the tata darshan the whole time they don't like the songs we think change it how many times i sit with a shabbos yeah i have to make it hyped even karma college if you want you sing it you start i translate most of these meters i had a mission just a half year ago every every shabbos i took one piece of this meet as i translated i sang in yiddish like it's english i translated the story no idea what they're saying we got the shield 30 year olds 40 year olds we got the shield 90 percent of the dominique we don't know the touch of food so someone doesn't want to do it he's considered the problem why is he considered the problem he doesn't want to say abracadabra it's not it's not going to work so you make it interesting you make the shabbos meal interesting you ask them you sing updated songs i know for the older generation the new songs is shy gets generations mamash forget about the night again hashem likes only certain tunes the other tunes he's out too like like certain colors he doesn't like he's he's very uh shameless collaboration he doesn't like certain colors certain tones because the moment he gets it's touched guess what if this inspires them let it be how many of us me and older i'm 40 something in the the 50 year old seven year old where we had parents there were children of holocaust survivors of themselves the holocaust survivors they still had a certain pain and sometimes air instinct are not so viral not so ends it has a lot of sadness in it i never hopped it until i was i'm with these boys they said saddening and this is but it's not sad it's hope it's singing and but many songs are very sad and the today's generation the kids can't stand it they get they get um from a rap i once heard from somebody and he said maybe dude i may have had rap because rap is not repeating one posting a thousand times around the game as you repeat uh no i know right and you take sometimes to kill him every every every miss by the david miss my music will do it every piece was was it was a negan so it was going it wasn't repeating it was so dumb it was probably rap i don't know and they knocked over there on that little jam bus and that's our work who decide if this opens up the right emotion in the person let it be you decide it's a building music show i don't know what let's see what it does to the person how many times you see this i i make this habit of the book and i'm gonna sit over there and they sing these songs i know where it came from i don't to know and they're all in they're and i think they're amazing to me it's like oh get me out of here but it's okay i like new songs but some the songs that they sing is sometimes already for me it's so far it depends where it brings them so if they are able to connect this is what talks to them because they're tight so we need to make our we need to think about our children and the next generation they need to have a whistle it should be easier to zany to be part of the culture it has to it doesn't have to be so cookie cutter you ever been to a cookie cutter machine there's this conveyor belt and this is every piece that goes through it the star cookies million star cookies well some people want to be individual they want to be able to say let it be abyssal brighter some kids need different types of language different kinds of cl and everybody wants along some people like this laws our conveyor belt needs to be wider it can't be completely wrong it has to be wider our kips sometimes if we tell them and we raise their self-concept it's going to change their life mamas going to change their life and it's going to bring them to a place because we're changing their feelings we're changing their self-concept and we believe in them and automatically they believe in themselves and suddenly they're going to start want to surround themselves between other people they're going to want to be between better people higher class people higher class people in and for ourselves we can do it to ourselves the same thing we should constantly strive to be more a person is comfortable i met the idol shabbos he told me he makes two hundred thousand dollars a year every year beautiful i'm sick of that maybe you can make 250 000. who stopped it over there was it was a good shane well what's if you would need to another 50 000 a year you would you would take another job you do something you would speak up to your boss you try to get a raise sometimes and it's in every way so some people are comfortable i am 40 pounds over it that's why i'm forever they decided no today i'm going back i'm going to be where does that come because we get comfortable hair gloss the tape and we get used to it and this is what we're doing this is our self-concept this is our so if you want to change someone else ourselves and our children is by changing their label and upping their self concept they should look at themselves as a as the best elements any questions oh yeah i know people are going to catch on that one yeah it's not a meditation it's just the idea is to get to a place where you feel it done feel it done your system is going to want to go back to that feeling our feeling always wants to go back to a good place where it was so even our cycle knows what is right we know that we know we want to get to what we know what we want to do we know what we want to accomplish but our emotions have to feel it done it's gonna help you get there as long as it takes sometimes you need to do it two times or three times you do it everybody should do it do it to yourself one thing that you wanted to do that one closet that one drawer you wanted to clean out and you're going to get to it the attic that one box in the garage that you wanted to empty out i don't know how long ago you want to do something just stand in the garage look at that box i'm talking like a monsieur not everybody's a garage i grew up in burpa again it was a luxury garage we grew up in an apartment with two bedrooms i mean three bedroom size my parents we had two bunk beds in the room and see we're living in the house with this view my kids are complaining i have to sleep but this one i will have 25 bedrooms they'll need more kids so you take one box take one thing one mission that you want to do so many times visualize it done and then feel it um the key is to feel it feel how it feels when you're going to walk around then you've got whatever it is you're going to walk the garage and the box is not here anymore or or whatever is what you want to do but must feel it open up your eyes see it not done close your eyes again you're going to be so surprised how powerful this tool is unbelievable tftd think feel things done think feel things done feel it done that's basically that's the method i don't know i i didn't see tamaya for a classmate i don't know who they are how good they are yeah start calling them names people live up to their names you're a smart boy say you're a smart boy you're smart but every time you do it again at this point he starts acting smart using the siblings to reinforce this oh to use this yeah you have to make a i guess you have to have a family meeting for that yeah and also because it's difficult as we said before it's very difficult to be in the class something that his nature or his his what he's used to doing doesn't fit into that class so he feels like a failure between those boys whatever it is if it's if it's the amount of learning if it's too too long today's days he's still having 20 22. you have booker to go to shiva they have to sit two and a half hours a year someone should do it to me i'm gonna i'm gonna explode i can't do that i can sit on a wooden bench for two and every single day in the morning and then every single day in the afternoon some kids push it through they pull through the ishida times in some kids it's not they can't anymore we have to send them sometimes if it doesn't work out they send them to another yeshiva which even though the academically it's shebach it's less and other things less but at least over there he'll be successful he'll be considered the good boy rather than being the not such good boy in the class always put the kids one one class down that uncle's up always i do with my kids i have three boys that are born in other udder so you can put them one class up or down it's mama's dead i always put them on down rather let them be the the smarter kid in the class and he should label himself as a good kid than than being the youngest in the class being the youngest is is is a very is a big problem the stimulus to go better whenever where that's we said before the bashan said we don't need to worry for that everybody wants to be better or you don't believe it a kid doesn't enjoy getting pub wow that means he needs it so much ah kid that doesn't let you hug them that's the kid that leads it every single day 25 times okay that means they need to but i'll tell you i'll give you an answer what you should do is you should do compliments with a question by the way complement of the question man i'm talking to you you compliment the other side you compliment your wife always with a question how did you do that it's amazing not the cake is delicious how did you do that and she'll start explaining to what you did your kid comes home from school and they made an art to craft and you say wow it's beautiful as i get but if you compliment with the question they have time to explain and they say you know what i did i was thinking of this color and i could have put this glue in that and i built it and i i just explained that's a compliment it's not only compliment that's something that's actually building them so a kid who doesn't want to take compliments ask more questions that they're going to have to compliment themselves any other question yeah go ahead says it is coming from two places or because they need it even more like we said to him or they don't believe that you mean it but if they believe you and you really mean it say it again that's the only way you're allowed to violate your kid against their will give them a compliment tell them how special they are and again with questions ask them a question it's amazing if you're speeding how do you know how to do that how do always ask questions is the best to compliment that salad that's real and don't walk away when they start explaining just sit there listen thank you