Rabbi Elimelech Scharf

and uh we had a support and yes we went through a lot of the chaos and whatnot rabbi gedali called me up last week wednesday and told me that you know we wanted to talk inspire physic clarity and you've heard so many beautiful speeches today and they told me that i have one of the most hardest jobs here everything's too loud right they told me that i'm one of the most knowledge gems over here and everybody is always getting scratched from here and rushes for around 17 hours already this entire day full cups live hooks not live hookups or all this together and then we don't have to hear me at 11 o'clock the 11th area i love how that says the 11th hour i'm like can i talk to teenagers over here i talked to a bunch of the middle-aged people that were still going to be entertaining people at the 11th hour because usually when i have to pay people 11 hours we're talking to teenagers with 11 hours at the beginning of their morning so i also usually love them towards the end of our day but we will try to entertain getting physical clarity but we want to get out of this wonderful evening over here so i want to take away the three points that we can grasp on we can hold on to it something can actually materialize take entire daily life move forward we've heard so many amazing things from all these amazing people these amazing speakers i want to start when i was asked very good to kind of speak here i felt extremely extremely scared humbled awkward funny weird a whole bunch of feelings because i felt like how in the world am i gonna talk yesterday i have been through this it wasn't with my childhood story highlighted a very close family member i sat through a week in rehab i went together with him i was in the hospital when he overdosed we were together we went through a very very up and down journey together but how could i talk to people how high do you want to do housing have a bigger spare excess raw and sadly he was in the house with his son his other son is now in the hospital now in rehab and i called them up and i asked them they want me to come talk i would believe the grace of christo those who had the greatest joyness what can i even tell them how can i talk what is there for me to add how could he bring the classic someone he told me sit down let me explain to you something there's a moment from the heavens behind the country whenever you saw someone coming coming walking into his office that he knew has a sick child physically mentally this like his kid autistic he would stand up a little so he would stand up to his first upright position and we tell him if hashem and trust is such an with you i have to stand up to you attire crucify him over here this messiah i've had the child that we can't get the necklace from is plf is thousands of times more painful than having a child that was never not more normal a child that was not not born to a certain degree we're recoverable this is what the angst wants we totally take ourselves out of that specific in our situation and we have to counsel them in a the husband and wife the kingdom look together and we tell our kingdom have to come down to this world and the entire family gets together and when the baby is a baby and we're making this little baby and we have to know this arisayan and the entire family together and years of working there from when the baby is born up until when we can give the baby the most the most quality life that we can give this child all of a sudden the workshop is indicated a beautiful kid beautiful place beautiful beautiful looking pictures and many times and beautiful bites of pictures and then something happens unexpectedly and then comes the most dangerous thing what's been known to mankind blame i should have i could have why didn't i what did i do wrong are we going to the failed micro management if only i would have done a little bit more strictly with him if only would have led her to do what she did if only i would have given him more love if only would give him the last love if only i would have done this to him if i don't want that to him and they have the problem with our other kids what do we tell them how are we going to house it when they see their sister doing that how are they going to see the brother doing that what could we tell them and we're lost we're going to the blame game we go now we're blaming ourselves and we're beating ourselves off the sawyer time like every other sawyer these destroyers have to come down in this world we were the chosen ones why we don't know but we were the chosen ones that i understand trusted these the sugar stuffs and we have to know they have absolutely nothing to do with anything you did or will do this is because somebody came to miami and he told them i have eight kinder my eighth child slip i don't have him anymore i don't know where he is what did i do wrong i gave just as can i get all my other kids if bianca looks at him and says this is because of mine it has nothing to do with you if you can leave here today with that one message your child has nothing to do with you it's not about you and what this god told me you're asking me how i deal with the pain of my two children they're not my children they're not avoiding the shalom's children these are the struggles that hashem gave me and i have absolutely nothing to do with this there's nothing i could have done differently because there's nothing that i'm of course you have to understand this we [Applause] with a sick child physically we also try to give him to doctors we also try to give him the therapist we also try but we all know the end of the day is defeating the health we have to take him from today's she is over here it has nothing stop the blame put the blame right here stop it right over here tonight there is no more blaming there is actually nothing to do with all this is like asylum in our mind and the irish is testing us [Laughter] [Music] that only our family can withhold there's no family in the world as much as we're sitting around since 100 couples there's 200 couples as much as this is a it's a suit as cloud it's 100 individual stories your story isn't like his story and her story isn't like your story it's a hundred individual stories i just stood up from action of the year with my father when