Rabbi Aaron Friedman

turning to all of you i hope you had a good breakfast fresh ready for a new day and yeah it's a shame with an ibis himself excuse me do you need this no neither do i our life is a voyage it's a journey we get born as babies we begin to develop to grow up and slowly but surely we take a pan off upon us more and more responsibility we grow in life and the mathura is just imoi we should marry we should create a family and bring up and be mechanic children and marry them off and then is my mom sir from where we came life is a journey but as in any journey it's not always an easy journey it has all kinds of places that we travel that we come through some of them are smooth lovely happy when a person marries when a person has a symptom when we grow up we have the bar mitzvah it's all exciting we marry and we have schuner showing them with nibish's health it's exciting it's lovely and then we begin the first child is born the simchi is grois but as the time passes we begin bumping into all kinds of bumps on the roads sometimes it's a dungeon pernosa suddenly we need money we do not have we have problems with the children sometimes we have problem with health health problems or children that have a certain disability all kinds as far as the years go by we always meet new difficulties and new problems and the person who is together with us most of the time is our spouse spouse the bonus loyola made the world in a way like this that we have a spouse that always helps us and we go together and we do this big project of building a family together it's not always easy but it's the only partner we have in life and this partner is not by chance by mistake it's something that's costian made by the reborn shalolum the mic ah this mic is okay it's something that's custom made now it's better if it doesn't work sorry i think it doesn't have a switch here now it's something that's custom-made now it's good the mic there's the moira dick madridge how long did it take for the reborn islam to create the world so i said six days since then what does the ribonucleolum do are so awkward that even their bunch learning a vehicle has to sit down but the ocean is a vegan so the morale says a wonderful idea the bonus loyola created the world a pederhateve and it's like copy and paste it runs nature you plant it grows things happen the song comes up the song goes down they happen naturally a person is unique every person in the world is unique a person that was never since breeze voila all of us that sit here is the first time since british volume there wasn't the person who looked like us there wasn't the person who went by the experience that we had in life every person is unique and therefore the reborn shalom couldn't couldn't didn't make a system that we find our spouse automatically but every person individual he makes his spouse that's the best for him in life to go together and therefore it's a bunch of yoshi with the vegan that every couple is a new creation it's a unique creation that the bunch loyal makes this is what the morale says and this is a job that we have to do together and life when we go through even in the normal what they call normal the normal difficulties of life it's always a project that we have to learn how to live together and it's in our hands if the life together the married life should be a gonaiden or hulila we should live in gahannam we have the choice what we do it's very interesting it's scary i looked up the matters the medici the whole story there she said she can also make she took thousands of wooden bushfuckers she matched them together in the morning they came somebody had a broken arm somebody had their eye missing they went marcus each with another then she gave up she said it's really honored their bundesliga so she told them that their bunch of them is a vegan so the matter says there is a until the is the benjamin is miserable he doesn't ask us if we want it or not he does the work and it's our choice we can choose to say on it we can choose to cry which means it's difficulty but if to say shira it's our challenge that we have to do so this is a major a major product project that we build in life the family and we have to do it together and it's not easy and if the message says man the boy boy means there's a good reason to cry it's not it's never a match the way we see it but it's a challenge that we can learn how to overcome it now this is an ordinary times kolshkova calchoymer if a family runs into a distress they have a difficulty which is more complicated but in order to get to it i wanna based something which i believe and i think is the assad of shulam bias and it's probably the only way that we can live together bashulam part of it the main idea we heard yesterday in the wonderful jerusalem sherman but everybody has it in a different way and i'll put it down in the way i see it as actually is there any marriage counselor here somebody is a marriage counselor or i think everybody who sits here has experience in marriage counseling i want to ask you a question if there is a fight between husband and wife the husband wants to invite or him shabbos and the wife does not want very great who is justified the husband or the wives both of both of them if a wife wants to send a daughter for therapy she thinks he needs she needs therapy and the husband says no i don't believe it's not a problem who's justified both of them very good the reason number one where people fail where therapists flap where mechanical fail when they are mechanical the children is that you answered very good and cola covered