they were sitting by sugar everybody came and called me hamuki nakamasu but he cannot be monarchy because he was his father he that was your father all yasham could be you menachem because you lost your father so even we're all sitting here in the same of the same environment we're all going through the same pain but this is your pain and the only one who can be human knock him in your pain is under the body shall i them what should you tell your kids tell your kids that irish then needs a house to put this lasso in why we don't know and tathy and mommy [Music] and it's our duty to be able to be our ourselves the chassis if you will be yourself the kazakh your children but even the straight ones will know what they can grasp on but if you're going on beating yourself up and being broken and breaking yourself and crushing yourself your other kindle will pick up on it and then the ones who need the most to rely on you at this point your life can't rely on you because you're too broken to be able for them to rely on yourselves so we have to give a couple of kabbalah number one here tonight stop the blame we're not blaming ourselves anymore this is the design of the shamayim again we have to because of the indian manner this is what i used to give to us we'll tell our kindle if this is what hashem gave us and this is our destiny we our family will pass business this is a sign [Laughter] the embarrassment is easier to deal with your kids aren't embarrassed anymore if you have a 60 year old daughter she's not embarrassing her 18 year old sister anymore because she's spoken to at home this is your messiah because this girl isn't your sister this is the decided if somebody never has a down syndrome kid if somebody never has a sick kid what do we call our kinder [Laughter] [Music] nothing to do with the family this is like decided this to how to come through this world the only way the could come in all over the strawberries have to bypass this world it's a path that has that there's no way we can bring the shia and the only way we will kill the premiership that these the shamans also need a venue to drive through and some of us don't know why we were chosen to be that venue but as this goggle told me they're not my kids if they're going to shalom kids let's take a song over here maybe to enlighten them again and never figure it out so yeah he told me to do the songs [Music] oh [Music] is [Music] is [Music] is [Music] what do you do the ice cream is a kiss i mostly try to use my day to speak to solomon park and anyway and to try to inspire them to do what we're supposed to be doing this afternoon this mountain fresh story so please if the story doesn't come out good please forgive me that's enough or i could say she could agree she could be the idea that this happened this afternoon three o'clock in the afternoon this following story happened the schools that i'm about to talk about um the father called me up to book me for houston classes i don't want to mention the name of the community but a very ultra cathedral community he called me up and he said i want to know that my husband you know he has a very because your last name so we could all imagine which type of gift is that but who's a little different he found his girl on his own like okay you got that many times so today sorry to say what i thought it is why not come along with the column let's make it exciting come together and let's you know let's get the ball rolling let's see what we got in common let's see what we can do together so he pulls up with this white little some convertible type of thing that makes a lot of noise all my kids ran through the window to see like what's this big thing pulling up and it's actually a little panicking pulled up in front of my house this morning actually this afternoon and now it comes to kusankala do not want to be demographical this is descriptive how they look but if i would have met them in the dark alley i would probably run the other way and they sit down i don't have any office upstate i'm now looking at it but like this little tent and we're sitting in a little planet and you know it's full of mosquitoes and bugs and flies and wasps and whatnot they have to find them with the way the tent with the screening and everything and i'm starting to talk to them actually it was a quite productive session i have to say you know she did have the decency of removing most of her earrings from her ear and other places on her face so it wasn't that that so we were having a very very good conversation after about the finish i said i want to ask you you know please do not get offensive to ask i'm supposed to speak tonight at a very nice place and i'm assuming that a lot of parents that have kids that you know look quite similar to you will be sitting over there what's the message that you want me to give over to these parents and they were both quiet first they don't know if i'm really not well so i'm very serious about this i'm supposed to be speaking tonight at a place on this close location and i was really skating like to what's up let's go and attack you know so i said that's on the school location but they really want me to talk what do you think what's the message coming from you russian you're engaged you're getting married soon and hopefully you want to move forward virtually did commit they want to keep tarzan's property they did commit you know they've been keeping a future muscle together already so workers are for that or you know hopefully in a better place at this point it's a health room what's the message that you would want to give over to the parents of your parents what would you want your parents to hear your friends parents to hear and the answer when they asked me i was really not ready for it tell my parents i love them and i mean they're alone i'm like you joking he said no tell my parents if you could ever get through to them but i love them and i love them my entire journey and i needed a lot the love of my mother loved my father cannot be replaced all the therapists i went to or the organizations i went and even the shahbazim that i went away it cannot be replaced by the law of my mother if you give her that message that would be my own thing i could ask you to do and then of course it came with a whole