for you as they say in israel usually people get trapped who is right and who is wrong and there are two problems here first of all when a person comes for help or any problem we have if we relate to what the person brings if we would judge if the husband is entitled to brand guests or not or if the wife is entitled to avoid to tell him i do not want guests this is a big problem and a big mistake why because the basic thing of us in life is that everything we meet is symbolic which means like this we relate to things not what happens but to what this invokes in us it can be related to our history it can be related to anything we went through in life i once saw two people who were fighting and one told for the other person he told them you are making me mad so i said he answered i might have pressed your buttons but i didn't install them which means i cannot upset the person i can press on a button that he gets angry on it i always ask people can somebody ashamed you or you are ashamed with what he does can somebody make you upset you or you get upset with something that the person does it's never what the people does do it's never what happens with us it's always the way we relate to what happens all people who get angry or all people who are ashamed with something or people feel belittled by something or people who feel complex a low self-esteem it's always about something that's a fact and they perceive it they accept it as a way as a means that they are ashamed with it they feel belittled with it always we can find people who have the same thing people who stand in the same line people who miss the same boss and they'll be more relaxed why because it doesn't invoke in them it doesn't press buttons by them that it does by the other person so this is very meaningful that we always have to look when a person is upset or a person wants something or there is any fight between a couple what's behind what lies behind this let's say when a couple fights about guests it can be simply that the woman feels the husband is a shine the heat he calls organ i have to work he doesn't even ask me and that's what upsets her it can be that the wife is jealous that he doesn't spend time with the family and when he calls or him is it a shy need and he talks nicely to them so the fight isn't about calling guests the fight is about his behavior about issues they have from before between them and if somebody tries to advise if somebody tries to relate to what they bring it will always be wrong if he doesn't understand what's the reason and what and what is the basis of their career the same thing is about going sending a child to a psychologist i i have seen it that's why i bring it the husband told me my wife drives me crazy with psychology the whole day and she tells me we'll go to a psychologist you'll see he's gonna say you are wrong she's gonna say you are not a good husband so therefore why should he agree to take the daughter it's like like she tries to get a coyote against him and to to to have another therapist that should talk against him so he's against this the problem isn't that he doesn't want to help his daughter who needs help the problem is that he sees it as a tool from his wife to come at him to get him in a corner and therefore that's the reason that he's against it and again so if we relate to what they bring we're going to miss it we're going to be wrong and that is a thing that we always have to consider any problem that we are concerned about that bothers us that bothers our spouse we always have to be hoy clear and go down a level and try to understand on what it lies what is the reason how does our spouses perceive what's happening what does it make them feel because then we can relate to the real issue so the real issue is never what people bring to the table it's always what happens what lies behind eventually there are two major mistakes this one and the mistake of deciding who is right and who is wrong and i have a nice interesting way to try to bring across this point now i'll give you something interesting let's do it together so wait until everybody gets one please pass it on here okay it's a few questions simple ones in number one there's a and b which one is bigger b okay which one is bigger a is bigger okay some say a some say b same i'm saying in question number two who has an angry face the one on the left or the one on the side and the right the right and the left okay the same okay in question number three which side of the cube is the dark inside and the top the bottom or the back what hold it anyways you want how do you see it where do you see it the back everybody the back okay in question number four i'm rushing a little bit because we have problem of time question number four is it's like a checkboard and two cubes are marked with a circle which one is darker the top is darker it's the same not the not the circle the cube the cube the cube i'm asking which cube the circle is what i marked the cube what's the answer which one is darker the top you say it's the same okay in question number five which top of the table is longer and which one is wider which one you want obviously which one hold it any way you want okay i'll tell you the answer and then we'll see what we can learn from it in question number one both are the same long a and b are exactly the same size this by matter in fact i did the copy and paste they're both the same why do you think that b is longer it looks longer on one side but what we do not see is that it begins more to the right of the page it doesn't begin from the same place as a it's so good