bunch of other things as well but that was that initial answer that we have to realize sometimes we view ourselves as such failures we don't know how to even show love my son doesn't eat my love i'm not going to go in the whole world word that's thrown around all the time and debated in so many different scenarios i don't get the share a lot but it's unclear what do i don't really respect except these i'm sure you've heard a lot of these concepts you've read a lot of these concepts but just hands-on story that i had today it doesn't matter not going to the therapeutic approach and the professional approach we're going from parents approach your kids know that you love them your kids need your love as much as they might show you that they don't need it we can never forget that your kids need their love and the only thing we can give them at this point how to convey the love you've heard today a whole day of different maybe methods and concepts but we have to real we have to understand and realize what there's a story that i heard last week i thought it was very appropriate to just bring up we'll never know what the right word at the right moment can do there was a roof in williamsburg i should have said ways but okay but i said it right it's filled with me it was only inspiring it had a spanish and something was i don't know if you know whispering there's something called and usually the boiler likes to burn it usually goes friday afternoon it's like a minute and they usually come the showers are cold and there's not enough hot water and this happened to me that happened friday afternoon that his luck happened tuesday morning so he wanted the false plumber now on his contacts he had let's call the plumber's name was uh yelling schwartz but he had two lily schwartz's around his contacts and he calls up assuming it's a plum really shorts and a follow-up call which he had dealt with in the previous night about nation that he was having with the maker and he hears beep so you know that he's calling europe now he's transferred to europe and it already doesn't make sense in his mind like why would he spoken last night you know that italy shorts is not in europe okay ready it sends some red signals and he picks up hello and he hears that this was another jelly schwartz what happened to that from his a divorced a divorced person and he's like oh yo i don't you know what's doing with you you know how are you these days you know just thinking about you no you know there's nobody really looking up on you these days and i didn't see you doing some mistakes i want to make sure that everything's okay so the roof tells uh so he felt like hashem i had to go to europe for a few weeks i had a very hard divorce you know i'm getting over this is very hard for me and nobody really understands me and my name got a little bit smeared in the street so i went here for a couple weeks to be back and you know we have a few two three weeks i'm going to see you okay that was the end of it he hasn't heard from the shorts a couple for a couple of months and also he gets a text from the group from the samantha's group mazel tov the early shorts of houston the tonight and so on you know listen [Music] i don't know what you're talking about you know i don't even recall when anybody called me up i never pushed to the shoulder i was not a shotgun at all remember that he called me up three months ago i don't want to say in public where i was because it's not a place where this yeah it was but it was a very not appropriate place and i was about to you know it was probably that would have been the game changer in my life and when i had an old book that was already all set up and i got the phone call from you and i couldn't believe you that's why i was cross-examining you i couldn't believe you that there's still a person that's thinking about me my parents disowned me everybody's on me i'm a divorced guy i have a terrible name on the streets and i was trying what do you really want and when you kept on saying no i don't want anything i just want to know how you're doing how's everything it shook my core i'm like there's really still a person out there just wants to know about my well-being and i canceled and i chose a little bit more in europe at the time of europe but to the place where i wanted to go i came back to america they threw me in the shirt i'm engaged so we're never here to know when that phone call comes just i'm thinking about you randomly you're middle of the day and you think about your lovely daughter you think about your lovely son you could call her up you're just saying how your day was happy now he loves you i hope you have an amazing day and you hang up nothing you want to just let you try alone i'm over here i'm thinking about it and i love you and that's i think the love that will never be able to they'll never be able to get from anyone else in the world and that's our only power many times that we have is the idea of when you talk about unconditional love just let your child go there's nothing i can do i'm not going to judge you i'm just letting you know happy's here for you i thought about you at this moment mommy's here it's hard to call send them a text just think about your little emoji it'll and we'll never know the effects of such a beautiful the act can happen [Applause] [Music] is [Music] me [Music] hello [Music] is [Music] oh [Music] oh [Music] oh one thing we're taking out of this today's beautiful day sunday is stop the blade stop it i think we're going to go stop the blame right here knows what's the same stop the whistle what's supposed to say stop there stop it i'll stop your spread stop this spread right here i mean we're gonna hang up on our stop the blame right here normal blind so we're gonna want to get the curve down the blade right blink blink blink blink blink to get the curve down and flat the curve stop the blame right here number two is gonna be try to just have unconditional love let your child know once a day once every two days tacky loves you mommy thought about you mommy's thinking about you number three which is a very very positive thing but as possible sometimes we get a little bit uh we lose sight and the name of number three is hashem is the ultimate therapist we're all walking around with tremendous pain terrible pain some of us go to therapy so i don't believe in therapy someone said therapy won't help so we could help everybody has their theory about therapy the one of the greatest therapists there's only the only other time i think the model of the night didn't see it anywhere written but i was told the model of the night is where is it avoiding the show them in so much pain so much confusion and of course we owe that gift filler but how about bring it till to the next level stick out all these small points of course i want my daughter to be arable i want my son to be early how many little points go in to the idea of being elder the bonus one helped my social pronunciate film revolution health my son should marry a jewish girl the punchline health that my son should do with millions [Applause] [Music] little points that keep on overpowering of course the bigger things overtake us but what about the thousands of little points that we're walking around with 24 7 in our heart and sometimes we feel our hearts exploding and then we don't have to quite inspire other beautiful kingdom the diversity gave us and we're so caught up with this one beautiful child of ours that's occupying our entire mind and our mind is mashed potatoes we don't get any mind left for our other beautiful eight kinder look what about the patience for our other eight people they also need a patient they also need a patient mommy we can't we're always watched but if we could voice these pain voice this confusion voice these concerns to the ultimate administrator of the small minute little things now the items have actually a vision he doesn't need us to speak to him it's not about the idea that i'm saying it's not about from the is a hebrew word it comes it could be from many different sources one is two is a wick w-i-c-k weak as an e-coli we have wicks so there's a fire there's an oil what connects the fire to the way a little piece it could be a little piece of from an old clothing a little piece of cotton that's that you have to fill with that what's connected to hydrogen it's years that my daughter should be housing the chief i've dominated for ten years and my son just stopped being nicole chavez said nothing the zelda kills travis for 10 years how much can i have him the doubling isn't for him to stop keeping start keeping shabbos the dominance that we should be able to function to be connected to something stronger for us to be connected that avoid this we need the power to continue and that's a shame that i'm just going to help that everything gets out you'll see results but even if we're not zlatan to see the results that we should be able to move forward that we should be able to go on with our daily life with our other beautiful kindle like our other beautiful family that we have we have to be connected and if we take it to ourselves this your side of every day you're walking through you just saw your son do something you saw your daughter walk in a certain way that shivers dropping your spine go over to the president you just saw what i saw please give me the choices to be strong enough please give me the toy because please tell my daughter should not walk around like this and she should be sneezed because you should be ill i can marry a good boy i should be able to have a beautiful kingdom that i should be a good bobby voice your concerns voice your confusion i want to say a story that i also i have to say this is from a very close family member of mine that never had to take the song to a rehab virtually survived he survived with hashem but he was in a coma for 10 days and he came out of the hashem and he had got to rehab and now it was this whole covert of an ultimate there's no visitation it was a disaster and going sending someone to riyadh i know from the past when i went and wanted to meet his nurse and his counselor and his therapist and if he you feel so they come and drop him off over there like he's waving goodbye and i'm a shepherd of that and it's tiger you see what i'm going through and happens to be a very close family member i wasn't here but very close family member was there together and they're both crying please help us show me a sign that you're with me it's so hard for me and this translator i did it once again i was the one that jewish we have outcomes it looks like you're sticking behind this lady and she goes over and says what do you send me outside you need something so no my brother my family never just went in now to uh he needs his help over here he said oh what's his name oh because i'm in charge of that uh that place over there i do that type of thing for that specific drug that he was on that's my specialty i'm so happy because most of my people this this specific drug isn't in so much in the irish community the damage community doesn't have that i guess that though to spend on that one they use the more cheaper type of things but that was more it's more expensive type so it wasn't so much in our community and so i'm very happy that there's a you know you that i could be and i have to say that the content we have for the whole code process where there was nobody to talk to we were accounting for targeting almost on a daily basis getting daily updates all because she happened to meet us outside because if she would have seen him i don't think she ever would have cool that he's eat so you should have never ever known that uh that we're dealing here with a high mischiez but she saw you know us and she realized that this was our child this was our brother our family member she felt the extra extra feel and from the youngstakova please show me be here with me walk me this give me a sign we'll never underestimate the power at least i think the three points that i want we should be able to be tangible we're able to grab onto these points walk out with them and we'll know we got here today so i want to visualize [Laughter] they give us a very very exciting time at a very challenging time [Laughter] the sea the mechanics that came from our own kindler from guns those kind of look at things like this that will be ourselves in the classic bringing men into our lives to our wives and into our other kids that we have at home that's gonna be as of his that will three hours of the morning [Music] [Applause]