that even when i tell it many people do not get it it's chief it's how do you say it in english it's slanted b begins it's it's a straight line so we get fooled and we think it's the same place but b is inside it's to the right so everybody every one of these shows has a different uh problem we have in our brains we tend to see a thing but we do not get that we do not see the whole picture and we get by we see only one side and we are sure we see the right answer and it's obvious we do not get how wrong we can be even when it looks obvious in question number two the two faces hold it close to your face and try to see which side has an angry face and then put in the most fires that you could or look at your neighbor that sits in the line in front of us both look at it as the fire which one is the angry face changes the right one and when you look from the clothes the left one this was done by a gu and an artist in holland who got to know how people perceive faces and he made the drawing in a way that when you look from the close people who say the left one is an angry face and when you keep it away or you look in another place the right one is the angry one oh look at the one who has it in the front seat and that's amazing i would say if you have a debate with your wife with your spouse and she says it's obvious this is the truth and you say it's obvious like this who is wrong both might be right from where you stand you see this one clearly that he has an angry face but if you would stand in her place you would see obviously that the right one has an angry face in question number four both three sorry in number three whoever says it's on the top whoever says it's on the back or on the bottom is right it doesn't depend in the cube the cube is in a way that it depends the way we perceive the cube where the top is and where the bottom is and sometimes i succeed in seeing it in two ways and i see it in one way and i can't see them the other way it doesn't help turning around the page it's only the way we put it we decide it's the top and it's very difficult to change it but it can be seen in three ways and all the three ways are right which means that it can be a debate of a key and the reality and both are rights you try it again or ask people it's this is hard to to explain because it's something that we have to see you see two ways and it could go back and forth in question number four both cubes are exactly the same color can it be they're exactly the same color and it's impossible for the human eye to see it and i'll tell you why which is mind-boggling the cuban tab is surrounded by whites it has a white space around and the only way we see things is by comparison by comparing so when it stands between white in the white space in the background we see it as darker the middle one is surrounded by black cubes and therefore it seems to be whiter in my office i have i have a paper which i made two holes and when you cover up you see that both are if you do not see what's around you can do it by bending the page one to another or by taking your neighbors settle and putting it together it's exactly the same color and it's unbelievable i i have it in one of my books and when it came back from the prince the kishke something right i told my wife i think it's wrong it's it can't be and i went quickly and cut out the paper and i saw it's the same thing it's exactly and this proves how we are influenced by knowing the family of milan them if i know the brothers of the child that it's very difficult a person should see something objectively because we are always influenced by what we know from before or around and the same problem is by table number five by number five number five is exactly both of them are the same type of the table the same length and the same width can't be unless you take a ruler and you check you see it's exactly our brains one is putting away in our brains adds up the foot of the feet of the table and the misguided from down the table and it seems to be long and the other one stands in the white side so we add this to the width we cannot accelerate both you can't see it unless you take a ruler or take your neighbor's paper or you cut it out and put one on another it's exactly the same tap can it be no no and if it will prove that it is what we will learn from it because the reborn is loyal made our brains far from perfect we are influenced by things that it's dry on the truths how do you say they twist the truth we do not see it distorts the truth we do not see the torah even if a person is convinced i speak with khasanam so ask once if your wife will think different what do you think about it it says i'm a smart person and i think through things well if she will say different she's probably wrong so i told him you can give me more skidema you're gonna have a lot of problems because it's impossible and i have all kinds of illusions that i show people and i ask them now tell them if a simple line you are so wrong how will you know what she has in head she did it because of that we do hush bueno simple pilum why our spouse did things we have no idea we can be so blind the smartest person this is the mr haskell the mr haskell is that we tend to think and to believe that if we see something clearly this is the truth and nothing can be so far from the truth as our being sure that we can be right at times but the right approach is it seems to me this is bigger it seems to me this is wrong it seems to me this is right we never get it always in the right way and the smartest people we have all kinds of distortions that the reborn islam created us or things mushafin in this way so we do not know what's true so the the basic thing in life and this is not something a trick in shulam bi is it's an approach to life if we learn to always question and think i it seems this way sometimes people say i'm not an idiot and i'm sure some did it happen once in your life that you were sure and then you saw you had the mistake so who can say it didn't happen to him so how are you sure that now you know the truth how are you so sure we always have to live with the question mark and think this might be right this is the way i see it we are entitled to do things because we see it as right we have the right that's one the basic thing is self-confidence is not i am right it's i have the right and he dish they say but also speaking they should do so i say the word isn't the bisgerach the word is the hosta everybody is entitled to have his opinion i can live my life i want to go on vacation i think it's worth i think it's not worth i think it's better we should stay home that's my opinion if i have to debate with my wife or any other person if my approach is i see it this way and i respect your seeing it in a different way then we negotiate what to do it's also a project and we can talk a lot how to do it but the the point of that point of entry the opposite the point of off the subs okay the voids are looking for the english word for it the approach has to be always this is the way i see it and this is the way you see things and then we have to work it out there is an influence of words from the g kever who says sad is begimatri and olive buys their aleph is one bias is two how much is what's the beginner of chad 94 how much is two times sad two times ninety-four one hundred and eighty eight is with matriarchy picket that the picker is somebody who knows that there are tooths do them to everything nothing is only one chance how much is twice speaker two times 188 how much 376 is the beginner from shulam that in order to lift bashullah it has to be to pick him who everybody should understand that there are two sides to every point of view now this is human nature versus the bonus loyola made it this way a husband and a wife it's impossible they will never be that they see everything in the same way as nobody can expect his wife should have the face and look exactly like him the same way he cannot expect she should think and feel and have the same opinion that they have and this is a hawkman case there is a niffler di karambam that will be also shown zone brings there is a luca by sanhedrin there was 71 sanhedrin and if they had dinan of forces what they're offset i used to kill like this if a person's hive miss if ralph says like this what happens if all of them say the same die all of them are hive that the person has to be he's not guilty why there's a pusic that you learned that it has to be but the rambam says this is a rambam the raman says that the human nature the mind is full of holes the only way we can rely on the dia of a person is if we hear a different diet and we see the other point of view if i see this day and i see the other point then i can choose and decide which one is stronger so if there is a rabbit an immediate if there is a debate and i hear a different opinion and i understand why this person says different then your diet is a diet if everybody sees it the same way nobody sees a different diet then we cannot rely on it so in order to build a home that's what the pusic says lloyd toy video is not good if we try to live life seeing things our own way slo azer you know what kind of help it is connector i'll give you a spouse that whatever you think she's gonna think they have to happen it's hot for you it's called for her you wanna go she wants to stay you on the stage she wants a walk you never agree on the same thing but if we understand that this is in order to bring up children we have to have two sides we have to see it from two dimensions and come to a conclusion so therefore i should say zoo azer if a person has a three year cycle understands that the contradiction this destiny the wife is different is to help him to balance things then it's a azer lois zucker then it's connect though then it's a big fight why do you think like this i am right and you are wrong and this is in everything there's a niffler a decathl that i got from a good egot a boy texas voltaire grab to it and don't let it go and it's a great i'd say also i mild the shamaya and also emil alma so it says whenever you come to agreement you are sure you want to do something stop and think what if the opposite is true try to think if there is an opposite side and the hazard that it says is that if we have two sides to a thing then we choose then we can trust that it might be good if a person is convinced that there is no other possibility no other side then is probably wrong cypher hasidim i think the resolution is always like the shamu the question mark never be sure of yourself always doubt and always be curious and always try to understand and i always say that the smart person people usually look for people who agree with them a smart person will always look for somebody who thinks different because the guy who thinks different will show you something you didn't see if you find the person that sees the same thing he has the same diet it might strengthen your points but you might miss a lot and this is a very important thing in life that we should always look for the opposite because this gives us the balance now and this is the assault to approaching it's this sort of self-confidence it's this thought how to respect other people because if it's right and wrong then it's like you see so if i am right you are wrong if you are right i am wrong if it's too different it's commod like they say in israel al timberlake it's a matter of taste if i love this coffee or tea it's not right or wrong everybody has a different taste so everybody has a different opinion the same thing is true also with emotions with feelings we have our feelings every person is entitled to his feelings if i can respect another person's feeling that he feels different than i do if i'm not afraid to say what i feel now say this is the way i feel i'm afraid i'm ashamed then we can respect each other and then we live together in easier we can come to conclusions and easier and this is a major major thing when we bump into a problem in life when we have a difficulty it's in everything true but in year 90 when we have a difficulty with children if a child doesn't behave like he should like we think he should if he goes off somewhat it's depends very much how we take it how we perceive it some people are very ashamed of the sweever naomi rabrias what would the neighbors say what will be which sometimes the spouse is upset this bothers you don't you care he doesn't treat krishna bismanov he doesn't behave like this what's with the bonus loyal this is their concern everybody has a different concern some people are ashamed some people feel guilty i behaved in such a way that that's the reason this happens to my children all kinds of emotions and feelings that can come up in the people nothing is right and nothing is wrong or better your turn everything is right every person is entitled to feel the same way the person who is ashamed is entitled it's not easy people don't like to be the talk of town even when something are not guilty i remember when my wife became sick 16 years ago my wife became sick and then passed away i went like it was like a bomb suddenly everybody spoke and friedman's wife is sick i went to the grocery store in my neighborhood and i saw the women it was my imagination i don't know what's true but i felt like like knives sticking me everybody is looking at me i'm the talk of town i came in this medicine it was so difficult for me it's not easy everybody's entitled nobody can tell me don't be ashamed this is nothing this is the way i feel i can learn how to think different true i can work on myself but everybody is entitled to feel the way he feels and this is very important when it comes to dealing as a couple with the problem in the family there is no doubt and it's impossible that both should feel the same thing this shouldn't bother me this should bother me they always have a different things different approach they always will have different emotions that is invoked by them it depends a lot what happened with them before how much should buys did they have before how much did they fight before and how was it in the families they came from did they come from a dysfunctional family and then they're more terrified and afraid from what happens there are so many possibilities that can be so many buttons that can be pressed by us when something happens that it's mind-boggling that we can never figure out therefore also say people are hazard other people yeah this is nothing this is you never know what happens to a person you never know what the person thinks unless the person tells us what's bothering him why he is concerned then you can give him the right headache and therefore we always have to listen and try to understand one another in order to deal with it in the right way so the point i want to say is i'll see how much time i have until then stop me like i tell people before pisces paisley is a time of pressure everybody has experienced it and in many homes there's a lot of fights going on before paisa because the women is pressured and the woman complains the husband doesn't care and he says the dust isn't coming so all of us know all those debates and vacation but if a couple has cycle they prepare how will i confront it i sometimes i once had the couple that came to me they used to fight every friday there were fights she made things the last moment so i told them now it's sunday is there a possibility you should plan from now how to have the friday should be okay yes no so i said if i would give you a price if there would be a reason you should plan from now how to have this shabbos only these shabbos should be acquired so the woman said no problem i can't plan to make it on thursday we can prepare as i said reborn a shalom week after week you fight on the same thing and i do the same thing we tend to fight on the same things between couples and there's something we know in advance that's going to happen why shouldn't we plan now what when what can we do it should be bashing and it should go through bashulim and pisces i've told it for people i learned that my wife elias williams used to do it we used to go on trips i i like the lighter it's taped i'm a from person i don't like going and trips halovoids with the froomies with all the people together i used to go to trips a day before the deca's helmets we used to go in safan in german it was empty it was people told me how can you have time to do it i said it's very simple if you plan it the right way when you clean which room when you do what you do you can plan it the right way so we have every year pi second it comes again and again why should we plan how will we go through this kefir it's mind it's it's it's a it's it's a michiganish and nerves how can we take a half an hour every night we drink a coffee we take a walk we take a time out no matter what happens we kick him we go for a walk we do not talk about spending money what has to be done time for ourselves and the worst times even couples that have a lot of vacation between them if both of them want to find a way how to live together if both of them want to go through this key fair this is the way that can help them let's see we are together there is a saying oh we fight together or we will hang together one day or another you can live in gahannam and fight and everybody is going to be justified but the home is going to be again for you the home is going to be a gehenna for the children or you can say although i don't agree i think you're nuts he said yesterday but i don't want to suffer we have nothing to gain from tearing apart one another and fighting and biting and kicking let's see what can be done the best we could everybody is different but if you speak in advance you try to plan how to make it and it's it's make it it's our our hanoi it's our gain it's our children's game and then we can do a much better job [Music] well can we talk until it's not stopped i spoke a few weeks ago to about 30 35 madrigam of kasaman they called me to speak and one of the things suddenly a person asked me how do you recommend to go about the problem that women do not speak direct they always say remove them they can't say what they want in a direct way i love those questions i told them i'll tell you an idea and then let's see what you're gonna answer on this question there is something that's a basic thing that we have to understand that and it's true by all of us a child develops in a healthy way by us helping him do so which means like this every baby that is born in order to try to develop and feel good with himself he needs somebody he needs to be seen he needs somebody should be in his pool from him somebody should say wow should be excited by what he does a child stands up and begins to walk it's scary it's dangerous he falls down he cries and he does it again and again mostly because we patch we clap we say wow you're a big boy you're a big girl look how cool you can do it by yourself they learn to dress everything the child learns is by us showing off with him by us calling up the parents wow he spoke he made the this is what makes him feel good with himself this is what makes him grow when children it's a known research after world war there was a by saying soymom in england there wasn't time to look on the children the children were evil physical sicker they died more because nobody looked at them the child develops by being seen by somebody loving him by somebody giving him feedback and complimenting him and whatever he does i saw a yin girman over 30 years old a man attached he sits and learns he complained he feels emptiness nothing he didn't admire anything he does i try i always try to get his history and it was always he came tears to my eyes he said he was a user by the age of five years his mother passed away his father remarried again they were busy with the new family he used to come home from hide and nobody looked at him the mother fed him gave him foods but nobody was excited i asked him was ever anybody in their life your life that you remember who was in this pool from you said wow on something you did you couldn't remember this is painful to hear and it's painful to see the consequence what happens when a person goes a child goes below the radar nobody sees him nobody asks him how do you feel how are you i ask i work with bucher everything a lot and i asked many of them did anybody ask you how you feel about something and it said how many parents how much we miss this we do not see what the child needs we give him what he needs but nobody spoke i speak with his soymen who became his soyment families where there was a problem there was a sick child the child passed away there was a tragedy did anybody ask you how do you take it how do you feel with it are you ashamed and kind the children are ashamed with all kinds of things they don't think like we do they have their way of thinking and this is a terrible thing if we do not see the feelings and the emotions that children needs they grow up damaged to a certain extent and they lack something which is very difficult for them to continue to give so in order a child should develop that's what needs to be but now what happens when a child grows up a child is very smart and very sincere and they say what they want small children say mommy do you love me look at me give me a kiss all children do it when they grow up surpassed so we found different ways how to do it we bring home something from hider from school a drawing a test wow you got hundreds i'll tell tati we make a whole foss of it so this is the way we get attention all of us how grown up we are we need attention when a person learns goats it's in order he should feel like when a guitar i'm something special if a woman or a girl cleans the home if a wife bakes a cake and send it for the neighbors it's because she wants to get the compliment we need the same thing we are smart and we hide it we are not used to say it and it's tragic for me to see it we don't even have it we don't even know when a person stands in this medicine says his diet his debate fauci or this or that what he eventually says look how smart i am i understand even about darshan i told them when it stands look how smart i am we all have this needs but in the world attention you need attention you're a baby i sat with the couple and the woman complained that the husband doesn't see her as number one and then she told me i feel terrible i feel like the little shamer i need attention i'm a baby so i told her yes by the way the men found a solution they need covets they need covered covert is respectful it's okay what's the difference between cool why do we need coverts it's the same thing but if the wife wants it it's attention if the husband wants it it's covered covet is proper it's the same thing we are all such a big babies we are smart we hide it so i told this woman i'll tell you a gemura gemura was his mama's hair rising he was making the tagging for the oysters the oysters has tagged him the bunch made it so the rabbi said you had to say tits you see somebody work you have to say for the reborn it's unbelievable the revenge learner needs we should tell him he needs more bananas should say i'm schulen but mushroom went up to to take the toilet and then here it's called malatory it was a lesson if you see somebody do something give him the good feeling give him the broker tell him shulam everybody of us needs attention everybody needs covert and it doesn't matter if we say it's only for the children's sake it's only the toilet all this wrapping around we are babies and we want to be looked and what's the problem we do not stand we do not have the guts to say it so if a husband comes home and the woman ignores him she didn't prepare exactly what he wants he gets angry gets in cars but if he would have got he would say i feel belittled i feel you're not counting me i want you to be monis pool i told you something i did you didn't say wow you were excited about somebody else but how many people have the guts to do it the women do the men much less but then he gets angry and then he begins attacking her on something else why the children are not in bed because he's angry at her so i told this madrid now you answer me how do we deal with this problem of men who do not know how to talk in a direct way it's all of us it needs a lot of working on us why because let's harini it's unbelievable how much we spoil the children shouldn't be able to talk i once saw somebody said we worked 24 months to teach children how to talk and then we worked 24 years how to shut them off because whatever they say we tell them what are you talking like a baby that's nourished kite you don't understand we make them feel bad we shut them up so we were taught to we have to be very brave to say that i want attention it has to be very brave why all of us want it why because the message we get from this viva is don't be a baby don't cry what are you a girl i spoke the book so i said by them emotions it's possible they used to make fun of emotional people a booker told me two weeks ago women women are crazy i said wait what you will have to learn in your life why are they crazy because they're emotional and what are you i said look in the middle how you talk with such an anger the woman my mother what do you talk you talk cold you don't talk emotional it's unbelievable how the environment teaches us to shut up and to impress and not to say what we feel and this is the message that i would like we should understand we are human beings and we go through difficulties in life and everybody has this problem and everybody has his bad moods and sometimes we feel belittles because we went to some place and we didn't get the cover that we wanted we went to khasana and the guy didn't break a trask and if i can come home and tell my wife i feel bad i went till banai but i had a story like this and we hadn't danced with closed eyes and he didn't look at me i had to wait 20 minutes until he came down from heaven and then he was like not here and it gave me because she a muslim tough i came from new york lime i did an effort i felt so bad so shoved aside but if we have the guts to say i feel belittled i feel bad i'm concerned i'm worried i'm jealous the other person had more than me and i feel bad then we can live then we can support one another then it's okay and this is what we have to learn there is no right or wrong we are all human beings i'm gonna finish with the story i i heard once a nice story there was a couple who votes and the husband decided he wants to divorce his wife but he went to a lawyer and said i want to learn her that will elena thompson this time i want her she should get her mock off her life so the guy said if you're a divorcer now while you fight she might be happy she got rid of you too it's not a good idea i have a good answer for you five six weeks treat it like a malka bring your coffee to bed flowers treat it like a malkit then when she's gonna be happy you'll come with the divorce it's gonna be that's gonna be a real marker for her he loved this advice and he began doing it the lawyer waits six weeks seven weeks eight weeks was good shade he called him up what happened the guy said what i'm a king in home he's been a mainland she treats me it's lovely i don't want to divorce it so i said the mr is if your husband will treat if you will treat your wife like a clafter you will be the caliph at home if you would treat her like a queen you will be the king at home absolutely norbert was a very fine person a smart person so who's and asked him who's how long does it take so i said as long as she is going to be the malke you're going to be the mailing so this is what we have to leave and this is what we have to take along if we treat one another with respect and we give it's legitimate whatever the other person feels and we try to be soft and understanding then we'll have a lovely life i wish you all the best and thank you very much